#anyway. i think i did great actually considering it was physics and i suck at physics

[moodyseal]

Tfw your father says he's not disappointed but then he lies to your relatives about your grades

[sundrop-writes]

Picture Perfect

(Perv)Sub!Mike Schmidt x Dom!Fem!Reader

Summary:

You and Mike have been dating for a few months now, and you have a great thing going. You're both very horny people who are more than happy to indulge in your desires with each other. So why is it that you find him hiding a dirty picture from you when you catch him masturbating one morning?

(Perv)Sub!Mike Schmidt x Dom!Fem!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut. Takes place outside the movie's canon.

Word Count: 5,100

Horror Characters Masterlist | AO3 Link

Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: This is primarily a smut fic; this can be read with or without considering the events of the film, and has no spoilers for the plot of the movie. There are dom/sub dynamics here - Mike is more submissive and the reader is more dominant; because this is a pre-established relationship, the characters have been settled into these dynamics for a while and even though it's not discussed during the fic, we can assume they have established safewords and fully talked about each other's boundaries so everyone is safe and well cared for; she reader has female anatomy, and uses she/her pronouns (but with all my fics, most of the pronouns used are you/yours); this fic does use Y/N. 

For the main smutty parts: some dubious consent - Mike took a picture of the reader’s underwear/up the reader’s skirt before they were dating (when she was sleeping and could not consent) she was physically attracted to him at the time and would have consented to the photo being taken if he could have asked and finds the idea of this happening to be hot but he never asked permission and hid this from her well into their relationship; the reader finds this photo and ‘punishes’ Mike for it even though she likes the photo and enjoys his perverted thoughts about her; descriptions of masturbation - Mike jacks-off when the reader is not looking/not in the room and she walks in on him; mentions of Mike being gagged; mentions of Mike being tied up and overstimulated (multiple orgasms); mentions of Mike eating the reader’s pussy; Mike is called ‘good boy’, ‘Mikey’, ‘baby’; mentions of the reader riding Mike, mentions of creampie kink; mentions of orgasm restriction (toward Mike); marking kink - mentions of the reader biting/marking Mike during a previous sexual encounter; Perv!Mike; mentions of sexual photos being taken with consent (of the reader and of Mike); hair-pulling (towards Mike); thigh riding - Mike rides the reader's thigh as his punishment; mentions of a cock cage (not actually used in the fic); mild pain kink; some descriptions of subspace (even though it’s not called that in the fic); degradation kink (the reader verbally degrades Mike); mentions of spanking; undertones of humiliation kink; mentions of underwear stealing (Mike stole a pair of the reader’s panties in the past); (mild) Mommy kink - Mike calls the reader Mommy (once or twice, it’s not all that prevalent in the fic); finger sucking.

A/N: Here, I did go far beyond what was in the original request, but I saw the mention of Polaroid pictures in the request and my mind immediately went to perv!Mike?? I’m not even sure why. But I had fun with this lmao. And I keep thinking of writing a kind of ‘prequel’ fic of the situation where he originally took the photo, but idk. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! If you want to see more Mike Schmidt fics from me, definitely let me know by reblogging this or commenting on it.

...

When you got out of the shower, the last thing you were expecting to hear was the distinct sound of moans coming from the bedroom. 

Not that you were at all disappointed by the needy, choked off sounds that your boyfriend Mike made. You were just… surprised. 

After the night the two of you had before, the fact that Mike had the desire to masturbate was surprising to say the least. 

You thought that you would have tired him out and left his cock sore and worn out for at least a good day to follow. It had been a rare night when the two of you had the house all to yourselves - Abby was sleeping over at a friend’s place (Mike often credited you with Abby being more open and sociable and feeling up to doing things like this where she wouldn’t have before) - and so, you had certainly taken advantage of that. You enjoyed a night where you could get him in bed without having to gag him or shove his face into a pillow in order to assure his silence. 

You had indulged in his sounds, in fact. 

You had spent the night with him tied to the bed, curious about how many times you could make him cum before his body outright gave up. The answer to that burning question was four, which was a record for him. After the forth orgasm spurted up over his belly, covering him in even more mess, you continued to milk him through it and his softening dick gave you nothing but pathetic clear drips of non-cum - he wept and begged you to stop, threatening that he might pass out from the efforts. 

With the satisfaction of the answer under your belt, and taking in the sight of him so debauched one last time, you finally untied him. And then he spent some time between your thighs, enjoying a reward for being such a good boy, shoving his tongue deep inside of you while the morning sun warmed the curtains, signifying that the two of you had truly been at it all night. 

The two of you eventually slept for a few hours in the morning. After waking up from the haze, you had peeled yourself out from under his heavy grip on your waist when you read the numbers on the digital clock sitting on his nightstand, seeing that it was almost noon - Abby would need to be picked up from her friend’s house soon, and you wanted a shower while Mike was still asleep. 

The last thing you were expecting was to emerge from the shower to the sounds of him getting off yet again. One thing you knew for certain since you had started fucking him - he was insatiable. He was seemingly always horny the moment that he got you behind closed doors. (And often, he couldn’t even wait to get you behind closed doors - something you loved, even if it was inconvenient.) But you thought that a night like last night would tire out the libido of someone even as horny as him. 

But you liked a challenge. 

If he wanted his cock to be truly sore, if he wanted his balls so thoroughly drained - then you would pin him to the bed and ride him with harshness and haste before you had to go pick Abby up. It would be a waste of a shower, but you usually found the feeling of his cum sticking to the inside of your underwear to be a fond one. 

“Mikey,” You called out the playful nickname as you walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. 

You had a towel wrapped around your chest - mostly to keep the chill of the air off you and to keep your wet body from dripping all over the carpet. Modesty wasn’t really a thing between you and Mike, not when you were so intensely familiar with each other’s naked bodies now. 

At the sound of your voice, Mike let out a choked sound, and you saw his movements pause - which was entirely strange. It’s not like you hadn’t seen his naked cock before. It’s not like you hadn’t seen him masturbate before - several times, you had him do so just for your viewing pleasure. 

If he wasn’t allowed to touch himself as a punishment, you always told him so very clearly. But last night, you made no such rule. You simply expected that he wouldn’t want to after the thorough fucking you had given him. So you had to wonder why he was trying to hide from you. 

You walked to stand on his side of the bed, and he stared at you with wide, startled eyes, covering his hard cock with both hands. The sheet was draped around his thighs, revealing his nakedness, as well as showing off the many purpling bite marks that you had left on his chest, stomach, hips and thighs the night before. He was an absolutely perfect picture of sweet debauchery that you would hold fondly in your mind forever. 

“Baby, what are you doing?” You inquired gently, entirely curious as to why he had stopped. “You don’t have to hide from me.” 

“I - I thought you would be in the shower… longer.” He breathed out, pure guilt on his voice. It was almost adorable, seeing how he could go from fucked-out and begging to completely shy about his own desires. 

“I would have invited you to join me in the shower if I knew you wanted more,” You chuckled, stepping forward and running your fingers through his hair, petting him like the sweet puppy that he was. “Needy little thing, aren’t you?” 

Mike leaned into the touch, closing his eyes - the surge of soft pleasure that your simple touch pushed through him caused his arms to go loose, dropping away from shielding his crotch. This made him inadvertently drop something onto the sheets that he had been hiding from you in his closed fist. 

You noticed the ruffle of what sounded like paper and saw the object fall out of the corner of your eye. So you abandoned gently stroking your fingers across his scalp in favor of investigating what it was. 

Mike’s eyes widened in horror and he froze up, completely stiff as you picked up the polaroid picture, and raised it up to get a better look at it. 

Immediately, you knew it was a picture of yourself. 

You knew that Mike had a collection of dirty shots of you. It had only been a few weeks into your sex life when he had pulled out the camera and shyly asked to take pictures of you. You had bargained that he could take as many as he wanted, if you could take some photos of him in return. He kept his pictures of you in a shoebox under his bed and you kept yours in a special jewelry box on your vanity. 

But this picture wasn’t one that you recognized. 

It was your ass - a shot of your dress pulled up from behind, revealing you wearing a simple pair of cotton panties (not something you would have worn for the other ‘photoshoots’, not some impressive lingerie). In the photo, your legs were lazily parted, revealing the way the underwear was slightly caught between the lips of your cunt, even showing your pubes sticking out slightly from the fabric. If you weren’t mistaken, based on the color, that was Mike’s couch you were laying on. 

But when had the photo been taken? 

“Look, Y/N, please, I’m so sorry-” Mike swallowed harshly, desperate to get some air into his lungs as he begged for your forgiveness. “You were just so pretty - and - and - I couldn’t help myself. I know it was awful, just - please, please, don’t be mad.” 

That was when it clicked in your mind. 

You recognized the pattern on the fabric of your dress. You had worn it on the first night you had babysat Abby for Mike - back when the two of you weren’t even dating yet. That night, you had fallen asleep on the couch after you put Abby to bed. And later in the night, you thought nothing of it when you saw Mike’s polaroid camera sitting on a random side table when it hadn’t been there before. It hadn’t even crossed your mind as suspicious after he had woken you up, thanked you for helping out, and let you out the front door for the night. 

That dirty little pervert. 

You resisted the urge to grin at this realization, putting on a stony face and faking anger. You couldn’t have him thinking that this action would pass without punishment. Even if you heavily enjoyed the idea of being a perverted little admirer of you before the two of you even got together. 

You reached over and put your hand on the back of his head, this time digging sharp nails into his hair in a fierce, unforgiving grip instead of petting him so gently. He winced as this, and you noticed a distinct bit of precum weeping out of his still hard cock at the action. You yanked on his head harshly, forcing him to look up at you while you turned the photo around and shoved it in his face. 

Instinctively, knowing that it would likely only make his punishment worse to oggle over his mistakes, he looked you dead in the eyes, resisting the temptation to stare at your ass in the photo. 

“When did you take this?” You asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting him to say it. To emphasize your words, you yanked on his hair again and jabbed the picture closer to his face. 

He breathed out harshly, but didn’t fight against your grip, keeping his large, glossy, guilty eyes staring up at you. 

“Look, I know I did a bad boy thing, I know it was bad, but please, please, I’ll make it up to you.” He begged so beautifully. “I’ll be a good boy, I’ll be a good boy for you, I promise.” 

His words were pitched soft with need, and it was a unique tone that made your stomach clench. As tempting as the offer was, you couldn’t go soft on him now. 

“Answer the question!” You pressed, tugging his neck back even harsher with your grip on his hair. 

“It - it was a long time ago!” He rushed to answer. “I - I shouldn’t have done it, I know that! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” 

“Why did you do it if you knew it was bad?” You asked. 

This was the most interesting question to you. The thing you were most curious about. 

You wondered why Mike felt the need to invade your privacy with something like this when you simply would have given in to his advances if he had asked. 

You had been attracted to Mike since you met him. The entire reason you had taken on the job of babysitting his sister was because you found him to be so intensely attractive, and you wanted to get to know him better. At the time, he was someone who seemed shy and generally anti-social, you yearned to be closer to him. That night, if you had woken up and caught him staring at your panties, you probably would have taken them off and given them to him as a gift just to see his reaction. 

You were too curious to know why he felt that he had to sneak such a dirty photo of you and to this day, even after all that the two of you had done together - still kept that photo a secret. 

“I - I -” 

Mike’s whining stutters were cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. 

You heaved out a sigh and let go of him. On your way along to answer it, you shoved the photo into your purse, which was sitting open on his dresser. He was curious as to why you chose to keep it from him rather than destroying it. He heard your voice brightly from down the hall as you answered the phone and spoke to whoever it was on the other end, and he tattered with nerves as he heard you walking back down the hall. 

“Get dressed.” You barked at him when you reentered the bedroom. “We have to go pick Abby up. We’ll finish talking about this later.” 

Later. That certainly left a lovely slice of doom hanging over his head. 

You had your back turned to him, picking clothes out of the drawer he had cleared for you in his dresser (one step closer to you moving in, he had thought wistfully while moving your stuff into that drawer) - but this left one thing on his mind. 

“Okay.” Mike croaked quietly. “How should I-?” 

He trailed off, and you turned back around with a tee shirt and panties in your hand to see him loosely gripping his still hard cock, slowly beginning to touch himself again. 

You realized that he was asking you how he should finish off, and this caused a wave of spite to roll through you. He thought he still deserved to cum. 

“I didn’t say anything about your dick.” You said, tone harsh and biting. “You don’t get to cum right now. I said get dressed, so get dressed.” 

You dropped your towel casually, moving to get dressed for yourself. This caused a whine from him as your nakedness was once again revealed - something he had seen so many times now that still caused his cock to throb and weep precum, his eyes utterly fixated on the tantalizing sway of your breasts as you leaned down to hook your feet into the fresh panties you had picked out. 

Mike let out a breathy whine, but took his hand off his cock. He looked at you with utterly pleading eyes, clearly wanting you to reconsider - but you wouldn’t budge from the subject. When he didn’t make a move to get up from the bed, you said something that you knew would put some urgency in him. 

“Don’t make me get the cage.” You threatened quietly. 

Mike was up in a moment, moving toward the bathroom to freshen up, eager to follow your instructions. His dick ached at the thought of the cock cage that you had gotten just for him - it was one of the most torturous punishments you had thought up yet. Sometimes he spent whole days with his dick trapped in the metal, unable to get hard, absolutely dizzying - making him silently resent the key worn around your neck that everyone else perceived as an innocent piece of jewelry. 

The two of you got ready for the day and the conflict was soon forgotten when you had Abby in the car. You took her for lunch at some cute little diner that one of your friends had recommended - Sparky’s - and while you ate, you listened to Abby chatter on excitedly about everything she and her friend had done the night before, including ordering pizza, watching a PG13 rated movie (which Mike pretended to disapprove of), painting their nails, and staying up all night telling ‘scary stories’. You were proud of how far she had come, sharing her imagination and joy with others and having some true friends of her own age now. 

After lunch, you and Mike had taken Abby to get some new shoes because she complained that hers were getting too small, and then after some browsing around the mall, it was time to go home and make dinner (if it wasn’t for you, those two would rarely eat anything that wasn’t pre-packaged). After dinner, you helped Abby work on a solar system project for school while Mike napped on the couch (and you couldn’t blame the guy, he had a tiring time the night before). 

You had since put Abby to bed, and busied yourself with cleaning up, glad that Mike was still asleep while you did the dishes. It always pleased you when he slept well - one of the reasons you liked to wear him out with sex was because it was a more natural sleep aid than his medication, and caused him to have a deeper, dreamless sleep without the stupid nightmares. You were more focused on the tasks in front of you than thinking about any possible punishment you might give him over it. 

The fact that Mike had taken a pervy photo of you was all but forgotten in your mind even as you were cleaning up the kitchen later that night. 

The photo and the controversy, the burning questions you had about it only came back to mind as you were attempting to scrub a combination of dried glitter glue and pasta sauce off the table and you noticed Mike not-so-subtly creeping around behind you - attempting to reach into your purse. 

He was trying to take the photo back. 

You quickly tossed down the cloth you had been using to clean up and moved toward Mike instead. You were on him before he could blink, taking his wrist in a bruising grip before his hand could successfully come out of your purse with the photo. 

“What are you doing?” You asked, even though you already knew exactly what he was up to. 

With your thumb pushing harshly into the pulse point of his wrist, and your eyes glaring daggers into his - he was quickly becoming light-headed and soft, the way he always did whenever you were on top of him or when you called him baby boy in that fond, sweet way that you often did. He couldn’t conjure up any real explanation, not when he was feeling this way. 

All he could manage was: 

“But - it’s mine.” He breathed out softly, almost a whiny protest - as if you had taken one of his most precious toys and stashed it away because he had misbehaved. 

In a sense, that was exactly what you had done. 

You could only imagine how many times he had masturbated to the photo before you had caught him. How many times had he cum, looking at that picture of your barely covered ass and pussy before the two of you even got together? Before he even saw you naked for the first time? How many times did he make himself cum when that was his only source of sexual material for his fantasies around you? 

It was these burning questions and the thumping ache between your thighs that spurred your next move. 

You used your hold on his wrist to handle him how you pleased, knowing that a little bit of pain made him so easily pliant to your wills. You shoved him into the small kitchen and shoved him up against one of the counters, beside where your purse was sitting, and he huffed out a quiet whine as you trapped him there. You easily caged him in with one of your hands on either side of his waist, slotting your legs around his so that your thigh was right up against his denim clad crotch. 

You pressed forward slightly with your knee, applying a slight bit of pressure that might be painful on his tender cock and balls (especially after last night). But the roughness of the hard seam of his jeans pressing against his tender flesh, even through his underwear, only lit sparks through him and added to that soft, mushy headspace that he was in. 

He refused to look at you now, shifting his gaze off to the side as you pressed further into his personal space, pressing your nose against the side of his unshaven face. 

“It’s yours?” You posed in response to what he had said, your tone utterly mocking. “It’s yours, is it?” 

You reached off to the side and flawlessly grabbed the photo inside your bag without looking (the texture of a polaroid very unique to feel for) - and you held it up in his view, forcing him to look at it while you spoke again. 

“Then surely, you can explain to me how a good boy like you came to own something like this,” You said, your voice dripping with satire toward the ‘good boy’ title he had given himself earlier that day. 

“I’m sorry,” He whimpered, clearly apologetic about the subject. But- 

“That doesn’t explain how you got this, baby.” You told him, clicking your tongue in a scolding manner. “Come on, tell me about it.” 

You used a hand to grab him by both cheeks between your fingers, forcing him to look at you while he explained it. 

“I - I took it.” He admitted quietly. “I took a picture of you. When you weren’t looking. When you were… sleeping.” 

Again, something you already knew. But it was more satisfying to hear him say it, especially with the sharp bob of his throat as he gulped around his fear. 

“You just looked so pretty, I - I couldn’t help myself.” He whispered, clearly timid to admit his lack of self control. 

Though him lacking self control around you was an intense turn-on for you. 

“After everything I’ve given you, you just had to go and take. You had to be a greedy, filthy, bad boy,” You scolded him sharply. 

“It was different then.” He said quietly. “Then… I - I thought I couldn’t have you. I thought you wouldn’t give me anything at all. I - I didn’t think you’d ever want to fuck me.” 

“Oh?” You huffed quietly, your breath puffing out across his cheek, surprised by this revelation. “So you took this picture because you wanted a filthy little piece of me? You didn’t think I’d ever touch your pathetic needy cock so you had to perv on me in secret, huh?” 

He let out a sharp whine at this. It was rare that you degraded him so harshly, rather than praising him sweetly. Surely enough, even if it was unconsciously fueled by lust, his hips bucked toward you, dragging his cock along your thigh, still trapped inside of his jeans and rapidly hardening from the state of the conversation. 

“Look, I’m sorry-” 

“If you say ‘sorry’, one more time, I’m gonna spank you so fucking hard that you won’t be able to sit down for a week.” You threatened, your voice low and dark. 

He let out a whimper at this, and you weren’t entirely sure if the idea appealed to him or sounded like a true threat. He didn’t tempt you by speaking up again, so you continued. 

“Enough with the sorries.” You told him sharply. “How many times did you jack off to this picture without telling me? How often did you look at it, touching your hard, needy dick and thinking about what my cunt might feel like? Huh? Tell me, baby.” 

Mike jutted his hips again, grinding his hard cock against your thigh. 

“Please-” He croaked out. 

Clearly, he was begging for you to release him from the conversation, and to attend to his aching dick. But you didn’t have plans to do either. 

“If you want me to touch you again anytime soon, you’re going to get off against my thigh.” You demanded harshly. “Or you’re not going to get off at all.” 

Mike let out a pathetic, warbling whine in protest, sounding a lot like a kicked puppy. But still, he began to move more consistently against your leg - you stiffened your muscles on purpose and raised your thigh tighter against him, pushing your leg further into his crotch. This movement forced a puff of air from his lungs as you put more pressure on his hard cock. 

“And you’re going to answer my questions.” You added on, reaching behind him and grabbing his hair like you had earlier that day, knowing that a tight tug on his roots would certainly make him more pliant. 

“Ah! O-okay!” He shouted in return, and you hushed him gently. 

“When were you gonna tell me that you’re a dirty little pervert?” You asked, a mocking laughter dancing in your voice. 

Mike started up a rhythm as he fucked himself on your thigh. He whined in the back of his throat, his brow creasing - partially from the heat stirring in his gut and partially from the embarrassment of your interrogation - before he managed an answer. 

“I - I wasn’t.” He answered honestly. 

“How many other secret pervy pictures do you have of me?” You asked. 

“N-none!” He was quick to respond, eager to clear himself of this guilt. 

He definitely wasn’t going to tell you about the pair of your panties that he had stolen the first time he was over at your place. He also wasn’t going to mention the fact that he had snooped in your bathroom to see what brand of shampoo you used and bought the same one just so he could have your scent on tap. He didn’t need you thinking that he was totally pathetic.  

“Don’t lie to me!” You demanded, giving a sharp tug on his hair. 

“‘m not! I’m not! That’s the only one!” He slurred out, becoming more hazy and pleasure drunk as he ground himself harder into your thigh and his cock leaked into his underwear. His brain was absolutely fuzzy from the streaks of pain coming off his scalp when you pulled on his hair like that. 

“How many times have you jerked off to the picture?” You asked. 

More than once a week since he had taken it. It was his favorite guilty pleasure. 

Earlier that day, he hadn’t even meant to take out the photo and jerk off to it. He had been more than satisfied with everything that happened the night before. But when he had opened his nightstand looking for his watch to put it on for the day, and the photo fell from its place stuck underneath the drawer (a perfect hiding place, in his mind). And just like when he had taken the photo, as soon as he saw you so perfectly posed there, he just couldn’t help himself. The sight of your panties sticking out from under your dress just got to him. 

His cock was hard in seconds and next thing he knew, he was sitting there pumping his cock in one hand and holding the picture in the other, listening for the sound of the shower running and hoping he would finish before you did. 

Something about you was so absolutely intoxicating to him, sent his brain back to caveman levels of hormonal and caused him to make the stupidest dick-driven decisions ever. 

“Mommy,” He begged quietly. “Mommy, please.” 

Your stomach clenched - it was a name he used in an attempt to soften you up, trying to make you pliant to his big eyes and whimpering breaths. 

He grabbed both of your hips and tried shoving his face into your neck to hide himself as his hips stuttered against your leg, humping hopelessly like a needy puppy. You yanked him back by the hair before he could fully hide himself and he exhaled in a needy, simpering tone, deflating like a balloon as his shoulders sagged. For a moment, he stopped the movement of his hips altogether - as if expecting you to take over in some way and make him cum. 

“Mommy is only sweet to good boys.” You whispered in his ear. “Mommy punishes dirty little bad boys who can’t take their head out of their dick long enough to behave.” 

He squeezed out a hot breath, seemingly deflating more. You used your free hand to grab his hip, and began guiding him to hump along your thigh once again. 

“Come on, baby.” You encouraged him. “If you don’t cum like this, you don’t get to come for a week.” You gave a gentle warning. “Are you gonna be a good boy? Or are you a stupid little perv? Hmm?” 

The harsh degradation behind your words, the motivation for him to be seen as a good boy in your eyes - that truly got him going again. 

“I’m a good boy.” He said quietly, fucking himself against you, moaning quietly as the friction caused sharp tingles against his cock. “I’m - I’m a good boy.” 

“Show me.” You told him firmly. “Show me what a good boy does.” 

“Please,” He breathed out. “Fuck, Mommy. Please!” 

You knew that he needed more, and you did pity him to an extent - so you gave another tug on his hair and slipped your other hand under the back of his shirt, raking your nails across his back, making claw marks that you knew he loved. The stinging feeling of your nails biting into his skin causing pure sparks that sent heat straight between his thighs. When you leaned in and sharply bit his neck, that truly sent him over the edge, causing him to lose all sense of rhythm and having him bucking wildly, mindlessly against your thigh as he flooded the inside of his underwear with cum. 

“Fuck! Y/N!” He shouted. 

“Shut up!” You bit back. 

You stood back up to your full height, shoving your fingers between his lips to gag him. You knew that you had to be mindful of his volume when she was so deep in it, so absolutely lost in the pleasurable haze that he didn’t care how loud he was being. 

He rode out his orgasm gagging slightly with your fingers pressed against his tongue, his eyes tightly screwed shut, a light sweat gathered on his brow as he continued to hump against your leg, carrying himself through it. 

After a few moments, Mike’s rattling moans turned into harsh, open-mouthed pants around your fingers as he caught his breath, and you eased your fingers out of his mouth, enjoying the thread of spit that came off his lips far too much. 

When he collapsed his head onto your shoulder this time, you let him. 

“You’re - you’re not really mad about the picture, are you?” He asked, gently huffing the words into your shirt as he struggled to catch his breath. “Because if-” 

“I’m not mad about it.” You clarified, moving your hand from under his shirt to pet through his hair calmly, wanting to reassure him of this. “In fact, I think it’s pretty hot.” 

“Really?” He asked, his gaze shooting up to inspect your expression, almost not believing your words. Even though you were always very honest and transparent when communicating your feelings to him. 

“Yes.” You answered honestly. “I think it’s hot that you found me so attractive from the moment we met.” 

“‘Attractive’ is a bit of an understatement.” He mumbled quietly in response. 

Interesting.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I liked Kieran, maybe only because he reminded me of myself as a kid. Constantly feeling left out and being both harassed for everything you do do and never being trusted with anything to even proof yourself capable, like the knowledge about the truth about ogerpon. I still am, working on that, but was way more jealous of other people hanging out with my friends simply because I had so precious few. Idk how much it would have fucked with me if my verbally abusive older sister (I do also have one of those) simply decided that one of my friends was now one of hers instead and kicking me out while my friend isn't saying or doing anything to be like "no, actually I want to spend time with [anon] too".

Obviously his obsession with ogerpon and the following Drive to get stronger is pretty hyperbolic but I did also have a bit of that. Just rejecting everything, throwing everything back at everyone since it was, or at least felt, like its always my family and the people around me just throwing shit at me too. Did I overreact a bunch of times? Oh yeah for sure. Teenage tantrums will get ya, but I really did need that. Without it I don't think I would have ever learned to call out my family's abuse and other people treating me poorly. Since as a kid that just radiates low self esteem you seem to get treated like shit from just about everyone.

Anyway all that is to say, throwing around things like "I think this kid would shoot up a school if only he had access to guns" isn't, imho, great. And I don't even really particularly care about your instance rn, like it's a fictional character in a Pokémon game who cares. So sorry for being the one who got my rant lol. It's just something I've been seeing more of lately, people throwing "they'd shoot up a school" not only at fictional characters but actual human beings. Which I think is fucked. Thankfully no one ever said that to me, but I cannot imagine how hurtful that must be, like if we ignore all the other negative effects it has for a second, when your actual school life was hell enough to make you consider ending your own life, like it was for me, to just get thrown another brick at your head that people think you would be monster enough to murder people.

...well there's a lot to unpack here.

So first up, you have my genuine condolences for your extraordinarily shitty school life. You clearly had the very rough end of the stick, and it's clearly still hurting, and that sucks.

However. I am not thrilled that you just trauma dumped in my inbox because you over-projected onto a fictional character, and I'll ask you not to do that again. Particularly when your "rant" is explicitly aimed at trying to make me feel bad for criticising a fictional character that you, once again, have over-projected onto.

Like listen, I too had an extraordinarily shitty school life, and I also had very few friends (and at three separate extended points, a combination of Literally No Friends At All, AND Being Actively Targeted For Bullying; the first time around, the bullying was led by the class teacher, even.) I have very much been there, done that and got an entire t-shirt shop. But I still didn't come away from that feeling that I was entitled to other people liking me or wanting to be friends with me, because no one is obliged to like or be friends with anyone else. I may have occasionally felt jealous, but I didn't throw tantrums and demand perfect loyalty from the few friends I did make, because that would have been abusive as all hell and would have justly made them want nothing to do with me. And, crucially and relevantly to the fictional character in the fictional world that we are discussing, I did not fixate on someone I wanted to be my friend, see that they were afraid of me and wanted to be friends with someone else, and then throw such a tantrum about it that I physically fought that someone else for the 'rights' to that friend regardless of their consent in that matter, apparently with the intention of abducting them if I won. And on losing that fight, I did not storm off and start amassing a collection of stronger and stronger weapons so I could take over my school and prove my dominance over them, emotionally abusing anyone who couldn't keep up with me because of family problems along the way. I presume you did not either!

And if I had, then the trauma and loneliness I received would be irrelevant - actions borne of trauma are still actions, with real world consequences, and you are still responsible for them regardless of how bad you felt.

(I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but school shooters are people who are also lonely and often bullied. It's very interesting therefore that you dismiss them as "monsters" while demanding that all behaviour from such people up to the shooting be excused. But the issue with such people is the entitlement they feel and the abuse they therefore dish out. Shootings are just the most extreme symptom of that - they're far from the only symptom.)

I cannot stress this enough - you are not the fictional character of Kieran in the game Pokémon Scarlet and Violet. You did not make his choices, or perform his actions (I assume). Criticism of him is not criticism of you. No one is accusing you of being about to shoot up a school. You state that you don't care that he's a fictional character, but I'm afraid you very much should, because that is the crucial difference. I am sorry that you're seeing a lot of people accusing real life people of being school shooters, but that is not what has happened here, is it?

You're welcome to write back. But I'll warn you very clearly - I am absolutely not at home to you trauma dumping further, or trying to make me feel guilty for talking about a fictional character because you have over-projected and therefore are taking it personally. That is a You Problem, and I will block you without reading if you do.

However, I am going to finish by reiterating my very genuine sympathies for your school experience. It truly was an appalling time for me, and it seems like it was for you, too. I hope you can process that trauma now, and find peace.

[tiktowafel]

Headcanons for Neito Monoma?

yup here you go! tagging @fabpops1 because she also asked for Monoma headcanons

no coloring today because the one i made two years ago sucks and i don't feel like remaking it :'D honestly i feel like Horikoshi and I both half-assed his casual clothing sketch lol

him and his parents were all born in Japan but he has some relatives in Belgium, whom he really enjoys visiting. it's the main reason why he seems so interested in european culture (his profile page states he likes french cuisine and franco-belgian comics)

he can also speak french very well thanks to that

he's also fluent in english (though he has trouble understanding Pony sometimes - he's much better at reading and writing than he is at listening) and has a basic knowledge of several other languages. he doesn't really expect it to come handy at any point in the future, he just learns them because he finds it fun

besides that he also likes history, classic literature, theatre... yeah this guy is a huge humanities-leaning nerd and i don't accept criticism

nor do i accept the fact that he's supposed to be a bad student in canon?? like, he's so smart and also competitive, no way he isn't top of the class... he may not be as good in science and math as he is in japanese and history, but nothing an all-nighter can't fix

in middle school he was part of the drama and debate clubs. and while hero course students aren't supposed to join clubs because they should focus on hero work, he managed to argue his way into the same clubs in UA by saying that his theatrics and speeches are an important part of his hero persona. Kuroiro joined the drama club alongside him (didn't contribute to the argument at all, just nodded wisely every time Monoma presented a point)

class 1-B's culture festival performance being a stage play was actually his idea! it didn't really go the way he intended (he did NOT expect it to turn into a four-way crossover more ambitious than infinity war) but he greatly enjoyed performing in it anyway! maybe even too much

his knowledge of quirks rivals Midoriya's. he researches them a lot mostly to help his copy quirk but also out of genuine curiosity

he often helps his classmates with training their quirks and comes up with new techniques to try out. he's particularly good at it because he can actually try other people's quirks himself, which gives him a better understanding of how they function and what their limitations are

^ which is why i believe he'd make an awesome hero course teacher!! (in all might's role - i don't think making him anyone's homeroom teacher would be a good idea, he'd be just as biased towards his class as he is now lmao) it's definitely one of my favorite "future" headcanons

he praises his classmates' quirks a lot and says he considers them all great, but he does have preferences when it comes to copying them

his favorites are Yanagi's poltergeist (somewhat boring, but easy to understand and very versatile both in battle and everyday life), Tokage's lizard tail splitter (he almost died when he copied it for the first time because he barely managed to put his body back together before his quirk's time limit ran out, but that didn't stop him - he always found Tokage's quirk very fun and useful, so he put a lot of work into fully figuring it out and now he uses it pretty often), Shoda's twin impact (Monoma's physical strength.... leaves a lot to be desired, and the second impact always being significantly stronger than the first helps make up for it) and Kuroiro's black (you can move around very fast and it's fun :) )

quirks he does not like copying Honenuki's softening (fun, but quite difficult to control and avoiding collateral damage with such a destructive quirk is a pain in the ass. Honenuki understands that perfectly) and Shishida's beast (just... really not his thing lol)

for some reason i see a lot of people headcanon that he has pet ferrets, and you know what? i agree. he does seem like a ferret person

prefers smart clothing, a polo shirt is the most casual he'll go. he only ever wears tshirts for exercise (which he hates doing lol) and probably doesn't own a single hoodie

in general i think he has a good eye for elegant design... his dorm room is very stylish and nicely coordinated too. i think one of the light novels also describes it as "vaguely french" and yeah that fits

while he tries to keep his room neat and tidy on the outside, all his drawers and cabinets are horribly messy

he's that one kid who has like 17 different allergies and is completely useless if he forgets his meds on a spring day (spring is his least favorite season due to this. i think winter would be his fave)

luckily he is not allergic to dairy so he can eat as much stinky french cheese as he wants 👍

speaking of food i think he's a pretty good cook actually

prefers listening to older (and mostly foreign) music and is a huge snob about it

honestly he probably acts the same about movies and books too

arguing with people on the internet is one of his favorite ways to spend his free time. if there are no 1-A students around, you can always show off your impressive vocabulary by bullying random internet strangers with bad taste in movies!

almost everyone in 1-B considers him a friend despite his... anti-1a bullshit, because he's just really nice and helpful to people he likes + he's a great leader! however he's closest to Kuroiro (friendly drama king rivals! they're constantly arguing about dumb shit using the fanciest words they can think of and they're always trying to outperform each other in the drama club meetings they both attend, but they love each other trust me <3 also Monoma helps Kuroiro with studying because he sucks at school), Pony (when he's not trying to trick her into insulting 1-A he can be pretty helpful with japanese, he also likes listening to her talk about her home country), Honenuki (he's Pony's best friend, so you usually befriend them both at once, but Monoma thinks he's also interesting to talk to by himself) and Tetsutetsu (they don't share many interests but Monoma hates exercising so he has Tetsutetsu force him to do it. his positive energy certainly helps a lot)

ever since they got to know each other during their joint training fight, Monoma's been using 100% of his persuasion skills to convince Shinso to join 1-B instead of 1-A. Shinso is conflicted to say the least

aaand that's all i have for him! hope you enjoyed these!!

[k00299539]

Animation Brief 01 - Week 2 - Parallax Background

Above: Snufkin just chillin

Putting together a full parallaxed background was the biggest individual step in our "World Building" brief, which is why I kept putting it off. I was told by Yvonne that the work had to be produced physically before being digitally composited, for someone who hates painting this was bad news.

I guess like always, the first step was research and gathering reference. I chose Tove Jansson as my artist-to-emulate which proved a bit of a headache in itself. Jansson was prolific and diverse, working with different styles in different mediums regularly in her seven decades long career. A lot of my favourite works of hers are simple black ink on white paper illustrations. But mimicking that style would've gone against the spirit of the project.

I decided to buy a beginners set of gouache paint for a tenner and try to emulate her painted work, the likes of which can be seen on the covers for her children's books. I'd never used gouache before so I don't really know what I was thinking, other than that I knew I was sick of acrylic. Anyway, the first step was a sketch.

Above: Yeah not much going on...

Honestly looking back on this I probably should have spent more time drafting a good composition and actually thinking through the shot I was intending to make. It's not that I didn't give it any thought, just that when you're on a tight schedule and commit to an idea, you're stuck with it. The longer I worked on this project the less I liked it, a bit more foresight at the beginning could've helped prevent that. Ah well.

The composition I went with was a combination of a couple of my landscape sketches. I decided with my "mini-me" limited to being shot from the shoulder up, a horizontal parallax would work best. Basically a simple side-scrolling shot, like holding a camera out a car window. I took the forest backdrop from Cratloe Woods, the classic Irish dry-stone wall from the farm, and I threw in some road signs (and Snufkin) for a bit of fun. The only problem was now I had to paint it...

Above: A real Artíst's palette...

I had no idea how to use gouache. I even used the regular ass paper from my sketchook which was probably a mistake considering the number the water did on it. I started out dampening the paper a bit before going over the major areas with a wash of an approximate colour. You can really tell I worked left to right on the wall because it gets slightly less shitting as your eyes pan across it. The wall was great fun in general, basically just laying down shadows, darkening the crevices and building up the tone. I think I overworked it looking back, although that's true for the painting in general.

Above: Cameos

Don't have much to say about these sketches, I was working fast and trying to have fun with them while keeping in Jansson's style. Also if it's not obvious I take all these photos at night when there's no natural light cause I'm stupid...

Above: Ignore the giant pile of rubbish, I cleaned it up after I promise

At first I really wasn't happy with the treeline in my first painting so I tested out some ideas on another sheet. I liked how it turned out, and I was thinking of incorporating it into the animation, but as the trees are the furthest element in the composition, they will move the least in the parallax shot, making it a bit infeasible. I did reuse the bushes as a foreground element though.

The next step was a tedious one, scan the water-warped paintings on my shitty scanner, disassemble them in Photoshop and stitch the edges as to make them tileable. Honestly I actually enjoy this kind of tedious Photoshop work, I just hated my painting and the shot in general so having to look at them over and over wasn't exactly fun.

Anyway, having made liberal use of the offset filter in Photoshop I had all the layers cut and tileable and ready to import into After Effects. I kind of suck at After Effects so this took longer than it should have. I tried to create the parallax effect in an old school manner by parenting all the layers together and setting a keyframe on their position, and adjusting their start position individually to control the speed at which each layer scrolled. Sounds easy.

I wasn't. Apparently I can't parent properly cause it was anarchy trying to control the speed of the individual layers. Eventually I just watched a Youtube tutorial and used that guy's method, creating a new camera and parenting everything to a null object, then moving the individual layers back in z-space to create the parallax effect as the camera pans.

I'm tired as I write this and I'm unsure how intelligible it is. Here's the horses mouth explaining things if you want to watch for yourselves:

The worst part is after all that it's still just a rough composite. Even beyond the obvious absence of my mini-me, there's a lot of problems in regards to the speed of the individual layers, the foreground elements look more like they're moving on a treadmill than receding in space. A particular cardinal sin I committed was not matching the speed of the grounded elements to the ground on which they're well, grounded.

Anyway I can fix all that later, I'm just sick of looking at it for now.

[ghoulangerlee]

Ohhhhh my god I feel you on this whole bc shot thing. I've been on it for a little over two years because I'm trans and getting my period was so bad for my emotional wellbeing I had to do something. I didn't wand an IUD, and I forget to take my medication a lot so the pill wasn't ideal. I was told by two different obgyns that they wouldn't consider removing the uterus becsuse at the time I was only 21 and ""What if you chsnge your mind!!!"" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I really dint have a whole lot of options.

On one hand I like not having to worry about the whole thing for 10/11 weeks at a time but on the other hand I also really like not having feeble bones! I've been taking calcium supplements but the pills are huge and I worry it isn't covering the issue entirely. I don't get enough calcium to begin with becsuse I can't drink milk and stuff, so I worry that it's a bandage on a knife wound so to speak.

Last time I was at the clinic for my shot I raised the issue again and the doctor there was like "wait you're literally trans and have no plans for children why the hell don't we just get rid of it????" And I'm just sitting there like why the fuck did the last two people I see not give me this option!?

Anyways I need to discuss the idea more with her but oh oh to get this fucking thing out of me....oh to dream....

Sorry rambling in your asks but this sucks and I sure hope we both get the cool fun and fresh resolution :)

oh my god anon, i feel you. i've been on it for...almost 5 years now? I think around August 2019 is when I started it finally. It was unfortunately the only option we could find for me. I actually can't have any bc that has actual estrogen in it because of my high blood pressure and the family history of blood clots. And like, at first it was fine and dandy! I was okay with it because after 7 weeks of a heavy cycle I was so exhausted and just ready for it to be over. And it's been gone! pretty regularly for the last several years.

Sometimes if I'm incredibly stressed it will sneak up on me but it's like, leagues better than it was. Max 3 days and barely anything at all. So, very manageable for someone who y'know. had it much worse (to the point it would cause my iron to drop significantly all the time).

I hate obgyns who refuse to do things because "you might regret it later on" like, no actually I think I'll regret having this thing inside my body I don't intend to use and having to stay on the shot for the rest of my life. I'm in a same-sex relationship, I don't ever intend to physically carry a child, I just want the thing gone lmao. I've told obgyns that in the past and yet they still insisted on telling me that I might "regret" it.

So, my surgeon did mention that viactiv is a good supplement, which is apparently a chocolate calcium chew haha. My biggest concern is that I have osteoarthritis and being over 30 now, my bone density doesn't come back as fast as it does for someone in their 20s. My doctor is also concerned about it too. I mean like also the weight gain is terrible too, like holy shit it's been the worst (strong ass bc, strong ass side effects I GUESS)

THOUGH APPARENTLY there is a bone density therapy that they can do which will help with keeping your bones strong. I didn't know about it and no one ever thought to mention it to me when they started talking about my bone density lmao. Normal Calcium supplements make me extremely nauseous and I can't take them, so I just stopped lmao.

And I think from there, that's when I sort of decided I wanted to look into getting rid of my uterus for good. Like, I don't plan to have kids, I don't need it. Why should I continue this shot, why should I keep putting myself through this.

Also, idk if you've experienced it, or if its just because I been on it for so long or if it's something else entirely, but in place of the period I just get cramps :) really bad ones :) it's great and what I've always wanted from bc haha.

honestly that's a good doctor, why haven't they suggested it sooner? Literally the surgeon I'm seeing is, ironically, the first obgyn I saw when I switched insurances and go to where I go now, and from the beginning she was like "you're in a monogamous same-sex relationship whenever you want the surgery we can just take care of that" and idk I wasn't in the right place then, I think, to consider it.

yeah it's a long process from my understanding, we're building a case right now, as my surgeon called it, gonna have some imaging stuff done, a few more tests and then we'll set the date and just. remove it. thankfully, no early menopause for me (ironically the One Thing i was most worried about?? I don't know, I've got so much going on, I didn't want to even consider dealing with menopause bc guess what the treatment for that is-- the same damn shot I'm trying to escape lmao) ANON!!! I wish the best for both of us!!! Let me know how things go!! (if you're comfortable!!)

[the-jellydex]

So generally, I have difficulties listening to jellyfish-related music if it is specifically about jellyfish or features a story about jellyfish.

I think I'm just too harsh, but I always end up judging the way jellyfish are portrayed (if I ever decide to cover the Octonauts' jellyfish episodes, you'll see what I mean)

Anyways, today I bring you Blu-Swing's Kurage (クラゲ) music video, a chill jazz fusion song about... well idk tbh (I even tried looking at the translated lyrics and they only confuse me more haha)

After watching the music video a few times, I gather that it's about a guy's pet jellyfish that becomes a human girl and I guess just does human things... anyways, here's my commentary:

I've actually... never seen jellyfish tanks like that in the video. They're really quite interesting ^-^! I love how they manage to get rid of the corners while still ultimately being square (using the space to add substrate that would most certainly kill/maim a jellyfish if it wasn't divided by glass haha)

That guy??? Tapped on the glass???? Like, jellyfish probably aren't as affected by glass tapping as other fish are BUT YOU'RE STILL SCARING THE POOR BABY ;(... have some respect pleaseee

Moon jellyfish are not bioluminescent, but anything is possible with magic I guess

I think the jellyfish girl's outfit is cute ;), it's wonderfully puffy and flowy.

It's clear her touch is venomous, which is... AMAZING :)! I mean, that guy must be a total wuss if her moon jellyfish venom was enough to hurt him but STILL. No physical contact.... that's like, the dream.

This isn't jellyfish related but I just think blu-swing brand water is great. She should be drinking a lot more of it though because as a former jellyfish she should have a higher standard of hydration...

What's the part with the lemon??? Does it have something to do with the misconception that jellyfish stings are electric...? :(. I'm sad. Instant points off. I'm not really rating this song or anything but maybe I should be having a jellyfish accuracy index

also physical contact sucks why would a former jellyfish of all organisms desire it? I mean... I guess they are a swarming species, but contact with things other than other moon jellyfish is usually an undesirable sensation, especially for an organism that's 95% water and something as small as a bubble is potentially fatal

It's cute that the jellyfish girl wanted to support her friend at his gig, but I'm curious... what exactly did happen at 9pm? Did she turn back into a jellyfish? Did she become a human forever? What???

Idk what the magic was on that guy but it was blue AND HE MADE A WHALE I THINK?? DID YOU KNOW BALEEN WHALES EAT JELLYFISH???? That's just insensitive smh

ok last point and that's... I don't think jellyfish would be happy to be turned into a human like we kind of suck. We only have 2 eyes at the front of our body (instead of 8 rhopalia surrounding the bell), our standard of hydration is a LOT lower (like, 75% i think as opposed to 95%?) so they'd feel like a desert lol, our mode of transportation is more accurate yes but it's a far cry from the natural swimming behaviours of a real jellyfish, how would they deal with sentience? Skin? Hair???? Fingernails? Limbs? A mouth AND an butt? If jellyfish are turned into humans I think we should seriously consider how different our biologies are because a jellyfish would NOT have a good time being human.

And um... Yeah :)! That's it ^-^. Next up on this series of Kurageru I'll either cover the Octonauts' portrayal of jellyfish or Amatsuki's song 海月 ("Kurage")

[barrenwomb]

hi there! Sorry if bother but how did you decide to study nursing? I've finished high school last year and decided to take a gap year ( mostly due to mental health reasons + trying to make enough money working here and there to support myself in the future + just general indecisiveness lmao) and I'm still stuck thinking about what i wanna study in the future, bc i DO wanna keep studying and go to uni, but my decision is still up in the air. Did u already knew what you were going to study after high school? What made you chose to become a nurse? Anyway i hope you're having a good evening <3

hi<3 um, well,

^^^

ok, on a more serious note. i started uni (law school) immediately after graduating high school and i dropped out a year later because. well, because i was severely mentally ill, to be honest. then for another year i worked the shittiest jobs known to men until i decided to try the entrance test for nursing school just because and i somehow made it in. i wasn’t sure about my choice until i started working shxjnsbsjs ok, so like, why nursing? mostly because i spent my teenage years taking care of my mom when she got severely ill so i was already familiar with lots of medical and nursing stuff (IV nutrition, PICC catheters, pressure sores, NG tube, etc). also because im the most unimpressionable person ever, scarily phlegmatic even, and i’m very good with people! AND also because i needed to find a job asap — which i did btw. i got hired a week later after my graduation. it’s not an easy job and it’s definitely not for everyone. it requires great mental and physical strength, but considering i always saw myself as a weak ass pussy and now im really good at my job i encourage you to try if you feel like it’d work for you. you don’t know how actually resilient and strong you are until you become a healthcare worker. being a nurse kind of sucks, objectively, because people tend to understimate you and your job a lot, and also because there are serious issues with our healthcare system (talking specifically about italy but these issues are common all over the world tbh), like chronic staff shortage and work overload. personally i like what i do. it gives me a sense of purpose + i could never do a desk job because i need to move around and use both my brain AND my hands. it’s stressful, though. very. extremely mentally proving. i’m glad i made this choice, though. i can’t imagine myself doing anything else now. it’s not my dream job but it’s the job for me. i like having my hands covered in blood and other body humors — don’t tell my patients! just kidding. i won’t be one of those annoying mfs who are like waaah never become a nurse it’s a literal hell waaah. maybe they’re right but we NEED more nurses. oh god if we do. we also need to unionize and start a revolution btw. i wish you the best of luck! keep me updated! kisses mwah mwah! if i made it everyone can!

[daburuwosagase]

Guess I'll do a year review for the heck of it.

2022 sucked badly for me and for many loved ones (you know who you are). It's been very trying from start to finish. A lot of my coping mechanisms just did not work. There is no silver lining in losing family and friends. There were so many awful circumstances popping up without rest that left me feeling powerless. Dates are arbitrary, but I have been looking forward to the end of the year since March.

In the coming year, I want to get off the internet and go outside, get a job in the field I'm actually trained for, focus on one-on-one relationships, whatever else will make me feel like I'm progressing with my life. I've been very thankful to have physical stability all this year and last. But it's time to get back up.

Recounting all the awful stuff would just be a downer, so I'll list off the positives:

Graduated after six years! Got oodles of qualifications! Sure would be nice if an employer took notice! I worked my butt off to actually get good grades in the last semester and boost my GPA over that 3.5 threshold. I think I'd have been really frustrated if I had ended up at 3.49. So I'm proud of myself for pouring effort into my own future for once.

(Technically) finished up the biggest translation project I've ever done. I'm not taking on that much unpaid solo work ever again. But wow, I think I deserve street cred forever for that one.

Got foot surgery after four years! Now that I'm *literally* back on my feet, it's...

...actually, I'm gonna derail this post and talk candidly about that. I just did my exercises for the night and my legs are feeling great. I bounced up the stairs with a spring in my step earlier today, and moderately quickly at that. I've been able to go on walks around the neighborhood and still have strength after getting back home. I can just STAND. Back in the summer, I couldn't even stand around normally without some pain.

I'm frustrated with myself for not getting help earlier, for always thinking "yeah it was pretty bad last week but it's feeling better, so no need to call the doctor, right?", for taking so long to progress to surgery even when I finally DID see a doctor. It shouldn't have taken four goddamn years when, according to what I'm reading, surgery can be considered after six months for what I had.

If you're reading this right now and you experience chronic pain: please schedule an appointment. Don't wait for the next flareup.

Anyway, it got so bad that I just couldn't walk. The pain wasn't like constantly walking on spikes — it only felt like that for brief moments here and there, as if that's much better. But it WAS constant, and eventually would hurt even when sitting down. And I was wondering if I was going to be stuck in pain for the rest of my life, not able to go anywhere, not able to do anything about it. And I *did* give up on going outside and standing in the kitchen long enough to make a meal.

When the doctor explained surgery as an option to me, it sounded too good to be true. Nothing else had worked, yet this method was supposed to be a total cure? She made it sound pretty damn perfect though. So I scheduled a date, put my life on hold for two months, and actually started to feel hopeful. Only a month left of grinning and bearing it, only a few weeks, a few days...

...and like I thought, something just HAD to go wrong. Just like every other thing this year. One stupid false positive test and eeeverything got rescheduled, and the month-long timer got reset, and I was heartbroken. It hurt so much and I was so scared that it'd happen again.

But as you know, I *did* get the surgery. I was insanely anxious in those last three days beforehand, but by god, afterward, there was NO pain in the places where it'd been constant before. Sure, I could only crawl for two weeks, and I'm still relearning how to walk properly, but holy crap! I can move around! I can stand around aimlessly and it doesn't hurt! I could probably run, though I haven't tried! I managed to walk around for two hours on uneven ground last month and see the sights of a nearby national park, and it was beautiful and unbelievably peaceful and it's a memory I'll treasure for life. We're planning to revisit the same place next month, and while I know it won't be the same as that perfect first time, I'm still so excited for it. I can plan in advance again! I have things to look forward to again! All of this seemed impossible a few months ago!

I'm still holding my breath a little because this year has just burned me over and over again. But the groundwork has been laid for things to get better.

[dopesotherstuff]

That is so gender

When I say my gender is “female but IDK what the hell I’m doing” it’s for two reasons:

1: My relationship with being a woman is not a “celebration of the divine feminine” so much as it’s a giant pain in the ass that I don’t feel intimately connected with, but don’t reject either.*

2: Being “acceptably feminine” in presentation is impossible for me due to various neuro, sensory and balance issues, and lack of money. It also seems incredibly pointless given the amount of effort, discomfort and expense involved and the lack of any real payoff for someone like me. I’m already ostracized by a stunning number of people for being autistic and not being conventionally attractive, and getting a makeover I can’t even afford absolutely will not change that.**

Elaborations below the cut...

*It’s less “I am woman hear me roar” and more a combination of “oh, okay, my body’s got boobs and a uterus this time around” and “WHAT THE FUCK why is all of this so hard”.

I don’t identify with being male, and I’m not unhappy with having a biologically female body--I’m just unhappy with all the stupid shit I have to deal with as a result. Periods. PCOS. Living in fear of getting pregnant. The insane social expectations. The shitty, uncomfortable clothing. The various dangers. The medical prejudice. The social pressure to limit our interests and pursuits to what’s “acceptably feminine”. The sheer number of men who refuse to think of and treat us like actual human beings (and then wonder why we won’t date them). The attacks on our rights. And so on, and so on.

My soul, my inner self, isn’t defined by my sex or my gender. My physical and social experience of life is heavily affected by them, but the rest of me is just sitting back going “this is all very weird and some of it sucks.”

**Performing femininity is this great weird mystery to me (yay autism) that I can’t do well at all due to so much of the performance being physically uncomfortable (yay sensory issues). I also can’t identify at all with anyone who considers activities like getting their eyelashes dyed or their pubic hair ripped out (CRINGE) to be “self-care”.

I can’t do high heels either. Some women look at six inch stiletto heels by some designer and go “I would die for those shoes”. Me and my balance issues go “I would die IN those shoes”. Also the idea of exposing too much of my round little hobbit body or wearing anything too tight makes me super uncomfortable.

And all of it seems so fucking unnecessary. The performance of femininity feels alien to me, and contrived. It’s like something society made up to busy women with shit that doesn’t matter instead of our having more time and energy to get important things done or just enjoy ourselves. In addition, making myself up, showing cleavage, wearing ankle-breakers and all that won’t make me more confident, because I’ll be self-conscious and physically miserable the whole time.

I don’t feel prettier in lipstick; I feel ridiculous, and even more self-conscious. And also like my lips are coated in axle grease. And it feels pointless, too. Even if I did up a full face of makeup perfectly it wouldn’t “make up for” enough in the eyes of those who care about such things. It’s still my fat, plain potato self, only now with red lips and sparkly eyelids. It doesn’t improve how people treat me, or make me more comfortable in public, so why bother with it except maybe when I have to dress up anyway? 

So not only am I bad at performing femininity and made terribly uncomfortable by it, I just don’t see the point. Or the point outside of the massive social pressure for us to put on the performance, and the ostracism we face if we don’t conform.

I’m rejected by most people anyway for being autistic and not conventionally attractive, so trying to be ultra-feminine would not gain me social acceptance. In fact, it would offer little reward, if any, especially compared to the cost in time, effort, discomfort, distraction and sometimes, physical risk.

I have no control over other people’s prejudices, and there’s an overwhelming number of people out there who look down on me for things I can’t control either. Putting myself through severe discomfort to satisfy other people’s idea of what a woman should look like doesn’t protect me from social ostracism, even if I could do it right, so why try?

Besides, it often feels like doing so would be pandering to the same assholes who treat me like a lunatic if I infodump or stim in public. It honestly feels like a lot of people out there are just looking for any excuse to reject someone, whether it’s their dress size, what they do with their hands while talking, or whether their fingernails have the right color of lacquer on them. Stupid, ridiculous, petty reasons. But it happens all the time, and I will never understand why.

I’m clean, fairly well-groomed, and usually comfortably dressed in something clean and decent-looking, like a long cotton skirt. I’ll wear something nicer for special occasions, and maybe even endure some lipstick. If that isn’t “feminine” enough for someone, well...they can go fuck themselves. Nobody asked them to play conformity police in my life.

So yeah, that’s the whole explanation of my weird relationship with femininity and its performance. I hope it made some kind of sense.

[crystalelemental]

I pulled SC Steven 1/5, and was tempted to go for 3/5 anyway.  His kit is entirely supportive, he doesn't strictly need it, but I thought man, there's no way this guy's all that useful for Gauntlet.  His tools are great, but too few use, right?  Surely he suffers.

He does not.

General Overview Now before anyone asks, I'd like to note: yes, I am using 5*s here.  While my preference in these is to showcase how well a unit performs by pairing them with commons, I've decided against holding to that.  Sometimes, the 5* options is just...more consistent, and I'm rather tired of some of the clears that are downright headache-inducing to clear on pure F2P.  I feel like, with scout tickets especially, older 5*s can be considered as substitution for the sake of time and sanity.  I'll still be doing CS clears with all F2P though.  I'm just so tired of Gauntlet runs that are frustrating and rely on like the same three tools.

SC Steven is really good.  Even with no MPRs, he gets shit done.  Some stages are more challenging than others, based on what they are or are not immune to.  But by and large, he is able to supplement damage extremely well.

But.  As predicted, his limitation is opportunity cost.  Some of these stages are a right pain in the ass.  BP Surge is damn near mandatory for Uxie, Cobalion, and especially Tornadus.  Very often you need a flinch bot covering support on stages with that level of threat.  Melony and Elio are godsends.  He cannot operate without someone covering weather-setting for him against Moltres.  MAYBE if the striker has flinch.  But you'll never guess who sucked too bad to make it work.  You'll NEVER guess.

All this to say, Steven at 1/5, uninvested, performs his duties perfectly.  Everything beyond that is just icing on a particularly nice cake, and honestly I've never loved the frosting, I'm more of a central cake kind of person.  Just a thin layer to add sweetness, but some people just pile that shit on and it's overpowering and not even that good, I can't even taste the cake at this point.

Vs. Tapu Bulu As a rule, I looked at options that were physically inclined first and foremost, even if that meant stepping into 5* territory.  And who is more put-upon as a physical Flying-type Striker than our boy Nate?  Who, as you can see, hit his final sync for 50k.  SC Steven pumps damage like crazy, man.  Stacks of moves up next also turn Fly into an absurd nuke, which is...just a delight.

Vs. Tornadus BP Surge is mandatory.  Like, listen to me, having inconsistent paralysis rates on you damage dealer doesn't work.  I did consider Sophocles, but also Tornadus has Self Cleanse, which has ruined a win more than once by just blocking that last sync outright, so I went with Elesa.  BP Sophocles tried.  Steven stacked his damage so high that Wild Charge killed him.  Elesa has better recovery options so she's able to endure hitting so hard it cuts half her HP through Standfast 9.

Vs. Terrakion This one I'm not proud of, but Terrakion's tough.  SC Lillie has to be here, you need some kind of disruption.  I realized later that Terrakion isn't immune to Sleep, and Melony could've done an okay job too, but I am not going back.  Bianca was chosen as the damage dealer, because Steven, as specified, cannot handle gimmicks.  Which means your damage dealer or support needs to be able to set the needed field effect.  On thing I think is worth noting is that Steven also does not come close to stopping Terrakion's offense.  Even after three Buddy Leer, it's got +4 attack by the end.  It just goes too hard.

Vs. Cobalion Oh look.  Surge again.  This fight is a good example of SC Steven being largely about timing.  Delaying first sync here actually works.  Applying all three Leer, then hitting SEUN on Blaine as he sets Sun, will destroy Bar 1 before sync.  Anything less will fail.  Pull similar shenanigans in Bar 2 to clear that.  Provided Surge doesn't go down too hard, Bar 3 can be taken out without SEUN or Sun at this point, provided you've stacked physical moves up next to +6 on Blaine.  Flame Wheel will hit for like 7k, so spam Fire Spin in advance to preserve them.

Vs. Azelf Is it cheating to use a flinch bot?  Maybe.  But Lusamine doesn't survive this thing otherwise.  SC Steven's applications of Moves Up Next can be preserved on Lusamine by using Bug Buzz.  SEUN will allow sync to deal great numbers.  I do want to impress something though.  The number shown is Bug Buzz with SEUN.  That as like the full HP bar.  Lusamine just ended that guy.

Vs. Uxie Time to learn a technical skill!  Fun fact: No Evasion and Restrain count as status changes for the purposes of Bar 2 Uxie!  Additionally, the condition for Buddy moves is to select them, not to activate them.  Meaning, get Uxie's first HP bar low, and set to deliver the final blow with your damage dealer, then add Steven's last Buddy move use.  When the HP bar drops, and Uxie shifts into Bar 2, Leer will still activate, applying Restrain, and allowing full damage for the duration of that bar.  Restrain cannot be removed.  This leaves him a little vulnerable, as Bar 3 now only has status, but the damage reduction is also less severe, so careful play can still win.  That said, this was spooky.

Vs. Latios I mean, this is kinda cheating, but by now you get the idea.  I wanted to see how well he did with Ghetsis, given that his Buddy move kicks off both of Ghetsis' relevant multipliers.  It's good, but not like...stupid, you know?

Vs. Latias Okay, I'm a little proud of this one.  Very similar to Uxie, you conserve one Buddy move use until the transition to Bar 2, where No Evasion allows all your attacks to hit, until it can never evade again.  So long as you can nuke its HP before the sudden +6 evasion, you're in business.  Even Mud Slap isn't a concern now.  The real win is Lodge Lillie, whose Synchro Healing on sync keeps the entire team rolling.  Stacks of Physical Moves Up Next is mostly useless on her, until Petal Blizzard happens.  Then it's decent spread damage to take out sides.

Vs. Regirock Rebuff in phase 1 does nothing for your Steel strikers that are designed for this fight.  But it does do something for Tank Dawn!  The physical defense boosting and heavy Grass-type damage is pretty great, allowing for fast clearing of that first phase.  Once in Bar 2, SEUN and Moves Up will allow Wikstrom to break down the rock pretty quickly.  That said, gauges are real bad.  This is one of those fights that's a lot cleaner at 3/5 with the extra speed boosts.

Vs. Entei MU is Arbok for gauge control on Rosa.  I really like Lodge Rosa.  I like Rosa in general, really, and I like Dewott.  But it's got a lot of issues.  Issues that SC Steven solves beautifully.  Added damage on both move and sync, debuffs defense to -6 in three moves, has a rebuff to apply.  SC Steven and Lodge Rosa are really good together.  I probably should've swapped in Hitmonchan instead of Arbok, so Rosa could get attacking earlier, but I forgot about Steven's ability to buff speed when he hits a No Evasion target.  That's right, there was a better comp.  Don't even need flinch.  Though 3/5 Steven could supply it.

Vs. Moltres Elio's sleep works so long as weather is changed.  Candice is stupid powerful on sync.  The goal of this was really to find something that used Steven's physical defense debuffs, and could supply their own weather.  Fun fact.  Initially, I wanted to use Lodge Blue and Grant.  Go for the flinch thing.  See if Grant could deal real people damage on sync with SEUN.  Turns out, Bar 2 fucks them all up, and even with two 60% flinch chances, Moltres is so punishing that it isn't consistent at all.  Elio it is then.  Candice, good work as always girl.  Just wish that when you hit the random 10% freeze, it didn't result in Moltres throwing out goddamned Flare Blitz and nearly killing Elio.

[any-open-eye]

dear yuletide writer

Hello!

Thank you so much for signing up to write something for me!

In the past I’ve always started these sorts of things off with “i’m super easy to please! do whatever you want!” because I’m fantastically terrible at verbalizing what I’m into, but I’m going to at least TRY this time. Because although I’m sure I’ll like whatever you write for me, a little guidance never hurts.

A list of tropes and kinks I get really into, in no particular order: size difference, sex pollen/drugged sex, edging, ‘there was only one bed’, massage, overstimulation, cnc

stuff i am less jazzed on: scat, vomit, major character death. in general i tend to dislike elaborate bdsm scenarios, with props and safewords. i waive this slightly with the love in the air boys, since Payu IS an actual experienced dom, and him using this sort of thing is believable to me

I think what I like the very most is intensity. Physical intensity, emotional intensity. When something is too hard or too much. People being brought to the very edge of what they can stand. People fucking when they’re out of their mind or emotionally compromised.

Love in the Air - rain/sky or rainpayu

I was expecting a silly, trashy Mame show, and instead this drama absolutely punched me in the face. I mean, it’s still kind of silly and kind of trashy, but the actors have SO much chemistry, and the portrayal of trauma and sexual dynamics is really unexpectedly nuanced. Funny to say that and then be like, anyway, I’d like them all to fuck the shit out of each other, but there you go. I am what I am. 

For sky/rain - the episode where Sky made Rain kneel for thirty minutes at his feet made me feel crazy. I suspect Sky has been platonically domming his friend for a while now, but I would love to see it tip over into something sexy. They don’t have to actually get off, although they certainly can. Just an acknowledgement that it’s horny for both of them.

Can be pre-Payu, or Payu can be involved/down with it.

If you’re not feeling that, then some sort of rainpayu exhibitionism would be great. Anything from fucking in front of windows, to all of Payu’s motorcycle buddies come over to watch him fuck Rain.

Great Men Academy - Vier/Nuclear

I love Vier, he sucks so bad. But he’s trying! He’s trying so hard. I very much liked how Nuclear set Vier at ease, how he seemed to open up under his attention, rather than shut down, the way he did with other people. And then there’s the end, where Nuclear chews him out the way nobody else ever dares to!! Exquisite.

Anyway, I’d love something with Nuclear helping Vier through a sexuality crisis (possibly being the cause of that crisis).

Semantic Error - Chu Sangwoo/Jang Jaeyoung.

I literally JUST watched this show, and the size difference has my brain on fire. I’d like something kinking on that, from either POV. I just love angry guys being overwhelmed by big good boys. My friend described Jaeyoung as “sincere and whorish” which is truly the vibe.

Ideally I’d like Sangwoo being fucked, but if you’re not into that, even just him thinking about the physical experience of being with someone so much bigger than him would be cool. Especially considering he’s not a small person himself, Jaeyoung is just a giant. Some stuff dealing with Sangwoo’s insistence that love/feelings are irrational, but he can’t deny the way Jaeyoung makes him feel physically, would be very cool.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can I request a Spamton X F!Reader where Spamton has a bake sale in his dumpster selling moldy cupcakes and such, so the reader teaches him how to bake cupcakes?-Art anon

"YOU! Light n eR! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY [First Customer] OF THE DAY?!! YOU MUST BE DYING OF STARVATION! TRY MY SPECIL [Byte-Sized Cupcake] NOW! TAKES ONLY EIGHT BITES TO FINISH AND IMPROVES YOUR [Internet Speed]! [Side Effects Include Nausea and Loss of Appetite]."

"Oh goodie, another vendor." You strapped your weapon to your back as you looked at the poorly-made booth, which surrounded the dumpster. A banner hanged loosely above it, reading "SPAMTON'S B@KE S@LE" with a picture of Spamton--ripped off of one of the old posters around the city and plastered onto it.

You've visited bake sales in the Card Dark World. Simple, but clean and organized as opposed to this incredibly sketchy booth. The metal scraps and poles used were rusted and looked very unstable.

You accepted the free cupcake anyway and gazed at it for a moment. It was tiny, fitting between your thumb and index finger, covered in goopy blue frosting with a WIFI symbol topping it, which was....covered in molds.

Any sane person would immediately throw it away.

But you didn't wanna be rude since he did give it to you for free and you were apparently his first customer.

So you sucked it up and took a bite.

At first it wasn't too bad...until the eighth bite.

*Bad choice. Your HP was halved!

'Ouch..I don't think I'm gonna recover from that for a while..' You grunted as you held your stomach for a moment, waiting for the discomfort to pass.

"OH I'M SORRY YOU'RE NOT [Customer Satisfaction Guaranteed], LITTLE SPONGE!" Spamton observed. "AS AN APOLOGY FOR YOUR [Unpleasant Experience], CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A BURNED CD BAGEL INSTEAD? BETTER THAN THE CRAP THOSE [Three Stooges] ROBOTS SELL, THAT'S FOR SURE!!"

Sure enough, the "burned cd bagel" looked exactly like a regular cd bagel, but burnt around the edges. And when you hesitantly tried it you heard your favorite music genre in a distorted tone, with different pitches and static overlay.

*All your HP was restored

'Thank god.'

"Okay...that one was better."

"GREAT!! THAT'LL BE $264627563 KROMER!"

"....are you shitting me? You gave them away for free."

"AH, NO I DIDN'T!" Spamton cheekily wagged his finger at you with a much wider grin. "I NEVER NAMED THE PRICE! YOU JUST TOOK 'EM WITHOUT QUESTIONING ME! WHATDYA THINK THIS IS?! A [Free Sample Shop] DOWN THE STREET?!"

You probably should've known better than to blindly trust this guy to give away free food. Hell, "spam" was in his name. That should've been an obvious red flag. Now you were stuck wondering how on earth you could repay him...you don't think it's physically possible to carry that much money anyway.

Though as you looked at his booth, and the way he was dressed in such messy clothes and had splotches of dirt all over his porcelain face, you realized he probably wasn't doing this with malicious intent.

He was struggling. And considering the old posters of his face, you deduced that he was popular and successful at one time and..for whatever reason his life went downhill, leading to him selling unwanted garbage and ripoffs of actual edible food.

This was desperation.

But as you thought of his food, you remembered your hobby as a baker back in the Light World. You accidentally entered this Dark World when you visited the Librarby to look for new cookbooks, and figured out how this place worked pretty fast with battles and such.

So...maybe there's another way you can repay him.

"You're right, I shouldn't have assumed that. But what if...I made a deal with you?"

Spamton's eyes seemed to bug out as he sprang up, gripping the dumpster's edge with eagerness. "A DEAL?? WHATDYA HAVE IN MIND?"

"I'm a baker in my free time so..how about I repay you by showing you how to bake?"

"............"

"Uh..I mean your food is impressive presentation-wise. I can see the appeal. But I can help you improve their quality and taste."

"LISTEN, I'M A SALESMAN, NOT A [Betty Crocker] WANNABE." He scoffed with a slight frown. "NOW WHAT'S YOUR PREFERRED [Method Of Payment]? CASH? CARD? CHECK? [Hyperlink Blocked]? DEBIT? CRED-"

"I can help you sell them to customers better. That's the point." You clarified, hoping he'd understand.

"....WELL WHY DIDN'T YA SAY SO?!!" He laughed after a brief pause. "I'LL TAKE THE DEAL! SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A [Charming Ladies Near You], YOUR DEBT WILL BE FORGIVEN-!"

But as Spamton tried jumping out of the dumpster, he accidentally hit his head on the sign. This set off a chain reaction that ended with the entire booth crashing down on top of him.

"...ow.."

"Oh jeez! Are you okay?" You blurted out despite knowing the obvious answer, removing the rubble to find the poor robotic puppet trapped underneath. You took off the poster that covered his face, seeing his glasses go dark.

"I'm no construction worker but..I'll help you make your booth look more presentable, too." Picking him up, you gently lifted him out of the dumpster and set him on the ground.

The color returned to his glasses as he smiled up at you, dusting off his suit. "THANKS, LIGHT ner!"

You just returned the smile and set off for your temporary home in this world, with Spamton following closely behind.

But in the end, even with the improved recipe for byte-sized cupcakes (and the now reasonable prices), he refused to relocate his shop to any busy parts of the city. He preferred to stay in the trash zone or in hidden alleys away from the people. Only a few Maus purchased his desserts, and they complained about the lack of cheese ingredients.

You thought he needed help working his way up; that's why you agreed to help him to begin with. So to see him stay at the same place where you first met him made you feel like he scammed you again.

But when you questioned him, he admitted to scamming you...for your kindness rather than money.

He went on to explain how you're the only Lightner to give him a chance, and he latched onto you, wanting to spend quality time with you. He enjoyed learning to bake and building a new booth with you even though he didn't care much about succeeding at his bake sales.

After that, well..you couldn't be mad at him anymore.

Why should you be? You got a new friend out of this experience and finally got to teach someone about your passion for baking.

It's a win-win.

[gar-trek]

please share what you have to say about food cubes!!

I was feeling a little apprehensive about releasing the TOS Food Document™ because it is so damn long…. But since you asked anon

DISCLAIMER:

This is focused solely on food as it appears in the original series. Whatever explanation of food synthesizer/replicator that may come in later series does to apply here. I am also not a Star Trek expert. I’m sure there is some super fan out there who knows everything there is to know about food in TOS, but that person is not me. This is just my thoughts as I’ve observed instances where food is shown or mentioned in TOS. If my thought process is flawed, or I make some claims that don’t really make sense, I am sorry. The food canon is very complicated and vague, so this is me just trying my best to make sense of it. I’d also like to mention I did not explicitly cover the meal scene in What Are Little Girls Made Of? Or the ice cream scene from And The Children Shall Lead, but I do make reference to them. I’m sure there are other food scenes I didn’t get to cover here, so if I’m missing a few pieces, I’m sorry.

Anyway… let’s get into it!

The original series, food, and other things that keep me up at night

I don’t care about continuity or plot holes in Star Trek: The Original Series, and if I did, I think the show would become rather unwatchable. It’s not about what happens to get us from plot point A to B, but more important that we do get there (ie, who cares how or why Spock’s brain has been removed from his body, it’s more important that we do get it back inside).

This being said, there is one aspect to TOS that baffles me to no end, and its something I just cannot overlook: the food. Food, the entire concept of it as it appears in TOS haunts me. Each time they show or mention food it makes less and less sense. It’s a never-ending nightmare and I spend every day trying to understand what goes on in the Enterprise Cafeteria. Today I would like to explore a couple food instances on TOS, and hopefully make a little sense of what is happening.

The first chilling incident: The Man Trap (S1E2) - Rand is a thief

In this episode, we see Yeoman Rand on her way to deliver Sulu his meal. She is carrying a tray of colored food cubes (which is what I will be referring to them as here, because there is no official name) and what we can assume to be some kind of alien variant of celery (earth celery with some red crap stuck on top). While waiting for the turbo lift, Rand eats one of the celery sticks intended for Sulu. My question is why. Like literally why does this happen. Sulu never mentions it (maybe he doesn’t notice). She never mentions it to him, which means we can assume she doesn’t want him to know. So why is Rand stealing food? Does she not get enough to eat? Is the limits for how much you get to eat on the Enterprise that strict you need to turn to thievery to get a proper meal? and if that the case, she’s shorting Sulu on his allotted food. In this same scene, we see Ensign Green (who is really a salt-sucking monster) make a grab for the tray as if he too is going to steal Sulu’d food. However, Rand slaps his hand away and asks “who do you think you are?”, a hypocritical statement considering Rand is also in the act of stealing food. So Rand, I must pose the same question to you. This scene has no resolution, so any interpretation is up to the viewer. Whether you think Rand's actions make her a girlboss or a thief, is up to you, however, one thing is undeniably true: Rand eats food off other people's plates.

Other food-related things of note in this episode is that Sulu sprinkles salt on the celery sticks. This means they are either bland or that's just his personal taste. Also, when Rand gives him his tray, he says “may the great bird of the galaxy bless your planet” and this has nothing really to do with food, I just thought it was kind of badass.

(Sulu’s food tray with 3 celery instead of 4 because Rand ate one)  

Incident two: Charlie X (S1E3) - synthetic meatloaf

In Charlie X, we see Captain Kirk make this comment in passing:

“Today on earth it is Thanksgiving, if the crew has to eat synthetic meatloaf I want it to look like turkey.”

This statement leaves us with a couple undeniable truths:

1. Meatloaf is a meal option on the Enterprise.

2. It is synthetic, meaning the meatloaf may not contain any meat at all.

3. It is not shaped like turkey, but it is possible to do so.

if the meatloaf served on the Enterprise is synthetic, then it very well could be made out of the same stuff the colored food cubes are made out of. Also, (and this is pure speculation so take it with a grain of salt) since we never hear anyone refer to the colored food cubes by name, they could literally be the “synthetic meatloaf” that Kirk is referring to here. In this case, the term synthetic meatloaf would not mean a synthetic version of the popular American dish meatloaf but instead loafs of synthetic meat. Since we do not know exactly what synthetic meat looks like, it very well could be brightly colored cubes.

In either case, Kirk is asking them to turn synthetic food from one shape to another. We understand this is possible through the food synthesizer, however, if all the food they eat on the Enterprise is synthetic anyway, then why did Kirk specifically mention synthetic meatloaf in the shape of turkey? would the turkey not instead be made out of synthetic turkey? why must the synthetic turkey be made specifically out of meatloaf? isn’t every single food that comes out of the food synthesizer made out of the same thing? It would have made more sense for Kirk to say “it's thanksgiving so can you made the food synthesizers produce turnkey?”. However, Kirk is like, a really cool guy, so it is possible that the meatloaf comment is just a fun joke. Either way, we know that synthetic meatloaf is a standard menu item on the enterprise, yet we have never seen anyone consume it.

Incident 3: The Corbomite Maneuver (S1E11) - Green leaves

In this episode, Kirk goes in for a physical, and Doctor McCoy reports that the captain is 2 pounds overweight. In response to this, the Doctor changes the captain's dietary card to help him lose a little wight (🙄). We later see the captain served a “dietary salad” in place of his usual meals. The existence of dietary salad is interesting for many reasons. Most importantly, we understand that dietary salad is somehow better for you than what is usually served on the Enterprise. It most likely has a lower caloric intake than say, colored food cubes. However, as discussed before, most if not all the food on the Enterprise is synthetic. If the food is created, and not naturally made, then one can assume its caloric value can be controlled. Would it not be possible to make a lower-calorie version of colored food cubes? one would assume that the cubes are made to have the perfect amount of nutrients to satisfy yet keep humans a healthy weight if they are in fact a form of synthetic man-made food. How would the captain overeat, if portions are pre-determined by dietary cards? Is Kirk somehow going rouge and consuming food that is not created by the food synthesizer (the captain's secret cookie stockpile??).

The existence of this salad also begs another question: is it synthetic as well, or are they growing fresh salad on the Enterprise? We do know that they are able to grow things on the ship, however, there has never been any discussion of growing crops specifically for consumption. If this is the case though, it may explain why we often see crew members eating celery sticks. Perhaps things like celery sticks and dietary salads are grown on the Enterprise, but all other food is synthetically created. In which case, who’s job is it to harvest food and prepare it for meals? Did Rand have to put that dietary salad together all on her own?

One more interesting point about the Salad: When Kirk first receives it, he asks

“what in the devil is this? Green leaves?”

which prompts Rand to explain that it’s a salad. It is very possible that Kirk genuinely has no idea what a salad is. He may have never had one, nor heard of the food in his entire life. Later we see him eat the salad with his hands, which further proves the point that captain kirk doesn't know what salad is. Why captain Kirk would somehow have no knowledge of salad is up to speculation.

Incident 4: The conscience of the king (S1E14) - Cry over spilled milk 

In this episode, Lieutenant Riley is served colored food cubes and a glass of what appears to be milk. There isn’t much of significance here, other than the fact we know it is possible to get a glass of milk with your meal on the Enterprise. Unlike Sulu, Riley doesn’t have any celery sticks but seems to have a larger serving of colored food cubes as compensation. We also learn that milk is served in a large glass, something that seems very impractical on a starship.

Riley proves my point moments later when he spills milk on a control panel and shatters the glass. This begs the question, who is going to clean that up?

Incident 5: Tomorrow is Yesterday (S1E20) - Chicken noodle soup

In this episode, the Enterprise accidentally beams a 60′s army man abroad their ship (for the second time). This random chad ensign asks the man if he’s hungry because he’s a troll I guess and he wanted to flex their cool future food machine. The army captain guy is like sure, I could go for some chicken soup right now (a very natural response to being beamed onto a spaceship for the first time). Chad ensign has like three cards in front of him, and I guess one of them just happens to be chicken soup because he puts it in the machine and the soup appears. Grant it, we never actually get to see the soup with out own eyes, but the army captain does seem to be pretty convinced that it is chicken soup just by the smell. This opens up a couple possibilities:

-The food synthesizer can make almost anything you want, and the card is maybe like a very broad category, like a dinner card, and when you put it in you can pick any dinner food you’d like.

or

-The food synthesizer can only make what is specific to each card, and the ensign just got extremely lucky and happened to have a card that was the exact food the army captain wanted.

More evidence, which we will go over later, points more towards the theory that one card is equal to one specific type of food. In this case, it is unclear how the synthesizer food cards are distributed, or how you get your pick of what food you would like. It is also more likely that options would be limited. This does make sense, however, it makes this scene very confusing, as, as I’ve pointed out, the ensign had a very limited number of cards, but exactly what the captain had asked for. Pure luck? what mind game was that Chad ensign trying to play with the poor man who was abducted from earth... we will never know.

One more very interesting thing is established here: The transporter room has a food synthesizer. Why this is is purely up to speculation. In my mind, having a food synthesizer in the transporter room would be like having a full kitchen where you park your car. Seems pretty useless, but maybe the guys in the transporter room requested easy access to snacks? Why the transporter room would get this special privilege is again, up to speculation.

Incident 6: Space Seed (S1E23) - Dinner with Khan

In Space Seed a special dinner is put together to welcome Khan onto the Enterprise. We see that they are being served colored food cubes and celery sticks. Doctor McCoy walks into the dining room and comments about how the display is “very impressive”. However, this seems like a very unusual comment considering we are shown the only food we have ever seen consumed on the Enterprise. What exactly makes this food “impressive” as compared to other celery sticks and colored food cubes? Is there some way to tell this particular food is better that we don’t know about, but is obvious to everyone on the Enterprise?

There is also a chance that Doctor McCoy is just very easily impressed with food, and upon seeing any food spread he is likely to comment in wonder. Note the way Scotty is looking at McCoy. His face is a mixture of confusion, judgment, and pity. Perhaps Scotty is thinking to himself “bruh, it’s literally just colored food cubes chill out man,”. There is no explanation as to why Scotty is giving McCoy such a look, so this very well could be the case. Even though it is a silly explanation, I don’t think it should be ruled out that one of McCoy’s personality traits is being overly excited about food of any kind.  

Incident 7: Journey to Babel (S2E10) Party food

Much like in Space Seed, in this episode, we get to see a meal put together for a special occasion. All the diplomates are getting down at a mixer where a spread of food has been provided. These snacks seem very similar to colored food cubes, however I do think they differ. They may be the same type of food, but different in some way. In which case colored food cubes is an overarching category of food, and here we see two different types. The smaller more brightly colored cubes can be put in drinks, though if this is what you are supposed to do with them, or just the preference of that one alien species I do not know. Though I must point out, we have seen colored food cubes served in brown sauce in What are Little Girls Made Of? (S1E8) so it is not completely unheard of to have your colored food cubes served soggy.

The other type of colored food cubes we see are a lot larger and more pair shaped (in reality, they probably were just skinned pairs dipped in food coloring, but for this essay, it’s important that we completely ignore the fact there is another life outside of Star Trek). Now to me, these are very interesting, because the dull color and apparent texture are a lit more similar to standard colored food cubes we have seen thus far. I would even go o far to say that this is the same exact food, just sans the cubed shape. So really, standard colored food cubes are just the cubed version of whatever this food is. This, again, is just speculation, but it does point us to the fact that colored food cubes are not naturally cubed (I’m going somewhere with this is promise)

Incident 8: The Trouble With Tribbles (S2E15) The trouble with Chicken sandwichs

Here we see Kirk attempting to order a chicken sandwich and coffee. What he gets instead is a plate full of tribbles,  hilarity ensues. I think this scene is interesting because we can add to our list of food items that are on the menu at the enterprise cafeteria: chicken sandwich. However, this is another food item we do not see. There is no way of knowing if the Enterprise's version of a chicken sandwich is what we would imagine a chicken sandwich to be. Much like the meatloaf and the soup, because we do not see it, there is no way of knowing if the food exists in the way that we as 21st-century people understand it. The events of TOS take place more than 200 years in our future, so to speculate that food could change a lot during that time isn’t a stretch. I don’t know, just some food for thought (lol)

Incident 9: By Any Other Name (S2E22) Living deliciously

In this episode, an alien taking the form of a human enjoys some colored food cubes. He makes a comment about how they are good they are while enthusiastically eating his food. This is a very important moment because it tells us that colored food cubes do taste good. In fact, they taste really good. Just before he eats, the alien comments on how humans could just take pills that give them all their nutrient needs and give up food completely (think the Jetsons cartoon). On the Enterprise, they do not eat just to live, but because they enjoy their food as well. This tells us that colored food cubes are at the very least, worth eating, and at the best, very delicious.

One more interesting thing: Spock is eating some kind of soup while everyone else enjoys colored food cubes. This could be a Vulcan preference, however, we know that Spock is vegetarian. This could be alluding to the fact that Colored Food Cubes are made out of meat.

Conclusion:

Yes, I asked a lot more questions than I answered. There are some things that make absolutely no sense to me, primarily, the food synthesizer and diet cards. Some evidence points to the fact that the food synthesizer can make practically anything (see Tomorrow is Yesterday, And the Children Shall Lead). However, one dietary card is equal to one specific food, which would mean they would have to produce a lot of these dietary cards if there is many meal options. How these cards are distributed, and what their limitations are, we do not know. And although we do not know the limits of what the food synthesizer can create, we do know these food have been served on the enterprise at least at one point:

-colored food cubes (variety)

-celery

-synthetic meatloaf

-synthetic turkey (Thanksgiving Special)

-Dietary Salad

-Milk

-Chicken Soup

-Chicken Sandwich

-Mystery Soup

-Ice cream (variety of flavors)

All of this food (except for maybe the dietary salad and celery) are synoptically created, so what they are actually made up of, I cannot say.

And finally, I would like to make a point about the colored food cubes. I think upon first inspection one would assume colored food cubes is a dish created specifically for space travel (think the food created for modern-day astronauts to consume in space). However, we learned that there is possibly a variety of colored food cube dishes. Since there is such a wide variety of food on the Enterprise, why would they also need to create a food specifically for space travel? I think that colored food cubes are actually a common dish, not intended specifically for space travel. Perhaps it was an alien food that got popular on earth, maybe it was a dish developed later in Earth's history by humans. I can only speculate, but I do think it is more than just boring space food. Everyone seems to have a preference for it, so I think it’s a dish you can eat over and over again and not get sick of. What colored food cubes taste like is completely up to speculation, but I would assume they are a savory food, considering we often see people enjoying them for their main meal.

I still have more to say, but for the sake of everyone, I’ll end it there. This was a lot of thought dumping, so if some of the things I said made no sense at all, I’m sorry. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on TOS food! please share with me what you think colored food cubes would taste like :)

[sunder-soul]

PROMPT 1: Hellooooooo! First off ur writing goes off, second off listen to this idea that i truly think u can bring to life... reader n tom r in a relationship and someone tried to slip tom to love potion but ofc he doesn't fall for it and his gf is like ??? and then they rub their relationship in her face LOL. anyways no worried just thought this would slap! Admire u n ur work!!

PROMPT 2: hey i love your the last of your rules series and everything else you’ve written. i’m not very creative so idk what exactly i’m looking for plot wise i just trust you since everything you’ve written is good but i was wondering if maybe you could write a tom x ravenclaw reader please. the ravenclaw reader tends to be more emotionally reserved and isn’t big on physical affection and maybe tom finds that interesting in a way? idk this idea might suck but felt like asking anyways...

Decided to combine these two because I could see them working really well together… :D

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Retribution

Summary: After somebody tries to slip Tom a love potion to break up him and Ravenclaw Reader’s relationship, they get a little bit theatrical in response...

Wordcount: 1.8k

Content warning: none.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“Good morning,” says Tom evenly, lifting a wide-brimmed cup to his lips and taking an even sip as he looks at you.

“Is it?” you say dryly, sitting down opposite him at the Slytherin table and pulling out the new Magical Theory textbook. “Have you looked over this yet?”

“I have,” Tom replies with a very small smile. “Not to your liking?”

“Sophus writes like it’s still the seventeenth century,” you say with a shake of your head, “which isn’t surprising considering I don’t think he included a single reference from the last two hundred years… I mean honestly –” you wave at the title on the front of the book, “– ‘Corpus Magikus?’ Even the title makes it sound ancient.”

“Did you have any criticisms about the actual content per chance?” Tom asks as he lifts his tea again – though it doesn’t quite hide the amused smile on his lips. “Or did you not manage to get past the articulation?”

You give him a look. “The articulation is just as important as the content.”

“I completely disagree,” he replies easily, his cup clinking as he rests it back on its saucer, “regardless of how it is written, his points are extremely sophisticated.”

“I’m not talking about the quality of his points, I’m talking about how well he makes them accessible,” you say at once, picking up a piece of toast and buttering it lightly, “he can have the best criticisms of Magical Theory in the world and no one will care if they can’t understand what he’s saying.”

Tom arches a brow and leans forward on the table, resting on his forearms. “You’re placing the responsibility of understanding an argument on the person presenting it, and not the person receiving it,” he says fluidly, “personally when I find something difficult to understand, I take it as an indicator that I need to return to the topic after better preparing myself.”

“That works fine as an individualistic perspective,” you reply at once, leaning forward to match him, “but a book isn’t written for an individual, is it? It’s written for an audience. A book like this is measured by how wide an audience it can reach, meaning the responsibility is half on him to write accessibly, and half on the audience to go away and fill the holes in our own understanding. That’s when information is dispersed most effectively.”

“Your priority is the dispersion of information as a whole and not the expansion of your personal field of knowledge, and that is the crux of our differing opinion,” Tom says, sitting up straighter and tilting his head calmly.

“I am very aware,” you say dryly, “but you shouldn’t dismiss the importance of charisma when it comes to spreading information. After all, academics aren’t exactly known to be the most charismatic people most of the time, so you end up with intelligent, useful tomes that are utterly incomprehensible to most people –” you nod at the text again, “whilst compelling idiotic drivel is widely consumed.”

The Daily Prophet lands with a thump on your breakfast plate as the delivery owl swoops away with a mournful hoot, and you share a pointed, very wry look with Tom.

Tom breathes a little laugh and laces his fingers around his cup. “So you’re not looking forward to Magical Theory, then.”

“I am,” you amend, frowning, “I just hope the class follows more like Waffling’s work than this.”

“Of course you like Waffling,” Tom smirks, lifting his cup, “he effectively writes in verse –”

Tom suddenly freezes, his brow furrowing lightly. You raise a brow at his sudden reaction. “What?”

He looks down at his tea, still frowning.

“Tom?” you prompt, bemused.

“Someone has attempted to drug me,” he says in complete seriousness, looking up at you.

You stare back, bewildered. “Is… is this more Tom humour?” you ask after a moment, “you seriously need more practice at making jokes, Tom, you really are terrible at it –”

“I’m not joking,” Tom interrupts crisply.

Your scrutiny drops to the cup in his hand. “How can you tell?”

“My tea smells like you.”

Your brows raise. “Excuse me?”

“My tea,” he repeats evenly, his dark eyes coming alight with a flicker of amusement as he leans closer, his cup still in one hand, “rather suddenly smells like you. I can only assume someone has managed to slip Amortentia into my cup sometime during this conversation.”

You blink at him. “Oh,” you say simply.

Tom’s lips curve into a more defined smirk at your expression.

“Well who’s trying to drug you then?” you ask quickly, looking away.

“An excellent question,” he says silkily, eyes still on you. “Their motive is hardly a mystery, so that should narrow it down.”

You roll your eyes and level him with a flat look. “Nothing could narrow it down less, Tom,” you drawl, “half the school is in love with you, and the other half is in denial about being in love with you.”

Tom arches a brow and looks very pleased with himself. “Should I drink it and we can find out?” he asks in amusement, lifting the cup.

You huff a laugh and take a bite of your toast. “Go on then, but don’t expect any sympathy from me when you’re pouring your heart out to some random stranger in front of the whole school a minute from now.”

His hand freezes with the rim of his cup an inch from his mouth, amusement faltering.

“That’s what I thought,” you smirk. “If you want to play it that way you’re going to have to be smarter than that.”

“Oh?” he asks, dark eyes narrowing. “And what would you suggest?”

“If someone drugged you during this conversation then they’re probably watching for your reaction,” you say casually around bites of your toast, “so just look out for someone who’s waiting for you to dramatically break up with me.”

“According to you, that would be the entire school,” Tom mutters, looking significantly more disgruntled than before.

A grin slowly builds on your face. “That was nearly a real joke, Tom,” you say ironically, “Merlin you’ve come so far…”

He shoots you a flat glare and you snicker. “Alright, sorry, I’ll stop – look, if I storm out of here looking upset and you act all conflicted and brooding for the rest of the day, whoever it was will probably try to come talk to you.”

“How theatrical,” Tom deadpans.

You shrug. “Do you want to know who drugged you or not?”

His eyes remain on yours for a moment, and then he lifts the tea to his lips. You watch him pretend to drink, your eyes lingering on the tea glistening on his lips as he lowers the cup.

“Don’t lick your lips,” you say quietly, not quite able to look away.

Tom’s other hand shifts slightly where it’s resting on the table between you, and the tea vanishes both from his lips and the cup. You give him another dry look. “Show off,” you accuse, smiling, “wandless and non-verbal, huh?”

“If you ask nicely, I’ll teach you how to do it,” he smirks.

You huff a laugh and slide Corpus Magikus back into your bag. “I should make my dramatic exit soon,” you say casually, finishing your toast and looking around the hall absently. “Perhaps we should have a fight first.”

“That would make it more convincing, yes,” he says delicately, still looking amused.

“What shall we fight about?"

Tom’s expression immediately cools and he leans in so close that you can see the patterns in his dark irises. “The content doesn’t matter,” he says smoothly, a glimmer in his eyes despite his utterly blank expression, “rather, the articulation.”

You hold his gaze for a second, fighting the urge to smile. You force yourself to stand suddenly, as if he’s said something of great offence. “I’ve never seen you so quickly converted to my opinion, Tom,” you say icily, leaning down to him over the table and hoping it looks like you’re angry.

“You made your argument very convincingly,” Tom says immediately, lifting his chin coolly.

“Actively demonstrating my point, I suppose,” you snap, standing straight. “I’m going to storm out now.”

“I’ll see you in class,” he says dismissively, pouring himself more tea.

You turn on your heel and leave, ignoring the curious eyes following you on your way out and not letting the smile break on your face until you’re well outside the Hall. Now all you have to do is wait.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“Amelia Staghart,” Tom says in your ear before swiftly sitting down next to you in Potions that afternoon.

You raise a brow at him, watching as he arranges his Potions kit on the desk – Staghart is sitting a few desks behind you at that very moment and can most definitely see the both of you. “Are we no longer having a fight?”

“I grew tired of that pretence rather quickly,” Tom says curtly.

You smirk. “Did she talk to you?”

“Yes.” He looks decidedly irritated.

“A lot, huh.”

He shoots you a glare and you bite back another smile. “Are you going to report her then?” you ask, writing the date out on your parchment.

“No,” Tom says softly. You glance up curiously at his tone and find his dark eyes watching you write, before they flick up to yours. “I can think of a more pertinent retribution for her to endure,” he finishes quietly, not looking away.

“Retribution?” you echo, arching a brow with a slight smile. “And you accuse me of being theatrical.”

But Tom only leans closer and – to general astonishment – places a very gentle kiss on your cheek. His lips linger soft and warm on your skin for a moment as you’re frozen in place, staring at him as he slowly draws away an inch. His eyes roam your face as you blink in surprise, his lips curving into another humorous smile at your expression when there’s a sudden SMASH from behind you.

The entire class turns from where they’ve been staring wide-eyed at Tom’s display of affection to see Staghart’s inkwell knocked asunder on her desk, spreading black ink across the wood and dripping down to the floor, her eyes wide and her expression thunderstruck as she stares at you.

“Clean that up at once, Staghart!” Slughorn says disapprovingly as he strides into the room. “I certainly hope your clumsiness does not extend through today’s lesson – we’re brewing poisons today, class!”

Staghart goes red as the rest of the students titter and chatter, furiously glaring at the pool of ink dripping into her lap. 

You glance at Tom and share a silent look of amusement before the two of you simultaneously turn back to your notes, still smirking.

[leviiattacks]

Seven minutes in Heaven with Physics Major Levi

author note :: i lost the ask but anon i do not know what this is. reading it sounded better in my head but physics major levi with reader who likes him is that a good description???? HM ANYWAY enjoy it’s not too great i’ve been revising nonstop for exams but i might as well have finished this off for the anon who requested it :-)

word count :: 2.5k probably... hm who knows maybe 3k

when you and levi become friends it’s definitely unexpected to say the least. everyone is naturally very confused by the peculiar pairing. levi doesn’t really... go out of his way to befriend anyone really??? so for him to approach you in the middle of the library and start talking about how he noticed you shared a class together was out of the ordinary

the flow of the conversation is a little awkward at first, you’re revising for a final exam and don’t really appreciate the disruption but you’re not confident enough to tell him to leave.

at one point an awkward silence drifts between the two of you until he points out you’ve completely RUINED your notes and have been looking over the wrong lectures for the up and coming physics exam

later on into the night levi’s stood sighing next to you. he tells you to take your pick from the pot noodle section — “hey, i know we literally just met but i’m telling you a chicken pot noodle is gonna make you feel better.”

you’re so distraught that he has to pick it up for you and pay

and that is how you and levi become friends !!!

if it’s of any relevance yes you passed the final (all because of levi giving you his organised binder full of notes and telling you to make use of it)

you know it just sorta happens but through all of the all nighters you’ve pulled with levi by your side you become used to his presence nearby. in fact most of the the time it’s difficult to even find you anywhere without him. you’re both practically joined at the hip

levi’s pretty protective of you, hates the whole party scene but is willing to tag along if you’re going. at first you think it’s because he feels more comfortable stepping out of his comfort zone if you’re there with him but his intentions become more evident later on

any time someone makes you uncomfortable he’s by your side, if you happen to get into any sort of trouble he’s the person people call to help you because who else knows you the way levi does?

currently you and levi are at another party, you tend to keep to yourself and only ever talk to your close friends. it’s also not like you to partake in games, you’re far too nervous to play anything like seven minutes in heaven but for some reason you find yourself wanting to take part JUST this once

maybe it’s the fear of never making fun memories to tell your future children about

then again why on earth would you be telling your children about your experience kissing a random man in a closet??

either way, participating shouldn’t hurt!!! you’ve got to loosen up a little!!!

levi’s a little surprised you agree to play nevertheless he still sits next to you, the both of you have your legs crossed on the floor, your knees are touching and you aren’t sure if he feels the same warm sensation that you feel. it bubbles in the pit of your stomach – you feel oddly content

“levi!! anyone you want the bottle to land on ???” hange a mutual friend of yours leans in handing him the glass bottle

levi gives the bottle a disgusted look before his gaze flicks over to you.

“i’m only here because of y/n, i ‘m not playing.”

that doesn’t satisfy hange and they begin to groan complaining that he can’t stay unless he spins the bottle

“look you don’t have to do anything in the closet, okay??” hange’s begging him at this point, he’s still holding up pretty well and for some reason you’re disappointed. it’s almost like you hoped he’d spin the bottle just so it would land on you

levi takes notice of your frown and guesses you want him to be included, he isn’t one for games like these but if it’ll make you happy so be it. there’s still the chance it’ll land on you and his thought process falters for a second.

he thinks he really wouldn’t mind if the bottle landed on you and so he ends up nodding and agreeing to play.

anyway it’s not as if he isn’t guilty of imagining the two of you being a little more than friends

ok wait!!!! it’s completely innocent HE SWEARS!!!!

he’s never told you about it but sometimes he thinks if he was a little more straightforward that day at the library and asked for your number MAYBE just MAYBE his intentions would be clearer and he wouldn’t be stuck in the friend zone for this long

he should’ve used a stupid physics pick up line he knows you love those

something like – “i’m attracted to you more than an electron’s attracted to a proton.”

or maybe — “i’d fall for you even in the absence of gravity”

ok... maybe you wouldn’t have got that one considering you were revising the wrong content and probably forgot about that topic

he can’t imagine himself saying those things but if it would make you finally see him as a potential love interest and not a best friend he wouldn’t mind having to force it out

but still it’s not really a secret that levi has a soft spot for you, literally everyone can see it. when has he ever gone out of his way to save a seat for anyone? when has he ever willingly gone to a party? WHEN has levi actually let someone lay their head on his shoulder??

he only ever let’s you do that stuff

let’s actually discuss the head on his shoulder thing!!!

whenever finals approach you’re always sucked in by huge amounts of work and barely get to sleep, levi’s always hovering over your shoulder reminding you to catch a few hours but of course you don’t listen. you think you’ll be just fine if you rely on an energy drink and two hours of sleep to get by

but levi knows you better than you know yourself. it’s hour seven into the day and you’re already dozing off in your seat. slowly but gradually your head tilts forward. levi’s sitting across you contemplating whether or not he should prop your head back up like a nice friend would or if he should wait for you to smack your forehead right into the solid oak table.

he ends up making his decision last minute, your head flies towards the table and if it were anyone else he’d just let them jolt awake from the harsh impact but it’s you and his body won’t let him ignore you.

on reflex his hand flies out and in the matter of a split second he’s holding your head back. he’s surprised you haven’t woken up and he’s even more surprised he bothered to help you

before that happens levi knows he likes you, he knows he enjoys your company, he’s aware you make him happy but he thinks he’s willing to just be friends with you because clearly you don’t want to pursue anything.

you haven’t even flirted with him before aside from the witty “you remind me of an exothermic reaction” joke that you made one time

oh and there’s also the additional fact that you had a boyfriend up until quite recently so he’s sure you don’t see him romantically

honestly he’s fine with not dating you but something about seeing you overwork yourself like that has him simmering in anger. if he were your boyfriend he would have forced you into bed whether you liked it or not

if he were your boyfriend he’d never break up with you because he “found someone better.” he can’t even manage to imagine anyone better than you.

levi shuffles into the seat next to yours and places your head onto his shoulder. a few students shoot him questioning looks but the deadly glare he sends back is enough to deter them from coming any closer

it’s a little funny actually, by the time you wake up you’re rubbing at your eyes, you don’t even notice how close levi is to you until his hot breath fans across your neck. it seems like he’s dozed off whilst trying to make notes on fluid dynamics

wait

levi. right. next. to. your. neck.

should you move????

no, he might wake up he barely sleeps and you don’t want to mess up his schedule even more

that day you choose to drift off back to sleep as if you never woke up to his breath against your neck.

“OHHHH LEVI LANDED ON Y/N????”

your head shoots up NOW you’ve completely been dragged away from your thoughts.

“lucky for you both. guess you won’t have to do anything and stand there for seven minutes. told ya levi there was nothing to worry about B-)”

hange without warning pulls you both up by your arms, you’ve yet to see levi’s reaction, you’re too stunned to have noticed his slack jaw or wide eyes

“HAVE FUN!”

and with that said and done you and levi are shoved into the cleaning closet

“well, i’m glad it landed on you. i won’t have to do anything.” levi seems happy as can be, you don’t really know why but it stings a little

he doesn’t even seem to stop for a second to wonder if you’d maybe want to do anything

are you just not his type ????

hange once told you levi liked organised people and well,, you’re anything but organised. you’d probably pass out from the work load of your physics lectures if not for levi always helping you out

scowling to yourself you try to ignore just how awkward the situation is until levi plops down on the floor in front of you

“you okay?” he asks looking genuinely concerned

“i- yeah i’m good.”

your eyes dart away trying to look at anything but him. you can’t deny he looks good today, you actually helped him slick his hair back - the entire time he complained about the hair gel feeling weird but he looks great and now you can’t even stare at him for more than a second

“i’m guessing you’d have preferred if the bottle landed on someone else.”

leaning forward without even noticing it you aggressively deny what he says. “NO!!! i like being stuck here with you.”

levi looks stunned by your outburst but nods “oh, did you feel pressured to join the game? we can leave if you want—”

“no, no i– you aren’t– oh god i mean, look. i can explain– do i need to explain???”

completely choking up in front of him and sputtering before slamming your lips shut and saying absolutely nothing is probably one of the most awkward things you’ve done in your ENTIRE existence

levi reaches out for your knee, something that’s usually seen as him being friendly only feels intimate tonight. his thumb strokes comforting circles into your skin. the situation doesn’t make it any better, essentially you’re meant to be making out with him right now

“is something bothering you?”

there it is again. that look. he only seems more concerned than before and you hate yourself for not even thinking about your friendship before you open your mouth.

“do you not want to kiss me because we’re best friends or is it something else?”

there it is. you’ve said it.

you see levi’s face contort from a mix of confusion to what looks like disgust then shock. screwing your eyes shut you know you’ve ruined everything now. he’s never going to speak to you, never going to approach you again. you’re mentally preparing for him to ditch you at this party right here right now

but then you notice his hand still steadily placed on your knee, he’s now stopped with the circles, his grip is bruising

“do you want me to kiss you?”

his question isn’t really expected, it helps you find the courage to look your best friend in the eye.

it’s pretty dark but you can still make out the familiar shadows of his face. the butterflies rush up from your stomach all the way to your throat.

mild regret fills you, usually his curtains obscure his piercing gaze but the way you’ve styled his hair gives him a better view of you, there’s nowhere for you to hide

not even stopping to think about the possibility of him teasing you right now, all you care about is telling him the truth. you’ve come all the way here you may as well finish off what you’ve started

“would you be mad if i said i’d like it if you did?”

levi doesn’t need any more confirmation than that, he swoops in yanking you by your waist. his knees are still pressed against the floor and so you find yourself leaning down into his mouth and craning your neck downwards

his chest is completely pressed against yours. the drumming of your heart is so loud you feel self conscious but levi’s soft lips moving against yours distract you from that

not even ten seconds in and you feel out of breathe but not in an overwhelming way. levi’s pace isn’t at all what you imagined it to be like. he’s soft and slow yet calloused and rough around the edges, some how he still manages to make the kiss sweet

his left hand leisurely travels to the small of your back, the other hand now caresses your cheek. his fingertips are anything but soft but the way he handles you is tender and endearingly delicate.

you smile into the kiss and almost instantly levi’s lips tug upwards too. his take on seven minutes in heaven is quite easily the most romantic thing you’ve been subjected to. instead of a passionate make out you’ve been given a honeyed introduction to a new side of him

the kiss ends much quicker than you anticipate, you open your mouth to whine and convince levi that the two of you should still have a solid minute left before hange returns but he presses his index finger against your lips

“later. i promise.” his voice is heavy and if his blushed cheeks are anything to go by he’s thoroughly enjoyed your session together

at his reassurance you comply and take the time to have a better look at him

his lips are wet – some of your lip gloss has clearly stuck to him. his hair isn’t as well styled as it was before, seeing him like this makes you feel a surge of confidence. you know you did that to him.

so... what is someone to do with a sudden boost in confidence?

hit your new possible love interest with a pick up line :-) !!!

“heyyy so i know the spring constant of my mattress, would you be interested in taking some data with me?”

slapping your shoulder lightly he’s yet to gain his composure back, levi’s genuinely out of breathe now trying to steady himself and your comment doesn’t do him any favours that’s for sure

“my god you have no sham–”

without warning the door to your left swings open you and levi flinch trying to scramble away from eachother only to fail, hange marches in before stopping dead in their tracks.

all they see is levi knelt in front of you, hair disheveled huffing like his life depends on it

then their focus shifts to you, you’re sure some of your makeup has smudged and the entire scenario looks suspicious

levi seems as if he’s about to warn hange to not tell anyone and keep this a secret for now but they sprint away before any of you have the opportunity to ask for some privacy

not even ten seconds later a collision can be heard alongside a series of thuds and then hange’s yelling towards the end of the hallway “GUYS??? THEY ACTUALLY DID IT???”

for some reason the cheers coming from the living room warm your heart

you guess your friends figured out the direction of your relationship long before you and levi did :-)