#anyways. love just having shit on my body. so fun
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Okay I think we need to get on the same page. By "perfect lyctorhood" I did NOT mean a version of lyctorhood that I, the reader, think is perfect in that it's ethical and good and everyone is happy and gonna ride off into the sunset. I meant a version of lyctorhood where both the necromancer and cavalier are intact, in seperate bodies, and alive.
FOR THE RECORD, I was pointing out similarities between characters who have come close/achieved it with Harrow and Gideon, and pointing out a pattern of John saying something is impossible, only for Harrow to do it with Gideon anyway. I just think when its established that everyone in history is trying to do X thing and many have come close but none have succeeded, the natural conclusion is that someone's gonna figure it out before the series is over.
HOWEVER!!! I don't think this is necessarily going to be a happy ending. For one, the series tells us at every moment possible that Immortality SUCKS. For all of HTN we are brain blasted with the worst most foul found family known to man because they are simply too old and unkillable to be normal to each other. We watch a man who was once so hellbent on not leaving any humans behind that he became an enemy of the state become a shell of himself, at best neutral to the billions of senseless deaths he causes and, at worst, happy about it.
In contrast, the most content, loving, and fulfilled character in the series is alive for all of six months. Nona knows she's gonna die, and she loves anyway! It's this beautiful interrogation of eternal life as a religious reward for good behavior. Yeah, maybe sounds good on paper, but what would you do that would make you happy for forever? Especially if your religion taught you to sacrifice your own self worth or ignore the personhood of others in order to achieve eternity. How are you gonna spend your time? Doing the same shit you did just to get there, probably. And chances are, it'll make you miserable.
We KNOW normal lyctorhood sucks in that it's necessarily exploitative. Culture in the nine houses has justified and draped pretty lace around what is essentially raising people to be so subservient that they let themselves become human batteries. Because of how ghoulish this is, it's easy to assume that perfect lyctorhood would be a good, ethical alternative. But just because both people are alive doesn't mean there can't still be abuse and exploitation! In fact, in the ONLY example of someone actually becoming a perfect lyctor, John does it to Alecto against her will! And THEN because he can't kill her, he imprisons her in the tomb. Doesn't sound like a very fun religious tier reward to me but idk!!!
So basically, there is no ethical lyctorhood under capitalism. In the best case scenario where the necromancer doesn't subjugate the cavalier, they're still alive FOREVER, every year getting farther and farther away from what made them human. Maybe they end up like Augustine and Mercymorn, with all their conflicts over the years congealing into a weird toxic occasional hate sex misogyny-fuelled situationship. Maybe they never speak again and have to spend the rest of forever completely alone.
Point is, as much of a relief as it would be to see Gideon and Harrow in the same room again, I don't think perfect lyctorhood is a happy ending for anyone. I have no doubt in my mind that they're gonna do it, but i have a LOT of doubts about what fresh hell it's gonna wreak when they do.
if the locked tomb doesnt end with gideon and harrow both alive and whole having achieved perfect lyctorhood i will eat my own hat.
alecto and john are the only perfect lyctors right? alecto, who is made of several million dead people, and john who is god. youre telling me that harrow "made of 300 dead babies" nonagesimus and gideon, whose dad is god, aren't gonna do it? youre telling me harrow's biological ancestor is the only saint to never become a lyctor because she came so close to figuring it out that her cavalier was killed to prevent it. you're talking about harrow, who opened the tomb at ten with nothing but sheer determination and accidentally getting a little bit of god blood under her nails and gideon, who we keep being told cannot and will not die, won't end up alive? is that what you're saying? bc john says two things are impossible; opening the tomb and perfect lyctorhood. but those are only two things and Harrow already did one of em. does she seem like a quitter to you?
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latinokaeya-moving · 2 years ago
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the entitled ownership parents often feel over their child’s body is interesting to me but specifically in the way it can often contradict itself or betray their own morals/biases. like i think abt the fact that my mother To This Day hates me talking abt doing anything at all to my hair and consistently says i ruined it in comparison to the way it used to look like when i was a child and didn’t ‘let me’ get it cut short until i basically just went n did it myself without her permission (a week before my quinceañera, and she Fumes about it to this day bc ‘why couldn’t have i waited until after at least’, lmao) and like how this all very obviously ties into Something to do with gender (and probably sexuality since i came out to her as a preteen) here. and yet she was fine with me getting a tattoo at like 15, Paid for it and took me to an artist to get it done lol. i talk abt it a lot but the skewed priorities here have always been sooo weird to me 😭
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months ago
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i am losing to the demon trying to possess me (devilman. the 52 y/o media franchise)
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>:]
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EDIT I FORGOT THIS ONE
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12th-shavie · 24 hours ago
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[100 hours in]
Up next, the long-awaited follow-up to Osvald and Partitio's crossed path ! I was really looking forward to this one
Coffee, huh... of course that would be their stances on coffee, I can't imagine Partitio drinking it too bitter, that sweetie
Aww they're using the coffee bit when threatening thugs ! They're such good buddies
And now they're keeping it going as they threaten the loan shark before mugging him, how adorable~
Partitio, my boy, do you not know of the Moon ???
And here comes the ominous night-time that shouldn't possibly be... and the end of the quest. Obviously. I can't get to the juicy bits just yet I guess
Oh well, that's just more of a reason to move on the chapter I kept as the last one : Temenos' fourth (I hope he kicks the evil god's ass or gets closer to doing so)
Oh we doing genocide flashbacks now ? Okay...
Ort I mean to put this in the nicest way possible but maybe you should've doubted your boss before she reached the spooky cave and started being nefarious about it
Kaldena has the same kind of shadow energy as Harvey... evil.
But her boss sprite ? Oh her boss sprite is looking fine~
And it even gets better... Kaldena of the Night is a banger design (the sprite work in this game gets me every time)
That fight was over quickly... but that's just the Osvald nuke setup for ya, he's allowed all the spotlight he wants <3
The end artwork is in front of Crick's grave... T^T (Temenos looks incredibly baby on it tho)
I found and did Ort's next chapter pretty quickly after that and the bit about the lost hair ornament bugs me so much, wasn't Mindt just shown to have lost hers ?? How involved is she actually ? And why do I not get any extra info about anything extra suspicious lately...
Oh well, fine, game, Laila's next chapter it is then
Hermes sure loves her fishies, but I wish she would've just kicked this guy's ass then and there... a girl can dream
As for Veronica's next chapter, I found the right npc at last after trying my luck with every Dolcinaea-related location (it didn't really take all that long)
I can still see the scene after that and picture the metaphorical game looking me in the eye telling me Veronica and Dolcinaea should kiss (screenshots were taken)
Anyway, time for the Throné and Temenos follow-up !
That's looking like a new murder myster- oh Alpates is the victim, so much for asking her about last time
I love how Temenos won't knock the guard out himself but completely endorse Throné doing it (and stealing from dead bodies but that's the gameplay integration for ya)
Onward to the mysterious cave of time shenanigans !
Oh shit is getting real detective mode is back ON !!
I love how Throné casually welcomes Temenos back from detective mode, she's so chill about it
So the treasure is the full mirror... and something about those who hope for the dawn... what were you hiding Alpates...
And that's the ominous cutoff point, obviously
Guess I'll try and finish every last side story before seeing what that "Extra story" is all about, it sounds like a grand finale to me
I found a next chapter for Shirlutto, who I definitely hadn't completely forgot the name of, and he wanted a bunch of stuff I had from my inventory (because I am a nosy player who can and will investigate everything !)
Oh that was the story for the guard in Lostseed !
And that's baby's first desire for revenge, I guess ?
Not gonna lie, that wasn't my favourite quest, the beastling speech patterns got to me pretty quick and they're not my jam
Alpione's next chapter had a fun twist on the hunter premise, she got to do something good for the creature this time around
For Mikka's next chapter, let me see... we have more Benkei being here and a good bean, and Mikka and Pala flirting. A lot. I can almost hear the metaphorical game breathing down my neck and whispering "gay gay homosexual gay" and yuri-ing away or something
Since I was around, I also got to finishing the tower (I had found and started it previously, up to the third floor) thanks to the wondrous Osvald nuke team
And lo and behold ! A final support class ! I first gave it to Partitio since I had him on hand and he had the JP for those juicy support skills (in this household we love a Partitio with plenty of SP and skills that half its consumption are good) but then decided to give it to Castti to consolidate her supporting capabilities (and she looks cute in it) (and I really like cleric Partitio as a versatile support that can heal a solid amount)
While going about my sidequest log I got back to the one for stage actors in Tropu'hopu and coerced the guy to see if I got more info on what he wanted, and let's just say that "Temenos the Diviner" entertained me a fair bit
But since I had a save right before it and Osvald to try and mug the guy, I reloaded the save and let's just say that I didn't know I needed "Osvald the Thieving Gentlemage" until it was right before me
I'm curious as to what skits happen for Hikari and Ochette, but I think I'll look that up eventually, as a treat
And with that, my quest backlog was done... except for a teeny tiny insignificant one in the spooky island with the gates to a cryptic name and the (dying ? or just in really bad shape ?) guy who wanted to translate the book "From the Far Reaches of Hell", so definitely nothing important that I should devote lots of attention to...
Instead I scavenged for more cleric, scholar and apothecary licenses and I'm not afraid to say that the manor ruins being completely silent started stressing me out at some point while hunting for the big deers
And with the 100-hours mark approaching, I knew what I wanted to do : prepare my endgame teams for the true final stretch !
After lots of thinking on synergies and break coverage, I decided on splitting up the party with thief Agnea, cleric Partitio, conjurer Castti and arcanist Osvald for the magical nuke setup with good physical damage from Agnea on top, and inventor Ochette, merchant Throné, scholar Temenos and armsmaster Hikari for a more physically-oriented team with disguised Throné to double up on scholars if need be and extra versatility out of the learned skills/monsters
I got through a lot of equipment management to come up with builds I liked but I am pretty proud of myself for coming up with these
Of course, this has nothing to do with the sidequest boss from hell that requires to split the travelers in two teams and certainly not the fact that it wiped the floor with me when I showed up unprepared
Anyway, up next should be the final chapter, although I don't know what to expect !
Octopath Traveler II delayed playthrough blogging
[10 hours in]
Contains light spoilers of some early chapters I guess
I started the journey with Agnea because she looked like a sweetie (and she is) and she really has the most jrpg "leave of this small village to see the big wide world to make your dream come true" beginning
I got her to allure a villager that replenishes SP with every dancer skill she uses and she's been the cornerstone to most battles ever since
The second traveler I got was Partitio and he's a funny lad, I love his vibe, hat, jacket, and speech ! Also, the atmosphere of his storyline was a nice dramatic change of pace after the cozy first one I got
I headcanon that Roque's betrayal was in fact very much a divorce with Partitio's dad and I cannot wait to see how that applies to future chapters (I do hope it ages like fine wine rather than milk)
Partitio's combat performance was pretty solid despite a lack of AoE but the weapon variety for breaking was the early highlight
I ignored the fork in the road that lead to Hikari in favor of recruiting Castti because I wanted a healer and I feel slightly guilty (but also not at all)
Castti is literally so nice to people I can't wait to see if she really has an extremely shady past that will torment her for at least 1 chapter before she decides that she's going to be a good noddle in spite of all
Her concocting is pretty fun but I wish I had more diffusing serum (I can make do with latent power for now but it'd more fun to let her do some fun nuking)
Castti is also extremely tanky (she's the only one I have with over 1k HP so far) so she was a very welcome addition to the party
The next step in the journey was recruiting Osvald (I wanted to start with him but the 2 forced chapters made me decide to instead make him the reward for reaching the eastern continent) after I ignored the boat that lead to Ochette and wandered around until I stumbled upon a boat that lead really close to Osvald on the map and eventually found him face-down in the snow (which makes my decision to no start with him even better)
His first two chapters cemented him as one of my favorites beyond the visual vibes I got from the first selecting menu, and his skillset was a cherry on top
AoE magic nuking when I already have some buffing and BP donating in my party ? I'm sold. Free weakpoint reveals every battle ? Even better ! Osvaldo battle voicelines ? Yes please !
After that I found the scholar license and decided that Agnea should also learn to buff spell intensity to make my Osvaldo nuking engine even stronger (she's been doing great and I'm very proud of her)
Since it was on the way to Agnea's second chapter for which she was at the recommended level, I went on to recruit Temenos and he did not disappoint ! He really gave me an impression of being a seemingly upstanding fellow who is in fact not only shady but just the right blend of ambiguous tease with genuine words thrown in (props to his voice acting that really sells it)
His detective moment was also pretty cool, especially after seeing the duality of his abilities to get people to follow him without risk of failure and his (very shady) coercing to get more intel
I considered replacing Castti with him as my party healer but he is very squishy compared to her, and she also has weapon diversity and more consistent debuffing over him so for the time being he's just chilling at the tavern waiting for a party composition that makes him shine
On my way to the big city I found the inventor license and could simply not resist giving it to Partitio it simply fit him too well (and more weapons to break with is very nice), although I'm thinking of changing it later to try a Temenos build that would allow him to break even more and coerce better
Now onto the big city to recruit Throné and let Agnea's story unfold further !
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foreverxdaydreaming · 4 months ago
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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seungminnnie · 1 month ago
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#okay rant time about the stupidest shit in the world aka stay twitter discourse rn#so chan puts out the railway mv. very fun very hot we all love it. and that's where things should end. but noooooooo stays are incapable#of letting a good thing lie. so what do they do? start a fanwar with engenes#so many posts like 'THIS is how you do a vampire concept' 'he's ACTUALLY leaning into the vampire concept' 'finally a GOOD vampire concept'#which is just like. clearly shading enhypen bc their whole deal is vampires#so then engenes (understandably but annoyingly) snipe back like#'now EVERYBODY wants to be a vampire' 'it's just gore how unoriginal' etc etc#so then stays go back and purposefully misunderstand and are like 'enhypen didn't invent the vampire concept idiots lots of people have#done vampire concepts before' which is like. duh. not what they're saying#but it's all so stupid bc stays were being deliberately inflammatory about enhypen#saying one mv is a better rep of vampires than like. enhypen's whole deal#which is vampire themes in almost every mv. a whole webtoon and dedicated album. multiple short films and concept videos#WHICH ARE ALL REALLY WELL DONE!!#like why can't people just appreciate they're both good and different. why can't we be like "oh fun they both did vampires!'#especially cause they're friends! jeongin and heeseung are friends! jake is chanlix's adopted aussie son! niki looks up to hyunjin so much!#but nooooo we have to be petty and have a dick measuring contest about who's been doing vampire stuff longer which is completely irrelevant#to what the actual discourse started was anyways#all this to say it's been very annoying bc it's been my whole twitter timeline for the past three days#and i just want to see appreciation for chan's mv and clips of heeseung being hot at their concert last night. is that too much to ask??#staygenes are god's strongest soldiers rn#just deliberate misinterpretations from both sides and stays starting shit again. like always#which is way every other fandom hates stays so bad#UGHHHHHH i just want to have fun but every single post on twitter is about this and i want to tear my hair out#anyways this is a very long rant about a very stupid thing but it's been annoying me so#here we are#wow i haven't done a rant post in a while. and over something so truly stupid too#hopefully by typing this out the annoyance will be released from my body#lol#k speaks
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stardustvanfleet · 1 year ago
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goodnight my gresties my loves!!!!! still thinking about THEM ……….. they have literally been plaguing my mind all day i am in hell 🥰🫶🏻
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mothram · 1 year ago
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imminent-danger-came · 2 years ago
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Unhinged Anon, back again! And so incapable of not bugging you with lmk thoughts that I apparently have my own tag now? Thank you but also I’m so sorry??? The monkie show has made me insufferable, and I’m afraid you’ve become the primary target of my insanity. 
Anyways, your tdp soundtrack post got me thinking. Since they haven’t released an official lmk soundtrack (for some reason. LEGO/Flying Bark/whoever makes that decision, we will give you our money just PLEASE GIVE US THE MONKIE MUSIC), I was wondering what your… lets call it 10 (or however many you want to do) favorite tracks from the show are, and more importantly: What would you name each of them?
For example, I love the track that plays in Benched where Tang gives his speech to Macaque and then Pigsy starts singing, and I’d probably name it “There Will Always Be Hope” because goooood I love that speech. Plus, that quote feels pretty relevant to the moment where the leitmotif (I think that’s the right term? I know very little about music and composing) pops up again in Destiny Fulfilled. Anyways, hope you’re having a lovely day! *waves from the precipice of madness*
You always leave me such quality thoughts I thought I'd just give myself a good way to find them faster! BUT YES THIS IS A REALLY FUN ASK. I'll do 6 I think, in no particular order:
1.) The song that plays while scroll Subodhi is talking to MK in front of the stone in 4x06, it drives me insane. I shall dub it "It Was Used to Form Another" or even "Time Will Tell".
2.) The track that plays at the beginning of 4x01 while our mysterious hooded figure picks up the scroll piece. I love all the music associated with the scroll/curse in general. Let's call it the "The Brink of Chaos"
3.) The music during Mei's "We trusted you" speech in 3x10 is AMAZING. I'll call it "Mei's Lament" since her theme plays in minor during those scenes.
4.) The main theme that plays during MK's big "patience and focus" scene during the climax of 1x09. I feel like honestly that's just the main theme of the show, so "Main Theme" or "The Monkie Kid".
5.) The music that plays behind Azure and the Jade Emperor's fight in 4x10, or honestly even their whole convo in general. Let's call it "Was there a Point Where You Questioned It".
6.) The music that plays at the end of 2x10 while Lady Bone Demon crystalizes MK and then the rest of the city, the haunting choir there is SO GOOD. "Destiny Found You".
*waves back from the precipice of madness*
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princemick · 2 years ago
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trans-leek-cookie · 2 years ago
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someone talking about the ways media and common tropes/depictions of things that are either explicitly or implicitly linked to marginalized people are demonized and presented badly is not a fucking opportunity for you to flex how you're doing it Differently And Better
#I'll rb the post but I domt want to add it on cause it feels. Not my place maybe#Anyway fun fact! You can think that all you fucking want! Close your God damn mouth about it and figure out if it actually adds to the#Conversation! Marginalized ppl don't have to hear about how you're hashtag Not Like The Others!!! TAKE IN THE INFORMATION AND CONSIDER IF#THE THINGS YOU DO TRULY DEFY STEREOTYPES OR ARE STILL IMPLICITLY INSPIRED BY THESE BIASES!!! AND DO IT QUIETLY OR WITH SOMEONE WHOS WILLING#TO LISTEN! NOT ON THE POST INFORMING YOU OF THE PROBLEMS EXISTENCE#Also I'd move this tag up but genuinely idk if I can do that atm. But I'm LITERALLY guilty of the same shit. I immediately jump to no true#Scotsman the subject because I want to defend it!!! Yes I recognize the pattern is wrong and yes I genuinely believe it isn't necessarily#Inherent! But I still have to confront the fact that it's so prominent and to many people inseparable from the subject#(That being disability and body horror). I will say: my immediate instinct was to disregard any body horror that is just like Real Shit Tha#Happens To People as body horror but that's not helpful! I can't just say well it's not body horror BECAUSE PEOPLE STILL CALL AND SEE IT AS#BODY HORROR!!! I HAVE TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE LARGER IMPLICATIONS. My PERSONAL OPINIONS do not matter and the pedantic discussion is#Something to be had with friends or used as it's own criticism of the genre not ON THE POST CALLING OUT A REAL ISSUE! Anyway just.#Both artists and consumers have to be critical of What we see as body horror/what others tell us is body horror/what we accept as body#Horror bc/what we create as body horror etc. We NEED to confront that and we can't just say I Wouldn't Do That! We need to understand that#It goes deeper than that!!! Also YOU DONT INHERENTLY KNOW WHATS POSSIBLE FOR A HUMAN TO EXPERIENCE#There's so many things that ppl can experience and Live With! There are obviously things that are fatal so u rarely hear abt them but human#Beings can survive a lot of things!!! And here's the thing: the rarer something is the shittier it feels to have it misrepresented!!!#At the very basic level: CHECK IF THE THING YOU WANT TO USE AS BODY HORROR IS A RECORDED PHENOMENON AT LEAST!!! FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK#DO THE BARE MINIMUM
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tellie-vision-art · 2 years ago
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I’m gonna be honest I lowkey want to draw Axel or maybe her with Priya but I don’t normally draw fanart and I am scared 😭
And also I would hate if people followed me explicitly for that BC I don’t normally draw fanart and I know it would be disappointing to see my OCs all the time. Like would any attention I receive from it be worth it if no one’s interested in my actual art rather than just the characters in it. Like there’s no demand for my art would anyone who follows me even care if I drew fanart 😭 it’s a double-edged sword
And like interacting with fandoms always ends poorly for me (Scream Queens bc harassment, Squid Game bc lots of gross people) what if I draw it and post it and the TD fandom gets ruined for me too somehow, I would die 😩 I fear interaction outside my target audience (followers and my friends) I suppose
#total drama was my first hyperfixation fun fact for you#but I was too small and bad at art to make content at the time lmao#but like damn what if I draw them and they look like shit in my style I would off myself#also tbh I headcanon Axel probably doesn’t care about shaving bc she’s too busy… surviving#and I don’t want to get roasted for drawing a woman with body hair 😩#I feel like also I want to give her a tooth gap I think her design would look aesthetically pleasing to me with it#I love her so much she was ROBBED#also she is trans and a lesbian she told me personally#if she told me to jump off a bridge I would with no questions asked#anyway random ship headcanon also: I feel like Axel is the one with the crush first#however her ways of showing affection are not necessarily seen as affectionate by other people bc she’s so intense#like i.e. I feel like she genuinely thought killing the squirrels for her team was a kind gesture#she just does not show things like kindness traditionally if that any of that even makes sense#THE POINT IS SHE’S SHOWING AFFECTION BUT PRIYA’S NOT PICKING UP ON IT BC SHE SHOWS IT WEIRDLY 😭#lmao I’m imagining her trying to gift her a knife (or saw!) bc she’s baffled at the idea of someone not having one for self-defense#SHE BRINGS HER (cooked obviously) DEAD THINGS LIKE A CAT 😭#she won’t get you flowers she will bring you military rations so you’ll have food when the apocalypse comes#maybe Priya even gets irritated by everything bc she’s capable of defending/doing things herself and she’s like#misinterpreting Axel’s shows of affection as her thinking she’s weak/incapable#and poor Axel wouldn’t understand what she’s doing wrong bc she is ensuring her survival! why is that not working!#Someone needs to help her but I can’t see her accepting help#but it would be funny to see someone suggest giving Priya flowers or smth and Axel’s like#why would I do that flowers just die wouldn’t you rather have a weapon for when the apocalypse comes#a strange way of showing affection but I think it would be CUTE#and it would be funny bc Priya would eventually show affection the normal way and Axel would not pick up on it at all#she would tell her she looks pretty today but what she REALLY wants to hear is I would trust you with my life during the apocalypse#the way to her heart is the apocalypse! she just tragically thinks it’s the way to everyone else’s as well#lmao I’m talking so much but it’s so funny to me#a disaster lesbian in her natural environment#they mean so much to me I saw them interact once and my brain was like yes this is it
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proximacentaurib · 21 days ago
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#🔭.txt#do anyone else’s fingers get sharp pains when exposed to cold or is that just another me thing#i love the cold but god i’m so bad at handling it#better than heat though#the heat crumples me like a soda can#gives me horrendous migraines#the cold is more bearable but that’s a low bar#like sure my head won’t hurt (unless it’s below freezing and i’m in contact with a cold object for a while)#but here’s what DOES happen:#when exposed to cold air or water my skin will turn red and often itchy#and the itchiness will get worse as soon as i start warming up again#the exposed areas will also be extremely sensitive to warmth to the point where touching lukewarm water hurts#my extremities (toes and fingers) will swell and also turn red/purpleish regardless of how many layers i’m wearing and will often go numb#sometimes my skin will get itchy even if i’m fully covered#cold air stings but i think everyone experiences that#i used to break out in rashes when getting into cold water but i don’t know if that still happens#i only remember the rashes appearing on my legs and i haven’t gone swimming in years so who knows#i also remember being like 7 and getting bumps on my face when playing outside on a snowy day#uhhhhh what else#i have shit thermoregulation just in general so my body temperature will plummet#a fun little trick i’ve been showing people since noticing it in ~8th grade was that my hands would rapidly get as cold as the air#and often feel even colder than the ambient air temperature#the threshold temperature for my hands to start swelling is about 16°c but i have to be exposed for a while#in near freezing temperatures my hands will get red and swollen mere minutes after stepping outside. even in gloves#anyway part of this is cold urticaria but who knows what the rest is#poor blood circulation probably
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neverendingford · 5 months ago
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#tag talk#was talking with my brother about being plural and like. I'm kinda the tough rough protector cliche one#and I was talking about wanting my other half to be happy and he hit me with something I'm still mulling over.#he was like “you talk a lot about wanting her to be happy. does she want you to be happy?”#and like. chat words cannot describe how much that threw me. it's my job to take the blows. to front when we're in danger and in pain.#I don't think she gives a shit whether I'm happy. she hasn't learned to care about me as a separate person.#I care about her because that's my job. I'm the fucking trauma alter or whatever. but she doesn't care back.#and we really need to have this talk once she's back. she's asleep right now cause we've been having real bad migraine and I've been dealing#but once things aren't so bad we need to have a fucking talk#I'm not happy being restricted to a relationship I'm not interested in. I don't want to date our partner and that's whatever#but I can't even go out and get fucked properly because even though *I'm* not in a relationship my second half is.#like. goofy ah situation where two people live in a single body so one of them is celibate in order to keep the other one monogamous#like. how the fuck do I do this? if he calls me babe or baby or my love one more time I'm gonna kill us both I hate it.#she likes words of endearment like that and I would rather die. she likes kissing him but I don't like kissing anyone in general#and this whole time I've been expected to just go along with everything because she just bulldozes me out of the way.#I tried to break up with him and she took over the next day and got us right back together again with apologies and letters#because she's genuinely emotionally happy with him and I'm happy for her because I do care.#but I'm not happy with the situation and I don't think she actually cares that I'm not happy. she's caught up in her own shit#and I'll admit I do like him. the partner. we communicate really well and we kinda click yaknow?#and I really do want to keep him as a friend long term#but I can't fucking do this I'm not monogamous I just wanna go get fucked good and rough and he's insufficient for that#one of these years I want to go to Folsom Street Fair. I've read a ton about it and it looks so fun.#I just wanna be sexually liberated and unfortunately I'm stuck in this body with a hopeless romantic#anyway. we've got a lot to sort out here.#I just. she does care but she gets so caught up in her own shit that she forgets to consider other people.#and weirdly enough I count as other people even though we're kinda(?) the same person#pretty similar music tastes. relatively similar fashion styles. same body and same childhood goes far in making you similar people#and yeah. I'm aware she's the more developed one. I don't get nearly as much screen time as she does. but I'm making up for lost time#idk. if I'm stuck here I may as well make the most of it.#also wanna know something funny? I think I'm the one who's tried to kill us every time. no way she ever had the guts to do it.
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uitzinnigmp3 · 1 year ago
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#the harder i swim the faster i fucking sink#i actually tried my best to like. do something today. went to my sport practice that ive been skipping for weeks#and it sucked and i didnt like it and the girls there all ignored me (obviously because im never fucking there)#and i had to train with this tiny fucking annoying kid who kept walking away and leaving me alone#so i couldnt fucking do anything#and now im home and my entire body hurts and my mum told me to go away and im just. fuck !!#i KNOW its late and im just tired but dude im tired of my entire fucking life#i tried to pick out nice clothes today to help me feel better (bc i had been scrolling pinterest and was feeling so inspired)#but that just made me miserable <3 because im not a fucking pinterest girl and my closet is just random shit#not some fucking. aesthetic . and i never own the clothes that i wanna wear at that moment but i also can never find things i love in stores#and i cant believe im complaining about something as mundane as this i just. feel like shit rn#tried to do some painting and it didnt work bc i had zero inspiration and everything i made looked ugly as hell! so that was fun#i fucking. need to change something up. cut my hair weed out my closet change my room. because i am feeling sooo stuck in this life#first tho. i will go to bed#because of course i have fucking work tomorrow. i cant WAIT until april when i can finally stop at this fucking job#(well i say can. they fired me <3 but who cares i wanted to quit anyway)#this has been. a long rant. oops#i just hate that so often when i try to make a positive change it just . fucking sucks#but what can i do about it. not much!#goodnight anyone who read all this i'm sorry#sas.txt
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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#look away everyone this is gonna be embarrassing#nothing new really same old shit that's been going on every day for almost 20 years with me but uhh#at this point i dont even wish i were fucking skinny (<-lying). id give anything to just go back to my lowest ed weight#which was by no means skinny. not even thin. but it was thinnER than now.#anyway. nothing makes you hate your own body quite like trying to buy clothes lol#being a huge hypocrite rn cause yes yes fuck fast fashion we know#but being able to go shopping for clothes with your friends to a mainstream brand shop and only feeling *a little* inferior in all aspects#but not ENTIRELY worthless as a woman and a human being in general. my god. it only happened once in my entire life#and i had so much fun that day. and i felt so good and happy and even a little attractive. we love internalised mysogyny <333#but i miss experiencing the first stirrings of this stupid ass shy little hope that i could actually be considered hot and pretty#for the first time in my fucking life. like hot and pretty RIGHT NOW. not in some undefined future of ✨...if you lost some weight✨#idk it just feels like it was all for nothing. i ruined every part of my life i fucked up my teeth and my skin and my hair and my metabolism#and my relationship with food. forever lol and it was for nothing because at the end of the day im basically back to the weight i started w/#its a goddamn joke. like yeah maybe im not losing fistfuls of hair on a daily basis anymore but id honestly rather just go fully bald#if i was allowed to keep the weight off#god i only hope i die in a way that will completely obliterate my body. it is kind of a comfort#no matter what - at least ill always have the train tracks i used to play on as a kid <33 one of my most beloved places in the world fr
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