#another book review nobody asked for

[justascrollingghost]

Welcome back to the book club!

✨Promised in Fire by Jasmine Walt✨

I was a bit apprehensive to start it because I’ve heard mixed reviews but I actually loved it. The plot twist wasn’t twisting because it was too obvious but I was enjoying the book too much to actually care - if it wasn’t 1am I’d start the second book! Highly recommend!

[themeraldee]

Hii can you do one where the reader rejects homelander because she’s married? He gets mad and obsessive??

Thank you for the ask! So originally I wasn't gonna do requests because I'm very particular about what strikes my fancy. But I'm nothing if not a people pleaser so your request got my head popping up with ideas as I've not really explored the 'loving someone to a fault' part of Homelander where things take a wild turn. So this is my humble attempt - hope you enjoy!

(Also I spat this out fairly quickly so it's not very well reviewed)

The Price of Love

[Masterlist]

18+ Only | 1.7k | Homelander x fem!Reader | Early Season 2. Voyeurism. Dark themes but nothing very specific. Homelander being his own warning. Mention of canon-level violence.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re married?!” Homelander sputters, caught totally off guard by your admission. His body language frazzled, his arms expressing confusion just as much as his words as his presence towers over you. 

You’ve been Ashley’s secretary for a few months now. At first he took no interest in the presence of yet another busybody without a name that was surely going to crack under the pressure and either leave or fuck up beyond repair resulting in your resignation. But no, you’ve proven yourself to be reliable, responsible and most importantly you’ve got a fucking spine in you. You don’t cower in fear, shake when you talk to him or let yourself get talked into a corner. He likes that. He really likes that. 

His preference for you has become so obvious that Ashley made you his go-to. Any news, good or bad, just went straight through you. And somehow, Homelander didn’t mind hearing that he dropped a point or two when it came from your lips.

That’s why he felt so blindsided by your outright rejection when he asked you out. What the fuck do you mean married?! 

“I mean I’m unavailable.” Homelander tightens his hand into a fist now that his arms fell back to rest next to his thighs. He hides the lapse of control behind his cape as he clasps both hands behind his back. At this point the pose has become a bit of a defense mechanism, nobody can touch or hurt him when he’s playing a hero. It’s a whole lot different when he pours his heart out to some fucking assistant just to get it stomped into the ground. 

“You’re not wearing a ring.” His tone is quiet, sharp. He nods his head towards the hand that’s currently clutching a stack of papers, the last thing you were meant to bring over before you clocked out. In Homelander’s eyes, it was the perfect time to ask you out. He’d take you out the same night. Michelin star restaurant, booked out just for the two of you. But no, you had to ruin his whole plan.

“I know, I’m sorry. I oftentimes leave it at home. I worry about it getting damaged or lost.” You clutch your papers closer to you, Homelander’s eyes lock onto your empty ring finger. It’s like you’re trying to hide it from him. The skin where your ring would be sat isn’t even smoothed out or marked in any way. So either it’s a recent marriage or you barely wear your ring as is. Homelander scoffs to himself, what kind of marriage is it if you’re not willing to shout about it from the rooftops. 

“I just—what? You’ve been fucking coming onto me for ages!” He wheezes out in part anger, part embarrassment. His eyes widen at first before squinting, his eyebrows furrowing with the action. In his head he replays all your interactions and he’s not fucking stupid. He’s the Homelander. There’s no one who can read people better than him.

“Sorry? I haven’t, or I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t trying to lead you on.” You take a step back. As much as this whole time Homelander’s been more than tolerating your presence, enjoying and looking forward to it even, now he’s acting like a whole kind of different animal. He takes one step in. Part of him relishes in the way your heart speeds up at the loud thud of his boot taking the one step closer to you. The other part of him doesn’t want you to be scared of him, just like you haven’t been this whole time, you’re meant to be his! 

He raises an eyebrow. 

“Lead me on?” 

“You know, make you think I’m interested when I’m not.” He nearly laughs. Not interested? Not fucking interested?! Give him a break. He might not have many experiences with the most genuine of relationships but he knows attraction when he sees one. He’s not stupid enough to mistake your professional kindness for attraction, it’s more than that. He’s sure of it. Your pulse still races anytime you’re in his vicinity, your pupils dilate, you smile all flustered and sweet when he pays you a compliment and there’s definitely times he’s managed to make you wet just by saying or doing the right thing. Someone who’s not interested wouldn’t be reacting like that. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose shaking his head. “Get out.” His voice rings loud and clear in the empty room. 

“Yes, sir. I’m really so sorry.” His teeth grind at the way you call him ‘sir’. A habit he’s weaned you off a long time ago. Yet there you go again, reverting back to factory settings as if you two didn’t have a whole load of history behind you. He watches you scamper off, the intrusive, violent part of him has an intense urge to laser you in half for making him feel this way.

But no, he knows there’s another way. First, he needs to get this energy out one way or another. And the last thing he wants to do is hurt you. 

Homelander waits till nightfall before flying around just to get his frustration out. First Madelyn, now you. What is it with women being dishonest with him! But no no no, you’re nothing like her. You do love him. You have to. He knows it. He can feel it. He just needs to nudge you in the right direction.

His thoughts get disrupted by a shrill scream coming from the alleyway below him. He pauses in the air, watching the situation with little initial interest. He lands on the building ledge where a man has a screaming woman pinned against the wall. He notices the light reflecting against the switchblade the criminal presses to her neck.

Well look at that, he can get his frustrations out and he’s gonna look like a hero. This night might just be turning around for him.

He leaves the bloody carnage behind, shaking some of the blood and viscera off his suit, bloody droplets hitting his boots instead. He’s so used to the copper tang of blood, at this point breathing it in is as natural to him as air. He’s just not particularly fond of the mess it creates.

But finally, after some physical relief, he grins to himself and with a clear head he can devise a plan on how to win you over. He’s the Homelander, who the fuck else could be more worthy of your love? 

Well… He’s about to find out.

Homelander takes off into the air, shooting up up up, until he finds a happy altitude where the air is just about getting thin, but more importantly where he’s unlikely to be recorded or photographed at this time of night.

He lands on the rooftop of the building opposite where you and your spouse reside. Bleugh. Your fucking spouse. Just the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He was being patient with you. Wanted to take it the traditional way. Just like normal humans you’d meet at work, get chatting, get comfortable and start dating. So he gave you the benefit of your privacy. Wanted to see you naked for the first time when you’d undress for him. All pretty and sensual, giving him a good show. Now it’s biting him in the ass. If he wasn’t so chivalrous with you he would have long known that he’d need to get rid of the obstacle before he’d even ask you out. 

He watches through the building walls. He needs to see who, or what, has you so whipped that you wouldn’t immediately offer to get divorced just to go on a date with him. At the very least it better be some good sex.

He scans your meager one bedroom apartment. Your spouse is sound asleep in your shared bed but you’re nowhere to be seen. It’s not even that late in the night. Wouldn’t happily married couples be fucking through the night like rabbits at this hour? 

He lights up when he lands on the sight of you in your bathroom. Finally, some fucking reward. It’s the least he deserves after all that he’s been through. You’re submerged in your bathtub, the water level hitting halfway up your chest. You have the most pleased expression on your face, pure delight as you rest your head against the rim of the tub, eyes closed all dreamy. 

Homelander palms the front of his pants, feeling his cock immediately fill out at finally getting glimpses of your naked self. It’s only then he notices that you’re not just relaxing. No. Your hand is holding the shower head right in between your legs, letting the water pressure light up all your sensitive nerves. 

Then it clicks. He grins like he hasn’t in a long while. The pure satisfaction of being right. You’re not satisfied. You can’t be. It’s obvious you desperately need to escape this situation. You need him. 

He carelessly unfastens his pants, surprising even himself that he doesn’t manage to rip them in half as he eagerly grips his hard cock. He strokes it harder than he ever has before, the blood on his glove just easing the glide of the harsh pace he sets himself. Homelander almost chokes on air as he watches you arch your back and whimper quietly, clearly hiding your little indulgent fantasy from your spouse. 

He wishes he could tell you it’s alright, your spouse is dead asleep. They won’t notice. They clearly don’t care. He does. And that’s all that matters, you have his attention. You have an audience of one. 

He doesn’t care what the reason is. There’s no reason in his book that would justify your spouse leaving you this dissatisfied that you have to get yourself off behind closed doors and not with their help. 

He’s so worked up, riding the roller coaster of wildly contrasting emotions, from heart-break to euphoria, that it doesn’t take long for him to feel breathless, panting as he strokes himself to the image of you all wet, pleasured and relaxed. What really does him in, unexpectedly is the whispering plea leaving your lips. ‘Homelander.’

And just like that he cums hard, not caring where his load ends up, his grin never leaving his face as he watches you reach your sweet, sweet release.

He has to have you.

[Part 2]

Taglist (you can add yourself to be notified anytime I publish a new Homelander story)

[sassysnowperson]

How Not to Read Terry Pratchett's Discworld Novels

With the very exciting fantasy books poll bracket going on Discworld and how to read it is in the zeitgeist again. I figured I would take a crack at adding to this important topic with a guide drawn from my own chaotic mess of a reading journey:

Learn that Terry Pratchett is a fantasy author that several people whose reading taste you admire enjoy. He apparently blends comedy, good plotting, and a world that is both grounded and satirical and you're a big fan of all those things.

Fabulous! Decide to read some of his work.

Go to your local library. Love a good library. You're new to the area, so you're also exploring the library for the first time, too.

You have found Terry Pratchett! Points to you! Pull a book off the shelf at random. It's called The Dark Side of the Sun.

Start reading. Realize that this feels more like sci-fi than fantasy. Sigh in smug superiority about people who get the two confused.

Realize about halfway through that this is not, in fact, a Discworld book.

Nobody warned you the guy wrote other things!

It's still good, tho. Maybe a little rough but this was an older book and the author clearly has potential. Let's try again.

Review his works. The vast majority are Discworld. You are highly unlikely to grab another non-Discworld book. Go back to the Terry Pratchett section of the library.

Oh hey he wrote a book with Neil Gaiman! You've hears of that guy!

Grab Good Omens off the shelf.

Take it home, realize, much sooner, that this is also not a Discworld book. Still enjoy yourself thoroughly. You should read more of this Gaiman dude, too.

But okay. For real this time. Go back to the library and don't leave without *CONFIRMING* you have a Discworld book this time.

Grab a book. Look at the cover. Read the back Discworld! Ha HA! You've done it!

It's called Thud.

You are utterly gripped by a story of a man wrestling with himself, his growing child, the political tensions of a city and extremism that echoes reality beautifully while still being entirely true to itself. It's a story of responsibility and love and building communities and Fantasy Chess. You are driven nearly to tears by the sentence *WHERE IS MY COW?*

You emerge from the book fundamentally changed as a person, and finally understanding what all the fuss is about. You are now a Terry Pratchett reader for life.

You realize Thud was in the middle of a series. That was a part of another series. That explains why there was a feeling that you were supposed to know some of these people already.

You finally find one of those flowcharts and figure out a more sensible reading order.

I always sort of laugh when people ask where to start reading Discworld, because Thud would be first on absolutely nobody's sensible Terry Pratchett reading order. I'm still tempted to recommend it though!

(My actual advice: Going Postal if you love con men being stuck doing the right thing, Wee Free Men if you like YA and smart angry girls owning their own power, Guards! Guards! *and* Men at Arms if you like crime shows with heart and are okay giving earlier work a try (the quality gets better and better, but I think it needs at least two books to get you into it), and Monstrous Regiment if you like gender and queer feelings, anti-war books told in the middle of a war, and/or would prefer a stand alone novel...and, you know, Thud if you want a great read and don't mind some chaos.)

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 20

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

farm to table by @buoyantsaturn*

“There’s another group of kids here,” she said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. “Said they’re looking for the Ghost King.”

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SERIES. NO WORD OF A LIE IM OBSESSED. i got an ask a couple weeks ago on what i see will & nico doing in their futures and i havent answered it yet BUT this series in particular is never what i would have thought for them and yet it fully and completely convinced me. i love the way their relationship is portrayed here, i love the nuances about will's gender, i love them figuring adult demigodhood out! i love the solace family! this series is another one of those stories that i think back to when im writing bc it's so spectacularly done

2. hopeless case by @restinreesespieces

“Nico,” Jason wheezes as he slams the door to the Hades cabin open. “Nico, I think I’m in love with my best friend.” “No, really?” Nico drawls, barely looking up from his book. Or: in which nico is jason’s wingman this time around.

i was sold on the 'jason is a disaster. nico is also a disaster but more subtle about it' like that SENT me 😭😭 such an apt description of their friendship. and leo wearing crop tops bc there's less clothes to burn and jason losing his mind over it is so real and true

3. seize the day by @restinreesespieces

“-Hey, Jason? Are you okay?” “No,” Jason snaps. “You’re distracting me.” Silence. Leo comes forward. Jason’s back digs into the wooden edge of the table. “I’m distracting you?” Leo’s hand twitches, like he’s not sure where to put it. It lingers in the air between them, making a choice. Instead of a friendly shoulder pat or slap on the back, Jason’s fingers are met with the familiar warmth and completion of Leo’s. Their hands interlock, sliding into place as they’ve done so many times before under the cover of darkness. But this time there’s light, and they can’t escape the bright truth that it brings. “How, exactly, am I distracting you?" or: valgrace dead poets society au (with a happy ending)

this fic was so FUN like jason in theatre....ur so absolutely right. loved loved this story it was such a delight to read like who cares about reality what if everyone is gay at whatever time period we wish forever

4. crush the size of jupiter by @restinreesespieces

“Aw,” he joked. “And here I thought we had a connection.” “Yeah, maybe that’s because we’re tied at the ankle, Solace.” Or: In which Nico thinks he can ignore his budding feelings for a certain son of Apollo, and fate decides otherwise.

the flower symbolism had me GAAAAGGGGEED and nico going oh. oh, no had me CLUTCHING MY CHEST SHDNSJDNS. WHY IS HE SUCH A MESS

5. stars on my skin by @restinreesespieces

“Will,” he says, “I think you’re being silly.” “What?” Will tries to hide his confusion, and Nico rolls his eyes. “You’re being silly,” he repeats. “I told you your bedside manner is okay. So why don’t you believe it? Do you think I’m a liar?” “No! I just-” “Hmph,” he huffs, pretending to be miffed. “I think you’re afraid of nothing. Nobody’s gonna be mad if you’re a little enthusiastic about healing them. That means you want to save them! That’s what heroes do.” “I’m - I’m a healer,” he says quietly. “Yeah,” Nico replies. “Isn’t that what I said?” or: after the quest group to rescue annabeth leaves camp, a ten-year-old nico winds up in the infirmary and meets will for the first time.

BABY SOLANGELO BABY SOLANGELO BABY SOLANGELO IM LOSING MY MIND WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND EASY WHAT IF THE WORLD WAS KIND TO THEM

thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!

[sulumuns-dootah]

Celebrating Christmas w/ WHB demons

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

A/N: Oh hey, something other than YfoH2 :D Since tomorrow starts the NSFW part of the event, I gotta show some love to all our other boys ♥

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Satan

Piggibacking off of the prompt I wrote for him last Christmas

I think it would be actually a funny idea to make Satan dress up as Santa

Buuuut since his lap is reserved to us, his people can ask to get hit instead

It might be better also to tell the other kings that this is happening othervise they might get concerned when suddenly a large number of demons fly all the way to their country

Sitri

Meanwhile Satan is happily hitting all his people, Sitri gets swept up in the whole organising part of things

Like, he's so busy he only got to ask to be hit three times :(

Another annoying thing is that the celebrations mean Amy is around, so he doesn't even get to enjoy the time he manages to take off

Amy

Amy and his group are in the town, just to make sure that everyone is safe

But they kinda just hang out in pubs and challenge random demonst to a drinking competition

Someone call Bimet, because the liquor bussines is booming at that time of year

Paimon

Poor baby Paimon is overtaken by the sheer amount of sponsorship offers due to their social media presence

The only good thign is that they get a lot of free things, so gifts for some less important people are taken care of

To help out Sitri, they also offer to buy all the presents he'd othervise have to come up with and buy himself

Leraye

This time of year is kinda empty for Leraye :(

So he's helping out where he can

Most of the time it's helping Paimon film all their hauls and reviews

Or he's helping to oversee the decoration process

Belial

If there's any cultural event, Belial will surely be there

Jjyu has the whole holidays off, so Belial prefers to stay at home othervise

When you go to visit him, he's most likely reading while listening to some classical music

Astaroth

Astaroth is the head overseer of the decoration group

Nobody's even sure how he got this post, but he's the only one who is able to voice his visions and how to achieve them so nobody complains

Problem is, that he doesn't actually acomplish much in the decorating department himself

So throughout the whole process, he's just reading his book and occasionally looks up to steer the others the right way

Zagan

The main decorator

He's the one to organise everyone, even without words

Other tha that, Zagan is usually seen somewhere, helping other demons learn a particular sport like skiing or ice skating

Ppyong

The second main decorator

Especially for placing thigs high up where no other demon can reach

It actually helps him to take his mind off asking Sitri about when he'll get to baking all those delicious sweets he always does

       ༺☆༻

Mammon

Mammon always looks forward to this time of year beacuse of the whole auction thing

Other than that, he doesn't really do much out of the ordinary

At least until you come around introduce him to bunch of new thigns from your own culture

Those things will then get added onto the list of things the country will now do every year form now on

Bimet

Shopping? Shopping! SHOPPING!

Ofc Bimet won't be spending his own money though...

Surely Mammon won't notice if Bimet buys an extra few gifts for himself while out buying gefts for all the other nobles

Eligos

Tartaros' main and only decoration conductor

Yes, he would wrap the whole country in a giant bow if he could

Oh, and during his off time, you can definitelly find him with Paimon in one of the holiday pop up cafés or stores

Valefor

If Bimet is out shopping, he always asks Valefor tog o wiht him to help him carry all the bags

Other than that, Valefor, like Zagan, likes to dos ome winter sports with other demons

Though, for Valefor, I imagine he likes hockey and other team sports rather than the individual ones

       ༺☆༻

Leviathan

For Leviathan there's no change

He doesn't leave his chambers and refuses to interact with anyone beside his nobles and you

Though, I feel like if he likes you enough, he will go out with you (if you sweet talk him enough)

Foras

The ever so busy, our poor baby U.U

All the nother nobles are so useless in all the organising that everything falls down on Foras

Somehow, he still manages to keep his sanity tho

Barbatos

From the beginning, Barbatos wanted to be in charge of decorations

But somehow, that led to everything being wrapped in chains of lights

Which is nice, but Bael had to talk to Levi that they need to turn the lights down bc Abyssos neons were barely visible in all that light pollution at night

(Some say that even the demons of Tartaros didn't see something glow as much as Hades that night)

Glasyalabolas

Glasya's paraphilia has nothing to do with the holidays, so he can't mess up anything, right? right?

nope

The cold weather outside gives him the best opportunity to clean and sanitise the Hades castle underground where his... partners rest...forever

There isn't much space in there so he has to move them all out and since Leviathan refuses to have them inside his castle halls like that, they have to be outside the castle

So he can only take them out when it's cold outside or they might start to... decompose...

Orias

Grandpa doesn't do Christmas or anything of that sort, so like usual he's either off, looking for another delicious angel soul

Or being a menace and making sure Leviathan is on the edge of his seat at all times

       ༺☆༻

Beelzebub

The gifts this man gives are 10/10

Along his travels, he always finds some cool stuff he randomly remembers you said you'd like to have

It's all fun and games until he's hauling a giant mf statue that's almost the size of your house

Bael

If Bael's in a festive mood, he grabs a few scraps of paper and makes a star out of it to put on top of the mountain of paperwork

Other that that, he doesn't really get merry that much since Beel gets merry enough for the both of them

You'll probably have to physically lock him out of his office to get him to do something else

Stolas

Very excited for the holidays actually

Sadly, to participate in most of the stuff he wants to, he has to wade through the crowds, which is easy to set him off

And his bird form is of no use in such situations, because it's usually too cold for his wings

Naberius

Similarly to Belial, Naberius chooses to stay at home and read a good book instead of participating in the mob insanity

And don't worry that he'll run out of things to read

That's what his huge home library is for

Amon

Cold weather is perfect for hibernating, which is perfect for Amon since Beel is never around

Even if Bael commands him to go look for Beel, you'll most likely see him snoozing away in some café

Only once Beel returns, Amon will try to join in on the festivities

       ༺☆༻

Asmodeus

One of his favorite traditions is going around through the whole prison and visiting each and every cell for a round or two of his presence

And yes, it doesn take a lot of time so he'spretty much busy the whole month and then some

But nobody in hell really complains about his presence

Ronove

Actually, I imagine the Abaddon demons have an orgy just like the angels one each of them have had their own fill of Asmodeus

And Ronove uses that distraction as a way to sneak out to find some unfortunate demons outside of the prison who have gotten injured while fighting angels

His usual journey leads him to Paradise Lost where he meets Glasyalabolas who's...

... on a similar mission, but to the PL morgue

Phenix

Phenix loves this time of year!

Both because of the orgy, but also if you check them out of the prison and take them to some public event

SO many different good-looking demons in one place!

Dantalian

This time of year is Dantalian's time to shine :)

The orgy always inevitably ends up into a bloodbath given the extreme kinks of its participants

If he were to die like this, he couldn't be more happier

       ༺☆༻

Belphegor

Our resident sleeper will also try to sleep all the hubbub away

The only way he'll notice it's the season of giving is when a fully decorated tree appears in the corner of his room

And also when Beleth barges into the room while carrying a bag of gifts from him subordinates

Beleth

A concept: Santa Beleth

And if you were extra good, he'll let you sit on his lap(but beware, that it's a bumpy seat and you might have to shift around a lot)

That's it

That's what I'm thinking about for the rest of the year

Gusion

Head organiser who honestly, hates that position

"No! Stop! You're hanging that thing at a 175° and not at 180° like I told you!"

This headache is not one of those that he enjoys

Hopefully resolving one of the unsolvable equations will make him feel better

Bathin

Officially, Bathin is the one to supervise the decorating process, but Gusion always steps in anyway bc something is not to his liking

So he's just reading texts from Stolas about how much he hates all these other demons that accidentally bumped into him in the crowd

He even had to quickly jump to Abyssos a few times to stop the small demon from shooting up a very busy area

Andrealphus

Similarly to Stolas though, the crowds are a nightmare for Andrealphus

It's so hard for him navigate such busy places plus it's easier for angels to hide in them

So instead he stays at home and watches some cartoons

Agares

Agares isn't one to really celebrate, unless it becomes a competition with Belphie

His subordinates even say that during that time he's the worst

Everything has to be even more perfect than normally

Vassago

Somehow, Vassago actually manages to fullfill every demand of Agares, no matter how insane it is

And he'll still have time to spend for himself

Maybe beacuse he's so used to his kings' insane requests all the time?

Vassago's decorating skills are 10/10 too

Everything he touches ends up looking amazing, but then Agares immediatelly swoops in saying that it was his idea and Vassago only followed his vision

       ༺☆༻

Lucifer

The longer he's in Hell, the more he is open to the idea of celebrating again

Sadly though, the decorations that can be put up are limited bc anythinig living can be a potential allergy trigger and finding a good-looking fake alternative is hard

Still, you'll be able to find some sort of decoration in every room

And every demons who visits the hospital in december gets a little bag with some sweet and small gift

Morax

Poor baby Morax doesn't really like leaving the hospital during the cold months of the year because of how many of his injuries react to the sudden drop in temperature

Instead, he preffers to stay in and enjoy his hobbies while not treating patients

Safe to say, most, if not all, patients and hospital staff get something crocheted/knitted each year from him

Gamigin

Ooh, Gamigin can't wait!

Every little thing exictes him

If you give him an advent callendar, he'll be over the moon and ecstatically telling everyone what he got that day

And don't even get me started on how loud an cheery he gets when he's finally able to open his gifts

Marbas

Just like all the other tall demons, Marbas is the one to be decorating everything

Lucifer even graciously allows him to be untied so he can actually move around

But give his interest in shibari, you already know that 80% of the decorating just involves wrapping something in ribbon, tinsel or something similar

Buer

Buer is tasked with picking out some relaxing festive music that plays in the hospital halls and movie selection for the inpatients

Well that, and holding Marbas back with his decorating wich would otherwise just turn the hospital into one giant ball of ribbon and tinsel

Other than that, he's also the one responsible for creating gifts for each patient

[sophieinwonderland]

Reminder That System Medicalism is a Religion: Exhibit A, @theinfernalcollective

This is pretty typical sysmed rhetoric.

And in typical sysmed fashion, has no sources to back it up whatsoever! As always, sysmeds rely on an argument by assertion. Facts just aren't on their side.

Never have been, never will be.

So they give a couple sources.

First is the DSM which doesn't say trauma is needed in all cases of DID, only that it's associated with trauma. It makes no such claim for OSDD-1 being associated with trauma at all. And on top of that, doesn't even mention the word system. Which is pretty big since most endogenic systems don't have a dissociative disorder and don't claim to.

Basically, it's a nothing source that doesn't back up what they claim it does.

As for Dr Candy Fox...

There's no evidence she actually said this.

And she has yet to respond to the message I sent her website. (Because yes, I did send her a message on her site to see if she actually agreed with this.)

But based on the context, it seems pretty obvious she would have been talking about dissociative identity disorder, not "being a system."

Now, before going any further into this conversation, let's take a step back and remember The Infernal Collective asking the anon to name a single psychiatrist, obviously expecting they wouldn't be able to.

How did THAT go?

Oh right, it's how it always goes when you meet a sysmeds' goalposts!

Did you expect anything different?

"This psychiatrist saying you can be plural without trauma doesn't count because he's talking about transgender people."

"And also the screenshots of his peer-reviewed book that was published by the American Psychiatric Association are posted on a site I don't like."

So when linked to an email from a dissociative expert, someone with 40 years of experience treating dissociative identity disorder, they again retreat to just... not liking the website the image is posted on?

And again, their source for Dr. Candy Fox was just something they allegedly heard in person during evaluationMeanwhile this is an actual email, with one of the foremost DID experts in the world!

Also, for the love of the gods, Transgender Mental Health does NOT say "transgender make plurality." Actually read the thing!!!

But hey, now that I'm done with that particular conversation and got what I need to make my point, I'll confess! All these anons were me!

Reminder, again, their source was "my doctor said it, trust me bro!"

And while I only named a couple doctors over the course of that conversation, I could have dropped so many more!

The fact is, it's not hard to look at a link and read the screenshots therein. Here, I'll even post the pics!

And in case you're thinking that they just trust Dr. Candy Fox's opinion so much and hold her in such high regard...

Nope.

But then...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BASING YOUR BELIEFS ON?

Because it's not psychiatry. You can't cite a single doctor anywhere who has said you can't be a system without trauma!

System Medicalism is a Religion!

Sysmeds, like transmeds, do not base their bigotry in science or rationality. They do not follow the opinions of experts.

It's a religion to them! The Church of the Holy Trauma believes that Trauma and only Trauma has the might to bestow plurality upon the few chosen. And their faith is so unshakable because they've been told this by random uneducated nobodies on the internet, and it just feels true.

And because their FAITH in this idea is so strong, no amount of studies will change their mind. No amount of doctors coming forward to support endogenic systems. No amount of literal brain scans will convince them endogenic systems are real. As the saying goes, you can't reason someone outs of a position they didn't reason themselves into in the first place.

In the end, sysmeds continue to be an anti-science hate group with a religious devotion to their ideology of hate.

And this whole disaster is just another example of that.

[mistystepmoonbeam]

Reborn into BG3: Chapter 6

You're reborn into BG3 with only the memory of your past life. Now you're Tav's companion on his journey, and must learn about yourself as much as your new reality.

Chapter 6: Astarion is hungry, and why would he feed on a strong barbarian when you're right there?

Word count: 2.3K

Whatever took place at the blighted village exhausted the adventurers.  Tav had been able to talk his way around the goblins, but the spiders below the town had given them trouble.  You recall your own time defeating the spider matriarch, and her many, many children.    Between peeling off the webbing and patching up wounds,  they were all ready for rest.  

You and Karlach had bought some supplies to feed the group, and she was a lot more handy making a stew than you thought she would be. 

There was a strange sense of home as you all ate together, without Astarion who took his meal into his tent and claimed he was going right to sleep.  Karlach had booed at him but nobody pressed him to stay longer.  You wonder if tonight is the night he’ll try to feed off Tav.

When the night begins to quiet down and most of the companions go to bed you find you can hear a hum  in the air.  Your ears ring with some kind of energy coming from Tav’s bag.  You eye it by his bedroll, unsure if the hum is coming from there or if it’s a trick of echoes between the trees.

“You can feel it, can’t you?” a voice says in your ear.  You nearly jump out of your skin and turn to Gale, who’s holding up his hands with an apologetic smile.  

“I thought you went to sleep,” you say, hand over your heart.

Tav snickers at your fear, tail flicking in the air.

Gale lets out a small grunt as he sits beside you, one leg bent and the other stretched towards the fire.  “The spiders had quite the item in their cave, whether they knew it or not.”

Tav reaches into his bag and pulls out the amethyst stone you know unlocks the necromancer’s book.  The hum grows, more of an annoyance in your ear than anything.  

“What is it?” you ask.

“I believe it goes into this.”  Gale pulls out the Necromancy of Thay from his own pack.  The gaping mouth, amethyst eyes, all of it the same.  You resist the urge to scoot away, because unlike the stone key, you can’t sense anything from the book.  “Astarion was keen on holding onto this which is why I suspect he’s moping in his tent right now.”

You eye the book.  “You’re not going to open it, are you?”

“Perhaps another time.”  Gale sets the book away, while Tav tosses the amethyst into the air and catches it like a baseball.  Gale scolds, “Once again, please do not do that.”

Tav shrugs but stores the stone back in his bag.  He yawns and looks towards Shadowheart’s tent as if considering something before excusing himself.  Bag in hand, he retreats to his tent.  You look between him and Shadowheart’s tent curiously. 

“I think he’s worried about her,” Gale tells you, drawing your attention back to him.  “It took a lot of her power to heal him from the spiders poison.”

“Ah, right.”  She has looked extra weary upon her return.  “How are you feeling?”

“While I do look forward to a long rest, I wanted to test you.”

“You’re giving me a pop quiz?  But I didn’t even review the syllabus.”

Gale chuckles as he stands.  “If you can sense the power from the stone, then I believe you can manipulate the Weave.  Come.”

You follow Gale towards his tent but he keeps walking until you two are by the river.  With a large moon overhead and fireflies dotting the area you can see better than you thought you should.  

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to do anything,” you say.  There’s an excited twinkle in his eye at the prospect of solving the mystery of your past.  As much as you want it to be true, you can’t picture yourself using magic.  

Gale smiles at you, like he knows something you don’t.  Well, he knows plenty you don’t but it seems like it’s something about you.  

“I’m going to channel the Weave,” he says, “and I want you to close your eyes and tell me what you feel.”

You step up beside him, literally nothing to lose.  “Should I get the staff Tav gave me?”

“No, I just want you.”  Gale lifts his hands to start a spell when he clarifies, “Here.  I just want—need you right here without any conduits.”

You bite your cheek to hide the smile at his stammering, and nod.  With a tilt of your head left and right to stretch your neck, you close your eyes.

“Now, just tell me what you feel.”

You wait for something to happen, a breeze or a sting on your skin, but even the phantom limb is unperturbed by whatever Gale is doing.  You shrug.  “Nothing.”

Gale’s voice is distant when he responds.  “Reach out with your mind.”

Once upon a time you would have asked how to do that, but now you keep quiet and consider trying to move the phantom limb.  It’s right there, a weight on the back of your mind and yet…

You clear your throat, shoulders shifting uncomfortably.  It’s heavier now, even without actually trying to use it.  The cold fear that settles across your chest pierces deeper than anything you’ve ever felt.  Your breath quickens until that cold fear becomes terror wrapped around your heart and you open your eyes, ready to tell Gale you want to stop. But instead of the handsome wizard you find a rotting boar head in front of you, on top of Gale’s body.  Maggots fall from its eye sockets and the mouth hangs open with a broken jaw, fur matted with fresh and dry blood alike.  It squeals at you as if being skewered alive.

The terror bubbles into your throat until it comes out of your mouth as a shriek.

You shoot up from your bedroll, arms blindly shoving at the dark to get the boar-headed Gale away from you and finding nothing but shadows.  You lurch, falling to the side when your hands connect to nothing, heart ablaze with adrenaline as you claw at the blue fabric.  It’s too dark in your tent to see anything but out of habit you scramble for your phone, your nightstand, something, anything to light up this small space and assure you there’s no threat.  

There’s only the bottom of your staff and at the very least you can swing that around to hit anything that might be near you.  And you do swing it.  It connects with nothing.

The hanging crystals and bones clatter together when you stop after three swipes.  Your chest and shoulders rise and fall heavily with each breath, eyes adjusting to the dark.  

You gulp down as much air as possible while trying to calm your body.  You’re not just shivering, you're trembling from the residual fear of the dream.  But it wasn’t that bad.  Really, thinking about it now that you’re awake, it was scary but it wasn’t anything worse than what you’ve had in the past.  And it certainly shouldn’t have had you shrieking in the night.

Speaking of…shouldn’t someone have come running by now?  You listen to the wind blow through the trees but hear nothing else.  No questions about what’s going on, and no Tav rushing to your rescue.  Maybe you hadn’t actually screamed?  You could have sworn…

You aren’t ready to set down your staff, but you’re far too shaky to go back to sleep.  Instead you begin to stand only to see movement out of the corner of your eye.  Your body is much slower to react, even when on high alert, and in a flash there’s a hand over your mouth and your back is pressed against a warm chest, both of you still on the ground and your legs tangled in the blanket.  The intruder's other hand is wrapped around your own on the staff, ensuring you can’t attack.

Your free hand, still healing, fumbles to free your mouth when you hear a whisper, “Shhh, shh, sh.”

“Mstaeeom?”

“No need to wake up the entire camp,” Astarion says.  He snatches the staff from your grip while you’re temporarily stunned and tosses it out of reach.  “And no need to bludgeon me, either.”

You let out a deep sigh through your nose and lay a hand over Astarion’s to reassure yourself it’s him.  You remember his scent, more woodsy than you thought it would be, and your heart rate begins to calm.  When his other arm secures around your middle it reassures you more—the tightness of the hold comforting.

“Are you…are you calming down?” he questions incredulously.

You try to answer but can’t speak clearly with his hand over your mouth.  So you shift and try to look at him over your shoulder, pressing yourself further into his chest as your head struggles to turn.  You can just make out his chin in the dark when he finally releases your mouth.  

“I thought you were Gale with a rotting boar head.”

He squints at you, upper lip curling.  “I’ll assume that was the nightmare that had you assaulting the air.  But…why are you calm?  Shouldn’t you be screaming?  Struggling?  Calling for the others?”

“Why?”  When you attempt to shift forward he doesn’t let you, arm now locked securely around your waist since he’s no longer concerned with you fighting back with the staff. 

“Because I’m attacking you.”

“You are?”  You turn to get a better look at him but he grabs your chin and faces you forward.

He pauses.  “I just need a little of your blood and I’ll be on my way.  We don’t need to make a big thing out of it.”

“Blood?  Shouldn’t you be going for Tav?”

“Why would I go for the bulky barbarian that’s sleeping out in the open when you’re hidden here, weak and ripe for the plucking?”  Astarion begins to shift your head to the right to reveal your neck.  

“That’s a good point,” you mumble.  

His breath fans over your pulse point, but it isn’t some kind of excited or pleasant exhale.  It’s more like disappointment or…exhaustion.  And he doesn’t bite you.

“Um, Astarion,” you say.  

He’s silent.

“If you’re going to drink my blood can you at least do it from the wrist?”

“What?”  His question is just another breath.

“It’ll be easier to conceal marks on the wrist.”

Of all things, Astarion shoves you away.  He’s quick to get on his feet and step away from you while you fumble for balance.  One slender, pale finger points at you.  “What’s your game?”

“Go fish?”

His scowl deepens.  Watching him work through the slew of emotions and questions would be entertaining, if not for your own nagging question; why is he upset by this?  You offered him your blood just like Tav would.  So why didn’t he happily accept and tell you to get comfortable?  Wait.  Why were you so willing to get comfortable and let him potentially kill you?  Let’s lock that thought away until we can find out if therapists exist in this world.

“Sorry,” you say.  “I’m not playing a game…I just trust you.” 

A truly terrible idea.  There’s no guarantee this Astarion is exactly like the game but…

“And I owe you right?” you add.  “Feeding on me will just be like clearing my debt.”

Astarion frowns but considers your words.  “I suppose this means you know what I am.”

You scratch at the spot on your neck he’d been breathing on.  “I might have put it together just now.  And you’re a better fighter when you’ve fed, right?”

“Well I don’t need any more convincing,” Astarion says, voice turned that saccharine tone.  “Why don’t you get comfortable?”

As he kneels beside you you hold up a hand.  “I meant it about the wrist.”

Astarion frowns but nods.  You roll up the sleeve of your shirt, holding your arm towards him.  He sits, one leg bent so his knee faces upwards and the other lays on the ground.  There’s a gentleness as he takes your wrist with both hands, lifting it to his lips.  If you could see perfectly in the dark this might have scared you more, but the most you could make out were his eyes watching your skin and then the opening of his mouth.  

You feel the sting of his fangs, sinking deeper than any wound you’ve had before.  Well, any wrist wound, anyway.  You look away, not wanting to stare despite the morbid fascination with the act.  And you should be…colder, shouldn’t you?  Yes, his fangs do feel like ice is piercing your veins but the rest of you is warm—flushed even.  But then your head begins to swim, mind too big for your skull, and you sway.  

It’s too hot in that little tent.  Too enclosed.  You gulp as the nausea curls in your gut, the blood seeping from your wrist that doesn’t get sucked away by the vampire now dripping down your arm.

“Astarion,” you whimper.  When you try to pull back your arm he keeps you in place, drinking heavily.  

Oh gods, you rolled a one.

“Astarion!” you hiss.  It’s enough to take him out of his trance, finally pulling his fangs out of your wrist.

“Wha-oh, yes,” he mutters.  You watch him wipe the blood on his chin with his thumb and then lick it off.  Had you enough blood in your body and again, the ability to see perfectly in the dark, it might have been lewd.  But you have to lie down in hopes of making the world stop spinning.

“That was…” Astarion begins but changes whatever he was going to say.  “That was wonderful, thank you.  Now, I’m off to find something more…filling.”

You turn your head to him as he steps towards the entrance of your tent.  Just as he’s about to open one flap he turns to you. “Are you…all right?”

You give him a thumbs up with your good hand and a yawn.  “Don’t put any boars in my tent this time.”

Astarion replies, but you’re already asleep and don’t hear anything else the rest of the night.

Taglist:

@half-poison-and-half-hope @sanscas @hotmesshobbit @godoffuckedupcats @thequeen-oni @terrenuserinj @straewberrysoda @theomnipotentfox @becksynthetic @quitecontrary-to-mary @furblrwurblr @mega-trash-cringe @fandomsbookclub @dontneedbiologytoadopt @pebble-bb @v3lv3tvampir3 @mrow-kat

[trappedinafantasy37]

Ya'll want some more domestic Daedra and Minthara? Okay, so, Daedra can't really read and is functionally illiterate. She's dyslexic and because of her brain damage, she struggles to retain new ideas, and cannot string them together in a meaningful way. It's something she is embarrassed about and keeps hidden from the group. And she's been wildly successful at having nobody find out while on her adventures since there was very little need for her to read things.

But settled life is much more complicated than Daedra anticipated and the need to read keeps popping up. One of her chores is to retrieve the mail from the mailbox. She loves doing it! She gathers all the letters, skips back into the house, and delivers it to Minthara, excited to hear whatever messages they have. Minthara would then section off the mail, giving the one or two letters addressed to Daedra while keeping the rest of the pile that is addressed to herself. All Daedra would do is just stare at the letter with a confussed look on her face, closed off body language showing signs of discomfort. Minthara would ask who the letter is from and what it's about, but Daedra would either never answer or change the subject. And it's not like Daedra to be so bashful or avoidant in this way.

Minthara realizes very quickly that Daedra can't read when they had received a letter from Shadowheart (Daedra's BFF) and Daedra had no idea it was from Shadowheart. Minthara very much respects Daedra's privacy, but her relationship to Shadowheart is important and Minthara doesn't want to see it suffer because of Daedra's disabilities. She takes the letter from Daedra and begins reading it aloud. This excited the little drow because she learns the letter is from her best friend. She hops all around Minthara's study, just yapping and yapping, saying all the things to Minthara that she wish she could say to Shadowheart in response.

Later in the night when Daedra has fallen asleep, Minthara sneaks out of bed and into her study, taking out her quill and some parchment. She drafts a letter addressed to Shadowheart, detailing everything Daedra said earlier. She leaves a note in the letter, stating that she is the one who is writing this and that she had to read the initial letter to Daedra, apologizing if any prior letters had been sent but not responded to. She places the letter on the outgoing mail pile for Daedra to take to the mailbox tomorrow while doing her daily chores.

A few days later, they receive another letter from Shadowheart. Minthara reads it out to Daedra, watching with delight as Daedra hops all around the room again and gets right back to her yapping. Minthara has to contain her own laughter to the note Shadowheart left behind at the bottom of the letter.

"Don't worry, I have sent the same letter four times, knowing she couldn't read them. I was waiting for you to pick up the pen for her and it's about time you did."

From that point forward, Minthara becomes Daedra's personal scribe, writing her letters as well as reading any incoming letters to Daedra. Minthara does try to teach Daedra to read, but it only goes so far. She understands that it isn't Daedra's fault and she isn't choosing to not learn. Daedra does make some progress, and is able to peer review the letters Minthara pens before sending them out to Shadowheart, but it is an intense struggle for Daedra and takes immense effort on her end. Small little letters is just about the extent of Daedra's capabilities.

Reading the mail is something they do together every single day (or any time there is mail to read). Daedra comes to appreciate learning about what's going on in Minthara's work life and all the people she has to deal with. She may not recall all of it, but appreciates Minthara's patience with her. One day, Daedra sneaks into Minthara's study after hours while Minthara is relaxing and reading a book, and asks if Minthara will read her book to her. The two cuddle up on the sofa Minthara has in the study and she reads the book out to Daedra in which the little drow falls asleep in Minthara's arms after twenty minutes.

This becomes a part of their bedtime ritual. Minthara now has two separates types of books, one she reads for herself in her spare time, and one she reads with Daedra at the end of the night. She wanted to keep these separate because she didn't want to have a book and ends up reading ahead of Daedra. The books she reads to Daedra are at a lower reading level so it's easier for Daedra to follow along. And Daedra asks little questions thoughout the reading, "What does that mean? Where are the characters again? What are they doing? Why did they do that?" Minthara answers each and every question, knowing Daedra is doing her best to follow along. It is all worth it as Daedra starts asking more complex questions, and even graduating to adding her own commentary, suggesting that not only is she retaining information better, but she is stringing it all together and finding meaning.

[starberry-cupcake]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @lady-harrowhark !!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

This will be sent to you physically as soon as I can, because I didn't know when to stop and it became a Thing. I took a photo with the candlesticks in the mantle for both aesthetic purposes and scale. Once I decided I was gonna send it over, I kept doing things to it and ended up with this, I hope you like it!!! I want to make you another hand-made extra thing to send with it, as a treat.

I'm posting it in the recaps tag because the recaps wouldn't exist without you ♥ Thank you for teaching me how to bake apple pie, for having all the tlt facts I need, for sending me the Most Curated memes and overall for being my friend and putting up with me for So SO Long T_T You're awesome!!! I couldn't make something for you every year because it's often vacations time but, now that I can, you get an Extra one to make up for the rest.

Process pictures and some alternate versions in read-more, because you should see the versions that were peer reviewed until I landed on this one (and have a better look at the texture of the paper).

You can click on the pictures to see them better, if you must.

So, I was gonna do something shadow-related at first. I wanted to do paper cut-outs and was going over the idea of doing something with shadows and light.

And, even though drawing isn't my thing, I decided to hand draw everything anyway. Which is why I'd like to be given leeway on scale, it wasn't meant to be realistic, I can't do that. Then, I carved everything with an exacto. And decided on which thing would be cut out and what wouldn't be on the fly, so of course I almost ruin everything a bunch of times.

I was going to flip everything around to use it without the pencil guidelines and, when I saw how it turned out, I kind of liked it??? I thought using them for shadows would be a waste? I didn't expect to like them that much, paper!Harrow won my heart.

So, I went with this other idea of using tracing paper for layering. But also, I decided to use as the background some of my spider embossed black paper (that I got for the Mr Spider book I never finished). When I saw the combinations, I was conflicted, because I liked the eerie effect of the tracing paper but the details got lost. So I made three trial versions and asked around.

One had no paper, another had one and the last had one between Harrow and the rest of the stuff and another one in front of Harrow. Nobody liked the paper lol The consensus was that the spider texture looked good and the cut-outs looked nice enough to be properly seen. If you disagree, we can always put paper on top! I sure would have loved to have known this would be my final choice when gluing these pieces, so I would have chosen something more resistant for my peace of mind, but alas, it is what it is.

By this point, I knew I was going to send it over, so I went bonkers with the frame and hand painted a lot of bones with the Ninth House skull in the top of it, then gave it a varnish on top. My back is complaining now, but I think it gave it Something Extra.

ANYWAY, I didn't want to make this so long but I wanted to show the other versions, just in case!!

[gallafics]

𝙶𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚏𝚒𝚌'𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠

Title: Quatervois Author: @dodgerbear84 (Ao3)

Rating: Explicit Series: N/A

Chapters: 8/8 Word Count: 51.5k

Archive Warnings: No Warnings Used

Favorite Character: Two lovely side characters; a bartender named Cam & Mickey’s friend Kenny. And of course our boys.

Least Favorite Character: I didn’t have any characters in particular that I disliked, but Gracie’s mom?? iykyk

Ao3 Summary: “Quatervois (Qua-ter-vwa): A crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one’s life.

Closeted soldier Mickey meets farmer Ian in a bar when on leave from his base in the Deep South and discovers that making the leap toward happiness isn't as tough when you have someone on your side.”

Review: This fic actually blew me away. The writing style is extremely cinematic and had me convinced I actually just watched a movie instead of reading a book. I could vividly picture Ian’s farm, their facial expressions, the bar, the creek—everything. I felt like I was there watching it in person.

Mickey and Ian’s build up in this fic is beautiful. Their flirtation is both cute and sexy while also having hints of pining and being slight idiots. Mickey falling for Ian in this fic is a favorite of mine because it’s so obvious how much they want one another but have things that are keeping them apart.

This fic really has it all. There’s spice, there’s banter, theres fluff, there’s lust and longing and perfect comedic timing! It’s all around a beautiful fic that has made its way to my personal downloads because I will be re-reading it!

Spoilers Below↓

Favorite Moment: So, I’m a sucker for the moments in a story that just rip your heart out and absolutely stomp on it in front of you, so, I would say my favorite part is when Mickey is leaving the state, getting ready to deploy and he and Ian are saying good-bye…

“Don’t think about what you’re leaving behind. Think about the bright future ahead of you. Promise me you won’t dwell on us saying goodbye.” Mickey’s heart clenched tightly in his chest. “I promise.”

Equally favorite moment is their first meeting, it’s so tense and Ian’s so nice and Mickey is gay panicking and ends up being an asshole

“I wasn’t asking to be your friend. I was just being friendly. Big difference. Sorry to have offended” Mickey watched as Ian headed back to his corner and felt irrational anger bubble up inside him. “What? You’re not gonna thank me for my service?” Ian laughed loudly and hollowly, turning to face Mickey and lifting the hem of his black shirt up to his chin. Mickey gaped at the display of rock hard abs and firm pectoral muscles. It lasted a moment before he spotted the livid red skin of severe but well healed burns covering the left side of Ian’s body from waist to armpit. “You gonna thank me for mine? Didn’t think so. Drink your beer, soldier, I won’t bother you again.”

Honorable mentions, their first kiss, Mickey visiting the creek, the conversation about Ian’s bed (iykyk), still obsessing over their reunion, the waterfall scene (!!) and so so many other good moments in this one!!

Favorite quote(s):

“Anything happens to Ian and you’ll have this whole bar looking for you.”

“You totally fed it.” “The fuck you on about?” “The stray cat. You fed it. You make out like you’re this tough badass but you have a caring side”

“I just… I ain’t ever… this is all… wow fuck. Kiss one guy and you use your grip on life.”

“There’s a sight I could never get tired of seeing.” Ian leered. “Me sweating my tits off while I try to stay fit enough to be a soldier even though I drink beer like water and smoke more than a funeral home chimney?”

“Nobody has ever touched me there.” Ian mumbled against Mickey’s mouth. “You’re beautiful.” Mickey had never said those words to anyone before.

“Then you came along. You, with your fucking attitude problem and killer smile.”

There were honestly so many moments in this fic that made me insanely happy and have stuck in my brain. It’s such a beautiful story. If you haven’t read it 10000/10 recommend, if you have read it? Go read it again!!!

Final thoughts: The plot was plotting. The spice was spicy. The romance was romancing. The chemistry was off the charts. I cried. I laughed. And everyone in the gym probably thought the lady on the treadmill was crazy cause I couldn’t stop grinning at my phone! Amazingly, beautiful, cinematic masterpiece!!

Thank you so much, DodgerBear, for blessing us with this fic!!

— Harley, Gallafics Reviews

[styro--boy]

Hey remember when I said to expect an unhinged vent? Well here it is

You can't say I'm not true to my word

Sorry for the essay btw. You've been warned

Okay so it starts off 2 weeks ago. Me and my friend, K, are having a sleepover. We facetime friend W, who says it's her birthday in a few weeks and she wants us and a few other mutual friends to go to town. Fine and dandy

Then, friend W says she's having an evening meal with her new college friends. Cool. She wants K to come. K is celiac and doesn't know any of the college friends, so she's hesitant to go. It's an Italian restaurant

Friend W changed restaurant to one I like, and says me and friend A are welcome to come. I'm like, yeah, I'll go. I like the food and I can keep friend K company

The plans change a few more times and I'm a bit thrown because I'm (in the process of being diagnosed) autistic and I need to have an idea of something in my head so I can process it

The restaurant changes to one I've not been to before yesterday (the day before). It's too late to back out, so I can't just cancel. The menu is shit. The reviews were mediocre. It's dog friendly

I've got a really bad phobia of dogs. Has a full blown panic attack (cryings, screaming, shouting, hyperventilating) because one sat next to me

So in the build up of this birthday celebration, I'm already dreading it

Today comes, we push back the meet up time by half an hour because friend K's settee broke and she needed time to fix it. Fine, don't really care

We all meet up (Me, friend K, friend A and friend M). We're all just waiting for friend W and her sister, F. They're 25 minutes late.

We get on the bus and go to town. It's fine. We go to the boba shop, jewellery stall, a few more shops. I keep saying 'i wanna go charity shopping. I wanna nip into a charity shop at some point'. (Spoiler, we don't)

At some point, me and friend K are hungry since we haventt eaten all day (it's like 3:30pm). Everyone's like 'lets go to the market, they have loads of food' and I'm like 'sound okay. Except the market is Korean and Brazilian and japanese

I'm an extremely picky eater. I make a joke 'bro when have you ever known me to eat brazilian'. Me and friend K go to maccies and get some fries and a milkshake

We wait for our other friends outside another shop whilst eating since we don't know if we'd be let in if we have food. We meet up. I ask 'can we nip into this charity shop right here' and friend W goes 'oh well I wanted to go to my shops now since there won't be enough time for both'. I suggest we split up so me and friend K can go charity shopping and friend W can go to her shops. Everyone agrees and splits up

Friend W messages the group chat and says 'we need to meet up at the bus stop at 4 to go to my house so i can get changed'. Before today, it had been pre-established that me and friend A wouldn't be allowed inside friend W house since we've never been before and her mam is out and doesn't trust us. So I text 'me and friend K are gonna stay in town a bit longer and hit all the shops we haven't been able to [since I'm not allowed in your house]'. She says it's fine and just to make sure we're at the restaurant in time

Me and friend K finally go to the shops we wanted to then get the bus and go to the restaurant. We're 15 minutes early so we just stand and wait. Then it's 5 minutes until our booking and friend W says to just go in and get seated. They don't show up until 5:15. 15 minutes late to the restaurant, half an hour after us

Friend Ws college friends don't turn up until 15 minutes AFTER them

Now I'm already pretty worked up because people have been late and nobody took into consideration the shops I wanted to go to. I'm just sat absorbing the restaurant trying to get used to the new environment (plus trying to mentally prepare myself for the occurrence that a dog does come in)

We order our food and it comes. I can't bring myself to eat it. Everybody else is eating but I just can't and I feel bad for wasting money on food I won't eat and insecure about the fact everyone else was already eating but I wasn't. Just peer overthinking and in my head. Friend K notices my very obvious distress and is like holding my hand under the table and stuff

Friend A is in front of me but doesn't really talk to me or friend K during the meal. At one point I get so overwhelmed with the food and the new place and new people that I go to the toilets to cry

I'm sat in the stall, crying and trying to text my mam to come get me but there's no service so I play block blast instead. Then the door opens and a group of girls my age come in. I'm being quiet cus I don't wanna be that weirdo crying in the toilets by myself

I hear their conversation. 'yeah the ones at the end of the table? They seem weird. They're lovely but [can't hear this part]. Oh that toilets engaged. We've been here too long, let's head back to the table'. Cue exit

They were chatting shit about me and friend K. I wipe my eyes, go back out and text my dad to come get me. I still haven't had a single bite of my burger. At this point I'm mostly nonverbal and friend K sees me texting to go home. When my dad comes I tell friend W that I have to go and it was nice seeing her and then I gtfo of fhere

I cry in the car explaining how bad the day was. I cry to my mam explaining. I just keep crying (I'm also on my period and haven't seen my therapist since January so..)

Friend K tells friend W that I heard what they said in the toilets, and friend W tells friend K this:

Friend W didn't like the jokes me and friend K made about the food being weird. Friend W didn't like how distant we'd been and thought we didn't want to be there (which is true but she knows we hate town so why is she surprised). Friend W didn't like how we stayed in town instead of going back to hers. Friend A didn't like how we stayed either. Friend W didn't like how we didn't like the food at the restaurant. Friend W didn't like how I looked like I wasn't happy

Friend K told friend W that I was very overwhelmed because of the new environment and food and people and that I was struggling. Friend W says she wouldn't have gotten so worked up about it if she'd known

But you wanna know something?

SHE WOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN IF SHE'D ASKED ME!!

All of those problems could have been solved if they just fucking communicated their needs like the 17 year olds we are rather than staying silent and getting surprised when we don't do what they want?

Want us to stay together? TELL US!

Want to stay with me and K while W goes home to change? TELL US!

Think I look miserable and like I'm being distant? ASK ME!!

THEY DIDN'T FUCKING COMMUNICATE AT ALL AND GOT ALL PISSY ABOUT IT.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO ENJOY A RESTAURANT I'VE NEVER BEEN TO WHILE YOU KNOW FULL WELL OF MY EATING HABITS.

AND THEN RATHER THAN TALKING TO ME AND FRIEND K ABOUT IT, SHE WAS SLAGGING US OFF TO HER NEW COLLEGE FRIENDS

The worst part is though that I thought she'd appreciate the gesture. That I'd go and spend the day with her and at least I showed face, right?

Well apparently not. I had one of the shittiest days of recent for NO FUCKING REASON. I put in all that time and energy and fucking endurance and my fucking 'friends' got mad at me for it

They can go fuck themselves. It's always me planning shit to meet up. If they wanted to, they would see me more often. Idgaf about them anymore

It's too much hard work and I'm fucking done

I've got a headache from how much I've been crying. I hate them. I hate them both

[jalwyn21]

Joe was just a character in her universe. That’s it. He was on the show for longer than he should have been, but he finally asked to be killed off and he is free. And Swifties are just mad that the character still exists in another universe. One where he is thriving, successful, handsome, hanging out with Hollywood elite, getting rave reviews for his work, gaining fans because of his grace and maturity and his work, booking jobs, and moving on.

And they are big mad about it. That is obvious after this weekend. He was supposed to die! Nobody was supposed to like him anymore! Nobody is supposed to know anything about him outside of him being a character in her universe! His fans were supposed to cease to exist! We only like him because we hate her (no worries, can do both at the same time separate from each other)! He was supposed to be jobless after leaving the universe!

And to all of that, I say - suck it. Watch him live his best life without her, losers. 💁🏼

Exactly! The fact that he didn't just disappeared after the break up it's eating them. Joe is living his best life, finally!! And I'm loving this!

Freedom, baby!!! 2024 is glorious and 2025 is shaping up to be fun too! ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

[destinyc1020]

Dear "Sunshine & Rainbows" Anon,

LOOK...I'm not going to argue with you and your multiple asks in my inbox. I'm sick and tired of arguing on my blog with Anons, and my anons have already told me that they don't like it when I post a bunch of contentious back and forth disagreements on my blog throughout the day. So I'm not going to post your asks, but what I WILL say is that you are totally FREEEE to believe WHATEVER you want! It's a free country girl.

People asked MY opinion on the issue/matter, and I simply gave my PERSONAL opinion. If you don't agree, that's fine, but that's no reason for you to come into my inbox and insult me like this.

If you want to think that Tom's career is nothing but doom and gloom, then go ahead, be my guest. But that's not how I view it (sorry).

I haven't gaslit you/fans, and I've NEVER said that Tom's career was rubbish. I've acknowledged that he's had some negative reviews and SOME projects (notice I said SOME) that didn't pan out as well as maybe he (and we) wanted them to, but my point has always been that these are NOT things that fans should DWELL on! His career will be just fine! His career IS fine! Get off the internet and stop listening to stupid Twitter! How many times have I said this?

The man is an actor, owns a production company, owns a non-alcoholic beer brand, has dreams of directing one day, and you're STILL trying to compare Tom to his peers? 🥴 I just don't understand this Inferiority Complex in the fandom.....I really don't. Y'all need to stop allowing Twitter to poison your brains.

Let me tell you.....It's one thing to acknowledge something, but another thing completely to be DWELLING on it for YEARS. 😒 I may have acknowledged that negative stuff on Twitter in the past, but I'm ready to move on. I'm not trying to dwell on the negativity with Tom 24/7. I'm sorry, but what fun is that?

If that somehow makes me a "bad fan", then so be it. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Let me tell you, when it comes to booking roles, nothing that haters say on Twitter, or even that critics say in reviews can stop directors from wanting to work with you. I've said this for YEARS. Look at how many projects Tom has lined up! Do you REALLY think this means that nobody wants to work with him? Get real!

LISTEN....... I've seen plenty of actors who have had even worse luck come back with a vengeance. The HW industry is very fluid. It ebbs and flows. I think the sooner fans realize this, the simpler things will be, and the more they can just enjoy the ride.

Also, Idk what you're talking about. Ummm....that's NOT my blog lol. I think you must have me mixed up w/someone else.

I don't need your constant negativity and jumping down my throat with insults just because you disagree with me.

Even when I disagree with people I try to be semi-kind and respectful to people. I'm sick and tired of being a punching bag to others.

Have a nice day.

[myveryownfanfiction]

Chapter 42

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

tags: @illiana-mystery, @iobsessoverfictionalmen, @plush4bunny

warnings: swearing, pregnant reader

AN: I know I haven't updated this in a bit. The storylines of this season just aren't as interesting or easy to write as previous seasons. So I'll write when I can and maybe even make a bit of my own storylines. For now though, enjoy.

I watched as Gurgs started cleaning off the new kiosk. I shook my head before handing Dan the next file he needed.

"Why are these kiosks so important again?" I asked, moving to sit next to him. Dan glanced at me before shrugging. Wyatt handed Juliane her file, glaring at the kiosk.

"Just another thing to mark how well we're doing." He muttered. "As if our numbers aren't enough of a sign." I nodded as Abbie banged her gavel. Court got underway as Gurgs brought in the next defendant. I zoned out as I kept thinking about the kiosks.

"Maybe it's best to let the lawyer do the lawyering." Dan cut off the girl. "And you wouldn't make it in jail. They'll take your phone."

"Counselor..." Abbie warned, watching as the girl's friend jumped up and started smashing the red button. Dan looked back at me with a shrug.

"So...what does that actually mean?" I asked as we all took a break. "I mean she probably hit it at least twenty times the way she smashed the button."

"The rating of the courtroom goes down." Wyatt said. "And then we have to deal with someone from city hall coming down to do reviews." I looked over at the shoe shine stand where Dan was sitting and reading his newspaper.

"I think Dan is already getting his." I murmured as I got up. Wyatt turned to look at Dan as I made my way over to him.

"Who is that?" I asked, tilting my head. Wyatt shrugged and I walked out of the cafeteria. "Hi." I said, resting my hand on Dan's knee. He smiled softly at me before turning back to the man next to him. "I'm (Y/N) Fielding." I introduced myself. The man offered me his hand.

"Tad. I'm here to conduct the performance review on...your father..." Tad stretched out. Dan glared at him as I squeezed his knee.

"Husband." Dan growled. "Look. It's not that I don't relate to people younger than me. Everyone who I work with is younger than me. They relate to me just fine." Dan went to get up. "I don't relate to people who are stupider than me." I bit my lip to stop from laughing. Tad nodded as he got up as well.

"I will be sitting in and conducting your review later tonight." He said, wiggling his fingers at Dan and I. "Tootles." I raised an eyebrow at him as he left as Dan rolled his eyes.

"He's...something." I said as Dan put his arm around me. He started leading me away towards the cafeteria. Abbie had sat down with Wyatt and Julianne. Dan pulled me into his lap as he sat down.

"So I'm sure you all have already figured out that I am getting reviewed." He sighed. "He says that I can't relate to young people. You all are young. You related to me just fine."

"Oh yeah." Wyatt said, nodding as he took a drink. Julianne scoffed as Abbie nodded.

"Alright. Treat me as a young person." Dan said, his arm wrapping around my waist as he turned in his seat. His hand rested on my stomach and I smiled to myself.

"You do know that means no more senior discount. No more free perks." Julianne cut in. Dan nodded.

"I never thought I would say this. Charge me full price!" Dan cried. Everyone in the cafeteria paused, staring at him. One woman gasped and fainted. I turned to look at her as she fell back. Abbie looked at me before going to check to see if she had hit her head. "That wasn't my fault. Nobody push a button." We went back home with Dan trying not to let it get to him.

"What do you plan to do about Tad?" I asked as we got ready for bed. Dan put his book down and frowned at me. His eyes drifted to my stomach and it eased up.

"Honestly, I'm probably going to do what I normally do." He shrugged. "They've done this before. You remember." I nodded as I climbed into bed next to him. "They couldn't get rid of me then and I highly doubt that they could get rid of me now." I settled against him, laying against his chest as he wrapped his arm around me.

"I couldn't imagine court without you." I said, burying my face in his neck. "If you stopped working there, I would probably leave as well." Dan kissed my head.

"I would hate for you to give up your job but honestly, they made you rely on me." He sighed. "If I'm gone, they probably wouldn't have a job for you."

"I could find another job somewhere else." I said, smiling up at him. "I've got enough experience to get something." Dan smiled down at me before kissing me.

"We'll be alright. Whatever happens next." He assured me. "This little one won't want for anything." I smiled against him as he pulled me down to sleep. Walking into work the next day, Dan had forgone his usual tie but chose to keep the vest and jacket to his suit.

"Yeah because that makes you look soooo young." I teased as we walked into the cafeteria. "Don't get yourself into trouble there." I teased him as I kissed his cheek before heading to the court.

"Dan still stuck on this being young thing?" Wyatt asked. I nodded. "Does he not realize..." I looked over at him with a smile.

"Oh he does. They're trying to say he isn't adventurous. But I mean..." I laughed and moved closer. "Don't tell anyone you heard this from me but Dan once had sex during the Macy's Parade." Wyatt looked at me shocked.

"He what?" He asked. I nodded with a laugh.

"Yeah. And I think at least...twice...in every room in this courthouse." I said, heading back to go through the files Dan would need throughout the night.

"Twice?!" Wyatt asked, looking like his eyes would bug out of his head.

"Yep. First time he barely ever knew the girl's name." I said. "The goal I think was every room with a different girl. Second time around...well..." I felt my cheeks heat up slightly as I shrugged. "Only one person." Wyatt stared at me like a I had grown a second head. "Like I said. You didn't hear it from me." Wyatt shook his head as he set out the files for Abbie.

"I swear. How the two of you didn't end up pregnant sooner is beyond me." I laughed and shrugged. Abbie came into the courtroom as Gurgs got the lineup ready. "Where are Julianne and Dan?" Wyatt asked, checking his phone for the time. I looked at my phone but shrugged when I didn't see any texts from Dan.

"Dan!" Abbie cried as he walked in, wearing jeans and a sweater. He had a cane and was moving slowly.

"Huh?" Dan yelled at her, making a face.

"I took him to a concert in the park. We may have stood a little too close to speakers." Julianne said, a smile on her face.

"I slipped in the mud and accidentally started a mosh pit." Dan yelled. Abbie and I flinched at the volume. Tad was sitting in the gallery watching as Dan dropped a page out of his file.

"Dan, I've..." I started. Dan shot me a look and bent over to get it.

"I've got it." He grunted. His hand went to his back and he groaned in pain. "I want it on record that I met Skrillx today." Julianne helped Dan to his office while I went to talk to Tad.

"This needs to stop." I said, hands on my hips in front of him. "You've pushed Dan far enough."

"It is going to stop." Tad said, starting to fill out paperwork on his iPad. "I just need him to pick his last day." I stood there in shock, blinking at him like he had grown a second head. "You can stay though. You're young enough." I balled my fists and stormed out of the office before I did something I would regret. I ran into Dan as I was heading towards Abbie's office.

"Hey." He said, bending down to kiss me softly. "I'm gonna be late tonight. Why don't you take the car and get some rest? I'll get an Uber or Wyatt can drive me." Dan offered me the car keys and I nodded.

"That sounds like a good idea." I said. "See you at home. Love you." Dan smiled at me.

"Love you too." He whispered before heading off in the other direction. When he got home that night, I woke up as he got into bed.

"Everything ok?" I asked, voice rough with sleep.

"Yeah." Dan said, pulling me to him. "Don't worry about Tad. Everything worked out. Plus I have a video of Tad dancing. Which turns into a video of Tad crying." I chuckled as I curled into him. "I'll show you tomorrow."

[renaiswriting]

Brighter Days Ahead

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol/Reader

Summary: After you failed an exam, Seungcheol took it upon himself to make sure you felt better.

Warnings: None I think (?) It's just fluff.

Word count: +1.7k words.

Author's note: To the person who requested this, I hope you find some sort of comfort in this.

Masterlist.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

You were seconds from tearing your hair apart.

The coffee was already cold since it had been a long time since you sat down to study.

The library that you once shared with ten other people is now still open because of you and only you. The lady that worked there had come to check on you a while ago, and now you were even guessing that she was either sleeping or about to.

Your stomach was begging for you to put something else down that wasn't coffee, but unless your brain started to stick with the information you needed for your exam, you had no plans on hearing it.

It was kind of discouraging how, after reading for hours, you still had the same knowledge on the topic as when you started.

You wanted to cry because, one, it felt like you just wasted your whole day, especially a sunny day that was becoming less common as the cold temperatures were slowly becoming the norm. With autumn so close now, you were inside with a pile of books and homework. And second, it was all for nothing because you couldn't answer any of the mental questions that you usually asked to quiz yourself.

Cheol: Are you on your way home already?

The text was sent almost an hour ago, and you opened it just now. He knew that if you didn't answer, it was because you kept on studying. You rarely touched your phone during your study time, especially when it was done in the library, because a part of your brain was constantly reminding you that you had gone there to study and study only; after all, if you wanted to waste time on your phone, you could have just stayed home, and also because it felt like everybody was judging you for not studying whenever you touched your phone in there.

You have told your friends about it before, and they told you that you were just being paranoid because nobody stared at the library, but you knew it wasn't true because once in a while you did lift your head to take a quick glance at your surroundings, and whenever you saw somebody using the library for anything other than studying, you did judge them. which means that they would most likely be judging you as well if you touched your phone.

It has been such a rough week with at least one exam per day, and as more of them keep appearing on your schedule, the more unmotivated you feel to study or do anything related to them.

 

You guessed that having failed a handful of them wasn't helping you either.

 

Your eyes still burned from the crying session from the night before after receiving the results of the exams you were hoping to pass.

You closed your eyes for a second, sighing. You massage them for a moment, trying to take the burn away.

Maybe you just needed a nap.

And food.

And finding someone with lots of money so you wouldn't have to study.

You laughed at the last one, knowing damn well that you wanted to be the rich man rather than marry one.

You had around ten hours until the exam took place, and you still need to have at least a spoon of food to call it a day and go to sleep.

You texted Seungcheol, letting him know you were just going home; your roommate was probably enjoying her vacations already.

She was studying another career, and her exams had taken place almost two weeks ago. At first, you enjoyed teasing her about not having to stress about exams, but now you were sad that you did not have free time to enjoy the weather.

Your eyes shut down as soon as your head touched the pillow in your bedroom, and quicker than you would have wanted, you were finishing your breakfast and running to your exam.

You were constantly reviewing all the material you had been studying until the last possible minute before your teacher called everyone inside the classroom in which the exam would take place.

Maybe it was your nerves, but suddenly your hands were freezing, your feet felt like they were minutes away from falling because of how cold they felt, and you couldn't stop shaking.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself. It kind of worked at first, but as soon as your teacher handed you the exam, it all came back.

You read question after question, and out of the ten, you could probably make out an answer for maybe two of them.

And you weren't even sure it would be enough of an answer to get the whole point of it.

You silently sat still in your seat as you saw classmate after classmate walk to your teacher with their exams, leaving the classroom.

 

You honestly felt angry at yourself; how could you simply not know any of the rest of the questions?

 

You have had to study for this.

 

Where has all the time spent with your books gone?

 

Your teacher received your exam with a smile that you couldn't quite reciprocate, and before you knew it, you were locked in one of the bathrooms, calling Seungcheol.

 

"Hey gorgeous, how did that exam go?"

 

And that was enough; without a second to understand what was going on or to control your emotions, you were sobbing. Big, thick tears were running down your cheeks as you were trying to explain to Seungcheol how awful you felt.

 

You were sure part of the reason for the crying was the frustration of the whole situation and also the lack of actual sleep.

"Hey, no, no, no, don't cry, baby. It's okay, you hear me? You said it yourself—you can always retake the exam, right? Don't cry, love."

Seungcheol was trying his best to calm you down.

"You're still there, sweetheart?" To your positive response, he added. "Alright, wait for me there; I'll come and pick you up, okay?"

You fortunately didn't have to wait that long because five minutes later Seungcheol's car was parking out in front of the front door of the building.

Some of your classmates looked at you as you walked out of the bathroom with red, puffy eyes, but most of them could understand why you were crying, so most of them just gave you a reassuring smile.

As soon as you opened the car's door, Seungcheol hugged you, bringing you as close to his chest as possible. Pampering you with kisses on your head

When you finally calmed down, and the only hint that you had been crying were your hiccups here and there, you moved away from his warm embrace, resting your back against your seat.

"Here, I bring you something."

Seungcheol handed you a bag that you hadn't seen until now. It was the bag from your favorite fast food place, and you wouldn't usually buy it unless it was for a special occasion, like your birthday.

But your mind told you, "Well, fuck it. You deserve it now."

The first bite sent you straight to heaven. You close your eyes and enjoy every single second of it.

Seungcheol chuckled at your reaction, pinching your cheek before starting to drive away from the building.

"We're close to the cinema; want to go and see what movies there are today?" Seungcheol offered.

You shook your head and said, "I just want to go home." You replied.

It wasn't a long drive until your department, but it was long enough for you to finish the Hamburger and start with the fries.

Seungcheol hates it when people eat in his car, so you were extremely thankful that he gave you the trust to eat there. You were as careful as possible, feeding him some fries as he waited at a red light.

After the whole meal you devoured in seconds, you were feeling sleepy, and there was nothing you were whisking for other than cuddles.

Your department was a mess just like you left it before going to take your exam, and while you would usually be embarrassed to have left the place in such conditions, you cut yourself some slack.

 

Seungcheol held your hand as he made both of you walk to the sofa, making you rest your head on his lap, his fingers massaging your scalp.

 

And just when you thought you were starting to get over the emotional rollercoaster, you started to feel tears running down your cheeks.

Seungcheol didn't mention anything; instead, he moved his fingers to clean your tears, softly carrarasing your cheek.

"I studied so hard, so damn hard, but it was all just in vain."

Seungcheol ducked his head, his lips moving from every inch of your face, lovely, giving you some comfort with his kisses. His arms were holding you strongly against his stomach, almost like he was trying to transfer your suffering to himself.

"I feel like I'm a failure."

Seungcheol clicked his tongue. "Of course you are not," Seungcheol nags at you. "It was just an exam, and I know it was important to you, but a bad exam result is not the end of the world, and it doesn't mean you are a failure. It happens to the best of us; I once failed an exam with a two out of ten, and that doesn't mean you're dating a dumbass, is it?" He joked, making you giggle.

Your eyes moved to his, frowning as your thoughts started forming once again.

"But what if I'm not cut out for this?" Your voice wavered with doubt.

"Then I'll work hard so you can become a trophy wife." Seungcheol joked, gaining a punch from you.

 

"I'm serious!" You responded, still laughing.

 

Seungcheol smiled big, seeing that you were not crying anymore. "You will keep trying; you will eventually ace that exam; we can find some solutions; maybe we can study together? I don't understand much about it, but we can watch some YouTube videos or we can find someone to tutor you." Seungcheol reassured you. "We will find a way; don't worry."

Seungcheol's warm hands were cupping your face. "You are so capable of doing anything you set your mind to, you should really start to give yourself credit for it," he said firmly. "You've worked hard to get to this point, and I bet it wasn't always easy back then as well, so this is just another obstacle that will make you stronger."

 

And, for the first time in a while, you decided to trust yourself that eventually it would be alright.

 

You've got Seungcheol by your side.

 

Everything would be fine.

[cyclogenesis]

life updates ✨

today i'm going to swim UP from the depths of the rejection sensitive dysphoria i've been absolutely drowning in lately and i'm going to WRITE and POST this update despite the fact that i want to delete it all already because nobody cares (shut up rsd!! i fucking told you!!!!) so, anyway~~

today i'm going to write the four remaining netgalley book reviews i'm behind on from last year, and in between i'm going to answer comments and feel engaged with as a human instead of the...fantasy npc simulacrum of a daughter/granddaughter | void of a content machine | middling and wildly rejectable acquaintance i've been feeling like lately. when interactions make me feel bad i'm like oh man i hate feeling bad. feeling bad is the worst and it happened because of an interaction. it is therefore logical to isolate myself from the sources of hurt and avoid interactions. and i'm correct tbh but also that is objectively a bad idea. and i know that because i've done it before. i know my own stupid patterns. argh!!

it's just that the bad interactions make me feel like i'm standing at the edge of a cliff and i have vertigo and i'm swaying and dizzy and i know i'm going to fall. but i'm stuck there. i'm stuck in the moment before falling, in this miserable in-between space. and it's like god. get me out of here!!

i'm going to call grammy today. i should have already called her this week. she went into the hospital on saturday night because she's in too much pain and they let her out monday morning with a new treatment plan. i talked to her sunday and she sounded good. i'll be going back to fresno next week for her 86th birthday.

and i just keep thinking about how i'll be there when the new ethel cain record comes out. and so i'll tuck up into the guest room when grammy goes to bed at 8pm and i'll listen to this hour and a half long record. (ten thousand prayer hands emojis go here.) and the last time i was out of town for a record i was excited about it was boygenius in 2023 and so i listened to it for the first time in another guest room, my friend's in new york, and that's where i heard letter to an old poet for the first time and got weepy. and then i listened to it walking through central park on a cold sunny april morning and felt alive and lovely.

but ethel cain is good fresno music. and i'll be able to listen to it all the way through twice on the drive back home. another bright sharp association for art to carry.

i remember this guy i passed on the street in paris. he was homeless (i think?) and frustrated from being ignored for whatever he was asking (i am not as good at french as i would like to think i am) and he ended up yelling "j'existe! j'existe!" at the passers-by. yeah, man. yeah.

my therapist told me to make a list of things i'm grateful for and that i'm looking forward to in the new year. i'm grateful for a lot. when it comes to things i'm looking forward to, i landed on strange new worlds coming back and also, in case it's not clear, the new ethel cain record. (perverts available january 8th!!!)

but i cannot escape the fact that my grandmother is going to die. and also she hit me with the christmas surprise that she changed her will to make her cousin executor (good, my mom was going to be useless and frankly i was afraid she was going to screw me and take everything) so now what was going to be split two ways between me and my mom will also be shared with him and another cousin (a really pleasant fuck-you to me to equally cut in an eighty year old man who lives with his son and doesn't have, you know, student loans or anything). the assets are basically life insurance, a bunch of furniture none of us really have the room for, and however much we can get for her house, which she owns but which is also a mobile home in fresno.

anyway, assuming it's enough that i can convince myself the expense is justifiable, i will be getting that money and flying the fuck out of here. going to greece, see ya. i have a list of islands. i started leaving the country for my birthday in 2023 in part because after rejecting me in favor of my parents in nov 2021, grammy then didn't call me on my birthday the following year after a lifetime of having done so. in fact, she did not call me until twelve days after. this hurt me so badly that i decided to be in a drastically different timezone for every following birthday, because then nobody needs to call anybody. nine hours ahead at the palace of versailles and not really worried about it. thanks. you'd really think my coping mechanisms would have me better at speaking french by now.

so, yeah. i guess i'm looking forward to getting money from my grandmother dying. certainly my therapist will be interested to hear that. frustratingly, i have reached the end of the duolingo greek course and am now just doing the daily refresh lessons which are not great and seem mostly invested in me being able to say and write useful phrases like "ο πυροσβέστης είναι ανίκανος να τρέξει" (the firefighter is incapable of running) and "η καλύτερη άμυνα είναι μια καλή επίθεση" (the best defense is a good offense). recommendations for other apps with good greek courses including writing are of course welcome. which is to say. are there any

writing is still helping. so there's that!