#frum

[greenflower21]

I love Jewish Coded Star Trek species.

You know what I would love even more in Star Trek? Actual Jews.

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

The Stupidity Doesn't End

Dear Future Husband,

Yesterday was an okay day and today was an okay day. No major hiccups or blowups or stupidity. Things were actually relatively okay.

But of course, that means nothing, because everything can change in a split second.

There's a Little Old Lady in our building who is moving to an old age home soon and MotherLivelyHeart decided that we should have a goodbye party for her.

The discussion of this party went from "we should invite everyone she knows to come say goodbye to her" to "we'll just keep it a building thing."

And every time discussion of this thing came up, I kept saying we should do it in the party/conference room that our building has, but MLH has some unexplained hatred for that room and always nixed the idea. She wanted "to do it in my home. I have a beautiful home for a reason."

The last discussion we had about this party earlier in the week (after she agreed to doing the mealtrain thing on Thursday and before she decided she doesn't want to do that again for quite a while), it seemed decided that we would have the party in the hallway near Little Old Lady's apartment with a tiny table set up with a little nosh and a bunch of chairs, instead of in our apartment.

When MLH bought the stuff for the mealtrain breakfast, she also grabbed a boxed cake and boxed brownies. And at some point she scrounged up a bag of popcorn. And erev Shabbos, BigSis baked the cake and brownies.

Then, on Friday, MLH pinned an event in the building whatsapp chat reminding everyone to come say goodbye to Little Old Lady and the time that she posted was 6:15pm-6:45pm or "after havdallah." And the location she posted was our apartment.

Now, time is important for a few reasons. One of which is that, recently, for some reason unbeknownst to me, we have started following a different havdallah time than we used to.

When I was growing up, we waited the longest time for havdallah because my father thought he was chassidush or something and that's what he'd been taught. But it became an issue when he wasn't davening with any chassidush minyan anymore (and hadn't since I was like 2) and we were the weirdos, having heard havdallah at our friends' houses and still unable to do anything after shabbos (like get a ride home) until the proper zman.

My parents spoke to a rabbi* about it who told them that since they had chosen this time as baalei teshuva who didn't really know anything, they could change it. But it was a one-time change and they couldn't adjust again after that, and to be sure of which time they wanted to switch to.

So when I was in high school, we all of a sudden started keeping the "one hour" that most people keep. I believe this is the opinion of The Gra...?

And so, 6:15pm this week becomes important when, out of the blue, we're not ending Shabbos at like 5:30pm if Shabbos started at 4:30pm, but instead at what I think is the offical Tzais HaKochavim time of around 5:45pm. Because by the time Shabbos is over and we've cleaned up from shelosh seudos and actually finish havdallah it's after 6:00pm, which gives us only 15 minutes to set everything up.

And right before havdallah is when MLH decides to tell us that she forgot to get small plates. Oh, and also we don't have any drinks.

This was something SHE was planning. She didn't ask for any help. In fact, ada raba! She told me point blank that she didn't want me making a big deal over this and buying or baking anything for it. "I'm just going to pick up some cookies or something." I was like "fine, this is your thing, go for it."

Well, Little Old Lady showed up at like 5 after 6pm and parked herself right between the kitchen and dining room, when we had just barely finished havdallah, and nothing was set up yet.

We now have 10 minutes to get everything ready which includes finding a folding table for the hallway, making sure we have a tablecloth for it, tracking down small disposable plates and some drinks.

Because none of this was done before Shabbos.

Then another neighbor shows up and she sits next to Little Old Lady and now the direct path from the kitchen to the dining room is blocked, despite us clearly needing that area cleared to be able to get things set up. But whatever. God help our cluelessness.

MLH makes some statement about getting the hallway set up and BS all of a sudden goes "why?" And MLH says "because that's where we're setting things up." And BS makes a face and says "why? it's cold out there." And MLH goes on some mini diatribe about how our apartment hasn't been tidied up and it's so embarrassing, devastating, and humiliating.

Yes, in front of Little Old Lady and Other Neighbor. FFS.

Well, BS's resistance settles the topic - we're doing it in our apartment.

Which shouldn't really be much of a shock, considering that MLH set the location for the event as our apartment and nobody knew the original intention was to have it in the hallway to begin with. But whatever.

Right after Little Old Lady arrived, MLH started cutting the brownies and needed a tutorial on how. Like, seriously? While she was cutting the brownies I asked her what she wanted to do with the bunt cake.

Her response: "Well, we could do an icing or a drizzle, but that means pulling out the confectioner's sugar and vanilla and making a mess... we could cut it up and put it on plates, or just leave it plain and let people do what they want. It's a cake; don't overthink it."

So fine, I left it alone.

Then at about 6:20pm, while she's cutting the brownies into ridiculous shapes despite what I had shown her, she asks me "What do you want to do with the cake?"

I said, "I don't know, it's your cake, whatever you want."

And I get back a condescending remark through forced smile and gritted teeth: "Thank you so much for your help."

Because, I'm of course the bad guy.

Because she "planned" and did a piss-poor job of it.

Because I clearly needed this right now.

I should add that I've been having issues today with the arm that I broke earlier this year. I don't know the cause of it, but I've been experiencing pain for hours, which she knew. And I even made a comment to her about how the most pain is when I have to rotate my arm and grasp things which is required for cutting and carrying.

Yet she kept trying to get me to cut and carry things.

It's almost like she wants me to say no so that she can be upset.

I don't get it.

Anyway, so now we're hosting this little party in our apartment that is "so gross and disorganized and unclean and an embarrassment" or whatever, and while guests are literally coming in she's puttering around tidying random things and muttering under her breath how embarrassed she is at the state of the apartment.

Which, granted, is a bit unorganized, but isn't unclean. It's just not "host-a-party" clean because we didn't clean to be hosting a party.... because it was supposed to be in the hallway and not in the apartment....

So at around 6:30pm, about halfway through the time she alloted for this "party", MLH was fuming at the embarrassing state of our apartment and my inability to be helpful physically (or idea-wise, considering I just parroted back the whole not overthinking the cake situation to her and I guess that was the wrong thing to do), BS started putting together a glaze for the cake, and I sat down on the couch, out of the way, and checked a few messages on my phone and started cataloguing my thoughts.

And MLH took that opportunity to ask me in a whisper across the room "are you going to join us?" To which I was like "what?" and she said louder "are you going to join us at the table?" and I was like "I don't know, maybe" and she said something like "well, then, just go to your room. this is not nice." Because I guess me sitting on the couch on my phone while things were still being pulled together and Little Old Lady was shmoozing with two neighbors, was the rudest thing I could possibly be doing.

Should I remind you that I'm in my mid-30s?

And being reprimanded like a child.

For being in pain and out of the way while people set up a party that I was told straight-up to not do much for.

I frickin' hate my stupid life.

Shabbos was decent and this is how my week starts.

I'm over it all already.

So, my dear future husband...

Here's wishing you a shavua that's tover than mine.

-LivelyHeart

*and just because my life is ridiculous and stupid, this rabbi was someone my mother was doing work for at the time, and who has since been locked up for being a disgusting pervert who went off the rails when he was found out and arrested. I don't even know if he's frum anymore, not that he truly was if he was really doing all those gross things he was accused of, which I kind of don't doubt, based on the piles and piles and piles of evidence....

[eretzyisrael]

Mitzvah grocery shopping Parshat Kedoshim 

[goose-onthe-loose]

Purim is such a unique experience, especially in a large frum community. Where else can you be surrounded by a gang of drunken teenage boys in animal onesies as they dance around your car and ask for money. Nowhere.

[yipt]

[estherfrumowned]

Owned

[greenflower21]

THANK you !!!!! Like, as an orthodox woman I’m so tired of the constant judgement from people who think it’s cringe that I love Hashem and think they’re morally superior just bc they are uncomfortable with my practice. Like.. I’m not forcing you to follow my way of life, I respect your choices, why can’t you do the same for us? Again, you don’t have to understand someone’s way of life, you just have to not be a dick about it. Did we all forget that being inclusive and respectful of others beliefs also applies to religious people as well??? Hmmm???

im not an orthodox jew (im conservative/masorti) nor am I a woman, but it is wild to me how often ill see an orthodox woman explain why she chooses to do something and why it brings her joy/comfort/empowerment, and literally every goy is like "ummm that sounds sooo horrible i could never do that you must be suffering so much". no she literally just said she liked it why are you convinced that every woman who is willingly part of a religion must be trapped.

like yall claim to be feminists but dont actually support women making their own choices, especially when those choices can impact men. so what if that orthodox woman isn't gonna have sex with her husband for a bit? so what if she likes to cover her hair a wig instead of a tichel? is it your place to judge her at all? the answer is no!! leave her the fuck alone. if you truly care about autonomy then learn to support it even when it's not a choice you'd personally made. do it without snarky comments about how you can't imagine how she does it, and actually try to respect the real person that she is

also please listen to actual orthodox women on this more than you listen to me. they are the ones with front row seats to this antisemitic misogyny, and they should be taken seriously when they talk about their issues

[mothcpu]

There's no point in trying if the end result will be the same anyway.

[musicdiaries]

Frum - Giving

[greenflower21]

What if I Make a bunch of Jewish Star Trek OCs and put them all on a spaceship?

*The U.S.S “Haaretz” *

I can already picture it

[greenflower21]

That’s some Frum shit right there.

Man I love Star Trek

Trekkies talk a lot of shit about how they're hard scifi considering I just watched Kira Nerys time-travel with the power of prayer.

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

God Is An A****** And Other Life Updates

Dear Future Husband,

2024 was supposed to be my "year of health." Or at least, that's what I decided towards the end of 2023 when everything I ate was upsetting my digestive system and I was convinced I had developed some weird tumor or something. But suddenly, out of the blue, I had health insurance (I don't think I've told that story yet....) and so it seemed like 2024 would be the year I could just get myself in order.

Well, it's now December 2024 and I can confidently tell you the lie detector determined THAT was a lie.

Not only was it not my year of health, it has in fact been quite the opposite.

At this point I don't know if I'll ever get back to that draft about the beginning of this year, so I'll just tell you - in January I had a bad fall and broke my arm, which led to surgery, PT, and essentially three months of being unable to work.

Which leads me to include that 2024 was also supposed to be my year of financial stability.

Oh, if you could hear the raucous laughter in my mind right now.

Why did I ever assume Hashem would finally grant me one good year? The entirety of my relationship with Him is built on the confidence that I'm his punching bag.

Why do I even still allow myself hope? It always just ends in heartbreak.

So January I injured myself.

February I had surgery.

March I had PT.

April I finally started driving again, and I was back at work but still couldn't do heavy lifting which severely crippled my abilities to do my job.

Now, back in January, a few days before I fell and maimed myself, I got a speeding ticket from a highway speed camera that was outside of a work zone but claimed to be in a work zone. I was just trying to keep up with traffic and I have no idea how nobody else got ticketed. Maybe cuz they weren't in the lane closest to the camera.

Well, I alerted MotherLivelyHeart to the ticket before it even arrived in the mail because I'd seen the flash when I was driving, and had full intentions of paying it.

But then I was out of work for like three months and all the funds I'd had up until that point dwindled while paying bills so that when the ticket came in the mail, I couldn't afford the $30.

Based on our conversation about it, I was under the impression MotherLivelyHeart was going to cover it, since the car is in her name (I think I've discussed this nonsense), and I'd pay her back when I was working again.

But come MAY and it's still not paid and now they've increased the fine.

Great.

So since I was working again, I paid all $42 of it.

And now it's December. And it's been SEVEN MONTHS.

SEVEN MONTHS where we've had radio silence, as far as I'm aware.

And NOW, SEVEN MONTHS LATER, they've sent us a message in the mail that the car has been flagged because of the citation in January/May and with the flags on the car we can't renew the license plate or something.

WTF.

Oh, but wait, the story gets better, because of course it gets better.

I discussed briefly in my last post that I was going away for a month and a half this summer. I can't go into the details of why I went away, but what was supposed to be 6 weeks ended up being 12 weeks.

That's 12 weeks of bliss away from MotherLivelyHeart but also 12 weeks of not working.

So in total this year, I've worked approximately 26 weeks. At part time wages. For a business that my boss can't decide if she wants to keep open much longer, so inventory is dwindling and business sucks because we never have anything in stock.

FML.

I've been working for this company for about 8 years as a 1099 employee, except a 1099 is not an employee, it's an independent contractor... but I'm an employee. And basically the only employee. Which I just found out makes my 1099 filing essentially illegal, since there are some benefits that employees are supposed to have which is why it's a different filing of w2.

FML.

But getting back to the whole "I basically work full time in a part time job position" thing... I didn't make a lot in 2023. And with bills to pay, I didn't have a lot in January to begin with, but with my January wages I should have had enough to pay my taxes.

Except that in January, the beginning of my new year of financial stability, Hashem caused me not just an injury but a work-stopping injury. Which means I not only had to stop working while still paying bills, but the money that I had originally allotted for my taxes was not only not there, but also not enough.

So FMFL.

But wait, it gets better.

I created an account with the IRS's payment portal (id.me or whatever) several years ago and I signed up using my home phone number.

Well, BigSis was the one who paid the bill for the phone line and at some point she stopped paying it, which meant that when I tried to log into my IRS account to see what my options were or try to make a partial payment, it wouldn't accept my information because I couldn't confirm my phone number because I no longer had access to it.

Great.

So I tried to do the other things it wanted with photos of my state license and passport and it stuck me in a loop and wouldn't accept either of them.

GREAT.

So there I was, injured, in pain, not working, not able to keep most foods down, my tiny allotted funds dwindling, and not able to log into my IRS account to figure out what to do.

So yeah, it ended up getting back-burnered.

I know it's stupid. I knew it was stupid then and I know it's stupid now.

Especially because last year I made barely $11k at that job and the IRS wants $1,100 of that. Which is to say, they want more from me than I made in a single month.

FML.

I kept getting these update letters in the mail of the IRS adding on interest and increasing the amount, and I somehow hoped that Hashem would show me the way to be able to afford to pay it.

But no.

Because FMFL.

So now I've been notified by the IRS that they want to seize my property.

Over $1100.

But also, what property? I have nothing.

Literally not even the car I drive is in my own name.

So, just to recap:

I've worked approximately 26 weeks this year (part time financially, full time stressfully)

I now owe $1200 to the IRS that I don't have, and that's just for the 2023 taxes, not even including what I'll owe for this year

The car may not be able to be renewed because of the flag for the speeding ticket I got in January that I already paid off and that I've heard NOTHING about for SEVEN MONTHS

Should we keep going? Sure, let's keep going.

SPIRITUALITY

After a nightmare of a year, I can't really explain why but I had some kind of spiritual awakening at the beginning of 5785. I davened more this past R"H and Y"K than I have the past like 10 or 15 years combined, including during the Aseres Yimei Teshuva and through Simchas Torah.

And I decided this would be my year of Bitachon.

I was riding a spiritual high and I had more calm and positivity for about a month than I've had in a long time.

Spoiler alert: that's gone.

One of the things that affected that deeply was that I had one sefer in particular I decided would be my guide this year for all things Bitachon. And less than a month after deciding that, the author of that sefer was diagnosed with Stage-4 Non-Smoker's Lung Cancer.

Do I feel like my personal bad mazal rubbed off on him by mere association? 100000000000000%

WORK

Because things have been weird at work and I'm not sure how much longer my boss will be keeping the business open, I starting looking for a new job.

Using my new found bitachon, I discovered two businesses in my neighborhood that were hiring for a position I could do in my sleep, and were willing to pay well were open.

Such mazal! Hashem must be working His magic!

I had a phone meeting with the first company that was excited to have me in for an interview. We arranged a date and time, and then that day a few hours before I got a text that something came up and they'd like to reschedule.

That was.... a month and ten days ago and I've heard nothing.

The second company called me for an in-person interview which I went to erev Shabbos and thought it went really well. They said they were hoping to hire before Chanukah and they'd be in touch.

That was.... a month and nine days ago and I've heard nothing.

Now, for the second company that could have been my bad. It's been so long since I've had an interview that I forgot the etiquette to send a thank you note afterwards. I also answered the question "what do people critique you the most for" honestly by saying time management. Though I'd think that showing up 10 minutes early to the interview itself would have been enough to assuage that concern. I also did explain that it's something I'm working on and the rest of the conversation seemed to go really positively so I guess it's just Hashem giving me hope again just so He can pull the rug out from under me. Again.

MEDICAL

I started writing about this in its own post and still might but let me just go over the highlights here:

I haven't had insurance for like 5 years.

When I signed up for the insurance originally I selected a DO for my Primary Care Physician because I want a doctor who will treat the whole person and understand how different aspects of the body interplay with each other when it comes to diagnosis.

Well, fast forward to me suddenly having insurance for the first time out of the blue motzei yom kippur (if that wasn't a bad omen....), the DO I selected five years ago is no longer accepting new patients.

Fine. I'll look into new doctors. Whatever.

Except, no! Because then I broke my arm.

And did you know that before surgery you need a workup done by your PCP?

And did you know that if the doctor listed on your insurance isn't accepting new patients, you have to run around like a nut last minute to find someone who will do a workup so you can get emergency surgery?

In the end I went with a local urgent care that could handle that kind of thing.

Fun.

And when I was finally clearheaded enough after the surgery (which took over a month, mind you) I scheduled a new patient appointment with the other DO in the same practice as the first one I'd chosen (five years ago). She was booked out until October.

Fun.

So, fine, I scheduled for October.

Then I went away for the summer and in September I got a voicemail from the doctor's office that the doctor would be leaving the practice at the end of October and did I still want a new patient appointment with someone I wouldn't be able to see past that month?

Mygod.

I went back and forth with the staff of this place several times before we decided I'd go with the new patient appointment anyway to at least get preliminary stuff out of the way and start a series of blood tests to try and figure out what the hell is wrong with me physically.

I had one appointment with her, got bloodwork done, and October was over.

My files were switched to another doctor in the practice who could read the results of the blood tests and order more if needed. Which she did.

And all the results have come back inconclusive.

Because getting an actual answer is just too much to ask for, I guess.

Oh, and also the doctor I'm working with now is about to go on maternity leave and once she comes back she'll be working from a new location that's almost an hour from where I live.

FML

And that's not even everything. That's just what I have the energy to write right now.

I'm so tired of this life.

I'm tired of having hope and being let down constantly.

I'm tired of financial stuff being the literal bane of my existence.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm so over this life that my brain has just stopped recording information.

One of the things the doctor set me up with in October was a collaborative care thing associated with the medical practice that's supposed to help get me on a good path mentally, so I've been working with a therapist, but we've met maybe 4 times and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be getting out of these sessions other than explaining to her how my circumstances just absolutely suck over and over again in more detail.

Except that every week or two weeks she asks me how I've been since our last session and I literally can't remember what I've done or how I've felt.

I'm just so over all of this nonsense.

I keep doing things to try to give myself purpose in this world, like what I was doing over the summer, or reconnecting with this high school friend that I've been spending time with on the weekends lately, or helping out old acquaintances who just had babies, but all I feel like I'm doing is creating a larger pool of people to mourn for me when I'm gone because none of them know the real me.

I'm not suicidal but I do just wish I'd die already.

I don't see the purpose in any of this life.

I'm stressed beyond stress and Hashem isn't helping.

I feel like I've been set up for failure and if failure is my goal, then I'm the most successful failure that's ever existed.

I'm still broke.

I don't know if I'll have a job in a few weeks.

The IRS wants to seize my nonexistent property.

I may not have a car to drive soon.

Nobody knows what's wrong with me medically.

Every goddamn tap in my apartment has issues (literally my shower, toilet, bathroom sink, and kitchen sink all have problems).

My ceiling is still open to the elements. (yep, that's still a thing)

Oh, and I lost 40lbs this year between January and June, and gained basically all of that back since September.

FMFL.

Can it just be over already?

Sorry, I'm not in a good place right now, my dear future husband.

I mean, you're a fantasy anyway, so who even cares.

-LivelyHeart

Every day in harachaman in bensching we say

"וְאַל תַּצְרִיכֵנוּ ה' אֱלֹקֵינוּ לֹא לִידֵי מַתְּנַת בָּשָׂר וָדָם וְלֹא לִידֵי הַלְוָאַתָם, כִּי אִם לְיָדְךָ הַמְּלֵאָה הַפְּתוּחָה הַקְּדוֹשָׁה וְהָרְחָבָה".

"Do not make us dependent, Hashem our God, on the gifts of flesh and blood or on their loans, but only on Your full, open, holy, and generous hand."

And yet... Hashem has not provided for me, despite my begging and pleading. Despite my davening and working really hard on bensching after every meal.

We also say "פּוֹתֵחַ אֶת יָדֶךָ וּמַשְׂבִּיעַ לְכָל חַי רָצוֹן" both in bensching and in davening - "You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living being."

And yet, my desire is to not be in debt with the threat of losing things. But somehow, here I am, and where is God?

So maybe random strangers are the tools of Hashem, and relying on you all is really me relying on Hashem "working in mysterious ways" or whatever.

I don't know, but if you care and have anything to share, I have a cashapp: $HaShemshouldblessyou

[originalleftist]

Re Washington Post, LA Times:

[starlightomatic]

i've been talking about antisemitism for years and i shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore but even i was surprised by the speed and abundance of antisemitism about the tunnel thing

[rapidmorph3]

[yipt]