#apparently these guys fucking sleep???
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Unchonkious...
#crayfish#crawfish#crawdad#apparently these guys fucking sleep???#like their sleep patterns are similar to ours!#he was completely on his side earlier and i was like holy shit is he dead#nah just asleep
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NEW FIRESUIT IN ACTION
[earlier draft]
we've come a long way since 2017 (technically my first attempt was 2013 woah). (also, thank you to CSP. love u clip studio). i may make a comparison post for his suit design over the years bc this is at least the 4th main iteration now?
also dont mind him in the first pic hes mildly concussed. can someone make him sit down maybe
#lightning mcqueen#cars fandom#pixar cars#pixar#cars pixar#disney cars#his hair changes but thats what happens when im drawing at 3am without sleeping for 24 hrs. he becomes anakin ig#my art#also making the straps on the shoulders way beefier again#turns out theyre a rly important driver safety device. to grab them and drag them around in emergencies :o#concussion bc i was learned a lot about jeff gordon this week apparently hes not just a goofy guy hes tough as fuck too?? SCARY#didnt miss a single race for 23 yrs. nuts#also. ik drivers dont have big numbers on them IRL. but this is a gijinka so
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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#shroomish#|:<#← a very good face. this is the face i make when i#when th#shroomish is okay. the only thing i can really say about them is that i love kinogassa— what the fuck is its english name#shr– n– wh— it's. kinogassa is its japanese name what the hell is its english name. mooshroom?? no. it's THE KICKY MUSHROOM GUY#HELP!!! what the fuBRELOOM#i love. breloom. but i apparently am forgetting its english name#and shroomish has the thing going on where like. if you level it up but don't evolve it‚ it can learn spore. which is a high-accuracy sleep#move that like very few pokémon can learn but if you evolve it into breloom you totally lose that chance#that's basically all i know. ok. don't shoot the messenger
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It's the way it takes at least three business days to recover and become normal again when you have a sneeze-related dream about that one fandom that you generally do not bring into the boundaries of the fetish... like okay whoa there let's slow DOWN
#does anyone else have this or does everyone else just fuck with any fandom their into in this area of your life#like idk... some just feel so forbidden to me like my brain just doesn't wanna go there#(except apparently it DOES wanna do there when I am SLEEPING)#I'd say the fandom but fuck if anyone on this site is gonna know it.#haha wait that's a lie. anyways#um I also thought it was real because I like? was reading some normal fic of the like ten that exist on ao3#and I fell asleep and still thought I was reading this thing and it sure did take a turn in the third chapter! wow! SHDHFHD#woke up and thought damn. that's crazy. what the chances- oh. nvm. HAHAHA#anyways that being said. I think you guys should create for whatever the fuck fandom you want here if it feels right#go crazy! go stupid! yeah!#let your weird dreams become your reality or something like that. maybe mine will do (maybe) (possibly) (dawg idk if i have strength)#*too
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My parents are on a particularly vile side of conservative propaganda tonight and I just. Can’t.
#cookie speaks#one kid detransitioned and is suing their doctor#so obvs all trans health care is child abuse#even though THE PERSON SUING says they don’t believe the doctors were acting in bad faith!!!#oh and apparently shootings would drop by 90% if democrats stopped shooting people#and most school shooters are trans#um#excuse me WHAT?#like can you guys please think critically for a single second#what the actual fuck is wrong with you#I love my parents but Jesus Christ sometimes they make it hard#so now I’m over here trying not to have an anxiety attack instead of sleeping lol#heard that wonderful convo while I was getting ready for bed
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I was gonna post something about dreading how shit this week is going to be. But then I realized it's probably going to be shit until late January, so. Please pray for my blood pressure and health 😭
#im really scared icl 😭#also if i had to go through months of non stop political ads and texts and emails and anxiety and and and-#only for it to not end well. my fucking god.#aaaghhh it just fucking sucks election day really isnt a 'day'#its actually just. election year.#ive been consumed by it for probably at least half this year#but not only all that thats been going on#its gonna take days for them to count the ballots probably#and in that time theres gonna be like. 5 billion lawsuits. cause thats a thing apparently#and then all that shit is going to continue until what. January 20th?#no matter the result things are going to be chaotic i feel like#but truly i am desperately manifesting gaaaahhhh fuck im so done with all this#FREE ME PLEASE I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING FREE#also fuck whichever guy put election day so close before thanksgiving and christmas#idk it all just really fucking sucks. this year hasn't been good for me#so i love that in addition to my already terrible baseline level of anxiety-#ive had another level piled on top of me#which can only possibly get worse 😭#id almost prefer the political ads in perpetuity rather than actually face tuesday and beyond#god. fuck this.#i feel like im gonna have to knock myself out and not go online on monday and tuesday at this rate#how am i even going to get myself to sleep when theres constantly eternal doom hanging over me#catie.rambling.txt
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i find very cool how you're dating the writer of the comic you were (still are) swooning over
it's literally so fucking funny. you guys cannot even comprehend all the reasons why this is the funniest shit ever
#mail#Anonymous#we only started actually talking to one another outside of tagging each other's posts#after i sent some example work in to the paradox space^2 server#and vicki was so excited to see me there and i was like. shocked#and then we were just insane about homestuck at each other for like 8 months#the whole time trying to avoid admitting how much we thought about each other like it was some fucking game to us#i blinked first when i subtweeted her by comparing sending a project file to gay sex in terms of raw intimacy involved#right after sending her a .fla so she could check to see how to optimize it better. which was maybe not my most tactical stroke yet#but apparently she found it extremely endearing of me. i did not sleep that entire night we were talking so long#i had a plane to catch in the morning and i did not give a shit. we were fucking living#a single barrier came down and that's all it took for us to realize. oh fuck. hey. we're both in love with each other huh#that was like over a month ago now. it is so truly special to me#you guys haven't even seen the most of it we could literally be making a spectacle of this shit were we not so merciful
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I feel like I need to cry for an extended period of time
#vents !!?#I don't know what the fuck happened!#Something happened and for a while i genuinely did not know where i was or how u got there#took me even longer to come to the realization that this is not My body#(apparently I'm not The Real Will)#(apparently there's a Real me somewhere)#(please note i am still fucked up mentally i think there's some amnesia at play here)#hard reset on everything#for a while I didn't know what a system even was#spent hours reading in hopes of at least snapping back to reality enough to sleep#to no avail!#I still feel So Fucking Weird but I don't know how i could possibly be removed from front at this point#it feels like there are no other guys#maybe they're all quiet because something happened? maybe it was the thing that fucked up my brain?#it hurts oh god my head it fucking hurts but oh well#and I am so fucking hungry but i can't remember our roommate's name and I'm afraid of running into her in the kitchen#the only things i really understand right now are the two phrases endlessly ringing in my head:#“my insides hurt” “I don't like this”#and#to a lesser degree#“I don't understand”#so that's been my night
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chat should I stay up late and watch another movie again
#rambles#80s movies#movies#i love not sleepimg#and apparently im also in the show!#did you hear thst guys? im doing fucking legally blonde#did no one get the hint that theater is actually mentally draining for me now?#sorry about that guys but i guess i wont be sleeping the next three weeks
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Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me
#I'm going to start killing people#I need SLEEPY TYLENOL NOWWWWWWW#Mfer laying in bed for 8 hours full awake 🫠 eyes shut. Brain. ACTIVE#IM TRYING SO HARD TO SLEEP JUST BE UNCONSCIOUS#Too late now#Fuck me I have to be aware enough to not kill everybody in this vehicle#Mfing murder nightmare too what the fuck#Set the scene: YouTuber wedding#The man in charge of filming is an asshole to the minimum wage people working there#Like real mean. And one meek guy tries to tell the groom but the groom is kinda a dismissive asshole about it bc he's already paid the guy#So it's too late now. Meek guy keeps getting disrespected and storms out to the parking lot to just leave#Woman who has been witnessing this apparently is gonna kill on meek guys behalf. He does not want this#Woman gets into a fucked up death machine car and drives it into the groom#But not like. Runs him over. There's a fucking saw blade on the front that starts cutting through the bottom of his torso#He was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if he survived or not. But the atmosphere was not fun#Very muddy desaturated colors. Very wet and musty feeling. It was like almost a parking garage#I don't think I'll ever have a dream as scary as the um time-looping cannibal beach dream#But this was just the delightful cherry of not being able to sleep at fucking. ALL .#Literally cried I'm so distressed about not being able to control anything about myself rn#Hhhhh :(((#3rd night in a row I've slept like shit
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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me when my self sabatoging sabatoges me:
#i accidentally slept through my class and apparently our new project was a partner project and guess who's my partner (it's the fucking Guy)#so now I'm gonna have to work with him for a month and meet outside of class#this is going to go badly for a variety of reasons :)#trapped myself in a fucking romcom I'm so pissed I didn't even want to sleep through my class#tbh there's a good chance we would have been partners anyways cause I don't really have any friends in this class but#yay (suffering)#worst comes to worst if he does something weird I'm gonna go to the teacher#I have no clue if parnter selections were random or not and tbh idk what option would be better in this scenario#lilac post#anyways. im very frustrated
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Me, knowing full well I'm gonna be evicted from the house I've lived in since I was 9 in just a few short months, socially exhauted from watching a constant stream of people come in and look around with intent to buy my childhood home for three days in a row now, knowing that this'll keep happening for the rest of the week and right this moment people are engaged in a bidding war over the truest home I've ever lived in and that I'm powerless to do anything about it since I'm broke as shit: Man why do I feel so bad right now
#I remember we used to move around a lot when I was a kid#but this place was where we finally settled for so long#like I know on some level we'll make it through this since we always have before but just. man.#this shit sucks dude#this little shithole of a house#with ghosts in the walls and asbestos coating the outside#is the cheapest place in the entire town#and even HERE it feels like we're barely making ends meet#and so just watching people waltz around with clear intent to take this from us#the only place in town we can fucking afford#just kinda pisses me off tbh#especially with rent and housing prices skyrocketing since fucking covid#one of the guys apparently wanted to buy this property just to rent out to people#and I'm glad I wasn't in the room for that one because I don't think I could have held my tongue for that one#plus all these tours have been fucking with my sleep schedule and I'm exhausted as shit lol#plus the stupid fucking property service that my ''homeowner'' does deliberately anonymizes the shit out of him#so I don't even have a name or a face to be pissed at#just this vague nebulous force that's been bleeding us of money for years#who's never once done anything to help upkeep the house he owns#and now that he's faced with a fairly large cost he can't ignore#(something with the city and new pipes)#he's just gonna sell it and make it someone else's problem#and just completely uproot and fuck over our lives in the process#and the worst part is that I know this isn't even an uncommon experience#landlords pull this bullshit all the time#and it drives me insane that people are just fucking OKAY with that#not to speak for everyone since I'm just one broke queer person#but this shit should not be allowed to stand#well I've hit the limit on how many tags I'm allowed to post so I guess that's the end of that#Pun's text Posts
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The love/hate relationship with my coworkers is so real lmao like why are they like this
#not snz#I'm just having fun#tho there has been sneezing bc there's so much fucking dust everywhere#I've been at the station for a hot minute#bc most of our guys are still out on fires#so there's just like nobody here#and i like money so I'm vibing with getting paid for being here extra days#but there's just a few of us here rn and we have like nothing to do bc we're hardly getting assignments#so we're just fucking around#and i have like the first responder version of cards against humanity#so we're playing that to kill the time and it's great lmao#but also some of them were asking me random questions#bc apparently the answers and explanations you give say somrthing about you idk#it was some bullshit but we were having fun with it#but the way they were laughing at every single answer i gave like hello#you fucking asked lmao#the nerve tho when they asked for an animal i like and three reasons why#and then said that that's how people view me and scream laughed bc 'it's accurate' like bro fuck off lmao#but i am having a good time like i adore these guys#they drive me crazy but that's my second family right there#plus with all the free time we get I've been trying different recipes and so far no complaints lmao#made a pasta dish tonight that was a big hit bc literally everything was from scratch incuding the noodles#like that's how much time we have lmao#anyway tonight is my last night at the station then i can go home which is a relief#we've all been sleeping on the floor and couches lmao#there are bunkhouses but the women's quarters are unusable so we're all staying in the rec building instead#i told them it was fine and they could stay in the bunkhouse but they were appalled by the suggestion lmao#so we're all vibing rn watching tv and I've literally never felt like I've belonged somewhere more so I'm thriving#anyway I'll probably delete this later I'm just happy rn lmao
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