#anyone can be abusive regardless of their mental disorder

[homeworkreminder]

If you're a licensed therapist and make tiktok or reels or shorts or whatever talking about trauma recovery and specifically painting all abusers as narcissists and tagging your posts as npd, I believe your license should be revoked and you should be not allowed the chance to practice in any type of medical field, or any field that requires professionalism.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?

Well, if you trust many social media posts, then the answer would be a resounding "No". Narcissistic is - apparently - a synonym for abusive, and of course you can't have a healthy relationship with an abusive partner!

But, well, social media is not always right. A lot of topics get oversimplified, terms get misused and black-or-white thinking is rampant - and "narcissistic means abusive" falls into all three of those pits.

Let's look at it a bit closer: "Abusive" describes a set of behaviors - while narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) describes, well, a personality disorder. It's a mental health condition.

I am not a trained mental health professional, so I'll use a medical source here. According to mayoclinic.org (link to article), symptoms and their intensity may vary from one affected person to the next (just like the exact symptoms and severity of depression or anxiety may vary!). A person with NPD may

have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance

have an excessive need for attention and admiration

have low/no empathy (struggle to understand or care about the feelings of others)

have low self-worth

be easily upset by criticism

struggle with social interactions

have difficulty managing their emotions

experience major problems dealing with stress 

And, again just like with other mental health conditions, NPD can negatively affect the person in a lot of areas of life. For example, struggling to manage their emotions and stress levels may make it hard for them to hold down a job and cause financial worries, or they may avoid participating in social events, which may lead to them becoming isolated and depressed etc. And yes, of course some symptoms may also lead to problems in romantic relationships.

Therapy for NPD usually centers around talk therapy, with the goal of helping the person to better understand and manage their emotions, to learn how to cope with self-worth issues, and to create/maintain healthy fulfilling relationships and communication with the people around them.

Now, you can look at all this and go "See? The social media posts are right! They are self-centered, have no empathy and are easily upset! That's abusive!" - but that'd be jumping to conclusions. None of those things are behaviors.

An autistic person may also easily get upset and they may also feel low empathy. So could a person with major depression. Yet, we do not treat "autistic" or "depressed" as a synonym for abusive. We do not assume that their symptoms will definitely lead to abusive behavior. So, why would that be different for people with NPD?

Am I saying no person with NPD has ever been abusive? Of course not. That'd be black-or-white thinking, too. What I am saying is: People with NPD are people. And people can show abusive behavior or they can not.

If someone who easily feels upset hits you, that's abuse... but hitting would be abuse, even if they didn't feel easily upset. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be hitting you. If someone with no empathy degrades and insults you, that's abusive... but that would be abuse regardless of their ability to feel empathy. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be degrading and insulting you.

A person could have NPD and behave abusive - but "some people are X and Y, so all people who are X must be Y" is a flawed logic.

So, let's circle back to the beginning: can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Yeah. It will be a relationship with someone who has a mental health condition and that's something to be aware of because mental health conditions do affect everyday life (duh?).

You should set boundaries and take warning signs of abuse seriously - like you should do when you date anyone, regardless of health status.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[genderqueerdykes]

We're appreciating these pro-endo posts as an endogenic, especially the fact you account for traumatized endogenics (we at least notice "usually" and other such words in a lot of posts, and were taught at a young age how to analyze shit because of being autistic) so like...thanks. :)

Hopefully y'all are okay, anti-endos are really showing their asses this time in your asks. And we hope everyone else realizes they have always been that bigoted.

hey of course, thanks for sending this ask!

yeah i don't know why people don't understand that endogenic systems can... also have trauma. like. endogenic doesn't mean 100% free from trauma. anyone can have trauma. trauma doesn't always manifest in the most extreme forms possible like dissociative disorders. like i cannot stress enough that dissociative disorders are a very specific kind of plurality, and should NOT be used as a metric to gauge whether or not someone's plural experience is legitimate or not. the diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders is so painfully restrictive that a lot of people who probably do have a dissociative disorder don't get the diagnosis because it's so fucking specific

and again, i just want to stress that endogenic systems literally are not hurting anyone. you are not spitting in my face or talking over me as a system with DID. you are being respectful by using a term that suits your experience way better. like idk how that is offensive to people. endogenic systems developed a term to express a specific type of plurality. that's not trying to mock or ape on dissociative plurality. it's not an attempt to talk over dissociatives. it's creating an entirely new conversation that needs to be had

people getting upset about endogenic systems are creating mountains out of mole hills. it is quite literally a nothing burger of a problem. there IS no problem. nothing wrong is even happening. like i cannot overstate how fucking annoying it is when other dissociatives decide its time to get on their high horses and act as if they're suddenly experts on psychology and mental health. like it really pisses me off when other plurals with dissociative disorders decide the entire plural community is about them. the dissociative disorder communities are about plurals with dissociative disorders. specifically. you can still occupy spaces made for people with DID, OSDD and so on and leave endogenics alone and the world will keep turning. the sun will rise tomorrow regardless.

learn to mind your own goddamn business if you can't respect that other people experience the world differently than you do. maybe, just maybe, the dissociatives who are intentionally going out of their way to mock and harass endogenic systems are the fucking problem, here. you don't get to be a fucking bully just because you have trauma. you don't get to attack and hurt people who haven't hurt you just because you were abused. that's literally fucking perpetuating the cycle of abuse. if you think to yourself that because you are traumatized, that it's okay to take your anger out on people who have no trauma, you seriously need to reassess your life. what does that do for you? temporary catharsis? a rush of dopamine that lasts mere seconds? chasing the high of harassing strangers will not undo what was done to you in the past.

as a dissociative- i only understand what dissociative plurality is like. i do not understand other forms of plurality. and you know what? i don't find the fact that other types of plurality existing offensive to me. it's just not. i've been very close friends with so many endogenic, spiritual, natural, etc. systems out there over the years. i have never found it offensive for anyone to say "oh hey i'm plural too!" and then explain a different plural experience than the one i have. thats why the term plural even exists, because it encompasses a broad range of plural experiences, not just dissociative ones.

like, to the dissociatives who are pissed off that endos exist: literally stay in dissociative disorder-centric spaces and tags. they're right there. you HAVE a community that you can interact with who understand exactly what you're going through. if it offends you that you find a VARIETY of plural experiences in the general plural community- that community isn't for you. like seriously. if it offends you that deeply that other types of plurality exist- the general plural community is not for you. it's literally not made for you if you can't except that numerous types of plurality exist. you have spaces you can occupy that ARE made 100% for people just like you. you can quite literally stay in spaces made for dissociative plurals only. like. you can do that. that's an option. and you can stop bullying other people out of spaces that they rightfully belong in.

trauma is never excuse to be a fucking jackass. it's perpetuating the cycle of abuse. that's nothing to be proud of. break the cycle. stop abusing people just because you were abused.

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster b culture is trying to research cluster b disorders, and every article by official mental health organisations talking about how we all exhibit abusive tendencies or whatever.

We are not all abusers

We are not all abusers

WE ARE NOT ALL ABUSERS

WE ARE NOT ALL FUCKING ABUSERS!!

I'm genuinely so sick of it. I found one fucking article that talks about people with aspd like, yk, ACTUAL FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS. And guess what? It wasn't that fucking hard after all. It's really easy to talk about people like they're more than just potential abusers. Cause ANYONE CAN BE AN ABUSER, REGARDLESS OF WHAT IS OR ISN'T WRONG WITH THEM. WE ARE HUMAN, PLEASE FUCKING TREAT US LIKE IT FINALLY

.

[bupsafr3ak]

Satisqueer

Satisqueer (or problaqueer) is a queerstance that focuses mainly on receiving people rejected by the community, this includes the paraphilics, subs(edtwt, sh etc) among others. It mainly intends to break social constructions, gender roles, heterosexuality and cisnormativity, taboos in relation to anything and especially welcoming people regardless of how they are like every queerstance should be!

Satisqueer uses a lot of empathy and acceptance of all types of identity, disorders, defense mechanisms and many others.

Pro:

Controversial identities (straight-lesbian, lesbian who likes man, turigirl).

Alterhuman, otherkin(foodkin, objectkin, kin in real people).

Paraphilias(taboo or not).

Endo, transplural and created system.

Non-monogamy.

Relationships between lesbians and men or gays and women.

extreme body modifications.

Pro-contacts of CONSENSUALS parafilias.

Sh, suicide and eating/mental disorders as artistic performance.

Mad pride and anti-assylum movement

Autonomy on your own body (including abortion).

Consensual cannibalism.

Self-diagnosis / self-identification and any type of systems.

mechanisms of unhealthy copings such as the romanticization of traumas.

obsessive, abusive consensual and/or mutual relationships.

Proship, comshipp and pro fiction / anti censorship.

Furry and other harmless communities.

Communism and anarchism.

ACAB (1312).

Feminism.

Legalization of all drugs.

Blm and other movements of racialized people

Sex workers.

Xenogenders, stetigenders, lexics, allions, vior, perspeque...

Xenosexualities and parasexualities.

RCTA

Transpara (transid in general).

Transition to trace.

Transautistics use identification badge/transable use wheelchair/crutch (things that match their disability).

Identify with things for fun (even though they are harmful).

Ed/shtwt among other subs.

MIF (minors in fetichism).

Incest (consang or not).

Radshifters.

Mahou shoujo irl.

Radqueer.

Sexual education/ children know their own body.

Loli, shota, kodo and nanacon.

Ageplay, petplay, rapeplay etc

CNC

Autopara (autopedo, autozoo, etc)

Fictosexuality

MUDs

Lie to the psychiatrist/psychologist or professional who is consulting you about your symptoms to get a diagnosis or for your own benefit

Not having a specific age to diagnose disorders (such as ASPD, borderline, DID or other disorders that "can only be diagnosed at 18 years old")

Complex-c

Neutral:

MUDs

MAP (just if the minor is 14+).

Claim and resignification of insults and offensive terms.

Transition to transharmful

Symbol of the puzzle to represent autistic people.

Imoqueer.

Inclus.

Pro-c

LSDqueer, basedqueer, kandiqueer, xenosatanism and similar.

anti:

CP/CSEM/CSAM.

Anti-therian

Bullying and harassment.

Conservatives, rightists, especially Nazis, fascists and capitalists.

Transmed

Sysmed

Cis/heteronormatividade against LGBTQIAPN+ people (ex: invalidating a trans boy for dressing in a “feminine” way and wearing makeup)

Radfem, radgay, genitalists, transphobics, exorsexists, binarists...

Misogyny, misandria and femism (not feminism) and similars.

Religious intolerant

Identification emoji idea:

🫧🌈 /🗂🌈 /🌈🌪

CURIOSITY: where did the idea of the name Satisqueer and problaqueer come from?

“Satis” comes from Latin, and means “quite” - who chose this name was lilico - and "probla" its from "problematic", indicating that we include a lot of communities, regardless of how problematic or bad they are (no matter how ‘shat’ it is). We fight mainly against cis/heteronormativity, transmed, capitalists and moralistic people.

No one is better than anyone else and has no wrong way to express themselves, identify or deal with their problems, I believe we should claim this label with pride, embrace the unusual and inconvenient ways of dealing with things as part of our identity and struggle.

Creator of the term: meee :3 (with the help of @transidiotloli )

[cripplecharacters]

I was trying to draw a character when I made a "mistake" and messed up what I intended to be her left hand and eye. I decided to keep it and rewrite her as a girl with a congenital limb and facial difference. However, she was originally written with histrionic personality disorder, and I don't want to accidentally recreate any psychological stereotype about people with limb/facial differences that I'm not aware of. She's a side character who makes bad decisions a bit, but isn't a villain.

Hey!

It's completely fine. Personality disorder doesn't make someone evil or abusive, all they intrinsically make someone into is a person with a personality disorder. It's a morally neutral characteristic.

If you aren't portraying symptoms of HPD as making someone violent or inherently unpleasant to be around or whatever else in that taste, you're good. Obviously having a PD isn't all (or even mostly) sunshine and rainbows and puppies, but the symptoms are usually much harder to deal with for the person having them than for anyone else, and definitely don't make someone commit mass murder (somehow one of the most common tropes for characters with facial differences). Besides, HPD is probably also one of the personality disorders I would least expect a character with a facial difference to have. In the rare instance that a character is implied to have both a FD and a PD, the latter is usually a poorly researched (and almost always rather offensive) portrayal of someone with antisocial personality disorder.

If you're worried you can always have another character, even a minor one (if her disabilities are congenital then you can mention she has a family member with something similar), with either a PD or a limb/facial difference, but not both at the same time. So even if a reader were to somehow take away that visibly disabled people are all mentally ill (?) there's a character who has a facial difference or was born without fingers and doesn't appear to have a personality disorder (putting aside the fact that you can't always tell that someone does or doesn't have a specific, or any, mental illness). At the same time there's literally nothing wrong with having a character who has both. I think it would only be strange if she's the only mentally ill character and her entire character arc is focusing on how miserable it is while everyone else is happy and abled, but that would be a weird characterization choice regardless of her physical disabilities.

Hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[hrizantemy]

One of my main issues with Sarah J. Maas is at the beginning of “A Court of Silver Flames” she said and I quote “For every Nesta out there- climb the mountain.” Forcing anyone. regardless of gender, to endure physical exertion beyond their limits to the point of physical and mental breakdown is abusive behavior. Forcing someone to hike for multiple days beyond their physical capacity can lead to exhaustion, dehydration, injury, and even death. It disregards the person's physical well-being and safety.

Enduring such extreme physical exertion can lead to significant mental and emotional distress, including feelings of despair, hopelessness, and trauma. Forcing someone into a strenuous activity against their will violates their autonomy and personal agency. Everyone has the right to make decisions about their own body and activities, and forcing them to engage in activities they do not consent to is a violation of that right.

Experiencing such traumatic events can have long-lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional well-being, potentially leading to ongoing issues such as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

The same mountain that she was forced to climb by the male that also said this and I quote again “Everyone fucking hates you. Is that what you want? Because congratulations, it's happened.” Verbal abuse, such as telling someone that everyone hates them, is harmful and can deeply affect an individual's self-esteem, mental well-being, and sense of belonging.

Using language to intentionally hurt someone emotionally is a form of manipulation and control. It's an attempt to undermine the person's self-worth and isolate them from others. By telling someone that everyone hates them, the abuser is attempting to distort the victim's perception of reality, making them doubt their own experiences and feelings. This contributes to feelings of confusion and self-doubt.

The statement suggests that the victim is universally disliked, which can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. This isolation can further empower the abuser by cutting off the victim from potential sources of support. Verbal abuse can have long-lasting psychological effects, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and trauma. It can also contribute to a cycle of abuse, where the victim may internalize the abusive messages and believe they deserve such treatment.

So in conclusion for every Nesta out there who is going through this or a situation like this. Please seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Contact authorities, and know that there are organizations, especially ones that provide the victim with access to appropriate medical and mental health care.

[evil-marco]

if you believe in narcissistic abuse, block me. if you believe in disordered abuse in general, block me. if you demonize cluster B disorders, this is not a safe space for you. i am a cluster B haver and i will clown on you.

narcissistic abuse is not real. someone with NPD will not abuse you in a special way that only they can do. it is abuse the same way that anyone else abuses someone. calling it narcissistic abuse is perpetuating stereotypes that are a) untrue and b) derogatory.

someone with ADHD can abuse you. we do not call it ADHD abuse. someone with DID can abuse you. we do not call it DID abuse. using the term narcissistic abuse is perpetuating that all narcissists are abusive. they're not. they are a person with a disorder, just like me and you.

this is not to say that the abuse isn't real. of course it's real. that's not what i'm saying. i am saying that slapping narcissistic in front of it does not make it more important or severe or impactful. abuse is abuse. saying narcissistic abuse does not make your point have more weight. it just tells me that you are not someone i want to talk to.

mental health matters. it matters, regardless of if it's glamorous disorder. pwNPD are not abusive. stop spreading that stereotype.

(this is, in fact, targeted towards someone who keeps interacting with my posts/my account despite having multiple posts on their account about how much they believe in narcissistic abuse. boo, bitch.)

[xx-slug-xx]

Narcissistic abuse doesn’t exist. Only abuse that’s from a narcissist

I am in awe of the fact that in the year 2024, I still see people regularly use this term. Both out in the real world and online.

NPD is an actual disorder. It can be a developmental mental illness that’s traumagenic in nature. It can be simply how someone is, no trauma involved even. Regardless, it’s a form of neurodivergence and it shouldn’t be seen as an inherently bad thing. Just because someone is a narcissist, that doesn’t mean that they are an abuser. There’s no such thing as BPD abuse, schizophrenic abuse, or autistic abuse. People with NPD are neurodiverse, just like (I’m assuming) most other Tumblr users, their brains work differently than that of the norm. That is not a bad thing, just like how there’s nothing wrong with having ADHD. I just really hate when people equate narcissism with abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, even a narcissist. But there is no “abuser mental illness” like people make it out to be.

[wsknbfanaccnt]

Can you do the mental health one for Hanamiya? 👉👈

OKAY NORMALLY I WOULD REFUSE BECAUSE I ONLY DO REQUESTS FOR THE GOM+KAGAMI

but honestly this was so interesting to think about I can't resist so here we go

Hanamiya Mental Disorder

TW!!: mentions of sadism, self harm, mental illness, substance abuse

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) + Sociopathy

though Hanamiya is a little bitch, I can't imagine that he doesn't struggle with his disorder sometimes

I don't mean that he is a straight up sociopath either, it's more like ASPD with traces of sociopathy

so I say this because the one big trait of his is doing everything for his enjoyment regardless of how it might affect others

it's not clear if he does this outside of basketball, but I know for a fact that he's not a complete asshole

like for example he wouldn't kick a baby just for the fun of it

but he does have sadistic tendencies

not necessarily sexual either (tho he probably is like that in bed anyways) but just something about seeing pure despair in someone just lights a fire in him

I say Sociopathy because despite everything, he's incredibly intelligent and charming

that's the thing, he can be charming if he wants to and he's fucking amazing at it

when something doesn't go his way, he's the type to blame others for it, manipulating the truth and gaslighting everyone

and unfortunately he's also good at it, and people will believe him

he definitely will also get violent if he isn't satisfied with something, he'd probably pick a fight/hurt others or throw shit around and destroy his surroundings

but sometimes that isn't enough

I think he definitely self harms because of that, he needs to be satisfied one way or another and if he can't get that by being violent to others, he'll do it to himself

but he does so out of anger, and he rarely does it

discovered marijuana after high school and became addicted

it's not clear in the anime, but I think Hanamiya and Imayoshi would get along the most (despite Hanamiya hating Imayoshi lmfao)

they just relate to each other in ways that others dont

so in turn it's a weird friendship

even if Imayoshi is a bitch, Hanamiya had always found some comfort in Imayoshi's presence

tho he's never vulnerable with anyone, there's just a silent mutual understanding between the two

it's not a deep understanding, but they just get it ykwim?

he struggles with in the way that he has kind of a weird perception of himself, knowing that he is a genius but also trying to prove it to himself and others

the amount of manipulation he does would lead to some amounts of paranoia, needing to be in control of the situation 24/7

I honestly am not too sure if he would necessarily "struggle" with making connections since that would kinda require him wanting to make connections

but he does struggle in the sense that he can't empathize with people and he's blunt, always taking the easy way out since he doesn't care about others

since he deems himself superior to others, he has a fragile sense of self and crumbles if he feels out of control

occasionally experiences derealization

[the-angry-acrobat]

just curious, do u support circused that have wild animals in them-?

(tigers, lions, elephants, bears, etc.)

no, I am very strongly against it. the truth about animals in circuses is that they are abused and endure lives of complete misery, usually illegally poached from the wild and sold or bred into circuses, purely for entertainment. 

in circuses, animals are made to perform unnatural tricks which none of them would willingly carry out. elephants are made to stand on one leg and spin in circles – often while standing on top of small stools. these are actions elephants have never been observed carrying out in the wild precisely because they cause long-term damage to the animals’ physiology. it is well documented that elephants are forced to perform these actions by being terribly abused, and young elephants are savagely constrained in a process called ‘the crush’ which breaks their spirit and forces them to comply. big cats have been popular in the circus industry, but many have their teeth and claws removed rendering them harmless to their abusers. they are ‘trained’ with whips which teach them to fear the handlers and not attack.

the actions animals do in performances are so unnatural that no animal could be encouraged or instructed to carry them out – they would have to be forced. initially this is done with violence, then with the promise of food. as a result, many circus animals are also underfed to keep them hungry and eager to please. 

the animals commonly abused in circuses are extremely stressed by circus conditions. the loud noise of the music, the cheers of the crowd and the dizzying lights all disorientate and cause stress to wild animals. over prolonged periods can result in abnormal behaviours and health problems related to anxiety. for species such as tigers, bears, macaques, etc, performing on stage is deeply traumatic. 

the living conditions for wild animals in circuses consistently fail to meet the animals’ most basic needs. when the show ends, the animals typically return to isolation in small barren cages which give them no opportunity to carry out behaviours natural to their species, or to interact with their own kind. investigation into animal circuses found 100% of facilities failed to meet the animals’ basic needs. bears were found rocking in tiny cages – a well-known sign of stress and mental health disorders – and macaques chained by their necks.

circus animals are often transported over large distances with circuses, even transporting dolphins by truck and plane which is clearly unsuitable for the species, and more. they are abused, humiliated, and treated absolutely dehumanisingly. how anyone that treats an animal like that could live with themselves, I don’t know. but none of that matters when it comes to monetary gain.

as with any industry that creates financial gain, some people try to defend animal circuses. they say the animals are stimulated by training and performance, but all the evidence and the experts disagree. defenders of animal circuses also argue that seeing animals perform is a form of education which raises awareness and appreciation of wild species. but the truth is very different.

in reality, animal circuses teach nothing. the behaviours they see are completely unnatural and give an entirely false impression of the lives and needs of animals. seeing animals abused on stage only teaches people that animals are here for human entertainment and that we can treat them in any way we please, regardless of their emotions and needs. this is not a lesson people want to teach their children.

and animals don’t belong in circuses. they belong in their natural habitats, free, in their own cycles of life, wild, ferocious, untamed, and left the fuck alone. they should not be in the circus industry, and any entertainment industry for that matter. having wild animals in captivity is horrific, vile, inhumane and just plain wrong. when animals are caged, it's a loss of what and who they are. it’s wrong to capture wild animals and confine them in captivity for people to go and gawk at them. and I can’t believe some people don’t understand this. 

however, animals that do enjoy the stimulation of circus are dogs. dogs love training and performance. they love to learn, with the right rewards. a lot of the time they consider it play time, and for them, getting attention from their people is always a good thing. it depends on the dog, and some dogs may not enjoy performing tricks they've learned. but most of the time, as they are so smart and energetic, dogs do enjoy performing. 

I love animals with all of my heart and I will advocate and fight for them forever. the circus I am in is also obviously very against it.

in short, no, I do not support and never will support animals in circuses, and that’s not even an option. animals deserve a far better life than the ones they've been subjected to.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

NPD culture is very carefully explaining with incredibly delicate & validating phrasing, "when we say narcissistic abuse isn't real, we are saying that the actions described as narc abuse can be committed anyone regardless of their mental health. Your abuse still happened and your trauma is still real trauma. It's the language that you are using that is harmful. Please still feel free to talk about how your abusers treated you while understanding that pinning abusive actions on a disorder rather than how that indicidual responds to their own symptoms of that disorder would not only be ableist, but also counterproductive for your own healing."

And then getting "Oh, so we can't talk about our abuse?? You're victim blaming me?" in response.

Like. I spent so long practicing ways to healthily communicate and settling people down when they're upset. I had to dig through myself and fish out all the anger and shame and harm from the way I was communicating and figure out what my logical fallacies were and how they were harming the people I try to talk to. It would be nice if they could provide maybe atleast 25% of that back and atleast ask themselves, "Is there a reason I'm getting upset by the notion that the way I am coping with my trauma is doing something harmful to others?" and then do what I did, and get comfortable with the state of being embarrassed and get comfortable in the state of finding out you're wrong about something.

.

[cdd-system-terms]

Involunharm

[pt: involunharm. end pt]

not requested by anyone

Involunharm [In-vol-un-harm]

Involun: involuntary

A term for alters that hold trauma related to being forced to harm someone (for RAMCOA/OEA/TBMC/programmed systems only), regardless of how much or how bad. This can include any sort of harm or abuse, regardless of how minor or how major you consider it to be. This includes failed attempts to harm someone. This can also include being forced to harm or attempt to harm animals, not just people. Some examples would be physical abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, rape, animal abuse, mental abuse, pyschological abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, religious abuse, grooming, bullying or cyberbullying, sextortion, etc. It can also include abusing someone into developing or fully developing a disorder, worsening their existing disorder symptoms (regardless of if they have the "full-blown" disorder or if they are only showing some traits), and/or intentionally triggering their disorders. Disorder examples are dissociative disorders, addictions, eating disorders, personality disorders, etc. It can also include worsening physical issues.

The harm can be done to anyone or anything (such as animals) of any age, sex, gender, etc.

The syskid version would be Involunharmkid and the same flag is used for both terms.

*-someone can coin a similar term for non-programmed systems, I don’t mind ^^ But I am using the involun- prefix for programmed systems exclusively

[thousandyearphantombunker]

I could never hate a whole group of people. I'm autistic I grew up being told i was spoiled r*t@5#d and incapable of being kind and that I should stay in toxic relationships because I was too dumb to make other connections and how people must be saintlike for accommodating me. I was told my problems aren't real and that I'm delusional and I wasn't listened to. Growing up I heard symptoms of autism written about in the most disgusting vile way possible and it all basically boiled down to the criteria for my disability (ei the symptoms of autism) being equated to being an immature idiot who isn't smart enough for anything and that lack of ability meant I deserved nothing and should be grateful anyone wanted to be friends with me regardless of how they treated me. It meant people would rather listen to the people around me rather than me whenever problems arose. I've seen friendships torn apart by political discussions getting out of control and irrational hate. Maybe I'm an idiot but I can't hate any group of people. I can't. I can hate individuals but an entire group? An entire population? My sister has a possible personality disorder and has low empathy and it sickens me how people with these disorders are seen as monsters, as inherently manipulative and abusive. The shit I hear people say about men the way they say it... it's abusive it's borderline suicide baiting. And no matter what misandrists say they are evil if they do that shit. If you say shit like 'oh we have a male suicide epidemic? Haha more men should join the rates'- listen even if misandry isn't systemic your still being horrible piece of shit. I pray to God that you get a wake up call and realize even if men's issues are systemic that suicide baiting people is evil. I hope you find your heart and stop poisoning yourself with your shithead mentality and get therapy for whatever caused you to be like this. Your insane. Yeah men cry wolf about women. Women cry wolf about men. Shut your ass up Maybe I'm being manipulated by 'incels' or 'creeps' but I don't know. I think after seeing women purposely suicide bait men and say that it's good that men are dealing with mental health crisis and how it's a good thing that men are suicidal -i don't know I think they're fucking disgusting- suicide baiting is fucking evil- your evil if your do this can you stop politicizing people's mental illnesses and act like a goddamned human and treat people coping with a crisis with kindness and respect? Can you stop being horrible?

It helps that those 'creeps' might have a point. It certainly helps that most of the 'incels' and 'creeps' I've met are trans, ace, autistic, unattractive etc but never actually entitled rapey or immature. If your response to anyone dealing with mental illness is 'good they deserve to suffer' your an asshole. You people claim "The difference between misogyny and misandry is that misogynistic men want women to be silenced, dumb, humiliated, submissive, controlled, abused, molested, raped, impregnated, trapped, surgically altered, beaten, and killed, and misandrist women want to be free of the men who think and do the above." Yet I hear shit like "Young girls need to be actively taught to not help males regardless of their circumstances or age. Whether it's your boyfriend of 5 years who recently got into a debt or if it's any stranger in a dark alleyway crying for help. Neither of them are gonna end well FOR YOU. You're not gonna get appreciated, you're not get acknowledged for long. Infact, you're gonna be the one who'll be taken advantage of." Or "Men are lonely? Fucking good. Maybe, for the first time in civilisation, they fucking should be." If your response to someone in crisis is "we go through more pain than you" or "you deserve to be in pain for others sins" your just radicalizing men against you. If your response to someone asking for help is "your dangerous and poisonous and you deserve to get hurt" then you disgust me. You are fucking gross. Imagine being so paranoid that you make being a woman sound like a fate worse than death and make basic human decency sound like a senseless sacrifice. Maybe stop telling little girls to be paranoid. Maybe stop letting your irrational paranoid victim mentality poison your goddamned heart. Stop telling every woman you meet that evil men are always out to get them and that they should be paranoid and afraid all the time- your not helping feminism your just telling people being a woman is scary and bad. Your not helping feminism your making the world a colder place convincing girls that kindness will get them raped and murdered and telling men that they are inherently bad

It's not called being a man baby when these men eventually break down- it's called 'i fucking opened up for once and now I'm suffering for it'. Maybe it's because of my own issues from when I was a kid but womanchild manchild adultchild and being insulted and hunted down for harassment when I was vulnerable - this shit always grossed me out. I don't know if there is an actual epidemic of male suicides but I do not like how I've seen an uptick in suicide baiting from radfems/people laughing at the idea of anyone being in that much pain psychologically. Wtf.

I could never be a radfem thinking my personal issues is justified that any of this shit: bullying, ableism, laughing at rape and domestic abuse victims, racism, transphobia

It's not okay it baffles me

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hey... i mean this in a completely respectful way and i'm sorry if it comes off as otherwise, but i'm genuinely curious about all the anti narc abuse content on your blog... while i fully believe that it's possible for pwNPD to not abuse people, i also fully believe that ppl can be extremely traumatized by pwNPD (two of my friends have mothers with NPD and have extreme trauma stemming from said mothers NPD traits) so i'm genuinely just curious what exactly you mean by "narc abuse"??? i'm really sorry if i offend anyone but i'm just- genuinely curious and hoping to learn more about the disorder because i've had a lot of pwNPD in my life and wanna know more about how they work, how to treat them, etc

Hi! No worries, I accept all questions that are in good faith, and if i can be honest I really admire your desire to learn more, AND I admire the fact that you're so candid about your current feelings about pwNPD. I'd much rather have a person who is willing to learn more after having had bad experiences with pwNPD, than a person who doesn't know anything about NPD and just inherently assumes the worst of us.

But to answer your question: I don't think there's a single neurodivergent person out there - narcissist or otherwise - who denies the fact that their disorder/disability can make them act in ways that they wouldn't act if they were neurotypical. However, no one is abusive/rude/toxic/whatever SOLELY because of their mental illness or PD or disability. For instance, I've had some friends who were really rude to me due to the fact that their Autism makes social cues difficult, but they didn't "autistically abuse" me or anything, and I don't "autistically abuse" people when I myself fumble with social cues due to my own Autism.

(Obviously 'not understanding social cues' isn't comparable to abuse anyway, but you get what I'm trying to say, right?)

While some pwNPD might indeed be "bad people" - for lack of a better term - due to their NPD, that isn't the case for the vast majority of pwNPD, so terms like "narcissist abuse" or equating narcissism with abuse hurts all pwNPD and further stigmatizes the disorder. Even the people whose toxic or abusive behavior can be contributed to their NPD, it's still harmful to call it narcissist abuse, bc it implies that it's ONLY the fact that they have a personality disorder that makes them abuse people, and thus it's only possible for them to stop abusing people if they recover (please note PDs are really hard if not impossible to make a full recovery from).

Also, there's not really any specific flavor of abuse that's exclusive to pwNPD. Like, what does narc abuse mean? That you're a selfish, entitled asshole who constantly puts other people down to feel better about yourself? Well, there's plenty of people without NPD that are like that! Does it mean that you're blind to your loved one's feelings and always prioritize yourself over them and don't care when your loved one is hurting? That's not exclusive to NPD either! Most "narc abuse" behaviors can really be attributed to ANY abuser, regardless of neurotype. I'd even argue that there's more people withOUT npd that do those behaviors than there are people with.

I hope that helped, let me know if you have any more questions!

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