#anyway that's fic 1 done

[shoot-i-messed-up]

Was always worried about the angst of unrequited love, had never realized the sheer amount of comedic potential that it has.

Imagine one-sided Superbat where Clark is fully aware that Bruce has a crush on him but is being his repressed self about it, and Clark is just like, “I’m not gonna touch that :) you’re going to figure that out for yourself, buddy, and in the meantime, I’m just going to have a good time and be best friends with you as you inevitably pull yourself together enough to either fall out of love or to confess :) and I’ll just let you down gently because I care about you :)” but he absolutely 100% is using it to his advantage in the meantime. His puppy dog eyes had never been so effective before. He’s gotten out of Monitor Duty three times in the past month.

[fast-burn]

day 13: free use for winter warmers, maxiel, explicit, 1k

If it's a race weekend, there is a whole protocol involved. There are schedules to cross-reference and inconspicuous paths to travel around the back of the paddock. They have to do it out of sight, tucked away in someone's driver's room. Even if the media is expressly forbidden from publishing any pictures, the track is still always crawling with fans who all have cinema-quality cameras on their phones.

At the factory, it's easier.

Max can push Daniel down between his knees, under the table at some boring meeting, and everyone just politely averts their eyes. He can have Daniel in the little office space they've set aside for him to take Zoom calls, or in the middle of the cafeteria, or on top of the RB19 if he wants. Or like now, after another hundred laps in the sim when he's groggy and his eyes are practically square from staring at the data all day.

He catches Daniel's wrist before he can walk past for a coffee break and tugs him until he stumbles and sprawls into Max's lap.

"Max," Daniel complains, echoing GP across the room.

"What? I just need a little pick-me-up." He's already stiffening in his pants. He can usually hold off, but the beauty of this arrangement and of being at home base is that he doesn't have to. That's the deal.

GP looks at his watch. "Alright, we'll take twenty minutes then, instead of ten." There are mutters of agreement, and most people wander off for caffeine and a piss. Daniel starts unbuttoning.

"You're a naughty boy," teases Daniel, eyes twinkling as he shoves his jeans down with his underwear, just enough to expose himself. "Insatiable today. What is this, the third go?"

Max doesn't answer that, just leans forward in his seat and kisses Daniel. There's no language in Daniel's contract about it--the one thing that Daniel doesn't have to give Max, but does anyways. When Max reaches around, Daniel's hole is puffy and hot. Daniel sighs and deepens their kiss, tilting his head and licking into Max's mouth. Max presses his middle and ring finger inside Daniel. He thrusts them a little, curls them, then uses the leverage to encourage him up so he's balanced on the frame of the sim rig, right where Max wants him.

Lube and come slick Max's fingers as he draws them out, leftover from the tail-end of lunch. Daniel's mouth is shiny with spit when he finally leans back enough that Max can pull out his dick. And then Daniel sits right down on it.

Max hisses at the sudden tight heat, can't help but thrust up, hips colliding with the tight muscle of Daniel's cheeks, and then he can't stop. The movement of his cock fucking in and out sounds squishy, sloppy, like Daniel is just a fleshlight that Max has been jizzing into all day. Which. Isn't far off the mark.

"Is it gonna hurt your feelings if I can't come this time?" Daniel asks him, rocking in-rhythm to Max's desperate pounding.

"Yes. No, you," Max gasps, "I think. I think you can."

"Nuh-uh," Daniel murmurs and brings Max's hand to his soft dick. "Here, feel."

Max groans, "Daniel please."

Daniel shakes his head. "You can beg all you want, but I'm fucked out."

It's not fair. If their positions were switched, Max could come all day long if Daniel wanted it. He could just leak like a faucet, dribbling and wetting his clothes with it and everywhere he sat down and everything he touched. There would be no end to it.

Max shifts his hips, thrusts up at an angle that he knows will drag the head of his dick against Daniel's prostate.

"Oh, oh," Daniel groans and Max beams. He feels Daniel throb in his hand.

"See? You can come."

"Nah, don't think so." He leans down and licks up Max's neck, sucks on his earlobe and scrapes his teeth across it, sparks of pleasure tinging in his wake. "You're not gonna last that long, I can tell. It's okay, just use me. I'm good for it. You made me all loose."

Max clenches his abs and his fists and tries to hold on, but then Daniel kisses him again, and well. It's only natural that he climaxes, tired and besotted as he is.

"Phew, that was a pretty nice one," Daniel says as he climbs off Max's lap, grunting like an old man as he straightens his knees. Max has enough brain power to reach up and spin Daniel around, bend him over the steering wheel so at least he can see.

Daniel used to wax, which Max thought was insane behavior and told him to stop. Now he can watch his come dribble out and smear it into the whorls of dark hair around Daniel's hole. He sucks his thumb and his fingers, licks Daniel's ass and slides his tongue inside until Daniel is whining and Max can't taste anything but spit. All clean.

"Okay, I'm good," Max says, and is satisfied by the way it takes almost a full minute for Daniel to get himself organized. Daniel is hard now, but you snooze you lose.

Daniel shoves his palm in Max's face, pushing him mostly-gently back into the seat. "You maniac," he says and rubs the heel of his other hand against the bulge in his jeans. "Look what you did to me."

"I told you that you could come. Go ahead." But the rest of the team is starting to trickle back in now.

Daniel shakes his head. "Maybe I'll wait until I get home. Then you won't be able to participate."

He won't, though. Max is sure of it, that Daniel will corner him on the way out the door at the end of the day and he'll ask for Max to watch, or to fuck him again, because he's not allowed to just take, he has to beg for it instead.

Thank god that Daniel likes this just as much as Max does.

[volivolition]

with kisses like these, who needs magnesium?

[trevisos]

nothing but teeth

pairing: nb!Tav/Astarion rating: G word count: 4,030 description: Astarion is lying about being a magistrate - that much is obvious. Xarrai intends to find out what it is he's trying to hide. more context: Xarrai is a tiefling bard and courtesan with the charlatan background, and an escaped Banite cultist. Any pronouns are fine (though I stick with they/them here for clarity.) ao3 link: here

It's high summer on the banks of the Chionthar and the woods are alive with it, birdsong and sunlight on every breeze. The air is warm and bright and smells of fresh grass and clean water; the sun sends rays of light like long fingers between the branches of the trees and spills them across the worn dust of the road. It’s the kind of thing Xarrai could write a shallow ballad about, a song to be debuted in a room of drunkards at the Helm & Cloak to raucous applause. Or perhaps a poem, one they could whisper into the ear of a patriar in the facsimile of affection he paid for, wrapped in his silken sheets. It’s beautiful. 

They hate it.

keep reading on ao3

[monards]

"It's so rare for R to be in her right mind for a spell. Should she really be wasting the precious little lucid time she has writing this?" "Don't worry. For a witch, this is the most important thing."

you mean to be telling me that it's an explicit point that rhinedottir is rarely in the proper state to do spells and write things like this. and of all the choices she had not to. she chooses to write it and places importance (read. it's established as the MOST IMPORTANT THING too.) in spending said-precious-time to write something with her friends commemorating andersdotter. hoyo i need youto stare me in the eyes and real the implications of rhinedottir expending what the other's are describing as her "precious little lucid time" to commemorate and make an ode to her dead friend HOYOPLEAS

[walkingstackofbooks]

Oh my god, I'd forgotten what it was like to just write, to write good and to write well and to be hyperfixated on it for a whole afternoon without my brain falling asleep on me or wandering off somewhere else.

Like, 800 words in 5 hours is far from quick, but it's been consistent and ongoing (and tbf that's actually ignoring the little bit of Miles pov I've discarded) and gosh, I could almost cry, because I've been so anxious that I was just going to have to brute force this last scene of VA, but no. I'm enjoying it, just as much as I hoped I would.

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[ai-higurashi]

I think all the triplets have, accidentally or on purpose, called Beakley "granny" at one point or another.

Louie is the first one to slip up and it's like calling the teacher "mom". Beakley doesn't comment on it but if Scrooge notices she's happier than usual afterwards despite acting as normal as possible, no he didn't <3.

Webby is ecstatic about it each and every time .

[its-all-papaya]

i have three thoughts and they are:

i finally made it long enough post-publishing the nutcracker suite to do a full read-through of the fic with some authorial distance just now (have probably read every bit of it separately at some point since then in the midst of answering comments etc) and. yeah i think this is the best fic i've ever written (including dad lando) so.... crazy that it came from a fucking trick-or-treat ask on halloween and had not a prayer of being finished until like two weeks ago when i locked in and refused to lose.

i bought a picture frame at a thrift store that's too small for any of my prints. someone talk me into or out of (don't care which) printing the landoscar champagne photo from abu dhabi and framing it on my actual bedroom wall.

i'm back in my apartment after ten days with my parents and a) i'm sad i wanna go back to them and my dog and b) my hand soap here smells critically like dad lando. i don't think i will ever be able to buy this specific kind again without triggering the highs and lows of typing 100k of kid fic.

[hidey-writes]

Day After Day | 日复一日

25k | T | Weilan | Case Fic, Undercover Married, Grief

Shen Wei swallows. “And this is why you asked me to—” he makes a vague gesture that means go undercover as your husband “—pretend with you.” Zhao Yunlan comes to a stop, eyes on Shen Wei. “That’s why the cover is a married couple. The reason I’m asking you is because there are no other options for people to go undercover with.” Shen Wei scoffs to give himself an excuse to look away. “You certainly know how to flatter someone, Zhao Yunlan.” Or: Four Haixingren disappear for two months after a stay at a romantic mountain retreat. Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan book a weekend there to find out what happened.

it's finally here!!! my beloved fic for the 520 day guardian reverse exchange! this was written for trobadora, who gave me the most delicious set of ideas to fit into a story. it was so fun.

i have no idea how to describe this fic, frankly - this is, hands down, the most complex and most heartwrenching and most incredible thing i've ever written in my entire life.

here is a list of some things in it: a kiss, a mystery, a change of heart. old chinese people, dark energy world-building, lesbians, big-time character parallels, forgery of documents, rainstorms, rowboats, lollipop symbolism, [redacted], bedsharing, grading, the stupidest undercover name ever. zhao yunlan described with so many light metaphors. shen wei being the most shen wei i could make him.

read Day After Day | 日复一日 on ao3 here!

[faintfill]

just started playing og re4 for the first time and the rumours r true leon is soooo cunty bro is serving face no matter what

[palabraasinnecesarias]

if you stay i would even wait all night or until my heart explodes

ao3 | ff.net | ship: ranma/akane | rating: T+ | words: 4,361

summary:

If there was anything Akane knew better than anyone in this world, it would have to be that Ranma’s insensitivity wasn’t on purpose. And it wasn’t that she wanted to justify the fool, she just felt that she had a better judgment when it came to pinpointing all his flaws, especially the ones that made him a jerk. Crushing on your childhood friend should be fine, as long as you don't act upon it, right? What happens when you do?

“Stupid,” Ryoga groaned, slamming a fist against his kotatsu table, a mild glare towards Ranma. The bandana wearing man was fuming, noticeably upset across his friend, who seemingly appeared as though he was going to be sick. “Now,” he continued, gently rubbing his temple in a sense to try and sooth an upcoming headache, “what did you ask her again? If what...?”   

Ranma rolled his eyes, annoyed, and frustrated, too, looking away as he shrugged his shoulders, “I just asked how many guys she’s stringing along.” Saying it out loud stung his chest, knowing very well he’d fucked up, immensely. Because he knew Akane like the back of his hand, if anything, she was doing anything but. He was just caught up in his own emotions, upset and hot-headed...jealous, if you will.   

After Akane had kicked him out, he had knocked on her bathroom door for a moment, insisting that they talk as he tried to apologize, but she just kept shouting things at him and ultimately, he allowed her some space. He had dragged his feet out of her apartment, away from the homely hold she'd enveloped him in and straight to Ryoga’s.   

He hadn’t told him everything; that they had kissed, yes, twice, in a matter of fact. In his bedroom, and then in her apartment. But he wasn’t so loose with the details of how much she had craved her, and wanted to devour her once he actually took her in his arms. And how worse he felt in actuality, for suggesting such a ludicrous thing.   

Ryoga had been quick to exclaim his congratulations, assuming they were an item, until Ranma shattered his dreams by telling him just how bad he’d shoved his foot down his throat in his idiotic moment of insecurity.   

Within seconds, Ryoga’s gleeful smile diminish into an exasperated sigh, urging to smack the back of his head frenzy in a way to try and rattle any sort of common sense into him.   

“You’ve got to apologize, like now .”  

continue reading in my ao3 or ff.net account

[seaofolives]

🎭 #torokatober2024 day 31/31: memories 🎻

“Do you remember what it was like?” Trowa asks. “Before we met?”

He’d come home from the circus yesterday, and they’d spent all night in bed, up to this morning. Trowa is still on his back, Quatre on his knees; he’d been about to start the day when Trowa caught his hand and pulled him back.

“I do.” Quatre nods. “Why do you ask?”

Trowa shakes his head. “‘Cause I don’t anymore. When I think about how I started wearing my hair like this, I remember your fingers on my scalp as you shave my nape. And I don’t remember what my tent was like without your voice in it. Even all the wars I fought, I don’t remember them without hearing you calling to me. Is it like that for you?” It isn’t.

But Quatre knows what he means. “A little,” he says, smiling slightly. “I remember what it’s like to feel like a speck searching for a purpose in all this space dust. But…I don’t remember how I survived that. Until we met.” He tightens their hands together. “And I realized that I’m never truly alone, after all. Not with you living in the same universe as me. That’s how I know we’ll always meet again, whatever happens. And that all the pains of today…we’ll heal from them in the future.”

“The future…” Trowa whispers.

Quatre nods. “Do you never think about the future?”

Trowa shakes his head.

He sits up suddenly. After a pause, he says, “Left hand,” reaching up to his crown.

Quatre holds his breath, but offers it.

Trowa tugs a lock of hair free, and ties it up several times around Quatre’s fourth finger. “I never thought about the future. Not until we met.” Enclosing Quatre’s hand in-between his, he asks, “Quatre. Will you let me build that future with you?”

That breath Quatre has been holding goes out with a laugh. Trowa has always been full of surprises, ever since they met. “I…” Quatre shakes his head. “Wouldn’t even dream of that future…without you. Mister Triton Winner.”

Triton smiles brightly.

He pulls Quatre into a kiss, and several more after, each one a promise of more mornings shared, conversations in the grass, a hand to hold amid the darkest traumas.

“But,” Quatre gasps when they part, “if you want a different name, I can—”

“Quatre,” Triton looks into his eyes, “I’m building a future with you. I need your name in mine.” Well. Trowa...Triton has always been a sensible man.

Smiling, then, Quatre nods. And laughs with the man who’ll share his future.

find the list of prompts here!

[gemharvest]

Might not be exactly what you asked for but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go into more depth about the bf and pico drawing with the kinto pet song lyrics 🙏🙏🙏🙏 it has haunted me in a good way and I will explode without more

UR MORE THAN FINE DWWW it's easier for me to ask for prompts but I LOVE ASKS IN GENERAL I like getting to ramble. Forever and always if you see me post something and you want me to elaborate on it/ have specific questions/ literally whatever PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED TO SEND AN ASK IN !!!

okay needed that out of the way first LOLLLLL

The like. Images I get in my head when I listen to this song drive me insane like this was just me putting it into one image but I could deadass do a full PMV if I had the time.

Obvi I prefer to draw in a more Funkin'-influenced style, but esp. with how Pico is drawn I hope it's clear I was leaning into the Pico's School side of things.

(continuing under a cut because I am about to Ramble)

I don't think I was consciously thinking abt it the other night BUT at least the first verse makes me think. Of the Love Conquers All version of Pico's School. An ideal ending; Cassandra is convinced not to carry out her plan, nobody dies, Pico certainly wouldn't be Going Through It. Maybe in this ideal ending they (Pico & BF) wouldn't have split. "In this world, we're friends forever".

I also imagine it as like.. basically how the art I did ended up being. They're just black lines on a white background. Faces obscured. Maybe with some visual effects that distort things too/ some pixelation whatever. I actually think I was planning to have some parts of that pixelated but forgot by the time I was home and could draw; might have been for the best but here's a version with a biit of what I'm talking abt.

They're in a void. Separate from the real world, but happy. Stuck in a loop of the happiest time of their lives (mostly thinking from Pico's perspective with that lol). Is that not better than having to continue on in a fucked reality?

Of course, that's not real. It's just an imaginary loop of "what if"s in Pico's mind. It's a world he built for Boyf.

In this world, Boyfriend is always following with Pico, always showing him kindness and always smiling. Pico's emotions are less readable; maybe in a proper PMV I'd give him his mouth too so he can show he is at least somewhat happy, but despite being the "leader" of the two, he is much more passive, reserved. They are always holding each other's hands.

Verse 2 would be the inverse (lol), signaled by the stronger beats kicking in. White lines on black background. It's no longer the ideal world, and instead the "real world". Real, but distorted by trauma. "Inside my code, you'll always be". The world Cass built for Pico.

The bit of instrumental between verses 2 & 3 would be the Real real world, going forward to when FNF would take place; Pico and Boyfriend reconnected, through less than ideal means, though reconnected nontheless.

We're back to black lines on white background, but everything's less distorted. There's more details too, the world not just being a hazy backdrop for Pico and Boyfriend to play around in, but real.

He's different from Pico's memories, obviously, drawn now in the FNF style fully. More confident, still stupid. He has Girlfriend now.

The first 2 lines of verse 3, his imagined worlds and the real world melt together. Mixed in ways that highlight a feeling of off-ness. Everything feels strange, distorted, unreal.

The last 2 lines it's just Pico and Boyfriend hanging out alone. "All that's left is me and you/Lots of fun that we can do". Boyfriend cheery as ever, while Pico is visibly nervous-- uncharacteristic for him but we don't see if Boyfriend notices.

The strong beat kicking in again sends us back to the imagined world. The good world. But things are wrong. The real world is slipping in, things are no longer stagnant; no longer perfect. Visual distortions/ glitches worsen.

Pico could delude himself when he hadn't known where Boyfriend was; now that he's back, his world warps. No longer under his control. He is not in the lead.

The first half of the outro Boyfriend is still mostly playing along, though still seems to be growing disinterested. Pico is noticably anxious, clearly seeing how the other is no longer like a puppy at his side. Boyfriend is pulling away. Why is he pulling away, when everything's "perfect"? Why is everything going wrong. "The world I built, designed for you".

The second half of the outro, Boyfriend is now actively pulling away. He no longer looks like the idealized, young Boyfriend. He's older, a stranger, he doesn't care for Pico anymore. Pico is older now too, desperately holding on to Boyfriend. Unwilling to let him go again, first in the real world and now in his mind. Boyfriend refuses to hold his hand but Pico still grips onto his arm. Their eyes finally become visible in the imagined world.

Pico's behavior mirrors Cassandra's involvement in the second verse, though unintentionally violent as opposed to her intentional violence. He's selfish, desperate to hold on to his world; to Boyfriend. He's hurting the imagined Boyfriend in the process, but that is second in his mind to him so desperately trying to avoid a second heartbreak. Anything to keep his world together, his peace. Without it, he just has the dark.

Beyond this screen, you cannot leave Inside my code, you'll always be Endless fun that we can do In a world I built for you

In the final instrumental and as the song fades out, Pico wakes up. He's shaken, disgusted by how he acted in his mind and feeling like he's nothing but an anchor to Boyfriend, holding him back. He can't keep clinging to this false reality, nor can he pretend he's doing any good by being in Boyfriend's life again. His mind is made up.

...

LOL I hope the way I summarized The Thoughts I get paints the picture I get in my mind. I've got terminal artist brain I am imagining AMVs to near everything I listen to I am not joking; had to take a break halfway through typing this to walk around a store and I was looping KATAMARI by femtanyl for like half of it imagining an edit in my head. I can imagine anything jpeg.

I wanna very much stress that all that above would have been filtered through Pico's mind. He's not actively hurting Boyfriend, but he's fucking terrified of doing so and he feels so fucking guilty for continuing to hold on to the past they had. I guess it wouldn't be apparent from what I described but he'd also feel guilty for still having feelings for him when the other has moved on and even has a girlfriend.

His world, once his perfect escape from the anguish of his reality, corrupts as he feels worse and worse over even entertaining the thoughts. Him deciding to forget his world and, in turn, go to cut off Boyfriend for the other's sake is not based on objective reality, but an act of self-sabotage that he convinces himself to be the best outcome for everybody.

^ Literally included him doing this shit in a part of that last fic I did you can tell this is something I find interesting exploring with him.

The tone of the song too just fucking.. it adds to the eeriness I'd want out of a proper PMV of this idea. The way it's clearly an homage to the IBM 7094 singing Daisy Bell; the voice and instrumentals just feel so unnerving. Sweet and innocent on the surface, but clearly holding bad intentions. Maybe not intentionally bad, maybe misguided good even, but they are not good nor sweet nor kind. I am talking about the song on it's own divorced from it being from KinitoPET what I describe here is just the feelings it gives me in regards to my favies.

Anyways uhhhh god I could go on for hours but I've been going off for long enough I'm sorry to anyone reading this who had to sit through my insanity. My head is now lighter with this information shared tho.. I guess in conclusion: I am definitely normal and neurotypical and can be trusted to listen to music and be into my games without creating the most devastating ideas known to man. xoxo

[wouldntbehim]

ep 5: "murder on my mind" // ep 6: "with grace and gratitude"

[tavina-writes]

Yes it's a response to your last poll reblogged... I try to not care about kudos and comments but it's hard

AH

sorry nonny my reading comprehension rn is like -50% due to being distracted at all times by the show dropping tomorrow morning, but like, I think it's a matter of like, not necessarily not caring about kudos and comments and such because like, these are nice things to have! We are wired to like it when people go "I LIKE THIS!" about stuff that we make. Why would a person stop caring about that? That seems counter intuitive to me.

But more like, getting stuck on a toxic spiral of "I am creating this so someone will tell me that they like it" -> "I am sad because no one has told me they like it yet" is perhaps, not the greatest use of emotional bandwidth or time.

Also I've seen this happen and like, there comes a point in this spiral where even the biggest numbers imaginable will not fulfill a person who's stuck in this spiral. Think thousands of comments, four or five digit kudos counts, dozens of comments per chapter. None of it actually fulfilled them. They spent so much time obsessing over when to drop a chapter to get the maximum amount of "engagement" that it really sucked all the joy out of like, even getting comments at all. Or writing. Which sucked!

I'm a big proponent of hoarding those good feelings you have about your own work whenever you can, and not letting those good feelings be dictated by stuff you can't control, like other people reacting to it in some way, which is yes, easier said than done.

Overall, sending you a hug Nonny, because I think we all get this way sometimes.