#did no one get the hint that theater is actually mentally draining for me now?

[girlson-film]

chat should I stay up late and watch another movie again

[trekwiz]

Love, Simon - Consolidated Reflections

Love, Simon is an incredible film that I had no idea I still needed. My boyfriend and I went in expecting cheesy humor and Nick Robinson eye candy, but six theater trips later and we're certain it's the most important movie of our lives.

Even though I'm a very different person from Simon's character, I never felt more represented on the screen before. I have my own stories for nearly every scene in the film, and it's made me reflect deeply about what it was like to grow up as a gay 90's kid in New Jersey, and as a student of Johns Hopkins' CTY "Smart Camp".

I’d like you to take a moment and put yourself in a specific frame: think of how you feel when your media doesn’t represent you. You don’t see people like you on mainstream TV, you don’t see people like you in mainstream movies, you don’t see people like you in mainstream advertising, you don't see people like you on the news, except in murder stories. You're invisible in pop culture.

Now imagine that it wasn’t JUST your media.

Imagine that it was your whole world: you don’t see anyone who looks like you anywhere. Not your family. Not your neighborhood. Not your school. Not your media. You are completely erased.

Growing up in that environment was really difficult, in a way that non-gays really don’t have a frame to understand. It stole a lot of my life from me.

It was somewhere around 2nd grade that I realized the world was hostile towards normal people for no good reason: irrational hostility was present in everything at all times.

Some of it was tangible. Hearing “that’s so gay,” or “fag” as an insult, or hearing classmates brag about beating up a gay kid made it clear that the world really was out to get me. While other stuff was more abstract, like the complete absence of people like me on the screen. Or worse, the token representations of people like me that were poorly written, the butt of jokes, or just irrelevant props.

There are more gay characters today, but often it’s still superficial and sometimes worse, with companies like Bioware using disrespectful and offensive caricatures as a money making strategy.

As a kid, I closed myself off. I became a “turtle”--I hid both from my toxic, abusive family and the anti-gay world around me, behind the locked door of my bedroom. After school I had Star Trek, Legos, and videogames, alone. I stepped away from my friendships in 2nd grade--I didn’t stop talking with classmates, I just didn’t let them get close. I didn’t hang out after school. I kept those relationships superficial.

I didn’t get the option to be a mall rat. I didn’t go see movies with other kids. I didn’t get to hang out at the arcade. I didn’t have friends to go on bike rides with. I didn’t have an SNES player 2 outside of my family.

I was afraid that if I had friends, they’d catch me checking out another guy and either attack me, or out me. I tried to convince myself that I was “alone but not lonely,” but I wasn’t. The only thing that kept me going was the belief that if I worked hard, I could get away from the toxic family and the toxic culture, to make my own life.

When I talk about the experiences that were stolen from me, there’s a reason I have a high level of confidence that it wasn’t merely the way my life would have developed anyway.

I have fairly wild swings between shy/quiet, and outgoing/expressive. I’ve always described myself as an “introvert communicator” because I value my alone time, and I do feel drained from many social interactions, but I also have a lot to say and the need to communicate it. It really shows when you compare how I was in front of a classroom or with clients now, vs how I am in a gathering of 5 or more people. Sometimes even one on one chatting, I’m aware that I'm struggling to do my part.

I wasn’t always an introvert. I wasn’t always socially awkward. I wasn’t always anxious in social situations. Before turtling, I was actually fairly normal, socially--despite the geek tendencies.

Many such memories are lost forever because of how young I was. Before I started kindergarten, I had a best friend--I don’t remember much about him, except that his name was Damien. We did normal kid stuff, including sleepovers. When my family moved for Kindergarten, I adapted quickly: I made friends with two of the neighbor girls. I remember even less about them because we moved back after the school year ended. My family recounted stories of me having a group of my own friends at the time; we were into Ghost Busters, of course.

When we moved back, I still have some memories of good social experiences in first grade. It was a fairly slow process between the end of first grade, up through third grade where I started pulling away. I vaguely recall instigating arguments with friends so I’d have an excuse to play alone at recess. Until that became the norm.

I know what society took from me, because I watched it slip away.

Being in the closet meant going through every day knowing that it’s “your fault” that you're isolated. That you erased yourself and that other people just like you, will never see that they’re not alone, either. Just because you wanted to get through your day without being harassed, or assaulted. That your own defense mechanism is isolating you.

It’s a deep isolation that comes with terror, and (justifiable) paranoia. Going through every day knowing that if you slip just a little bit--say something in a “funny” way, walk in an awkward way, or get caught checking someone out--you might end up in the hospital.

It means that if you're lucky enough to see someone who’s willing to express that they’re just like you, you can never talk with them: if someone sees you, they’ll suspect you. If they suspect you, they may hurt you. It means trying hard to find subtle hints that someone else is like you, and knowing that it’s too risky to say anything if you’re right. That the representation you need in your world, is dangerous to you.

Can you imagine how isolating that is for an 8 year old to know the world hates them, with no where to turn to for safety? To know that there’s no one in the world that they can ever trust? I was terrified: there was no way to know who was an enemy.

People who otherwise pass as nice can still be homophobic; they pretend to be good people, but even that seemingly sweet teacher could be a fatal liability. Complain about the slurs and risk the real, well-meaning teacher telling parents; as a teen, I became aware of groups like NARTH and Exodus International and was terrified that I could be forced into one of their torture camps if anyone found out.

How much anxiety would you have if you couldn’t trust anyone around you? How depressing would that be? How stressful? How would you feel about the culture that did it to you?

To some extent, our society understands what it means to hide: it’s what makes horror-thriller so compelling. Think about the iconic kitchen raptors scene from Jurassic Park. The visual of a person hiding for safety resonates with us all; it’s emotionally very complex.

Really look at the emotion involved in the scene: the kids are stressed. They’re off balance, completely terrorized. And they’re aware that they have to keep moving: that the safety provided by hiding is temporary, and fragile. That if they don’t find new ways to hide, their safety is gone. What is their mental state like? When things settle down, how do you think they’re going to feel when they can reflect on their experience?

Think about that for a minute. Imagine that temporary, fragile safety in hiding exists not for minutes, but for years. Not just in the kitchen, but in all aspects of your life; that it continues not just when you escape the raptors (like Billy Graham, Pat Robertson, et al), but also when your parents return because they’re just as dangerous.

What happens to someone psychologically who must constantly hide in fear; who can trust no one, when the world confirms it’s out to get them? When their whole identity has been erased from the world, while their allies hide, too? How sustainable is it, to be in that heightened state of stress and terror?

That’s what it means to be in the closet. You may be able to hide the target on your back, but it comes at a price.

To a 14 year old closeted gay kid, the internet was a taste of freedom. In fact, the internet is exclusively responsible for the totality of my dating life--my boyfriend of six years is no exception.

About.com had fairly good resources before Google was a thing--it gave me a chance to access information about who I was, and to learn about the things they "didn't have time" to address in sex education. I'll never forget the teacher, who went by "Vivacious Vicki," who communicated that my existence was so unimportant that I had to sit through a class that would never be relevant to me even if I asked on-topic questions that I needed answers to.

Answers and information that I couldn’t just get in the library: being seen looking for it was just too dangerous. The internet opened access to message boards like Delphi Forums. That gave me a space to counteract my erasure; to show that I exist and to fight for my existence in a way that didn’t risk my safety.

It gave me a chance to interact with other gay people. People my whole world taught me didn’t exist, or taught that they would disappear when “they got over” their “phase.” It gave me a safe place to talk about celebrity crushes; I was able to talk with other teens about how cute David Gallagher, and Erik von Detten were. And Xanga allowed me to write about my experiences on my own terms, to connect with others who felt empowered by my words.

It gave me a space to learn that we really are in every population; that anyone in the world really could be just like me. The internet also gave me the means to test coming out.

After I aged out of smart camp, I used AIM to come out to friends. I was able to choose one of the most important people first: my best friend across multiple years of camp. The internet ensured there was no risk--we wouldn’t be back at camp, we didn’t live nearby, and he didn’t have my phone number. That meant that we had no common proximity, or potential for common proximity, for a bad reaction to affect me. And because it was unlikely that we’d see each other again, losing that friendship was low risk.

In contrast, because of the danger involved, my first in-person coming out was very calculated. Much like Simon, in Love, Simon, I had found inspiration and strength from the internet--his nervous retreat from the computer and “FUCK! I can do this…” motion is one I had a lot of practice with. I had come out multiple times online, but saying those words out loud for the first time required a safety net.

I waited until the very end of my senior year of high school. I made that choice because if it went poorly, it wouldn’t matter: I’d be gone from the school, so I wouldn’t have to live with a higher daily risk of assault. I wouldn’t have to go through extended ridicule, or torment because I’d have an easy exit.

That wasn’t enough, though. It had to be in my room--it was my sanctuary, the place I hid from the world for safety. It also meant there wouldn’t be strangers passing by to overhear. It meant there weren’t extra variables to track; I didn’t have to watch my environment to make sure I wasn’t going to be blindsided by someone else who didn't like what I had to say. It meant no risk of embarrassment if my message was repeated.

It also had to be someone that wouldn’t treat it like a joke. Not in the sense of thinking I’m joking; it was important that it be someone who wouldn’t go back to others and laugh about it, as if what I was saying wasn’t serious and important. It was a huge weight I had to release from my shoulders, and I was conveying something very deep and essential about who I am, so it had to be someone who could hear it the same way I was saying it.

And most importantly, it had to be someone that I knew was physically weaker than I was. I knew I was risking being attacked and if I had to fight, I wanted to be confident that I could win. I’ve taken my punches before, but this time it was especially important that insult not be compounded by injury.

So, for the first time in my life, I’d invited someone over to hang out--I think it was about a week after graduation, but it’s a little fuzzy this long after. It was a high school chess club friend, under the guise of playing chess.

For all appearances, it was pretty underwhelming: I came out, he reacted well, and we played chess. But internally, that was huge for me; there was a battle to become comfortable enough to say the words, and a massive sense of relief after. As they put it in Love, Simon, I could “finally exhale.” That interaction gave me the confidence to join Allies in college, and to stop hiding who I am from the newer people to enter my life.

I still used the internet as a means to test the grounds before college. And a bit later, too. Some people acted weirdly right after--they wondered “aloud” why I was telling them, not realizing that I just wanted to stop hiding; some acquaintances even “disappeared” afterwords. But without the internet for practice, and as a shield, I don’t think I’d have found the courage to do it in person.

This is something that non-gay people have a hard time understanding. In any context, no matter how young you are, you can just start talking about the eye candy you see around you. Your biggest worry is that your friend will think your eye candy is ugly and make a joke about it until you see more eye candy cross your path.

That’s a normal part of teen and slightly pre-teen life that I didn’t get to have until my 20’s, AFTER college. It's profoundly sad, but authentic, that Simon's character didn't even start learning how to talk about attractive guys until the end of high school.

It’s such a little thing you can take for granted, that poses serious danger to people like me. You have the luxury of not coming out, the luxury of not having to think about these quality of life issues wrapped up in the process.

When I finally wanted to take baby steps out of hiding and make friends again, I didn’t really have the social skills to do it. I remember someone in 8th grade gym class who tried to be friends, but I no longer knew how how to go from daily chatting, to actually hanging out away from school.

I never got to have a best friend outside of smart camp, and I was terrified of going to school dances, so I didn’t--not that there’d have been a reason to, there was no way to find a suitable dance partner, anyway. One of the most obvious differences between Simon in Love, Simon and me is that I never did go to any high school parties--I was never invited, and I probably would have been afraid to go if I had been.

Smart camp was certainly a lot better in some ways. It was a social oasis. I had friends who are still important to me today, and I was able to go to the dances; mostly, I played cards with my friends because it wasn’t just a dance. But even that didn’t offer me a reprieve from the damaging culture around me.

Friends kept pushing me to dance with girls, and it was too dangerous to say why I didn’t want to. I delayed them by pointing out that I didn’t even know how to dance. In response, my best friend, my real crush, offered to show me how to slow dance. Not by telling me, but by actually dancing with me right then and there. In front of everyone. This was the first time in my life that I experienced bullet time as I scrambled to figure out how to react.

I panicked a little. I said no, and lied: I claimed it was only “fast dancing” that I didn’t know how to do, but that I could slow dance. I couldn’t do either, though. I was worried that if I let him show me how to dance, my friends would have noticed how much I was enjoying it; I was afraid that other onlookers would notice; I was afraid that my safety would be at risk, and that rumors would spread.

And so I rebuffed the chance at dancing with a guy, and in so doing, kept up the facade of heteronormativity. The survival mechanism that allowed me to hide from potential enemies also hid me from suitors and allies; that is the paradox of being in the closet.

I really missed out on something exceptional: I could have had my first dance with a real crush, and I could have learned to dance from a friend who cared about me enough to not even worry about being judged for dancing with a guy friend.

Instead, I completely embarrassed myself when they setup a dance for me, after being pressured to name a female crush. My humiliation was compounded by my attempt to use this fake crush as a means of denial; I was desperate to hold onto the facade of being just like everyone else.

In 2000, my last year at smart camp, a girl asked me to dance. I had said no, and after repeating myself about a dozen times, I retreated to the makeshift movie theater. She followed and kept asking; when everyone stared at me because of the disruption, I left, again.

I had nowhere else to go, since we weren’t allowed to go back to the dorms until later, so I actually hid in the bathroom. I don’t think I can convey how frustrating that is--I literally hid in the bathroom because it was too dangerous to say, “please stop, I’m gay.” Needless to say, the bathroom scene after the dance in Love, Simon really hit home.

That story doesn’t even end there. She asked an instructor for help; he came in a few minutes later to "persuade" me, too. I was backed in a corner with no place to escape, and the authority figure, the one who’s job was to protect me, insisted that I should dance with her. Because being in the closet meant I was perceived as merely being a shy non-gay kid who needed a nudge.

I felt powerless, disgusted, and terrified. Knowing my safety was on the line, I became her default dance partner for a couple weeks. Until she asked for a kiss. I was “lucky” that I only had to say no once before she moved on. Meanwhile, there was a guy in my group who, thanks to the benefit of hindsight, I know was interested--I missed it at the time, and lost the only opportunity I had for any kind of dating life in my teen years.

My hair was freshly cut that summer; it's so thick that the natural spikes of a flattop drew a lot of attention. Some of the staff loved patting my hair, and so did the girls in my group, including the one who compelled me to dance with her.

Our group was sitting in a booth playing card games, and the girls were playing with my hair as usual. There were 3 other guys at the table: I never got the name of the important one, but someone from the alumni association suggested it may be Nathan. Aaron is the second, and I don’t recall the name of the third. Aaron was grumpy and obnoxious in general, and he expressed disbelief that anyone could actually be so fascinated with someone’s hair.

Because of his reaction, the girls tried to convince Aaron to touch my hair--he got really awkward about it, and refused vehemently. The third guy sat there quietly, just watching in amusement as Aaron squirmed.

Nathan ignored the ongoing argument and started playing with my hair without saying a word; not just a quick pat, he let his hand linger on this and another occasion. I remember feeling really happy that I had received attention from a guy for the first time, but for twenty years I've been angry with myself for not having the courage to say anything at all.

In the moment, I didn’t realize Nathan was flirting, so I completely missed out on my only chance to explore dating at an only slightly delayed age. Instead, I didn't have my first date until months before graduating college. Many people underestimate just how much it hurts to watch others engage in normal social activities, while being left behind.

What was especially painful was that I missed out on a chance to talk with someone like me when I needed that the most; someone who could relate, and make me feel less isolated. Someone who could have helped me work through the emotions I was trying to understand just from knowing that he was going through it, too. I missed my only chance as a teen to talk with someone who could truly understand me.

That was my only chance at the time to understand that there really were gay people in my world--I still don’t know with certainty if anyone in my life at the time was gay or bi, and I wonder what it would be like to have that chance to talk with someone who shared some of my childhood and was trying to cope in hiding nearby, too. To see how differently they grew through it, and whether or not they resented the same things in our shared environment.

And worst of all, I never got contact information from Nathan, so I didn’t have the chance to get that conversation at a later time through the safety of the internet. Though I tried, I was never able to track him down.

That’s a regret I still hold onto today: I’ve always wanted some kind of closure. Did he know I was interested? Did seeing me dance with a girl discourage him, or did he realize that was part of being in the closet? Did he suspect that I was gay? Did he realize I tried flirting back? Was he struggling the way I was, or did he find comfort being himself? Did I really lose my one chance at normalcy, or did I misinterpret his gesture?

I don’t know that I’ll ever stop wanting these answers. It’s always there at the back of my mind, venturing to the front every few months.

I don’t want to be the kid hiding in the bathroom at the dance anymore, but sometimes, he’s still present. When people celebrate Billy Graham despite his support for Exodus International. When some complain that we’ve “gone too far” with “that whole equality thing.” When gay couples are still assaulted today, or after Pulse. When gay people can still be fired without cause in some states. When gay people can be turned down for renting or buying a home so long as the owner doesn’t say why.

I don’t think I’ll ever not be anxious when I come out, even in places that I know are relatively safe. And there are parts of life that I’ll never be able to experience because the wider culture took it away from me. But Love, Simon gives me hope that there really is a different future ahead.

Seeing a character experience these struggles without making it disaster-porn was refreshing. Seeing him able to experience the life that was denied to me is incredible. Seeing a mainstream movie with such an authentic, honest representation of someone like me is unimaginably meaningful. This movie showed the universal aspects of the gay experience, without resorting to tropes and trivialization; without getting too caught up in any niche subsets.

I needed this movie 20 years ago. Love, Simon truly could have changed my life if it had existed then. It was written from a place of respect, and showed the same due care as any film: and that means everything to me.

[bestfriendforhire]

Entry 352

 “This way.” I stated as I started walking.  Jemal was almost to us.

 “James!  Maple!  Sorry to keep you waiting.” he apologized as he jogged over to us, now wearing nice slacks and a polo.

 “James was just telling me that I might be fired if I ever take so long getting to a job.” replied Maple with a serious tone and impish grin.

 Jemal stared between us, looking shocked, not catching her grin as he walked behind us.  His eyes suddenly locked on me as he said, “You did!?”

 Maple, Mila, and I laughed.

 “You worry too much, my friend.” I assured him.  I gently patted Maple's shoulder and told him “You might have to watch out for this one.”

 “Sorry.  You looked so serious, I just couldn't help myself.” insisted Maple as she looked back at him.  “I really didn't mean anything by it.”

 Jemal brushed away her concern and told her “Don't worry about it.  Nice joke.”  He still looked nervous, fidgeting a little.

 My little fairy friend left her perch on my shoulder and started flying around Jemal's head.  She seem to be trying to comfort him, showing him images of the peaceful forest.

 As we reached the main building, I said, “All of the rooms on the first floor are for employee use.  Feel free to use them as you wish.  Mila can inform you if someone else has already booked one.  The theater isn't easy to find, but we do have one.  The ballroom has become a bit of a hangout area, since it happens to host an elaborate computer system, utilizing the large mirrors of the ballroom as screens for gaming.”

 Nodding, Maple replied “That's where your daughter, Danni, is.”

 “How do you know that?” asked Jemal.  “Oh, right.  You were there when I asked about my sister.  Sorry.  Your umm… ability…  It's a little unnerving to think about.  I've really only seen psychics in horror movies.”

 Maple laughed and asked “Think I'm an omen of death?”

 Cosette, who had been sneaking up behind Jemal, snarled, growing a foot and elongating her fangs.  Jemal jumped into the wall behind him with enough force to crack the wood.  Maple looked behind her, let out a short scream and started to run.  I gently grabbed her before she got too far.

 Cosette, resuming her normal form, laughed and said, “You two should have seen your faces.  Mila, can we get a replay!?”

  “Of course.” replied Mila, showing a recording on the nearest mirror.  She had obviously edited the footage already, zooming in on faces.

 “H-how did you do that!?” exclaimed Maple, still catching her breath.

 Still laughing, Cosette rapidly stepped closer and said, “I'm a vampire!”

 “She's actually not joking this time.” I explained, feeling Maple wasn't likely to believe her.

 Surprisingly, Maple simply nodded.  “I may have seen your kind before.”

 “Neat!  What happened?” inquired Cosette, still grinning.

 “Nothing really.  I touched a railing one night, and I saw someone leap off it impossibly far.” she explained.

 Cosette frowned, looking disappointed.  “That could have been a number of things.  Whatever it was, it shouldn't have done that in front of you.”

 “It didn't.  I was seeing the past.”

 “Really?” asked Cosette.  “I didn't know that was possible.”

 “Maple has uncommon magic, allowing her to see what transpired around anything she touches.” I explained.

 “Even people?” questioned Cosette as she eyed Maple.

 Maple nodded.  “Even people.”

 “Remind me not to hug you after taking a bath.” stated Cosette.

 “I thought vampires didn't like water.” stated Jemal.

 “If one was low enough on energy and tried transforming in turbulent water, the vampire might fall apart.  My father told me to always eat within one hour of swimming, but I enjoy a good swim.” explained Cosette with a smile.

 “As much as your hard work is appreciated, maybe you should spend a little more time.socializing.” I suggested.  Turning to Maple, I said, “If he keeps up as he has been, you'll never know when he's around.”

 Maple frowned and said, “That'd be a shame.  I'd like to get to know everyone.  You all seem so happy and genuine.”

 “Does that mean I can snack on you?” inquired Cosette, looking perfectly serious.

 “Is it dangerous?” asked Maple with a look of concern.

 “Very.” insisted Cosette as she nodded.  “If you taste too good, I might gobble you up.”

 “Portentia provides Cosette with her meals, so you really don't have to worry about Cosette getting hungry.” I informed Maple.

 “James!” complained Cosette, pouting at me.

 “Do you really not need much?  Stories always talk about a vampire draining a person dry.” stated Maple.

 “Portentia’s blood is special, and she never runs out.” replied Cosette with a grin that would leave anyone in doubt.

 Not wanting Maple to feel confused, I quickly said, “She's being serious again.  Portentia is one of the immortals I told you about.  She's been injured in more ways than anyone else I know and still regenerates perfectly.”

 “Do people typically get injured around you often?” asked Maple with a hint of concern.

 “No, but I've been unfortunate enough to see a great number of injuries.” I replied frankly.  Over the course of my honeymoon, I saw far, far too many injuries.  “Just from what I've heard, Portentia has been stabbed, shot, blown up, and poisoned multiple times each.  I once even witnessed her head being blasted away by a spell.  I can't say Portentia even looked annoyed by it.  Her head and hair were back instantaneously.”

 “Okay, I'm really getting the idea why no one is shocked by my ability.” stated Maple.

 “Yeah.  I didn't know about Portentia losing her head.  That's just crazy.” stated Jemal.

 Cosette lifted her head from her body and used her hands to make it nod.  Jemal stared at her wide-eyed.  Maple wasn't faring any better.

 After reattaching her head, Cosette calmly looked at them and asked “What?”  She grinned when she caught my smirk.  “James gets it!  It's funny!”

 “Just don't do that around Kayla.  She'll either freak out or want to try it.” insisted Jemal.

 “Kayla and I get along splendidly!  You're the one who avoids everyone.”

 Jemal nervously replied “I don't avoid anyone.  I just stay busy.”

 “She knows.” I assured him.  “Dejon is the one who often avoids people.  Where is he, by the way?”

 “Two doors down on the left, master.” replied Mila as she started walking that way.

 “Come along.” I ordered.  “Might as well introduce you while he's nearby.”

 The door to the library opened at our approach, and Dejon looked up front his book.  He quickly stood and said, “Hi.  Is something wrong?”

 “No.  I simply wanted to introduce you to Maple.” I assured him.  Then, motioning to Maple, I said, “Maple Apple Wood, this is Dejon Christopher Powers.  He can affect the mind of most anyone who meets his gaze.  Maple here can learn the history of anyone or anything she touches.”

 “Wow.  That'd be useful.” insisted Dejon.

 “So is mental manipulation.” agreed Maple.

 I felt Jemal's magic as he made a book float over to him.

 “My magic isn't bad for day-to-day stuff.” he asserted, flipping through a couple of pages before sending the book back to the shelf.

 Dejon nodded and said, “True.”

 “Glad to see you've been practicing.” I added with a smile.

 “He discourages me from practicing.” flatly announced Dejon.

 Surprisingly, he was making a joke.

 Still, I said, “Well, you affect others a bit much with yours.”

 “Are none of you going to say anything about Maple Apple Wood?  Emma will make a forest out of her!” exclaimed Cosette with a grin.

 “No one made any jokes about a Bourbon with a great thirst when you arrived, so I imagine not.” I teased.

 “That's not bad.” replied Cosette with an amused nod.

 I smiled and winked, glad everyone was getting along.

[livironheart]

all of them do all of them

i have perished for my hubris. it’s too late. one day I will have to atone for my crimes as will you. fool? judgment day is coming.

🍕 = What is your muse’s usual pizza order? Do they order any drinks, sides, or desserts to go with it?

Liv likes pepperoni pizza with olives. She would definitely appreciate dessert with it, as well as cheese sticks.🍾 = What is the last thing your muse celebrated? How long was the celebration?

She hasn’t done any WILD celebrations in a while. She participates in holiday events sometimes, though. The last thing she celebrated was probably her engagement.

🎉 = When is your muse’s birthday? Is there a special meaning behind the date for you (the mun)?

June 21st. There’s no special meaning other than I wanted to be cool and symbolic and put her birthday on the summer solstice.

📚 = What is your muse’s favorite genre of books? What are some of their favorite authors and/or books?

Liv loves to read adventure novels, but doesn’t have a lot of them. Mostly, she reads tomes by a variety of authors to study magic. Most of them are written by elite Kirin Tor mages.

💌  = How does your muse choose to confess to the person they’re interested in? Do they usually get rejected or accepted?

Generally, Liv isn’t the one confessing. She’s prone to suffer in silence out of the fear of rejection, but if she starts getting hints that whoever she likes feels the same about her, she’ll probably reach out. She’s also a fucking idiot and will likely run in circles for a little bit even so and be like ‘do they like me? what if they don’t like me?’🍵 = Does your muse prefer coffee, tea, or cocoa? Do they add any sweeteners? Iced or hot?

Olivier hasn’t had a lot of tea so she can’t make a call on that. She loves coffee and cocoa.

💙  = Who does your muse have a deep and loyal love for?

Finnigan Wyman. She would genuinely kill and die for him.

💸  = Has your muse written their will yet? If yes, what have they decided to give to people? If no, why not?

Olivier hasn’t written her will because she doesn’t seem to realize that’s actually a thing that everyone should do. She also doesn’t have a lot to her name. If she wrote one, she would leave everything to Finnigan. Every last bit.

🔮  = Is your muse superstitious? What superstitions do they have? Where did they pick them up from?

In a fantasy world where nearly anything is possible, it’s tough not to be superstitious. She’s been getting worse, though. She’s wondering if she suffers from divine intervention and genuinely thinks that she tempts fate sometimes.

🔒 = What is a secret that your muse will take to the grave? Why have they decided not to tell anyone?

The true name of a certain someone, the depths of her ambition, and the fact that she likes waffles more than pancakes. She will never tell Finn this.

🍭  = Does your muse have a sweet-tooth? What’s their favorite candy?

Liv ABSOLUTELY has a sweet tooth. She has a bit of a sugar addiction. She likes any and all candy unless it’s super hard and crunchy.

🍦 = What is your muse’s favorite ice cream flavor? Do they prefer eating it in a cone, cup/bowl, or straight from the carton? Do they use any toppings?

Plain chocolate in whatever form is most convenient. Sometimes she’ll add whipped cream if it’s available.

💚  = Who or what makes your muse feel envious? Why do they feel that way? Do they act out or keep their envy hidden?

Liv gets envious whenever Finn mentions Caroline, although she tries to convince herself she had no reason to feel that way. She also gets jealous when she hears people talk about their happy families or how great their parents were or the fun childhoods they had growing up. She’s also envious of success stories, as she feels that hers is out of reach.

📘  = Describe an AU verse/story that you have written out for your muse that you’d love to roleplay. Why did you choose to make them that way?

None written. Avatar AU would be kinda cool though.

📕  = Describe a crossover verse/story that you have written out for your muse that you’d love to roleplay. Why did you choose to make them that way?

None written.

🍔  = What is your muse’s usual burger made of? You can pick any bread, meat (or non-meat), cheese, condiments, and toppings. What side and drink do they prefer with it?

Hamburger, half pound, with mushrooms, swiss cheese, ketchup, salt, and sauteed mushrooms. She would definitely love fresh fries and strawberry lemonade with it.

🖍️  = What was your muse’s favorite childhood toy? Do they still have it? What special memories are attached to the toy?

She had a little gryphon that her mother carved from cedar wood. It’s still at Otu’s house in the Hinterlands, so sort of. She doesn’t have any particularly strong memories, just little times she would bring it outside with her and imagine what it would be like to fly.

🎵 = What is your muse’s favorite genre of music? What are some of their favorite artists? How important is music to them?

She would definitely like Indie/acoustic music. Finnigan is her favorite artist. She absolutely loves music and feels it in her heart and soul. She wishes she could hear it more often.

🌶️  = Can your muse handle spicy food? What is the spiciest food that they can handle?

Olivier LOVES spicy food. She says it makes eating a little more exciting. She wouldn’t be able to handle the super crazy stuff like whatever the WoW equivalent of ghost peppers is, but she enjoys jalapenos and hot sauce and stuff like that.

🍰 = Does your muse prefer cake or cupcakes? What’s their favorite cake flavor and icing/frosting flavor?

She loves chocolate cake with whipped frosting from the bottom of her heart. Make it chocolate ice cream cake with fudge and you will win her heart forever.

🍼  = Does your muse have children or do they ever want to have children? Do they think they will/would be a good parent?

She has no children and doesn’t want children because she thinks she would be a bad parent. She remembers how she grew up and is afraid she would accidentally force the same neglect on someone else. Also, she vehemently despises the thought of pregnancy. If she ever got kids, she would adopt, and it would be MANY years from now.

☠️ = How would your muse prefer to die? What do they want done with their body after they die?

Quickly, in the line of battle, doing something cool and glorious in defense of the Alliance or the ones she loves. She would want to be cremated and have her ashes scattered in the Hinterlands.

👻  = Does your muse believe in ghosts? What is your muse’s scariest experience with spirits/the unknown?

She definitely believes in ghosts. Her scariest experience was practically becoming one during the final battle against Krath’ul.

🛀  = Does your muse prefer baths or showers? What’s their favorite body wash scent? What kind of shampoo/conditioner do they use?

She loves both, but probably prefers baths. She likes pine, vanilla, and roses. She would use shampoo/conditioner with any of those scents.

📱 = What type of cell phone does your muse have? What apps do they frequently use? Who do they text or call most often?

Liv doesn’t have a phone because they don’t exist in WoW, but if she did she would absolutely own a Samsung.

⛎  = What is your muse’s zodiac sign? Does it fit their personality?

Cancer; yes.

🔋  = Who or what drains your muse the most? Who or what helps to revitalize that energy?

People. She loves conversation, but extended amounts of time with people (especially the ones that piss her off) can be intensely draining for her emotions. Taking time to herself to sleep or cuddle with her s/o is what generally helps. Also, being out in nature.

💊  = Does your muse have any physical or mental disabilities/illnesses? Do they take medication for it?

She has anxiety and PTSD, and takes no medication.

🗳️  = Is your muse liberal, conservative, or somewhere in-between? What political party do they align themselves with most?

No political parties in WoW, but she would probably lean toward the liberal side.

📺  = What TV shows does your muse like to watch the most? Do they prefer watching them as they air on network or do they stream them later?

No TV in WoW.

🎞️  = What is your muse’s favorite movie genre? What are their top five favorite movies? Do they prefer watching movies at home or in the theater?

Liv has never seen a movie in her entire life and probably never will.

🐾  = What is your muse’s favorite animal? Do they have or do they want any pets?

Olivier loves foxes and gryphons. She has a pet cockatiel that she loves and cherishes.

🌈  = Is your muse LGBT+? What do they identify themselves as?

It’s a little-known fact, but Liv is bisexual. She’s never been in a serious relationship with a woman, though, so the only people that know this are the ones she has shared it with.

⛈️  = What type of weather is your muse’s favorite? What do they usually like to do when they have a day off when it’s their favorite weather?

Olivier loves warm summer nights, when it’s not so hot that things are unbearable. The world is warm but the sun is down. The stars are out, a cool breeze rustles the grass and trees, and nothing feels more perfect. She likes to spend these nights at the fire festival when it’s going on, or simply somewhere out in nature. She also likes thunderstorms when she doesn’t have to be outside in them.

💐  = How would your muse respond to receiving a bouquet from an admirer? What kind of flowers would they prefer in the bouquet?

Liv fucking loves flowers, dude. She loves receiving bouquets and will get incredibly affectionate when she gets one (unless it’s from someone that’s not her s/o).

💔  = When is a time your muse was heart-broken? Was it someone else’s fault or your muse’s? What did they do to get over it?

When she left Rook. It was her fault. She ate some ice cream and moved on. It still bothers her a little bit, but she’s beginning to see him in a different light, so it’s not a huge issue. It was hard for her to so easily discard all the memories they had, though. Another time was when Finnigan died, and she was led to believe he was permanently dead. And the monks of Northshire didn’t allow her to see his body to pay respects.

💤  = What position does your muse sleep in? What side of the bed do they prefer? How many blankets and pillows do they usually use? Do they snore or sleep with stuffed animals?

Olivier sleeps on her back with her hand on her stomach or on her side. When she sleeps with Finn, she definitely prefers to be the little spoon. She sleeps with a lot of pillows and a lot of blankets for maximum comfort. She doesn’t snore or sleep with stuffed animals.

🛑  = What is one of your muse’s pet-peeves? 

Ironically, arrogant people. A lot of people call Liv arrogant, which is sometimes true, but she doesn’t see it. She hates narcissists and people who are rude and unkind to others without reason.

▶️  = Make a playlist of five songs that your muse would enjoy.

King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men

Ignite - Zedd

Better Days - Hedley

Reluctant Heroes - AmaLee

I See Fire - Celtic Woman

🔆  = Out of your muse’s group of friends, who do they find the most attractive? Would they ever ask them out?

Aside from Finnigan, she finds Tiara pretty attractive. She would never ask her out because she only sees her as a friend, Tia is married, and Liv is engaged. Still, she appreciates beauty when she sees it.

🏖️  = What would your muse be doing on a day out to the beach? Are they the type to get in the water or just sit on the shore?

She would definitely be in the water splashing around. She would take turns doing that and lying out to laze in the sun, though.

🏥  = Has your muse ever been to the hospital for an injury or illness? How long did they have to stay?

She’s been in the infirmary multiple times for injuries, sometimes for days or weeks at a time. She’s never been out for more than a month, though.

🎠  = What is your muse’s favorite carnival ride, game, and food? What do they like to do first when they go to a carnival?

Funnel cakes are her absolute favorite, but she’ll eat just about any carnival food. She doesn’t ever really play the games or go on rides. She just likes to walk around, dance, listen to the music, watch the people, and spend quality time with her loved ones.

🚨 = Has your muse ever been in trouble with the police? What crime did they commit? Did they have to stay in jail?

Liv got censured because she inflicted cruel and unusual punishment upon someone impeding an investigation by singing his face.

🥇 = Has your muse ever won a contest or competition? What was the contest/competition? What did they receive as a prize, if anything?

No.

🎸 = Can your muse play an instrument? If yes, which one(s)? If no, do they want to learn how to play? Can they write lyrics or sing?

She can play a little bit of guitar, but she’s desperately out of practice. She can sing, but she’s bad at writing lyrics.

🎮  = What is your muse’s favorite genre of video games? What system do they prefer? What are some of their favorite games? Do they like to play online with other people?

Ain’t no video games in WoW. Modern AU Liv is definitely an elitist in Overwatch, though.

🍳 = Does your muse know how to cook? What dish of theirs is the most popular among their friends/family? What would they consider their specialty?

She used to be a terrible cook, but she’s always been a quick learner. As soon as she started to watch other people cook, she was able to pick up their techniques. She tends to stick strictly to recipes, but she’s just starting to experiment with cooking different combinations of things.

👽 = Does your muse believe in aliens? Have they ever seen a UFO? Do they believe they’ve been abducted before, or do they know anyone who claims to have been abducted?

O_O

[bffhreprise]

Entry 351

 “This way.” stated James just before he started walking again.

 I quickly followed.  Despite just meeting him today, I was getting the idea that James always has a purpose for what he was doing, such as buying a watch specifically for me to see through my psychometry before we ever met.

 “James!  Maple!  Sorry to keep you waiting.” apologized Jemal as he jogged over to us.  He had dressed up a little, now sporting a nice pair of beige slacks and a light blue polo.

 “James was just telling me that I might be fired if I ever take so long getting to a job.” I teased, though trying to sound serious, as I kept up with James’ leisurely pace.  Waiting the brief breath before my ability showed me Jemal’s reaction was difficult, but I managed.

His eyes darted from me to James and back again several times while his mouth gaped open.  Then he focused on James and asked “You did!?”

 I laughed, happy to hear James and Mila laughing with me.  

 “You worry too much, my friend.” insisted James.  Then, placing a hand on my shoulder, he said, “You might have to watch out for this one.”

 “Sorry.  You looked so serious, I just couldn't help myself.” I admitted, smiling back at him.  “I really didn't mean anything by it.”

 Jemal brushed away my comment with his hand as he said, “Don't worry about it.  Nice joke.”  His body language didn’t really match his tone, but I could tell he thankfully wasn’t mad.

 The little fairy woman lighted on his head, and I wondered what she was showing him as his eyes took on a distracted look.  We walked in silence for a little while before reaching what seemed to be the separation between the wing and the main building.

 James spoke up immediately as we crossed the threshold, saying, “All of the rooms on the first floor are for employee use.  Feel free to use them as you wish.  Mila can inform you if someone else has already booked one.  The theater isn't easy to find, but we do have one.  The ballroom has become a bit of a hangout area, since it happens to host an elaborate computer system, utilizing the large mirrors of the ballroom as screens for gaming.”

 Nodding along, I commented “That's where your daughter, Dani, is.”

 “How do you know that?” asked Jemal in surprise.  “Oh, right.  You were there when I asked about my sister.  Sorry.  Your umm… ability…  It's a little unnerving to think about.  I've really only seen psychics in horror movies.”

 I laughed as I asked “Think I'm an omen of death?”  Turning to see his expression with my own eyes, I saw something truly terrifying.  

 The mouth of a gorgeous, chestnut-haired girl stretched open an impossible distance, her fangs growing as long as my forearm.  Jemal, looking equally terrified, jumped away, slamming into a wall several feet away, but the girl was even faster.  Screaming, I ran.

 At least, I had attempted to run.  Gently, but firmly, James’ grip held me easily.  He didn’t look like he was even putting any effort into it, especially not with the smile on his face.

 The chestnut beauty was laughing openly, no longer looking monstrous.  “You two should have seen your faces.” she insisted giddily.  “Mila, can we get a replay!?”

  “Of course.” replied Mila, and a nearby mirror lit up to show us a slow-motion capture of what had just transpired.  The footage even zoomed in on Jemal and my terrified expressions!

 “H-How did you do that!?” I exclaimed, my heart still racing and breathing heavy.  I hadn’t been scared that badly in a very long time.

 Like a creature from a horror film, Cosette approached me with incredibly rapid steps, still laughing when she arrived.  “I'm a vampire!” she exclaimed, now uncomfortably close to me.

 “She's actually not joking this time.” added James, who seemed perfectly amused by this turn of events.

 I nodded, not surprised that vampires existed.  “I may have seen your kind before.” I replied, satisfied by the look of surprise on James’ face.

 “Neat!  What happened?” inquired the girl, still grinning.

 “Nothing really.  I touched a railing one night, and I saw someone leap off it impossibly far.” I explained, knowing no normal human could leap over ten feet with such ease.

 Cosette frowned, looking disappointed, as she said, “That could have been a number of things.  Whatever it was, it shouldn't have done that in front of you.”

 “It didn't.  I was seeing the past.” I explained, somewhat satisfied that she looked surprised now.

 “Really?” she asked.  “I didn't know that was possible.”

 “Maple has uncommon magic, allowing her to see what transpired around anything she touches.” replied James.

 “Even people?” questioned Cosette, looking at me somewhat warily.

 I nodded, even more satisfied.  “Even people.” I assured her.

 “Remind me not to hug you after taking a bath.” she stated, seeming perfectly serious.

 Before I could ask if she bathed in blood, Jemal said, “I thought vampires didn't like water.”

 “If one was low enough on energy and tried transforming in turbulent water, the vampire might fall apart.  My father told me to always eat within one hour of swimming, but I enjoy a good swim.” explained Cosette with a smile.

 “As much as your hard work is appreciated, maybe you should spend a little more time socializing.” suggested James as he watched Jemal.  Then he turned to me, saying, “If he keeps up as he has been, you'll never know when he's around.”

 I frowned as Jemal looked at me.  “That'd be a shame.” I insisted, trying not to stare at him.  “I'd like to get to know everyone.  You all seem so happy and genuine.”

 “Does that mean I can snack on you?” asked the vampire girl hopefully.

 “Is it dangerous?” I questioned, somewhat intrigued by the idea, though a little scared still.

 “Very.” she insisted with a nod.  “If you taste too good, I might gobble you up.”

 “Portentia provides Cosette with her meals, so you really don't have to worry about Cosette getting hungry.” explained James, ignoring Cosette’s indignation.

 “James!” complained Cosette with an adorable pout.

 “Do you really not need much?  Stories always talk about a vampire draining a person dry.” I commented.

 “Portentia’s blood is special, and she never runs out.” replied Cosette with a grin that seemed too exuberant for the topic.

 James quickly informed me “She's being serious again.  Portentia is one of the immortals I told you about.  She's been injured in more ways than anyone else I know and still regenerates perfectly.”

 “Do people typically get injured around you often?” I questioned in concern.  As amazing as this job was already seeming, I didn’t like the idea of being at high risk.

 “No, but I've been unfortunate enough to see a great number of injuries.” he stated, seeming all too serious.  “Just from what I've heard, Portentia has been stabbed, shot, blown up, and poisoned multiple times each.  I once even witnessed her head being blasted away by a spell.  I can't say Portentia even looked annoyed by it.  Her head and hair were back instantaneously.”

 “Okay, I'm really getting the idea why no one is shocked by my ability.” I told him, awed by the idea of someone surviving a missing head.

 “Yeah.  I didn't know about Portentia losing her head.  That's just crazy.” agreed Jemal, nodding fervently.

 Cosette lifted her head from her body and used her hands to make it nod.  I involuntarily took a step back, trying to fight the resurfacing terror.

 Cosette calmly reattached her head, looked between Jemal and me, and asked “What?”  She grinned as she looked at James.  “James gets it!  It's funny!”

 “Just don't do that around Kayla.  She'll either freak out or want to try it.” insisted Jemal.

 “Kayla and I get along splendidly!  You're the one who avoids everyone.” retorted Cosette, still grinning.

 Jemal nervously told her “I don't avoid anyone.  I just stay busy.”

 “She knows.” insisted James.  “Dejon is the one who often avoids people.  Where is he, by the way?”

 “Two doors down on the left, Master.” replied Mila.  Throughout everything, her nearby body had remained so still that I had forgotten she was there completely.

 Thinking of her focused my power on the recent events, and I was reminded that she laughed at Cosette’s… antics.

 “Come along.” ordered James to all of us.  “Might as well introduce you while he's nearby.”

 We followed and quickly found ourselves in a large library with ornate bookcases and a lush carpet.  A blond boy was sitting in a surprisingly cozy-looking chair for something so ornate, reading a large leather-bound book.

 “Hi.  Is something wrong?” asked the boy, who had to be Dejon, sounding nearly as worried as Jemal.

 “No.  I simply wanted to introduce you to Maple.” replied James.  He gestured from me to Dejon while saying, “Maple Apple Wood, this is Dejon Christopher Powers.  He can affect the mind of most anyone who meets his gaze.  Maple here can learn the history of anyone or anything she touches.”

 “Wow.  That'd be useful.” insisted Dejon, a hint of excitement in his voice.

 “So is mental manipulation.” I agreed, smiling at him.

 A book suddenly floated off a shelf over to Jemal, who casually grabbed it and flipped through a couple pages.  “My magic isn't bad for day-to-day stuff.” he asserted, surprisingly confident.

 Dejon nodded and said, “True.”

 “Glad to see you've been practicing.” asserted James as he watched Jemal.

 “He discourages me from practicing.” flatly announced Dejon, drawing our attention again.

 “Well, you affect others a bit much with yours.” insisted James, though he didn’t sound offended at all.

 “Are none of you going to say anything about Maple Apple Wood?  Emma will make a forest out of her!” exclaimed Cosette into the brief silence, grinning wildly.

 “No one made any jokes about a Bourbon with a great thirst when you arrived, so I imagine not.” teased James.

 “That's not bad.” she told him with a smile and a nod.

 I considered making a joke of my own, like suggesting that Cosette must be the life of many parties, being a rare Bourbon, but I ultimately remained silent as the conversation picked up again.  Touching a shelf, I found that Dejon was the primary inhabitant of this library.  He didn’t smile much, but something about his posture made me think he was content.  Before I could see too much, the tour continued.

[dine-on-nervine]

the ‘muscle simulator’ survey

Is there anyone in particular that you’d like to see and, if so, who is this person? Yes, and that would be Cara. Will do that on Valentine’s Day. :-D Have you been to the movies lately and, if so, what movie did you see? Nope. Have you ever used a muscle simulator before and, if so, did it hurt? I think you dropped a letter there, you meant “muscle stimulator”. Unless Microsoft has finally gotten around to releasing “Muscle Simulator 10″, a series which I haven’t played since the DOS version on a CGA monitor. Build your body twelve different ways in this ultra-realistic exercise simulation. You will need a video card produced after 2017, 40gb free hard drive space, a 100mb Internet connection, and 8gb RAM to play. Jocularity aside, I tried a relative’s electrical muscle stimulator once to see what it was -- and hurt isn’t the word, it’s draining being tight like that.

Do you hate it when people rudely interrupt you and do you want to hit them? I do hate that, and I do not want to hit them so much as give them a verbal smackdown for being rude. “Were people talking here??” Of course, what’s worse is when the person you are talking to does that when someone else approaches, like whatever you were saying was totally unimportant.

How many songs have you downloaded in the past week and what’re the genres? I don’t think I have.

Have you ever owned a pet bird and, if so, what was this bird’s name? Not me but my sister, and that parakeet’s name was BoLuke. Do you have a friend who’s a complete and total flirt around everyone? I haven’t been around anyone who flirts randomly in years. Do you know anyone who’s addicted to drugs and, if so, are you friends with them? My roomie’s sister (who is staying here for a couple week waiting for housing) just got out of jail on drug charges, and says she’s learned a lot from rehab. I can’t say I’m friends with either, I just unfortunately live with them. How many times a day do you worry about dying and the afterlife? It rarely comes to mind. I’m alive and healthy, I’m not a total sinner (but indeed do sin, probably daily), and I prefer to look forward than down. Have you ever owned a golf cart before and, if so, what color was it? My family had one, it was white. Do you have a sibling who’s a complete deadbeat and, if so, which sibling is it? I don’t think any of my sibs is a deadbeat, they all work and have kids to support. Now, they could say that person is me since I work part-time and have fewer responsibilities than they do, but my sibs are all productive. Do you think that these questions are a little too personal? None so far. Keep trying. How often do you get photo comments on Facebook and who’re they usually from? The two people who comment most often on my FB stuff are Mary and Cara. Do you know anyone who has a name that you hate and, if so, who is this person? I can’t say I hate any names, but can say that some names just cast a mental image that isn’t flattering. To quote the comedian Sinbad, “I named my daughter Renee so they won’t know she’s black until the job interview.” Have you ever seen the really old movie The Birds and, if so, did it scare you? I have only seen a little bit of it, as a Saturday afternoon matinee movie on television, and I was probably 7 years old -- so while I had no context of what was going on or why, I can say that it was alarming to a little kid. Do you think kids who smoke at a young age are stupid and naive? Yes. And teenagers who smoke as well. Adults who smoke are no longer naive, just merely stupid and lowkey suicidal. What’re the color of the curtains in the room you’re in right now? Whitish but yellowing with age. Do you own the new Guitar Hero and, if so, what’s your favorite song on it? Nope. How long ago was it that someone you know got arrested and put into jail? Not in my own life, but the squatter here got canned 7 months ago, and just got out the other day. She says the thing that bothers her most is that it was a one month sentence... and chances are that despite her merely being an accomplice to others’ crimes, they probably got out before her. (One got out and wound up back in on new charges while she was there.) How long ago was it that you last ate Taco Bell and what did you eat there? Last month, and it was their new Crunch Wrap. The Bell advertises it as being part of their dollar menu but the place near work charges $1.50 -- uh? Either price works, it’s just a tortilla with cheese and a bit of meat folded up (w00t!) and put into the grill press, so about twenty-five cents of materials. Do you ever take pictures with random people in Walmart or anywhere else? Not in the ‘selfie’ way. More like a background or photobomber way. Do you ever make fun of people with disabilities and, if so, why do you do that? Only the disabilities that they themselves have created. Do you regret any decision you’ve made in the past week and, if so, which one? Nothing stands out in my mind so I must be doing something adequately. Okay, one very minor second-guess, the other day I wanted pizza so I went and got pizza, then later checked my bank account and noticed I came just over $1 from dipping below where my bank would give me a $3 fee for having a low balance... no fear, my paycheck was listed as a pending deposit, but it’d suck to get charged a fee for being under the wire for only eight hours. Have you ever done anything dangerous enough to have risked your life? I’ve risked it a few times foolishly, and one time intentionally. Where’s the farthest place you’ve been from home and why did you go there? I’ve been to a couple cities in Arizona, to see people. Do you ever watch MTV and, if so, what shows do you normally watch on there? Okay, I’m oldschool, and you did NOT watch MTV for the REALITY PROGRAMS AND GAMESHOWS. You were there for the music videos. You might have tuned in for music programs like London Underground, The Tube, Headbanger’s Ball, or Yo! MTV Raps... or there were fun shows like Beavis & Butthead and Daria and The Young Ones. The non-music shows were in the minority of programming, you still had 3/4 of the day of music videos. Funny was that when MTV was overrun with non-music programs, they created MTV2 to play videos again... which also was overrun in time. What kind of game consoles do you own and, if you own any, are they in the room with you? All of mine are in storage at the moment, but the consoles I own are NES, Atari 2600, Atari 5200, Atari 7800, and Colecovision. (Sorry, Intellivision, I don’t love you.) The handhelds are Sega GameGear, Atari Lynx, and a DSlite. Do you get embarrassed when your parents talk about when you were a baby? Not really. I’d be concerned about them talking about me as a teenager. ;-P Do you have any friends you’re ashamed to be around in public? I’m not around my friends in public. ;-) But no, none. Do you consider yourself egotistic, or do people call you egotistic? I don’t consider myself egotistic, just looking out for myself. I don’t think others consider me egotistic or conceited, but that is their opinion if so. Do you ever compliment yourself on small things just because of popularity? I compliment myself on small things because I need my benchmarks, my means of seeing that I’ve accomplished tasks and done the things in a day. What was the most length you’ve ever cut off your hair and why did you cut it? I got a buzzcut once. Has anyone ever stereotyped you in a horrible or depriving way and, if so, why? I think through my youth that happened with some frequency, either out of bad behavior on my part or them simply not getting to know me to understand who I was. Different is weird. As an adult someone was doing that periodically in the recent past, and the two things I did in response were to take a hint that this is how others see or may see me so let’s turn the genuine faults around -- and walked away from them when what they were criticizing was me and they wanted to make it seem like I was terrible for not going along with the skewed way they saw life. What’s one food that you absolutely can’t stand eating and why do you hate it? Pancakes. They’re just gross, sorry. << Me too for just being sitting in my stomach like a rock, plus not being that appealing when slightly cooled. What I don’t like is cooked green beans. Those are just gross and icky. (But I do like them pickled or raw/steamed with other vegatables. Just not cooked.) What’s one movie you can’t wait to see in theaters or rent? Nothing to rent/download. See in theatre is the second Deadpool. Do you have any children and, if so, how old are they? Only my cat, who is now seven and a half. How many times a day do you brush your teeth and is that enough in your world? None, typically, and my teeth are telling me that I’ve made a mistake on this. Do you think you’re going to Heaven or Hell and why do you think this? Going up to the spirit in the sky / That’s where I’ll go when I die / When I die and they lay me to rest / Gonna go to the place that’s the best. Actually I have no idea where I’m going or if there’s something beyond the earthly plane, but that’s no reason not to be a good person here, right? What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up just talking on the phone? Simply put, there may not have been sleep until dawn’s light. Do you ever make random signs from sticky notes and put them on people? That sounds silly. Have you ever overcome a disease that was life-threatening and, if so, which one? The downward spiral of suicidal thought. Do you think anyone who’s in the room with you right now is really mean? Ain’t nobody in the room with me. And none of the people in my house are mean, just going about their lives in the ways they choose presumably without causing others any undeserved grief. Is there one thing that you want more than anything you’ve ever wanted? Happiness. Money is great, I need a steady supply of it, but it’s possible to have everything you want yet not be happy. I want to be happy and have the things I actually need... and maybe a little more. :)