#any of it back and he's just. really angry. and it's misdirecting

[lovinggreeniehours]

um. i think the fated enemies missed each other idk. just a gut feeling

[a-case-of-attachment]

A continuation of this.

Astarion was relentless in his need to get you away from Gale’s wandering lips and pathetically sad and hopeful kicked puppy attitude, silently seething as he dragged you along behind him. His grip was tight on your arm, probably too tight if he was being honest but he couldn’t bring himself to let go of you. He knew he was being foolish, but Astarion couldn’t help but feel that if he let you go you would be gone, running back to Gale like a moth to a flame.

You had looked so happy sat there with Gale, all bright smiles and casual affection like it was nothing to open yourself up to another. Had it been that easy for you to be like that with Astarion? He could recall your smiles, your gentle laughter along with the teasing and somewhat sarcastic back and forth you two had going. It had felt easy at the time, but had it actually been so or were his memories tainted by his own need for you to want something from him?

Astarion knew he could be charming and sweet. After all, those were the traits that had made him such an effective seducer, but he also knew that he could be difficult sometimes, rude and a little shut off from others even when honesty would serve him better. He was selfish, there was no denying that, but he was also cold and calculating, often working out how best to use someone to his advantage before using his charm and tempting smiles to get what he wanted. Astarion was trying with you though. Trying to be a better person and letting you in closer than he had anyone else in the better part of two centuries. But was it enough?

He hated the fact that blasted wizard was getting to him, but Astarion couldn’t stop himself from beginning to question why you had stayed by his side for so long. Gale wouldn’t hide himself from you like Astarion had. He wouldn’t deny you any part of himself whilst trying to cover it up with pretty lies and sugar-coated words. Everything about Astarion was a performance, designed to misdirect and mislead the audience. He didn’t want people looking to closely, didn’t want the attention the truth got him. The sad reality was he simply didn’t trust people, couldn’t trust people, not after everything he had been through and he wasn’t about to show weakness to just anyone when he needed to be strong and untouchable to survive. You were infuriatingly different though. You did care, Astarion was sure of it and if there was anyone, he was going to let see him at his most vulnerable then, well, it could only ever be you. So why did he feel so hollow all of a sudden? Like he had already lost you before he had the chance to really have you in the first place.

The trees and undergrowth suddenly gave way and Astarion stumbled slightly as he stepped out unexpectedly into a clearing. It’s not that big, probably smaller than the average tavern and if he was so inclined Astarion could probably make it to the other side with a few long strides. It is unassumingly quaint though, the gaps in the otherwise thick canopy allowing the silvery moonlight to give the small space an almost otherworldly glow. In any other circumstance it would be disgustingly romantic, somewhere Astarion would have whisked you off to to whisper sweet nothings in your ear whilst making your body singing under his skilled touch. Not tonight though. Tonight he couldn’t care less, taking a few seconds to gain his bearings before he took a sure step forward, intent on getting you across to the other side and as far away from Gale as he could. You apparently, had other ideas though.

“Enough!” you shouted suddenly, digging in your heels and yanking your arm from his grip. Astarion let you go, coming to a standstill at the edge of the clearing and looking back at you with thinly veiled impatience. You glared back, fists clenched at your sides and shoulders noticeably tensed. “What in the hells was that Astarion!” In a nearby tree birds took flight, frightened away from their nests by your angry yell. Astarion flinched slightly, shame settling uncomfortably in his chest. There was a possibility, and a small one at that, that he might have overreacted, but could you really blame him? Gale had overstepped yet again, and you had just looked at the walking bomb like the idiot you were, all lost and confused like you couldn’t possibly fathom someone was actually interested in you in such a way.

Astarion had every right to whisk you off. Had every right to be angry and jealous too, but that didn’t mean he liked it. He hated being forced to feel all these emotions that he had stamped down for so long, unaccustomed to anything but pain and desperation. It left him feeling exposed and raw in a way he wasn’t used to. Unfortunately, when he was feeling cornered and out of his depth Astarion had a bad habit of lashing out at people, uncaring as he spat honey covered poison in an attempt to regain control of something he probably never would.

He hated himself for it, even as he practically leered at you, his lips curling up into a smirk. “Come now darling, I was doing us all a favour,” Astarion laughed, waving his hand dismissively in the air. “It was starting to get a little sad.” Your breath caught, Astarion able to hear your heartbeat pick up ever so slightly. It had been the wrong thing to say but it had come so naturally, to be dismissive and cruel when it came to the feelings of others. Especially now when his own emotions were getting the better of him, uncertainty and doubt mixing with anger and jealousy. “Honestly, for a man who claims to be so smart he can be rather dense.”

Your eyes narrowed; arms now crossed over your chest and very clearly unimpressed with his cruel words towards the wizard. “You done?” Astarion’s smirk fell slightly at your sharp tone, his centuries worth of skill faltering when faced with the rather real possibility that he was ruining the only good relationship he had ever had. Fear crept in, Astarion unable to stop his intrusive thoughts from taking over his already compromised mind. He had been afraid of losing things before, things like his freedom, his food, his life. Never before though had he been so scared of losing another person before. He didn’t like it, the panic making his throat feel tight and his hands twitch in some sort of aborted need to touch you. To wrap his arms around you and pull you tight against him, refusing to let you go ever again.

Astarion swallowed noticeably, trying to force the lump that was forming in his throat down. Scoffing, he adjusted his stance, making sure he looked as casual and unbothered by all this as he could. “I don’t know what you are talking about darling. All I did was save you from having to suffer through Gale’s rather pitiful attempts of seduction.” They really had been atrocious, awkward to, like the man didn’t have a suave bone in his body. You hadn’t needed to be subjected to that and lucky enough for you Astarion had been there to chase the cretin off. Unless, of course, you hadn’t wanted the wizard gone.

“Astarion,” your voice was thick with warning, the muscles in your jaw visible twitching as you clenched your teeth. Foolishly though, Astarion didn’t listen. He was on a roll, his anger and jealousy in full force as he let his emotions taint his words. “But if you’re into tragic little magicians who are already hopelessly in love with a goddess then please, accept my sincerest apology for disturbing you.”

“Astarion.”

“Though if you are planning on slipping into his bedroll tonight might I suggest you get him to cast a silencing spell beforehand. I doubt any of us want to hear him grunting like a stuck pig. Oh, and maybe get yourself a healing balm. I would imagine that beard of his would leave an awful rash between your le…”

“That’s enough!”

Astarion’s mouth snapped shut at your angry outburst. He wouldn’t be surprised if they had heard you back at camp, having shouted loud enough to cut through his rude and somewhat crude words. You looked so angry, shoulders tenses and hands curled into fists at your sides. He had seen you angry before, all righteous fury on the battlefield and smouldering hatred when pretending amongst the absolute. You had never been angry at him before though. Annoyed and suspicious yes but never angry, not even when you had awoken to him hovering over you, mouth open wide and fangs glistening as he practically salivated over how perfect you would taste on his tongue. He hadn’t thought it possible for you to look at him in such a way, but it seemed he had been mistaken because there you were, eyes dark and dangerous as you watched him intently, waiting for him to do or say something but for once Astarion found himself at a loss, his quick wit and sharp tongue failing him spectacularly.

You sighed loudly when it became clear that he wouldn’t be the first to break the tense silence, your shoulders slumping and the stench of pain and disappointment thickening in the air. “Look, I don’t know why you’re being like this or what you think you're going to accomplish here but I can’t do this with you anymore.” You sounded tired, heartbroken even and Astarion felt his own chest tighten in response. Some part of him had known it was coming, that things had been too good to be true, but it still hurt none the less. Even more so knowing that he only had himself to blame, but who had he been trying to fool? Someone like you was never going to find their happy ever after with the likes of him. After all he was just a broken and twisted monster with nothing to his name apart from the trail of pain and suffering he had left behind him. He had been delusional to think this thing between you could be anything more than the tentative and somewhat convenient friendship you had allowed it to be.

“Well,” he said stupidly, not really knowing what to say, “best I not keep you then.” Astarion stepped back slightly, angling his body to create a space for you to slip through and make your way back to camp and most likely right back into Gale’s open arms. Shame and rejection burned heavy in his heart, so much so that Astarion couldn’t bear to even look at you. He turned his head to the side, his eyes slipping closed as he waited for you to move past him. He heard you sigh, the rustle of fabric as you moved and the slight crunch of grass under your booted feet as you slowly made your way towards him.

He felt so alone, a pathetic and useless mess of a man as he let you slip through his fingers like grains of sand. It had been so easy to begin with, all charming smiles and flowery compliments that had you practically glowing under his attention. It had all been an act then, a means to an end that was supposed to keep him safe and protected within your close circle of confidants and friends. He had planned it all out but the one thing he hadn’t taken into consideration was, well, you and now he was left with nothing to show for his efforts other than a few tainted memories and the knowledge that he had been the one to drive you away into the arms of another man. He truly was incapable of doing anything right, just like Cazador had always said he was. A beautiful idiot.

A gentle hand cupped his cheek and Astarion startled, his head whipping round as his hand shot out to curl around your wrist, preventing you from moving it away or any closer. You were smiling softly at him but there was nothing happy about it, the sadness crystal clear in your eyes. Astarion could taste your unshed tears, see them clinging to your eyelashes. He wanted to reach out, to gently run his thumbs under your eyes and wipe away the tears as he whispered his apology, but he had never been good at admitting he had been wrong or even saying he was sorry. He hated that you were looking at him like he had broken you but despite how badly he wanted to take it all back the words wouldn’t come. So instead, the two of you just stood there, staring at one another and waiting for someone to do or say something to break the silence that felt like it was going to suffocate him.

Your shoulders slump, the sad little smile you had been supporting slipping into a frown. He can see it in your eyes, see you searching for the right thing to say and Astarion wants nothing more than to run before you get the chance to break his heart before you had even known it was yours to shatter. He’s moving your hand back towards you and already stepping away when he stills, your words nothing but a whisper but they seemed like a shout to him. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t think he would be able to keep the confusion off his face even if he had tried.

He doesn’t understand. Are you apologising for ending things between the two of you? Not that either of you had actually put a name to what the two of you were doing. Maybe you were apologising for turning your fondness towards Gale? It hurt, more than Astarion would ever admit to, but he had expected something like this to happen, waiting for the moment you got bored of the pretty little elf and moved on. That’s all he was. Something to pass the time with that looked good both in and out of his clothes and knew how to leave their partner satisfied. No one has ever given him an apology before, not that he can remember anyway, and he doesn’t know what to do with one now that you had whispered it so sweetly to him. Astarion doesn’t understand you or this entire situation and it frustrates him to no end because how is he supposed to react in a way that will please you if he has no clue what you are even trying to do here?

His grip on your wrist had gone lose whilst he panicked externally and without him keeping you at bay you easily put your hand back on his cheek. Your warm, so much warmer than him and it feels so much like being bathed in sunlight to feel you against him. Despite knowing better Astarion can’t help but turn into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed as he basked in your sunlight. What was the harm in enjoying this for just a second longer? Astarion was a selfish creature at heart, and you would be gone soon enough, so why not? Why not take this one thing for himself. Just this once. Just this.

“Astarion.” He doesn’t want to look at you. To look at you would be to acknowledge that this confusing and all consuming thing between the two of you was over. He doesn’t want that. Wants to hold onto you for just that little bit longer. You are insistent though, using your hand on his cheek to turn his head towards you and no matter how much he wishes to prolong this moment Astarion knows that isn’t his choice to make. So he looks, opening his eyes and meeting yours, waiting for you to throw him away just like everyone else had.

@mangomonk @skittleabyss @i-cant-get-into-my-other-account @atsv-obsession @duckyhowls @tamwritesstuff @unrestrictedbyreality @dinstailor @vhaldren @ammistorm @aoirohi

I think that’s everyone! Please do let me know if I have missed anyone though and if you want to be tagged in the third and final part!

[luveline]

Congrats on 40k Jade! Also hi, I hope you're having a great day (I'm really nervous this is my first time sending in a request I'm so sorry if I sound weird)

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐨𝐤 —send me a hurt/comfort request for any reader and any character and I'll write a ficlet, 2k or less

Can I request a reader that has a bit of a temper and got told that no one would like her because of it so she's a bit insecure about herself? My favourite character is James so maybe with him or with Remus whichever you prefer (and they reassure her and it's awesome because your writing is just so awesome)

Congrats again <3

luveline's 40k party ☆ thank you so much, you didn't sound weird at all dw ♡ fem!reader

The day has been long, your feet dragging up the steps to Remus' flat. His door sticks and the only radiator that doesn't need bleeding is the one in his bedroom, so it's cold, and you're irked. You kick out of your pinching shoes and hang your jacket up, which falls on the floor. You pick it up and it falls again. Huffing, you put it on the sideboard and trudge down the hallway to Remus bedroom. 

"Hello, my lovely," he says without looking up. 

There's a notebook in his lap. He's wearing his reading glasses. If you were in a better mood you'd try to distract him by laying across his thighs. As it stands, you're fucking exhausted. You flop down in his bed and curl towards him where he's sitting against the headboard. 

"Tired?" he asks. 

"Mm." Tired isn't the right word, but the right word makes people cringe at you. 

Today has been awful and you hate the part of you that wants to rail about it. You can't help how you feel; this anger glows molten. It makes you hate yourself, which irks you worse. You grab one of his pillows and pull it against your chest to squeeze it until your arms hurt. 

"Bad day?" he asks, pen scratching.

You exhale. "A bit," you say into the pillowcase. 

"Sorry, dovey," he says. There's the sound of paper leaves catching against one another and the clink of a pen put away. "What did you say? I needed to finish writing that edit down before I forgot."

You're not mad at him in particular but your voice comes out tightly strung anyhow, "I said it was a bit of a bad day."

Remus hears your tone and refuses to skirt around the issue. Not from a want to be confrontational, but a direct way of going about things. "What, are you mad at me?" 

"No," you say, turning away from him. 

"You seem mad." 

"I think I am." 

"Well, now you don't sound mad," he says, dipping down to talk into the back of your neck. "Now you sound upset. Have I upset you?" 

"No, Remus," you say. Mad to sad to mad again, your shoulder and spine ache with rigidity. 

All his questions didn't make you mad, but you were mad to begin with, and so what might usually be very normal turns to irritating. In the moment, you've no hope of controlling it, and, not wanting to further subject Remus to any misdirected annoyance, you shuffle out of his reach. "I just need a minute," you say. 

Remus is used to your temper, though you often worry he'll grow tired of you and your big moods and throw in the towel. You count useless numbers in your head and curl your fists into balls until your bones feel like they're too big for your skin, wanting to deal with it alone. 

A minute or two later and Remus reaches for your side. "I was trying to lighten the mood, and it wasn't my best work," he says, tip of his thumb drawing semi circles into your shirt. 

Remus taking the blame for your emotions has you frowning, rabbit-holing into twisting thoughts. He's always been good for you and good to you, accepting of your short fuse. He's not always sunshine and lollipops himself. But, he's not angry half as often as you are. Does that bother him? People have said to you before that your temper will be the ruining of a good thing, that Remus won't want to deal with it. And it makes sense. 

You don't want to deal with it either. You don't really feel like you have much choice when it comes to being mad. 

"Sorry," you mumble. 

Mattress springs groan as he leverages himself closer to you. Familiar, his hand sneaks under your shirt to tickle the soft roll of your stomach. He draws a slow and winding line with no end nor goal in mind, uncaring of the pouch you get laying down. Remus doesn't really care about anything that could be marked superficial. It's one of the many reasons that he's markedly the best person you know; he loves everything that you hate about yourself without hesitation. Like your anger. 

"Do you want to set a rule?" he asks. 

"Pardon?"

"Humour me. Let's make a condition before we have this conversation." Remus stops drawing to slide his hand between your hip and the mattress, hugging you to him. "I'll assume you're not mad at me even if you sound angry, and you can assume I don't mind." 

"Do you mind?" you ask. 

"Well, I don't love when you're angry, but I know it isn't at me so it won't matter." 

Reassured enough to face him, you meet his eyes. 

"I know I have a tendency to make it sound like I'm angry at you when I'm really mad at someone else," you say. 

"That's not true. And I ask, don't I? If I think you're mad at me?" Remus' already dulcet voice drops to a murmur, words said slowly and with as much care as a person can put into words alone, "I don't know why you feel like you're such a bad person for being angry." 

"Because it's all the time," you say. Your throat burns with the effort that it takes to stay intelligible. 

"It's not all the time." 

"It's often, and it's not fair to you." 

"It's not fair to take it out on other people, and I promise you I'd let you know if you were doing that. So… could you just tell me why you're mad? Without worrying I'll take it personally." 

"It's not about taking it personally, I don't want you to take it personally, but it's just– it's just ugly, isn't it?" 

Remus frowns. "Honestly? I don't think so. You have to be angry sometimes. Everyone gets angry and those feelings need somewhere to go, or it'll eat you up inside and make you bitter instead. Like… okay, he'll forgive me for telling you this, but Sirius used to get into these awful angry tirades where he'd shout at nothing, you know? And I hated seeing him do it, but I wasn't sitting there thinking he was ugly for it. I just kind of hated that something was able to occupy him so heavily. And that's how I feel about it when it happens to you, dove." 

"He used to?" you ask, the bridge of your nose flat to his knee. 

"Yeah, he did." Remus pushes your shoulder flat to the bed beneath you and leans in to give you a kiss. The corner of your mouth takes the brunt of it. 

"Did you kiss him like this, or–" 

Remus laughs and hugs you, "A discussion for another day," he murmurs. He gives you a last kiss and squeeze and then sits up. "So shout at me." 

"I don't want to shout at you." 

"You know what I mean. Tell me what pissed you off today." 

"Are you sure?" you ask. 

"Yeah, I'm sure, I like the way your eyes look anyways, when you get riled up." Remus finds your hand to hold. "Tell me, dove. I'll be angry with you."

[curvykittyyssmutfics]

corrupt!Toji

A/N: this is obviously a bit dark seeing as that's who Toji is. Can only imagine what corrupt!Toji would get into..

corrupt!Toji is whole different species. Not really a vessel per se.. The curse wasn't strong enough to posses him; Toji completely consumed the entity. But clearly it didn't agree with him. Fuckin guy was more abrasive and aggressive than ever. "Toji, stop! Let em go. He didn't mean it that way and you know it!" You yank at Toji, who's currently got his son pinned to a wall outside the school. He looks at you, large hand locked round Megumi's throat squeezin as he dangles him a few feet from the ground. "Yeah? Is that what I know? Think I only know what I can see.. And what I saw was this lil spit fucks hands wrap round your waist. My waist." Toji turns back to Megumi, who's gasping for air and clawing at his hold. "Now in my opinon, sounds like someone has a fuckin death wish, but.. I dont think y/n would ever forgive me if I killed my own spawn." The way he sneers the last word sends shivers up your spine. Toji slams his fist into Megumi's gut before tossin him to the ground like a rag. "So a warning will have ta suffice: hands off on what belongs to me or.. Die." Poor boy's left gasping in the dirt, clutching his stomache as Toji drags you away by your arm. "And you.. I think you love pissin me off. Gonna teach you some fuckin manners, y/n."

corrupt!Toji only loves one thing as much as he loves you: money. He'll do anything for it but ofcourse usually just sticks to assassination. And Toji doesn't care what you think about his line of work. "How long will you be gone this time?" In nothing but a silk robe, hands on your hips, watchin him pack to leave on yet another murderous voyage. "Don't fuckin start, woman." Doesn't even bother lookin up from his duffel as he growls at you. "I'm not startin anything. Just wanna know when you'll be done slicing up innocent civilians." That makes your deranged ass man toss his head back, laughing way too fuckin hard. "I don't kill civilians, y/n. Where's the fuckin fun in that?" Your eyes narrow at his back. "You're a fuckin monster." He stands before he's nose to nose with you in half a second. "And yet.. You don't leave." He makes you so nervous yet arousal starts to creep through, pussy clenchin once at the way his eyes trail from yours down your body slowly. "Can't leave is more like it. Think we both know you'd never let that happen." Toji kneels, lifting your leg to his shoulder. You fist at his hair, robe falling open as he grips your waist to hold you steady and hums in agreement at your words. "Tomato, tomato." He says before suckin your clit between his lips.

corrupt!Toji is a master manipulator that takes pride in your submission. Loves to trick you into thinkin you've wronged him so he can put you in your place: Waking up from your nap startled from a pressure over mouth; a muscled arm scoops you up and turns you on your belly, unyielding pecs plastered against your back and holding you to the bed. He's naked and hard against you, precum formin a wet spot on the back of your skimpy satin black nightgown. "You think I forgot what you did? What you let him do to you?" Toji"s snarl at your ear is just as disorienting as his misdirected anger. He's been gone on his trip for almost two weeks and you had no idea he'd be back today. Definitely didn't know Toji would come home upset. It's you who should be angry at how he's behaving but apologies bubble from your lips instead, even before you know what's going on. "Shut the fuck up. Not gonna let you play that innocent shit with me this time." Toji's hand leaves your mouth to reach around and squeeze your throat. Cock twitchin against your ass listening to you pant and whine. "Fuckin let him hug you y/n. What's next? Gonna let my son fuck you? Hm?" You shake your head no, scratching at his grip and gasping for air. "Lying fuckin slut. Know you want him. And there's no way he or any of those weaklings could ever resist you. So how bout this?" Toji's free hand slides over your ass, slapping each cheek before dipping lower to play in your slit. Your moist, and more importantly.. Hating yourself for starting to get wet. "I'm gonna fuck you in front of my son. Show him that he'll never get a taste of the best pussy that's ever gifted this wretched world. Then maybe I'll think about forgiving you." He leans back, using his grip on your throat to toss you on your back. It's then your able look upside down at see Megumi, bruised and gagged, tied to a chair. He stares at you, completely incapacitated. You know instantly he won't be able to esape himself. "Toji! Y-you can't! He's your-" Smack! Your head snaps to the side from the impact of his slap, tears welling up in your y/e/c eyes. Toji grabs your jaw and forces you to look back at him. "I can do whatever I fuckin want. You really got some nerve." He stands up and walks to the foot of the bed, snatching you up by your hair. Points his dick at your red cheek as he strokes nice and slow. Megumi weakly struggles to break free, wants to save you but feels so helpless. "Tell me your sorry- mmmfuck.. And I might not kill your little friend." "I'm sorry Toji! So sorry. Shouldn't have l-let anyone touch me.. Know better.." Toji speeds up his short firm strokes, moaning and pullin you closer to his cock. "And why is that?" "Cause I'm yours. Tojis p-property." "Good giiiirl!" Toji groans, slipping the head of his dick between your lips and cumming with a grunt of your name. Thinks he might've cum more than usual when he notices how hard Megumi is. Wonders if you notice. Then again, how could you? You're too busy pressin your thighs together, clit throbbing as he spurts across your tongue twice. Then Toji"s pullin out, huffin as he finishes nuttin on your face. Three strong blasts that shower you in thick white drops. Both men groan at the sight, the latter leaning to kiss and lick at your lips. Megumi is so torn: wants to save you from your vile boyfriend but so entranced with your absolute submission. You on the other hand are burning with shame, cum dripping from your face to the sheets. Not at all surprised when Toji's nasty ass sucks some up and spits into your mouth. "Hold it. Lemme see.. Good girl. Now, before I fuck you.. Go give your BFF a nice sweet kiss." He's pure evil, smiling sinisterly when you get up without a word and make your way to Megumi. He's lookin up at you with wide eyes, swallowing hard as his gaze drops to you cum slicked mouth. "Sorry, Gumi." You whisper, holding at his shoulders as you bend to press your lips to his gagged mouth.

[just-prime]

Tales of Squandered Potential

Oh hello again everyone who follows me for my Star Wars ranting!

So! Tales of the Empire. The Hat Man is at it again.

Episodes 1-3 : The Path of Boredom

As expected, all of the Morgan stuff was not my thing. She was boring in Ahsoka, she was boring here. The entirety of the three episodes just hammered home "this lady is angry" in a way that felt overdone because there is no arc. There's no growth, no interest, no nothing. It all just feels like Filoni trying to retroactively make his one dimensional character that gets killed off in the stupidest way possible feel super badass. However because we know that she gets killed in the stupidest way possible, everything falls flat and none of it feels earned. It also doesn't actually answer any of the many many questions that Ahsoka raised about her. She's just there, standing in front of a fire. That's all she does.

Thrawn is there for all of about two seconds, and every moment of it is painful, because here's the thing. WE KNOW WHAT THRAWN WAS UP TO AT THIS TIME!!! We have the book that explains all of Thrawn's many exploits as an admiral. This is only more evidence for the idea that Filoni has never actually picked up any of the canon Thrawn books. Which we kinda already knew, but this is all but confirmation. As I've previously said, and will continue saying, Filoni needs to contextualize Thrawn as a 100% big bad otherwise his Heir to the Empire fanfilm won't actually feel earned, so he is systematically destroying any and all nuance that Thrawn has had to make sure that new viewers only ever see him as an unredeemable evil.

And I know that there are a lot of you out there who are holding out for the possibility that this is all a misdirect by Thrawn! That this is all part of his grand plan to go back and help the Ascendency, and that he's lying to everyone about his intentions. But the sad truth is that Filoni doesn't give a rats ass about anything other than cartoonishly evil Thrawn which means we're never getting Eli, or Karyn, or Hammerly or any of the characters from the six fantastic canon books that Timothy Zahn so lovingly created. That was made very clear with Filoni's prioritization of Admiral Pellaeon, who for those who don't know is actually in the new canon Thrawn books too! He wasn't just left behind in Legends, Zahn brought him back into canon too! But again, being the Legends fanboy that he is, Filoni doesn't care about where Pellaeon should be canonically, so instead he's just shoehorned into the episode for no other reason then Filoni likes him.

Episodes 4-6 : The Barriss Content

Soooooo, why didn't Barriss get a full fucking season to herself??? I get the idea behind the 15 minute episodes, but it really makes it hard to tell any sort of cohesive story. It works far better as a snapshot of a couple of days in someone's life. So unfortunately, while I did enjoy them, Barriss's episodes felt really rushed and I found it really hard to tell when things took place. How long was she at the Inquisitor training center? Was it a day? Was it a month? Really would have been interested in actually seeing the inner workings but it all has to get brushed over in favor of her becoming an Inquisitor. A seemingly intentionally not named Inquisitor which makes me feel like they've run out of early Inquisitor names. Unless there's a trial period before you get a proper number? I don't know it was just one of those things that niggled at me. Another thing that niggled at me (which was also mentioned by the wonderful artist @stealingpotatoes, go give her art some love) is that her design is kinda boring as fuck? Like, you have Birdy-Mc-Skullface right there with such a neat design and yet all Barriss gets is a motorcycle helmet with very slight voice modulation.

But I digress. The fact that Barriss commits herself to the Inquisitorium via a ritualized fight to the death, and then goes "wait, the red light saber wielding, all black wearing, Darth Vader serving inquisitors aren't here to help people?" before immediately bailing is so funny to me. This girl cannot for the life of her commit herself to an organization without becoming disillusioned within 1-3 business days.

I'm not sure how I feel about it all being about Lyn? I was very much rooting for her to totally die in the ice shafts instead of what felt like a very last minute redemption arc?

Though speaking of the last episode...HOLY SHIT OLD BARRISS IS FUCKING HOT. *coughs* Excuse me. Anyway. I would have loved to see more of what happened in between eps 5 and 6. Seeing how she and the jedi kid escaped the planet, and where the two of them did after than in the very hostile Empire would have been a facinating story watch play out. Also, who is this female friend that Barriss is referring to when she sends the child away? Is it Ahsoka??? If it is...WHY WOULD YOU NOT SHOW US THAT REUNION??? Like I get the whole point of this is to set up Barriss to make the jump to live action like every single other Filoni character is curseddestined to do, but also you've had people waiting years to find out what happened to Barriss and it feels like they burned their biggest story possibility on a throwaway reference. Did she find Ahsoka? Did Ahsoka find her? When did they find each other? Was it pre-Rebellion? Was it after Ahsoka was already functioning as Fulcrum? Given that we now know the Fulcrum name originated from Anakin, did Barriss recognize the name and seek this mystery person out? I don't know it just feels again like more wasted potential.

Final Thoughts

Fuck this animation is good now! Can we get a new writer?

Like, even for the shit I was annoyed by, the entire show just looks fabulous. It makes me really really wish that ANYONE other than Filoni could make content in this style. Let the writers of Jedi: Fallen Order and Survivor do a Merrin episode or a baby Cal episode. Or the people doing The Acolyte, let them do Tales of the High Republic! Let anyone other than Filoni have a chance to create within the world of Star Wars animated content.

[petrifiedperi-au]

Holy ok ok ok so I just read your dev having trouble with being around Cosmo and Wanda but I bring you a different approach. What if he is mad at them! Trying to shift some of this huge amount of guilt because at least he went to Peri! His own parents left him alone to die. (I can’t remember if you said if they actually knew where he was or not)

Oh lordy oh ok gewze imagine Dev having this moment of realising he has something in common with Peri because he sees his parents as neglecting him. How sad would that make Dev? To realise how much guff he gave Peri cause he thought Peri couldnt relate at all. So he pushed him away but then thinking how wrong he was and how Peri did understand. (Even though we know cosmo and wanda are nothing like Dale and really did love Peri just saw a different priority) but the potent agnst of Dev having a miss understanding of it. Everytime Peri tries to deny it Dev relates. Everytime Cosmo and Wanda gush over Peri makes Dev fume because he sees it as all a show. He thinks he knows how it is behind closed doors. Even if hes actually wrong. It could really help them bond. Until Dev finally sees hes wrong and it’s gonna make a huge rift between them as he blames Peri for pretending to have a bad relationship with his parents. Probably saying it was to “mock” Dev or something.

On another note. Do you think Peri would actually be upset that his parents decided to save fairyworld instead? Maybe rationally he tells himself it was the better choice. That it was what ended up bringing him back. It was what saved all the other fairies who take priority. Hes just one guy. But thats still gonna hurt. Knowing your own parents can and have picked the masses over you. Knowing you arent worth the world to them. Of course he wouldnt actually expect them to choose him but maybe deep down he wanted them to? Idk im loosing it cause I just got off ruff 12hr shift at work lol.

Hope this isnt too off the money for your au I just really enjoy angst

~hollys fairy hell

[AU info here!]

OOOOHHH... THIS IS INTERESTING. WHILE C&W DIDN'T KNOW THAT PERI DIED, DEV BEING ANGRY BECAUSE OF THAT IS... OUGH. I think it DOES check out, actually. Feeling angry that they didn't even KNOW their son died, the blame being shifted to help ease the guilt... IT MAKES SENSE, AND IT'S IN CHARACTER.

He's seen their relationship before, and he knows that they're all such a genuinely happy family, and that makes him feel not ONLY GUILTIER, but MORE FRUSTRATED, MORE ANGRY. Their own son DIED, in front of HIM, and they DON'T EVEN KNOW.

HEAR ME OUT... DEV NOT KNOWING THAT C&W DON'T KNOW UNTIL PERI MENTIONS IT. Him assuming that they ALREADY told their parents, and that's why he was absent for a few days. THE GUILT SHIFTING INTO A MISDIRECTED ANGER ONCE PERI MENTIONS THAT THEY DON'T KNOW AND THAT THEY WANT TO KEEP IT FROM THEM... of COURSE, the guilt is still there, but it blends in with the other feelings and it's a Very Complicated Feeling Soup.

THE MISUNDERSTANDING IDEA IS NEAT... AND IN-CHARACTER. I don't know for SURE how I'd implement it [because my brain is very picky about the things I add, and I am too...], make it go, and ALL those good, delicious, juicy things, BUT BUT it will go on the backburner of thoughts. Specifics would probably just come to me randomly at 2 am like they have been lately gHDLSHSLHD 😭

WITH THE LAST PART... PERI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED SPECIFICALLY. He was DEAD, after all, and SURE, he'd probably find out via things being talked about, BUT, GENERALLY, I DON'T THINK THEY ADDRESS OR THINK ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

Hazel's Wish fixed EVERYTHING that happened in the episode, and I talk about how the whole Millio Wishes Thing worked here, actually! I have a vague idea of how things go with Peri after they come back, but I don't have any set in stone ideas yet/there's no established timeline. I think... THEY don't even know at first, they're just confused at the fuzzy gaps in their memory and then, once they get a closer look at themself and the GHOST thing happens [when they're alone] and all that... THEN they put details together and realize they They Fucking Died.

WHICH... PERI DOESN'T UNPACK THAT. NOT MUCH, ANYWAY. The finale ends as usual, with the motorcycles and all that— that's BEFORE he realizes there might be something off. DO YOU GET ME... LIKE...

THE ENDING ESTABLISHES THAT THINGS ARE OK AND NORMAL BUT THEN AFTER THE EPISODE, THEY GO BACK TO THEIR HOUSE/ROOM/C&W'S HOUSE [ALONE] AND THEN THAT IS WHEN HE KIND OF REALIZES HE FEELS OFF AND WEIRD. AND... OUGH. YEAH.

SORRY I'M... GETTING OFF TRACK. I don't think he'd be upset, not in that way, at least, given the circumstances. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE OR IF IT'S JUST WORD SOUP I'M SO SORRY I JUST WOKE UP LIKE AN HOUR AGO. I am throwing words at the wall and hoping they make sense HDJDDGKDDUI 😭

[my-mt-heart]

Thoughts on TBOC Trailer

I'm issuing another trigger warning (for mention of abuse) and another gentle reminder that if you're happy with the trailer, then I’m genuinely happy for you. This post will not resonate with you though, so I encourage you to keep scrolling or to just block me. I really won't be offended. If you aren't happy with the trailer or you're still processing the trailer, well, let's talk about it...

There are three major issues for me. The first is the way it positions the story as Daryl's despite all the promises offscreen that it would be Carol's story this season. He gets the first appearance, the name drop, and the spotlight in 90% of the shots while Carol's side of things is like an undercurrent. I love Daryl. I love that he has his own spinoff to explore his character more deeply, but this is supposed to be Carol's spinoff equally. She may not have been marketed as much as Daryl has been over the years, but her popularity and Melissa's critical acclaim have more than earned the same amount of narrative space that Daryl has. Her being sidelined in S11 and then removed entirely from the Caryl spinoff upset an entire fanbase.

Finding out about Carol's/Melissa's return on the other hand offset that pain and started generating (organic) buzz for the show, so it baffles me that AMC wouldn't keep following that path to maximize viewership. If TBOC really is Carol's story, and I'm not saying she won't end up having the most screentime, why wouldn't they want to sell that to the Carol/Caryl fans who left, the Carol/Caryl fans who feel uncertain about the storytelling (hi 👋) and the GA who love Carol, but may not realize she's back because all the media coverage keeps leaving out "TBOC" and using Daryl as the thumbnail? When you have something amazing, like Melissa's acting and Carol's story development and Caryl's chemistry, then it only makes sense to show it off. But instead, the positioning triggered my fear of Carol being sidelined again, of her being treated as insignificant to Daryl's story and the story overall. Whether that's valid or irrational, it's still not the visceral reaction I want to have when I thought I was being treated to the epic return of the character who taught me everything I know about resilience and strength.

My second issue is the heavy-handed positioning of Daryl, Isabelle, and Laurent as a nuclear family, not just when Daryl tells Laurent that he and Isabelle want to take him to America, but the classic American image right after that of the three of them playing baseball together. Whether it's a misdirect or not—I'm having a hard time figuring out which to be honest because I know Zabel and Nicotero are more than capable of taking it in a direction that might seem wildly absurd from our POV—I'm very uncomfortable with any representation of Daryl in a manipulative relationship/friendship/nun-ship, especially if the manipulation isn't going to be addressed. And I don't expect it to be addressed going off of what Zabel and Norman have been saying about Daryl needing to open up his heart to his new family.

I have to refrain from giving out any personal details about myself on my blog, but I'll share this because I think it provides important context for my position on Daryl and Isabelle (trigger warning). I was terrified of my dad when I was a kid. He wasn't a monster like Ed or Daryl's dad, but when he was angry—and he was angry a lot—he was mean and loud and destructive. That was my frame of reference for how men naturally behave, for almost all of my adolescent life. When I started watching TWD, I recognized some of my dad's worst qualities in Daryl at first, but then Daryl grew in ways my dad never could. He overcame his predisposition as an angry redneck because he "opened up his heart" to Carol and saved all of the violence/aggression for killing zombies and fighting villains (usually). When Isabelle accused him of being like his dad to get him to stay in France (106), it cut deep because Daryl isn't anything like his dad. He's not an abuser. He's not selfish. He doesn't abandon anyone or intentionally hurt the people he cares about. He's the male role model I never had. A man of honor who deserves to be loved by someone who sees that without a doubt. Carol sees that. She was the first person to help him nurture that, whereas Isabelle keeps him in the cycle of abuse by gaslighting him into becoming a father figure to a kid he barely knows. So unless the EPs are telling a clear story about that, which they aren't, they're just glorifying toxic/abusive relationships.

Caryl is the relationship that fans have invested in for more than a decade. It's one of the most iconic relationships on television for a reason. They represent hope for their fans, some having endured hardships in their own lives similar to Daryl's and Carol's. Their fans seek comfort in a love story between two damaged, middle-aged people who thought they couldn't heal from their trauma and thought they weren’t worthy of love. Their fans have every right to expect Caryl-centric storytelling in a show that's being marketed as a Caryl show (see AMC's hashtags), especially considering they've had to wait more than two years after some assholes underestimated Melissa's value to the franchise.

I personally went into SDCC wanting to know what I could look forward to for Caryl's shared arc in addition to their individual arcs. I think a lot of people did judging by all the questions they dropped on AMC's/TWD's social media accounts leading up to the con. Side note: All of those questions were ignored in favor of questions geared toward TWD fanboys. We only got the tease at the very end of the trailer, and that tease doesn't tell us anything new. Only that, once again, it's Daryl's story and Carol is in the periphery. We already know Caryl are going to reunite. We've known for over a year and even for those who don't track filming updates, it's not a difficult conclusion to come to. The trailer can't spoil how and when and what happens after, but it can show us how Daryl and Carol remain spiritually tethered despite being physically separated. It didn't do that. It played on anxieties instead of desires, which is both tiresome and unethical.

My last issue, which we've been talking about for a while now, is the excessive friendship positioning. Yes, Daryl's and Carol's bond is rooted in a deep friendship. No, it doesn't mean they can't also be romantic. But when that word shows up in every tweet, every synopsis, and every interview, it's not only deliberate, it's targeting a specific viewership and judging by Melissa's mandated (yeah, mandated) use of it as well, I think it's less about telling Caryl fans to set their expectations (AMC thinks we're already guaranteed viewers), and more about trying to appeal to dudebros/fanboys, which is ridiculous because those fans aren't going to invest long-term anyway, not without a catalyst for more Rick stories and action-adventure stories that aren’t in Zabel's wheelhouse. It's just going to make a portion of the fanbase who will invest long-term less hopeful for what they want, plus erase the romantic potential for the GA to see. It's obviously not wrong for AMC to try to maximize their viewership. It is wrong to invalidate the profitable viewership that they have in the process. I have no idea if the show intends to surprise Caryl fans with canon by the end of the season or if certain EPs will get their way, but I do know I can't make any sense of a platonic friendship for Caryl. Insisting on that would be a huge retcon for me. A dealbreaker, as I’ve always said.

AMC started off on the right track with the very first teaser we got, showcasing the significance of Caryl's relationship in the tagline, "To find home is to find each other.” The SDCC trailer feels like we've taken three giant steps backward. I came out of it feeling like the story Zabel, Nicotero, and some faction of AMC want to tell isn't for me, that my favorite characters aren't for me unless I'm willing to forfeit my understanding of them to make the fanboys and certain EPs feel justified in their biases. It doesn’t feel good.

That’s all of my SDCC coverage for now. I appreciate everyone for giving me the space to voice my honest opinions. It might be a buzzkill, but it’s the only way for AMC to properly assess what’s working and what’s not working for their audience 🤷🏻‍♀️

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Ahmed Baba:

In September, I was with Democratic canvassers in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. I gave an anti-disinformation lecture to volunteers and spoke to voters. One encounter I had with a Trump supporter shifted my perspective. I’ll never forget it. A canvasser and I knocked on the door of an 80-year-old man who appeared to live alone. He was furious before we even got a word out. Luckily, the awesome woman I was at the door with was as committed to remaining calm as I was while this man unleashed an avalanche of right-wing conspiracy theories. He pointed at us, yelling, “You Democrats are ruining this country!” among other things. I tried to de-escalate the situation because I felt that immediately walking away would only further trigger him. His energy gave the impression he might follow us. As we heard him out, something remarkable happened. He began to rage about President Biden’s withdrawal from Afghanistan and said, “I’m a veteran.” Tears began to fill his eyes. He talked about how he felt this country had failed people like him. His fury was a mask for his sadness.

At that moment, I felt a surge of empathy. I realized that underneath all of his conspiracism was unprocessed pain manifesting itself in misdirected anger - anger that was being exploited by Donald Trump and the Republican Party. Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how that lonely, angry man was a microcosm of unaddressed pain within America. Like any unhealed trauma, if avoided, it will manifest itself in destructive ways. After Trump’s win, I thought back to that moment and began ruminating about how something feels fundamentally off in the way many Americans have been behaving in recent years, especially online. Empathy feels like a rarity, assumptions of bad faith from others appear to be the norm, and nuance is almost impossible to capture in discussions.

Earlier this week, I sent out a post that read, “I really think the collective trauma of the pandemic broke a lot of Americans in a way we haven’t fully reckoned with.” To my surprise, this simple message popped off on Twitter, Threads, and Bluesky, garnering about 850k views and thousands of people agreeing with the sentiment. Given how profoundly that post resonated with people, I thought I’d examine this theory more closely. Over 1 million Americans have died of COVID-19, and we have no national COVID Memorial Day where we mourn the dead as a country. After the shutdowns and intense period of collective isolation ended, we were all just expected to get back to “normal.” Adults had their lives put on pause, and many haven’t been able to rebuild. Children lost key education and socialization time. And, of course, there are the literal costs that rose due to inflation amid the pandemic recovery. Meanwhile, conspiracy theories about the pandemic, egged on by the former president who mismanaged the pandemic in the first place, sought to sow distrust in our institutions and each other.

Couple these pandemic developments with the racial justice protests of the Summer of 2020 and the Trump Administration’s cruel response, and you have a year riddled with trauma. Have we fully reckoned with this? I don’t think so. Of course, simply stating the pandemic alone is to blame for how broken society feels would be overly simplistic. The psychological and physiological trauma of the pandemic merely worsened the pre-existing conditions of the American psyche.

In the post-9/11 era, we live in a world plagued by the consequences of President W. Bush’s unjustified invasion of Iraq based on a lie. Americans justifiably lost trust in the federal government. That war destabilized a region, killed hundreds of thousands, displaced millions, and led to a mass migration that altered the politics of countries around the world. Then, the 2008 financial crisis further deepened that mistrust and damaged the lives of Americans economically. Trump rose amid the ashes of those events, and the racial backlash of the election of Barack Obama, and then came the pandemic. After the pandemic, we've seen higher levels of distrust, isolation, and fear - the data backs this up. This created an environment where disinformation and polarization have continued to flourish. Trump, who has a unique talent for identifying flaws in society, shamelessly exploited and deepened these conditions.

[...]

The Pandemic’s Psychological Impact

The pandemic has had a deeper psychological impact on Americans than we fully realize. In 2023, the American Psychological Association (APA) sought to quantify how the pandemic affected the mental health of Americans. They published a survey titled Stress in America 2023: A Nation Recovering from Collective Trauma, which I’ve found to be the most significant poll analyzing the collective trauma of post-pandemic America.

It had a pretty sizable sample size of 3,185 respondents compared directly to their survey from 2019, so you could see results from both before and after the pandemic began. APA’s CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr. said of the survey, “The COVID-19 pandemic created a collective experience among Americans. While the early-pandemic lockdowns may seem like the distant past, the aftermath remains.” [...] These psychological shifts have made Americans more vulnerable to disinformation campaigns and fueled deeper political polarization. When people are in distress, they are more susceptible to manipulation. It’s why cult leaders prey on the vulnerable. You’ll often find that cult survivors will relay stories about how they were trying to find their purpose or just went through a really hard time before joining a cult. We see this happening a lot online and in our politics as our information ecosystem feeds people deception when they’re simply seeking community. In my article about how journalists should cover the Trump administration, I discussed how this disinformation age came to be. Even before COVID-19, our media consumption had become fragmented, and there were no longer universally agreed-upon facts. Our social media feeds are at the whim of corporate-engineered personalized algorithms that are designed to reinforce our preexisting biases and capture our attention at all costs - even if that cost is the truth. Gone are the days of the dominant Big Three networks - ABC, NBC, and CBS - and major newspapers delivering centralized news in the mid-1900s. Americans now receive their news from a wide array of sources, from podcasters to social media creators. The gatekeepers are gone. While this has created great opportunities for honest independent media to rise, the incentive structure of an internet dominated by the attention economy encourages shameless, lying grifters as well.

[...] During the pandemic, disinformation surged. Conspiracy theories targeting scientists ruled the internet and largely landed along party lines. Right-wing figures pushed anti-vaccine nonsense until vaccine mandates became politically toxic among Republican voters. Issues of public health became polarized, and we’re still dealing with that fallout today. [...] As I’ve often outlined, Trump’s primary talent has always come down to his ability to identify and shamelessly exploit the weaknesses in people, cultures, and systems. From his fraudulent business career to his presidency, Trump tapped into the darkest corners of the American psyche and brought them out to the forefront. Like the pandemic itself, Trump didn’t simply break America; he took advantage of its existing fractures and deepened them. Trump served as a mirror the country could peer into and see its flaws laid bare. The American people’s susceptibility to conspiracy theories and disinformation has noticeably increased since 2020. Trump has exploited this phenomenon by using fear-mongering lies and chaos to his advantage, turning post-pandemic fears into political fuel. Trump also utilized the racism, misogyny, and xenophobia in America - which has been a problem since America’s founding. He fear-mongered about migrants, specifically migrants of color, using dehumanizing language, trying to depict them all as criminals and animals. Trump and his allies used blatantly racist and sexist language to attack Vice President Kamala Harris.

Ahmed Baba has a solid article on how COVID and its effects led America to have collective trauma and the shattering of the already waning social trust.

[cancerianprincess]

Erik & Aniya: “Graduation”Blurb

A/N: Found this chillin in my notes from way back when—I’m glad I did. Needed a self-indulgent fic for the rescue tonight, seriously. Y’all enjoy 🤎

“I tried to tell you that wasn’t gon’ end well.”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Erik! You didn’t even make an effort to try and act civilized in front of my family today.”

“Hold on..” Erik couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “How you gone try and call me uncivilized when all I did was tell the truth, hm?”

This nigga was honestly finna make you blow a gasket. “You being for real right now?” You blinked at him. “You called my mom ‘a fake ass Claire Huxtable’!!!”

“Wrong.”

He paused while you looked at him, waiting to challenge your already growing irritation.

“What I said was: ‘she needs to chill out and stop acting like a fake-ass Claire Huxtable, with her condescending boujiee ass’!! That’s what I said.”

Jesus fix it, all you could do was pinch the bridge of your nose. “You say that like it’s any better, Erik..,” you trail off exasperated. “How could you do that at my graduation cookout?! All I wanted was for today to go smoothly!”

Your best friend sneered and threw a mean side-eye at you, adjusting in his seat as if to prepare for the fallout. “Aye, don’t be coming at me sideways, Aniya. You shoulda been telling your mom that for the way she was acting before I even said anything. She honestly lucky that’s all I said to her.”

“So you think that makes it okay for you to do what you did?!” You could feel your nostrils flaring and eyes beginning to burn as you went on.

“All I wanted was to get the cookout over with, with minimal damage, so I could get out of there and head to the real turn up to celebrate MY day. Yes, I knew you didn’t wanna go, Erik, but you knew how much I needed you there to help get me through it!”

Erik was doing his best to maintain his composure and not misdirect his anger at you. “Well then why do you still let her talk to you that way then, huh?? I mean, you literally a grown ass woman, yet she still treats you like a damn child! It’s aggravating as hell, Aniya, and quite frankly I’m tired of you having to endure that shit. Hell, I’m tired for you!! So am I sorry for putting her in her place for being rude as hell to her own fucking daughter, on one of the biggest days of your life? Hell nah, fuck allat.”

Silence immediately fell over the car. You shrunk down in the seat of the car, wanting to shout something back, but fell quiet once you realized your best friend did have a point. Now you actually did feel like a small child, but only because Erik had been more adamant about standing up for you, than you had been about standing up for yourself at your grown age.

“Look,” Erik said breaking the fresh sheet of ice. “I ain’t mean to scream ‘atchu like that, aight? That’s my bad, Niya.”

You stole a quick glance at him to see if he was still angry, which was a sight you hardly enjoyed witnessing. Catching sight of it, Erik continued his attempt to still the waters.

“I just think you deserve a mother who doesn’t criticize everything you do.” He paused for a second. “I just want you to be able to tell her how she actually makes you feel—which is shitty. And then pick ya head up and remind yourself how much of a boss you are.”

Great. Now you were staring hard as fuck out the window, trying to discreetly wipe away the few tears that had managed to escape.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” You felt a hand tug at your wrist. “Don’t cry, aight?”

Erik’s grasp moved from your arm to your chin, turning your gaze to him once more. “I was being a dumbass, I admit it. But I was only tryna do what was right and stand up for you, Niya.”

“No I know.” You swiped carefully to avoid smearing your makeup. “And I appreciate that, E, I really do.”

“So…you forgive me?” Erik did that little puppy dog thing he always did to get off the hook.

You turned your lip up at him. “Fine, but only so you’ll stop making that stupid ass face! I hate when you do that.” Despite feigning an attitude, you couldn’t totally suppress the sneer-grin combination playing at your lips.

“Girl bye, you know I’m cute as a muhfucka.”

You rolled your eyes at him, not bothering to contain your amusement that time. “Boy bye, gon’ head.”

“See, don’t even start ya neck rolling and shit.” He flipped the dash mirror down to do a check before hopping out the car. “It’s still your night and I promised I would take you to finally have some fun. So bring ya lil’ ass on we can get this party popping!”

ou smiled and checked your face one last time, not being able to help yourself as Erik opened your door and escorted you into the kickback.

[sylvaridreams]

Mostly I reblogged the palliative fic because I'm thinking about Bourbon and how badly he blames himself for Auruim’s injury and everything that came after... his guilt and his rage.

- Auruim wasn't necessarily his responsibility with Alba gone, he was Canach's; but Bourbon has basically always kind of been subservient and taken on shit jobs that no one really wants. So anytime Canach isn't immediately present he considers Auruim HIS responsibility anyway.

- plus he loves the reformed mordrem a lot. He associates with them by choice, defends them, helps them, tries to be there for them because those three are intensely vulnerable* and need protecting. And he loves them. Those are his kiddos. He'd kill or die for them.

*because none of them have any type of safety net, no one is taking care of them, looking out for them, standing up to defend them; with Alba gone they're being treated like absolute rock bottom scum for the most part. The three of them are forcibly excluded from society and personhood and Bourbon knows what that feels like, and it's unacceptable to him.

- so he went into the rift after Auruim because he loves him like family, and it's his duty (his words) to protect this sweet vulnerable boy from anything that wants to hurt him.

- and then being in nayos for 3 minutes is so disgusting and horrid and scary that he can't bring himself to come out of hiding and do his duty to protect. He stands by and watches Auruim be brutalized and dismembered before he can force himself to step in.

- and then Auruim spends over a year getting sicker and weaker and slowly dying. Before his eyes. Because he didn't stop Auruim from running into the rift, or jump in fast enough to save him and stop it happening.

- and this is (to him) just the most recent in a chain of people who he's loved so deeply and tried so hard to keep who have been torn away from him with violent force. Every time he finds home and comfort and safety in someone, the universe punishes him for it. He doesn't know what horrible thing he did, just that he did something to make himself deserve this punishment over and over. Being forced to leave his childhood home after Pyotr died defending him (and never allowed back.) Glaz dying in his arms (and he couldn't even bury the body.) Being forced out of the gang, (never to return) finding Chesha's body in Lion's Arch (leaving her to be burned with the other Aetherblade corpses) -- he'd been spared for so long since, he'd made the mistake of getting too comfortable, thinking it was over, and some cosmic motion had to remind him of his guilt, that he deserves to suffer. Now Auruim is going to die because Bourbon made the mistake of loving him.

- this is his fault for loving Auruim.

- he's so angry at the world and himself and at the rot creeping over Auruim’s comatose body. He loves Auruim but he resents the body, the way it keeps getting worse and worse and worse the longer he spends trapped with it. It is taunting him.

- he views the body as separate from Auruim. It looks like Auruim but Bourbon recognizes it as a corpse in a tomb, not as a sick sylvari in a bed. Is the psychosis taking over after over a year in near isolation playing caretaker to the body? Yessirrrrrr.

- he's furious, hates that Deidre stays. Not because he dislikes her, but he does not want her there. 1. This is Bourbon’s duty, because he's subservient to Alba, because he loves Auruim, because it's his fault. No one else should ever have to try to help. No one else can clean up his mistake. He's being punished and she is trying to take the catharsis of it from him. Whether Auruim recovers or dies, he started this and he has to atone. 2. He wants her to leave because he's so angry and close to the edge and he's afraid of what he's going to do when he reaches that brink. He knows his anger is misdirected and he tries not to show her that he's burning but he is Pissed that Deidre is even trying to take his duty.

- Part of this might be "she's a real medic and I've just kind of fumbled through figuring out how to take care of him" a sort of.... Jealousy, and a selfish fear that Deidre will be better at this. Deidre can save him where you can't.

- but also a feeling of "I have done this for over six months before you showed up and I DO know his needs and what I'm doing and I WON'T leave this to you, stop trying to correct me for xyz thing stop watching me like I'm doing it wrong." The frustration of a self taught caretaker vs a medical professional by trade.

- taking care of Auruim’s dying body makes him feel sick not because it's necessarily gross (although it is) but because it's a physical manifestation, proof of how he's ruined what he loves.

- but he's duty bound. If he stops going through the motions of atonement and crawling on his knees through a desert of broken glass then he'll never forgive himself. (Spoiler alert he doesn't intend to forgive himself anyway)

- he loves Auruim and would do anything for him that he needed, anything to help him, but he does have this internalized ableist belief that Auruim is "ruined" now, that his life is ruined and over because of him (due to his self hatred and guilt over the matter) / Auruim also sees himself as ruined and unloveable and unwanted now but without the non stop struggle for atonement and without blaming Bourbon. He's clueless to Bourbon’s self hatred over this.

- (with time as Auru is able to start healing and recovering Bourbon sees this less as the case; eventually he's able to see that Auru was very sick and injured and unwell but that no matter how bad it got he's not ruined, he's still himself and he bounced back.)

- but in the meantime it's almost funny how non-human human staunch atheist six-denier BOURBON managed to invent a near religious concept of guilt and sin out of his bad life experiences. Baby you can't be catholic in this world I'm sorry. You would've loved going to christian hell though I'm positive. And the stained glass too.

- anyone who finished reading palliative, if you're wondering if Auruim ever delivers Glaz's message to Bourbon: no cuz he woke up and forgot it. Heart hands.

[little-cereal-draws]

Nimona and mental health headcanons

Obviously Nimona struggles with her mental health. 1000 years of living as a ghost and hearing constant hate about you will do that. I think her shifting responds to how she's feeling and not always in the best ways

I think she'll involuntarily get stuck in her little girl form when she's feeling too overwhelmed. She feels so small and helpless, so her appearance is going to reflect that. It only happens after the buildup of stress and bad feelings finally get the better of her. She tries to not let it get to that point but it doesn't always work. She's shifted after nightmares, one too many monster movies, and when they found quite a few very disturbing documents in the Director's office after the wall came down. The worst time was when they made the mistake of walking by a pro-Institute rally after running some errands. Bal was disgusted and was trying to shoulder his way past them and didn't even notice Nimona was missing. He got a whole block away before he realized she wasn't behind him. He looked around and then started retracing his steps with growing fear, calling her name, and frantically looking for any hiding pink animals. He was growing frantic when he finally glanced down an alley while running past it and caught a glimpse of pink hair. She was crying behind a pile of garbage and flinched when he came up to her. He tried to talk to her but she just shook her head and sobbed harder. She clung so tightly to his shirt as he caried her home. The best thing to do in these situations is to get her away from the problem. From there sometimes she'll want to talk, sometimes she'll want to be left alone, but she'll always feel better eventually. Bal hates when this happens because it means she was already feeling bad before she got tipped over the edge and he didn't know

She'll also turn into small animals when it's more of a sudden onset. Most of the time this is caused by sadness, regret, and guilt. She'll turn into a mouse or a fly or anything else small and unnoticeable. Thankfully, this has only happened in the house so far and Balister fears the day it happens elsewhere. She hides for hours in a small hole or corner, something way too small for Ballister to notice, and feels bad. A few times, she saw him walk by calling for her with increasing worry, but she never moves or makes a sound. She's invisible and she wants to stay that way. She'll come back when she feels better

When she's really angry, she gets infinitely stronger even if she doesn't look like it. This is caused by watching too many bigoted people on the news, frustration at how slowly the kingdom is changing, and Ballister making a few innocent remarks that open the floodgates for a lot of misdirected anger. Her appearance might not change but it's obvious her powers are being used because she's put her cup down on the table too hard and split the table in half, slammed a door so hard it came off its hinges, and crushed the handle to the fridge. If her appearance does change, it can be pretty scary. Her fangs get bigger, sometimes her eyes glow, she'll get physically bigger or have her arm muscles expand. It's easy to tell when she's angry though, she has no problem with letting people know. She'll yell, start arguments, and do and say every offensive thing she can think of. Bal has learned to just give her space to cool off when she gets like this; usually it's only a couple hours but sometimes a few days. He made the mistake of trying to comfort her a few times at the beginning of their relationship but that just made her angrier. He tried to push it down and trust her but there were a few moments where he was scared for his life. He always chides himself and tries to correct his thinking after all she does is scream at him and storm out but she was very intimidating

(tw self harm and suicide) It's canon that Nimona struggles with suicidal thinking but I think she would struggle with self harm too. It's only been very rarely that she'll make the conscious decision to hurt herself and it hasn't happened since the wall came down. What happens now is more of an accident/subconscious thing. She'll be lost in thought, replaying bad memories, completely drowning in thought. Sitting in alone in her room, half gasping for air, absently scratching at her arm. Slowly, as her thoughts get darker and loop into each other, her nails get longer and longer. Soon she's got claws and her arm is burning. She looks down and the bright red blood shocks her out of her thought loop. She shifts it away and it's like nothing happened but she still goes and splashes some cold water on her face and arm. If Ballister ever found out (I'm on the fence abt if he would), he would be so concerned and watching everything she does with an eagle eye. Eventually he would calm down a bit but after every time she does one of the other things in this post, he would be watching her out of the corner of his eye. She might say she's ok now and be able to shift any harm away so he wouldn't know but he's still going to worry

[shoku-and-awe]

Do cuts still work? Tumblr is acting weird

Coming home we ran into one of the drunkest people I've ever seen (which, in Tokyo, is saying a lot). She was having a weird interaction with a man, and then she peeled off and ran into traffic, which was really scary. She just barely avoided getting hit and then ran down the other side of the road.

The guy didn't try to stop her or immediately follow her, and it was hard to tell from what we'd seen if he was a concerned stranger or if they were arguing—and if so, whether she was actually in distress or just angry the way extremely drunk people get.

She was headed in the same direction as us, and she kept whirling around to see if the guy was there. She could barely keep upright and I was concerned for her. Then the guy did start following her, slowly, and it just didn't look right, and she started to run. I sent my husband to the koban and so I could keep eyes on her and he could call and send the police to me if something happened.

I didn't want to run and scare her more, so I kept some distance, and she seemed to be headed for the big bright 7-11 ahead, which is kind of a beacon for drunk people, right? But then I couldn't find her there, and there was no bathroom inside or cover outside for her to hide, and the road split so I thought I'd lost her down one of the side streets.

But THEN she appeared again from behind, so I guess she'd doubled back, maybe hoping to lose him? Still half falling down, and running back and forth across the traffic two or three more times. I texted my husband a description of her outfit and where we were, and I approached her in a side street and tried to ask if she was okay, and she was like,,,,,, clearly not.

Usually when I've tried to help an absolutely obliterated-drunk person here, they get all stuck on "Whaaa are you speaking Japanese right now? How are even you doing that? Are you?? Speaking Japanese??? Now???" and we go round in circles. But she kept literally going around me in circles, like a one-oared canoe, staggering, tilting her head like when your dog hears your voice on the answering machine, and getting reeeeeally really close to peer into my eyes but then pulling away again. She couldn't speak, or wouldn't, but also her eyes wouldn't focus, and no matter what I asked her, she seemed to be at the stage of trying to figure out if I was real? Or if I was there? It was very unsettling.

I was trying to get her to sit down when the guy—her husband, not nice,—showed up and started "apologizing" about what a terrible drunk she was and for all the trouble she was causing. He smacked her once in the head—manzai style, not to really hurt, more a statement, but like!!!! really?—and I was kinda like "Hey, chotto, what are you doing" but also suddenly was very aware that I was alone in an alley with this guy and didn't want to antagonize him and cause things to escalate. And yes, Japan is safe, but that doesn't mean all Japanese people are safe, particularly Japanese men in Tokyo, a lot of whom are like a fingernail's breadth from snapping at any time.

I was like, "Well, the police are coming, maybe they can help you," and he goes, "Where's the guy you were with, what happened to him," and when I say he's on his way too, he starts trying to wrangle his wife into a taxi, but she really doesn't want to go and is trying to squirm out of his grasp and back into the road again. And like.... I've been the drunk person who is irrational and needs to be wrangled, and I've been the wrangler of the irrational drunk person but this just felt terrible. I couldn't help and I couldn't know what the right answer was and I was so worried that he was going to be even worse to her at home because of misdirected embarrassment/anger that I'd caused, and I felt so awful.

Then someone comes zooming up on a bike, yelling "奥さんでうすか ？" (Are you the wife (of the guy who said his wife would be waiting)?) and it was a pretty young lady police officer and her partner, and I was so relieved. I pointed out where the couple had staggered off to, and they thanked me and corralled them in a parking lot.

Then my husband appeared and we took a slightly different route home so the man wouldn't know where we lived (I could hear the man explaining the situation agitatedly and raising his voice as the police tried to calm him down), and yeah, it's still a bunch of mixed feelings. Like, I'm so RELIEVED to live in a country where I don't have to hesitate to ask the police for help—yeah, they can be shitty, but I can trust that they're not going to fucking shoot anyone. I was not in a position to judge or to help so I was glad to bring it to the attention of someone that the guy might actually feel obligated to listen to.

And I'm worried about what happened to her after they got home, but then if he's inclined to take his anger out on her anyway, who's to say that he wouldn't have done so anyway after the scene she'd already made? My family says at least there's probably a report in the system now and maybe it will get her some resources that will help her leave him, if that's what she wants, but I am not so optimistic and so I just kinda hope that the police sat her down and gave her some soup and sobered her up and made him walk around and cool off and he regrets everything. I don't know, I hope I don't see them again, I hope she is all right and that they forget my face. I can't remember if my mask was on my chin or what, but I'm unfortunately recognizable regardless :|

(The funny part is that my husband had a beer and one of the police kept asking him about it. Not because of the alcohol (this is Japan) but because it was in a coozy. He was like "What IS that device??? It keeps your drink cold and your hand warm? Did you get that in gaikoku? What a neato invention!" and my husband was like, "Well yeah, I did, but go help that lady! You can get these in Japan too!" The less funny part is that it's good that I did not have a beer or I might've mouthed off to the guy when he hit her or otherwise made things a lot worse :| Guess I will avoid my favorite Daiso for a while and hope the memory fades.)

[butterflyeffectiooon]

I am so conflicted about whether day actually matured and whether the break up was actually out of character….. on one hand it HAD to be because he readily forgave others for SO MUCH WORSE without them ever explaining or even really apologizing!!!!! August really truly did pity him and toyed with his heart and he went soft on him and forgave him after saying some nice things????? HIS MOM first of all enabled him to rot in his bedroom for a year but then later punished him for something he definitely decided to do but she could have EASILY blamed on mhok even tho it was very much a joint decision by sending him BACK to his room and cutting off all means of communication with the rest of the world!!!!! And all she had to say to be forgiven was “maybe I wasn’t the best mother”….. I understand there’s a cultural difference here that I will never get but I also have had (different) cultural ideals and expectations drilled into me since birth and maybe it’s the autistic sense of justice but I am not going to allow anyone to treat me that badly just bc society says it’s ok…. Or at the very least I’m not going to forgive them that easily just because society says I need to. It’s just. this man has forgiven A LOT when it didn’t seem deserved.

Buuuuuuuut at the same time it took him OVER A YEAR to forgive night for *checks notes* actually fucking nothing. Night literally did not make day crash the car and this idea of him trying to take day’s spot in the family or something feels like a way for day to justify his misdirected anger. He’s angry at himself for causing the accident but in what we now see is pretty typical day fashion he can’t take responsibility so he uses night as a scapegoat. It gives me the feeling that he is unable to own up to his mistakes even tho the only other time that was demonstrated was the single time mhok ever got mad at him when he pretended he lost the book on the beach. And this was pretty insignificant but it still contributes to the idea that day never did any emotional labor. And he got mad at mhok for giving him a taste of his own medicine after but I know some people saw that as an abuse of power on mhok’s part so I’ll let it go (I’m not gonna say it wasn’t but he didn’t actually leave him and NEVER EVER would so overall harm done was like 30 seconds of distress to day. Which I’m actually so surprised that even happened bc mhok would also never ever purposefully cause day distress…..) anyway day did admit ONCE to mhok that he knew the accident wasn’t night’s fault and honestly my recollection of the events and timeline of the show is getting blurred bc of how bad the breakup and ending are making me spiral but I don’t THINK day ever admitted the “night’s taking my place” thing was a front. Ok so when he “forgave” night it felt a little forced or undeserved to me for reasons I couldn’t figure out at the time but I understand now. It was very much played as day FORGIVING night instead of admitting he was wrong and apologizing or something else he wouldn’t do but should have. Yeah day admitted he was wrong one time but not to night. So to night this is gonna feel like forgiveness for something he believes he did. So even if he knows day has forgiven him he still has to live with the guilt that he caused the accident (which he didn’t but he believes he did bc day has always said so and never told him he doesn’t actually think that) like why are we making the most loving and caring characters suffer like this. Night shouldn’t feel forgiven, he should feel assured he didn’t cause his little brother any harm in the first place.

[dotthings]

Gotham Knights 1x09, Dark Knight of the Soul With extra big thank you (I extra loved this ep) to Elle Lipson and Devon Balsamo-Gillis

There was so much going on in this ep, but Robins. Always get to me the most with the Robins.

Let me attempt to sum up.

Batkids group in conflict with each other. Steph frantic about Turner, Duela angry/fighiting/scared on behalf of Turner, Carrie still having to be the leader and live up to the legacy she feels responsible for, the lives she feels responsible for--the Gotham Knights as a group, and for the people of Gotham and Turner. Like her mother, Carrie carrying the world on her shoulders.

A lot going on with the GK's relationships. Steph and Harper teaming up, Harper's increasingly visible crush on Steph, Cullen calling Harper on her crush, Harper's protest-too-much denying the crush, Cullen worried that Harper has fallen for someone who won't fall in love with her back. The whatever is going on among Harper, Steph, Turner, and Turner and Duela right now. Personally, I am team Sharper and Turner/Duela. "No agenda, just you" was a big deal for Duela to just say it out loud like that. Because we might expect her to keep pretending. To make a joke, make up something about why it's some practical benefit to her if Turner lives. But she was so HONEST about it. Once Duela cares, she goes all in and isn't hiding.

Duela and Carrie's oppositional approaches to saving Turner. Carrie wants to save Turner, but not at the expense of further harm to the entire city. She cares about Turner. She cares about Gotham. Duela, who is used to caring only for herself, and isn't community-minded like Carrie, wanting to turn the electrum over to the Owls for Turner. Saving one person vs protecting many. But it's not that Carrie doesn't desperately want to save her friend, and it's not that Duela is actually being selfish. Carrie ultimately hands the real electrum over to the Owls when it's the only way left to save Turner's life. Duela, who has always looked after number one, caring about saving someone else. Turner -- is a selfless mindset, for her. And she cares about the city too, despite her protestations. She seemed really happy and relieved about Cullen's plan that would allow them to save Turner without doing further harm to Gotham. And who is it that hands the electrum over to the Owls after all that, to save Turner? Carrie. So many wonderful layers there. There's no good or bad to Duela and Carrie's emotional sparring over this. Flip sides of the same understandable impulses.

Lincoln is manipulating Turner. Who killed Turner's parents? I don't think it really was Bruce, but Lincoln needs Turner to think so, and tempts Turner to become their new Talon. The thing is, Bruce really might have been driven by guilt, if he felt he failed. If he felt it was his failure to save Turner's parents, so he took Turner in, why Turner of all the city's orphans. Because maybe Batman knew about the Court of Owls and maybe was trying to save Turner's parents and he failed. How very Bruce to carry the guilt, even if he's not the actual murderer. Or maybe he did kill them but...I need to see more to get there. Is the GK version of Bruce AU enough to abandon one of the core Batman tenets, which is not killing? Or is this a misdirect. Even though Turner denounces Lincoln's bs...I think the doubts are planted. The drug worked on Turner's subconscious, playing on questions and doubts Turner has, and Lincoln pushed it along with his words. Doesn't mean Bruce is the murderer but there are things he kept from Turner.

Harvey figuring out his body has been used by...something. That he's brainwashed, or he's become aware some other personality is taking him over. That he didn't do the things, that other guy did. Not sure yet how much Harvey thought it's him being manipulated by the Court, or if he fears his alt personality is taking over. The video Two Face left for him sure would take care of any doubts he had. Not the Court manipulating him. Two Face, the other personality, cohabiting Harvey's brain and using Harvey's body without him remembering it. Misha fuckin' Collins, everybody. The range.

Big, big love for the Cullen and Carrie scene in front of the belfry clockface and also one of the most visually beautiful shots in the whole series so far. "Giving the bad guys the means to live forever is not exactly out of the bat-manual." "No. But it could be the first chapter in the Book of Robin." "I always wanted to be a hero. Ever since I first saw the bat-signal light up the sky. I just--I didn't know what it would mean having to choose which lives to save and which to sacrifice..." "We're going to keep showing up. Keep fighting. Because Gotham's worth fighting for. You are what's keeping Batman's legacy alive." MY HEART.

[void-tiger]

Sorry this is late but you are so right in the tags (the memes for post se8 au one)!!! Like Kuron didnt deserve any of that shit both in canon and story wise. Like there is doomed by the narrative and then there is whatever this was, like freaking Haxus was given a moment of silence and Allura reminding Zarkon of his shit was treated as more morally wrong then this. And just half the reason i have this au is because i want Jiro to be angry about this like he deserves. Like he did nothing wrong but my good he should have, he deserves to bite people. He 100% deserve to be angry at Shiro and Allura (and Keith. Keith was the one most assertive that he was Shiro, Keith was the one that basically got him killed. Jiro is taping up Keith and Haggars and a bunch of other people's pictures on a dartboard and throws darts at it as stress relief as we speak)

Ohh I am SO angry at Keith.

“The Black Lion Roared! It claims Keith as BP!”

NO, fools. The Black Lion wants to save the damn clone who quite literally threw his bayard away—at Allura; if anyone was “next in line” it should’ve been her. We all know it. Mir practically animated it that way in addition to him wiping the floor with them but nobody actually got hurt. HELL even while possessed he gave them TIME to Get The Fuck OUT. And Allura had to blow up her castle to fix Lotor’s Major Fuckup, anyway. He could’ve easily crippled the paladins or Voltron by killing them Right Then or taking the bayard or Black Lion with him.

He didn’t. He’s literally playing 3D chess in a split second—while possessed—and he largely goes unsung, anyway.

He keeps the showdown against Keith largely in Keith’s Favor and deliberately missing shots and destroying the cloning facility (rip to the clones. They are innocents in this too.) and. Keith still nearly gets himself killed, anyway.

Black Lion’s the one to save Jiro when he’s finally close enough in-range for the Lion to sense him—despite them not having a true Lion-Paladin bond.

Black Lion saves Shiro (and Green Lion saves Pidge) VERY early on.

Black Lion saves Shiro again—while being the most damaged by that S1 Fight against Zarkon and Haggar—by teaming up with Keith very briefly (then has to go offline again; they need a Castle Pickup.)

Black Lion saves Shiro by uploading him—you mean to tell me a Teleporting Lion who clearly adores THIS Paladin and does not come back online until Every Single Character (save Coran) tries bonding with it would just Lose his body like that? NAH. That’s NOT how the scifi tropes for transporters or transporter delays/accidents even work.

As horrific as it is, if the issue was really Shiro needing a body verses Black Lion wanting to save a clone trying so hard and loving so much, too, um. [gestures at It’s Raining Men errr Shiro Clones.] Black Lion had options. I am not a fan of this particular fanon fix. Those clones deserve a chance to live, too. BUT it does point out the even more obvious flaw in what actually happened canonically.

Buuuuuut, Monsantos didn’t care about that. They just wanted their Officially Bastardized Version Of Keith to be their grimdark edgelord BP self insert. (Oh, and make Allura their Narrative Tool to do it.)

-

…soooo…yeah. Jiro deserves to be fucking pissed at Allura, Shiro, the paladins, and especially Keith.

Shiro has every right to be upset with Jiro. (Misdirected, sure. But, imo he’s allowed to be imperfect without getting villainized for it, y’know? Trauma and processing trauma and healing isn’t tidy whatsoever.)

(And Allura should NEVER have been used by the writers for what happened. Or framed as “just as bad as the galra! Teehee!!” in s8, apparently—I staunchly refuse to watch it.)

[yesyourstalker]

(prologue)

Mahi: I don't understand. Why do hate Warabi?

Neta: I just don't like him.

Mahi: but what did he do?

Neta: nothing. He did absolutely nothing. He'll still continue doing nothing and gets whatever he wants

Mahi: I just feel like you two would actually really like each other if you actually let go of whatever this-

Neta: Mahi go unpack some of the jewelry in the back. Please do it now.

Mahi:......... Ok

Next month

Therapist: how was your week Mr Vernes?

Neta: ok.... not to complain about..... well

Therapist: well?

Neta: ugh! That guy is back! You know the one. The guy I told you about a couple years ago. Warabal something

Therapist: Warabi?

Neta: whatever! Cod I thought I'd never see him again after leaving my ex but it feels like he's following me! I hate him. He has the nerve to try to be nice to me he's such an ass

Therapist: you seem to have very strong negative feelings for this person.... Can I ask why?

Neta: *huff* do I need a reason? I just do! I hate how he has everything! Everything was handed to him. He didn't have to work for it. He didn't have to struggle for it. He didn't have to fight for it! He just goes to his fucking parents and ask for it and they just give in and give it to him, as if he deserves it or earned it in some way. He didn't earn anything! He didn't work for anything and he's given everything! It's not fair.......

Therapist: so this is rooted in envy? Ok I can work with that

Neta: no, it isn't. I'm not jealous of him. I'm sick of everyone saying that I am! Like I want to be some solid brat! I just think it's unfair that he gets to live in luxury while other octarians couldn't

Therapist: Yes I do understand that there is a sense of injustice here. But just like how you have no control Warabi doesn't have any control in the matter either. You need to understand that this frustration that you hold is being misdirected. Your trauma and your insecurity are clouding yo-

Neta...IM NOT FUCKING INSECURE! (crying)......WHY DOES HE GET TO HAVE A HOME? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO HAVE A MOM AND A STABLE DAD AND A EDUCATION? WHAT DID HE DO THAT WAS SO SPECIAL? WHY?!! BECAUSE HIS LAST NAME IS OCTAVIUS!? THAT'S NOT FAIR! WHY DID HE GET TO THRIVE WHILE ALL OF US HAD TO SUFFER!!? IT'S NOT FAIR COD I FUCKIN HATE IT (sobbing)

Therapist: M. Vernes........ Neta...... This anger. I understand it...... I lived though just like you..This hatred and envy is not-

Neta: Cod! please I'm not jealous!

Therapist: it is. It is envy Mr. Vernes. It's envy, it's and it's misdirected anger.

Neta: SO FUCKING WHAT! I have every right to be angry!

Therapist: Neta........... Sit down with me. Take my hands and look at me. ..........ok......Neta the anger that you hold is very valid. You should be angry. You should be angry that you had to move the bunkers. You should be angry that you were poor and living with no support system. You should be angry that your mother passed because of the living conditions y'all were forced to be in, You should be angry that your father just gave up after she left, You should be angry that you had to see the horrors of war at such a young age, You. have. every! single right to be angry that your whole childhood and adolescence was taken away from you. That anger and pain that you feel is valid.

Neta:(quietly crying)..................I know............

Therapist: ...............but that anger that you hold is not the fault of Warabi.........

Neta:............

Therapist: I understand that it is easier to blame a single person or use him as a projectile for all this frustration that you hold. But it is not healthy and it is not how you should deal with this trauma and anger. You have to heal from it

Neta:.................. To what I just get over it or something?

Therapist: no...not get over to heal. Healing is a process it's a long one . It's about accepting what happened and trying to go forward and make peace with your past. It may seem like you have forwarded quite a lot but you still have some ways to go. Accepting your past, understanding that you had no control over it and it wasn't your fault. You will soon understand that Warabi had no control over his life in that anger that you hold will soon subside.

Neta: ok ...... ok......*sniff* I understand...... I don't think I'll be friends with him tho

Therapist: You don't have to be his friend but I think you should try

Neta:................ Ok

Epilogue

Warabi: so we're thinking of working on a new album..... But I wanted to collab with high tide era.

Mahi: but they don't want bass players

Warabi: yeah but he can play the bassoon I just need to convin-..........

Mahi: hey Neta it's your day off.

Neta: I have paperwork I forgot to do..... Hey Warabi

Warabi: hey Neta. You doing good

Neta: yeah. You?

Warabi: I'm good.

Neta: good (leaves)

Warabi:............he's in to me

Mahi: ppffth! shut up!!

Warabi: hahaha I'mma take ikkan's man!

Mahi: he's 33!!

Warabi: dilf material

Mahi: ewewa

Mahi belongs to @fish-at-fish-fish-resort