#anyways im done venting im sorry
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guys i cried today at my new job (i've been there for only TWO WEEKS) i was hiding in the bathroom and my coworkers came in THEN MY TWO MANAGERS TOO??? I WAS SO EMBARRASSED EVERYONE FELT BAD FOR ME AND I WANTED TO THROW UP, how tf am i supposed to go back tomorrow.
#at least my coworkers are the sweetest ppl ever#this one guy said '"dani are u sure ur ok??? come here!!' as i was leaving#i just said yea im ok i'll see u tomorrow and left#i feel so guilty they were just trying to make me feel better :c#im sorry luke i'll buy u somethinf tomorrow#anyways im done venting im sorry#this shit is hard#i hate being vulnerable with people
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Body hurts and brain 2 fuzzy to draw so y'all know what that means ( go to bed early time)
#been going to bed early a lot lately#but to be fair ive had body pain like every day ;-;#i think its cause Im working a lot more than usual#like 4 days a week#haha#this week is gonna be really really really stressful#yayyyy#anyway big boss comes to our store on Tuesdat#i hope i get fired itd be so funny#for what? idk#i just think itd be funny#also this isnt meant to be a vent sorry#im just writing it down cause i sometimes forget#which makes it hard for me to want to go ti the doctor#cause my pain varies a lot and when im imaginging the convo id have with the doctor#theres a lot of 'i dont remember the pain level or the area '#cause i have memory issues#and also cause it changes day to day#lately its been hands and arms which is a nice change from knees and legs!!#so yay for that!#those still hurt but im p sure thats just from standing all day at work lmao#anyway gn#done rambling#if youve read this far im sorry
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how do i explain to my mother that there's definitely something wrong with me (neurodivergency) and that the fact that she always answers "no it's normal i do that too" simply means she's like me too and not that it's a funny little family quirk
#it's getting ridiculous and i know I won't last much longer without a form of support#i personally believe i have audhd but everything I've done to try and get a diagnosis as just worked against me#idk what to do and im scared of what will happen if i keep going like this#I don't wanna fail at life just because i didn't get the appropriate help lol#anyways. um. sorry#vent ig#adhd#audhd#autism#neurodivergent
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#im at this weird point in my writing where ill get a new idea / get so excited about it / then immediately get discouraged#cause 1 the idea is maybe too weird 2 some version of it has been done before & mainly#because I feel like my writing quality has dipped and I haven’t wanted to be reliant on notes but sometimes it is so discouraging to see#sorry I just need to vent anyway I’m probably gonna delete this anyway#Erika shut up tag
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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#the depression is kicking in again (it never left) its so over for me AGAIN#oh my god#i am so tired i can't get anything done and my moods have been horribly unstable lately#i just wanna be normal and happy??#anyways... i'll get the reqs done soon i swear :(#i am just going to assume that this is happening because my period is soon...#i really do use this place as some venting diary sometimes IM SORRY :(#i'm just gonna sleep#ruru rambles
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Okay I just read Zayne's "Still in Dark" anecdote, and now I'm crying and also my jaW IS ON THE GROUND, WHAT IN THE FUC-
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enjoy the tags, I just needed to vent....
And I'm scared 🤣
#hoooooly shit when i tell you i was confused about the timeline before ... ash.exe has officially stopped responding#semi spoiler alert/ me venting.... youve been warned#ARE WE NOT REAL IN HIS DIMENSION? Are we just pulling a freaking spongebob and showing up in his dreams?#im scared somebody hold me. im freaking crying cuz that was so sad but also SERIOUSLY WTFFFF IS GOING ON#love and deepspace#okay im done screaming im sorry#but seriously.... there is so much happening i dont know whats real and what isnt.#i wanted to think Tower of Secrets was just AU but now with the whole growing jasmine parallel and Linkon City being years in the past....?#ffs i need some theories cuz im just sending myself down a rabbit hole trying to decide what's going on#like what? am i just popping up in zaynes dreams to save him from loneliness while he helps me save the universe from getting access to my#and pops up in Raf's life to rescue him after losing everything while he also magically helps me save the universe from the aether's power#and Xai/Lumiere who's what... like 300+ years old somehow knows who i am?#WHO AM I? some dimension-jumping dream-hopping timeline-skipping superhuman with the core strength of 10000 suns and i don't even remember?#i need to read the rest of Xai's lore....#anyways welcome to the end of the tags. i hope you had fun. if you made it this far.... i am so sorry 🤣
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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kicking and screaming FREE ME ALREADY
#tw vent#vent#PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE#i dont wanna do this anymore and i have to wait 3 weeks to actually leave#threeeeee weeeeeks of heeeeeeell#like i said: i genuinely could care less anymore so me? studying? lmaoooo lololol#the only thing im afraid of is more getting yelled at and being treated as incompetent#yeah babey!! i sure am incompetent!! and that is why!!! i am leaving !!! i hate ALL OF YOU#as i said before: all things i do lately is judt for expectation its not even like 'for my future'#i just want this done asap#anyways sorry i just needed to vent this.#internets still bad here too 😒#the guy was supposed to fix it 4 hours ago but um. didnt show up lmao#im sorry lately if i seem really down rhese days#i know i said im gonna try to be positive (at least i still have happy logs)#but Man.
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feeling intense anxiety on this Friday morning
#this feeling will pass but right now it is suffocating#its over work stuff nothing personal or crazy#its just sometimes customers make me anxiety SPIKE and my coworkers do not help that either#like a customer needs a custom thing done and its been a shit show#but now my coworker is giving me pushback and im like BRO YOU ARE NOT THE ONE DEALING WITH THIS CUSTOMER#JUST DO UR JOB AND IL HANLDE THE CUSTOMER#hes like ‘well let me talk to them’ NO YOU WILL MAKE IT WORSE THIS GUY IS ALREADY MAD#anyways sorry for the small vent lol
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it genuinely feels like every time im having a major breakdown i am fully invisible to everyone
#except juliet but i wasnt actively talking to him so i deleted discord again LMFAOO#sorry bbg ur my favorite people i always talk about u#besides her#i likr. ik people care#im also invisible to literally everyone else#probably dissociation but also. idk!1!1!2!#i always feel like im screaming for help and no one can fucking hear me#and ik people say like ‘oh people would miss u’ no they wouldnt#no one ever gets excited to see me. not like people do with others#so true taylor swift im also doing everything to get ‘you’ looking at me#i would genuinely kill someone to get my friends to notice me and im so fucking done#sorry im crazy i guess 😍🙏#people would care if i died but not enough#what fucking significance do i have. like really#‘no one cares for me as much as i do for them’ type shit lolzy!1!1!#im so done. genuinely#vent#tw sui ideation#tw homicidal ideation#< just in case#anyway. im just. so. done#i hate everyone no one understands me no one sees me im invisible to everyone etc#this happens like wvery week then i ignore it#cause theres nothing i can do to change anything#and then i just push everything down til i have another breakdown#theta chats
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got a buncha stuff for my switch and kirbys return to dream land deluxe. ... living life large ( i had a breakdown earlier this is a treat )
#aria talkz#im fine now i always come back very quickly. but that alone is weird bc it makes my emotions feel fake. whiplash is insane.#anyways i enjjoy kibby :) i always liked kirby as a franchise but i only had like#kirby superstar ultra. which ironically was too hard for me and too frustrating and i always wanted the 3ds era games#that were so out of reach and yet so close. but when the eshop and 3ds were fresh and active and not running off of life support#in like the 2010s. my family and me were very poor and had no money to buy shit like videogames xcept for my birtday#So i had SO many games i wanted on the 3ds i couldnt have bc it required money so i just had demos n physical games...#bc i only got one game per year on my birthday and it was usually pokemon bc they went annual arnd that time.#anyways uh thats not even super related dreamland is from the wii bu i hope triple deluxe or robobot get done so i can play em on th switch#ans finally start engaging with kirby in the way it was meant to be engaged with . Videogaem. And not shitty rp online.#<- not a vague to anyone who follows me although it is a vague to Someone.#i liek kibby :) i like magalor... i like metaknight and dedede...#truthfully i will reclaim everything from the people who tainted it for me. same with like fnf.#my enjoyment for things can never be ruined by a super shitty person itll just be Delayed due to memories but now i can enjoy n reclaim-#the shit that got tainted by (mostly one) but also multiple people freely and safely.#sorry for the vague vent tag ramble i just have lots of emotions esp today.#mocha would be a Scarfy . If u even car... If anyone care ab my ocs ..
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Don't you hate it when you discover that something that you've been obsessing over is one big, canonically enby-representation game, but then you figure out that the game Devs themselves, nor does half the fucking fandom, care about it enough to be consistent or even bother in the first place to respect the nonbinary representation that is confirmed as cannon. And so you, as a person on the nonbinary spec. have to just deal with it, and feel if you go like "oh actually, this character might look like a she/he but they're actually a they" all the time that you'll be seen as annoying? No? Kk, that's grand.
#sorry this is a massive vent/rant#sigh 😞#just frustrated#cause thats me rep!!!!!!#and people dont fucken care :///#all because the character looks traditionally masc/fem#you dont have to be a skinny androgenous kid to be enby#they come in all shapes and sizes#that people need to fucking understand that#or im gonna explode#anyways :3#might post some doodles ive done the past week#cause i have a lot lol#skyblr#sky rants#tgc critical
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dont ever move back home. you'll live there for two weeks and already been reminded every day, multiple times, what a failure you are
#sorry for venting on main i will be deleting this later#but its like 🥲 i know i dont pay rent im working on it. i know i dont have a job (but im starting one in a week) i am working on it.#i know i studied for three years and lived on my own and yet havent been able to get any job at all much less in the industry#i dont want to live here!! i dont want to be unemployed!! i dont want to not have any money!!#i feel like such a failure and dad reminds me of that at least twice a day#anyways i gotta get back to cleaning now#because i am now essentially a housewife. i only clean and cook and i dont leave the house because if i do i get yelled#(because i havent cleaned or cooked or done the laundry that day)#shush nono shush
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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