Intern: Sir, I’m sorry that this has taken so long, but I finally have all the research you wanted in regards to the traits the fans find sexy about their romance interests in Baldur’s Gate 3…
Gaming magazine executive: Oh, excellent! Not to worry, I assume it will all line up as expected. The Karlach fans love her bursting friendliness and positivity, her strength, her passion for life and her gorgeous smile, yes?
Intern: That’s correct, sir.
Gaming magazine executive: The Halsin fans love that he’s a gentle giant who cares greatly about children, that he likes to whittle adorable ducks as a hobby, and that he’s a consent king who will be a passionate lover for his partner, right?
Intern: All spot-on sir.
Gaming magazine executive: *smirking* This is too easy. Ok, on to Gale! The Gale fans love that he’s got a smoking hot six pack, that he offers wild illusions of astral sex, AND, at the end of the game, that he’s able to redeem himself and become Mystra’s chosen again, OR, become a god and ascend his partner to godhood with him, correct?
Intern: No.
Gaming magazine executive: Now, as for—what?
Intern: That’s not what the Gale fans find sexy, sir.
Gaming magazine executive: …oh. Okay. What do they like, then?
Intern: They, ah…they like that he…info dumps. They like when he starts talking passionately and goes off on a tangent with his finger in the air.
Gaming magazine executive: …no, they don’t. That’s—that’s not sexy.
Intern: They really think it is, sir. Please don’t make me tell you how I know that.
Gaming magazine executive: O-kay…but they like that he has a redemption arc and redeems himself in Mystra’s eyes, right?
Intern: Sir, if I were to repeat the things they want to do to Mystra I would be thrown in jail.
Gaming magazine executive: I—do they even know that he says pish-posh in the game? Twice?
Intern: They love that, sir. They wish he said it more.
Gaming magazine executive: You’re lying.
Intern: I’m really not, sir.
Gaming magazine executive: Alright, fine, but…do they know about his bad knees? They must hate how he complains about his bad knees? NOBODY would find that sexy.
Intern: *a pained expression on his face, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes* Sir, you’re not going to believe this—
———
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Hi did you play Sonic Adventure 1 and/of 2 and if so what was your favourite thing about it
Hmm, the music across both games is most certainly one of my favorite parts. It is indeed what the mortals call "radical". The speed one can travel, at least with those hedgehogs, is most exhilarating.
I also enjoy how intertwined everyone's stories are... seeing all of these characters cross paths on their own journeys was sweet. I do enjoy tales and whatnot... mwahaha.. Ah, and to see the little fox man gain his sense of independence across games was sweet.
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tell me why i’m thinking of sae (ever since u shipped me with him girl it’s been downhill) n his stupid big muscles and his stupid lil smile he’d give you in secret bc he’s stupidly in love with u im :((( sigh
PLSAKF ANEIUA RIV ......... the lil silly smile.. if u ever catch him givin u that lovesick puppy eyes . it's done for. loool he gets so flustered </3 gets over it quick though he cannot keep his eyes off of you!!!!!!
but yeah.. sae definitely gives you the smallest smiles, all fond and warm and :( it's so unlike him and nothing like he's been giving other people ever before,, you're just doing it for him. albeit a bit scary - it feels brand new to be giving someone such intimate acts of affection - it only ever happens in the first place because you're making him comfortable enough, so he gets used to it and figures out he might as well just let it be :(
also.... since we have already established that sae runs cold.. he wears these simple cotton long sleeves around the house all of the time :( thin and just the slightest bit loose. they stretch along his back muscles beautifully and the fabric clings to his body as his biceps flex, or rides up whenever he stretches his arms up, shows u the waistband of his boxers that peeks out from under his grey sweatpants.................. yeah... sae n his stupid big muscles :(
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