#I get knocked off my feet
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#absolutely do not reblog#wait I forgot I think we can turn hat off now#cool anyway#went down kind of a deep dive on this person#i just knew it had died#and it turns out it killed itself#and I haven't cried in months#but I'm crying in my bed right now thinking about it#been struggling a lot lately. for some obvious and some not obvious reasons#and every time I taste the pain that gets left behind#and I start thinking about what it actually means#I get knocked off my feet#I'm trying to breathe through it. I'm not upset about the panic attack/crying#I wish I could have fixed things for it#I wish I hadn't tried so hard to find out what happened#I'm not religious and I didnt know it and I don't know if it was but whatever memorial phrase is appropriate here#I hope its loved ones get a breath today#being eulogized on the internet is so weird.#having your name out there til the domain runs out#til the website goes down#anyway.#dl8r
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Don't get me wrong, "The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite" is a quote that absolutely hits me square in the chest every time.
..But I feel like putting it in italics under an aesthetic picture is kinda neglecting the context, since Piranesi has Nearly Drowned when he first says that.
#Piranesi#I could make a whole rant about this#I don't wish to claim the house isn't beautiful. However.#One does have to wonder how much of its sentience kindness and grace is projected onto it BY Piranesi#Because it isn't always kind is it?#The winters are hard. The collapsed floors are dangerous. My guy is talking to birds and dead people#Also he Nearly Fcking Drowns in the first scene#But I don't wish to be a negative nancy either#What matters is that Piranesi sees that kindness#I suppose it's the same way the statues capital-r-Represent concepts while also being unmoving stone...#Or maybe its that Piranesi is so kind he can't help seeing that quality in everyone and everything#I fear I'm rambling.#Just wanted to get it off my chest.#I wonder how many people reading that quote out of context know that it's the thought of a drenched man clinging to the legs of a statue#Susanna Clarke#(edit: realized that the call-back to this line does knock me off my feet.)#(I cried physical tears reading the final chapter)#(anyway okay so yeah it's just the First time that that line is written where the narrator has narrowly brushed past death)#(wait.... The way that it puts the “house” in a whole new context...#The way that “world” and “house” are interchangeable....bro I need to lie down this BOOK.)#(It is 2am and I am unwell about this story)
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last night I remembered that conservapedia exists and in a pique of brainrot I decided to see if they had an article on football. they do. and it's just as brainpoisoned and u.s-centric as you might imagine
the aside about lesbianism is bizarre, unprompted, and entirely unsourced, but that's just the magic of conservapedia
#bolo speaks#as a lesbian who plays this sport I'll admit I find it kind of funny though#and the note about injuries sounds normal enough until you get to the gender division like. do you think these are sex-specific injuries?#or that men and women have such different playstyles that women never get hurt doing headers and men never hurt their knees etc?#it's a mix of usamerican chauvinism and misogyny I know but this is such a weird way of expressing it#edit: ''virtually no violent contact'' tell me you've never seen adults playing football without telling me you've never seen#adults playing football. I've been knocked clean off my feet in those games
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It's when you're pricing commissions that you realise you really do just be making $100 pieces of art on the regular for free.
#setting up a commission sheet cause a small breeze could knock me off my feet financially and it's terrifying#also looking at setting up a Ko-Fi store so i can sell some originals and stuff#might make a few lace locks and other metal stuff to put on there as well#really need the money rn#both to stay afloat and so i can save up to get my licence so i can have some of my independence back#(and dw nothing on the com sheet is actually $100)
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#vent post#tw vent#my mom: it’s okay you’re homeless u can come here and have a gentle landing and we can work together to get u and ur fiancé back on ur feet#me: okay great now I can work off my huge overdue queue that I was having panic attacks about daily-#mom: actually fuck u ur a disgrace I need you to clean my whole house every single day and I’m going to knock on ur door every 20 minutes#and disturb ur focus (ik u have adhd it’s stupid just get over it) also ur whole family knows how much of a failure u are and are going to#scream at you on the phone about how you’re not doing anything despite the fact you’ve helped out every time I’ve asked and THEN SOME to#the point of eye exhaustion and shivers and mental breakdowns and then I’m going to forget it ever happened and make you do MORE chores and#yell at u if you say u need to focus again#me: …….. so this is the gentle landing huh?#I’m so fucking exhausted#they keep saying my art doesn’t make money and isn’t a career LITERALLY IT IS HOW DO U THINK I PAID FOR FOOD AND RENT FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS#they keep calling it my ‘little art thing’ and insisting I get a real job WHEN I HAVE ACTUAL PAID COMMISSIONS I HAVE TO WORK ON#I can’t just ignore these and fuck off to answer phones or stock shelves at your friends friends aunts car dealers place fuck OFFFFFF#like being homeless with 4 cats and 6 boxes of belongings isn’t hard enough I have to be fucking berated by people who haven’t tried talking#to me IN MY LIFE EVERRRRRR#fuck off
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woah i just woke up from a crazy as fuck nightmare
#so if started off with me and a couple other ppl trying to find dirks apartment right#idk why#but when we did we found out that it was actually not in the middle of the ocean#but instead in the middle of a man-made lake and was an experiment run by the government#so my pov switched to young dirk and we actually got put in the apartment at like 4#so we were crying and begging not to go#then there was a timeskip#and we were trying to escape the apartments#but every time we got near the edge of the lake we got knocked out and had horrible nightmares#but that went on for a while one time i think we made it to a couple feet from the wall#then the dream switched and someone and i were puppeteers in a muppets babies esque show. the other guy was probably dirk considering the#previous dream. so yeah that sucked#oh also occasionally in the apartment we hallucinated a group of our friends and family (notably roxy rose and dave) near the edge#of the lake and we tried to get to them but we would pass out before we could#additionally we also tried to kill ourselves several times. naturally. but every time we would just wake up again#even when we fully separated our head from our body we would just wake up with it back on#so yeah. that was my crazy as fuck nightmare#housetrapped
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THIS IS THE BIGGEST THUNDERSTORM WE'VE HAD IN AGES HELLO ??? BAD TIMING SUCH BAD TIMING FOR IT
trying to just think abt how its always raining in po town,,, ohhh G.uzma we're rly in it now fjdksl
#i am Unable to sleep bc i am just quietly panicking#it is shaking the house ???? HUH ??????#i legit thought someone was crashing around upstairs but then i turned off the fan so i could hear better#and NO THATS THUNDER LOL#i am normally not scared of storms. however. a tree fell and missed my friends house by literally like five feet when she lived here#(in 2019ish)#and the wildfire threat is ... immense right now#so i get a little antsy w storms if the wind is bad or if theres lightning ;-;#most of the trees that made me nervous around the house are gone now#theres a few that could definitely still get knocked down though#OR LIGHT ON FIRE LOL. FUCK !#i need to sleep but um. quiet panic. fjfkdl fuck i hate this shit#dandy.cmd#vent //
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diversity loss. someone that i find so so so fucking annoying is also taking asl 3 next year
#actually this goes for 2 people. i dont want to talk to yall !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#one always asks me for homework answers and gets in too much drama and knocked my new headphones off my head on purpose#the other one is also annoying because shes always unnecessarily peppy and rolls a chair across the room w her feet instead of walking#yes this pisses me off. ALSO color guard (derogatory)#i hope their funding gets cut everyone in color guard is dramatic as fuck in yr business and loud#i did theatre for a not insignificant amount of time trust me when i say that.
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Hey y’all! Do you have any recommendations for brands of vitamin B12 supplements? My doctor’s been trying to figure out why I keep having bad muscle spasms and cramps, and a blood test finally showed something as being not normal! Well. Sort of. I’m apparently still in the normal range for B12, but low enough that it could be causing problems? So it’s supplements time, but she didn’t even give me a dosage. I know vitamins can vary wildly in quality and I remember that like third party companies that examine them exist but idk what seals or labels or endorsements I should be looking for
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#blood mention#apparently when a muscle spasm knocks you off your feet at the top of a flight of stairs#doctors start taking you seriously about the whole hey! something is wrong here! thing#I did not fall down the stairs but it was close#and then a week later a muscle spasm knocked me over when I had a rotary cutter in my hand#luckily rotary cutters' safety button things are extremely easy to hit and I did not get hurt#but like I would like to stop having extremely painful muscle cramps that buckle my leg out from under me#my rotary cutter and my fabric scissors are both extremely sharp and I don't want to go back to have to use them sitting on the floor#which I used to have to do before my blood pressure issue was (kind of) fixed#it's also just an incredibly bizarre feeling to be standing upright and have a muscle in your side abruptly decide#your hip is going UP! Right now!!! it must attempt to meet your rib cage!!!#like the leg cramps and spasms I am more used to and can usually compensate for at least a little#but that spasm pulled my hip up so strongly on one side my foot was off the floor
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Thinking of the way other kids treated me when I was in school makes me crazy like why'd they do all that 😭
& it wasn't even that bad I have always just been really really sensitive. SAD.
It only got physical a few times too like how long has it been, 6? 7 years? And I'm still hung up on it somehow
It's actually so fucked up how whatever you go through as a child will Literally change you forever, can't I like... scrape those parts off.... and be a normal fucking person for once 😭
#I can remember like. being kicked around a few times or having trash thrown at me#or one time that I remember SO CLEARLY is waiting for the school bus inside (it works dif here)#and some kids knocking a bible stand over so it hit my feet like those things were HEAVY and made of like. metal or smth IDK#and I had to bear it until I got home and then I could barely walk around cause it was THROBBING so I just did my chores and went to bed#and another time not necessarily being hit or anything#but boys would take their socks off after PE and throw them at me and laugh#I think they did all that cause I was literally just. stoic. I never reacted even when I wanted to scream#I thought that if I didn't react they'd all get bored and stop#it only stopped around 7th grade when they stopped considering it fun I guess#and then they started being nice to me like WHAT.#I never called anyone out. I just didn't wanna deal with the shame yk#these tags are so FUCKING long. why'd I say all that.#whatever. MY diary ‼️#diary
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the world loves me so much and said here asia we would like you to have your cluster cycle start on new years eve this time :) . also to anyone out there that suffers with cluster headaches, i fucking see you dude and it fucking sucks and i’m so sorry
#i also love having one of this chronic pain issues. that is very hard to be diagnosed because it is cyclical#*those#and mine is especially small given i tend to have 1-2 cycles a year predominantly falling around late august- january#when i brought it up to my doctor she essentially was like hmm that’s hard to deal with so no point getting any diagnosis 🤷♀️#so thanks girl. but mine are very typical cluster. always on the right side of my face. the violent stabbing pain behind my eye#i also have the nice after cluster hangover headache tenderness that just fucking knocks me clean off my feet#rocking and counting tend to be my go to distractions. not that they do anything. but when it’s really bad i unfortunately tend to hit#myself for some fucking relief :s#oh also i get the classic wake up from a dead sleep clusters. and mine are reliably every two fucking hours :)#and usually i get anywhere from 1-8 a day during my cycle period. although 4-5 is pretty average for me#my last cycle was hell. my clusters were lasting upwards of an hour. that is really what i’m hoping to avoid this time around….#sorry i just really needed to rant about this it fucking sucks. they don’t call them suicide headaches for nothing#cluster headaches
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Okay correct me if I'm wrong but I'm like a....marginal looker-on of kpop groups and something that I've picked up that utterly fascinates me is the way that these kpop groups focus their songs and music around some sort of concept that has so much story potential in it.
It's like...combining ballads and epic songs with modern pop music and in essence creating the short stories/one-shots in the same world version of those ballads and epics. Like musicals but rather than a cohesive single story, fragments of story ideas, and I kind of really love that....
#for the record that may just be me looking at the webtoons based off these kpop groups#and also seeing some reverend's reactions to a blackpink music video and being absolutely knocked off my feet by all the classical refs#and all the thought that's put into these music videos#and also a friend giving me a short explanation of the txt lore#like i wish i could get more into kpop because the way it seems that some of them base their songs around this...concept?#thats SO cool and the story lover in me is so on board with it#it makes me think of alien stage...just songs with fictional backstory punched into them#though of course you do get a lot of personal songs but idk man#its really interesting to see how kpop groups are less personal and more...conceptual?#but i may be way off the charts....#anyway im open to hearing corrections or expansions because that's so cool to me#(i cant even compare it to english-language music though because i know just as much about it as i do kpop xD)#fandom spamdom#poems and related#k-pop#note's nonsense
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Apparently the fantastic broadway show I saw last month just closed tonight . … evil world.
#I mean I also saw it coming#literally wish they had just advertised it on tumblr instead of tiktok#not a single person in that theater but me had any kind of idea what was going on because they were not prepared for a nonlinear narrative#it was for the gothic lit low budget horror art house film girls and no one else……#I really hope someone recorded it#seriously I was so consumed by that play I took like 5 wrong turns getting back to my hotel I was out of it. knocked off my feet
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writing another secret fic that will never see the light of day instead of my currently pending thing
#im processing. im processing#ngl getting a diagnosis kind of knocked me off my feet#i was not expecting that
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this goes hand in hand with 'the only way to make io blush is to say romantic shit to them not lewd shit' but their confidence is nearly unshakeable, tbh? they don't bat at an eye about being half nude/nude in front of people. they like to take the lead anyway. and anyone focusing on them is usually met with someone who enjoys making sure their partner knows they appreciate the attention, and isn't shy about saying what does and doesn't work for them. a partner kind of has to work for it to make io start to melt. focusing on their weak spots, overwhelming them, denying them - all of those things will make io start to slip into more of a hazy, lust-driven focus rather than the straight-up confidence they use to lead a sexual encounter.
#◜❝ 𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃. ⟩⟩ i’m losing myself to rage. ❞◞#n.sfw /#you know....#making io go from a 'i want to make my partner feel good bc i think it's super satisfying knowing /I/ did that'#to an io that's suddenly very active and focused on trying to get to their end#knocks them off their feet fast if someone knows how to get them to that point#fastest way to get there -> gag em.#i will forever be on my io needs silenced to be able to dom them soapbox
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If y'all ever see me write some body (menstrual in specific) comfort, please look away bc it'll be the most self-indulgent piece I'll ever write😭🤍
#)#and pain meds never work on me so comfort is so welcomed#i might write something for this in the future#so if i do#ahsjdjfkfkgk#please look away :#it just knocks me off my feet for way longer than it should#its something im still getting used to :))#pau talks
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