#Something happened and for a while i genuinely did not know where i was or how u got there

[nicosraf]

It's my birthday! And Angels Before Man's second birthday from the original publishing! And almost three years since the original draft of it! Wow! Thank you all a million times for being here. Really, genuinely

I'd like for this extremely long post to be happier ! But a lot of people are really troubled by the United States election. There's a lot of fear-mongering online about what'll happen and a lot of real threats to marginalized people in the U.S. and abroad. I don't talk about my own identities a ton. I'm a gay, trans, Mexican from the US-Mex border. The vast majority of my family, community, and friends are immigrants of varying legal statuses. I could lose everything!! I fear for my family! My friends! For my body and my heart!

My mom called me yesterday morning, though, basically asking for an explanation. She told me she was shocked, she was scared, and I said that so was I, then we said, "Pos ni modo." Ni modo!! Oh well!!! What can we do now? We can keep doing what we've always done. Survive. That's all you really have to do at the end of the day, you know, survive.

My family is from a rough Mexican city that fell apart when I was little, a place where my own family has been kidnapped and bodies have been left mutilated in the street for everyone to see. The radio spoke in code to let you know not to go outside when things got really bad. There used to be mariachis in the street to greet American tourists but by the time I was little, they were mostly gone. Boarded up, abandoned stores and boarded up, abandoned homes. I remember being scared, and I remember not knowing what to do listening to a shoot out right outside. I remember my heart stopping when my family was stopped by the soldiers and they demanded money out of us for the first time.

(And I can talk also about living on the other side. The hyper policing, ICE, the racism when my school played against other schools, my parents forbidding me from speaking Spanish outside our Mexican enclave and to stay close to them, and I can talk about the aggression from the white nuns at my catholic school toward the latino kids, I can talk about having to see the border patrol every day just to go to school, I can even talk about Trump-supporters coming down to the border and making a mess of the place and I can talk and I can talk but why? what for??)

My family is all (mostly) still around. I'm here also. We're still here. All of that horrible stuff happened and is still happening to us y ni modo!! Ni modo ! The fight continues. You'll be fine if you allow yourself to be, and if you're not, then you really gave it your best shot, and the people around you will see that you did.

I know for a lot of people there might be the urge to spiral into doom and grieve, but you don't need to borrow the grief of the future. Today you can get up and roll up your sleeves and clean the house. That's what my parents tell me to do when I'm sad. Ponte a limpiar. Ponte a trabajar. I used to get mad at them for it, but in the end, you're only in charge of yourself and the places/things that you upkeep.

I was raised around nopales (prickly pear cacti) and, many years ago, I threw one out of my parent's house because I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't want it. I figured it'd get eaten by something or die somehow. The nopal started growing instead, and it's still there. It even grew a flower, though it hasn't given us a pear yet. My dad doesn't like the pears/tuna but my mom does, so we went out to check on it and while we were there, we heard a bird singing. He looked up and he told me it was a cenzontle and that it was singing a little song for the nopal. I had this thought about how even though I basically tried to kill it, the nopal was growing, thriving. it's an easy metaphor to make, but the earth gives you simple lessons sometimes.

(The monarchs pass by every year. They don't even do it legally. They cut the border line and don't wait their turn to talk to the Customs guys!!! They just fly overhead then look back at us like we're crazy. How can we explain this to them? How do I tell them that there's a place that hates us both)

All you have to do is survive. Whatever happens to me or my family or my friends, we will find a way to grow and find birds to sing along with. If there's so much grief in the future, then we can grieve when that time comes. In other words, canta y no llores. All you have to do is survive. Take it hour by the hour. Pick up the broom and get to work while you can.

Because I've talked too much, I wanted to remind everyone that my ebooks versions of my writing will always be free to read.

Maybe it'll come as a shock to you that a lot of ABM was about coping with losing a home forever, of remembering the feeling of wall paint that you will never feel again. But it's about survival too. I hope you all take care of yourselves as much as we can. This isn't a sad post! Go out and enjoy what you have! Go for a snack. Protect yourself however youre able to. I'm so lucky to have a birthday, to have lived this long. I hope my work will live on no matter how much the world might despise it. I've survived this far despite the world too, and so will ABM... I hope ! :)

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

enamored with the bill possessing Ford's body au. If you would feel up to it, do you have more tidbits? :3

I’m happy to see so many people enjoying it!! I have a lot of additional tidbits so I’ll just stick to giving a few for now:

— Dipper finds out Ford is the author a lot earlier, for the obvious reasons of Bill being present in Ford’s body. He doesn’t put the pieces together right away, only because initially, he hates Bill, disappointed that the ‘scientist’ his parents spoke about that he wanted to impress turned out to be nothing like what he had hoped, ignoring and dismissing him instead, even taking a liking to Mabel before him! He has this idealised version of the author in his head, someone who he relates to and finds comfort in, and he doesn’t want to taint that vision by suspecting it may be someone who he hates. He may be a mystery lover but he is still a twelve year old with a grudge.

It’s only after he and Bill start getting along that he brings it up, and Bill doesn’t think to lie. He’s just that surprised Dipper found it. He does lie about not remembering things though to avoid Dipper’s questions about the paranoia and why he hid it — as on the spot kind of thing, and that becomes Dipper’s mystery fixation of the summer.

— Stan and Bill have various nicknames for each other, with Bill’s main one for Stan being ‘Fez’, and Stan’s main one for Bill being ‘Goldie’.

— Speaking of them, when it comes to their relationship, they are genuinely friends after thirty years of living together, but what that friendship entails is where it gets complicated and I don’t think I can summarise here. I’d say it can best be described as two people who have come to understand each other very deeply, and are similar in a thousand ways, but they would rather throw themselves off a cliff than acknowledge or talk about that. There’s also the lingering anger and resentment on Stan’s end, not for taking Ford’s body, he knows Bill doesn’t want to be stuck here either, but for what he did to Ford before that, how he hurt him. He, much to his confusion, does care about Bill, and Bill, much to his own confusion as well, does care about Stan back, but their friendship is built on something awful, and that doesn’t just go away.

— On a sillier note, it was in 1990 that Stan realised Bill was his only friend and that he sort of enjoyed his company, and that truly was a horrifying moment. On the other end Bill finally admits to some degree he might care for Stan in 1994, which happens while both of them are drunk, and Bill likes to claim it didn’t happen. The image below also probably summarises the lighter aspect of their dynamic better than I could word it here:

— Bill has taxidermy as a hobby and actually gives Dipper and Mabel a few lessons in it, creating some displays for the shack. Weirdly good bonding activity.

— Very specific ‘episode’ idea in my mind where Stan and Bill get framed by Faires that Bill angered a thousand years ago for a crime they didn’t commit, and Dipper and Mabel have to figure out how to prove their innocence, finding more about their Grunkles along the way, and also having to beat a fairy in a game of poker.

— Mabel at some point comes to the conclusion her “Grunkle Ford” had a bad breakup that he still hasn’t gotten over and makes it her goal to help him through it. This is part of her summer mission. It comes up frequently. It’s ridiculous I know but what is Gravity Falls without a generous amount of both angst and utter silliness.

I’ll probably leave it at that for now! But if you’d want more or have any specific questions, I shall do my best. I’m still figuring out some stuff too so input will be helpful.

[ai-the-broccoli]

sudden talk about narumitsu (vs lawlight)

I think, lawlight and narumitsu being like opposites (in a certain sense) is kind of remarkable for its implications for narumitsu honestly. because being the opposite of lawlight in this case also means it is similar to lawlight in a way, and isn't that kind of interesting

like. lawlight was founded on L's persistent disbelief in Light's innocence even when everyone else (including Light himself) believed in it, while narumitsu was founded on Phoenix's persistent belief in Edgeworth's innocence even when everyone else (including Edgeworth himself) didn't believe in it.

now L's distrust of Light's innocence is narratively justified, because we as the audience know that Light is Kira. and Phoenix's trust in Edgeworth's innocence is also narratively justified, because we find out that it turns out Edgeworth was innocent of the murders he was suspected for. so they're both right!

the thing is, however, what if that wasn't the case? like, even though he turned out to be right, Phoenix had no real, substantiated reason whatsoever at first to believe that Edgeworth was innocent (it would've been an accidental killing, like even if one trusted fully that Edgeworth would never murder anyone on purpose due to their knowledge of his character, it still doesn't exempt him from possibly having committed unintentional manslaughter), yet he did, out of his sentimental trust of him based on his childhood experience, and -- very notably -- his desire to always see Edgeworth as that definitely-innocent man he has believed him to be. because that's the way he wants to view Edgeworth, and that's what validates his past experience and his choice to choose this path to follow Edgeworth into law to "save" him, because after all, to Phoenix, he is "the only one who knows the real Edgeworth", and "the only one who can save him". Phoenix's goal to "save him", in the specifically sense that Phoenix conceives of it, is currently specifically a goal that is only applicable and valid if his image of Edgeworth is true to real life, therefore it HAS to be true or this doesn't make sense. there is a certain... is "possessive" the right word? I'm not sure but yeah there's a certain implication there that Phoenix essentially "insists" that Edgeworth be the version of him that fits Phoenix's idealized image of him etc., even when Edgeworth genuinely disagrees. however, well, on the matter of his innocence, Phoenix does turn out to be correct, therefore the narrative essentially validates him on count of this.

on that note,

.... yeah.

so. very interesting contrast imo, because here we have Yotsuba arc Light who genuinely doesn't know he is not innocent, versus Edgeworth in Turnabout Goodbyes where he genuinely doesn't know he is innocent about the elevator murder. but L / Phoenix insists hard on the opposite case being true, because they are not satisfied unless their ideas about who Light / Edgeworth is are correct. and well in context it happens to be true, but still. it's interesting. something like that etc

[casteliacityramen]

Previous post (mini recap)

"Can we talk?"

"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."

"Depending on what you say, I just might."

[PART 1 OF 2]

"... Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingram’s descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.

"I still don't."

"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."

She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.

"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"

One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.

He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought. 

Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today would’ve gone like this.

"Of course not...

... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"

"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if you’re going to-"

"You scared me."

"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you said…”

“... Nothing.”

The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Ray’s eyes roamed the space underneath his hands–as if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.

Gods, he wished.

"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. You’ve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But… the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.

So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.

We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that you’d be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."

I'm sorry."

"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"

She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.

"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than this–above it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought we’d shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."

Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.

"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.

And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."

She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.

“So... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.” 

Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,” laughing bitterly as she turns back around.

“I know I’m being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so… so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.

Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new ‘ordinary.’ Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.

I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.”

Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.

“Yeah.”

She didn’t need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.

She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.

“I’m sorry I made you cry.” 

“I know.”

“Thanks for putting up with me.”

“You’ve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.”

[Next]

[tetheredbysin]

Have you seen this interview with Nico?

I thought that the question was maybe kinda cringe (as a Danish Kevin fan at least), but his answer seems so genuine and sweet.

https://www.tv3sport.dk/sport/motorsport/nyheder/kan-kevin-blive-din-nye-team-kammerat-nico

(I think the video only works with Danish VPN)

I haven't seen the video (my vpn still won't play it haha) but I'm guessing it's pretty much the same as the stuff in this article in ekstra bladet, where he's talking about being happy to keep working with kev. (also more confirmation that he did recommend kev to seidl, adorable)

had to add this photo from the article because it's so cute (the fact that kev was complaining about nico making comments about his hair? two idiots)

I think it's really cool to hear Nico continue to back Kevin, even if he was kind of led to do that by the question in the first place, because let's be real, he doesn't have to. Nico has a seat in his back pocket and he doesn't really owe anything to Kevin, but I think it just shows how well they've gotten along as teammates.

Of course there is also the less-cute side of Nico knowing that he is competitive against Kevin and has outscored him both seasons, so it only makes sense that he wants to keep a teammate that does push him but isn't ahead of him. but again, these two have raced against each other on and off for the past decade, so they know exactly what the other can do. it's heartbreaking that we only have three races left with them as teammates (unless something happens where kevin makes a comeback mid-season next year or something) but hey, we'll enjoy it while it lasts!

[mulderscully]

sometimes i wonder what i would do if i got pregnant and couldn't get an abortion. when i was 17 i had a pretty bad pregnancy scare where i genuinely thought i might have to have one, and the fear i felt at the possibility of losing control of my body, of having to give birth and of having to raise my exes child cemented to me forever that i did not want children. i'm an old fuck now and this was over ten years ago. i'm a different person, but while i am sometimes soft to the idea of motherhood in fantasy (which i think is why i like to write kidfic) i still know that i never want to be pregnant and that i do not actively want to be mother. it would be something that happens to me, either through rape or by failed contraception. what would i do? if i couldn't get an abortion i would probably want to give the child up for adoption, but would i be able to? i don't know! and even if i kept the child i would always know i didn't want to be a mother, and a child knows when someone doesn't want them. just a nightmare.

[bomberqueen17]

aight poll results

Huh I haven't really done a poll before, I kind of thought there'd be somewhere you could like, see the results. But no. I just have to scroll back and find the post. And since I made it not rebloggable I can't reblog it either, LOL.

So anyway. It's not quite-quite closed but there's more votes in it than I thought there would be, and I'm going to discuss it behind this lil cut here.

[Image ID: a screenshot of poll results showing 14.5% for the sweet summer children era, 85.5% for the older sea-dogs, 55 votes cast, almost four hours left in the poll.]

After making this poll I went back to my Just Write Some Scenes approach and noodled around some more. My first attempt had been to come up with this whole elaborate Save The World plot, and then try to introduce the crew to each other right at the start of it, and after tripping over that and falling flat on my face, that's when I reconsidered and made the poll. Mostly I just. Need other people to remind me that I'm not alone in the wilderness here, LOL. And you know the quite-contrary "I need advice but mostly so I can identify that when someone tells me to do the thing I don't wanna, that means there's a thing I didn't want to do, which means there is a thing I DO want to do, and now I can narrow down what it is" impulse, yes?

But it's gratifying to find that I've voted with the majority here.

So my main consideration here is that while I cannot really reuse any of the scenes I wrote as fanfic, I can absolutely carry over every bit of the character dynamics. The canon events, I can't translate. The fanfic character work, yes. (What that means to you, dear readers, is that I thus can totally just publish the fanfic at some point LOL, so I'll... try to do that if I can ever manage to become sane about it.)

I don't know that I've fully explained, here-- I fully have a 125,000-word fanfic already complete for this fandom. Like, it is 125,000 words long, and goes from before Master and Commander to... I'm at about the middle of Ionian Mission. That's book nine. And it's all the gapfills and everything from Tom's POV. And I have a few more scenes I'm still writing, but what I have is quite a novel already.

If I took the characters from their Master & Commander Book 1 era and file the serial numbers off and try to instead give them this plot, then I have to cram in every bit of the getting-to-know-you shit, and also worldbuild the whole setting, and then also have them save the world. It's not that I can't do this, but I have this huge shortcut where I've already been working with these guys (and you know how fanfic works, I've subtly warped them from canon because these are side characters the canon author did not devote all that much time to. There are several times when Mowett did something in the first book and by the eleventh or twelfth, Stephen firmly remembers it as something Pullings did, and the narrative treats him as correct, and I genuinely think that O'Brian forgot, unless he was trying to make a point about Stephen's memory issues that he then didn't entirely follow through on. It happens more than once. Also there are a number of occasions when the narrative asserts that Mowett was present for books when he was not; he does not appear in book 3 for example, but is afterward treated as though he'd been there. "They've been together since their youth!" they haven't been in the same hemisphere in six years. Anyway.)

I've been working with these guys for the length of a novel already. So what I can do, and what I think I'm going to do, is that I'm going to just pretend that I've already rewritten a serial-numbers-filed-off version of the first volume, and dive in at circa the book 5 section of the fic, and insert this adventure at that point. Which gives me a certain rank for each character-- Pullings and Mowett would be lieutenants with some seniority, Babbington would be a newly-made lieutenant, Aubrey has moderate seniority, his relationship with Maturin is fairly mature and has weathered some storms and come out well, he's rescued Maturin from torture, Maturin is slightly washed-up with the intelligence people and is addicted to drugs but recovering-- and from the fanfic side (spoilers for the as-yet-unedited-and-unpublished fic!), I've established Pullings in his marriage, given him his checkered career (Indiamen and transports), he has two children, and also he and James and Mrs. Pullings have worked through a bunch of their shit and figured out that they should all have a threesome sometime. But, crucially, they have not had this threesome yet.

So it's like-- a ton of deep character work, that I can just plunk us into.

(I haven't figured out a new naming structure yet so I haven't find-replaced and I'm just writing with the old names, which is hilarious the more I diverge from canon.)

It's not that I don't want to tell that first story, of them all meeting up initially, but I think it would be easier to go back and write a prequel after having done the Big World-Saving Plot.

Anyway-- some serial-number-filing notes here:

Aubrey is going to be a woman because then if I write her exactly the same it comes across wildly differently and I am absolutely dying to see what effect it has. Translating Jack's particular confused helplessness around women makes this new Aubrey into an extremely awkward lesbian and I love it. (Still fat, crucially. Still six feet tall. She might not be blonde, though, depending what I do with racial dynamics in this 'verse. Doesn't matter, as calling a woman Goldilocks is less hilarious than a man.)

Maturin is still a dude. They still have absolutely zero sexual chemistry, but profound deep interpersonal love. (This is bookverse, guys. Sorry the gay movie version is great but that's just not where I'm going here.)

Instead of having a lower-class accent and antecedents, I'm translating Tom into being somehow visibly biracial, which can give the same impediment to his being taken seriously for promotion as in canon, but also lets me tie this into the other books I've started in the land-based part of this verse. His mother is descended from mainland mammoth-herders, and I haven't decided what visual characteristics that gives him but it's enough that he gets called racial slurs occasionally. As in canon, Aubrey doesn't particularly notice these things, and cares only that he is competent.

Babbington is a trans dude so I have to figure out how that works in the worldbuilding but this is an extremely useful thing to have and will illuminate all kinds of awesome things for me. As a bonus, it can just be background established fact in the first book I write, and can be a plot point in the prequel if I do come up with anything cool in the worldbuilding, but if not it can just be a like low-key background thing in the prequel too. Who knows! It gives me a ton of material either way. Has potential to establish vivid character dynamics in a minimum of words, I think.

I was trying to solarpunk-ize solid-shot cast-iron cannons and seem to have independently mentally invented electromagnetic rail guns, so I have to research that somewhat but I think I have some good worldbuilding foundations based off that. !!! Exciting. I especially love the idea that the ships can collect and store potential energy that they can use either for propelling the ship without wind, or for firing guns, and so manoevering with sails still carries enormous tactical value because if you can get in position to fire your shots without having expended your generated power, you'll have much more success in battle; conversely, if you realize you're in a poor tactical position, instead of throwing your guns over the side as in the napoleonic era so you can flee faster, you simply empty your power generation banks into your propulsion to get the fuck out of there. And it makes it more solarpunk post-collapse-friendly by having tactics that can prioritize things other than massive loss of life, which doesn't hold with the dynamics of precarious population levels in the other books in this 'verse. Life was cheap in Europe in the 1800s but that doesn't work here. I love the idea of the "battles" being almost entirely manoevering, and it being plain impossible to have just yardarm-to-yardarm prolonged hammering except by rare circumstance.

So anyway that's where I'm at. So far. Stay tuned i guess? Thanks for reading this far, anyone who does. <3

[antianakin]

I'm gonna toss your tags on here, too, since I'm kind-of responding to that, as well.

The amount of times I started an AU and it went WILDLY in a different direction than I thought are too numerous to count. Half the time I start an AU it's out of some level of bitterness or spite towards something I didn't like and then I spend a lot of time on those questions that are like "Wait would this character ACTUALLY do that? Is that ACTUALLY how they'd likely react?" and of course the most frustrating "Is that actually how I WANT them to react?"

My Caretaker Luke AU was supposed to basically be a very bitter answer to the question of what would happen if Vader actually survived ROTJ, and then ultimately it became an exploration of what might actually help Anakin HEAL in that situation, what would it take to truly help someone like him genuinely come back from that darkness he'd stewed in for almost three decades (because no matter what kind of sacrifices he made, there's NO WAY he'd be completely snapped back to being a good person if he survived, that bitch is STRUGGLING). I made an Obitine AU that looked at how miserable Obi-Wan would've been if he'd actually stayed with Satine and married her when he was in his teens and that ALSO ended up with an exploration of how to save Anakin (though for different reasons this time). Sometimes these fuckers have a mind of their own and the more I take myself down that rabbit hole the further from my original concept I seem to get. It's not always a bad thing, often it's still really fun, but it's such a weird experience to look back at all this work you've done and not quite understand how you even GOT here when this isn't where you thought you were going when you started.

I made a point in the last AU I came up with to just... ignore some of those questions to focus on what I WANTED to happen (in this case, I was ignoring how Padme realized Anakin wasn't good for her and how she managed to actually escape him and that relationship and what path Anakin went down afterwards as a result because I just wanted to focus on Padme's NEW relationship and how that helped HER heal). Why did things happen? Because I wanted them to, next question.

And while I'm not a writer really by any means, it seems like a lot of writing is just... finding a balance between following that rabbit hole and seeing where it leads, and knowing when to say "This thing happens because I want it to in order for the next thing to happen." Not everything NEEDS an explanation, but it can help YOU to flesh out the culture and its intricacies and where certain traditions and feelings came from in order to lend a feeling of authenticity to the story even if you never actually explain any of it in the final draft. Even if you don't end up using any of the purity culture stuff you put in your last reblog, hopefully it was still helpful to think about how you might answer some of those questions and work through what parts are important to keep and which parts you think ultimately don't work.

I found your thoughts on how the clones might end up feeling about the idea that their "species" as such might eventually disappear really interesting! I also personally tend to think of them as their own "species" in a lot of ways, but that's usually for my own internal purposes rather than a way to consider how the CLONES think of themselves. I often have only really considered how the clones differentiate themselves in terms of their lived experiences and not necessarily in terms of their physical differences. They're obviously visibly human and would pass as human to most people and I imagine there's probably plenty of clones who would prefer to simply be considered a slightly augmented human rather than considered a whole separate species, while other clones would prefer the opposite.

I really respect your willingness to consider how the clones might end up with problematic values as a result of their experiences, to give them qualities you would personally consider unlikable. I'm not quite as good at that, so I really admire the way you work through some of that, even if you ultimately decide you don't like it and don't want to use it in your worldbuilding.

I've decided that Rex is the one who paints Kanan's eye mask with his bird of prey design.

Kanan's feeling pretty low still just after Malachor, he's still distancing himself from everybody, and Rex decides to go try to talk to him at one point and the first thing he comes up with to say is to point out that his new mask is pretty plain. It's awkward, he regrets it immediately, but then Kanan says that it gets the job done and Rex is abruptly reminded of himself so so long ago back at the beginning of the war.

He sits Kanan down and tells him a story about how, at the beginning of the war, only a few of the clones had paint on their armor, to designate things like rank and battalion in order to make it easier for officers to find them in the middle of a busy battlefield. The paint was practical and it was limited to a very select few. But the Jedi almost immediately started trying to encourage the clones to utilize the paint less sparingly, suggesting that maybe everybody could wear at least a LITTLE paint and use more individualized designs so that it was still easy to tell the commanders and captains apart from the others when needed.

Some of the clones had taken to it with gusto, but others had been more hesitant, and Rex remembers having been one of them. He remembers telling Obi-Wan that there was no real REASON to paint everyone's armor and especially not to come up with personal designs. The armor was practical and it served its purpose with or without the paint and special designs. But the Jedi had insisted on at least TRYING to come up with his own design and if he didn't like it, he could always take it off, so Rex had given in and chosen something to paint on the armor. And, somehow, it felt a little lighter the next time he put it on. It didn't erase the horrors of war or the pain of loss or anything like that, but it helped.

He tells Kanan that the mask right now is just a reminder of the pain of the injury and whatever other feelings he's still got all caught up in the Malachor mission (guilt over what happened with Ezra, grief over Ahsoka's loss). But if he puts his own design on it, it might turn the mask into something other than a constant reminder of something bad. Instead, it's a reminder of who he is, the combination of the person he once was and who he's become. He is more than just his injury or this mission and he can use the mask to declare that if he wants to.

Kanan says he never realized Rex and the other clones had cared so deeply about their armor and Rex says that the armor itself was meaningless. It's better than what's being handed out to stormtroopers, but not but a LOT. It was the design on it that had meant something and, more than that, it was what the design REPRESENTED: having a choice about how you were perceived by others.

Kanan asks why Rex had chosen his particular designs, the bird of prey eyes on his helmet in particular. Rex explains that he chose it because he liked birds and thought it looked cool, but he's kept the helmet for as long as he has because it's come to mean something ELSE now. It's not just a cool-looking design, it's a reminder of a better time in his life. It's a reminder of when he'd been a part of something greater than himself, with the other clones and the Jedi. It's a reminder of a time when he'd had hope that he and his people could one day come out the other side of this war towards a brighter future.

Kanan looks at the mask he'd grabbed from storage somewhere or something just to keep light from hurting his eyes as they recovered and to cover up the injury from other people's stares (even if he couldn't see them staring), then hands it to Rex and asks if Rex minds sharing that symbol because he'd like a reminder of that, too. Rex remembers the 332nd and their helmets that they'd painted to look like their chosen Jedi, almost blindly giving away their individuality in favor of that loyalty that had been stripped from them anyway. And then he looks at Kanan, choosing to make himself look LIKE REX, someone who had shared his face with millions once, because he wants to honor both the connections he'd lost as well as this new connection the two of them have built together now. And Rex says he'd be happy to share.

[idvlover]

can i get some platonic FG x surv reader headcanons?

Platonic Fools Gold Headcanons:

Fools Gold is definitely the very protective type of friend towards the surv. So much so that he even protects them from other survivors, too.

It matches he doesn't always go easy on them, but he also knows he is a bit overwhelming to go against, so if he sees they're having a bad day, he let up some. Maybe target other teammates and just give the surv dungeon.

Depending on the age of the surv, he'll either be a brotherly type or a fatherly type. Either way, they're getting teased constantly by him. He would be the type to walk back and forth between dungeon and chair, just to spook them a little. (He gives them dungeon)

He tends to keep the surv on his shoulders in duo hunters to keep them from being chased by the other hunter. The other hunter normally doesn't bother him about it in fear of getting a pickaxe to the face. (It's happened before)

In tarot... He completely forgets that he is supposed to go after the other survivor but goes after the hunter instead... He got banned for a bit...

"Why did I get banned?"

"You attacked Nightmare???"

"And he had it coming, so what's the problem?"

Surv has to talk him down a lot from his impulsiveness. Like the urge to protect them from everyone is strong.

Norton will chase the surv in a friendly match at first. He likes doing this to give them a heart attack. It's not till he downs them and carries them around they realize he's friendly

"You could have just said something..."

"Now, where's the fun in that?"

Outside of matches, these two are normally found together 99% of the time. Norton can sometimes be seen teaching them about how to process ores or showing them neat rocks

Usually, dorms aren't to be shared, but because Norton has lost a lot in his lifetime and the surv is basically his closest friend, he just moves them into his dorm for the sake of keeping them safe. He knows survivors will play dirty to win. He was one of them even. The last thing he wants is to wake up one day and hear something happen to them

He uses his height to an advantage when surv is being stubborn. Won't leave out the gate because they want to try and detention rescue? Downs them and picks them up by the back of their shirt and carries them to the gate

Won't take dungeon out of spite? Picks them up and quite literally throws them in it before slamming the door shut. Might hear a few taps while he walks away

Or he'll just lift them up to be funny while they flail around angrily because he pulled a sneaky move on them and their pissed

He's also an absolute menace on that golden cove map. He knows that place like the back of his hand while surv keeps getting lost... That on, though, Norton will only go friendly for them due to the simple fact he does genuinely feel bad for them because they are STRESSING

[onethousand825days]

I feel like I need to cry for an extended period of time

[honey-skulls]

HUGE VENT

I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen

My routine these last two weeeks has been:

-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep

-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw

-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am

I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍

Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore

Silence is actually worse than loud rooms

It's driving me insane

It's so loud

[the-acid-pear]

Alright so that was There Will Be Blood. Truly not a movie for me.

It is kind of like Fargo in that sense to me where it's like ... Undeniably a good movie. A very interesting movie. But a very fucking slow one. So, like I said, something you'd catch on cable TV! Which isn't inherently bad but it's not a movie I enjoy alone as much as I would with company.

I will be honest too I don't think the movie earns those 2 hours of runtime. Two and a half. A lot of this movie is genuinely nothing fucking happening and I don't care ✋ what excuse you have for it I do not have the eyes to watch at a white sky and white sand. You'll kill me. Like if at least we'd see my man do SOMETHING other that drag his feet and pussy around (/ref) I'd not mind. But this just feels like fluff because they don't add anything other than runtime there's nothing to get from these other than man. Bet it's fucking hot there innit.

But whatever. As for Daniel. I like him well enough. It's kind of hard to say anything about him that the movie doesn't spell out already. It's just a journey thru him getting more and more corrupted. The snake eating system that is capitalism. The hopeless endeavour. And you got everything and you got nothing. Even the tie between capitalism and religion...

Eli was way more compelling to me. Mostly bc he did Something. And expressed some sort of Emotion and Idea. Like I get I praised the way Daniel was handled but it was just boring after a while. I'm just watching some guy. Meanwhile ☝️ Eli my man who def sucked cock I know that but Eli my maaan. Something wrong with him 🫵

Like I don't know I struggle to connect with the movie in a way that matters. All I can do is analyze it from outside. And when I do I see it's a story only held together by these parallels. But they make me feel nothing. Because the characters behind these parallels we never got to connect with them. And I understand on paper how that matters but that doesn't change this feeling like a movie that'd have been a book instead. Because when I sit here in silence looking at these men just move around like a playhouse I just feel a little numb.

Like every message feels relatively straight forward. And what isn't feels unexplored. And the rest feels like fluff. It's a movie that carries it's weight it's not bad by any means but it just did absolutely nothing for me.

Anyway. Is this movie good? Yes, in its own way, it is. Do I recommend this movie? I mean ... I hardly do. Least you enjoy a western with all the slowness of a western then this won't be for you.

Glad to be able to RB fanart Knowing now tho 👍

Watching there will be blood. This guy's arms are so sexy

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

[hella1975]

my mum: you've been doing really good lately. every part of your life is really stable and you seem genuinely happy, it's great to see :)

me, who's felt like ive been going actually crazy bananas insane for months now: yeah haha

[coffeewolfart]

I have not played Eureka yet (keyword on the yet part I've got a party assembled to play Horror Harry's Haunted House as well as a mystery I made), but I have played games mostly in Pathfinder and D&D 5e where party/perspective splits have happened quite often and here's my thoughts.

I think splitting up a party (either for practical in universe reasons or even just narratively taking scenes to focus on one or more characters) can be much more fun than people can give it credit for. Even just outside the practicalities of covering more ground in a small amount of time, or one party member who's really good at something being able to go do that without worrying about the other party, there's a few scenes you can only do with a couple of characters or with a character on their own. Scenes of heartfelt conversations between two characters, internal monologues as the player really shows what's going on inside their head when they're alone, or even just showing what a character acts like when one particular person leaves. These scenes can be fun to see and fun to play, but they can really only happen when the party is split and the benefit for the rest of the player group (aka getting to see more sides of the different characters) can only be gained when they are seen. For example if one investigator has a whole scene with an important NPC that is meant to characterize that NPC and they're whole deal, but no other player saw it, then only that investigator's player is going to have that characterization. Sometimes that's fine and can be interesting in it's own right, but sometimes a fun or heartfelt moment doesn't need to be secret from the other players.

In terms of private information and splitting the party, I am more on the side of only necessary or important information being kept a secret from the other players. Things like supernatural traits or investigator secrets are already confidential by default, but there can also be situations where an investigator is given information that changes the way the entire mystery is viewed and handled. Now, I am not advising every Narrator do this, but I personally am against the idea of splitting up the players out of game whenever the characters are split in game. There are some situations where it would be better or even necessary to have a scene for some player's eyes only, but there is also fun that can be had when you know more information than your character and can only lead them along the course they would naturally follow based on what they know.

As one example, in a game I was in as a player: PC A ended up meeting with and talking to NPC B, who was an alternate version of PC A that was nearly identical to them but was a villain. After their talk, NPC B left and the players at the table (including me) immediately realized that NPC B would likely be going for my character (who had a very personal relationship with PC A). This was actually really exciting and fun for me, because I got the chance to play my character as completely oblivious and going alone with NPC B because she genuinely didn't realize this wasn't PC A. It was a great case of dramatic irony and while my character did manage to escape without getting hurt it was still a very tense moment.

Of course, there are some drawbacks to letting most scenes play out in front of players. Mostly because meta-game knowledge might come in and influence the investigator's actions even without the players realizing it. Sometimes a player might learn a fact about an investigator out of character and start to play their investigator as if they know that secret, or may prepare for a combat situation when separated party members are confronted by a monster, or any number of other things. There may also be situations where players don't mind waiting by themselves for a bit while the Narrator and a player handle something privately. It all really depends on the players you have and what they find engaging about the game, and there's really no one size fits all solution.

Ultimately, communicating with your players as well as knowing them and their preferences beforehand is the best way to figure this out and make a judgement. If you don't know how comfortable players are with something, ask them. If you're worried about if players are disengaged or if a player thinks they may be taking too much of the spotlight, ask the group what they think. It sounds so simple and maybe even embarrassing, but it's just the most effective way to figure this out. And if your group or a player isn't comfortable being honest about how they feel, that's probably a sign something has gone wrong and you should probably work that out with them and make sure that the environment you're creating is comfortable for everyone.

If you think metagame knowledge is going to be a problem with a group, then consider having a party split out of game as well as in until you feel like they wont metagame. If you feel like your players are good with keeping player and character knowledge and feelings separate, then it might be fine to let them be present for more scenes without their character there. It might require you having a bit of trust and knowledge about your players, and if metagaming does happen you should still call it out, but in some cases it is just easier to run split parties all at the same table. I would also recommend setting a timer in any case just to make sure you're spending a roughly equal amount of time with each group (though please don't rush anyone to finish scenes.) If a player is feeling disengaged and like they don't get to participate as much, try to figure out why and maybe consider giving them a little bit of the spotlight (though try to make sure it's not a one man show too often unless you're running a private session with just that player.) Eureka's mechanics are already really good for giving a character their own time to shine, especially with the way skills are balanced and the Eureka! mechanic itself giving each investigator a chance to figure something out that could crack the case.

But yee, those are my thoughts.

A big part of Eureka is splitting the party. Normally games are loathe to do this because of the potential to bore players while they passively watch others play the game. I'm curious how you deal with this when you run Eureka. Sending players away seems like it could make it either better or worse. Like if it's at a home, people can go hang out by the snack table and drink and chat, but that doesn't work as well at, say, a game store. I'm curious how people felt about having to leave the game several times.

While the risk of boring the players or putting too much stress on the GM is a real concern, the addage of "don't split the party" actually originated in the TSR D&D era, where splitting the party made them weak and vulnerable to all sorts of situations that would be less of a problem for a full strength party, However, for a game like Eureka that produces more conventional narratives (everyone take note that I did not say that Eureka produces more narrative or is "more focused on narrative", just more conventional narratives) and has more of a focus on intrigue and horror, the party splitting up to cover more ground and collect more clues in the limited time they have to solve the mystery, but also making each one of them more vulnerable if something happens, is an actual trade-off that can improve the gameplay and story.

First of all, besides it just being really entertaining, I really recommend you listen to the Tiny Table Actual Play of Eureka. It has some really good examples of splitting the party and sending players away that are executed really well, and also some good discussion of it in the post-mortem episode and the interview.

I’m going to answer the ask directly from my own gameplay experience, but I really really urge anyone who has played Eureka to comment with their own experiences with splitting the party and sending players away.

Alright, so, obviously how long players are willing to wait their turn is group-dependent, but with our own group, we’ve actually kinda had the opposite problem from players getting bored. Instead, Narrator and the players whose characters are currently in the spotlight start to worry that they’re selfishly hogging too much session time, and try to rush the scene along (to its great detriment), when in reality the players who were sitting out were happy to keep waiting. Realizing this led to us altering the advice regarding splitting the party in the rulebook, and actually recommending the Narrator go a little longer before switching to the other characters.

I personally am happy to wait up to like 90 minutes if my character is out of the scene, because I have faith in my group and also in Eureka that the payoff for waiting will be that much greater, seeing the characters relay what they have learned while they were apart in dialogue rather than the player just saying “My investigator tells them everything that happened.” It really heightens the tension, lets the characters shine, and can even really help with solving the mystery, because having the events and evidence recounted out loud can help with making connections that might have gone over people’s heads the first time.

Of course like the rulebook says, it also comes to the judgement of the play group as a whole, and should definitely be discussed beforehand basically as part of session zero, and even mid-session if it needs to be. (Communicate your preferences to your play group!!!!!) There’s plenty of scenes and situations where having the other players leave the room instead of sitting and watching would add nothing at all to the experience.

Now I want to hear other people’s opinions. If you have played Eureka and had a party split where some players left the room or otherwise excused themselves, how did it go?

[enigmatic-jinx]

Hate trying to search for specific things on the internet only to never find the thing im trying to look for 😒