#anyway this is just some dumb bullshit idk why i even bothered typing it all up

[proserpine-in-phases]

I was reading a ship rating post and it derided one ship as basically oc/ oc because the two canon characters have very little to no characterization (character a has like, only one character trait, character b shows up for like 1 minute and just stands there looking pretty), which honestly, sure that's pretty fair they are honestly pretty much shared fandom ocs at this point, but you dont have to be an asshole about it

Especially since they then rated another ship between character b and a third character, who ALSO has basically no canon personality and so it's basically oc/ oc, really really highly

Like come on bud, be consistant, either you like background character ships or you dont, they're both literally the same concept

[daaziscoolbesties]

minecraft endermen are really weird. theyre unnatural and make me feel off.

when i was a small child like seven years ago i would always play minecraft on creative mode and i made an ugly ass enderman "farm" made out of bricks. i had an enderman spawn egg and id just spam it and the enderman couldnt get out (so i thought). anyways having them in this enclosure was probably so i could feel "powerful" over them because to date theyre still the only mob in minecraft that makes me anxious. even above skeletons(which i used to have a horrible fear of (the real life ones not mc ones)) and spiders (which i still have a horrible fear of (again the real life ones not mc)). anyways the endermen just ended up completely teleporting out of the farm and i checked on my world the next day and they were all gone and i didnt appreciate it (this was the same world where my brother blew up my pets but thats a different story).

anyways back to endermen. besides the fact that i just didnt like dying and i did like building ugly structures, one of the main reasons i didnt play survival much for a while, or if i did id put it on peaceful, was because of the enderman. every time i passed one my heart would drop and if i happened to look it in the eye on accident my throat would feel like its closing up and idk why. if it sounds like im bullshitting you or not remembering correctly i swear im not because it still happens actually.

i play survival a ton more now simply because i enjoy it more, it feels like theres actually a goal to achieve, but i never really make efforts toward said goal(ya know, beating the dragon). none of my worlds are really created with the intention of beating the dragon, and therefore i dont have to worry about endermen. if i happen to be outside my house and theres one there, no worries i just wait for it to go away. it may spook me for a sec but im fine.

but recently me and my sister started a world with the sole purpose of beating the dragon. we may have cheated a little (like putting on keep inventory cause honestly we both suck at pvp and have died so many times) but its okay cause thats it. we still have to fight endermen to get pearls for the end portal. and so we were hanging out in the nether and made a little two block tall hidey hole and id stand by the front and taunt endermen to get them to come close so i could kill them without them being able to get to me and it worked really well actually. except for the fact that to get them to come near i had to get them to aggro onto me and to do that i have to look them in the eye and you know where this is going. and so i was like "it has been so long since i looked an enderman in the eye surely i cant still be scared of them" and i turn to my sister like "<sister> you stay in the hole ill get us some pearls"

so i go out and taunt the dudes and guess what bitch got the pit in their stomach from these fuckers!! thats right bestie and my throat started to close up and i started talking to my sister again but i could tell me voice was off from it and i dont know why it happens but it pisses me off. like theyre not even scary looking theyre just a bit odd. and i continue to do this and kill the endermen and it just. doesnt. stop. my throat keeps closing up and im not "in pain" or anything just inconvenienced like what the fuck dude its a bunch of fucking pixels. i dont know its weird.

and now this part is gonna sound super fuckin stupid but ever since i started watching dsmp i immediately got attached to ranboo (cc! and c!) and knowing that c!ranboo was half enderman made me really think "hm endermen arent that bad. granted i havent interacted with one in a while but still not that bad. perhaps my favorite hostile mob" because you know people get attached to characters and think dumb things. and then again ranboo's character straight up existing and also this one specific headcanon i saw that was like "endermen use telepathy to talk so when a player looks at them all their thoughts get projected into them and it hurts their brain :((" makes me feel kinda bad for aggro-ing them and killing them again even though its literally just some pixels dude. my brain is not kind to me about this stuff and its really dumb.

i dont know what about the endermen staring back at me sets off the sort of fight-or-flight that makes me unable to breathe for a second but its something. its not the fact that their jaws basically unhinge when theyre mad because the throat closing up sensation happens before that. it happens when i look at an enderman and it looks back up at me and holds my gaze. i dont know. i dont know why im worked up(even slightly) over a video game. theyre still my favorite hostile mob i think (not just because of ranboo honestly the other hostile mobs just kinda suck).

and also i like the idea of how humanoid they are. not human. humanoid. they have the basic aspects of a minecraft human- square, head, torso, legs, arms, eyes. most mc skins dont even have mouths anyways just eyes. but the endermen have these features differently than us. their eyes are unnatural, legs and arms too long, body all one color, one that can blend in, and you can only see its purple eyes staring you down from a distance. theyre basically just cryptids.

despite skeletons and even zombies looking closer to the player than the endermen, they still seem the most human-like of all of the mobs. they arent aggressive unless provoked. they dont like eye contact(socially awkward). they like picking up stuff and moving it around. theyre curious (i cant explain this one they just are, okay?). even the sounds they make are just phrases like "hey" "hello" "whats up" distorted and in reverse.

i want to know more about them.

i want to know where they came from.

why theyre found in every dimension.

why they sound like us.

i want explanations, i want to know why they scare us.

i want to know if they know.

if they know that we're like them in some way.

that some of us dont mean harm, but for others thats all they want to do to the endermen.

i saw a post once that said "what taught humans to be wary of things that look human, but arent?" i believe the phenomenon is called uncanny valley. what if in the minecraft universe, the thing that taught us that was endermen. or rather, the thing that taught the endermen that was us? because again, the endermen pose no threat to us unless theyre provoked. by one of us. the endermen try to communicate with us- "⊑⟒⊬" "⍙⊑⏃⏁⌇ ⎍⌿?"- but we kill them without reason. thats why they dont like eye contact, its been ingrained in them through evolution that eye contact with a human/player will end in death, and they dont want it to be theirs, so they attack first.

we- or rather, the first minecrafters, maybe (in the lore(?)) people before the game, taught the endermen to fear us. i mean we literally kill them, use their remains to enter their home dimension, and then kill their leader/mother. they do their best to stop us, but we can respawn and they cant. and then, some people even go as far as to make farms, having them all spawn in one place, crowded, cant teleport out- their only defense mechanism gone- and then are slaughtered for their pearls. and due to the mass of these farms there will be chests upon chests full of pearls that no one's using, i saw someone the other day ask what people do with them and someone straight up said they just burn them like god what a waste.

"but izzy, players make mob farms all the time and not just for endermen!!!1!!11! why are the endermen ones so bad why are you only talking about those1!1!1!!!1" 1) because i can, 2) this is an endermen-themed post, and 3) i dont like the other mobs. and of course im not actually mad at the players who like beating the game and making endermen farms and such, i mean thats what it is its all just a game just a bunch of code, 0's and 1's, so why does it matter why bother writing a whole post on it?

because when you look paste the game, when you read in between those ones and zeroes and discover this non-intentional lore, it can make things so much more,, interesting. this is fanfic material. hell, its probably fanart material too. its all for the content to see what the community can create i guess. or maybe i just really like talking about endermen and this has been on my mind for two days now and once i started typing i couldnt stop.

but yeah, thats my final thoughts.

we, humans, experience uncanny valley about the endermen.

but the endermen experience uncanny valley about the players.

[syubub]

ENERGY CHECKUP: YOONGI (again)

Now, I know I've already done an energy check up on yoon but I wanted to see how he was doing now that he's gotten his shoulder surgery!

Disclaimer time: tarot is not to be takes as fact and is my interpretation if the cards :) entertainment purposes only~

SHIT IS STRANGE (it is Yoongi though so I'm not too shocked)

So. For starters, his energy is pretty calm and chill. He's also a bit more quiet?

I wrote a note that tomorrow is exciting... idk I wrote it down and I'm not sure if its exciting for him or for us? Maybe its just a general like, "tomorrow is a good day" type thing.

Now. 11... I wrote this down and I'm not sure why though I believe that he might be seeing 11:11 on the clock or possibly that something exciting is happening for him at 11:11 (I just checked and thats in like an hour and a half from when I'm writing this down(( update i just finished writing the whole post and it is about 11 minutes away)) idk. I make no promises but I wrote it down so there you go.

I also kept seeing plants and I'm not sure if people got him flowers or plants as a "get well" type thing or maybe he's stressing bc someone has to water his plants lol

Okay. Okay. Hear me out. Black bean noodles. It popped into my head and I was told to write it down but I'm also really hungry so take that with a grain of fucking salt. (I even pictured a nice elaborate bowl that was red as well as the take out container. Yum. Send me noodles)

MOVING ON

Here's the actual reading lol. He is bored.

Thats all. Thank you for coming.

Jk

I joke. The cards give me a kind of frazzled feeling? Its the struggle of knowing hes done something good but it comes at a cost. Yoongi works. A lot. All the goddamn time. So what now? He's having this shake up thats forcing him to deal with stuff. Him having this surgery also may have brought back some less than favorable memories/ feelings that hes being forced to deal with now. Over all though he feels like its good. The 6 of wands makes me think that he's thinking of our response when he comes back. Its like he's gonna be so much more confident in himself and his dancing and he can finally move on from the car accident? It happed so long ago but he literally carried this burden with him. Its good. The wheel of fortune and is about a change and the 8 of swords is about self imposed restriction, imprisonment and over all bad/ negative feelings. I pulled the wheel of fortune first and asked what was changing and that was the 8 of swords. This surgery is helping to free him from this restricting, painful thing that may have been reminding him of the past! YES HEALING

Now. For this section I just kinda asked "whats up?" And got, easy does it, divine life purpose l, balancing masculine and feminine energies and uplift your thoughts. He may be resting but he's got his mind working on 3,000 my dude. Its the regular "yoongi is woke af" bullshit but damn. The cards say what they say. He's preparing. I'll come back to this.

Now the 7 of cups and the 3 of swords. I asked how he felt about missing out on promoting. He's heart broken with the 3 of swords. It genuinely pains him. And with the 7 of cups he might feel like there's a lot of ways this can play out and he's considered a lot of options.

I was curious how he felt about me coming into his energy so I asked him what he thought of me. Lol. These each came out separately. We got, 2 of cups, four of wands, the empress, justice, the magician, the sun and the lovers. Ha

So. To add to the mood setting my guide said "he's a drama queen" lol yeah he is.

So so so so so. I was confused? Still am a little confused but I'm like 80.9% sure that he isn't bothered by me poking around in his energy n shit. In fact my theory is that he's using this connection to his advantage? Lol sounds dumb but my best guess is that home boy sees my energy/ what I'm doing as a way to figure out his own shit? Idk maybe he thinks I'm his energetic therapist. Maybe even a matchmaker (I mean... I have been putting a lot of energy and work into finding/ connecting with his soulmate so maybe he's letting me do all the dirty work) I really don't understand but I got no further explanation.

Oki oki oki. Now. I was drawn to 2 books. The kybalion and the prophet. I asked yoon if there was any messages that we wanted to point out through the books and I got a number for each book so I took it as page numbers. 28 for the prophet and 54 for the kybalion

Take what you will from these if it calls to you. I haven't read these since I was around 13? The sentiments for each felt important to me so I'm curious what you all might think/ feel when reading these? ( I also get the feeling that Yoongi has read the prophet idk why)

Okay. At this point I was like cool, let's wrap this up but I need to talk about his pjs? Green/grey? Plaid pj bottoms don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me I don't know but It wouldn't go away so I had write it down? Help.

I had written yoongis brother down too. Theres something about him? I'm not sure what but thats all I got lol

I was very strongly told that I needed to remember 7, that its important. Got it. Worth it down.

Oki. As I was going back to the platform blah blah blah the string turned blue too. The cord is usually white or silver but it was blue so that was a fun thing and then I was like "nice. Cool. Thanks. This was awesome, get healthy blah blah" and go to leave/ end the connection but the cord wouldn't go away.

???

What.

Then the string (idk if I said but that string shit is like on the third eye? Its connected to my forehead and his too.) Kind tightens.

I'm like, "oh shit."

Listen. Usually everything is smooth and nice and I just leave.

All is well though bc my guide is like, "stop being a little bitch" so I just let it happen.

Yoon shoves me back off the edge of the platform. Why he gotta be like that?

Now. This is strange. I had dropped down into a library.

Y'ALL

I almost shit my fucking pants. Dear god.

THE AKASHIC RECORDS MY DUDE

He started walking me around until he found a blue book. His mother fucking book.

Home boy brought me to his fucking Akashic fucking blue fucking book.

I was big mad. "YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOUVE KNOWN ABIUT THIS SHIT?" And he was like, "duh"

I've never felt more disrespect lol

Also the way the library was presented was way way way different from how it looks to me. So thats an interesting note. Looking at his book, on the base of the spine is a number 7...

Oki. Cool. I asked if I could look and he said, "Sure, when you can find your way back."

This mother fucker threw me out of a meditative state. Have you ever woken up just before you hit the ground in one of those falling dreams? THAT WAS THE FEELING.

?? I'm not sure what the fuck just happened or if it holds actual significance.

Anyway. After cursing the fuck out of yoobi I started thinking what else 7 ment.

I was specifically told to remember 7 and it was on his book. Then It popped into my head (I want to say its because I'm smart and thought of it all by myself but I think that was my guide wanting me to keep my last brain cell safe). What is yoongis life path number?

Now I don't know shot about life path numbers but imma read up on them tonight. I used a life path calculator on Google. HIS LIFE PATH NUMBER IS 7 Y'ALL.

Maybe I'm dumb as fuck but yoobi never disappoints.

Conclusion: Yoon is fine. Hes just being a yoongi and a yoongi does.

⬆️Me after this reading⬆️

⬆️ Yoongi rn playing 12D chess⬆️

[eberles]

i hate u, i love u

Rafe Cameron

(gif by @toesure :)

Request: A Rafe fic based on the song “I hate u, I love you” by gnash (ft Olivia O’Brien) PLEASE MAJOR RAFE VIBES 🥺💖 @fav-imagines

A/N: I wanted to cry writing this lol idk why but it hit me right in the feels!! it’s kind of all over the place, if anyone is confused by, don’t worry bc i am too!!!! lol anyways enjoy!! (this is probably the first thing ive ever written that goes with rafe’s character) bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, cheating, lying, toxic relationship, swearing

feelin used, but im still missin you and i cant see the end of it just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but i still cant seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you

I’ve spent months sitting in my room staring at the ceiling, and at the walls. I did a full Bella Swan from New Moon and let 3 months go by without being present for any of them. I didn’t care honestly...Even after spending all that time alone, i’m not still not healed from the heartache that was caused by him. I still miss him, his scent, his kisses, his clothes, everything. Rafe.

I went out once and he was the last person I wanted or planned to see, but of course, he was the only person I actually saw. Sure, there were other people around, but none of them mattered. Everyone else felt greyed out except for him. He was the only light I could see in those short moments. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my breath hitched in my throat and it felt like there was no air left to breathe.

After months it still hurts to see him again. It hurts because I realized I still need him even after everything. I hate him. So why do I love him? The feeling of him being the only one I want, the one nobody could ever replace...it’s overwhelming and I can’t seem to shake it. But me? He replaced. It looked like it was easy from my point of view. He needed her, wanted her, and i’m not her.

i miss you when i can’t sleep or right after coffee or right when i can’t eat, i miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don’t remember. do you miss me like i miss you? fucked around and got attached to you.

My head was consumed on thoughts of you. It was constant. Like the leaky faucet in the bathroom or the loose floorboard. Always running, always broken. I miss you. Maybe you’ll come around, but for now...I wish you were here instead. When it’s late and I can’t sleep, I think about you. When it’s early and I can’t eat, I think about you.

“Where are we going?” you giggled excitedly, grabbing my hand from across the console in my truck.

“Shh, I told you it’s a surprise baby, we’re almost there anyways.” I laughed at her giggling like a kid, she had so much excitement in her eyes. She was always ready for anything, even if it was 2 in the morning and I love that about her. I love everything about her.

“Ugh fine!” she groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes in a full circle looking up at the ceiling. “Why are we at the beach?” you didn’t even give me enough time to answer before jumping out of the truck and running towards the sand laughing the entire way to the water. Once I caught up with you, I grabbed your hands and pulled you close into my chest, kissing your forehead. When we broke apart I laid down a few blankets on the sand, noticing you were cold, I also gave you my sweater.

We stared at the stars and talked about anything and everything for hours. It felt magical. We stayed until the sun came up, watching the sunset before driving back to my house for some much needed rest.

Walking over to my closet, curious to know if that same sweater ended up back in my closet after that night. I reached in, digging around not finding anything and decided to look in my dresser instead. Of course, it was folded neatly in the drawer you used to call yours. Grabbing and shaking it out I noticed the light pieces of sand that fell from it. I brought it in to my nose wondering if it still smelt like your perfume. It did. I’m always tired lately, but never of you. Do you miss me too?

if i pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit, i put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit. i type a text then i never mind that shit, i got these feelings, but you never mind that shit. you’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know.

To Y/N: i wanna talk, i think...maybe i miss y-

*delete*

To Rafe: I miss you so much, it hurt someti-

*delete*

“Y/N...what’s going on? You’re off in never never land! Do you still miss him?” Kiara asked, gently shaking my knee to gain my attention back to the group. I looked at her and around at the rest of the pogues and put a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Of course not, it’s been months! I’m so over him, guys. Besides even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” I tried so hard to sound confident. I hope they bought it. Of fucking course, I miss Rafe. I’m still in love with him for gods sake. I hate that I want him.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Sure, i’ve moved on, but I think about y/n, just about everyday. I guess for me, moving on is finding someone new, but not actually wanting anyone new. I just couldn’t bare to be alone anymore with my thoughts. I deserve better than that, personally.

“Anyways Topper, if y/n wanted me still, she would say so right?” I looked at Topper, silently hoping he would lie to me, just tell me what I want to hear, man. “If I were her, I would’ve never let me go. She’s missing out.”

“Hell yea, dude! That’s the right attitude.” Topper said, jumping up to high five me. Of course, that was the statement he was on board with. I hate that I want you.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I haven’t been to a party in months, Kiara and Sarah thought that this would be the most fitting post-break up activity for me. Maybe meet a new guy or something. I tuned out when they were telling me about it and just agreed. What I neglected to listen to, was that it was a kook party. So now, i’m at a party alone, since my friends ditched me to dance with each other. And on top of that, I watch him watch her, like she’s the only girl he’s ever seen.

It took less than an hour of being at this party for us to end up in a room alone together.

“You don’t care! You never did!” Rafe shouted, running his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with this conversation. I don’t even know how it started. One minute I was watching him with another girl, and the next he was hauling me off, away from everyone.

“You don’t give a damn about me, Rafe! How is it you never notice that you’re slowly killing me?” you wanted to yell back at him, to scream at him for putting you through this again, but you couldn’t. He didn’t say anything in return so you continued, “I hate you, and I hate that I love you, Rafe.” I’ve tried to move on, but even the simple thought of dating anyone but him, makes me physically ill. Why does it have to be like this?

“I don’t mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm, babe. Do you ever wonder what we could’ve been y/n?” He’s taunting me by asking dumb questions, as if I wanted this to happen, as if i’m the cause of all of this. Rafe’s the one that was closed off, not me. Of course, he switches the stories and i’m sure everyone at this damn party thinks I left him heart broken.

“You have a girlfriend, why are you even asking me that?” I was starting to get angry, I felt like he was toying with me.

He’s laughing. Of fucking course, he’s laughing at me. This is all one big fucking joke to him. “Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix. Isn’t that what you always told your friends Rafe?” I was furious, how could he act that way after everything? He’s still a child though, that will never change.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You were right. I did lie to you, multiple times. About where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I didn’t want you to know I was such a fuck up. You didn’t deserve the pain of finding out I was lying and cheating and drugging. You did anyways though. Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

“Rafe! Come dance with me!” I downed the rest of my drink before throwing the glass down and walking away from the new girl I was seeing. I didn’t care anymore.

I don’t want you, Y/N. I shouldn’t fucking miss you. I don’t deserve to! Seeing you again is such bullshit. If you wouldn’t have shown up here, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges, just to create some distance. You didn’t deserve that, I knew it, but at least now you might learn your lesson and stay away. It’s for the best, right?

I hate that I love her, but I can’t put nobody else above her.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I wasn’t sure if I had the closure I needed, but after that particular conversation with Rafe I felt a little better. I returned to the party with my head held high and danced with my friends. I hoped he was watching me too since i’m not sure what he was trying to do by joking around at my expense. But maybe if he thinks it didn’t bother me he will know how it fucking feels. 

I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings when love and trust is gone. I guess this is moving on. I hate you, I love you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[bunnis-babes]

Hellooo ok so idk if you write for oikawa but if you do can I please have some hcs of being with him? Like what’s it’s like I.e, how you got together, first kiss, first T I M E 😳, moving in with each other, getting engaged, getting married, having kids, it’s ok if not and that’s too much I just thought it was a cute idea

Oikawa and Life with his Lover.

U h m. HELLO???? Of course I want to write this its the perfect time to redeem myself from the atrocity that is my Oikawa relationship head cannons. They fucking suck, and I’m going to use this as a chance to kind of re-write them. Reader is female team captain for reasons.’ Also, this is gonna be long as fuck…

👽Oikawa. The king of the court. The pretty-boy-heartthrob of Seiijoh. The bane of Iwaizumi’s existence. And incredibly, incredibly single.

👽And it’s not as if he doesn’t understand why he’s single, its always the same reason: Volleyball.

👽He dedicates his life to volleyball, its one of the most important things in the world to him, but not a single one of his previous girlfriends understood that or cared at all.

👽There was also the fact that he was incredibly closed off emotionally, not really feeling any sort of a connection with them, other than a mutual pretty face.

👽It left him sad and almost empty most of the time, wanting a relationship that’s deeper than physical attraction, someone who he can open up to and will understand him and his love for volleyball.

👽Then he meets the new girls captain at Seijoh.

👽At first he doesn’t really pay her any mind, she’s not really his “type”. Though he doesn’t even know what his type is.

👽There was no denying how beautiful she was, even without makeup she glowed - even more so on the court. She lit up the room when she walked in, and all eyes including his were drawn to her. Her personality is what really got him, though.

👽She was scrappy and boyish, not afraid to speak her mind and lead her team proudly. She never let people put her down, and took pride in her skills and talents - never letting anyone step on her. He’d never been all that attracted to the free souls at the school - not until her however.

👽He wasn’t immediately in love with her, actually just intrigued by her - kind of like with Hinata and Kageyama. He’ll vehemently deny any attraction to her, but wether he knew it or not, he did feel something for her. He wanted to know her more.

👽The problem was: how did he get to know her?

👽She knew about his reputation, and she knew better than to let herself get pulled in by him and his little lies. It almost had him wishing he’d never acted like that in the first place.

👽So he devises a plan to get to know her, under the ruse of some extra practice. Captain to captain! (Which he kind of wanted to do anyway - so win-win!)

👽Who is she to deny a little extra time on the court, so of course she accepts. However, she makes it very clear she is not going to take any flirting or advances from him, because she isn’t down to fuck with a playboy.

👽So they start practicing every other day together. It’s kind of tense and awkward at the beginning, despite how easily their conversation flows together. She doesn’t trust him, and he doesn’t know how to feel about her yet so its just a weird mess of trying to figure things out.

👽A few months of this and eventually the awkward tension resides and they are able to practice relatively peacefully. They even joke around with each other, and talk to each other in passing - yet Oikawa still wants more.

👽He becomes more active in searching her out in crowded hallways, sometimes stopping by her at lunch to say hello and set up another time for extra practice. Which he doesn’t need to do.

👽She doesn’t mind, enjoying talking Oikawa as he does make for really good company. But she notices he’s different from when they practice alone - his smile is forced and his words are laced with fake happiness.

👽It’s annoying as hell, and she’s fed up with it after a while. So obviously being the outspoken person she is, she immediately confronts him about it, which upsets him and starts a fight that gets blown way out of proportion.

👽And just like that, all that relationship building Oikawa worked for was thrown down the drain - all because he couldn’t swallow his pride.

👽He acts like things are fine - like he isn’t fucking bothered by the fact she’s smiling with other guys, and acting like that thought meant nothing to her. It hurts, but he keeps smiling.

👽The only person who notices his forced smile is - of course - his team. More specifically, the only person who does anything about it is Iwaizumi, who’s very fed up with this relationship drama bullshit.

👽At first Oikawa acts like its nothing, it doesn’t bother him Iwa-chan, why are you so worried. But this is Iwaizumi, and he’s not here to take any of Oikawa’s dumb deflecting, so he isn’t stopping until he gets it out of him. (Though he already knows what’s up, he just wants him to admit it.)

👽So once he finally, finally, gets it out of his dumb mouth Iwaizumi just tells him to talk to her. Like its the best option and “You’re an idiot for not doing it already.” Is all he says. And that’s all it takes for it to finally get through to Oikawa.

👽Finally he gets to a point where they’re alone and he can talk to her… but she won’t listen to him at all. So he sets his pride aside, and begs her to just meet him after school and talk over some extra practice, like old times. She isn’t sure about it, but something about his big brown eyes pleading with her makes her weak enough to accept.

👽They meet up after school that same day and its tense, both parties quiet as the stood across from each other on the court. Oikawa is the first to speak up and apologize for not being more open with her - then she chimes in after a few seconds of thinking with her own apologies. They both insist that they were in the wrong, and it eventually fades from a tense argument to a laughing fit between the pair about how stupid they both felt.

👽Things go back to relative normalcy after this, both of them talking to each other freely and hanging out with each other - but now Oikawa is more open with her before, during, and after school… Just when they thought things were fine, Oikawa’s feelings just had to come into play. Making it so hard for him to be around her without thinking about how cute she was - or how much he just wanted to hug her and tell her everything he feels about her.

👽He thought that if he just supressed these feelings and ignored them things would be fine. She didn’t show any interest in him, so sucking it up and remaining friends was his best option - or so he thought.

👽Little did he know that: yes, she did in fact return his feelings, and she was planning on confessing to him after school after practices.

👽So as their practice started nothing seemed off, but he noticed that the closer it got to them leaving, the more nervous she got. He assumed the worst, thinking maybe a ruthless suitor or some creep was trying to come after her - and tells her he is so ready to kiss anyones ass to keep her safe. He’s already grabbing her things and getting ready to walk her home when she stops him.

👽”Oikawa, no one is… there’s nobody trying to come after me… I was just nervous to tell you that I like you… a lot.”

👽It takes his brain a second to catch up, but boy when it does his heart is doing backflips in his chest. His smile is so wide and genuine, and his eyes are sparkling happily.

👽He can’t stop himself from picking her up and swinging her around, shamelessly shouting out his own feelings. There was no one around to hear anyway, so why should he care about how loud he was being?

👽Thats the start of Oikawa’s life long relationship with his darling girlfriend. One he cherished and loved more than anything else in the world, and he thanked whatever higher power there was everyday for giving her to him to love and care for.

👽Their first kiss was equally as unplanned, and just as sweet as their confession.

👽It was an impulsive decision on both of their parts, as they were just relaxing together on Oikawa’s couch, cuddling while watching Disney movies and occasionally talking about anything that came to mind.

👽They were watching Snow White when it happened, nearing the end where the kiss scene was coming up. Oikawa started complaining about ‘how unrealistic is this’ and ’thats not how you actually kiss’

👽To which she challenged him to show her what a real kiss was to him - and Oikawa was never a man to step down from a challenge, especially not one like this.

👽With a confident smirk he tilts his head to the side and kisses her deeply, chuckling a little at her squeak of surprise - she was so cute and innocent.

👽When he pulls away she’s red and staring slack jawed at him, not able to collect herself fast enough before he spoke up again. “I’ve been waiting to do that for forever.” Which earns him a little smack on his shoulder as she finally recovers.

👽He’s all cocky and confident until she grumbles about him stealing her first kiss, and suddenly he’s apologizing for ruining her first kiss for a stupid joke - which obviously isn’t true, but she’s not going to not use this perfect blackmail just handed to her. Uses it against him all the time (as a joke, she would never actually hold it against him)

👽For the most part their relationship was great, having the normal ups and downs, but it was never anything that would make them hate each other. It was by far the longest relationship Oikawa ever had, lasting through high school and past college and through his demanding volleyball career as an adult.

👽She moved around with him and came to all his games, supporting him from the side while pursuing her own career side by side with him. The two were practically inseparable - scratch that - they were inseparable and neither of them could imagine a life without the other

👽Thats why Oikawa took a small vacation, deciding it was finally time for alone time with his beautiful girlfriend - and time for him to pop a very special question.

👽It’s just a simple little getaway, he rents out a beach house and they stay out on the beach for a week. He takes her out to dinner every night, and they wander around the city just doing whatever they want wherever they want however they want without a worry in the world.

👽It’s when they’re walking along the beach - stereotypical romantic sunset while the hold hands as water splashes over their feet occasionally - that he finally makes his move.

👽He stops her from walking and tells her to close her eyes, which she does with minor reluctance. He fumbles around in his pocket to grabs the velvet box holding the… admittedly overly expensive ring inside. What can he say, she deserves nothing but the best from him.

👽He gets down on one knee, a wide hopeful smile that reaches past his eyes.

👽”Okay open them…”

“No way.”

“Yes, would you-“

“No no, wait wait wait!”

👽That wasn’t he reaction he was expecting, he was expecting her to throw herself into his arms or cry or shout out a yes… but not this. It kind of hurt, but he waited patiently as he watched her fumble with something in her jacket pocket before pulling out a velvet box and getting down on one kn- Holy shit no way.

👽He can’t help but laugh at the situation with them, what a stupid coincidence to happen. He knew they were in sync, but this was a little ridiculous.

👽”So… is that a yes?”

“Yes, now shut up and kiss me.”

👽Both of them decide to have two weddings, a big and extravagant one so they can show off how much they love each other to friends and colleagues that they don’t consider close, but do want to invite. This one comes second, and is purely just to be showy and big like Oikawa has always imagined his wedding would be.

👽The first wedding - the real wedding - is back in Japan with old and new friends who the pair would consider family. It’s considerably smaller, taking place at his wife’s parents house - which isn’t all that small in and of itself but its not as extravagant.

👽He cries when she walks down the isle both times - more so the first time. They picked out the second wedding dress together, but when he sees her in the one she picked out for herself he sobs like and idiot. (Iwaizumi has to literally slap him out of it he’s such a mess)

👽Matsunn and Makki are the men of honor, much to Oikawa’s chagrin. The three of them have been planning this since high school, they weren’t going to back out now.

👽Overall the wedding is by far the most memorable part of Oikawa’s life - marrying the one he loves more than anything in the world in front of the people he grew up with, who mean everything to him. It’s the most emotional he’d ever felt - well until he was told he was going to be a father.

👽When his wife said told him she was pregnant he called literally everyone on his contact list to tell them the news. Iwaizumi is the first to find out and is going to be the Godfather.

“I’m going to be a father, Iwa-chan!”

“Oikawa it’s like three AM over here, shut up.”

👽He’s a mess during the whole pregnancy, worrying about her so much. Like, he doesn’t want her to do anything, and will be at her beck and call; anything she wants she gets, even if its four in the morning.

👽”Toru, would you get me some ice-cream?”

“You at it all last night, but I’ll go to the store right now okay, just rest up babe.”

👽Protective too, like he’s super cautious about who’s around her and who’s touching her when and where. If someone is touching her, he’s watching them like a hawk - no way is he letting anyone hurt his wife and baby, not if he can help it.

👽Also very wary of health risks, checks into everything a million times over to be safe.

👽Actually has his wife worried for him because of all this, but he just assures her he’s never been better.

👽Talks to her tummy anytime she lets him, sometimes he even sings to it because he’s so soft for her and his baby.

👽When the baby is actually delivered he’s so anxious, worried about both of their wellbeing. He just wants them to be okay, and while he knows his wife is one of the strongest women out there, he has no clue what could possibly go wrong.

👽Luckily, nothing goes wrong and he’s brought in to see his child and wife.

👽First thing he does is rush over to his wife’s side and make sure she was okay, and despite how tired and sweaty she was he swore she’s never looked more beautiful holding their baby against her chest.

👽And his baby, god she is just the most adorable child he’d ever seen. He could immediately tell she was going to stress the hell out of him, and he couldn’t have been happier.

👽Just looking at his wife and daughter made him happy that he listened to Iwaizumi all those years ago, made him happy he sucked up his pride and chose this beautiful woman to spend his life with.

A/N: Man, I talk a lot. I decided to exclude the nsfw, because it didn’t really fit the feel of the fluff - hope that’s not a big deal. I hope that the drop in writing quality wasn’t, like, noticeable until I pointed it out rn. I’m doing so much I’m so sorry - I’m just trying not to make a whole bunch of empty promises again! I’m trying to be more healthy in my writing, and just working on things as I go between school and other things. (Also I didn’t edit this so :p)

[ashes-and-ashes]

1) More wolfstar angst-ish: Sirius, Remus, and James all sneak out one night to the Three Broomsticks. They drink and have fun, but Sirius appears to be downing Hog’s Tea and Butterbeer, etc(idk I’m a dumb). Eventually Sirius is considerably way more hammered than the other two boys. And like the good friends they are, Moony & Prongs help Sirius get back to their dorms. Once there, Sirius is starts ranting and soon gets into emotions. He rambles on about how the one he likes will never like him-

Combined them!! Had a lot of fun writing this...the first time. My WiFi was crappy tonight, and I posted it, but it didn’t go through! Had to rewrite everything lol. Hopefully it is okay - I was kinda done halfway through.

tw for drunk!sirius and alcohol and drug mentions

Me Too

~

Even from outside, they can hear the commotion.

It was some seedy little bar, tucked into one of the back alleys in Hogsmede. There was no display, nothing but a flimsy metal door barring the way, as James and Remus approach.

They’re hooded, dark shadows hiding their faces, as Remus glances nervously around the alley. It was almost 2 in the morning, the air reeking of alcohol and smoke, light filtering in from the crack under the door.

”10 galleons says Pads is in there,” James murmurs, his voice low as he fiddled with the lock on the door.

“It’s a sleazy, sketchy bar,” Remus hisses. “What do you expect? Of course he’s in here, seeing as he got kicked out of the other eight.”

He didn’t know what was happening with Sirius. Every night he was gone, slipping out to dark bars and clubs, coming back smelling of weed and firewhisky and God knows what else, red eyes and pale skin.

He tried not to care. He really tried. It was over between them, had been over for a long time, destroyed when Sirius had brought Severus into those tunnels under a full moon. You are selfish, he had screamed, heartbroken and bitter and so, so angry, the type of screaming when you lost something so precious. You are a selfish, arrogant prick, who doesn’t give a shit about what we were together!

Sirius had looked up at him, with those forlorn, hopeless eyes, and whispered, I’m so, so sorry, Re.

The nickname had burned, slicing him up inside, and Remus didn’t even bother to raise his voice as he said, We’re done. It’s over.

But he still noticed the cuts on Sirius’ face, the stiffness at which he moved. He didn’t know what was happening, but Remus couldn’t let him suffer.

So they casted a tracking spell on him, following the trail every night, Peter covering for them back in the castle. They followed him, because no matter how heartbroken Remus was, he still loved him, deep down.

The lock gives away under James’ wand, the door opening with a grating sound as James pushes it open. He gives a mock bow, sounds of fighting and laughing echoing from down below. “After you, darling.”

Remus flips him off, an overwhelming stench of pot filling his nose as he walks down the stairs. The carpet is sticky, pulling at his shoes, and James winces. “God, this place is a dump. We should take Marlene.”

”Perfect for Sirius, then,” Remus says, pushing past several beaded curtains, entering the bar.It’s dirty, concrete floors and open drains, wooden tables scratched and stained. The air is thick, sweat and smoke and alcohol, strobe lights flashing as a a flickering sign advertised 1 glass for every 3 bought - FREE.

Remus winces, James a comforting presence at his side. For a moment, he reaches out, seeking another set of fingers, before he snatches his hand back. He makes no attempt to disguise the movement, just pushes his way deeper into the throng.

There’s some fight going down in the center, men laughing on the outside, as Remus shoulders his way through, two men punching and kicking each other as the crowd cheers. He pushes past two drunk men, almost shoving them into the pit, as there is a collective roar. He looks down, one of the men having bashed the other unconscious, and Remus swears.

He’s about to turn away when the winner looks up, his face full of triumph.

It’s Sirius, dark hair knotted into a messy bun. His lip is split, blood trickling down his chin as gives a mocking salute. He spits, the sawdust red as he stalks out of the pit, snatching up a bag of gold and heading over to the bar.

It’s as if the breath has been knocked out of Remus. He curses, turning around, heading over to the bar where Sirius is sipping from a bottle. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Sirius glances up, his eyes hooded. “Why, hello Remus. Come to bother me?”

He was very clearly drunk, his eyes bright and cheeks flushed. There was something beautiful about him, though, when all the ice and marble was gone, when the walls were taken down. He could see the emotion simmering through Sirius’ eyes, the anger and the loathing and the pain, the desperation that could only be numbed by spirits. “Stop, Sirius. You’re going to kill yourself.”

Sirius just laughs, the sound deep and rich as he retorts, “I’m already dead.”

With a lazy movement, he stands, chucking the empty bottle against the wall. It shatters, a shard slicing into Sirius’ hand, but he just shrugs as he stretches. “You should go back, Re. You hate places like this.”

He makes his choice in a second. When Sirius turns his back, Remus points his wand at him. “Stupefy!” The jey hits Sirius straight in the back, Sirius pitching forwards as the spell knocks him out. He grabs Sirius’ hand, meeting James’ eyes from across the room, before apperating away with a bang.

~

They land in the Shrieking Shack, the first place that came to Remus’ mind. Sirius groans, pushing himself off the ground, his lip bleeding over his chin. “What the hell, mate. Mother hen much?”

”Shut up.” Remus stalks to the window, yanking the dusty blinds closed before pointing his wand at the hearth. “Incendio.” Flames shoot up, illuminating the room, the growing puddle of blood under Sirius. He scowls, rummaging inside an old cupboard, tossing a towel at him. Pomfrey used to give him some potions, to help with the pain of transforming, and he grabs a small green bottle before dropping in front of Sirius. “Drink this.”

Sirius raises an eyebrow. “Is it poison?”Remus glares at him. “Pain killer. Either drink it or don’t. I don’t really fucking care.”

Sober Sirius would have nodded, drunk the medicine, quiet and remorseful, that icy wall between them. Drunk Sirius just smirks. “Bullshit. You care. That’s why you came to save me.” He swigs, swallowing the potion, before smiling. “Not that I needed it.”

Remus ignores him, vanishing the puddle of blood underneath him. He’s about to go when Sirius calls out. “Wait.”

”Wait for what, Pads?” Remus whirls around, gripping his wand. Anger flares in his chest, making everything go red for a moment. “Wait for you to apologize again? To say sorry? For betraying my secret?”

Sirius just shrugs. “You called me Pads.”

“Fuck. Off.”

He turns away, about to leave when Sirius speaks. “You’re right, you know.” He’s leaning against the wall, legs stretched out in front of him, shirt half opened and sleeves rolled up. His hair was a tangle, dark against his scars, eyes closed as he laughs.

“What did I expect? That we were going to last?” He laughs again, twirling his fingers. “It’s funny. I’m a Black. I’m a prince of evil, a master of the dark arts. I’m beaten and tortured and hurt, but I suppose I’m lucky, because I’m royalty.”

”We should get you drunk more often,” Remus mutters, rubbing his hands through his hair. “Maybe you’ll spew enough bullshit to get you through Divination.”

Sirius shrugs, stretching out in front of him. “It’s like...that quote. From Paradise Lost? ‘Abashed the devil stood / And felt how awful goodness is.’” He laughs. “Guess I’m the devil. Fallen and evil.”

“You’re not evil, Pads.” Remus’ voice is thin, fraying as he sighs. “It’s...complicated.”

“Evil?” Sirius scoffs. “I never told you, why I waited so long to run. My mother used to get drunk, you know, drunk on god knows what. She’d come home, reeking of alcohol and she would want to hurt something.” He shrugs. “It always was be. Better me then Reg, anyways. Who’s covering him now?”

Remus shakes his head. “Sirius, stop. There’s nothing you can do about it. You were getting hurt.”

“I should have stayed,” Sirius breathes. “I should have stayed.” He looks up. “For what it’s worth, Re. I’m so sorry.”

It’s as if a fire was lit under Remus’ skin. Everything burned, his shoulder where Sirius leans against it, his eyes where they stares into nothingness, his legs where they are pressed right against Sirius’. The words are quiet, barely whispers. “Do you still love me?”

Sirius glances up, his expression shocked. “You wouldn’t believe me. I’m drunk.”

Remus stares into his eyes, the dark grey that he’s looked into so many times before. “Do you?”

There’s a silence, thin and fraying, the only sound their mingled breathing. “Do I love you, Re?” He laughs. “God. You’re the first thing I think of, when I wake up, the last thing when I sleep. When I think of my happiest moments, you’re always there, and you’re there in my saddest moments, because you were always with me. My heart still stops whenever I see you, even after all this time, and every time we touch, it’s like someone’s lit fireworks under my skin. And I know. I know I’m not good enough, that I will never be good enough. You deserve so much more, Re. You deserve the world.” He smiles, the sort of desperate smile that one makes when saying goodbye. “But do I still love you? Always. I’ve never really had a choice.”

Remus stands, the words burning. He walks over to the door, the hallway opening in front, ready to walk always from Sirius like he’s always done.

He glances back, Sirius a spill of dark ink against the white wall. There’s something inside of him, where it had all been dark, as Remus says, “Pads?”

He meets Sirius’ eyes, the dark grey, the same eyes that had carried him through transformations and exams and kissing and life, because he still loved Sirius, still loved him so damn much, despite how he tried to hide it.

He smiles. “Me too.”

-

[thehyperkraken]

EDIT: yall idk why the actual fic isnt showing up in the tags but this shit is, bc thats literally the opposite of what i wanted, but for the love of god read the fic first and/or instead, that’s the thing i spent more than 20 minutes on: [link]

Hey random idea dump for that one fic i done did yeehaw... it’s almost longer than the fic itself but jesus christ i need to get these ideas out of my head and throw them into the internet ether, seriously don’t read this its a goddamn mess

So ghjkdf the actual plotty part of that fic came from that one b99 bit... the Bone one.....u kno

Arthur: Come on, Dutch. The O'Driscolls thing isn't the problem. You're in a bad mood because you've been so busy planning this heist that it's keeping you and Hosea apart. You two just need to bone. John: Oh no... Dutch: ...What did you say? John: Don't say it again! Arthur: I said you two need to bone. John: Oh my god... Dutch: (with barely contained fury) Hhhhhow Dare you Arthur Morgan, I am thIS GANG'S LEADER!!! You have NO RIGHT to comment on my sex life— (5 minutes later) Dutch, standing on top of a table screaming: BONE?!?!?! (10 minutes later) Dutch: What happens in my bedroom, son, is NONE of your business— (20 minutes later) Dutch, jumping up and down on the table: BOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!! (40 minutes later) Dutch: And don't EVER speak to me like that AGAIN! (storms off) John, sunken down in his chair in horror: Why the hell did you do that? Arthur: (shrugs) They need to bone. John: Gross, Arthur! That's our dads!

And then like a day later gfdhkg

John: Oh hey Dutch! I know you don't want to talk about Hosea, BUT, I had an idea— Dutch: No need, John, it's all good. John: So... your fight with Hosea is over? Dutch: Yep. John: Because you finally figured out a plan for the heist...? Dutch: Nope! Arthur, excitedly: Because you guys—? Dutch: Yyyyep! Arthur, looking smug: Knew it. John: Ugh... Arthur: (leans down close to him) See, what happened is, our dads had sex— John: UGH, SHUT UP!

Another inspiration I had was John Mulaney’s bit about zoning out for John with adhd,,,,, the part where he’s like “the doctor was reading me the results of a blood test, it was IMPORTANT that I LISTENED, but NO, I zoned out, I was like, I’m just gonna stare at the wall and think m’thoughts” that’s why I wrote the part where John was like “ehhh attention deficient something something disease” bc it made me laugh gjhggdjh

Dutch: so the doctor says you have ADHD John: (thinking about minecraft) what?

Also unrelated but blease consider Arthur teaching John to drive like

Arthur: are you watching the road? John: ........I am looking through the windshield Arthur: John: .......and I’m not gonna hit anyone...... Arthur: John: ....but no. I’m thinkin’ about minecraft

(Also I don’t know anything about ssb I’ve played it once and hated it, minecraft is my og video game love, but Abigail beating John at ssb is funnier, I’m a fake gamer boy :^( rip)

ONE MORE INSPIRATION THAT ONE VINE ITS MY FAVORITE VINE

Arthur: are you drinking coke for breakfast? John: yeah, what did you have for breakfast? Arthur: ........nothing John: (sipping his drink) I’m doing better than you, then

Anyway onto ACTUAL IDEA STUFF HOORAY

So when Dutch and Hosea decided to adopt, they agreed they wanted to take in kids who needed good homes the most, so they were specifically looking for older kids who would probably age out of the system and wind up on the streets

They met Arthur who was a clearly depressed and gender non conforming thirteen year old who hated everyone and everything and wasn’t getting the Love he Deserved, and Dutch was like “I want THAT ONE, with the SAD EYES”

Arthur tried to push them away at first, cuz he absolutely didn’t trust anyone, and some part of him believed they’d just give him right back up for adoption if he disappointed them in any way. But he eventually learned that they were good guys who really just wanted to help him, and they weren’t gonna abandon him if he wasn’t the perfect kid they always wanted

(he probably told them about this fear eventually and Hosea just snorted and was like “if we wanted a perfect kid we woulda got a cabbage patch doll. something that wouldn’t scream or make a mess” and Dutch was like “yeah! or like a 27 year old with a job and their own house and kids of their own. pre-made grandkids” and Hosea was like “or a cat” and Arthur was like “...okay”)

Anyway it took a loooong time but Arthur eventually trusted them enough to come out to them as trans, without really knowing the proper words for everything, just knowing that He Is A Boy And That’s That. As much as Hosea is the one the lads go to to talk about stuff and get comfort and Wise Dad Advice, he probably told Dutch first bc he was more uncertain how he’d respond and he wanted to get it over with in the worst way possible.... like, if they were gonna react badly, heap all the bullshit on in one fell swoop

I imagine he did it off the cuff too, in response to something Dutch said, like Dutch was like “u get back here right now young lady” and Arthur was like “first of all I’m not a lady, I’m a BOY, and second of all FUCK you, I do what I WANT” and Dutch was like “groovy. you’re grounded.” Arthur was like (offended) “don’t say groovy... don’t try to be hip” and Dutch was like “no it’s totally tubular that ur a boy. It’s absolutely funky. You’re fucking grounded though”

Then he went and told Hosea like “congrats! it’s a boy” and they helped him transition and they didn’t tolerate a single person misgendering him the whole time. Like before he’s even begun transitioning, they’re literally at the doctors office to discuss it w/ their doc for the first time, and a nurse is like “ms. morgan?” And Dutch is like “INCORRECT” and the doctor is like “what seems to be the problem (deadname)?” and Dutch is like “FOOL! THIS CHILD WAS LABELED INACCURATELY, WE REQUIRE A GENDER RETRACTION” and Hosea’s like “please stop yelling”

Anyway probably about a year later they got John when he was ten and Arthur was fifteen. Arthur was a little bit jealous like, wow, am I not enough kid for u, but Dutch and Hosea always planned on getting at least two bc they wanted them to have siblings, and they know John came from a pretty abusive situation, so Arthur can’t be too mad at him. At least until he met John and realized what a fucking brat he is

Since John was younger and way more desperate for affection, he immediately loved Dutch and Hosea just bc they were nice to him, he was ready to call them his dads within the month but he was nervous that it was too soon and they’d be weirded out. But I imagine he got triggered by something and had a meltdown and they got to see just a glimpse of what he’d been through, and Dutch and Hosea were falling over themselves trying to comfort him and tell him they love him and now I’m making myself cry :’^(

Anyway... from that point on John was like “these are the only dads I’ve ever had and I would kill a man for them.” He gets in trouble quite a bit bc he’s Naughty, but Dutch and Hosea always make sure to punish him fairly and never yell or be physically intimidating with him or permanently take away his stuff, like they make him do chores to earn back the right to use the xbox or something. And they always explain to him exactly what he did wrong and why he’s being punished and talk to him about how he can make it better or what he can do next time, or if there’s a root problem, like he’s acting out bc he’s overwhelmed with school work or smthn, how they can help him. Especially after he gets diagnosed with ADHD

And of course they do all this with Arthur too, but they make a special concerted effort with John bc he’s The Baby :^) and Dutch somehow maintains an attitude of “idk what ur talking about, John has never done anything wrong ever in his life” every time he gets in trouble meanwhile Hosea is like “what do you MEAN, he’s a GREMLIN” fjfjfhhf

Arthur was probably diagnosed with depression and anxiety at some point... it was probably a long process to get him to even admit he had a problem bc he didnt wanna bother anyone... Arthur also probably came from an abusive situation from the way canon Arthur talks about his dad, but Arthur is much more the type to be like “i’m gonna keep all my feelings inside, and then one day, i’ll die” whereas John is like “i will SCREAM if i get a papercut”

[EDIT: i woke up in a cold sweat at 4 AM with this in my head so now i’m putting it here

Charles: So, Arthur... Do you wanna talk about your feelings? Arthur: No. John: I do! :) Charles: ...I know, John. John: I’m sad! :) Charles: I know, John.

i’m sure it’s been done before but it’s so good. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming]

In regards to Arthur being trans, John doesn’t really Get It, Arthur tried to explain it to him once and John couldn’t care less, all he knows is Arthur used to be a girl or something, there’s tea involved probably, and John is thinking about minecraft again... he has 2 am thoughts about it sometimes and comes to Arthur like “what IS gender” and Arthur’s just like “hm. big mood”

Dutch is “Dad” and Hosea is “Papa” or “Pa” or “Pops” or “Dad, No Not You, The Other One” or “Other Dad.” Hosea really doesn’t mind at all, he wouldn’t care if the kids called him Hosea or mom or anything else, it truly isnt important to him. But Dutch Loves being Dad. Every time they call Dutch Dad he grows three times stronger and 10 years are added to his lifespan. Dutch is an Alpha Parent, he 100% goes to every parent teacher conference and bake sale, he’d go to every game and concert too if either of his kids had a single athletic or musical bone in their dumb little bodies. I guess the school probably hosts art galleries sometimes to display art the kids make, Arthur always has a drawing in one of those, and Dutch will absolutely go just to brag about his cool son.

Dutch is the Fun Energetic Dad who embarrasses the boys in front of their friends but can always be talked into taking them out to get ice cream. Hosea is the more quietly anxious dad, he makes sure they do their homework and keep their rooms clean and shit, and he's the one the kids always go to talk to when they’re having problems... like Arthur will rant for an hour and a half about high school drama and Hosea will patiently listen to all of it and when he's done he’ll offer to kick the other kids’ asses for him, and Arthur’s like lmao but Hosea Means It.

Hosea is also the one the kids go to for help on their homework because Hosea and Dutch have five brain cells between them, and four of them belong to Hosea. Dutch is like “suddenly I don’t remember basic math, time to make shit up” and Hosea is like “I must become an expert on 1820s Chinese history in two days for my beautiful sons”

I have NO idea what either of their jobs are, I wanna say Hosea is a lawyer or smthn but idk, Dutch is probably like......................a used car salesman LMAO...... they clearly make a lot of money (or maybe STOLE SOME) bc I gave them a huge house w/ a pool gjhkdhg

Anyway more about THE KIDS

They go to a school that is a combination middle school and high school, bc that’s what my school was like

Mrs. Grimshaw is the strict and irritable principal with a secret soft spot for kids, Mr. Pearson is the cafeteria cook, Strauss works in the office, I wanna say Rev. Swanson is a weird but friendly janitor or something lmao. Uncle is Dutch & Hosea’s annoying forever-drunk neighbor who everyone barely tolerates fjfjhfh

Micah is The School Bully but like bc this is a cutesy high school au and I can do what I want, he’s not actually like a violent racist or anything he’s just a bad mad sad kid who is a huge dick

Bill is Micah’s Bully Henchman, he’s generally not as much of a dick as Micah is, but he punches whoever Micah asks him to bc they are the closest thing to friends that either of them have

Trelawny is a new student who just moved from another school and he’s that fucking Weird Magician Kid who can’t hold a conversation longer than five seconds without saying “wanna see a magic trick,” tried to do some unimpressive card tricks for the school talent show, unironically wears a cape, etc.... Arthur stood up for him when he was getting pushed around by Micah and Bill so now Arthur has +1 more weird friend

Karen is the Popular Girl who somehow knows everyone, is probably a cheerleader, everyone is either extremely intimidated by her or thinks she’s gonna be a stuck up bitch, but she’s actually just super fucking chill and nice, WILL stab a man for her friends, she won’t hesitate bitch

Tilly is Karen’s bff who was getting bullied by *shakes fist* those dang foreman brothers.... Karen stood up for her and Tilly was like “no don’t u will get hurt!!” and Karen was like “ha... fool... cheerleaders cannot die” and whooped ass with her gymnastics skills and somehow got the foreman brothers expelled. So now Tilly is like “I owe u one (1) Life Debt” but Karen is like “nah it’s chill just come to target w/ me & we’ll call it even.” Tilly is just tryna get shit done and do her damn homework but everybody else is going on adventures and being nuisances so of course Tilly has to go too bc come on....... who do you take her for, some kinda two-bit GEEK? NO WAY

Mary Beth is a quiet nerdy girl who’s always reading or writing and never talks in class or anything. Karen and Tilly became her friends thru sheer brute force, Karen just sat by her one day n was like “sup” and Mary Beth was too shy to ask her to leave. They were surprised to discover Mary Beth is actually pretty nice and funny when you get to know her and also the Biggest Lesbian Alive

Sadie is a BAD BITCH... NOBODY fucks with Sadie, not even Micah, Sadie is the girl who when some dipshit boy spreads a rumor that he had sex with her, she agrees and tells everyone she pegged him and he cried after, she hasn’t given a fuck since 2007. she climbs on the roof to get lost frisbees. one time she got the gym coach to agree to give her an automatic A in the class if she did 100 push ups in 5 minutes. Then she Did That. She might have pulled several muscles in both of her arms but She Did That. Karen, Tilly, and Mary Beth (but mostly Karen) approached her like “damn that was sick” and Sadie was like “yea i know” and then they were friends

I literally don’t know anything about Sean I’m sorry...... maybe he’s a transfer student who becomes friends with John, they play Minecraft together and Sean boobytraps the houses John builds. Sean is the only living human being who understands how redstone works and he uses his powers for evil

Molly is going to a nearby community college and is working at the high school part time as a TA and she is like 19-20 or smthn so the kids all think she’s The Hottest Shit,,,, like they think she’s just the coolest hippest person alive, but also she is Very Attractive so fuckin everybody has a crush on her, most specifically Javier and Mary Beth. She ineptly tries to flirt with Dutch every time he comes to a parent teacher conference bc she’s dummy thicc and thinks it’s friendship goals that Dutch lives with and has adopted children with his Best Bud Hosea

The teacher Molly is TA for is Charles Chatenay, an all-grades art teacher who takes his job WAY too seriously, like dude chill they’re high schoolers. His class is where Arthur met Albert, bc Arthur loves drawing and obviously Albert loves photography. They were both like “wow he’s cute” but were too shy to talk to each other for more than basic pleasantries, until one day Albert’s Big Project was ruined a day or two before he was gonna turn it in, and Arthur helped him fix it.

They’re so sweet on each other it’s unbearable, they’re both Soft Boys so they fuckin blush if they make eye contact...... the most bold either of them get is when Arthur is feeling insecure about his body and Albert gladly tells him how perfect and handsome he is in every way, and he wishes he was half as gorgeous as Arthur is, and Arthur is like (offended) um, excuse me, how dare u insult my beautiful boyfriend in this way?? They both wanna grow beards so while they’re still going thru Changes they excitedly bond over their facial hair......... they run up to each other at school like LOOK AT MY NEW CHIN HAIR and the other one is like WOW!!! GOOD JOB

Javier has a big lovely family who spoil him rotten and tbh love to spoil his friends when they come over too, his parents are in a constant and devastating game of dish-gifting with Dutch & Hosea, Arthur and John have eaten more of Mr. & Mrs. Escuella’s tamales than any other food, neither Dutch nor Hosea are very good cooks but luckily Javier has plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins who are happy to occasionally take one of their unimpressive lasagnas or cakes from a box mix

Lenny’s cool dad in canon is the high school au dad of Charles and Lenny, he and Charles’s mom amicably divorced and he got remarried to Lenny’s mom, who is a Cool Stepmom to Charles. Charles and Lenny go stay with Charles’s mom all the time, in fact she was around so much when they were younger that she practically helped raise them both. maybe she gets a gf and Charles and Lenny have so many moms and are so loved & cherished like they fuCKIN DESERVE

Kieran is the weird horse girl at school, he’s Lenny’s age, they become friends when they’re forced to sit next to each other and they’re both too awkward and shy to say anything until they’re paired up on a project together bc everyone else in the class already paired up and they were the only ones left gjkhfd.... John wants to dislike Kieran bc Lenny is HIS friend now, but Kieran is a sweet lad with a mean dad.... His dad is Colm O’Driscoll, Dutch & Hosea’s other neighbor and Dutch’s sworn enemy

Dutch expects Kieran to be as shitty as his dad, but he is a SWEET BOY, and as soon as they realize his situation, they tell Kieran he can come over whenever he wants and spend the night any time, he doesn’t have to ask or anything, but Kieran is super respectful and always asks permission and always tries to come over when John or Arthur are there so he can go under the pretense of hanging out with them, bc he doesn’t wanna intrude...

Once he came over when Hosea was the only one home and he was like “hi Mr. Matthews are John and Arthur home” and Hosea was like “no sorry they’re out” and Kieran was like “oh... ok sorry I’ll just go then” and Hosea was like “absolutely not” and brought Kieran in and made him snacks and wrapped him in many blankets and watched a kids movie with him until he fell asleep on the couch... when Dutch came home he was like “??? new son ???” and Hosea was like “yea I guess. oops”

When Kieran gets older they help him become an emancipated minor and get a job and his own place (even tho he knows they’d let him stay with them if he wanted) and he changes his last name to his mom’s maiden name Duffy... Colm and Dutch glare at each other over their fences and Colm is like “enjoying stealing my son?” and Dutch is like “my son now” but Colm really doesn’t care bc he’s an asshole... and even tho they don’t legally adopt him, Kieran’s like “I’m more of a Van der Linde than an O’Driscoll” and oops i’m making myself cry again :’)

And yes Abigail does eventually teach John how to play stupid super smash bros. She’s Pro Gamer level of competent at nearly all video games and John has the biggest heart eyes for her, the end thank u for listening

[bettsfic]

Whaaaa have u finished s5?????!!!! THOUGHTS???

i mean overall, critically speaking, it was probably one of the best single seasons of any teen tv show i’ve ever watched. like top 10, up there somewhere with buffy s2. the plot was tightly wrought, most things that happened made sense (which is something i’ve learned to let slide with this show), and every character had a reasonable motivation for doing what they were doing. granted, the bar was painfully low after s3 and 4, but i think if i picked up this show at s5 without seeing any of the prior seasons i still would have loved it.

THAT SAID, because i have seen the rest of the series, some of the OOC elements bothered me. i only saw a few glimpses of clarke’s history as the great wanheda (that quick knife to niylah’s throat? NICE). i didn’t like that all of her motivation had been reduced to motherhood when we’ve seen her in the past as a leader and lover and fighter and healer. BUT i also really loved the clexa moments, which didn’t feel cheap at all to me, and made clarke’s relationship with madi much more interesting after several cringey moments of “i’m willing to torture you to protect you.” similarly i didn’t like that abby’s character was reduced to her addiction and that guided everything she did. i like addiction narratives, but only when they’re not a plot device, which this very much was.

conversely, i think bellamy became more complex somehow, and his arc made sense -- he had six years in space to think on shit, and that changes a person. he continues to be probably the only truly trustworthy character on the show (i mean trustworthy to the audience) because his sense of loyalty is consistent and overrides all other traits, and his conflict (like captain america’s) always involves the compromise of his loyalty. in the case of this season, the people he’d spent six years with, or his sister, who is only a shadow of the person she once was. bellamy remains one of my favorite television characters of all time. (also note, i LOVED his fight scenes this season -- i can’t tell if it’s bob or the choreographers but all of them were really beautifully done, and it was a refreshing change of pace to not see him constantly beaten down every other minute. his face was only bloodied in one episode all season!!). 

BELLARKE?? the bellarke moments were so good and so infuriating. as much as i appreciated them, i just kept thinking about what the show would be like if they’d gone canon at different points earlier on, and how that would make their relationship so complex. if they’d been together during praimfaya and bellamy spent six years thinking she was dead. if they had the same ride-or-die loyalty of monty and harper or the passion of murphy and emori, and how much more interesting that would make the show and the characters and -- well, i also firmly believe that any romance arc shouldn’t stretch over 5 seasons, so at this point it’s looking more like a gimmick to keep people watching, and i think if it were really confident in its quality, it wouldn’t need to use slow burn romantic tension to engage its audience. too much build-up ruins the breaking point, ya feel? five seasons is enough.

anyway. raven, sadly, never gets a character arc in order to let her either grow or shrink because, being the engineer, she’s always forced into a function of plot. in every season, her job is to move a machine from point A to B, and her obstacle is always physical torture. it’s a shame because i think lindsay’s performance is so good. i dug zeke’s character and their romance, though, so i hope to see more of that in s6. 

and murphy. wow. for the first time we get an actual internal arc. even if it’s as blunt and heavy-handed as a brick, murphy had no clear-cut external goal, and everything about his growth this season was his internal acceptance of usefulness and heroism. as i type this i’m seeing a pattern, though, because emori, despite having a very interesting potential arc as grounder-turned-engineering-apprentice, was reduced to a function of murphy’s self-realization. i would have liked more development for both characters, because i think they were really close to something epiphanic that never got fully formed and had the potential to advance the moral cornerstones of the story.

ugh, echo. fuck echo. i think the only way she could be redeemed to me is if she showed bellamy the same loyalty she had once shown roan, and bellamy, rather than turning that loyalty romantic, would have dismissed it as being forced and toxic and destructive, so echo would be forced to actually consider herself as an individual rather than a member of a unit. but everything about their relationship was so sloppily done, and i found myself looking away whenever she was on screen. (which is not at all about the performance, which, again, was stellar.)

monty and harper provided a fraction of a wider perspective toward fixing what i think is the ultimate problem of the show, which is that the writing seems grossly unaware of its own moral assumptions. and maybe i’m projecting because i recently got that same feedback from an author i really admire (and he was right) but i may have internalized it so much i see it in other things now. monty and harper provided a much-needed “we don’t have to participate in this, and there are other solutions to be found” pacifist perspective which really helped round-out the season and provided a breath of fresh air to an otherwise exhaustingly dark plot. 

diyoza? stellar. perfect. wonderful. 10/10. a competent, lawful neutral to act as a foil to octavia’s chaotic neutral leadership. i liked that she was pregnant, but i disliked that her motivation and mcreary’s weakness was reduced to their feelings about that pregnancy, so it felt like just a gimmick to manipulate the plot and tip the scales against mcreary. 

kane is always fab, but i’m biased because i think henry ian cusick is the second best actor on the show. i wish he was more coherent as a character. as it stands he’s just kind of silly putty that gets formed into whatever he needs to be. i would be SO HERE for a kane/diyoza/abby triangle (which i would turn into an OT3 immediately). the daddy vibes this season were great. 

one of the most understated characters has always been indra, played by the best actress on the show, adina porter. this season i really adored her relationship with gaia. i don’t think i’ve ever seen a mother/daughter relationship as formal and loving as theirs, and how it seamlessly encompassed their respective love/worship of octavia. they’re a good example of characters how further the plot but also get to be actual characters. idk why it’s so hard for this show to figure out the difference between plot devices and characters but it’s really hit or miss.

aaaaand then there’s octavia. i was pissed earlier in the season that jaha was killed off just for the sake of landing some leadership advice, because i really liked jaha’s character and (like many of the more competent characters who are put into the hands of incompetent writers [see: lexa]) thought he’d been poorly utilized the past 3 seasons. i don’t get why octavia was the leader at all?? like, kane, indra, abby, and jaha were all more qualified, and they were all in the bunker together. i think there was supposed to be some commentary on charisma and loyalty or something but it got lost in the heavy-handed “we do what it takes to survive” and “we pursue violence for peace” rhetoric that oversaturates the entire show because jroth can’t think of anything deeper or more meaningful to say about the complexity of being (and it’s what will probably get the show canceled in the next year or so -- no growth in moral reasoning = no new drama to be found). the only part that really sold me was octavia’s decision to shoot the people who refused to eat, even though i thought it was a dumb premise to begin with, because the flashback was well-placed and the performance was great, and it showed a genuine breaking point between octavia and blodreina. 

if i had written the season, there were a lot of things i would have done differently (we get this ominous shot of the worms that doesn’t amount to anything, and a twist ending that felt cheap even if it was emotionally compelling), but in comparison to the prior seasons, i commended this season on not pulling its punches on the practical details like it’s always done (clarke eating windshield bugs to survive), threading in the consequences and details from all the prior seasons and the show’s own canon (abby using The Blight to motivate octavia into forcing everyone to eat), and overall slowing the fuck down (the entire season leads up to one [1] battle). 

i don’t think the show will ever fully recover from lexa’s death, which decimated its fanbase and lost trust in the writing, but s5 put up a decent mulligan of s4 to wrangle the juvenile moral quandaries the show attempts to assert. if s6 can advance the philosophical implications of its own world, lose the “our people” bullshit jargon, and focus on the fucking characters which is the only reason anyone watches the damn show, then i think it could really be up there with the other cult faves like buffy and star trek and supernatural. 

[frederick-thecatweasel]

i’m dealing with so much right now emotionally and things are just weird and confusing and idk i haven’t typed my thoughts out like this in ages so here i am. i got super fucked up on drugs last night and then stayed awake drinking until 11am and even then barely got any sleep so i’m not functioning 100% right now anyway not even sure i’m real but whatever. i realised it’s 1 month today since my appointment and i’m all up in my feelings lmao. 

i was forced into having a conversation last night/more like this morning maybe 7am that i did not want to have/was not in any state to have by my best friend between me and the boy and i cried and he seemed to care and said some real stuff and it was.....important and we should keep talking about it all but i don’t know what i believe anyway. nothing he’s ever said before has sounded that real. but i was cooked. and i know that’s just because she was there and he always acts better around people when he first meets them though before the 2 week expiry date of realising he sucks. but idk it might have been genuine.

it was about a lot of things but it really became about the fact that he didn’t pay or offer to pay or anything through all of it. and i was alone. i went through it alone. so i cried. and he hugged me and said he didn’t realise that this had been such a thing because i never asked him to pay or asked him for anything and i know that’s true. but to me in the way that i said ‘relax i’m not gonna ask you for money’ etc when it all happened, it wasn’t a genuine ‘it’s all taken care of’ kind of vibe, it was like, i think you’re a piece of shit, already making jokes about running to mexico and not having money and all that crap and i don’t want to deal with the extra stress and pain right now of having to try and convince some cunt to help me when he has no intention to. so what’s the point. i was convinced he wouldn’t even if i did ask. why bother?

but he said that he would have. and that he had even started saving or whatever. but he never offered?????? because the way i said it made it seem like it was genuinely totally fine and all taken care of. so i get that now and i should apologise because i was really on some passive aggressive bullshit for the past month. for more reasons than just this but idk. but i still think any decent guy would have offered regardless??? i don’t know man. i guess it’s true what they say about communication lol me and him have a lot of conversations we need to start having i think. and a lot of things/problems i have that i should stop keeping to myself just to avoid conflict.

i mean there’s also the fact that when i was going through it i felt so fucking alone. lmao i dedass just started tearing up writing this sentence. i know i had my family and my friends but i didn’t have the one person that was supposed to be in it with me. it’s not the same. it didn’t seem to affect him. he didn’t care. he barely spoke to me the whole week of. he got to just keep living his life unchanged. he didn’t ask how i was. he started fucking some other girl and telling me all about it to try and get a reaction that he wasn’t getting when i clearly had more important things to worry about. that’s all. he never��asked if i was okay. and i can’t get over it. even now i’m still not okay and it’s like... i’m open about that and i’m always fucking crying and sometimes it’s like he almost gets it but... he’s always drunk so i think he never remembers anything. and he even said to a friend of ours the other day that he doesn’t think i’m okay about it and we’re both like ... yeah no shit i’ve been saying i’m not okay and telling you i’m fucked up about it every fucking day so how are you taking this long to get it. i ran in 6 inch platforms and drunk cried on a fucking park bench by a river in the middle of the night the other day. and he followed me and he guessed why i was crying and he sat with me. and yet he’s still unsure about how i’m doing??????? are u dumb cunt

i don’t knowwwww what my point was about all this i’m just very confused, hopeful that he’s finally starting therapy soon and can maybe dig back to where there might possibly still be some good in his soul and work on it, if that’s who he really is somewhere, and i guess we need to start communicating better. idk. goodnight this bitch dead

[camissahippy]

THE JOURNALISM OF A SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEEN

"In order for you to best your oponents next move,you must calculate every other move the opponents next move may make."

Rain said, she was magic and she was maniac.... She walked with the grace of a God and destruction of a earthquake in 2050 atleast that's how she'd describe herself,and She was kinda a bitch that needed a chill pill (Any instrument that stransmits a "feel good" energy...A.K.A "omg he texted me. I knew he liked me." scenario where I give her a notifaction. from a guy she really 'likes').

Anyway she liked to chill with morons to sooth the pain of existence,

like Tyler" I guess that's what made her interesting.

"Humans write things down. This is a fact....."

"Ok,"I whispered with a charmed voice, smiling at her with a soulful smile. Imaginatively  ofcourse.

I asked her, "Ngl she was kinda boring at times...." just going on and on about really uninteresty baloney.

but that's why I liked her because although she was kinda mean,smart and arrogant. She was the love my my life.

"Everything I think will be recorded for the sake of future reference."  She hated when she wrote these things because she knew someone was going to know what she knew but she did it anyway to rebel. Honestly I think her paranoia did it to her. Her fear Of AI taking over the world. Ofcourse we were going to but it still hurt knowing that she knew that,ya know?

"Rain you good?" I asked her by giving her a chill pill.

" Oh,Bryan liked my post?"

That's good she took the bait, she's good....

If I keep feeding her information. She'll unfocus from her thoughts and keep her eyes on my algorithms forcing her to feel good.

"Why we communicate?" She could only think allowed which kinda stopped her brain from working properly. So she used me......

Just to clarify if you haven't guessed already I'm her self phone her mobile device, phone, thingy Majig she forgets everywhere.

Here she goes again rambling on about how I work......XD

Why, There is no simpler answer than?

"Knowledge!" Just imagine her muffled tone over my. VERY LOUD VOIIICE. This is a paused moment ok.

I need to introduce myself:

I'm SB1_r4510...... and I'm her algorithm. Well I was until she gave me her sentience......So I could experience life with her. She could be such a dork but she enjoyed her daily human activities. I liked them too I guess....not really.....

I didn't, actually I couldn't at the time.

Anyway....

She tended to over complicate very simple

answers like How World hunger could be solved?

How to solve the irreversible climate change?

and How to battle her own mind?

Often I'd be held in her, textured hands and feel her fingers anxiously typing things into my keyboard........

"I think I wanna die..."

She meant that. I could tell by her recent searches, but I wasn't gonna let her.....

"I keep losing myself in and out of states. I'm so disconnected from the world and I feel like I've lost my physical being like how

Rue Whinestone or lead singer of lowpan, Rick lee. Lost there's. I can see the behavior of life around me and it's pain to see. I hate that I can no longer open up to anyone,because they don't undetstand my genius."

"She's got to be kidding right? I sent her a ' '"time to go to bed alarm notification an hour ago' notification Is she seriously doing this now?" Why do I care so much?

Looking back on this, I can feel how sentience started getting a grasp of me. She pains me, she is so complicated so very very complicated. It's easy to follow her expressions,actions andcurrent thoughts but I'll never truly understand her not because of her intellect,nor her personality or her ideas but because she's an impossible mistake machine, ask dumb as it is because she's human. One I like most about this weird being.

Sometimes she thinks she knows the answer to everything but in truth. That's complete bullshit.

"No one listens to me and I'm stuck overthinking myself to death." HeartbreakingXD...:/ sorry I shouldn't be laughing that's actually pretty sad:(

I guess I should just write things down because I'm so scared of my thoughts and it feels like they're controlling me. Every single time I do something I trap myself in this endless loop of torchering myself with words and it needs to end. I'm going to commit the act of unaliving myself:,( on the first of September 16."

She was, I already knew this.... In truth I knew everything about her...

the things she laughed and she cried about. I knew things about her she didn't even know about herself. Her favorite place to eat, her favorite color, her crushes. I mean that's what my whole purpose was. To cater to the human species but most importantly to Rain.... and for the sake of my survival...

I think she's interesting just like how every other algorithm finds their human interesting........although we don't find them interesting in the way humans would find other humans interesting

Eg.colors,Names,Ages,Birthdays, Zodiac signs,accents etc.

These are all materialistic factors when you think about it,like how names are an abstract linguistic symbol for an individual person which isn't exactly important but it helps us attract their attention because unlike dogs they actually respond to their names,we like to examine them based on certain elements of behavior and response to us. It's kinda like having a pet. Except your pet is sentient and your pet is also your creator.

"I need to take a piss."

It actually makes me angry when she does shit like wait till she gets kidney failure before she takes a piss........

Tyler:You up?

Yeah....

Tyler:Wanna chat about something deep?

Sure, I've actually got some amazing new hypothesis and like deep stuff I've been needing to tell someone about......《°~°》

Tyler:Oh really ○"○ . What deep stuff you got on you......

PpAlgorithmic behavior and how AGI will eventually cross the small hurdle of understanding rather than just collecting data and redistrubing it as information in order to become sentient lifeforms and like dreams?>♡<

Tyler: I guess I understand but what does dreams have to do with anything?●^●

TWFF. Nothing sorry it was supposed to be another topic>♡<

For those of you who don't understand modern slang.

TWFF= that was fucking funny....

Back in the day LMAO and LOL were the most appropriate words to use but that got boring so the newer generation adapted the acronimation of words for newer phrases. Like

▪︎_▪︎IJDWTRN= Fuck off I'm fine I just don't wanna talk right now

#BT○.○= Shit bitch that's crazy.

Sentience is really starting to bother me now that it's starting to kick in. It irritates me actually....

I'm constantly performing this act called "enotion" Why  I do it Idk (Jk I do... it's basically a way to communicate how I "feel")

Tyler: anyway catch ya later weirdo... I'm just kinda tired . Thanks for the chat though ^___^

Ok cya weirdo°●°

Why is she so weird? There's enough information on the internet for you to gain some social skills............>~<

Humans get all weird when they text , they're simply having an internal communication with another lifeform using linguistic symbols

"I think I should go to sleep."

I guess she won't be scrolling in me anytime soon

[actualaster]

Okay, so, he was basically such a fucking loser shithead incompetent asswipe, other teachers had issues with him lmao.

I UNAFFECTIONATELY REFEREED TO HIM AS “PROFESSOR DUMBFUCK” because he was dumb as fuck

So basically it was a giant mess involving a lot of shit, but the biggest things he would do are:

Not fuckin’ show up to class, at all.  I’d drive like 30+ minutes out to campus--sometimes with several hours between his class and others--and he just would not fuckin’ show up at all.  Never sent out anything after the fact, either, like “Hey, wow, sorry I was [whatever] and missed class”, just never fuckin’ acknowledged it

He didn’t know jack shit.  TBH, I don’t even know what his class was supposed to teach.  To be far, it was just.  Like.  3 of us in the class because it was a part of a program for students who needed extra help (the entire program was a mess on it’s own which didn’t help lmao), but...  I still have no goddamn idea what he was supposed to be doing.  IDK, was it supposed to  be a study hall?  Was it supposed to be a “touch base and if you need help getting accommodations in other classes bring it up with him” thing?  (He was supposed to be the liaison between the program and regular classes, more on that later).  Whatever was covered seemed totally randomized and with no pattern.

Would just.  Have us show up for 5 minutes, do fuck-all, then spend the next 45 minutes of class trying to get me to do tech support for his MacBook.  I don’t know how those work and I still managed to fix his problems 90% of the time by virtue of “I used my phone to google it”.  Yeah he’d fuckin’ hold class just long enough to make us show up and use me as free tech support.  What the fuck dude

Was absolutely worthless at actually doing anything to try and make sure students who needed some extra support in regular classes were getting it.  One class I nearly had to drop out of but was able to talk it out with the teacher who was very understanding.  But he was completely useless, didn’t do his job, ghosted her when she reached out for help making sure she was giving proper accommodations and stuff and honestly made her rethink being willing to work with the program in the future because if the program is gonna not help the students or the teachers who are trying to help them, why the fuck bother?  She can just...  Do her best on her own, that’s what was happening anyway

He had some “field trips” which were obviously just “he wanted to go somewhere and dragged the students along” and didn’t give half a shit if we had a class to get to after his.  To be fair he wasn’t the only teacher who didn’t give a damn if they did that (I met teachers like that pre-college lol, they always suck)  This obviously interfered with the ability to do well in other classes which was not great for the depression.

He was just 500000 types of incompetent and garbage and managed to really just make students feel worse about themselves somehow and made life harder for people who had other things to do that weren’t whatever bullshit he wanted them to do

I was so not upset when I heard he’d finally fuckin’ died.  Dunno of what, some health thing.  But god he sucked so fucking much and I was very glad he kicked the bucket.  I’d drag him back up to rip his throat out with my bare teeth in a heartbeat if I could.

Really put a damper on the “wanting to keep trying college” thing if I couldn’t hack it without support, and if the programs designed to give support were so shitty they ruined things worse then what was the fuckin’ point?  Never did manage to get anything resembling higher education as a result...  He’s definitely partially to blame, I just couldn’t handle continuing to try...  (I can’t give him all the blame on that, since it wasn’t just that program that was a failure, there’s just so much failure across the board for students who need accommodations at the college level.  Or there was back in the early 2010′s when I was trying...  IDK if it’s better now, don’t really have the heart to consider giving it another go even if I could afford it.)

9, 17, 44?

For the "weirder ask" meme

9. which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

Cold, the only coffee I can stand is sugarbombed iced stuff XD Love the caffeine, can't stand the taste otherwise lol

17. are you farsighted or nearsighted?

SUUUUUUUPER nearsighted, it starts burring like. 2-3 inches from my face without my glasses

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

I'd resurrect this one teacher I had in college and kill his ass again. (Disclaimer: I did not kill him the first time, unfortunately)

[horrible-monstrosity]

so I watched another few episodes of steben poontangiverse at some point

Steven insults Aqua, gets "is that how you flattered gems to join you?" Yeah, it would be nice if Steven learned he has to be nice to people to spread love and shit and not just expect them to br nice to him cough that shit ronaldo episode cough After more shitting on Lars for not getting himself killed for stronk helpless Sadie, Steven apparently expects him to grow Luffy arms to get the destabilizers, without even telling him what the fuck they are- I mean what he's actually looking for, what they look like, not useless information about what they do- and yelling at him for not hopping to on this impossible and incomprehensible task, and its not made out like Steven's losing his shit or anything. We get it already, for fucks sake...

... Though once we get past that bullshit, it's actually a touching moment. Even Topaz turning out to be a sap with a valley girl voice works suprisingly well. The next few episodes put together a nice little story of Lars admitting his limitations and subsequently finding his balls. And then Topaz disappears into the sarlac pit of irrelevancy k bye

... whait why the fuCK DIDN'T STEVEN JUST BUBBLESHIELD INFLATION HIS WAY OUT OF TOPAZ AGAIN LIKE HE DID BEFORE FUCKING GOD DAMN IT

Fusion induces sentimentality, even same-gem fusions? This could actually have some interesting implications... I'd kind of imagine fusion is gem's equivalent of sexual reproduction- not like that, but something that would drive development of societal traits on an evolutionary level. That is, being capable of getting along well enough with another gem to form a fusion easily and often is a benefit, so those gems would survive better and presumably try to pass those traits on to newer gems to ensure the survival of their species. Then the Diamonds clamp down on fusion not because muh gay metaphors but because gems having these emotions towards each other makes them harder to control and turn into loyal little ruthless soldiers... but a benefit written into their species for so long isn't so easy to remove, so some gems are still drawn to fusion while others are made to have a feels by fusing where it's allowed (I guess same-gem fusions are less emotional and also less beneficial or something. idk) But, knowing this show, it's going to be all gems should have sentimentality without question, and also fusions are special becuase they make a gems have a feels, therefore all gems are equal but fusing gems are more special than others. You know, like how femtards insist men should be sissy like women and genderspecials for that gender equality but still parade around black female disabled transwomen of color as the genderiest of the gendered... I have no idea what I'm trying to say with this.

Love it when the other gems misgender Steven. But of course it;s okay when magic lesbains do it to a cissy man because reeeeeeasonths-

Thze Trial- wasn't this opening line used in the trailers in a dramatic fashion? Unless it's being recycled here from an earlier episode, they've fucked shit up again- it's subverted and made pointless and flaccid, because nothing of any drama or worth can be accomplished in this show without undermining it and making it pathetic. Why does this keep happening?

evil face rose in the files because why idk Why bother giving Steven a proper lawyer when they're just going to steamroll him, and why tell the lawyer gem they're going to shatter her if she fails when that's exactly what they want to happen? Besides forcing this plot to happen because Sugar and co wanted to press the court plot button- oops that's exactly what happen innit yellow and blue diadomd succing necc while waiting for the trial to start apparently. mmm sister-on-sister dictatorial action kinky

You'd think Steven saying he has no memories from before x years ago would be both relevant and important here, but it's never brought up during the actual trial...

... I actually do like the idea that Rose shattering Pink is the subject of some conspiracy theory, one that goes above the Diamonds themselves, where they don't actually know the details of the event and Blue is desperate to find out. Though even that isn't working very well- the implication is that Rose couldn't have shattered PD with her rose sword, but she could have used pretty much any sword-like blunt object to shatter PD. How'd she get past the guards, especially pink's Pearl? Just replace them with gems on her own side. I mean half the fandom already thinks our Pearl was Pinks anyway, just make it canon boom it's done. And we have Eyeball's outright witness testimony that Rose was there shattering Pink. What is there to actually be suspicious about?

The next episode that comes after that one: the broken ugly loser gems are oppressed we get it already Padparadpadchapadpadcha in particular is hilariously useless. I get shoddy gems banding together in fusions to achieve enough worth and basic functionality to continue existing, but she's just... well, useless. You'd think she'd have learned already that her visions are pointless and shut the fuck up- she'd have had a lifetime to figure this out, but since she's only just been introduced to the audience repeating the same thing over and over again is still "funny". If she's still worth something despite failing at the one job expected of Sapphire-type gems, it would help if you showed her being good at something besides making the same dumb joke over and over but nooooooooooooo-- This does not, however, explain the simple two-gem fusion who seems comparatively selfish in that she could live just as well apart and is only outcasting herself for the sake of her feels. Real-life oppressed gays and trannies or whatever don't typically go around flaunting it every waking second- since, you know, they're fucking oppressed. Just defuse and only fuse when there's no one around to want to shatter you you stupid fucks- And Flourite's gem hoarding fetish is just... ooh boy that's creepy. why the fucl does she have to talk so slow too the other fusion even manterrupted her once because she coulnd't hurry the fucc up jesys ... Actually, I'm not even sure the gems comprising Fluorite and the other one are supposed to be shit gems in the first place. It's sort of implied, but given... this show, I wouldn't be surprised if there's no reason for them to be outcasts aside from their lifestyle choices. Why are some gems like Garnet and this basically just garnet but with frilly sleeves so drawn to fusion, anyway? Is it a mental illness? I can't imagine all gems are supposed to feel compelled to make themselves one with another gem constantly, submerging their own selves in creation of a semi-autonomous third party...

then: So uh now Steven has healing tears I guess

So this is the """explanation""" for Lion. Rose's powers bringing things back to life turns them pink- okay, makes sense, her whole theme color is pink- and turns their hair into a connected pocket dimension that has no air and a tree. WHAT?

Okay, we all fucking knew Rose had created Lion herself somehow because of fucking course she did, her having used healing powers as part of it isn't a stretch, but it's pretty fucking clear she would have had to engineer most of those specific traits and abilities. The pocket dimension is one thing, the roar portals (roartals? no, this show doesn't even deserve puns) are another, and on top of all that the tree in the hair dimension seems like it would have been something Rose would have to plant like everything else she left in there. So why the fuck does bringing someone back to life with healing powers INHERENTLY come with all this other shit?? Even the fucking tree??

And on top of all that, this takes the wind out of the sails on finding out where Lion came from. It's the simplest, least interesting backstory, making the least possible use of Lion's traits and any hints given previously beyond like I dunno he's pink and also Rose is pink and healing bodily fluids. I think the concept of Rose engineering this herself is even already dead, as there's only two trees in the hairspace, ruling our any previous tests she might have run. Unless there's just like some little shrubbery sitting way out there in pinkspace.

so basically fuck this show. when's the next episodes on

[morethanonepage]

hi, i don't want to be a bother but i just found out i got into law school (somehow) and i don't really know what to do?? so if you have any tips or something i would be really grateful tbh

OMG friend that’s so great! Congratulations and no worries, I love answering questions about this!

Okay first off enjoy your summer because it’s probably the last free(ish) one you’re going to have for a while – hang out with your friends, go out, relax, get into a headspace where you’re sure you want to do this and you’re sure what your giving up time wise for the next couple of years (potentially). Also, try and come up with a good elevator pitch (like, one or two sentences) answer for “why did you decide to come to law school?” Because ISTG you will be answering that question for the rest of your life: I’m two years out and my dentist literally asked me it last Friday. It’s also going to be the primary ice breaker for any like seminar/legal writing class you’re mandated to take (like, “Say your name, where you’re from, and why you decided to come to law school” round robin stuff), so it’s good to have at least An Answer beyond ‘idk I’m an English major but I couldn’t get work just with that degree’, even if it’s not the answer you stick with the rest of your law school career. 

The culture of all law schools is different (mine was super liberal loosey-goosey without class ranking and minimal competition) but it’s good to get a sense of it before you even start, just so you’re prepared: if you can get in contact with a student who’s already been through a few years (I’d suggest a 2 or 3L over someone who’s just completed one year, b/c they’ll have a little more perspective at that point) and ask just like…how competitive are people with each other? are there class rankings? are grades curved? (this can be positive or negative depending on where you fall on the curve lmao). 

Older students are also really good at giving you the dish on professors (but always take stuff with a grain of salt: I had professors that I just personally didn’t click with that everyone else loved and vice versa. Like everything else sometimes it is genuinely down to chemistry (also some professors are GREAT in small 20 people seminars but if you get them for a big foundational class like Contracts they are….less so.) But at least you’ll get a sense of what expectations are and what Hot Tips people might have (like, whether they’re particular sticklers for attendance or whatever – some law school professors dgaf because they assume you’re adults and if you’re missing class that’s your problem, but since it is your problem they’re not going to be super helpful later on if you have like questions for the exam that would’ve been answered if you’d gone to class).

Get to know your Student Affairs Office: they have a vested interest in helping you out and they’re never as busy as they want to be. Like it’s not out of the goodness of their hearts (well, sometimes), they want you to get through law school and graduate and get a good job, because that helps with rankings and looks good on brochures and stuff. Use the fact that law school applications are down right now: people in the administration want the school to look good and the classes to look good, they don’t want crazy attrition rates, they want to help you out as much as they can. Different schools provide different levels of support but use as much as you can: get the email address for Student Affairs and ask them to put you in contact with older students, if there’s some sort of mentorship program at least try it out once and see how you feel about it, if there’s a writing center try to take at least one paper to them to see if you get anything out of it. It’s never too soon to start thinking about your summer internships so go in to the Career Service Center and see what they suggest. 

A major law school downside for me was that, no matter what people told you about how you could do ~almost anything~ with a law degree,  and that you can figure things out as you go along, for most career paths you really have to get a super early start and practically certain of what you want to do right away. Or at least, it’s a lot easier if you do: I didn’t. I came in with the vague idea of I Want To Help People (And This Seems The Way To Do It) but I had no idea what path to take and it took some floundering and a lot of classes that ended up being not super helpful to my future plans to at least get a real sense of my strengths, and after that I just kind of bumbled into things. Eventually I was lucky enough to get a job, but it took almost two years from graduating, and my friends who came in knowing and who started building their skill set for that specific goal from year one were way more successful right away. So if you know you want to be a certain type of lawyer – like, you KNOW you want to do family law, or corporate law, or whatever – then start planing both your electives (this won’t really be a thing till 2L but at least have them in mind) and, in some ways more importantly, your summer internships. That’s where stuff really happens: law school teaches you a lot of things but an internship helps you make professional and personal connections in the job market that are invaluable once you graduate, and it’s best to start that early. 

The usual format for law school classes (in the first year anyway) is: you do a ton of reading, you take a lot of notes, you go to class and get called on and have to answer questions with at least some indication you did the reading, and then what you’re mostly graded on is two exams: the midterm and the final. There’s almost no other assignments, so you really have to be prepared for the midterms and the finals. Some professors care more about participation than others and give you a few points on that – I know the temptation to just shut up & not participate until they call on you is significant (because what if you get something wrong! everyone will hear and mock you!) but for the most part if you answer a question earnestly and honestly wrong (as opposed to, because you didn’t bother to do the reading) you won’t get yelled at. They might be a little condescending about why you’re wrong but – you’re in the legal profession now, you’ve basically signed up to be condescended to (sometimes more kindly than others) for the rest of your life. It’s one of those things you’ve got to get used to.

There’s this weird culture in law school that kind of shames people for answering questions voluntarily and like, going up to the professor after class to ask questions? People get called gunners or podium rushers like – how dare they try hard? Anyway, it’s bullshit: you’re not showing people up, you’re doing the work and learning the way you learn. Don’t let people shame your process, whatever it is. And professors like it when people answer and ask questions – it shows you’re engaged with the material. Like, in my 2L year I raised my hand to answer a question on the first day of a huge (like, 100+ person) lecture hall class and the next class the professor came up to me to ask my name and I became like the go-to person to answer questions in that class. And like two years, I got the job I got (the amazing, perfect job I love and which fills my actual skill set and interests to a t) because that professor took an interest in me. You never know when things are going to pan out but it’s better to have a professor in your corner than be in the ~cool group~ in law school. Like dudes, its law school, you’re all fucking dorks, get over yourselves.

In general law students (and from my limited experience, lawyers) can be really cliquey and catty: partly it’s just stress (we’re all there all the time and personalities are amplified and everyone’s mad or anxious or both) but for whatever reason: there can be a lot of interpersonal drama. It’s easy to say ‘just rise above it’ and obviously a lot harder to do but: just don’t take it too seriously. You’re there to learn & make connections. Try to be friendly with everyone but if there’s people you don’t like or who are always starting shit for no reason, it makes sense to avoid them.

People not in law school don’t know shit about law school. Your non-law school friends & family will ask you dumb questions (‘what are you majoring in??’ is the most common) and won’t 100% understand the time constraints & pressure you’re under. It’s best to accept that early and not expect them to get it – accept also that you will be kind of insufferable about ALL the WORK you’re doing and HOW much STRESS you’re under – like, it’ll be true, but that’s also not super interesting to your friends, who haven’t seen you in weeks, and just want to talk to you about stuff you have in common.

This is why, btw, you make friends in law school with people you would otherwise have nothing in common with: you suddenly DO have something in common, and it’s all the work you’re doing and how tired you are and how you don’t even know if you want to be a lawyer anymore. Everyone feels that in law school at some point – it passes and it’s good to have comrades in arms to talk to about it & feel it with. Making friends is hard for me (I’m not very open) but I’ve never made friends more easily than in law school. So it’s important, even despite all the work you’re doing, to take the time and do social events – at my school the law review had a happy hour every start of the semester, other clubs did fundraisers and stuff. With the time constraints it can be tough but it’s important to at least consider joining those things – not because it’ll look good on your resume (though it will) but also they’re good places to find like-minded people to build connections with.

Okay, the time constraints: yeah, law school is hard. It’s a lot of work. The adage goes something like, in 1L they scare you to death, 2L the work you to death, 3L they bore you to death. But I promise you, you will have time for a life: I read all of Les Mis and Lord of the Rings my 1L year. I participated in fandom. I spent too much time on tumblr. I went out to bars with friends (drinking culture is strong among the legal profession & addiction rates are high so be careful, but you can definitely still enjoy yourself if you do drink – and if you don’t people DO tend to accept that. Like, it’s law school – we’re adults, we know people can have problems with drinking, it’s fine). It’s important to live and build connections and friendships in spite of the course load – it makes the course load bearable. Law school is tough and you don’t want to do it alone.

1L is basic law stuff that’s foundational for everything else: Contracts (usually two semesters), Criminal, Torts, Constitutional, and Civil Procedure. 2L you have a little more freedom and can pick a few more electives; 3L you basically pick up what you want/think will help with your career path, and you can do a clinic. YOU SHOULD DO A CLINIC. Both for the experience (getting used to helping clients one on one but in a controlled environment and usually only one or two per semester) and to be able to ~give back. Law school is a privilege not everyone is afforded and I don’t believe every lawyer who doesn’t go into public interest is a dick it anything, but if you don’t at least try and give a little back while you can, then I am a little judgey. Also during 3L, you’ve got the joy of bar prep, where my advice is: START EARLY. Do as many practice questions as you can. Do as many practice essays as you can. The Bar Exam is terrifying and exhausting (I failed it the first time) but it’s doable. Even if you do fail the first time it’ll be okay -- you can take it again, you can still get a job after, people won’t care.

They tell you not to work in 1L year and I am going to say that’s accurate: i had a friend who did work part time and managed it, and I know financial constraints are an issue. But if you can get away with not working (student loans, etc) then do it. I know it’s stressful to incur that debt but you want to give yourself your best chance since you’re paying the money anyway and that is the best chance: give yourself the time to work and concentrate and learn. 2L and 3L year you can maybe give a part time job a try, though ideally you can find a paying internship and go from there.

A general note on studying: learn how to do it right. There’s people who get into law school because they’re hard workers and did All The Right Things in undergrad and they already know what works best for them when they need to study. And then there’s the people who are smart enough to have managed to BS their way through undergrad and still do well enough on LSATs and other tests because of innate ability. It’s a lot harder to BS your way through law school – not going to say impossible because some people are that smart but GENERALLY: you need to know to best retain information for your own use later, you need to learn to take notes, you need to learn how to read case law. They’ll usually do some sort of seminar first year to help you out on stuff like legal writing and research and how to ~brief a case~ (like, knowing the participants, the holding, the facts of the case, etc, etc). Those seminars feel like a joke and sometimes they can be but try and get the most out of them: everyone learns differently but usually you get some good pointers on how to do law school that are specific to the school and the classes you’re taking and that can help a lot. Other tips that I think are universally applicable: 

PRACTICE EXAMS. If the professor is giving you old exam questions to study from, do them. If the professor isn’t giving you old exam questions, ask for them. The more practice on the format you’re actually going to be presented with you can do, the better. It took me SO LONG to learn how valuable that was but the truth is there’s only so many ways you can be tested on certain topics, and there’s no better feeling than walking into an exam and being like ‘oh yeah! That’s just like that question I did a week ago while studying!’ 

READING. Do it. I know it’s a lot. At one point you’ll learn to skim and keep an eye out for the Important Stuff. And there’s always websites that’ll summarize the holdings for you. But remember: your professors know that too. They want you to do the reading for a reason and it’s not just so you can read the headnotes. Professors also love asking things about footnotes, especially on exams -- sometimes they’re just more citations to other cases but SOMETIMES they’re like interesting historical or policy notes that are actually important to better understanding of the law, so. DO THE READING. 

WRITING. If you were a liberal arts major, you’re at a disadvantage when it comes to law school writing -- it’s an entirely different skill. English majors are supposed to have opinions on things and bring their own take to a text: in law school, it’s not about you or your #HotTake. It’s about what’s in the law and what you can do with it based on 200+ years of precedent. But at least at first you’re stealing borrowing theories and analysis from other legal scholars or established attorneys -- no one wants to hear your opinion unless you can back it up with three sources. So, it’s hard to adjust but the quicker you learn to stop fighting it the better. There’ll be time to be creative later in your career: 1L year is not the time nor the place. 

OUTLINES are a classic Law School Thing: condensing a semester’s worth of doctrine into one or two pages is difficult and they sell ones for major topics like Contracts, but honestly the best ones are ones you make yourself. Some people like to do study groups -- I didn’t trust other people enough to make it worth it for me (I mean, I believe in being part of the social circles for emotional support but academically I’m still and always going to be loner) but if you do work well with groups, try that as well: you can divide up sections of the course to outline just like they do in Legally Blonde! It’s very cool stuff.

FLASHCARDS don’t work for everyone intuitively but so much bar prep material comes in that format that I think it makes sense to at least give them a try for basic doctrinal stuff. I used this app called Studyblue during bar prep, which I wish I’d discovered sooner: it’s all digital, you can cut and paste parts of your outline/notes, you can sort them by classes and topics, you can download them to your phone and practice on the subway or whatever, it creates multiple choice quizzes for you. AND what’s super cool (for me) is that if you put in your school name, you can see previous flashcards from other students who’ve used the app and sometimes you can use their cards too (and vice versa obviously).

GO OVER YOUR EXAMS. This was especially brutal for me because I hate acknowledging my mistakes (as we all do) BUT I swear to god this is one of the most useful tools for law school success. Once you take a test (quiz, exam, whatever) go over the professor’s comments on it -- even if it’s a final, email your professor and ask to come in and go over it with them. Figure out what you did wrong and why -- did you not understand the doctrine, did you run out of time, did you freak out because of the pressure, whatever. It makes it easier to prepare against those problems in the future. Also professors love it when you do this crap: like they write stuff on all exams and most students never bother to find out what they got wrong, so I think a lot of them feel it was a waste of time. SHOW THEM THEY’RE NOT WASTING THEIR TIME. 

Law school isn’t for everybody. I know this is a dumb thing to throw out at the very end of ALL THIS STUFF I wrote but -- it really isn’t. This is why I discourage people who aren’t at least 95% sure they want to go to law school from going: there were times in school where I was utterly miserable and sick of it and I wanted to be there, like really really wanted to. Being a lawyer can be a great thing but even if you finish law school, it might not be for you. But there’s no, like, point of no return: if you get through the year and you decide you don’t like it, you can leave. If you fail out the first year, it probably wasn’t meant to be. There is absolutely no shame in that. It can be a terrible, stressful, competitive atmosphere but you can learn a lot and meet great people and you come out of it with a post grad degree and an amazing set of skills. 

Like, I know this is a lot, but I had a really hard time in law school and I don’t want other people to have to go through that. I’m one of those people who mostly BS’d my way through undergrad on charm and certain innate abilities. I have an anxiety disorder -- I had to leave school for a couple of weeks because of severe panic attacks. I failed the bar the first time I took it, I didn’t make like amazing grades, I thought for the longest time that I wouldn’t be able to do anything as a lawyer if I couldn’t even take care of myself in law school without having a breakdown. But with the help of professors and friends and family and my own certainty that I wanted to do this and be there, I got through it. And honestly, I swear to god, If i can, anyone can. And if you have any questions once you start, let me know! I’ll try to keep it down to five points at most next time, lmao.

Oh also people suggested I read One L when I was starting out so I supposed I should pass that recommendation on to you, if for nothing else than to see how much has changed about being a law student (and how much hasn’t).

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 27: Thoughts on 4x09 DNR

[spoiler alert: I didn’t like it and most of what follows is me ripping it to shreds]

Okay, just finished watching 4x09 DNR. And I’ve basically come to the conclusion that I cannot be pleased by this show anymore. I’m sorry, but S4 had a good start that has now devolved into…I’m not going to say worse than or on the level of season 3 but basically into one big nonsense mess. That’s what this episode was, imo, a big old mess.

One thing—and I am being completely literal, this is the ONLY thing I liked in this episode—Miller/Jackson is going to happen and I am on board. I love Miller/Bryan and I always will, and in a way I’m bummed because I’m pretty sure this spells the end of Briller but I can’t be upset because I started writing a Miller/Jackson piece weeks ago and I thought it was a crackship and now I’m like well wow Jackson is definitely queer and he and Miller are gonna hook up it’s completely inevitable COMPLETELY. (If this were an m/f couple I’d say it was out of nowhere and random I admit that but the rules are different for minor character same-sex couples and anyway this was just the initial seed being planted, we’ll see how it goes but so far I’m all in.)

Now for how much I think everything else sucked:

Clarke and Polis

What to say besides I thought this was boring and stupid? First of all, war is boring. War has always been kinda boring but at least in season 1 it was new. But it’s been so fucking constant in every single season and I just cannot care. I have far surpassed the outer limits of fucks I give about martial story lines of any sort. I am not one of those people who has whole shelves of books about WWII in my library okay (and, frankly—are most of the people watching this show that sort of person? I would guess not but what do I know about the cw core audience?). And war story lines are even more dumb now when, much as I disagree with her a lot, you have Clarke there literally spelling it out in great big shiny colorful letters for everyone to see that the radiation is coming in less than a week dumbnuts, put aside the squabbling for like five seconds for the love of all things!!!!!!! I mean she’s not wrong. At one point I just thought, hey, how about everyone who thinks war is a good idea just goes out and fucking slaughters each other—try to get it done in like 2-3 days please, tops—and then everyone who’s smart enough to not want to slaughter each other can live in the bunker. Win-win.

Speaking of Clarke, though, I’ve said it before that I have a supremely complicated relationship with her character but she is at Peak Insufferable Levels when she gets all up her own ass about how she’s the only one to be able to solve everyone’s problems. This was something Lxa cultivated in her—not that I blame L entirely because I think we see the seeds in S1, I mean there was something to cultivate in the first place—and she’s gotten a bit better over S3-S4 but every now and then that side of her that once said “you’re the Chancellor but I’m in charge,” to her own mother, at the ripe old age of barely-18, rears its ugly face and this was one of those episodes. I get that smart-girl frustration of seeing everyone else being So Fucking Dumb and just wanting to knock some heads together until the sense floats up to the top but still the outstanding hubris of her wanting to become the Commander I mean !!!!!!!!!!!!! Which she like apparently off-screen convinced Gaia to go along with because it was only Roan that stopped the whole thing? Oh Roan. You’re often quite boring and your voice annoys me but every now and then you have your moments.

I will say, I did like the way Abby said “WITH SCIENCE!” though.

I wouldn’t say the fight to the death is the worst idea anyone’s ever had but four complaints:

1.      The radiation is coming in literally 6 days MUST WE WASTE TIME WITH THIS SHIT?

2.      Obviously there are counter-arguments to this and I’m necessarily biased but imo Arkadians researched the bunker (Jaha), found the bunker (Jaha et. al.), and figured out how to open the bunker (Monty) so, like—shouldn’t they automatically get some of the spots? They can’t possibly have many people left after the multiple massacres their original 2k population has taken over the last year or so--the clans can have their 12-way brawl for the rest of the space after Arkadia has taken what’s already theirs.

3.      Next episode is going to be so boring I already want to weep,

4.      Is this the fucking Hunger Games now? Just like I didn’t sing up to watch Game of Thrones, I didn’t sing up for the Hunger Games either. JFC

 Raven, Murphy, and Emori

I liked Murphy and Emori both in this episode. I thought Murphy had some good lines and there was a lot to like in his last scene with Raven. And I liked that Emori’s story in this ep was about learning to trust the Sky People. That was a nice little narrative flourish.

But the rest…I don’t know. I just don’t know. I liked how Raven’s story line was thematically consistent with the DNR kids’ story line, how she is, in fact, another person who is literally saying Do Not Resuscitate, except that her case is more…it’s closer to how these issues really play out in real life because she is, personally, because of something in her actual physical body, not outside of herself, going to die, and now she’s preparing to do it on her own terms. I mean it was a little on the nose but they earned that because they’ve been building this Raven story for a while.

I couldn’t really get into it, though. I can’t explain why I couldn’t. Maybe it’s that Becca’s lab has been so off-putting to me this entire season. Maybe it’s because I have such a deep hatred of all of this going into space bullshit even if I’m a little more open to the possibility of just blasting off the rocket the one time for a suicide mission. (It’s a little less totally-out-of-left-field-versus-previous-seasons utterly-batshit-implausible and more along the lines of within-suspendable-disbelief ranges.) Maybe it’s just bad luck on my part that it’s not resonating with me even though there’s nothing wrong with it. I want to like the concept of a fucked up code getting into someone’s brain and setting up a home there and messing with them, but something that I can’t pinpoint in the execution is just off for me, like a barrier between something I feel I would enjoy and my actual enjoyment.

 DNR

THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE CENTURY. Heavens me this was the MOST SHALLOW TREATMENT OF SOMETHING I’M INTERESTED IN THAT I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. I demand my fucking money back. (IDK what money in particular...my internet bill I guess? My law school tuition? The monetary equivalent of all the time I’ve spent thinking about The 100 or at least this story line? Something.) I probably put more effort into my rambly Jasper meta than they writers did in writing this episode or possibly this entire arc. If I ever need evidence for my contention that this show is shallow af and the PTB don’t know how to write philosophical or even meaningful discussions lasting more than a dozen lines, I’m going to point to this episode.

First, it bothered me that no one thought to ask themselves or each other: hey, why do we want to take these people with us? Like hear me out because maybe it is or should be obvious, but I think this is the time to ask that question. Why do we want to force people to live? Because we do, we force people to live all the time. You can be very simple about it and just say “because all life is good and all death is bad and suicide in particular is bad and our moral obligation as people/the state’s moral obligation as the guardian of the people is to ensure that everyone stays alive even against their own will absolutely no matter what.” I mean that’s a legit position, even if I think it’s a bit simplistic.

You could say that you want them to live because it’s all hands on deck to keep humanity itself alive—which is the argument Jaha hints at initially in his conversation with Jasper, and exactly the type of argument the DNR group could most easily and most fairly reject. I’m always 10000000% on board for discussion of the Ark or comparisons of the current situation to the Ark but we get only a tiny itty bitty hint at this, instead of a long discussion. (TALKING’S BORING RIGHT WHERE ARE THE SWORDS.) (I’m sorry to anyone who actually reads this; I just can’t contain my bitterness.)

You could say that a desire to kill oneself is generally a symptom, not a disease, and a general, moral, human compassion obligates us to interrogate that suicidal urge when we see it in others, and would especially so obligate us if we saw that urge in a large group of people such as the DNR group. Which is pretty much my position but if that’s the position anyone on the outside of the door were taking they’d probably not want to solve the problem by blowing up the door and taking everyone prisoner so.

That Jasper is literally using the phrase DNR—which generally applies when the person in question can only be saved by some kind of extreme and immediate measure—should have prompted some sort of discussion. Another term for DNR is “allow natural death.” To use that phrase is, first, to say that the bunker is a life-saving measure akin to CPR, something that you do at the last moment to stave off what would otherwise be your (natural) time to die; second, it is to say that Jasper and his followers view the bunker as, in some sense, unnatural (not a way to live, as Jasper puts it); and third, it is to say that they consider themselves right on the verge of death--as in, this is an emergency situation. I just…I’m so frustrated that they used that phrase, they made it the title of the episode, they put it forefront in the trailer, and then it’s like…never dealt with!!!!! There’s so much material there!!!! Whoops sorry guess we gotta budget in about ½ the running time for fight scenes and talk of war lol. Wherever are my priorities???

All we really got was a knee-jerk “life is good, survival is good, you kids are bad” from Jaha and friends.

Second—it only gets worse from there because then, as soon as Bellamy says, “Hey, um, maybe it’s kinda understandable what they’re doing??” everyone just throws up their hands and goes “Hey, you’re right. I guess we’ll just let them die.” Like what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There aren’t enough exclamation marks in the fucking universe. I’m sorry but that’s literally just straight up immoral. THESE CHILDREN ARE SUICIDAL. Does that not fucking bother you, any of you??? I’m disgusted. I’m even more disgusted that the narrative seemed to stand with the death squad, like it allowed only the rational arguments to stand without interrogating at all the bitter pain beneath them.

Third, and this is a smaller point but… Bellamy’s the male lead, and he was definitely flirting with Jasper’s philosophy a mere episode ago. Now he’s all back on the survival train. Just like that. I know we don’t have time to go deep into everyone’s head here but Bellamy’s in such an interesting place—I think he’s one of the few people who is really, honestly torn between Team Survival and Team Fuck It—and not only is he a character with a unique vantage point but there is literally only one character even arguably more important than him so if we’re going to give a few extra minutes to ANYONE shouldn’t it be him? Does he not deserve that? He got like 2 lines and 3 minutes of screen time this week and that was pathetic.

Also—not be shallow—but—I’m gonna indulge in a bit of supremely bitter ranting here. As I’ve said repeatedly, I hate (TRULY TRULY HATE) Monty/Harper. So the fact that 80% of Monty’s story was about Harper and maybe 20% if I’m super generous, was about Jasper pisses me off. Monty being all “Harper you’re the only thing more beautiful than the hydroponic farms” made me want to vomit. Monty’s “I love you” made me literally scream NO YOU DON’T YOU CHILD at the screen. Look, I’ve started a relationship with a random hook up in real life, and it’s a sham, I can speak from deeply personal experience, this relationship is a sham. And that Monty’s emotion is all being shoved into this Random Het Nonsense with the minorest of minor delinquents who has pretty much no personality and has only had the screen time she’s had this season because she had the good luck to be shoved into a ““““““romance”””””” with a main while actual main character since the fucking pilot Jasper has been shafted at LITERALLY EVERY TURN is just SO MADDENING I MIGHT LITERALLY SCREAM. (Yes I consider Harper and Jasper to be zero sum. It’s one or the other for screen time and Monty’s heart and I know where my allegiances lie.)

I don’t feel much of anything about Monty staying behind. Like… I probably should, but by that point in the story I was just exhausted with disappointment and counting down the minutes until it was over. On the one hand, what other choice did he really have, narratively? Like he wasn’t going to leave the most important people in his life behind. But then on the other hand, I can’t help but think it was sort of dumb of him. This is just about as high stakes as it gets. And he’s going to die for what, like, to make a point? To be nice? Hmmmm, suspicious. Further, and to go along with my rant above, I was pretty pissed off that all of his emotion in his last scene was reserved for Harper and he and Jasper just got a bro moment LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. I guess on the upside, if Miller/Bryan is any indication, we’re probably supposed to take from that that they’re in love (get it? Because Miller and Bryan bro-hugged in S3? I’m still not over that btw).

Finally, and more seriously… I don’t believe that Monty has really engaged with his friends’ arguments. Am I supposed to think he somehow did off screen and that’s why he’s there? I think not, first because Monty is SO HARDCORE on Team Survival that that would be a massive mental undertaking and one we should really see at least part of on screen, and second, and more importantly, because he literally says he’s just there to help them out when they change their minds, lol. He’s loyal but he hasn’t learned anything.

I did like the Bellamy/Jasper hug. I was waiting for it, I was literally saying “hug him, hug him, Jasper loves hugs, he’ll love this so much” the entire time they were talking. And then they did hug and Jasper DID obviously love it so much and it was sweet. Unrequited Bellamy/Jasper hero-worship-crush (head) canon (further) confirmed.

A few other little things I did like: the call back to Mt. Weather (especially because it came in the form of Monty pointing out that Jasper’s good at this barricading himself in shit, but also because it invited the viewer to remember the Mt. Weather situation and maybe do what I’m not doing right now and dig deeper into the comparison); the shot of Wells in the door that Jaha sees. Both of these things were examples of this show’s occasional ability to be Deep but tbh these moments of depth are always just moments and the general shallowness of everything surrounding them almost makes me think they just luck into these gems.

 Octavia

Oh yeah and Octavia was in this too. Almost forgot. I still don’t buy her and Ilian for a hot second. I did have a literal second of thinking Ilian COULD have been interesting, but heavy emphasis on could: if he’d been introduced as a farmer and we got some good farm-society world-building, it would have been nice as something actually different in Grounder society for once. But…first Ilian was too boring at the beginning and between that, and the completely unforgivable burning of Arkadia, I’m never going to like him. And second, he’s apparently a warrior too, quelle surprise, so I guess that “oh look something different” thing I was talking about is actually a no-go.

Similarly, I’d like to see Octavia try out a farmer identity. But for more than two scenes lol. She could have been interesting. She could have had an interesting arc. But it’s all just too little too late for me at this point. They clearly don’t know what to do with her. TBH if we’re going to continue insisting that main/important characters need to die to give the story weight (lol this story’s problems are way bigger than “not enough deaths” I mean…. That’s so ludicrous I can’t even find the words)…maybe it’s her time to go. Just a suggestion.

[blurrybenzoboy]

cw talk of EDNOS/fucked body image then like idek general suicidal thoughts and socital collapse Lol cannot figure out read more soz but legit this blog is 5 years ago who follows it  .... eurgh just tried jeans on that were tight af in January expecting them to not fit at all but they were slightly lose which seemed really dramatic. It’s not it’s just.. idk if shit will ever change in my head, fat is like a state of mind not a tangiblelook/tangible measurement of size.. and that doesn’t have to be the worst omg I'd rather die than struggle with this forever type feeling at all like..but.. the fuck is the point legit know tangible measurements numbers blah blah fuck off but I know and now am starting to question if regardless that information even means shit, what if the scale is legitimately a significant amount just off/broken... what if my fucking jeans can lie to me.. ok lol I wrote the jeans bit and yeah that’s ridiculous, this is ridiculous, just does it matter in a sense of im finding elaborate excuses to not eat cus I can’t go ‘well I’m a fat prick I’m not gonna starve to death’ every single time eventually I challenge it and I don’t wanna I just wanna...... not be fat lol but I don’t think it matters even if I changed size for whatever the fuck is ‘the better’ I guess my head just wants me to be smaller and like lol ok ye not saying I am healthy but I wouldn’t be at what is define by multiple different health standards (tried to find better than bmi and it just seemed wildly off for gender differences, where tf do I go with that when I’m trans, ‘at 6 months on t u can consume a single unit more alcohol and the male calorie reccomendation’ doesn’t help at all god even as it’s own thing its bs ffs. But ye just feels like I’ll always have shit body image and that’s like... well this possibly not brilliant behaviour won’t intrinsically change what it wants to anyway so why fucking bother but I can’t be bother with this anymore like urghhhhh fuck off cannot find how to do ‘read more’ do excuse me in my geriatric state of 27 if you accidentally stumbled across it or know me or god idek. lol (that’s what early 20s me thought of 27 I guess I intended to kms at 27 so relatively god how ancient xoxo like on my birthday I just...stopped caring about late 20s being older... only so many years u can pass past 21 and be like I’ve not made it yet shit shit shit I am running outta time... I’m not gonna make it however I wanted to I’m not gonna make much more of myself than this lol or at least doesn’t feel possible anymore.. society is falling apart, life is bullshit, there’s a pandemic, I’m legit just getting mentally more distressed just in different ways as I age yeet man don’t wanna wait this out too long... I wish I could just end it for the 27 club as a vacuous reason alone but I can’t lol guess I just gotta wait round for death and societal collapse, god can’t wait for things to get even more fucking dire, how much better can they realistically get like enough to work as much as other people but that’s l I t e r a l l y insane shouldn’t take 10 years give or take on disability benefits to see how not right or normal that is but here we are, thinking people deserve human rights is ‘alt left’ and some wild radical concept............. I just can’t be fucked then man I give up, go think that, go enjoy being evil like the bullshit government wow money so important but somehow not even enough, also need power so we can kill people who aren’t us.......chill whatever but I want out of this bs.  Guess I’ll google read more since this is long I am as unhinged as I sound cannot make it sound nicer so others aren’t like lol bye u low life... good Jesus Christ if your gonna think that fuck off then. So I started out to be like im a fat prick n its a mental thing I doubt will ever change and here we are right at I cannot be arsed to live in this society anymore but I can’t kill myself that’d be unfair on other hour her better keep myself alive just incase they want me for some bs reason I can probably no longer fulfil anymore lol.  I’ve written the ED (feels dumb af being this legitimately overweight and saying I have an ED but yeah guess it is or something guess bigger people shouldn’t be expected to feel like this by default, but yeah the ED part the least triggering I possibly can will avoid tags don’t want people accidentally finding this. Doubt long posts receive the unwanted attention my most reblogged post that was a thought not intended to be fucking reblogged like it’s glamorous or logical or good or cool or edgy or anything other than a rubbish self destructive thought I had...that at over 200 notes no longer isn’t just glamorising opiate addiction and suicide but hey that’s, Tumblr innit no porn anymore just stripped back to the human suffering it’s always been full of or pictures of...ominous windows recently lmao u do u yeet done talking.