#anyway yeah that's been my morning how are you guys
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bitterkarella · 1 day ago
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Midnight Pals: Dark Days Coming
King: hey guys sorry i'm late King: i just could not get up this morning King: feels like I've been sleeping for days King: what did i miss? King: how did the election go? Lovecraft: not too bad King: King: oh no King: oh no oh no oh no
Lovecraft: don't worry steve it won't be so bad Lovecraft: I've heard assurances from the new regime that they only want the trade unionists King: King: King:
Lovecraft: i mean really steve Lovecraft: how bad could it be? [meanwhile] Donald Trump: we're gonna have the biggliest boot stamping on a human face forever Trump: we love the boot stamping on the human face forever, don't we folks? Trump: more and more people are saying they love the boot
Lovecraft: you're overreacting steve Lovecraft: what's trump even going to do? King: well i'm glad you asked King: [unrolls comically long scroll] Lovecraft: oh is this going to be a song
King: well for starters King: decimate reproductive rights King: LGBTQ rights King: labor rights King: civil rights King: accelerate climate change Lovecraft: [sweats] this is making me feel bad steve Lovecraft: i can't wait for trump to outlaw you telling me this stuff!
King: use the military to brutalize americans King: abandon Ukraine King: and as for gaza George Romero: in all honesty steve Romero: that probably won't change much King: oh look! an optimist!
Lovecraft: ok but Lovecraft: has he actually SAID he's going to do any of that? King: yes Lovecraft: oh he was probably just lying Lovecraft: he lies a lot Poe: he does lie a lot
Lovecraft: i think you're overreacting, he's probably not gonna do all the stuff he says he's gonna do King: so you don't believe him? Lovecraft: nope! King: king: then what's his appeal? Lovecraft: well he's just so honest
Lovecraft: a real straight shooter Lovecraft: tells it like it is Lovecraft: says what he means King: King:
King: howard please tell me you didn't vote for trump did you? Lovecraft: [sweats] steve! please! Lovecraft: i'm only a loveable archie bunker style racist Lovecraft: i'm still 100% yang gang King: King: King: i picked a bad day to quit cocaine
King: i really need some cocaine King: edgar you know where i can get some cocaine don't you Poe: steve stay strong Poe: you don't need cocaine King: just one bump King: to get me through the next four years King: i mean few days King: no i mean four years
King: how about a beer? i was an alcoholic too you know King: maybe i'll take that up again King: this is good drinking weather Poe: steve no Poe: dean help me hold him back King: don't try to stop me! Poe: no steve! you've got so much to live for! King: yeah? like what? Poe: well Poe: you've got a loving family King: Joe is pretty great Koontz: and owen! King: King: yeah and owen is alright too i guess
King: yeah he's pretty good King: what the heck, i can say it King: i love owen too! Koontz: and there's naomi too King: whoa wait a second, i have THREE kids?? King: this just keeps getting better!
King: thanks guys i do feel a little better Poe: good, hold onto that Poe: cuz it's going to be a long four years Lovecraft: only four years? i thought we weren't gonna have to vote anymore! Poe: Poe: good drinking weather, huh?
Joyce Carol Oates: huh, i really don't see why the electorate would hate trans people unless they were persuaded by hate speech and fearmongering JK Rowling: well well well look at the fancccy pantsss rich author Rowling: with her out of touch fancccy ideasss about a pluralissstic sssociety! Rowling: with her fancccy german automobile! Oates: this car was made in Guatemala
Rowling: you're clearly too rich to underssstand the feelingsss of the common man Rowling: unlike me, a true daughter of the proletariat Rowling: i know all about the material needsss of the underclassss Rowling: anyway i'm going to insulate my Scottish castle with big bags of money
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silent-stories · 2 days ago
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𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 - 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄
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Pairing: Noah Sebastian x reader
Summary: When Noah was left alone to take care of his daughter about two years ago, he never thought he would find someone else he would trust enough to include in his little family. But things can change.
Series masterlist
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Sunday morning, the sun hung high in the sky, casting a warm glow over the busy city center. Noah walked beside you, a relaxed smile spreading across his face as he held Luna's hand while she looked around her at the vibrant streets filled with laughter and the aroma of street food, with curiosity.
The little girl had never liked strollers and had always refused to use one. She mostly wanted to walk or be held in her father's arms.
"Yes! I saw it! It was hiding behind the trees but I saw it!" She said.
"The unicorn was hiding behind the trees?"
"Yes! It was white and big and pretty but it was hiding. But I saw it anyway!"
"That's great! I'm happy you saw it!" You laughed.
As you walked along, you paused to admire a shop window displaying colorful toys. Luna squirmed excitedly. “Look, Daddy! Bunnies!” she exclaimed, pointing at a big, fluffy bunny in the window.
"Yeah, that one is really pretty." He agreed.
Just then, a group of people, obviously fans, caught sight of Noah.
They talked for a moment between them, poiting at him, and soon whispers turned into excited shouts, and within moments, several people had approached, their phones out.
“Noah! Can we get a picture?” one voice called, followed by others echoing the request.
Noah's demeanor shifted almost instantly. The polite smile faded, replaced by a look of concern as he straightened up. “I’m sorry guys, not when I’m with my daughter.” His voice was steady, but the tension was palpable as he shifted his focus back to Luna, who looked at him with confusion.
“Daddy, what’s wrong?” she asked, her voice trembling just a little as he easily picked her up.
Noah lowered his tone, trying to reassure her, but his eyes darted nervously to the little crowd formed around you. It wasn't even exactly a crowd, maybe a dozen people at most, but that was enough for Noah to worry.
“Nothing, sweetheart. Just some people who like dad's music.” But the enthusiasm from the fans was relentless.
“Please! Just one quick shot.” someone insisted, pushing closer. Noah’s face tightened, protective instincts flaring as panic flickered in his gaze.
His hand caressed the little girl's back, holding her close as if someone might suddenly jump in and snatch her from his arms.
You knew that if it had been any other time he would have gladly stopped for a few pictures, and if it had been any other time where he simply didn't feel like interacting with them, he would have explained how he felt and walked away. But he was with his daughter and this time it was different.
You knew how Noah had always wanted to protect her from the internet and fans, how he had never posted a photo of her on any social media before deleting them all, how he didn't want his daughter to end up in the spotlight. And he didn't want her to end up in any picture of video taken of them and posted online.
"Just a picture. Please!"
God, some people are really out of their minds. Is it really so easy to forget that people, even if public figures, have a life outside of their work and a minimum amount of privacy you have to respect?
“Come here, sweetie,” you said, stepping forward and gently taking Luna from Noah's arms.
He didn't hesitate for a second, letting you take her without putting up any kind of minimal resistance, showing that he trusted you completely.
As you cradled her close, you could feel her small heart racing against you, instinctively hiding her face in the crook of your neck.
Good. No pictures or videos of her face.
“Let’s go look at some toys,” you whispered softly, wanting to shield her from the chaos. Luna clung to you, comforted by your presence, her earlier excitement replaced by uncertainty.
“Okay.” she replied anyway, her trust in you evident. You turned to Noah, who stood frozen, a mix of gratitude and worry etched across his features.
“It's okay. I've got her.” you assured him.
Noah nodded, relief flooding his expression as he let you take her away. You hurried into the nearby toy store, leaving Noah with the fans, Luna giggling as you entered the vibrant space filled with colorful displays and soft music. You felt the atmosphere shift as the door closed behind you, the chaos outside fading away.
Once inside, Luna obviously wanted to explore and you put her down, kneeling to her level. “Look at all the bunnies!” you exclaimed, gesturing to a display filled with plush toys. Her eyes sparkled as she darted toward the shelf, her earlier apprehension forgotten.
“Can I get one, please?” she asked, her voice filled with excitement as she clutched a particularly fluffy bunny.
“Of course! That one’s perfect,” you replied, smiling at her. She hugged it tightly, Mr. Flop still in a hand.
Moments later, you glanced back toward the door, where Noah had just entered, his expression softening the moment he saw you and Luna together. He took a deep breath, and you could see the tension in his shoulders start to ease.
"You alright?" You asked.
“Yes. Thank you, for what you did,” he said quietly, approaching you both. His voice was sincere, a mix of relief and gratitude. “I was starting to panic. I hate that feeling of being unable to protect her, especially when I know how intrusive some fans can be.”
You nodded, understanding the weight of his concerns. “It’s important to keep her safe,” you said softly. “I wanted to make sure she was okay. You shouldn’t have to worry about that while you’re out with her.”
Noah smiled, his eyes reflecting appreciation as he knelt beside Luna. “That means a lot. The way you immediately stepped in, worrying about her. It means a lot to me.”
Luna, oblivious to the deeper conversation, held up her new bunny. “Look, Daddy! It’s so fluffy!”
“That’s the best bunny I’ve ever seen,” Noah said, his smile returning, the earlier panic dissolving into laughter.
"Yeah but... but I don't want Mr. Flop to feel sad because I have another bunny. I think I'll leave this one here."
As you all explored the toy store together, Noah took your hand, his grip warm and gentle as he interviewed his tattooed fingers with yours. He brought your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles with a soft smile.
You let your thumb run over his fingers for a moment as Luna dashed ahead, her laughter ringing through the aisles as she discovered new toys.
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That afternoon, you lounged comfortably on the couch at Noah’s house, your head gently resting on his shoulder, the light streaming through the windows and casting a warm glow across the living room. The atmosphere was relaxed, filled with the soft sound of crayons scratching against paper as Luna sat on the floor, completely engrossed in her drawings.
Suddenly, she looked up. “Daddy! Can we do a spa day? Like we did last time?”
Noah raised an eyebrow, a playful grin spreading across his face. “Right now?”
“Yeah! Please!” Luna insisted, bouncing on her knees.
“Okay, let’s do it.” Noah chuckled, clearly amused by the idea. Luna squealed with delight and dashed off to gather supplies. You exchanged an amused glance with Noah, who shook his head with a smile.
“What exactly does a spa day involve?” you asked, genuinely curious.
"I guess you are gonna find out soon."
Luna returned, triumphantly raising two tiny bottles of bright pink nail polish in her hands. “These!"
Noah let out a mock sigh but couldn’t hide his grin. “What can I do? It makes her happy.”
Luna turned her attention to you. “Will you help me, please?”
“Of course!” You moved closer to Noah, who extended his hands with a mix of amusement and reluctance, one to you and one to Luna.
As you took the nail polish, you carefully began applying it to Noah’s nails, trying not to burst out laughing. The warmth of his skin felt nice beneath your fingertips.
Luna watched intently, her face serious with concentration. “Make it pretty!” she said while working on the other hand.
You laughed softly as you painted his nails, the bright pink contrasting sharply with all the tattoos that sprawled across his skin. “You know, this really matches all your tattoos, you should definitely wear it more often,” you teased, unable to suppress a grin.
“Yeah?” he replied, glancing down at his hand. “Pretty stylish, huh?”
“Definitely!” you said, finishing up the second nail.
Luna couldn’t contain her excitement. “Your nails look so nice daddy!”
Noah chuckled, shaking his head again. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
Luna leaned in closer, carefully holding Noah's to paint the next nail. You watched her concentrate, the way her little tongue poked out in concentration making you smile.
“Just wait until you have to explain this to the guys.”
“Joke's on you. Last time they told me I looked very pretty.” he laughed, the sound warm and genuine.
Luna looked up at her dad, her eyes shining with pride. “You are pretty, dad!” she exclaimed, her innocent honesty making both of you burst into laughter.
“Yeah, he is,” you chimed in, smiling at Noah, who looked slightly bashful under the compliment as a light shade of pink suddenly appeared on his cheeks.
“Alright,” he said, finally breaking into a full smile. “This is the best spa day ever.”
As Luna finished up the last nail, she stepped back to admire her work. “You look amazing!”
“Thanks to my talented nail artist and her not-so-bad assistant,” he replied, looking at both of you with genuine affection.
You watched as Luna returned to her drawings, sprawled out on the floor with her crayons, the colors filled the page as she drew what seemed like a little house.
Noah leaned back on the couch, a thoughtful expression crossing his face, before closing his eyes for a moment.
"You okay?"
“Yeah, its just... this morning really got to me,” he said quietly, opening his eyes and turning to you. “I hate how some people seems to think they have the right to invade our private lives.  Especially when it comes to Luna.”
You nodded, understanding what he was trying to explain.
“I want her to have a normal childhood," he continued, running a hand through his hair in frustration, "I don’t want her to grow up in front of a camera or have to deal with people dissecting her life just because I’m in the spotlight sometimes. I mean, look at what happened this morning. It’s like people forget that we’re just trying to live our lives. I'm not even famous enough for that.”
He paused, his gaze drifting back to Luna, who was completely absorbed in her art. “She deserves to be just a kid, to explore and create without anyone watching. I think about the fact that people can post pictures online—pictures of us together, and it drives me crazy knowing that anyone can comment on them, say whatever they want. It’s not just about me anymore; it’s about her, too. I don’t want to see her face plastered online for people to judge.”
You kept nodding, without interrupting him.
“What bothers me the most is how little respect there is for privacy. I don’t want her growing up with that kind of exposure. I want to control what parts of our lives get shared and what stays private. I want to be the one to decide when she’s ready for the world to see her, not some random person with a phone. And these are the same fucking people that go online saying that I can't be a good father because of my lifestyle and based on the few things they know about me. Or think to know.”
He took a deep breath, “And it’s not just about her now. I want to protect you too. Some people can be so cruel, and I don’t want you to be a target for their opinions. You’re part of our life now, and I want to make sure you’re safe."
He took a deep breath.
“Let it all out?” you asked gently after a moment of silence.
He chuckled softly, a hint of relief in his tone. “Kind of. It just builds up, you know?”
“Thank you for worrying about me, but I can handle it,” you replied, meeting his gaze. “You’re a good father, Noah. Don’t forget that. You’re doing everything you can to raise her well, and it shows. Luna is happy, and that’s what matters most.”
His expression softened. “I just want to protect her and give her a life where she can be herself, without all that noise. I want to make sure she grows up knowing she’s loved.”
“You’re already doing that,” you reassured him. “You’re present, you listen, and you create these moments for her. That’s what makes you a great dad.”
Noah smiled, the tension in his shoulders easing as he looked back at Luna, still lost in her drawings. “Thanks. I guess sometimes I just need a reminder.”
“Come here,” you said, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a gentle hug. As you held him close, you pressed a kiss to his temple.
"I love you." He whispered reasting his chin on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you.
"I love you too."
In that moment, Luna looked up from her drawing. “Daddy! Look at my drawing!” She held it up proudly, revealing a house, some birds and trees.
“That’s so good!” Noah exclaimed, his earlier tension melting away as he talked to her. "We will add that to the others on the fridge."
She giggled, basking in his praise.
As Luna returned to her art, you and Noah exchanged a knowing glance.
"Everything's gonna be okay. It already is."
He just gave you a little smile.
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Some hours later, you stepped out of Noah’s house, walking across the yard. You gave Noah one last kiss and waved at Luna as she clung to his leg on the porch. The soft hum of their voices faded behind you as you made your way to the car parked just outside his gate.
Just as you reached the driver’s side door and your hand was about to grip the handle, a voice called out, soft but firm, from across the street.
“Are you Noah’s girlfriend?”
You turned toward the sound of the voice, spotting an elderly woman standing in the garden of a modest house next door to Noah’s. She had delicate features—her skin a soft, pale olive tone, and her dark eyes were almond-shaped, sharp, and full of warmth. A few strands of silver hair escaped from the bun at the back of her head, and her cane, dark wood with a polished sheen, tapped lightly on the ground as she took a step forward. She wore a simple but cheerful floral dress, obviously faded with time, like she wore it often, but still vibrant.
"Yeah, I am," you replied with a polite smile, pausing for a moment.
The woman’s face brightened, and she took a few careful steps toward the sidewalk, her cane tapping gently against the pavement. Her voice was soft but full of affection. “Oh, I’m glad to finally see you. I don’t get out much anymore, but I’ve heard good things about you.” She paused, her gaze softening with a look of quiet pride. “Noah is such a good man. He deserves someone like you.”
You smiled warmly at her as she reached out a hand.
“I’m Mrs. Lin,” she introduced herself, her grip firm despite her age. You shook her hand.
“I’m his neighbor," Mrs. Lin continued, her voice gentle but steady. "Noah’s helped me a few times with things around the house—things I can’t quite manage anymore.” Her eyes glistened with affection as she looked toward Noah’s house. “He’s always been such a good boy. Always so kind to me. His friends too.”
You nodded, "Oh, I know."
There was a pause, and Mrs. Lin’s expression softened as she glanced back toward her own home. “Last time I saw little Luna, she was only two years old. I doubt she even remembers me. I’d love to see her again, if that’s possible.”
“Maybe one day we can stop by to say hi, I can ask Noah. I'm sure Luna would love to meet you again.”
Mrs. Lin’s face lit up at your words. “Oh, that would make my day! I’d really like that.”
“We’ll make it happen, then.”
“Thank you, dear,” Mrs. Lin said, her smile still wide. “Take care, and tell Noah I said thank you again for all his help.”
“I will,” you said with a nod, turning toward your car, looking at the lady disappearing behind the door of her house.
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"Is this okay?" Noah asked, adjusting a vase of daisies on the counter, a proud smile on his face as he stepped back to admire the setup.
The next morning you were at the café again. A small sign reading “The Breakfast Nook turns three today” hung on the door.
You and Noah had spent the last hour decorating it with soft fairy lights draped from the ceiling, while fresh flowers in delicate mason jars were scattered across the tables. The scent of fresh-baked cookies wafted through the ai, free samples to entice customers and bring a little joy to their morning.
"It’s perfect," you replied, grinning as you took in the sight of the shop. The little details—a few candles flickering softly, the cheerful splash of flowers, and the freshly printed sign promising free cookies—had turned the space into something special. "I think we’re ready."
He flashed you a quick smile before leaning over to press a kiss to your forehead. "You did an amazing job," he said quietly, his voice soft but sincere.
Before you could thank him, the bell above the door chimed, and in walked your coworker Grace, her posture as rigid as ever. You knew she’d be a little skeptical about your morning plan, and you braced yourself for her usual comments.
"Well, well, well, look who’s gone all Pinterest on us," Grace remarked "You sure you’re not planning on opening a flower shop instead? ‘Cause I don’t see much ‘coffee’ going on here." She raised an eyebrow, a smug smile creeping onto her face.
You rolled your eyes, but before you could fire back, Noah leaned against the counter, cool and collected as usual but with a little smirk on his lips. "Good morning to you too, Grace."
Grace shot him a side-eye but said nothing, her lips quirking into a smirk as well. She wasn’t exactly fond of Noah, and it wasn’t a secret. Ever since you’d started spending more time with him, Grace had made it clear that she wasn’t a fan of your "rockstar boyfriend". But Noah didn’t seem to mind; if anything, he seemed to enjoy the playful back-and-forth.
"You two are like a walking rom-com," she said with a dramatic sigh, throwing her apron over her shoulder.
"Thanks, Grace," you said.
Just as you finished saying that, a young mom entered, two kids in tow, their eyes immediately lighting up at the sight of the cookies.
"Free cookies?" The little boy’s face broke into a wide grin, and his sister tugged on their mom’s sleeve.
"You got it," you said with a smile, handing them each a cookie from the counter. The kids eagerly tore into them, eyes wide with excitement.
Noah chuckled softly as he watched the kids, clearly amused by their enthusiasm as their mother asked for a coffee with double cream. "Guess the cookies are doing their job."
And then more customers filtered in, all taking advantage of the free treats, the shop’s atmosphere becoming warmer and busier by the minute. Behind the counter, you and Grace fell into a comfortable rhythm, as you kept chatting with Noah in front of you. The gentle hum of the café was the perfect backdrop to the easy conversation between the two of you.
Noah was eating one of your cookies when you grabbed a few of them off a tray and slid them into a small paper bag.
"Hey," you said, catching his attention as you held up the bag. "I made sure to save a few extras for Luna. I think she'll like these."
He glanced at it, his expression softening.
"I'm sure she will, thank you."
"No problem."
"I’ll make sure she gets them later. She’s been asking me when we can come by the café to see you again."
"Tell her to come soon then. I’ll save some fresh ones just for her."
Noah chuckled. "She'll love that for sure."
As the door kept chiming, the steady flow of people seemed to spill into the shop, drawn in by the combination of free cookies and the cozy charm of the space. You caught glimpses of families, couples, and people with books or laptops, all taking a seat and enjoying the welcoming ambiance.
It was simple but you loved it.
You were putting a glass on a shelf behind the counter when you glanced out of the front window, and everything stopped.
Outside, several trucks were pulling up, unloading large boxes and equipment. Workers scurried around, setting things up.
You stared at the scene, your chest tightening.
They were putting up a sign.
Jason’s Ink Studio.
A sharp breath hitched in your throat, the realization setting in. You didn't know what to expect, but seeing that name in the world again? It felt like the ground shifted under your feet.
Your ex was back.
The sign went up, clear as day.
Jason’s Ink Studio.
And as you stood there, the noise of the café faded around you, replaced by the pounding beat of your own heart in your ears.
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dadbodbuck · 3 days ago
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does the swallow dream of flying?
Rating: G | WC: 1.6k | Pairing: Buck/Tommy
Summary:
Tommy calls Eddie after he breaks up with Buck. Eddie has some choice words for him. Coda for 8x06.
{ Read it here on Ao3! }
OR read below!
“Eddie,” Tommy says, voice hoarse on the other end of the line. He sounds—if not drunk, then so heartbroken it sounds like inebriation. “I wanted to—I’m calling to say goodbye.”
Eddie’s not quite sure if he means it the way he thinks he does, but his stomach almost falls out through the soles of his feet anyway. He sits bolt upright in bed, carefully extricating himself away from Buck, who’s doing his best impression of a endoparasite (“A parasite that lives on the skin of its host, Eddie, it’s really fascinating stuff—”) and somehow latched onto Eddie’s waist with an iron grip while also being dead asleep.
What little vestiges of sleep had been clinging to him fall completely away as he steps into his own hallway, quietly hissing, “Are you okay? Where are you?”
“I mean—at home?” Tommy says, confused, and okay, yeah, he’s definitely slurring his words a little, “Where else would I be?”
Eddie sighs and drags a hand over his face. “Are you going to be safe? Do I need to call someone?”
“No! No, it’s not like that,” Tommy assures him, “Sorry, I should have clarified. I’ll be okay. This is just… this is it. For us. Since Ev—since Buck and I broke up.”
“From what I heard, you’re the one who broke up with him,” Eddie huffs, “Or did I just spend the last three hours getting snot on my nice white shirt for a mutual thing?”
“This is what I mean!” Tommy insists, “He’s your best friend. I’m—I know I don’t rank that high. I just… fuck, I really enjoyed spending time with you these past six months. It’ll—it’ll always be,” a rough, shaky breath, “I’ll remember it fondly.”
Eddie feels a shocking flare of irritation, and it leads him out onto his back patio, so he knows he won’t wake Buck up. “What the fuck happened, man?”
“I had—I had to end it,” Tommy says, with a shake in his voice like a motorcycle’s death wobble, “It wasn’t going to last. If I didn’t pull the plug it would have broken me. I didn’t want to—I didn’t want it to get to the point where either one of us would get our hearts broken.”
“Really? Because from where I’m sitting, neither one of you sound especially put together right now,” Eddie positively seethes, “He’s fucking gutted, Kinard. He told me—” (“I didn’t know if I loved him this morning, and then he called me Buck and I felt sick. What—what else could it be?”) “—well, he told me a lot that, frankly, I don’t think you should hear from anyone but him. And you don’t even know what you did to him because you ran! You didn’t even try—”
“Please stop,” Tommy says, sounding smaller than Eddie has ever heard him, “It’s… it’s better this way.”
“Better for who?” Eddie snaps.
“For him!” Tommy insists, “For both of us, but especially for him. I’m not the forever guy. I’m not his forever guy, and I’m not yours, either. I just want… I want a clean break. I—I want—”
There’s a sniffle, a choked-off sob, and Tommy says, “I just want to be left alone. It would hurt less if people would just leave me the fuck alone.”
“That’s a shitty excuse, and you know it,” Eddie accuses, “Tommy, listen. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, I’m saying this because—despite the fact that you’re apparently the biggest idiot I’ve ever met—I care about you. I care about you outside of your relationship to Buck. Or did you forget the fact that you were my friend before you were his boyfriend?”
“So, what,” Tommy says, irritation seeping into his voice, “You want to keep talking to me? I know how that goes. You’ll text me every once in a while, we won’t hang out if Buck’s going to be there, so you’ll lose interest and our fun trips and sparring sessions will be fewer and further between, and it’ll hurt. It’ll hurt worse than this. Why do you think I’m doing this, Eddie? I’m doing this because it’s the only way I can keep myself sane.
“You want to know why? You want to know why I broke up with him? Because I woke up the morning of our anniversary and realized I was falling in love with him. I haven’t been able to eat. I haven’t been able to sleep. I—I realized I would let him do anything to me, and that’s not something I ever want to feel again. So I couldn’t. There—there’s your fucking answer. I broke up with him because a little heartbreak is better than ever letting myself get hurt like that ever again.”
The words kind of prickle at some sense in the back of Eddie’s brain. The anger fades a little, and into something a lot more like concern. “Hurt like what, Tommy?”
“I don’t—I don’t know how to tell someone no once they’re in my life like that,” Tommy confesses through gritted teeth, “Maybe it’s my dad’s fault, maybe Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’s fault, maybe it’s just me. Every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended in me making the same mistake. I stayed too long, I let them—I let them believe I wanted to marry them, or I let them take out their anger on me, or I—I—other stuff. Evan—Buck doesn’t deserve that.”
“You’re right,” Eddie acquiesces, “He doesn’t. He deserves a partner who can communicate openly with him. Which you had been doing. You’re capable of being open, Tommy. You did it before.”
Tommy pauses on the other end of the line. “I—I don’t know what to do, Eddie.”
“Did you want to break up with him?” Eddie presses.
“No,” Tommy says, easy as breathing, “Of course not. I want him around for the rest of my life. But that’s… selfish.”
“And breaking up with him because you don’t want to talk through something difficult and scary is so altruistic,” Eddie counters, “You know, there’s this thing Buck says about love—you don’t find it, you make it. I think he heard it on a scene we were at years ago. From this old gay couple, been together for decades and decades.”
Tommy’s quiet on the other end, and then Eddie hears the hitch of his breath. Tommy is sobbing, silent and restrained, but so hard the exhalation of breath sounds nearly painful.
(“I’m starting to think the curse wasn’t just Billy Boils. Maybe it’s me—I mean, I move into Abby’s place, and she leaves me. I pick out an apartment with Ali, and she leaves me. Taylor moves in, and she leaves me. And now this? I can’t… Eddie, I can’t keep doing this. I’m—maybe I’m just the guy who’s good for a fun time, not a long time. I—what am I doing wrong?”
“Buck, you’re not doing anything wrong. I’m so sorry.”
“Do you think—do you think you could ever fall in love with me?”
“I think if I wasn’t this way, I already would have.”)
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Tommy,” Eddie says, “But I really think you should talk to him. Tell him where your head’s at. Buck’s really good at—at understanding why you hurt him, and he’s even better at forgiving.”
“I—I—I can’t—”
“You can,” Eddie insists, “So pull yourself together, do some box breathing, get some sleep, and come over to my house tomorrow. I’ll make my hangover cure. I’ll lock the doors if I have to.”
Tommy’s quiet, which Eddie interprets as a fully-blown panic attack.
“If you don’t, I will call Athena Grant,” Eddie threatens, “You don’t want to know the things she’s willing to do for Buck. I’ve seen her break at least three laws with my own eyes.”
This, at least, gets a laugh out of Tommy. “Okay—Jesus, yeah. What time?”
“If you’re not over here by nine I’m sending the cavalry,” Eddie says primly, “And bring flowers. Nobody’s ever gotten Buck flowers before.”
Tommy takes a slow, shaky breath out. “Thanks, Eddie. You didn’t—you didn’t have to do all this for me.”
“Everyone always says Buck has a habit of worming his way into your heart, but nobody ever talks about me,” Eddie grins, “You’re stuck with me now, Kinard. Rain or shine. Even when you’re the stupidest motherfucker on the planet.”
“I’ll text you tomorrow when I’m on my way,” Tommy says, “I’ll—I should go eat some carbs and drink water now.”
“Take care of yourself, man,” Eddie says, “And don’t you ever call me to say goodbye again. Or break up with Buck like that. Also—call him Evan. It’s fucking weird to hear you call him Buck.”
“Okay,” Tommy acquiesces, quiet. “Damn. I was so worried about falling in love with Evan that I didn’t even realize I already loved you.”
“I’m sneaky like that,” Eddie says, “I’ll see you tomorrow—or else.”
(The next day, Tommy knocks on the door at nine sharp. He hasn’t changed out of his pajamas, his hair is a mess, he looks too gaunt and the bags under his eyes could fit a small country. But he’s holding a bouquet of wildflowers.
“I got this one because they’re the same color as your eyes,” Tommy says to Buck, who stands in the living room with his mouth ajar.
“What’s going on right now?” Buck says, eyes darting over to Eddie suspiciously.
“I’m going on a walk,” Eddie says, putting his sunglasses on his forehead and twisting at the hips to pop his back, “Don’t fuck on any of my furniture.”)
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hiraethwrote · 2 days ago
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VENT SESSION LETS GOOOO — you’re allowed to scroll if you don’t care mwah
i spend an ungodly amount of hours on this app, and i look at you as my friends so just want to let you guys know
i am also a very nosy person myself, so seems only fair i share my own situation. but if you don’t care about all this, you can just keep scrolling. i honestly don’t mind lol
anyways… a few weeks ago, i told you guys i was going through something that was kinda heavy — yeah my bf and i were going through some stuff and started seeing someone professionally… we broke up
there was an understanding that this might be outcome when we first opened up this can of worms, and there turned out to be a lot of underlying issues that both of us had refused to acknowledge
it was definitely a mutual decision. though it’s a hard pill to swallow, we came to the conclusion it was the best for the both of us
we want such vastly different things in life, things neither of us should compromise on. to me, life came at me a lot faster than i anticipated and felt like there were things left unexplored — and neither of us want to hold the other person back from what we want
however, this is a person i have been with for six years, a quarter of my life. there’s obviously a lot of shared history which is hard to let go of. it’s also so incredibly painful when we’re not splitting due to lack of affection and love for the other person, but because our desires and wants in life just don’t align
he is still my best friend, and because of how our life situation is, we will continue living together as we have been doing for the past three years (he only lives here half the time due to work), until i move across the country when summer comes. we’re also going to celebrate christmas together because it just feels right lol
i would say i am doing as well as i can… we are obviously on good terms, but this is probably one of the hardest things i’ll go through. it is the biggest heartbreak of my life. but that is really just a sign that the time we’ve shared together haven’t been a waste. we can be proud of the fact that we’ve been honest, faithful, respectful and kind throughout the entirety of our relationship, to the point where this is so hard even though it’s the right decision
obviously, i am very scared of the path that lies ahead. he has been by my side for the better half of a decade, and i have the privilege of exploring things on my own. it’s obviously what i have been missing in my life, so i am excited for what’s to come, but terrified of living a life he’s not going to be such a big part of anymore
but things are going to be fine. idk how long it will take, i am suspecting very long, but i know in my bones this is for the best for us both. so with time, i will be happy
and not to worry, i have a fantastic support system. i have incredible friends who are there for me. i am lucky to have a family who is not guilting me about leaving a long term relationship, despite also being sad. and i’ve learned i have a great community on here who has showed so much kindness, and i am so grateful <3
that being said — i am not planning on taking a break from tumblr lol. if anything, i am starting to get out of my writers block. this past week i have written more than i have the last month so that’s good! i think i might try and be a little more productive than i have been the past few weeks (at least i hope so, work is picking up again hehe)
not putting this out here for sympathy or anything, but just a little update. i am interested in the lives of those i follow, so maybe some of you are interested in mine
wishing everyone a nice weekend 🫶🏻 i got work in the morning (day after the breakup that’s fun)
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honeyjars-sims · 2 days ago
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3.36 Left the Building
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Later that night, I remember what Lexie said about not letting any opportunities to get away from me and decide I should try to find a way to get Lacey alone.
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I just can't find the right moment. It seems like one of us is always heading off into our tent for a nap or busy eating or caught up in conversation with someone else.
It doesn't help that Lexie keeps looking at me expectantly. It feels like everyone else is waiting for me to make my move and having all eyes on me just adds to the pressure.
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At one point we're all gathered around the campfire when Lacey starts asking Paul about school.
"Are you planning on staying at Foxbury for med school?" she inquires.
"No, actually I was accepted into Sequoia State," he explains. "I'm going to take my last few courses at Foxbury over the summer, then I'm moving here in the fall."
"Oh, that's cool! I guess we'll be seeing you around more then."
I feel my stomach drop a bit and decide I should intervene before Lacey and Paul start making plans together. Lacey starts coughing and I seize the opportunity.
"I could use some fresh air," I break in. "Sounds like you could, too, Lacey."
"Yeah, that would be nice," she replies, and we walk away from the others.
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"I hope you don't mind that I singled you out, but I thought you could use a break from the smoke," I tell her.
"Oh, no, that's fine," she responds. "Actually, I was hoping we would get the chance to be alone."
"You were?"
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"Don't act so surprised," she says, a smile spreading across her face. "I thought it was obvious I was into you."
"Well, I guess I wasn't sure. Actually, I thought you might be interested in Paul."
She wrinkles her nose. "Paul? He's nice and all, but he's not really my type. He can be kind of a dork sometimes."
"He's not that bad," I say before realizing I'm defending the guy I've been insecure about. "Anyway, what is your type?"
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"Well, I like a guy who can make me laugh. Someone who's comfortable being himself and goes for what he wants."
This would be the perfect moment for me to ask her out or kiss her or something, but none of that happens. Instead we're interrupted by the ungodly sound of someone retching their guts out behind us.
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We turn to see Lucy hunched over and violently expelling the contents of her stomach onto the ground. Any chance of a romantic moment happening tonight is effectively ruined.
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We walk back towards the others, who are gathered around Lucy in concern.
"Are you okay?" Paul asks her. He runs down a list a symptoms but Lucy denies that anything's wrong.
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"I'm fine, really," she insists, like she hadn't just recreated a scene from The Exorcist in the middle of the woods.
"Oh, so you expelled the demon, then?" I ask.
"Yes, Pazuzu has left the building."
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In the morning we start packing up and prepare to leave.
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"So did you do it?" Lexie asks, referring to me asking Lacey on a date.
"No. I was about to, but then Lucy...you know. Kinda ruined the moment."
Lexie laughs. "Yeah, that would do it."
"But look, I need you to lay off a bit about Lacey," I say, kindly but firmly. "I know you mean well, but it's a lot of pressure."
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"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I know I'm being overzealous. I just want you to be happy."
"And I will be. I am. I had a rough few months, but I'm in a really good place right now."
"That's great! I guess I just felt guilty about everything. I hate that I hurt you."
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"I know. But I don't even think about that much anymore. I mostly think about how much you cared about and supported me. Maybe your feelings for me weren't romantic, but they were still real."
"They were, and still are. You're like the brother I never had, and I miss you like crazy." She's starting to tear up, and I know now that whatever negative feelings I had about our breakup are gone. They left the building with Pazuzu.
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"I miss you, too. I don't like not having you in my life." I wrap my arms around her. It feels nice having her in my arms again, but it's not a romantic feeling. It's more like the comfort of an old friend.
"I really do love you, Johnny."
"I love you, too, Lexie."
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Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next
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rumbletumblegalaxy-2 · 1 year ago
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yous know how RT didn't know what wordle is in the password game video?
turns out he forgot what a wordle is, which is perhaps even funnier.
basically, I was rewatching the heavy rain video, and somewhere during it, someone in chat jokes that Ethan's next trial will be solving the day's wordle, and RT goes along with it like "today's answer is just really tough" (or something to that effect) which means he did know.
but at some point between the heavy rain video and the password game video, he just. forgot. which I find way funnier than him just not knowing what it is.
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deus-ex-mona · 1 month ago
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farewell, my idiot son…
#(aka my switch’s internals got fried so the repair shop had to format it to revive it: the tragicomedy)#(wait no on further inspection they seemed to have just given up on fixing it and gave me a whole other switch instead. lmao.)#(i wonder what happened to my old switch though…)#(farewell to all of my save data… thank heavens i didnt transfer anything over from past gens of pkmn)#(but aaaaaaaaa this shiny goo was a christmas present from a former acquaintance… rip squish you wouldve loved kimikawaii mv)#man… these past couple of days have been a *l o t*.#shoutout to [job recruitment company employee] who sent me a ‘hey the job wants you :)’ message#at the exact same time that i submitted a job application form for another company. it truly was a strange coincidence i think…#but… ehe… the… the job that wants me is offering $1k more than the monthly base salary i asked for… is… is this really ok…?#nothing’s confirmed yet. but. y’know. s t i l l . is it really ok for me to get paid so much for a job that lets me skip the morning commute#and while im still reeling from all of yesterday’s happenings… squish my dear shiny goo will never be seen again…#switch save system my b e l o a t h e d#so. long story short. take good care of your gadgets and gizmos guys.#then again. maybe im not the best person to say this… i mean. i’ve bricked like. 3 personal laptops in my lifetime…#and a phone sim card. and 2-3 nokia phones. and 3 android phones. and a tablet. and—#so. yeah. uh. it’s a good idea to take care of your stuff. especially if they’re fragile.#anyway. in memoriam of squish my idiot son im gonna try to find another shiny in sv this time. i hope i can find another…#but aaaaa the map in sv is pretty huge. um. i got lost like 10 times before even making it to school…#the friends are all just. so. friend-shaped. though… i like the sandwich pal. he has priorities.#looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds thoughh. i saw spoilers on twt but i need to know how the story even unfolds bc aaaa#ok that’s it idol sengen tl is now on an extended hiatus (ch 35 has just 7 pages left to go) till i complete this game. whenever it may be.#see y’all then~~~~~~~~~~~
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carcarrot · 4 months ago
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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triglycercule · 1 month ago
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and if i said the mtt reminded me of these three idols then would i get tarred and feathered
#YES!!!! anyways when will someone draw them all in straitjackets istg#ive been on a bit of a new artist roll today. just discovered akali. and then checked out these 3#ikigusare idols i knew you 3 were mtt from the moment i saw you no doubt. a shame sango is green instead of purple#anyways mtt connection i like how niigo's left eye is the same eye that flickers killer's sans part ish eye#but like the eye is literally sewn and kept open forcefully. like hey sans part of killer you gotta b part of this 2! no looking away!#was thinking the 3rd eye on sango could be like papyrus. like 2/3 of the head is dust and 1/3 is paps#took seeing his brother to whole different level!#horror's is obvious his eye's just 1 because he's got his whole 1 eye symbolism#mtt but they all have body disformations and its all related to their eyes somehow#can just imagine like...... killer's left eyesocket bashed open and the eye floating in there while the dt goop constantly flows out of it#ikigusare idols all have the same voice and#the mtt would.... as well..... bc theyre all yhe same guy#these idols dont have canon lore im like 80% sur i can make as many crazy mtt connections to them as i possibly can#their music is so like. just a LITTLE bit off. like obviously the voices but just like the notes are just SLIGHTLY off and its so duchahahhh#im not gonna listen to them regularly bc it not my thing but hahahaha mtt........ mtt reference#my english notes have mtt references in them. my friend makes mtt references now because of me#i squeeze my shampoo into my hand in a sparkle star heart shape because of the mtt#it was 4:30 in the morning today and i saw a tiktok comment mentioning the mtt and i tried not yo scream#yk i think ive convinced myself that im not as deranged as i really am about these 3 but lime........ erm what the murder this is freaky!#someone said in a gc that they auditions for acapella and wondered if they got in#this is so mean but my first verbal reaction was literally hell no💀 its SO MEAN#theyre rubbing off on me help. i cant just say it was all the mtt's fault when i'm a goddamn asshole#NO OFFICER I SWEAR IT WAS THE SKELETONS THE THREE SKELETONS THEY POSSESSED ME TO SHOOT THE#yeah....... lets not continue down that path (i say as i made several 9/11 jokes today unprompted)#god typing out tags with silly comments like these are so satisfying :3 always forget how much i luuuuv thumblr#DAMN my typing style has changed a LOT from what i remember. in just a couple of months ive evolved#tricule rant
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mad-hunts · 2 months ago
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just randomly got reminded of the fact that gerard way just randomly decided to be silly one day and create his own character designs for his own batman universe that DC was interested in + TBH, since all of the characters in it are very gothic, i just think that barton would wear eyeliner and have his mask resemble a porcelain doll's as well as have big 80's-esque hair in this hypothetical universe
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silverselfshippingchaos · 4 months ago
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r.une is so awesome! he's the kindest guy ever and I always drop by the thieves guild whenever I'm not doing anything just to hear his pretty voice
#ash rambles 💚#and he's handsome!#steal me away 🐉#ugh it's been so long since i've played s.kyrim#or uh. anything other than c.yberpunk#school keeps me busy and#i also got some wisdom teeth removed today! and two other teeth! it's... not the most comfortable! I'm trying to stay chill about it but#FUCK i miss solid food so much#anyways I'll try my best to get some sleep! I'm trying to downplay it but it's probably not a good idea to like. not rest after all that#so yeah if i havent been as activate as of late it's just a mixture of that + school + me trying to platinum cy.berpunk 2077#i think I'm at about 75% trophy achievement? which isnt bad at all#sorry i was talking about r.une#s.kyrim has ass lighting but. his eyes are actually green! i just think he's sooooo handsome!#I can't really kiss since my face is all swollen but i am mentally kissing him all over! he's just such a sweet guy! i know i ship with a#lot of men that are a little rough around the edges but. not him#he's just a genuinely nice guy#(ignorethat hes part of the thieves guild)#oh speaking of I've started to play o.ctopath 2 again. starting to drag myself out of my gaming slump#it's just... been such a crazy last few weeks. with school and life and my mouth... and the roadtrip in which our tire went kaboom in the#middle of nowhere.. everyone is okay but it's still definitely a moment that made me go 'what the hell is wrong with ash's life' LMAAAOO#gonna save that story for the grandkids! BAHAHAHAHAA#oh speaking of kiddos. i've been developing the kiddo for s.eifer a lot as of late! her name is selena + she wields a gunblade like her pap#and just like how her papa has a thing for s.quall (/hj) she has a thing for s.quall's kid LMAAAOO#ah shit it's almost 3am.. I'm gonna go to sleep! i should rest after today#good night my friends#or. well. good morning. since you know. it's so late ajdkahsjq#I'll get back to the regularly scheduled f/o posting eventually <3#your knight until the end 🤍#also also I've been reading john koenigs the dictionary of obscure sorrows and annotating it like the nerd i am. fucking hell it's so good#apologies to all my friends who keep getting spammed with me analyzing it LMAAAAOO y'all are the best
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squishosaur · 1 year ago
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thoughts on what i should change my theme to, guys?? :<
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littlekingbergara · 1 year ago
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my boss was like "yeah she thought she was doing us a favor by telling us she's moving six weeks in advance but we haven't found anyone to replace her 🫤" WELL i told you six weeks ago but you didnt post anywhere that you were hiring until last fucking week so do not try to put that on me.
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dirt-str1der · 2 years ago
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Do you consider any of the non protagonist yakuza girls well writen?
I think none of them had rights
#Thanks for the ask !#like you have to actively like girls to notice them theyre inconsequential#also who is this why are you sewing discorse in my inbox#i spelled discourse wrong. my mom ordered the dog trainers to train ollie right now because he is insane and hes eating soo many treats#not because hes a good boy but because they are tossing that shit at him#they were literally almost there with yasuko#i thought her story was so fucking interesting ...#like its really not a fault of the girls they are all pretty good characters in their own right#like we have a variety of them too. we had miss tatsu who was out there turning guys inside out but she randomly had to go get kidnapped in#order to complete kiryus training arc. like how funny would it be for the whole thing to be staged and miss tatsus like Lol good job kiryu#for passing my test. oh this guy ? yeah he did get the better of me but i kicked the shit out of him then roped him into my schemes. dont#you think practical application is more effective than training ? anyway theres nothing more i can teach you but you can come train whenevr#we didnt even get an in game appearance for yuko but apparently she was a massive troll but too cute to get into any real trouble#mirei was. . . i literally said ‘are you kidding me’ when they revealed what happened to her like seriously ? is this real ? they did#that ? like literally she should have been living it up in cahoots with katsuya and being so sexy and divorced forever. she should have#faked her death because every single parentsl figure haruka had leaves her. and god haruka like honest to god i love that she just ran off#like that i thought it was so kiryu of her to be an absent father. but also my friends have all brought up very good points which is that#haruka should NOT have gone back to morning glory like she should have stayed in ono michi with her loser girlfriend whos a boyfriend with#her new extended family and only go back every now and then to see her siblings honestly i hated that .... like girl spread your wings ..#choose where you want to roost stop going back !! just get out !!!!!! its literally okay to tell the rest of your family ‘i dont wanna wipe#your asses forever i love you guys but im out of here’. and god i .. as much as i loved y0 makoto should have left her shitassed husband#girl had a whole ass baby with him ... find someone better im sorry ..!!! like whatever i know that thst was the ‘best’ option for her and#she deserves financial stability and a rich doctor husband but she also deserves crazy sex with a girl with one eye#i think what yumi did was awesome but like. actually i have no complaints about yumi. wait no i do. kazama was a shitass for marrying her#off to that politician because he couldnt stand having a woman in his house. im now thinking of that unecessarily hot doctor from y0 wtf was#her deal. and god the unnecessarily hot cho-han lady from y5.. oh wait ako had rights. she fell in love with kiryu at first sight then got#over him which is literally the best thing a girl could do for herself. PLUS she throws molotovs and is generally awesome#i cant remember any other girl. oh yeah god reina. .. reina .... god milky though .... i think she was fantastic and i want her badly. and#yayoi fucking disappeared after a certain point in time and ran off to another city with her baby daddy and sugared him to open a bar#well its not canon but im certain thats what happened because she literally went radio silence like girl where are you ....
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freckleslikestars · 4 months ago
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The kids I teach think I’m magic because I have a puzzle ring that falls apart when I take it off but stays together when I wear it. It’s just very sweet.
#one of them wrote a story for English class with me as the main character because of it#I had a rabbit sidekick and was the lost child of the queen#I also one time called the robot tattoo behind my ear my lucky robot that keeps me safe#and they’ve developed a whole mythos around how all of my tattoos give me powers.#(the actual reason the robot keeps me safe is cause he reminds me it’s okay to stop masking and sink back into my natural roboticness)#he’s my ward against autistic burnout)#like. I just love the way kids think.#anyway it was our end of year show today and my two little baby classes did me really proud and I might have cried a little#they’re the first time I’ve had a full class on my own that I’ve not shared with other teachers#and this year has just…it’s been a fascinating learning curve and yeah#my boss was like ‘watching you today with them made me somewhat envious of the rapport you’ve managed to develop with them and how well they#respond and interact with you’ and I’m looking at this guy that I’ve looked up to for over 15 years now like? that’s what I’ve always been#envious of you over like every single kid you teach loves you. and like we just had a really good conversation about the different dynamics#yeah I just needed to ramble cause it’s half three in the morning and I’ve only just got home and my little ones were so good!#like! uhhhh they’ve had a really difficult year for various reasons and we’ve hit so many roadblocks but they went out today and danced#their little hearts out.#my ballet group also showed up and actually performed my choreo properly for the first time ever. with technique!#do they do that in class? never seen it. but they were so good. ahhhhhh.#also the group that I perform with had our final performance as a group after dancing together in one configuration or another for ten years#and it was kind of emotional and there were lots of hugs and tears.#and it’s wild because I’ve seen these kids grow from 9-10 year olds to like…nearly adults and I’m just like…I’m so proud of you guys#they’re all going off into the world to be awesome
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starrbucky · 6 months ago
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#cant believe i spent three years telling myself he was just a guy and i was in love with the idea of him not the real him#and that he was nothing special yada yada yada#and then he had the AUDACITY to come back into my life and prove to me that i was WRONG#and i tried SO HARD to deny it but hes SO GOOD goddamn him#hes sooo kind and thoughtful and smart and gentle and i HATE HIM i want to see him every day for the rest of MY LIFE#i want to make him breakfast!!! do you know how bad it has to be for me to want to make a man ANYTHING?#i want to cook a nice warm breakfast and bring it to him in bed and wake him up gently and all that shit that makes me want to VOMIT#FOR A MAN#i cant stress how fucking out of the ordinary that is for me#and still he wants nothing to do with me!#he cares about me. and he obviously thinks im smart and has a pretty good opinion of me#and theres no doubt hes attracted to me cause he cant treat me like a normal fucking human being and be my friend without hitting on me#but he does not WANT ME#he doesnt eat breakfast! hes always in a rush in the morning so he prefers to just skip it! he wouldnt eat breakfast in bed anyway!#and now that ive finally come to this realisation hes fucking MOVING#and im the only one he told like WHY would he do that when he knows i cant be normal about him!!!#and when i reacted the way that i did to the news he tought i was worried about my promotion of all things#cause yeah hes also my boss in all of this since things were so easy#and im like how can you be the smartest person i know and also so fucking DUMB i dont give a shit about a promotion i want you to STAY#STAY.HERE.WHERE I AM. WHERE I CA MAKE YOU BREAKFAST AND PRETEND I JUST CASUALLY BROUGHT FOOD TO WORK WHEN I BROUGHT IT JUST SO THAT I COULD#OFFER IT TO YOU AND YOU COULD SAY NO. I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY NO AND I STILL WANT YOU TO STAY#and i cant say that to him cause i know he KNOWS and thered be no point but im fucking going craaaazy over this like THIS IS NOT ME#and in all of this i know i deserve better. cause i know hes stringing me along whether hes aware of it or not but im tired of this#this has been going on for five years now. im tired of it#and yet i yearn😩 boy do i yearn#anyway ill be back in a couple of months with the next installment of how this 5y half situationship is fucking over my life#for the time being just#ignore me
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