#are we actually forgetting his only regret was not keeping the name?

[bombuni]

a wild ride

summary: It’s Halloween night. Your friends have decided to take you out and get you drunk, but it’s kind of hard to focus on forgetting when the man you want to forget is standing across the room and flirting with another girl. genre/pairing: kim hongjoong x reader, slight yunho x reader, smut, jealous f2l wc: 4.4k warnings: SMUT, 18+ MDNI!, mentions of weed and drinking, cursing, drunk sex but they’re tipsy at the worst, mean!dom!hongjoong, but he's soft for reader, fem!sub!reader, bratty reader but she gets tamed quick, one instance of edging, finger sucking, name calling (just the use of ‘slut’) they’re both so possessive of each other and jealous it’s crazy bom note: this is my love letter to hongjoong’s bouncy outfit bc we moved on too fast</3 anywhooo THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 1K!!! we hit it like a couple weeks ago but. it’s here now guys. I thank you for liking my works enough to follow and support and nothing will prove my gratitude but I just hope this comes close enough :) please enjoy and thanks once again everyone!!<3 also, here’s a playlist i made and listened to a lot while writing this!

You’re not really sure how your friends managed to talk you into coming out tonight. Much less, how you let Wooyoung drag you into matching costumes with him and San. Now you feel like an idiot standing in a fairly inaccurate rendition of a cat next to a pirate version of Seonghwa and Spider-man Yunho. Wooyoung seems to enjoy matching with you, although, letting everyone in the cramped house know that you three ‘have the best couples costume’ in the party. It’s embarrassing having to pull Wooyoung away from annoyed partygoers every 5 seconds, but he’s already halfway drunk and it’s sort of endearing how he boasts about you.

The night has barely started and whatever poor soul lives here should already be regretting hosting a Halloween party. There’s 4 couples making out in your line of sight, the smell of weed permeates your clothes, and the drunk-off-their-ass people in the middle of the room dancing to a poor remix of Monster Mash are sure to break something. There’s a rank scent that emanates from the wall on which you’re leaning against which makes you think someone’s already thrown up right where your shoulder is touching. Or it could just be Seonghwa’s breath, you’re not really sure.

The overwhelming heat from the bodies stuffed in the room is no comparison to the heat boiling inside of you. The humidity in the air and cacophony of noises do nothing to help your rising irritation. You try to cool it down with the iced drink in your hand, but the only way the warmth will go away is by looking away from Hongjoong-who’s in such a clear view from across the room you’d consider it God’s punishment for your selfish desire-and that’s never really going to happen. Not if he keeps looking at her while he’s dressed like that. That being in an intolerably well-fitting cowboy outfit. It’s obvious he knows he looks good, his forearm resting on the wall above the girl’s head as he leans down to hear her better. To get more intimate, to give her the same enticingly inviting smirk he gives you. Your cup crinlinking harshly in your fist snaps you out of the rage-induced trance. Seonghwa’s knowing smirk is haunting you from the corner of your eye, Yunho on your other side trying and failing to hide the same impish smile.

“You know you can’t actually blow people’s heads off if you stare hard enough, right?” Yunho chuckles, watching you out of the corner of his eye.

“Ha, ha,” the sarcasm flows right off of Yunho.

“Someone’s jealous,” Seonghwa’s voice is tinged with a taunt, the smell of alcohol absolutely dripping off of him as he leans into you. You’re fully aware of his drunken intentions to piss you off, but you try your best to be mature and ignore the teasing finger he’s pointing in your face.

“Jesus, are you 12?” Smacking the finger out of your face, he stumbles back in mild surprise.

Yunho’s at least somewhat sober, laughing at the ‘pirate’s’ drunk theatrics, “I have an idea for you-”

Seonghwa lifts his red solo cup in the air and his mouth moves faster than either you or Yunho can process, “You kiss Hongjoong!”

It’s simply impossible for Hongjoong to have heard him from across the room and over the various conversations and the loud music playing, but you still shush and shove Seonghwa in a panic as if he’ll come over and shoot you down right in front of everybody. He pulls the ridiculously fake eyepatch up over his eye to stare at you incredulously, “That was rude,”

Yunho pulls Seonghwa into him, a protective arm landing over him so you won’t slap the alcohol out of his system, “Why don’t you go and, I don’t know, tell Hongjoong you’re in love with him?” He says with a mocking voice, shrugging as if it’s a simple solution.

You scoff at the tall man, “First of all, I am not in love wi-“

All of a sudden, Wooyoung pops up between you and Yunho’s bodies with his drawn-on whiskers completely smudged and cat ears gone, “Hongjoong! You looovveee Hongjoong,” he’s swaying and already moved on to telling you how much he loves you instead when you try to respond. Yunho only smirks at you, I told you so clearly evident on his pale face.

You grumble embarrassedly and glance towards Hongjoong again to make sure he hasn’t heard any of your guys’ conversation , “I don’t.”

Wooyoung hums to the song playing, balance completely lost as he drops all of his body weight onto you and tunes out of the conversation. Seonghwa’s not fairing any better against Yunho, but he’s still trying to tell you what a match you and Hongjoong are.

“All we’re trying to say is that,” Yunho pauses to move Seonghwa’s fingers from his lips, “Hongjoong’s been in a bad mood all night watching you, and now he’s chatting up another girl? I-”

Wooyoung mumbles from where he’s resting on your shoulder, “Something’s fishy,”

Yunho nods, “What he said,”

You roll your eyes for the millionth time that night. A small, naive part of you really, really wants to believe your friends. But they’re drunk, and you’ll admit you’re slightly tipsy. You’ve accepted the fact that Hongjoong will never see you as more than a good friend. You look over to Hongjoong one more time in hopes that this time you won’t feel anything, but when you turn your head you find him already looking in your direction. You can’t really tell what his expression means, but his jaw is clenched and his scrutinizing eyes remain on Wooyoung’s arms around you. It’s no coincidence or trick of the light, you’re sure, but a poorly crafted Batman passes in front of you and Hongjoong’s back to being entranced by the girl next to him.

For a second, you’re lost in space and time. You should be embarrassed and ashamed that one glance from him is enough to send you careening back into fantasies of him, but the alcohol in your system and Yunho’s encouragement makes for a deadly combination. There’s a plan forming in your head. The sober half of you is rationalizing Hongjoong’s glance and telling you it was nothing more than that; a glance. But the tipsy half tells you that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

As Yunho sips his drink idly, you decide to take your chance, “Wanna dance, Yunho?”

He exhales sharply through his nostrils, smiling smugly because he knows exactly what your intentions are, “Sure, kitty,”

He takes your hand gently and pulls you towards the makeshift dance floor. He bows elegantly as if this is a ballroom, but he looks ridiculous doing it in a Spider-Man costume amidst people of varying states of sobriety. While you’re busy doubled over laughing at him, he sneaks his arms around you. It’s sudden when he pulls you flush against his body, brown eyes searching yours for any uncertainty before pulling your arms around his neck. For some reason, touching the nape of his neck makes you feel a certain closeness to him. Yunho leans his forehead on yours and the intimacy he’s allowing you makes you regret inviting him to dance. He really shouldn’t be pulling out all the stops for a girl who’s thinking of someone else.

Yunho takes your silence as embarrassment from his showiness, “I gotta make it believable, right?” You’ve never really thought about how tall he is until now, head tilted to only focus on you. His big hands wrap around your waist and burn where they touch.

“R-right,” you mumble, still dizzy from Yunho’s closeness.

Unbeknownst to you, Hongjoong’s fuming behind the sea of people. Your back is to him so you can’t see the pursed lips and furrowed eyebrows painted on his face. Yunho, on the other hand, gladly takes notice when he finally looks over to him. Hongjoong’s s gone to completely ignoring the girl he was talking to, only humming ‘yeah’s’ and ‘totally’s’ when he’s prompted. He’s burning holes into your back, as if glaring will suddenly remove you from Yunho. The fuse in him blows when you laugh at something Yunho said. The sound is barely heard over the music and myriad of voices, but it still reverberates through Hongjoong like it’s a call to him. Only meant for him.

“It worked,” Yunho whispers into your ear and sends chills down your spine, “Your cowboy’s stomping over.” You look at your Spiderman smiling down at you one last time when you feel a gloved hand on your shoulder. You can’t really see under the strobe lights, but there’s surely no smile on Hongjoong’s face. He’s glaring at Yunho like you’re his property that he’s touched without permission. Yunho’s hands slide slowly off of you compared to the quick removal of yours, just to piss Hongjoong off even more. You’re sure Yunho has another sort of personal vendetta against Hongjoong now.

“Hey, cowpoke,” there’s a lazy drawl in Yunho’s voice, bordering on venomous, “wanna join us?” Yunho’s hands move to wrap around you again, but Hongjoong quickly pulls you back into his side. He’s surprised by how easily you meld into his movements, but he doesn’t know how far you’d really let him go.

“You’re both drunk,” you follow like a lost puppy as he pulls you off the makeshift dance floor, “and need to be separated.”

Yunho hums behind you, “I’m perfectly sober,”

Hongjoong scoffs and as he opens his mouth to retort, you pull away from him, “I wanna keep dancing, Joong,”

Yunho shrugs as if the issue is completely out of his hands-again, what did Hongjoong do to him?-and smiles, “You heard the lady,” Hongjoong’s eyes fixate on the taller man, fists clenching at his side. If looks could kill, Yunho would have been 6 feet under ten minutes ago. His mind races with thoughts of how to get rid of Yunho, how to keep you for himself, and how his hand is still pulsing from when he felt yours, fearing he’s become addicted to your touch already.

His tone is final, “No.”

Before you can even say anything, Hongjoong drags you through the overflow of bodies towards the upstairs of the house. You can certainly hear Seonghwa and Wooyoung hollering obscenities at you-even over the party noise-before Hongjoong leads you deeper and deeper into the surprisingly large house. The hallways grow quieter and less crowded before he finds an empty room, letting you in first. It’s quaint and sparsely decorated, the soft environment settling your nerves. As you sit on the white bedsheets, Hongjoong watches you like you’re his next meal.

He finally speaks, arms crossed and a questioning look on his face, “You good?’

You raise an eyebrow at him, “Yes. Are you?”

He doesn’t answer you because he’s not really sure if he is. In truth, Hongjoong can’t stop looking at you. He’s sure your look tonight is imprinted in his brain all the way from the short, short skirt to the ridiculously low cut top you’re wearing. He’s frustrated with himself that he feels so possessive over you, as if you’re already his. He’s frustrated with you for simply letting Wooyoung and Yunho do as they please.

You watch as he sits on the bed next to you, fiddling with the cuffs of his gloves. He’s trying to act nonchalant, but you can tell he’s holding back from scolding you with the way he’s biting his cheek. He’s good at hiding it from others, but not from you.

His words are short and sharp, “Were you having fun with Yunho?”

The question catches you off guard. You mirror him, playing with your fishnet leggings and watching him out of the corner of your eye. You’re scared he’ll say yes, but you ask anyway, “Were you?”

Hongjoong turns to you, “I asked first,”

You roll your eyes at him, “Whatever. You seemed pretty happy talking to Ms. Boobs-in-your-face,”

You’re being petty and insulting a girl you don’t even know, but the irritation from earlier is returning with a fiery revenge. It keeps building the more you think about the way her hands would continuously run down the textured white lines on his shirt. Or how he’d smile at her like she was the only person in the room. You can feel his eyes on you again and you’re too embarrassed to meet them. You’re sure he’s sporting a cocky smile now that he’s heard the jealousy dripping in your voice.

“You didn’t seem to mind Yunho grinding on you,” he spits out before he can stop himself.

That finally makes you look at him, “He was not-”

“And Wooyoung’s hands all over you,”

You gawk at him, surprised to know that he had been watching you too. Now the pettiness you’re both showing is obvious. The air is tense before you speak, Hongjoong’s intent glare making you feel small, “You know how Wooyoung is, especially when he’s drunk,”

Hongjoong rolls his eyes at you, “Doesn’t explain Yunho crawling all over you,”

You cross your arms, inadvertently pushing your tits together and Hongjoong has to hold back a groan, “Why are you so concerned with what Yunho and I do?”

There’s a mutual understanding of the jealousy coursing through the room, though it’s unspoken. In your anger, however, you can’t really process the fact that he’s possessive over you. That he’s outright admitting he thinks of you as his, and vice versa. Instead of simply kissing and making up, you keep pissing each other off. Why you keep pressing his buttons you’re not sure, but you can’t deny how hot Hongjoong looks with the black cowboy hat tilted over his face, muscular arms tensing under the dim light.

He stands to his full height again-too frustrated to stay still-moving so that he’s right in front of you, “What, so you’re into Yunho all of a sudden?”

“Did you just bring me up here so you can interrogate me on my love life?” you mumble.

His jaw clenches again, “You’re so mouthy tonight, you know that? I’m getting sick of it,”

He’s invading your space now, lips so close you could just reach up and touch them with yours, “What are you going to do about it, Hongjoong?”

The words seem to set something off in him, his lips on you so fast it’s dizzying. His warm hands automatically find their way to your hips as he pushes you backwards onto the bed. He’s finally figured out how to silence you, muffling any sounds you make with his mouth. Anything that comes from you, he wants for himself. It’s sloppy and uncoordinated, both too focused on getting out all the built up feelings and frustration. Neither of you care about anything but getting more and more of each other. You feel his tongue finding its way into your mouth and you don’t put up much of a fight anymore.

He doesn’t pause his attack on your lips, panting while he speaks, “You gonna keep mouthing off, baby?”

Your mind short-circuits at the nickname. Although a large part of your annoyance has now dissipated, his lips like water to soothe the burn of your desire, you still want to see how far you can push him,

“Dunno,” you pant out.

His right hand slides up from your hip bone to your jawline as goosebumps follow the trail of his touch. A whine slips out of you when Hongjoong’s hand contracts, squishing your cheeks and forcing your lips into a pout so your focus is on his words. He can’t help the prideful smirk when he hears the noise you make, happy to know he has such an effect on you.

“I know,” a kiss to your jawline, “I’m going to show you who you belong to,”

You wiggle in his grasp, but he’s holding you tight, “And exactly who do I belong to?”

He smirks down at you, thoughts running through all the ways he’s going to break you, “Oh, you’re funny,” he leans threateningly over you, “You’re very funny,”

Just because you enjoy the game of stirring him on you continue, “Yunho said the same thing,”

He smiles dangerously at you. Not dangerous in the sense of attractiveness, but more in the sense that it’s a warning to the vicious, envious territory you’re entering. You feel your resolve melting against him, the air suffocating you with the thick, heavy feeling of pent-up desire. However, he doesn’t even let you get the right words out before he sticks his thumb into your mouth. It’s surprisingly appetizing, and you don’t wait for his sign to go before wrapping your lips around it. It’s your silent apology for what you said.

Now, his smile is gentler. But it’s Hongjoong, and Hongjoong doesn’t let things go so easy.

“Sluts needs to be quiet,” he whispers softly, but it’s who it’s coming from that makes it so you hear it loud and clear. You nod in obedience, still lapping as he adds more fingers into your mouth, exploring this part of your body.

“You know what else sluts need to do?” You shake your head and open your eyes up at him, “They need to fucking behave.”

He growls, “You’re gonna take what I give you until I’ve had enough. Then I’ll give you what you want,”

You want to whine and protest, but he’s looking at you like that’s not even an option. He stares down at you, taunting and challenging you. Hongjoong knows you’re not happy about his rules, but he doesn’t care. You need to learn to forget about anyone other than him. He won’t stop until you do. Your mouth pulls off of his fingers with a pop and you realize all too quickly what a mistake you’ve made.

His eyes squint at you, “Did I tell you to stop?”

You peer up at him with a guilty look, pout heavy on your lips hoping he’ll show just the slightest bit of mercy. But once again, it’s Hongjoong. He manhandles you towards him, back to his chest and for some reason it feels like you’re a complete puzzle.

He gropes your sides, pulling you close so you can feel how hard he is for you. The feeling of him rubbing against you makes you moan, the sheer satisfaction of finally getting what you want making you high on the pleasure. You know you’re supposed to be quiet, but the excitement of going against Hongjoong just ‘cause makes you want to do it more.

You spot his blue hair out of the corner of your eye as he leans down to your ear, “You’re gonna be quiet and take it like a good slut,” His right arm comes up and around your neck, pulling you in as if you aren’t already close enough, “Unless you want Yunho to hear?”

His clothed dick is making you weak. It’s the only friction he’s given you so far and it’s already breaking and tearing you apart. You shake your head vigorously, spouting nonsense babbles as if you’re appalled Hongjoong would even suggest that. However, Hongjoong seems all too enticed by the idea of everyone hearing how loud he can make you. You try to get more from him by rutting back into him, hoping he liked your answer, but he stops your hips.

“Sluts don’t get what they want, baby,” He pants into your ear and you realize he’s just as torn as you are, he’s just better at hiding it. His hand finds its way under your skirt, fumbling to pull your panties down. The sound of your wet pussy fills the room as Hongjoong plays with your folds, agonizingly slow to make you shake with anticipation.

He smiles down at you, “You’re so fucking wet,”

Before you can say anything snappy, he slides in you. He fills you just right, and you don’t want to sound crazy, but you feel like your pussy was sculpted just for him. His cock drives in you and hits right where you need it to. It makes you want to fall over, too weak to hold yourself up, but Hongjoong stops that from even happening.

You’re whining for more, “Keep being loud and Wooyoung will hear you,”

You gasp as he thrusts in you, but it just spurs him on. Being buried in you feels right, like it’s where he was made to be. He chalks up his intensified feelings to the alcohol flowing in his system.

Your moans mix together, “Seonghwa too? Want me to make everyone in this house know who’s fucking you?”

You can barely keep your head up, much less respond to him. The bed squeaks as he thrusts in you over and over again, limbs entangled. You start to think Hongjoong may have some jealousy issues, but you don’t mind.

His hand snakes around you again, this time reaching to play with your clit. His fingers make your knees buckle, the rhythm between his hips and his hand sending a new wave of pleasure through you. You don’t have the energy to process it, but all the while he’s telling you how he’s the only one who can touch you like this.

Your lower half is on fire, white hot sparks of pleasure flowing all the way from your abdomen to your toes. All of your senses are heightened because of Hongjoong’s touch and you feel the pleasure reaching its tipping point, right before Hongjoong rips his hand away and stops his hips.

Your complaint is right on the tip of your tongue, but Hongjoong drags you like a ragdoll over him before you can get the words out. Your senses haven’t even come back to you yet, but Hongjoong looks up at you with the cockiest smile and you feel that same bliss again.

His hands on your hips turns your nervous system on again, “You wanna cum, baby?”

Your voice comes out hoarse, “Yes. Yes, please, Joongie,”

He looks up at you contemplatively, as if deciding whether you deserve to finish or not. It makes a defiant whine build up in your throat the longer he takes.

He shushes you with a nudge, “Then work for it.”

Hongjoong’s tone is final and even though you’re on top of him, there’s no room for control or for arguing. He looks up at you expectantly, simply waiting for you to obey. You want to grab his collar, make him regret talking to you like he owns you, but unfortunately he in fact does.

The cowboy hat is befitting now, so you take it for yourself. His blue hair is disheveled and tangled underneath it, but he still looks celestial. A laugh rips out of him as the hat tips over your head when you look down. You pout at him, but the giggles slip into groans when you slide down him again.

It’s entirely too distracting for Hongjoong, and he has to bite his lip to hold back from cumming on the spot. You’re too tight and wet, too perfect for him. He almost regrets putting you in this position now.

But you look too good all sweaty on top of him, mouth parted open in satisfaction, with the sound of skin against skin accompanying you. Watching you bounce with his hat on makes him feel a little crazy.

His hand reaches for your clit again, finding that spot that he’s learned your body really likes. Your back arches against his fingers, shuddering at the feeling of him. His fingers follow a pattern against you, persistent in their goal to make you cum. It’s too good, too fast. You can’t help it as your body falls over him, pleasure overriding your ability to function.

Hongjoong laughs at you, “Can't do anything on your own, huh? Dumb slut needs me to help,” You nod against his neck, hiding your embarrassed blush.

He, uncharacteristically, kisses the crown of your head. You suppose it’s an apology for the way he hauls your thighs over him, then slams you back down on his cock again. Once again, the sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room. You feel the heat rising in you again, your body tightening up against Hongjoong.

This time there’s no signs of him stopping, his forearms keeping a tight hold of your thighs as he spears you on his cock over and over again, his desperate pants right by your ear.

He senses you’re near your tipping point, “See? All you needed was a good fucking for you to behave,”

You nod brainlessly, simply following whatever he says with only one thing on your mind.

“You can cum, baby. Want you to be loud so even fucking Yunho knows,”

You feel it coursing through you. It’s been a slow build up waves caused by Hongjoong, but now with his permission it turns into a full-on tsunami hitting you. The pleasure shoots through you, your entire body seizing up as it takes over you. Hongjoong fucks you through it with slow, shallow thrusts. Or at least he tries to, before the feeling of your tightening pussy finally pulls the orgasm out of him. He’s quick to pull out, his cum splattering all over his lower abdomen.

When you’re done, you’re left panting and sweaty on his still shirt-clad chest. You feel his racing heartbeat against your hands, heavy breaths beating against you. You look up and Hongjoong has the softest, tranquil smile for you.

“I only danced with Yunho to make you jealous,” you mumble amidst the silence.

His hand runs through your hair under his hat, “I only flirted with that girl to make you jealous,”

You’re scared by how soft and intimate it’s suddenly turned. You’re scared Hongjoong only thinks of you as a fuck buddy now, nothing more nothing less. So, You don’t say anything else.

He knows you by now, knows where every cog in your brain goes and how it works. Hongjoong pokes your cheek gently, “That means I like you a lot,”

“Oh,” you feel your heartbeat pick up speed, “me too.”

“Good,” he smiles at you again, that charming and sugary sweet smile he only gives you, “then we’ll go on a date.” You nod into him, blissful peace finally settling over you.

You’re halfway to sleep when Hongjoong speaks up again, “Can I have my hat back?”

[aspentreeonahill]

Merlin is a heavily complex character, whose character we see develop throughout the whole show, from turning from an empathic person into someone who has lost everything.

We see Merlin die constantly throughout the show but they don’t don’t bring much attention to it, never implying that Merlin even knows that he’s dying, only us, the viewer, understand he is immortal.

Even his prophesied name, Emrys, means immortal.

But Emrys is not Merlin.

Merlin was born of Hunith and Balinor. Emrys was born of pure magic.

Merlin is human. But Emrys is the embodiment of magic, it is not human.

And everytime Merlin dies a part of him chips away, leaving Emrys to fill in the cracks.

Something In the show that isn’t outright stated but is clearly seen through Merlin’s actions is that he not only gets better at magic but also a lot colder. He starts to get the mindset of “whatever it takes” to fulfill his destiny.

Even in the intro of the show kilgrarrah inknowledges that Merlin is changing, from calling him a young boy to calling him a young man, which could symbolize him slowly turning more in Emrys.

When he poisons Morgana in the Fires of Idirsholas, he cries and holds her, regretting what he’s done. But in The Diamond of The Day when he actually kills her he just stares down at her, no emotion in his face, then he just leaves her there and doesn’t look back.

We see him slowly start to hate Morgana more and more over the seasons, at first he doesn’t believe she could ever be evil and tries to help her, then during season three he starts to hate her until season five were he no longer feels any care for her.

During the whole of season five the only thing Merlin thinks about is his destiny with Arthur, he only cares about keeping Arthur alive. Which is only intensified with Mordred being in Camelot.

It’s very clear just how much Merlin hates Mordred, So much that he forgets that Mordred was and still is a child. He’s so blinded by destiny he can’t see that he’s making Mordred prophecy come true.

Not only that but he doesn’t interact with many of his other friends in season five, like he’s so focused on Arthur he ignores everyone else around him.

And even when he finally finds some happiness it’s taken away from him almost immediately, leading him to only become colder, becoming more like Emrys.

And It’s all because Merlin has been dying all throughout the season, slowly revealing Emrys underneath.

when he goes into crystal cave in The Diamond of The Day to restore his magic, Balinor tells him that the heart of the cave will reveal his true self, which is Emrys.

And when he does the last part of Merlin is broken away, leaving only Emrys left. Which not only lets him to have complete control of magic, but also causes him to lose his humanity.

But part of Merlin is still there, deep down inside Emrys, waiting for Arthur to return.

[gracieheartspedro]

Cool About It

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: after your first encounter, joel turns into an asshole every time you're around. when tommy makes you two go out on patrol together, it turns into a muddled mess. turns out, he didn't hate you at all, he just sucks at emotions.

Part 2/3

FIND PART 1 HERE

PART 2 HERE

Word count: 6.3k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, killing of infected (including a child), blood, some LIGHT gore, age gap (more specified in this part), very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, pet names, joel is still a menace to society and a jerk

Author's Note: Thank you thank you thank you!! you all are so fabulous and sweet. I'm gonna make a masterlist soon, so be on the lookout. I'm also starting a tag list so, if you want to be included, please let me know! All feedback is welcomed. I love you all sm.

I came prepared for absolution if you'd only ask

So I take some offense when you say, "No regrets"

I remember it's impossible to pass your test

But I'm trying to forget about it

Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it

Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it

Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want Joel on more of your patrols. 

The patrols after your night together ended up being filled with unspoken sexual tension. You’d go home sexually frustrated and hungry for more, but you were never bold enough to make a move. And to be real, you weren’t sure if you should. He’d say something about keeping your shoulders straight when you shot, you’d say something stupid like “make me” and he’d spit back with, “I may just do that, girl.”

But it never went anywhere. 

Even if you tried to make a pass, he’d make an excuse or remind you that you two were strictly working at the moment. 

You once invited him over after a particularly long shift, wanting some relief from the ache between your thighs.

“Got things to get done at home,” He said, “Maybe another time.”

So after that week of patrols, you were suddenly never on his patrols again. You were put on the exact opposite shifts, actually. You had some sneaking suspicions that he asked Tommy to switch it up. He stopped looking at you during morning meetings and eventually you decided to drop the whole idea of him.

It still crossed your mind every time you saw him, though. How he felt on your lips. How his body felt connected with yours.

Your breathing would change every time you reminisced on your time together. He would consume your mind for brief periods and you couldn’t get away. You kept telling yourself that time would lessen the blow, but it never did. 

So you tried your best to forget. 

On one particularly chilly morning, you head to your scheduled time at the stables. You’d be going out with Jesse this time around. He was a newcomer, a real sweetie. Tommy wanted you to teach him all you knew about patrolling and securing certain areas. 

But when you arrive, you notice Tommy, Joel, and Jesse all standing around waiting. You hadn’t said much to Joel the last couple weeks, only a wave or a quiet mumbled hello. His back was turned to you, but you knew those shoulders and back all too well.

“Are we all going out this morning?” You question, adjusting your braid on your shoulder. Joel turns to you, not expecting your voice to come up behind him. His eyebrows furrow at your presence. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Tommy smiles, “You and Joel are gonna be going up to the ski lodge. Heard there’s a hoard or two out there, they need to be cleared.”

“I thought you said I was going with Jesse?” Joel speaks up a bit too quickly. Tommy’s words caught you off guard, so you just stand there waiting for him to respond to Joel, but it never comes.

You swallow, clearing your throat.

“No, I was supposed to go out with Jesse, actually.”

Jesse looks at everyone confused.

He was a cute kid. 20 years young, fresh faced, ready to take on anything. He had all this energy, something you wish you still had. Now you had a bad back, fucked knees, and a terrible sleeping schedule. You were only about 10 years older than him and you’re falling apart. 

“We can all just go together?” Jesse offers, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders. You knew that’d be shot down quick, especially when it came to a newbie. If there’s infected, we never throw the new guys into the pits of hell. They’d never want to patrol again. 

Tommy shakes his head, “No, I want her and Joel to clear that area before I take you that route. They know it well. We are going to head towards the power plant. We have to bring back some supplies I have stored there.”

Joel’s eyes could laser Tommy in half at that moment. He was pissed and completely blindsided.

You surrendered to the idea, too tired to argue and fight about something so stupid. You also didn’t question their orders, simply because they knew better than you. You wanted to make sure Jackson was safe, just like everyone else.

You gesture Jesse to give the brothers some time alone, motioning towards the horses. You’d at least make sure the horses were ready for his trip out with Tommy. He grabs the reins of two horses, walking them outside towards the front gate. You grab the other two horses, doing the same thing. 

He took notice to your tired eyes, “You okay going out today? You look tired.”

“Wow, Jesse,” You laugh, “I thought I looked great this morning when I woke up.”

He instantly starts to backpedal, not picking up your joke. You shake your head, trying to talk over all his apologies. 

“I’m just messin’ Jesse. I am tired, but I’ll be okay, don’t you worry.”

He smiles, nudging your shoulder a bit. 

“You just gave me a heart attack,” He chuckles, “You sure though? Even with Joel?”

You glance over at the Millers, watching them argue about whatever Joel was truly mad about. You knew in your head it was because he didn’t want to be around you. The feeling was becoming mutual. You never wanted to make anything awkward or difficult, but you guess that’s exactly what you did. 

You just shrug. Jesse takes that as your response, grabbing the reins of your horse and handing them over to you. 

“You stay safe out there,” He says, “Don’t let him get under your skin.”

You couldn’t help but snicker, “No need to worry about that, dude.”

–

Oh, but was he getting under your skin. 

You initially just nod at every direction he makes at you, remembering that it was like this before anyway. But then he starts to undermine every suggestion you made. 

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“We will be back before sundown, you know that. Don’t be dumb about it.”

“Stoppin’ would be dumb as hell. You can wait.”

You had been begging for 30 minutes to stop and pee. He was not giving in to anything you’d say. After awhile, you could not hold it anymore. You pull your horse to the side of the trail, not even saying anything to him. You dismount the horse, holding the reins for a moment before you hang them on a branch nearby. 

“What are you doin’?” He spits, noticing you off your horse. You come around the horse, giving him a deadly glare. You grab your pack, finding some cloths you bring on your patrols so you can wipe and throw away. 

“I have to fuckin’ pee, Joel. I can’t wait any longer.”

“Get back on your horse,” He demands, his posture getting more stiff. 

You shake your head, unbuttoning your jeans and turning back to a private area behind a tree. You remember the moments before kissing Joel for the first time. Him telling you how great your ass looked in your jeans. You grimace. 

You tug down your pants and squat. 

You relieve yourself, quickly using your cloth to wipe when you finish. You toss it behind you, standing up in your spot and turning around to head back to your horse. 

You realize Joel is off his horse, bounding towards you. He grabs your arm, pulling you to face him. 

“Why don’t you fuckin’ listen?” He says through gritted teeth. 

It took everything in you not to fucking snap. You wanted to pull away and scream and yell and throw something at him. But instead your heart just started racing at the contact his hand made with your skin and you physically couldn’t do anything. 

He realizes you’re caught off guard. He didn’t grab you hard, just enough shake you a bit to get your attention on him and only him. His facial expression changes as he drops your arm, stepping back a couple of paces. It’s like he realized he was being a bit too aggressive. Maybe it was your expression that brought him back down from whatever pedestal he thought he was on. 

“Don’t touch me,” Is all you could think to say. He wasn’t even touching you anymore but you still felt him all over you. 

He just nods. 

You look down at yourself, realizing your pants are still unbuttoned. You look back up at Joel who’s staring at your panties peaking through your unzipped jeans. His eyes travel back up to yours. You decide to slowly button them back up. 

You don’t hear what he says when he peels his eyes away and walks back to his horse. Probably some asshole comment that was better said under his breath.

You both get back on your horses and continue to the ski lodge in silence. Before you scale the one side of the mountain, you hear something. 

You keep your eyes peeled for infected. You are almost positive that’s what you’re hearing so you whistle to catch Joel’s attention. You nod to your left, which is the direction you hear the familiar clicking. You grab your rifle from your side saddle, gesturing to Joel to do the same.

You always get this rush when you have to kill infected. It’s not a good rush at all, it’s pure adrenaline. 

You dismount again, making sure your horse is tied to a nearby tree. Joel is close behind you as you creep forward towards the noise. The woods are dense with trees but there is also a ton of rock formations that were usually excellent cover.

The clicking gets louder and so does the sound of your heartbeat. 

“There,” Joel whispers, gesturing towards a rock. You kneel, creeping up the formation and looking down. There you see not one, not two, but three clickers wondering around a dead deer. It was torn to shreds, blood everywhere. You weren’t bothered by blood at all, it was just the sick smell of decay that got you a bit queasy. You draw your gun up, aiming it towards the clicker closest to you. 

“On three,” You murmur to Joel. You knew that you’d had to shoot two at the same time to give you enough time to kill the third with a quick reload. 

Joel just nods, drawing his gun up. 

“One,” Breath in, “Two,” Hold, “Three” Breath out.

The sounds of guns sent the clicking sounds to an all time high. Your ears are ringing, but you instinctively cock your gun, releasing one shell. 

You aim, firing your weapon at the third and final clicker. You hear Joel yell something, but your ears are still ringing. 

Then it hits you. 

“Three more!” 

Every time you’re in a fight or flight situation, you always fight. Old you would run. 

You bring your weapon up, noticing Joel’s new position on the boulder. He’s aiming and firing at some infected down hill who are quickly running at you two. 

You refocus in searching the area behind you. The last thing you needed was a sneak attack from a stalker. One enters your eye line and you fire. You keep count of how many bullets you have. Three down, four more left. 

“Got two on your right!” 

You hear Joel’s directions, drawing your weapon up and shooting another stalker between the eyes. The last one was a child, which was always the hardest. You knew that there was no choice, so you pull the trigger, which sent the child flying backwards. You wince a bit, seeing that this was probably just a family who got caught in the wrong situation. You killed all of them in less than a minute. Life wasted. 

Silence fills the air, your ears still ringing from endless gunfire. You turn back to Joel who’s breathing heavily and holstering his gun. 

You never had to question Joel’s abilities, which made him an excellent patrol partner. He knew exactly how to react in high risk situations. 

He made you feel safe. 

“Looks like we found one of the hoards Tommy was talking about,” He says, walking up to you, “Lets hope it’s just the one.”

“Glad it was you with me and not Jesse,” You say, relaxing your arm. 

“That kid would be dead by now.”

-

When you’re less than a mile from your stop, you notice some storm clouds taking over the beautiful summer sky. The air starts to change. The wind begins to pick up, blowing your braid back and tickling your bare neck. The air smells like rainwater, sweet and pungent. 

You use the silence to think about how simple life use to be. You reminisce about your childhood that was cut too short. You were a young adult when the infection started so you hadn’t been able to get married or settle down with a family. Everything was ripped away from you so prematurely and deep down, you crave that simplicity. Get married, have children, die of old age. 

If only you could’ve lived in a world where you didn’t have to kill a child because some random ass fungus took over their humanity.  

“We are almost there,” Joel says finally, pulling you out of your thoughts, “We may have to ride out the storm.”

You just nod even though he can’t see you. 

The ski lodge was actually very beautiful. It was one of two that was used as a safe house for patrols, this one being your personal favorite. You had been there with Tommy once and he gave you the grand tour. It was reasonably clean for being so old, stocked full of canned items, and had very comfy beds. 

You start to bring your horses to the covered back porch when it starts to rain. You grab all your gear, slinging it over your shoulder. Joel jingles a key out of his pocket, racing to the sliding glass doors. He unlocks the door, ripping it open as soon as the rain picks up. You both make it in the quiet lodge, setting your belongings on the kitchen counter. 

“I’m going to get the lanterns up and running,” You mumble, heading towards the living room where all the lanterns were scattered about. Joel locks the sliding glass door, before he starts rummaging through his bag. 

You turn on as many lanterns as you can, lighting up the room with warm glow. 

You find your way onto one of the couches, kicking your boots off. 

“Want me to start a fire? We may have to hang out the rest of the night if that storm don’t let up,” Joel questions, sliding his jacket off his shoulders. 

You shrug, “Don’t matter.”

He starts to pile up some wood as you find an apple in your bag. You watch him slowly pace back and forth from the wood pile to the huge stone fireplace. You watch his back muscles flex when he picks up a piece of wood. You were using him as a distraction to get you away from those dark thoughts from earlier. 

You bite into your apple. 

“You bring anythin’ for me?”

Is he fucking with you?

“There’s canned peaches in the cabinets.”

He laughs, lighting the wood with a match. You watch the fire build and build as he messes with the wood. He was squatting, his shirt riding up a bit. Even his lower back was eye catching. 

“You don’t wanna share?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m not sharin’ anything with you.”

He turns back to you with a smirk playing on his lips, “Not even a better look at those panties you’re wearing?”

You couldn’t believe your ears. 

“Pardon?”

“You heard me, sweetheart.”

You did hear him, of course, but were in denial of the actual intentions behind the words. He creeps closer, finding a spot on the couch next to you. You take another bite of your apple, staring at him with curiosity. 

Was he being serious?

You contemplate your options. Do you play into the game? Do you resist and possibly regret it later? He was such an asshole earlier. But then again, he always is. He was before you slept with him. So was that a valid excuse to not play into the game?

You remember the ache between your legs last night after reading a smutty romance novel. You imagined the characters as you and Joel, yet you never wanted to admit it. You knew that you wanted this, but resisting to give him a taste of his own medicine would be satisfying, too.

“Ya know,” He ponders, leaning over to meet your eyes, “I still have your other pair you left at my house.”

You remember the slight panic you felt the morning after when you couldn’t find them. You knew damn well he’d find them somewhere, but you didn’t think he’d keep them. 

“Didn’t even know I left them,” You lie, your eyes averting away from him. 

You were a horrible liar. 

“You’re pretty cute when you lie, sweetheart,” He grabs your chin, tilting your face back to his, “You left them on purpose. Thought you’d use that as an excuse to come crawling back to me.”

He was being smug, you knew that. For some reason, you don’t cave immediately even though the conversation was making you tingle.

“Crawling back to you? Why would I do that?” You question, “When I have all these other guys who will gladly take up my offers.”

He smiles smugly, “Hm, that doesn’t seem very like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem like the type of girl to whore yourself out to a bunch of assholes.”

His finger traces your lower lip, catching it and pulling down. You don’t pull away, soaking up the intense tension in the air. 

“You don’t know me, Joel Miller.”

He just stares at your mouth, “I know enough.”

You want to lean in further, push your lips on his and finally surrender to him. But you hold on for a few more seconds. You’re practically quivering under his touch, wanting nothing more to just cut the shit and jump on top of him.

“You told me not to touch you earlier,” he mumbles, “But here you are just fumblin’ over yourself every time I touch ‘ya.”

“Will you just shut the fuck up and kiss me?”

His touch becomes rougher, his one arm pulling you into his lap, the other hand grabbing your face roughly. 

“You start talkin’ like that you get nothin’,” his breathing fans your face, blowing your baby hairs away from your forehead, “Be a good girl like before.”

You squirm a bit, trying to lift your head in defiance. It doesn’t work, he has a good grip on you. His eyes are dark as he adjusts you so you are practically mounted on his lap. He releases your face bringing his hand down to your neck. He pulls you down to his lips, connecting them feverishly. 

You couldn’t help yourself. You melt into him, your hands wrapping around his neck before sliding them down his chest. His hips are practically rutting into yours. You grind down, moaning out at the contact. You knew that being disobedient wouldn’t get you anywhere, so to get what you want, you knew you’d have to play into his dominance. 

He smiles into the kiss, knowing you have been waiting for this moment. 

You pull away, pulling your shirt off. He’s looking at you like you’re his next meal. You kind of are. 

“Missed these tits,” He says his hands resting on your ribcage, right under your bare breasts, “Best ones I’ve ever seen.”

“Joel,” You groan, fumbling for the button on your pants, “Need you. Bad.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, I know baby.”

He fondles you for a second before latching his lips around your left nipple. His tongue swirls around it before he slightly bites it. You arch your back, wanting more from him but he just pulls away. You roll off his lap, tugging your pants down, including your underwear. 

“Ah,” He’s not even paying attention to you butt naked all spread for him, instead he’s leaning down to your pile of clothes. He grabs your panties, holding them up, “Baby pink. You fuckin’ tease.”

“Joel,” You whine, nudging him with your foot, “Enough about my underwear.”

He runs his hands up your leg before standing up and discarding his own shirt and pants. He leaves his briefs on, his cock tenting the gray fabric. 

“So eager,” he mocks, “What do you want from me, baby girl? Hm?”

You smile at the million of thoughts running through your head. But you settle for words that you know will drive him wild. 

“Do whatever you want to me, Joel.”

He pulls you to the edge of the couch. He’s on his knees like he’s about to pray at the altar to whatever God may exist. Instead, he’s between your legs, speckling your thighs with scratchy kisses. His salt and pepper hair is messy, his sunkissed bare arms highlighted with some freckles. You never noticed them before. 

“‘M gonna need your mouth,” He mumbles, raising his fingers to your mouth. You grab his wrist with your hands, lifting his fingers to your lips. You suck on every one, releasing each one with a pop. He watches you with his lips slightly agape, almost hypnotized by the action. 

He uses his newly wet fingers to trace your slit before he uses his pointer and middle finger to spread your lips. He’s playing with you, making you writhe underneath his touch. You lift your hips a bit, which causes him to lay his free arm across your lower stomach. 

“Patience, sweetheart,” He gives your pussy one lick, “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

He’s good on his word. 

He dives into you like a ravenous animal. His tongue hitting every desperate spot within you. You were taken to the same state of mind when he first ate you out. You had no words, just moans of pleasure. 

He uses his fingers to toy with your opening, sticking two fingers in initially before he becomes too eager to see you fall apart. He wraps his lips around your swollen clit, suckling and moaning around it. You knew from before that he liked all eyes on him. You watch him as the vibrations mixed with him finger fucking you sends you into your first eye rolling orgasm. 

You don’t think you’ve ever cum so fast in your life. It’s a release you’ve been yearning months for, making it even sweeter. 

He pulls away, giving your pussy a little slap. It makes you yell out. 

“Came without permission, but that’s okay,” He licks his fingers, “You have a couple more in you.  You just gotta beg extra for ‘em.” 

He was a menace. 

You just nod, not able to communicate your actual feelings on him denying you the simple pleasure of cumming all over him. The idea of having to hold back made you a bit eager to see how far you could take it, though. 

“Need your mouth now,” He tugs off his underwear, kicking them across the room. You don’t know how, but it almost looks bigger. Maybe it’s the swollen red tip that makes you overawe over it. 

“Would you like me on my knees, sir?”

He leers at you, “What a good girl, being so polite… Yes, baby girl, get on your knees in front of me. I wanna see those eyes.”

You crawl off the couch, getting in between his legs. His cock is laying on his lower tummy, just waiting for you. You aren’t super into sucking dick, but this was Joel’s. You know that you had to give it your all. You wanted to give it your all. 

You grab ahold of the base of his cock, keeping your eyes on him as you slowly open your lips to take him. Once your hot mouth touches the tip, he hisses in satisfaction. 

“Mhm,” He groans, “Take all of it, baby.” 

You’re not sure if you can, but you are going to do your very best. 

You relax your throat as much as you can, slowly inching his cock down your throat. You’re halfway around it when it hits your gag reflex. You pull back, still keeping his cock wrapped around your lips. You sit up, jerking the base of his cock as you slurp up as much as you can. 

“You got it baby,” He encourages, “Relax and take it slow.”

Whenever Joel praises you, you can’t help but let it get to your head. 

You take a deep breath in as you take more of him in. Widening your jaw more, you finally get him completely engulfed in your mouth. He twitches inside, which sends a jolt of pleasure to your core. You let him take control, raising his hips a bit to fuck your mouth. He has a hold of your braid, which only adds to the experience. You’ve never had your hair pulled before, but you’re beginning to love the sensation. He’s a moaning mess, chanting your name like a prayer. Your saliva is all over his lower tummy by the time he pulls your mouth away from his cock. 

“Gonna make me cum like that if you keep goin’,” He states, pulling you up to his lips. He kisses you, all tongue and teeth, “Let me fuck that pussy, yeah?”

You whimper, “Yes, please.”

“Such a good girl.”

He pulls you up into his lap while you slowly position yourself above him. You loved riding him before and with how sensitive and riled up you were now, you were prepared to ride his cock like it’s the last thing you’d ever do. 

He focused his attention on rubbing his cock head between your pussy lips. You bite your lip as soon as he pushes slowly into your entrance. You groan, letting the sweet stretch take ahold of you.

“Atta’ girl,” Joel sighs, “Take all of me in that tight little pussy.”

You gasp as soon as he raises your hips a bit, repositioning how his cock sits inside you. His hand rests on your pelvic bone, pulling you forward. You realize he’s guiding you, helping you grind back and forth on his dick. Every roll of your hips pushes a moan out your throat, making Joel stare up at you with satisfaction. He removes his hands from your hips, bringing his right hand to your throat. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, baby girl,” He lets out a wanton moan, while your stomach feels like it’s reaching a boiling point. He realizes how tense your getting so he reaches down with his spare hand, putting more pressure on your clit. “This is my pussy.”

“Mhm.”

“Say it. Say it’s mine.”

“It’s yours, Joel.”

“That’s fuckin’ right, baby girl. All mine.”

“Joel, please,” You cry, “I need to cum.”

“No,” He spits, “You don’t cum until I tell you.”

You clench, trying to resist the release. He notices you slowing down, so he stops choking you. Instead of letting you have a moment to recoup, he grabs your waist again, raising it slightly so he could raise his hips to pound into you. With his fingers still pressing on your bud, he chooses a bruising pace. You are practically screaming, the release imminent.

“Please, please,” You beg, “Joel, I need to.”

He doesn’t stop his assault on your pussy, “You keep beggin’, baby girl. I’ll tell you when.”

“Fuck, fuck,” You can’t stop yourself, the vibration from your incoming orgasm taking over your body, “Please Joel!”

“Cum,” He grits his teeth, “Cum all over this cock, baby girl.”

You have never had an orgasm take over every fiber of your being like it. You throw your head back, yelling Joel’s into the silence of the house. His pace slows down, as your cum soaks his lower half. 

“Oh my god,” You groan, not knowing how to formulate a full sentence yet. You were still seeing stars in your vision, as you try to refocus on Joel. 

“Holy shit,” He pulls out of you, “You okay?”

You just nod, your head falling forward. Your braid falls over your chest in between your breasts. Joel grabs the end of it, toying with it for a moment while you catch your breath.

“I’ll give you a minute,” He picks you up off him, laying you onto the cushion next to him. You grab his hand as he tries to pull away. 

“I don’t need one,” You were still spent from the first two orgasms, it was written all over your face. Joel just chuckles, positioning himself over your body. He cages you in, tilting your face so you make eye contact. 

“You ready for me already?”

“Need you.”

He uses his leg to part your thighs, settling between you again. He was still hard, his cock nudging your swollen wet opening.

“I want your eyes on me,” He commands. 

“Yes, sir.”

He pushes into you again, your mouth parting in a gasp at how sensitive you were. 

He smiles at your reaction while he settles into a steady pace. You try to focus on him, watching his facial expressions as he dives into you over and over again. 

Joel had to be sculpted by whatever God created him. Every part of him was angular, his cheekbones quite high. His nose was just about perfect, especially from the side. His side profile was everything.

You truly didn’t think he looked his age. The only thing that kind of gave him away was the grays speckled through his dark hair. Other than that, the guy was a sex god. 

You are too busy to admiring him, you don’t even realize how close he is. He’s gripping onto your hips, probably bruising them with how tightly he’s holding them. The way his dick twitches inside you, sends that familiar rush back into your body. 

He’s not breaking eye contact. You smirk while he groans pushing harder into you. 

“You better cum inside me,” You murmur, “Want you to fill me up.”

“God,” He cries, “So fucking flithy.”

And he loved that about you. 

He releases into you with a loud sigh. You don’t teeter over that edge until he pulls out of you, looking to see his work. 

He uses his two fingers, pushing them inside you, then back out. He rubs his cum onto your clit, slapping it a couple times. When you jolt in pleasure, he smiles knowingly. 

“One more time?”

He positions himself between your legs again. He’s fingering you so lazily but it’s still enough to have you crying out in pleasure. You don’t even have time to respond to him, before you’re falling over the edge and cumming once more. 

You lay there, trying to catch your breath again. Joel stands up on wobbly legs, making his way to the nearby bathroom. You didn’t know if this house would be stocked with rags or anything, so when Joel comes out with a folded blanket, you can’t help but giggle. 

“This is all we got,” He gestures towards the blanket, “We can burn it when we finish with it.”

You take it from him, running it between your legs. The wooley fabric scratched a bit, but you didn’t have one care in the world. 

Until you get a familiar sinking feeling. Like you did something very wrong.

You sit up while Joel takes the blanket, cleaning up himself. You try to stand, your legs feeling like jelly. You pick up your panties from the floor next to Joel’s clothes. You start to grab each of your clothing items, throwing them on as you go. You watch as he does the same.

“I guess this means you don’t hate me,” You mutter, not knowing what to say after what just occurred. You felt guilty and sick with anxiety.

If anyone else sat in on this day with Joel, they’d say the same thing. The way he talks to you, how annoyed he was to be stuck with you on patrol today, everything. It’d make anyone feel not wanted. 

He shoots you a glance, “I never hated you.”

He says it with such conviction that you wince, not sure whether to believe him.

“You have ignored me for months. You fought with Tommy because you were stuck with me today. And then on the way here, you yelled at me for having to pee. Called me dum-”

“I didn’t call you dumb.”

You breath in sharply, “You’re just impossible, you know that?”

He shakes his head. You know he wants to say something smart back, but it never comes. 

Instead he sits down beside you, keeping his eyes down at his feet. You wait for him to speak for what feels like a lifetime. 

“Listen,” He huffs, “I don’t hate you. I am just not good at…”

“Being nice to people?”

He smirks, finally looking up at you, “Sure, but hey… I don’t regret anything that happened. I enjoy our… time together.”

You wanted to strangle him. 

After months of contemplating what went wrong, he tells you he doesn’t regret anything. 

After spending all that time acting like he did. 

You wear your emotions all over your face and Joel realizes it quickly. He rests his hand on your knee, a gentle gesture that makes your heart rate increase by a thousand. 

“You made me feel like shit for months,” You admit, trying to hold your composure, “I’ve felt like an idiot since the moment Ellie walked in that morning. You made me feel that way, Joel. You made me feel stupid. And here I am, all this time later, and I still feel fucking dumb. Maybe even dumber now, since I just let you fuck me again.”

His hand travels up to cup your cheek. You felt like crying, but you knew that it wouldn’t do you any good. 

“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, darlin’,” He confesses, “I am sorry for everythin’.”

You felt like you were being manipulated. You always had a terrible time figuring out what a genuine apology looked like. You were used to being exploited and having your heart ripped out and stomped on. 

You turn away from his hand, looking out the back sliding glass door. The rain is coming down, pitter pattering on the tin roof over your head. You see lightning go across the sky, hearing the loud crack of thunder seconds later. 

You pondered if you should just run in the other direction. Away from Joel, away from the emotions and memories that were being sludged up from the deepest pits of your brain. 

“When I grabbed you earlier, you had this horrified look on your face…” Joel starts, bringing your attention back, “It was a face ‘d seen more than a few times. That look of disbelief and fear.”

You just let him continue, not looking him the eyes.

“I never wanna to make you feel that way,” He admits, “I never wanna scare you or hurt you. I knew in that moment, I was using that pent up anger at myself towards you.I just… I spent so much time tryin’ to find ways to keep you away from me because I don’t wanna disappoint you or hold you back.”

You finally look back up at him. 

“I am sick of findin’ ways to keep you away. I like havin’ you around.”

You want to believe him so badly. 

“I like having you around, too, Joel. I just…” You stammer, “I just need a bit, okay?”

He bows his head, “Yeah, ‘course. Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll take watch and wait for the rain to let up.”

You take up his offer, stalking off to the nearby bedroom. You just wanted space, a moment of peace and quiet. Your body was still recovering from the greatest orgasms of your life, now your mind is littered with a million emotions you didn’t know how to muddle through. Once you lay down on the old bed, you realize that sleep would probably bring you back to life a bit. You close your eyes, letting your mind ease out of the chaos of reality. 

–

When you wake up, you don’t hear anymore rain. You only hear the crackling of the fireplace. You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping, which sends you into a slight panic. You waltz out into the living room, seeing Joel lounging on the couch you defiled and reading. It was a random novel, probably from the large bookcase in the hallway. 

“We good to head back?” You question.

“Yeah, let’s get home ‘fore they send out a search party.”

You watch him stretch his shoulders as he stands, his jaw clenched in an unrelaxed way. His hair is messy and standing in different directions from the way he was laying. It makes you smile. 

“Hey Joel,” You say, walking closer to him, “When we get back to Jackson, would you want to go out to dinner or something?”

His gaze softens. You were really trying, he could tell. 

Your rested mind decided it was time to just jump head first. 

If Joel was being honest with his intentions, maybe it was time for you to be honest with yourself, too. 

“I’d like that, sweetheart.”

“It’s a date, then.”

taglist: @pedrotonin @mysingularitybts @harriedandharassed @paleidiot @misatoad @lottieellz101

[intairnwetrust]

You know I am usually someone to easily call out Xaden (especially on his communication issues in Iron Flame *cough* call out *cough* lol )

But now I actually need to defend him in regards of what he said and how some people receive it:

"In the years after my father died, I forgot what it felt like to be loved. [...] But then you (Violet) gave those words to me, and I remembered..."

And then you have responses like:

Garrik, Liam, Bodhi, Imogen: What I am? A roach?

Basically pointing the finger at Xaden, what about your friends who love you?

Where I need to say okay first valid or rather understandable response.

Buuut I think people are to harsh here on Xaden. I'm deliberately simplifying this here, Xaden's life consisted of two parts, the revolution and survival. Violet gave him love outside of that. It was something new, something, looking at the quote above, he didn't even knew in the beginning he wanted or maybe didn't dare to want. (Also Violet is awesome! Who can blame him? Edit: and look his new BC he is a total simp for her, as he should be)

"Now, Riorson."

I can't keep from wincing. She never uses my last name. Maybe it's because she doesn't like to remember that I'm Fen Riorson's son, and all my father cost her, but I've always been Xaden to her. The loss feels like a bottomless abyss, like a death blow.

"I've always been Xaden to her" and look how shattered poor boy was when he thought he lost that. With Violet he was not Fen Riorson's son, he was not his last name which symbolizes the proclamation of the revolution, the continued existence of the revolution. He was just Xaden with Violet. Just a man.

But now let's look at his love for his friends and at the beginning of the very same letter which brings you an understanding of his feelings

"Then I entered the quadrant and became the monster everyone needed me to be, and I never regretted it."

Who is everyone? Every person being part of the revolution. He consciously tried to forget the feeling of love because that would help the revolution best. Cold and calculating. But who is also part of the revolution? His friends. With his friends he was also Xaden, but not only. The revolution became a huge part of their lives.

I think with his friends their love and loyalty became the same thing for him. That's why Xaden said only when Violet came along he remembered what love meant. Don't get me wrong, in a healthy relationship it goes hand in hand but it's not the same and I think it just became too blurry over time and given circumstances alas being key figures in a revolution.

Also I understand when people say they want to see more of Xaden's friendships, same I am no different, but the lack of these relationships is due to the fact that the books are currently only from Violet's POV, after all they are Xaden's friends and not hers. I mean every chapter we had in his POV there were always interactions with his friends (except his chapter at the end of IF) and we can all agree we loved them (I hope so lol)

I hope it makes sense what i am trying to say i just think people are to harsh here on Xaden became in the end of the day he cares for his friends. Both sides would go through hell for the other, if you look at their lives you can safely say it's their "I love you"

[keeryhours]

1000 follower celebration!

Hi all! Thank you SO MUCH for 1k, I can’t believe my little blog I started in November just to share my fanfics on has become a place where people actually enjoy my writing and I’ve made the best of friends.

For my celebration this time, I’ll be taking requests of your choice of 1-3 of the following prompts and writing a blurb for them! They’ll probably be under 1k words unless I get super inspired. Request as much and whatever you want!

Characters:

Steve Harrington

Eddie Munson

Billy Hargrove

Rafe Cameron

Gator Tillman

Emperor Geta

Prompts:

Smut

"Keep talking back, I dare you."

"Don't run from it, princess. Push back on me."

"Don't make me punish you."

"Stop teasing."

"Like what you see?"

"What are you waiting for?"

"Let me see those eyes."

"Quiet. We don't wanna get caught now, do we?"

"We're in public, you know?"

"Make me."

"Is that all you got?"

"Are you sure? Once we start, I might not be able to stop."

"I'm trying so hard not to fuck you senseless right now."

"Clothes off. Now."

"I'll give that mouth something to do"

"I'm waiting."

"Such a good girl."

"Mine."

"Behave."

"What did you just say?"

"Come here."

"Patience."

"Hands behind your back."

"What are you doing?"

"Don't stop."

"Scream for me."

"If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god."

"What's my name?"

"I'd hold onto something, if I were you."

"Wanna taste?"

"Are you not wearing any underwear?"

"You're really going to make me beg for it?"

"I'm gonna show you what real fucing is."

"You like it when I'm rough?"

"I like your hand in mine, but I think it would look even better if it was wrapped around my throat."

"You're so sexy when you're all hot and bothered."

"Fuck, I love the sounds you make."

"Does this feel good?"

"Please..."

"Use your words, princess."

"On your knees."

"You heard me. Take. It. Off."

"If you don't like me teasing then why are you moaning?"

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you'll forget ever even meeting that asshole."

"I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that."

"You make a sound and it's game over, angel."

"If you make me pull over, I swear you won't be able to walk for the next week."

"You're going to regret that, sweetheart."

"You only cum when I say so, understood?"

Fuck, that's good."

"How about you come over here and help me out, huh?"

"Don't think I'm letting you get away with that, princess."

"Not yet."

"I want to see those pretty lips wrapped around my cock."

"Don't play innocent with me."

"We're not done yet."

"You have to work for it."

"I told you you were gonna be begging."

"I have seen you naked before."

"Do you think you deserve this?"

Fluff

"You're breathtaking."

"I love it when you laugh."

"If you try to tickle me one more time, I swear you will not get another kiss for a week."

"I never want to forget this moment."

"Here, take my jacket."

"Wanna bet?"

"I brought you dinner."

"Let me hold it for you."

"Here, let me help you."

"How did I get so lucky?"

"You're the best thing to have ever happened to me."

"I will never leave you."

"You have such a beautiful smile."

"Talk to me."

"I got you."

"You look really good in my shirt."

"Come back to bed."

"Hold me."

"I dreamed of you."

"Have I told you 'I love you' today?"

"I'm so lucky to have you."

"I missed you."

"Hey, Look at me. I love you, okay?"

"You live in my head rent-free."

"I've seen the way you look at me."

"I think I like you, and it freaks me out because I don't know what to do or say."

"You make me nervous."

"You make me feel safe."

"I trust you."

"You're so cute I could just kiss you right now!"

"Not to be dramatic, but... I would jump off a cliff for you."

"What I'm trying to say is... I like you."

"Did you just confess your feelings to me?"

"Will you stay the night?"

"You drive me mad."

"I love you so much it physically hurts."

"So... are you just gonna keep staring or are you going to kiss me?"

"All I can think of is you."

"Put your lips on mine."

"I can't be without you."

"Please don't leave me like that ever again. It scared me."

"How long are you gonna keep denying you feel the same?"

"You're my kryptonite."

"I can't say no to those eyes."

"You're so cute when you get angry."

"I will never get tired of you."

"I'd like my good morning kiss now, thank you very much"

"I'm proud of you."

"You remembered?"

Angst

"You never mattered to me."

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie and say I love you?"

"I don't know who you are anymore..."

"Please wake up"

"You weren't there when I needed you most."

"Screw it, we're done. I can't deal with your drama anymore."

"Don't you blame me!"

"You're taking their side?"

"Don't leave. Please."

"I regret it all."

"Why won't you let me help you? Let me help you!"

"Don't you get how much you mean to me?"

"Go. Just... go."

"I used to love you..."

"I don't want your help."

"I want to hate you. But I can't. And that- that sucks."

"I wish once, just once, you would love me for who I am."

"You're always leaving me."

"You're such a disappointment."

"You disgust me."

"I wish I'd never met you."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"We were just not meant to be."

"Don't push me away."

"I'm not your punching bag."

"It hurts when I realize I'll never mean as much to you as you do to me."

"I wanted to believe you loved me."

"You made me think I actually mattered."

"Tell me you don't want to leave. Say I'm enough to make you stay. I know it's not true but please- just say it."

"How could you stand there and pretend this isn't your fault?"

“Tell me I’m wrong. Say it. Please.”

“Don’t give me that look. Did you really expect things to be different this time?”

"Can you just- for a minute, can you pretend that I mean something to you?'

“Oh my god, you love them. And they don’t love you back. How perfect.”

"Give me one good reason, and I'll stay."

“The one day you notice I’m gone, I’m supposed to feel bad for you?”

“I know you did the best you could. But it wasn't enough.”

“No wonder you’re not afraid of the dark. Nothing outside your head could be as scary as what’s inside it.”

"You dug your own grave."

"I can't even look at you."

"Did you really think I would simply forgive and forget?"

"Stay away from me."

“I was drowning right in front of you, and you were too busy to notice.”

"I won't fall for your little games anymore."

"I didn't mean it."

"I had finally forgotten about you. I had finally started to live again. And now you decide to come back."

"Just forget about me."

"You need to let me go."

"Stop lying to me!"

"You ruined everything."

"You never really loved me, did you?"

"There is no fixing this."

"I hope you got what you wanted."

"You're pathetic."

"Don't look for me."

"You can hate me all you want. But I know I'm right."

"Do you realize you're trying to justify the unjustifiable?"

"You don't own me."

"I hope you're happy now."

“You looked right at me when you said it. Your eyes told me you meant every word.”

Prompts from @/voidfxndoms

[mimez-meme]

ERASERMIC HEADCANONSSS‼️

Before they were dating Mic would probably put songs on his radio show that’s like hinting to sho yk like “I don’t wanna be your friend I wanna kiss your lips” and allat whenever he knew sho would be listening🤗

They both have scars (not sh) and whenever one of them gets insecure about them the other would kiss the scars and compliment them.

aizawa is a hard person to get flustered/embarrassed but mic easily gets flustered/embarrassed and aizawa makes fun of him for that also mic is rlly the only person that get aizawa flustered

They gave eachother promise rings 😍

Aizawa only likes physical touch from mic

Mic is the flirty and teasing one in public but at home aizawa is the teasing one. (Well mic teases and flirts ether way)

Their relationship was meant to be a secret but mic couldn’t keep his mouth shut and told all might and nemuri, eventually nearly everyone knew, mic only really wanted his relationship to be public because of joke.. but it got out of hand🥰

Mic fell (inlove 🙄) first aizawa fell harder

Mic tries to teach aizawa English but it doesn’t go very well.. aizawa only knows a couple of sentences and mic basically gave up on tryna teach him and mic accidentally uses English words in sentence and if aizawa doesn’t understand he Would slap mic for no reason…

Got tattoos with each others in Initials ❤️ (mic got S.A aizawa got H.Y and the initials have hearts around them)

Mic sends cute TikTok’s to shota saying “us?” But sometimes he sends red thought or spicy TikTok’s s to shota saying “we should do this;)” or whatever… shota just sends cat TikTok’s and occasionally spicy/red thoughts TikTok’s

Obv adopted shinsou and Eri

Switches

Mic calls aizawa pet names like “darling, mi amor, baby, sweetheart” and babe. Aizawa rarely calls him pet names but when he does it’s “my pretty boy, honey, baby” and zashi (zashi is mostly used) idk💀

Defo makes out in the supply closet at school whenever they’re bored or just in the “mood” (they got caught once)

Aizawa hates mics drinking habits so he told me “whenever you feel like you want to drink, kiss me, I want this drinking habit to stop zashi, it isn’t good for you.” Beacuse he told mic that they have a make out session nearly everyday 💀 (mic still drinks but not that bad, and does aizawa regret telling mic that? No.)

Black cat bf/husband, golden retriever bf/husband

Mic forgets to eat and drink sometimes cuz of his adhd and so does aizawa (aizawa doesn’t have adhd tho) they both have to remind eachother, sometimes they even forget to remind eachother..👍

Mic likes doing aizawas hair time to time and aizawa finds it cute:3

Mic likes watching/listening murder documentaries and aizawa finds it creepy.. but sometimes he finds them interesting 🤗

They have 2 cats and 2 parrots (not a very good combo Ik..) and mic taught the parrots all the swear words and aizawa is well.. not very happy about that.

Mic is the scary one in the relationship but aizawa is a the one mostly in control, yk?

The both tend to overwork but mostly hizashi overworks beacuse my man has 3 jobs so hizashi is actually the most tired in the relationship and aizawa always try’s to get him to sleep mic also makes sure aizawa gets sleep

They go on vacation to America sometimes 🤗 I like to believe hizashi has some family there

Both have eachother merchandise

Hizashi’s love language is gift giving and physical touch, aizawas is words of affirmation and acts of service.. (both do quality time)

Aizawa is the dad of class 1A mic is the mum

Mic owns a TikTok acc and forces aizawa to film with him sometimes (the acc kinda just became a family acc eventually)

They both find it oddly attractive when the other swears or when the other is mad/srs

Mic wrote songs for aizawa, aizawa pretends to fine it cringe but he finds it cute and loves it (mic knows that)

Despite being an English teacher mic hates reading cuz of his adhd, like my man can’t focus, aizawa likes reading and keeps trying to get mic to read (never works)

They both planned to purpose at the same time without knowing , hizashi just beat him to it, it went a little like this “shota aizawa will you marry me?” Aizawa laughs and starts cryihg from happiness’s and laughter “ofc I will zashi! But want to know something?” Mic nodded.. “I was literally ganna purpose to you aswell” they both have a laugh about it time to time

Mic can’t bake for the life of him but he can cook, aizawa can bake but can barely Cook he only knows like 3-4 things

Once hizashi got them kicked out a fucking neighbourhood for being to loud, they had to get a whole ass soundproof house after if they even exist.. I mean it’s the mha word soo🤪 a soundproof house is. Also go for other reasons! (😏) LMAO

Mic: even more dirty minded aizawa: dirty minded

Before dating they were both madly in denial but mic was like “we should like.. make out, AS FRIENDS..” and then do a nervous chuckle, aizawa would just be like “alr”

Hizashi finds it hot when people know how to play the drums, aizawa can’t play the drums but tried to learn for hizashi, hizashi didn’t know but once walked in on him tryna learn and said “sho, what are you doing?”

Shota responded with “tryna be hot.” Mic laughed “you’re already hot, just because I like something doesn’t mean you have to live up to that something nor like it aswell, I wouldn’t be dating you if you weren’t my type, I love you.” Aizawa smiled “I love you to zashi.. I didn’t even learn anything anyway, the drums are useless..” (this happened when they were young, like 15-16?)

 I believe hizashi would be decent at drawing, but he specifically learnt how to draw cats for aizawa, every anniversary hizashi would draw a cat with cute cat puns/pick up lines like uh “if I was a cat I would spend my 9 lives with you :3” and ofc he would give aizawa a gift aswell, like flowers ect and go out. Aizawa loves when hizashi does this tho sometimes he finds some of the pick up lines/puns cringe, it still cute, And aizawa for anniversary’s He would do anything hizashi wants, occasionally surprise him, he would always get hizashi something cute tho :3

Aizawa got tired of hizashi coming home looking beaten because he can’t fight (like close combat) so aizawa decided to teach hizashi some fighting skills,and they have fights every now and then. Hizashi is now decent at fighting and can do some basic self defence, hizashi had a bit of a plus tho beacuse he’s more flexible then aizawa.

The family (shinsou, eri and obv erasermic) all play Minecraft together and mic made their whole entire family home along with the cats.

Sorry that it’s so long! But thanks for reading😋

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant/Headcanon (Depending on how you look at it)

Personally, I think we should lock Rhysand in the Prison.

Don't kill him, let him rot for the rest of eternity. Let him slowly go insane while the wind whispers of how much better off Feyre and Nyx are without him. How much better the Night Court is doing without him.

Let him hear about Tamlin recovering his Court and slowly healing. I want Rhysand to be rotting in utter misery and insanity when he hears Tamlin and Feyre, on opposite sides of Prythian let out one sigh as they finally let go of their trauma. I want him to feel every bit of relief they have that he's not there.

He can listen to his son one day taking on the Court. Listen to his grandchildren and their children as they slowly forget he even existed. Not even a horrible bedtime story like he was hoping for, not even a whisper of his name. They simply forget he's down there and he has to continue on with that.

Maybe he'd lose his mind after a while, or become an old tale only remembered by very few. Maybe he'd turn to actual dust, or maybe he would become something like Lanthys. Something spiteful and full of rage all the time.

Maybe one day a girl like Feyre or Nesta will come down there on another mission and he'll be accidently set free, but like rest of anything that was accidently set free of the Prisons, he is turned to dust or quickly locked back up.

I just want him to suffer in silence, with only his mind to keep him company. Just remembering every single bad thing, he ever did to the people that used to love him, how he took advantage of them, and how they now know they are better off without him.

Who knows, maybe he'll come around and truly be regretful of what he's done. Maybe he would actually want to make it up and then and only then would be relieved of his sentence.

Or he'll become angrier and bitterer, slowly growing more insane as the centuries pass.

Either way, I think that's a worser punishment than death or any form of torture. I think for someone who can control minds the only way you can really get through to them is by fucking with their mind.

[iwantacoolusernameman]

Akaashi Keiji x Fem! Reader

『The Moment I Knew Pt. 2』

1 / 3 / 4

The pain eased in the coming days but what stayed with you was this new realization you had made about your feelings. It almost baffled you how you were so blind to it before but looking back it was so obvious that it had always been him for you. However, one question still lingered on your mind: did he see you in the same light?

Rummaging through all your memories with him you almost made yourself believe that yes, he did but then again, he was your friend after all and what if he was just, well, friendly? So you made a point to be more careful with his calls and texts from then on, not because you were an asshole who ghosted people but because you felt paralyzed everytime his name popped up on the screen. Tongue-tied was an understatement of the state you were in. You just couldn't allow yourself to be friendly with him like you were before. What if your feelings for him only grew the more time you spent with him and you'd have to always pretend to just be a friend because there was no way you'd put down your guard and ask if he felt same? How easy it sounded, to ask a single question, but vulnerability was not your strongest suit.

Your short replies to his text messages and the way you'd find excuses to quickly end the phone calls did not fly over his head however. And he had a hunch on why you were suddenly seeming to avoid him. You must have been pissed that he didn't show up to your birthday party despite promising that he'd be there, right?

Keiji closed his laptop with a sigh and rubbed the tiredness from his eyes. As if he wasn't already stressed out enough because of work, the way you were distancing yourself from him only pissed him off even more. It was late but he didn't care, he needed to talk to you, understand why he was being avoided like the plague by the person he wanted to hold closer than anyone else in the world.

Your phone started buzzing, interrupting your reading time on the couch. Seeing the name on your screen you shut your book with a loud thud and hesitantly answered the call.

"Do you know how late it is, Keiji?" You tried your best to sound non-chalant, hoping the beating of your heart wasn't shaking your voice.

"I know you don't sleep at this hour. We need to talk."

You gulped. He waited for a moment and then spoke again when he was met with your silence.

"Actually, forget it. You're right, it's late and I don't wanna say something I'll regret. But we still need to talk so let's meet up. Tomorrow. Can you make it tomorrow?"

For a second you considered lying to him, making another excuse, telling him you were busy already but your mouth already spoke while your mind was busy with thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm free tomorrow."

"Good. At the usual café? Is 10 a.m. good?"

"Yeah."

"Ok.. I'll see you tomorrow. Night."

"Yeah.. good night."

The phone call ended, leaving you alone with your hammering heart in your chest. You had spent the entire week avoiding him and now you were supposed to meet him tomorrow? With a deep exhale you stood up from the couch and made your way to your bedroom. Sleep seemed to be the only cure to keep your mind quiet right now.

I brought this upon myself, you thought to yourself, laying in your bed, and you also couldn't deny the fact that he did deserve an explanation from you.

>>next day

At the café you paced back and forth on your seat, staring into space. When was he gonna show up? Your probably tenth glance at the clock on the café's wooden walls told you that you were just on time, even a bit early. And as if he had somehow read your mind he showed up right then, with that little smile on his face as he greeted you, causing you to feel an uncharacteristic flutter in your stomach. A wide smile appeared on your red lips against your own will. What was that promise you'd made to yourself about never wearing lipstick to impress anyone again? You were thinking to yourself how you must've lost your mind when you were putting it on infront of your bathroom mirror but that clearly hadn't stopped you.

And there he was, your friend who you had fallen in love with and he had no clue. How could he? You didn't even have a clue up until your birthday party last week. But now that you knew it seemed like it had been infront of your eyes all this time. Just how many times had you already lost yourself in those dark blue eyes while a feeling of home spread inside your chest? Just how many times had you spend hours deciding on what to wear when you would meet up with friends and you knew he was gonna be there? Certainly more than you'd like to admit.

"Did you order yet?" He asked as he sat down across from you and you didn't miss the way his eyes momentarily flickered to the unusal for you color on your lips.

You shook your head. "Nope. Waited for you."

"Didn't have to."

"I know. What are you getting?"

His eyes skimmed over the menu sheet on the table and he shrugged. "Probably the same as always, you?"

"I think I wanna try something new." You hoped that trying something new would maybe help you get your mind at least a little bit off of him and your feelings, something to distract you. Gosh, at this point you didn't even know how to behave around him anymore. Part of you wanted him to be yours so badly, to tell him about your feelings whilst another part of you screamed to never let it show, that you'd get disappointed and hurt and ruin something that was good as it was. As your mind and heart played tug of war with each other, you tried your best to remain calm and like your usual self.

He looked at you with a raised brow. "Y/n changing her routine?"

"Well," you awkwardly smiled at him and scratched the top of your nose. "I'm feeling up for a change."

His eyes fell onto your bright red lips again before meeting your eyes. "I can see that."

Suddenly you were starting to regret your choices. All of them. The avoiding him in first place. The agreeing to meet him. And the red lipstick. Although on the other side of the coin, another part of you felt a little triumphant flutter in your heart evertime you caught his eyes scanning your face, getting used to the new look.

After Keiji got his usual Caramel Latte and you were staring at your never tried before Lavender Latte, an uncomfortable silence fell between you two. Thankfully the distracting chatter around you made it feel easier to bear.

"The reason I wanted to meet you," he finally spoke, "is because I wanted to properly apologize for missing your birthday party."

"What?" You looked at him with confusion. "No! No, Keiji. You already did. It's fine."

"It didn't feel enough over the phone. And I also wanted to know if you're mad at me that I missed it." His fingers casually wrapped around the hot mug, he looked at you with a serious expression seeking a genuine answer.

You were about to try the new drink but his question caught you off guard and instead you set your drink down on the table a little harder than intended, causing the spoon to stir and clatter agains the glass. " No! Of course not!"

"Then why have you been avoiding me?"

"I wasn't- I-" your mouth stayed open as you tried to find an excuse to sell him but nothing. "Look, I didn't mean to."

"But you did. If it's not because of the party, why is it then?"

Because I realized that I fell for you and I'm terrified of you not returning my feelings and hurting me because I don't think I could handle that!

That's what you would've loved to tell him but of course you couldn't. No, you wouldn't. You didn't trust yourself to be able to handle it if he didn't react well. The risk was too big for you.

He let out a frustrated sigh when you gave him nothing but silence to his question. Maybe you two got along so well because of your stubborness. Like calls like, was it? He mentally shook away his thoughts of how well you two seemed to match even in your less positive traits and brought his focus back to you.

"You don't usually wear that shade." He remarked and your heart smiled all over again. It wasn't even about the color or what he thought of it. Just the fact that he seemed to take notice of little things about you made you want him even more. It felt so unfair that he was close enough to touch yet so far.

"Like I said," you stirred the spoon around in your fancy drink, avoiding his gaze and keeping up the casual facade. "Feeling up for a change."

"Should I be worried?"

"Oh no!" You looked up from your drink and dismissively waved your hand between you two. "Nothing like that. I'm ok, just.. y'know."

"I don't know, you're gonna have to elaborate."

Man, he's stubborn.

"Well, people change." You replied. A lame excuse and you knew that too.

"Im aware of that." His gaze bore into you.

"Like all the time," you continued.

"I know. What's your point?"

"You know what, it's nothing." The sip you took from your latte made you scrunch up your face. "I'm just yapping."

He took a sip from his familiar drink as well, then put his glasses, fogged up from the coffee steam, down on the table. "You're not a yapper."

"I'm a changed person now. Get used to it."

"Honestly, what's up with you?" The frustration was catching up and lacing around his words now and suddenly you felt like you were running out of time. You didn't mean to mess with him but you couldn’t deny that it probably seemed like that was exactly what you were doing.

"So you noticed my new lipstick shade," you tried to buffer by changing the topic and messing a little with him, a part of you unable to hold back from testing the waters a little after all. No, honestly, what was up with you? All those mixed signs you were giving him made a little frown appear over Keiji's face.

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing."

"I'm sure." He honestly didn't even know why he was still putting up with you at this point. Something made you act weird. Weirder than usual and he could tell you were hiding something from him when a light suddenly went on in his brain.

"Is there someone you like?" he asked you very straight-forward, his suddenly flat tone and expression hiding his uneasy anticipation to your answer.

"I mean," he went on as he noticed the way you stared at him with wide eyes and at a loss for words. "The new style, the way you've been ignoring me, probably cause your head is totally elsewhere, and let's not forget how you're acting all strange lately, I just thought, I don't know, maybe there's someone who's been occupying your mind. You seem a bit out of it. Like you're not quite here, but not in a bad way. Just in a.. bit of a different way."

Was there any way you could possibly talk yourself out of this? Your mind shot hundreds of excuses your way, all of them sillier than the one before. Probably not, you realized. But you still didn't feel ready to confess the truth.

"I'm taking that as a yes?" he said, a little unsure, when you still didn't answer.

"No!" You finally said, feeling your face heat up. "There's nothing like that, I really just needed a change."

"Ok.. then let me get a few things straight and I'm gonna need your full attention here, with me." He looked at you with a serious gaze and you nodded. "You're not mad I didn't show up at your birthday party?"

"No."

"And that's certainly not the reason you've been distancing yourself?"

"No."

"But you admit you've been distant?"

"I guess.." your eyes cast down on your drink like a kid who got caught causing trouble.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you?"

"So you're telling me it's none of my business."

"Yeah."

"So I was right about there being somebody you've got your eye on," he inquired, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed.

"No! Just- let it go. Please."

"Fine. But only if you stop avoiding me."

You hesitated a little. "I will."

"Good."

Both of you exhaled in relief into the silence, the tension slowly melting away. You didn't dare take another sip from your drink, partially because it tasted terrible and partially because you felt like your heart was gonna jump out of your throat any second now.

"How's the drink?" He asked after taking the last sip of his own bevarage and putting his glasses back on.

"It's gross, wouldn't recommend," you replied, stirring the liquid around with a spoon. "And.. uhm- thanks for the birthday gift by the way. Bokuto made sure I'd get it and double and triple checked and asked me if he'd already given it to me."

You smiled at the memory of Bokuto excitedly handing the present over to you and Akaashi nodded slighty, more to himself than to you.

"I was a bit hesitant to trust him with it but he was very enthusiastic to play delivery guy for me."

You chuckled, the image of Bokuto trying to prove to Akaashi what a trusted delivery guy he'd be flashing in your mind.

"Good thing we have him," you chuckled.

"Yeah." Despite his calmer demeanour you could tell that there was still a restlessness in the air around him.

"You know," he started again, proving your feeling right. "You'd do both of us a huge favor by just speaking up about what's on your mind."

"Can I tell you a different time?"

His expression softened, a bit surprised that you gave in so easily this time, and he silently nodded.

You sighed. It wasn't like you didn't want to tell him, you were just too scared as of right now and needed a little more time. Until then you had no choice but to keep playing pretend.

[ladylovelylemons]

Re Zero Arc 6: Who are you?

I haven’t really done any long analysis posts yet (or even re:zero posts) but I just finished arc 6 and I have so much to say. This is by far my favorite arc. There were so many amazing chapters. I keep thinking it can’t get any better, and then it does.

Theme: Memories

Fitting for an arc titled “the corridor of memories”, the central theme of this arc is memories. Many of its characters have either lost memories (Subaru, Ram, Echidna/Anastasia) or have been forgotten (Rem, Julius, and later Emilia)

There’s also a broad theme of identity. Memories is tied to identity, and a lot of characters are struggling to find out, exactly, who they are.

I decided to go down each character and talk about how the theme relates to them

Ram

Ram’s issue here is that she’s forgotten about Rem, her little sister and an important part of her life. Even though she doesn’t remember Rem, she’s still important to her, and she often gets angry about her.

We learn more about Ram’s past, about how she was believed to be the reincarnation of the oni god. However, that fact never mattered to her— all that mattered to her was that she was Rem’s sister. That’s where she finds her identity.

Ram uses her clairvoyance to connect with Rem and defeat one of the gluttony siblings. She never cared about her horn, but she uses her power to protect Rem. Even though she doesn’t remember her, Ram is connected to her twin sister.

Meili

Meili is presented throughout as being a kid who doesn’t really understand what she’s doing. That’s why Subaru forgives her so easily— she’s just a child who doesn’t know much better.

Meili is still a ruthless assassin who resorts to murder to solve her problems. Her identity has been as an assassin for all of her life, so she doesn’t know much else. Subaru and Emilia reach out to her so she can form a new identity.

Echidna/Anastasia

For a good chunk of arc 6, Echidna is wearing a mask of Anastasia and pretending to be her. She fakes a lot of innocence to seem non-threatening, but is actually pretty ruthless.

Echidna is established as being non-trusting. She doesn’t reveal her true identity to Julius until he finds out by accident. However, she later somewhat regrets that she didn’t try to form a bond with him.

Despite her non-trusting nature, Echidna apologizes to Subaru as she’s dying in one loop. This is pretty significant, as she has a lot of reasons to doubt Subaru, but she forgives him instead.

On Anastasia’s side, she’s asleep inside of Echidna for most of the arc. It’s later revealed the reason why was because she knew that if she woke up, then she would forget about Julius. In the end, Anastasia does wake up and forget about him, but is able to reforge her bond with him.

Emilia

Out of all the characters, Emilia is the one with the least issues this arc.

Emilia’s kindness is something that’s pretty influential this arc. Her kindness towards the amnesiac Subaru is what kicks off his character development and wanting to save everyone instead of only wanting to save himself. And her wish for “everyone to get along” saves the day thanks to Volcanica.

Late in this arc, Emilia has her name eaten by Gluttony and no one remembers her. However, she isn’t too upset about this, as “the person [she] wanted to remember the most l” (Subaru) did remember her. She keeps fighting nonetheless.

Julius

The main problem that Julius has is the fact that no one remembers him. The bonds that he had made are all gone, except for Subaru, and eventually that’s gone too.

Julius is full of doubts because he has no footing to stand on. Because everyone’s memories of him are gone, his identity is gone. Deep down, he feels like he’s no longer a knight. This is pointed out during his fights with Reid many times.

After his second fight with Reid, Subaru is there to lend a beaten-up Julius his shoulder. Julius refuses it, however, trying to stand on his own. Subaru forcefully helps him anyway. Subaru thinks how Julius is in a similar position to how he was after Julius beat him up in front of a crowd. Remembering how lonely he felt, he makes sure he will not let Julius be alone in this moment.

The identity of Julius is heavily tied to being a knight. His entire personality is built around being knightly. However, Julius thinks of himself as a fake knight, even calling himself a “paper tiger”. He wasn’t even a noble to begin with, and only became so after his parents died. Still, he decides to cling to this role he chose for himself.

Julius is able to fight Reid after reaffirming his identity not as a nameless knight, but as Julius Juukulius. He reforges his bonds with both Anastasia and his quasi-spirits (which become actual spirits). He decides he won’t just wait around for everyone’s memories of him to return, but that he’ll reforge the bonds that were forcefully broken. It is at this point that he can really call himself “the Greatest Knight”.

The Tower Keepers: Reid, Shaula, and Volcanica

Reid and Shaula are both keepers of the tower. Although Shaula’s an ally, and Reid is not.

Reid is built off of memories. He is based off of a point of the first sword saint’s life. He’s pretty confident in himself, and really doesn’t care about most things.

Shaula has been waiting in the tower for 400 years for her “master”, who she mistakes as Subaru, to appear. She is the keeper of the tower, and nothing else.

In the end, Shaula turns into a giant scorpion, her true self lost. When defeated, she breaks apart, leaving nothing but a small scorpion that isn’t even her. However, Shaula is able to confess her love in her last moments in her true form, not as a giant scorpion. And the tiny scorpion left is red, the color of love— Shaula’s feelings still getting through.

Volcanica is a dragon who has lost his memories. He can only repeat the same words. He mistakes Emilia for Satella. He’s compared to an old man with Alzheimer’s. Volcanica‘s self is very shaky and weak, as well as his perception.

Gluttony Trio

For one thing, Louis has never left Old Lagna and instead takes over the bodies of her brothers (and also the place of Subaru). Basically, she takes the identities of others because she doesn’t like her own.

Roy and Ley eat the names and memories of others. Basically, they take away identities.

Louis’s wish is for a new life, a new identity. She wants to find the perfect one. She thinks she’s found it in Subaru, but she’s greatly mistaken. Ironically enough, she does get a new identity, just in a different way

Louis takes and Subaru’s place and basically uses a clone of herself with Subaru’s body and memories prior to transporting. She creates a brand new identity for herself, but the identity still isn’t hers—even if it’s Louis inside, the identity is still Subaru.

After living as Subaru, Louis is left a mess. Her mantra of “want to become happy” is changed to “don’t want to die”. She does have a new identity, but not in the way she wanted

Subaru

Decided to save the best for last

Subaru loses all of his memories prior to transporting. His identity is changed, as now he’s as he was before. This actually shows just how much Subaru has changed, with how different the amnesiac Subaru is.

The amnesiac Subaru has a huge case of imposter syndrome. He treats the original Subaru as someone different from himself. At one point, he even thinks his original self is a murderer. Subaru thinks so lowly of himself, he can’t comprehend this version of himself that everyone speaks so highly of.

Subaru goes nuts and at one point considers killing everyone. This is in part because he read Meili’s Book of the Dead. Meili is basically infecting him, her thoughts constantly overlapping with his own.

Subaru starts to believe in himself when others believe in him. During one loop, Julius, Echidna, Beatrice, and Emilia help Subaru snap out of his anger and paranoia. Emilia asks him for his name, and he answers “Natsuki Subaru”—the one whom Julius entrusted, Beatrice believed in, Echidna forgave, and Emilia wished for. That is his new foundation of self.

Subaru goes through quite the dilemma when he finally meets Louis. He is given the choice of either returning to his original self, and therefore letting his current self disappear, or never get his memories back. He can’t stand “dying” and losing the bonds he made with the people he had grown to love. Yet at this moment, Rem tells him to stand up, because he’s her hero. Subaru decides to fight Louis and her brothers, losing neither his current or old self.

Subaru goes through many, many loops to find the correct way to save everyone. Nothing seems to work. After looping many times, he finds his own Book of the Dead. Then, he relives those deaths and memories of Subaru when he first landed in the new world. After reading, the old Subaru appears—because both Subarus now have the same memories, and have reached the same peak.

The amnesiac Subaru tells the original Subaru that he’s a great person. In this way, Subaru has actually learned to love and value himself. The old Subaru takes on the new Subaru’s memories, and they become one.

Through all of his tumultuous experiences, the bonds he made with others, as well as reading his own Book of the Dead, the amnesiac Subaru was able to reach the same point as his current self. This was how they were able to basically fuse. The amnesiac Subaru was the same Subaru as before, but at the same time, different. How he reached his own growth was different, yet also very similar, to the original Subaru

In conclusion, Subaru lost his identity and was able to find himself.

[impuls1veworm]

LATE NIGHTS.

Mikey X Reader

Draken X Reader

A/N: I'm getting too old to be on this app. You'd think after using it for 10 years, I'd know how to work it. Nope. I literally just figured out ten seconds ago how to make the text small.

— Mikey x Reader

“Do you think we’d still be a couple in another life?” Mikey asked. He had a race tomorrow, so it was supposed to be an early night, but he didn’t seem to be the slightest bit tired. He was always like this the night before a race; the anticipation causing his brain to be firing on all cylinders. When you didn’t respond, Mikey gave your back two quick pokes to get your attention. “Go to bed,” you grumbled. Your husband may not have been tired, but you were. It was a long day of press conferences and preparations for tomorrow, and all you wanted to do was rest.

Mikey wasn’t phased by your response or attitude, instead choosing to further agitate you, “what if we already got married and had five kids?”. The question may have been said to tease you, but Mikey couldn’t help but fantasize about that universe. He could see it so clearly. Visions of him standing in a tux, watching as you walk down the aisle in a beautiful silk wedding gown. The ‘I do’ and gentle kiss the both of you shared as you finish tying the knot. The two of you stare in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test 2 years later. Arguing over nurse colors and baby names.

“Go to bed,” you stressed, trying to get him to get some rest finally. With a fond smile still on his face, he relented. Turning off his back and into his side, wrapping an arm around you, pulling you close.

If only the two of you knew this was the best timeline. The other timeline leaves Mikey an empty shell of a man who leads a life of murder and fraud. No one by his side, but a loyal dog. And you, a corpse, dead by the hands of your first (and last) love.

—Draken x Reader

You had been tossing and turning for what felt like hours. It was now three in the morning, and you felt completely awake. Lying there staring at your phone, you racked your brain to who could possibly still be up at this time. No one came to mind— well, scratch that, actually, one person did. But, it was someone you had no plans to see again; your ex-boyfriend, Draken, who had dumped you a month prior. You were about to set your phone down, roll over, and force yourself to go to bed when a message appeared on your screen.

From: Kenny

‘I can’t sleep.’

Logically, you should erase the message and forget you ever received it. Go on with your life and leave Draken as a fond memory, but your mind raced with ‘what if’s’. What if this was him extending an olive branch. What if he wanted to get back together? What if the two of you did get back together? Would it last this time, or would you be left heartbroken again? You had to know. You knew you’d be filled with regret for the rest of your life if you didn’t see what this would lead to.

To Kenny:

‘Me either…’

And that’s how you ended up in your current predicament. Sitting on your couch with junk food lined in front of the two of you and some corny new horror movie you’d been wanting to see playing on the TV. Draken sat in the middle of the couch, legs spread and his left arm draped over the back, and you with your back against the arm rest and your legs laid across his lap as his right hand's thumb rubbed small circles on your ankle. It was silent, save for the movie playing, but you had no plans to break the silence. You were content and didn’t want to potentially ruin the peaceful atmosphere. Thankfully, you didn’t have to be the one to speak up.

“Sitting here with you like this is nice,” Draken admits. You agreed, wanting to keep your answer short. You didn’t want to open the flood gates and admit that you haven't been happy since he left. How everyday it takes everything in you not to call him and tell him about your day. How when you went to the convenience store, you had to refrain from buying him something as he wouldn’t be waiting for you when you got home.

“I’ve missed,” draken said, running his hand further up your leg, “everything about you.” He stopped at the edge of your night shorts. His fingertips slowly work their way up underneath them before stopping completely just before touching your panties. Pulling Drakens' hands out of your shorts, you intertwined your fingers and gently pulled him towards you. The tips of your nose brushes together, your lips ghosting over his as you said, “am I reading this wrong? If I am…push me away.”

You were almost expecting him to pull away when instead he pulled you closer, claiming your lips. As he pulled you into his lap, refusing to break the kiss, you hoped this time it would last.

[mdzsxperience]

Ghost of You

• summary;; Wei Wuxian is dead, but his ghost never leaves his lover's side. To the point where he might come back ? • wc;; 1k • genres;; historical! au, The Untamed/MDZS alternative ending, fluff ? • ao3;; find the fic here - link

a/n;; This work was actually written a year ago for my English literature class, we had to write many fictional short novels. I had to write one inspired by them ♡ hope you like it.

“Then, Wei Ying, I will wait for you”. “You know I’ll always come back”, he whispered.

But he never did. This time, Lan Wangji lost his lover. Everything felt unreal like it never happened.. but it did.

And so Lan Wangji waited. He waited for something only he knew. He laid face down on the sheets and stared at Bichen and Chenqing, both their instruments next to each other. Even their instruments looked like they belonged together, the light and the dark together as one.

Time should heal him — years of pain, a price he was ready to pay for their love, even if it meant feeling him by his side, till the end. Years after years, years of fighting and years of training. Even if it meant leaving wounds wide open on his heart and spilling blood across the floor — just so that Lan Wangji could stand between Wei Ying and the rest of the world at the time he dared not.

He needed to, he had to. The desperate hope he carried, a hope that kept his heart beating. He would walk down the mountains to get jars of Emperor’s Smile, his lover’s favorite liquor, sometimes lost in memories when he used to scold him for bringing alcohol to the Cloud Recesses and breaking its rules. The rules he broke so many times in the past, and most importantly, Wei Ying breaking the rules is how they met each other for the first time.

Wangji planned out a routine of visiting their secret and safe place, starting by looking at the bunnies. Wangji had always denied loving them, even if he knew very well his lover knew his love for the little furry creatures - using this to his advantage to keep them safe at the Cloud Recesses, not only them but his loud donkey, Little Apple named after the animal’s love for the fruit. He would walk up the mountains just like any other day, bringing both their instruments. He would sit down and play for hours next to a pound, the beautiful melody coming together with the calm sound of the waves from the waterfall — their melody, always hoping for his beloved to appear down the hill, laughing, running, calling out his name. He played it, the sweet melody of their love, the one Wangji wrote for him, a little time after they first met, as annoyed as he was with Wei Ying’s loud behavior, he fell for him.

He never regretted it — falling for him. It was never a mistake for Lan Wangji.

[...]

Gusu was a place Wei Ying never thought he would go by his own will; his lover was there but he never liked that place full of rules — which he often broke regardless anyway. Seeing and being to Gusu as a ghost was a whole different story. He could see how Wangji was making himself busy, how he tried to forget.. even if it was for a short instant that he was now alone. But he could also see how hurt, sad, and devastated he was. Although Wangji never fully expressed his feelings to anyone, when in fact, for him, Wangji's eyes could tell millions of things. Anyone close to him could now tell, even if he had always been someone serious by his look; he was deeply hurt and it could be seen. This pained Wei Ying a lot, he was following him around like a wandering soul. He talked to him even if Wangji could not hear him; he felt like deep down, Wangji knew he was by his side. Wei Ying could see how much the most beautiful person in Gusu cared for him. He saw. He could see how much attention he was giving to things they did together, memories of their adventures. Wei Ying laughed when he saw him taking care of the bunnies, he never admitted to loving them out loud, the start of their journey together. Or when Wangji went over the hundreds of pages he had to write as a punishment for breaking the Cloud Recesses rules on his first stay there. Ying could only smile when looking back on the past; many things happened to them, good and bad. He who despised Gusu so much never spent so much time there, he would never get tired of observing the one who owns his heart.

Wei Ying spent years like this, as a ghost, a soul in the world of the living. Following someone around for 16 years total. He sat down many times, smiling fondly wishing to be by his side again.

“Then, Wei Ying, I will wait for you” “You know I’ll always come back”, he whispered.

Lan Wangji would always remember those words, this exact moment. He played their melody again while he was lost in memories of their good times together, a wish to go back in time. “Lan Zhan,” said a voice, a so familiar voice — a voice he could hear in his dreams. “Lan Zhan!” Wangji looked up to see someone happily walking, showing off a bright smile, his bright smile — here he is, his lover. He did come back after all, as promised. “Wangji, Wangji”, he said with his usual malicious tone. “I know you missed me; I’ve seen you do all these things for me”, he came closer fondly smiling at the one who waited for him still looking at him. “For us.”

“Wei Ying is the sun, the music, and my soul. This one does not need or want anything else but Wei Ying’s heart, in exchange for mine”, are the words Lan Wangji said that night in their home. They played their melody, the two of them again, the Bichen player never felt so happy to hear the sound of Chenqing, to see Wei Ying in front of him playing the flute, the wind softly running in his hair as the sunset. They felt like home, felt complete again.

thanks for reading. ▷ MDZS Home Page

★ ⁺. ໒꒰ྀི｡- ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა ˖⁺‧₊˚

[sophieinwonderland]

We are a tulpagenic system, I told my mom and sister about my headmates and they were accepting and supportive! But after meeting with a psychiatrist that changed.

One day during a depressive episode, a new headmate appeared. This new headmate started fronting everytime I was distressed. He scared me a little because he is kinda aggressive. (I say it in past tense because he doesn't scare me anymore! He has his reasons to be that way).

So yeah I told a psychiatrist about us, because I didn't know what to do and wanted help. She asked me if I had a video of me switching. One of us likes to make videos so we had one. After watching the video she asks me "what happened to you?" I say nothing, she says "something should have happened, because multiple personalities happen because of trauma". So she kept asking if something happened in my childhood, I really didn't know what to answer other than "nothing happened".

I didn't want to tell her about tulpamancy because I thought that would make everything more complicated.

After a time the new headmate fronted and got angry at her, and then she says "I don't want to talk with [new headmate's name] anymore, talk to me as [my name]".

She told me if I keep changing with these "characters" she would send a letter to my university that says I can't study psychology (the career I'm currently studying). At that moment I regretted telling not only her, but my mom and sister about us. My mistake. I admit I didn't think much about the consequences. Also as I said before, I was scared of the new headmate.

After that day when I mention my headmates to my mom and sister, they react strangely. Before, they would be enthusiastic, but now they just keep silent and try to change topics.

Sorry for writing the Bible, I wanted to get this off of my chest. 😅 Have a nice day/afternoon/evening!

Oh, WOW! I'm so sorry that happened. That is awful! And I'm pretty sure illegal.

Even assuming the therapist is ignorant of endogenic systems, this isn't even how you treat someone with DID. DID often comes with amnesia, and this may extend to forgetting of traumatic events. And even if traumatic events aren't remembered, people with PTSD tend to not want to talk about trauma. Avoidant behavior is a key aspect of trauma, and asking you if you're traumatized and getting mad if you say you're not is just a really bad practice, even for patients who actually have DID.

On top of that, while I don't know where you're from, in the United States at least, sending a letter to your university feels like a huge violation of HIPAA. I'm not certain if it's technically illegal to merely threaten to violate a patient's rights, but the fact they did, and in order to bully you into denying your experiences, at least indicates that they have no business treating other patients.

I would highly recommend finding a new psychiatrist immediately if you haven't already.

You did NOTHING wrong by coming out.

The psychiatrist who you seen is a terrible doctor and a danger to their patients. You aren't to blame for their actions.

[imbadatwrighting]

hi um

could i get this prompt “Haha! You think I love you? That’s pathetic.” with dick grayson x GN! reader

got prompt from here

I tried to let my inner demons come out in this one 😈 when I finished I felt like it was only mild angst so idk how y’all will feel about this

Pairing: Dick Grayson x gn!reader

Tags: angst, depression, mentions of alcohol poisoning, alcoholism, no use on “Y/n”, alcoholic!reader, fights, drunk!reader, cut on foot, blood, reader being called ‘baby’, forgetful!reader, mentions of death, lowkey kinda crappy, kinda toxic behavior

wc: idk I’ll figure it out later

Prompt: “haha! you think i love you? that’s pathetic.”

Dick knew something was wrong. More wrong than the usual. You never shut him out before. Never.

Sure you had your downs like when you had a bad day at work. But you always made sure to communicate with Dick in order to prevent something you’d regret immediately.

So why weren’t you doing that now?

Instead you were in your room staring at the empty bottles across your floor. What were you doing? Your brain felt fuzzy and calm, yet it also wasn’t. The only thing you could properly understand is trying not to throw up.

You didn’t hear the front door slam shut nor the sounds of footsteps, but you could clearly hear the voice downstairs calling out your name. No matter how much you tried to block it out, you just couldn’t.

Sometimes you really regretted letting Dick get rid of your heroin.

You wanted to be left alone, but it didn’t seem like your boyfriend wanted the same thing.

Your bedroom door opened slowly. You looked up making direct eye contact with your boyfriend. You let out a groan.

“Baby? What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” he asked, crouched down to look you in the face. His voice was filled with a mix of concern and anger but it sounded so angelic. You wanted to listen to him talk on repeat. That made you feel sick. You tried your hardest not to roll your eyes.

Wait…why did you feel sick? You couldn’t remember. That was the joy of alcohol, you had no fucking idea what was going on. You felt like you could actually forget about the deaths you witnessed. Except no matter what you couldn’t, your drunk self just had to deal with it instead.

“Go away,” you slurred out, trying to stand without falling on your ass.

“You look like you’re going to pass out so I’m not going away,” he hissed, standing up to his full height.

He reached out at your swaying form trying to keep you balanced. Dick forced himself to let out a deep breath. Being mad would just be bad for both of you.

“Come on, I think you should go to the hospital. I’m worried you might have alcohol poisoning,” he sighed trying to pull you out of the room.

You pushed him away, stumbling into a broken piece of glass lodged into the bottom of your foot. “I don’t have alcohol poisoning, Dick.”

“I’ve been to enough clubs to know when someone has alcohol poisoning. Besides look at your foot, that needs stitches.”

You glanced down at your foot noticing it’s bloody appearance. When did that happen? You had no clue.

“That’s nothing,” you said lifting your foot up. You looked at the glass shard in your foot before roughly pulling it out, watching the blood shoot out. It was…hypnotizing.

Dick grimaced but didn’t say anything about it. “Why didn’t you call me? I could have helped you,” he sighed.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Your voice sounding more sober than previously.

"We have to talk about it! You’re shutting me out! It’ll only get worse, I just want to help," he groaned.

Your eyes drifted towards Dick. “You’re cheating on me. That’s my reason Dick!”

Was he? That’s why you’re mad at him, right?

Your boyfriend froze, his eyebrows furrowing. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m not cheating on you.”

“Don’t fucking lie to my face Dick, I’m not oblivious,” you scoff. “I hate liars and cheaters making you look very bad right now.”

Dick stared at your facial expressions. Your eyes were moving quickly, looking at whatever they could. Your mouth was barely open as you were huffing air like you ran out of oxygen.

You’ve been mad before at Dick, but not like this. You weren’t blushing with rage or were your eyes filled with tears waiting to leave. No. That never came and Dick wasn’t exactly sure that was a good thing.

Dick let out a deep sigh trying to remain calm. This was all just a misunderstanding, that’s all. Just a big misunderstanding.

“Listen to me, I’m not cheating on you, I’ve never cheated and never will,” he spoke trying to keep his voice down, but the thought of you believing that he would cheat made him want to burst.

You remained quiet for a moment, calming yourself down. “Why should I trust you?”

“You trusted me before, I see no reason why you can’t now,” he huffed. His anger was getting to him. All he wanted was to lay in bed with you and forget the problems of the world, yet here he was.

Your slurred laugh reverberated off the walls of your room. "When did I ever say I trusted you?"

Dick's hands balled up into fists. “Let’s just calm down, ok? I’ll clean your foot, we won’t go to the hospital, I swear.”

“No, Dick. Not till you tell me. When the fuck did I say I ever trusted you? Because honestly the way you eye fuck Starfire I don’t think I would’ve ever said that,” you growled. You saw the way he looked at Starfire, or was he looking at you?

"When you told me you loved—and always will love—me," he responded, ignoring the rest of what you said.

God, you seriously thought you were going to throw up.

A sloppy grin formed on your face. "Haha!" you slurred, "You think I love you? That's pathetic."

Dick's hands unclenched and his breath went ragged. His eyes remained on your figure watching the smile leave your face as you stared back at him.

Your face was calm, like you didn’t even think about regretting anything you said. But on the inside you were panicking, not that you would show it.

When did you ever say you needed Dick anyways?

God, if anyone else said that to him, Dick wouldn’t even consider staying with them, but you’ve always been different in Dick’s eyes.

“You’re drunk,” he muttered out.

“So?” you laughed, “I’m honest when I’m drunk.” No you weren’t. Yet you watched as Dick hesitantly walked out your bedroom door.

You walked after him grabbing him by the wrist. “Where the hell are you going? I should be walking away not you!” you screamed.

Dick twisted his arm out of your grip. "I thought you got your shit together," he hissed, walking through your front door and slamming it shut.

He knew he would be back, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t leave you.

But you just stared at the door before shrugging. What did you do?

You couldn’t remember.

[ananke-xiii]

“Regarding Dean” is an okay episode, the perfect episode to place between “Lily Sunder has Some Regrets” and “Stuck in the Middle with You”. It feels filler-y but it’s totally not because it shows us where Sam and Dean stand as far as s12 main themes are concerned: family&love.

To the surprise of probably nobody, we find out that Sam is struggling a lot when it comes to how he positions himself within his family and around the people he loves. Dean, on the other hand, is walking on a much safer ground (which seems like a joke since the ep is literally about Dean slowly losing his memory but I’ll get there), he’s ready to move on to the next chapter of his life, a chapter where his relationship with his brother is not his only&main focus.

Who are the other members of Sam and Dean’s family? This episode tells us it’s Mary and Cas. Even though, so far in the season, Mary has come and gone, Cas has spent a considerable amount of time with none other than Crowley and the brothers have spent a couple of months in prison, the episode explicitly highlights multiple times that Mary and Cas are their family, no matter the amount of time they all actually spend together: what matters is the infamous bond between them.

And who’s feeding this bond? Who’s actually keeping in touch with Mary and Cas? Who’s the primary point of contact? Dean, of course. At the beginning of the episode, when Sam meets Dean at the waffle joint and realizes Dean is maybe drunk and his smartphone is dead, he says: “All right, well, I'll text Mom, make sure she knows to get a hold of me in case of emergency. And Cas, in case he tracks down Kelly”.

So it’s safe to say (and it is because we’ve already seen in past episodes that Sam is definitely not the one playing games and texting with Mary, nor the one calling Cas or receiving calls from him: people in this family know who to contact and it’s not Sam) that Sam is somehow detached from this family dynamic and, we’ll later discover, doesn’t really know what to make of this.

After Sam discovers that Dean is not hangover but hexed, the first thing Dean says is: “Look, we could figure this out, okay? Don't go callin' Mom or Cas with this”. Mmmm, interesting. We’re back to Mary and Cas. Again. And why shouldn’t Sam call them? And, maybe more importantly, why Sam doesn’t call them anyway? So maaany questions :P

The last time Mary and Cas are mentioned together again is in the mirror scene. Dean is regarding himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to remember who he is and he defines himself as follows: “Ahh. Okay. My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Uh, Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast—Cas is my best friend”. So Dean defines himself based on his relationship with the different family members: brother, son, best friend. Once he starts forgetting who these people are he also starts forgetting himself:

“My name is Dean Wi—Winchester.

My name—My name is...

My... My... I don’t know”.

This is crucial. The scene is quite tragic but it’s telling us an important truth: what matters to Dean, what’s important to him to the point that it defines who he is, is his relationship with his family, with the people he loves. I said that it’s quite tragic because, at least to me, it’s a bit bleak that Dean doesn’t know who he is without other people. But I’ll come back to this point later.

So who is Dean? The reply comes right after the mirror scene from Rowena’s mouth: “Oh, you're a killer, Dean Winchester”. And this is super interesting because  just before we had this dialogue:

Rowena: You can really remember nothing, can you? What a gift not to recall the things you've done.

Dean: What have I done?

Are people the things they have done? Rowena could’ve said “You kill people, Dean” but no, she says “You are a killer”. And okay, the use of the verb “to kill” can start a debate on morals&justice&law (what’s the difference between killing and being a killer etc) but not the point here. The point here being that Rowena, regarding Dean, is confusing being and doing but Dean is not. He replies: “Wait, I... I kill people?”.

Rowena continues in her “misunderstanding”:

Rowena: But... but... though you may be a stubborn pain in the arse with the manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler, everything you've done, you've done... for the greater good.

Dean: Oh, and that's supposed to make it okay?

Rowena: I wouldn't know. You help those other than yourself. But me, I've done horrible things, and I told myself it was fine. It was the price of power. And power's what matters, right?

Then I met God and his sister. The two most powerful beings in the universe, wasting it on squabbling with each other. I thought, if—if they can't be happy, or at least satisfied, how can there be any hope for me?

Okay, so now we maybe have a clearer picture of who Dean is: he’s a killer (or he kills people) but he does so for the greater good. To help people other than himself. This is not exactly news to us, I mean, this episode is not telling us anything actually NEW about Dean but the catch is that it’s not about him, it’s about regarding him. How people perceive him and how he perceives himself. The last being the most important thing, we’ll have the answer at the end of the episode.

Rowena also drops the “happy” bomb. She’s talking based on the assumption that she must do things in order to be happy, even if these are horrible things, things she tells herself she's fine doing them because it’s the price of power. We’re starting to see the old theme of the “price of happiness” and Rowena thinks she’s paid it but she’s still unhappy and she’s becoming hopeless.

(Cas' love declaration in s15x18 echoes Rowena's dialogue, apart from the Dean thing (you're not a killer aka you're not how your enemies regard you, you're the most caring man aka you're how the people that love you regard you etc), Cas' words circle around the same concept: happiness is not in the having, is in the being or, maybe even more importantly, is in the giving oneself permission to be your true self)

Now we need to talk about Sam. While Dean is having an existential crisis in the bathroom, Sam drops another fucking bomb: “You know, I've seen my brother die, but watching him become... not him... This might actually be worse”.

Excuse me, sir? I mean, this is a very very loaded thing to say. To Sam Winchester seeing his brother dying might be better than watching him become not him. Which is also incorrect, because Dean is not not becoming him, he’s just Dean without "the weight" of the past on his shoulders. (btw, will somebody please give a hug to this giant man who's lived a life where death is o-kay and what's worse is living and not knowing how to move on? Please??? He needs it!) I think this says more about how Sam feels about himself than about how he feels about Dean and his relationship with his brother. And I think I’m right because at the end of the episode Sam explicitly says he was jealous. Sam really should be the one regarding himself in the mirror (and it’s a fucking shame that we didn’t get something like this for Sam because god, it’d be bomb) trying to remember who he is because Dean might be losing his memories but Sam is totally lost and in the dark.

He doesn’t call Mary or Cas because ??? but he does call Rowena for help, Rowena magically teleports and immediately arrives (okay she has an agenda but she does come super quickly, let’s give her that), she agrees to help them and to all of that Sam says: “I obviously don’t trust you”. Which, to be honest, fair, Sam I approve your long-lasting distrust of everything that has to do with Crowley because you have real reasons to do so. But it’s also time for you to learn to create meaningful connections and you cannot do so if you’re not willing to trust people. (important: Rowena tries to steal the Black Grimoire in this ep, the same book that she’ll try to steal in s13. Sam will then give her the one page she needs for her spell, so, you know, way to go Sam! It takes him one whole season to trust Rowena with one only page of the book but, progress).

Okay, time to wrap this rambling up with the final scene. We have this dialogue right here and it’s so gooood:

Sam: So how you holding up after the spell?

Dean: That thing kicked my ass.

Sam: You know, I gotta be honest. I was actually, uh, a little jealous at first.

Dean: Of what? The curse that nearly killed me?

Sam: No, just, you know... some of the things we've done, we've had this weight for... forever. And seeing it gone, uh, you looked happy.

Dean: Huh. Well, look, was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah, maybe. Hell, probably. But it wasn't just the crap that got lost. I mean, it was everything. It was us, it was what we do, you know? All of it. So... that's what being happy looks like? I think I'll pass.

Sam and Rowena were a little jealous at first. Because Dean showed them life without the weight of the things they carry, the things they’ve done. Dean looked HAPPY. We can infer that Sam and Rowena are not happy, they do feel the weight of the things they’ve done and they would like OUT. They still have a long walk ahead of them to discover who they are apart from what they do and decide what’s next, what they decide to do, who they want to be and what are the actions that can lead them there.

But Dean, Dean is almost there, people. He’s not lost at all, even though he was the one with the brain almost gone. “It was us” and “it was what we do”. The distinction for him it’s clear. And he has weighted the pros and the cons and he has decided that IF that's what happiness is, if happiness is just forgetting about the crap, forgetting about the past, he will pass. He’s not willing to pay the price for a happiness where he doesn’t have a connection with his family, where the people he cares about (and for whom he does very bad things) are not there. The price for the supposed happiness is not worth Sam, Mary and Cas.

Earlier I said that I thought it was bleak, you know, not knowing yourself apart from other people. But the last scene where Dean is riding Larry (and he’s not yet under the spell so he’s Dean-Dean there) gives a lot of unexpected hope.

The song in the background is nostalgic and, frankly sad:

“So dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy

Dream while you can

For soon, you'll be a dreadful thing

My son, you'll be a man”

But it’s appropriate. Dean has accepted that, for him, caring for the people he loves is what constitutes his happiness. He has accepted that “horrible things” have been done and maybe will be done in their names. Acceptance is key: he’s on the right path to discover new parts of himself. He doesn't want to lose "the crap" because losing it means he'll also lose the people he cares about. And without the these people, without Sam, Mary and Cas, he doesn't yet know who he is. But he wants to find out. He wants to move on. And he wants to move on with the people he loves, doing "the good and the bad", not alone, oblivious and fake-happy. It’s bittersweet as all changes are but it must be done. He’s ready to grow up, ready to be a man, ready for love, ready to start a family, guys :").

(unfortunately it'll all go to pieces when Cas dies and Mary disappears in the AU (OF COURSE Dean will lose his will to live after that, because he was still in the process of differantiating himself from others, but he was SO there ffs) so thanks for nothing s12)(s14 "Lebanon" thankfully comes back to this theme and there Dean finally says, again and out loud for the people in the back, that he's okay with the choices he's made because they resulted in this crazy-ass, totally weirdo, supernatural family and he loves it and he's good with that. PERIOD)

[myfairkatiecat]

Guys “Only Us” from DEH is the sokeefe song. It’s literally chapter 42 of stellarlune but as a song.

Click read more. Please. It’s perfect. I need you to see the vision

Plugging in Sophie’s name for Zoe and Keefe’s name for Evan, we’ve got:

[Sophie]

I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you

I don't need you to search for the proof that I should

You don't have to convince me

You don't have to be scared you're not enough

'Cause what we've got going is good

I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken

I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget

Clear the slate and start over

Try to quiet the noises in your head

We can't compete with all that

^sophie telling keefe she doesn’t care about the “complications” in chapter 42. She doesn’t want to keep thinking about everything that’s messed up and broken. She wants him to quiet his mind and focus on them (also “quiet the noises in your head” is such a telepath line? That’s totally something Sophie would say to a boy who she knows firsthand has an intense and busy mind!!)

So what if it's us?

What if it's us

And only us

And what came before won't count anymore or matter?

Can we try that?

What if it's you

And what if it's me

And what if that's all that we need it to be

And the rest of the world falls away?

What do you say?

^again. Sophie doesn’t care about the complications. In The Sokeefe Chapter, she wants it to be just them. That’s why she planned her confession and went to a romantic place with keefe free from interruptions (or well…. Big interruptions). Keefe is obviously worried about messing things up in that chapter and Sophie doesn’t care. She has no regrets. She just wants him.

[Keefe]

I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me

So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go

But if you really see me

If you like me for me and nothing else

Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know

^ it is for longer than Sophie could possibly know. He’s liked her forever and now she finally likes him back and he feels like he’s in a dream.

So it can be us

It can be us

And only us

And what came before won't count anymore or matter

We can try that

[Both]

It’s not so impossible

[Keefe]

Nobody else but the two of us here

[Both]

Cause you’re saying it’s possible

[Sophie]

We can just watch the whole word disappear

[Both]

Til you’re the only one I still know how to see

[Keefe]

It’s just you and me

[Sophie]

It'll be us

It'll be us

And only us

And what came before won't count anymore

[Both]

We can try that

You and me

And that’s all that we need it to be

And the rest of the world falls away

And the rest of the world falls away

The world falls away

The world falls away

And it’s only us

^it’s perfect for chapter 42. Because in DEH, when Evan and Zoe thing this song, it might be just them for the moment, but this actually happens right before everything starts falling apart, because it isn’t only them, not in their lives. Immediately after chapter 42, Sophie has to go face her cognate/ex and tell him the truth, and then they have to all go search for Elysian and Sophie has a strained relationship with her cognate. But in that one moment, it felt like just them, and it was perfect.

Guys.

This is the sokeefe chapter 42 song.

[willow-asin-winnie]

I am of the correct opinion that songs in languages other than English need more love and for that matter, let me introduce you to: My German Batfam Playlist Project!

And who do we start with? Jason! So here, enjoy the playlist and my elaborations, because I have thoughts and will not keep my mouth shut <333

The masterlist <3

Also on ao3.

Neue Probleme ("New Problems") by Crystal F:

Life takes it course, no matter if you're prepared or not. Nothing ever seems normal, you'll always wait for life to finally make sense. Sound familiar?

Notable lyrics: "I think too often that I am nothing and that I can do nothing, far removed from the man I wanted to be"; "If something good happens, it's the others."; "I'm still afraid they'll forget me"

Durch die Nacht ("Through the night") by Pavel Paloma:

This one, actually, is the robin-anthem and therefore, Jason has his part as well, maybe I'll translate the lyrics fully at some point (there's no official lyrics, so mhmm). Anyway, it's a story of someone literally running through the night with someone else, dancing through it, but something changes over the course of time.

Notable lyrics: "Now I'm running through the city alone, I'm running through the night alone"; "Now I need to see where I stand, it's half past three in the night, please don't come back, please let me to you"

Trophäe ("Trophy") by Paula Carolina:

Being betrayed by the one you loved, feeling you're just a trophy to them. The lyrics explain it better than I could, but it's so angry jason coded.

Notable lyrics: "No, no, I don't want to be your trophy, just one out of many"; "No, no, I won't be your trophy, why don't you hang the others on your wall?"; "Your network, it's always your network, will it save you once you're hurt?"; "Will you notice if I'm suddenly gone?"; "And sometime, once you're alone, in an empty room, sitting in front of your daughter, Maybe you'll think of me, how you forgot my birthday."

Hier raus ("Out of here") by Cédric L'amour:

You look towards the one that wronged you full of anger. You need to get out of there, before you do something you'll regret. Doesn't that sound like his anger towards not only Batman, but also Tim?

Notable lyrics: "The people scream your name and I don't understand the hype"; "I need to get out of here, just out, if I don't leave right now I can't promise anything"; "Why is nobody saying anything? Why is nobody appalled? But I have to accept it?"; "I will get my revenge"

Blut / Leben ("Blood / Life") by REPLEKA:

Basically what the song says is: As long as you would come save me, I can die tomorrow. How is that not Jason coded?

Notable lyrics: "You were what kept me alive"; "I can't see anything, it's foggy, just reflections of neon lights in your eyes"; "Your blood flows through my veins"; "I trusted you blind although you couldn't see"

Wand ("Wall") by Ennio:

This song screams desperation. You built your wall and you kinda want people to try and break it, but oh what if they succeed? Who even am I behind it? But life has to go on anyway, somehow.

Notable lyrics: "I built my wall, people look at it. Will someone come close and try to understand?"; "They say do what's right, but when you do it's not right."; "You're not in the mood [to argue and to mingle], decline the call, and down your drink."

Alles nur gelogen ("It's all a lie") by KAFFKIEZ:

I see this song as the transition period between him not wanting to go home and slowly warming up to the family again. It's rocky, it's all different, but what can you do?

Notable lyrics: "It's all a lie, nothing is as it once was"; "I'm never home, I promise too much [...], I'll be home for Christmas, maybe"; "Whatever I say, it's not fair, I can't be fair enough for us both right now"; "I'd say I miss you, but I'm scared what that means, so I just try to move on and forget who we once were"

Elektronisches Mädchen ("E-girl/Electronic girl", but in a very very literally translated sense.) by Punk Christ:

This one, I can't quite explain. It's actually about people desperately trying to be different from the others, but subsequently being just like everyone else.

How is Batman commiting crimes in the name of justice okay, but not him?

Notable lyrics: "You say you're punk, she says your emo, he says you're just an electronic girl"; "Just admit you're actually like everyone else"

Mein Spiegelbild (hasst mich) ("My mirror image (hates me)") by raumfisch, Liser:

Being very painfully aware of your own flaws, but struggling to do anything against them. Also, what even are the chances Jason never broke a mirror after meeting the others again?

Notable lyrics: "Even the cashier at the corner store knows my life is a lie"; "It's not bad to be alone, I'll just drink for two."; "I count the flaws of the reflection, thoughts swirling. The image laughs, because he knows better. I fall for it"; "No, I'm not hurt, I am fine on my own, even if the shards of my mirror tell a different story."

Warte, warte ("wait, wait") by Subway To Sally:

Jason in his revenge era. Just. Look at the lyrics and you'll get it.

Notable lyrics: "In the streets, on the markets, you hear it quiet then loud, there is a monster in the city"; "a few people disappeared, now the people live in fear"; "in the dark, the werewolf is waiting for you. Wait, wait just a little while, wait, just wait for him."; "Everything around us falls apart, and in midst of the flames sneaks the monster into the light, bites down on your throat, drinks your blood and wishes so much that they'll talk of him in even a hundred years"; "All wolves and vampires, all demons, are just this: Humans that hunt humans"

Mein Kopf ist eine Party ("My mind is a party") by Paula Engels:

A party as a metaphor for panic, basically. It fits. Trust me on this. I think the deeper reason I think it fits is because Jason's arcs don't make sense in my head without panic. The anger and fear after being resurrected, everything that happened after, the "replacement" thing.

There is underlying panic, once the rage is not present enough to distract him from it.

Notable lyrics: "My mind is a party, can't breathe. I haven't felt for too long how it feels to feel nothing."; "My mind is a party, don't want to be here. I'm alone and the room closes in. Is the party winning?"; "The room is too small, all their stares on me, suddenly everything is quiet. They smirk is wide, say: 'You can only lose'"; "And I ask myself 'Is this still normal?'"

deine mama mag mich nicht ("your mother doesn't like me") by Yunus:

Okay, so. This is a hypothetical, okay? It's a great song. In theory it's about the parents of your love disapproving of you. But just. Bear with me.

Notable lyrics: "your mother doesn't like me, she's afraid of losing you, although i was always so friendly to them"; "I stand in front of your family like a sacrifice, don't know if I can do it again."; "I feel their death stares on me, but they can forget me breaking up with you."; "If they knew I'll stay, they'd kick me out"; "I hold back, why don't I ignore it? Where does love start and where does it end?"

...Hear me out. Red Hood Jason as the narrator. With past Jason as the lover.

GUT<BESSER<ICH ("GOOD<BETTER<ME") by TJ_beastboy:

Jason high on confidence. What you can do, I can do better. Nothing else to add.

Notable lyrics: "Didn't you already know? It goes: Good, better, me."

CONCLUSION:

More people need to listen to German music and I will supply you with it. If you enjoyed my ramblings and subpar translation skills, make sure you check out the next playlists once I post them.

Also, if you enjoyed the songs, make sure to check out some of the artists other work! Some of them are still very small and it would mean the world to me (and probably them) if more people got to enjoy their music.

Also, here the link again, in case the one above doesn't work: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5HvMcE3IEO84vgqvNpr3d9?si=8376107780924f79