#anyway if I finish the stuff that needs to be done in good time I might post the other one today and the rest tomorrow
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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okay wolf!toji tomorrow :33
#[𐐪— rheya talks. 𐑂]#i finished#need to format and stuff and it’s done#good grief#the amount of time i spent typing this in class#embarrassing#anyways#yeah
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Your lips are warm, my head is light Were we alive before tonight...?
#Twilight Princess#tp zelink#Zelink#The Perfect year#Princess Zelda#Ordon Link#cc draws#ok so I have three more pics that were supposed to be posted today but drawing is damn near impossible in this house come the holidays#no one wants to celebrate except when they do and when they do is at last minute and I'm the one having to look for everything they need sig#anyway if I finish the stuff that needs to be done in good time I might post the other one today and the rest tomorrow#(I got Elaine Paige's 'Encore' album when I was like 11 and her version of 'The Perfect Year' has been my New Year's Eve jam ever since)
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Not to sound like a sore loser but I feel art doesn’t always need to improve or have steady permanent growth. Especially if you are a hobbyist and have no desire to pursue it professionally. It can be more satisfying to constantly be improving but. To be fair. Sometimes you are at a level where you are fine where you at. You have the skills to draw what you want. And sometimes there’s no more drive than that. Or sometimes a lack of growth is because you don’t have time to put love into your hobby because you gotta pay bills. Or hell even disability’s both physical and mental can be a huge road block to get growth that some would say is required with the amount of time you put in it. Anyways yeah. Sorry.
#this is more for myself and the constant guilt I feel#but also my hands hurt all the time. my body will hurt all the time.#and if I constantly choose to draw instead of putting effort into my social life I would kill myself#like. emotionally I would not be well#anyways.#I keep seeing stuff and with my personal art journey I feel I’m actually doing worse than I was as a teenager#I think I have actually declined in quality. my sketches and anatomy may be better but I can’t do more than a sketch#and the time to actually finish a peice is way more than as a teen finishing a peice#a part of this. was because my health problems weren’t as bad and also I had no job#but now. it’s. no good.#and I keep seeing posts and discourse going ‘omg the person hasn’t improved in years lolll’ and that just. makes me feel ínstense guilt#which is shouldn’t!! art isn’t my job. I don’t need to worry about it.#but also it does bother me my art is stagnant#And also o haven’t really done more than like three finished peices a year Vs when I was in highschool trying to get into art school. I had-#-done over 100 finished pieces in like two years and some of it was way better than the stuff I do now#the thing vents#sowwy I have guilt and issues with this
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So I’ve kind of been MIA…….so I thought I’d give some updates on my life
#honestly I didn’t realise it’s been so long since I’ve done a post#especially a personal post#it’s been about a month#anyway I’ve been super busy#since I’ve mainly been working#which is good but also bad because I’m tired all the time 😭😭💀#for example I started work today at 7am so I got up at 5:30 which was a lot so during my shift I got kind of drained#but I’ve been well#if I’m not working I’m relaxing and crocheting because I really want to finish this project#but apart from that let’s talk about some exciting stuff#I start uni in about 3 weeks which is really exciting#so hopefully closer to the date I can talk about that if I don’t forget 😅#I’m also going on holiday in like two weeks which is nice#it will be the last hurrah I guess before uni#there’s still some stuff that I’ve got to sort out before uni#but I’ve got like all the stuff I need I think#I’m just really excited#and I guess a bit sad my gap years over#like that definitely flew by haha#gatherrambles#g/gapyeardiaries
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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#you: hey maddie get any MG writing done?#me: *twitching staring at the 3.7k i wrote for the fic in a single day* what?#listen. i blame pantalone's paragon. like#i feel like me and that artist have a symbiotic relationship because she'll post something. it'll get people ferral for dottolone#and then they read my fic#and now she gave me severe dottolone brain rot#*puts head in hands* tomorrow. i ACTUALLY need to do MG stuff#and i can now. i finally got chapter 2 finished which is a good point to leave off on for a bit#we're at 29.4k now :x#ANYWAY#miscellaneous#made it through today's plans and all was well there. thursday is writer's group. and then friday im going home!!#my plane better not be 90 fucking º this time
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dress up nice (and don't get any blood on yourself this time, please)
[collaboration with @dxppercxdxver again. we are still going.]
#em draws stuff#flintlock fortress#team fortress 2#FINALLY this is done it took me more than five hundred thousand years [editor's note: it took them approximately four days]#this one does show a little that I went to tumblr university instead of art school when it comes to certain design elements. So What.#also I am pretty sure that I used up my Realistic Hands quota for the rest of my life somewhere partway through this drawing#forgive me the couple of fucked-up ones because I also drew four really really super nice hands for a different thing. also a jawbone.#maybe I will also post the jawbone since it does look very good#.....anyway. 'twas about time for a Significant Outfitting Moment in these parts.#proves something about my own sensibilities because I do feel a little bit scandalous for having drawn this.#this is honestly a really silly thing for me personally to get scandalized by (for a variety of reasons that I won't share)#I think it would read better if I reordered the panels but ah I simply do not feel like it. take it as it is.#finishing march strong by not doing so so so many tasks and doing this again. if you need me I'll be in the soup for the next while.
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hazel what if u <3 wrote more of ur vigilante au <3
good news! i will!!!!! eventually!!!!
i have an ask box prompt from megs for it, and the more i think about it the more a "tortured for information" whump piece is appealing to me..... that being said i am currently fighting tooth and nail to finish a fic for a big bang and it is sapping All of my writing time, so I can't guarantee a timeline, but i'm hoping to knock out more of my ask box prompts by the end of the year so that would include one for the vigilante au!
#ask#jess#daydadahlias#hi jess hope you're well :)#life has been wilder than anticipated for the past few months#ALSO I MIGHT MOVE OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED#anyway. i've had very little writing time but i am so ready to write for this fandom again#i will not be hitting 100k words posted this year unfortunately :( breaking the 3 year streak#but it's all good! we're trying our best!#writing goals for the rest of the year are 1. the big bang fic 2. trying to finish my 5sos ghost au 3. ask box prompts (as many as possible#of course other stuff may come up and we'll see what happens#not setting anything in stone except the big bang fic#i just need to finish the rough draft by friday then i'll be fine#that being said. need to go finish a scene. they're about to kiss i just need it done#of to write! and then off to bed i am very tired i just got back from a bachelorette weekend
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ok. today i did marketing (posted on instagram), set new toddy (coldbrew), signed & numbered stuff i printed last week, packed & shipped shop orders, packed & shipped july sticker club, designed carved & printed new block. success
#been trying to act like im unemployed instead of recovering from my work week. which means i am getting a lot done#tomorrow i want to finish the 8x10 eye prints i started last week. post stuff on patreon.#should check out job listings. do laundry probably#i was thinking this morning if i could find a rolling print drying rack that’s small enough i should get one of those#so i can print more than a couple things at a time. lmao#and when things are drying i can roll it into the living room & tuck it in a corner#doing shopping for that tomorrow would be good. i also need some new mailers & bags#and a FILE FOLDER BOX so i can get my prints OUT OF THE TOTE BAG THEYVE BEEN IN!! BAD STORAGE#ok anyway#chatpost
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#stuff#i stayed up til 6am last night finishing summer camp fic#gang this thing is 53.7k.#the last chapter needs to marinate for a little bit#and then ill probably have to go through and do a fulllllll reread which is gonna be fun lmao#and then uh. well. then i can post it#it's seventeen chapters lmaoooo we're gonna have a good time besties#oh god now i need to start figuring out the tags and all the chapter titles and everything#oh boy#anyway here's some basic info to tide you over: malum ensemble fic#and by ensemble fic i mean all of 5sos all of atl all of 1d#please bear in mind i started writing this fic three (!?!?!) years ago#at this point the characters in it are literally just characters#they bear absolutely no connection to their real life counterparts#including any. yknow. drama. coughs meaningfully#okay that's all im gonna split now#if anyone has thoughts about an update schedule for once i finally get this fic done for good im all ears#cuz if i post one chapter a week then ill be posting this fic for four months#which is a fucking wild amount of time to be posting a fic. if i do that then ill still b posting the fic when i go BACK to camp this summe#and that would be bonkers#anyway!!! bye!!!#ETA ive actually been writing this fic since may 2020 which means it's been almost FOUR years in the making. that. is. insane.
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I have half a tattoo!
#I got all the black and white done today and next time I'll get the colors done#I was originally gonna get it all done today but then I was like nah that's too much lol#plus my artist (as expected and desired) took some creative liberties so it looks fucking awesome#I told him straight up man I trust you to do good work#this is the basics of what I want but I want you to have fun with it cuz ultimately it's your art I'm just the ideas guy#his wife is so cute honestly she made sure he had everything he needed and offered us water and snacks and stuff#but anyways I'm very happy with how this is going and I can't wait to finish it next month#would have done it sooner but he's booked pretty damn solid lol
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i gotta stop drinking coffee bc it ends up making my anxiety worse but 😔 taste good 😔
#i made pumpkin syrup today and it tastes really good in the coffee too 😔#asdfgh anyway!! i’m gonna be doing some behind the scenes stuff#gonna try to finish writing kaiya’s jjk au — at least the rough draft — and maybe work on kojirou’s bio#once that’s done or maybe before? i need to rework chiyo’s bio bc i’m gonna make her fandom less again and her main verse#will be set either in college or when she’s an established mangaka#i’m leaning towards the latter bc that would be when she and kojirou cross paths again i think#and i also just tend to write her in these time periods most often so it would just make sense#thanks for listening to me ramble :’ ))#if i feel really good! i’ll work on messages! but no promises uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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hrrhhhrrmrm...velmgarb...*indistinguishable gnawing noises*
#fisara's scrawlings#I am. crawling on my hands and knees.#one week. after literal years. o n e w e e k.#god. I am unwell.#all the homework I'm looking down the barrel of for this week and next so I might get to play it when it drops has me so upset#like I know I shouldn't pressure myself and I can always wait til thanksgiving break since we get the whole week#and I doubt it'll finish downloading that night anyway#but! I want to play it on release day! I want it to be a new holiday for me! I want to light one of my candles and and and—#i'm consoling myself that if I don't have enough time I'll at least indulge in the character creator and get my rook and inky set up#god fenalan and enaste are going to look so good after I'm done with them :')#I've said this before but for all my non-DA followers I apologize. again.#I will never be the same again after this game releases and I am so sorry lol#I plan on going dark during that time to avoid spoilers as well but I'll post about it closer til#I've been fine with all the stuff so far since it's been act one (according to BW) but I just know that people are going to blaze through i#so I'm terrified of seeing anything late game#I almost always end up spoiling myself on things accidentally before I get to experience them and I want this to be different#that's what I have trouble wrapping my head around.#I don't know what's going to happen. this is all entirely new for me. it will never be the first time I play the game again afterwards. god#someone sedate me.#anyways yeah woohoo for trying to slog through homework tomorrow :')#I am. so tired.#the next couple of weeks are going to be the busiest of the semester I fear#weeeeeeee for my cortisol levels#I need to go to the gym so bad#anyways rant over lol ily whoever decided to read all this lol *blows kiss*
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i think because i made savior first out of anyone in swapinverse that he lowkey has like. the least interesting lore and facts and gimmicks and stuff,,,,,,,, like his extra facts section is a lot of small of things ans we love that for him but i need him to be cooler and deeper than this. so even though it really shouldn't be all that possible i'm forcing him to deal with his chara in his head for funsies and to add some interesting funsies to him :3 now this makes him a TRUE killer au
#it aint killer if he doesnt have that chara trauma#anyways it bothers me because paranoia ALSO absorbed a humans soul but he doesn't hear aliza#and i dont ever plan on making him. so itd be like violating a multiversal law to do this#but ugh even though i LOVE making things universal i need NEED to make savior cooler than this. i WANT TO#triglycercule you already have to work on crash and vice.ser!!! I KNOW I KNOW 🙁🙁🙁🙁#ill do all 3 of them! and i dont want swapinverse to become my next fucking cgr#so i WILL do research and this time i have a person to show all my storytelling 2#so she can tell me if things are cringe or dont make sense! YIPPEE!!!!! finally a beta reader. or alpha reader??? IDK#and maybe i should do some research on what makes good writing and literary elements and stuff#that way i can sprinkle themes and foreshadowing into the lore and make it fun and interesting#god this will be my masterpiece i think#when i die all i want is the link to read swapinverse on my gravestone#i was thinking of ideas for what i would with the chara that savior now has bc fused souls#like would it be a cross and xchara situation??? maybe most of the time without the body switching#and then maybe maybe maybe in stage 2 when things get unchecked for too long savior mentally checks out#and then the body only responds to what chara says because god no way one person can handle all that#maybe it could be like a protecting the body too. like chara is helping savior and themselves#GOD im coming up with ideas like its a wildfire on the west coast#savior my beloved i will save you. oh and crash and vice.ser you 2 can just sit back#well maybe ill finish up crash first. finished his lore. know his personality (kinda?) now just need gimmicks and facts and powers and stuff#i only am like 50% done with vice.ser even though ive got the design and basic concept done#anyways back into my cryptic hidey hole where only i know the full context of what im talking about#tricule rant
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only took half my meds today bc I slept in rly late this morning and didn't want to take the full dose in case it keeps me awake tn but good grief I'm feeling them wear off.. my heaud hurts
#fingers crossed paracetamol does smth#been a pretty nice sunday tbh. got most of my stuff done just eating now n then ill finish polishing my boots n shower n do my ironing#rly wish id had a conversation abt Thing I Got Upset About Earlier This Week bc whenever im not doing smth i start thinking abt it#i just need to say the shit i wanna say so it can be resolved. but its hard to find a good time n i wont be able to til at least tues now#but at least its not gonna upset me again anytime soon. so theres no rush. n the surrounding insecurity has dissipated a bit#argh! but its okay really. just hard to understand other ppl sometimes. and hard for other ppl to understand me#so i gotta make an effort to communicate or ill end up feeling isolated n warp my reality.... sigh#watching cure 1997 rn its rly nicely shot. dunno where its going i didnt read the synopsis but nice to have on in the background#if i have time later id like 2 play some elden ring... we'll see. i played a little itch platformer earlier which was cute#and means ive broken my month long videogame fast so hopefully itll be easier to play other stuff now..#dunno why i havent been able to play anything in that long like it wasnt by choice. just depression innit. all good now tho#anyway..#.diaries
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