#anxious toast
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I hate working under capitalism because every time I get a message pointing out a mistake I've made, I have to pretend I'm not sitting at my desk crying about it thinking that I'm a failure who can't do anything right, and I have to act like I'm actually so glad they pointed this out to me so I can learn from it.
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tryna get commissions set up so expect in the future?? maybe????
#toast speaks#paypal makes me anxious because I can't be anonymous#I'd use kofi but you'd need a paypal for that I think??? I might be wrong???#I tend to use venmo or cashapp but idk guys idk
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survived the weekend from hell and after a packed, sad, heartwarming, healing, and stressful couple travel days i'm home again... exhausted and drained, but home and feeling so much better after mourning and saying goodbye as a family ❤️ and we also got good news from the vet 🥹 thank you once again to anyone who left a kind comment last week, it meant the world to me 🫶🏼
#im so happy with how the service went bc i put so much effort into making it nice and was so anxious about things going smoothly#i was crying every day about my cat as well while trying to work on everything and be there for my parents who were both falling apart#but now i can say im so proud i was able to be there for them and help make the service beautiful#good example of a time when without my medications i wouldve been toast#instead i was able to process the grief and overwhelm and take care of myself and others#still lots of feelings and grief going on but im glad i can acknowledge ive come a long way in the middle of it ❤️#lush.talk#personal#death cw#funeral cw#grief cw#animal illness cw#pet illness cw
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The urge to send asks about my ocs and aus to other artists vs the overwhelming fear that I'm bothering them and they'll think I'm annoying
#my brain keeps telling me not to cause. idk i could draw it myself#but also i hate my art rn so if i draw it it looks like shit#and i just wanna be able to look at something without wanting to break my screen#idk man my brain is dumb#i did draw something yesterday but I'm not sure i wanna share it#i need to color it first anyway#toast talk#possibly delete later#you don't know how many times I've been typing out asks and then not sending them cause I'm too anxious#and i can't just ask on anon cause they're my aus and that doesn't make sense#uuuugh
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I shouldn’t have had that energy drink =O
Anyone else get that hyper anxiety that you fell off with another mun due to miscommunication and bad timing and you can’t confirm if yes or no so you just boil in it and don’t want to confront them cause you’d feel like you’d make them bad off an assumption due to anxiety and stress so it just ruminates in you and once a week when they show up on your dash/IM’s the anxiety comes back and your just -steam out the ears- about it???
I’d apologize but you see, I’m terrified of people!
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How we feeling today lads!?!??!?
#I'll go first. I still feel a little tummy upset but not nesrly as bad? im almost thinking something i ate didnt sit well and my body ks try#ing its damnedest to get it out. Anxious too but i was the last time. Waiting is what gets ya!! Gonna try to get a ginger ale to sip on SLO#WLY. Aittle while later. Breakfast is still gonna be light. toast and applesauce i think if we have it#elias howls
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had some blood work done today to check the levels of some stuff and i hope the results come back sooooon
#toast text posts#the appointment itself was rly fast#and they said ‘ok ur done’ so i just left#but now i’m anxious i should have stopped by the front desk on the way out#last time i got labs done it was just for a physical#but my white blood cell count was low????#so my doc wanted to check again after a few weeks#….and then i didn’t manage to make another appointment for a few Months#i feel like last time the results came pretty quick#i’ve also been taking vitamins/supplements again#so i hope my iron is better
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It’s the hangxiety
#i didn’t sleep enough and now i can’t sleep because im so anxious feelig#i really hungry i want eggs and bacon and toast and hashbrowns and oranges and coffee#god i feel like shit#i am sooo embarrassed and ashamed of my selffdfff
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Kinda scared ngl…
I was “sleeping” (i had woken up but didn’t move and my dad was on the phone) and overheard that as soon as I get back from my cruise my parents are gunna send me to some top notch hospital for treatment!
Now it’s 11:30 and I’m up thinking about it!
Ahh I’m in pain rn too!
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staying in someone else's house is like yeah i'll just starve myself, don't worry. no, i don't wanna be a bother, i will not ask for anything not explicitly offered. yeah, it'll be like this all week. sorry.
#my socially anxious ass cannot survive even in my closest cousin's house#i have had two pieces of toast all day and even that was a struggle to get myself to go make#she said i could have toast for breakfast but did not tell me abt what i could have for other meals so i have just. not eaten#i'm hungryyyyyy#tea talks
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Making yourself a tuna melt bagel at midnight to eat watching Outnumbered because being an adult is hard when you're a 25 year old teenager carrying the weight of the world :')
#it was damn good#i ate half and kinda wanted to leave the second bit but the idea of a day old toasted sandwich was even sadder#i threw up twice today and had to help my gran pee while she was stuck on the floor#i had to grovel to my manager for the day off and try to reassure my parents in Germany that gran was okay and an ambulance was coming#ahahaha#I'm so anxious#i was so shakey i could barely hold the clutch to drive home lol#glad my boss gave me the day off :')#i was still on the clock a bit bc i was a lone working buddy and felt too bad to cancel so i was still checking my emails and work phone 🙃#my buddy and coworkers were great but still#i can feel my physical anxiety symptoms getting worse#the trichotill is happening again and so is the ED#i shake so much#my memory is shot#tw trichotillomania#TW eating disorder#tw ed not ed sheeren#that tag always makes me giggle a bit and i always feel horrible about it-#ANYWAY#traumadump over#i fucking love Outnumbered#season 1 Karen is literally me#she's my little 5 year old twin flame idk#she just GETS ME#I'm so fucking excited for the 2024 Christmas special#im getting Outnumbered AND Gavin and Stacey???#ive rewatched both this month in my depressive slump lol#hoping i get a bojack xmas special to round out my depression binge watching lol#god Outnumbered ep 1 is so fucking funny its a masterpiece if a single person sees this pls watch it i love it sm#'can i keep a nit as a pet? :(' Karen is too precious i hope ramona knows how brilliant she is
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Damn, I've spent a great portion of my life answering the question "How do I make myself unabusable?" with "I must make myself perfect" instead of "I won't accept abuse." Haha wtf.
#anxious toast#emotional abuse mention#yeah but now it's hard to tell what abuse even is... because of the gaslighting#emotional abuse cw
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just panic-fed my dog a piece of toast because he ate chocolate
#hes fine! he didnt eat nearly enough to cause damage or to even justify treatment#but i wasnt the one to see how much he ate and its not like i have activated charcoal on hand so toast it is#my sister was the one who left the chocolate within reach and she was so upset and anxious and bawling :(#so i was like trying to calculate how much methylxanthines he ate and give him bread and stop baby sis from having a panic attack#i was googling furiously and every website was so useless but i eventually got to the calculator and just. relief.#obviously gonna keep an eye on him but it was sooooo far below the threshold for even symptoms much less serious ones#little shit didnt even want the chocolate i bet just the wrapping (which is obv not good either)#rambles
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Neat Freak
Steve’s parents don’t make him keep the house spotless. He really is just that clean and when Nancy tries to tell people there like “lol, sure” but she knows.
He’s a neat freak.
When she would stay over she would change into her pjs and make a small bundle of her day clothes on his desk chair, and steve would just. Fold them. Before getting in bed with her.
Doesn’t take long after for the others to realize it.
Robin thought it was just a guy thing, caring that much about their car. Scolding her for kicking her socked feet up on the dash, and leaving crumbs of toast when she had breakfast to go.
But then she visits his house the first time and Robin has never been good at using a coaster, too scatter brained to pay attention where she sets her drink down each time.
Steve, though? Without missing a beat he will move her glass to the coaster. Every time. Doesn’t even break his strike or pauses his conversation it’s just muscle memory by now.
The kids have had their will broken and no longer put up a fight.
Without being told to anymore, they toe off their shoes and hang their coat by the doorway. They don’t even do that in their own home. How Steve was able to get those wild animals house broken? No body knows.
His mom didn’t actually choose his room decor. It looks a bit barren but Steve likes it that way. It looks clean, easier to do so, too. Everything has its place tucked away from sight so it’s not an eye sore.
Even his plaid wallpaper and curtains he chose for himself. He spent all day finding the curtains that matched the closest and he was really proud of himself when found some.
“Steve, buddy, this looks mental.”
“But look,” (closest the curtains to show that even the pattern lines up seemlessly) “you almost can’t even see the difference between the wall and fabric. It’s like magic! It’s cool!” >:(
He’s very meticulous about his appearance. Dustin is absolutely flabbergasted when he sees his full hair routine for himself. Everything must be done a certain way in a certain order every time. It’s routine.
“Three puffs of the Farah Fawcett! THREE!”
“I DID THREE.”
“YEAH, BUT YOU DID THEM WRONG.”
When they discontinue it, Steve has a mini breakdown. He doesn’t like that his very specific and set routine has been broken. He’s convinced he’ll never find a hair spray to replace it. Everybody stocks up on cans of it to try and lower his anxiety.
He just loves cleaning, okay?
Ironing his kakis and polos until there are no wrinkles is so satisfying. Glass without finger smudges is so nice. His closet being organized by color is so efficient. When he’s worried, anxious, or angry he likes to keep his hands busy and it just calms him down going ham on a water stain in the bathroom.
When he hangs out at Eddie’s, he mindlessly starts picking things up here and there. It’s like heaven for him. He sees a mess and just wants to go to town. Eddie doesn’t mind as long as he knows where everything is in the end. He’ll admit that having his music organized alphabetically is pretty convenient.
It’s also a little funny to watch Steve iron his ripped jeans and battle jacket with an iron he brought from home.
“You’re a freak, Harrington.” Eddie has a shit eating grin. Steve flips him off.
“Fuck off.”
#steddie#steddie headcanon#steddie prompt#steve harrington prompt#steve harrington headcanon#neat freak steve harrington#anyone else like cleaning?#I love organizing stuff by color#it’s calming#bee speaks#steve harrington#platonic stobin#stobin headcanon#pre stancy#stancy#pre steddie#babysitter steve harrington
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ME WHEN I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SEND AN ASK TO AN OLD MUTUAL ABOUT 20 TIMES NOW BUT ALWAYS BACK OUT CAUSE I'M TOO NERVOUS
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//gonna make a promo after my blog update, really need to branch out again.
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