#anyway sorry for that vent lmao
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BED!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
#also I FOUND MY WEIGHTED BLANKET!!!!! IT'S UNDER MY DUVET BUT YK#also yhe pride flag will be repositioned dont worry#going on a bit of a ramble rn but like. ive just found a couple things that have been hiding under the drawers of my old bed#for example i found a cool bandana i thought i lost for like. a year. and now im obsessed with it so prepare to see that maybe#and i also found a snood i had that still fits me even though i even wore it in first school#and the crazy thing is that i dont remember#anything of first school#the only thing i have are school books from yr 4 and that snood#along witg like. old pictures of me#then again they look absolutely nothing like me. like. blonde with really long hair?? nu uh not me (not anymore at least)#i dont remember much of anything now that i think about it#i dont remember what i did last year#i cant even remember what year i came out as trans#i cant remember when i joined tumblr#and when i first made rayan or foster or zuriel or ailean or even the day i made ruaridh#perhaps its my shit sense of time but i have such a horrible memory that first school may have never happened if it werent for the fuzzy and#few things i actually. remembered. though i doubt i remember them correctly#idk if its anything that Happened™ that blocked out my memory or something. i know a certain thing may have since it kinda scarred me (ig??#idk i dont wanna sound overdramatic) but. you know im just a silly guy with a silly memory#anyway sorry for that vent lmao
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I can't see you. Do you see me? 👁️👁️
#scopophobia#eye strain#bright colors#creepy#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home wally#wally darling#wally darling fanart#welcome home fanart#wh wally#wh wally darling#wally welcome home#hello hello dont mind me! Tried to experiment. Not too good with “creepy” art so heres an attempt!#Wally practice!!!!#Maybe not the best but hey! I tried!#my style really doesnt lend well to outright horror#this particular style is actually one I use for personal vent art! Thought maybe it would be a good starting point#put all the warnings I could think of in the tags oh I hope its all good and I don't end up bothering anyone with suddenly RED ART!!!!#ANYWAY LOVE YALL MWAH MWAH SORRY IF THIS FEELS LIKE A JUMPSCARE ON MY USUAL COLORFUL PAGE LMAO#my art#sketches
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Deep deep fear that one day all my friends are gonna decide they just don't wanna talk to me anymore for whatever reason and unfortunately, I won't get the memo and will keep trying and that'll just make them hate me more :(
#Logically in my LOGICAL brain I know that's silly#I wish I was not like this cause it causes so much fucking stress#for no reason#for imaginary reasons that don't exist#I also shouldn't be this anxious cause my friends aren't like that#they are all very good to me#and they probably don't have reasons to do that but I could give them several#I have very good friends that I really don't deserve but I'm too afraid to push people away so :)#vent tw#urghh sorry it's gettin so bleak on main#just having a rough night after a nice weekend#I think the combo of nightmares + feeling good lately has destroyed me lmao#anyway Kid Leo Update tomorrow#yayyy#don't respond to this it's just me yeling at the void#if you see this and we're friends uhhh no I will not elaborate actually I am just gonna sleep it off
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My Accolades
#not art#this is actually maybe not Super Plausible if the cannons are actually old school style lmao.#they often used a long matchstick thing that burns a Lot slower than usual. thats where ''fire in the hole'' came from#what I imagine and kinda force it to work is riz flicks the embers from his cig into the vent. and thats a hot enough fire to light a canno#I know Ive been here for uhhhh ten seconds but u guys must know what my deal is by now lmao. its like this forever#anyways its cool so it has to be real. that boy was Aiming AND Lighting those things all by himself. he was doing some insane stunts#to get that to work he weighs like five pounds soaking wet and you Know those cannons are not securely latched down#gods to think of it. that means kristen and k2 were risking it all for real hanging out on the gunner deck#it truly is Big Bill Hell's Ship out here Im so sorry girls. Im so sorry kristen#Im so sorry k2........#anyways if u ask me how this works 1/it just does 2/shut up 3/dont talk to me ok? ok#My Accolades. I get to have this
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let me clear myself up. i dont hate jennifer keller. shes just not a good replacement for carson and shes not good for a romance choice because, i cant stress this enough, forced canon het relationships are absolutely exhausting to see and sit through in a tv show that brought me so much comfort in middle school. also her being forced into being one of the "gang" is mildly aggravating because it was conceived with no organic buildup or presence. like why are they having lunch with her and chatting like theyre friends? she had barely any scenes before this episode.
#this rewatch is stressing me out and im on s4 lmao#i just kinda wanna roll into a ball and end on s3 but i cant#i miss weir i miss carson i miss ford so much#on the bright side everyone wearing leather is hot#besides ronon we love out earthy toned king#anyways sorry#misc#text#venting#stargate atlantis#i just know if this show was made today the lgbt would be much more prominant and healthy#im watching doppleganger btw
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sorry for
the lack of new art, I’ve been kinda depressed and pretty lonely lmao
#The bad times are coming back I think#Falling into that familiar hole again#Lmao#vent ig#idk man im tired#so freaking tired lately#Anyways sorry#lol#I feel so annoying#Like every time I message someone#I’m a nuisance#And that people just sorta put up with me#Idk#just sad
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hard to cope with the pain of having an addiction and knowing youre doing irreperable damage to your body combined with the fear that maybe one day things will get better and you can get clean/sober and not need to self medicate the pain anymore but itll be too late because you already fucked your body up beyond repair. i need to go lay face down in the snow.
#the misconception that all addicts enjoy being addicts is untrue. a lot of us hate it.#not to be dramatic or anything but please god i need to get out of here its killing me lmao#to be able to feel your cognitive ability and see your face slowly deteriorate in real time is horrific in a way i cant describe#anyways sorry ive been on like a 2 day streak of vent posting ive just been in the gutter worse than usual. believe me im sick of it too.#addiction
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my face every time my professors keep assigning me shit
i am still kicking!! simply going back into my Greek myth phase (as if I ever left). ask me about greek myth please i have too many in my head
#HELP#too many papers written the day they’re due 😔#adults does it ever get easier#does anyone even read these?#if so sorry I’m gonna vent lmao#i have made one (1) friend in uni so far and she’s contemplating transferring#which would suck because we’re planning on rooming together next year#and she’s a very good artist and i have felt very insecure!!#but she went to art school and i have not taken a proper art class since middle school soo#we love feeling lonely and stupid and untalented#anyways#how are you guys#bbc merlin#merlin#art#fanart#digital illustration#merlin fanart#merlin bbc#arthur pendragon fanart#bbc arthur#arthur pendragon
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skyglow:
(alternative title: photo dump of a midnight desert run)
#photography#Ford's Art#color says shit#it was either go on a twelve mile run or re-download grindr and get absolutely blasted so I went with the more responsible option.#b because damn I'm feeling it tonight. or at least I was before the run. I need to shower and then I'll cook dinner and go to bed satiated.#I did also jerk off under the bridge and then piss on someone's flowers on the way home. gotta get those animal instincts out somehow right?#anyway I've successfully vented most of my manic energy and a cold shower will finish it off and then we're good.#the mood meds have been helping a lot. last time I got hit with this kind of a mood I came out of it with huge bite marks and chlamydia.#and I haven't been feeling it nearly as bad this time so that's nice. more like a restless dog and less like a caged wolf thirsty for blood.#yes I'm making references to Call of the Wild again deal with it.#anyway sorry to anyone who sees this from the tags and not because you follow me. you didn't sign up for this lmao.#also. this is why I can't be a binary trans woman. this night photography shit is the most gay-man thing ever and I enjoy it.#I was doing it before my last boyfriend but he got me even more into it.#anyway bye I'm gonna go shower and then eat food. I've been hungrier more recently.#between the meds and the hrt my appetite is bigger and I'm gaining weight with the hrt fat redistribution which is cool and good.#I want to be a healthy weight and maybe even a lil chonky? we'll see we'll see.
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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hey bad news you guys. my therapist told me today that he thinks i should actually be sad on main MORE.
#something abt practicing emotional vulnerability for the real world with real people and blah blah blah#we discussed tm(n)t for a while#he said Be Like Nerves#i think this can be interpreted in many ways#but what he meant was just write shit and post it sometimes#instead of needing to make everything into an elaborate art piece#anyway sorry guys you're all a part of my trauma therapy process now#vent#personal#look im being emotionally vulnerable#^ thats the tag im gonna use lmao coz i think its funny
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i’m not a transandrophobia truther in the slightest don’t get me wrong, but i think some people on here really need to realize and comprehend the fact that cis women, way WAY more often than not, hold extremely significant social and political power over trans men the vast majority of the time in our day to day lives
#sorry not to get on this bullshit i just saw a related post when i opened this app lmao#and by some people i don’t mean anyone in particular im not vagueing anyone or any specific post#and i especially don’t mean any transfem calling out transmisogynistic transmascs either#but yeah i see a lot of implication that trans men are like. somehow significantly privileged over cis women#and ofc i don’t mean that transmascs are incapable of being misogynistic to cis women bc that’s far from the case#but i need someone to name a transmasc with significant political or social or financial power that’s working to set back women’s rights#versus the amount of cis women with any of the aforementioned privileges working to take away the rights of trans people#bc i can think of 4 of the latter just off the top of my head without trying really hard#and the only day to day instance i can think of where trans men would hold significant power over a cis woman is like..#a workplace environment where he completely passes as cis and absolutely no one knows he’s trans at all or even suspects it#but then again most if not all of that privilege would be stripped away the second anyone there found out he was trans#but yeah i really do think some people need to grapple with how they conceptualize gendered privilege and their own power in these dynamics#and how that’s reflected in the way they think about/interact with transmascs#are you disgusted with this random transmasc on tumblr because he’s a man (or vaguely adjacent) or because he’s trans. ykwim#and again i hate the whole transandrophobia thing i think it’s stupid as shit and redundant to put it lightly and briefly but#idk why transmascs that believe in it have become the new face of anti-feminism and MRA movements#and not like. the cis men who started both of those things and contribute to the vast majority of that type of rhetoric in every way#and also hold enough power to leverage those beliefs over both women and also transmascs tbh#i think some people are just repulsed by the idea of anyone willingly wanting to be a man bc they see it as the same as becoming a cis man#in terms of privilege. when in reality by being trans you’re knocked down in terms of power and privilege from all cis people anyways#but also. some people also need to realize that transmascs can also have trauma and complicated feelings about being a man and patriarchy#and more often than not we ARE traumatized by the way cis men (and women!!) have treated us#and grapple with our place in the world as a result. it’s not just as simple as becoming a cis man over night tbh!!#and again i’m not talking about transfems with any of this because the vast Vast majority of transfems understand this more than anyone#i’m mostly talking about cis women both irl and also just in the terminally online leftist sphere#and i also think i should be allowed to vent my grievances with the power cis women often do wield over me without being accused of being a#raging misogynist or MRA or whatever
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Me looking at the super long definitely TMI diary-type vent post in my drafts: haha yeah you're gonna live there forever until I delete you <3
#Its mostly cause its really rambling and i honestly dont want people to give unsolicited advice about it#i def get wanting to give suggestions and help cause i sometimes am that type of person#but more than likely i will just read and either get mad or ignore it entirely#which is why i typically tag vent posts with pls dont respond cause it does sometimes make things worse#that being said i appreciate kind words :)#im just bad at responding to them and fijd it incredibly awkward so i usually dont#if you read this far uhhh sorry lmao#anyway not a vent post#a funny meme post#also side note i dont think ive ever gotteb mad at people commenting on vent posts btw#Ive just had a short temper lately and i dont wanna create a situation in which i DO get mad
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Eve: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Seto: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Eve: Th-that's not how that works-
Actually, the two are pretty open with each other.
#small hastag ramble#but i low-key feel kaiba is like. super mischaracterized when it comes to how he handles emotions#Id absolutely argue that Kaiba is one of the most emotional characters In the entire manga. More than Yugi is even#its just that a majority of the time his emotions are based in anger and hatred. so people see him as bottling up his feelings#when he's honestly the exact opposite. hes VERY open about how he feels and why he feels certain ways#For example Kaiba bluntly telling the gang that he's going to blow up Alcatraz because he hates his stepfather so much#or when Kaiba was very visibly disgusted by the shadow game on the piers with Yugi v Joey#or the numerous amounts of times Kaiba verbally told Atem how much he wants to defeat him. to the point of trembling with desire#Like Kaiba is incredibly open about his emotions. Except that a majority of the time his emotions are based in anger without a resolution#I just think its misinterpreted as him concealing his emotions because he doesn't show a lot of positive ones. but no. he's just that angry#especially since a majority of his actions in the manga are based on his own feelings#anyway sorry for the rant lmao the conversation just drives me nuts#I think he'd absolutely be really open to Eve about how he feels and his frustrations#Kinda using Eve as a sort of rubber duck to vent to a lot#It's also one of the reasons Eve loves Kaiba so much. because he's so brazen about his thoughts and feelings#ssv#oc#yugioh au#giant/tiny#yugiohoc#bondshipping#rant#tag rant#oc x canon#answered asks#ask
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#not my place to say because i have no clue what's happening and don't involve myself in any of this but like.#it really does make the fandom experience worse when the only thing people are absorbed in is drama.#i feel very isolated from everyone rn and it's making it very hard to be online#no matter where you stand it's isolating and it sucks. feels like everyone is bonding over gossip that i truly Do Not Care About#and i'm just. sadtoad.jpeg#(not that i don't care about my friends getting bullied or anything!!!)#(this isn't even a vague this is about fandom issues that have Always Existed)#(it just feels like i stay in my lane and anytime i veer out of it i'm bombarded with crazy bullshit LOL)#i miss my friends and my rp partners and i just asfdajdgfasvjd i'm having a hard time being here rn#anyway if you made it to the end of this vent this is all to say: SORRY I'M NOT WRITING AND SORRY I'M NOT ON DISCORD LMAO#tua s4 ruined my life and now i'm trying to get away from vagueposts and bullshit and i just. I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT i'm sorry#*【 ❛I'm not the spirit of any age. ❜ 】 ➤ OOC
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sorry but the whole pk.mn leak t.yph.losion story discourse is so bonkers to me 😭 i grew up hearing stories from ancient Norse religion, ancient Egyptian/Kemetic religion, various Turtle Island indigenous religions, and like... ancient Greek religion has it too, where monsters or animals would be involved with humans in different ways and it was just... a relatively normal part of the stories. it's literally just folklore ??? half the time these stories are not even meant to be taken literally. why are ppl being so horrified or skeevy about it CMONNNN
#do the m.arvel weirdos know that L.oki fucked a horse and then gave birth to non-humans.....#well ofc they dont know that bc m.arvel screwed up the entire mythos in general but DBFHJDL#sorry i have beef w m.arvel for that LMAO#anyways. this has been so irritating to see. ppl are fucking weird about folklore 😭😭😭#also IT ISNT CANON BC IT NEVER MADE IT INTO THE GAMES. SO STOP ACTING LIKE PK.MN NEEDS TO BURN IN HELL FOR THIS 😭😭#theres obviously a reason they never used that in any canon products. and the reason is probably bc westerners cant be NORMAL ABOUT THIS#it irks me because it makes me wonder how many of these ppl freaking out abt it would react to some indigenous stories#soooo many cultures have stories featuring this type of thing. idk why ppl are acting so fucking weird abt it#dandy.cmd#vent //#ask to tag
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