#anyway. one of my most hinged posts i would say

[gideonisms]

My deepest fantasy is to be mercymorn's stupid underling who she treats like I'm useless but due to my many years in customer service and my blatant autistic tendencies I pretend I'm too oblivious to notice until she has to admit her days are much easier when I'm working versus admiral sarpedon and gradually my combination of feigned innocence, ability to empathize without technically agreeing to anything, genuine human emotion peeking out from underneath several tantalizing layers of deflection, and let's be real my status as a nonthreatening gay friend remind her of the past she's left behind and she finally imprints on me to the point where she's left broken when I leave for $2 more per hour at a different job and has to confront who she truly is in a way she hasn't in 10 thousand years

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to a meta post that was not supposed to exist, but I fucking love answering questions, so here we are.

i got an ask (the answer contains a tl;dr) about why I think Crowley has unstable relationship patterns, and the following will be a detailed look at why this is the case, how Aziraphale plays into it, and what it ultimately means for the two of them.

This won't be as unhinged as my usual analyses, so consider this a special edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner - now hinged.

As always, please remember that this is my personal interpretation—not a generalization—and that genuine questions are welcome, either here on the post or in my inbox!

Everything I will say is based on research I have done, books & studies, and many, many conversations with my therapist (and at points my psychiatrist too); just so you know I'm not making shit up as I go.

Now, in the context of trauma-related/based disorders, what exactly does it mean to have unstable relationship patterns, and how does it apply to Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship?

Canonically, heaven does not care about what Aziraphale is doing and they are not keeping an eye on him. We know this both from references in the script and their dialogue and what we see throughout the show as a whole. That "fear" of being found out should he openly commit to Crowley is, for the most part, self-fabricated.

Yes, hell would potentially punish him (that potentially is another long post), but that is not something Aziraphale gets to take and use against Crowley, and the fact that does it anyway to 'prove' that he is not behaving incorrectly is a big issue.

What that leaves them with is a very common and well-known relationship pattern that requires a lot of self-awareness, control, and work to break it.

Aziraphale and Crowley get closer, spend more time together, their relationship grows and the intimacy increases, resulting in their behaviour changing to reflect that. They go on more romantic-coded dates (e.g. 1827, whatever the fuck 1941 was), eat together more frequently, drink together and feel comfortable enough to get drunk drunk while in each other's company—which always carries the inherent risk of doing something 'forbidden' while their impulse control is lowered.

I think the second episode of season one is actually a great example for all of this. When they drive to Tadfield, there's a mutually respectful conversation, they tease each other, they bicker like an old married couple, and don't fall into blaming the other for the situation they're in. At the manor, they are openly flirting from the start, laughing about the paintball guns and blowing kisses to miracle away stains, and the wall slam scene honestly speaks for itself.

I wrote a detailed analysis of it right here, which contains the conclusion that the entire interaction was intentional and orchestrated by the two of them.

They are doing great, they're comfortable, intimate—both physically and emotionally—and their sides are already on their asses about the apocalypse, so why not commit to the relationship?

Because Aziraphale gets scared, scared of intimacy, scared of what it would mean for his life, scared of what it would force him to confront (his faith, mostly, which is another gigantic topic), scared of the changes it would bring to their relationship, scared of breaking out of the pattern they have been moving in since the very beginning.

So he pushes, hard. He insults and denies and hurts Crowley to get as far away from all of that as possible. Push & pull, no matter when, no matter why, it's always the same.

At this point you might be thinking Alex, this is all on Aziraphale, how is this also Crowley's unstable relationship pattern? The answer to that question can be roughly summarized in one sentence:

He does not punish or discourage Aziraphale's behaviour.

There are NEVER lasting—if any—negative consequences for Aziraphale when he forces them into the push/pull dynamic, when he insults him, denies their relationship, calls him evil, you name it. No matter what Aziraphale does, Crowley always forgives and forgets and comes back to him, essentially resetting their loop. That way there cannot be any progress because they're not moving a single inch in either direction that isn't carefully organized and controlled by Aziraphale.

Why does Crowley not confront him? Because he is scared too.

Now, THIS is the part where I explain why I said Crowley has unstable relationship patterns. It is important to understand that Aziraphale's kind of instability is only one possible manifestation, and that they are—broadly speaking—on opposite ends of the spectrum, which not only makes them incredibly compatible, but also makes them worse.

Crowley is terrified of losing Aziraphale permanently and being on his own. God rejected him, heaven rejected him, hell rejected him—his life as been one traumatic incident after the other with a strong focus on abandonment and neglect, especially from people he cared about.

He says himself that Aziraphale is his only friend, he doesn't have anyone or anything else. The bookshop is Aziraphale's anchor, but Crowley has nothing except the Bentley and whatever Aziraphale allows him to partake in. Hell can take his job, his flat, punish and torture him as they please, and make his life, well, hell.

With the Bentley only appearing in the early 20th century, for 99% of his life he had nothing except for Aziraphale, his best friend, the person he loves.

So what does he do? He clings, he circles him and tries to push his orbit just a tiny bit closer whenever there's a gap he can use, trying to solidify their relationship. Terrified of being abandoned again, he swallows and ignores everything and anything negative.

The final fifteen are the FIRST TIME that Aziraphale asked him for something and he said no without changing his mind later—and it was literally the worst case scenario, the one boundary he has that he is not willing to cross for him, literally the barest minimum.

Every other time he relented, gave in, apologized for something that wasn't his fault, have Aziraphale everything he wanted from Hamlet over shooting a gun at his face to giving him the Bentley. Crowley's primary objective is to do whatever it takes to avoid being abandoned, so whenever Aziraphale DOES push back and abandons him/says that he will, he panics. He panics even more when there is an outside source threatening Aziraphale's presence in his life.

Look at how frantic he is when he finds Aziraphale after the bandstand, trying to say whatever it takes to get him to come with him. He does the apology dance, gives in when it comes to Gabriel, and never reacts to Aziraphale in a way that would prompt him to re-think the choices he is making, let alone stop doing the push/pull.

His identity revolves around Aziraphale, his only relationship is with Aziraphale, he allows him to shape him to his liking as far as he can take and then some, he needs him to be happy, to enjoy himself, to live a life worth living—and Aziraphale needs him to be and do all of those things so he can keep up his behaviour.

They are dangerously co-dependent and just spiral deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom and are forced to separate.

Look, I have BPD on top of everything else, I have been in a relationship with this exact pattern in Crowley's role, and it is fucking horrible. Absolutely unbearable. My ex-partner was like Aziraphale, pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing but on a daily basis, every few hours. No amount of talking or begging could get them to not behave in a way that would hurt me, and I was so emotionally tied to them and terrified of being alone that just like Crowley, I relented every. single. time. A year and a half and they never, not ONCE, apologized for anything. Ever. Not for hurting me, not for being an asshole, nothing.

The only way I got out was with a lot of therapy, support, and so much emotional work I was having several panic attacks a day because I was so fucking exhausted. Crowley and Aziraphale separating was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.

Now, Aziraphale is facing negative consequences for his behaviour and is forced to examine himself and deal with all those fears causing him to behave the way he does. Crowley on the other hand is now forced to learn how to exist without Aziraphale to orbit around—he needs to develop an identity that exists outside of Aziraphale, so he can have boundaries and stick to them.

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko - In defense of Ai's "lies"

Warning: Manga spoilers below.

This post is a reaction to people occasionally saying, "Maybe Ai was the real villain all along" or "But Ai lies" as evidence of her character being sucky. And just... come on. I know, dear reader, that you understand how silly that is but I'm gonna spell it out anyway.

I always want to say in response: "Who did Ai hurt with her lies?" There is one character you may be thinking of and I'll get to that, but the person she hurt the most was herself. Because she told herself nonsense about how she was an irresponsible, dirty liar.

This breaks my fragile heart because this, right here, is the lie. Her negative self-talk stemming from a childhood filled with abuse and loneliness framed her issues with understanding love as if it were her fault and not, I dunno, the woman who fed her glass (see 45510) and abandoned her.

What were Ai's lies? Should they even be classified as such? Let's break it down:

She hid her kids. I would hardly call this a lie so much as a totally normal boundary for a celebrity with a public and private life. It only mattered because of the absurd standards for idols. It was more of a lie by omission anyway, but if someone asked her point blank if she had kids (maybe after one too many times nearly mentioning her kids lol) it would be perfectly acceptable to say no.

She put on a happy face at all times, hiding her emotions. This primarily hurt herself because it increased her social isolation and caused the girls in B Komachi to view her as untouchable and inhuman. Nino wouldn't have been so hurt by their fight if Ai better knew how to express herself, or maybe even if she had shown that she cared by yelling back, but that's a lot to expect from someone with Ai's background and lack of experience with relationships.

There's also Ai's neurodivergence. I don't want to speculate too much about that as I am not hugely familiar with the topic besides what I've learned by googling, but it can cause difficulty with social situations and expressing emotions. Sounds pretty familiar.

We are told in ch 137: "She could neither love nor trust people. She was timid and sensitive. She got hurt after being at odds with her friends. She really was an ordinary girl you could find anywhere. That's why she lied. A big lie that concealed her weak self completely."

Another description for this is a defense mechanism. Ai was not raised in an environment where vulnerability was met with reassurances. Moreover, as an idol it was hammered into her that she needed to hide anything about herself that could be deemed as negative or ugly. Anything that made her human. Ichigo told her at age 12 to lie until she understood love. She was set up from the get go to consider herself nothing but a liar.

She lied to Hikaru when she said, "I can't love you." This is actually not a big lie so much as the most negative take on her emotions. She wasn't sure she could love him but she wanted to. The real untruth is the way she flippantly strolled out the door as if she didn't care about him. But that doesn't make her a villain and her reasons are obvious given everything told to us about her in ch 137 and her avoidant tendencies she used as a shield to protect herself. She handled the breakup with all the grace of an elephant wearing ice skates but I'm not about to blame her for it.

She lied about love. I saved the big one for last. The thing her characterization hinges on. But it was hardly a lie at all. Not only because she actually did love her kids or that she was trying so hard to love which was its own form of love ("lies are love"), but because the idea of having to love her fans in a personal manner that goes beyond appreciation is actually ridiculous.

Nobody expects an office worker to love their clients or someone working at Starbucks to love their customers. But as an idol she was marketed as a perfect, pure girl, someone men could project their fantasies onto and who was supposed to genuinely love each and every one of them in return. It's nonsense. Ai was certainly not the only idol failing to live up to this. She just took it incredibly hard because she felt her lack of understanding of love was a personal failing.

We are told that Ai was a liar but she was honest as often as she hid the truth. She asked Gotanda to film the real her after he called her out about putting on an act. She was candid in the fan Q&A in 45110. In Viewpoint B she wrote a song that expressed her genuine feelings. She adored her kids so much that she slipped up and nearly talked about them on camera. Ai wanted to share how they had impacted her life but couldn't except through veiled statements. She was completely honest with Ryosuke, treating the moment as if she was in a confessional detailing her sins.

None of this is to say Ai was perfect. We're bonked over the head with the fact that Ai was a regular person who could get angry, who was too timid to push herself to connect with her fellow members of B Komachi, who undoubtedly did and said things that did not reflect her best self just as we all do. But I don't think liar is her defining trait. It's probably not even in her top five. I would describe her as sensitive, loving, mischievous, playful, and intelligent (she could be airheaded but she was incredibly savvy about her image) before I'd call her a liar.

There is no Real Villain Ai. And I can't tell you how glad I am that the theory some people held about her forcing sex on Hikaru was thoroughly debunked. Right up there with people speculating that Crow Girl is actually reincarnated Ai. That just made me laugh. The last thing reincarnated Ai would do is jerk her kids around.

We're told Ai was a liar because that's how she viewed herself. It's not an objective fact or at least not a fact that trumps everything else about her. So the next time someone says "Ai was a liar" my response would be "OK. So what?"

[helenofblackthorns]

I saw one of your posts mentioning the parallels between Julian and Dru. Can you dive a little deeper into that or explain it more? It sounds really interesting 😎

of course! sorry this is a little all over the place 😅 it's kinda just all my thoughts plastered together

anyway the thing that began this train of thought was that Mark calls Julian "his dreamer" in TFTSA, and "the dreamer" is also the moniker that Julian gives Dru in LM. everything kinda spirals from there as more parallels occured to me as I thought about it more.

Julian is mistaken multiple times for Andrew; Dru is said to look the most like Eleanor. They're both extremely good liars. The first person they ever killed (at 12/13) was already dead but not quite. They both felt the pressure of having to grow up too fast. Julian is an artist & both Helen and Mark bring up how Dru loved bright colours when she was younger. also like. "you're the heart of the family, baby girl. I promise you. you're our heart." and Julian entire arc in TDA being remembering he has his own and that it's worth something.

another thing that struck me a lot was how Julian used to look after Tavvy after their mom died. not his physical needs, Helen covered those, but he watched over him and played in the same room as him because someone had to. Emma says that's where it all started with Julian & how he holds everything and everyone together. and when their dad dies and Helen & Mark are gone, Dru takes that over from him. Tavvy's almost always with Dru in TDA, and while that's because she's often paired off with him it comes from an underlying assumption that you can rely on Dru to always have Tavvy. and I can't see how that would happen given that Dru is the second youngest unless she, like Julian, did what someone had to. which ties into how her updated flower card is "with me you are safe"

they both need friends a little more than their siblings too imo. like Dru's arc in TDA around Jaime and how she just really badly wants a friend and Julian and his Emma (to quote Mark again lol) well before romance came into the picture. their mutual desire for someone that none of their siblings have because they have each other. Helen & Mark. Livvy & Ty. Julian and Dru are the odd men out. even when Mark & Julian and Ty & Dru do get closer it hinges out the fact Helen is exiled and Livvy is dead. it's no one fault but an impassable divide exists between them anyway.

a more vaguely I think about how Julian's bedroom walls are dedicated to a giant gloomy mural of Sleeping Beauty and Dru's is a shrine to horror and terror. like what's the difference between dreams and nightmares anyway.

[wordsandrobots]

So I've never seen anyone badmouth Gaelio as often as you, besides the ones that rightfully complain that he shouldn't have come back. Not that I wholly disagree, but what are your reasons?

Oh, anon. No, no, no. No, you have to understand, I *adore* Gaelio. He's perfect, vengeance arc and all. He is my absolute favourite chew toy. I wouldn't have spent so long writing fanfic focused on what happens to him, mentally speaking, post-canon if I didn't love the obnoxious lavender-tousled prick to death.

Gaelio Bauduin is a man fucked over by his social position, a sweet kid scarred by having been born into an aristocracy, who nevertheless retains enough of a moral compass to change for the better. He learns. He grows. He cares for those closest to him with an earnestness that belies his snobbish, flippant attitude. He genuinely, uncomplicatedly commits to justice and loyalty in ways his upbringing ought by rights to have beaten out of him.

He is additionally the single biggest reason the story ends as badly as it does, on account of being the most hideously self-absorbed dipstick on the face of the solar system.

(Second most hideously self-absorbed, we do have to factor in Iok.)

In another story, Gaelio's gradual dawning realisation that the attitudes he was taught are bullshit would be a process of redemption. His experiences with Ein, his compassion towards Carta, his vitriolic semi-mentor/semi-friend relationship with Julieta, his apology to Mikazuki -- these are the markers of someone learning to be a better person. In another story, he'd be learning to be a hero.

But in this story, his slow personal journey isn't what's important. What matters is how it interacts with a world too cynical to run on heroic narratives. Elion uses him as a political wedge. Tekkadan do not give a rat's arse about what he thinks. McGillis allows no room for an epiphany concerning their friendship until it is far, far too late. In imagining the scales had fallen from his eyes, he railroaded himself into the biggest screw-up of his life.

It's not completely his fault. As I said, he's used and rejected by others, and McGillis did have a damn good go at murdering him. But if he had been slightly more open-minded, slightly more willing to put his money where his mouth was when it came to his disapproval of Gjallarhorn's actions, and slightly less prone to making everything about his feelings -- well maybe he wouldn't have ended a broken, wistful shell of his former self, voluntarily disabling himself and regretting everything he didn't understand.

It's *beautiful*. Seriously. The tenor of your question leads me to believe I should restate my opinion that Iron-Blooded Orphans is a near-perfectly executed tragedy. When I say Gaelio is 'Always Wrong (TM)', I mean that is the part he plays in the tale. The man who makes every possible mistake he could in the course of getting exactly what he thought he wanted. It's a narrative role and he is a fantastic way of filling it because unlike Iok (who exists entirely as a hate-sink), Gaelio *does* have redeeming characteristics. He's loyal and principled. Passionate and determined. Able to adjust his world-view based on his experiences. Ultimately capable of swallowing his pride and admitting he was wrong.

And it doesn't matter one single jot. Things still end in flames, not just in spite of his attempts to do right by those he accidentally doomed but because of those actions.

Also he's a melodramatic brat who canonically used to flirt using Norse mythology, repeatedly injured people on his own side by mistake, got his arse handed to him by children (again, repeatedly), adopted the most on-theme moniker he could while wearing a doofy mask for months on end, and spent Season 1 with a crush on the world's least-hinged cop-brained class-traitor. I denigrate his character in precise proportion to which it is presented as lamentable.

Anyway, to lay off the verbosity for a minute, please also understand that if my opinion on a character is negative in the sense of 'I think the writers fucked this up', I'm unlikely to spend much time creatively cussing them out. For instance, to pick another Gundam example, I don't enjoy Shinn from SEED:Destiny. I get what the writing is going for with him and I think it's a neat plot concept, but I find the actual result grating. It's the same for a lot of the cast. Overall, I just don't rate that show very highly. So I don't talk about it, and I don't expend effort to dig into narrative roles, how characters come across, what that means for other parts of the story, etc. To put it bluntly, it's not worth my time, especially when there are people who *do* like SEED and don't need me raining on their parade.

But I enjoy watching Gaelio and that's exactly why I bad-mouth him. It's more than a passing joke; it's part and parcel of what I love about how Gaelio is implemented, that he's that much of an aristocratic nitwit, and that even when he's making moves towards the broadly 'good' end of the moral spectrum, he's still got a deeply hierarchical attitude. This is a man who, in the middle of quite understandably wanting to get back at somebody who tried to assassinate him, reflects on enjoying being in the heat of battle again after having just beaten-up/killed a bunch of workers trying to break free of colonial rule. There is a *lot* you can dig into about what (and who) Gaelio sees as important and how his attitudes are a perpetual work-in-progress, constrained both by his assumptions and by the alliances he has to make in order to pursue his revenge.

It's well executed, as I said, and I happen to find it extremely compelling. Certainly more so than if he hadn't been resurrected because the show-runners liked his voice actor's performance.

[artist-issues]

Birds do it, bees do it, educated fleas do it,

let’s do it, let’s 

REMAKE THE LIGHT FURY

Toothless used to be a realistic creature, designed to balance on the visual knife blade’s edge between appealing and terrifying. He borrowed his coloration from panthers and manta rays and his movement from cats because they are real animals that master that cute-fierce combo, too. He could look menacing and then loveable at the drop of a hat. 

Then in HTTYD 2 somebody hit him with the Puppy Stick. I haven’t seen any better explanation of the visual problems with Toothless from HTTYD 1 to HTTYD 3 other than this Reddit user’s, so we’re just going to skip trying. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/httyd/comments/qasmwo/toothless_head_comparison_by_durkishdragon/

Read that. Anyway. Let’s move on to the Light Fury.  Everyone’s talked over and over the problems with the Light Fury’s design. So I don’t think I need to go into depth with that, either. Suffice to say, I believe that the way a character is designed should reflect their purpose in the story. She was never meant to be a species that was exciting to learn more about, unlike the Bewilderbeast or the Night Fury. She was just meant for cute interactions with Toothless. I think her design, sad as it is, reflects that lazy story direction. 

BUT NOT OUR REDESIGNS. And mine is no exception! If I’m going to change the story structure of HTTYD 3 (and I am) then the Light Fury has to change, big time. 

First we’ll talk about the species. 

We all know there are more than one Light Fury visible in the third film, and that’s the idea I hinged my little “fix it” re-write of HTTYD3 on in this post. I’m not going to restate it, but a lot of it focuses on Hiccup and Toothless discovering a whole Fury Flock who has migrated out of distant, hostile lands and is resting near Berk on their way to the Hidden World.

This way, instead of the Love Interest Fury just serving as Catnip that makes Toothless act dippy and cuddly, they actually have a purpose—because they’re tied to a mystery. They’re the whole plot. This way, instead of Toothless waking through the woods and happening upon a single personality-bland version of himself with no build-up, the Light Furies are a whole community and species that the story spends as much time on as they did the Night Fury in the first film.  Anyway. So while our heroes are uncovering all the interesting quirks and hierarchy of the Fury Flock, we’ll do the same!

So without further ado—bum-ba-da-dum, let me introduce you to—

The Sky Fury! 

(Click for better view)

Yeah, okay, I know it’s a different name and not too terribly different a design, but hear me out below the cut

I don’t think that just because Toothless, is straight black with faintly darker markings (basically only visible in the first movie) that means every other Fury has to be one solid color either. And why should it be white? Most white animals in the wild who don’t live in snowy environments straight up die because of their lack of pigmentation. It makes them a target and it lets reptiles get sunburnt.

But we all know that white contrasted with Toothless’ black has a certain appeal. It’s more visually interesting than a samey-same color pairing between him and any would-be Love Interest. So I kept the white, like most re-designers do.

And then I thought, well, why would Furies have to worry about being spotted by enemies—they’re up in the sky all the time anyway. So instead of having the Furies be completely black and only able to blend in with shadows and the night sky, our Furies will be mottled.

Their markings will be more visible to let them camouflage against cloudscapes in the daytime—and just like black panthers are simply leopards with overwhelming black in their coats, Sky Furies are kind of like what Night Furies might look like if you could fade back some of that intense black and see the patterns underneath. 

 So our Sky Furies are mostly white, but with hints of blue and stormy gray underneath. The youngest Sky Furies are sky-blue around their horns—which, yes, they have horns and spiny spikes, not just smooth aquatic ridges.  I basically leaned into what the original design for the Light Fury was supposed to be; rougher like an axolotl, with influences from a naturally-pale master of camouflage in the wild like the Snow Leopard or Clouded Leopard. We keep all the potential for cuteness without losing the fierceness.

Because you can’t tell me this:

Is nailing the fierce-end of the spectrum as perfectly as THIS DID: 

So the Sky Furies are called Sky Furies because one, Light Fury is a dumb name. It sounds super made-up. Like they were really just trying to rhyme with “Night.” But “Sky” Fury indicates that there’s more to know about this type of Fury besides the fact that they’re associated with Toothless. 

A few things about the Sky Fury Species:

- Only their two largest ear-flaps can move.

- They are better swimmers than Night Furies.

- They can camouflage, but they can’t echolocate.

- They communicate by clicking more often than roaring or other vocalizations. This is why their Old Night Fury leader calls to them by clicking his back spines together, open and shut.

- They have a complex social hierarchy. In one Flock, the leader’s rule is always obeyed; unlike other Dragon species, Furies aren’t susceptible to being “controlled” by an alpha. (This explains why Toothless was able to block out the Bewilderbeast in HTTYD 2. And we can just say he just needed some practice doing it, since he didn’t grow up with his own kind.) They just obey the leader in charge.

- Sky Furies must migrate from the Hidden World to Grimmel’s Land every thirty years. It is an instinctual urge, like Sea Turtles going on land to give birth or Manta Rays migrating. Theory has it their first nesting grounds were on the land Grimmel’s people built their village on top of. Ever since then, Sky Furies and Grimmel’s Tribe have been at intense war. This leaves them with no tolerance at all for humans—in fact, they’ve begun viewing people as a particularly impressive part of their food chain.

- Sky Furies are strategic, team hunters. Rarely do they set out to hunt alone. Part of their social hierarchy is that the first Fury to strike prey (being the fastest) is generally the first to eat. If a Fury is eating alone, it is because that Fury is being punished or outcasted by the others. 

- Sky Furies have almost always been led by Night Furies, because Night Furies can echolocate and sense the underground routes to the Hidden World. In return for this, Sky Furies often hunt for their leader during the daytime hours, the same way lionesses hunt while male lions protects the group.  - Sky Furies sing! This is the only way they use their vocalization abilities, and they only do it when they feel safe. That’s all I’ve got for now. More art to come—more on the specific Love Interest Fury, too.

[xproskeith]

can you tell i'm bored-

please answer those. i also drew a ghost for you. because i'm bored. i'm gonna answer my asks too lmao HAVE FUN!

Lmao ok but I actually love this. The you wrote it out AND the ghost! Tis the season!! 👻🎃 Now let's begin!

11: best friend?

My best friend is awesome! His name is Ben and we've been friends since we met at college for our first degrees (we'd both end up going back for nursing later. He ended up following me on that front). But we really started to get closer after we both graduated and especially after I moved back to New Orleans after moving home after graduation for a year and a half. He's just a really cool and chill guy who has always been there for me and been super supportive. We've both helped each other through some really rough times in our lives and really supported each other. He's pretty introverted, tho if you met him you might not realize that at first. It's a hilarious contrast to my extreme extroversion. I also owe meeting my wife to him. He pushed me to finally get on the dating apps and I met my wife on hinge. He also encouraged me when she and I started talking and dating seriously. He also knows how to deal with my anxiety very well and respectfully, tho my anxiety has gotten immensely better than it used to be. Still, worth mentioning. He's also said on multiple occasions how much he appreciates and like how I am just unapologetically me and an unapologetic nerd. To quote him, "genuine folks are hard to find." So that was also really cool to hear from him and just reaffirmed that being myself is the right move. When he lived in the city with me, we'd hang out at least once a week. But we text daily for the most part and still try to see each other as much as we can even tho he's 2.5hrs away now. He was my best man and gave an amazing and touching best man speech. Now, almost a year later, people still talk about it and quote him, "IDK how else to describe him other than he's aggressively friendly." it's accurate and everyone who has heard that agrees lol. Anyway, he's great and I'm blessed to have him in my life. Here's a pic of us at my bachelor trip and before my wedding. As you can see, and as I've mentioned before in various other posts, the dude is built like a Greek god lol

15: favorite movie

This is actually a hard one lol. I enjoy a lot of movies, but have a hard time narrowing down a fave. Hmm. Deadpool and Wolverine is certainly up there for very obvious reasons, but a movie that has always stuck with me since I was younger is The Prestige. It's a well done film whose twist really got me at the end. It's rare for me not to figure out a movie twist before the end and this one I did not see coming.

18: most traumatic experience 

You're gonna get 2 for the price of 1 lol. 1 childhood trauma and 1 adulthood trauma. Both cover a span of time instead of one specific incident.

First is childhood. From pretty much 1st - 4th grade, I was bullied pretty often. I was a very big and fat kid who was also nice and didn't exactly fight back, so I suppose in retrospect that made me an easy target. But beyond that, I was often made the butts of my peers' jokes or would be asked to do something silly or embarrass or the like and they'd say stuff like "of course we're you're friend!" and "if you do it, we'll be your friend." so this went as well as you can expect. It got so bad and took so much of a toll on me that my mom literally pulled me out of school to homeschool me from 5th-8th grade. This would eventually become repressed as the mind often does only to rear its ugly head later in adulthood when my friends wanted to institute a "punishment" for whoever placed last in our fantasy football league. I had always opposed this idea, but they we were really pushing for it that year. Didn't help I was dead last, but I was having such a visceral reaction and didn't know why. But I was literally about to drop out of the league because of it. Then all of a sudden the memories came flooding back and I finally understood the why. I explained it to 3 of my friends in the league, including the guy in charge, and they abandoned the punishment idea. They said they hoped they knew that this was very different and that no ill will was meant. I did, but it didn't stop how I felt. So the punishment idea was dropped.

Now for adulthood. That would be working through COVID as a nurse. This was traumatizing in many ways, but in particular there were 3 key points. The first was watching patients deteriorate and die so rapidly. Like I would leave in the morning and come back to find out my patient coded and died 3 hours after I left. They were fine before then. We also called so many rapid and codes because people would deteriorate so much and so rapidly. Despite everything I knew and docs and nurses way more experienced than me knew, we couldn't save them all or stop the rapid spiral.

Secondly, every time a code blue or rapid response is called overhead, it's preceeded by a beep on the intercom. I would hear that so many times during that time that I found myself to physically flinch and tense and my heart would race whenever I'd hear it. Even a year later when it was just happening to make an announcement. Didn't realize it was legitimately a PTSD response until I was talking to an army buddy who was like "Yeah dude that's what happens to me when my PTSD gets triggered." I overcome that by becoming the code and rapid nurse for my icu when I moved. So I just threw myself headlong into it and overcame it by exposure and desensitization.

Lastly, there was the whiplash of being called a hero and having my knowledge and insight respected only to be called a liar months later. By my own family even. I still remember making a lengthy thoughtful post about the importance of making and explaining why surgical works for day to day vs the n95 masks needed in hospital and the same day my mom made a post about how covid is a lie and masking is just the government trying to control us. My family has on multiple occasions told me my experiences weren't real and I was exaggerating, especially because I'm liberal. After many fights, we all finally agreed to just never talk about it around each other. An uneasy peace, but better.

So there you have it. My two biggest traumatic experiences lol.

21: what I love most about myself

My kindness and willingness to help people

28: a description of the person I dislike the most

Hmm I don't really dislike people. But I suppose this one older lady at work. Kind of short, white, fading blonde hair that's always short. She's always unhappy lol. Mostly dislike her bc she gatekeeps certain patients and has full control over the schedule despite not being the manager.

42: last thing I ate

Greek yogurt and pumpkin seed granola

[cowboy]

journal #2

Good eve. :)

I've been in a strange way these past few days. I don't even know where to start seeing as this is seen by strangers who know nothing about my life, not even the mundane or simple things. but I'll just go into it.

This feeling I've been having of feeling like a tiger pacing in a cage has existed for years now and it flares up every once in a while. what does it feel like to let that pressure buildup go? is it possible to let it go? what would cause that pressure to burst and be freed? is this feeling eternally subconscious-to-conscious-to-subconscious-again? as in, i feel like it comes and goes but always exists. does it ever truly, truly leave? what does it mean to feel free, or cageless, anyway?

do y'all even know that feeling i'm talking about? lmao.

i have been going crazy over this crush for way too long and that's definitely adding to my feeling. i feel absolutely tied to a crush when i have one; i become addicted to the sensation of being near them and i forego so many of my desires and needs for them.

i came back home the other day to a messy room for five days in a row and only today could i clean it. i'm actually also realizing i haven't had my meds for a month now and i think that's really adding to this feeling and these actions (or... lack thereof).

anyway, i made a hinge profile this morning and i quickly realized how much i enjoy being found cute! it usually makes me feel really nervous but the separation of an app/ability to just swipe left or whatever made me feel more in control. to be clear, i hate that i enjoy it so much. i feel very vain in that sense -- i suppose it's human, but i'd like to think i don't need/want to be found attractive. oh well. i do i guess. not sure if that's something i should like... fix.

hinge both helped and did not help at all with my crush. i've been able to realize there's attractive funny interesting people out there that my crush tunnel vision was distracting me from, so i feel a lot less tethered to my crush. on the flipside, i realized so quickly that the type of person i am really truly fully attracted to at the moment doesn't exist, because it's just my crush. i just want someone exactly like him because i just like him so much. Lmaoooooooooo.

i'm also feeling stuck on this one art piece i'm making for my now-ex-but-still-bestie -- here's a pic of all the drafts i made of it:

that pic is missing one; four drafts total exist.

here's a close up of the most completed one:

plus my stupid looking goose ass. (my eye is red and irritated rn.)

it says "isn't it funny that we're here and not there?" i liked this concept for a while but now i am sick of it after drawing it three times and i feel like the message is boring to me now. i wanna draw something new, but i haven't properly set aside the time to develop any novel concept that would be appropriate as a gift for my friend.

anyway, i'll try to figure that out. what i'm more interested is -- do you feel like you get anything from this image, emotionally or intellectually? does it interest you at all whatsoever? what do you think the meaning is behind this piece, if any is notable at all? (i like it when people form opinions or theories behind the meanings of my pieces, so anything is valid 100%.)

also, would anyone be interested in purchasing one of these original drafts from me for like $10 or $15? again, i'm seeing if i might dip my toes into selling my art online so any feedback is helpful. hehe.

i'll end here. i have some more to post -- i'll be posting a little sketch comic draft of "notes on having a crush" and maybe people can find those relatable or what have you.

i hope everyone's having an excellent day. i am having a good one myself, despite that strange feeling of being pent-up and unresolved. :)

[utilitycaster]

I'm so kdhdkdjdkd jazzed about the fjorester proposal !!!! But something that popped up pretty immediately that baffled me was these like... cope posts i guess? Of how "beau and jester should cheat leaving their partners for eachother and how dw guys marriage is just going to spice up the inevitable affair" and it's not even treated as a joke and Im just confused? Like i got into cr2 by the time it was over with so idk what it was like waiting for releases, but why after all this time do people hold on as much as they do? Do they like the story or not?

So I will be totally honest: I am not above checking the blogs of those I know hold terrible opinions, for a number of reasons both reasonable (keeping an eye out for potential harassment; inspiration for meta; my genuine enjoyment of analyzing fandom trends) and less so (schadenfreude and sending DMs that say Can You Believe This Idiot) but I actually have not seen this! To be clear, I would not be surprised it was out there - heaven knows this was a refrain during late Campaign 2 and in the leadup to the two-shot - but I thought that most people finally gave up in late 2022 after the two-shot made it clear the existing relationships are still very much in place. Granted I, as always, rarely go on Twitter.

Anyway. I think some of it is just that people whose enjoyment of works hinges on their ships becoming canon, rather than that being one of many facets to their fandom, also tend to not know when to give up just generally (you can look around this website and still find people hopping mad and/or pining for resolution regarding shows that ended before Campaign 2 even started). I think most of them did finally give up and leave, which is probably healthier for both them and the fandom, but there will probably be a dwindling number of holdouts who will gasp out on their deathbed fifty years hence "Beau and Jester should have been together" to a politely confused hospice nurse.

To actually answer your question, no, they do not like the story. I know I've been very hard on people who seem to only be able to enjoy fiction through a lens of either shipping or intense projection of the self onto existing characters, but in my defense, I'm right. This is a whole separate post, which to be honest I've kind of already made several times, but the usual complaint about the Campaign 2 noncanon ships (echoed in the complaints about Campaign 3 primarily by those who do like the canon ships thereof) was that they would have happened and been flawless and perfect but for that Pesky Plot, ie, the story. Unless the entire point of a story is a romance (eg: the genre that is cleverly titled "Romance") romance is always optional.

I also think, to be honest, Campaign 2 attracted people who were patient. This is a good thing! I think that, for example, people who are not entirely feeling Campaign 2 13 episodes in are valid, because I was similarly enjoying myself but not entirely won over by the plot yet, and it was only a combination of that patience and the burgeoning character dynamics that kept me going (plus the fact that watching week to week is a lower commitment than a binge). Granted I think if you fully give up at that point you are weak and will not survive the winter and should probably go watch Michael Bay movies or Bluey, but that's a separate point. Anyway. Some people are patient beyond a point where it is rewarding or even neutral and pass into a realm of showing up to the Story That Has Fjorester and Beauyasha In It muttering "I hope this doesn't have any fucking Fjorester and Beauyasha". I don't know how to help them, nor do I particularly want to, but I do know that not going on Twitter has been super helpful.

One final note: again, haven't seen the thing you mention in your ask yet in relation to this one-shot and not for lack of poking around Tumblr at least; but I have seen people who were deeply bitter about Campaign 2 but are still around for Campaign 3, though not a ton, and this was also frankly true of people who loved Campaign 1 and have not really cared since but still stick around. There's a weird zombie problem in the fandom; you get people who are very invested in being a fan of Critical Role and can't seem to leave, but haven't actually been happy for literal years, either because they were ultimately only fans of Vox Machina, or the Mighty Nein, or a specific ship within that. It is actually something I try to be cognizant of because I was very cautious about becoming that during the stretch when I was more frustrated by Campaign 3 than I am now. I think, ultimately, it's a conflation of one's fandom with one's external identity and I don't know how that happens or how to fix it but that might also be a factor: people who really don't like the show and haven't for years and are grasping at a thing they think would fix that and make them happy again, and refuse to admit it might be time to move on because that would mean they need to change their conception of themselves.

[crimson--freak]

hiiiii :3

i read tags on that post you reblogged for me and i agree that its most likely that kayne is nyarlathotep since it'd pretty much align with cthulhu mythos - it often takes human form to walk the earth and it's character is pretty similar to kayne's. It also acts with seemingly no particular goal again just like kayne! and i can't really think of any other gods in cthulhu mythos that would fit him so well

also I'd love to hear more about that theory of yours ^_^!!!!!!

Aw thanks for asking about this! :D

{Putting this under a cut because this is a lot of information. It’s pretty condensed but still quite long}

Please take in mind that this theory only just popped into my head when I read the post, so this has more holes in it than Emmental cheese.

I was thinking on the fact that Harlan’s post mentioned explicitly that Kayne’s identity will be addressed in season 4, and I was wondering what other things have been added to the podcast this season. Most notably are the characters (Oscar, the Butcher, Daniel, etc. - Noel is a Very Close Contender for being Kayne for me), but we’ve also had some other things at least slightly confirmed. Probably one of the most important things that have been confirmed it the time dilation.

I seem to remember that there were quite a lot of theories around time loops and similar phenomena (I think a few were on @ty-betteridge’s blog but I can’t find the posts for some reason). With Scratch’s apparent ability to live longer in dreams than in the real world, eldritch time dilation is basically canon, as far as we know. This could further open the door to other time-related shenanigans, including time loops, to be canon as well.

It’s also been mentioned in the time loop posts that John could in fact be a future Arthur (I may have got this wrong because it’s been a long time since I caught up on the theories). I personally don’t see that (I don’t know how that would fit in with the KIY stuff) but I do really think there’s going to be some stuff involving timeloops and Arthur and John.

Anyway, enough of that ramble! Let’s get back to the important part: who is Kayne?

I 100% believe Kayne is Nyarlathotep - or at least one version of him. Maybe not the one directly from the Lovecraft source material, but definitely an entity that shares the same role as him in the story. Especially with the common description of Nyarlathotep as “joyous”, and we can defintely say that Kayne is enjoying himself with Arthur’s story.

I say that Kayne may not be entirely based on Lovecraft’s Nyarlathotep, because that entity is described as an Outer God, and this theory hinges on the fact that Kayne’s origin is something much closer to home.

So what are some things that we know for sure about Kayne / Nyarlathotep?

From Lovecraft’s source material: his description tends to be of a “tall, swarthy man” but it’s often noted that he can shapeshift.

From the podcast: he has no canon appearance apart from wearing a black suit (and other details), as described by John in part 20. He is also noted to be playing piano in his first appearance.

He also has an Extreme interest in Arthur’s life, as far as to having “watched [Arthur’s] life unfold”. He wants to find out what’s “different” about Arthur compared to other people.

So here’s my theory:

Kayne is Arthur (+ John) from the future.

If you’re thinking that’s a slightly far fetched, I agree! There are several problems with this theory that I need to iron out. I’m replying to this ask because I hope other people can add to this theory, correct me on things that I got wrong, share some more stuff about Nyarlathotep, etc.

One question with this theory is that surely John would recognise Kayne if he looked like Arthur? Well, that’s already got an answer - Kayne can shapeshift, so probably changed his appearance to throw John off his scent. That might also explain the difference in accent between Arthur and Kayne: Future Arthur!Kayne is trying to be incognito, he doesn’t want Arthur and John to find out who he is.

Another question is why is Arthur!Kayne doing this? The motive I think Arthur!Kayne has is pretty evident: he wants to find out what makes him different, what allowed him to become Kayne. We’ve already been told that Arthur is different to most people in that he can hold a piece of the King in Yellow in his mind without succumbing to their will (compared to Marie’s sister, who was taken over completely by Mr Scratch, and the people who did not survive John’s book). Perhaps this difference allowed Arthur to become Kayne (remember that Kayne discusses hearing voices too, perhaps in a similar manner to John + Yellow in Arthur’s mind). Maybe what sets Arthur on the path to becoming Kayne is… accumulating other parts of Gods? Mr Scratch maybe - Arthur might be strong enough to keep charge of his body and Scratch just lives in his mind like Yellow did (if his plans with the stone go badly).

[khalixvitae]

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEBODY CONVEY IDIA'S CHARACTER AS WELL AS YOU DID OMG I JUST READ WHEN YOU SAID IDIA ISNT AN INCEL so many people misinterpret his character as just being shy but that just sets him up as a stereotypical introvert. It's not that he's SHY it's that he physically doesn't know hoe to deal with people and instead of trying to learn he just assumes there is no point so he perpetuates his own loneliness. IM SO GLAD IVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIM LIKE I DO AAAAAHHHH

Aghhhhh hello anon! Im glad you enjoyed my silly little post, that’s so sweet of you! Yea I feel like there’s so much going on with Idia (frankly with both of the Shroud brothers and their whole deal) that gets kinda bogged down by tropey perceptions. Like yes Idia is introverted and mostly opposed to interacting with people, but there are a lot of layers there. He’s agoraphobic, under-socialized, and painfully anxious. he’s scarily smart and prefers to scheme behind the scenes until he’s positive whatever he’s cooking up is fool proof (which I don’t think is an inherently bad trait) because things are easier and require less effort when there’s a script. freeballing social interactions with people and a broader environment you have no interest in connecting with is both taxing and in no way gratifying (in Idia’s mind, and in most cases). Its inefficient, which I also think is a good way of summarizing his attitudes towards social interaction.

He considers it pointless for everyone involved since he’s just going to disappear one day. Not to mention his upbringing and that hot mess of socialization, I think anybody would be fucked up from that. Plus his whole complex about his appearance and the fact that it’s not exactly been pleasant to just exist publicly. With all these factors in mind It’s important to remember that he’s the one who has decided he MUST be alone and that his fate is predetermined. In the name of efficiency/practicality and his sanity (while ironically undermining both) he just gives up before he’s even started. The world doesn’t end for the people around him, but he’s miserable and would be regardless. I mean he outright says so in book 6. The worst part is that he’s really self aware about it - he just doesn’t think he can change his circumstances or himself. I think the rest of his character really relies on that point. Honestly that’s what makes him so tragic and why I think his overblot is so interesting. It calls into question this focus on efficiency because it’s really just a bluff- as smart and rational as he wants to be, he’s quick tempered and honestly very emotional. We actually get to see just how far he can go with this almost martyr like philosophy because it hinges on his low self worth, but once someone he loves is brought into the equation, he completely jumps the gun. He may not see himself as worth saving, but for the one person he cares about/who understands him??? Who he believes he failed? Rationale goes out the window.

Anyways sorry for the little tangent there, I just think he’s so interesting and the incel trope really downplays the nuance there. He’s so smart but so emotionally driven despite being emotionally stunted and tbh I think that’s his downfall.

[b-does-the-write-thing]

general incivility, chapter three

                              - a brienne x jaime pride & prejudice retelling -

chapter one l chapter two  l chapter three

Brienne woke,  still in the previous evening’s ill humor. She had forgotten to close the shade and thus was rudely awakened despite seemingly only just falling asleep. She lay there for a moment, knowing Septa Roelle would not begrudge her a lie-in after her evening at the assembly.  For a second, she was tempted to do just that. Lie there, stewing in the memories of Tyrion Lannister’s voice, bordering on admiration but landing in disbelief, and green eyes, dabbling in disbelief but ending, as they always did, in revulsion. 

Instead, Brienne rolled out of bed and laced on her boots. She donned an old threadbare gown before she quietly made her way down the stairs. Faint snores emanated from Septa Roelle’s room, even though the kitchen staff were already awake and seeing breakfast. The scully maid was too busy poking worriedly at the unrising loaf of bread in the oven, so Brienne grabbed an apple from the basket before anyone could see and slipped outside. Mr. Tarth may pay their wages, but Septa Roelle ran the staff with an iron grip, if any of them saw Brienne up this early, they’d have fetched the matron at once. 

Despite the lingering humidity, the early spring air was frigid this morning. It felt refreshing and by the time Brienne had made her way to her gate, she was wide awake and eager to start her day. Taking another large, satisfactory bite of her apple, Brienne meandered down the path to the Colonel’s yard. Having foregone a bonnet, she tipped her face to the cloudless sky to enjoy the warmth against her skin.

“Dinna expect to see you, this morn.”

Inhaling deeply, Brienne lowered her gaze to where the Colonel stood at his gate. “Morning,” she greeted before finishing the apple with another large crunch. Juice ran down her fingers, and she was tempted to lick her fingers clean, but she didn’t dare. Colonel Brandon was a lot of things, but he was also still a man. One more interested in other men, whether for the love of boxing or for another kind of pleasure, Brienne couldn’t say. Nor did she care. 

Forging the pleasures of the apple, Brienne lowered her hand to her side, discreetly wiping her fingers against her skirt. It was ruined anyway; being slightly sticky and smelling of apples was hardly the worst thing to befall it. “You’re finally fixing it?” she nodded to the gate, one creaky hinge slightly off-kilter and causing the entire panel to sag into the dirt of the path. 

“Thought I’d have the time.” The Colonel spat into the bushes as he leaned against the fence post he was repairing. “What with you having had the ball or what not.”

“The assembly,” Brienne corrected. 

“Word is the new master of Morne Manor is the runt of the litter. Any truth to that?” Brienne recalled the mismatched eyes crinkled up at her in solidarity, a queer sort of understanding between two outsiders. “He seems like a good man,” was all she said. 

The Colonel snorted. “Your a’ great deal too kind to people in general, lass. You never speak a cruel word of anyone, including those who deserve it.”

Brienne’s grip tightened around the apple core until juice squeezed between her knuckles to drop to the dirt beneath her boots. “Up for a bit of sport this morning?” Brienne proposed. 

“Most ladies would be talking my ear off about the new lord and his company,” the Colonel observed as he swung the gate open to permit her entry. 

Brienne tossed the apple core aside. “And what would I have to say about the new tenants? Lord Tyrion is shorter than most, this is true- but he possesses no shortage of wit. He danced nearly every dance and conversed with all that approached him.”

“Beggars cannae be choosers,” the Colonel grunted as he dropped into a ready position. 

Brienne followed suit. “He was a deal more pleasurable than his brother or their cousin.”

“Heir to the Rock dinnae have to be pleasurable. A dwarf bastard does.”

“He’s not-”

“Fists up!’ The Colonel had taken a swing at her, and she stumbled to the left to avoid the jab. 

“I wasn’t ready!” she protested in disbelief. 

“Stop your chattering then,” he advised, feinting back before issuing a clean uppercut. Brienne blocked it, and he danced away, giving her a precious moment to compose herself. “Always be ready. Distractions are just that, distractions.”

They fell into a familiar pattern. The Colonel was older, slower, but precise. He waited for her to drop her guard before dancing close. Brienne circled slowly, keeping her fists up. She was careful to keep her feet light, knees bent, elbows close as she watched her opponent. 

The next time he came at her, she was ready. She feinted to the left, and when he followed, she sidestepped neatly. He floated past her, already turning on his heel, but she pressed the advantage. She had him against the fence with three quick punches. He raised his elbows, took the hits, and returned them in equal force.

He was a tall man, maybe as tall as Jaime Lannister, but he had been brawnier in his youth, where the young lion was lean. Now, the Colonel’s brawn had withered away to a hollow chest, leathery sinews, and a weathered face. Still, they both had that same easy grace of a soldier in their movements and in the way they looked at her, sizing her up not as a woman but as an opponent.

The Colonel lashed out, and Brienne, caught in her recollection of the handsome stranger, barely raised an elbow to block him. His punch landed on her chin. She staggered backward, and instinct took over. She pitched forward to offset her momentum, throwing out her left hand wildly to prevent the Colonel from pressing his advantage, but he was already lowering his arms.

“Ah,” he groaned, rubbing his cheek with the back of his hand. “You here or somewhere else this mornin’, lass? I havene got such an easy hit since you were sprouting ringlets.”

Brienne straightened, internally cursing herself for three times a fool. “Here,” she proclaimed before dropping into a fighter’s stance. Boxing was her respite, her haven. Here, everything else faded away to the dance. She was no longer too big, too tall, too strong- here, she was no lady, no one’s daughter,  just a boxer. 

A damn good one too.

Brienne released a flurry of jabs and punches, ducking once, twice, three times before landing an uppercut before spinning away. The Colonel did not follow, taking the time to set back up before she came towards him again. This time, she danced around him in a circle, just out of reach. Her skirt flapped about her ankles, but she paid it no mind. It was nothing to her. Here, she was not the Beauty, the maid of Tarth, or an unfortunate wench. Here, she was Brienne.

As the sparring practice continued back at Morne Manor, the trio of Lannisters were just arriving home. Jaime and Cersei stumbled off to sleep, but Tyrion, still slightly drunk on brandy and good times, made his way to the breakfast room.

The staff had already laid out the morning meal, noticeably less than most mornings but perfectly suited for his needs. There was toast and porridge, a rather large pot of coffee, which he ignored, and boiled eggs. He helped himself to a bit of everything, humming some country tune he had just learned that evening. His legs were cramping terribly, but overall, he was in such a fantastic mood he could barely be bothered to care.  He was free. Free to do whatever he liked, such as throw the plate to the floor, demand more brandy, or fall asleep in his porridge. Here, clear on the other side of Westeros, his father’s shadow was not quite as long. Tyrion had six thousand pounds to his name, an estate of his own, and was quite satisfied with the arrangement as it stood.  

Unbidden, he thought of Tysha and how well she would like it here, but the thought sucked all the joy out of the morning. Tyrion crashed back to earth, all too aware of what he was, what others must have thought of him. He grew somber as he stared out the window across his new garden, where the trees were starting to bud, and dew glistened on every blade of grass. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day, yet his mood darkened. 

Tysha was a sore spot, much like an abscessed tooth. He ought to leave it alone, but he found he could not. How did one forget their first love? Their only love?

A whore, Tyrion corrected with a shake of his head. “I ought to have known,” he said aloud as he looked down at his stubby fingers where they clutched the knife and fork. “Ah, but it was a sweet lie while it lasted.”

Humming the same tune from earlier, he hopped down and made his way towards his bed. He was growing aware of the alcohol leaving his system and the dregs of exhaustion growing too pronounced to ignore much longer. At the top of the stairs, he stopped to look about his manor.

Red and gold hung everywhere, all orchestrated by Jaime in some misguided guise to remind Tyrion he was a Lannister. Poor, dim Jaime had never understood their father did not think of Tyrion as anything more than a cruel jape, a millstone about his neck. 

“Well, father,” Tyrion drawled. “I would have been happy with a cottage in the woods with a whore for the rest of my days, but I suppose I’ll make a go of playing the lord’s son.”

He had not expected Jaime to come with him. He had barely spoken to his brother since Tysha but Jaime had been there at his departure and throughout the journey east. And just as he had always been, Tyrion was somehow comforted by his presence. 

After all, the two had been close as far back as Tyrion’s earliest memories. In spite of all their great oppositions, Tyrion loved his brother even though they could not be more different in temperament or life experience. Tyrion had learned at an early age to charm with wit and quip, but Jaime had always been loved for his beauty and brawn and had never developed any charm. He was blunt and bold, and people permitted it because he was heir to Westeros's richest estate.

And yet here he was, with Tyrion, attending dances and setting up manors, all things Jaime Lannister hated. 

On the way back from the assembly, Tyrion had pressed Jaime for his thoughts on the Stormland assembly, eager to hear what his brother had to say. “Very pleasant people, these Stormlanders,” Tyrion had declared. Sure, people had whispered and pointed but they had done that in the Westerlands as well.  “And the girls- as pretty as any girl in Lannisport,” he needled, watching Jaime’s face closely. 

Jaime just lifted an eyebrow and went back to watching the horizon roll past as Cersei dozed beside him. He had spent the evening in abject boredom, having found the company dull and vapid. The girls had not been any prettier than any he had seen before, the country fashion far out of style and the dances clumsy at best. The talk had been of weather and crops, same town gossip, and that of the militia coming to town by summer. He had been bored within the first hour of their arrival. 

Though, there had perhaps been one note of interest, that huge hulk of a woman, the one his brother had called the Beauty of Tarth.  He had been taken aback when he had first laid eyes on her. Her strange, homely face had been so open he could read every thought crossing her mind- but then he had seen her arms- capped in ridiculous sleeves and adorned in white gloves- the lace only served to accentuate the tendons in her arms, the curve of the muscle, the only curves she possessed judging by the way her gown fell in a shapeless sack. 

Jaime would have taken odds the horrible excuse for a dress hid a waist as thick as a tree trunk. And by the time he had remembered himself, she had been flushed as red as a Lannister flag, every inch of flushed skin covered in freckled skin that spoke of too many days in the sun. She had somehow managed to disappear into the crowd before he could get another look at her. Surprising considering her broad shoulders and the fact she had towered over even him. 

Brienne the Beauty. Whoever had given her name had been in his cups—there was truly nothing beautiful about that poor creature. Brienne the Brute, Brienne the Bear—he amused himself with the various nicknames, her name rolling around in his mind like wine in a cup—each new alliteration causing him to grin: Brienne the Barbarian, Brienne the Beast, Brienne, Brienne, Brienne.

As he fell into his bed, Jaime stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Despite his exhaustion, whenever he closed his eyes, he could only see a pair of rather remarkable sapphire eyes. 

--

AN: I honestly can only blame @butterednuggets17, who commented and reminded me this existed. After that, it would not leave my head, so I wrote some more of it.

[hrodvitnon]

Xenilla Arc HCs...

…or ideas- however you wanna slice it. 

I think the absolute essence of this arc hinges ride or die on the answer to the question “Does it end with Ozymandias dying?”. A lot of people seem partial to the answer being yes- I will straight up admit my biases here and say I disagree- but the answer can go either way.

If the answer is yes then I think the arc should theme around Godzilla coming to terms with the fact that his brother is gone and not coming back, and that he needs to stop comparing himself against Ozzy and be king in his own way. It would center very heavily on examining older characters like Tiamat, Mothra, Shimo, and Dagon and how they all have to move on and forward. A pretty bleak story with a sad ending. I admit there’s probably more ways to do this version of the story that I’d be down to hear if anyone wants to share.

If the answer is no then the arc should be about Godzilla and crew turning a blind eye to the insurmountable odds that stand between them and freeing Ozzy- a story seriously fraught with hardship, suffering, and anguish with a dim light at the end of the tunnel. The reason I prefer this route is I actually think it’s more true to Abraxas as a story as that’s how the original story played out. This would be very similar- except it’s Godzilla’s story instead of Vivienne’s. And the unadulterated cruelty and torment wouldn’t be focused on just her. Everyone who follows Godzilla down this path goes through some shit to get to the end. The rest of this post is written with this route in mind, but like mentioned earlier I’m open to hearing about a version of this story where Ozzy doesn’t walk away- I just struggle to find a good way to write that myself. 

However- one thing I don’t think should happen is a bait and switch. Genuinely I fail to see a satisfying end to this story if Ozzy’s baited to be able to survive but then doesn’t. Yes it would be angsty. Yes Goji would cry a lot. But I feel like you’d need to either write that extremely well or risk a very unsatisfying end. I just kinda fail to see a world where that can be pulled off with finesse. Again- fully ready to admit I’m biased here- would always be willing to hear others out on this, but idk man. 

Anyways- the additional excuse of a very weepy happy ending gives you ample breathing room to write the most horribly fucked shit imaginable. A concept I’m sure you’re familiar with. Xenilla would want to play with his food before he consigns him to infection. He knows the effect he has on Godzilla and he intends to relish every moment of it. Physical, mental, you fucking name it; he wants Godzilla to go through hell in his final days before he mercifully delivers him to Gigan’s Proliferation Chambers to be infected. A large part of this torment would be what he does to those closest to him. 

Big turning point in the arc; could happen about halfway through when the G-Team thinks they have a solid grasp on how to deal with Xenilla. The man himself shows up, wrecks Goji’s shit in front of everyone (maybe even drops him from the atmosphere like that one ask), and then kidnaps some of his closest companions to be taken to Gigan’s fleet. This could literally be anyone- but my idea is for it to be Abraxas, Mothra, and Rodan (could also throw in Leo or Ladon for some real cursed shit). They get taken right in front of Godzilla. Cue a rehash of Viv’s mental mindbreak when San got swallowed except with the King believing he’s just lost his wife and two best friends. 

While onboard the ship, couple of things happen. Everyone besides Abraxas goes through some kind of horrific experience and is additionally incapacitated by the Indoctrination radio waves permeating the ship. Abraxas is spared via San being granted immunity when Ghidorah used to live onboard, and she ends up being the key to getting everyone off alive. This is also partially an excuse to give her a fight with Gigan as a moment for her to fix one of Ghidorah’s most depraved acts (a very hard and very bloody fight, might I add). 

There ends up being serious consequences for this abduction. For one- everyone that does get taken ends up partially Indoctrinated. They can pretty easily shake off the worst effects as Abraxas would get them onto an escape craft within a day or two- but it’ll definitely leave mental scars. In addition, I think Rodan should end up partially infected. I think between Mothra and him, Xenilla would choose him to be infested because it would fuck Godzilla up more to see someone as carefree and quippy as Rodan utterly broken the parasite like he was- also because Mothra may have some unforeseen resistance to it being born of the Planet. This starts a subplot where Rodan is slowly getting more infected day by day and the return party needs to rush to find a way to cure him before losing him for good (this could also be how they find the cure they use on Ozzy later, more on that later). Very angsty all around- Rodan freaking out each time the cordies try to get control of him, everyone else worrying themselves into an early grave over him, etc. 

Subplot #2: Monarch believes the key to stopping Xenilla is somewhere in the Hollow Earth. So- they send a group of Kaiju down there to look for an answer; in my head the group consists of Kong, Dagon, Barb, and Battra. They end up being right and find an Iwi forge/refinery where the Gojiran/Zohar weaponry was forged. Through a task requiring human/Titan cooperation, they create an Ultra-Radiated weapon that they think can neutralize the parasite (again, more on this later). Thinking it could either be a knife or a spear. 

Whilst all this is happening, the few remaining Titans topside scramble in preparation as the world prepares for what could be a full-scale alien invasion. At this point- only like Goji, Tiamat, and Shimo would be left. They could all be having individual flashbacks to their most treasured moments with Ozzy whilst maybe even fighting off some advance enemies (Megaguirus or MOGUERA, anyone?). 

The final conflict would start with a 1 on 1 confrontation between Shimo and Xenilla. Reason being that she needs to buy time for the cure to be finalized and for Kong’s group to return. This could also be her first truly challenging fight in millennia and we could actually see her pushed to her limits. 

The actual fight begins when Godzilla rolls up all roars and challenges to Xenilla. He roars back- prepared to finally win this 1 on 1 and drag Goji back in a horrifically mauled state to be stuffed full of fungus- only for Godzilla to immediately halt his charge and shout ‘NOW, FATHER!’. Xenilla barely has time to turn around before he’s blasted point blank by a sub-atomic Oxygen Destroyer- only after the bombardment does the full Titan Vanguard roll up. Establishes that this fight is not for glory, to establish dominance, or to enforce Godzilla’s sovereignty. Godzilla is going to win and does not care how dirty he has to fight to do so. 

Dagon is armed with Oxygen Destroyers, Kong’s got his new weapon, Godzilla’s all powered up, and Abraxas has a new little secret weapon up their sleeve I’ll touch on in a bit. Even so- Shimo’s already been worn down and doesn’t have a lot less in the tank. Her efforts mainly go into protecting the group’s first major plan: Barb. A lot of people seem to forget that her EMP blasts disable Titan powers- taking away Xenilla’s shields and devastating Coronal Rays. This works until it inevitably doesn’t, and the group goes through plan after plan similar in tactfulness to this until Kong or Mothra or someone gets a clean impalement with the new Zohar weapon. 

Should probably explain my idea of curing the parasite now. The key to curing the infection in my eyes is two-fold and relies on two things: Neutralizing the fungus and destroying it. You can’t do one without the other. To start with it’s destruction- I think the only really viable option is literally to burn it off the bone and cells it grows on. If you’ve ever heard of Radiosurgery, it’s a form of cancer treatment that utilizes extremely precise beams of gamma radiation to literally burn away cancer cells. Obviously this is very risky to preform as screwing it up could cause irreversible damage to bone or critical tissue- if this was a normal patient. Ozymandias is Gojiran- so radiation wouldn’t have any adverse effects on him specifically, but the parasite? It would probably take a lot- a very heavy dosage and very concentrated- but Ozzy’s body would be able to endure while the fungus would not. But the infection is tricky, cunning, it would start to defend itself in some way or even try to take Ozzy with it should it be threatened like this. This is where we find the need to neutralize it- and the one who may be able to do that is Abraxas. We know that Ghidorah communicated between the heads via psionics, and we’ve seen further communication from Ichi and Ni to Vivienne and San. Vivienne and San could talk back but they could never actually initiate conversation (or maybe they could? I actually kinda can’t remember rn). Another thing- despite being shielded from Indoctrination’s worst effects- they could still hear that goddamn infernal buzzing on the ship. In fact- they heard it so well they could commit it to memory… so much that they could think about it, ponder it, learn how it works…

I’ve read asks on here that mention 'Shaking off Reaper Indoctrination’, and that’s always felt a little weird to me- because that really isn’t something you just 'shake off’- it’s very clear in ME that the damage is permanent and not something very salvageable. However- what if the 'cure’ for Indoctrination is actually just another form of Indoctrination that undoes the programming on a psychic level. An Anti-Indoctrination method created by Abraxas after scrutinizing the actual frequencies of Indoctrination to see how it works. I think this would be a fantastic way to progress Abraxas’s character past where they were left at the end of Abraxas- going from one of Ghidorah’s most tortured victims, to the one who broke free of his control and defeated him, and now acts as an Anti-Ghidorah undoing all of his past sins. First defeating Gigan and then turning Indoctrination against them. So this becomes how Rodan, Mothra, and Ozzy are saved from being Indoctrinated- and also how Abraxas becomes possibly the most dangerous Titan on Earth- now knowing the secrets of Indoctrination and able to leverage that against their enemies. I’ve got a lot more thoughts on this I’ll cover in a separate ask just because this post is getting long. 

So the actual method of curing Ozzy is essentially to reverse-indoctrinate the parasite into going dormant whilst Ozzy gets pumped with Zohar to kill off the infection- but where, I hear you ask, could we get a constant stream of Zohar and enough of it to eventually burn every bit of the fungus away? If you answered Bahamut’s Proliferation (name I gave to Tiamat’s Liar; open to additional name suggestions). It’s constantly charging from the incoming Coronal Rays and through some Monarch tech, it can be repurposed as a Cordyceps curing facility for both Rodan and Ozzy. However- the curing process would not be short- the place would’ve just been drained by Godzilla a few years ago and the stream of Solar Energy wouldn’t exactly be fast. It could take weeks or even months for the fungus to be completely gone- and Ozzy would be in a coma the entire time.

As mentioned earlier- ending’s a fucking tear-fest all around. Despite all the hardship, Goji and his subjects pulled through another impossible situation. Just like Abraxas being freed from Ghidorah- Ozzy is freed from Xenilla. 

As always- really interested to what other have to say in regards to this; also expect that followup ask with how Abraxas’s Anti-Indoctrination would work.

---

Now that it’s explained, I feel more open to the idea of Ozzy living after a lot of pain and suffering on everyone; it feels like Gigan (and the narrative) expects our heroes to fail in saving him from a life of horrors in spite of all their efforts, and yet Abraxas is like “You know what? Fuck you. Un-funguses your lizard.” (Abraxas can indeed initiate “psychic conversations” with Ghidorah; they’ve definitely done it one or two times in Chapter 18, I remember that.)

I do wonder how well crafting weapons made from the Zohar will work; the AbraxasVerse Timeline posits the idea that the Zohar may be the planet’s core and that Ghidorah consuming it would basically destroy Earth from the inside-out, and we know Battra is going to HATE that. On the other hand, @zerm2v0hg also presented an idea that maybe the Scarred Apes under Skar King’s rule might have refined elements of Zohar for their own fucked-up purposes, and that Synthetic Zohar can be produced without potential planet-cracking ramifications... although the synthetic alternative may have ramifications of their own, who knows...

On the one hand it makes sense that the Fleet would have an enormous Fuck-Off HUEG LIKE XBOX ship dedicated for Gigan, but on the other I’m not so keen on the idea of Ghidorah having previously lived there because it clashes with a lore-dump I’d made about the Fleet; namely that Ghidorah is the source of no insignificant amount of generational trauma and its actions are antithetical to the Fleet’s belief about Experience being the key to a life well lived (one must experience as many things as possible both good and bad), because Ghidorah will kill anything and everything it can, meaning no survivors to tell of the Experience.

It’s been a while since I’ve really spitballed what exactly the relationship between AbraxasVerse Gigan and Ghidorah would be like, but I definitely recall they fought each other. A lot. They had a rivalry but unlike with Godzilla it was this weird interplay of violence and sadomasochistic... mutual appreciation? Like, Gigan comes to believe that Ghidorah completes him in the sense that he’s constantly improving his technique and cybernetics and weaponry after every fight; and Ghidorah appreciates Gigan because they LOVE a good fight and Gigan always provides a good scrap. The Fleet however is scared shitless of Ghidorah due of the whole galactic genocidal road trip schtick, and because it’s come damn close to actually killing Gigan, their living god, at times. 

Ghidorah also hates Little Ones, like the members of the Fleet, with the fury of a thousand suns. They don’t even have to look remotely like the Makers, they just bring up those terrible memories just by doing their own thing without realizing it. So Ghidorah having roomed with Gigan on his own personal ship seems a bit odd with that in mind.

“Welcome to my humble abode, Ghidorah! I’d like you to room with me while we travel the stars on a glorious crusade to spread the Word of Flesh and Metal.”

“THE FUCK DO WE NEED A ROOM FOR? OR A SHIP? WE CAN FUCKING FLY THROUGH SPACE. ALSO YOUR LITTLE ONES PISS US OFF. WE’RE GOING TO KILL THEM ALL NOW.”

“Ahh, that’s what I thought you’d say, you crazy fucking noodle! Can’t let you do that to my babies, they’re mine!”

(I know it’s not the intent and I’m sorry, but Titan-sized escape shuttles also make me giggle due to the mental image of the Earthborn Titans trying to figure out how anything works. “Hey, Rodan? I think we should start the engines. Like, right now.” “I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THIS THING WORKING!” “NIGHT VISION ENGAGED.”)

[cyberdragoninfinity]

saw your arc-v livepostings on twitter n' your z-one/aporia posts and now i really wanna get into the show and into ygo in general. do you have any recommendations on where to start so that it won't be too confusing for a poor sap such as i if you can? please and thank you (:

WAHHH IM HONORED THAT MY SILLY POSTING HAS INSPIRED YA TO CHECK OUT YUGIOH!! ;w;

yugioh really is something truly special and an absolute blast to really dig into, but it IS a very big franchise.... forgive me for being a bit inexperienced at giving recommendations, but I shall do my best!! here's some pointers that I think could be helpful if ya wanna get into the show(s) (not getting into the mangas too much on this, for the sake of brevity LOL) (the spinoff mangas are fun reads, though!)

ok so the thing with yugioh is there are Eight Different 'Main' Yugioh Series (and a few little stray other series but we ain talkin bout those right now)--my recommendations are focusing on the first five series, since those the ones i've seen (though ive heard glowing reviews for VRAINS and Sevens and you could certainly go check either of those out if you wanted to! You don't really need to know anything about the plots of the other series to follow those stories)

as a yugioh fan i am of course obligated to recommend Duel Monsters as a starter. It's the OG, just absolute Yugioh at its most tried and true Yugioh, it Is that good, the dub and sub are both classics--but IF i am being my most honest true self, if my arc-v postin and zoneporia chattering have got ya ygo hooked then I would recc maybe taking a gander at one of the spinoff series first instead ;3

(In general what's cool about yugioh is you can basically pick up any of the series as your 'first' ygo experience to start with and have a great time with it! I know tons of people who've all started with different series/only are invested in 1-2 series,Theyre all made to be their own self-contained plots, and there's really something for everyone among 'em! you could honestly just read wiki blurbs on each series and go with whatever one sounds most interesting to you, and that's a fine start right there.) (though sometimes youll see characters from one series show up in another one, the Entire Storyline isnt Hinged on that--i.e. a bunch of alternate version GX/5D's/Zexal characters show up in ARC-V, but you dont need to have seen all those series to watch arc-v or follow its plot.) also idgaf what anyone says, the dubs are just as wonderful a watch as the subs are when it comes to ygos--you have to deal with some scene censorship or dialogue changes, but to me it doesn't really impede the experience. (in fact I almost want to recommend the dubs MORE for someone just starting to get into yugioh--it can be easier to follow the duels sometimes. AND a lot of the dubs are free on Youtube!!)

ANYWAY Z-one and Aporia are from Yugioh 5D's!! The, Last twenty episodes or so. Of 5D's. 🥴 <--the suffering nicherfaverrrr. So if you want to meet them properly you Do unfortunately have to be in for the long haul (i am of course biased and will say: Worth It.) 5D's is all around fantastic though; it has its slow spots, but the duels get crazy fun on those damn motorcycles, so even if you do buckle in for the All of It you'll have a good time--there are some chunks in the second half of the show that never got dubbed though (sad!) which is just something to keep in mind.

RE: Arc-V! since youve seen me tweetin about it, I will say, the first 50 episodes or so of it, that first season, does make for a really great crash course intro to yugioh and its worlds/how dueling works, since it touches upon all the main types of summoning as part of its plot, and talks about how they work. You get to learn about them as the characters do, which is really cool! My main hesitance from suggesting it 100% as a starter series is that it gets. fucking Bonkers. like characters from the other series showing up aside there is just So Much Going On in Arc-V At Any Given Point. IT CAN BE A BIT OVERWHELMING. AND APPARENTLY ITS ENDING IS. NOT VERY GOOD. which might not be very fun for a first time ygo experience 😭BUT BY ALL MEANS GIVE IT A WHIRL IF YOU'RE INTERESTED. I'm having fun with it at least, hehehe.

OK HONESTLY. HONESTLY. I think if I have one good recommendation to take away from all of this: watch Zexal. Zexal is a fantastic starter yugioh, I can't recommend giving it a go enough. Yuma as a protagonist starts out dogshit at the game and gets better over the course of the series, and that really helps the viewer follow along with the card game and start to understand it at a nice pace without getting confused over all the finer points of it. It does a really nice job of explaining how things work imo! It's also just, a gorgeous show. It's one of the most beautiful cartoons ive ever seen art direction wise. It's so kind and so fun and goes hard as hell and the characters are so full of love and personality. AND THE WHOLE DUB IS FREE ON YOUTUBE. BTW. BONUS.

THIS ENDED UP SO LONG SORRY tl;dr you can pretty much start with whatever yugioh sounds most interesting to you personally as your first series and you won't be missing any critical lore! Also Zexal is one of the best, consistently good and really easy to pick up. I think if you could only ever watch one yugioh make it that one.

also this is a less a recommendation and more just "little things about watching yugioh to keep in mind" but: don't let the card game aspect intimidate ya too much! the show really does it's best to explain how cards work and keeps it engaging; it's a show geared towards kids so of course it tries to keep things pretty easy to follow along, game-wise (also do not listen to the 'The Duels Arent Important' Crowd they are Wrong. yugioh is a sports anime but the sport is a card game. that's the crux of its storytelling. and it's genuinely really cool!!!) And if you're interested in giving the game itself a whirl, Duel Links is pretty beginner friendly imo!

I HOPE THATS AT LEAST SOMEWHAT HELPFUL the trials and tribulations of recommending where to start with a franchise that boasts some 1000+ episodes across 8 series is mighty but that should give ya some sort of idea!! whatever you end up going with I hope you have a ton of fun! YUGIOHHHH

[calculatesguilt]

Please rant about simp//atico (and by that I mean tell me your beef with it). I enjoy seeing your thoughts.

i lost my first draft 😭

Anyways collaborative effort with @commander-airachnid

Like the dra.tchet post I'll be breaking this down into several parts:

Fanon perception of how close they are (and how it's wrong.)

Brainstorm's unhealthy projection of self worth onto Perceptor

Fan service

How Close Are They, Really?

Maybe I just read MTMTE/LL after its highest poin of popularity so I wasn't there for it, or maybe people extrapolated from something I simply didn't see, but I've never understood the fandom portrayal of Perceptor and Brainstorm being Close Besties when that was never the case.

They have about 8-9 (at most) direct interactions through all of MTMTE/LL. (I'm counting their interactions during Dark Cybertron as one whole interaction seeing as even though it's broken up by scenes it all flows as one.) Most of those interactions were either A) Perceptor talking about something and Brainstorm rudely interrupting (or just missing the point) or B) Fan service (which I'll get into later.)

Here's a few examples and the first one starts at Issue #1 of MTMTE where Brainstorm is, right off the bat, a dick about Perceptor and his scientific process. (Followed by other instances of them not getting along.)

And before you say "oh Perceptor is just long suffering to his hijinks" no, that's just what Perceptor is like. He's like that with Rodimus and Getaway, and others.

He is blunt with people.

I feel it's important to note also that the tpical s.impatico often ignores all of Brainstorm's other relationships. Primarily with Nautica. Brainstorm is wayyyy closer to Nautica than he ever was with Perceptor, hell even with Chromedome. (I know the reason why people ignore Nautica and Brainstorm, it's because of the misogyny.)

Brainstorm & Self Worth

Brainstorm, textually, has a shitty sense of self worth. However, it's played off a joke and never expanded upon, but I think it's worth touching on as it's the basis for most of his relationship with Perceptor (that's very one sided.) Perceptor is hardly even a factor in this as it all boils down to Brainstorm projecting his value on Perceptor as a basis of who he needs to be better than to receive validation.

Which isn't fair to Perceptor and places them on unequal ground. This issue is never fully concluded. Instead Brainstorm gets validated by Perceptor at the very end through means of even more fan service. Perceptor hardly even recognized Brainstorm as an equal, not until at least the Time Machine arc and even then they don't speak directly.

Another good instance is above — Perceptor doesn't even call him a genius until the Time Machine Arc, Brainstorm exaggerates and hinges his self worth and validity on Perceptor and things he doesn't even say. There isn't even growth between them it's just... Perceptor suddenly only thinks about Brainstorm and his bighuge brain after the time machine arc where they don't even talk to each other. They don't speak to one another one on one until Lost Light Issue #25. There is no substance there. It's just a nothing thing.

@commander-airachnid knows a lot more about Brainstorm's self worth issues than I do, I'd suggest sending it a message about it because I know it has a lot more to say about this particular subject than I do :)

Fan Service

If there is anything that comes to mind quicker than the "simpatico" panels themselves it would be this one:

I don't describe things as cringey but this panel actively makes me cringe hard every time I see it. I cannot stress to you enough how disrespectful this scene is to Perceptor as a character. I need to make it super clear why.

Perceptor is implied to have been close to the ethics committee on Kimia when he worked there, if not on the ethics committee depending on how you interpret it.

Why, in any world, would Perceptor of all people stand up and clap DURING A COURT HEARING FOR BRAINSTORM WHO JUST ABOUT ENDED THEIR ENTIRE TIMELINE IN ONE COMPLICATED SUICIDE ATTEMPT ? You are out of your damn mind. This is not a cute scene. It does not add to anything. All it does is further shove Perceptor into being essentially a prop for Brainstorm. And that's the turning point for Perceptor's character in MTMTE and LL.

He becomes and stays nothing more than a prop for fan service and Brainstorm. And that fucking sucks.

[mdhwrites]

Okay, Let’s Eviscerate Luz’s Nightmare

I REALLY like dream sequences and false reality. I think there’s a lot that can be done with it that creatively is admittedly hard to do. It’s why I wanted to do a Jumbled Thoughts on it. The format for Jumbled Thoughts is to be approachable to those who aren’t familiar with the work being used as an example though and genuinely are just for teaching.

I am still genuinely upset though that the show had such little of a fucking clue what to do about wrapping itself up that it wastes the FIRST SEVEN MINUTES OF ITS FINALE. So this is just going to be me ranting more about why this sequence is bad but with more specifics to TOH. Specifically starting with: Even if it were good... It’d be rendering the two specials before it pointless. As far as characters go, especially ones the writers care about, the last two specials have been entirely about Luz’s self hate. I don’t think it’s done well mind you, it leads to character assassination for her and a finish that is laughable at best in context with the rest of the show, but that is the point of the two specials. Luz’s guilt over Belos. In special 1, it’s about how deep her self hate runs and the ‘sacrifices’ she’s willing to make to ‘make up for it’. As anyone familiar with this blog knows, I see what Luz does much more as “Oh, I can’t easily fix this? Fuck it then. Let them all burn.” But the writers think otherwise despite Luz’s actions. Special 2 is about Luz finally coming to terms with this and realizing she doesn’t have to give a fuck because she is the most special thing on the planet and everyone should understand that.

So we had a resolution. It led directly to Stringbean existing because she suddenly had clarity of purpose and shed that which was holding her back. But... This sequence HINGES on the idea that Luz isn’t past that stuff. Frankly, it would have made a MUCH better opener to the second episode where the Collector grabs them IMMEDIATELY. Not only would the transition be less awkward because... Oh my god the finale starts in just a terrible fucking way that despite following up literally where the last episode left off, feels like a “Here’s what you missed on the last episode of The Owl House!” That may be because I still haven’t watched the majority of S3. You can thank my Discord for me watching these seven minutes.

Anyways, not only would the portal act as a good, disorienting transition to make the audience think something went wrong with it instead of everyone immediately just knowing it’s a dream because... Duh, it also would have meant that Luz would be attacked by her friends when emotionally she was the most vulnerable. She doesn’t think her going back is a good idea after all. If the first thing she remembers post going through the portal is this nightmare where the whole is vacant and dead except for those she just brought to it... That would have actually had literally any reason to work. The words would cut much deeper because they are genuinely what she’s thinking. Instead... It feels like the main character’s character arc gets unearthed again for a shitty dream sequence. WHAT!?

And I want to make this clear: It’s BAD. It’s bad even compared to other bad dream sequences. At least most have the dignity to be like Zuko’s fever dream where it’s literally just a shocking moment and move on. But like... How shocking is anything in this sequence? Amity and Willow get out attacks I guess but otherwise the imagery is REALLY tame and the impossible space stuff is as basic as it comes. Otherwise, everyone is saying really blunt, obviously not them lines so you can’t really invest in what they’re saying. It only cuts (because I’ll admit it got an emotional rise out of me) because what is being said is so cruel. They’re lines that if they were true to the characters’ views AT ALL, then they’d be really powerful.

But they’re not. Most of them are just based on “YOU DESTROYED OUR WORLD!” a concept all of them immediately forgave, or just ignored, the second it was brought up to them. None of them care and have made that clear to Luz and Luz isn’t in a part of even her grief cycle to still be telling herself lies about this being the real truth that her friends are just hiding from her. It’s not helped by the fact that it’s the same bullshit we’ve been hearing from Luz already so even if it were actually Luz, it wouldn’t be new insight, just like how “Willow represses anger” isn’t a new insight in Understanding Willow (another really boring episode in terms of a mentalscape frankly.) The only person who MAYBE has their real feelings here is Hunter but he’s just stating a problem I have in general with Flapjack’s death. Why DID Luz get a palisman while Hunter’s had to die? What was the point? You know, besides cheap shock and giving Hunter magic so you didn’t have to worry about him having a staff anymore.

The resolution is also dogshit to me and way more twee than The Owl House ever does which makes what would be groan worthy in a different kid’s cartoon just pure cringe in the worst ways here. “What do you do after a bad dream? Turn on a light.” So... If Luz had cast a light spell while fighting them, would the whole thing have vanished regardless? Usually the fight for getting out of a dreamscape is one of the most compelling elements. What makes the hero hesitate, what sets them off for this being wrong, etc. like that. It’s part of what makes Superman still comforting his dream son so powerful because despite him not existing... Superman still cares. Because that is the core of Superman. ALL living beings matter to him.

This says fuck and all about Luz except that she’s a gatekeeping bitch of a nerd. Despite being in tears, for almost no reasons since the show does not sell that she actually thinks this is real (and again, from a narrative standpoint it makes the second special feel even more pointless if these words still effect her. NARRATIVE PAYOFF! LEARN WHAT IT IS!), she still immediately catches the mistake and bounces back to 100%. It’s... Honestly embarrassing from a writing standpoint. It says so many terrible things about Luz while also not saying much interesting. Yeah, Azura apparently really is that big to her that even during a breakdown with her friends, all it takes is her gatekeeper and continuity senses to go off to get her to write them all off. What would happen if Amity had to just admit it’d been a year since she read the book and just got the reference wrong?

As a note, the moment of Luz touching Amity’s face was the only clip of this sequence I’d seen before last night. Even then, I knew something was fucked here. Luz playing with Amity’s face feels like when a player character in a story about a game suddenly gains sentience. The other NPCs literally can’t process what they’re doing so Luz gets to just play with this Amity toy who should ostensibly be trying to kill her but has enough honor to wait for Luz to arm herself apparently.

Then the REST OF THEM WAKE UP. WHY!? WHY ARE THEY ACTUALLY ABLE TO EFFECT THIS!? Also... Does that mean Amity just got the reference wrong? Or did she do it on purpose? Why could she give Luz a glyph to cast? Why do they have that much power here? It’s just such a dumb twist that exists only to get the stupid line out of Hunter while he still sounds like he’s under mind control because of how unnatural the delivery of the advice is.

And this also of course means that Luz gets out without effort. Without anything. I’ve seen people call this trailer bait and I really just can’t blame them for it. It’s seven minutes of trailer bait though. Of an episode that’s only 52 minutes long and has two villains to actually take out still. That... Why? Why is that how you decided to start your finale.

It also brings the comparisons people would make between Marcy and Luz right to the forefront. Marcy had a dream sequence after all. Its imagery was more fun though and had more of a point and was HEARTBREAKING in that by being so idealic... That’s how Marcy knew it was fake. That one moment tells us SO MUCH of how she saw her role in the trio that we didn’t really know before. And the fact that she stayed trapped, having to hope others, others she thinks don’t care about her, will come save her makes it all a fucking tragedy. It’s really powerful and would not have been half as effective without being a dream sequence of sorts.

And as always... When TOH does something like Amphibia, it copies the really shallow, loud parts without understanding why Amphibia was doing it the way it did it. It makes the show look like a joke in comparison.

Which is why I’m not actually surprised people haven’t asked me about this sequence. It’s bad. It’s REALLY bad, which is probably why most people even on Twitter don’t talk about it. Not when you have the deux ex machina to gush over close to it. It’s bad in all the ways that you expect a dream sequence to be bad. It’s there for shock, it says very little about the characters and you could cut it and lose almost nothing, if just nothing. If I didn’t like dream sequences, I wouldn’t have anything to talk about here.

It makes it ‘of a kind’ which is why I used it to teach. And... Being ‘of a kind’ for being bad, especially when it actively goes against the character growth you’ve been doing... Well, it’s one of the few times I would say “I could have written this better.” Mostly because as a director I would have looked at whoever pitched the idea and gone “We have a godlike child who likes to play games. Come up with an actual fucking GAME instead of this cheating bullshit.”

Because like Luz looking beat up at the beginning of Yesterday’s Lie, it’s all just writing cheats and excuses. Just this time no one bought because why would they? Most audiences expect a dream sequence to be bad so seeing it was all a lie for baiting the audience... Well, at least for once TOH didn’t try to subvert a fantasy trope, did they?

*sigh*

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I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!