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scoops404 · 1 month ago

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Scoops' Fics of 2024

It's that time of year again! The time for me to rank my own fics for the last year in order from my least favorite to most favorite. I only considered fics I wrote entirely myself, so you won't see an honest living in here because that was almost 50/50 written with Dizzy! (but you should definitely go check it out!)

This year I only had two novel length fics because I was supposed to be focusing on original work (oops). I had a heck of a summer with my bingo fills. There's definitely recency bias at play here, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Let me know if you agree/disagree :D

See the Elephant - T - this one was written for a fic fest that ended up getting canceled because of the grituation. I had already written the entire thing and it had to be T because the artists were going to post their work. If I had known it would be canceled, I would have had them doing the freaknasty. This was after I had already planned out and written a fic before new boundaries dropped in November (see Circling Back). Basically, this fic fest was never meant to be, I suppose. I was starting to think I was a curse. Oh, but the fic itself is a soulmate AU and kinda angsty and has a hospital scene. 0 horse mentions.

Merry Men Making Merry - T - This was written for Fairy Tales from the SMP - the first and only successful fanfiction event I've completed all the way through (it's never me dropping out btw, it's always the event getting canceled). Anyway I got my first choice of fairy tale, which was Robin Hood, and I put a fun spin on it. The art with this fic was gorgeous!! A very different type of fic for me and it stretched some writing muscles I didn't know I had. Secret identity and identity reveal, some of my favorite tropes. 4 horse mentions.

Move to Florida, buy the car you want - E - the first of my bingo fics. It turns out I am bad at being brief. Anyway, DNF get together and semi-roadhead and I dunno, it's cute. I wrote most of this fic free hand in my note book at my work desk because fuck capitalism. I just checked, the prompt was "late night care rides" which checks out. 0 horse mentions

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts (croptop) - E - this is the one from the middle of June about crop tops that was also written for bingo. I dunno. It's cute enough. 0 horse mentions.

Everyone understands why it’s mean to be (a/b/o phone call) - T - this one is funny because I didn't even bother saying what the prompt was in the author's notes, but I think it was a/b/o. This one was fun to write because it was basically a nod to the 2021 fandom and where we were, and where DNF were -- waiting on that damn visa. Like going back in time and writing a fic. 1 horse mention.

Can I Use You Up - E - I really had fun writing this one. It has fun Dreateam dynamics and then a really intense sex scene and the dichotomy of both of those things in one fic -- and short (for me), at that! impressive. 0 horse mentions.

Circling Back - E - this fic is fun and wild. I got to write co-workers to lovers that is also hidden/secret identity -- and it works! WILD! I re-read this one recently and it stands up. This was originally written for that first fic fest i was talking about and when they changed it for the new boundaries for art, I couldn't have any smut and the whole plot kind of hinged around the smut, so... I decided to just write it as it is. ALSO this is the first fic that Chelsey beta'd, I think. So that's fun! And it was the first fic of the year (not counting Hits Different which wrapped up in January). 0 horse mentions.

Just to do experiments on - E - Yall, if you had told me that I would write tentacle porn, I would have laughed at you. Extra has been trying to get me to write tentacles for YEARS and then it came up on my bingo card and I felt like I finally had to bite the bullet and do it. Except, I actually really love how it turned out? This bingo prompt was tentacles, obviously, but also cursed by a witch. A twofer, if you will. 0 horse mentions.

Let Me Familiarize You - E - here's some Scoops lore. I wrote this fic in two sitting and it is 13K, so that's wild!!! It took me two days in the time after my surgery but before I could go back to work to write this (in between writing the beginnings of Two Fools and another story that I haven't and won't publish lol). Anyway, it's about witch!George accidentally making Patches his familiar and then coming clean to Dream and also his mom is there. And then literally that same day, George dropped a video with his mom. Crazy pants. (or maybe it was the day before when this was all written? Can't remember. Also I was on pain pills). I really like how it turned out. It's a fun premise! 0 horse mentions.

Puzzle pieces in the dead of night - T - another bingo fic, the prompt was pirates. Anyway, I had a BLAST writing this one. Secret identity, kidnapping, munchy mc dynamics, I really like writing action adventurey fics and this one feel right into that category. A fun read, in my opinion. 0 horse mentions.

I’m Having His Baby (No, I’m Not) - E - a bingo fic, the prompt was "mpreg, but abortion" because the person who made the boards *ahem* doesn't like pregnancy stuff and wanted to punish me (lightheartedly lol). Anyway, joke is on her, because I made this into an epic story and I had so much fun writing it. Like, laughing out loud to myself while writing it, which is kinda sad, but is also the point of fanfiction. You have to entertain yourself first and foremost. And also I snuck eventual mpreg in there anyway so haha! for real, though, if you think the premise of this one is weird -- Dream and George accompany Sapnap on a roadtrip to Colorado to get his abortion -- you should try it out anyway. 1 horse mention, and arguably the one that brought it to our good anon's attention.

Anagnorisis - E - speaking of mpreg, LMAOOOOOO. My "I didn't know I was pregnant" AU with Angst and miscommunication and domesticity and last minute flights to London and a baby named after the lead singer of Glass Animals. This fic has a lot! I wrote a lot about the beginning of this fic on Tumblr and kind of how I begin writing fics. Here Anyway, pretty proud of this fic. I had to ask my mom a lot of questions about NICU. 3 horse mentions.

I Am Two Fools - E - every year the last novel length fic of the year seems to be in the top spot. No Exception this year. This fic was very tough to write, but very rewarding. I think it taught me a lot about making sure character motivations are fleshed out and make sense. It, and Anagnorisis, taught me about trusting the reader and dropping hints at things. Yall got So Good at catching hints and making molehills out of anthills, as intended. I took a chance and switched up POV halfway through, which is almost never do. And I think that really helped me stretch my writing muscles as well as all the bingo fics. Very proud of the work I did on this fic. 0 horse mentions.

#Scoops' 2024 fics #recap #fic recs #two fools #horse of course

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actual-changeling · 1 year ago

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Welcome back to a meta post that was not supposed to exist, but I fucking love answering questions, so here we are.

i got an ask (the answer contains a tl;dr) about why I think Crowley has unstable relationship patterns, and the following will be a detailed look at why this is the case, how Aziraphale plays into it, and what it ultimately means for the two of them.

This won't be as unhinged as my usual analyses, so consider this a special edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner - now hinged.

As always, please remember that this is my personal interpretation—not a generalization—and that genuine questions are welcome, either here on the post or in my inbox!

Everything I will say is based on research I have done, books & studies, and many, many conversations with my therapist (and at points my psychiatrist too); just so you know I'm not making shit up as I go.

Now, in the context of trauma-related/based disorders, what exactly does it mean to have unstable relationship patterns, and how does it apply to Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship?

Canonically, heaven does not care about what Aziraphale is doing and they are not keeping an eye on him. We know this both from references in the script and their dialogue and what we see throughout the show as a whole. That "fear" of being found out should he openly commit to Crowley is, for the most part, self-fabricated.

Yes, hell would potentially punish him (that potentially is another long post), but that is not something Aziraphale gets to take and use against Crowley, and the fact that does it anyway to 'prove' that he is not behaving incorrectly is a big issue.

What that leaves them with is a very common and well-known relationship pattern that requires a lot of self-awareness, control, and work to break it.

Aziraphale and Crowley get closer, spend more time together, their relationship grows and the intimacy increases, resulting in their behaviour changing to reflect that. They go on more romantic-coded dates (e.g. 1827, whatever the fuck 1941 was), eat together more frequently, drink together and feel comfortable enough to get drunk drunk while in each other's company—which always carries the inherent risk of doing something 'forbidden' while their impulse control is lowered.

I think the second episode of season one is actually a great example for all of this. When they drive to Tadfield, there's a mutually respectful conversation, they tease each other, they bicker like an old married couple, and don't fall into blaming the other for the situation they're in. At the manor, they are openly flirting from the start, laughing about the paintball guns and blowing kisses to miracle away stains, and the wall slam scene honestly speaks for itself.

I wrote a detailed analysis of it right here, which contains the conclusion that the entire interaction was intentional and orchestrated by the two of them.

They are doing great, they're comfortable, intimate—both physically and emotionally—and their sides are already on their asses about the apocalypse, so why not commit to the relationship?

Because Aziraphale gets scared, scared of intimacy, scared of what it would mean for his life, scared of what it would force him to confront (his faith, mostly, which is another gigantic topic), scared of the changes it would bring to their relationship, scared of breaking out of the pattern they have been moving in since the very beginning.

So he pushes, hard. He insults and denies and hurts Crowley to get as far away from all of that as possible. Push & pull, no matter when, no matter why, it's always the same.

At this point you might be thinking Alex, this is all on Aziraphale, how is this also Crowley's unstable relationship pattern? The answer to that question can be roughly summarized in one sentence:

He does not punish or discourage Aziraphale's behaviour.

There are NEVER lasting—if any—negative consequences for Aziraphale when he forces them into the push/pull dynamic, when he insults him, denies their relationship, calls him evil, you name it. No matter what Aziraphale does, Crowley always forgives and forgets and comes back to him, essentially resetting their loop. That way there cannot be any progress because they're not moving a single inch in either direction that isn't carefully organized and controlled by Aziraphale.

Why does Crowley not confront him? Because he is scared too.

Now, THIS is the part where I explain why I said Crowley has unstable relationship patterns. It is important to understand that Aziraphale's kind of instability is only one possible manifestation, and that they are—broadly speaking—on opposite ends of the spectrum, which not only makes them incredibly compatible, but also makes them worse.

Crowley is terrified of losing Aziraphale permanently and being on his own. God rejected him, heaven rejected him, hell rejected him—his life as been one traumatic incident after the other with a strong focus on abandonment and neglect, especially from people he cared about.

He says himself that Aziraphale is his only friend, he doesn't have anyone or anything else. The bookshop is Aziraphale's anchor, but Crowley has nothing except the Bentley and whatever Aziraphale allows him to partake in. Hell can take his job, his flat, punish and torture him as they please, and make his life, well, hell.

With the Bentley only appearing in the early 20th century, for 99% of his life he had nothing except for Aziraphale, his best friend, the person he loves.

So what does he do? He clings, he circles him and tries to push his orbit just a tiny bit closer whenever there's a gap he can use, trying to solidify their relationship. Terrified of being abandoned again, he swallows and ignores everything and anything negative.

The final fifteen are the FIRST TIME that Aziraphale asked him for something and he said no without changing his mind later—and it was literally the worst case scenario, the one boundary he has that he is not willing to cross for him, literally the barest minimum.

Every other time he relented, gave in, apologized for something that wasn't his fault, have Aziraphale everything he wanted from Hamlet over shooting a gun at his face to giving him the Bentley. Crowley's primary objective is to do whatever it takes to avoid being abandoned, so whenever Aziraphale DOES push back and abandons him/says that he will, he panics. He panics even more when there is an outside source threatening Aziraphale's presence in his life.

Look at how frantic he is when he finds Aziraphale after the bandstand, trying to say whatever it takes to get him to come with him. He does the apology dance, gives in when it comes to Gabriel, and never reacts to Aziraphale in a way that would prompt him to re-think the choices he is making, let alone stop doing the push/pull.

His identity revolves around Aziraphale, his only relationship is with Aziraphale, he allows him to shape him to his liking as far as he can take and then some, he needs him to be happy, to enjoy himself, to live a life worth living—and Aziraphale needs him to be and do all of those things so he can keep up his behaviour.

They are dangerously co-dependent and just spiral deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom and are forced to separate.

Look, I have BPD on top of everything else, I have been in a relationship with this exact pattern in Crowley's role, and it is fucking horrible. Absolutely unbearable. My ex-partner was like Aziraphale, pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing but on a daily basis, every few hours. No amount of talking or begging could get them to not behave in a way that would hurt me, and I was so emotionally tied to them and terrified of being alone that just like Crowley, I relented every. single. time. A year and a half and they never, not ONCE, apologized for anything. Ever. Not for hurting me, not for being an asshole, nothing.

The only way I got out was with a lot of therapy, support, and so much emotional work I was having several panic attacks a day because I was so fucking exhausted. Crowley and Aziraphale separating was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.

Now, Aziraphale is facing negative consequences for his behaviour and is forced to examine himself and deal with all those fears causing him to behave the way he does. Crowley on the other hand is now forced to learn how to exist without Aziraphale to orbit around—he needs to develop an identity that exists outside of Aziraphale, so he can have boundaries and stick to them.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #crowley #good omens meta #the final fifteen #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #alex's unhinged meta corner

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oshinohoshi · 4 months ago

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Oshi no Ko - In defense of Ai's "lies"

Warning: Manga spoilers below.

This post is a reaction to people occasionally saying, "Maybe Ai was the real villain all along" or "But Ai lies" as evidence of her character being sucky. And just... come on. I know, dear reader, that you understand how silly that is but I'm gonna spell it out anyway.

I always want to say in response: "Who did Ai hurt with her lies?" There is one character you may be thinking of and I'll get to that, but the person she hurt the most was herself. Because she told herself nonsense about how she was an irresponsible, dirty liar.

This breaks my fragile heart because this, right here, is the lie. Her negative self-talk stemming from a childhood filled with abuse and loneliness framed her issues with understanding love as if it were her fault and not, I dunno, the woman who fed her glass (see 45510) and abandoned her.

What were Ai's lies? Should they even be classified as such? Let's break it down:

She hid her kids. I would hardly call this a lie so much as a totally normal boundary for a celebrity with a public and private life. It only mattered because of the absurd standards for idols. It was more of a lie by omission anyway, but if someone asked her point blank if she had kids (maybe after one too many times nearly mentioning her kids lol) it would be perfectly acceptable to say no.

She put on a happy face at all times, hiding her emotions. This primarily hurt herself because it increased her social isolation and caused the girls in B Komachi to view her as untouchable and inhuman. Nino wouldn't have been so hurt by their fight if Ai better knew how to express herself, or maybe even if she had shown that she cared by yelling back, but that's a lot to expect from someone with Ai's background and lack of experience with relationships.

There's also Ai's neurodivergence. I don't want to speculate too much about that as I am not hugely familiar with the topic besides what I've learned by googling, but it can cause difficulty with social situations and expressing emotions. Sounds pretty familiar.

We are told in ch 137: "She could neither love nor trust people. She was timid and sensitive. She got hurt after being at odds with her friends. She really was an ordinary girl you could find anywhere. That's why she lied. A big lie that concealed her weak self completely."

Another description for this is a defense mechanism. Ai was not raised in an environment where vulnerability was met with reassurances. Moreover, as an idol it was hammered into her that she needed to hide anything about herself that could be deemed as negative or ugly. Anything that made her human. Ichigo told her at age 12 to lie until she understood love. She was set up from the get go to consider herself nothing but a liar.

She lied to Hikaru when she said, "I can't love you." This is actually not a big lie so much as the most negative take on her emotions. She wasn't sure she could love him but she wanted to. The real untruth is the way she flippantly strolled out the door as if she didn't care about him. But that doesn't make her a villain and her reasons are obvious given everything told to us about her in ch 137 and her avoidant tendencies she used as a shield to protect herself. She handled the breakup with all the grace of an elephant wearing ice skates but I'm not about to blame her for it.

She lied about love. I saved the big one for last. The thing her characterization hinges on. But it was hardly a lie at all. Not only because she actually did love her kids or that she was trying so hard to love which was its own form of love ("lies are love"), but because the idea of having to love her fans in a personal manner that goes beyond appreciation is actually ridiculous.

Nobody expects an office worker to love their clients or someone working at Starbucks to love their customers. But as an idol she was marketed as a perfect, pure girl, someone men could project their fantasies onto and who was supposed to genuinely love each and every one of them in return. It's nonsense. Ai was certainly not the only idol failing to live up to this. She just took it incredibly hard because she felt her lack of understanding of love was a personal failing.

We are told that Ai was a liar but she was honest as often as she hid the truth. She asked Gotanda to film the real her after he called her out about putting on an act. She was candid in the fan Q&A in 45110. In Viewpoint B she wrote a song that expressed her genuine feelings. She adored her kids so much that she slipped up and nearly talked about them on camera. Ai wanted to share how they had impacted her life but couldn't except through veiled statements. She was completely honest with Ryosuke, treating the moment as if she was in a confessional detailing her sins.

None of this is to say Ai was perfect. We're bonked over the head with the fact that Ai was a regular person who could get angry, who was too timid to push herself to connect with her fellow members of B Komachi, who undoubtedly did and said things that did not reflect her best self just as we all do. But I don't think liar is her defining trait. It's probably not even in her top five. I would describe her as sensitive, loving, mischievous, playful, and intelligent (she could be airheaded but she was incredibly savvy about her image) before I'd call her a liar.

There is no Real Villain Ai. And I can't tell you how glad I am that the theory some people held about her forcing sex on Hikaru was thoroughly debunked. Right up there with people speculating that Crow Girl is actually reincarnated Ai. That just made me laugh. The last thing reincarnated Ai would do is jerk her kids around.

We're told Ai was a liar because that's how she viewed herself. It's not an objective fact or at least not a fact that trumps everything else about her. So the next time someone says "Ai was a liar" my response would be "OK. So what?"

#oshi no ko #ai hoshino #oshi no ko spoilers #hoshino ai

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helenofblackthorns · 10 months ago

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I saw one of your posts mentioning the parallels between Julian and Dru. Can you dive a little deeper into that or explain it more? It sounds really interesting 😎

of course! sorry this is a little all over the place 😅 it's kinda just all my thoughts plastered together

anyway the thing that began this train of thought was that Mark calls Julian "his dreamer" in TFTSA, and "the dreamer" is also the moniker that Julian gives Dru in LM. everything kinda spirals from there as more parallels occured to me as I thought about it more.

Julian is mistaken multiple times for Andrew; Dru is said to look the most like Eleanor. They're both extremely good liars. The first person they ever killed (at 12/13) was already dead but not quite. They both felt the pressure of having to grow up too fast. Julian is an artist & both Helen and Mark bring up how Dru loved bright colours when she was younger. also like. "you're the heart of the family, baby girl. I promise you. you're our heart." and Julian entire arc in TDA being remembering he has his own and that it's worth something.

another thing that struck me a lot was how Julian used to look after Tavvy after their mom died. not his physical needs, Helen covered those, but he watched over him and played in the same room as him because someone had to. Emma says that's where it all started with Julian & how he holds everything and everyone together. and when their dad dies and Helen & Mark are gone, Dru takes that over from him. Tavvy's almost always with Dru in TDA, and while that's because she's often paired off with him it comes from an underlying assumption that you can rely on Dru to always have Tavvy. and I can't see how that would happen given that Dru is the second youngest unless she, like Julian, did what someone had to. which ties into how her updated flower card is "with me you are safe"

they both need friends a little more than their siblings too imo. like Dru's arc in TDA around Jaime and how she just really badly wants a friend and Julian and his Emma (to quote Mark again lol) well before romance came into the picture. their mutual desire for someone that none of their siblings have because they have each other. Helen & Mark. Livvy & Ty. Julian and Dru are the odd men out. even when Mark & Julian and Ty & Dru do get closer it hinges out the fact Helen is exiled and Livvy is dead. it's no one fault but an impassable divide exists between them anyway.

a more vaguely I think about how Julian's bedroom walls are dedicated to a giant gloomy mural of Sleeping Beauty and Dru's is a shrine to horror and terror. like what's the difference between dreams and nightmares anyway.

#I hope this makes sense & you can see the vision 😭#dru blackthorn #drusilla blackthorn #julian blackthorn #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #the wicked powers #twp #the dark artifices #tda

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wordsandrobots · 5 months ago

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So I've never seen anyone badmouth Gaelio as often as you, besides the ones that rightfully complain that he shouldn't have come back. Not that I wholly disagree, but what are your reasons?

Oh, anon. No, no, no. No, you have to understand, I *adore* Gaelio. He's perfect, vengeance arc and all. He is my absolute favourite chew toy. I wouldn't have spent so long writing fanfic focused on what happens to him, mentally speaking, post-canon if I didn't love the obnoxious lavender-tousled prick to death.

Gaelio Bauduin is a man fucked over by his social position, a sweet kid scarred by having been born into an aristocracy, who nevertheless retains enough of a moral compass to change for the better. He learns. He grows. He cares for those closest to him with an earnestness that belies his snobbish, flippant attitude. He genuinely, uncomplicatedly commits to justice and loyalty in ways his upbringing ought by rights to have beaten out of him.

He is additionally the single biggest reason the story ends as badly as it does, on account of being the most hideously self-absorbed dipstick on the face of the solar system.

(Second most hideously self-absorbed, we do have to factor in Iok.)

In another story, Gaelio's gradual dawning realisation that the attitudes he was taught are bullshit would be a process of redemption. His experiences with Ein, his compassion towards Carta, his vitriolic semi-mentor/semi-friend relationship with Julieta, his apology to Mikazuki -- these are the markers of someone learning to be a better person. In another story, he'd be learning to be a hero.

But in this story, his slow personal journey isn't what's important. What matters is how it interacts with a world too cynical to run on heroic narratives. Elion uses him as a political wedge. Tekkadan do not give a rat's arse about what he thinks. McGillis allows no room for an epiphany concerning their friendship until it is far, far too late. In imagining the scales had fallen from his eyes, he railroaded himself into the biggest screw-up of his life.

It's not completely his fault. As I said, he's used and rejected by others, and McGillis did have a damn good go at murdering him. But if he had been slightly more open-minded, slightly more willing to put his money where his mouth was when it came to his disapproval of Gjallarhorn's actions, and slightly less prone to making everything about his feelings -- well maybe he wouldn't have ended a broken, wistful shell of his former self, voluntarily disabling himself and regretting everything he didn't understand.

It's *beautiful*. Seriously. The tenor of your question leads me to believe I should restate my opinion that Iron-Blooded Orphans is a near-perfectly executed tragedy. When I say Gaelio is 'Always Wrong (TM)', I mean that is the part he plays in the tale. The man who makes every possible mistake he could in the course of getting exactly what he thought he wanted. It's a narrative role and he is a fantastic way of filling it because unlike Iok (who exists entirely as a hate-sink), Gaelio *does* have redeeming characteristics. He's loyal and principled. Passionate and determined. Able to adjust his world-view based on his experiences. Ultimately capable of swallowing his pride and admitting he was wrong.

And it doesn't matter one single jot. Things still end in flames, not just in spite of his attempts to do right by those he accidentally doomed but because of those actions.

Also he's a melodramatic brat who canonically used to flirt using Norse mythology, repeatedly injured people on his own side by mistake, got his arse handed to him by children (again, repeatedly), adopted the most on-theme moniker he could while wearing a doofy mask for months on end, and spent Season 1 with a crush on the world's least-hinged cop-brained class-traitor. I denigrate his character in precise proportion to which it is presented as lamentable.

Anyway, to lay off the verbosity for a minute, please also understand that if my opinion on a character is negative in the sense of 'I think the writers fucked this up', I'm unlikely to spend much time creatively cussing them out. For instance, to pick another Gundam example, I don't enjoy Shinn from SEED:Destiny. I get what the writing is going for with him and I think it's a neat plot concept, but I find the actual result grating. It's the same for a lot of the cast. Overall, I just don't rate that show very highly. So I don't talk about it, and I don't expend effort to dig into narrative roles, how characters come across, what that means for other parts of the story, etc. To put it bluntly, it's not worth my time, especially when there are people who *do* like SEED and don't need me raining on their parade.

But I enjoy watching Gaelio and that's exactly why I bad-mouth him. It's more than a passing joke; it's part and parcel of what I love about how Gaelio is implemented, that he's that much of an aristocratic nitwit, and that even when he's making moves towards the broadly 'good' end of the moral spectrum, he's still got a deeply hierarchical attitude. This is a man who, in the middle of quite understandably wanting to get back at somebody who tried to assassinate him, reflects on enjoying being in the heat of battle again after having just beaten-up/killed a bunch of workers trying to break free of colonial rule. There is a *lot* you can dig into about what (and who) Gaelio sees as important and how his attitudes are a perpetual work-in-progress, constrained both by his assumptions and by the alliances he has to make in order to pursue his revenge.

It's well executed, as I said, and I happen to find it extremely compelling. Certainly more so than if he hadn't been resurrected because the show-runners liked his voice actor's performance.

#gaelio bauduin #gundam iron blooded orphans #gundam ibo #g tekketsu #tekketsu no orphans #words in answer #spoilers

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recurring-polynya · 4 days ago

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Writing/Art Update 2.5.2025

So, where we left this last week was that I felt like shit and had decided I needed force myself back into writing. The thing I would like to get done the most is a little in love, because I feel extremely guilty about it not being done. I did a thing I hate doing, which is to read some writing advice. I think it might be a tension issue, so I started there and something I read brought up the five-act play. I have one of those! I said to myself, and then read up on the theory of the five-act play. Unfortunately, my outline, as it stands and is not working, is the very model of a five-act play. I am supposed to be doing falling action at this point. Right now, it's so boring and draggy I want to puke, and I had been trying to think up ways to jazz it up, but, uh. I guess. not. I think maybe my only choice is to trim it down, so at least it's shorter. Intellectually, I do not think this is true, but I feel like I need to throw out the 20k words of act iv I have already written and start again from scratch. The real thing I think I need to do is write a few of the scenes from Act V, and then hopefully it will be easier to get from here to there. I've been planning to do this since Christmas, and I still haven't gotten around to doing it.

What I did instead was to read As You Like It, which is a five-act play and a romantic comedy. I hadn't read a Shakespeare in a long time and it seemed like a fun and inspirational thing to do. Reader, it was not. I mean, it was fine. It's just that, uh, sorry Bill, but it's just not the most inspirational of your works. It was 75% cuckold jokes, and then the main plot got solved by some guy changing his mind off-screen.

That's great, Poly, you say. Did you get back to the fanfic? No. What happened somewhere in the middle of that, while I was being bored of Touchstone's clowning was that I decided I wanted to re-read the two scraps of Academy fic I wrote two summers ago. The first scrap is based on the filler parts of Episode 46. Namely, we see how Renji and Kira meet, but I wanted to write about how Renji and Hinamori meet. Halfway through writing that, though, I got another really weird Academy story idea, so I wrote that up. I had the idea at the time that maybe I would write a number of loosely-related Academy vignettes and publish them together. I was working on something else at the time, though, (the tattoo artist AU maybe?? I don't feel like looking it up) and I decided it was more important to work on that. Anyway, this week, because I felt like it, I started on the b-part of the second Academy vignette. It's 1500 words of Rukia and Renji being insane about each other in a way. I do not foresee publishing it anytime soon, or perhaps, even ever. I would have to finish and post the first vignette first, and then come up with some more, which seems unlikely to happen (but who knows??) In theory, I could post this on its own, but it really hinges on the Kira->Hinamori->Renji->Rukia non-situationship being incredibly messy and yet simultaneously extremely repressed (there should be more arrows in there, but I don't feel like making a whole-ass diagram). Perhaps there is an audience for this beyond myself, but I just...I don't know, I feel like someone is going to be like "this is so weird they would not do this" and I don't have the energy in me to face that.

Anyway. It's fine. I can noodle around on stuff that's just for me and never finish it. It's good enough to keep my brain from capsizing.

I've also still be drawing nearly every day, so good job to me for that. I will try to do something that passes for an actual piece of art in February, I promise.

#writing update #art update

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man-down-in-hatchet-town · 2 months ago

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THE CASE OF THE GREATER GATSBY EPISODES 20-21

Okay, so tomorrow is the release of the LAST EVER EPISODE OF GREATER GATSBY (cry with me, folks!), and while I’ve been keeping up with my listening I have fallen a bit behind with these analysis posts, largely because these last few episodes have been so jammed packed with answers that up until last week there wasn’t much theorizing to do. So while this post is about episodes 20-22, I’m writing it after having already listened to episode 23 multiple times. I’ll do my best not to spoil anything from episode 23 in the thoughts below, but there will probably be a lot less pondering and guesswork than usual.

Anyways, spoilers for episodes 20, 21, and 22 under the cut!

Okay, first things first—are Shipwrecked really going to get away with not letting us in on Ford’s secret? I couldn’t quite tell what Fig was saying when Ford cut her off, so I pulled up the transcript and it looks like she says “I can’t believe you managed to them all in—“ Which, for the life of me, sounds like absolute nonsense. I’ve spent hours trying to come up with what she could be about to say, and I’ve drawn a blank. Any ideas?

Speaking of Ford, our boy definitely needs therapy. While I understand the place his anger is coming from, probably a lot better than Ford himself does, he does need to remember that technically Fig was hired to shadow Willy as a bodyguard and was technically there on set in her capacity as a P..I. as well. I predicted from the start that Fig’s side job would clash quite badly with Ford’s trauma, and frankly I’m surprised it’s taken this long to get there. But here we are and I am sad. :(

But hopes springs anew! Mel has officially shuttered The Grapes of Wrath! This seems like another tick in my “Mel is intentionally sabotaging the movie” column. If anything, the only real evidence contradicting that theory is that it took so long for her to shut it down in the first place. Perhaps Beanslot is particularly keen on Steinbeck? Regardless, Mel is still my personal favorite suspect for writing the letters, or at least for being the person behind them (I don’t quite believe she composed any of the messages herself). I know Fig and Ford believe the threatening author and the murderer are one and the same, but we have no real evidence for that, beyond the word of the letter writer. Plenty of people could have figured out he was likely murdered, and decided to use that increase the power of their anonymous threats. Mel, for instance, could have learned from Mo Beats. And now that I know who the murderer seems to be (more on that in my next post), I’m not sure what their motive for writing the threatening letters would even be.

Moving on from all these questions, let’s talk a bit about answers. TD stole The Greater Gatsby during the night of Mel’s party to bribe his way into Bixby’s Brigade. He gave the script to Willy on the suggestion of Roger, who was keen on his movie-star wife getting arrested and joining him in prison. Guys, I love Roger. I know he’s kinda’ terrible but I just can’t help it; I guess it’s that classic Gabe Greenspan magic. And he and Willy are, in a very odd and slightly worrying way, kinda’ perfect for each other. The swelling music cue that plays every time Willy decides his dubious criminal action is actually The Most Romantic Thing ever(TM) makes me laugh. Every. Single. Time. It helps that Roger is such a silly goose that it’s impossible to imagine any of his harebrained schemes actually resulting in harm coming to his lovely wife. That’s just not the narrative vibe, I guess. Also, I was right about Dash keeping an eye on Wilhelmina on Roger’s orders! Yay me!

The other bout of answers comes from the Punchwhistle triplets and their grand reunion in Fig and Ford’s office. As expected, “George Astrum” is both Eugene Punchwhistle and the Hinge Highwayman. Except for my brief foray into “Barnaby is Eugene!” madness (look, not all of my crazy theories can be right), George has been my top candidate for Eugene since his introduction in Scott’s tapes. Meanwhile, it turns out that Lex had not been kidnapped or swept up in some epic trail of clues, but had simply gone to ground as part of the search for her missing brother. While I missed the delightful Esther Fallick, the moment where they asked Lex if she was aware she’d been recast was maybe my favorite line of the episode. Love a good bit of meta humor. Lex also gives more evidence that the writer of the threatening letters has plenty of access to the set. While this does point a finger towards the supposed killer unmasked in the next episode, it could also point to any number of other characters. I’ll probably come out of this looking very silly, but, as I said, I’m still not convinced that our killer and adaption-hater are in fact one and the same…

A Couple of Other Thoughts: -If Ford hadn’t been acting so ridiculous about Fig’s onset work, she probably would have taken him more seriously when he said not to hand Mel the script. As it is, I supposed we should just be thankful that Mel did, in fact, destroy it. -Mel and Ford, for all that he hates her, seem to have the same opinion on the bookclub. I don’t think that’s particularly important, other than as an indicator that Ford’s perspective is a bit out of whack, but it’s funny regardless. -God, to be a fly on the wall next time Mel sees TD. I want a three hour Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf-esque character study about THAT.

#the case of the greater gatsby #fig and ford #fig wineshine #ford phillips #mel hammermeister #td hammermeister #wilhelmina vanderjetski #roger haircreme #eugene punchwhistle #punchwhistle twins #punchwhistle triplets #shipwrecked comedy #greater gatsby

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atopvisenyashill · 2 months ago

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do we need another long post about the house of the undying? no but i needed to put all my thoughts in one place and i’m merely giving the people what they want.

obviously spoilers all the through the end of the series, and the winds of winter, and also we’re doing some predicting here. i welcome disagreement and debate but if you're gonna be mean keep it pushing for the love of god. most up to date graphic and then let’s goooooooo-

key

first of all, please understand i'm not positing that george was thinking about elements this concretely when he was designing these prophies. i'm not not saying that either but it's mostly just to help ME visualize the events and look for patterns. "why is there no air" because. that's why. the white text is stuff that is not related to a specific moment with an element.

secondly, i started highlighting the figurative language because i see a lot of discussion on literal v figurative. i think people contradict themselves a lot in this regard - you'll see someone go from "if the towers aren't literal towers than we can't trust the prophecies at all" to "well this one is more figurative and that's fine" within a paragraph. i think this is all completely silly. george is writing what sounds best to him and sometimes its literal and sometimes its figurative and that's fine.

and lastly, i also kinda split it up into two pieces - the threes and the visions. again, not saying they aren't related but i am saying they're slightly separated.

spoken prophecies

three fires you shall light - one for life, one for death, and one to love

so FIRST OF ALL i do wonder if there’s a pattern here - ie first thing refers to the dothraki time period, second to meereen/essos in general, third to westeros, or something similar. there’s some that seem more obvious, and when you look at it, it sort of seems to fit that pattern - that’s kind of what the color coding is, it started when i thought i saw a pattern there. i think it's really notable that a lot of the stuff in the first row have clearly already happened - except the treason for blood which i'll get to later.

for life is drogo’s funeral pyre that brings to life her dragons, this one feels like the obvious & correct conclusion. however i don’t want to say like “one hundred percent” bc what if george pulls something else. u get me. but imo it makes sense that one or two things would have happened already, to confirm to dany it’s true telling, and would stick out obviously in her memory. am i over explaining something really obvious lol.

for death is not as obvious. there’s a few options, for now i have landed on either the upcoming battle in meereen (it’s gonna go on a while) or whatever is happening in Vaes Dothrak/with the Dothraki. both those are very close events that to me feel like a kind of…hinge point? i guess in her story. like arya getting on the boat to braavos, sansa coming to the vale, jon becoming lord commander, etc etc, they’re jumping into a new part of their story, and both of these events are specific "fire light" moments that will change the trajectory of dany's story. i think it will be the first time we see her use drogon offensively, with the explicit aim of killing someone when she says dracarys, hence the “for death.”

to love...listen so the thing is regardless of how she REACTS to it, or the details on how it happens, i think it makes complete sense that dany is the one to set off the wildfire pots. i’m not saying she’s going to ~rah go mad~ but i am saying it’s been a Thing in her family to play around with wildfire anyway (aegon iv, aegon v, aerion, AND her father all play with it!) and it’s her father that put the pots there, it just makes so much more sense narratively for dany to be the one to deal with the legacy aerys left behind and one of the biggest Chekho'vs Guns in the series. i love the joncon & young griff & golden company stuff but introducing the wildfire as aerys' creation just for two characters who are very disconnected from aerys and the kl plotline to flow it up does not have the emotional impact of a character we’ve been following for Every Book being actively involved with the accidental destruction of the city her family built, and the city her dad took steps to try to blow up (who we see talking about blowing it up in a vision right before this!!).

now while i think “a fire to love” is likely about the event of king’s landing going up, i think there’s a lot of options for what that even means. i think it’s going to be OBVIOUS when it does happen, because the first fire is obvious & imo what the second one involves also seems obvious (and other prophecies, like the Ghost of High Heart’s Lady Stoneheart prophecy, are fairly obvious when they’re spoken like this (patchface doesn’t count). But i think its not quite obvious YET simply because there’s minimum 2k pages left lol. My gut feeling here is the fire to love will be about the wildfire pots though!

three mounts you will ride - one to bed, one to dread, and one to love

one to bed seems kind of obvious here as well; dany mounting her silver to her marriage bed with Drogo.

one to dread is murkier. lot of theories but the one i lean towards is the greyjoy fleet/a ship. the dothraki refer to ships as “wooden horses” and "wooden mounts" so it fits the mount theme, and it’s certainly dreadful, both that she’s likely to be paranoid about them (bc of the kraken & dark flame warning) and because dany & her new fleet are on their way to start conquering westeros.

one to love…it’s drogon. we use different meanings of “to” both times before - one to bed, literally a mount that takes her to a place, and one to dread, the greyjoy fleet and the “dread” of them being untrustworthy, and of landing in westeros. it makes sense to me that this “to” is a third use of the word "to"- talking not of a literal or metaphorical place the mount takes her, but of the feelings she has for the mount. and whatever romances or husbands she may have, drogon will always be her greatest love.

three treasons you shall know…once for blood, once for gold, and once for love

this section is difficult for me. dany believes they have all happened but not onlyy do i not believe she’s gotten it right, more and more i'm coming around on the idea that none of them have happened yet. what's more is that the events we likely have already gotten (mount to bed, fire for life) are very obvious but nothing really sticks out to me as an obvious betrayal for either blood, gold, or love!

i’ve played with ideas about how SHE is the one doing treasons to someone else but i’m still very much on the fence here. i think it’s likely these treasons are going to come from WELL KNOWN characters, likely even POV characters. i’ve gotten stuck on the word “know” - does it mean she’ll simply learn of three reasons that happen? that feels like “well the valonqar doesn’t HAVE to be CERSEI’S brother” copium to me though. the reality is....i'm not sure lmao.

once for blood… anyways i don’t think mmd is the treason for blood - mmd doesn’t betray dany! drogo doesn’t listen to mirri’s instructions, jorah doesn’t listen to mirri’s instructions, and mirri is not acting vindictively she’s acting defensively. she does not betray dany, though i would argue that dany betrays her - you could argue it’s for blood as in for rhaego, for mmd’s magical abilities for the sacrifice, but i’m unsure about that and i think the fact that dany is so confident makes me believe it's not this.

once for gold

The wealth of the westerlands was matched, in ancient times, with the hunger of the Freehold of Valyria for precious metals, yet there seems no evidence that the dragonlords ever made contact with the lords of the Rock, Casterly or Lannister. Septon Barth speculated on the matter, referring to a Valyrian text that has since been lost, suggesting that the Freehold's sorcerers foretold that the gold of Casterly Rock would destroy them.

from twoiaf. it might be talking about tyland & jason taking the gold from the treasury which directly leads to the death of the dragons + jaime fucking up aerys but i feel like why mention that now and not earlier if it was meant to apply to past events?? nah, i think someone is selling dany out for lannister gold. who tho?? again, unsure lol. i can see several scenarios - one of her sellsword allies flipping for gold, maybe a greyjoy (??) flipping for gold. i had the thought that tyrion would get her to westeros, then flip on her because aegon offers him lord of casterly rock as a title outright - literally flipping for lannister gold - but i don’t know that dany wouldn’t just promise him the lordship outright in essos tbh so.

once for love - again, fuck if i know and i’m not confident of any predictions i’ve had or have seen.

what i noticed is that the last part in each of these three groups are likely to do with the burning of KL - the mount to love being drogon, the fire for love being the burning of KL. so perhaps the treason for love will be tied to the fire for love and mount to love, and it’s a love that is one and the same - dany will betray her people because of her love for drogon with the burning of KL.

obviously…someone my predictions here run on a theme - dany will clash violently with people in vaes dothraki and meereen (at minimum & obvious), dany will Be Involved with KL burning, and yes it will probably involve her doing something from dragonback. if you asked me “take away any theory about dany setting off the wildfire, what are you most confident in” it’s the mounts for sure. i think three different mounts, a horse, a ship, and a dragon, all make sense. i think one to bed feels obvious, one to dread Is A Ship even if it’s not greyjoy related, and one to love is clearly drogon. i’m also pretty conspiracy brained about the lannister gold!! but it’s also like…fire for death….she uses her dragon to kill…fire to love…involved with the plot her dad started….we can debate the context but i think the EVENT is correct.

vision sequence

Viserys screamed as the molten gold ran down his cheeks and filled his mouth.

obvious, it happened on page already. i'm noting here that both of her brothers died at the hands of a younger relative (Viserys by Dany, Rhaegar by Robert) who immediately takes their title.

A tall lord with copper skin and silver-gold hair stood beneath the banner of a fiery stallion, a burning city behind him.

Seems likely to be rhaego, given the dothraki look with targaryen hair and the fiery (his mama) stallion (his pops) as his sigil. Also notable to me that all three men are direct relatives - her brothers and her son.

Rubies flew like drops of blood from the chest of a dying prince, and he sank to his knees in the water and with his last breath murmured a woman's name.

obvious from contexts clues that this is rhaegar dying on the trident. name he’s saying could be lyanna, but i am a “he said visenya” truther.

mother of dragons, daughter of death . . .

her brothers both die young, violent deaths. her unborn son, rhaego, can never fulfill the prophecy because of his premature death. all three men shown are descended from aerys & rhaella’s line ie potential princes in the prince that was promised prophecy. all three must die in order for dany to rise as the prince.

“daughter of death” meaning she outlived all the sons of death, even the son who knew about the prophecy, so all that’s left to be prince is the daughter, the true prince that was promised.

Glowing like sunset, a red sword was raised in the hand of a blue-eyed king who cast no shadow.

Stannis - blue eyed king, with Melisandre’s fake burning sword and shadow shenanigans. It’s interesting when you bring in the “slayer of lies” line because - what specifically is the lie she’s slaying? That Stannis is Azor Ahai, the PTWP? Or is it MOSTLY to do with Lightbringer being fake? Does Melisandre factor into it at all? And do all three sections point to the same lie or different lies??

A cloth dragon swayed on poles amidst a cheering crowd.

less obvious - i tend towards the cloth dragon being victarion. dany calls the cloth dragon a “mummer’s dragon” as in she believes it’s a puppet. but crucially, it doesn’t say mummer’s dragon in that section! i find it unlikely that the cloth dragon and the mummer’s dragon are the same person!

However, as I note, he DOES have a fake horn - perhaps she slays the lie that the horn is real? i think i just a feeling the lie of the sword and the horn are linked but maybe i am cornplating here. i also think, if we take victarian as the cloth dragon, it's interesting that you have stannis being propped up by a rholloric priestess, and victarian being propped up by a rholloric priest. that feels like another azor ahai prophecy link.

From a smoking tower, a great stone beast took wing, breathing shadow fire.

it could be euron, with the towers being the ten towers at oldtown, where he currently is. could be stannis, meli loves to talk about stone dragons. it could be dany & drogon - her dragon awoken from stone.

now, IF the second one (cloth dragon) is in fact victarion, i think it’s a little weird that this is euron bc then it’s two greyjoys in a row. but i suppose that’s not disqualifying, it’s not like the greyjoys are trustworthy.

mother of dragons, slayer of lies . . .

i'm even more fuzzy on this one than i am on the "stone dragon" one to be honest. what are the lies. it’s more than one lie right. or is it a singular lie. is it azhor ahai. is it something else. i had this thought that like, the first is about the lie that stannis has lightbringer - he doesn’t bc lightbringer isn’t even a sword, it’s drogon. the second lie is about the lie of the horn - victarian thinks he can take drogon from her but he is wrong. the third is euron raising squid stuff - he thinks he can raise a creature equal to hers, he is wrong. perhaps its about another object that euron has, similar to the sword and the horn? i keep coming back to it even though, every time i type it out, i look at what i wrote like “who let this man cook."

i will say what's interesting is that the daughter of death section is very tied to the prince that was promised prophecy - dany inheriting the prince title after outliving all the other princes, rhaegar literally invoking the prophecy with his last breath - and this section seems more focused on azor ahai.

Her silver was trotting through the grass, to a darkling stream beneath a sea of stars.

the obvious scene is dany riding her silver to her wedding BUT. note the "darkling stream beneath a sea of stars" in the description - the dothraki believe that the afterlife is riding forever in the grass lands. there’s a death association in this section.

A corpse stood at the prow of a ship, eyes bright in his dead face, grey lips smiling sadly.

i think it’s obvious WHAT this is but not quite obvious WHO it is (note corpse in parentheses). we literally see euron do this to aeron, and more it’s the corpse that is smiling sadly, indicating that the Corpse is the Greyjoy. BUT the corpse could technically be ANYONE who a greyjoy nails to the prow. also note death stuff again.

A blue flower grew from a chink in a wall of ice, and filled the air with sweetness

obviously jon is the blue flower, whose actions cause a chink in the nights watch (or a chink in the wall). i think this one is so goofy and i hate it skdjdj because the other two feel so mysterious and then this one is just a pin drop on jon’s location 🤧 however i would like to note that sweetness is not usually associated with good things in this series. it’s often used to mask poison, literally & metaphorically. this could mean like, so many things, but the death imagery in all three just goes WAY HARD.

mother of dragons, bride of fire . . .

there's a lot of "these will be her great loves" stuff but i'm not totally sure that's where it ends. i don't think this is inherently about dany being married to these three (four?) men. instead, i think the “bride of fire” is meant as a parallel to robb’s “true wife” being his sword. what they choose is their battles, and violence, and not any specific person to truly be wed to. see here:

She looked at her son, watched him as he listened to the lords debate, frowning, troubled, yet wedded to his war. He had pledged himself to marry a daughter of Walder Frey, but she saw his true bride plain before her now: the sword he had laid on the table.

visions part two

again, this part is all over the place. a lot of this has already happened by a dance with dragons.

Shadows whirled and danced inside a tent, boneless and terrible.

This is blood magic that mmd did to bring drogo back to life and claimed the life of dany's son, rhaego.

A little girl ran barefoot toward a big house with a red door.

This is Dany as a child. Interesting that she refers to herself as "a little girl" kind of separating herself from the vision she is in.

Mirri Maz Duur shrieked in the flames, a dragon bursting from her brow.

Waking the dragons, becoming the mother of dragons through blood sacrifice.

Behind a silver horse the bloody corpse of a naked man bounced and dragged.

The wineseller who attempts to kill her.

A white lion ran through grass taller than a man.

the lion drogo kills and gifts her in the dothraki sea.

Beneath the Mother of Mountains, a line of naked crones crept from a great lake and knelt shivering before her, their grey heads bowed.

The crones of vaes dothraki - this one doesn't seem to have happened yet and "naked crones" "shivering before her" feels like it's going to involve however she gets out of Vaes Dothrak. Very sinister feeling here to me.

Ten thousand slaves lifted bloodstained hands as she raced by on her silver, riding like the wind. "Mother!" they cried. "Mother, mother!" They were reaching for her, touching her, tugging at her cloak, the hem of her skirt, her foot, her leg, her breast. They wanted her, needed her, the fire, the life, and Dany gasped and opened her arms to give herself to them.

Obviously the myhsa scene. I think it's interesting how she associates herself with "the fire" "the life" and how she's being grabbed at.

But then black wings buffeted her round the head, and a scream of fury cut the indigo air, and suddenly the visions were gone, ripped away, and Dany's gasp turned to horror.

this is just so sinister to me. Drogon ending the vision sequence and her gasp turning to horror - feels bad scoob!

idk how to end this.

um dany is azor ahai and the prince that was promised but i don't think this is a good thing even a little bit. also drogon is lightbringer.

#getting on my soap box #okay i have to tag this so i can find it because i Need to keep track of the theories #twow speculation #ados speculation #dark daenerys #rani attempts meta #prophecies of asoiaf #the house of the undying

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xproskeith · 4 months ago

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can you tell i'm bored-

please answer those. i also drew a ghost for you. because i'm bored. i'm gonna answer my asks too lmao HAVE FUN!

Lmao ok but I actually love this. The you wrote it out AND the ghost! Tis the season!! 👻🎃 Now let's begin!

11: best friend?

My best friend is awesome! His name is Ben and we've been friends since we met at college for our first degrees (we'd both end up going back for nursing later. He ended up following me on that front). But we really started to get closer after we both graduated and especially after I moved back to New Orleans after moving home after graduation for a year and a half. He's just a really cool and chill guy who has always been there for me and been super supportive. We've both helped each other through some really rough times in our lives and really supported each other. He's pretty introverted, tho if you met him you might not realize that at first. It's a hilarious contrast to my extreme extroversion. I also owe meeting my wife to him. He pushed me to finally get on the dating apps and I met my wife on hinge. He also encouraged me when she and I started talking and dating seriously. He also knows how to deal with my anxiety very well and respectfully, tho my anxiety has gotten immensely better than it used to be. Still, worth mentioning. He's also said on multiple occasions how much he appreciates and like how I am just unapologetically me and an unapologetic nerd. To quote him, "genuine folks are hard to find." So that was also really cool to hear from him and just reaffirmed that being myself is the right move. When he lived in the city with me, we'd hang out at least once a week. But we text daily for the most part and still try to see each other as much as we can even tho he's 2.5hrs away now. He was my best man and gave an amazing and touching best man speech. Now, almost a year later, people still talk about it and quote him, "IDK how else to describe him other than he's aggressively friendly." it's accurate and everyone who has heard that agrees lol. Anyway, he's great and I'm blessed to have him in my life. Here's a pic of us at my bachelor trip and before my wedding. As you can see, and as I've mentioned before in various other posts, the dude is built like a Greek god lol

15: favorite movie

This is actually a hard one lol. I enjoy a lot of movies, but have a hard time narrowing down a fave. Hmm. Deadpool and Wolverine is certainly up there for very obvious reasons, but a movie that has always stuck with me since I was younger is The Prestige. It's a well done film whose twist really got me at the end. It's rare for me not to figure out a movie twist before the end and this one I did not see coming.

18: most traumatic experience

You're gonna get 2 for the price of 1 lol. 1 childhood trauma and 1 adulthood trauma. Both cover a span of time instead of one specific incident.

First is childhood. From pretty much 1st - 4th grade, I was bullied pretty often. I was a very big and fat kid who was also nice and didn't exactly fight back, so I suppose in retrospect that made me an easy target. But beyond that, I was often made the butts of my peers' jokes or would be asked to do something silly or embarrass or the like and they'd say stuff like "of course we're you're friend!" and "if you do it, we'll be your friend." so this went as well as you can expect. It got so bad and took so much of a toll on me that my mom literally pulled me out of school to homeschool me from 5th-8th grade. This would eventually become repressed as the mind often does only to rear its ugly head later in adulthood when my friends wanted to institute a "punishment" for whoever placed last in our fantasy football league. I had always opposed this idea, but they we were really pushing for it that year. Didn't help I was dead last, but I was having such a visceral reaction and didn't know why. But I was literally about to drop out of the league because of it. Then all of a sudden the memories came flooding back and I finally understood the why. I explained it to 3 of my friends in the league, including the guy in charge, and they abandoned the punishment idea. They said they hoped they knew that this was very different and that no ill will was meant. I did, but it didn't stop how I felt. So the punishment idea was dropped.

Now for adulthood. That would be working through COVID as a nurse. This was traumatizing in many ways, but in particular there were 3 key points. The first was watching patients deteriorate and die so rapidly. Like I would leave in the morning and come back to find out my patient coded and died 3 hours after I left. They were fine before then. We also called so many rapid and codes because people would deteriorate so much and so rapidly. Despite everything I knew and docs and nurses way more experienced than me knew, we couldn't save them all or stop the rapid spiral.

Secondly, every time a code blue or rapid response is called overhead, it's preceeded by a beep on the intercom. I would hear that so many times during that time that I found myself to physically flinch and tense and my heart would race whenever I'd hear it. Even a year later when it was just happening to make an announcement. Didn't realize it was legitimately a PTSD response until I was talking to an army buddy who was like "Yeah dude that's what happens to me when my PTSD gets triggered." I overcome that by becoming the code and rapid nurse for my icu when I moved. So I just threw myself headlong into it and overcame it by exposure and desensitization.

Lastly, there was the whiplash of being called a hero and having my knowledge and insight respected only to be called a liar months later. By my own family even. I still remember making a lengthy thoughtful post about the importance of making and explaining why surgical works for day to day vs the n95 masks needed in hospital and the same day my mom made a post about how covid is a lie and masking is just the government trying to control us. My family has on multiple occasions told me my experiences weren't real and I was exaggerating, especially because I'm liberal. After many fights, we all finally agreed to just never talk about it around each other. An uneasy peace, but better.

So there you have it. My two biggest traumatic experiences lol.

21: what I love most about myself

My kindness and willingness to help people

28: a description of the person I dislike the most

Hmm I don't really dislike people. But I suppose this one older lady at work. Kind of short, white, fading blonde hair that's always short. She's always unhappy lol. Mostly dislike her bc she gatekeeps certain patients and has full control over the schedule despite not being the manager.

42: last thing I ate

Greek yogurt and pumpkin seed granola

#Pardonmydelays #Thanks poppy #These were great lol

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tragiccomedyenthusiast · 2 months ago

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Do you have any head cannons or thoughts on Baldi from Baldi's Basics? Or anything else from the game.

Also I got you a leaf.

YOUUU. HELLO !!! HI i have several thoughts and headcanons i have been thinking about him for over a month straight (i haven't posted any drawings because i'm self conscious about how i draw him). but im super super scatterbrained about it so forgive me .. ill just list them as i go. also this isn't everything but this post is going to be long anyway. oops

BALDI BALDIMORE . hmm .. mainly headcanons here .. gonna forget a lot of stuff

1st . i am world's biggest baldi sympathizer . i really do believe he's just a silly and kind teacher. in every sequence hes in where hes not chasing you he's very kind to you ... shows you his songs and involves you in his projects. lets you use him as a test subject for his shrink machine. though the most interesting may be the secret ending for classic style. after getting every question wrong, he calmly explains negative numbers to the player. it's so much more like he's gently holding your hand or something ...

i like to think hes also unsettling or off-putting to others sometimes. weird creature from the woods to me ....... weird behaviors ... animal .. but very sweet

he is so so so smart. he's like giga mega smart if his inventions say anything. he's way too overqualified to be teaching at hereschool

has ten disorders. autistic. medicated

about what he is .. i don't think he's a human. i think their universe is kinda like a fucked up tawog. i really really liked the headcanon that he was some toy-esque doll / thing, so i largely took that and ran with it. he's made up of some sort of soft, bendable plastic with ball joints and hinges etc. i just call it "bioplastic" and i have a few ideas pertaining to some biology but i won't go on about it

while his hearing is often a great attribute to have and is very useful, it can quickly become a detriment if theres too many sounds, if things are too loud, too grating, etc. he can become disoriented, confused, agitated, and very overwhelmed <- additionally when hes overwhelmed he may communicate in ASL instead of verbally ! also a good skill if a student or staff may be HoH or deaf

will focus very very intensely on his projects that he may spiral. likr he doesn't sleep or eat or blink for 3 days straight. the principal will go find him and force him to stop when this happens

^ speaking of him and the principal: you were there for my louimar episode so this shouldnt be a surprise. ermm educational yaoi <- what my friend and i lovingly call it ... im a simple man with common taste ... their mechanics work really together and the principal is calm and quiet while baldi is more eccentric. they are sweet . to ME !!!

that basement he has in bbcr? he built that and he lives there. and no one really knows he does. like a freak. i dont know whats wrong with him .. works on projects and inventions down there

^ the principal would actually find out hes staying there and. despite the "what in the world" factor to it, he'd let baldi stay with him so he's in an actual house ((and also because he's really lonely))

BLADDER. is his brother. and so is badsum but i don't really think about him .. bladder is like an opposite to him in quite a few ways; he's normal . he's very well adjusted, grounded, kind and has light and hope in his eyes. he's a physiology teacher who works at "thereschool". despite him having brothers they all have no parents. they umm spawned in and that's it.

he's also pretty good at his job! he likes to incorporate different tactile and visual methods into his lessons (math machines + balloons + yct pad) . he'll say he doesn't have a favorite student (it's arts and crafters) (sometimes they'll draw him pictures and he'll always hang it up in the classroom or take them)

^ arts and crafters is also somewhat like a snake ... biiig sock snake. taller than baldi. will be over x2 as big as an adult

about the school .. everyone is pretty close. it's a rather small school with a small amount of students and staff. but this means they get to do fun stuff like all take field trips together at the same time. beans isn't included he is my least favorite and i hope he perishes in the forest

and: i want to talk about null / filename2 specifically. they're a lot more entwined with the whole game thing.

not entirely concrete on my concepts for him, but i like to think he may be some sort of scrapped or unused character left out of bounds to corrupt. he dislikes baldi. "you took everything from me" "who are you"

one idea i really like to think about it is that he believes the game is much 'bigger' than it truly is, that there ARE things beneath the surface to worry over. but that's not true, and it's moreso he's trying to give himself a purpose other than what he is: nothing.

with baldi being the mascot and all, he may also believe him to be the (if not one of) the sources of 'evil' behind the game, even if it's not like that. so he's basically really misguided in his beliefs.

also he's stupid. one of the reasons i think this of him is because of his cutscene at the end of his chase sequence. "i see you found a note from the ... 'developer'. [...] well, this is what i think about everyone who tells the same LIES!". <- it IS just a note from the developer, that is TRULY all it is. he's fooling himself. someone put him out of his misery. causing problems over here.

also he'd play cod and post on reddit "aita"

here's some drawings for your time . and thank you for the leaf

#sorry this is so disorganized #and if you wanted to hear anything different. if you have any specific questions i'd love to answer them #my huge autism blast i'm so sorry this is like last time HAHA #fixation so strong it made me make an animatic if that says anything

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cowboy · 5 months ago

Text

journal #2

Good eve. :)

I've been in a strange way these past few days. I don't even know where to start seeing as this is seen by strangers who know nothing about my life, not even the mundane or simple things. but I'll just go into it.

This feeling I've been having of feeling like a tiger pacing in a cage has existed for years now and it flares up every once in a while. what does it feel like to let that pressure buildup go? is it possible to let it go? what would cause that pressure to burst and be freed? is this feeling eternally subconscious-to-conscious-to-subconscious-again? as in, i feel like it comes and goes but always exists. does it ever truly, truly leave? what does it mean to feel free, or cageless, anyway?

do y'all even know that feeling i'm talking about? lmao.

i have been going crazy over this crush for way too long and that's definitely adding to my feeling. i feel absolutely tied to a crush when i have one; i become addicted to the sensation of being near them and i forego so many of my desires and needs for them.

i came back home the other day to a messy room for five days in a row and only today could i clean it. i'm actually also realizing i haven't had my meds for a month now and i think that's really adding to this feeling and these actions (or... lack thereof).

anyway, i made a hinge profile this morning and i quickly realized how much i enjoy being found cute! it usually makes me feel really nervous but the separation of an app/ability to just swipe left or whatever made me feel more in control. to be clear, i hate that i enjoy it so much. i feel very vain in that sense -- i suppose it's human, but i'd like to think i don't need/want to be found attractive. oh well. i do i guess. not sure if that's something i should like... fix.

hinge both helped and did not help at all with my crush. i've been able to realize there's attractive funny interesting people out there that my crush tunnel vision was distracting me from, so i feel a lot less tethered to my crush. on the flipside, i realized so quickly that the type of person i am really truly fully attracted to at the moment doesn't exist, because it's just my crush. i just want someone exactly like him because i just like him so much. Lmaoooooooooo.

i'm also feeling stuck on this one art piece i'm making for my now-ex-but-still-bestie -- here's a pic of all the drafts i made of it:

that pic is missing one; four drafts total exist.

here's a close up of the most completed one:

plus my stupid looking goose ass. (my eye is red and irritated rn.)

it says "isn't it funny that we're here and not there?" i liked this concept for a while but now i am sick of it after drawing it three times and i feel like the message is boring to me now. i wanna draw something new, but i haven't properly set aside the time to develop any novel concept that would be appropriate as a gift for my friend.

anyway, i'll try to figure that out. what i'm more interested is -- do you feel like you get anything from this image, emotionally or intellectually? does it interest you at all whatsoever? what do you think the meaning is behind this piece, if any is notable at all? (i like it when people form opinions or theories behind the meanings of my pieces, so anything is valid 100%.)

also, would anyone be interested in purchasing one of these original drafts from me for like $10 or $15? again, i'm seeing if i might dip my toes into selling my art online so any feedback is helpful. hehe.

i'll end here. i have some more to post -- i'll be posting a little sketch comic draft of "notes on having a crush" and maybe people can find those relatable or what have you.

i hope everyone's having an excellent day. i am having a good one myself, despite that strange feeling of being pent-up and unresolved. :)

#journal

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utilitycaster · 1 year ago

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I'm so kdhdkdjdkd jazzed about the fjorester proposal !!!! But something that popped up pretty immediately that baffled me was these like... cope posts i guess? Of how "beau and jester should cheat leaving their partners for eachother and how dw guys marriage is just going to spice up the inevitable affair" and it's not even treated as a joke and Im just confused? Like i got into cr2 by the time it was over with so idk what it was like waiting for releases, but why after all this time do people hold on as much as they do? Do they like the story or not?

So I will be totally honest: I am not above checking the blogs of those I know hold terrible opinions, for a number of reasons both reasonable (keeping an eye out for potential harassment; inspiration for meta; my genuine enjoyment of analyzing fandom trends) and less so (schadenfreude and sending DMs that say Can You Believe This Idiot) but I actually have not seen this! To be clear, I would not be surprised it was out there - heaven knows this was a refrain during late Campaign 2 and in the leadup to the two-shot - but I thought that most people finally gave up in late 2022 after the two-shot made it clear the existing relationships are still very much in place. Granted I, as always, rarely go on Twitter.

Anyway. I think some of it is just that people whose enjoyment of works hinges on their ships becoming canon, rather than that being one of many facets to their fandom, also tend to not know when to give up just generally (you can look around this website and still find people hopping mad and/or pining for resolution regarding shows that ended before Campaign 2 even started). I think most of them did finally give up and leave, which is probably healthier for both them and the fandom, but there will probably be a dwindling number of holdouts who will gasp out on their deathbed fifty years hence "Beau and Jester should have been together" to a politely confused hospice nurse.

To actually answer your question, no, they do not like the story. I know I've been very hard on people who seem to only be able to enjoy fiction through a lens of either shipping or intense projection of the self onto existing characters, but in my defense, I'm right. This is a whole separate post, which to be honest I've kind of already made several times, but the usual complaint about the Campaign 2 noncanon ships (echoed in the complaints about Campaign 3 primarily by those who do like the canon ships thereof) was that they would have happened and been flawless and perfect but for that Pesky Plot, ie, the story. Unless the entire point of a story is a romance (eg: the genre that is cleverly titled "Romance") romance is always optional.

I also think, to be honest, Campaign 2 attracted people who were patient. This is a good thing! I think that, for example, people who are not entirely feeling Campaign 2 13 episodes in are valid, because I was similarly enjoying myself but not entirely won over by the plot yet, and it was only a combination of that patience and the burgeoning character dynamics that kept me going (plus the fact that watching week to week is a lower commitment than a binge). Granted I think if you fully give up at that point you are weak and will not survive the winter and should probably go watch Michael Bay movies or Bluey, but that's a separate point. Anyway. Some people are patient beyond a point where it is rewarding or even neutral and pass into a realm of showing up to the Story That Has Fjorester and Beauyasha In It muttering "I hope this doesn't have any fucking Fjorester and Beauyasha". I don't know how to help them, nor do I particularly want to, but I do know that not going on Twitter has been super helpful.

One final note: again, haven't seen the thing you mention in your ask yet in relation to this one-shot and not for lack of poking around Tumblr at least; but I have seen people who were deeply bitter about Campaign 2 but are still around for Campaign 3, though not a ton, and this was also frankly true of people who loved Campaign 1 and have not really cared since but still stick around. There's a weird zombie problem in the fandom; you get people who are very invested in being a fan of Critical Role and can't seem to leave, but haven't actually been happy for literal years, either because they were ultimately only fans of Vox Machina, or the Mighty Nein, or a specific ship within that. It is actually something I try to be cognizant of because I was very cautious about becoming that during the stretch when I was more frustrated by Campaign 3 than I am now. I think, ultimately, it's a conflation of one's fandom with one's external identity and I don't know how that happens or how to fix it but that might also be a factor: people who really don't like the show and haven't for years and are grasping at a thing they think would fix that and make them happy again, and refuse to admit it might be time to move on because that would mean they need to change their conception of themselves.

#answered #Anonymous #follow for more amateur fandom sociology #critical role spoilers

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