#but draft has been done on monday so we are going with it

[coolnonsenseworld]

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

----

I'm catching up with comms so in the meantime here is a page from KF 2022 PDF, which I drew to substitute for a NSFW post!

I hope you will have a great Monday <3

52 weeks of KICK Fridays - what is it?

It's 3 PDFs made out of my Patreon content where I published Klance each Friday (Kick Fridays) since 2020. You can buy them by lowest price Patreons could pay each year to see it (1/month) on my shop (payhip.com/mezzy). I publish something for each sold PDF 💞

[illbegottenfaith]

hey!! i loved ur handwritten fic with the notes it was absolutely amazing, do u think u could make a pt 2 of that or just another fic with that format? thank u!! <3

handwritten pt 2 - theo nott x reader

yours and theo's story as told through notes passed in class

Part 1 | Part 2

a/n - thank you so much for this lovely!! it gave me the motivation I needed to clean up the dribs and drabs I had drafted out so here it is <3 I have plans/ideas for future chapters too (similar format but might not be restricted to just notes 👀) but I'm not sure how long of a series it'll actually end up being. enjoy!

tropes/warnings - fluff, a little more angst than the last chapter, newstudent!theo, estranged friends to lovers

word count - 1.9k

Saturday, 9.48 pm, The Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade

You okay?

Yeah, why?

You’re awfully quiet. And you’ve been staring into your empty butterbeer for the past ten minutes, so either it was terrible or you’re plotting something.

Ha-ha.

You hate this, don’t you?

They’re just not the kind of people I hang out with.

Let’s get out of here.

Are you kidding? This party is for you, Theo.

Look at them. They’re drunk off their tits. No one’s going to mind.

No, stay. I might call it a night soon, though.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Don't worry about me, I’m just not used to hanging out with these kinds of people.

What kind?

I don’t know. Quidditch players. Hooligans. It’s not really my scene.

I didn’t know you felt that way.

I didn’t want to spoil your night.

Listen, it’s getting late. I should probably head back.

Okay. Get your coat, I'll settle the bill.

No, it’s fine, I can pay for my drink. Besides, you should stay.

At least let me walk you back.

Stay. I mean it.

Fine, but I’m paying for your drink. And before you say anything, it’s one lousy butterbeer. Consider it compensation for ruining your evening.

You didn’t ruin my evening. I liked the part when we walked here together. I don’t mind this too much either - scribbling on napkins.

Let me walk you back. Please.

Saturday, 10.19 pm, Ravenclaw Dormitories, Hogwarts

What's with the notebook?

Sorry, Ivan's finally passed out and I don't want to wake him. He hasn't been able to sleep all week, can you imagine? It's that stupid Herbology project - y'know, the one that Katie's been simmering those mandrakes for - I swear, he's so tense in the shoulders. I finally got him to nod off after dinner and it just seems cruel to wake him up and make him go allll the way down to his dorm :(

Fine, but Merlin help you when Katie wakes up and finds him still here. I still can't wrap my head around how much he lets you baby him. He's a Slytherin, for God's sake.

Please, he knew what he was getting himself into. If anything, I think the babying might have been a motivating factor. Anyway, how was the party?

Okay, I think. I kissed him. On the cheek.

YOU'RE going to wake Ivan. Have some goddamn self-control.

OH I KNEW ITTT I knew it the moment he walked into Charms class and you looked up and your eyes met and you lost your tongue and when you looked back he had that shy sort of smile I just KNEW he was going to be so good for you. Because he is, Y/N. He might be the best thing that's happened to you.

Gosh, relax. It's not like it meant anything. What's a little friendly peck between friends here and there? I just did it so he wouldn't follow me back to the castle like a lost puppy. Besides, he's not that perfect.

A real human being with real human flaws? You don't say.

It's hard to explain. He's only being this nice because he knows what he's done.

What has he done?

Some pretty hard-to-forgive stuff. I don't want to get into it right now.

Have you?

Have I what?

Forgiven him.

I don't know. I mean, I see him trying to reach out, but every time, even now, with the party - something stops me from...fully connecting. Something holds me back.

I don't think I have.

Monday, 9.13 am, Charms

Did you get back alright?

Yup.

I wanted to come check, but the guys...

I told you they weren't going to let their guest of honour run off. So how was the rest of the night?

Middling. They started up a game of strip poker when we got back.

Oh.

Allegedly, normal poker was too ordinary for a night as special as that.

You're kidding, right?

Oh my fucking god, you gamble??

Who said the poker had anything to do with gambling?

So you don’t gamble?

I didn’t say that.

Theo.

OUCH enough with the pinching! I've already had ten years too many of it.

I can't help that it's the only way to get you to behave.

I don’t see what the problem is. It’s my money to use as I see fit. Plus, I'm very careful about the people I play with. Merlin knows we have too much anyway.

Unbelievable. Gambling, really? Why not just drop out of Hogwarts and live slot machine to slot machine, huh? Why don't you just set up shop at some casino in Las Vegas?

I'm very confused. Do you want to go to Vegas?

You have the attention span of a fruit fly.

Because that's not a half-bad idea. We could make a whole trip out of it over the summer.

Your friends need to introduce you to more legal forms of recreation. What are you doing Wednesday night?

Nothing yet.

Good. I'm teaching you Exploding Snap.

Isn't that a kid's game?

FUCK I'm SORRY but DO NOT pinch me in the same place twice.

Oh, quit whining. You'll live.

Barely. If you keep this up, I'm going to start sitting far far away from you and those PINCERS you call fingers.

Wednesday, 1.02 pm, Potions

I ran into Katie on the way here and Merlin, she was in hysterics. I'm out of the room for one night and I miss you making out with Loverboy in our dorm??? Geez, at least put a sock on the door.

We were not making out!!! Katie just walked in at an unfortunate time.

Uh-huh.

Look, he was the one who showed up at the window on his broom, drunk out of his mind.

Drunk??

I know! What was he thinking, risking his neck all the way up there at the Ravenclaw dorms?? It was like he didn't even notice too. I thought I was hallucinating at first, but then I opened the window and nope, that was him, and then I screamed and he nearly fell off his broom so I hauled him inside. He practically faceplanted on the floor. I was terrified - I thought he was poisoned or something, but then I tried to prop him up and he had this dopey look on his face and he reeked of firewhiskey. Ugh, it was so annoying. I don’t want to talk about it.

You know what he said to me? After all that?

I thought you didn’t want to talk about this?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh?

Uh-oh. Like a goddamn Looney Tunes character.

Looney Tunes?

Never mind. He was all ‘uh-oh, you’re mad at me’ while I was trying to get him to drink some coffee and I was like yeah, no shit, you look like you’re seconds away from puking all over my dorm. And then he started…he started talking about the party, and me leaving, and how sorry he was he brought me in the first place.

Aww.

I know, right? I felt like crap. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to him.

Of course it was a big deal. That was him introducing you to his new friends.

Exactly, new friends. What does he want with me?

Y/N, are you daft? Do you not see the way he looks at you? He so clearly cares what you think about his friends.

What on earth are you talking about?

Ivan's on the team so they hang out together sometimes and he says Theo's a lot different around you. He doesn't swear as much, he drops his voice a little and he's extra attentive. Hell, he nearly got into a fight with some dunce in our year over the way that guy was talking about you. Y/N, he obviously cares about you so, so much. Please tell me you didn’t say anything too harsh.

I called the whole lot of them hooligans.

NOOOOO

But t's true!! Have you seen their matches? How they don't rip each other to shreds is beyond me. But I didn't mean that he was like that. Theo could never be like them. He'd play a good, fair, clean game.

Yeah. Sure.

What's that supposed to mean?

You haven't watched a single one of his practices, have you?

No. Should I?

Never mind. What happened next?

That's when things started going downhill. He started trying to remove his shirt because it was so hot from Katie’s blasted simmering pot of mandrakes. I was trying to stop him, only he wasn’t listening, and apparently he gets rather clingy and touchy when he’s, y’know, tipsy, and then…Katie walked in.

Damn.

Of course that's when he decides to sober up, so I look like an idiot while everyone in the room - yes! even him!!! - wants to know what I’m doing in his lap. He was sooooo polite too, as if he hadn’t just rudely breaking-and-entering’d his way into my room. ‘Oh, hello, Y/N. What a tastefully decorated room you have, Y/N. Is there a reason we’re sitting so close, Y/N?’ As if I want to be sitting in his lap!

Right.

Because I don’t.

Okay.

‘Cause that would be so weird.

Mhm.

Like…ew.

Okay, okay. I get it. I believe you.

He wouldn’t even let me get up or anything. Just kept talking to Katie about the weather with his hand on my thigh, casual as ever. I swear, if that teammate of his - what's his name, Mattheo? - hadn't come looking for him, I don't know how I would have gotten him down to his dorm.

What a thriller of a story, from start to finish.

Yeah, well, I could do it with a little less thrill in my life.

Aw, I think it was sweet. That disaster of a party was clearly eating at him.

Yeah. I mean, we're friends. It should bother him if I've had a shitty night, right? But also...we're just friends.

For the record, you're a different person around him too.

Psh. Yeah right.

Different how?

Ivyyyy

Thursday, 3.07 pm, Defence Against the Dark Arts

How’s your hand?

Doing very badly, thank you very much.

I have to say, I didn’t take you to be this sore of a loser.

My fingertips have been singed off. Forgive me if I seem a little sulky.

Aww. Was the kid's game a little too hard for the big, manly, Quidditch player?

You tricked me. You didn't even tell me all of the rules before we started playing.

Oh, come on. You knew enough to play.

But not to win!

Yes, well, I wasn't about to hand you a victory on a silver platter. I thought Slytherins were supposed to be clever, or something. Maybe you're the 'something.'

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. We'll see who's laughing after next week's chess match.

Does it hurt a lot? Your fingers?

For a lesser man? Perhaps. I think I'm dealing with the pain quite well, actually.

So if we didn't have class, you'd be -?

Writhing on the floor of my dorm.

Ah, I see. Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?

Promises, promises.

But you still had fun, didn’t you?

It is quite the adrenaline rush.

I knew it.

Alas, my fingertips…

Oh, sod off. You always were the biggest drama queen.

[onlydylanobrien]

Live from New York, It’s Dylan O’Brien!

The 33-year-old plays Dan Aykroyd in Jason Reitman’s Saturday Night, and he’s not sure he hit it out of the park. But he’s okay with that.

DYLAN O’BRIEN HAS led movies that grossed hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office. He’s shared the screen in a thriller with Michael Keaton (2017’s American Assassin), exchanged jokes with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson (in 2013’s The Internship), been a long-running MTV teen heartthrob (in 92 episodes of Teen Wolf), voiced a Transformer (in 2018’s Bumblebee), and, hell, went toe to toe with Larry David while playing himself on Curb Your Enthusiasm. At 33, he’s accomplished a hell of a lot.

By the time we meet at Men’s Health’s New York City offices to chat on an early September Friday, I’ve already seen a lot of his work. I’ve always liked the way his relaxed demeanor on-screen fits with an undeniable movie-star look—and that holds true in his latest project, Saturday Night (in select theaters now and out nationwide on October 11), in which he stars as comedy legend and original Saturday Night Live cast member Dan Aykroyd; the movie is a depiction of the chaotic 90 minutes before the very first episode of SNL. But I wasn’t sold on his sheer determination—the pure conviction in his character—until I learned that, like myself, he’s a long-suffering fan of the New York Jets.

“I get psyched for the Jets,” he tells me, rocking a full beard, a T-shirt, and a pair of comfortable lacrosse shorts. As he finishes his thought, his eyes light up, but they maintain the slightest sense of eternal frustration behind them. “Even though it’s always like, Jesus Christ.”

Misfortunes of past football seasons aside, O’Brien is as hyped as he’s ever been for the season to come—he’s already done all of his fantasy drafts, though he feels better about some than others—but right now he has one potential problem: He’s going to be in Toronto, for the Toronto International Film Festival, on the night of the Jets season opener. But don’t worry, he’s got it figured out. Saturday Night’s premiere is on Tuesday, and his press schedule on Monday (when the Jets are set to play the San Francisco 49ers) concludes at 5:30 p.m.

“I’m like, I’m going to a pub. I’m getting out of the area, and I’m just going to sit and have some beer and watch the Jets on Monday night all by myself,” he says with a huge smile on his face. “It’s going to be awesome.”

It’s a relatable feeling—for most Jets fans, there’s no happier time than before the season starts, before the annual feelings of dread and doom start to set in. (The Jets would wind up losing to the 49ers, 32-19, in their Week 1 MNF matchup.) But, as Jets fans have learned so well to do over the years, we move on.

O’Brien has a long career behind him, but a long career ahead of him, too. In addition to his upcoming role in Saturday Night (which has earned strong reviews in the early goings), he’s also got the M. Night Shyamalan-produced Caddo Lake premiering on Max this month, and Anniversary, in which he stars alongside Diane Lane and Kyle Chandler, coming at some point in the near future. (It doesn’t currently have a release date.) O’Brien is the kind of actor who elevates the project he’s in, even when the project is already really, really good—but if there’s anything being a Jets fan says about someone, it’s that they know how to adjust, adapt, and bounce back. And in an industry as fickle as show business—which is put on full display in Saturday Night—that’s about as important a quality as any to have in your back pocket.

Ahead of the release of several of the biggest and most exciting projects of his career, O’Brien sat down with Men’s Health to discuss how he keeps himself sane and centered, prepping to play a comedy icon, and some of those casting rumors about him out there on the Internet.

MEN’S HEALTH: What kind of routines do you maintain for your mental and physical health?

DYLAN O’BRIEN: I don’t go to the gym. I’m not a gym guy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t exercise or train or anything. I would say I go in and out of that. I’m usually the type who’s either on a pretty consistent routine and trying to hit it hard and take care of myself for a period of time, and then I’ll let it go for a little bit. Some of that’s influenced by my schedule, too. When you go to work, it’s hard to keep up some kind of regimen. But when I’m home and I’m in between jobs, I’ve become a very domesticated individual. I love grocery shopping and cooking my own meals.

MH: What’s your favorite thing to make?

DOB: If I had to pick one thing, I love, to the soul, making a soup. It’s literally the first thing I’ll do when I go anywhere to settle in. Just a homemade chicken soup, with a chicken carcass, and get creative with the veggies.

MH: Do you have a mental health routine?

DOB: That’s typically what drives the eating and the exercising. I always feel best when I’m in a nice routine and taking care of myself. As I’ve gotten into my 30s, sleep is so important, and periods of laying off alcohol are so important. Just treating your body right and getting rest. I like to do a cold plunge session, and that’s very meditative for me. I’ll follow the simple program of “exhaust the body, relax the mind” when I’m going right.

“I was self-conscious that I DIDN’T LOOK LIKE HIM, that I DIDN’T SOUND LIKE HIM, that I thought people wouldn’t think me—Dan Aykroyd.”

MH: I totally understand the concept of using whatever levels us as therapy. Sometimes after work I just need to put the Yankees on and do absolutely nothing in order to fully detox and feel right.

DOB: That’s my soul. The Mets… obviously, baseball is a nearly every day thing. And even when the Mets are not going well, what’s soothed me since I was closely following them when I was a kid is [broadcasters Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez, and Ron Darling]. Literally, even just throwing the game on in the background while I’m getting dinner ready and just listening to those guys talk baseball—that settles me to my core. I’m totally with you on that.

MH: Is watching sports your main way of decompressing at the end of a long day?

DOB: If it’s baseball season, yeah, nightly Mets is nice. If I’m working, I’ve been known to be on jobs and randomly be bingeing some reality show while I’m on it. It’s such a decompressor at the end of the day. I love reality TV.

MH: What’s your favorite?

DOB: Of all time?

MH: Yeah.

DOB: Well, it’s between Jersey Shore and Vanderpump Rules as far as the all-timers. I’ve been a longtime OG Vanderpump fan, pre-Scandoval, and I just think that show’s a masterpiece. And Jersey Shore is a masterpiece, too. I did a film, Ponyboi, that’s very Jersey-centric, and so I drilled all of the first four seasons of Jersey Shore. My whole routine for that movie, when I needed to decompress, was just working out and watching reality TV. I lost a lot of weight, too, for that movie, and I was just trying to make my little chicken breast, and eat my salad, and work out, and watch Jersey Shore.

MH: Let’s talk about Saturday Night. How would you describe your version of Dan Aykroyd?

DOB: It might be the thing most open to interpretation I’ve ever done. By that, I mean it really was just leaping out of the nest. I’m playing this real person, but [director Jason Reitman] had no intention of just copying the person coming in. He really wanted everyone to have their own spin on the person, which, if you’re overthinking it, can be tough to do because it can be very easy to do. If you’re like, I’m just going to watch my guy’s interviews and sketches, then you can kind of fall into imitation. As far as I know, I was just doing what I thought he was like. But I don’t fucking know. That instinct was that Jason was always telling me what to run with. He was big on not overpreparing, not overwatching things, and not impersonating. I’m curious to hear people’s take, because I don’t really know. I just went with my gut.

MH: Was there one signature quality of Dan you wanted to capture?

DOB: A very earnest intelligence—he’s so quick, it was exhausting. I would always say how exhausted I was, because I’m playing someone who’s way quicker than I am, and so I’m constantly operating at a speed I can’t operate at, because he’s so sharp and fast and he never fumbles and he never curses. He never bides time. You know what I mean?

MH: Absolutely.

DOB: He’s so precise with his improvisation and his comedic skills. I came away with such a larger appreciation than I even had for his genius. And he was so young—he was a kid. He was 23 on that first season of SNL. I never processed him as being too worried about too much, which was a funny contrasting energy to the very tense atmosphere of the film in the hour and a half before showtime. He’s so loose.

MH: It’s interesting you say that, because it’s something I totally clocked, too—Dan is kind of the calm part of a storm that includes people like Chevy Chase (Cory Michael Smith) and John Belushi (Matt Wood). How did you maintain that presence as the movie’s level head?

DOB: My way of achieving that, with permission from Jason, was to embrace this quality in myself that I didn’t originally associate to Dan—that I only then did after Jason pointed it out to me—which was to have an aloofness on set. I feel very relaxed in that space. In a way, I wasn’t too worried. But that comes with the caveat that I entered this process thinking I was so wrong for the part.

MH: Why did you think that?

DOB: I don’t know. I was self-conscious that I didn’t look like him, that I didn’t sound like him, that I thought people wouldn’t think me—Dan Aykroyd. And I guess it was an insecurity that I would be skewered for being miscast or something. But even with that insecurity, again, I’m still so happy to be there and, like, whatever, fuck it. I don’t care if that’s the response. I’m boned, but whatever. It’s great to be here and get to do this, and what a blast of a thing to get to be a part of. So, weirdly enough, that type of aloofness amidst other people having to handle some really tense stuff was what Jason was telling me to embrace.

MH: Have you met Dan?

DOB: No. Not yet. I’m supposed to meet him at TIFF. And apparently that will be both of our first times seeing the movie.

MH: That will be great.

DOB: There was a moment early on, when you go into something like this, you’re playing someone, you imagine that they might want to speak to you. They might be hell-bent on speaking to you, they might be crazy about getting their hands in it, or they might be totally hands off. And to hear that he was so not worried about it, if anything, was the first moment I was like, Oh, maybe we’re right. Because I would’ve met with him, too, but I also didn’t need it. I would have if he insisted. I’d be like, Of course—I’ve got to do that. But I vibe with the fact that he was like, no, let the kid go do it. That’s how I feel like I would react.

MH: What’s your favorite movie of his?

DOB: I was a big Blues Brothers kid. I did the Blues Brothers for my talent show in third grade. I was also a big Tommy Boy kid.

MH: I’ve loved a lot of the comedic stuff that you’ve gotten to do, including your Curb Your Enthusiasm guest appearance. What was working with Larry like?

DOB: Oh, it’s just a blast. He’s a Jets fan, too—I remember that was our first conversation we had. It was like I was just talking to a buddy, at [the popular TriBeCa bar] Walker’s, or something about the Jets. I’ve worked with a lot of comedians, and that space can be weird. The energy can be very overstimulating, and those personalities can tend to be really loud and competing. It can be a very odd atmosphere sometimes. Going to work with a guy like that… I was like, Who knows, he could be a fucking total narcissist tycoon, and he wasn’t. He couldn’t have been more generous, couldn’t have been quicker to laugh at someone else and let someone else have the spotlight. I couldn’t think more of the guy. He’s amazing.

MH: It’s been almost a decade since your accident on the Maze Runner set. When you look back at your recovery, how has that experience most impacted your life?

DOB: It was a life-changing incident. I’ve approached everything differently, you could say, particularly with regards to standing my ground on set. It’s very commonplace in the culture for young actors to be controlled, and the way they strive to do that is by always being like, Oh, don’t become difficult. Don’t be a pain in the ass. Or Are you complaining, are you being difficult? Things like that. I learned after the accident to not conflate taking care of yourself and looking after yourself. Don’t let them manipulate you into thinking that is being difficult, because I can look at that day and know I was a 24-year-old kid who was raising concerns about how we were approaching things, and they were not listened to, they were not respected. And then what happened happened. And by all accounts, it was all pretty gotten away with, I would say, as well. It’s taught me that, at the end of the day, in these spaces, you have your own back, and that’s the most you can rely on. I just turned 33. I’ve been doing this for 15 years. I know the person I am, and the character I bring to set, and the way I treat people and the way that I treat a workspace, and I know I’m not difficult. I know I’m not an asshole. I know I was trying to protect myself that day, and so I’ve just never forgotten that. That’s always rung true as being the thing to hold with me.

“It’s taught me that, at the end of the day, in these spaces, you HAVE YOUR OWN BACK, and that’s the MOST YOU CAN RELY ON.”

MH: And this is something that’s always in the back of your mind, just knowing that you’ve had this experience and it’s shaped where you are now.

DOB: It helps me. It’s a shame. It’s a shame that it had to be that for me. To build this armor for myself of just being like, No, man, I’m going to look after myself, I’m going to take care of myself, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions. There’s nothing wrong with bringing ideas, even if we’re talking creatively. It’s our job to bring ideas. There’s nothing wrong with raising concerns. There’s nothing wrong with being like, “I think we could do this better, I think we could do this differently.” You know what I mean? That’s the process. It’s a collaborative process. It’s a creative process, but also you’re dealing with big dangerous shit sometimes, too.

MH: Throughout the years, you’ve been rumored to become the Flash and Spider-Man. Is there any truth to the rumors?

DOB: No, never.

MH: Nothing?

DOB: No, none of it. Yeah.

MH: Is that of interest if an opportunity ever came up? Are you a comic book person?

DOB: I never have been. But I wouldn’t rule out anything. Certainly, it’s not of interest to me as of now. Maybe when I was 20 and they were rebooting Spider-Man—I was excited about that. But I didn’t even get past the casting pre-call or anything. No, none of those rumors have ever been true. I didn’t even know there were rumors. I just thought they were people just putting it out there.

MH: People put a bunch of stuff out there and then places pick it up and then stuff snowballs.

DOB: None of anything I’ve ever read about myself is true. So, if you want to use that template, that’s my experience.

MH: So what is of interest to you? What’s your dream?

DOB: There are obviously filmmakers I’ve loved since I was a kid who I would love to work with. I always want to challenge myself, and I always want to go with my gut and trust when I respond to something, I’m responding to it for a reason. Trust that when I’m scared of something, maybe that’s a good thing I should lean into. Try to find the new filmmakers, and try to champion them, and be a part of the early parts of the careers of our new wave of filmmakers. Try to champion original things as much as I can, too. I feel like that’s obviously trending so much further and further away, and towards extinction, that I just feel like it’s important to lend yourself to those things when you can, as much as you can.

This interview has been edited for content and clarity.

Source: menshealth.com

[mariposa-writes]

Good Sleep - LaMelo Ball

Summary: hate writing these, so just read and find out.

A/N: This man is the love of my life (and his brothers).

It was hard, dating an NBA player. Not that it was Melo's fault. He tried to make things as easy as possible. He called whenever he could, making sure to at least check in on me once a day.

It wasn't like I made things any easier. I took a lot of pride in my job and it felt like a lot of the time when he was home, I was busy working.

Which is what I am currently doing. Its around midnight, when I hear the garage open, I know it's Melo. His team was supposed to get back earlier tonight, but their flight got delayed due to weather.

After a few minutes he enters our room. I moved in with him a 6 months ago, since I practically lived there full time anyways. We both also thought it would be a good way to spend more time together.

"Hey, babe." He says walking over to me and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. He heads into our bathroom, getting ready to shower. He hates how he feels after plane rides, always complaining about being dirty. "What are you working on?" He calls from the bathroom.

"Just work stuff." I respond, not having the time to explain. I have to have these reports ready by Monday. I'm a CFO for a major clothing company in the US. We are currently working on expanding to European countries.

Melo showers while I work and before I know it he's climbing into bed. "Babe," He whines, "when are you going to bed?"

"I don't know, soon." I answer, dismissively. He frowns, looking up at me from where he's laying.

"You work to hard. Your not even 22 and your the CFO for a major company. I worry you're gonna work yourself to death." Melo's always hated how hard I work. We've been dating since we were both 19.

I was getting ready to graduate college, when he was getting drafted into the NBA. Being born a genius helped me fast track my schooling and career.

I started interning with the company I currently work at when I was 17, the summer after my junior year. I started working with them when they were just a start up, but in the past four years they have rapidly grown and I've been a part of the process the whole way.

This company is like my baby and I'm the one that has to track everything to make sure we are achieving our goals. I never intended on working here this long, but I love the people I work with (the pay isn't bad either).

They promoted me to CFO when their old one left to work for a bigger company. What an idiot, they didn't have believe in the company and soon ours will be bigger than the one they are working for.

Three hours later and I'm still working, Melo's passed out. After he fell asleep I headed to the office he set up for me, not wanting to wake him.

I have a blanket wrapped around me, with my headphones in and a cup of hot chocolate sitting on the desk. Once I get this done, I'll be on Monday and present to our investors I will be on vacation for the next 9 days.

I haven't told Melo yet, wanting to surprise him since our schedules rarely line up.

I look up from my computer, when I see the hallway light turn on. I take my headphones out, knowing it's Melo. He walks into my office, frowning. "Babe, go to bed." He groans.

"Ok, just give me a few minutes."

"Nope, you always say that and then a few minutes turn into another hour or two and then you're only getting like 2 hours of sleep before you head into the office." He walks over and shuts my laptop, before pulling me out of the chair.

I whine and protest the whole way back to our bed, but he doesn't seem to care. He makes me lay down and tucks me in like I'm a little kid, before climbing in bed next to me.

Once he's in bed his, arm wraps around my waist as he pulls me closer resting his head on my stomach. "Finally, I can sleep now."

"You've been asleep this whole time." I argue.

"Yea, but now I'll get good sleep. I only get good sleep when you're with me." I smile, even though he can't see me. I continue playing with his hair, before we both drift of to sleep in each other's arms.

[kandisheek]

Cap-Ironman Rec Week 2024

Better Together Monday: July 22nd

Prompt: Tell us all about those fanworks where Tony and Steve are better teammates, are more competent, complete missions more efficiently and are just overall better for working and being together!

We all know that Steve and Tony are better together than apart, and this is the perfect time to celebrate it! Here are some of my favorite fics where teamwork makes the dream work:

-- Kludged Together by Veldeia

When he cut his morning jog short to join Tony Stark on a reconnaissance mission off the East Coast, Steve sure wasn’t expecting to end up stuck on a life raft in the middle of the ocean, his hand knuckle-deep in Stark's chest.

-- Danger Mouse by isozyme

First step: get both Tony and the pieces of Tony’s suit into some kind of shelter. It’s not raining now, but it’s only a matter of time. The passenger bay of the jet is sitting at a thirty degree angle and pretty banged up, but the doors are accessible and, hey, it’s got a roof. Step two after shelter: make a fire. That’s wilderness 101. Steve pats around his belt pouches for his matches. He comes up with a pack of tissues (wet), a couple of business cards (wet), his guilty pack of cigarettes (also wet), and finally a book of matches. It’s wet.

-- If Through a Door by jibrailis

Tony is accused of murder on an alien planet; Steve marries him to bring him home.

MORE RECS BELOW THE CUT:

-- Symmetry Breaking by Annie D (scaramouche)

After the Battle of New York, Steve rode off on his motorbike. That's how it went the first time. This time he rides back, all the way to Stark Tower, where he asks Tony for help.

-- Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happy Hour by BladeoftheNebula

“What is your problem?” Steve finally asked, annoyed at the way Stark was acting like there was a storm cloud over his head. Stark reeled back. “My problem? My fucking problem? You walk around this place with a stick jammed so far up your ass I’m surprised you can even bend over to suture!” Steve’s jaw dropped. “At least my head isn’t so big it barely fits through the OR doors.” Dr Steve Rogers is finally assigned to work at the MASH 107 army hospital in Korea, just like he’s been wanting since he was drafted. Too bad the Chief Surgeon is such an ass.

-- Senseless by Scavenge4Dreams

Blinded, deafened, exhausted, injured and afraid, Tony raised himself up into a defensive position, the knife coming up just like Nat had taught him.  “That had better fucking be you, Steve Rogers- it had better be you. Fucking disarm me. If you let me kill you, I swear I will be very, very pissed.” Tony snarled, sure it was Steve approaching. Had to be. Had. To. Be.  What if it wasn’t?

-- Trust Fall by Sineala

Tony needs someone who cares about him, bandages, a jacket, ibuprofen, dinner, a lasting romantic relationship, a nice time in bed, and assistance committing federal crimes. He gets them. In that order.

-- Love among the Hydrothermal Vents by DevilDoll

In which Namor has a thing for Steve, an octopus has a thing for Tony, and Steve and Tony eventually have a thing for each other.

And two of my own fics:

-- Flipping Through Channels

When Loki hits Tony and Steve with an illusion spell during their fight, Tony is prepared for torture, nightmares, the whole shebang. What he's not prepared for is being trapped in a kitschy eighties rom-com with him and Steve as the protagonist and love interest. And why the hell does Loki want them to kiss so badly?

-- Some More Equal Than Others

Steve split from SHIELD years ago, but when Fury approaches him with a rescue mission that goes beyond anything they've ever done before, Steve knows that he can't turn a blind eye to it. Those animals need his help, and if he has to go undercover to save them, then he'll do it gladly. He never expects to find what he does, a tiger hybrid who seems to understand him and yet pretend to be an animal. Steve knows that even more than any of the other animals in this illegal zoo, this man was never meant to belong in a cage. No matter what, Steve won't rest until the man is free.

[byoldervine]

How To Physically Get Up And Start Writing

1. Set requirements. I used to do my work every day at 2pm and I had to stay at my desk for one hour, then I was allowed to leave it or continue if I wanted. If setting aside a specific time/amount of time on the daily doesn’t work, these days I’ve been saying to just get 1000 words by the end of each week, which has meant I can get it done in small pieces, cram it all into Sunday or just breeze through it on Monday to free up my whole week, whatever works out. I’ve consistently been able to go over the requirement and get more writing done since it’s not a huge amount of writing for a whole week

2. How did we get here? I mentioned this on a recent post already, but just doing one or two small steps and telling yourself “I’m not gonna start writing, I’m just gonna get up/sit at my desk/light some candles/put on some writing music” and then doing the steps you’d normally do to set up before writing can help trick your brain into thinking “Okay, well we’re already here, might as well do some writing while we’re at i- hey, wait a minute!”

3. Recalibrating movement controls. If you’re mentally yelling at yourself to get up and make yourself start writing but your body just isn’t responding to you, what helps me sometimes is to move my body a little. Something like tapping your fingers or wiggling your toes can be a good start, then you just build up the movements from there as you’re able until your body is moving enough that you can rock yourself up. If this is a regular problem for you, it might be worth looking into Executive Dysfunction, which can be very common in autistic and ADHD folks, and other tricks that can help with that

4. Help or hinder? Sometimes what works for one person doesn’t work for another, but worse is when what works for one person causes more problems than solutions in another. Is there a writing practice you adopted from someone else that really isn’t working for you? It might be the time to cut it. I personally get really motivated when seeing my word count and how many more words I need to reach my goal, so I’ve plastered it all over the place to help me stay motivated, but a lot of people get discouraged by it and avoid it at all costs unless they want their productivity to take a hit. Don’t do something that isn’t helping you

5. Fear factor. Does anything worry you about your writing that may be discouraging you from doing it? Maybe you’re struggling so hard to make it perfect that you just don’t want to write at all. Maybe you’re reaching the middle and are realising you’re still only halfway through the first draft and the work still left is overwhelming. Maybe you’re nearing the end and you’re too scared to let it all be over. Lean into these fears, reassure yourself and question how you can make it easier for yourself to manage these worries going forward. Sometimes identifying the problem is the hardest step

[popcornforone]

Monday Moods

A Pre-Outbreak Joel Miller Fan Fic

I was struggling what as to what I could write next. You all know I have so many in draft but I had a few people go oooh a new Joel… So here we are posting about Joel before his world fell apart. It’s been a while since I’ve written him. I do have another Joel in draft but I’m just not feeling it at the moment.

Synopsis: Your night shift is over & Sarah is off to school, what can you & Joel do to make this less of a moody Monday.

Word count:2550

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF TOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18! PURE SMUT piv sex, stimulation, licking, nipple sucking, teasing, swearing. Slight age gap but not huge, mentions of loss of virginity. This is also based on Pedros Joel & it is before the events of the show. Basically it’s full on sex.

Thanks as always for the read peoples, it’s always really appreciated. All feedback is always welcome, it’s helps me grow as a writer. Enjoy.

“I hate Mondays” slam the front door goes. Sarah might have marched her way out of the house onto the school bus, but she left part of the Monday mood behind with her. Your night shift means you’re already cranky ready for 4 nights off, before the next shift rotation starts. It’s only the sight of your partner coming downstairs that makes you smile. Not even the decaf coffee has done that.

“Was Sarah mean to you?” Joel asks sounding genuinely concerned that the two of you may have fallen out & it’s not even 8am. You’re not her mum. He can see the glazed eyes staring back at him. They are trying to care & be alive for him, but he can tell you’ve just had it now, they need a rest. He slurps on his orange Juice straight from the carton as he leans on the kitchen counter. His morning hair all over the place, not even brushed.

“You’d hate Mondays too if you had double math at the age of 15” you say with a frown as he drinks. He clocks your stern look. The free hand apologising as he then starts to hunt for a glass.

“Fair point, it’s why they teach them advanced math, isn’t math just enough?”

“Clearly not” you reply slurping your coffee, trying not to smirk at his remark. You want to be tired but not angry when you got to bed in a little while. “How many shifts have you got today?” You genuinely ask your lover with care. You’re slowly becoming a bit more like you.

“Just the two, first one doesn’t start until

Mid-day,so I’ve got time to spend with the other special girl in my life” he says as he comes across to you, kissing up your arm.

You look around.

“I don’t see a special girl in here” you joke letting him pepper you with kisses. A nip here or there, making you shudder.

“Well that’s because all the curtains are pulled & there’s no mirror to reflect your special face back at you” his juice & breakfast are no longer what he had an appetite for. His smile insinuating he wants much more than that.

“Joel? really? now?”

“Yes now or it won’t be til I’m dirty & sweaty tonight” he says. His neck kisses always make you give in. You’ve always been putty in his hands.

“Maybe I prefer you like that”

“I think you do, my specialty is to be as scruffy & rough as you want me”

“Speaking of which baby, your T-shirt’s inside out” you chuckle.

You fling your arms around Joel & your lips meet his. He might be rough & rougged, but those hands that he always has to clean, make you feel like the dirtiest thing of all. At just His touch, you feel like you were 17 again, the age you were when he first asked you to babysit his 4 year old 11 years ago. He still gives you butterflies each time he kisses you, like when you first saw him. A teenager with a fantasy when he would drive you home. You were not the reason for Sarah mum leaving but once you came back from college each summer, it was hard for him to not ignore you. You just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

The kiss breaks & he then stands up & you wrap your legs around him. “I know where this is heading mr miller” you giggle as you bite his ear lobe.

“If you keep biting my earlobe, we won’t even get to bed baby.”

“Well the lounge curtains are still pulled” you raise an eyebrows & Joel reverses into his arm chair before he lowers himself into it. This arm chair is where he watches the big games on a Sunday from. You cook him dinner & then leave for your night shift safe in the knowledge that American football will be the only thing distracting him those nights. His hands even if he wanted them to, don’t wonder else where, only on you.

The rattle of his belt being undone is a noise that always makes you smile. Joel’s never one for foreplay. A few words here & there but if he’s even slightly in the mood, you can guarantee that sex is on its way. You stand up for a few seconds to remove your work trousers & knickers, you wore your pink lace ones to work as a treat for you, but you see the smile creep across Joel’s face when you fling them at him.

“I brought you those last year for Valentine’s Day”

“That you did baby”

“I do believe…” he says as he glides his trousers & his briefs around his ankles & beacons you to come take your seat in his lap again”… that I made you lick yourself out of them that night”

“I would never do that Joel Miller” you exclaim in reply as you smile. It was a wonderful night of love making, thank you to high school for a week long residential trip, so Sarah couldn’t hear the two of you having sex all night. But your mind is back in the present when you see him cock his two fingers at you calling you over . The other hand is leisurely stroking his length looking at you naked from the waist down, wondering just how wet he still makes you. The tip leaking already, as you lick your own bottom lip. You are about to be more than satisfied.

You put your hands on the back of his arm chair & position yourself ready to lower onto his lap & his throbbing meaty cock. When you were still at college & you dated other boys while you were there, none of them had what Joel did, none of them made you scream in pleasure like him either. They all wanted a long blow job, & never finished you off when they’d cum far too soon. You’d had a taste of a manly moody Miller & now it was yours every day if you wanted it. Right now being filled by him is all that’s on your mind. He slowly nudges at your entrance, his length gliding through your arousal. He tuts & shakes his head mischievously.

“I have no idea why I buy lube baby, you’re always so wet for me darling, so eager, so ready” it’s growled from the back of the throat these words as he lowers you into his cock.

“Fuck… me.. Joel” you whimper, as you adjust to his size & the way it stretches you. Your body wanting to cum straight away & make you explode all over him, but you slowly regain your composure. Your eyes filled with desire when you open them & look at the man you love. His eyes light up from seeing your own enjoyment of this moment. The smile across his face is one of desire. Your hands graze across his jaw line. Each prickle of his hair making you want to get lost in your kisses again.

“So tight baby, made for me this pussy, you saved your Cherry for me all those years ago, & im always very grateful for that” Joel lightly slaps your bum which makes you gasp, before his hands go for your hips. They grip on to you ready for you to start to grind & rive on this cock.

“Only you Joel, only you” you gasp as you start moving now you’re comfortable. Your own hands trialing his T-shirt with the other messing up his morning hair even more. He might have had a hair cut recently but it’s still thick & lots to play with. “Your T-shirt is still inside out baby” you groan as you lean in to take his lips again. Succulent & full of love.

Joel’s not bothered. He’s not saying much at all. A few just like that & oh fucks escape when it’s not heavy breathing & panting from him. He’s watching your body roll onto him. Showing your pelvis work, wondering how he got so lucky to have you & that a girl like you would be bothered by him at all, especially when they were younger. Desire takes over him & his lips leave your mouth & the kisses pepper your own jaw line making you whine more. Your body grinding down on his cock more, enjoying all the pleasure he is providing as you drag him through your walls. But your moans get louder. One simple lick up your neck as he tastes your sweat send your body into convulsions of pleasure. A tongue that often satisfies you by lapping at your cunt for hours is now gliding up you neck.

“J…J…Joel…” it’s a groan, it’s deep & it’s filled with lust as he starts his next neck lick, your bodies nerves driven into override. It has him gasping before he licks down your neck & starts to suck the crook of your neck before he kisses your collar & shoulder. You clamp around him & he hisses, the excitement building up inside him as well.

“Ooh my love” Joel is in charge & is admiring how well you take his firm thrusts. Each one firmer, more fervent, faster & becoming more frenzied. He’s lost in your body, He finally removes your top from the hem upwards over your head, your hair still tied up. His head straight away burys into your cleavage the bra makes, as you unhook in from the back for him. You cry out once your breasts are free as he take your nipple into his mouth sucking it, like he would an ice pop. Your hand goes to your clit, furiously after friction, feeling insane that your man makes you want to do everything with him still after all these years.

“Yes Joel, yes” you moan “don’t stop, don’t stop, never stop” you’re losing control as you grip onto his arm. “Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck”. His mouth might be occupied with your breasts moving onto the next one, but he’s pulsing more, getting even harder, holding you so tight. Your body bouncing, feeling his penis get harder if that was possible as it hits that spot inside you, the one that when he finds it shocks your system. Makes you bounce more. Makes your hands grip around whatever they are on. He briefly comes away from your chest to growl.

“Fuck year baby” it’s deep & longing his words before he latches back into your tit. Like all men Joel enjoys all types of sex, but there is something about sucking your nipples & teasing your breasts that Joel adores. They aren’t the biggest breasts in the world, but they are more than a handful. & if someone held a gun to Joel’s head & asked what was his ultimate turn on he would say his head buried in your chest. You may not have any kids of your own but you know any you & Joel might one day have will not offer the satisfaction or feeling that this man’s lips do as they suck at your erect nipples. It makes you get lost in your own mind as your body crushes him & pushes him back into the arm chair even more.

“God Joel fuck”

“Oooh baby”

“Joel… Joel… fuck yes yes yes”

“Come on daring”

“Ooooh fuck”

All these word flow out of your mouths as the thrusting reaches its climax & you let go as Joel nibbles your nipple, drenching his penis, your walls fluttering around as they clamp around him, the follow up motion he fills you, breaking away from your breast. His own eyes rolling into the back of his head as he cums. Both of your body’s shaking in desire, longing looks no longer being met by each other. The smell of lust in the air, which the only sound is of you both breathing heavily as you come down from cumming so hard & ferociously.

You eventually rest your head on Joel shoulder, before looking up into his big brown eyes while he strokes your naked back, he is still inside you. You sigh looking at him before you tenderly kiss his lips. He strokes your hair with his spare hand.

“Joel?”

“Yes my darling?”

You giggle “your T-shirts now not only very sweaty but inside out still” you smile before you kiss him again.

“Ha” Joel laughs. “Maybe I wanted it that way, so then when I turn it around your sweat that dropped on me will be closer to my skin” he does a mischievous look at you.

“That is disgusting Joel Miller” you scoff & try & look shocked at what he’s said but you can’t hide that this turns you on slightly.

“Well maybe I will go change” he says as he slowly help you off him & makes sure your steady on his feet before he pulls his briefs trouser back up, which we’re still around his ankles. “But I’m not gonna shower, I want to smell of you when I sweat.” Before you can protests he’s put his large thumb over your mouth to silence you “thought you liked me sweaty & dirty?” He says before embracing your lips. His tongue not even asking permission, gliding to meet your own before he then finally removes his tshirt.

Time passes & you have showered & slept while Joel has left for work. You’re in the kitchen backing cookies when Sarah gets home. She looks stressed.

“Is it still a Monday Miller mood?” You ask her as you hear the bag slump down in the hall way.

“Urghhh”comes the cry from Sarah. “Advanced math is hell why do…” she’s interrupted by the smell of you baking cookies. “Are you making…” her head pops around the door frame. She sees your frazzled state. You’re held together by your nap,shower & sex. Your hair is no longer tied up & is frizzy & you are in your baggy shorts & one of Joel’s T-shirts for comfort.

“You know you sounded just like your dad when you started asking about advanced math” you say which makes her laugh.

“& you…” she says as she comes & sits at the counter ready to offer a hand knowing you are making her favourite cookies to get her out of her moody Monday “look like dad, your T-shirts inside out” you hadn’t even noticed the grey top wasn’t on properly.

“Well I guess that means I fit right in” you say as you pass her the bowl to stir.

“That you do”

“That you do” it’s echoed after Sarah said it as Joel is standing in the door way admiring you both getting on. You both turn & smile, before Sarah’s goes to hug her dad. Even at 15 a daughter needs a hug from her dad.

“How is my special girl?” He asks as he stroke Sarah’s hair.”did she have a good Monday?”

“She’s fine” Sarah’s replies & then she smiles at you & winks like her dad does “& im okay too”.

[sydsaint]

Y'all have been asking for it. So I have finally delivered! Scrap daddy Adam Pearce x flirty! Wrestler! Reader. Enjoy 💚

Summary: Adam Pearce gets a surprise on Raw when a fight breaks out between Rhea Ripley and the reader returning from injury.

It's another Monday night episode of Raw, which means one thing. More crap for Adam Pearce to deal with involving the Judgment Day and their shenanigans.

"Mr Pearce?" A stagehand pops into Adam's office about ten minutes after Raw has gone live.

"Yes?" Pearce looks up from his phone at his desk.

The stagehand steps fully into the room with a nervous look. "I just wanted to let you know that Rhea Ripley is out in the ring 10 minutes ahead of schedule." He explains.

"Of course she is." Pearce sighs and adjusts his glasses. "God forbid anyone actually follows the schedule around here." He complains to himself before glancing back at the stagehand. "Just...let her talk. It's easier than me going out there and arguing with her for 10 minutes."

The stagehand nods and turns to leave when a call is made over his headset. Pearce watches the aid stop in his tracks and turn back to Pearce. "Umm, Mr. Pearce, sir?" The aid speaks up.

"What has she done now?" Pearce replies.

"Miss Ripley has just been confronted by Y/N L/N from Smackdown, sir." The stagehand explains.

Pearce chokes on air for a moment before composing himself. "Y/N L/N? She's supposed to be out on injury for another three weeks. And she's drafted to Smackdown." He gets to his feet.

"Miss L/N and Miss Ripley are fighting out in the arena as we speak sir." The stagehand explains further.

Pearce comes around his desk and ushers the stagehand out of the office. The pair weave through the backstage area all the way down to the curtain. Pearce hurries through the curtain just in time to find you reigning down punches to Rhea's face from your position on top of her.

"Well don't just stand there!" Pearce jumps into action and orders back up. "Separate them!" He shouts.

A gaggle of security and stagehands all file out to the ring with Pearce and move to separate you and Rhea. By the time everyone gets to the ring, you and Rhea are both bleeding. The security personnel manage to create some space between you and Rhea, so Pearce steps between the two of you.

"That's enough!" Pearce shouts at both of you in a stern tone. "Rhea! Back to the trainer's room!" He banishes Rhea.

Dominik hurries to Rhea's side and coddles her for a moment before they both slink away backstage. With Rhea gone, Pearce turns around and faces you.

You crack a satisfied grin at the Raw general manager. Blood is smeared over your face from a bloody nose, as well as your knuckles from Rhea's face. But you don't seem to mind it.

"Miss me, Pearce?" You wink at Adam with a laugh.

"What the hell are you doing here, Y/N?" Pearce confronts you while he's got you in the ring.

You laugh again and pull some crumpled papers out of your back pocket. "Oh, didn't you check your email, Adam?" You ask him while forking over the papers. "It seems I was too much for little Nick Aldis to handle. So I'm your problem now."

Pearce takes the papers from your hands and glances at them while mumbling to himself. The security team ushers you backstage and down to his office since Rhea is in the trainer's room.

You get dropped off at Pearce's office and plop yourself down in a chair. Your bloody nose now starting to make your head just a bit fuzzy.

"It says here that you were supposed to report to me at the start of the show!" Pearce sits down in his chair and gets a better look at your transfer papers.

"Oops." You flash a bloody grin at him. "I must have gotten lost. My bad." You joke.

With a sigh, Pearce smooths out your papers and shakes his head. "Are you even cleared for competition yet?" He asks you. "The last I heard you were supposed to be gone for another three weeks."

"Other than this sore nose and minor headache, I'm as healthy as a horse, Adam." You reply with another wink. "Also, you never answered my question earlier. Did you miss me?" You tease him.

Pearce looks at you with a stoic expression, but you can tell that you're starting to wear him down.

"How is your nose?" Pearce asks you as he reaches for a box of tissues from his desk drawer. "Not broken I hope."

"Nah, Rhea can't hit that hard." You insist as Pearce hands you a tissue. "At least tell me that you enjoyed the show. All I've been hearing while I was out was how ol' Rhea was giving my favorite GM a hard time." You wipe up some of the blood from your face that hasn't dried yet.

Pearce shakes his head at you and relaxes in his seat. "That doesn't give you the right to attack her like that." He scolds you.

"No." You sit up with an agreeing nod. "Her kicking me off the top of a ladder at Wrestlemania and putting me out of action for 6 months, does though." You remind him of why you've been gone so long.

"Right." Pearce nods. "What am I going to do with you?" He asks you.

Another smile plays on your lips at Pearce's question. "Well, we both know that I'm your favorite, Adam. So you're going to give me a championship match against Rhea. A cage match, in fact." You inform him.

"Is that so?" Pearce replies.

"Mhm." You nod and get to your feet.

Pearce watches you walk around his desk on slightly wobbly legs before you come to a stop next to his chair. "It's simple, really. You get Rhea off your back and your show back to normal. And I get to beat her ass to a pulp and get the title belt that should have been mine 6 months ago." You flick his tie playfully.

"Alright." Pearce chuckles and gets to his feet. "Let's get you to the trainer's room." He sets a hand on your back. "I think you've lost too much blood."

"Sure." You nod. "But I'm pretty sure this is just a clever ruse for you to feel me up, bossman." You tease him.

[astrophileous]

Important! Please read!

I'm tagging the people who are on the Love Bugs taglist, so if you don't feel like reading through all of this that's fine!

Tag(s): @camilaheroine @crazyunsexycool @whateverrrrrrrrs @wifeyofeveryone @louderfortheback @marvelousgoldroses

Hello everyone, first of all I wanna start by saying I'm sorry for having seemingly disappeared for the past week. I know that I was supposed to be uploading two new parts of Love Bugs on Monday and Thursday, and I've missed both days so far without so much as an explanation. The truth is, I've been logging in and out for days trying to come up with a justified excuse for this delay, but I decided today that I will just tell you the truth of what's really happening.

I'm not doing very good at the moment.

I know this seems like a pathetic excuse, but it's the truth. As some of you know, I'm a full time college student and I've been slammed with school work for the past week. I'm tired all the time. Whenever I have even a little bit of free time, I use it to sleep. Life is just so hectic for me right now that writing Love Bugs has been kinda put in the back burner.

But that's not all the reason why I've been MIA.

A few days ago, someone left me an anonymous ask telling me that I've done a terrible job on the last few parts of Love Bugs.

Now, at first, I was gonna be the bigger person and ignore them altogether. But apparently that one little comment did more damage than I ever thought it could. For the past week, every time I went to revise my drafts for Love Bugs, all I could think about was how badly I needed them to be done perfectly to make sure no one else was gonna have this same thought about the upcoming parts. I kept thinking that what I wrote was lacking something. That it wasn't good enough to be published yet. And as a drastic measure, I ended up uploading nothing at all.

I know it seems silly to be this badly affected by one rude comment when I've gotten nothing but love from everyone else. But I guess this is your daily reminder that words do hurt, and even if they are written on the internet, it doesn't make them hurt less because behind all of these makeshift profiles and avatars are real people with real feelings and emotions.

Today, I finally braced myself to make this post. I thought it was unfair for all of you to not be offered at least an explanation about what's happening. If you're wondering when I will finally upload the next chapter of Love Bugs, then I'm sorry to tell you that I don't know yet. I have one completed part, but as I've explained above, I just keep going back to revise it again and again because I'm just not satisfied with it.

So, there you go. The reason behind my absence. I want to remind all of you too while we're here to please, please, please be kind to all of the fic writers and/or other content creators in your fandom. We're all doing all of this free of charge. So please, if you don't like something we make, scroll past it. Don't be mean. We don't owe you anything. Don't ruin something that's supposed to be fun just because you don't find it as enjoyable as others might.

This is all I'm gonna say for now. Hopefully, I will have gotten my shit together by the time next upload schedule rolls around so that you guys could have the next part of Love Bugs on Monday.

Thank you for reading all the way through of this long-ass rant. Have a great day xx

[thekalpar]

This is a Grift and You Shouldn't Fall for It

I want to talk about an article I saw from thebookseller.com that came out Monday which talks about a new AI-powered publishing platform called Spines which wants to disrupt the publishing industry by providing a new platform. I encourage you to read the actual article here, but I want to address how they are, based on my own observation as an independent author, a grift and why you shouldn’t fall for it.

Let’s address the first concern which I and probably a few other people have when presented with Spines’s goal of publishing 8,000 books in 2025 alone. Doing a very quick, unscientific google search, we can find that of the biggest traditional publishers in the United States, only Penguin Random House and Harper Collins publish more than 8,000 books a year, and these are massive global corporations. The next two largest, Hachette Book Group and Simon & Schuster, publish only roughly 2,000 books a year and these are still some of the big boys on the block. So the goal of publishing 8,000 books a year is certainly ambitious for Spines. How is this going to be done?

There are two possibilities and one is that a lot of this is going to be books produced in part or entirely by plagiarism software (“AI”). I want to acknowledge that as a real possibility, but I want to go forward with the good-faith assumption that there will be a significant number of passionate people who have poured their heart and soul into writing a book and are going to be taken advantage of by these techbros. Even before plagiarism software became widely available, self-publishing on Amazon had exploded and we saw millions of books self-published in just an ebook form every year. So I imagine that these people, who are self-publishing on Amazon and other places, are probably the market for Spines.

Now how do I know this is a scam? I do not have a ton of experience is self-publishing because I’ve only published two books at time of writing, but I do have recent hands-on experience which makes me qualified. There isn’t a lot of info in the article on what services Spines is offering but we get an exact number on cost as well as types of services in the article. “Spines costs $1,200 to $5,000 to automate proofreading, cover design, metadata optimisation and limited translation services, starting with Spanish.” Now, this may, on the low end, be cheaper than hiring professionals to do this kind of work, but it’s still going to be a scam because you’re going to get a shoddy product.

Let’s start with proofreading, which is under the umbrella of editing but is one of several types of editing. As Reedsy explains, there are four distinct types of editing, all of which come with specific costs. First there is editorial assessment, which is when you have a very, very rough draft and need some direction on writing it. (I have not yet done editorial assessment because I have been fortunate enough to be plagued with the knowledge of what I’m writing.) This is very broad advice which an AI cannot provide but a human can. Second is developmental editing for a finished manuscript, which is where you have an editor go through, provide specific feedback on areas for improvement and suggestions, and point out any major issues. This is where you get into rewrites and polishing a manuscript to a finished product. Again, and AI cannot do this.

So we finally come to copy editing and proofreading. Now, I’m going to fold them together although they are technically distinct because copy editing includes proofreading as well as making sure capitalization is consistent, tenses remain consistent, you don’t repeat yourself too much, all the little things which help polish the rough edges off of your manuscript. Proofreading is checking for spelling and typos, as well as grammar issues and any formatting issues. AI can do this, as tools like Grammarly exist for this sort of thing for a couple years now. (I wouldn’t recommend using Grammarly, but that’s a separate rant for a separate day.) Plus, you know, spellcheck which has been around since the 1990s. Technically this is a task which AI can do, but it can still make mistakes such as with homophones (the train went threw the tunnel). And with so many free tools available if you’re going to have AI do this task, why pay someone else to do it? AI is not going to give you insightful, meaningful feedback on your manuscript, but it will do spellcheck for you and LibreOffice does that for free anyway. So paying to have AI proofread your manuscripts doesn’t make any financial sense.

Let’s move on to the next area they want to automate, cover design. Again, I have limited experience and I can say very definitively that you can get a good cover for about $750 USD from a professional artist who will produce what you want and will be able to keep things you like but change things you don’t with an incomplete project. Plagiarism software that creates images cannot do that. Unless they’re hiring artists to touch up and improve generated images (which I doubt), all Spines is offering is another service you can get for free or cheaper elsewhere online. I highly advise against generating your cover images, if only for the fact the computer cannot give you exactly what you want. You can feed prompts into it and maybe get something close enough, but if you have a specific image of what you want for your book cover you cannot get that from AI. There are a lot of ethical arguments against plagiarism software as well, but I won’t repeat those here just for brevity’s sake. Again, if you’re willing to use plagiarism software to make your book cover, which is what the guys at Spines are offering, then you can do that cheaper elsewhere.

The final one which I can speak with any authority on is metadata, which I’ve had to enter for my own books before and you can too. For those who don’t know, metadata is information attached to the book’s ISBN and publication info that provides info about the book. This can be basic info such as the intended audience, the genre, and the subject matter, but it can also be more granular like what type of fantasy novel you have (romantasy vs cozy). While it can be an annoying or frustrating task, such as when every word to describe my book flies out of my head when I have to actually describe it, it’s also fairly simple. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t expect the AI to do much more beyond algorithm scraping and suggesting metadata like “for you” and “trending”. (Sort of like those videos that spam every popular tag in the hope of getting traction.) So I seriously doubt that this will be a service worth any sum of money.

Finally I’m going to touch briefly on translation because I haven’t translated a book and I don’t know what goes into translating one either but I can make an educated guess that it’s going to be the equivalent of pasting your manuscript into Google Translate. If you’re willing to accept that level of quality, you can get it for free. If you want a good translation you’re going to have to shell out far more money to get an actual person to do it.

And all of this doesn’t even get to a very important part of publishing, ISBNs. If you’re self-publishing you absolutely want to buy your own ISBNs, and buy multiple because they cost less if you buy them in bulk and you will need separate ISBNs for both the print and digital editions of your books. I don’t know if Spines is offering ISBNs as part of their package, they certainly could, but for independent authors it’s best practice to use your own ISBNs because you can control those opposed to whatever platform you publish on.

So are the AI-powered services that Spines is going to provide be worth it? I highly doubt it. For the amount of money you’ll end up spending you’d be better off actually hiring humans to help you with your book and get it to a finished, polished state. I can’t see this company offering you anything that isn’t already available for free or nearly free elsewhere with the same lackluster quality. If you have something you’re writing, you’re passionate about it, and you want to publish it, I highly encourage you to get real human beings to help you improve it. Reedsy (which this is not an ad for) is the platform I have used to get in contact with editors and artists to help get my books out into the world. But I’m sure plenty of other independent authors can help you find all sorts of other people able and willing to help. Spines is merely charging you for the privilege of receiving substandard work spat out by a computer.

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

ZMAN CHEIRUSEINU aka "I'M the terrible communicator!?!?!?!!"

Dear Future Husband,

I hope nobody ever quizzes me on this blog because there are so many things that I've started and stopped writing that never got posted that I literally never remember what I've actually put here...

Not that that's really fully relevant to what I was thinking about writing now, but I currently have two unfinished posts in my drafts folder (amidst 25 others that will probably never get posted) that are just a recap of this year so far.

Because I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

Explaining what's going on right now is kind of problematic because I haven't provided the lengthy backstory yet (which is one of the drafts I have yet to finish...)

Suffice to say, MotherLivelyHeart is being a nightmare to me again.

I think I've shared before that MLH and I share a vehicle? If not... yeah, we share a car. I'll have to look through my posts to see if I've explained that situation before, because that's one more thing to check off the "my life absolutely f*ing sucks" list.

Usually this isn't the worst thing in the world because we operate on different schedules and there isn't much crossover when it comes to who needs the car when, and when there is I usually drop her off somewhere, do what I need to do, and pick her up after.

For the record, I HATE when she offers the opposite because I have a history of being abandoned in places waiting for her to pick me up and it gives me such severe anxiety.

So last week on Sunday I asked MLH what her plans were for the next day. I asked this because I overheard a phone call she received on Friday from the dentist's office about an appointment she had on Monday at noon that she hadn't told me anything about and I knew if I was going to ever find out she was going to take the car, I would have to be the one to ask her. So I asked. And wouldn't you believe it, she had a dentist appointment on Monday at noon! Shocker.

Now, I'd been out of work since the beginning of January (again, details will hopefully be in another post) so I had a lot to take care of at work last Monday and I told her that.

We agreed she would have the car for her appointment and I would take the car to work when she got home.

Come Monday afternoon, suddenly everything has changed.

You see, her boss called in sick and she had the day off because she has a specific job that requires her to work alongside her boss and if he doesn't work, she doesn't work.

So she had the day off. Joy.

Of course, did she tell this to me directly? No.

Did she message me this information? No.

I'm just supposed to approach her and ask, "hey, did your boss call in sick and give you the day off?" I guess.

So she went to her appointment and ran some errands and called me while she was still out. Apparently some specific water bottles she can only get in like two places were available at one store about 20 minutes away from our house and she placed a pickup order so she could get them before they were sold out. The order had to be picked up between like 2:30-3:30pm and she called me at around 1:30.

Great.

She picked a pickup time that was directly during the time I was supposed to be at work.

Which she knew.

Because I told her this literally the day before.

So I told her fine. She should do the pickup order and when she got back I would take the car to work.

"Well, I also wanted to go swimming."

*Deep breath* Ok, what time is swimming?

"From 2-9pm."

At this point I didn't know how long I'd be at work because one of the things I had to take care of could be like 4-6 hours and I didn't know if there would be enough time when I was done to get home and let her get to the pool with enough time to swim before they closed.

"Ok, well why don't you go swimming, do the pickup order, and then I'll take the car to work?"

"Well, I want to come home and eat something first."

Ok. So now, what was supposed to be my time to take the car is going to be "stolen" by her coming home (15 minutes), eating something (15 minutes), going to swim (40 minutes), getting the pickup order (30 minutes), and coming back home (20 minutes).

This is TWO HOURS off of my time.

WHICH I HAD TOLD HER I NEEDED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE.

So she came home, ate something, and changed into her bathing suit. She left around 2pm for the pool.

I assumed at this point I'd hear from her around 3:30pm that she was around the corner.

But 3:30 came and went.

4:00pm came and went.

4:30pm came and went.

5:00pm came and BigSis messaged that she would be done at work in an hour and could either of us give her a ride home?

MOTHERF@*$%^#$ER

So it's been three hours without an update from MLH, but then she responds "I should be on my way back from the pickup order then."

EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!

She left for the pool at 2pm. THREE HOURS have gone by and she hasn't even gotten the pickup order that was supposed to be picked up between 2:30-3:30pm!?!?!?!!?!?

But she tells me that I'M a terrible communicator.

I was supposed to get the car by 1:30pm latest. It was now after 5pm and I STILL hadn't gotten to work yet.

As much as I hate when she offers to drop me off at work so she can take care of things that will take a few hours, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME THAT. She made it seem like I would have the car all afternoon to take care of what I needed to at work. And when her plans shifted, she made it seem like I'd have the car by 3:30pm latest.

And let me remind you THAT I TOLD HER THE DAY BEFORE WHAT MY SCHEDULE WAS SO THAT THIS S*** WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

But I'M the terrible communicator.

At that point I was so frickin annoyed already. MLH messaged me "should I get her or just come home" and I was so peeved I said "just get her because if you come home and I take the car I'm not picking her up."

She didn't respond to that message.

Great.

No thumbs up. No "ok." Just nothing.

Then at 6:12pm I get a message from her "car's downstairs in front."

So no message from BigSis that MLH had picked her up and they were heading home. No "we're around the corner." No nothing except over an hour later "take it."

BUT I'M THE TERRIBLE COMMUNICATOR!?

At that point it was too late for me to do some of the things I needed to take care of for work because, again, I was supposed to have been there FIVE HOURS EARLIER. And a friend messaged and asked if I could go with her to Costco, so I said to hell with it and I went to Costco with her.

While I was at Costco I messaged both MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis about what I was getting so we were all on the same page. Included in that message was eggs because, well, I was getting eggs.

I got home at like 10pm and MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis were already asleep. I made a couple of mini salami kugels with some spinach that oddly floated to the top, waited for them to cool, tried 1/4 of one before sticking them in the fridge.

Next morning I open the fridge and there's a new carton of 1.5 dozen eggs. Because apparently MLH went to the supermarket early in the morning and got eggs because "we were out."

DESPITE ME LITERALLY MESSAGING THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT I WAS BUYING EGGS AT COSTCO.

Oh, but it gets better. Because the salami kugel I had tasted the night before was missing.

BigSis was working from home so I asked her about it and she said she had no clue.

So I asked MotherLivelyHeart about it, thinking maybe it slipped out of the fridge, smashed, and she threw it out.

But no.

Guess who ate it.

Yep, the woman who has been suffering from gout and avoiding meat for the better part of a year.

The woman who saw it in the fridge and said to herself "oh, that's one of the broccoli kugels LivelyHeart made for herself for Shabbos that she said wasn't good. I guess I'll eat that for breakfast without asking her if she really doesn't want it because although she's on a weird diet right now, there's no way she's made a meal plan for herself that includes this food item she made for herself."

Because, did she message me to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Did she knock on my door to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Halfway through eating it she realized it was salami.

And she still finished the whole thing.

And still at NO POINT did she message me AT ALL to even tell me that she ate it.

I had to find out by inquiring OF HER.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR!?!?!?!

I shouldn't be mad.

It's just food, after all, right?

Except that it's not.

It's a frickin pattern of carelessness and disregard for me as a person.

And I'm so frickin sick of it.

I'm so damn tired.

It wouldn't have killed her to ask.

It wouldn't have killed her to apologize.

And what I haven't really explained here (because again, that's in a draft post) is that I've been on an elimination diet since January 1st which has cut most things from my available food selections.

But is she on an elimination diet?

Nope.

So we have a HOUSEFUL, a PANTRYFUL, and a FRIDGEFUL of food she can eat.

And she chooses the ONE thing I made FOR ME.

Which she KNEW I made for ME.

Instead of the MYRIAD OF THINGS that she can eat that I can't.

Which means that she's not only taken a meal from me, but now I'm at a food deficit from the fridge while she lives in abundance.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

So let's leap forward to today.

Today was Shabbos mevorchim. Pesach is in two weeks.

And MotherLivelyHeart decided we are going to change over the kitchen two weeks ahead this year.

So she scheduled her cleaning lady to come tomorrow (Sunday) to help clean the kitchen so it can be turned over.

Did she take into account that this would be motzei Shabbos and that we'd have to make Shabbos and that would involve dirty dishes and use of the stove/oven and pots and pans?

Yeah, no.

Did she take into account that the way she wants to clean the oven requires the oven to be self-cleaned before and after which takes a good several hours and creates so much smoke that we'd have to keep the windows open and also it's like 40F right now and she also wanted to go to sleep early because the cleaning lady is coming at like 8am?

Yeah, no.

BigSis went over the oven cleaning thing with her and she exclaimed "are you kidding me?! Then why am I having the cleaning lady come tomorrow?!"

BECAUSE YOU SCHEDULED HER WITHOUT CONSULTING US.

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO COMMUNICATION.

DO YOU SEE A FRICKIN THEME HERE!?!?!!?

Oh, but there's more. Because there's always more.

Thursday was another nightmare day for various reasons. One of which was that I ran errands with MotherLivelyHeart.

She scheduled an appointment for smackdab in the middle of the time I told her I'd be working.

YES. AGAIN.

And she wanted to drop me off at work and pick me up when I was done.

Well absofrickinlutelynot, thankyouverymuch.

I was supposed to work until 6pm.

I had told customers I would be available until 6pm.

Her appointment was scheduled for 6pm.

So of course "I need the car at 5:30pm."

She wanted to drive me to work earlier so that she could take the car at 5:30pm to her appointment that wouldn't be done until 7pm and then come get me an hour and a half after I was done working.

But I was supposed to trust that she wouldn't run errands or dilly dally around and that she'd actually get me at 7:30pm, which we know is never the case.

So I told her no, I'd be taking the car to work. But I would notify the customers I'd only be there until 5:30pm, at which point I'd get her and drive her to her appointment. Then while she was in her appointment I could do the Shabbos shopping, since it seemed pointless to have to wait for her to come home again before I could go out and shop.

For various reasons, we had three stores we needed to go to, one of which was about 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where her appointment was. I figured I could go there first, then on my way back to get her I could run by the other two stores, get her and then we'd go straight home.

But no.

Because it was raining and people apparently don't know how to drive in the rain. So despite me taking the highway, which should have cut like 10 minutes out of the ride each way, it took me about 30 minutes to get to that first store, which I was in for maybe 10 minutes, and as I was checking out MLH messaged "my appointment is almost over, where are you at?"

So all I had time for was turning around and going straight to get her.

Which, fine, whatever.

One of the stores we went to literally just for chicken.

And it was chicken for her because she wanted a specific type of breaded chicken for Shabbos.

So I figured I'd run into the store and grab it while she stayed in the car.

But no.

Because while I was unbuckling, she was unbuckling. Because she decided to come in.

So she went to look at side salads and I went to the chicken section where I waited but she never showed up.

Then I get a message from her.

"Where are you?"

Excuse me???? WHERE ARE YOU, WOMAN???

I told her I was at the chicken section waiting for her and she said "I already checked out. I'm going back to the car."

WE LITERALLY WENT TO THIS STORE TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

SHE CAME IN WITH ME.

PRESUMABLY TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

But she's checked out already!? WITH WHAT!?

Oh. Apparently something to eat. Because she's hangry.

Which she, OF COURSE, DID NOT TELL ME.

Fine. Whatever.

So I bought her frickin chicken.

And then on the way home she got mad at me about three driving-related things that were out of my control (like the car started making a weird noise that might be the muffler, and there was a huge pothole I couldn't avoid, and I was coming to a stop at an intersection when some lady rounded the corner quickly and we barely missed colliding...) which resulted in her yelling at me that she hates the way I'm driving.

So, yeah, that was a fun ride home.

*EYEROLL*

Anyway, on the way to her appointment she said "we never worked out a Shabbos menu."

I told her the same thing I've told her almost every week over the last three months: I'm eating differently from you guys, so you just tell me what you want and I'll grab it from the store, because I already have set aside what I'm going to eat.

And she tells me "my boss has off tomorrow, so I can cook."

Which is perfectly fine in my eyes because I'm still recovering from an injury (again, that's one of the drafted posts...) and I also had a horrendous cold for the previous two weeks so I'm still trying to get back to baseline. Any pressure off me is appreciated.

We basically worked out that for shabbos we'd do a big soup for Friday night (which I would make), then she wanted chicken (obvs) and I had bought green beans at Costco I told her she could have, and then Shabbos lunch would be fish and salady stuff.

Well, Friday rolls around.

The day already sucked because I tried adding some vegetables back into my diet during the week that are apparently problematic for my digestion. Fun.

But then MotherLivelyHeart decides to stick to her arbitrary Pesach cleaning schedule which says to clean the milchig dishes she's had piling up all week. So of course she decides to do this at like noon and doesn't finish the job and there are still milchig dishes in the sink at 3pm when I need to go in and make the soup.

Add onto that, one of my "chores" is the pareve dishes, some of which have been piling up too and also need to be done, which she feels the need to remind me of, despite her milchig dishes still filling the sink.

So I go in around 3pm and just start cooking, using the small bit of counter space that's available to me.

She decides that's the perfect time to finish the milchig dishes.

FINE. WHATEVER.

She gets them out of the way and reminds me YET AGAIN about the pareve dishes.

FINEWHATEVER.

So around 4pm I'm back in the kitchen, doing the pareve dishes, of which I only got about half done because it was causing pain and I still had to cook.

So I pivoted and did the soup.

But nothing else had been cooked yet.

So I made the green beans.

And I had to separate the soups so I could add things to theirs that I can't eat.

At this point I'm still annoyed from her the day before, my insides are so unhappy with the newly tested foods, I'm in pain from the injury, and I'm trying to cook for Shabbos.

Around 6pm I asked BigSis if she could help with the chicken. She was like "I STILL HAVE TO SHOWER!!!" As though she didn't have all day for that and somehow me needing help is my fault. She said "if you had asked me like three hours ago I could have done it."

Except that three hours ago, the milchig dishes were still filling up the sink, so.... what exactly do you expect from me!?

Sometime a little earlier when MotherLivelyHeart had been in the kitchen it was clear I wasn't doing so well and she asked what was wrong and I described the pain and she was like "I'm sorry" and then disappeared.

So then she gets a "20 minutes to candle lighting" alarm on her phone, and she's been trying to light early in zchus of the hostages and chayalim, so she calls out "20 minutes to licht benchen." Which I responded to but she didn't hear, obviously, because she yelled again "LivelyHeart, did you hear me!?"

To which I responded an annoyed "YES!!" and she was like "you don't have to talk to me that way! I clearly didn't hear you. And BigSis and I can make Shabbos on our own, you know."

Which, MYGODWOMAN. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

My responsibility based on our conversation was the soup.

ZE HU.

SHE was supposed to do the chicken and the green beans and whatever else they wanted.

So now she's annoyed at me because I'm annoyed at her for not doing the thing she was supposed to do, but I'M the one in the wrong.

FINE. Whatever.

In the end I didn't do the chicken.

I literally didn't have the strength for it, let alone the energy.

Not that it was really missed at the meal, but she was a bit annoyed and gave me that same "BigSis and I can cook for Shabbos on our own, you know." To which I responded "You said you were going to cook." I literally don't even remember what her response was.

Well, fast forward through Shabbos to tonight because I asked her if she wanted the chicken for melava malka or if we should stick it in the freezer for a week since it's KFP.

She wanted it for melava malka.

Which, fine, whatever.

I told her if she could bread it, I would cook it.

She got gloves, she got bowls, she got the chicken, and she got eggs.

She did not get the other ingredients she needed for the breading. Or a plate to put it on. Or a fork.

She sat down at the table and then asked me to get the other ingredients.

Which, fine. Whatever.

I got an interesting piece of mail that I'll discuss in another post when I know more what's going on with it, but it basically called my attention to research something. So I was on my computer off to the side while she was breading the chicken.

The next thing I know, she's frying the chicken.

I went into the kitchen and asked her why she was frying it when I told her I would do it for her since cooking usually exhausts her, and she got all frustrated and exasperated at me and said something like "I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WAIT FOR YOU."

And I was like, "what are you talking about!? I was waiting for you to finish breading it! you didn't tell me you were done!"

Which just pissed her off more.

BECAUSE. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

But this is the time of year we celebrate freedom, right?

This is the time of year we thank Hashem for rescuing us from a horrible situation.

Well, where's mine?

We're supposed to celebrate every year as though WE ALL left Mitzrayim.

As though we were ALL saved.

But I am not saved.

I have never been saved.

The stupidity I've just described above is just a piece of the insane patterning of my entire life.

I have no escape from this nonsense.

And I'm just so done with all of it.

I want it all to be over.

I want it all to go away.

Where's my freedom?

Where's my salvation?

I really have to finish those other two drafts, because this isn't even the clearest picture of what I've been dealing with since 2024 started. It's barely April and I just want this secular year to be over.

There are a couple of people who have suggested guys to me over the last several months and, although they're not really what I'm looking for, right now I just don't have the emotional energy for a new relationship. I'm just so burned out from this one that I deal with every frickin day of my stupid life, which of course I can't even tell these people.

So... dear future husband, I hope you can hang in there, because I don't know when I'll be ready for you.

But maybe by then I'll be a good communicator.

-LivelyHeart

And now for the story after the story:

So, after that disaster of a drive back from the store on Thursday night, we got home around 8:30pm and although she got something small to eat from that second supermarket I knew that MotherLivelyHeart hadn't eaten anything since lunch so when I made dinner for myself I made a second bowl for her. I brought it to her and she said "oh... you didn't have to do that." Not a lot of enthusiasm there.

She didn't eat it for about a half an hour, by which time it was probably cold, and the next thing I knew, she was in bed going to sleep without another word about how it was.

Now, I don't demand praise or feedback for anything I cook, but she usually makes a comment about whatever I make, so I found it odd that she was silent on the matter.

On Friday I went to ask her about something else and while I was talking to her I asked how her dinner was the night before and she said something along the lines of, "it was... interesting. ground chicken just doesn't cook well, it's not your fault. you prepared it well, it's just not that good. ground turkey is better."

No "thank you," no "it was sweet of you to think of me," no "I appreciate the effort especially considering that you're working through the pain right now."

Just meh.

I love when I'm appreciated.

[rainbluealoekitten]

@achilleanauthor i want to tell you this but i also want to get into the habit of posting about happy things on tumblr bc, as my biggest fan, i love rereading my old posts <— (actually just has the worst memory known to humankind and rereads to know wtf was even going on in my life)

today is not even over but it has been so good! chill, still felt depressed, but good! today is 3wc but also my class had an ee writing day (our 4,000 word essay— my 1st draft of which is due on monday) and ngl i wish we had many more days like this

still woke up early (6:15) but this meant i had a pretty chill morning (bird watching, guitar playing, tea drinking) as we only had to get there at 9, though nobody even checked and some people never showed. i loooove hanging out in the campus when there's no real expectations about what we have to do (and there were no classes!!! yippee!!!) so my friends and i hung out in the bio lab all day + they ordered sushi for lunch (which we had at 11:50 bc there were no rules!!) it could def have been way more productive and now i am working super hard to get shit done, plus our gossip was mainly complaining and not the most fun, but it was still just nice to hang out like this

makes me excited to think about uni (plus i have to send letters to these 2 i would like to go to) rn uni is such a mixed-emotions topic for me because all of the ones i want to go to cost too much and dn't really have scholarships + the cost of living is insane so really i'm just desperately hoping to get into this one in particular BUT i hope it's like this :) shit has been rough here and i hate this school and this people but today reminded me that it can be good! and imagine i get to have days like these with actually incredible friends and doing classes i love on a beautiful campus where i have my own life!!! aa!!

also my extended essay. low key kinda love it as much as it is a nightmare. it's about the song of achilles and analysing different aspects of heroism, which is still so fantastic and achilles is literally my homeboy. he's my guy. he's my blorbo. i have been studying him under a microscope for YEARS and now 4,000 words is WAY too little; i need to write a BOOK about this man

anyways that's my ramble for today :) even if the day suddenly turns sour, let me remember it as such

[agirlwithglam]

Hey, Vanilla!💕

I'm having a problem at school. I'm already in the final stretch of this school year and I have a bit of an idea what's going on. There was this guy in my class I was with for almost a month, and it was really intense, my feelings for him. Everything seemed perfect between us, but after a few weeks, he just seemed to want to run away from me. He'd say he liked me, but then say the problem was him, and it was clear he had emotional baggage. I tried talking to him about it, but it seemed like he didn't want to fix things; he always dodged me.

I could tell you many other things that happened, but I don't want to drag it out. Okay, so we drifted apart, but I always held onto the hope he'd come back and we'd work things out (I feel silly now for thinking that back then). Then, one day, he just showed up, dating another girl (found out through a friend). I felt uneasy when I heard, like I'd been used, just another conquest for him. But, even upset, I moved on.

But then on Monday, he started attending classes again (he rarely went due to work). I can't stand his presence; being around him makes me anxious, to the point my hands shake like I'm freezing all day. Honestly, all I feel when he's near is disgust. My friend gets mad at him because she knows what he did and how he still checks me out when I'm distracted (she keeps me posted). I try to ignore it, but can't focus on my tasks.

I've only shared this with one friend because I feel like she understands me best. I'm telling you this because I want to know how to deal with this situation. Transferring schools isn't an option since I'm almost done with the year, as I mentioned earlier, and switching classrooms isn't possible either (I spend the whole afternoon in the same classroom 😭 because, in Latin America, we don't have different classrooms and materials for each subject).

I don't want to talk to him because being near him makes me nauseous, and I've already tried that when we were closer. The worst part is how calm he seems, like he's unaffected; it makes me angry, and I feel like crying – I can't explain it. Please, help me out Vanilla 😓

(Sorry for my bad English 🥹)

hi princess 💓

ok first of all, i need you to realise and understand that you deserve better. you understand? this boy obviously has some problems which are HIS. its not your job to help or save him okay? especially if he's treating you like this.

also honey, cry. just let it out. let yourself get super upset and tear up papers. embrace this part of being a girl.

and also, distract yourself. i know he's in your class and it feels like he's just in your face, as if trying to flaunt the fact that "he doesn't care", but guess what? it's none of your business! whether he cares or not, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

what you need to do is put your head down and focus on your own life. your friends, family, health, mindset, grades, career, future, YOURSELF. okay?

also one more thing, heal. maybe theres a part of you that relates or something which makes you feel so angry and emotionally intense around him. idk, im not a therapist or psychiatrist or anything but it might help to speak to a professional or search something up on a trustworthy website.

also off topic but your english? its so good i felt like i was reading a literal story/ book.

i apologise it isnt a lot to go on but i figured that it would be better for me to at least give you something bc if i left it in my drafts im afraid i may not get to it in a whiiiiiiiile.

xoxo, vanilla <3 keep shining!

[scholarmoons-studyblr]

07.10.2024 - monday

things i did today:

well. last post i said i would do coding. it has been one month and one day. i have not yet started (it's 8:16pm rn but i do have plans to start today) i am actually very angry coding is due on my birthday

english notes !! shakespearean tragedies yessir.

i also completed like 5 pages of my english booklet while watching heartstopper which is cool because i love english

actually practiced my piano pieces + my sister asked me to play peppa pig's theme song and i did manage to figure it out by myself in the span of like 5 minutes

did the rough draft of my science report

🥥☁️🌙🎧 ‧˚���• ┈ ┈ ┈ ┈ ୨୧ ┈ ┈ ┈ ┈ •‧₊˚⊹ 🎧🌙☁️🥥

things i will do tomorrow:

MY CODING !!! I WILL GRIND

draw the graph for my science report !!

as well as finish the bibliography + go over it so i can print and submit it since it's due end of the week (thursday)

i do want to go over my science topic for this term so there's that

my english booklet !! i am halfway there but there is a lot to write

french homework 😋

🥥☁️🌙🎧 ‧˚₊• ┈ ┈ ┈ ┈ ୨୧ ┈ ┈ ┈ ┈ •‧₊˚⊹ 🎧🌙☁️🥥

things i did for me today:

ummm i listened to music in class !! because i had no friends they're all away :( i honestly have not done much but i did come home and just doom scroll for an hour. had cramps for the whole day but its ok i pushed through !! what can i say i did read some of my book that i'm reading on my phone (page 756/958) so i'm hoping to finish it tonight. i'm going to watch 2 youtube videos that i have pinned on my browser before i go to bed

hello hello !! i'm back at school after holidays so i'll try start posting more consistently because it's october and um. yeah. its october happy autumn/fall for everyone in the northern hemisphere i wish i was there rn i'm so over summer uniform where have my trackies gone??? sorry if this is also a long post i'm yapping a bit today oh today in english this guy was like yo we don't have paper to write notes. but. *then proceeds to increase in volume* miss, sarah here has very kindly volunteered to give us paper because she's not stingy! and i was like oh... then i looked in my notebook and only had 1 blank page which i did give to them, however there were 4 people on the table. sharing 1 piece of paper. lesson learned i came home and switched notebooks. anyway thank u for listening to my mini rant !!

okay one more thing before i post this but SEASON 2 OF ARCANE COMES OUT NOV 9 I'M SO HYPED

sweet dreams xoxo- sarah

[thisiswhereilosemymind]

first draft of the beginning of the book I'm writing

Before Krysa went into hiding, before Krysa started the war, she was just a scientist's creation. A hobby project. An experiment. An already borderline abnormal girl. But that was before. And this is now.

Before:

The loud whack of staff against staff filled Krysa’s ears. K.A. was not going easy on her today.

“Your form is wimpy.” K.A.’s monotone voice didn’t fit the current setting.

Krysa swiveled and blocked one of K.A.s blows. “We’ve been doing nothing but hitting sticks for hours. Sorry if my form is wimpy.” that earned her a painful smack to the knee, “I can’t work if you shatter my kneecap either, K.” K.A. smirked.

She crouched down and sent her stick along with her body back into the void

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Leaving the Dream Space in anger is frowned upon, Krys. Don’t take your lack of skill out on your soul.”

“Can we please not play with sticks today? I would much rather learn stupid history and stuff about planets.” She summoned a bed and flopped down onto the comforter. K.A. sent it back into the void and Krysa fell to the ground.

“I could care less about what you do with your free time in the physical realm but you are not dragging me down with you today.”

“Boo. You suck.” 

“We are working on your summoning today actually.” Krysa sat up.

“I was working on that this morning, like you asked.” Light Warping was the only thing Krysa was naturally good at. 

“I’m aware. Does not change the fact that you need practice with me.”

A ball of searing light busted through Krysa’s fingers. “Okay now absorb it.” K.A.’s tone was somewhat less harsh than usual. “Don't just cast it somewhere else, your body can take that little bit.”

Krysa looked horrified. “Stupid Face- I mean Dad says I can’t do that.”

“You can and you will. You’re an Ormskirk, Krys, even if it’s not in your name.”

Krysa’s Father was cast out of their family when he created her. Keiran threw him out of their family and wouldn't let REDACTED or his “sick creation” keep the family name.

Krysa swallowed her pride (and the light in her hand) and closed her fist. Her hand radiated a warm glow. It was gone a second later. 

She stared in shock. “I told you.” K.A. grinned. Krysa started laughing

“I just absorbed light! I just ignored everything everyone has ever told me!” Her face warmed with delight, “I can’t believe it!”

Over the course of a few hours, K.A. helped Krysa with Light Combat form and strategies and she complained not once.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

When Krysa awoke in the physical realm she was smiling. K.A. wasn’t always completely unpleasant. She was a sort of mother figure for Krysa, though she would never say that out loud. 

Krysa was dragged from her thoughts of glowing hands and smiling mothers by the loud blaring of her alarm. She pulled herself out of bed and pressed the button on her wall that opened to show her closet. She grabbed her blue school uniform and distributed jacket. Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays were blue and Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays were yellow. Krys definitely preferred the blue days.

The schooling system changed a lot over the course of a year. Oppakin and Addesolk were finally welcomed into the community and segregation walls fell. Krysa didn’t tell people she was an unloved lab rat or that she descended from the famous line of Blissidians. It wasn’t in her name and so it wasn’t a necessary detail to share. At least that’s what she told herself.

Once she was done dressing, Krysa skipped down the stairs and greeted the kitchen droid she had her friend Lily reprogram to have an actual personality. She pulled out a nutrition packet and threw it in the radiationbox. The community was supplied rations for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a week every Sunday. They didn’t taste extraordinary but they got her through the week.

“Which did you pick for this morning?” Toaster asked. Lily thought she was hilarious coming up with that name.

“Just a mix of datogahn meat and frungal bark” Krysa pulled out her portscreen

“The algorithm warns me of flooding. I thought the ER project was more successful?” 

Krysa sighed. “We’ll get on that. The Water Monitors have fallen behind lately with the plague outbreak and all.” Finding the cure was the easy part. It was distributing the vaccines that took time. She pulled the packet out of the radiationbox and dug her fork in.

“Where has REDACTED been? He hasn’t been at the house in four weeks, six days, and 4 hours.” 

Krysa glared “Stupid Uggo is spending his time doing science and other things more important than family.” She took her anger out on her food and stabbed a greenish gray slob more violently than needed. Toaster looked uncomfortable.

Nothing more was said that morning.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“What are we doing today?” Krysa said as her body formed. K.A. jumped. 

“Why do you sound actually excited? What happened?” Curse eternally damned people and their ability to read people, Krysa thought. 

“It’s not a big deal. What are we doing today?” She repeated.

“Nuh uh you know the rules. We don’t train fueled on anger, regret, guilt, or sadness.” K.A. summoned two couches, “Let’s sit.”

Krys slumped into the couch cushions and groaned. “Okay so,” She told K.A. all about the struggles with her ‘father’, having to lie about her ancestry, her day at school. “My… teacher recognized me. Last year the schools started hiring people from Elranov, and my new astronomy teacher recognized my tattoo. I usually cover it! I wear the issued jackets that cover my neck, but I guess it slipped, and she called me out! In front of everyone!”

K.A. raised her eyebrows disinterestedly. “Why do you care so much that people might find out you're Oppakin? We all are in a sense.” 

“Well I mean yeah. But with all the restrictions? And hate? And biases? I wouldn’t have any freedom! But that’s not the point. She started rambling about the Ormskirk tattoo and everyone was looking at me and- It was just bad okay? I had to make up some lie about symbolism and stuff.” 

K.A. laughed. “Just embrace it! I’ve been stuck in here since 2366. I wasn’t there when Oppakin and Aldessolk actually got their rights. But I’ve known that they deserved them since I was old enough to form opinions. People will hate you, human or not.”

Those words seemed to give Krysa the confidence to do nothing at all. But they still felt good.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Krys. We need to talk.” K.A. summoned two chairs and they both sat down.

“Did I do something?” She couldn't think of anything that would trigger any anger but that didn’t mean she didn’t forget.

“You’re not in trouble.” K. fiddled with her fingers, “I haven’t been completely honest with you. You were not just created to create the Dream Space.”

“What does that mean?” Her creation was a touchy subject and both her and K.A. avoided it.

“You have other… abilities. Ones that I think you're ready for.”

“K. I still don’t know what that means.” Fear wasn’t something Krysa usually felt around K.A., and she didn’t really like it.

“I need you to trust me for a second okay?” She waited for Krys to nod “Cover your ears with your palms. Okay now say ‘quiet’.”

Krysa was confused but did as she was asked. She uncovered her ears and even though K.’s lips were moving, she could hear no sound. Not the faint buzzing of the Dream Space. Not her footsteps as she walked over to K.A. Not anything.

K.A. stood up and shook Krysa’s shoulders. Look, she mouthed, repeat it.

And when Krysa said quiet again, it wasn’t quiet. K. started to reach out to her but pulled back and put her hands at her sides. No one spoke.

“You should have warned me.” She didn’t look at K.A.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Krysa laid in bed, the need to know more and the sickening feeling that she wouldn’t like what she learned warred in her head. She could pull an all-nighter. It wouldn’t be that hard. But what if K. has something important to say? Krysa groaned and took her sedative.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“What else can I do?” K.A. jumped, obviously not expecting Krysa to show up.

“Krys I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would take it so hard.”

“I went deaf! For like- A whole minute! And I didn’t know how to reverse it!” 

“I’m sorry.” K.A. looked at the ground.

“Let’s just move on. What else can I do, K.?”

K.A. hesitated, “You can walk between worlds… Have you heard of Others?” Krysa shook her head. “They are a species found on Elranov. They mostly stick to the Other Realm but occasionally travel to the physical realm. Their forms aren't consistent and often change depending on the setting. Other Walkers are Others that can travel without assistance between both realms. There are other types too. Fire, water, wind, vision.”

Krysa was confused. 

“The team that helped create you… among other things, combined human-oppakin DNA with Other DNA. So if you were to travel to the Other Realm, you would be welcomed.”

“Wait so can I travel there like I can here?” Krysa was unreasonably excited.

“You are taking this better than I thought you would. It’s scary.”

“Well I mean it sounds kinda cool! Sure I’m probably in shock or whatever but this means I can travel to not only the physical realm and here, but a whole other cool place most people don’t know about!” Krysa beamed.

“We are very different people. Do you want to know how to travel?” K.A. looked reluctant but she offered anyway.

“Yes. Yes. Yes.”

“Okay. I’m going to tell you how to get back first.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Now:

Krysa slowed her breathing as the Monitors ran past her. She was here for Ardon Amber and she would be leaving with Ardon Amber. That monster is not getting away again. I will not allow it. 

She backed farther into the corner, convinced they couldn't see her there and then sent her soul into the Dream Space.

[kamryn1963]

So Long, London- Chapter 16\30

This chapter is a little late but I've had no motivation at all lately so I'm actually surprised I managed to write it today, haha.

I think I'm going to go down to just updating on Monday's. I was trying for twice a week but with school starting up in a couple weeks for me and having a couple more drafts I want to work on, that's a easier goal for me to hit.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this one!

A few hours later Lexi was medically cleared and discharged into Al’s care. She was mostly unresponsive as Al gently guided her to his car. Lexi was still clutching Meredith’s wedding ring and hadn’t said anything since she stopped crying. 

Al had been able to get her to wash her hands and arms and get the blood off, but Lexi had been spaced out that whole process. 

Al had stepped out an hour earlier to call Michelle and update her so she knew what was happening and what to expect. Michelle had told him that she was going to meet a friend so she wasn’t overcrowding Lexi when they got back. 

Al had protested, this was Michelle’s home too and he didn’t want her to feel like she wasn’t welcomed. Michelle had been insistent though and Al eventually agreed once he made sure this friend wasn’t a bad influence or anything. 

Now Al was driving home. Lexi was sitting silently in the passenger seat, one hand holding Al’s and the other fidgeting with Meredith’s ring. Occasionally she looked at him but she never said anything and neither did Al. He’d stay quiet but he was right there for when she was ready to talk. 

Back at Al’s apartment was when Lexi spoke. Al had reheated some leftovers for them to eat and after they both picked at their meals more than eating them, they had settled onto the couch. Al was flipping through the channels finding something to watch for background noise, when Lexi said something. 

“She’s gone”. Lexi’s voice was quiet, distant and hoarse from the sobbing she’d done earlier. 

“She is”. Al replied his voice just as quietly. It was hitting him too. Him and Meredith might’ve recently divorced but they were still married for twenty years. He still had a life with her for so long. She was his whole world for almost half his life. 

“We were arguing. I don’t remember about what. It was stupid. But I- I distracted mom, that’s why we were in an accident. It was my fault”. Lexi sobbed and Al didn’t hesitate before he held his daughter again as she sobbed her cries loud and raw. 

“Hey, hey, breathe Lex. It’s not your fault, not at all, baby. Not at all. The only person at fault here is the drunk driver who hit you guys. You have no fault in this”. Al reassured. A singular tear fell down his face as he heard the words coming out of Lexi’s mouth. 

“It is! Dad, it's my fault. Our last conversation was us yelling at each other, and then- then she was bleeding and blood was coming out of her mouth and- and”. Lexi trailed off as talking became too hard and the sobs took over again. 

Al pulled her against him as another tear fell down his face. God, what had they done to deserve this? What had Lexi, his perfect little girl, done to deserve this. She didn’t deserve to be paying for the sins of her parents. 

“Lexi, listen to me. It’s not your fault, okay? Your mom knew how much you loved her”. Al responded as firmly as he could in that moment. 

Lexi’s sobs died off just enough for her to speak again. She sagged against him, exhaustion and the pain from her injuries taking over. “She said my name, mom said my name right before she died. And your name. There was a smile on her face when she died”. 

Al felt like the air was knocked out of him at that. He wanted to sob himself, figure out how the hell everything has blown up like it did. But he couldn’t. Not until Lexi was okay, until she was asleep. 

“Mom, still loved you”. Lexi said. There were still tears streaming down her face but her sobs had calmed as she looked at her dad. 

“I still loved her”. Al said honestly. He did. He thinks he always would. She was his wife for so long, his first true love. 

Lexi just smiled, her smile was sad and fragile and Al returned it as he leaned against the couch, Lexi still leaning her head against his chest from where she was sitting next to him. 

Lexi eventually headed to her room after reassuring him she was fine and she just needed space. Al knew that was a lie but he didn’t push, just nodded and respected her need for time alone to think. He’d check on her in a bit. 

Al’s phone rang and he sighed as he reached over to turn it off. It had been going off for hours and Al knew his leaving suddenly definitely raised some concerns but he knew he wouldn’t be able to find the words to talk about what had happened yet. 

Michelle got back home two hours later. Al hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch until he heard the front door open and he turned plastering on a fake smile as Michelle entered the apartment. 

“Hey”. Michelle greeted her eyes softening as she got a look at Al before she looked around. 

“Lexi’s in her room. She’s not feeling well right now”. Al replied quietly knowing that’s who Michelle was looking for. Michelle just nodded as she sat next to Al. 

“I’m sorry for your loss”. Michelle said and Al didn’t know what he expected her to say but it wasn’t that. 

Al nodded anyway. He appreciated the words he just didn’t expect them to be aimed at him. Was this his loss? He was the one who divorced Meredith. Maybe if he hadn’t, if Al had stayed around maybe Meredith would still be alive. He didn’t have the right to receive condolences. 

Al lost Meredith long before today. 

That night, Al finally decided to call somebody. He needed to tell somebody what had happened. Needed to burden somebody with his feelings before Al did something he’d regret. Al decided to call Trudy hoping she wouldn’t mind him complaining. He sat back as the phone rang for a minute before Trudy picked up. 

“Alvin? What the hell has been going on?! Trudy demanded as soon as the call connected and Al sighed as he leaned back against his couch and closed his eyes. 

“Meredith’s dead. Her and Lexi got into a car accident, rammed by a drunk driver. Lexi’s okay, thankfully just minor injuries but Meredith died. In Lexi’s arms”. Al’s voice was almost monotone as he filled Trudy in on the day's events. 

The line was silent for several minutes. Trudy was obviously rightfully shocked. Al had kind of dumped everything on her. 

“God, Al I- I’m sorry for your loss”. Trudy finally said and despite Al knowing she meant well, he couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh. 

“Is it really my loss? Lexi experienced a loss, she lost her mother at only eighteen but I lost Meredith a long time ago”. Al responded and he heard Trudy sigh. 

“Alvin, listen to me carefully. You're allowed to grieve. It doesn’t matter if you and Meredith were divorced. She was still a part of your life for a long time and you're allowed to have feelings because she’s dead”. Damn, Trudy clocked him quickly. 

Al wanted to reply, wanted to argue or tell Trudy how Meredith had said his name as she died, but all he could do was sob. It was quiet, Al didn’t want to wake his kids but Trudy could still hear him. 

“It’s okay. I’m here”. Trudy reassured through the phone. And even though she wasn’t physically there, Al felt just as comforted.