#anyways. art is a wonderful thing and if anyone is impacted by anything I create

[headslikekites]

always confuses me greatly when people say "don't be inspired by my works". like how do you enforce that. and why.

sorry buddy I know it's a beautiful sunset but the owner of the sky said we can't create in its image anymore

[kelogsloops]

putting this in the tumblr ask box bc idk where else to put it 🕺 does anyone even read these still

anyways i just woke up but i had a dream and you were a big part of it- i don’t want to say it was a nightmare or like a bad dream but like basically in the dream you announced that you would be quitting art and like retiring ig? it was for a few reasons but in that moment idk i just realized just how much you have had an influence on my life- you know that saying “you don’t know what you have until you lose it”? yeah…

honestly at first when i woke up i was so ready to call it a nightmare, like “oh my god?? you?? leaving?? forever?? noooo!” but as i’m sitting here awake now i realize eventually it’s probably gonna happen- maybe not in the way it was in my dream with you making a whole like announcement video and wiping your accs, but maybe quieter. i wonder if it’ll be that you stop making art, but i find that hard to imagine. i think it would happen slowly, less and less posts as the years go on. in my head even if you stop posting it, i’d think you’re still creating, making art for simply the sake of such. but then i think about how silly that thought is though, i don’t know you outside of your social media bubble. i don’t know your life and what happens there so to even assume something so quiet is pretentious of me. 

like i said, at first i thought it was a nightmare, i can’t bear the thought of you leaving one day- especially for the reasons you gave in my dream it was like “i gave up, arts getting too much for me, and things are so competitive now no one wants my art anymore…” blah blah blah. it was all my own stress as an artist manifesting onto you i think- but anyways i hope that should the day ever come where you do end up leaving your socials and whatnot, i can only hope that it’s out of your own accord and you do so because you want to, not out of pressure or anything like that. like i’m not saying i want you to quit or anything, but what i’m saying is if it happens i just hope it’s something that you chose on your own. i just don’t think i could ever stand that happening though without letting you know how much of an impact you’ve had on my life. 

i found your art when at a very developmental part of my life, so your work wether consciously or not i think has just become like a part of my brain wether conscious or not haha. whenever i go to draw even if i don’t explicitly go to look to your work for inspiration, it’s still there i can see it. it’s like just unconsciously ingrained at this point. but more than that though the whole idea of like “brb chasing dreams” and whatever and the whole idea that i feel you impart every time you share pieces of your journey as an artist to just keep going, i kind of stole that mantra for myself and started to tell myself that as well. even at my lowests, i’m still trying to follow that dream, even lost and i don’t know what direction i’m going in there’ll always be that dream as an anchor almost.

thank you for all that you’ve shared and thank you for being the biggest inspiration in my life. i know that’s quite dramatic to say, but i mean it in full honesty. whatever the future holds for you, i hope it’s kind. i hope you live a long life chasing all your dreams where at the end of the day, you’re happy. thank you. 

waking up to find a message like this in my inbox has me feeling t e a r y. it's reading stories like these and hearing how my work has impacted people that makes this all feel so surreal sometimes. the fact that people would even care if i stopped making art one day or just disappeared is crazy... i'm very fortunate!

i've resigned myself to the fact that sure, one day (but hopefully never) i won't be able to pursue a professional career as an artist anymore, but if there's one thing that i can promise, it's that there is no reality in where i stop making art!

i don't know if i show it enough, but to each and every one of you who have been part of my journey so far, thank you from the bottom of my heart. it's messages like these that pinch me and remind me how it's all so worth it

forever #brbchasingdreams

[skinnypaleangryperson]

I am truly dumbfounded at how people find peace with their own life, with their own creativity, when major artists die, and people talk about them as if they were the last person that will ever make anything that ever matters, and will even say that we're leaving a legendary time, and in every possible way will drop pins that anyone currently alive or creating and there art is inherently trash, or isn't worth anything. I know that these people aren't accomplishing the same things that the artists who they admire are so how do they live so contently and even encourage the narrative that themselves and those around them in the art that is made isn't worth anything? How can they live such a bleak empty hollow belief and existence, to be so abrasive towards those that are actively around them who are creating and living, to do nothing but insult into abuse them into act like the deceased we're the only ones that ever matter just because of the specific way the impact of the world? I am criopingly alone with these thoughts everyday that devastate me everywhere that I turn and I feel like I'm the only one that feels or sees things this way, that sees how detrimentally wrong everyone sees things are, abusing those around them who are creative and only praising those that are distant or far away from them and it never changes, everyone is speaking a broken language that devastates and cripples me that I don't understand and frankly don't want to. How do people find peace talking about most people like their trash everyday and as if only a handful are worth anything when they're gone, or as if that would be a just way to see things anyway? I don't understand how people think and I've never felt more sick in the head or alone or isolated wondering these thoughts, with not a single person who goes down the trail of thoughts that I do or the language that I speak. I feel more crazy every day

I see nothing but isolation and pain, there is nothing but isolation and pain. When other people like me talk about the despair of knowing that they have to spend the rest of their life being a robot for things that they don't care about and how devastated they are that they'll never be considered an artist people patronize them and ask them why they should remember them, as if that's not part of the entire point as to why we're devastated. Who are these people all over the internet that only talk about the deceased artists, or any artist in general as if they're the only ones that were ever worth anything when there's so many life and people and beliefs everyday? How do people see themselves in their lives and others with such disrespect and so bleakly? Are other people even thinking or caring about anything actively happening at all? Why is modern society so fake and sick? Why am I one of the only people acknowledging it? The psychological spiritual suffering and creative suffering of daily people is unimaginable, and very few people seem to care to do anything about it except it continue to insult it, so much to the point that I feel mad like I should be embarrassed for even feeling this way or for wanting just to be recognized for something as simple as wanting to be listened and heard, and for others too as well. The more I talk about it the more that it's all that I can see or will ever be able to see

[wellthatwasaletdown]

I am inspired by artists who speak up and speak their minds. People like Chappell Roan, Billie Eilish (no explanaton needed on thse two) and even Sabrina Carpenter inspire me more than Harry ever did. Sabrina is smart, bold, clever, and her pop songs are fun and well-written. She has her boyfriend in her music video and gives zero fucks about it. Whether a celeb is speaking up about politics, their own lives, their art, etc, do something, say something, be interesting! Make some kind of impact! Harry is/does none of these things.

I get that some people are more on the quiet side, and that's okay. It would be easier to accept Harry's silence and lack of personality if he made great music, but he doesn't. I guarantee the chorus of his next single will have the same sentence repeated a couple of times.

Nothing about Harry hits for me or makes sense, whether it's the bad outfits, bad songs, walking around with bad hair and even worse facial hair, embarrassing himself by "acting," etc. I used to wonder why Harry wasn't respected more by the rock and indie musicians he admires, and it's because there's nothing there. He's completely a studio creation. Nothing about him is self-created, whether it's his music or fashion.

He is scared to open his mouth about anything. He's too coddled and protected. He needs to be a grownup and speak up for himself. He does the bare minimum for him to make the max amount of money. That's all that matters to him it seems. I feel bad for Zane Lowe having to coddle and push information out of Harry in their interview. Zane deserves a raise for having to interview Harry. lol

He uses the excuse that he's looking for a cause that he feels really strongly about. Okay, we'll, he's 30 years old. That's kinda ridiculous at this point. He takes tepid stands about issues because he doesn't want to offend anyone and have it affect his bottomline.

Never forget that scene in Miss Americana where Taylor Swift stood up to her dad about speaking up for what she believed in, and they told her it would cut her tour sales in half. She did it anyway because it was what she thought was right. Look at the Eras Tour sales and tell me who was right.

[whenyourlightdims]

I think the only people who follow me are the ones knowing me from my other blogs.

Except that this place is pretty much my void to shout my feelings, but I don't want to make anyones day sad, so I put it under the cut. Just keep scrolling.

I do think about leaving Tumblr. Like, not just a quick thought, I have been thinking that for a few weeks.

Tldr.: Blogs will probably be queue powered, and I only look occasionally in here to check if a mutual posted something cool or contacted me.

Before anything, it's nobodies fault, not the anons or open blogs that sidestabbed me out of the corner.

What drew me back here in the first place was the social aspect I had so many people to talk to! But within a month, many got burned out or had no time to anymore. Then those who still were there moved on to other fandoms. Of course, for something to be that long in everyones mind, Larian sure did a great job!

So yeah. I feel lonely. That's the gist of the whole post here.

The BG3 roleplay community is something I am not able to fit in. I really hoped, I really enjoyed it, I loved drawing little silly comics to what was written. That was what actually got me into drawing comics, and for that, I will be forever grateful. But yes, I really tried and kept successfully failing at it. So either it's my English (not native tongue, so my writing could be horrendous and I don't know it.) Or Ceres (and Tae) are just not someone that fits (everyone I approached) the general taste, which is... unlucky. I don't know. But it is me who is the problem, sadly I will never find out what it is.

In the end, it is nobody's fault. It's a me problem. I am not sure how to tackle it anymore.

Then there is the Galemancer community I adore. The tags and comments on my little switch-aroo Gale videos were genuinely wonderful. Addictive! I was laughing at them loudly and had to explain to my partner, which tags or comments it were this time that made me cackle. Outside of Tumblr, I barely found people who liked him, so it was a wind of fresh air! However, I am out of content for videos I could create, and there are better gif and screenshot makers out there for Gale content. I haven't seen anyone who has yet made the videos, but I am sure that will come too since his popularity is now rising!

But I did pretty much everything I could with the Content Larian gave us, and with me running out of it, the interactions there pretty much died down. I keep reblogging, of course! After all thats what my blog was created in the first place, for me to shout into a void how much I love the wizard, so Gale art, fics, and creations of all kinds are filled in my queue!

Now to the most depressing topic. Art. Well... Art is sadly a thing that never worked on me on any platform. For an artist to be fed the good chemicals, art needs to be seen, and to be seen, it needs to be reblogged or retweeted or whatever the term on each side is. I know my art is not good, nor will it be ever good enough to be considered worth sharing. For that, I am not creative enough.

I love my friends reaction to the art I draw, so I will keep drawing, but sharing it immediately on Tumblr? I don't really feel like it anymore. Especially since I gathered mostly Galemancer and Art that's not Gale or horny Gale related gets ignored. (It really hurts)

Again. Nobodys fault except mine. It was my little Dom!Gale who gave me most followers! They came for the smut I barely provided.

I did get a few Patreons, which is amazing. For someone with disability it made a huge impact, not money wise - of course the money is nice - but more about having people out there who say "your art is worth 3usd a month" does give you a really nice feeling. Like... I am allowed to exist: I am contributing to society. It's hard to explain, but maybe someone out there understands what I am talking about.

Anyway, on Bsky, I cultivated a very small following of people who genuinely follow me for my art and ideas, not for Gale exclusive things.

And yet, I am still here. I am writing this and feel really dumb why I am even writing it. It's clear Tumblr is not my space. Not that any social media ever was. But I guess Bsky is the thing that comes the closest for me.

So yeah. If I am suddenly stopping or the blogs die down. At least 5 followers here can check this blog if they remember, and find this post.

[inky-thoughts]

there is such a lingering sadness and it's been there for years, almost a decade by now, and i know it's not really anyone's fault because that's too much a burden to place on anyone.

but there was something profound that i came across the other day. of course no-one owes us interaction. but the act of creating something, and then taking that something and placing it for an audience to see and interact with, be it on social media or elsewhere, is us reaching out to others, to wanting a connection, to opening up and being vulnerable. we're just being human in our need to connect over something that is meaningful to us.

but then that hand that reaches out to the world is slapped away.

not once, not twice.

and i see it in myself how it impacts me harder and harder year after year after year. i just sit here and marvel at my younger self, how i could churn out drawing after drawing, severaly drawings per week even, and now it's not even enough to warrant the annual "art summary" post.

i find less joy in the things that i do - not because i hate drawing, i actually still like it and it's quite relaxing actually - but it stopped being something that would create a deeper connection between me and the world. if it were just about the practice of drawing, it wouldn't matter if i just took a colouring book from the store and coloured in those pages. art as self-expression has become mute and unnecessary since they void won't yell back. the prettiest pictures, after all, still live inside my head.

sometimes i wonder what kind of value my presence even has in the art sphere. do people even feel anything when they see my art? does it inspire them? or is it just too milquetoast, too average, to even prompt a reaction? do people even want my advice, is my knowledge even worth something? or do i just provide everything unprompted anyway so no-one even has to ask? do people even care about my ideas? are they curious about the characters i love so dearly, do they want any explanations and lore around them to put a context to my art? why do i even put effort into anything? is there anyone who even thinks of me as a human, who wonders how my week has been, who are worried that i hadn't posted in a while? or am i just intimidating, scary, have i ceased to be just a person, or have i ever even been approchable?

it becomes quite lonely.

and sometimes it's hard to believe mutuals who come out of the woodworks at times like this and claim that they "love" my work, they find it so "pretty" and "value my friendship" and that "it's normal to feel like that", but those things only matter for when i'm sitting here and yelling in text post form and feel like the world has left me and try to make sense to it, because i am just like that. i try to understand, i really do, but it's been 10 years and i'm slowly at my limit. this concern people show whenever i burst out into tears never translates to little interactions when i'm feeling fine, when i'm not on the verge of crying. if there's no drama, i'm insignificant, invisible.

maybe, yes, i'm an attention whore.

maybe "pretty" has lost meaning to me. it feels so hollow, empty. easier to dismiss, with no meaning.

i'm tired.

[super-kristuff]

So, I’ve been really into Magic lately, and I went to tournament yesterday and lost. And like, it has really put me in a bad mood?

Like, I’ve been trying to think sit and think about it, because honestly, it has put me in a really bad mood, which makes me think I’m really upset about something bigger. So, I’m trying to write it down to help think about it.

Currently, I think the biggest thing that is bothering me is that I was wrong. I was really hopeful and really excited to play in the tournament. My school had a snow day, and I spent most of the day planning my deck, swapping out cards, and building something that I felt was really impressive. And like, I’m not bothered that I lost. I’m bothered that I lost badly. I don’t think I made any kind of impactful play throughout the entire four hour tournament. In game three, my teammate asked me if I had ever played the deck before.

And like, I think I’ve been really trying to get into Magic in order to socialize. I just don’t know people in the area, and I really want to get out and do things. So like, even though my teammate was really cool and I don’t really think they were bummed out, I think I’m worried that doing badly in the game means I’m doing badly at socializing?

Idk. I also think it’s tied into how I view myself. Because like, I am very upset that I was wrong. That, this was one of the rare times where I had the time, motivation, and resources to build something and show it off, and in the end, it wasn’t impressive at all. Like, I did it! I built the thing! I put all of my efforts into building the deck, and for it to perform the way it did suggests that my problem with creating things isn’t time, motivation, or resources, but instead the problem is that it’s me making it.

And like, I’ve been struggling with months at work to make engaging and fun classes that are also informative. And like, I also haven’t made any videogames in months? Like, I built that visual novel structure, and I was like, cool, if I just write a story and make some art, I’ll have a really impressive video game. So like, not being able to build a good deck for a game makes me feel like I can’t build anything.

And like, I was feeling kind of positive after writing the social paragraph. Like, writing it out and thinking about it, I like to believe in people. I am starting to get to know the people that play magic, and I kind of trust that they are cool and were interested in the things I was doing even if they didn’t pan out.

But then the self paragraph brought me back down. Like, I can’t just be like, “oh, my perception was wrong again. I’m actually great at everything, and I just need to change my perspective in regards to how I view myself.” Because the deck didn’t perform. I very much have evidence that I wasn’t able to make the thing.

And so, I think I’m caught up in analyzing where things went wrong. Trying to pick out the bad cards and replace them with other, more viable cards. And it’s stopping me from moving on? Like, I’m worried that my mindset of “it is always possible to improve myself and get better” is what’s making me feel bad. But, I feel giving that up means I’ll stop improving.

And I want to improve so I can make the things I want to make. So, maybe I interpret moving on as giving up?

Idk. I feel better now. I’m starting to get lost in all the layers of self-abstraction, so I think I’ll just do something else for a while. Maybe I’ll cook something? Or just watch YouTube videos. More likely the later.

Anyway, I hope anyone reading this is having a wonderful day.

[transmimir]

for gabe: SIREN, Technique of Relief, Love Song, Clear Mountaintop, Bandiria Travelers, Rotation for your new unnamed shapeshifter guy: An Expert Mountain, Bridge Builder, Venus

:))

Gabriel

SIREN: How do they deal with being apart/distant from each other or people they love?

One of the benefits of being a vampire, I think, is time starts to lose meaning. It makes the weeks or months of not seeing someone feel like only a few days instead. It makes the loss of someone's presence easier to cope with. When he does miss people, he knows how to cure the physical loneliness enough, but he struggles with the longing.

Technique of Relief: What would each character do to save each other from destruction? Would they try at all?

Gabriel would fight tooth and nail, even to his own detriment, to try and protect Carver. The Bond does things to your mind: he wouldn't be able to stop himself even if he wanted to.

Love Song: How do the characters express love for one another?

Physical contact. They're a digustingly PDA-friendly couple and have little concern for others discomfort at that. A lot of sex as well. Insulting each other playfully. Sometimes not so playfully as well.

Clear Mountaintop: What does the characters’ perfect day look like?

I'm not certain he really knows himself. Perhaps a day where he can practice his art and just be with the ones he loves. He finds little purpose in most other things anyway.

Bandiria Travelers: What memory is central to the characters?

It's hard to answer that for a character with the extent of memory loss as Gabe has. He has little to no memories of his mortal life, the the most impactful memories are the first ones created during his second life. The memory of his Sire and the legacy that he left will never stop haunting him. Whether or not he chooses to stay in that shadow is for Gabriel to decide.

Rotation: What would each character be reincarnated as? Would they meet in every timeline?

Please GOD let them be little street kitties in love 🥺

Little Rat

An Expert Mountain: What was the characters’ first meeting like?

Technically, their first real meeting was long before Davy had known, because they spent a long time just Observing him and his ship. I think they follow him for a long time before actually coming aboard, taking the form of a man adrift that they try to have join the crew. Of course, what really happens is he shifts from his bonds, dances circles around the crew as they fail to catch him, and then nick something from Jones himself (perhaps his pipe?) before laughing and diving back into the sea below. And thus, he's now immediately on top of Davy Jones' shitlist. Oopsie!

Bridge Builder: What was the connection that brought these two characters together?

I'd talked about this in the discord before, but it was just the loneliness they both felt. Two creatures, different from anyone else, and all alone. It takes a very, very long time for something to build between them; both on account of their initial antagonization, but also, Davy's fear of feeling Anything anymore. But with persistence and seeing that same motivation in each other, the trust began to form.

Venus: What do they dream of?

I think they want to see more of the world, particularly I think they dream of exploring the land. They were born of the sea, and most knowledge of humanity came from sailors or being in port towns. There is so much to the world they do not know, but they're also afraid. Humanity has not been kind to them, and they don't hold it in the highest regard. Curiousity drives them more, though, and they can't help but wonder what's there. A bit of shame, though, that they have something else keeping them to the sea now.

[matthewbeilschmidts]

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted but I’m so glad that I am :’)

This is for Day 1: of @prucanweek - Ordinary

Apologies for spelling errors, it’s a little short but I hope you enjoy 😭💞

-

Matthew doesn’t mind that he’s living an ordinary life. Really.

He grows up near the coast, two parents, a fraternal twin brother, and their gangly hairless cat, Tony (picked curtesy of Alfred). Their parents take them everywhere they can during their childhood, the beach, museums, sports game. They focus on their interests, figuring out what the two like and dislike, as they encourage them both to be themselves and do what they love no matter what. Alfred debates between whether he likes wrestling or football more, while Matthew settles into hockey. In between family get togethers, community festivals, and endless sports training, they somehow have time for homework. (The two share answers a lot.)

He and Alfred each have their own rooms when they enter their teen years, a space to decorate and fill with their own mementos and awards. The sports continue, but later their parents find themselves a little bit busier than before. They do though, give them as much time as they can during the school year, never wanting them to go without someone by their side.

Matthew fades into the background a little bit as they get older, while Alfred puts himself front and center. Matthew watches once with a hand over his eyes as Alfred auditions for the school musical, and surprisingly he read and sings the lines well. “It’s always the rowdy ones!” their theater teachers says after he’s finished performing, a mix of anticipation from planning on putting Alfred on stage and dread at the thought of having to manage him.

Matthew silently supports him, after all he has his own things to do.

He’s the co-caption of the hockey team, the coach giving him the position to give him a little more of a voice, and his teammates verbally agree, considering on the ice Matthew has a lot more to show than he does in person. He accepts, albeit hesitantly.

By the time graduation comes by, Matthew can barely believe how the time has passed. His team even wins a championship under his watch. Some of his fellow classmates look so ready to go out and experience the world, and it’s scary to him because weren’t they all going at the same pace?

His parents talk him through picking his college of choice, and he decides to go. He needs to do what everyone does and experience the world.

And if he decides he wants to come home, that’s okay because at least he tries.

-

He’s in his first art class during his third year at university. The time has been going well, he’s got pretty decent grades and has managed to join a few clubs. But he’s not done yet. Extra curriculars, can’t finish without them. He prioritizes his general education first, and even slips himself into a few major classes early on, but humanities is on record now and has to be completed no matter what one’s studying.

He can get through one semester, he hopes.

Next to him, a student is snickering and the professor doesn’t look amused.

“Gilbert.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“If you’re done, I can introduce myself now.”

The professor goes in with complete, in-depth introductory slides with her name and credentials, and a briefing of all they will overcome this semester.

He’s never been an artist, at least not one that picks up a pencil and creates a realistic masterpiece with nothing but that and a pad of paper. Maybe some poetry contests in high school, if that counts. The written word has its own impact, its own set of colors to breathe out for the world to see.

There’s another snicker, interrupting his internal monologue.

He doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t know the student, and it’s not his place to control others. But, if it starts to hinder the class, maybe he’ll tell him something. He’s paying to be there, too.

The man catches him staring.

“Yes?” he asks Matthew without being spoken to in the first place.

“Oh,” Matthew flushes at being caught, not that he was trying to hide it anyway. “Well, she didn’t say anything funny?”

The guys waves a hand, making a “psssh” noise as he does.

“I’m just laughing because of how formal this all is. She won’t be this dignified later in the semester that’s for sure. She’ll be ripping her hair out.”

Matthew glances back, he doesn’t want to say anyone looks mean but, he would believe it if she was.

“You look scared,” the guy laughs, which is rude because isn’t he the one that just put the thought in Matthew’s mind? “She’s not too mean just a sticker to the rules. Will get real pissy if something doesn’t go right.”

“And you still set her off knowing that?”

The man laughs again, but this time around he’s actually trying to contain it behind the thin art easel. He’s not very hidden.

“She’s my cousin’s wife.”

Ah, that makes sense then? Messing with family is normal, but also he shouldn’t be bothering her at work.

“It’s no wonder you seemed casual.”

“She taught both of the lower division figure drawing classes, too. This is my third semester in her class. She’s the only one teaching this specific class I didn’t have too much of a choice.”

“Art major?”

“Yep! And you?”

“Psychology major. I have to get in some cultural classes.”

“Ever taken art?”

“Actually no, not even in high school. I got through that stuff by working backstage in the theater department.”

“Well not to worry my friend, because you picked the best one.”

“Is it easy to pass?”

“Nope. Well, maybe if she likes your work,” Matthew deflates at the blunt response, “but don’t worry because I’m here to be your guide.”

Matthew perks up, but it takes him a moment. This guy’s gonna help him?

“Are you any good?”

“Am I good?” He looks perplexed Matthew would even ask. Matthew has to cover his own amusement. “I may not look it but charcoal and I go way back. I’ll show you my work later as proof.”

“Deal.”

“Gilbert, since you’re adamant on talking, you can be the first to introduce yourself.”

Even if his name wasn’t said, Matthew feels just as guilty. Caught, for talking on the first day of all things.

“Gilbert Beilshcmidt. Fourth year. I’m an art major and my favorite breakfast food is pancakes.”

Matthew looks surprised that he was paying attention, even to the last addition of their introduction. Matthew’s not sure he would have known considering he was distracted.

-

And so their friendship starts.

-

Gilbert sits next to him again. And again.

Where ever Matthew sits in the art room, Gilbert follows not too long after.

Some days they take the sitting desks, some they stand and lean against the stools.

And despite not even talking much, Gilbert treats him like a friend.

-

“Do you have any plans this afternoon?”

“Nope, this was my last class.”

“Do you want to get some coffee and work on our sketch books.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

-

Matthew finds himself meeting Gilbert in his downtime. Every Thursday after drawing for three hours becomes the day they meet. At first, all they do is draw, little more.

Gilbert is animated in all moments, but he has short spurts where he focuses exceptionally on his work. Matthew is no art critic, but he thinks Gilbert expresses himself quite well on paper. Graphite, charcoal, and pastels, all the utensils glide easily without a single stroke missing its mark.

Watercolor though, could use some work, which actually happens to be Matthew’s favorite. Even if the intention is to guide the colors with a brush, it’s okay for them to take a life of their own spreading across the thick paper.

They share snacks, art supplies, and their time.

Gilbert proves himself very useful as he promised. Matthew though never planning to be the next Van Gogh, has to pass this class. And it would be nice to pass it with flying colors, but some concepts are harder to grasp than others.

It’s obvious to tell he’s a beginner, while Gilbert excels. Matthew finds out he only now needs the intro class since it’s the first semester it became a requirement.

Gilbert helps him find the shapes he’s comfortable with, explains the processing for hatching and how it relates to shading. And while he’s no expert, he sees a subtle improvement over the next few weeks that makes some pride swell within himself.

-

“Do you want to come with me and my friends to this cool bar for dinner on Friday?” Gilbert asks about a month into the semester.

It’s the first time Gilbert and him will have spent time off campus.

“Yeah, I’d love to.”

-

Gilbert’s friends are just as animated as he, it’s almost hard to keep up. Overwhelming as they are, they’re extremely welcoming. Matthew eases into the atmosphere, joining in when he can but mostly pleased to be out and doing something different.

He’s made friends during his time, but like him they’re a little more reserved and pick quieter places on the town.

It’s fun. And he wants to go out again.

Matthew invites Gilbert and his friends to watch his next hockey game.

After their shock in finding out he plays such a violent sport, they’re all agreeing and planning to find the best seats in the arena.

-

“Are you serious. Are you hiding muscles under that red sweater?”

Gilbert pokes at him, it tickles when he gets closer to his biceps, but he knows he’s only teasing.

“You think I’m playing but I’m serious! You should have been there, well you were there. On the stands, I mean. We all screamed after you sent that player flying against the wall.”

Gilbert recreates the motions, but only slams himself into the wall and whines after he bounces back. He then plays it off like it doesn’t hurt. Gilbert’s not a very good actor.

People tell him it’s so much different watching him on the ice, but it’s still him. He’s always wondered how much different, he feels like himself. He just knows he goes into the zone when he’s in his gear. He just wants to win. And he will.

“It’s like night day,” Gilbert continues. “You were ready to kill a man down there.”

“You’re not the first to say that. I guess maybe, I could be a little more out there in real life, huh?”

Gilbert stops walking.

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“You’re perfectly fine the way you are. I like the way you are, so don’t go change. I don’t want to be at risk of dying during art class.”

And as silly as it sounds, he’s pleased. He likes Gilbert a whole lot, too. Just the way he is.

-

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” Matthew takes the initiative.

“Dinner?”

“Yeah, just you and me. I want to take you out.”

“Like you did to that guy on the court,” Gilbert laughs nervously.

“On a date. Gilbert, would you like go out with me?”

He says yes.

Later that evening when he’s heading home, Gilbert starts running through the courtyard cheering that “I have a date with the cutest guy I’ve ever met!”

Matthew’s window is open, he’s face is bright red and he slams head first into his pillow. He needs to plan the best first date ever.

-

Three months into dating, he’s finally heading home again for a school break. He wants to take Gilbert with him, who is waiting for the next major holiday to go back home. But isn’t it too soon? They haven’t been dating that long, after all.

But Gilbert surprises him, and jokingly says he wants to go with him because he’ll miss him too much while he’s gone. And then, Matthew asks if he seriously wants to go.

“I do.”

So they ride the 3 hours train down to Matthew’s childhood home. He’s a little bit nervous, because he’s had dates to school dances, and brought friends over, but this is entirely different. This is someone he wants to take a serious step with, even if the time hasn’t been that long. They’ll never get anywhere if they don’t, so they’ll both take the leap and pray it works out.

“Mom, dad, Alfred, this is Gilbert.”

It’s the most timid Matthew’s ever seen him.

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Matthew’s boyfriend.”

After he shakes all their hands, he takes his hand back to link pinkies with Matthew.

There’s not an once of regret in his mind as the long weekend passes.

-

Gilbert graduates the next year, and the year after it’s his turn. They’re going to move in with each other. Gilbert really has no irresistible urge to go back to his home town, satisfied with just visiting a few times a year. And Matthew thinks he would like to go back closer, just to figure out his next move. So, they go together.

It’s only a one bedroom, but is more than enough space for them both. Gilbert finds work as a docent while Matthew works for a second degree in education.

He still plays hockey for a local league, Gilbert becoming their number one fan. They find their own rhythm, a pace that works for them both, where they can settle down or speed up when they agree with each other. Dewey mornings, warm summers, chilly evenings they spend them altogether.

They decide move up North closer to Gilbert’s hometown. Matthew’s more nervous meeting his grandparents than he was introducing Gilbert to his own family, but Gilbert assures him again and again they’re just a stuffy old family who actually really care about each other a lot more than they let off.

Gilbert’s grandfather towers over him, despite being a hair above 6 feet. He’s silent, eyes boring into Matthew as he introduces himself. And to end all of Matthew’s worries, the elder man pulls Matthew into a hug and tells him he’s glad him and Gilbert are home. Gilbert, just as perplexed as he, stares, but he melts into a pleased laugh.

Yeah, this is his and Gilbert’s home now.

-

They stay, for a long while, contemplate moving a few times, but they’re satisfied for now.

Gilbert and him always make time for each other, continue their own respective interests with complete support of the other. They’re never afraid to complain, because they always work through it rather then let it simmer.

Gilbert’s vivacious spirit keep them going, and Matthew’s heart keeps them grounded.

His life at first seem a little bit ordinary, but how can he complain when the pieces of the puzzle fit themselves in and stayed locked in tight.

[askwendyokoopa]

"Guess what everybody, Venus is back! Sort of. It's like some weird sort of Franken-Venus, or since the scientist is named Dr. Jasper Barlow; that makes her Barlow's Monster as opposed to Frankenstein's... Though technically Dr. Victor Frankenstein has lost the copyright to his own name by now and it has become a genericized term, so calling Venus 'a Frankenstein' is just as accurate as referring to non-Johnson & Johnson bandages as Band-Aids. I'm always going off track, Mun, you're 'Da bigget Venus fan in da woild' do you have anything to add?"

((Do I have an accent? Anyway, at 350lbs (160kg) I must be the biggest, it's basically something you claim until someone else challenges it. IDK, it looks like someone's Deviant Art fetish OC. I mean, you may not know this if you aren't in the TMNT fandom, but there are a million or so 'Original Characters' who are female Turtles named Venus. Some exist besides Venus, some exist instead of Venus, most admit to being a reimagining of Venus, but many are supposedly just a character 'named after' her. It is the strangest thing I've ever seen, and I don't know if any other fandom has anything quite like it. Of course, this is the fandom where most OC's are just wearing a different colored mask. Sonic recolors at least change fur and skin colors.

I created competing Venus petitions to Nickelodeon a dozen years ago to try and drum up fake drama... I wonder how those are going? Bring Venus Back: 405 (as of Jan 15, 2022) Keep Venus Down: 41 (as of Jun 01, 2016) Still about ten-to-one, and believe me, I am as shocked as you are. Shocked that anyone can even find these petitions, or that anyone is even signing them at all. At the time everyone still at Yahoo Groups told me not to bother because petitions did literally nothing... and they're correct. Neither of these had any impact on IDW in the slightest, I doubt they even know of their existence. It was still kind of frustrating for people to brag about how much they didn't care about said issue and how they refused to sign either one. Well I did it, stupid, naïve Ninetyeightpointsix of 2010, I brought Venus back. I knew if I just lived long enough, something would happen.

[unsualfan]

Baatar Jr appreciation week day 7: Legacy

"Building a legacy"

Baatar Jr was worried he is just going to be just a copy of his father. But he wanted to be different. He wanted to contribute something to the world, hoping to create his own legacy.

Baatar was up early in the morning. Preparing for the day to make it as productive as possible. An idea occurred to him that morning and he was enthusiastic to share that idea with his father today. Baatar was sure this will make him stand out and be noticed after being behind his father. He will no longer just be "like his father". Baatar was going to prove to everyone that he was going to contribute something new.

---------------------

He didn't even listen to him. His father just responded with an ok then asked him to help him with another project he had in mind. His father completely ignored what he had to say. He didn't see how much his idea could impact Zaofu and how much potential his son has. Baatar felt like his talents were just being used by his father and never recognized by anyone. Baatar felt frustrated with his dad for failing to see his potential and at himself to think that he could turn things around.

He was walking down the hallway trying to calm himself down at what just happened. He hummed his favorite song as he tried to get the issue out of his mind. Baatar walked pass a room and heard his mother talking to someone. Baatar isn't nosy and he doesn't normally stick his nose in someone's business. But he was curios to know if his mother was different than his father. If she appreciated him. He listen to their conversation but told himself he'll leave if the matter isn't about him and that it's none of his business.

Suyin was talking to Tenzin and President Raiko, they have some matters to discuss. But before that they were chatting. Baatar listened as his mom was telling them how proud she was with her children. He was about to find out if his mom appreciated his talents unlike his dad.

.....

"My second son Huan, he's been really busy lately creating all this wonderful work of art. He is really a talented artist."

.....

"Well I'm glad Opal is doing great at the air temple Tenzin, I miss her very much and I know someday she'll be a master."

.....

"I'm very proud of my twin sons. They never failed to make me proud. Their prodigies just their grandmother."

.....

"My first born, Baatar Jr, he is also doing good he is going to grow up just like his father."

.....

"Just like his father"

Well he heard enough. His mother also thought the same and that hurt him on the inside. Baatar stopped eavesdropping on their conversation. All of his siblings had something special that made them different. But him no, apparently he is "just like his father." He sat at the bench outside the building trying to calm himself down. He started questioning himself.

"I am different, I have something to offer into this world."

"I am not a copy of my father, I am not a copy of my father, I am not a copy of my father, I am not a copy of my father,"

Just then Kuvira exited the building she seemed upset about something. Baatar got up and approached her.

"Hey are you ok?"

Kuvira turned around, she had an upset expression on her face but that faded and she calmed down a little. It calmed her down that Baatar was concern about her and him having his hand on her shoulder and asking if she was ok made her feel better.

"yeah...no...I'm just upset about something."

He knew it was of his business but he wanted to help her anyways.

"You...wanna talk about it"

She stunned at what he said. She could see he was trying to help her and Kuvira appreciated it a lot. So she told her what happened and how Suyin didn't want to do anything about the situation of the earth kingdom and how much they could do to the nation. Baatar listened to everything she said and to her surprise Baatar agreed with her.

"Really?"

"Yeah I think that's a great idea. We could really help the nation."

Her face lit up. Kuvira was happy that he was listening to her and can see her vision for the earth kingdom. They continued walking together.

"How about you? Are you ok"

"Well...no. I had this great idea and I know this could really be helpful but my dad shrugged it off. He never appreciated my talents."

"That's terrible how he treated you."

Baatar: *sighs*

"What was your idea about?"

"...You want to know?"

"Yeah let's hear it."

Baatar proceeded to tell her about his idea. She seemed very eager to listen and was very impress about his ideas. So he kept telling her more. Kuvira appreciated him and saw his potential unlike his father. Baatar felt happy that someone was seeing his capabilities. Unlike his parents.

"Those are all great idea. How could your father just ignored it."

Baatar smiled "I am glad you appreciate it." she smiled back.

They both have something in common. They both want to do something better for the earth kingdom and both their ideas were denied by people they taught would be happy about it. A thought entered Kuvira's mind.

"You know we both agree on making the earth kingdom better and no one is listening to us. We'll just take matters into our hands and do something for the nation."

"Meaning getting out of Zaofu, I'd love to help but my parents are here."

"Their hiding your talents from the rest of the world. If you join me you could so much than staying here."

Baatar didn't respond and was in silence. This was a big decision and he is thinking about it. Kuvira held both of her hands on one of his.

"Please think about it for me." And she pulled him in for a kiss. he blushed and their lips parted.

-----------------

Baatar was up all night thinking about it. Joining with Kuvira meant leaving his family behind. His family that he grew up with and raised him. He thought more about what Kuvira said and realized she appreciated him. She could see his talents and the good it can do to others. His parents didn't and if he kept staying he'll always be hidden. Baatar made up his mind and joined Kuvira. Together they formed a plan and left Zaofu. It was tough being away from home and his family. But now he was with Kuvira accomplishing more than when he did back home. They were happy being together. They even got engaged one day. He is happy that he is stabilizing the earth kingdom. Instead of being unnoticed in his father's shadow he was finally making his own legacy.

[bookofmirth]

Hi

I'm not up to date with all the drama in this fandom bc i tend to scroll past it. But being a reader of the books before I landed in these fandoms, I'm utterly shocked about how people treat eachother.

I'm very neutral on this stupid ship war going on. I tend to fall more for Elriel. But I understand everyone's opinion. I used to read all the book analysis, but now it just seems so exhausting. I get that people love books and ship different people. That's normal, everyone has different taste etc i'm just here trying to understand why we need to bring other human beings down in order to push our own narrative.

Since when is it okay to do that???? Can't we have a normal conversation without sending death treats?

I normally don't really respond to anything that involves drama. But these last couples of months have gotten me to dislike the books more and more solely because of these, may I call them blandly, horrible people.

And i'm very sad to have to admit that i'm also getting sick of the art of the multiple ships. Which that's horrible because I love what all these amazing artists create. But the hate they receive and the comments just make me hate it all more,this whole fandom with all these toxic people ruining it for me personally.

Can't we all just agree that we like these books, and respect eachother as human beings, no matter what everyone else thinks? And maybe wait and see what the author writes? In the end it are still her books and she will have the final say in everything.

I wish SJM would release the next book sooner so all this hate would stop, then again i don't know if it will stop. They will likely continue and probably bother SJM too...

Thank you for listening to me ranting, you always seem very nice to people with different opinions, so I thought i might as well rant a bit too.

Have a lovely day!!

Hello! Thank you for this message! I think it's really helpful for people to see because they can see the impact of the things they are doing and saying in the fandom. There are a lot of people who feel comfortable being vocal in the fandom, but I gotta say, if I were just joining now, I'm not sure that would be me. I wonder how many people walk in, take a look around, and walk the fuck back out. I probably would.

I got on my soap box a little bit because I was thinking about some of the things you've said!

I was just talking with some friends, some of whom I've been in the fandom with since 2017, some who are newer. And we all 1000% agree with you. It's so, so frustrating that the fandom has gotten so nasty to the point where we've become so separated from each other that we can't have a single civil conversation. Where people of color don't feel safe, and where a lot of the fandom doesn't even seem to care about that.

When I first joined the fandom, there were definitely people who shipped one way and people who shipped another, but we were still able to have conversations with each other. There would be these really, really long posts that were chains of people commenting on posts and reblogging, then someone adding on their thoughts, then op would respond, etc. Yeah, the posts were super long to scroll through, but there was so much engagement, ya know? And it was genuine, too. We could disagree or say "hey OP I like this point, but have you thought of X?" And it was great! (I even have a tag for it, #long post tag, because I once got an anon who was annoyed at how long my conversations with people would be 💀so I made that tag for people who wanted to block those posts.)

I'm not going to pretend it was perfect - there were definitely people I didn't get along with. But that wasn't a fandom thing, that was just a personality thing. And I never in a million years expected those people to fly off the handle and start attacking me anon, or to ss my posts to make fun of elsewhere. Now, that's a constant fear hanging over everyone's heads.

It has created an extreme echo chamber. I would genuinely like having those old fandom discussions where people would comment - in the open, on reblogs - and then we could all engage in that discussion in public. Now, all of that discussion happens in private, in groupchats and Discord. And don't get me wrong, Discord is super fun. But it also means that 1) people who aren't in those groups have no idea wtf is going on when we vague, although I try not to do that anyway, and 2) when people are in those groups they egg each other on to be worse and worse. Worse than they would have been if they were on their own and didn't feel like they had a group of people there to support their asshole behavior. tbh, I have to check myself sometimes and think, "would I do this if I hadn't just gotten into a rant conversation with friends on Discord?"

And what you said about fan art, it's so frustrating!!! Since when did fan art become a battle ground??? Since when did the appearance of fan art = a win for one ship or the other?? Why can't the comments of those arts ever just be nice and appreciative of the work someone has put into it? Honestly, it makes me paranoid to write fanfic, too! I mean, is that next???

I totally agree with you that we should be able to respect each other as people. We used to be able to do that. I hate to admit it, but I have so many people blocked now because I just don't trust them. I don't trust them to be civil, I don't trust them to be able to see my posts, I don't trust them to even read what I've written without misconstruing everything I've said.

I'm not sure if people realize that there is a big difference between this:

I don't like X ship

And this:

People who like X ship are delusional

The first one is okay! It's normal! Like you said, we all have feelings and interpretations and stuff we would prefer to see or not see!

The second one, not okay! Stop insulting people, people!!!!

The idea of engaging in a normal, healthy debate with a huge portion of the fandom is such a foreign concept to me at this point, and it never used to be. There could be a lot of reasons for this. And I always try to avoid pointing fingers because I know that not everyone is like that, though I'm sure I have slipped into that from time to time.

I think it would help if we stop seeing each other as a gwynriel or an elucien or an elriel, and start seeing each other as individuals. When acosf first came out, I started noticing a trend where people would send me asks and write them as if they were writing to every single person who ships elucien, or as if they were writing to every single person who holds a certain opinion about Azriel. It was really confusing at first, and I'm gonna request that the fandom stop doing that altogether, to everyone. If you want to engage with someone, engage with that person, not your idea of who they are and what they think.

I'm down for conversations where we talk about the series and what might come next as possibilities, because that's all this is, so far. Anyone who says that "X thing will never happen" is making some bold claims, and it's really off-putting to people who know that that's not why we are here. It's not a contest where we "win" canon. It's fandom, where we talk about what we like and what we don't like and what we want and cross our fingers and hope.

EDIT I wanted to add on one thing - a lot of this behavior is incredibly shocking and disgusting and I think that we, as a fandom, need to be better at 1) calling it out, and 2) not assuming that whoever did X horrible thing represents all people from that corner of the fandom.

I hope that you have a lovely day as well! And that the fandom doesn't get you too down. @heleencollier

[rebloged-content]

Recommended Sanders Sides creators

Marry Christmas, everyone! And a wonderful December day to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, too. Let’s be honest right off the bat, though: I’m only using the date as an excuse to do this list anyways.

So. Throughout the time I’ve spent as a part of this wonderful corner of the sanders sides fandom over here on tumblr, I’ve often found a new creator and wished I’d found them sooner. It kind of makes me wonder who else I might miss. If you do to, here are a few creators I’d love for you to check out. You’ll probably recognize some of the names, if not all, but maybe you’ll find a new favorite creator here?

And to the creators in question, I really love your content. If you’ve made it onto this list, you’ve definitely cause one or two sleepless nights of reading for me, because who needs sleep if I can have this, right? XD Whatever you’ll find written next to your name is the impression you’ve left on me and… Well, just know that you’ve made some days of my life at least a little happier, all of you. And I hope to repay the favor by telling you how much I appreciate you releasing your content into this world… Well, repay the favor at least a little, I suppose.

Let’s begin, then, shall we?

@5am-the-foxing-hour Because this? This is who you go to if you want to read good Janus-content. You are in a mood to read sympathetic Janus? Wanna see the danger noodle just casually interact with other sides? Go to their short stories. I mean, “the cult”? Prime example of how to tell a story with impact in just a few words. 8 paragraphs, but boy did I read that one on repeat. Or “water spray bottle”, this one is fun, short and will make you laugh. An energy drink for the fander heart, so to say.

Then there’s their mafia-au, “there’s more in me than precious metals”. Six are out so far, and I adore every single word of every single part of this. Protective Remus, sassy Janus, angst, comedy relief, destruction, Roman-Remus-sibling-rivalry, braincell Logan, survival instinct Virgil, working together over a common enemy… This fic has it all, believe me. Take your time and read it, because you will read the entire thing in one go once you start. At least I did, and I didn’t even notice.

And their advent writings? Those had me squealing and jumping around in a way I will deny if anyone ever sees it. I don’t even know what else to say, they are fucking fantastic and that’s that.

So, yeah. Go check them out, before I start fangirling about them even more. You know my personal favorites now, so just go there. You won’t regret it.

Next up is @coconut-cluster. Ah, yes, Lexi. Lexi, whose uni-AU started as self indulgent and has become the loceit story on tumblr. We all know her, or at least most of us do, and we all love her too. And while I also drop everything I do at any point of time I possibly can once I realize the uni-au has any form of new addition, there are a lot of other fics created by her that you should check out as well.

Did you, for example, ever want a sappy prinxiety one-shot with the sappiness only being implied, a mutual understanding of “we’re-not-saying-we-care-but-we-both-know-we-do” born from joking reassurances and a not-a-date-nope-only-a-break? While that may seem to be a tall order, that is exactly what “before the sun goes down” is. Plus there’s ice cream. Or maybe you’re more of a logince fan? Do you want a fic where Roman isn’t the prince but serves His Highness? Do you like sincere talks while you’re procrastinating showing your face to the subjects you don’t really want to rule over? In that case, you really should read “Viva la Vida”. Careful, though, this one is so sweet you’ll probably get a toothache… There also is an analogical fic that I’ve enjoyed very much: “Cracks in the Ceiling”. I love it, because it’s just calm. Fears creeping up on you, thrown away by a trusted friend with a few words, just by being there and playing into the metaphors you head created this time around. It’s calm, and there’s not really a climax or anything, but it doesn’t need one. Because it’s just a glance into everyday life. It’s beautiful in its own right, really.

What I’m saying is, Lexi has a lot more wonderful stories to tell than the uni-au. It’s the most popular one, sure, and it’s one of her best works. But you really should check out her other fics as well. Lexi herself once said that she writs fics she’d like to read. I would figure it’s because of this, but her stories are mostly things you don’t really find anywhere else. Dynamics, stories, world building, all of those are aspects you may find somewhere else. But Lexi is just one of those people who see what they miss in a fandom and create it themselves, and among these creators Lexi is my favorite. She just has that certain skill that makes that approach to writing result in the most enjoyable reading experiences. Lexi’s fics are special, because they’re different, because they are authentic and you can feel that when you’re reading her work.

@djpurple3 is another talented individual I want to talk about. I have to confess, DJ is, as far as original content goes, almost exclusively locked in my brain with the fiction “I just keep loosing my beat”. 23 Chapters so far, one better than the last. It’s a bitter-sweet story following Remus and his children, after the bitch of a mother has been brought behind bars. Abusive piece of shit. Yeah, I don’t like her much. But the story is so full of love and support, everyone trying their best, everyone seeing how much the others deserve the world and wishing they could give it to them… Roman and Remus have a sibling-dynamic I would die for here, too. Patton is just the most adorable friend to Deceit - here Damion - Virgil is a precious bean, Logan is cute and the teacher we all wish he’d had ourselves and… god, I could keep gushing about this fic forever. I’ll stop now, though, before I’ll start spoiler things. Wouldn’t want to do that, especially since I really, really, really want more people to give this a go. It’s not underrated, I just think everyone who doesn’t is missing out by a lot, so… Go over there and read DJ’s fic right fucking now, if you haven’t already read it at least once. Thank you.

@delimeful​, our wonderful lime-friend with a cute cat making a terrifying face in his header. First of all, there is the WIBAR universe, short for “Watch it burn and rust”. 5 chapters in act one, 4 intermissions (one of those with three chapters), one chapter of act two, as well as three extras and an au of this au called “the end of being alone”, and I’ve lost count of how many nights I spent reading those instead of sleeping like I should. (Or interacting with family. Or being productive. Or… It’s really a good story, okay?!) WIBAR is a deathworlder au. So a space au in which humans are regarded as dangerous deathworlders who can survive on a deathworld like earth. In other words, Virgil is the only human, and boy does that scare everyone around him. And the best part? You can feel the development, the shift in mentality regarding Virgil, feel the moment approach in which he isn’t a threat but a companion instead.

And, apart from the fic that inspired me enough to start writing “TINND!R?” over on my writing blog, there are a lot more amazing fics to read on lime’s blog. He wrote “How easy you are to need”, for example. It’s soft, it pulls at just the right heartstrings, it’s achingly hopeful and, god, the ending still has me in tears, even after the fifth - ? sixth? something among those lines - reread. This one’s a werewolf au, actually. Virgil is the werewolf, Logan, Patton and Roman are the humans.

Do you want yourself some of that pre-AA dynamic? I’d recommend “to taste your beating heart”. In this, Virgil gets separated from the rest of his group of vampire hunters and gets turned into a vampire himself, loosing his memories. And he’s “Anx” now, not “Virgil”, goddamnit! He isn’t their friend anymore, why don’t they understand that? Well, probably because they can still see Virgil’s old habits shining through. There’s a lot of tension, a lot of angst and a whole lot of frustration involved in this.

He also wrote some amazing one-shots. They’re mostly so well written that I’m almost sad not to be waiting on a continuation. There’s “the littlest mermaid”, in which Virgil goes to investigate a noise, finding a scared, tiny mermaid in need of help. In “community gardens” we have Remus being Remus, gaining the interest and friendship of the forest’s giant Logan. “Magical mutualism” tells the tale of a witch and a demon making a pact beneficial to both parties and opening the doors neither could have gone beyond alone. The way we’re all confused about our ships not actually having set sail yet comes to a hight in Virgil in regards to his friends in “amateur matchmakers”. And this is the point at witch I stop talking before I actually recommend every single one of lime’s fics instead of just my favorites as I had planed because I started to gush too much… XD

Let’s move on to @muppenthings​. Mupp is an amazing artist and she created a giant mermaid au. There’s this one orca who’s just… We love her, but I actually don’t think she’s the brightest. I really, really love her, though. Virgil himself is being a little protective over his human friends and casually so. I love this comic series for the art style, but I also love the way it makes me crack a laugh at least once per work. Or appeal to my mother-instincts, if it’s about baby Virgil. Too cute for his own good, I tell ya! And the facial expressions! The detail, the jokes, everything about this is wonderful. You should at least take a look.

@whenisitenoughtrees​. Cat got me with “This cup of yours tastes holy (This lie is dead)”. “A slow voice on a wave of phase” was next, later “Infinity and beyond”, “we are not alone in the dark with out demons” and “changing of the guard”. And then, suddenly, the night was over. I’ve read almost all of the fics in one go, and I’ve been semi-frequently visiting her master post ever since. When “There’s an endless road to rediscover” came out just a little while back, that lead to me re-reading through almost the entire list. I don’t regret it, my plans for that weekend would like to disagree.

These six fics I mentioned here are, by no means, the only ones I enjoyed. Those are just the ones I’ve found myself opening up again and again in sleepless nights. Those are the ones that pop up in my head and have me smiling to myself in the middle of god-knows-whatever-I’ve-been-doing-at-the-time.

Angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, you’ll find everything in that list. And something I’ve grown to like about Cat’s fics even more than anything else is the quick change between feeling perplexed, a startled laugh at certain wordings (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it) and apprehension. These fics will have you at the edge of you seat, swooping you away on an emotional roller coaster. And, god, the way Cat writes from Remus’ perspective? The introductions of her stories and the way she redirects to the main topic after going into detail on something? I saved a few paragraphs as screenshots on my phone because I love them and I want to read them again when I’m down. I just… Cat’s great.

Next up is @eliemo. Because Elias Virgil is the royalty of Virgil angst. From the touch-starved Virgil we’ve all had a head cannon of at one point in “Heart of Ice”, over ace Virgil panicking over telling his boyfriends that he his ace and didn’t think to tell them before in “Love our way” to so, so much more.

Mostly EV follows the story arc of an underlying feeling of dread at the beginning, which slowly grows into panic, exploding in a storm of angst and concludes in everyone, or at least whoever is around, coming to the rescue and helping to calm down, with the end being the hope for getting better in the future. They always manage to convey the confusion, fear or just the general thought process so well that you can’t help but get absorbed in the story. They know exactly what to say and what to leave between the lines to get the maximum effect. And, your heart will definitely be shattered after their angst. Still, the way the sides comfort each other and support each other so well every time is just… I love their stories, a lot.

I want to make two more suggestions if you want to check out this creator. A Janus angst fic, which can only be described as “ouch” you’ll find under the name “snake bite”. It hurts in the best way possible, because Janus gets the comfort he deserves.

The other suggestion gets a lot darker. It’s about Virgil having been abused by the “others” before he got accepted into the light side. The others are shocked to find out what has gone on behind their backs and they help Virgil in every way they can to recover. Of cause it’s a rocky path, though. This would be “Learned Behavior”. The series/au has twelve stories so far, one of which has two parts. You’ll find the master post for this pinned to the top on their blog.

If you like angst, you should also give @maybedefinitely404​ a look. Ly has a soulmate-au going, in which they use the concept of “you hear the music your soulmate listens to”. "Music in my head” is a prinxiety fic, but the two of them have yet to meet. Four chapters and two mini-fics in. The reason I mentioned angst is because in this - spoiler alert for the first few chapters here - , Virgil gets put through conversion therapy. Luckily Janus and Logan are better foster parents than the ones who did that to him.

They also have a master list for all their soulmate stories, featuring different ships. Apparently they participated in soulmate month, if I understood that correctly. And to be honest, that was how I even found their account. I absolutely adore their anxceit fic, which takes place in a human au. It’s starting off pretty sad, but the bonding moments are absolutely wonderful. It’s a lovely story, and the ending is one of the best ones I’ve yet to read. Their logince fic took my breath away, too. A flower shop/tattoo artist au, and Logan is the tattoo artist. Stunning writing, wonderful world building, just the right amount of backstory to have everything make sense without overwhelming/drowning the reader in unnecessary details. Their moxceit fiction… Well, this one had me in tears within the first few paragraphs. It’s terrible and you feel for Janus, whose perspective this is written from. The ending, though… Gods! The ending was so indescribably cute. To be honest, all of the soulmate stories are great, these three are just my personal favorites.

Concerning their one shots, you’ll probably have to figure it out on your own concerning this. I haven’t been able to read all of them yet, as sad as that makes me. Definitely palling on doing it in the future, though. I did read two of them, though. “Pippity poppity” really was amusing, and I am so looking forward to the second part of “The Boy who sings next door”. The way they write the dynamics between the sides? I live for that.

Another creator I would like to recommend is @maybe-im-tired.They don’t have a master post, as far as I could see, but they only post their content anyways, so… “Can’t take my eyes off of you” is my favorite out of their fics so far. I mean, the way they managed to fit the sheer chaos that is intrulogical into this one short fic is amazing. And you could take about two thirds of what Remus said and put it up on your wall as out-of-contexts-quotes. Don’t worry, he says them out of context anyways, and they will definitely make you laugh. 

The series of short stories for the human au that starts with “Glowing stars” is another au by them that you will almost certainly like. We have Logan and Virgil as kids (about 7 I think), Remus and Patton as single parents, Roman as the most adoring uncle, Emile as babysitter and Remy as his amazing partner. Remus is a great father, wonderfully chaotic as well. And a teacher! Imagine that, Remus as your teacher... He’s great with kids though, as long as they aren’t entitled villains come to make his precious Virgil feel bad, that is.

They also wrote a bunch of “random one shots”. They are all amazing, but my favorite has to be this one. It’s a logince one, once again human au. Patton may or may not tell his big brother’s crush about the feelings he wasn’t prepared to share yet. You know, as small kids do. It’s soft, it will make you smile as much as Logan does, and I love Remus in it. I generally like how they write Remus, okay? I know how much I’ve said it, but I’m not even exaggerating. They always write him differently, and all versions they write him as are so, so lovable and just… I wanna hug the life out of all Remus versions they wrote, okay? Take a look, you’ll know why.

Anyways. Let’s continue with @figurative-siren-song. This is the last account I’ve followed and I’m still sad about it having taken me this long to find them. Little salty, to be honest. (I’ll stick to they/them because they said just not to use she/her, and, well… consistency, you know? Don’t have much, so I have to get what I can XD). When I finally did find them, I went through their entire master list (at least all of the ships with characters I actually know. I’m kinda bad with the shorts characters, so I usually just… avoid them? Idk. Personal preference, I guess), and, well… I would honestly recommend every single fic on that list. They call themself “Repair Fluff King™️” and they deserve that title. But when they warn you that a fic will be angsty, it will be angsty.

I found them through the anxceit fic “A Deal”. Well, through an animatic by their friend on youtube that had linked the fic, but details. I’ve been reading this fic up and down again and again. It’s just so good! And when they talk in the second part and Janus explains why he proposed that deal. Or in the continuation, which i can’t talk about because I will probably spoiler things! So wholesome!

 Also, their losleepxeity fic “We’re worth it”. So soft! The nicknames, the plot, the everything. It’s softer than clouds look, and we all know that means something.

But, really. Everyone will find something for them by this creator. So many ships, all incredibly well written, and soft and fluffy without getting boring in the slightest. It’s as energizing as coffee, actually. And, let’s be honest, this whole fandom drowns itself in angst most of the time. Take a break from that, repair your broken hearts with goof fluffy content that you’ll want to read over and over again. Go check this creator out. You will love them. 

Last but not least… @myfriendsasthesides​ A blog by a creator who just takes the wonderfully chaotic dynamics of a friend group and using that to give us content of incorrect sides quotes. Maybe it doesn’t fit with me going on and on about fics here. I don’t care. Follow them and turn on those notifications, please, because seeing even one post of theirs on your dashboard will make your day. It’s funny, it’s absurd, it’s chaotic, it’s making you jealous of them for having friends like that. Believe me, you will want to see those posts. It’s just… the random shots of serotonin and dopamine out generation needs really fucking desperately 100% of the time. 

That’s it with the list! Eleven creators I absolutely adore, and I’m sorry I was babbling so much all the way through, but… Well, actually I’m not sorry. And actually, half of the reason I even made this post is to tell them how much I love them and fangirl about them a bit. So… Yeah. Well.I love you guys and hope you’ll have a wonderful day! And to everyone else reading this: I hope this helped you ind some new creators you can enjoy. And a good day to you too, of cause.

Sincerely, Joy 🖤

(@joylessnightsky/@sanders-sides-fic)

[ceterisparibus116]

I sometimes struggle to sympathize with Ray Nadeem. All of the elements are there to show he was supposed to be a sympathetic character... the relative with cancer (which has financially impacted him heavily), the difficulties at work, his family being terrified of the latest developments, and the whole fact that Fisk is manipulating him. But the way they're presented, Nadeem comes off sort of shallow and bland, rendering these just a collection of cliches that have less impact than they would if he seemed a deeper or more thoughtful person; so when he makes arguments to get Fisk things he wants, or goes around hassling Karen and Foggy because Fisk fingered Matt, he comes off as more of a jerk and a pest than a principled FBI agent doing his best in trying circumstances.

Hi, thank you for the ask! This is a really interesting take! The thing is, I’m...not quite sure why you sent it to me. Are you simply sharing a meta because sharing Daredevil metas is super fun? Or...are you asking if I agree?

Because I really don’t. Which is fine - we are allowed to have our own interpretations! But, since you bravely entered my ask box, I’m gonna expound why I, personally, interpret Ray differently.

First, though, I’ll acknowledge what I agree with: namely, that Ray’s collection of sympathetic experiences are not enough, by themselves, to make him sympathetic (to me). A tragic backstory and a susceptibility to manipulation by Fisk aren’t enough to make someone sympathetic. At least, not to you, and not to me - although we should acknowledge that those elements might actually be enough to make him sympathetic to others, and let’s try not to disparage other people’s opinions!

However, to me, Ray is more than just his tragic circumstances, because we saw him turn around at the end and own his mistakes fully, even going so far as to tell Matt to stop advocating for him and let him go to jail - because he knows that’s what he deserves. That, to me, is probably the biggest reason why he’s sympathetic.

I’ll also point out that Ray questioning Foggy and Karen does not make him less sympathetic (to me). After all, we know that Foggy and Karen are good guys, but Ray doesn’t. The fact that the firm put Fisk away is not a good enough reason for the FBI to ignore a credible warning that Matt, at least, worked for Fisk. (And Fisk’s warnings, legally, are credible; legally, even a witness who is a criminal can be deemed credible if they have a history of giving accurate tips, which is exactly what Fisk has done by this point, as we saw with the Albanians and other criminals.)

Wouldn’t you agree, then, that Ray, as a character, would think that questioning Karen and Foggy was a necessary part of his job? Moreover, wouldn’t you agree that there is a lot suspicious about Matt’s life, once someone bothers to look closer? And so wouldn’t you agree that Ray’s suspicions of Matt (and, by extension, Matt’s friends) are doubly well-founded? Therefore, I, personally, don’t see it as “hassling,” as you characterized it, at all.

Your point about Ray’s questioning of Foggy and Karen is also fascinating to me because, when I watched Season 3 with my family, one of my brothers piped up at the end of an episode about how, if we didn’t know more about Ray, we’d hate him for how he’s treating Foggy and Karen. But my brother said that we do know enough about Ray to understand why he’s doing this, to understand that he can’t afford to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, to understand that he’s not actually being a jerk at all but is, in fact, being a “principled FBI agent doing his best in trying circumstances.” In other words, my brother came away with the literal opposite interpretation from yours!

Which is not to say that one of you is right and the other is wrong. Again, I just find the subjective nature of art truly fascinating.

And that, really, is what your message shows me: art is so subjective. When I watched Season 3 with my family, all five (5) of us absolutely loved Ray and found him deeply sympathetic. (My mom teared up at the end, in fact.) To be fair, Ray’s character has a lot in common with one of my brothers, and for my mom (and me, I think), that made him resonate with us even more.

Anyway, my family also connected with Ray because we saw a man who got in over his head, clearly felt conflicted (just watch his face; man, Jay Ali can act), and yet didn’t have enough space to breathe to figure out when or how to safely extricate himself (and his family) from the situation. (After SAC Hattley’s warnings about how she used to have another kid, it’s not like Ray could reasonably expect to try to escape Fisk without risking losing his wife and/or son.)

Another reason Ray resonates with me, personally, is because I think Season 3 was all about analyzing fear and relationships from different perspectives. We have Matt, whose fear of harm coming to the people he loves causes him to make terrible decisions. We have Karen, whose relative lack of close relationships arguably causes her to be reckless. We have Foggy, who so far has seemed so ignorant of the dangers that come with being friends with people who challenge evil, but now suddenly has to face the fact that his family was targeted - because of his choices. (And I desperately wish we’d seen Foggy acknowledge that to Matt, acknowledge that Matt’s fears really are valid.) And, of course, we see Fisk kill Julie to manipulate Dex, and we see Matt use Fisk’s connection to Vanessa to manipulate her. So to me, Ray being manipulated out of his desire to provide for and protect his family is just another way to explore that theme. Which goes a long way towards making him sympathetic to me.

(And another twist: yes, Ray arguably prioritizes the safety of his family over the safety of other people - like Father Lantom and everyone at the church. However, in addition to the fact that he owns this and apologizes for it without making excuses for himself, we should also acknowledge that Foggy does the same thing. All the time. Every time Foggy lectures Matt and Karen about not putting themselves at risk, every time Foggy hesitates to take a risk with the firm (anything from hesitating over defending Karen to hesitating over defending Frank), it’s Foggy choosing to prioritize the things he cares about over other people who need help. So if prioritizing one’s family over other people makes a character unsympathetic, then Foggy should, in my view, also be considered unsympathetic. However, my personal opinion is that this value that Foggy and Ray share doesn’t make them unsympathetic - I think it makes them human, and creates a wonderful contrast with Matt and Karen.)

Anyway. I’m not saying this to prove you wrong. In fact, I don’t think I can prove you wrong, if you’re talking about your subjective interpretation: if you’re saying that you, personally, don’t sympathize with Ray, then that’s your interpretation. (If, however, you’re saying that Ray was objectively poorly written...well, then I’d have to argue with you.) All I’m doing here, though, is discussing this character from another angle, another approach, and another interpretation. Which, imo, is one of the beauties of fandom.

Thank you again for the ask, and the excuse to analyze one of my favorite characters!

[freedom-shamrock]

Speaking on My Behalf

Also over on AO3

@saijspellhart allowed me to take this delightful idea and run with it, so here we are.  Go team!

Chapter One

"All right," Marinette said, handing Adrien the steaming mug. "One Cheng family, top secret laryngitis treatment. Careful, it's hot." She could smell the fresh lemon juice as it wafted in her face.

Adrien snorted ruefully, grasping the mug carefully before slumping back into the couch.

"He says, thank you," Plagg offered helpfully from his place sprawled in his holder's ultra messy bed head.

Adrien smiled and nodded in agreement.

"I'm just sorry I can't do more to help you," Marinette said, feeling bad. This was his first real illness since they'd decided it made more sense for Chat Noir and Ladybug to share an apartment. It would limit the risk of anyone else figuring out their identities the way they had.  The miraculous were excellent for preventing colds and illness, but apparently they didn't really impact allergies. The warm spring had been brutal on her partner and close friend. Tikki would point out that he was also Marinette's first and only love (or strongly imply it in her look and point it out once they were alone together), but she was asleep in her nest in Marinette's room.

Adrien shook his head and waved one hand as if to push her worry away.

"There's only so much even you can do, Buggy," Plagg offered. "He gets that."

Adrien vigorously nodded his agreement with his kwami.

"And to be fully honest," the black cat of destruction continued, "he wouldn't have gotten half this kind of treatment back at the mansion." His face squished up in a way that Marinette had come to learn was disgust. "His schedule would've been cleared, partly anyway, and he'd be abandoned in that compensation-chamber-of-shitty-parenting that his father called a bedroom."

Adrien frowned, looking petulant while he made indignant shushing noises at his kwami.

Marinette moved closer, scooping up the book and laptop from the ottoman near the couch, so she could take a seat there. She'd always felt Gabriel's cold nature ran into neglectful, if not full-on abusive, territory, but Adrien was quick to change the subject when things got too close to discussing his family life. "Nathalie doesn't have much of a bedside manner, huh?"

Adrien rolled his eyes. It was amazing just what he could express without his voice, and it was no wonder he was loving the acting classes he'd snuck into his schedule.

"Well you don't live there anymore, and we Dupain-Cheng folk do not believe in allowing those who are ill or uncomfortable suffer alone." She reached out to run her fingertips over his cheek, pleased when he closed his eyes and hummed happily. "I'll be checking on you regularly, and I won't be any farther away than the other room, so just send Plagg if you need anything, okay?"

His gorgeous green eyes fluttered open and he gazed softly at her.

"Yeah, yeah," Plagg agreed, his voice a jarring break in the gentle moment. "I'll come get you if he needs anything."

She'd brought work home from the La Fleur Fashions, the design house she'd joined before she even finished school. It was a small and highly exclusive house focused on women's evening wear, and while that was a bit limiting for her tastes, it paid well, and she enjoyed what she was doing. She'd made sure her contract allowed her to create her own  designs so long as they weren't competing for the same market, for her online boutique. Lucky Bug provided mostly one-of-a kind or commission pieces, including daywear and menswear. "Are you sure you don't want me to bring my work in here?" she asked for what had to be the fifth time.

Adrien's forehead scrunched up as he let out a huff.

"He would like to remind you that he's spent most of his twenty-three years coping on his own when he's ill," Plagg offered.

Adrien's eyes shot up as if he could see his kwami through his skull.

"He'll just feel guilty if you come out here," Plagg added. "No one has the whole guilt thing down like my kitten."

"Don't I know it," Marinette muttered, letting out a sigh and ignoring Adrien's indignant expression. "I promise, I'm happy to be here if it gives you any comfort, but I'm also not going to push. I definitely don't want you to feel more guilty about things that are basic human needs." That had been the first thing they'd had a serious talk about after moving in together.  He was constantly apologizing and trying to avoid being a nuisance.  "You are my best friend in the whole world," she insisted, brushing her thumb down his cheek.

"Ooooh," Plagg purred. "Better than Alya?"

"No contest," she replied, delighted by his response.

He closed his eyes and melted against her hand.

"I am always here for you," she promised. More than anything else in the world, he needed people who cared for him unconditionally, people who wouldn't turn their backs on him and leave him to languish in loneliness.

⁂

Adrien snapped his laptop closed. He was bored out of his mind and while he should have been happy to binge on Netflix, he was stupidly restless. The bright spots in his day had all involved Marinette, dear sweet Marinette, doting on him. He'd woken with a terrible sore throat from his allergies. He'd been able to easily identify it by the distinct characteristic that it felt like he'd tried to swallow a cactus (which he'd actually done once as Chat Noir, and would not recommend). His room mate, super partner, and all around best friend had been more kind to him in the first ten minutes than his father and Nathalie had been, combined, for all his sick days ever. His throat already felt better, but his voice would be gone for at least the rest of the day, but probably longer.

He clicked his tongue against his teeth and gently poked at Plagg, hoping to go for a run.

"No," Plagg grumbled. "We are not going out as Chat Noir today unless there's an akuma." His words were accompanied by tiny feet stomping on Adrien's head. "The Guardian wants you to rest."

Adrien's groan came out as more of a whine thanks to his irritated vocal cords.

"I get that you're fidgety, Kid," Plagg sounded a touch more compassionate. "But she's the boss, and she's right."

Adrien pouted. It was incredibly unfair that his kwami was so affectionate toward Marinette, yielding to her requests with no need of bribery. His frustration was disrupted by a delighted squeal from Marinette's room.

"Woo hoo!" She sounded giddy, and like she was trying to keep her enthusiasm toned down.

Adrien grinned. She was probably doing that full body wiggle that she did when she was super happy and excited. He opened his mouth to call to her, then remembered he couldn't.

"What are you celebrating in there, Pigtails?" Plagg called. He had almost as many nicknames for Marinette as Adrien did.

"This new dress is so awesome," Marinette replied. "I love it when I nail it on one of these. Monique is gonna love this one."

Adrien snorted. Monique loved pretty much all of Marinette's designs. It hadn't escaped his notice that the head designer and founder of La Fleur was asking more and more of her junior employee. She was clearly coming to Marinette when the stakes were highest, though being the humble person she was, Marinette hadn't noticed this herself.

Adrien waved his hand above his head, frantically trying to get Plagg's attention. He wanted to see that dress. He loved it when Marinette gave him his own private fashion shows. They were his own guilty pleasure, and admittedly featured strongly in his daydreams.

"Yeah, yeah," Plagg muttered. "Hold your horses, Kid." He raised his voice to reach Marinette. "We get to see it, right?"

Marinette's head popped out from the tiny hall toward her bedroom. "You really want to see it?"

She looked so happy, and Adrien felt blessed having her bright eyes so intensely focused on him. He vigorously nodded, cupping his hands together in silent plea.

"It would be rude to leave us hanging," Plagg added.

She disappeared with a giggle. "Okay.  Just a minute."

Adrien settled back into the couch, grinning like an idiot and vigorously rubbing his forearms to shed some of his excess energy. A new evening dress. He wondered if it would be cute or elegant, or something else entirely. Since they'd been living together he'd seen her create the gamut of evening dresses, from sweet things for teen starlets, to flirty numbers, to luxurious and sophisticated pieces sought by A-listers. And what color might it be? She'd done everything, though she preferred not to go with black unless it had accents because she felt there tended to be too much weight on basic black. The people wearing her works of art were guaranteed to stand out.

He tried not to pay attention to the sounds of zippers and the swishing of fabric. He was a model for goodness' sake. He could handle having a gorgeous woman change nearby without blowing a gasket.

"These shoes aren't quite right," Marinette cautioned, breaking him out of his little spiral.

"Yeah, yeah," Plagg replied. "It's all about the dress. We got it, Princess."

Adrien couldn't hold back the hiss when his kwami dared use his personal nickname for her.

Plagg merely snickered as he floated off Adrien's hair to land on the back of the couch.

Adrien scowled and batted Plagg off his perch. His death glare seemed to have no effect on the cackling little beast. He felt himself gathering for a pounce when the sound of heels on the wood floor announced Marinette's impending arrival. Freezing, he curled his lip one last time in warning before slowly and intentionally easing himself back into his reclined position.

Marinette sauntered into the room, treating it as her own personal runway. Sashay, sashay. Pause and pose. Quarter turn, pose. He could practically hear the drill he'd walked her through when he'd taught her runway basics. She may not have had real training, because his tutoring had hardly been anything, but she totally killed it, and Adrien was pretty sure his soul left his body the moment he got a good look at her.

The dress was a stunning sleeveless number in a magenta to midnight blue ombre with an overlay of tulle to give the fabric depth and movement without too much weight. The neckline dropped into a gorgeous V ending at her sternum. The skirting had a slit at the front that crept high enough to flash pretty much all over her amazingly toned leg.

She moved to her final pose, directly in front of him, a sultry little smirk on her lips. It was a good thing he was already sitting down, because the wink she threw him would have definitely killed him. She was so amazingly beautiful and talented. Even if his voice had been working, he would have had no words for her now.

After a moment, she relaxed her pose, giggling as she looked down at the dress. "I have to say, this is one of my best."

Adrien nodded vigorously in agreement..

She let out a happy sigh. "What do you think?"

Adrien opened his mouth for a moment, but found himself shutting it again with a little head shake. He still didn't have words, even ones he could silently mouth to her.

"NettieBug," Plagg said smoothly, darting up to float in front of her. "I can answer honestly for the Kid here when I tell you that you're hot as fuck."

⁂

I suspect this will need one more chapter to be truly satisfying.

Apologies for being so absent. I'm still herding kids and managing the household while we are all safe at home for a few more weeks (I can not wait for school to end!). I'm trying to fit in writing where I can, but often don't have the energy.

⁂

Check out Chapter Two >>>

[bo-bo-bean]

The Dance

It was the party of the year, always set on the punctual date of February fourteenth; the Valentine’s day plaza celebration. People can express their love and feelings through music and everyone else dances, couple up, and help themselves to refreshments. There were light pink and red heart shaped lights hanging on light posts, flower petals scattered on the ground, the air being a little cold. It gave all the more reason to snuggle up with your partner. Everyone was there in the bask of the lovely light, Mayday an Zuke entering the scene.

“Huh, didn’t they use daisies last time?” Zuke wondered out loud, looking at the rose petals on the pavement.

“Yeah, but this is totally wicked!” Mayday jumped up and down. Zuke chuckled at her usual enthusiasm. She was just here to dance and get energy out. Plus there was nothing good on TV and they were bored. 

Mayday looked at the food table and rushed over, Zuke following behind her as he always did and watched her down some pigs in a blanket. He looked around more and thought maybe this dance would be his saving grace.

It had been seven months since he had feelings towards Mayday. He knew they were feelings of love since he experienced them before with Nadia. His heart yearning to hug her close, wanting to make her smile, and his head flushed around her. It was as obvious as the blush he gains when she offers her brightest smile on her best day.

Of course, he couldn’t say anything. What if it ended like with him and Eve? Then again, he knew it had to happen. He felt a tight feeling in his chest as he looked up at Mayday. 

‘She looks so beautiful…’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s just a few words… May, would you like to dance with me?’ He breathed in, letting his chest swell like a balloon to push away any nervous thoughts, then he sighed out and looked up. She looked excited to see something, but maybe she would still be able to hear him.

“It’s time to split in two and dance!” Zam announced, managing the songs. This was it. His chance.”

“May, uhm… would you like to uhm… dance with me-”

“Oh my gosh!!!” she squealed, looking at a boy band. 1010… of course… they were each dancing synchronized, chorusing lines. “I should ask someone from 1010 to dance with me!”

And the balloon deflated. As did his expression. 1010…? A member from 1010…? His hand was raised slightly, it staying there as May looked lovestruck.

“Uh… nevermind…” he muttered out. His whole world collapsed. His eyes felt watery as she excitedly ran to the band. And then… he was alone. He stared as Rin took her by the waist and dance with her. She was squealing and holding his shoulders.

His heart dropped in his stomach and at the impact, he felt himself shiver. How much more of a fool could he make himself? He wobbly went over to a bench and sat down, hunched down. “... 1010…?” he shuddered. “... God… why am I such… What do they have I don’t?” He looked up to try and answer his own question, which regrettably, was easy to know. “Looks… charm… wittiness… robotic…” 

No wonder Mayday asked to dance with them. Zuke felt he shouldn’t be upset. Mayday was happy. That’s all that mattered. But… he couldn’t help it. He felt some tears trail down his cold cheeks, to which he quickly wiped them away and played with his hair. His heart; it stung. It hurt. Why did it hurt so much? He gave a little sniffle, which attracted someone nearby.

Before he knew it, someone sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked to see Eve giving a concerned expression.

“I know that sniffle from anyone,” she said. “Zuke, what’s wrong?”

Should he even tell her…? Well it didn’t matter the answer, he felt his mouth speak for him so he didn’t have to.

“May… wants to dance 1010…”

Eve looked up at the fiery girl laughing with the band, then back at the sad excuse for a lake. A puddle. It just grew smaller. Even though him and Eve broke up, they remained friends. They went out to cafes a lot and chatted and laughed until their sides hurt. He even still showed interest in her art. 

So seeing him like she felt… it hurt. He didn’t deserve to feel the same pain she had. Sure, before, she would’ve relished in this, but he was close to her in a whole new way. Someone to lean on. She scoffed and stood up, crossing her arms.

“And you’re just going to let her?” she asked.

“Well… she likes 1010 and… they are better than me,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Don’t be a pedestrian,” she scolded slightly. “You KNOW her better than them all combined. You know Mayday.”

“Okay, but I’m not going to take her away from her happiness. She’s clearly happy with-”

“Zuke!” she raised her voice. “Now this is a dance party, not a sulk party! You love her. You need to show you love her! You need to shout it! Make a sculpture and smash it down in the name of love! Now.”

She took his arm and dragged him to the refreshments table, getting him some punch and putting it in his hand. “Drink.”

He sighed and did so. He was thirsty anyway. He finished the cup and was taken aback with Eve thrusted a bouquet of flowers into his arms. “Now, there is a fire that needs water. You both will create a steam to make each heart warm up and yearn for more. Are you going to let this slide?”

“... n-no…” he blinked a bit.

“It sounds like you just want to hand Mayday to 1010 and give up…!”

“I-I don’t…!”

“Then are you going to let this happen!?”

“No!” he shouted, breathing in as Eve pushed him towards the crowd as another love song started.

“Then you go get Mayday. And you love her and never let her go!”

Zuke stared at the crowd, looked at Eve, and smiled.

“Thanks, Nadia…” he chuckled.

“What are friends for?” she giggled. “Now go, shoo shoo.”

He laughed a bit and then put on a brave face. He went to 1010, who were taking turns spinning Mayday until she was nothing but a giggling mess. He felt like he was about to melt watching her, but kicked those feelings aside for now. This was more important. 1010 saw Zuke approaching and smiled, dispersing away. Since they were in the center, the light shined in that spot the most, shading her beautifully. When everyone saw 1010 leave to reveal Mayday, they stared, watching as Zuke walked over, pride in his chest. Every amount he had at least.

Mayday looked up after the world stopped spinning and saw him approaching with flowers.

“Mayday,” he started. “... I… I want…”

She watched him struggle with his words. He could feel his pride start to shrink, but Eve cleared her throat near. He nodded to himself. “May, can I have this dance?”

“... Zuke…?” she blinked in surprise.

“I love you,” he felt his heart flood out, as well as some tears. “And I’ve held it in because… because of so many reasons. I didn’t want hurt you, I didn’t want to make things awkward, I didn’t want to be hurt, I didn’t… I didn’t want to lose you. And maybe I will. Maybe this will ruin everything, but I want to tell how I feel. Mayday, you’re everything to me…!” His face was damp with tears for the second time that night, but he didn’t care who saw this time. “You’re the sun I wake up to every morning and your… your charm, your leadership, your fire, your spirit; it keeps me going…! It always has been…! I follow you because I look up to you, but I want to just take charge this time. N-not in that way! Just… just if you don’t feel the same, it’s fine. It’s your feelings, not mine… and maybe this will be the last time I speak to you because you’ll hate me after this. But I just… I want… one dance…”

The plaza was at a standstill as Zuke felt himself bawl and covering his red face. Some hearts dropped at the sight, but Mayday looked the most upset. How could he feel like this for so long? How long was it even? She quickly went over and took his arms as the flowers dropped from his grip. She wiped some tears away from his face. He looked down at her, ready for pity…

“... you’re such a goofball,” she giggled. She bent down and got a flower, putting it in his dreadlocks. She wiped any remaining tears and pecked him on the nose, giving that oh so bright smile. “I should’ve listened, huh? Zuke… I’d love to dance with you.”

He breathed out a bit raggedy, looking at her and her bright pink flower eyes. She led his hands onto her sides, above her hips, and put hers on his shoulders. “Honestly? 1010 is cool…! But no one could replace my buddy. And… I think… I love you, too.”

“You… think…?” he questioned.

“Well like around you, I wanna puke but in a good way? Not like ‘Ew you’re disgusting’ but like ‘I wanna say I like you, but it might come out as barf.’ And like you’re the only one who can make me smile like this…! So… you know what? Yeah! Yeah, I love you, Zuke! I love you so much!!!”

She said this in a way like announcing it to the world, to which the plaza applauded and cheered, Zam putting on a slow love song. Zuke felt like he was about to pass out, but he fought the urge. He danced slowly with Mayday in a circle, trying to believe this was real.

But the message became clear when May put her head on his chest, pulling him close, looking relaxed. Only one could make water steam… and only one could warm up water. He rested his chin on her head.

“Thank you…” he said lightly.

“Heh… you were the one who admitted it first! I’ve been holding it in for two years!”

“O-oh wow,” Zuke looked down at her with wide eyes. “That’s… a long time.”

“Yeeaaahh maybe, but now… we’re a thing! And we can call it dates when we go out for burgers! Ooooh burgers sound great right now!”

“Heh, well, we can grab some on the way back?” he offered. She squealed and kissed him for the first time that night, energetic as always.

“That sounds awesome!! Also don’t look now, but I think 1010 is super jelly,” she whispered.

“Haha, let them,” he laughed. “Let’s enjoy this night.”

“I already am,” she went back to resting on him. And so, the rest of the night was played out perfectly. The two danced together song after song, resting on a bench to eat snacks, and dance some more. It was no lucky guess that things would be up from now on at this point.

@nsr-simp