#anyone it so desires
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Here’s Ship Art I did
I am A gabv1al fan I can deny it no longer
AND DAMNIT I REACHED 30 TAGS.
#ultrakill#gav1el#v1 ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#I used to not really jive with the ship#being so real here#I was kinda off put with how unhealthy the pairing COULD be#(ofc not shaming anyone for anything y’all enjoy what calls put to you !!!/gen)#but BUT- I couldn’t get Gianni’s support off my mind YES IM BEING SERIOUS LMAO#and I kept on thinking and THINKING AND THINKING UNTIL I PEICED THINGS TOGETHER ONE:#V1 is a war machine we all know that. a war machine capable of very very stylish killing that requires VERY close attention#to rapid incoming detail.#so what if that was… emotionally too? what if#with their super duper observing powers V1 can basically Psychoanalyse#anyone it so desires#it could be a therapist deadass but it’s a war machine. okay not let’s turn to it’s most obvious client turning to Gabriel this broken#this broken broken angel#up an coming Angel right when DAD LEAVES. council in SHAMBLES oh I have several thoughts about the council but but so Gabriel is#living in a stressed environment and V1 winning several times is like- throwing this guy over the EDGE so much here that I do not have the#words to properly express my thoughts. uh I have a feeling that Gabriel bases his worth on how others around him react? on how his actions#are acknowledged?#ANYWAYS SO V1 AND GABE… I feel like V1 is the perfect ultraobservant subject to be the ‘only one that listens.’#DO YOU GET WHERE IM GOING?#As Gabriel’s opponent#V1 watches and listens to Gabriel’s taunts and attacks.. and eventually digs into the pattern to find more patterns linking some taunts Toto#‘oh shit this Angel is projecting.’ ‘oh fuck this Angel doesn’t have a great home life now does he?’#and then I don’t know how yet but V1 some how communicate’s their finings to Gabriel and he’s just taken ABACK like#‘omg you actually listen to me what?’ cause I imagine that he isn’t really HEARD up there they just work work work and don’t meddle or humor#emotional shinanigans#quote on quote.
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"You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself." Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale
#art donaldson becoming the most interesting character to me#i'm just obsessed with his jealousy and desires#he's so opaque bc he rarely speaks up but he's an open book when you know how to read him#that much jealousy should have consumed him entirely from the inside we're lucky he's still standing#“was anyone going to tell me about this parallel or was i supposed to notice it by myself?”#i say as never check the tag bc i'm easily annoyed#this seems like an obvious parallel considering the next scene that happens with tashi but i never realized it before now oops#nasty snake donaldson they will never take you away from me!!#art donaldson#tashi duncan#patrick zweig#challengers
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proof that you CAN use math in every day life😌✌🏼
#knitting#knitblr#wip#mathblr#I didn’t write up a formal pattern for this one as I do believe it is highly unlikely anyone besides me and a few centuries long dead#mathematicians would wanna make this one. that being said! it can definitely happen if anyone else desires this beaut.#this would definitely be a hit in some proof based geometry courses🙂↕️I would lend it to anyone wishing to get ahead on an exam fr#my first foray into flat stranded colorwork and yes! it’s great! it’s useful! but!!! the amount of loose ends to weave in!!! jfc!!!!!!!!!!!#also mattress stitch my beloathed. it’s so useful but so tedious.
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(on the subject of heart hands 🫶 happy belated strifehart sunday!) Roxas: Who is that?? Cloud: Squall. Roxas: No, but, like, who is that??? Cloud: That's Squall. sora: technically this is your fault for teaching him to use photoshop Cloud: That isn't photoshop that's just Squall. Roxas: Doubt................ Leon: (???)
#kh#liverpepper#leon#cloud#cloud is just the guy of all time#i would also want a leon photocard#yes i can upload the leon photocard sans stickers somewhere probably for anyone who desires#am i back? who knows! tumblr is so complicated now.... what has happened in three years....#strifehart
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Obviously in a meta sense it was all quite literally a random card pull but in universe it really seemed like Baron was targeting Adaine. What with going straight from trying to murder her to puppeting her
So my headcanon is that Adaine is a threat to Baron's whole deal.
Baron needs Riz to feel broken, to feel like an outsider and a freak for not wanting romance. Baron wants Riz to feel like everyone is going to leave him someday for some strange feeling Riz can't experience. And because of that Riz will need Baron. Always keep his romaence partner close.
But Riz won't feel like that if Adaine is just there chill about being single. Adaine doesn't care if she may or may not be aro or ace. She hasn't even thought about it that much. She has no desire to seek out romance for herself nor does she feel bad about that feeling.
And Adaine has a plan that even if the rest of the Bad Kids drift apart she and Riz are going to stay together.
If that kind of thinking started to influence Riz well... Baron's entire purpose for existing would shatter
#fantasy high#junior year spoilers#adaine abernant#riz gukgak#i love how adaine and riz take their lack of desire for romance so differently#obviously this is not canon since baron was not deliberately targeting anyone#but mmm it is to me now
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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claps my hands
chilchuck is an ADULT
he should not be compared to those series that make a 1000 year old character look like they're 8
because chilchuck does have signs of aging, is shown to, in the perspective of others of his race, be maturing
it is OK to ship him with another character!
for christs sake his kids are also considered grown adults
it sucks cause like, real life people with developmental disabilities get told they're never going to be able to express themselves sexually or their partners are considered evil, but they deserve to have just as much of a chance at love as others!
chilchuck acts and looks more mature than my 15 year old tall grown up looking cousin, and thats the difference! appearance shouldnt matter, chronologic age should be the only factor. not only is chilchuck older the adult age of his race, but hes also considered way over adult age in human years too!
please please just be normal about chilchuck i beg
#chilchuck tims#chilchuck#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#before anyone tries to say i dont know what im talking about#im the caretaker for my brother with autism that stunted his emotional and intellectual maturity#no one in the family takes his desire for love seriously#and thinks hes just faking being gay cause hes around me#no one but me has found out that he does want love and sex#and its an uphill battle getting people to not infantilize him#so i guess im really passionate about people who are legal adults#no matter what they look like#being able to have a say in their own sex lives
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asking and receiving (bonus below readmore)
[ID: A black and white, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood. In the first panel is a close up of Wolfwood's mouth as he says, "Vash". Accompanying it is a close up shot of Vash's eye, widen and cheeks flushed. Wolfwood presses a knee against the open space between Vash's legs and says, "Tell me everything you want from me." Wolfwood's face is equally as flushed. He continues to say, "I'll give it to you. Everything." As he talks, a wide shot shows the both of them in white space. Vash is sitting, leaning a little back with both hands pressed against the surface he's sitting on. Wolfwood is in his white dress shirt, stripped of the blazer. He's still leaning in with one knee in between Vash's spread legs, his right hand touching Vash's lips and his left hand behind his back.
The shot closes in on Vash's mouth and Wolfwood's hand against it, pressing down on the lower lip as he says, "You have to ask though. Go on." His hand moves down to Vash's chin, gently holding it. With a shy and uncertain expression, Vash hesitantly asks, "Um... K... Kiss... Please?" Wolfwood, without wasting a second, leans in and kisses him and indulges by pressing deeper, eliciting a small noise of surprise from Vash.
Wolfwood moves away from Vash first and with a smile, asks, "What else?" Vash tugs on Wolfwood's left sleeve, wordlessly budging Wolfwood to give him his hand that was still behind his back. In the next panel, Vash utters, "Hold me..?" He's holding Wolfwood's left hand with his own while his right hand is reaching for his waist. Wolfwood complies, moving his left hand to Vash's shoulder and his right hand continues to touch Vash's cheek. Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
More comfortable now, Vash leans in to kiss Wolfwood. Wolfwood catches him immediately, pressing his thumb against Vash's lips to stop him before demanding, "Hey. Ask." Vash looks back in surprise and Wolfwood meets his eye with a quiet, insistent look. They're quiet for a moment before Vash leans in again and curtly requests, "Kiss. Me." Wolfwood says "Good", smiling as he lifts his hand away, and meets Vash's lips. In the next shot, Wolfwood had adjusted his position, sitting on Vash's thigh. The hand that was once on Vash's cheek has moved its way to Vash's nape, pushing away the collar of his jacket with his pinky. His other hand continues to grip on Vash's shoulder. Still kissing, Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
In the next shot, Vash is starting to turn, moving Wolfwood with him. Vash asks, "Let me on top of you?" Wolfwood says, "Mhm" before asking again, "What else?" The next panel shows a close look of Vash's face. He's looking down, flushed and shy just as he had been at the beginning, but now, more decisive. Vash asks, "Wolfwood... Let me have you..?" A panel of Wolfwood taking Vash's hand into his, pulling it towards his chest. The next panel shows Wolfwood lying down where Vash had laid him. Vash's hand is on Wolfwood's chest, covering the cross of his rosary while Wolfwood's hand lingers against his, loosely pressing Vash's hand in place. He looks up at Vash with a shy smile of his own, flushed cheeks. He says, "All yours."
A panel shows a close up of Vash's tender gaze before he leans down to be closer to Wolfwood. The final shot is a front view of their positions, Vash's face turned away from the viewer; Vash is leaning over Wolfwood who's lying down with his right leg draped over Vash's legs. Wolfwood's left hand holds onto Vash's left arm. With finality, Vash says, "...Mine." End ID]
[ID: A follow up bonus comic in a looser, sketchier style. They're laying comfortably in bed when Vash asks, "What was that earlier?" referecing to the start of the previous comic. Wolfwood glances away and says, "To get you used to it. Asking. And getting what you ask for. Since you're alwasy hesitant about it." Vash's eyes widen, tight lipped. Wolfwood continues, "Knowing you, it'll be a tough habit to break..." When he says this, Vash can't help but laugh, unable to deny it. Wolfwood slowly brings a hand to Vash's cheek and continues to say, "So I'll keep trying -- whatever ways I can... to get it through your thick skull." Vash takes Wolfwood's hand with his, kissing the the palm gently. Wolfwood's eyes soften and holding onto Vash's cheek, he leans in to try for a kiss. Vash says, "Hey..." before stopping Wolfwood's lips with the back of his hand, a smug look on his face, "Ask." Wolfwood's embarrassed and with little irritation, asks, "Really?" Vash smiles, saying, "You're in need of practice too." They pause for a moment, Wolfwood looking contemplatively, before he's leaning in again, asking, "May I please kiss you?" Vash looks him in the eyes and says, "Yes." The comic ends with a "chu", indicating an off-panel kiss. End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#it took me so long to post this even after getting clarification about the maturity warning and stuff#bc i am so shy about it. SDGMKDSGMKSD I LIKE THIS COMIC BUT IM ALSO SO LIKE... AUGHHHH....#when i posted this on twitter though it was like... a few days after ep 11? ive always had the thought circling about vash deserving of#asking for things... and getting what he wants bc he never gets both. doesn't get the opportunity to ask and hardly does he get what he want#maybe the results can go in his favor but at some point along the way he'll still lose something bc nothing can ever go perfectly for him...#and he's usually the one begging and pleading with people to not. do something. it's not even asking at that point it's just straight up#please believe me. please trust me. please don't shoot that person. please don't kill anyone. please don't do it.#and wolfwood.... it was not always this lovey dovey ok. he wouldv noticed this habit miles away and they got into a fight about it the first#time they talked about it bc wolfwood is being hypocritical too. as he always is!!!! but i think as they get more intimate#wolfwood finds ways to make vash understand. smth smth insatiable want and love and desire for wolfwood that makes it much easier to ask.#wolfwood can also just be so compliant. sometimes. which is also an issue in of itself that id love to explore at some point#but he also just enjoys giving into vash fully and completely.#bc he loves him a lot. but anyway#i hope the id is comprehendible.... please lmk if there's something wrong with how im doing it asfdgkdsmgs#ruporas art
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rebelcaptain + the hunger games au
When Jyn Erso was eight years old, her mother died and her father left to become a gamemaker for the Hunger Games. Adopted by Saw Gerrera, her mother's friend, she became Jyn Gerrera and was forbidden from ever revealing her true identity to anyone. Ten years later, it's Jyn's last reaping. Saw, the forgotten victor of the 32nd Hunger Games, had rejected every reward the Empire offered him, preferring to live as a recluse at the edge of the forest in District 12, as opposed to the luxury in the Victors' Village. It's been decades since anyone in the district even recalled that Saw was once a victor himself, but he had made sure to teach Jyn all he knew of self-defense and combat training. It's the only thing she has of him left since his passing two years ago. Now, Jyn just wants to get through her last reaping and survive. But when she hears the name of the young girl she trades with sometimes, Jyn doesn't hesitate to volunteer in her place. She has nothing to lose, except her life, and every reason to believe that with Saw's training, she has a chance at winning the games. A chance that 12-year-old Kerri Andor wouldn't have. Things get a little more complicated when Kerri's brother is picked as the other tribute. Jyn is good at surviving, but Cassian, with his quiet cunning and surprising talent with a bow and arrow, could be a threat. Not to mention that Jyn knows he's the sole provider for his young sister and aging mother; a family who needs him. Who may die without him. Nobody is waiting for Jyn back home. When their mentor's plan to make them seem like star-crossed lovers triples the attention and sponsors they receive, Jyn is forced to play along with the scheme and pretend she has feelings for Cassian. Worst of all? She's not sure where pretending ends and where genuine feelings begin. The gamemakers say they can both go home if they're the last two tributes standing, but Jyn knows better than to believe the pretty promises of the Empire. Soon, she'll have to make a choice. Will she do anything to survive? Or will she let Cassian Andor go home to his family - even at the cost of her own life?
#rebelcaptain#rogue one#dailyrebelcaptain#therebelcaptainnetwork#swedit#rogueoneedit#tuserjyn#usertina#rebelsmik#tusersimone#*graphics#*rebelcaptain#thg au#i have thoughts#i think jyn and cassian are both more katniss than peeta#although cassian certainly has some peeta traits especially their ability to lie and manipulate#but cassian is far less ~golden boy~ and far more directly lethal than peeta who doesn't kill anyone in the games#i also think the bow and arrow make more sense for him since he's a sniper and jyn is more hand-to-hand combat#and then jyn's the one who volunteers like katniss but cassian's the one with a family relying on him#katniss has the desire to survive for her family and jyn has survival instincts but she has no one to go back for#cassian does#which i think makes for an interesting dilemma for him#because he doesn't think he can stomach killing jyn but if he dies what will happen to kerri?#for that reason i think the trick with the berries may come from him#jyn who has spent the last two years achingly alone feels she has nothing to survive for#she has a fondness for kerri and has grown to care deeply about cassian so ultimately i think she'd want to give the victory to him#cassian is the one who has to be like 'no we do this together or not at all'#but then if we go further into catching fire and mockingjay territory i think ultimately jyn's the spark#although would it still make sense if cassian did the trick with the berries? i don't know#i always pictured jyn as the face of the rebellion and cassian getting hijacked etc etc but im curious what you guys think!!
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I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠
#mine#text post#it’s so devious and sinister the way people can just do this to people#and every time I come out of it#I just feel so stupid and like of course that’s what was happening#why wouldn’t that be what was happening???#and not only does it feel super shitty to feel like you were being used#and also that like everything they said was just a ploy to get something from you#but like the withdrawal of attention is my least favorite part#because it feels nice to be pursued and flirted with and called pretty#and to have someone ask about your day#etc etc#but then when it disappears#you just feel awful#at least I do#and don’t even get me started on how it becomes so hard to believe people after that#to believe anything anyone says#to see yourself as desirable outside of manipulation and being used#just shitty shitty shitty#ruminating on things I shouldn’t#but was thinking about this tonight#having fallen prey to it so many times#sorry for the rant#I’m done now
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Also important to note that lion can just eat someone's desire to resist him, or desire to avoid hurting someone or any other desire that is against smth that he wants to do and you can't really do anything about it
Yep! The Lion always says he's just "power to be used" and tries to play it off saying he has no way to use his own power for himself. And in a way it might be true (he needs someone to wish for something that will free him) but in another way he's HIGHLY manipulative and uses the dungeon lords however he wants.
That's why I don't really enjoy when people describe Laios' confrontation with him as "The Lion confronts him with his deepest/true desires". I don't believe those are Laios' true wishes at all, those are past traumas the Lion uses against him to manipulate him into wishing to let go of humanity.
I guess it's in a sense the thing about "what you want vs what you need". Sometimes we wish for things we don't really want and desires get muddled when we can't face what we truly want/need.
Laios wish to become a monster comes from a frustration of not being able to fit in, is his wish abandoning humanity or is it being understood? Did Mithrun really wish to steal his brother's lover and never have joined the canaries or did just wanted to feel wanted? To feel like he had worth?
The Lion isn't power to be wielded, he isn't a neutral force, he's a being that hungers and he'll do all in his power to be able to eat and that includes lying and manipulating <3
I think even at the end the Lion misunderstand what a true wish/desire is. He curses Laios so his "Your greatest desire will never be granted". The Lion thinks that's monsters. I believe it's because that's what Laios has dedicated his life to, that's what he knows the most about, that's his biggest comfort, that's his everything.
But he doesn't consider he would let go of that desire for the people he loves, because all he knows is hunger, and love isn't hunger 😔
#dungeon meshi spoilers#the winged lion#He doesnt know what being selfless is I think#major spoilers#Laios Touden#he probably doesn't understand why anyone would let go of a “want” for the good of another person#so much so that he turns selfless wishes like how thistle wanted to protect his people into the most self serving version of that desire#“I'll keep you protected no matter how you feel about it”
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I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!
That's right. Two hands.
One for his chalk.
One for his codex.
Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.
#I'm on to something here#screwtio#aventio#hsr aventurine#veritas ratio#dr ratio#screwllum#hsr#honkai star rail#now as a disclaimer I'm not personally a huge fan of aventio#exclusively because i think they are so SO much funnier as gay friends#but something about combining the two clicks really well to me#Aventurine and Screwllum would be pretty fantastic metamours i think#they'd have a lot of fun playing off each other#but also Screwllum being there to dispute Aventurine's doubts over whether or not Ratio cares as a verified outside perspective#listing off shit like upticks in heartrate pupil dialation etc on top of being like#he talks about you fondly he knows your favorite things i can personally attest that you are very evidently important to him#stuff Aventurine can't easily write off when coming from not only an outside perspective but also a literal Genius#and on the flip side Aventurine would finally have someone other than Ratio and the Trailblazer he can talk to with relative ease#someone who has also been through a frankly incredibly traumatizing historical event#someone who is also under constant pressure to perform a certain way#someone who has gained wealth and power at the cost of carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and never being truly free#appearing free to anyone who glances but neither of them really are#Screwllum seemingly able to freely pursue whatever research he wants but ultimately permanently shackled with his titles#and public pressure to be the perfect poised representative for all of inorganic kind#forever treading the line of being both a desirable ally and a sufficient threat that you wouldn't want to cross him#and similarly Aventurine stuck in his cycle that he feels only death can free him from of gambling with his life on the line#because the IPC basically owns him#because let's be honest Jade's offer was just a lifetime labor contract he couldn't refuse#granted the illusion of freedom through gaining money and power but never truly free
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Okay literally no one asked but as a former Hobbit movie hater who has since experienced character growth, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the movies on my gay little blog.
Listen. There are legit reasons to be critical of these movies. They were made on a rushed timeline, at time where CGI overuse was the thing and there are definitely unnecessary moments. But despite those issues, these movies still have a lot of heart and character and some really wonderful acting! To compare them to LOTR, is unfair I think because LOTR was such an unimaginable success and I truly believe no other movie franchise can do what those movies did. To expect the Hobbit movies to be the same caliber considering the behind the scenes drama and massive difference in timeline is just not it.
Truly I think that the Hobbit could have been much more than it was and it’s sad to see the amazing moments and realize that we could have had movies that were maybe closer to the level of LOTR, but that doesn’t take away from all of the great things that the movies gave us! Despite what he may be like irl, Martin Freeman was a great young Bilbo, Richard Armitage was insanely good as Thorin (despite the change in age) and the other dwarf actors brought a great sense of loyalty, brotherhood and shared loss to their roles. The music is still dope as hell and there are some beautiful shots despite all the CGI.
This is way too long and I’ve not said anything that hasn’t been said before but honestly, I’m so glad that I stopped hating on these movies and have seen the special things about them. Nothing will ever compare to LOTR, but that doesn’t make these movies bad. They’re fun, they’re emotional, they have great characterization and it’s super valid to enjoy them.
Final gay thoughts because I’m obligated, but I struggle with people who argue against Bagginshield with the whole “why does everyone have to make everything gay?” thing. Because Hollywood is so deeply homophobic that we see so little genuine queer representation, so forgive us for enjoying the chemistry we find and making it our own since our society gives us breadcrumbs. If you’re not into Bagginshield, totally legit and fine, but don’t hate on other people (especially queer people) trying to find some romantic love in media that we enjoy. Also no one can convince me that Richard Armitage wasn’t at least somewhat intentionally putting his queer energy into this role, I will die on this hill.
Anyway, TL;DR there’s no shame in liking or loving the Hobbit movies despite their faults and there are lots of things to appreciate and enjoy and I for one, am glad to leave my LOTR purist hater days behind me
#the hobbit#the hobbit movies#thorin oakenshield#bilbo baggins#bagginshield#lotr#I will die on this hill#as a reformed hater#I know no one cares but what is my gay blog for if not to rant about my own takes#let people enjoy things you haters#like I love LOTR more than anything in the world and I know the Hobbit movies weren’t as good but still#they are so enjoyable and I refuse to be a hater anymore#and that’s on GROWTH#life is so much more fun when you enjoy things#okay sorry another tag but it has to be said#someone shipping characters together doesn’t take away from anyone else’s desire to see those characters in a platonic way#like as long as it’s not a clearly problematic ship just leave people alone#like damn we can enjoy things in different ways and no one has to be right#I also love the argument of NO THESE CHARACTERS ARE STRAIGHT#like oh? was that explicitly said? no? well then let people interpret how they will#let’s stop assuming everything is always straight
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mobius in season one // loki in season two (insp)
#owen wilson#lokius#loki#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#can't believe we're at the three year anniversary already!!#even wilder to think i wasn't even in the fandom until a few weeks after the pilot aired now here we are 😅#had no clue i'd be rewritten to the molecular level but look at this look at him how could anyone not be#forever thinking about how mobius starts out playing things cool by the book then after actually getting to know loki#you see EVERY emotion written all over his face all the feelings and desires he never even knew he was allowed to have much less want#and whether he's indulging in good or the bad he does it so deeply there's no way anyone else will compare#his every move is FASCINATING 🥺💖#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs
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I think there's a lot of evidence in canon to suggest that Mihawk doesn't want to be lonely. But he doesn't know how to be around other people without expecting too much of them and always ultimately ending up disappointed when they fall short.
Sometimes when he looks at Shanks, all he can see is failed potential and broken promises he made with no one but himself.
Even now he tries not to linger longer than he has too;
Shanks' future no longer has any room for him and so Mihawk remains stagnant stuck 10 years in the past, alone. He doesn't know how to be anything else.
That is until a couple of pesky cotton candy haired children barge into his castle and into his life and drag him head first into the future too
#Shanks and Mihawk playing an eternal game of catch up#Mihawk is also a man incapable off putting anyone else's needs infront of his own desires and that makes him a not so great companion#Zoro and perona help with this by constantly being utter dissapointments but sticking around and bothering him anyway#and suddenly for probably the first time in his life mihawk is responsible for the safety and well being of two other people#there's something longer I wanna write about this but it want coming out right so here you go#But something about what he says Luffy's hreatest power is really stuck with me#dracule mihawk#hawkeye mihawk#akagami no shanks#one piece#throwing thoughts to the void#red hair shanks#op#mishanks#akataka#goth fam#perona#roronoa zoro#one piece goth family#Mihawk lives in fear of experiencing other people's mediocrity#He would rather be bored than frustrated
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Figuring out that I was aplatonic made so much sense.
I’ve never made a friend on my own. All the friends I’ve made approached me and made me their friend, or I met through friends. I’ve never felt a desire to have friends. Even as a child I never felt I needed them, which made adults think there was something wrong with me and peers think I was stuck up, thinking I was “too good” to be friends with them. I was seen as a mean person. Adults pulled me aside to ask me why I was by myself, and I told them I didn’t like people. I told them I didn’t want to be around people. I said there were more important things to worry about. This got me sent to school counselors, who would ask me why I pushed people away and didn’t want friends and I didn’t have a reason. I enjoy my friends’ company, but I don’t miss them when I’m away. I never understood why it mattered so much, even as a kid. I always preferred to be alone, honestly. I thought for the longest time it was related to being autistic and ADHD, and maybe it is to an extent, but I simply never liked people and never had a desire to be friends with them.
I’d already known I was aroace. I never felt a desire to have sexual or romantic relationships. I never saw a point. I felt no attraction towards anyone and had no desire to. My life was enjoyable without it. Once I learned about aromanticism and asexuality, I understood that that was what I am.
However, aroace spaces put so much emphasis on platonic love that I never felt like I really belonged in the aroace community. I felt like I was still weird and gross. I felt like a freak who was destined to be alone, someone who could never be fulfilled and would always be missing something. I felt like a freak in my own community because I felt no love. I didn’t feel platonic love or attraction and frankly didn’t want to.
I found the word “aplatonic”. Someone who feels no platonic love or attraction. Now I understand that’s who I am, and that’s not a bad thing. My life is no worse without love. I’m not missing something. I still live a fulfilling life. I’m still human.
#by extent I also feel no desire to form queer platonic relationships with anyone#this is no hate to aroace people who do feel platonic love and do value it#I just don’t#and feel that we shouldn’t put so much emphasis on it#and use it as some way to justify being aroace#as if feeling no love is bad#aroace#aromantic#asexual#aplatonic#triple a battery#aroaceapl#aspec
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