positively-sex-positive

[positively-sex-positive]

Reminder that it doesn’t make you less bi if you don’t feel sexually attracted to either of the genders you like or if you don’t feel sexual attraction at all!

It also doesn’t make you less bi if you only feel sexual attraction, and not romantic attraction to one, or more, genders!

[positively-sex-positive]

If my partner and I have had sex before, does that mean I have their consent next time we have sex?

Since we know consent can be given and withdrawn at any time, a partner must give clear, enthusiastic consent for each sexual act every time it happens. A person can say “no” at any time, even in the middle of sex or if they have said “yes” before.  

[positively-sex-positive]

On being a fat medical student, at the start of our metabolism module

We’re starting our “metabolism” module at med school this week, and I’m dreading it with every fibre of my being. You see, I am going to be a doctor, and I am fat.

I’m not the type of fat you feel after you’ve had a big lunch, and your usually flat belly is protesting against the waistband of your jeans. I’m the real kind. My BMI hovers a couple of points below “morbidly obese”.

I worry a lot about what people will think of me as a fat doctor. For the smartarses among you, of course I’ve tried to be non-fat, it goes without saying. The thing is though, bodies don’t really like weighing less all of a sudden and are pretty good at reversing things in the long run. Mostly my body settles back to the same size 18 shape eventually.

I am always aware of my fatness, but perhaps more so here at medical school. We are training to work with bodies, and mine is a type of body we warn our patients not to have. It is the first thing described in every list of ‘modifiable risk factors’. A colleague suggests “just don’t let yourself get too fat” as we talk about preventing a certain type of cancer. A final exam question asks us to list four poor health outcomes associated with obesity. I sit through lectures with slides that have sniggering titles like “how BIG is the problem?”

Keep reading

[positively-sex-positive]

Something horrible is happening on youtube

I’m going to preface this post with a content warning. This post is about child abuse. The video I’m going to link includes actually video footage of child abuse. It is one of the most upsetting videos I have ever watched. My post includes in depth descriptions of child abuse. 

This morning I watched a Youtube video discussing and highlighting what is happening on another Youtube channel. If you have the stomach for it, I’d suggest watching the video because Phillip DeFranco does a much better job of summarizing the situation than I can. 

For those of you who can’t watch, I’ll give you a very brief rundown. 

The Youtube channel DaddyOfFive is a combination family vlog and prank channel. In a recent video, the parents pull a prank where they pour invisible ink on one of the kid’s floors and then make him think that they believe he poured ink all over the floor. They scream and swear at this little boy, shouting things like “What the fuck did you do?” while the boy cries and cowers, looking genuinely terrified. Even the best child actors could not pull off looking as genuinely devastated as this child does. 

As DeFranco highlights in his video, although all the children are pranked, it seems that this one child (Cody) takes the brunt of the cruelty. In many videos he is seen being hit, kicked, pushed, and pinned down by his older siblings. In one video his father pushes him face first into a book case. In one video Cody begs his family to stop, saying that he’s tired of this. In another video his parents scream at him and tell him he’s the only one in the family who can’t “take a joke”. 

In response to some of the flak they have been getting, the parents uploaded a video about “Blocking All The Haters”. They goad the children into saying on camera that they aren’t being abused. Now keep in mind, the kids have been told that all the “Cool stuff” they have been getting is because of the Youtube channel. They know that if the pranks stop, the cool stuff goes away. Most of the children chime in that they are not being abused. Cody hardly says anything. The oldest boy says, “At least you aren’t beating us”. 

What is happening to Cody is child abuse. It is emotional, psychological and physical abuse. It is torture. And the worst part of it all is that it is monetized. The parents are being paid by advertisers to abuse this child under the guise of “It’s just a prank, bro”. 

So what can we do?

First of all, we can report the videos on DaddyOfFive’s channel for containing depictions of child abuse. If you decide to help by doing this, please be sure to flag the specific instances of abuse such as Cody being pushed or the parents screaming vulgarities at the children. 

Second of all, we can let the companies advertising on this channel know that we won’t be buying anything from a company that sponsors videos of child abuse. 

Finally, if anyone knows this family in person, they can make a report to CPS. Now the family is claiming that they’ve already been investigated and “cleared” by CPS, but that’s not how this works. Repeated reports mean repeated investigations. You do not give up and look the other way when a child is being abused just because CPS failed to act the first time. When my neighbors were abusing their children, I had to call CPS every week for over a month before something was done. Don’t give up.

[positively-sex-positive]

Joycelyn Elders was the first African American and second woman appointed as Surgeon General of the United States. She was removed from her position because she was an outspoken advocate for contraception and sex ed and believed that masturbation should be promoted as an alternative to sex.

[positively-sex-positive]

I am. So angry.

Listen to me.

I do not care whether or not you believe vaccines cause autism. Even though studies have shown time and time again that vaccines don’t cause autism and the original study stating that there was a link with autism and vaccines was fraudulent, it does not matter.

The reason that people are concerned about vaccines causing autism is because they’re not thinking of the long-term. Here’s the truth: when you are choosing to not having your child vaccinated because you’re afraid of autism, you are actively choosing death over a neurodevelopmental disorder. Let me phrase that in another way – you are either picking autism or death. It doesn’t have to be the death of your child. It can be literally any child. And death is the worst case scenario. Autism is not the worst case scenario. Death is always and will constantly be the worst case scenario.

There are children who are too young to get vaccines. There are kids who have compromised immune systems that cannot get vaccines. Your child getting vaccinated prevents these illnesses from spreading and keeps those children safe. It’s called community immunity and it’s important to maintain that so people don’t die.

tl;dr - Stop being a selfish asshole and get your kids vaccinated. There are worse things in the world than autism.

And before anyone starts coming to my inbox screaming about how “I don’t know how bad autism can be”, I know. Not only do I have a neurodevelopmental disorder, but I also had a friend with a severely autistic brother that could not talk when he was fifteen. I know. And even after witnessing him and being through my own shit, I would still get my kids vaccinated because I want them, and other kids, to live.

[positively-sex-positive]

Two more things:

1. There are good alternatives to latex condoms if you are allergic. In Europe you will find some by Durex or Billy Boy, the best ones I found where the Manix Skyn. In the US those are called LifeStyles, but you'll also find some by Trojan or Durex.

2. Condoms come in different sizes. Much like penisses come in different sizes. Using the right size significantly decreases risk of breakage. Make sure that you are using the right sized condom by measuring your/your partners penis circumferencd. Measure the widest part and then use a condom calculator to find the right sized condom. (find one on www.condom-sizes.org)

Have fun :-)

THE WEEK OF THE CONDOM

Happy National Condom Week (NCW)!  Each year, NCW falls on the week of Valentine’s Day. That is not an accident.  

 Valentine’s Day is a time when we celebrate love and attraction.  A lot of people don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day, but some do decide to celebrate by having sex, and sex without protection can be a problem.

That is why we have NCW – to remind everyone that using a latex condom the right way when you have sex can prevent unplanned pregnancy and reduce the risk of getting or giving a sexually transmitted infection such as HIV or gonorrhea.  During NCW we talk about condoms in a fun way so that people can become less shy about it. Plus, we hope that fewer people will make a sexual mistake that could get them into trouble!

External, or “male” condoms work really well, but they have to be used the right way.  There are three big mistakes that people may make that could lead to a condom fail.  

Did you know that condoms have an expiration date?  Condoms are made of latex and latex weakens after time. Just like you wouldn’t drink expired milk, you shouldn’t use a condom after its expiration date.  

 Another thing about condoms is that exposing them to heat for a long time also weakens them. Don’t expose condoms to a lot of heat.  If you keep condoms IN your backpack or purse, make sure not to leave it inside a hot car.  If you have condoms in your wallet, take the old ones out every few weeks and throw them away.  Then put in fresh, new ones. The heat from your body over time can hurt the condom. If you take hot showers, the bathroom is not a great place to keep condoms. Make sure to keep them in a drawer at room temp.

 Sometimes, because the lubricant on condoms is silicone- or water-based, the lubricant dries-up. Never use extra lubricant that has oil in it or you will be sorry. You should only add lubricant that is made for using condoms, such as K-Y, Trojan, Wet, ID, Pur, or Astroglide.  This kind of silicone- or water-based lubricant is available at many stores on the same shelf that you find condoms.

Once a person does these 3 things – checks the expiration date; keeps condoms out of the heat; and keeps oil away from condoms – then read and follow the instructions. Yes, condoms have instructions. They are pretty easy, but they are important.  If you every have trouble understanding the instructions, you might look it up online or ask someone who knows.

 For some fun condom trivia, keep your eyes out for Part Two!

[positively-sex-positive]

!!!

The 14 points of Fascism

Powerful and Continuing Nationalism Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of “need.” The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.

Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.

Supremacy of the Military Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

Rampant Sexism The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.

Controlled Mass Media Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

Obsession with National Security Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.

Religion and Government are Intertwined Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government’s policies or actions.

Corporate Power is Protected The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

Labor Power is Suppressed Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.

Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund the arts.

Obsession with Crime and Punishment Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

Rampant Cronyism and Corruption Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

Fraudulent Elections Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

[positively-sex-positive]

Money cat. I'll believe it when I see it, but the cats too cute not to reblog ☺

[positively-sex-positive]

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

[positively-sex-positive]

[positively-sex-positive]

Fighting beauty stereotypes in the music industry.

I just found out about 20-year old green-haired ALMA who just rocks my world! She doesn’t conform to the industries beauty standard, and doesn’t she just look wonderful?! Listen to her songs, which are amazing and SO powerful! :) Ah, I’m in love! :)

[positively-sex-positive]

This is one of my favourite youtube videos ever. It mirrors my experience with emotional abuse, but aside from my personal experience, it is just generally important for everyone to see. It educates you on what abuse may be, and the fact that you may not even realise it is occurring. It educates you to notice abusive situations and to leave them if possible. Check this link too, if you think you may be in an abusive relationship: http://thecoalition.org/what-is-abuse/

[positively-sex-positive]

Ok, so this wee quiz just actually made me feel a little better. And I did do the thing it suggested :) Found here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/anjalipatel/what-should-you-do-to-feel-a-little-better?utm_term=.vaal5goQ9#.mjnaWmV2w

[positively-sex-positive]

This is the most important thing. Suffering from something along the lines of vaginismus (though less severe) myself, I know how horribly long it took me to get a name for why I couldn't have penetrative sex without pain. Spread awareness. Some cis women can't have vaginal sex, and they are still valid people, still sexual beings - respect and love them and work with them, not against them, if you are in a relationship with someone who has vaginismus or any other form of problems pertaining to vaginal sex. I remember how much it took a toll on my first relationship, as my then boyfriend wasn't quite mature enough to get that penetrative sex was painful and not fun for me...

We all know what erectile dysfunction is but literally no one is ever taught what vaginismus is and it can cause people to feel extremely lost, broken, and cause people to take their own lives. Raise. Awareness.

[positively-sex-positive]

No One Bloody Talks About It: Helen’s Letter

Dear Helen,

I don’t know if it was because you were the third child or because sex education was lacking at your school or because you were always so anxious and didn’t want to draw attention to yourself- but you just never got the “sex talk” you deserved. Or- I should say- sex talks. Because there should have been more than one, it should have been a rolling conversation and you should have been made to feel perfectly comfortable at every stage. Someone should have noticed if you were laughing uncomfortably or if you were unsure or pretending you knew it all, and someone should have been there to answer your questions.

Unfortunately you didn’t get this; you didn’t get what you deserved and sex as a result was left as a big concept, it swamped you for a long time.

These are the things you should have been told…

Listen to your body. Your body knows if something is right or wrong- you have amazing intuition- do not shut this down. Don’t let someone else, or the situation or even you talk yourself into doing something that ultimately you shouldn’t and don’t want to be doing. If your body is not responding positively, if you’re not getting turned on, if you’re panicking, if you’re purposely thinking of other things or if you can’t feel anything- you need to listen to this and stop what’s happening. This is about taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. You deserve to be put first.

Don’t be scared or ashamed to look at yourself- all of you. Whip that mirror out and look at your vagina. Explore your body, get naked and tell yourself what’s sexy and brilliant about you. Appreciate yourself. Your body does amazing things- sexually and non-sexually. Knowing what’s going on in your body, where everything is and what it looks like is pretty cool and essential to getting the most pleasure out of sex for you. (Also it’s freaky to think someone else will have seen your vagina more than you have, spend some time down there.)

You like girls and that’s okay. You don’t need to label yourself- especially for anyone else’s comfort or ease. It’s perfectly okay to be sexually attracted to the same gender and explore this, and yet not know what this means or where this is going to take you. You don’t need to know yet, you’re building a life- it wasn’t given to you ready made.

Know your value- even in sexual situations. You aren’t there just for your partner. And this means you should never do something you don’t want to just because it’ll make them happy or because they are making you feel guilty or because you don’t want them to leave. The mindset of “they can use my body” or/and “I can get this over with” is not healthy and you deserve so much more.

Talk to other girls and women about sex. This is so helpful and empowering! Female sexuality is a beautiful thing and it should be expressed openly, there is no shame in it. By talking with other women candidly you will feel able to talk openly yourself and you will learn more about yourself and about sex.

Don’t be ashamed about masturbating. This is so normal! No one bloody talks about it but it’s normal. And pleasuring yourself helps you get to know your body, you’ll be able to tell your partner what you like and what works for you. Plus it helps with your migraines- win win.

Not wanting to have sex is fine. Sometimes it’s a sign that something is wrong in your relationships because you are a very tactile and sexual person- listen to your body (see point 1) BUT you are also a very independent and strong person and it’s not always about sex for you all the time. A partner who is patient and loving and kind is going to understand this. And you need to understand that not wanting to have sex is as normal as wanting to have sex- be patient, loving and kind to yourself too.

There is nothing wrong with preferring clitoral stimulation over vaginal. Especially during masturbation- you don’t have to stick anything inside you to get anywhere- do what works for you. And actually the clit has 8000 nerve endings, and you can have multiple orgasms so go you!

Sometimes sex hurts- sometimes deep penetration makes it feel like the penis is coming out of your mouth, sometimes the penis feels like it’s scratching the insides of your vagina- find positions that are most comfortable, communicate with your partner and seek your pleasure! Don’t just ride it out (unless it feels good- which it can! -There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain!) A good partner and you being good to yourself means you can do things to stop sex hurting.

Be responsible and have regular STI screenings. Think of it as more adult housekeeping :) You’ll be thankful later.

You don’t have to have crazy sex, regardless of what those around you are doing. You’re good enough the way you are. It’s great to explore your sexuality, but do it because they’re your choices, your fantasies and you want to- not because you’ve fallen into the comparison trap.

You can control how fast or slow a relationship goes- pressure is for cookers. You can say “no” at any point. Sometimes you get scared; sometimes you want to tell them why; sometimes you want to just be alone; sometimes you want to dive in. All of these situations are okay as long as you’re okay. Respect the other person but don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t want to or go at a pace that feels unnatural.

LAST ONE- There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your likes, dislikes, fantasies, experiences, exploring. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

If you remember nothing, remember the first and last point and these will get you through. Listen to your body and there is no shame in being you. These will keep you safe and sane.

[positively-sex-positive]

I walked to a deli and got a sandwich to go and a coffee and while I was waiting these two teenage girls ran up and were like OH MY GOD JESSICA HOW ARE YOU and then hugged me and the one whispered “that guy was following you and taking pictures of you” and then they walked home with me and that one guy stopped following me and hONESTLY THIS IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR