#as a trans person who was questioned abt it in the past just know that its no ones business

[roses-are-repulsed]

Shout out to sex repulsed trans people who still want bottom surgery!! You deserve to make the changes that make you euphoric/comfortable without being questioned about it. Just because you won't "use it" sexually doesn't make your want of it any less valid. You don't need to use your genitals in a certain way to justify them. It's no ones business but your own anyways, dont let weirdos dictate your choices for your transition.

[bowie-boy]

what about your trans Wilson headcanons pretty please? 👀👀

An excuse to talk about my beloved, trans Wilson…this is an amazing day

(Def me projecting but) Wilson was one of those kids who always knew. Growing up with two brothers, he didn’t really get as a kid that he was different from them and got confused when his parents treated him differently

His first early sign of being trans was when he tried to pee standing up and pissed all over the floor (he assumed he would just grow a penis as he got older) (also me projecting dw abt it)

Once he realized he was technically “a girl,�� he went along with it but never really felt connected to being female at all, which led to him feeling really displaced and unattached to people around him all the time

He found out that being a trans dude was a thing sometime in undergrad from one of those 80s talk shows and felt like the world exploded beneath him

Definitely went through an extensive questioning period (even though he definitely knew he was trans) where he would make really long lists of reasons why he was trans, why he couldn’t be trans, pros, cons, etc. and mull over them excessively because he was terrified of making a mistake (me projecting bc OCD Wilson is real and true to me but that’s another post)

Part of this phase involved going to gay bars and finding trans people and basically giving them the verbal equivalent of an “Am I really trans?” Reddit post until they told him he probably was and to stfu

Wilson came out and started transitioning between undergrad and grad

His parents weren’t super accepting at first and didn’t offer to help him pay for anything, nor did they gender him correctly at all, which took top surgery off the table for a long time

The only family member of Wilson’s that was accepting from the get-go was Danny (sad)

Wilson always looked pretty masc so once he started T he passed easily almost immediately but even to this day he’s still paranoid to no end that people somehow Know he’s not cis

Wilson really leaned into dating women once he started transitioning (he’d fooled around with people of both genders in the past while extremely drunk but dysphoria had pretty much taken any kind of sexuality exploration off the table for him)

Got married to Sam way too fast bc he assumed no one else would ever accept him for being trans (Sam’s version of acceptance was like. Never bringing it up)

In my perfect beautiful T4T hilson world, House was Wilson’s first ever trans friend and was his connect for getting top surgery

In an equally real world, Wilson being trans was the one personal detail House never found out until Wilson revealed it at some point in small waves purely to drive House insane

Stealing from @occultbooks but Wilson’s McGill sweater is 1000% his dysphoria sweater

Wilson and Chase go so many years at PPTH with no idea that the other is trans

Wilson’s comphet goes crazy until at some point post season one when his doctor ups his T dose and his sex drive gets completely thrown out of wack and he starts being attracted to House in a way he cannot ignore

Wilson learns from the Internet that starting testosterone can make you gayer and briefly considers dialing his dose back but the dysphoria is too strong so he decides to accept it as a “side effect”

Anyway eventually he realizes he was gay along and is just lowkey super repressed and maybe a little stupid

Amber never made Wilson feel awful about being trans from the get-go and was so supportive and curious and interested and that’s part of why Wilson loved her so so much

In non-T4T-verse, House pretends to be a chaser and is like wow Wilson it’s so hot that you’re trans it turns me on but actually he’s just hiding from vulnerability bc he really is just obsessed with Wilson and his body no matter what

Wilson is always afraid that his STP looks like a boner in his pants and House takes advantage of this paranoia by making as many jokes about it as possible bc he’s evil

Wilson never got a hysterectomy bc expensive but he still gets insanely awful cramps once a month that sometimes suck so bad he needs to stay home from work (this makes him hella dysphoric)

Wilson doesn’t like his top surgery scars but House thinks they’re the hottest thing ever which Wilson uses to make House feel better abt his leg scar

Wilson’s guilty pleasure is man spreading to a horrendous degree bc it helps his dysphoria a fuck ton

The reason why he wears those old man matching pajama sets is because that was his ultimate transition goal as a kid

On really bad days House does Wilson’s T shot for him (the catch is that House insists on doing the shot in Wilson’s ass)

This lowkey got extremely long my apologies but I could actually talk abt this forever

[arrayoflightarchives]

Array of Light Archives Intro

We are the Array of Light Archives! A very silly system that mostly just shit posts but we can occasionally be v funny and/or relatable if that's ur cup of tea :3

Pls feel free to read more, there will be an general info section and then more detailed information past the cut

It will probably be a lot as we ramble but there are key points highlighted in pink

General Info

-–— System Name: Array of Light Archives

-–— Collective Name: Kris or (sometimes) Array

-–— Collective Prns: He/Him

-–— Collective Identity: Trans = Bi = Aspec

-–— Body Age: 18

-–— Collective Interests: Bears in Trees ¦ Haikyuu, Sasaki to Miyano + other anime/manga ¦ Crochet ¦ Good Omens ¦ Bujo ¦ Marauders ¦ + a number of other things

Boundaries

DNI

General dni of bigotry, pro-ship, maps etc -> bigorty I'm meaning homophobia, transphobia, ablesim etc - basic dni shit

Endos + Pro-endo (mostly alright with endo-neutral, but more comfortable w/ those leaning more towards anti)

NSFW blogs

Fake claimers

Antis (anti things like xenogenders, neopronouns, furries, therians, alter humans and other kin etc, if ur anti those things dni)

Radqueers and Trans-ID

Syscourse specific blogs

Pro-Isreal stance

Other Boundaries

We don't mind some discussion of syscourse but that's not what the blog is abt so pls don't bring it too much here

Not mdni but just, we are legally an adult so pls try not to interact too much (one of interactions are fine) if ur under the age of 14/15 cause it feels weird to us sorry

We are traumagenic + mentally ill and therefore have triggers. We won't share them but if smt does trigger us, then it will be deleted sorry

Although we're a v punk collective, pls try not too bring extreme politics here

Pls don't dm us unless ur a mutual or have asked and we have given permission to dm before hand :3

Any questions abt dni/boundaries then feel free to drop an ask!!

Other Sys Info

We are a traumagenic OSDD system who have varying degrees of amnesia

We are autistic and adhd and have a history of associated mental health issues

We also have OCD and Emetophobia although that won't come up much

We are brainmade heavy although we still have many fictives from a variety of different sources

Feel free to ask any questions about the system or alters just know we might not want to answer - but most of the time we love talking about our system

Blog Info

General

We are neurodivergent so we will probably post abt that alongside our other stuff

This blog is probably abt half fandom posting, about 40% system posting and the last 10% is live logging or other shit like thoughts + opinions

Although that could honestly just change depending on frequent fronters

Carrd: (it's got some details but most of it is on here anyways but go have a look if you want)

Sideblogs

This will probably continue to grow -> they're all just alters personal blogs

@its-krisscross-applesauce -> 🐝

@omi-omi-says -> 🍙

@indis-vines -> 🌿

@rhye-bread -> 💯

Alter Info

@torii-ii -> 🖥️

@seb-lowe-loml -> 🌀

Hosts:

¦ Omi - He/Him - 23 - host and (angry) protector - sign off: 🍙

¦ Kris - He/Him - 17 - co-host and online social mask - sign off: 🐝

Other blog frequents:

¦ Kristian - He/Him - 38-40 - protector - sign off: 🐻

¦ Indi - She/They - 28 - caretaker - sign off: 🌿

¦ Rhyland - Xe/Fae/He/They - 16 - Symptom Holder - sign off: 💯

¦ Daisy - They/She - 16 - Social caretaker - sign off: 🌼

¦ Angel - Angel/Any - ageless - Gatekeeper - sign off: 🪐

¦ Dylan - He/Him - 17/18 - Protector + Academic - sign off: 🌀

Other sign offs you might see:

❓-> blurry or unsure of who's fronting

🩷 -> Liz || 🐜 -> Daniel || 🪨 -> Kiri || 🏐 -> Kenma || 🍊 -> Caiden || 🌱 -> Charlie || 📖 -> Elise || 🩹 -> Ghost || 📎 -> Alec || 🍷-> Mara || 🖥️ -> Tori

There are more people in our system and they will be added if they post anything but for now this is the list

If they have or make intro posts, they will be hyperlinked to their names so feel free to check them out but those will only happen if they decide to make one

We also have quite a few littles and they most likely will not be on here unless it is deemed okay by their protector

[alangdorf]

Welp, the ref lineup still isn’t done cause I haven’t drawn Shion yet, and the belated valentines I’ve been working on are gonna be like at least a month late cause I just planned three more, but what I did do these past couple weeks is start writing a fanfic and then immediately abandon it to go draw a bunch of only tangentially-related suzutsubas (except for that first pic; that’s a scene from it, albeit one I haven’t written yet), only half of which are fit for public posting (one of ‘em I could make a few edits and feel ok about posting sometime; it’s not that out there, it’s just, y’know. Hamal Cine Bad End Hyperbolic Torture Chamber. I’m usually very “whatever happens happens” about my art but if I don’t show some restraint I know I’ll end up stuck in there forever), but hey, since I’ve been teasing them for ages and finally have some finished stuff with them, take a couple Suzumii! Also gonna ramble abt headcanons under the cut (and it will be LONG)

To begin, a note abt my Len’en gender/pronoun headcanons: as a they/them preferrer myself, I’m thrilled that most people just stick with those for everyone, but I’ve developed some more detailed headcanons as I go through working on designs and I’ll generally be using those. Don’t worry though, most of them are still nonbinary and basically all of them are trans/gq. Relevant ones for this post are Tsubakura: they/them nonbinary (transmasc to some degree) and Suzumi: cis female, question mark?? (to be elaborated on); for clarity’s sake I usually use she/her for Arde and Hamal Cine individually and plural they for the system collectively (also I don’t usually use their nicknames, dunno why), but singular they for Benet (the wiki says Benny is probably short for Benetnasch so I’m assuming that’s their actual name) for reasons which will also be elaborated on (sort of).

Aaalso this clearly isn’t autobiographical or anything but I think I’m subconsciously putting a lot of myself into Suzumi because 1) we do look pretty similar (brown wavy bob + blue eyes) and 2) given their current status as both the main antagonist and the most well-known plural Len’en character (I get the impression that Hooaka also being plural isn’t super common knowledge; I mean it took me several read-throughs of their wiki page and their dialogue with BPoHC Secret Team to get what they were getting at lol) I am probably way too anxious about doing a bad stereotype. Just an observation and also probably partially why I’ve even ended up with so much headcanon for them in the first place

And before I get into the thick of it, notes on derivations from canon: I’m running with the assumption that Suzumi being a system is a relatively recent development tied to whatever incident it was that caused the falling-out, since Tsubakura is like the only person who seems at all familiar with Hamal (including Mitori/Chouki/Fumikado, but they’re more easily explained away as just having met with one of the other alters the few times they’ve interacted) even though she’s supposedly usually the one fronting. They don’t seem to know the mechanics of it though, judging by their confusion when Arde implied that she and Hamal are different people. So basically, I’ll be referring to pre-incident Suzumi as a different character from any of the other three. (Ngl I am very influenced by Dissociation Constant on that and just in general [when will my wife The One and Only Suzutsuba Fic return from the war…..]) I was also debating whether to have Suzumi have any history with the gang before starting to work at the lab/whether stuff would happen around high school or college age, cause they keep referring to everything happening “a long time ago” and I know I, a 24-year-old, feel like stuff that happened five years ago was like yesterday, but I do have the pandemic and not really doing much of anything for most of that time to reckon with so like, eh. College age makes more sense in my head and so does the dynamic of like, Suzumi was only introduced into the friend group (she was acquainted w Hoojiro and Yabu already though bc lab) because she was dating Tsubakura and since that ended, and badly (understatement of the century), they have extremely little reason to be civil with each other and also interacting at all is really awkward.

Ok now on with it! Either end of high school or beginning of college, Suzumi ends up interning at Tsubakura’s lab for college credit (Tsuba’s already practically a department head despite being like 17 or something because. Idk. Who even knows what’s up with them) and she’s like. Only wears t-shirts and jeans (bought a bunch of khakis for this job though), [reading] glasses from the men’s section, hates leaving her hair down (it’s lab safety anyways). Repressed queer in denial, you know the type. Starts interacting a lot with Mx. Tsubakura “wears short shorts that everybody thinks are actually a skirt and also uses ore and omae almost exclusively” Enraku who seems to have everything all figured out and is immediately starstruck (GIRL WHY?? they are such a mess). Lots of “do I want to date them or do I want to be them” confusion (this will be relevant later); eventually evolves into the “am I trans or just a lesbian” question (not that they would need to be attracted to women to be into Tsubakura but you get the picture), which never quite gets answered.

In any case, they do eventually start dating (Tsubakura thinks she’s cute and smart so they reciprocate), and they’re not like super great together cause Tsubakura is emotionally constipated at the best of times (Suzumi’s into that though) and neither of them are the most mentally/emotionally healthy people even back then and also Tsubakura is more or less Suzumi’s boss which is weird, but they’re kind of ok??? Tsubakura’s mom dies at some point, also they move in together (college housing is expensive), the rest of the crew at the very least tolerate Suzumi, etcetera.

And then…! [insert catastrophic event here]!! I don’t have a shot to call on this yet cause I have no idea what it could’ve been (and I’m sure it’ll get revealed at some point anyways); I’m just banking on it being something extremely not mundane and something where you could reasonably set the blame on either (or neither) party cause they sure both seem convinced the other is way worse, huh! In Tsubakura’s case at least, blaming Suzumi is partially a defense mechanism so their self-loathing doesn’t get the better of them over it (guess what the fic was supposed to be about, lol).

The worst part of all this business though is that they DON’T break up over it immediately and it just makes everything orders of magnitude worse for everyone involved. Tsubakura and Arde have hate sex MORE THAN ONCE………… they would both really rather forget about it. Hamal thinks it’s hilarious, ofc, but the less said about her, the better. And Benet… exists??? The only idea that I’m running off of for them atm is the observation that I think they’re the only character with flat black eyes other than Tsubakura/Tsurubami and the subsequent idle thought, “hey if someone malded so hard about a breakup that they ended up with an introject of their ex would that be messed up or what?” So make of that what you will. (Oh and it may have been obvious that this is what I was going for but Hamal is femme and Arde is butch and they’re constantly squabbling abt aesthetic presentation. Having Arde be straight-up male would’ve been too straightforward of an interpretation and I think it’s funnier this way)

The canonically mentioned murder attempts start taking place and I’m leaning towards Tsubakura eventually being convinced to move out even though it was originally their apartment, albeit mostly just because the wikipedia page for house sparrows mentions that they’re known to take over swallows’ nests, usually after they’ve been abandoned, but they will sometimes drive away or kill the current occupants, and that was a very fun fact to come across when specifically doing research for Len’en but idk how else to incorporate it lol. And so on and so forth up until the present time.

Uhhh is that all I have atm? I think so! Anyway, I think I finally shook out all my suzutsuba doodles (and rambling, though I do still have that fic to work on. idk whether I’ll be able to finish it though; I started strong with an extended metaphor in the middle but Iiiii’m not sure if I can successfully write my way up to it while making it make sense. Also I may draw pretty slow but I write even slower!! Eh I’m sure I’ll post some of it sometime) for the time being so I should theoretically be able to finish up my bigger projects now. Maybe I’ll have the valentines ready in time for white day? We’ll see!

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

queer dr who headcanons

composed in a burst of brainrot (imcomplete cos i haven't seen it all yet, will update as i do hehe)

Nine - he/her pronouns, he isn't specifically aroace, he just has better things to do. he's too focused on running away from his past, not dying, saving the planet again, etc etc, to worry about whether or not he fancies anyone yknow. under different circumstances i think he'd realise he does feel attraction sometimes, he just has other things to think about.

Ten - he/she/they - he's aroace but also in a messed up teenage lesbian situationship with rose that will forever impact his relationship with anyone else he's ever attached too <3 he flirts with jack for fun. the running joke about elizabeth i actually came about because he made increasingly suggestive jokes for his own amusement and the only other person in on it was queen elizabeth herself. he doesn't feel romantic attraction specifically, just very strong queerplatonic feelings for people. he knows this because he has spent far too long agonising over her own feelings abt rose martha and donna.

Rose - she/her - technically straight but in a 'after my partner came out i had a moment of wondering whether that means i'm queer, but actually i don't care because they're my partner and i love them anyways' kind of way. like straight and cis+ because of the questioning yknow what i mean??

Donna - she/her, and they/them in a neutral sort of way - allo and queerplatonic, never really thought about it until realising her daughter Rose was trans but then took it upon her self to become Thee Best Ally

Eleven - he/him but in a sort of 'people assume that but i have no actual opinions on the matter' way - aroace & agender in a way linked to neurodivergence. he more or less understands the concept of gender and sexuality, just doesn't particularly want to participate.

Fourteen - they/he/she/the definite article/ most pronouns, really - pan aroace. they were surprised to realise this, but more surprised that they actually feel comfortable showing affection or expressing attraction at all. they hadn't really been thinking about sexuality as ten cos of The Horrors, only their situation with specific people, so casually admitting to some kind of queer attraction was more the surprise at recognising that attraction at all.

Fifteen - he/they - doesn't generally feel allo attraction but knows when someone is beautiful & sexy. also flirts for fun. i would like him to meet jack harkness that would be fun.

[harlequinoccult]

i am back w more rants this time abt one of my other characters (hopefully this one will be shorter, ik you say you dont mind but i feel bad every time i go to check in on your blog and i have to scroll past the multiple bibles i sent you... so im sending even more bibles to you-)

her name is Willow "Heartbreak" Bark. she wears a pink, white and gold venetian mask and her weapon of choice is brass knuckles. her specialty is bait and she thought that going out to the middle of the forest wearing a mini skirt and a crop top was a good idea. i am starting by listing her in-game characteristics because i truly don't know how to properly introduce Willow and all the shitshow that goes on with her-

unlike Ariel, Wills actually fits perfectly well in the slsq universe and i think that should say smth abt her character right away. honestly adapting her to fit into the story was the easiest thing ever because this is exactly the kind of shit she would get herself into.

she's a trans woman who grew up on the US somewhere south (i am not american and know just as much abt american geography as i do abt british geography), which is only important bc she has a subtle southern american accent, and despite Newcreed not having a set location i am going to say for plot purposes it is not located on the south in Willow's timeline. anyway

she's a country girl! born to a middle-to-high class family that owned a big estate with all the things a farm usually has (cattle, horses, fields, crops, etc). they had workers to help take care of everything, but the kids were encouraged to help with chores and learn some husbandry as a way to "build character". her parents were an extremely conservative bunch, and their parenting mainly consisted of being distant and pretending their kids didn't exist until they were useful for them, which for Willow specifically meant that she started developing people pleasing tendencies and a never ending quest for approval pretty early on in life.

Wills learns that she's beautiful at quite the young age. she also learns that using that beauty for her benefit is quite easy to do, that flattery and emotional bonds, no matter how fake, would get her far. and if she can play the victim well enough when she does something wrong, she'll be able to get away with it.

personality-wise, Willow has always been charismatic. a bit of a flatterer, a bit of a jokester, a lot of confidence and an extreme flirt. seriously, this woman will flirt w anything that has the ability to consent. if you have pants, she's trying to get in them. and sometimes it's even genuine! ...she mostly uses it as a manipulation tactic tho. i mean, there's no reason it can't be both! (im always so excited for playing as Willow bc she always ends up w the MESSIEST relationship stat screens. i can't wait to see how that translates into slsq)

in her teen years, she was picked on a lot for being "feminine" and having mostly girl friends (at the time, she still thought she was cis), despite being a jock and considered quite popular. she was also the one "guy" who had gone out w the most girls of the entire school. even back then, Wills was already considered a heartbreaker, someone who couldn't stay in a relationship for more than 2 months (spoilers: that doesn't change and probably only gets worse as she gets older).

it's not until her late teens that she starts really questioning her gender, and the reason it happens is because she gets drunk and finally sleeps w "another" man for the first time. from there, everything starts going downhill. she goes through a difficult period of self-discovery and coming to therms w her gender and her sexuality. when she finally begins to transition, her parents become suddenly extremely invested in her personal life in a way they hadn't ever been before. 

they threaten to disown her if she starts HRT. so she hangs her head, cries, and promises she would  never do smth like that.

one day her parents wake up to the fire alarm going off. Willow's bedroom had catched on fire, with her most important belongings missing, one of their best trucks gone from the garage and their bank account sucked dry.

they never saw Willow again.

running away like that was... maybe not the best idea Wills ever had. like every major decision she makes in her life, it was done on impulse, driven by pure rage, with no backup plan and a half baked, somehow extremely well executed idea, that sustained her on pure luck and adrenaline for the years that followed. 

her parents were pissed. maybe setting the house on fire was overkill, maybe they actually loved her after all and didn't want her gone, but it most likely was because of the thousands of dollars that suddenly went missing that made them so invested in trying to catch her and bring her back.

how did she get her hands on that much money so suddenly without anyone noticing until it was too late? great question! short answer: not important, what matters is she did. long non-answer: Willow's major skill has always been networking. she's very good at meeting people and charming people and getting them on her side, asking favors and having them do what she wants. would she have known how to transfer so much money without getting caught? hell no! but she definitely knows someone who would.

for a few years, life was a bit of a struggle. a lot of running away until she finally managed to change her name and appearance to something that would fit her best, and throw off the cops at the same time. honestly, her ending up in Newcreed is no coincidence. she knew she wouldn't be bothered there.

her meeting Carter is also not a surprise in the least. remember when i said one of her major skills is networking? someone like Carter could turn out to be very useful at some point. that makes him worthy of adding to her never ending contact list.

she worked as a stripper and sex worker for a while, when her parent's stolen money started to run dry. a very important thing to know abt Willow is that she's a party girl. she likes to have fun. she loves sex and drugs and alcohol, she's not squeamish and she knows "fun" can be made up of many different things, but it's always better when there's a little risk involved, isn't it? until one day she parties a little too close to the sun.

gambling is very fun, you see, and also happens to give her a chance to earn even more money if she gets lucky, and Willow has always been quite lucky. she's not afraid to take risks, she's not afraid to jump into things headfirst, she's definitely not afraid to commit to things with no backup plan and deal with the consequences later.

and that's how she ends up in crippling debt.

(1/2)

-🦊

(pt 1)

[hyper-jam]

My SecurityWaiter/DreamTheory gender+sexuality head canons because they’re giving me brainrot and queer identities is one of my SpIns 🫶🫶🫶

+some like general love life sorta stuff ig lol

Mike:

-AroAce (spectrum) and gay (or at LEAST achillean/mlm in some way that man is a BOY KISSER)

-Ness is one of if not the only person he’s liked/been attracted to

-he always just assumed he was straight cause yk it’s the “default” and prior to Ness he was never attracted to guys/masc people (at least not that he realized), but after catching feelings for Ness and talking to Ness abt gender and sexuality and all that, he realized he wasn’t really ever attracted to women either, then Ness explained the whole AroAce thing to him and he was like “oh damn yeah ig so huh”

-was literally so confused when he first started liking Ness because 1: he found them VERY annoying at first and 2: again he’s never really fallen for anybody before this so he was like ???

-he never really comes out to anyone he just kinda does whatever and is either generally private/quiet abt it or just doesn’t say anything until someone asks

-trans man :)) maybe like a few years on T, binds and packs because let’s be real that man is not affording any sort of surgery, HRT alone idk how he’s managing. I imagine he probably came out/started transitioning in his late teens-early twenties and is pretty stealth (he’s in his mid-late twenties, so is Ness in my mind, just for the general record lol)

-kinda insecure abt his gender and sexuality. It’s a mix of internalized stuff, dysphoria, generally always having felt awkward when it comes to that stuff, etc. Ness is the only person he’s really talked openly abt it with

-Abby would’ve been fairly young when he came out, and their parents were already out of the picture, so she’s never really known any different, plus he doesn’t talk about it much so frankly she may not even know he’s trans. If/when she finds/found out, she’s probably very curious about it and then became a HUGE ally. Also definitely questioned some stuff (briefly and privately but I headcanon she may have come out as non-binary when she’s older)

-is one of those trans guys who’s like a bit paranoid abt misgendering just cause he’s so insecure abt it. He hasn’t been misgendered in YEARS but every now and then he’ll overhear people talking about literally anyone with she/her pronouns and he gets a little anxious abt it

-tries so hard not to be anywhere close to naked around anyone because he hasn’t gotten any surgeries. Wears a shirt to the pool (if he even goes in the first place), wears layers in the summer, anything sexual’s never been a problem cause he’s chronically bitchless, but you get the idea

-definitely binds an unhealthy amount (someone please stop him)

-uses masculine looking/smelling 2n1/3n1 cause it’s the “man soap” (yeah he’s one of those trans mascs /lh, Ness definitely helps him get into more of a proper hygiene routine)

-has never slept anywhere that’s not home or let anyone sleep over because he has to take his binder off to sleep (dysphoria attacks often ensue)

-first few times he’s not binded or has been any amount of naked around Ness, he was understandably nervous and uncomfortable, but after a while he gets so perfectly reassured by Ness that his body is perfect the way it is and he’s a man PERIOD that my brother in Christ SOBS in their arms :33 (I feel like I sound so cringe but guys I’m literally transmasc let me have this)

-k I dunno what else to say about him but I love him dearly, moving on

Ness:

-Non-Binary and queer, uses all pronouns (I mainly use they/he for them but they use all pronouns)

-fairly open abt his queerness, especially compared to Mike (don’t tell me that it’s unrealistic for the era or anything like that I completely ignore the concept of time in all of my headcanons ever)

-teaches Mike a lot of stuff abt sexuality and gender since Mike never really looked much into it past realizing he was trans. Definitely helps him unpack some things 💔💔💔

-literally just a silly little malewife femalehubby themboss

-really doesn’t care much abt labels for themself specifically, but he’s one of those “I need to know and understand EVERYTHING” autistics so he learns abt that sort of stuff for other people

-has dated a handful of people before, all across the gender spectrum, so they’re pretty comfortable in their love life and such

-is good at flirting but like in an autistic theater kid kinda way (gay and silly)

-loves to experiment with presentation and style in all sorts of ways. Has definitely done drag at least once

-they’re too silly for binaries idek what else to say abt it that’s kinda just the overall consensus

-was very supportive when Mike came out to them as trans (obviously) it doesn’t matter what they said, Mike would feel awkward no matter what, but they were glad Mike trusted them with that sort of thing and Mike was relieved that literally just SOMEONE knew (specifically someone he trusts and cares abt)

-would wear so many pins related to all sorts of things but yes that includes pride flags and pronouns bro LOVES pins their silliness cannot be contained

Ok that’s all I feel cringe but from what I can tell that’s what tumblrs for so yeah. I will definitely yap more abt them in the future

[itsgivingfaggot]

Thinking about the time I went to this group therapy thing for a diagnosis I had gotten a couple months prior. But It started half a year before i got my name (& gender marker) legally changed. So I had to give the organization my deadname when signing up. This wasnt too much of a big deal, they used my actual name in therapy, my pronouns, didnt out me in the group or anything, things were fine.

Now after nearly completing the whole year of group therapy I overhead one of the women running it talking about a seperate group that sounded perfect for me, that they didn't seem to advertise in their flyers etc so I never had heard about it. So I decided to approach her after one of the last sessions and ask her about it. She seemed excited about me joining it but told me she would need to do a pre interview first. We set an appointment for maybe 2 weeks later.

Now, in the most vague terms, this was a group For Very Traumatized people. I show up to the sort of "interview" a little nervous, expecting questions abt my biography, effects of trauma I'm dealing with, how I'm coping with them, blabla. She basically opens up with "so I asked the other group members about a Man joining them, and when one of them expressed that she wouldn't be comfortable with it, I explained your situation to her!" With a big smile on her face. My "situation". She outed me to this random group of people I had never even met before. This group was not once meant to be a womens space. She simply should've given everyone the option to decide if they were comfortable with this. That's all. Not fucking outing me. For the woman who wasnt comfortable with me as a cis man? Sucks for her. But that doesnt mean this worker gets to potentially endanger me for that womans comfort. But of course she did.

So that's over. Can we finally get to the interview? Of course. However she opens up with "oh you know, I've just been super interested in how things were for you growing up. If you could tell me about that." I go "with the. Abuse?" She doesnt react. "....The autism?" "Oh, no no! The trans thing!"... I sit there a little confused. I give a short one or two sentence answer thinking we will move on to the actual topic of this group. But no. She keeps digging. What about your family? Did you have ~the surgery~ yet? How was school? What about your partners? What about your extended family? What about-

And i was unable to tell her to stop. I answered everything as vaguely as possible. But as a trans person you're always seen as fucking representative of every other trans person. You're not an individual you're either a walking advertisement for corruption or a fascinating oddity of a mystical group to disect and test and observe. If I had told her it's none of her business what's in my pants, it's not actually important to this group how my uncles reacted to me coming out? No I dont want to tell you in great detail the effects of testosterone on my body? Etc. Maybe she'd make a mental note of "trannies = rude and combative. Secretive. Dont want their ~allies~ to be educated about their experiences (why?!)" and I dont wanna be responsible for that in a setting where that person holds so much influence over someone's access to mental health care. So I mumbled my way through it.

In the end the "interview" for a fucking trauma group was 30 minutes of me being increasingly uncomfortable by being prodded over being trans, and roughly 5 minutes of her telling me about some rules in the group and asking a single question about how to best handle me when past trauma gets triggered. I ended up not joining anyways for mostly (!) unrelated reasons. But like. What the fuck was that. I dont understand how some cis people who are interested in trans experiences wont just like. Watch a fucking documentary. Read a book. Theres people who make it their lives mission to share their experiences. That Does Not Mean every random trans person you meet will wanna do the same.

Also again dont fucking out people without their consent. I cant believe we still have to say this oh my god

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

To the nonbinary anon who is thinking abt saying your a trans man:

Hi!! I’m in a similar situation. I have actually decided to take the step to come out as a trans man, so I can begin the medically transition I need to survive. This has been a hard decision for me, and it’s one that i’ve only recently been able to decide on, because I am now so comfortable in my identity. I’ve always been one to say “I don’t care what others think of me! I know myself best, so other people can’t change my mind”. Which, is a mindset I understand not everyone can share. But I think at the core of it, this all comes down to how comfortable and familiar you are with yourself. Gender is a complicated thing! It’s OK to change how you describe yourself, as you get to know you better. I used to identify as a trans man, before I realised I was non binary. And now it feels a bit strange to slip on that cover again as I seek medical transition, I will admit.

For me, I have gotten this comfortable in myself by listening to others, and making art. I used to struggle with unlearning transmedicalism, too. It stunted my growth as a non binary person. but in discovering more diverse voices on youtube, podcasts, etc, my mind truly opened. Not just in accepting the wide spectrum of all trans people, but in how it all interconnects. Listen to trans and non binary people with intersectional identities! You will learn so much. And the feeling of joy I got seeing just how many different ways non binary can be all over the worlds, it is wonderful. 

And in these past few years, I have really taken to art. creating my own, as a way of self expression. Drawing, face paint, makeup: all ways I express myself. Translating my being into different forms of art has helped me better understand myself. Again, not for everyone, I understand. But if you are into art, maybe try some abstract artworks. Some questions I turned into drawings are: “Who am I now vs. who do I want to become? Why do I love myself?”

While I will be putting “transgender man” down on official papers, I still have been out to my wonderful friends about being non binary. I agree with Lee that it is an important step in unlearning transmedicalism. Personally though, I accepted myself as non binary in my head, before I told my friends the truth. It is hard to explain what my gender means to me. I just don’t think words are enough sometimes! I wish I could have better words to explain how I came to this point of self-acceptance. Just try not to be too hard on yourself for not figuring everything out right away!

Because ultimately, your safety does indeed come first. Being in places where non binary identity isn’t well understood, it can feel like a lot of pressure to be a role model. At least for me, I can’t handle explaining to everyone I meet what it means to be non binary, and answer all the questions. It sucks, because having non binary people who are out, is an essential part of acceptance for our community. But we must keep in mind our own personal limits. It is understandable to feel guilty in this decision. But understand that it is not your fault our societies are this way, and we must do what we can to survive. 

I have hope that there *will* come a future where we are accepted and loved by this planet. We have already come so far, although it can be disheartening to remember that in the face of such vocal hate. But we cannot allow ourselves to be drowned by it. You are far from alone, anon. Wishing you peace and prosperity!! <3

(in response to this post)

Lee says:

Thank you for your reply-- as a sidenote, I'd like to mention that it isn't always necessary to pretend to be a binary trans man to access medical transitioning.

Anon may feel like it is necessary to do so in their situation and I am not saying that they are wrong for doing so. But I'd like followers who have not yet started the process of medical transition to know that it can be possible to do so while out as non-binary.

I personally have been out as genderqueer to my mental health letter-writing providers and medical providers throughout my process of getting T, getting top surgery, a hysterectomy, and phalloplasty. I can't say that all of my doctors actually understood that I'm non-binary as many did refer to me as a trans man, but despite that bit of erasure, I wasn't actively hiding my gender identity and it is mentioned in my WPATH letters of support.

While it will depend on where you live and which doctors/providers you see, there are folks who medically transition while openly identifying as non-binary.

[portokali]

for the book ask!! 3, 24 🌸

3. What were your top five books of the year?

hiiiii good question good question

in no particular order:

📖 braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer. this book... her writing voice, she spoke so tenderly about life and nature, and it was the first time i read anything about the environment that actually introduced the idea of reciprocity and a practical yet optimistic approach to the climate crisis.. very life-affirming. i'd recommend this book to most ppl i know who read, and specifically you!

📖 bloodchild and other stories by octavia e. butler. she... has to be one of the smartest authors i've ever read and is probably my fav scifi author.. short story collections are almost always a mixed lot, but i loved these. each one felt very carefully worked on and complete in its own way. i love butler's ability to take a concept and weave a story that carries it across.. but heavy trigger warnings, especially for the first and titular story.. dont get me wrong i cant stop thinking about it (the wonder!).. but also .. i cant stop thinking about it (the horror!)

📖 the brothers karamazov took me almost a whole year to finish so i can't not include it.. a masterpiece.. they are literally my best friends, all 3 of the brothers... the fucking thing is that, whether an old man in 19th century russia or even by contemporary standards, i heavily disagree w his views on religion and politics, but unlike other religious artists (of all mediums), he actually uses religion to communicate life and love in a way that resonate and confront me despite, despite, despite. love how and author can sometimes reach through centuries and distance and past the layer of translation between us and still speak to me right in my soul. also if you wanna read it in greek ρε η μεταφραση του αλεξανδρου ειναι τοσο μιμαμπλ και αστεια, εχω κυριολεκτικα φτιάξει ενα εξελ με τις βρισιες και τους χαρακτηρισμους που ειχε το βιβλιο γιατι ηταν τοσο καλα που επρεπε να τα σημειωσω. ήξερα οτι θα τα παμε καλα με αυτη τη μεταφραση οταν ειδα οτι τον καραμαζοφ αντι για μεγαλογειοκτημονα τον λέει τσιφλικα.. λαικ.. που αλλου... ΠΟΥ αλλου...

📖 beloved by toni morrison... a masterpiece.. a masterpiece! my second morrison and it only further affirmed that shes one of my favorite authors of all time.. head in hands... head in hands..

📖 the left hand of darkness by ursula le guin. i got my friend to read this book recently and have been talking to them abt it again, it's literally such a great book to discuss w fellow nonbinary and trans ppl.. i do think le guin was a genius and the way she talks abt gender and gender roles is endlessly fascinating, but it's also a story about love, patriotism, duty and sacrifice... and it's good..

honorary mentions: station eleven, notes of a crocodile, the haunting of hill house, we need new names

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

yes T_T i dnf'd loveless by alice oseman just this month.. this book didn't have much of a plot, it's mostly a slice of life story telling a single character's coming out journey - i craved something with more than that going on, personally. it got tiring and i didn't have the patience for it.

[wackyattack]

hi! i really liked/appreciated your addition to that post abt the harmful metals being found in tampons, and you seem very knowledgeable of the range of reusable options. if its not too much trouble, i was curious if you had a disc/cup brand or shape recommendation for trans ppl like myself who uh... really have zero desire to be getting more intimate with my body than id like?

maybe its just bc of how they were marketed when i first saw them in high school, but i feel like a lot of ads repeated the "really get to ~know~ your vagina" mantra, and it completely turned me off to them conceptually. but pads are a sensory nightmare, and id like to live past 50. so i'm a little desperate for a reusable option that doesnt make me want to crawl out of my own skin...

sorry if this is an odd question to get out of the blue! from your tags, it sounded like youve actually given a lot of these a personal test run, and a lot of sources for mainstream recs dont take dysphoria into account, usually.

Yeah totally! I'm not going to lie to you, I'll do my best to answer but take everything I say with a grain of salt as I don't know what will/won't be comfortable for you!! Also I wouldn't stress too much about whatever product you are using now killing you!

That being said, I would say that using a disc would probably be better than a cup because it requires less of an,,, intimate experience? Although that may depend on your body and how everything lays. But because it can be pulled out using the string or loop you don't have to get as involved in the removal process. I have tried the diva disc and really like it but the lumma discs have a linger string that can be trimmed to a comfortable length after you gave used it for a cycle or two. The hello disc is also a good one to look at for having a good length of stem, but it has ladder loops that while not as long, will be easier to grab and remove. I would also try out the flex disposables to get an idea of whether a disc would work best for you!

Lumma is having a sale right now that is buy one get one free, and because they have different siz options for a cup if you decide to get that it may be best to get a medium and a large! I would say a small would be for if you are a young young teen, or just a very small person.

If you are wanting a cup, there is the flex cup which has a stem that actually can be pulled on to remove the cup unlike other cups, so that could be an option as well! I have not personally tried it, but it could be something to look at!

I will say though with either of the options (that is a disc or cup) there is a higher level of involvement when it comes to inserting it when compared with a tampon. (There are some cup/disc applicators on the market that make it so you can put in a cup similar to a tampon by leading it in the applicator, but for using them for a cup it still requires some involvement, but I can send you somethings about that if you want!) (Becaude

To be able to find a cup, I would really recommend knowing roughly the height of your cervix, but I totally understand that that may not be something you want to do.

Sorry if this is not super helpful, but feel free to reach out with any other questions or if this didn't make sense let me know haha

[autistic-katara]

cw transphobia/cw suicide/rant

disrespectfully, if ur the typa parent who treats ur kid coming out as trans as “ur little girl/boy dying” or u “being in mourning” and especially if u talk abt that infront of/to ur trans kid fuck you.

“let them have emotions” no, fuck that. u can have feelings like that or whatever, i’m not trying to police ur thoughts but 1. acknowledge that u need to work on those feelings for the sake of ur kid and 2. keep those feelings to ur fucking self.

and if u absolutely HAVE to talk abt them, do it privately, when ur kid’s not around, when no other trans kid who might be in a similar situation could hear. if someone asks u if u feel like that when ur kid’s sitting right fucking next to u just lie, or at the very least tell them uve been working on it (which u better have been.)

because it makes it seem like u think ur kid’s transition is abt urself (which i sometimes wonder if u mfs do think that), and it makes ur kid feel like they cant explore their own feelings abt them feeling like they killed the little girl/boy they used to be, even if its not related to gender or being trans at all, heck, maybe ur trans son feels weird abt thinking he “killed the boy he used to be” bcz of smthn else like depression or smthn and he feels weird abt thinking that bcz u talked abt how u feel in mourning for his past self and it made him feel super icky (or vice verca w/ ur trans daughter or enby kid).

parts of this go for other insensitive shit u could say to ur kid during their transition (“i’m worried it could be a trend” “hormones/blockers r just so dangerous”, comparing medically transitioning to girls developing anorexia due to diet culture, etc.)

i’m sorry, i know i should probably be sympathetic to parents going through a kinda (and partially rightfully) scary change but if ur saying or doing shit that negatively affects ur kid, even if u didnt mean it that way fuck u, idgaf abt how u feel abt it, how u feel like u lost a child, how u hate ALL surgeries (but especially an unnecessary one), how after a few hours of facebook research ur worried it could be a trend, how ur worried that using their name/pronouns might confuse their younger siblings (who would probably easily understand a simple explanation with the option to ask questions after if explained right), i do not give one single fuck abt ur self-centred, uneducated worries.

you might have good intentions or whatever but this shit is gonna kill your child, i’m sorry. and if it doesnt kill them its gonna make them hate u, both now and when theyre actually able to medically transition and live on their own.

and honestly, even if they do figure out “oh hey, i’m actually just cis but with a kinda complicated relationship to gender” i promise u they arent gonna thank u profusely for bringing up the worry that theyre not actually trans or making their transition so much harder and slower, theyre gonna hate u for making them scared to question their gender anymore incase u turn out to be right and u think u did the right thing which would both feel shitty for them personally for obvious reasons but might also hurt their trans siblings or the trans kids whos parents might be in the same facebook group or whatever.

and theyre very much gonna hate u for overlooking their feelings, doing stuff they know u know makes them actively suicidal, and not caring enough to look at actual resources for parents trying to support their trans kids better, preferably written by a trans person themself, and instead go to, again, ur mommy facebook group where ur bsf posts terfy memes and abt how “she doesnt want her teenage daughters in the same bathroom as perverted men!” (both “daughters” also being trans boys who coincidentally are both insanely suicidal, cope in unhealthy methods, and talk shit abt their parents the moment the topic of them comes up) and where they fear-monger abt how ur young impressionable girls (and probably boys too) are being taken advantage of by the evil transgenderism movement and how its a social trend for them to mutilate their bodies, “just like how girls would starve themselves to fit in when we were teens!”, and thats in the rare chance that they DO detransition.

anyways idrk what else to say other than support ur fuckin trans kids as much as u can, do actual research to support them, or dont be shocked when ur child tries to kill themself and/or doesnt speak to u anymore when their older, and when that happens i hope the pain u feel is as bad as half the pain we feel from having to deal with ur self centred transphobic bullshit that makes it feel like our parents dont love us and just see us as dolls and see our struggles w/ dysphoria as small irritation that surgery and hormones would be unnecessary to fix, and if u make ur kid feel like that i cannot stress this enough: Fuck. You. because you are the reason the child ur supposed to love, care for, and protect feels like this and wants to kill themself. just fuck you.

[meetthesoldier]

hi sorry this is outta nowhere but i would love to hear ur thoughts on harry (phone

SORRY ANON I LEGIT FORGOT ABT THIS ASK and im too lazy to draw her fr so heres some fanart i drew of her dying in a glue trap

this time i have a bit more thoughts on her as an actual character so ill start w that before the headcanon dump ... also, throughout this post ill be referring to her w she/her pronouns because of a personal headcanon im VERY attached to. all i ask is any rbs or further questions abt my specific vision of her use those same pronouns... in others posts i do not care obviously. also, this post is specifically abt her in the dsaf universe since shes far more substantial there.

firstly, i should say i ADORE harry. she is one of my biggest comfort characters in a series where almost everybody is one for me. so when i give any criticisms, know its out of love and a wish for some more expansive writing rather than any malice. being critical of media you love is important, etc etc.

my biggest issues with her character really boils down to the lack of acknowledgement abt her being physically disabled. she mentions having a "bad leg" during 3, but its ONLY mentioned that one time, during (i believe) missable dialogue. i understand her not using, like, mobility aids for it since it may be difficult to find suitable stock images (+ all the phonies in that game use the same photos for their bodies, and its totally possible its not something she feels she needs), but it probably shouldve been mentioned or expanded upon more.

i dont believe were given any explanation on how her leg ended up the way it is, or in what way it is. we dont know if she was born with her disability or aquired it later. we dont know if its paralyzed, we dont know if its because of a muscular dystrophy, or anything else. i just wish we were given more info, bcus as it is, it is REALLY easy to look over in favor of, say, her ptsd.

speaking of which, i have some mixed feelings on how her ptsd is portrayed. on one hand, the joke in the restaurant reviews abt her having flashbacks and a subsequent panic attack feels very distasteful, though thankfully this is (i believe) the only instance of this kind of joke at her expense. im glad elsewise it isnt some huge , controlling part of her character - however, again, it IS missable. while one can assume she has it when she discusses her past, i dont believe its explicitly stated UNTIL that review.

tldr; her disability feels poorly handled, mostly from lack of expansion and discussion.

thankfully, though, she is elsewise a very enjoyable character; shes got some really good and funny dialogue, the exposition we get from her about the original managers is really fucking good, and i really wish we heard more abt her experience working with rebecca (and presumably roger)... again, her biggest issues are just not having as much of a spotlight on her as she couldve, but considering the employees arent really the main focus of the game that may be fine actually...

(as an aside, i think about this post every day and cry audibly.)

thus ends the longform musings, onto the silly headcanons;

standard fare queer headcanon dump: trans woman + demisexual lesbian. also, polyamorous. fuck yeah baby steak (ref)

was in a queerplatonic relationship with joe while he was alive, and a romantic one with both tango/terrence (who has some gender fuckery going on as well) and rebecca because i am not immune to homemade lesbianism.

has ptsd in canon, but im adding a "c" in front of that cause aint no way she lived through all of her coworkers (and presumably FRIENDS) dying in such horrific ways and was only affected in the short-term.

autistic! specifically also has the thing i do where i need the time to be a multiple of 5 before i can start doing anything. also has generalized anxiety i think, with a tendency to catastrophize and compensates by insisting to herself everything is toootally fine. definitely NOT going to have a breakdown rn because shes not totally sure that that vending machine is 100% not going to fall on her specifically

probably didnt have many friends as a kid (L) so now she overcompensates by trying to be as charming and polite as possible. wether or not this works in her favor or makes her seem pretentious is a coinflip. (its certainly working on me though!)

has a real soft spot for random niche animals. probably a big salamander and gecko girl. her favorite is the marbled salamander because its cute as hell

slightly off topic everyday i think of how fucking horrific it mustve been for joe to come into work one morning and his best friend just has a phone for a head and extreme memory issues now . literally what the fuck. thats so fucked up

to do a tonal 180... if she was a pokemon trainer shed have a herdier or stoutland as a sort of service dog for walking shorter-medium distances when she rlly doesnt feel like whipping out the cane :.-)

shes so pale its actually ridiculous. bro looks like she hasnt seen the sun in 5 years ... jake pokes a bit of fun for it sometimes

thanks for asking, anon! i love getting excuses to talk about dsaf. i have a lot of thoughts, you know... dont ever friend me on discord my ass will randomly drop either the goofiest or angstiest headcanons at random intervals and i have no real control over whichor when it will be

[bleedingheartsandwiltedroses]

Hey there, I've been keeping up to date with this situation as an offline friend of Sail (I can't leave the friendship as of now for personal reasons) I get notifications from your account about updates, I just want to clarify some things said on this account, especially after what was sent earlier. I'll use the name Marsh for these messages since I don't want him knowing it was me who sent this lol (I'm a very old friend of his)

Firstly, Sail is not a system. Sail is a singlet, and he uses he/him pronouns and the name Sail offline. He has admitted to me and other friends that he had faked DID.

Sail does not use social media that I know of, and has been actively avoiding this situation, and has done several shakedowns on friends (online and offline) whenever someone interacts with you. He is very paranoid about this situation, and has made it very clear to any and all of his friends that if they interact with you that he will hurt them (actual threats)

The pixelsnpancakes account was his account. He no longer uses the name Alice or she/her pronouns. He was using that name as a placeholder since he didn't know the name he wanted to go by when he "came clean" (his words) You are looking for a trans, straight guy named Sail. he/him pronouns.

He did not fake being intersex. He was actually denied testosterone because of hormone imbalances that come from being intersex and was very upset about it. I have also seen him take medication to balance his hormones and I've seen him get bullied in the past over it.

He is very manipulative, and openly admits to the fact he is capable of manipulating people

An old username I have seen him used was brighteyed.boy on Instagram. I'm not sure if it's still up, but it's worth a check I think.

He did re-create the sail emotes account, but then deleted it because he was getting "hate" on it. I'm not sure what the "hate" was but I'm sure it was deserved.

I wasn't going to send this ask but I seriously think the truth is really important in a situation like this, and it's important you know what actually is happening and what's not

Also excuse any typos and stuff, it's late here and I just spent 30 minutes contemplating sending this since it' a bit more dangerous since I know him offline.

Thanks for this, I hope you have a good day and I'm sorry for that fucked up ask you got.

Thank you so much for this. I hope its okay for me to post it and if not I can immediately take it down! This means a lot and I also agree that the truth should be known abt everything. Im so sorry he’s doing that and I hope everyone is safe genuinely. The whole purpose of making the doc was to make sure people can stay safe and Im genuinely sorry if I caused any danger to anyone with posting it. The only reason I ever doubted his intersexism was just due to how he “found out” but based on what you said I do believe you and that he is. I will admit though I think his discovery of it was slightly fabricated (when it comes to how he found out) to manipulate us further since it was by (nsfw/predatory stuff)

masturbating on the phone with us.

But I do 100% believe you. Thats just more explanation into my thoughts and why I had originally questioned it.

Again genuinely thank you for this it helps and means so much. Please stay safe and if you ever need anything and its safe for you to reach out my messages are always open to you or anyone else reading this. And I’m so sorry youre dealing with all this.

[truckfreaks]

had such an funny array of experiences the other night at that bar and I've been reflecting on it and wanting to write about it very much.....

on one hand i saw my friends sibling who i haven't seen in quite a while, and he was more outwardly open and excited and chatty than hes been for probably the whole ten years I've known him. like, he even invited me to his bands show? he never invites anyone! he's notorious in our crowd for being very, like... idk. ive heard lots of things - "particular", "difficult to work with", perfectionist... but he was totally different.

he brought his new boyfriend along, and we all had a long silly talk about sneaking into cons when we were kids, navigating the precarious world of gender soup (he understands my soup probably better than anyone, cis trans or otherwise, that I've ever met! it felt great!), the different creative projects were working on (he went to college for video game soundtrack composition at a really prestigious school - super talented!), got really excited when we realized we never had any idea one another had bugsonas and excitedly shared art of our respective bug guys... oh and his boyfriend recognized Dr. Habit on my phone lock/background?! it was the first time anyone's ever recognized anything SFM related on me in the wild ! so that was cool!

and on the other hand... my friend (his brother)'s girlfriend who i've been trying to give an honest fair shake in getting to know was there as well. and like, i think surface wise most people look at her and assume she's like, very ... leftist? and I'm sure she thinks she is, too. but every time i talk to her she sneaks in some kinda backhanded comment about women. i get a big internalized misogyny plus Italian familial politics vibe. and i found myself talking to her abt similar topics, because she said to me she's never seen her boyfriends brother so animated before! and i said well this might be my personal experience coloring things, but being out makes a massive difference in someone's ability to just, like, exist happily! and she wasn't sure what i meant by that, so i explained, and she was like "oh, well i guess i don't understand why you're choosing to identify in a neutral or masc leaning way but you dress like a girl?" and i explained that first off, i appreciate not getting it, but the first step is recognizing that there is no one right way to be a man or a woman, and if we accept gender nonconforming behavior from cis people then why don't we accept it from trans people? why do i have to be a caricature of manhood for you to see me as transmasc? and it kind of got through to her but... not entirely, because her line of questioning was a little ... invasive and unkind in a bad faith way (i have a LOT of patience for folks who may "get it wrong" but engage with me in a good faith way). like she was tryna play gotcha or something.

and i suppose the juxtaposition - people who are quietly queer suddenly becoming loudly queer and, as a result, happier, vs. people who are vocally supportive, but only when a person fits their narrative of what a queer person should look or act like... well. it was not lost on me!

and it also reminded me that sometimes, when you get a vibe about a person, you should trust your gut! it's ok to think, yeah, this isn't a nice person, im gonna protect myself! because if i continued engaging with her, the conversation might have gone very poorly. it certainly has in the past. (for example, apparently bee and puppycat was, and i quote, "too woke" for her. she got really mad when i laughed about it and realized with horror that she wasn't kidding). i feel bad for my friend (her boyfriend) for being in the middle of it, sorta. he's a easygoing simple dude who is wildly supportive of his brother and however he chooses to identify, and frankly i don't think he knows a whole lot about this side of his girlfriend because to him, he doesn't really seek out those kinda conversations. not obviously that it's never come up, but yeah. i know him well enough to know he doesn't share those feelings with her, and it's always really shocking to me to hear her express them - but always when he isn't around. so much so that in the past when I've expressed concern about it, he didn't believe me at first! (then other folks started saying the same thing.)

idk. life is cool and weird and i am happy to be a cool and weird little guy.

[gameclam]

Barmey and Mind's relationship headcanons 👀👀 (same guy sorry)

thisll be a mix of their relationship + past relationships

Freemind's will mention Eddie, bc of this i will say my Eddie =/= Eddie's mind Eddie, idk shit abt that one, my Eddie is based entirely off of the stories Fm told in his canon story. (just so ppl dont get confused or something)

Barmey's relationships;

He tends to date people he met online in mmo's, most of the time he doesn't actually have a thing for them tho bc he didnt know he was gay for far too long

he's still friends with his old GF from high school, they broke up in college bc he felt like they were better friends, she was an exchange student and was the most popular girl in school. If he told you this you would probably not believe him.

Thought relationships were supposed to be awkward for the entire relationship

Never realizes anyone is flirting with him, if he does notice anything he thinks they're joking

had less relationships in elementary -> high school (until he met his gf) bc he was one of the only trans guys in the entire shitty Arizona town no one wanted to date him. and if they did he wouldn't have even noticed tbh

The only time he started REALLY questioning his sexuality was when he met Freemind in college but just assumed that he just thought he was really cool

Now that they're dating he finally realizes why people want to kiss and stuff. he thought ppl just over hyped relationship stuff

you might be surprised but he's the top in this relationship

Will literally jump to tell anyone everything abt his boyfriend even if it's what everyone sees as 100 red flag stories in a row

Very easy to make jealous but he tries to not be weird about it most of the time

literally trapped in the honey moon phase for the rest of their lives

once as a romantic gesture he made an entire rube goldberg machine throughout their entire apartment that ended with a box of banana laffy taffy dropping onto Freemind's bed. literally Freemind will bring this up to everyone

desperately tries to win prizes for his bf at fairs or amusement parks but always fails. he fucking sucks at them bc he gets nervous. If absolutely no one is looking at him he would get a perfect score

he is a little bit better at showing his affection than Freemind is

He's not had many bad relationships or anything, mostly bc he doesn't often go on dates with people. (dating regularly bothered him bc to cut time out of his schedule)

When he has tried dating Often people think he's kind of cringy or annoying bc of his very specific interests so they never clicked.

Freemind's Relationships;

Freemind has not so good luck with people, his past relationships never lasted that long for one reason or another.

He tends to be very bad at figuring out when people are into him or completely hate him. He often reads it completely wrong (Someone who doesn't like him = they want him, someone who obviously wants him = wants to kill him)

Similar to Barmey he didn't have much dating luck as a young guy bc he was trans + an actual lunatic. Plus he looked like a nerd for most of his years until he started his punk phase when he was 15. His town wasn't as small as Barmey's so they didnt know anyone (he lives in a town CLOSE but not IN Seattle in most of my headcanons. I have no reason why this is different. sometimes he does live there tho depends on the day for me)

Despite talking a big game he has a lot of trouble flirting with girls first bc they scare him, bc of this he tends to only get flirty when they flirt with him first bc he's too intimidated to actually do anything

he has gotten pepper sprayed before, not for anything serious he just has absolutely 0 luck. Once it was because his ex gf was mad that he made a pipe bomb in her garage and once it's bc some stranger mistook him for someone else when he went to talk to her. He was also tazed once but that was bc he lost a bet with his gf at the time

He dated ONE normal person exactly one time and it was the weirdest relationship he'd ever been in. He would literally rather date someone who slashes his tires bc he forgot their birthday over someone who's favorite hobby is going on hikes. Never again

Tends to prefer flings over actual relationships

made out with like 50 different dudes in college and still didn't realize he was bisexual until he was living in New Mexico (this depends on the au i'm thinking of bc sometimes he been knew and sometimes he doesn't) He thought this was just normal college shenanigans

He also gets jealous like Barmey does. They are mutually jealous ppl when it comes to eachother.

Eddie is his drug deal and best friend from high school, depending on universe he slept with him or fooled around w/ him at least once. But they have no romantic feelings for each other, just mutual attraction.

Freemind tends to date girls who want to burn down peoples houses and crash cars. Sometimes this is fine sometimes it isn't. He prefers punks + goth/emo + weird girls, he prefers fatter girls who are tall but any height and body type he can find attractive.

As for men, he prefers guys who are dumb as a bag of rocks and infuriating OR absolutely batshit crazy or both. He tends to prefer Fatter tall men. but any height and body type he can find attractive.

Was that guy who refused to say "I love you" in like every single relationship he was ever in, his relationships were often mutually unhealthy.

However there was the rare moment where he would become absolutely infatuated with someone bc they were perceived 'better' by his mental illness. If they broke up he would either immediately hate them or spiral into thinking he's the worst person alive. This happened once while he was dating a girl who cheated on him, after their breakup he spiraled.

Now that he's dating Barmey he has to learn how to love and be affectionate like a most people. The best way for him to do this is to randomly gift Barmey things that he knows he likes. (like a "Look i thought about and remember the thing you like.")

He does a lot of cooking specifically for Barmey bc although he doesn't like cooking that much he's good at it and it's better than the garbage Barmey eats nearly daily . This is another sign of affection bc usually he wouldn't care.

^ in the same vein, another form/proof of love is that Barmey can be in the kitchen while he cooks, which is crazy bc usually Freemind absolutely despises when people are in the kitchen with him when he cooks bc it overwhelms him. But not Barmey :)

Is not normal about asking for cuddle time he will enter the room and just stare at Barmey until he notices him or sit very very close to him until Barmey initiates like a damn cat. Luckily Barmey usually does.

He WILL however initiate holding his hands constantly. it's one of his favorite forms of affection when they're outside together. He also likes putting his arm around him while walking.

Freemind parades Barmey around like Barmey is his trophy husband. He would actually attack you if you said anything rude to Barmey right in front of him.