#as a trans person who was questioned abt it in the past just know that its no ones business

[roses-are-repulsed]

Shout out to sex repulsed trans people who still want bottom surgery!! You deserve to make the changes that make you euphoric/comfortable without being questioned about it. Just because you won't "use it" sexually doesn't make your want of it any less valid. You don't need to use your genitals in a certain way to justify them. It's no ones business but your own anyways, dont let weirdos dictate your choices for your transition.

[pastadoughie]

many people were confused about some of my previous posts, so for the sake of clarity i am condensing everything! tumblr has extremely transphobic moderation practices, often flagging completely innocent posts as explicit, solely for containing trans women in them or mentioning transgenderism. while letting untagged porn in sfw tags (ive literally seen porn tagged as "sfw agere") and blatent hatespeech, especially twards trans people (just look at the "gender critical" tag) go completely unchecked recently the CEO of tumblr had a big public hissyfit about people (rightfully) calling him transmysogenistic, going into random trans womens dms to harrass them, and saying that predstrogen saying she "hopes he explodes with hammers and then explodes again and hammers fly everywhere" is a death threat and saying he is calling the FBI on her (repeatedly misgendering her and calling her "it") and many bloggers, apon speaking out about it or even making harmless jokes (one trans woman posted a picture of a car and a hammer with the caption "reblog to scare matt" and got nuked for it) and many are very very angry (rightfully) about this whole affair and tumblr in general. if you would like to look into it i reccomend scrolling the "predstrogen" tag as she is the case most people are talking about at the moment. So, what can we do? this is clearly an ongoing issue, and, dispite having lost a lawsuit about their transphobic moderation in the past (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement) its clearly not gonna stop with just user complaints, as staff members are perfectly content to just go scorched earth on users who even so much as lightly poke fun at them well if you want to help you should contact the human rights commision (i will give clear details further down) ! you dont have to be in the US, nor be an adult to file, and it only takes a few minutes. this is the best and most effective method to fix this, because it hits tumblr where it hurts. human rights acencies have a lot of legal and financial power and tumblr CAN NOT just ignore them, and given that this will be the seccond time this is happening, the commisions shouldnt be playing nice anymore eaither. its really important that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FILE, and with different examples! while maybe your case might not be enough to prop up a lawsuit on its own, we need to prove a general trend. so every little bit counts! to respond to another question abt this ive gotten, as for what exactly to report, you should a) write about an act of discrimination youve recieved on tumblr that was eaither administered by a staff member OR that staff refused to give adequate moderation action in for example : a terf posted some blatent hatespeech targeted twards you, and you reported them, and staff looked at the issue and refused to persecute it. example 2 : you were unfairly flagged, deleted, or otherwise punished by a staff member and you are queer ( AND the post they banned you for has some kind of tie to your gender, ex : a sfw transition progress photo ) OR b) if you have not personally recieved something like that, please look for other peoples stories (THEY SHOULDNT BE HARD TO FIND, within the last couple of hours trans people have been being banned LEFT AND RIGHT for trying to speak on this. i would reccomend checking some of the tags related to what happened with predstrogen) and you should describe that incident as best as possible (be sure to disclose that you are speaking for someone else, ideally you should tell the story of someone you know, if possible.) you can also mention any reports you have made twards people posting blatent hatespeech that, opon reveiwing tumblr refused to prosecute dispite it being very obviously against terms of service. just so nobody gets confused about the filing process, im laying it out in more plain languadge!!

first you should email the SF HRC (san francisco human rights commision), at hrc.info@sfgov.org and say something along these lines :

Hello, I am [full name] from [country or state] and I am filing a complaint against Tumblr, witch is owned by the parent company Automattic Inc. located at 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110.

Tumblr has had previous issues with the NYC DHR for their moderation being unfairly biased against trans women (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement).

Despite a legally binding agreement with the NYC DHR, staff members still regularly harrass users based on their gender or sexual orientations. For example : on [date of most recent infraction] [describe incident] (if you are describing an incident that did not happen to you specifically, say something like) This incident involves the user [username] who I am not affiliated with (or/) who I am filing on behalf of.

I can be reached for further inquiries about this incident at [email you want to talk over] or [phone number you want to talk over]. (if you would like to be anonymous) However, In the event of legal prosecution against Automattic I would refer to be kept anonymous, where possible, in court proceedings. alternatively, you can also call the SF HRC at : 415-252-2500, you can use the above text as a starting point for this as well, next you want to fill out the form for the NYC DHR (new york city department of human rights) here : https://www.nyc.gov/site/cchr/about/report-discrimination.page for company you wanna put : Automattic and/or Tumblr for address you wanna put : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003 for phone number you wanna put : (646) 513-4321 and for category of discrimination you can put : Discriminatory harassment and basis of discrimination you can put : Gender; Gender identity you can then use a similar script on the written section of the form. when describing a specific incident, you should attach as many screenshots and links as possible! (for links, include both a live link and an archival link, so take a capture with the internet archive and have that as an alternative, incase a staff member gets petty.) this should only take a few minutes at most, and it helps alot! you can fill this out if you are a minor, and you dont have to be a us resident, please please take the time!!! and, just to clarify because there are many posts going around that are confused about this tumblr moved offices to san francisco recently, so their main HQ is at : 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110 they DO still have an office in new york city, and thats where their PREVIOUS HQ was, the address is : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003

[arrayoflightarchives]

Array of Light Archives Intro

We are the Array of Light Archives! A very silly system that mostly just shit posts but we can occasionally be v funny and/or relatable if that's ur cup of tea :3

Pls feel free to read more, there will be an general info section and then more detailed information past the cut

It will probably be a lot as we ramble but there are key points highlighted in pink

General Info

-–— System Name: Array of Light Archives

-–— Collective Name: Kris or (sometimes) Array

-–— Collective Prns: He/Him

-–— Collective Identity: Trans = Bi = Aspec

-–— Body Age: 18

-–— Collective Interests: Bears in Trees ¦ Haikyuu, Sasaki to Miyano + other anime/manga ¦ Crochet ¦ Good Omens ¦ Bujo ¦ Marauders ¦ + a number of other things

Boundaries

DNI

General dni of bigotry, pro-ship, maps etc -> bigorty I'm meaning homophobia, transphobia, ablesim etc - basic dni shit

Endos + Pro-endo (mostly alright with endo-neutral, but more comfortable w/ those leaning more towards anti)

NSFW blogs

Fake claimers

Antis (anti things like xenogenders, neopronouns, furries, therians, alter humans and other kin etc, if ur anti those things dni)

Radqueers and Trans-ID

Syscourse specific blogs

Pro-Isreal stance

Other Boundaries

We don't mind some discussion of syscourse but that's not what the blog is abt so pls don't bring it too much here

Not mdni but just, we are legally an adult so pls try not to interact too much (one of interactions are fine) if ur under the age of 14/15 cause it feels weird to us sorry

We are traumagenic + mentally ill and therefore have triggers. We won't share them but if smt does trigger us, then it will be deleted sorry

Although we're a v punk collective, pls try not too bring extreme politics here

Pls don't dm us unless ur a mutual or have asked and we have given permission to dm before hand :3

Any questions abt dni/boundaries then feel free to drop an ask!!

Other Sys Info

We are a traumagenic OSDD system who have varying degrees of amnesia

We are autistic and adhd and have a history of associated mental health issues

We also have OCD and Emetophobia although that won't come up much

We are brainmade heavy although we still have many fictives from a variety of different sources

Feel free to ask any questions about the system or alters just know we might not want to answer - but most of the time we love talking about our system

Blog Info

General

We are neurodivergent so we will probably post abt that alongside our other stuff

This blog is probably abt half fandom posting, about 40% system posting and the last 10% is live logging or other shit like thoughts + opinions

Although that could honestly just change depending on frequent fronters

Carrd: (it's got some details but most of it is on here anyways but go have a look if you want)

Sideblogs

This will probably continue to grow -> they're all just alters personal blogs

@its-krisscross-applesauce -> 🐝

@omi-omi-says -> 🍙

@indis-vines -> 🌿

@rhye-bread -> 💯

Alter Info

@torii-ii -> 🖥️

@seb-lowe-loml -> 🌀

Hosts:

¦ Omi - He/Him - 23 - host and (angry) protector - sign off: 🍙

¦ Kris - He/Him - 17 - co-host and online social mask - sign off: 🐝

Other blog frequents:

¦ Kristian - He/Him - 38-40 - protector - sign off: 🐻

¦ Indi - She/They - 28 - caretaker - sign off: 🌿

¦ Rhyland - Xe/Fae/He/They - 16 - Symptom Holder - sign off: 💯

¦ Daisy - They/She - 16 - Social caretaker - sign off: 🌼

¦ Angel - Angel/Any - ageless - Gatekeeper - sign off: 🪐

¦ Dylan - He/Him - 17/18 - Protector + Academic - sign off: 🌀

Other sign offs you might see:

❓-> blurry or unsure of who's fronting

🩷 -> Liz || 🐜 -> Daniel || 🪨 -> Kiri || 🏐 -> Kenma || 🍊 -> Caiden || 🌱 -> Charlie || 📖 -> Elise || 🩹 -> Ghost || 📎 -> Alec || 🍷-> Mara || 🖥️ -> Tori

There are more people in our system and they will be added if they post anything but for now this is the list

If they have or make intro posts, they will be hyperlinked to their names so feel free to check them out but those will only happen if they decide to make one

We also have quite a few littles and they most likely will not be on here unless it is deemed okay by their protector

[alangdorf]

Welp, the ref lineup still isn’t done cause I haven’t drawn Shion yet, and the belated valentines I’ve been working on are gonna be like at least a month late cause I just planned three more, but what I did do these past couple weeks is start writing a fanfic and then immediately abandon it to go draw a bunch of only tangentially-related suzutsubas (except for that first pic; that’s a scene from it, albeit one I haven’t written yet), only half of which are fit for public posting (one of ‘em I could make a few edits and feel ok about posting sometime; it’s not that out there, it’s just, y’know. Hamal Cine Bad End Hyperbolic Torture Chamber. I’m usually very “whatever happens happens” about my art but if I don’t show some restraint I know I’ll end up stuck in there forever), but hey, since I’ve been teasing them for ages and finally have some finished stuff with them, take a couple Suzumii! Also gonna ramble abt headcanons under the cut (and it will be LONG)

To begin, a note abt my Len’en gender/pronoun headcanons: as a they/them preferrer myself, I’m thrilled that most people just stick with those for everyone, but I’ve developed some more detailed headcanons as I go through working on designs and I’ll generally be using those. Don’t worry though, most of them are still nonbinary and basically all of them are trans/gq. Relevant ones for this post are Tsubakura: they/them nonbinary (transmasc to some degree) and Suzumi: cis female, question mark?? (to be elaborated on); for clarity’s sake I usually use she/her for Arde and Hamal Cine individually and plural they for the system collectively (also I don’t usually use their nicknames, dunno why), but singular they for Benet (the wiki says Benny is probably short for Benetnasch so I’m assuming that’s their actual name) for reasons which will also be elaborated on (sort of).

Aaalso this clearly isn’t autobiographical or anything but I think I’m subconsciously putting a lot of myself into Suzumi because 1) we do look pretty similar (brown wavy bob + blue eyes) and 2) given their current status as both the main antagonist and the most well-known plural Len’en character (I get the impression that Hooaka also being plural isn’t super common knowledge; I mean it took me several read-throughs of their wiki page and their dialogue with BPoHC Secret Team to get what they were getting at lol) I am probably way too anxious about doing a bad stereotype. Just an observation and also probably partially why I’ve even ended up with so much headcanon for them in the first place

And before I get into the thick of it, notes on derivations from canon: I’m running with the assumption that Suzumi being a system is a relatively recent development tied to whatever incident it was that caused the falling-out, since Tsubakura is like the only person who seems at all familiar with Hamal (including Mitori/Chouki/Fumikado, but they’re more easily explained away as just having met with one of the other alters the few times they’ve interacted) even though she’s supposedly usually the one fronting. They don’t seem to know the mechanics of it though, judging by their confusion when Arde implied that she and Hamal are different people. So basically, I’ll be referring to pre-incident Suzumi as a different character from any of the other three. (Ngl I am very influenced by Dissociation Constant on that and just in general [when will my wife The One and Only Suzutsuba Fic return from the war…..]) I was also debating whether to have Suzumi have any history with the gang before starting to work at the lab/whether stuff would happen around high school or college age, cause they keep referring to everything happening “a long time ago” and I know I, a 24-year-old, feel like stuff that happened five years ago was like yesterday, but I do have the pandemic and not really doing much of anything for most of that time to reckon with so like, eh. College age makes more sense in my head and so does the dynamic of like, Suzumi was only introduced into the friend group (she was acquainted w Hoojiro and Yabu already though bc lab) because she was dating Tsubakura and since that ended, and badly (understatement of the century), they have extremely little reason to be civil with each other and also interacting at all is really awkward.

Ok now on with it! Either end of high school or beginning of college, Suzumi ends up interning at Tsubakura’s lab for college credit (Tsuba’s already practically a department head despite being like 17 or something because. Idk. Who even knows what’s up with them) and she’s like. Only wears t-shirts and jeans (bought a bunch of khakis for this job though), [reading] glasses from the men’s section, hates leaving her hair down (it’s lab safety anyways). Repressed queer in denial, you know the type. Starts interacting a lot with Mx. Tsubakura “wears short shorts that everybody thinks are actually a skirt and also uses ore and omae almost exclusively��� Enraku who seems to have everything all figured out and is immediately starstruck (GIRL WHY?? they are such a mess). Lots of “do I want to date them or do I want to be them” confusion (this will be relevant later); eventually evolves into the “am I trans or just a lesbian” question (not that they would need to be attracted to women to be into Tsubakura but you get the picture), which never quite gets answered.

In any case, they do eventually start dating (Tsubakura thinks she’s cute and smart so they reciprocate), and they’re not like super great together cause Tsubakura is emotionally constipated at the best of times (Suzumi’s into that though) and neither of them are the most mentally/emotionally healthy people even back then and also Tsubakura is more or less Suzumi’s boss which is weird, but they’re kind of ok??? Tsubakura’s mom dies at some point, also they move in together (college housing is expensive), the rest of the crew at the very least tolerate Suzumi, etcetera.

And then…! [insert catastrophic event here]!! I don’t have a shot to call on this yet cause I have no idea what it could’ve been (and I’m sure it’ll get revealed at some point anyways); I’m just banking on it being something extremely not mundane and something where you could reasonably set the blame on either (or neither) party cause they sure both seem convinced the other is way worse, huh! In Tsubakura’s case at least, blaming Suzumi is partially a defense mechanism so their self-loathing doesn’t get the better of them over it (guess what the fic was supposed to be about, lol).

The worst part of all this business though is that they DON’T break up over it immediately and it just makes everything orders of magnitude worse for everyone involved. Tsubakura and Arde have hate sex MORE THAN ONCE………… they would both really rather forget about it. Hamal thinks it’s hilarious, ofc, but the less said about her, the better. And Benet… exists??? The only idea that I’m running off of for them atm is the observation that I think they’re the only character with flat black eyes other than Tsubakura/Tsurubami and the subsequent idle thought, “hey if someone malded so hard about a breakup that they ended up with an introject of their ex would that be messed up or what?” So make of that what you will. (Oh and it may have been obvious that this is what I was going for but Hamal is femme and Arde is butch and they’re constantly squabbling abt aesthetic presentation. Having Arde be straight-up male would’ve been too straightforward of an interpretation and I think it’s funnier this way)

The canonically mentioned murder attempts start taking place and I’m leaning towards Tsubakura eventually being convinced to move out even though it was originally their apartment, albeit mostly just because the wikipedia page for house sparrows mentions that they’re known to take over swallows’ nests, usually after they’ve been abandoned, but they will sometimes drive away or kill the current occupants, and that was a very fun fact to come across when specifically doing research for Len’en but idk how else to incorporate it lol. And so on and so forth up until the present time.

Uhhh is that all I have atm? I think so! Anyway, I think I finally shook out all my suzutsuba doodles (and rambling, though I do still have that fic to work on. idk whether I’ll be able to finish it though; I started strong with an extended metaphor in the middle but Iiiii’m not sure if I can successfully write my way up to it while making it make sense. Also I may draw pretty slow but I write even slower!! Eh I’m sure I’ll post some of it sometime) for the time being so I should theoretically be able to finish up my bigger projects now. Maybe I’ll have the valentines ready in time for white day? We’ll see!

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

queer dr who headcanons

composed in a burst of brainrot (imcomplete cos i haven't seen it all yet, will update as i do hehe)

Nine - he/her pronouns, he isn't specifically aroace, he just has better things to do. he's too focused on running away from his past, not dying, saving the planet again, etc etc, to worry about whether or not he fancies anyone yknow. under different circumstances i think he'd realise he does feel attraction sometimes, he just has other things to think about.

Ten - he/she/they - he's aroace but also in a messed up teenage lesbian situationship with rose that will forever impact his relationship with anyone else he's ever attached too <3 he flirts with jack for fun. the running joke about elizabeth i actually came about because he made increasingly suggestive jokes for his own amusement and the only other person in on it was queen elizabeth herself. he doesn't feel romantic attraction specifically, just very strong queerplatonic feelings for people. he knows this because he has spent far too long agonising over her own feelings abt rose martha and donna.

Rose - she/her - technically straight but in a 'after my partner came out i had a moment of wondering whether that means i'm queer, but actually i don't care because they're my partner and i love them anyways' kind of way. like straight and cis+ because of the questioning yknow what i mean??

Donna - she/her, and they/them in a neutral sort of way - allo and queerplatonic, never really thought about it until realising her daughter Rose was trans but then took it upon her self to become Thee Best Ally

Eleven - he/him but in a sort of 'people assume that but i have no actual opinions on the matter' way - aroace & agender in a way linked to neurodivergence. he more or less understands the concept of gender and sexuality, just doesn't particularly want to participate.

Fourteen - they/he/she/the definite article/ most pronouns, really - pan aroace. they were surprised to realise this, but more surprised that they actually feel comfortable showing affection or expressing attraction at all. they hadn't really been thinking about sexuality as ten cos of The Horrors, only their situation with specific people, so casually admitting to some kind of queer attraction was more the surprise at recognising that attraction at all.

Fifteen - he/they - doesn't generally feel allo attraction but knows when someone is beautiful & sexy. also flirts for fun. i would like him to meet jack harkness that would be fun.

[hyper-jam]

My SecurityWaiter/DreamTheory gender+sexuality head canons because they’re giving me brainrot and queer identities is one of my SpIns 🫶🫶🫶

+some like general love life sorta stuff ig lol

Mike:

-AroAce (spectrum) and gay (or at LEAST achillean/mlm in some way that man is a BOY KISSER)

-Ness is one of if not the only person he’s liked/been attracted to

-he always just assumed he was straight cause yk it’s the “default” and prior to Ness he was never attracted to guys/masc people (at least not that he realized), but after catching feelings for Ness and talking to Ness abt gender and sexuality and all that, he realized he wasn’t really ever attracted to women either, then Ness explained the whole AroAce thing to him and he was like “oh damn yeah ig so huh”

-was literally so confused when he first started liking Ness because 1: he found them VERY annoying at first and 2: again he’s never really fallen for anybody before this so he was like ???

-he never really comes out to anyone he just kinda does whatever and is either generally private/quiet abt it or just doesn’t say anything until someone asks

-trans man :)) maybe like a few years on T, binds and packs because let’s be real that man is not affording any sort of surgery, HRT alone idk how he’s managing. I imagine he probably came out/started transitioning in his late teens-early twenties and is pretty stealth (he’s in his mid-late twenties, so is Ness in my mind, just for the general record lol)

-kinda insecure abt his gender and sexuality. It’s a mix of internalized stuff, dysphoria, generally always having felt awkward when it comes to that stuff, etc. Ness is the only person he’s really talked openly abt it with

-Abby would’ve been fairly young when he came out, and their parents were already out of the picture, so she’s never really known any different, plus he doesn’t talk about it much so frankly she may not even know he’s trans. If/when she finds/found out, she’s probably very curious about it and then became a HUGE ally. Also definitely questioned some stuff (briefly and privately but I headcanon she may have come out as non-binary when she’s older)

-is one of those trans guys who’s like a bit paranoid abt misgendering just cause he’s so insecure abt it. He hasn’t been misgendered in YEARS but every now and then he’ll overhear people talking about literally anyone with she/her pronouns and he gets a little anxious abt it

-tries so hard not to be anywhere close to naked around anyone because he hasn’t gotten any surgeries. Wears a shirt to the pool (if he even goes in the first place), wears layers in the summer, anything sexual’s never been a problem cause he’s chronically bitchless, but you get the idea

-definitely binds an unhealthy amount (someone please stop him)

-uses masculine looking/smelling 2n1/3n1 cause it’s the “man soap” (yeah he’s one of those trans mascs /lh, Ness definitely helps him get into more of a proper hygiene routine)

-has never slept anywhere that’s not home or let anyone sleep over because he has to take his binder off to sleep (dysphoria attacks often ensue)

-first few times he’s not binded or has been any amount of naked around Ness, he was understandably nervous and uncomfortable, but after a while he gets so perfectly reassured by Ness that his body is perfect the way it is and he’s a man PERIOD that my brother in Christ SOBS in their arms :33 (I feel like I sound so cringe but guys I’m literally transmasc let me have this)

-k I dunno what else to say about him but I love him dearly, moving on

Ness:

-Non-Binary and queer, uses all pronouns (I mainly use they/he for them but they use all pronouns)

-fairly open abt his queerness, especially compared to Mike (don’t tell me that it’s unrealistic for the era or anything like that I completely ignore the concept of time in all of my headcanons ever)

-teaches Mike a lot of stuff abt sexuality and gender since Mike never really looked much into it past realizing he was trans. Definitely helps him unpack some things 💔💔💔

-literally just a silly little malewife femalehubby themboss

-really doesn’t care much abt labels for themself specifically, but he’s one of those “I need to know and understand EVERYTHING” autistics so he learns abt that sort of stuff for other people

-has dated a handful of people before, all across the gender spectrum, so they’re pretty comfortable in their love life and such

-is good at flirting but like in an autistic theater kid kinda way (gay and silly)

-loves to experiment with presentation and style in all sorts of ways. Has definitely done drag at least once

-they’re too silly for binaries idek what else to say abt it that’s kinda just the overall consensus

-was very supportive when Mike came out to them as trans (obviously) it doesn’t matter what they said, Mike would feel awkward no matter what, but they were glad Mike trusted them with that sort of thing and Mike was relieved that literally just SOMEONE knew (specifically someone he trusts and cares abt)

-would wear so many pins related to all sorts of things but yes that includes pride flags and pronouns bro LOVES pins their silliness cannot be contained

Ok that’s all I feel cringe but from what I can tell that’s what tumblrs for so yeah. I will definitely yap more abt them in the future

[itsgivingfaggot]

Thinking about the time I went to this group therapy thing for a diagnosis I had gotten a couple months prior. But It started half a year before i got my name (& gender marker) legally changed. So I had to give the organization my deadname when signing up. This wasnt too much of a big deal, they used my actual name in therapy, my pronouns, didnt out me in the group or anything, things were fine.

Now after nearly completing the whole year of group therapy I overhead one of the women running it talking about a seperate group that sounded perfect for me, that they didn't seem to advertise in their flyers etc so I never had heard about it. So I decided to approach her after one of the last sessions and ask her about it. She seemed excited about me joining it but told me she would need to do a pre interview first. We set an appointment for maybe 2 weeks later.

Now, in the most vague terms, this was a group For Very Traumatized people. I show up to the sort of "interview" a little nervous, expecting questions abt my biography, effects of trauma I'm dealing with, how I'm coping with them, blabla. She basically opens up with "so I asked the other group members about a Man joining them, and when one of them expressed that she wouldn't be comfortable with it, I explained your situation to her!" With a big smile on her face. My "situation". She outed me to this random group of people I had never even met before. This group was not once meant to be a womens space. She simply should've given everyone the option to decide if they were comfortable with this. That's all. Not fucking outing me. For the woman who wasnt comfortable with me as a cis man? Sucks for her. But that doesnt mean this worker gets to potentially endanger me for that womans comfort. But of course she did.

So that's over. Can we finally get to the interview? Of course. However she opens up with "oh you know, I've just been super interested in how things were for you growing up. If you could tell me about that." I go "with the. Abuse?" She doesnt react. "....The autism?" "Oh, no no! The trans thing!"... I sit there a little confused. I give a short one or two sentence answer thinking we will move on to the actual topic of this group. But no. She keeps digging. What about your family? Did you have ~the surgery~ yet? How was school? What about your partners? What about your extended family? What about-

And i was unable to tell her to stop. I answered everything as vaguely as possible. But as a trans person you're always seen as fucking representative of every other trans person. You're not an individual you're either a walking advertisement for corruption or a fascinating oddity of a mystical group to disect and test and observe. If I had told her it's none of her business what's in my pants, it's not actually important to this group how my uncles reacted to me coming out? No I dont want to tell you in great detail the effects of testosterone on my body? Etc. Maybe she'd make a mental note of "trannies = rude and combative. Secretive. Dont want their ~allies~ to be educated about their experiences (why?!)" and I dont wanna be responsible for that in a setting where that person holds so much influence over someone's access to mental health care. So I mumbled my way through it.

In the end the "interview" for a fucking trauma group was 30 minutes of me being increasingly uncomfortable by being prodded over being trans, and roughly 5 minutes of her telling me about some rules in the group and asking a single question about how to best handle me when past trauma gets triggered. I ended up not joining anyways for mostly (!) unrelated reasons. But like. What the fuck was that. I dont understand how some cis people who are interested in trans experiences wont just like. Watch a fucking documentary. Read a book. Theres people who make it their lives mission to share their experiences. That Does Not Mean every random trans person you meet will wanna do the same.

Also again dont fucking out people without their consent. I cant believe we still have to say this oh my god

[harlequinoccult]

i am back w more rants this time abt one of my other characters (hopefully this one will be shorter, ik you say you dont mind but i feel bad every time i go to check in on your blog and i have to scroll past the multiple bibles i sent you... so im sending even more bibles to you-)

her name is Willow "Heartbreak" Bark. she wears a pink, white and gold venetian mask and her weapon of choice is brass knuckles. her specialty is bait and she thought that going out to the middle of the forest wearing a mini skirt and a crop top was a good idea. i am starting by listing her in-game characteristics because i truly don't know how to properly introduce Willow and all the shitshow that goes on with her-

unlike Ariel, Wills actually fits perfectly well in the slsq universe and i think that should say smth abt her character right away. honestly adapting her to fit into the story was the easiest thing ever because this is exactly the kind of shit she would get herself into.

she's a trans woman who grew up on the US somewhere south (i am not american and know just as much abt american geography as i do abt british geography), which is only important bc she has a subtle southern american accent, and despite Newcreed not having a set location i am going to say for plot purposes it is not located on the south in Willow's timeline. anyway

she's a country girl! born to a middle-to-high class family that owned a big estate with all the things a farm usually has (cattle, horses, fields, crops, etc). they had workers to help take care of everything, but the kids were encouraged to help with chores and learn some husbandry as a way to "build character". her parents were an extremely conservative bunch, and their parenting mainly consisted of being distant and pretending their kids didn't exist until they were useful for them, which for Willow specifically meant that she started developing people pleasing tendencies and a never ending quest for approval pretty early on in life.

Wills learns that she's beautiful at quite the young age. she also learns that using that beauty for her benefit is quite easy to do, that flattery and emotional bonds, no matter how fake, would get her far. and if she can play the victim well enough when she does something wrong, she'll be able to get away with it.

personality-wise, Willow has always been charismatic. a bit of a flatterer, a bit of a jokester, a lot of confidence and an extreme flirt. seriously, this woman will flirt w anything that has the ability to consent. if you have pants, she's trying to get in them. and sometimes it's even genuine! ...she mostly uses it as a manipulation tactic tho. i mean, there's no reason it can't be both! (im always so excited for playing as Willow bc she always ends up w the MESSIEST relationship stat screens. i can't wait to see how that translates into slsq)

in her teen years, she was picked on a lot for being "feminine" and having mostly girl friends (at the time, she still thought she was cis), despite being a jock and considered quite popular. she was also the one "guy" who had gone out w the most girls of the entire school. even back then, Wills was already considered a heartbreaker, someone who couldn't stay in a relationship for more than 2 months (spoilers: that doesn't change and probably only gets worse as she gets older).

it's not until her late teens that she starts really questioning her gender, and the reason it happens is because she gets drunk and finally sleeps w "another" man for the first time. from there, everything starts going downhill. she goes through a difficult period of self-discovery and coming to therms w her gender and her sexuality. when she finally begins to transition, her parents become suddenly extremely invested in her personal life in a way they hadn't ever been before. 

they threaten to disown her if she starts HRT. so she hangs her head, cries, and promises she would  never do smth like that.

one day her parents wake up to the fire alarm going off. Willow's bedroom had catched on fire, with her most important belongings missing, one of their best trucks gone from the garage and their bank account sucked dry.

they never saw Willow again.

running away like that was... maybe not the best idea Wills ever had. like every major decision she makes in her life, it was done on impulse, driven by pure rage, with no backup plan and a half baked, somehow extremely well executed idea, that sustained her on pure luck and adrenaline for the years that followed. 

her parents were pissed. maybe setting the house on fire was overkill, maybe they actually loved her after all and didn't want her gone, but it most likely was because of the thousands of dollars that suddenly went missing that made them so invested in trying to catch her and bring her back.

how did she get her hands on that much money so suddenly without anyone noticing until it was too late? great question! short answer: not important, what matters is she did. long non-answer: Willow's major skill has always been networking. she's very good at meeting people and charming people and getting them on her side, asking favors and having them do what she wants. would she have known how to transfer so much money without getting caught? hell no! but she definitely knows someone who would.

for a few years, life was a bit of a struggle. a lot of running away until she finally managed to change her name and appearance to something that would fit her best, and throw off the cops at the same time. honestly, her ending up in Newcreed is no coincidence. she knew she wouldn't be bothered there.

her meeting Carter is also not a surprise in the least. remember when i said one of her major skills is networking? someone like Carter could turn out to be very useful at some point. that makes him worthy of adding to her never ending contact list.

she worked as a stripper and sex worker for a while, when her parent's stolen money started to run dry. a very important thing to know abt Willow is that she's a party girl. she likes to have fun. she loves sex and drugs and alcohol, she's not squeamish and she knows "fun" can be made up of many different things, but it's always better when there's a little risk involved, isn't it? until one day she parties a little too close to the sun.

gambling is very fun, you see, and also happens to give her a chance to earn even more money if she gets lucky, and Willow has always been quite lucky. she's not afraid to take risks, she's not afraid to jump into things headfirst, she's definitely not afraid to commit to things with no backup plan and deal with the consequences later.

and that's how she ends up in crippling debt.

(1/2)

-🦊

(pt 1)

[dimensionalunit]

At some point I want to take a look at the way my past "gender envy" was a mix of sexism + heterosexuality. A lot of people have written really great pieces on how ftm gender comes from how limiting femininity is and how empowering identifying into masculinity feels by contrast, and some people have written abt how female sexuality contributes to ftm transgender identity, but I feel like there's a lot that I've experienced that I haven't seen anyone mention at all. At this point, I'm a little curious if anyone has had the same relationship with their gender identity as I have, or if my preteenhood of social ostracization + needing to rationalize everything gave me a particularly unique relationship to gender. I don't mean this in a "not-like-other-girls" way, either. I'm trying to figure out why, even when I identified as trans, I couldn't find anyone else who'd been trans for the same reasons.

Essentially, as it finally feels like I'm figuring out my sexuality, I'm also recognizing more and more things that made me wish I was a guy. A few years ago I found "masculine" confidence (the kind that comes from not really questioning who you are, just getting to embody it) really attractive. Then I was in a relationship with someone who had tons of it, and I realized it was horseshit- it's the result of never telling a person they're not actually good at something. Looking back ten or so years to when I started trying to socially transition (12ish, maybe?), that kind of confidence was embedded in my idea of what a man was. It was something only men were allowed, so in some backwards way I wanted to be male to achieve that confidence. (A couple years after that, my ideas of sexuality and gender became so deeply confused I still haven't been able to make sense of them, but I think getting around to that is going to make hindsight a whole lot clearer)

I'm going to try tagging this in hopes that someone has better-articulated thoughts on what I'm trying to say- wish me luck :') I'll also try elaborating more in the future (I can't articulate for shit at night) and mayyybe make some making out of all of this. Or maybe meaning-making is the trap that got me into this in the first place. Who knows

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

To the nonbinary anon who is thinking abt saying your a trans man:

Hi!! I’m in a similar situation. I have actually decided to take the step to come out as a trans man, so I can begin the medically transition I need to survive. This has been a hard decision for me, and it’s one that i’ve only recently been able to decide on, because I am now so comfortable in my identity. I’ve always been one to say “I don’t care what others think of me! I know myself best, so other people can’t change my mind”. Which, is a mindset I understand not everyone can share. But I think at the core of it, this all comes down to how comfortable and familiar you are with yourself. Gender is a complicated thing! It’s OK to change how you describe yourself, as you get to know you better. I used to identify as a trans man, before I realised I was non binary. And now it feels a bit strange to slip on that cover again as I seek medical transition, I will admit.

For me, I have gotten this comfortable in myself by listening to others, and making art. I used to struggle with unlearning transmedicalism, too. It stunted my growth as a non binary person. but in discovering more diverse voices on youtube, podcasts, etc, my mind truly opened. Not just in accepting the wide spectrum of all trans people, but in how it all interconnects. Listen to trans and non binary people with intersectional identities! You will learn so much. And the feeling of joy I got seeing just how many different ways non binary can be all over the worlds, it is wonderful. 

And in these past few years, I have really taken to art. creating my own, as a way of self expression. Drawing, face paint, makeup: all ways I express myself. Translating my being into different forms of art has helped me better understand myself. Again, not for everyone, I understand. But if you are into art, maybe try some abstract artworks. Some questions I turned into drawings are: “Who am I now vs. who do I want to become? Why do I love myself?”

While I will be putting “transgender man” down on official papers, I still have been out to my wonderful friends about being non binary. I agree with Lee that it is an important step in unlearning transmedicalism. Personally though, I accepted myself as non binary in my head, before I told my friends the truth. It is hard to explain what my gender means to me. I just don’t think words are enough sometimes! I wish I could have better words to explain how I came to this point of self-acceptance. Just try not to be too hard on yourself for not figuring everything out right away!

Because ultimately, your safety does indeed come first. Being in places where non binary identity isn’t well understood, it can feel like a lot of pressure to be a role model. At least for me, I can’t handle explaining to everyone I meet what it means to be non binary, and answer all the questions. It sucks, because having non binary people who are out, is an essential part of acceptance for our community. But we must keep in mind our own personal limits. It is understandable to feel guilty in this decision. But understand that it is not your fault our societies are this way, and we must do what we can to survive. 

I have hope that there *will* come a future where we are accepted and loved by this planet. We have already come so far, although it can be disheartening to remember that in the face of such vocal hate. But we cannot allow ourselves to be drowned by it. You are far from alone, anon. Wishing you peace and prosperity!! <3

(in response to this post)

Lee says:

Thank you for your reply-- as a sidenote, I'd like to mention that it isn't always necessary to pretend to be a binary trans man to access medical transitioning.

Anon may feel like it is necessary to do so in their situation and I am not saying that they are wrong for doing so. But I'd like followers who have not yet started the process of medical transition to know that it can be possible to do so while out as non-binary.

I personally have been out as genderqueer to my mental health letter-writing providers and medical providers throughout my process of getting T, getting top surgery, a hysterectomy, and phalloplasty. I can't say that all of my doctors actually understood that I'm non-binary as many did refer to me as a trans man, but despite that bit of erasure, I wasn't actively hiding my gender identity and it is mentioned in my WPATH letters of support.

While it will depend on where you live and which doctors/providers you see, there are folks who medically transition while openly identifying as non-binary.

[portokali]

for the book ask!! 3, 24 🌸

3. What were your top five books of the year?

hiiiii good question good question

in no particular order:

📖 braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer. this book... her writing voice, she spoke so tenderly about life and nature, and it was the first time i read anything about the environment that actually introduced the idea of reciprocity and a practical yet optimistic approach to the climate crisis.. very life-affirming. i'd recommend this book to most ppl i know who read, and specifically you!

📖 bloodchild and other stories by octavia e. butler. she... has to be one of the smartest authors i've ever read and is probably my fav scifi author.. short story collections are almost always a mixed lot, but i loved these. each one felt very carefully worked on and complete in its own way. i love butler's ability to take a concept and weave a story that carries it across.. but heavy trigger warnings, especially for the first and titular story.. dont get me wrong i cant stop thinking about it (the wonder!).. but also .. i cant stop thinking about it (the horror!)

📖 the brothers karamazov took me almost a whole year to finish so i can't not include it.. a masterpiece.. they are literally my best friends, all 3 of the brothers... the fucking thing is that, whether an old man in 19th century russia or even by contemporary standards, i heavily disagree w his views on religion and politics, but unlike other religious artists (of all mediums), he actually uses religion to communicate life and love in a way that resonate and confront me despite, despite, despite. love how and author can sometimes reach through centuries and distance and past the layer of translation between us and still speak to me right in my soul. also if you wanna read it in greek ρε η μεταφραση του αλεξανδρου ειναι τοσο μιμαμπλ και αστεια, εχω κυριολεκτικα φτιάξει ενα εξελ με τις βρισιες και τους χαρακτηρισμους που ειχε το βιβλιο γιατι ηταν τοσο καλα που επρεπε να τα σημειωσω. ήξερα οτι θα τα παμε καλα με αυτη τη μεταφραση οταν ειδα οτι τον καραμαζοφ αντι για μεγαλογειοκτημονα τον λέει τσιφλικα.. λαικ.. που αλλου... ΠΟΥ αλλου...

📖 beloved by toni morrison... a masterpiece.. a masterpiece! my second morrison and it only further affirmed that shes one of my favorite authors of all time.. head in hands... head in hands..

📖 the left hand of darkness by ursula le guin. i got my friend to read this book recently and have been talking to them abt it again, it's literally such a great book to discuss w fellow nonbinary and trans ppl.. i do think le guin was a genius and the way she talks abt gender and gender roles is endlessly fascinating, but it's also a story about love, patriotism, duty and sacrifice... and it's good..

honorary mentions: station eleven, notes of a crocodile, the haunting of hill house, we need new names

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

yes T_T i dnf'd loveless by alice oseman just this month.. this book didn't have much of a plot, it's mostly a slice of life story telling a single character's coming out journey - i craved something with more than that going on, personally. it got tiring and i didn't have the patience for it.

[wackyattack]

hi! i really liked/appreciated your addition to that post abt the harmful metals being found in tampons, and you seem very knowledgeable of the range of reusable options. if its not too much trouble, i was curious if you had a disc/cup brand or shape recommendation for trans ppl like myself who uh... really have zero desire to be getting more intimate with my body than id like?

maybe its just bc of how they were marketed when i first saw them in high school, but i feel like a lot of ads repeated the "really get to ~know~ your vagina" mantra, and it completely turned me off to them conceptually. but pads are a sensory nightmare, and id like to live past 50. so i'm a little desperate for a reusable option that doesnt make me want to crawl out of my own skin...

sorry if this is an odd question to get out of the blue! from your tags, it sounded like youve actually given a lot of these a personal test run, and a lot of sources for mainstream recs dont take dysphoria into account, usually.

Yeah totally! I'm not going to lie to you, I'll do my best to answer but take everything I say with a grain of salt as I don't know what will/won't be comfortable for you!! Also I wouldn't stress too much about whatever product you are using now killing you!

That being said, I would say that using a disc would probably be better than a cup because it requires less of an,,, intimate experience? Although that may depend on your body and how everything lays. But because it can be pulled out using the string or loop you don't have to get as involved in the removal process. I have tried the diva disc and really like it but the lumma discs have a linger string that can be trimmed to a comfortable length after you gave used it for a cycle or two. The hello disc is also a good one to look at for having a good length of stem, but it has ladder loops that while not as long, will be easier to grab and remove. I would also try out the flex disposables to get an idea of whether a disc would work best for you!

Lumma is having a sale right now that is buy one get one free, and because they have different siz options for a cup if you decide to get that it may be best to get a medium and a large! I would say a small would be for if you are a young young teen, or just a very small person.

If you are wanting a cup, there is the flex cup which has a stem that actually can be pulled on to remove the cup unlike other cups, so that could be an option as well! I have not personally tried it, but it could be something to look at!

I will say though with either of the options (that is a disc or cup) there is a higher level of involvement when it comes to inserting it when compared with a tampon. (There are some cup/disc applicators on the market that make it so you can put in a cup similar to a tampon by leading it in the applicator, but for using them for a cup it still requires some involvement, but I can send you somethings about that if you want!) (Becaude

To be able to find a cup, I would really recommend knowing roughly the height of your cervix, but I totally understand that that may not be something you want to do.

Sorry if this is not super helpful, but feel free to reach out with any other questions or if this didn't make sense let me know haha

[autistic-katara]

cw transphobia/cw suicide/rant

disrespectfully, if ur the typa parent who treats ur kid coming out as trans as “ur little girl/boy dying” or u “being in mourning” and especially if u talk abt that infront of/to ur trans kid fuck you.

“let them have emotions” no, fuck that. u can have feelings like that or whatever, i’m not trying to police ur thoughts but 1. acknowledge that u need to work on those feelings for the sake of ur kid and 2. keep those feelings to ur fucking self.

and if u absolutely HAVE to talk abt them, do it privately, when ur kid’s not around, when no other trans kid who might be in a similar situation could hear. if someone asks u if u feel like that when ur kid’s sitting right fucking next to u just lie, or at the very least tell them uve been working on it (which u better have been.)

because it makes it seem like u think ur kid’s transition is abt urself (which i sometimes wonder if u mfs do think that), and it makes ur kid feel like they cant explore their own feelings abt them feeling like they killed the little girl/boy they used to be, even if its not related to gender or being trans at all, heck, maybe ur trans son feels weird abt thinking he “killed the boy he used to be” bcz of smthn else like depression or smthn and he feels weird abt thinking that bcz u talked abt how u feel in mourning for his past self and it made him feel super icky (or vice verca w/ ur trans daughter or enby kid).

parts of this go for other insensitive shit u could say to ur kid during their transition (“i’m worried it could be a trend” “hormones/blockers r just so dangerous”, comparing medically transitioning to girls developing anorexia due to diet culture, etc.)

i’m sorry, i know i should probably be sympathetic to parents going through a kinda (and partially rightfully) scary change but if ur saying or doing shit that negatively affects ur kid, even if u didnt mean it that way fuck u, idgaf abt how u feel abt it, how u feel like u lost a child, how u hate ALL surgeries (but especially an unnecessary one), how after a few hours of facebook research ur worried it could be a trend, how ur worried that using their name/pronouns might confuse their younger siblings (who would probably easily understand a simple explanation with the option to ask questions after if explained right), i do not give one single fuck abt ur self-centred, uneducated worries.

you might have good intentions or whatever but this shit is gonna kill your child, i’m sorry. and if it doesnt kill them its gonna make them hate u, both now and when theyre actually able to medically transition and live on their own.

and honestly, even if they do figure out “oh hey, i’m actually just cis but with a kinda complicated relationship to gender” i promise u they arent gonna thank u profusely for bringing up the worry that theyre not actually trans or making their transition so much harder and slower, theyre gonna hate u for making them scared to question their gender anymore incase u turn out to be right and u think u did the right thing which would both feel shitty for them personally for obvious reasons but might also hurt their trans siblings or the trans kids whos parents might be in the same facebook group or whatever.

and theyre very much gonna hate u for overlooking their feelings, doing stuff they know u know makes them actively suicidal, and not caring enough to look at actual resources for parents trying to support their trans kids better, preferably written by a trans person themself, and instead go to, again, ur mommy facebook group where ur bsf posts terfy memes and abt how “she doesnt want her teenage daughters in the same bathroom as perverted men!” (both “daughters” also being trans boys who coincidentally are both insanely suicidal, cope in unhealthy methods, and talk shit abt their parents the moment the topic of them comes up) and where they fear-monger abt how ur young impressionable girls (and probably boys too) are being taken advantage of by the evil transgenderism movement and how its a social trend for them to mutilate their bodies, “just like how girls would starve themselves to fit in when we were teens!”, and thats in the rare chance that they DO detransition.

anyways idrk what else to say other than support ur fuckin trans kids as much as u can, do actual research to support them, or dont be shocked when ur child tries to kill themself and/or doesnt speak to u anymore when their older, and when that happens i hope the pain u feel is as bad as half the pain we feel from having to deal with ur self centred transphobic bullshit that makes it feel like our parents dont love us and just see us as dolls and see our struggles w/ dysphoria as small irritation that surgery and hormones would be unnecessary to fix, and if u make ur kid feel like that i cannot stress this enough: Fuck. You. because you are the reason the child ur supposed to love, care for, and protect feels like this and wants to kill themself. just fuck you.

[unloneliest]

jam i have a question. who is eliot spencer... where is he from. what makes him ur number one blorbo and what do u understand abt him that no one else does <3

partridge thank you so much for this ask i need you to know you made my entire morning. eliot spencer is. my specialest guy my blorbo of all time i love him so so so so much. he's from the tv show leverage, which aired from 2008-2012* and isn't immune to the downfalls of that era of tv in general but that. honestly does a comparatively outstanding job to ME. it holds up and also the premise is "what if these extremely competent hot thieves ruined shitty rich people's lives and helped the people who'd been victimized by the rich people and created a found family together after all having various levels of sad backstory? and there was an ot3 made as canon as the showrunners could possibly make it in 2012?" i'm getting ahead of myself though.

*there's a sequel currently airing but i have yet to watch it & there's certain aspects about it that i refuse to accept as canon (this is a part of me being the most right about eliot)

i am putting this under the cut because. well. this got long

to start with context. having my brain rewired by supernatural and captain america: the winter soldier when i was a teenager is a huge factor in like. *waves hands vaguely* everything. when it comes to how i came to love leverage and eliot specifically. i got driven away from spn because (to simplify things) the showrunners hated the fans so bad and the characters were fighting the narrative but unable to escape it, and i loved the version of the characters that was actively being opposed by the show. and that was just plain not enjoyable for me. and marvel is marvel and continuity of emotional and interpersonal arcs doesn't matter at all to them.

and the thing is i took a sociology class in 2017 and it was making me so upset learning about white collar crime. and @canis-la-trans was like. we are watching leverage now. to remedy this. and i'd tried watching it with him before but this time around it just clicked. and the biggest part of what clicked is eliot. because listen. eliot is in somewhat of the same category as my earlier favorite characters but the thing about eliot spencer is that all of his best qualities are canon, not fanon. he redefines the category. he's incomprable. to me.

the thing about eliot spencer is he's the punchboy. he's the hitter. it's his job to get in the fights and protect the team. and he does his best to come across as grumpy, as not caring about people, does his best to fly under the radar as just another unintelligent lackey with a short temper who's particularly talented at violence.

but that's a performance. canonically that's a performance. and he has the best work/life separation of the whole team. he's not his job - he's very good at his job, and it's what he does and that is a part of him, but where some of the other characters view their job as an extension of their selfhood, eliot doesn't.

he cooks. he cooks so well that he could do that professionally. he grows all his own produce (allegedly). he's one of if not the best person on the team with kids. he loves so wholly so fast. he's the first person to call the team a we. within team dynamics he & sophie, the grifter, protect the other 2 from the worst of the team leader's dysfunction.

eliot's done bad things in the past. and he views himself completely past saving. like. from commentary on the show: he knows he's going to hell. like. his self worth is completely abysmal. i know he would die for the team. in s2e2 there's an episode where the team isn't succeeding at the con, and he takes the fall on purpose. and in a conversation about that he says "i'm not diving on a grenade. i'll be all right" but he says that so readily that i Know he's thought about it. and he would. for the team he would. for parker and hardison he would. he's in love with them. and they're in love with him too and i have to cut myself off or i'll go an entire separate rant about them!!!!

he has long hair. which he straightens. and he looks great with blood on his face. he doesn't use guns. he never throws the con for personal reasons - only ever does to protect kids. he grew up in rural oklahoma and he enlisted to get the hell out of dodge and he got in such a bad argument with his dad the night before he shipped out that he got disowned. and he can't even talk about it until nearly the end of the final season of the show. he never once mentions his mom. and i just know he got disowned for coming out, intentionally or not. he's never had an environment he could be his full self in without fear until the team.

parker, the thief of the team, is intentionally written as autistic; the hacker, hardison, is so likely written to have adhd. and eliot is autistic too, to me. it makes the level of performing masculinity to closet himself so much more insane to me. bc it's also masking. and adding that context to eliot and parker's relationship makes me unWELL.

the thing is is that eliot is a character who's hiding, who's actively doing his best to be unnoticed. and so many people who watch the show fall for the act, even if they don't fall for the whole act they fall for parts of it, and like. They Are Wrong About Him. i have an entire complex backstory thought up for eliot, because i think the only thing sadder than him missing out on the kind of connection he finds with the team is him knowing what he's missing because he had a queer best friend as a kid, & the two of them were closeted together, but he lost contact with her over the years.

the thing is that eliot spencer has SO MUCH GENDER and i know if he and parker and hardison adopted a kid eliot would be ma. never dad. and i don't think he'd even be able to start exploring that for himself until the end of the series.

the thing is eliot spencer would listen to the mountain goats. and there's a couple other people out there who are right about that and it makes me so insane 100% of the time.

and i love him and this is just a list of facts about him and the most important thing about eliot spencer to me is that. he exists in motion. trying to capture a still image or static description in words never works. but he's my wife and i love him so much. and i always will. and i'm writing a fic where i'm going to blow him up. just a little bit. for his own good. this is my "eliot made himself a mountain goats mix tape about knowing he's willing to jump on a bomb for parker and hardison & never telling them that in advance" playlist from that universe.

all of leverage is availible for free streaming on imdb tv & here are thee best leverage fanvids of all time:

& this last vid is abt the show in general, not just the ot3:

i would add all my fave eliot pics i have screenshotted but this is already so long . i still might rb and do that anyways he is Everything to me

[original-character-championship]

Bracket H Round 1

Poll 24

Skitt & Ena & Olive (@bootsieboots) vs. Apricity Nix (@decapod-appreciator)

495. Skitt & Ena & Olive (@bootsieboots)

skitt usez any, ena usez they/it/she (bc of her eczema), and olive usez he/they

The TL;DR 4 them is that theyre little fucked up guys living in a circus 2gether. Skitt is a repressed traumatized clown amphibian, Olive is a sweet jackalope who acts like an asshole as a defense mechanism, and Ena is a chaotic little shithead w a short fuse, whos actually secretly the mom friend. I like to put them in2 situations in my head and then never write said situations down. Also theyre all aspec and trans.

Skitt:

he is simply a little guy! (puts him thru the horrors puts him thru the horrors p) Oh, hes a bit fucked up actually.

-a mishmash of basically any amphibian features i think r cool! It is also a clown! Isnt that silly? Well its actually 4 trauma reasons. Lol. lmao.

-has rejection sensitive dysphoria and wants every1 2 love him so much all the time. Cries and throws up when it inevitably doesnt work out.

-ADHD!

-super in2 fashion and makeup. Can u guess why? Trauma reasons, of course! Honestly most of her hobbies r rooted in wanting 2 escape something.

-i cant think of anything else non-spoilery 2 put here. Uhm. ze really likes bubble baths and swimming.

Olive:

A little skrunkly autismic sourpuss. He wishes that he cud b more sincere w people sometimes, but every past attempt has been met w people shutting them down, in 1 way or another. The only person in the world he feels even mildly comfortable around is Ena (and later on in the story, Skitt).

-acts like an asshole around most people bc theyre used 2 being seen as one. And by asshole, i mean a little quiet, sulking, wet cat in a corner of the room who makes angy faces at any1 who invades their space.

-mute! This is bc bunnies do not have vocal chords. Communicates thru sign language and annoyed noises. Screams when overstimulated. Yes, bunnies can scream, just not using vocal chords. There r also other sounds they can make! (mostly annoyed sounds. He does purr as well! Just like a real bunny)

-very in2 music. Plays the harmonica and other woodwind instruments that r easy 2 steal. Can they play good? Uhm. havent decided yet actually.

-has a sort of heart shaped facial scar and a broken antler he got from entirely mundane causes (antler is permanently broke, dont question how that works bc i dunno).

-very incredibly touch averse, only tolerates Ena’s touch. theyre also fat and very fluffy! Great 4 cuddling! But he wont let u. Sorry.

Ena:

Money gremlin!!! Chaotic anarchist motherfucker!!! Probably owes u money! Is currently being gay doing crime. In this world, 1 does not have to pay/steal 2 survive, but Ena does it anyways 2 fuck shit up and stir the pot.

-escaped from a shitty orphanage w Olive.

-horrible anger issues. If Olive is a sourpuss, Ena is a bomb waiting 4 an excuse 2 go off. This is bc in the orphanage, they learned that no 1 wud listen 2 them unless they scratched and fought and clawed and bit and punched. (and shocked!). Shes generally chill tho, just, its easy 2 get on her bad side.

-sorta the therapist friend, bc its good at telling ppl what they want 2 hear. Her charismatic attitude also helps when scamming people.

-uses prosthetics! In this world, aquatic animals r given the ability 2 stay on land 4 extended periods of time via prosthetics! Want 2 know more? Ask me :>

-basically blind. Electric eels have awful eyesight, and shes no exception! She can only see bright lights and colors. They use electrolocation 2 get around. (please ask me what it is if u dont know, i am v happy 2 infodump abt anything oc related!)

Remember kids, a vote 4 my ocs is a vote 4 disability, queerness, anarchy, the found family trope, little guys being put in situations therye entirely unequipped for, furries, and much more!

Skitt has a triangular dress with purple and yellow split colors, and purple leggings. Pointy, slender legs. A long pointed yellow hat with a little green thingy on top (idk what to call it). Blue eyes with froglike pupils. Minty-green, short, curly hair. A classic clown makeup look (off-white facepaint, a clown nose, and pennywise-esque makeup lines going from the bottom of his eyebrows to the sides of his mouth.

Olive is a jackalope with short, olive/forest green hair swooping over one eye. His eyes are the same color as his hair. Most of their fur is darkish brown, while his belly, his inner thighs, and lower left arm is beige. their right arm, lower legs, and the top of their ears are black. Only wearing black arm warmers thanks to sensory issues.

Ena is a vaguely pirate-themed girlie. Dark brown skinned, with grey arms and greyish legs. Big thicc tail. Mostly black hair. Tattered black shorts and an even more tattered, dark green crop top. Has red eyes and a red sash tied around its waist. Lots of little spots all over their skin. lazy-eyed.

496. Apricity Nix (@decapod-appreciator)

she/her

she's a werewolf she's aroace she stalks people on accident. she didn't know what a crime was until the police went after her. her best friends are a supervillan and a failed actress. she thinks she would make a good detective (she wouldn't). she's fun and friendly and sweet but still a fully thought out character. she runs away from her abusive home to find her sister and in the process finds a whole new family. she even takes down the government.

Pris is a short, pale girl with  black hair styled to look like wolf ears. she has brown eyes with diagonal red pupils and a bit of a snaggle tooth on one side.

[meetthesoldier]

hi sorry this is outta nowhere but i would love to hear ur thoughts on harry (phone

SORRY ANON I LEGIT FORGOT ABT THIS ASK and im too lazy to draw her fr so heres some fanart i drew of her dying in a glue trap

this time i have a bit more thoughts on her as an actual character so ill start w that before the headcanon dump ... also, throughout this post ill be referring to her w she/her pronouns because of a personal headcanon im VERY attached to. all i ask is any rbs or further questions abt my specific vision of her use those same pronouns... in others posts i do not care obviously. also, this post is specifically abt her in the dsaf universe since shes far more substantial there.

firstly, i should say i ADORE harry. she is one of my biggest comfort characters in a series where almost everybody is one for me. so when i give any criticisms, know its out of love and a wish for some more expansive writing rather than any malice. being critical of media you love is important, etc etc.

my biggest issues with her character really boils down to the lack of acknowledgement abt her being physically disabled. she mentions having a "bad leg" during 3, but its ONLY mentioned that one time, during (i believe) missable dialogue. i understand her not using, like, mobility aids for it since it may be difficult to find suitable stock images (+ all the phonies in that game use the same photos for their bodies, and its totally possible its not something she feels she needs), but it probably shouldve been mentioned or expanded upon more.

i dont believe were given any explanation on how her leg ended up the way it is, or in what way it is. we dont know if she was born with her disability or aquired it later. we dont know if its paralyzed, we dont know if its because of a muscular dystrophy, or anything else. i just wish we were given more info, bcus as it is, it is REALLY easy to look over in favor of, say, her ptsd.

speaking of which, i have some mixed feelings on how her ptsd is portrayed. on one hand, the joke in the restaurant reviews abt her having flashbacks and a subsequent panic attack feels very distasteful, though thankfully this is (i believe) the only instance of this kind of joke at her expense. im glad elsewise it isnt some huge , controlling part of her character - however, again, it IS missable. while one can assume she has it when she discusses her past, i dont believe its explicitly stated UNTIL that review.

tldr; her disability feels poorly handled, mostly from lack of expansion and discussion.

thankfully, though, she is elsewise a very enjoyable character; shes got some really good and funny dialogue, the exposition we get from her about the original managers is really fucking good, and i really wish we heard more abt her experience working with rebecca (and presumably roger)... again, her biggest issues are just not having as much of a spotlight on her as she couldve, but considering the employees arent really the main focus of the game that may be fine actually...

(as an aside, i think about this post every day and cry audibly.)

thus ends the longform musings, onto the silly headcanons;

standard fare queer headcanon dump: trans woman + demisexual lesbian. also, polyamorous. fuck yeah baby steak (ref)

was in a queerplatonic relationship with joe while he was alive, and a romantic one with both tango/terrence (who has some gender fuckery going on as well) and rebecca because i am not immune to homemade lesbianism.

has ptsd in canon, but im adding a "c" in front of that cause aint no way she lived through all of her coworkers (and presumably FRIENDS) dying in such horrific ways and was only affected in the short-term.

autistic! specifically also has the thing i do where i need the time to be a multiple of 5 before i can start doing anything. also has generalized anxiety i think, with a tendency to catastrophize and compensates by insisting to herself everything is toootally fine. definitely NOT going to have a breakdown rn because shes not totally sure that that vending machine is 100% not going to fall on her specifically

probably didnt have many friends as a kid (L) so now she overcompensates by trying to be as charming and polite as possible. wether or not this works in her favor or makes her seem pretentious is a coinflip. (its certainly working on me though!)

has a real soft spot for random niche animals. probably a big salamander and gecko girl. her favorite is the marbled salamander because its cute as hell

slightly off topic everyday i think of how fucking horrific it mustve been for joe to come into work one morning and his best friend just has a phone for a head and extreme memory issues now . literally what the fuck. thats so fucked up

to do a tonal 180... if she was a pokemon trainer shed have a herdier or stoutland as a sort of service dog for walking shorter-medium distances when she rlly doesnt feel like whipping out the cane :.-)

shes so pale its actually ridiculous. bro looks like she hasnt seen the sun in 5 years ... jake pokes a bit of fun for it sometimes

thanks for asking, anon! i love getting excuses to talk about dsaf. i have a lot of thoughts, you know... dont ever friend me on discord my ass will randomly drop either the goofiest or angstiest headcanons at random intervals and i have no real control over whichor when it will be