#anyways the website was a pain

[banditblvd]

notebookcast.com was an experience and a half

[heartorbit]

SPARKLE ON ✨✨✨

[donnyclaws]

I should make a tag 4 website stuff. Anyway working on things, I'm making a big tile bg for Tiger crawl home's page and I fixed the scroll so now it's just a fixed width with the only scroll being the content box <3 Still not sure how I'll organize my writing for this year bc the vibe I'm going for is kind of Higurashi style non linear character perspectives, but ect ect we'll figure it out

[cvsette]

head in my hands im never going to get a fucking job with benefits and opportunity for growth and a steady non-tipped salary im not employable and i dont have enough friends to get a job through connections and theres something deeply wrong with me augghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[birchbow]

Something about troll reproduction is that everyone alive in the empire had to have gotten some fuck at some point. And that makes me look at The Behemoth and wonder if the other participant has to be alive by the end of the ordeal because Wow Look At It. I'm so morbidly curious about the type of troll that it would decide was good enough and if they walked away with something broken or not.

y'all the fact that as I got this ask I was lying here in bed musing to myself about how. There is a universe where the scene of Gamzee meeting the Behemoth that I'm writing ends up with them fucking nasty in some kind of very spur of the moment hookup largely unrelated to quadrants haha. Because Gamzee's down to clown with people who are way too big and not used to being gentle. And actually the fact that he's going to get real bruised at best and injured at worst is a perk. I don't,,, think the scene will go that direction, but it's a diverting thought lmao. Anyway, perfect timing anon thank you.

....I do wonder. If you're enough of a deadly motherfucker that you can and would rather kill a drone than bother with finding some kind of Beauty And The Beast romance situation. Would the drones smell/see/sense a troll covered in the blood and death/distress hormones of a drone and go "well, this one passes muster" and keep moving. Could you look at this situation and just go "well obviously I'll kill my way out with brute force." What then.

[shima-draws]

Currently in my banging my head against the wall phase. Hope you all are well 🥰

[mooseyspooky]

@wolfstrong I have now added "I Want the One I Can't Have" to the list of songs I think Moz wrote about Johnny

I also added "My Love Life" because somehow I missed it, too.

Lastly I made a Youtube playlist of all the songs on the list, because Spotify is missing too many of them for me to bother with making it there (lots of the rarer Moz b-sides and demos aren't on Spotify - as well as some bigger songs like "Pregnant For the Last Time." It's weird).

Here's a link to the original post for those who missed it. It's been updated a lot and has basically become a marrissey master post at this point lol

[linabirb]

begging the pinterest girlies to stop using pinterest as their diary girl idc if you got a cut or if your teacher sucks i just want to see some cute art and aesthetic stuff GET OUT

[happyk44]

It's kinda funny because w/ my Zeus kid OC (who I've been thinking about renaming as Araceli, 'cause it means altar of the sky, apparently, which I like 'cause sky-themed-ish but also like. A little bit I wanted something that meant cloud the way Coral's name means... Coral) the implication is that she takes after her father to an almost mirroring degree because I developed her and my other PJO OCs (who also all got retconned into an OG work) at the same time I was playing around with my ideas on the Big Six, and the gist at the time was supposed to show how the Big Six could've turned out if they weren't so weird.

So the dynamics of the friendship was supposed to be very similar to the dynamics of Big Six's relationship to each other (e.g. Mary having a major crush on Hera's "representative" but also being attracted to literally every other person that walked by, Nico being the soberminded big brother figure, etc). It's also one of the reasons Mary would get angry whenever someone would compare to her dad, because similarly I think Zeus would get angry if someone compared him to his dad.

And then eventually as I got older and the daydream moved around with whatever obsession I had at the time, the characters and general storyline began to change away from that in some ways but core features sort of stayed and so I ended up with a version of Zeus that ignores his daughter's pleas for help because he loves her but her pain hurts him because he can't do anything about it and it's his fault she's suffering.

She got this intensity from him, it's ingrained into the way it's ingrained in him. But he was able to rebuild the world according to his own needs and wants and beliefs. And she can't really do that. So he doesn't have any advice he can give her when she's on her knees begging for help with all the noise and pain in her head. He doesn't know what to do! It's like he can just go and rip it out of her.

But she's suffering because she's different and she's weird and she knows it and she knows it's his fault which is why she's asking but he just doesn't know and he can't handle watching her suffering and listening to her cry when there is no helpful answer to give her because "I don't know" isn't going to fix it.

He's supposed to fix things, he's supposed to have the answers. He's king of the world, by damn! He's a problem solver. He supposed to have a solution, and a million backup solutions. But he doesn't! There's nothing he can do to make the noise stop because truth be told, the noise never really stopped for him! It just got easier and quieter. So he turns away from her because he loves her and he's failing her and he can't handle that.

But also in the same breath, I think he recognizes similar aspects of himself in Jason, who isn't even asking for help, and fucking despises him for it, lol.

✨ Girl Dad ✨

[tarnussy]

i think if godrick casually rubbed my back or feet, i'd explode

[medicasino]

society if character.ai was 100% ethical [insert a picture of a beautiful futuristic city here]

[banditblvd]

We’re back with one called sumo.app!!

[stayingmachine]

.

[e77y]

Completely almost forgot to apply for that internship I was interested in.... Applications close TODAY BTW. Like. It said "no later than May 1" and I am typing this at 12:01 am on May 1 lmao. I emailed it at like 11:59 on April 30 😭😭😭 Unfortunately the one I really wanted already closed, but the same company has dozens of internships with different departments, so I picked the easiest looking one lol. It's also the one where I would get to post on their Tumblr blog yippee!!! Fingers crossed 🤞

[mimicteruyo]

And there's the official dub.

[dittolicous]

sighs. i have had so much free time because of my cut hours but its. still left me with nothing to do, since i have to save as much money as possible while looking for another job. so i sleep, wake up, look to see if there are any new job postings on indeed/linkedin/ziprecruit/monster/etc, dig farther into google for more sketchy job openings, think about what company sites i can check for direct jobs, check those sketchy 'surveys for money' sites,... and then i go back to sleep. because well. cant be hungry or waste money if ur asleep.

i just. im miserable. i have so much time but i cant even enjoy or use it because im going to start bleeding money i dont have soon. im fucking terrified of not being able to find a new job, of being stuck in this... dead end job. unable to get off this damn island. it makes me sick. so im bored and guilty and scared and i just gucking hate this!

im so fuckibg tired of living in this godforsaken world where you only deserve to live if you give up everything. honestly, i wish someone would just. fuckibg come beat me up. wish my parents had actually fucking hit me instead of just yelling and insults. wish i was missing limbs or brain fuction or just. anything. anything to get the world to see i cant function.

im an empty brained idiot. i dont have any passion or self. how am i suppose to live? id rather be a fucking shattered glass than an empty jar. but thats what i am.

god i just. how???? how????? how do people... live????? how do you create and make.... your brand or personality? i cant make any of that. im just here. breathing. not for any reason. thats how its always been. everytime i see jokes about what kind of 'weird kid' you were i want to cry. because ive never been fucking anything! i wasnt a horse girl or a cat girl or train person or dinosaur nut or a monster fan and never cared about Egypt or rome or didnt care for legos or cars or model building or WHATEVER. ive just! been here! with nothing! im not ANYTHING. i dont have hobbys. ive nev r had hobbies.

ive always been alone and empty. disconnected from the world. disconnected from the community. disconnected from everyone.

my life is nothing. has been nothing. just a waste of time and space. nothing to show but misery and anger. theres no escaping it. i wish i was an actual person instead of this empty sack of nothing.

get hobbies they say, thatll help, yeah surs. sure. hobbies. to store in my roach and rat infested house, where i hide away in a tiny room because its the only space i have that i can control. with the money that i dont have. alone. because im terrible at bonding with people. because why would any human wanna hang around me? and because i tire so fucking fast.

i just. i wish i was fucking dead. im tired of this stupid fucking world. thinking things might get bettrr jusy to have reality forced into my face. im a piece of garbage npc who would have been better never being born.