#anyways i’m going to find food
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What’s your cashapp so we can send you birthday money?
$gabjones2
if ur serious 🤧
#either way i appreciate the thought#not necessary but very sweet of u#anyways i’m going to find food#and caffeine#happy bithday to me#answered asks#anon
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chat i am NOT appreciating the stares i got from walking across campus to cvs in my hoodie and sweatpants as if we didn’t just sit through ANOTHER hurricane like chill man i didn’t sleep well let me get my monster to finish my logic homework in peace 😭
#spent all night having not quite nightmares not quite stress dreams#periodically woken up by storm noises (sleeping with your back to a window during a hurricane when you get shellshock from loud storm noises#- is NOT a fun experience i would not recommend)#and THEN getting woken up at 5 am by an emergency alert warning about flash floods until like 11:45 when i have a 10 am class that morning 🙃#luckily my professor cancelled class for that (and my other class was cancelled for it to)#but tbh i was NOT gonna walk 7 minutes to the second farthest building on campus through that either way#i was just gonna send him a pdf of my homework and say ‘i’m not walking through a flash flood for this class sorry 😭’#also my school didn’t do shit for this?? they’ve been sending us emails all week about dangerous weather#but made SURE to add in all caps in every one that classes and stuff will go on as normal#cofc doesn’t stop until we’re dead i guess what the fuck 😭#scratch that i mean everything’s as normal except half of our dining halls are closed. so i have to walk 7 minutes out for food anyway 🙃#BECAUSE MY SNACK STASH IS DEPLETED BECAUSE ITS BEEN JANKY ALL WEEK 🙃🙃🙃#what was this post about again??#WAIT AND THEN THE NORMAL ‘AROUND CAMPUS’ ROUTE I TAKE TO MY HOUSE WAS CLOSED#SO I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MAIN PART OF CAMPUS#IN MY HOODIE & SWEATS & CARRYING MY MONSTER & POP TARTS#WHILE THERE WERE LIKE THREE TOUR GROUPS STANDING THERE I WANNA DIEEEEEE#wait i can’t say that anymore. uhhh hold on let me find the list. ummm. ‘i’m gonna start a scam company’ there we go.#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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One of the fun things about becoming an adult is that there is now an additional factor limiting my food availability: cost.
Now I can’t just try new foods and see if I like eating them and give myself options. Trying new foods costs money I don’t have. Money that could be going toward reliable safe foods.
But if I eat the same safe foods too much without variety then eventually (months/years eventually) I start being unable to eat them anymore.
So I need to find enough foods that I can cycle through, which I can consistently prepare for myself even on low spoons, which don’t set off any of my sensory issues, are filling enough to last me for a few hours, and don’t cost too much money.
I feel like I enjoy food a lot less than I used to. Eating feels like a chore I have to do, not something enjoyable for its own sake. When I love a food’s flavor and texture, I eat it so much that it becomes just tolerable. And then I need to hurry and switch it out for a new food before I can’t eat it anymore.
I know I’m lucky to be able to afford the foods I can eat, and that I have the option to pick and choose. I just wish I could eat more.
#blue chatter#actually autistic#it’s gotten to the point where I’ll eat like 5 meals consistently#I’m becoming bored of all of them but half the time when I try to buy smth else I end up not being able to eat it#and not for lack of trying#I did find popcorn chicken that I like so that’s good#that’ll help me#but I don’t know how I’m gonna spin all these plates forever#*melts into a puddle*#this post brought on by the fact that I tried making that one grilled cheese recipe going around on tumblr#which I had made before and loved#and had to throw it out halfway through because the texture was all wrong and I couldn’t make myself eat it anyway#if I had infinite money I’d buy more foods I know I like lots#like steak and chipotle burritos and ingredients for focaccia and onion straws#ooh actually.#I might be able to do a half batch of the focaccia#lemme try that#that’ll help
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Woo! I managed to write like a page so now I have like seven pages in the document and I’m soooo excited I’m doing stuff I’m writing words the characters are being adorable and ridiculous let’s gooo
#original story adventures yayyy#what sucks is I can’t find fanart or writing of them I have to do it all myself#when’s my art of Quinten and Oswald sleeping peacefully together#Oswald would absolutely be the type to wrap his legs around Quinten#despite his whole seriously detective vibes he gives ooo I’m so professional also I would literally die for you anyways get back to#being a good assistant Quinten#such a dumbass#both of them tho#they skip past the dating stage and go straight ti married couple domesticity the absolute looosserrrsss#Oswald will seriously blab on and on about a case and his theories and turn to Quinten like what do you think#and Quinten responds with huh I think Italian for dinner#fucking chef spends the entire night talking about how the restaurant could’ve made it better too#my guy you wanted this food let Oswald enjoy his pasta jdjwjdjdjwje#wow I really just went on and on in these tags
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#that army fan club questionnaire floating around today#not going to reblog it because#i’m kind of over getting blocked for having spicy tags#but#man it blows my mind the toxic shit that makes it into official content sometimes#it’s one thing to leave in some of their off hand comments#from behind the scene footage but#literally the FIRST question#‘your pants don’t fit but you’re hungry- just drink water instead right?’#like who is that for#who is feeling better about anything reading that#do you ever think about all the things they’ve been told by their teams over the years#if this is what is being put out on public display#i know i know Korea is different idols have different standards whatever#eat a fucking banana then a glass of water is not a meal#you can look hot and be fit and still consume food#hybe is well aware the fandom is made up of people#who hang on their every word#a lot of whom at least FIND bts whilst Going Through A Thing#do better man#shout out to jin for being the only one who chose food#he never gives into the not eating bullshit and I love that about him#anyway that’s my two cents#just a girl having thoughts#here on my own blog in my own lane
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thinking more thoughts!!
Kiley time-
I uh- kind of poured all my chaotic energy into her, and separated her from the rest of the npc cast? Otherwise the dialogue would get totally fucked, and my ‘I need to hit this story with a drama nuke’ desire would cause trouble.
So she’s uhhh off on her adventure of a different genre. (But stuff she does Will affect things... dun dun dunnnn) but dude Wow she would be so irritated by Jun. Good thing we’re going to Sanctuary to leave them and take Preston.... OR THAT IS WHAT I WOULD SAY if she didn’t want to be anywhere near the vault!! We’re going somewhere else, babeyyyyy! Maybe talking with him and Murphy would bring some understanding (is what I would say if I were doing big character development in the beginning but we’re not!!) Shoving my desire for conflict into this.
#also I’ve gotten into rain world! so we may see some influence#...thinking of. the rot. and throwing it into jer’s world#what huh who said that#we already had the idea of giant salamanders so that might inspire me to draw them more!#I wonder since towns are more developed in this au there’s also more education? and people are a bit more mindful of the environment? maybe#oh but kiley would definitely agree with that guy who said baseball was a blood sport. COMMIT TO THE BIT#also I broke a nail :( not touching skin but just fucking up the edge. aughhhh#WAIT unrelated I was wondering. sandpaper. does that exist?? sanding belts?? could you sand sharp edges on your armor??#also I was thinking... well alread though of but still. fabrics. we have sheep (and also impostor sheep. huh who said that) so we have WOOL#so people must be making cool new clothes and fashions. maybe going back to that idea of- if you have more/colourful fabric you’re cooler?#jer has a little patterned poncho and I think kiley would want a cloak with jagged edges! colour? .... I will think on it.#cool points vs camouflage vs character desires#hrhhh also good thing preston is. desperate. well good for my desire for horrible character conflict anyway HAHA-#and you know what maybe preston should talk to people more and buy something cool at a shop- variety is the spice of life#hmmm I need to look at the workshop benches again#hmmmmhhhhhh maybe we could get preston into adventuring and killing raiders. as a way to get money for food n shelter for the crew#preston’s traveling group is pretty big. ...what have they been eating?#oh and then that would spread good rumors about the minutemen!#little wastrels#ALSO it’s autumn so they better find a place to stay before winter. thinking on... animal seasons also- I imagine deathclaws hibernate#and wake up in the spring like frogs. don’t @ me about it ok#do mole rats hibernate?#do people need to store food for the winter? is there such thing as charity donations in fallout?#... do I have a winter exclusive animal I can’t remember#hm. Anyways Kiley’s thinkin strength in numbers y’know (but thennnn jun and murphy can’t fight really)#STURGES#you know what I said let’s make him take the power armor. mr mechanic would know how to use it best no?#hmm I’m sure preston has useful info on the wastes and settlement locations#she’ll stick around till there’s nothing useful left/they get into a very very bad argument#but again WHAT WERE THEY EATING.
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#good morning chat#last night i had weirdass dream i was trapped at the bottom of the ocean in a column in water moving downwards#i didn’t need to breathe but i couldn’t go up no matter how hard i tried#then i was in an underwater cave in an air pocket#i could breathe and move around fine but there was also no way out and i was beginning to feel quite claustrophobic#then i dreamt i lost my cat in the middle of a rainstorm#i ran around trying to find him in a panic until i woke up and he was curled up beside me in bed#i recently switched him to an all wet food diet#as compared to the 1:1 ratio of wet and dry food i had him on earlier#it’s pricey as hell but i’ll just spend less on other things#i bought this enzymatic toothpaste and microfiber brush too so i’ll try to clean his teeth more often#he’s loafing on the floor rn as i eat breakfast :)))#idk why i’m not over [data redacted] at this point it’s nonsensical and asinine#i guess i’ll keep waxing poetry about him every time i’m drunk until i die or i fall in love with someone else#i don’t even know if it’s love maybe it’s infatuation#today i’m trying a new route to get to class#if it works i’ll save around 4x the price#i kinda lost car privileges cuz i punched someone 🤡#long story. taxi or public transport from now#anyway see y’all in class#digital systems design lab today should be fun
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sorry if i keep tagging #delicious food , i just love art and i will most likely keep tagging it as such
#krabby rambles#I had to read this book for AP Lit class and one of the sections#was something about eating together ‘Nice to Eat with You’#acts of Communion#how eating is something of a personal thing#and when we choose to share a meal we tend to do it with those we are comfortable with#which is why it can also be seen as rather intimate/sensual#but but but#not to go over there and in that text of things#so anyways to get back on track#iirc there was a story of how a man shared a meal with a blind man#and get this he had some sort of hate against people with disabilities?? but he shared a meal#and this simple act just made the man connect with the blind man#made him realize that they have so much in common by such a simple act#wait I forgot where I was going with this LMAO#wait nvm#so I’m not sure how others feel#but whenever an artist shares their work ; its like some sort of food conjured#and they post it for others to enjoy#sharing it to the community#and idk I just feel the need to say my thanks before digging in and eating it#TLDR; krab sucks at explaining nd doesnt know how to word anything therefore krab says ‘delicious food’ or thanks for the meal#does this make any sense? idk guess this is why its just krabby rambles buahaha#oh to add on to the artist stuff and why the man and blind man sharing a meal was mentioned#its just how I feel we can connect with others except via art#there could be people different from eachother but we find ways to connect and share#sorry for rambling
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sisters will suggest the most insane thing of all time and then get mad at you when you disagree with their ridiculous spiteful plan…
#why would i go with you and our father to. pick up. a to go pizza. are you insane.#why was the original plan not ‘make dad pick it up for us’ come on now#i was like that’s insane why would we all go if we’re not even going into the restaurant? and she’s trying to come up with some reasoning#that really just boiled down to spite fr. she was like ‘i’m not picking up food for you guys by myself!’ i was like ok?#like. it was her plan to get pizza in the first place is the thing. i was fine to just eat whatever leftovers i find in the freezer….#anyway. girl what’s your problem….
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i wish food didn’t control me as much as it did :(
#i just ate a salad but i feel like it was too much bc the dressing was olive oil based so…. :(#and i put cheese and other fattening things on it#and then i got a package from my mom for my birthday and she sent me chocolate and it just made me sad#i feel so alone :( i can’t find a way to talk to anyone about this#i’ve had friends express concern but i’m not underweight actually i gained weight since i started dating someone#and i’m not gonna cry about it to HER all the time this is my own shit to deal with#i just have such an unhealthy relationship with food and it always gets worse in the summer#i just feel really alone and i wish i could talk to someone without making them uncomfortable or putting too much on them#the obvious answer is to go to therapy but i live in a rural area in a country where i am not fluent in the language#and thinness is very highly valued here anyway so :(#what’s the point of anything….#i’m sorry i should be happy and grateful my parents sent me some birthday stuff but it just made me sad. i can’t even eat it
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Lunch for tomorrow ✨
I’m going for a charcuterie theme :)
#food#delicious#lunch#bento#charcuterie#kielbasa#I have been getting Trader Joe’s snacks for my lunches the past couple weeks#Trader Joe’s is close enough for me to be able to go to but far enough to be a treat#and they have so many fun things and they change fairly often so it keeps it interesting#so this week I got crackers; kielbasa; unexpected cheddar cheese spread; a Japanese sweet potato; and tomato red pepper soup#the kielbasa is sooo good#trying to go cheap because I’m so broke#but having food I like and am excited to eat is really important to me#because I find it difficult and tedious to eat oftentimes#so I have to make it good or there’s a good chance I won’t eat or hate eating so much it is terrible#and one of my biggest migraine triggers is getting too hungry. and I’m tired of being in pain#so anyways that’s why I try to pack really fun lunches :)#and make them as easy as possible to eat in the moment (food is washed/peeled/cut into bite sized pieces/only needs to be warmed up)#can’t give myself reasons to not eat#I am 10x more likely to eat an apple if it’s already washed and cut up#and meat if it’s pre sliced/cut etc etc#anywayyyyy my lunch for my second eight hour shift will be a cinnamon butter Japanese sweet potato with tomato red pepper soup and crackers#and of course fruit and veggies for snacking
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mom was saying how she wasn’t good at getting gifts and was like “I don’t even know what to get you :(” and I was like. no mom. I’m the problem here.
#my ramblings#anyway I’m helping her fold dumplings for sister and dad to eat while she’s in cn to take care of grandpa#she has to. wrestle a lot with healthcare. not really looking good.#sister’s gonna order groceries so I don’t have to spread myself too thin but I’m still gonna help out of course#but anyway I think gift giving is a skill that can be trained#but part of gift giving as a skill is knowing how to give gifts to folks when you don’t necessarily know what they want#for a high school pal I don’t know the specifics of fandom or what she already has#so I gave her socks and was like: now that you are an adult you get adult gifts.#and she seemed to get a kick out of that#but in general it’s helpful to 1) keep in mind if someone wants something specific#2) keep in mind if there’s a type of theme they enjoy (e.g. space or fish or cats)#3) keep in mind if there’s a type of object they collect (like mugs or magnets or merch)#3.1) find a way to keep track of their collection and check on it (ask them if they’ve gotten anything new/are planning to)#4) gifts can still be food or experiences it doesn’t have to be limited to An Object They Keep#(one of the ‘gifts’ I was planning for mom was ‘let’s go to this scenic garden for an hour or two and I’ll take pics of you however long yo#want and I won’t complain at all)#(mom loves getting her photo taken and posting her outfits to wechat)
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Brother why are there so many roaches we have had TWO full exterminations and BOTH TIMES the roaches came back. The first time there were less of them for a week (still some) but the second time there was absolutely zero difference in the number of roaches even immediately after the extermination. Like man. What am I supposed to do about this
#they’re in all the appliances dawg how am I supposed to cook 😭#and my sister is just like ‘just move out!!!’ brother WHERE#she is actually moving out on the shortest notice imaginable cuz she can’t deal with the roaches#going to our ex step fathers house cuz she already planned to move in there with her partner#but now she’s going there early cuz of the roaches#and like okay sure but WE can’t move in there. and yet she’s like ‘find a new place!’ brother we renewed the lease#and also do you know how the world works nowadays you can’t move anywhere it’s always more expensive 😭#we’re like frogs in boiling water#I jumped ahead with that metaphor but I’m too lazy to backtrack to explain how I got there#anyways yknow the roach guys said the infestation was REALLY bad and they wanted to do a follow up#but idk when that follow up is cuz it’s been a month since the extermination and there has been 0 difference. as soon as we came back to the#apartment there were still roaches on the walls#like man what am I supposed to do they’re everywhere and it would be so hard to move out 😭#vent#<- figure I’ll add that cuz like. that’s what this is. my life is just not great rn. constantly hungry too cuz we struggle with groceries#and I’m too scared to make myself some food cuz of the obscene amount of roaches. there was a roach in the dinner last night. then my mom#invited us to dinner at her place and refused to get us dinner.#said she wanted to hang out and didn’t talk to me so wtf#it’s just not going well. I posted happily about how I got those gifts but honestly I can’t even enjoy them because there’s too many roaches#like I don’t know where to put things so that roaches don’t get them. there’s no safe space.
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I’m suppose to paint but my moral is so low right now…
#i Need to do it today cause I forced my dad to go buy the thing so I could do it yesterday (but I slept 5h I was afraid of making mistake)#but I didn’t so I need to do it today cause it will take more than a day and I seriously need to find a job#my health is on line two now I need to go for my eyes and that cost money money that I don’t have at all#i feel like my body is dropping me like how can it be possible to have so many problems at the same time ?????#like they are all pretty minor I’m not gonna d*e but it still really annoying especially when you wanna live your life#but you don’t have force to do it#Sowon also needs food again and I’m not sure if my parents can help me again… I’m loosing my mind#also my brother feeling depress and I feel like my dad cares so much about it more than mine ????#maybe he dosen’t realise it or maybe I don’t show it as much so that would be on me#but without having end up in the hospital I feel like I’m at pretty much the same level as him 😐#except that I force myself to enjoy what I love so I don’t end up worst than I am which he stopped doing#there’s already a gigantic favouritism on my dad side with my brother so maybe I’m just crazy and scared my dad end up feeling the same way#maybe it’s just being scared of it and not the reality idk but it’s messing with my brain so bad I’m tired#but also I can’t even tell my dad one of the biggest reason I got depressed in the first place but at this point he would tell me to get#over it I’m pretty sure 🙄#anyway I’m gonna go paint I guess#wish me luck for everything it seriously need to stop 😭#alex.txt#tw negative#tw negativity
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the ryan gosling movie marathon continues. i stayed up all night, took a four hour nap, and then got back into it. here’s how it’s going:
he is such a talented actor my god the range he has.
i keep crying and i don’t know why.
i simultaneously desperately want a break but i absolutely cannot stop watching more.
he needs to do more comedies, a lot of his movies are pretty sad and heavy and he’s so damn funny i wish we could see that more.
i have more thoughts about how a lot of his roles deeply connect with the human experience and how perfectly he portrays a wide array of emotions but i am simply not coherent enough right now to type all that out.
no i will not be watching la la land this weekend because anytime someone talks about that movie it sounds like it ripped their heart out and stomped in into the ground and i still haven’t recovered from the notebook.
#i really need to eat something and go touch some grass#but i can’t#no one is making me do this yet i feel compelled to do nothing but sit in front of my tv and find more of his movies to watch#maybe i really am meerely a ball in a pin ball machine#and ryan is at the controls#bashing away at the buttons with reckless abandon#that’s what it feels like anyway#okay i’m gonna go make myself some food and coffee now#ryan gosling
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Bro why are legal websites in the UK so badly designed and clunky and why do they say they’re going to send you a verification email and then they don’t and why is there no button to say “hey I didn’t get my verification email, can you send it again?”
#i’m JUST trying to find out if my friend’s stupid ex got sentenced for burglary yet and if so; what he got#i don’t even know if they sentenced him on the spot because i didn’t get to attend the trial#i went in thinking that i was going to sit in the gallery of the court but i ran into my friend (who was the witness) and we were like ‘hey!#and the usher was like ‘oh she’s your friend? you can keep her with you as your support person if you want’ and my friend said she wanted#to do that. so i obviously wasn’t going to let her sit in a featureless room drinking watery tea alone#anyway her ex pleaded guilty because he knew her evidence would’ve got him sent the fuck down anyway lol#so we went and got thai food#neither of us ever saw any of the trial like i said. which is fine because i honestly didn’t want to look at that man#not that i’m intimidated by him or anything. he’s just ugly#but now I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED#googling his name brings up nothing which is no surprise as he’s a petty criminal. in every sense of both of those words#the magistrates court in our town is seemingly too small to warrant a proper website. plus none of the legal websites are cooperating#with me. i joined one only to find out that all i’d be able to see is the court schedule for that day#which would literally only be useful if i was a lawyer; magistrate; aspiring to be one of those; or was going to be in court that day#also it only shows THAT DAY. i can’t even look at last week when all this happens#the website that i THINK will actually show me such cases is the one that’s not sending me a verification email#i’m losing my mind here. the kicker is i know neither of us will ever find out what he got unless I; ME; do all this research#she doesn’t even know what to google or how to spell it. like she would fall at the first hurdle#the only other thing i can think to do is get her to call the courthouse and see if they’ll tell her since she was the witness#but they might not have had the sentencing yet#next thing is i’ll get into this website finally and it’ll just show a guilty verdict and no sentence. and i’ll be like I KNOW#the prosecutor told us personally. i KNOW he pleaded guilty because if he hadn’t; we probably wouldn’t have been able to get thai food#in a timely manner because my friend would’ve been getting asked about the world’s most ill advised phone call#well maybe not the most but. you get what i mean. who calls up their ex; who hates them; while they’re committing a crime. bizarre#personal#rant
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