#anyway. I am just Struggling
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#this is just for future me as a timeline reference to#add to journal#shh katie#gi appointment please come faster challenge 2k24#I have no ENERGY#I can barely cling to this weight and energy level with the tips of my fingers#I’m so tired of being stuck running out of energy so fast#my sleep schedule is immaculate I’m so hydrated I take all my meds I do the good amounts of movement but I can’t get this to improve#it’s like 2018 all over again but with way less pain and bloating#anyway. I am just Struggling#but at the same time many things are still getting better! so I keep working to focus on that part#health
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Really quick doodles of a few scenes from the stream yesterday. Including combat flirting taunting, gale’s magnificently distracting shoes and.. whatever you wanna call gale agreeing to give 15 gold to astarion 😐😑😐😑😐 (that’s me blinking)
#bloodweave#astarion x gale#gale x astarion#bg3#baldur's gate 3#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#they are so funny god help. thank you to whoever sat Neil next to Tim#my roommate turning to look directly at me whenever they were interacting lik bestie please stop I am trying to be normal. don’t look at me#my roommate also said Neil acting low-key obsessed with gale and I could only say wow he’s just like me fr fr.#if I didn’t still struggle with getting shadowhearts likeness you would get a drawing of her hugging bing bong too but alas …#anyway the stream was so fun#can’t wait til tomorrow hehe
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1.02 // 1.06 // 1.08 The Stranger vs. Sol on recognizing and differentiating Osha and Mae
#the acolyte#theacolyteedit#starwarsedit#osha x qimir#oshamir#osha aniseya#qimir the acolyte#sol the acolyte#star wars#mae aniseya#sometimes i make things#the acolyte dragging me back to fandom and gifmaking#i am not back on tumblr except i am just for this#i have a couple other gif ideas we'll see if i end up making them#there's something about sol's paternalistic attachment to osha leading him to tunnel vision when it comes to her#mae as an extension of osha#mae as the version that went wrong; corrupted;#whereas the stranger recognises and treats them as different people almost right away#and there is something so compelling to that#that even the person who claims to love you (and does love you in his own way) struggles to even recognise you#and will always see you as that little girl on brendok who needs saving#the stranger sees the parts of her that were unwanted; acknowledges her grief and anger and trauma#whereas the jedi and by extension sol saw that as a threat#ANYWAY im done i dont know anything about star wars except that i need this to be renewed asap
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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more funny doodles!!! this time harrow nova version
#tlt#griddlehark#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#harrow nova#the locked tomb#i kinda just wanted to draw nova and canon gideon beating the shit out of each other and than doodled the rest ngl#nova would be so fucked up i love her#so lets say i wanted to draw pal and cam in this style#of course i would want to draw them with a more bright fun color palette#HOWEVER they are just grey to me i feel wrong drawing them in anything but grey help me#it doesnt feel like them without the grey they are so grey#and they would want to be grey they love grey#this is the struggle i am having anyways
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You are everything I aspire to be
If parenting has taught me anything, it is the importance of getting down on your hands and knees and teaching not just facts, but love and enthusiasm for the natural world.
This is my son Q and me. I have dozens of photos like this by now, even though he is just two years old.
Every chance I get, I will kneel down with him and show him the little creatures all around us. Especially when they are frogs. He loves frogs for some reason. No idea why.
It is important that we all see this together. It is beautiful. It is magnificent. We are here. It is improbable to the highest degree. It is fleeting, but it is everything we get. And we can get so, so much of it. If we just get our faces into it and really absorb it.
So that's what l'm trying to do here, I guess. Get all of you to join me in the reeds. And I am so happy to have so many of you along for the journey.
#tumblr#lifestyle#advice#life#nature#animals#answers by mark#anon#anonymous#yes the tumblr scientist named his child Q what of it#also you should not aspire to be me#or like me#at all#I am a hot mess#totally chaotic and extremely stressed#months behind on my emails#and badly overcommitted#but of course when all you see are cute frogs I understand why you would feel that way anon#just letting you know that I am struggling just as much as the next person#though of course as a very privileged person it is substantially different than most#my troubles are largely of my own making#anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk
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A drawing of exit glacier that I was going to use in the stonestar story but decided not to finish it, this is an interpretation of how it may have looked a few hundred years ago when the glacier was less receded
#the drawing holds up as is i could’ve probably used it anyway#sorry for another hiatus as you can see i am. struggling to find a balance between my real life schedule/comic schedule and just my general#motivation. which has been nonexistent recently#i really don’t want to start posting again until i have decent backlog hence the delay. this is my first time comicing so im learning as i#go#my art#lore#scenery
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i think isafrin dynamic, especially postcanon, is so funny to me because (among other things) isabeau is the notorious Gets Scared When The Horrors Appear type of dude, but also happens to be madly into a guy who, for lack of better words, can be aptly described as The Horrors
#greching origins#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isafrin#like yes yes siffrin thinks themselves a monster and struggles with seeing that he isnt and that theyre still human. or whatever..........#but can you consider the flip side of things? from a different pov?#siffrin (accidentally did something that scared everyone and now feels guilty): i am a monster.#isabeau (rapidly deciding to pokemon-evolve into a monsterfucker this very instant): uh huh.#or well. he might as well already be Like That if that one snack time dialogue in act 4 is anything to go by but yk yk#pairs exclusively nice with my beloved hc that post loops and bigfrin fight siffrin is. a little fucked up. physically#<-like theres just something weird about him at all times now. his eye changes to impossible shades sometimes. or sparks strangely in light#yknow. the good stuff#anyway that is all about those disaster gays thank you for coming to my ted talk-
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Chip not having a gaping hole in his chest post-death is the hill i will die on, actually. I am on my hands and knees. Please I am begging yall. He does Not have a hole in his chest where his heart was thats Not how he died guys I'm begging yall (<- guy at the end of their rope /dramatic)
#GUYS PLEASE THE THUMBNAIL WAS A VISUAL METAPHOR#THE 'HOLE IN HIS CHEST' IS FROM THE DIVINE SHOWER THAT SLOUGHED HIS FLESH OFF HIS BONES#A WHOLE SIDE OF HIS RIBS UP HIS CHEST WAS EXPOSED BECAUSE OF THE SHOWER#BUT HE DOES NOT HAVE A GAPING HOLE IN HIS CHEST FROM HIS DEATH#HIS HEART WAS NOT RIPPED OUT THROUGH HIS CHEST AND IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME RELISTEN TO IT#BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU IN MY OPINION HIS HEART BEING TORN OUT THROUGH HIS MOUTH IS MORE HORRIFYING#AND ALSO COOLER TO ME#BUT ALSO ITS CANON AND THATS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME#PLEASE IM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES GUYS PLEASE THE THUMBNAIL FOR 109 WAS NOT BEING LITERAL#IT WAS A METAPHOR FOR THE HUNT FOR THE HOLE IN THE SEA KILLING HIM#PLEASEEEEEEE#cough. anyway. sorry i am just. gripping canon so tightly desperate for canon-compliant undead chip art and struggling to find it#im normal again carry on#unless you want to talk to me about this then my dms and asks are open i love talking about undead chip#jrwi riptide#jrwi chip#just roll with it#just roll with it riptide#jrwiblr#dragons chatting
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Ничего не останется от нас, Нам останемся, в лучшем случае, мы
hi. hello. listen to this song
i have so many thoughts about these two. oh my god. maybe i will write it out some day, but for now drawing it out will do
translation will be under the cut! knowing the words does add to the work so i do recommend reading it. or just enjoy the art <3
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heres the translation, color coded according to how i broke it up for the art. just in casies
first page:
Love is scarier than war
Love strikes more true than steel
second page:
More true, because of your own volition
third page:
You run towards all the winds
Let there be pain and eternal battle
Not atmospheric, not earthly
fourth page:
But definitely with you
caption:
There will be nothing left of us,
we will be left with, in the best case, ourselves
#kunst huli#legend of zelda#botw link#botw zelda#botw zelink#tloz#zelink#totk#botw#i cannot express how proud i am that i actually managed not only to finish this#BUT. to have it look GOOD#painting stuff n making it messy in an appealing way has always been a fucking STRUGGLE for me#n i do think u can see my over-rendering tendencies rear their head up on the last one#and also i guess i should have made the last two pages connect like i did with the rest of them but i think it still works. thematically#the last one is like. the end. a break. the start of a much needed retirement#a breather u might say!#i also think the devs should have let link hug her at the end#he deserves it he thought hed never see her like this again#oh alsooooo since im on a tangent anyway#like many people i was disappointed by the cop-out of just giving link his arm back at the end of totk#and i still think it would be cool if he didnt#(or if he kept the magic hand. just imagine how thatll help with all the restoration work dlkfgjdfkgjdfkg)#BUT anyway. i thought about it. n i have a theory about what tf did they do at the end to get not only zelda but his arm back#the fucking time powers!!! what if they just reversed time on them...........#much to thunk about. anyway#hope u enjoy <3#now i can go finish phantom hourglass#god i hate having to go back to the temple of the ocean king tho. its like dishonored but u cant go up OR knock those guys out
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most offputting twink youve ever seen in your life
#orikan the diviner#the infinite and the divine#i am once again inflicting chromatic abhorrations upon you all#he laughs like a crow and would refuse to spit in someones face because they dont deserve to touch him even in that way#he. looks very dramatic.#..yknow. ive kinda dealt with being told to draw nicer things and cuter things my whole life and. always struggled with it#very recently have been trying to draw more freak shit and. i am realising just how much that criticism has held me back#im fucking terrified [see i showed my partner this first and when given the stamp of approval i just said 'really' in shock like four times#but. im enjoying it more. i want to do more freak shit like this#anyway. the divinerrrrrrrr
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Hey! If you feel like thanking a doodle request, maybe a lil Gem? Perhaps in her scientist outfit?
Thank you in advance, and I hope life gets better soon! [:
a gem for you <3
#my art#geminitay fanart#geminitay#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft season 10#i think my biggest struggle right now is just#that idea that everything i create has to have a purpose. has to be meaningful and detailed and original and polished#just thinking that my art is entirely worthless because it’s not special#i am able to draw. it doesn’t even look that bad. but it just doesn’t feel good enough#Im also pretty overwhelmed by different projects and work at the moment#so it’s just been very draining lately lol.#but anyway i just wanted to say thank you for anyone who has said kind words or just whatever about my art recently#i genuinely appreciate it a lot and it really does help on bad days to see something sweet said about something i made !! so thank you haha
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Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.
Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.
Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.
Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.
#i did try to draw that distinction in the original post but I didn't really go into detail#mostly bc i was trying to be concise and just focus on how the church talks to sufferers#so here's the long version#pontifications and creations#only thou art holy#also side note: there was someone yesterday who responded to that post with the suggestion that suffering is generally the sufferer's fault#and it got worse from there#just an absolutely rank response that had me immediately blocking that person and googling if there was a way to remove someone's addition#idk to what degree that person is an active member of this broader christian community we've got going on here#but if you see that post (and you'll know it when you see it) please as a favor to me don't interact with it#there were some lovely responses and additions to that post yesterday too#but that one made me mad#idk. to a certain degree i wanted to vent#they're blocked now though so whatever#anyway. I've sort of been percolating on these various thoughts for a few weeks#since i went to a really fluffy women's talk on suffering#and now i kind of want to give my version#I'm far from the greatest sufferer in the world. i am well aware of that#but as I've been sick I've just done So Much Thinking and reading about theodicy and struggle with God that i feel qualified to opine#unlike the giver of that talk#anyway#tag rant over#...for now#theodicy
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❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
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I'm catching up with comms so in the meantime here is a page from KF 2022 PDF, which I drew to substitute for a NSFW post!
I hope you will have a great Monday <3
52 weeks of KICK Fridays - what is it?
It's 3 PDFs made out of my Patreon content where I published Klance each Friday (Kick Fridays) since 2020. You can buy them by lowest price Patreons could pay each year to see it (1/month) on my shop (payhip.com/mezzy). I publish something for each sold PDF 💞
#klance#laith#hi tumblr!#ughhh i ckecked out my folders and ive seen so many cute art i feel like o javent shared or#am reluctant to share because its unfinished#SO MANY its a struggle#thinking posting maybe just pilesnof doodles#though that poses a threat to a structure i had of trying my best to actually finish arr but#maybe there is an equilibrium in it somewhere#anyway let me know if we enjoy content or tag the year#if someone mentions renesAINcE im going to start spamming you with old art reblogs#😆#its already tuesdsy when im posting btw#but draft has been done on monday so we are going with it#no one will know
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I do think the character beats/foreshadowing for the twins in ep3 work especially well if you take s1 into account. A lot of Vex's arc in s1 was spent establishing her as being compulsively self-reliant and hostile to outsiders, eg stating that she and Vax should leave when they were under house arrest in the keep and lashing out at Keyleth when she saw Vax getting invested in that relationship. It makes it really clear that 1. Vex highly prioritizes her and Vax's relationship but also that 2. Like much of her actual feelings, she doesn't show her fear that she will lose that relationship in the most straightforward way. This allows for s2 to dive headlong into exploring how terrified Vax is of losing Vex and how much he believes their relationship is this one-sided dependence of him feeling lost without her but Vex being completely alright without him, while providing us the baseline understanding that this isn't quite the case. It's more that their personalities are extremely different and they've responded to the way they were treated when they were young in very different ways. Vax wears his heart on his sleeve and is completely open about who he cares about, cutting Syldor out without a second thought and explicitly laying out to Vex over and over again how important she is to him. Vex puts a perfectly strong and composed face over everything, tries to salvage things when she can, holds herself together so nobody can see whatever she's feeling underneath. It's easy to think Vex doesn't need Vax as much as he needs her with that facade, but because we already got to see an entire season of her reflexively protecting that relationship and lashing out in fear that she'll somehow lose him, you can tell it's actually more that she's practiced at masking any feelings that might make her seem weak, even at the expense of coming off as cruel or uncaring instead.
#im rewatching s1 and it all clicks kinda nicely#critical role#cr1#tlovm#tlovm spoilers#anyway tldr vex is the kind of sibling who doesnt hug or say i love you or ask for help on homework even if shes struggling and you get it#but gets a little sad if u dont hug her like usual even if she just pushes u away when u try#vax is the kind of sibling who says i love you 7000 times a day and hugs u constantly and wilts a little if u push him away too many times#these are scientific categories of siblings#source: i am a sibling#stealth twins
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