#angsty fic recs

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Girl Help, I can't stop thinking about Stan's drifter years

[sacredthethreadgvf]

OKAY OW!! THIS IS SO GOOD 😭

Almost

A/N: Jesús I’m so sorry this has taken as long as it has. Anywho, this one was a blast to write! Look at how great that picture is of the man of the hour! As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy! (Friends to lovers) *also I’m posting this on my phone so if the format is weird I’ll fix it later*

Word Count: 7.9k+

Everyone knows the story. The one where she’s the girl next door and she’s hopelessly in love with the boy next door. There can be some variations in the plot depending on the circumstance. For example, sometimes he doesn’t seem to notice her or give her the time of day. Other times they’re best friends and she’s been harboring this ridiculous crush on him since the first day they met. Eventually, the boy comes to his senses, realizes he doesn’t want the extremely popular cheerleader, but the girl who’s been right there his whole life.

Taylor Swift even has a song based on this tale. She’s not the only pop star or country star, whatever she is now, to take this classic and turn it into a massive hit. It’s incredibly corny and unbelievably predictable, but people eat it up each and every time. Were you a part of that group? Not necessarily. Honestly, it was your least favorite kind of love story.

Which is why it’s all the more embarrassing that you were embroiled in it anyways.

Did you enjoy being a stereotype? Nope. Did it mean you weren’t one? Nope. Hopelessly embarrassing was the fact that you ticked off every single marker point.

Girl next door? Check. Boy next door who she’s been in love with since day one? Check. Best friends their entire lives? Check. Boy comes to his senses and realizes that what he’s been searching for has been right in front of him this entire time? Not quite. Again, thank you pop stars everywhere for that infamous line.

You had been friends with Josh since your first day of first grade. Family having just relocated from some bordering state, the new neighborhood in Michigan was full of kids your age. The twins that accompanied their mom to your front door as she delivered fresh baked brownies as a welcome to the neighborhood were the first ones you got the chance to meet.

Hiding behind their moms legs, she encouraged them to say hello to you. When you invited them to play on the new jungle gym your parents had set up for you just a few days prior, the rest was history. Hardly ever apart from that day onward, you took to Josh exceptionally fast. He was much more outgoing than his counterpart, always having you in a fit of giggles.

The crush part? That happened almost immediately as well. Taken by how brave he was by jumping off the swings into the grass in front of him, you were in awe. Ever since that day, you knew you were positively smitten with Joshua Kiszka.

You recalled fond memories and times spent with the boy who had quickly become your best friend. Getting in a fight with some douche in middle school who had called Josh weird, more movie nights then you could count, Josh waiting with your mom after your driving test to see if you had passed.

It was utterly annoying how many of your memories he was in. Even more bothersome that you enjoyed having him in all of those memories. Even though it stung like a son of a bitch that he was.

It was those things which would always cause the feelings to bloom after being dormant for a long winter. Made you nauseous just thinking about it. Sure, most people develop crushes on close friends at one point or another, but in your case it was disgusting how infatuated you truly were with the boy. And did he feel the same back? Not to your knowledge or understanding.

Were there times where you were beginning to wonder if maybe your feelings were being reciprocated. Of course! You were only human for god's sake and not too shabby of a person in your personal opinion. Winter formal was a perfect example of one of those instances.

This was the dance in high school that officially morphed the teenager from an awkward, clunky child to that of a blossoming young adult. It was a big deal.

Nearly everyone had dates to the swanky sophomore event, including your best friend.

You on the other hand hadn’t been asked by anyone. As the dance loomed closer and closer, no prospective dates on the horizon for you, Josh did the unthinkable for a high school boy who understood the importance of this event in your eyes.

He called his date and canceled on her so that he could be your date. What was a heartbroken, insecure young lady now had the best guy of all to accompany her to the dance. Tear streaked face and all, he escorted you to the dance and you two had the best time. Even indulging you with a slow dance. By the end of the night, you thought Josh was looking at you…differently. In a way that you had only dreamed about over the years of friendship.

When he walked you to your front door, you thought this might be it. What better way for it to be happening? He had dropped his date to make sure you weren’t going alone, it had been an incredibly romantic and fun night, this had to be it! Your first kiss, with the boy you were head over heels for.

Instead, he smacked your arm, thanked you for a good night, and walked over to his own home right next door. The ol’ Pittsburgh goodbye they called it. Rooted to your spot dumbfounded and utterly disappointed, you felt so stupid for thinking that he was going to look at you as anything more than just a friend.

Your mom had thrown open the front door, ecstatic to hear about how the dance had gone, but you ran past her. Only muttering that you were fine when asked what was wrong, you bounded up the stairs past your father, too.

You went to your room and sobbed for the entire night. Swearing to yourself that no matter what, you would never get your hopes up like that again. You avoided Josh for as long as you could the following days, but when he arrived at your house wondering what the heck was going on with you, your defenses were down.

It was pure torture living like this. Seriously, straight up hellish. Not able to figure out why you could not get over the man that had held your heart in his hand without even knowing it for years. Danny was even at a loss.

During the course of Josh becoming the front man for Greta Van Fleet, you took to the black sheep brother. Completely by accident, but hey at least you had Danny now as well. It had been after a hang out at his apartment where he had cornered you in the kitchen.

Pestering you until you finally admitted your feelings for Josh. He truly did not understand why you had the emotions and feelings you did for the boy, but he supported you nonetheless. A little too much for your liking.

Over the span of the next several years, he was always whispering in your ear that if you just told Josh how you felt, he more than likely would reciprocate what you were feeling. It didn’t matter how many times you told Danny, he would never understand. Jeopardizing that friendship and bond with Josh just simply wasn’t worth it.

Danny swore up and down that no matter what you said to Josh, you would never lose him like how you swore you would. Agreeing with him, you told him it wasn’t Josh you would lose, but the opposite. Josh would lose you. There was no possibility that you would ever be able to face him or continue on with how things had previously been. It’s just how it was.

You accepted it and you just wanted Danny to as well. He swore he would never understand fully why you would want to put yourself through that time and time again, but you ultimately told him that this was how things were and he needed to be the one to reach that level of acceptance that you had.

Even as you got older, watching Josh turn into the celebrity he was always meant to be, performing night after night, your heart still seized up whenever in his presence. Josh had convinced you to relocate to Nashville, stating that there was no way he could live without his best friend not being as close as you had been for years.

He had only been moved for less than three months when he called you, literally begging and pleading with you that he would do whatever it took to get you there with him. That there was no way he would be able to do this without his guiding star. How he was wandering in the desert and without his fixated star to point him in the right direction, he was hopeless.

Josh always had a way with words.

In layman's terms, you picked up your entire life and moved it. For him. You were so in love with him that it even shocked Danny as he helped the move into the apartment. Only shooting him dirty looks as he stared at you in the befuddled way he was, you realized how ridiculous this all seemed.

But it didn’t matter because it was Josh.

He had kept it secret for years and you knew there was no chance of him saying anything to anyone. Sure, it was unbelievably painful to see the conquests Josh was engaging in as he waltzed around the world with his siblings, but Josh wasn’t the relationship type. Or that’s what you used to console yourself because he had never made an actual move with you.

It was also one of the rotated excuses you fed Danny as he would bring it up to you. Josh had said time and time again that domesticity actually frightened him. He was used to this rockstar lifestyle and just the thought of settling down with someone was enough to set his skin aflame.

This was one of the things you had known about him your entire life. He had sworn off serious partnerships ever since high school. It just wasn’t the life for him. It killed you, but it was his wish.

That’s why when he began dating her, you didn’t think twice about it. Just another fling that he would eventually tire of before moving on to the next, maybe to you. Chances of that were slim, but hope propelled you forward.

Josh brought her up to you on a grocery trip he promised to accompany you on. Grabbing a bag of rice, you hardly stopped when he spoke. “I went out on a date last night,” humming as you checked the item from your list, your eyes moved back up and scanned the racks. “She was great actually. I don’t know what I was expecting, but she was fun to be around.”

Snorting at his words, you gave him the look that screamed, be realistic Josh. “What? I’m serious! I really like this girl,” he laughed through his words, but you only rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Can you grab me that jar?” Pointing to the one you needed, he scowled at you.

“Thank you for listening and being of help,” his words were dripping in sarcasm, but they had you stop moving the cart as you walked together. “Joshua. Come on, I know you. Relationships aren’t your thing, which were your own words by the way. You see how hard it is on Jake and Sam with their relationships, it’s also why Danny is no longer in one. I just want you to do what’s best for you.”

His brow furrowed as he thought about your words. “So, I’m just supposed to be alone forever then?” Scoffing, you began pushing the cart again. “Not what I said. All I’m saying is just take a moment and really think about this.” He huffed, but followed along with you, grabbing a box of cereal he knew you loved.

“Asshole.” He mumbled under his breath, but you heard. In retaliation you shoved the cart in his direction causing him to topple into the shelving unit. Bursting into laughter, his face was beat red in embarrassment, but couldn’t contain the laughter seeping out as people eyed him.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” And that was practically the last you had heard of her. Josh hadn’t brought her up again. With another tour impending and an album wrapping up, you didn’t give it a second thought when Josh withdrew from you a bit.

This was typically what he did when he needed his attention to go elsewhere. Especially on something as important as an album and tour. Danny on the other hand was constantly bugging you to spend some time with him and when your schedules finally aligned, you trekked over to his house for dinner and a movie.

It was when there was mention of her for the first time from someone other than Josh. Catching you entirely off guard, you and Danny were sitting at his kitchen island, munching on the last remnants of dinner when he brought it up. “He’s still seeing her.” Your brows contorted in confusion, speaking through a small bite of food.

“What?” He set his fork down, eyeing you to see what your reaction was going to be. “Josh. He’s still seeing her. Been a few weeks now.” It felt like a punch to the gut, but you did your best to play it off. “Thanks for the update, I guess?” You laughed, but Danny didn’t match your faux enthusiasm. “I met her for the first time. We met her for the first time.” You only hummed in response, using the napkin to wipe at your mouth, meal now finished.

Thoughts ran rampant in your mind. Was she the reason he was constantly blowing you off? Was she the reason you hadn’t heard from him in a week? This was the longest he had ever spent in a fling. What the hell did that even mean? It didn’t mean anything because at the end of the day it was still Josh.

Knowing you only had another moment to respond to Danny before he noticed something was off, you placed your plate in his sink, acting occupied with this task. Back facing him so he couldn’t see your response that you knew would be plastered to your face you finally answered.

“Yeah. How was it?” You inquired, not because you were actually interested in knowing, in fact it was the exact opposite. You didn’t want to know. At all. He leaned on the kitchen island directly behind you. “He really likes her.” You snorted, finally turning around to see Danny’s apologetic face staring down at you.

Shaking your head, you pointed your finger at him. “Don’t.” His hands went up, a shrug following. “Don’t what? I’m not doing anything.” Your head cocked at him. “You’re giving me that look.” Brows furrowing in response, he feigned innocence.

“What look? I’m not giving you a look.” Your arms crossed soundly over your chest, irritation starting to bubble up. “Yes you are! It’s that look that you give me whenever you tell me about a new Josh interest. I’m telling you, it’s going to be just like the other ones.” The waver in your voice was something you prayed he didn’t notice. Trying to sell yourself that bogus excuse.

Was it bogus?

He shrugged again, arms crossing over his chest, tongue poking his cheek. “I don’t know, star. This one seems…different.” You shook the words off. “Josh would’ve said something to me by now if it was different.” Your fingers made air quotes around the final word.

With your back now to the drummer again, his words sat heavy on your shoulders as they left his mouth. “Would he?” That was a damn good question. Would he? Josh had never shied away from giving you details about various entanglements, but he hadn’t so much as peeped about this one.

Would he?

It was what was replaying over in your head as you sat on his sofa. The first time you two had hung out in almost two weeks. Why was it making you so upset? Because you knew the actual reason why he hadn’t seen you. Traces of her were all over his house despite his efforts to hide it from you. He was outright lying to you. It stabbed you in the chest when he tried to feed you the lie.

They had been adamantly working on getting the nitty gritty details about the tour nailed down. That was what Josh told you. Danny told you something different. He was lying to you. Josh never lied to you. Until now.

Not on purpose anyways.

Of course, small white lies here and there were normal, but given the details Danny was giving you, Josh was blatantly trying to hide her from you. You just didn’t know why. Did she not know about you? Did Josh not want her to know about you? Why?

Josh threw a piece of crumpled paper at your head, laughing when your attention snapped back to the present, pulling you from your thoughts. “Where have you been? You’ve been off in wonderland all night. What’s going on?” You only plastered a smile on your weary face, offering a small shrug.

“Just,” debating on actually talking to him about this or giving him the option to tell you in his own time, you spoke, “just super tired from work is all.” It was Josh. He would tell you. There was obviously a reason why he hadn’t yet. You just didn’t know it.

It turns out the reason why he didn’t inform you of their…entanglement was because of how he wanted to do it. “I want you to meet her.” He finally blurted out one night. This evening had been spent in your home, a proclaimed self care night by Josh. According to him, your shitty moods around him and your constant excuse of work killing you, meant it was up to him to fix it.

So, here you were, sprawled out on your couch with him. Both wearing face masks, nails drying from the new polish he had gotten you, eyes shut with ice packs over your sockets, it caught you off guard.

“Huh?” You questioned, trying not to move your face with the mask on it. “I want to take you out to dinner so you can meet her. Seriously star, you’ll love her. She’s great.” Being able to use the mask as an excuse not to respond, your stomach was doing somersaults at just the thought of sitting at a table with whoever this girl was.

Feeling his finger poke your cheek, you pulled the ice packs from your eyes and narrowed them at him. “I don’t know, Josh.” Giving you the best puppy dog look he could, pushing out his bottom lip. “Please, star? It would mean so much to me. You’re my best friend and I really think you should meet her. Please?”

You gave in. It’s why you were sitting at an incredibly high end restaurant, waiting for them to arrive. Checking your phone to see a message from Danny, asking why the hell you would agree to something like that, you flipped it back over to be face down when you spotted them coming towards the table.

Standing to greet them, Josh pulled you into a tight embrace, a fake smile plastered to your lips as you took her in for the first time. Offering your hand and name, you didn’t hear her response. She was breathtaking. In a ridiculous sort of way that made you question what kind of genes ran in her family. Or if this was class a work done by some surgeon in Florida or California.

Sitting back down, you nervously shifted in your seat. Alone on your side of the table, Josh’s arm draped over the back of hers. Both of them beaming with happiness and joy. Your energy did not match theirs. Josh finally broke the tension you were almost 100% positive only you were feeling.

“Sorry we were late, star. Traffic was a-uh, nightmare.” His small chuckle at the end and the blush tinting his cheeks informed you right then that they had not been delayed by traffic. Waving him off, you chugged an entire glass of wine. “It’s fine. Oh-excuse me sir! Another glass please,” you asked the waiter, tapping the rim to let him know it was urgent.

Your ring clinked against the glass loudly as you repeatedly hit it, nervously waiting for the server to come back with the bottle.

It was truly the only way to get through the night. Yet, you did somehow manage to get through it. It was excruciating, but you did it. Sure, you were a bit past buzzed, losing count after the fourth glass of wine, but it was enough to get you through it.

She was a captivating person, that you could admit. Having traveled so much of the world by such a young age, a college degree under her belt, possibly another in the near future, and working for a fashion app you had never heard of, but apparently was quite popular.

It made you hate her even more.

Not bothering to offer a large goodbye to the pairing, you hurried off in the opposite direction of where they stood, Josh confused by your behavior tonight. Hailing an Uber, you had him deliver you to the only place you could think to go.

When Danny opened the door and saw your mascara streaked face, his seldom gaze met yours. Falling into his open arms, you wailed into his chest. Smoothing down your hair, he patted your back with his free hand. “I know, star, I know.”

You crashed on Danny’s couch that night. Soundly snoring away on his sofa, he sighed, removing the heels from your feet, seeing your phone screen light up repeatedly. Josh asking if you had made it home safe and if you were alright.

He stepped out of the room, dialing Josh who picked up immediately. “Hey, I saw your messages to star and I wanted to let you know she came to my house.” An immediate breath of relief expelling from his lungs. “Thank god. She was a bit,” Danny cut him off.

“Drunk? Yeah, I know. She crashed on my couch.” Josh sighed, telling Danny to have to call him in the morning. It was the last thing you wanted to do. To discuss the events from the night before. Wanting to permanently erase the traces of it from your mind all together.

Not wanting to leave Danny’s a minute before you absolutely needed to, he pushed you out of his front door to see Josh’s car parked in the driveway waiting for you. Pouting at Danny, his stern gaze peered at you. “Go. I’ll be here if you need me.” Huffing you slowly made your way to the Jeep.

Immediately turning down the loud music blasting through the speakers, you groaned. “A bit hungover are we?” He laughed, handing you the sunglasses you always kept in his car. Grumbling in response, he started the drive to your apartment.

“We need to talk about last night, star.” Sighing, you rested your forehead on your palm, elbow on the windowsill. “Pass.” You said, but Josh put the car in park after having got your coffee for the day.

Sipping the cold liquid, you sighed with the caffeinated relief. “Why did you go to Danny’s?” His tone sounded hurt and unsure. “What?” You said with a small laugh. “You get drunk at a very important dinner for me, hardly utter a goodbye, then run off to Danny’s house. Is there something going on between you two?”

Your jaw hung slack, immediately shaking your head. “Oh my god, no. He’s just a good friend. It’s just that he,” trying to decide how to word this properly, you sat on your response for a beat. “It’s just that Danny and I are the two lonesome folk of the group so we hang out to keep each other company. That’s all,” you assured Josh.

There was no possibility of telling him the full truth, but that was pretty spot on for what you could give him. It wasn’t far from the full truth at all, really. You and Danny were the only singles of the group, therefore he could relate to what you were feeling. Kind of.

Josh bought it. Squeezing your hand over the center console, the familiar coldness shocking your system as he did. “I know. I’m sorry,” you offered a reassuring smile, relaxing into the seat and asking him to drive you home. He did and the entire way, he didn’t mention her once.

He never did. Following the disaster of a first meeting, Josh got a sense that you weren’t the biggest fan of his interest so in order to keep things calm, he simply didn’t bring her up. You were fine with that at first.

Until it felt like he was explicitly leaving out most of the details of his life and what was really happening to him. Conversations were growing shorter as he came up with little to talk about given he was around her so often, there were few stories that didn’t involve her. That was when you actually saw him anyway.

Those nights that had once been a comfort and familiarity to you were sparse now. Few and far between to happen. When you would text him asking if he was available, you typically weren’t getting responses for over twenty-four hours. Instead, you found yourself wandering over to Danny’s more often than ever.

He was a true comfort, no longer pestering you about the crush he didn’t understand, but enjoying your presence. Movies, food, even self care nights had seemingly transferred over from your best friend to Danny.

Sitting on his sofa, face masks adorned, a knock on his front door startled you both as you cackled at the movie playing on his tv. Danny hurried to the door and pulled it open to reveal a frizzy haired boy whom you hadn’t laid eyes on in weeks, nearing a month now that you thought back on it.

Josh leaned around the boy after seeing what was on his face and saw you settled on the couch. His brow furrowed and irritation bubbled up. “What are you guys doing? Danny I’ve been trying to get a hold of you,” Danny pulled his phone from his back pocket at those words and saw a few missed messages from the man in front of him.

“Okay, well you found me, what’s up?” Leaning against the front door, your head craned to see Josh. “We’re having a selfcare night!” You called out, watching as Josh’s jaw set. He only hummed in response, eyes never leaving your relaxed figure. A shirt of Danny’s on you as well.

“I-um, we need you to re-record a part of Sacred the Thread. Didn’t come out like we were hoping,” Danny’s brow muddled together. “Yeah, alright, I’ll come by tomorrow.” Josh blinked up at the younger drummer and nodded curtly.

Turning on his heel, he didn’t say anything else as he left. Danny shot you a wild look as you two burst out laughing. “The hell is his problem?” He spoke as he collapsed back down next to you. Shrugging, you hit play as the show started back up. “It’s Josh, you know how he gets.”

When the timer on your phone went off, you grabbed Danny’s wrist, dragging him to his bathroom. “C’mon, masks need to come off.” He followed you without any restraint.

You heard from Josh first thing the next morning. Showing up at your doorstep, he barged into your apartment without any warning. Startling you, you nearly dropped your glass of juice as you shot daggers at him. “What the fuck, Josh?”

His hands landed on his hips, eyes bloodshot and staring at you. “I’m only going to ask you one more time. What’s going on between you and Danny?” Rolling your eyes you leaned against your counter. “I’ve already answered that and I’m not going to again. By the way, this is the first time you’ve spoken to me in what, three or four weeks, and this is how you do it?” Scoffing, you sipped the orange juice.

Noticing that his hands had a small tremble that he was trying to mask, he shook his head fervently, regaining your attention. “Sorry.” It was curt and short, indicating he didn’t truly meet it. Sighing, your eyebrows only raised.

“Anything else?” You questioned, clearly annoyed by how your morning was starting. He released a deep breath that he had been holding in his sternum. “Can-can we hang out sometime next week? Please?”

Your mouth set, shrugging at his question. “You know where to find me.” Not expecting that type of response from you, he looked taken aback. He left your apartment that morning and it was another few weeks before you heard a peep from him again.

The hang out that Josh requested didn’t actually occur until two months later. It wasn’t as easy going and comfortable as you reminisced on how things used to be. He had a permanent look of guilt plastered to his face from the moment he took you in.

It was only an hour later when Josh cleared his throat as you two ate in almost complete silence. Eyes falling to him, you saw a grin appearing on his face. One that you hadn’t seen in your presence in far too long. “I have to tell you something.”

Placing your utensil down, you didn’t speak as he reached behind him and grabbed a small gift bag from the counter. Taking out what appeared to be a small box, he slid it across the table to you, the lid opened.

Anger immediately pummeled you.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Josh?” Refusing to touch it, you eyed him and the item in pure disgust. He laughed at your appalled reaction, cheeks tinting pink. “Yeah, that’s what Jake said too.” Standing from your seat, you peered down at him. “No fucking shit! What the hell are you thinking?”

He rolled his eyes in retaliation. “I love her, star. I have never felt this for anyone else in my life. Ever. I never knew that something like this could even exist! She makes me so happy and I make her happy. If I know she’s the one, which she is, then why would I wait? She and I can start our forever now.”

Shaking your head at his explanation, you stared at him like he was out of his mind. “Do you realize how insane you sound? It’s been, what, six months? This is a huge mistake in the making, Josh. You need to slow down and really think about this.” His smile never diminished as he stood.

“I have and I’m going to ask her to marry me, star.” You couldn’t stand there and listen to this. Turning, you grabbed your purse from the couch and quickly walked to the front door. With Josh hot on your trail, he was calling out to you.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you seriously that upset? What did I do? Star!” He halted as he saw you get in your car, silent tears making streaks on your cheeks. “Star?” He asked once more, voice diminishing in volume as you pulled out of his driveway and went home.

Ignoring the texts and calls that he was bombaring your phone with, you couldn’t bring yourself to get up from your bed. It felt like your entire world had crumbled around you in the blink of an eye. The boy next door that you had been hopelessly in love with since you could remember had chosen someone else to spend his forever with.

Some people are destined to be your almost. Not everyone gets the fairytale ending of being with the person who they thought they were destined to be with. Just because that person might be meant for you, doesn’t mean you’re meant for them. There has to be people who don’t get the guy. That was your destiny with Josh.

Your almost.

A knock on your door woke you up from your partially sleepy mood. Opening the door, his face was fully covered by an enormous bouquet. Sighing, you leaned against your door as he pulled them down to reveal a small, unsure smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m an inconsiderate asshole. I’m stupid and insensitive.” Lips pursing ever so slightly, you chimed in. “Stupid sounds about right,” snatching the beautiful bundle of flowers, you left the door open behind you as you went to your kitchen and set the flowers in the sink.

Eyeing him, his familiar mauve tracksuit adorned you jabbed at him. “That tracksuit makes you look like a forty year old virgin, you know that?” He shrugged, bottom lip jutting out. “That’s a fair assumption to make.” You hummed.

Slowly approaching you, he gingerly pulled you into his embrace. “I really am sorry. I didn’t realize until you left how it must’ve sounded for you. You will find your person someday. I will make a more conscious effort to tamp speeches like that down from now on. You know how much I like to talk.”

You both chuckled, savoring the feeling of his familiar arms wrapped around your waist in a way you would never tire of. The words stung, but you knew he was being sincere. As sincere as he possibly could anyways. “Thanks Joshy.”

When he pulled back, his cold hands cupped your cheeks, a large smile adorning his face. That small tooth gap that you absolutely adored so visible from this close. “I love you.” You smiled back at him, hands holding onto his bony wrists. “Love you too.”

Josh remained at your house for the rest of the night.

He asked her only two weeks later. It was a big show he had put on for her. Their style you were assuming. If anyone ever asked you to marry them in that fashion you would’ve said no. It must’ve been perfect for her because to everyone's surprise she said yes.

Only six months together and they were engaged. Of course everyone was expecting a long engagement, but in some sick fluke Josh informed everyone at the same time that it was only going to be two months from their proposal date.

You were shocked to your core. According to Josh, they only wanted something small and intimate and because of that, it could be that quick of a turn around. One interaction. That’s all you had experienced with this person who was going to be marrying your best friend. In two months.

Sitting in Danny’s living room with the other siblings, you were all ranting about the pure absurdity of the situation. “This isn’t even like him! Since when has he wanted to settle down like this? And this fast? No, it’s not, Josh!” Jake’s voice was rising with every word he spoke.

Sitting on the couch, your arms were crossed over your chest, steam shooting from your ears. “Star, maybe you can get through to him! He listens to you.” You shrugged, making eye contact with the worried twin, Sam and Danny sitting there in contemplative silence. “I already tried. He is dead set on doing this, Jake. I don’t know what else to do, but this isn’t good.”

He harshly sat on the arm of the sofa, putting his face in his hands. “Fuck!” He yelled, throwing one of the items from Danny’s side table. “Hey!” He yelled at the action, Jake muttering an apology and retrieving the item to put it back in its spot.

You all sat there for hours discussing the situation at hand and what could possibly be done. The answer? Nothing. There was nothing any of you could do. Grin and bear it. The only way you were ever going to be able to do that was going to be to distance yourself from the entire event all together.

Easy enough. Until Josh approached you with a major question.

“Please, star!” You were eyeing him like you had no idea who the person was standing before you. “Josh, listen to what you’re asking me.” He nodded, somewhat understanding your predicament. “I know, but it would mean so much to me.” Sighing, you rubbed tiredly at your eyes.

“It’s weird, right? I hardly know her and-” he cut you off, slight irritation prickling his tone. “Exactly! You hardly know her and I’m about to marry her. She wants nothing more than to be your friend. Just go to the bachelorette weekend, I will pay for you, and just try to get to know her.”

His doe eyes stared widely at you, hope dancing in his dark irises. “Fine, fine. I’ll go.”

That’s how you got to where you currently are. Sitting in a dark hotel room, a bunch of drunk strangers passed out in the suite living room, contemplating your entire friendship with Josh and if this weekend had been worth it.

The door creaked open, startling you in the darkness, but when she appeared you slightly calmed down. The only person you somewhat recognized from the trip. “Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” Putting a tight lipped smile on, you flicked the bedside lamp on.

“No worries. You okay?” She pointed at the edge of the bed, silently asking if she could sit there. Nodding, she sat giving you a genuine smile. “Thanks for being so cool this weekend, I know my friends can be kind of a lot.” You both laughed under your breath. “Ah, they’re not bad. Welcomed me right in.”

Her eyes lit up at that. “Good, good! I’m so glad. I wanted you to have fun this weekend and I really wanted to get to know you. You and Josh are so close and you know literally everything about him which I don’t, you know? You should hear how often he talks about you. Seriously, it’s so intimidating being around you. He has this phenomenal opinion about you and I just want us to be friends.” Your breath caught in your throat at her words, feeling it grow tighter with the praise you learned Josh constantly showers you in when you weren’t around.

“No, I’m none of that. Josh just likes to hear himself talk is all.” She bursted out in laughter, her next sentence making you halt your movements and truly question every decision he had made to get to this spot. “Does he really? I don’t know, he’s kind of quiet around me.”

You didn’t knock, the door was more than likely unlocked anyways. Bursting into his home, he was startled to see you in his house like that, but his mood immediately changed when he saw you there. “Star! How was it?”

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” His eyes blew wide, startled by your anger. “Excuse me?” Shaking your head quickly, you battled your thoughts. “How are you marrying this girl, Josh? You don’t know her! She doesn’t know you! At all! I mean for fucks sake you look fucking insane, Josh!”

He tried calming you down as he approached you. “Star, what happened? Did something happen on the trip?” You walked to him and grabbed his face. “Yes! I realized that I have no idea who you even are anymore. This is not you. This is not like you. You don’t do this shit. This is not Josh.” Your words evened out, but he only grew angry.

Pulling away from your grasp, he exploded. “I know what I’m doing. I’m so fucking sick and tired of hearing everyone bitch at me about this. It is my life! None of you, especially you, run it. I do! You are just the same sad and lonely girl that I’ve always known who tears down everyone's happiness, particularly mine when it has nothing to do with you. News flash, my world doesn’t revolve around you and I pray it never will! I’ve grown and maybe you need to too!”

Tears welled in your eyes, sniffling as your eyes fell downcast. His chest was heaving from yelling, but you couldn’t look at him.

“Okay. Well, then I will get out of the way of your happiness and entirely extract myself from your world then, right? Congratulations Josh. Have a great wedding.” He sighed, trying to backtrack on what he said. “Star, no hold on.” You didn’t stick around to hear anything else.

Nearly every single day Josh had hounded your phone trying to get in contact with you. Showing up at your door nearly every other day with a flower delivery for apologies. Each time he returned, the flowers remained on your doorstep.

Getting to the point where you were almost ready to block his number all together, you watched the days tick by, seeing his wedding date get closer and closer. An invitation having arrived in your mail weeks ago, but landed right in the garbage.

There was no way you were going to be able to actually attend the wedding. Of course you understood that his outburst had been in retaliation for the way you had spoken to him, but the burn of the words had yet to scab.

Danny stood in your kitchen, cutting up fruit as he shook his head in shock. “You have to go to his wedding, star. You can’t miss Josh’s wedding, are you crazy?” Rubbing the bridge of your nose, your eyes were pinned shut. “Drop it, Danny.”

Scoffing in response, he talked as he chewed on a strawberry. “No, I will not drop it. This is Josh we’re talking about. You are not going to miss his wedding. It would devastate him.” Grabbing a piece of pineapple, you took the moment of reprieve to craft your response.

You hadn’t uttered a word of the blowout that had occurred between you and Josh that night. Knowing it was an interaction of high stress and tension, you decided it was best to just let it lie. Sure, it complicated matters pertaining to you not attending the wedding, but it was a small price to pay.

Danny on the other hand knew something was wrong. There was no chance that you would actually miss Josh’s wedding simply because you had feelings for him and weren’t a huge fan of his partner of choice. That just wasn’t you.

Wanting to know the full story, if he pestered you enough he knew you would crack. And crack you did. In fact, it was a decade of turmoil and emotion slamming together in a horrific tsunami that would only leave deviation in its wake.

“God, Danny, why don’t you get it? I have been in love with that boy since I was a child! I pictured everything with him. This is tearing me up to witness this. I try to tell him how I feel and he throws in my face that I am sad and lonely and you know what? He’s right! I am sad and I am lonely. I spent so long holding out for someone that will never love me like I love them. I am tired and I just can’t do it!” Sobs wracked your body, face tight from the shed tears cascading down your swollen face, a shaking mess as you hiccuped.

Danny immediately dropped it, Offering comfort the only way he knew how to, he held you while you sobbed over the reality you faced. Your best friend was getting married in a week's time, you weren’t going to be there, you two had gotten into a knock out drag out fight, and to top it all off you were still alone and sad.

So, what did that leave you to do?

Sit on your couch for a week, self loathing and not offering anyone a definitive answer if you were actually going to attend the wedding or not. Instead, you wore an oversized t-shirt you had owned since middle school, hair an absolute mess, watching reruns of your favorite show that you had spent most of your childhood watching with Josh.

Shooting Danny a text that morning that your will not attend was set in stone, he didn’t tell anyone. Not until Josh approached him and asked if you had rode over with him. When Danny pulled him aside to break the news, you were happy you weren’t there to witness that.

It didn’t matter because he brought it to you.

Pounding on your door, a tuxedo-clad Josh stood on the other side of the threshold. You two stood in silence, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Taking him in before you, you finally spoke first.

“Aren't you supposed to be-” he cut you off before you could finish, “Yes.” You nodded, blinking rapidly as your eyes fell down. “Okay.” Foot bouncing, you finally moved to the side letting him step into your apartment.

Jaw setting, you couldn’t take your eyes off each other. “What are you do-” he cut you off again. “Are you in love with me?” Swallowing thickly, your head began to move in response, eyes welling with tears, cottonmouth setting in. “Because I’m in love with you.”

Lips parting in awe, your chin trembled, tears silently falling from your eyes. “Ho-how?” You choked out, but Josh spoke loudly and quickly over you. “I was in the room, getting ready to head out to get to the altar and I was staring at this ring,” he pulled it from his pocket as he continued.

“Danny had just told me you weren’t coming and I saw her. She’s there fully ready in her dress, getting some photos taken or something, but I didn’t care. All I could think about was you not being there and if I needed you there that badly then maybe,” it was a shaky breath, hand falling as he held the ring still, “then maybe that meant something.”

Crossing the room, he stood directly in front of you. “I love you, star. You are my light, my being, everything I could ever want or imagine in a partner. You are the person I have to spend the rest of my life with because it just doesn’t make sense any other way. This ring is yours. It was only ever meant for you. There is no one else in this universe who I would want to wear this ring. It’s you, star. It’s always been you.”

Your hand covered your mouth as you choked out a laugh, knowing that Josh was offering you his hand right then. You nodded, a teary yes escaping your throat as Josh crushed you to him in a meeting you wouldn’t forget for the rest of your life.

Some people are destined to be your almost. Because not everyone gets the fairytale ending of being with the person who they thought they were destined to be with. Just because that person might be meant for you, doesn’t mean you’re meant for them. There has to be people who don’t get the guy.

That was what you believed your destiny was to be with Josh. Sometimes things work out in ways you never understand. Instead of being your almost, he was always going to be your forever.

Maybe fairytales weren’t so stupid after all.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

A Surprise^**

Hello friends, thank you so much for your patience. I ended up having quite a disastrous day and it took longer to finish editing! But here is the one shot based off of this request. Hope you like it!

Warnings: TW! abusive partner: mentions of love-bombing, gaslighting/accusations of infidelity, verbal arguments, intimidation tactics (psychological and physical), physical altercation between M/F ( described, but more intimidating than violent or aimed to hurt), physical altercation between M/M (not described but the aftermath is mentioned, bloody nosy type of thing), mentions of law enforcement and law enforcement processes. Mentions of sex, unprotected sex, oral (M/F receiving), fingering, unplanned pregnancy, ultrasound procedure.

WC: 18.2K

You were nervous as you rode up in the elevator. You weren’t claustrophobic or anything, so the feeling of it closing in on you was one you had no idea how to deal with. You were trying to keep your breathing as calm as possible and clearing your head of any irrational or negative thoughts, but it was truly a challenge. It had been a nearly a year since you and Harry had been in any space together and it was nerve-racking. What was originally supposed to be a month or two-long break, turned into all this time and distance. He said he wanted to talk and get some closure, which you thought was bull shit, and that’s why you were so nervous.

Before “the break” you and Harry had been dating for four years. Things had been going really well up until he started getting antsy to work again. You’d moved to London for him and now that he was finally “off” you saw that he was jumping into the next thing he could. You understood that he felt like he needed to do something with his time but soon enough he was back in the studio for hours at a time while you just hung out at his house. You lasted a year like that before you told him that you couldn’t do it anymore. You felt lonely in your relationship with him and you saw that he wasn’t ready to slow down and settle a bit like he said he was before. That was the whole reason why you’d even moved to London for him. So when you suggested a little time apart to have him sort through his priorities he freaked out on you. But the following morning the tune was different, he was more open to this idea of taking some time apart.

You had assured him over and over again that you loved him but that you were ready for the next step and he clearly wasn’t. He then assured you that you were the love of his life and that he’d take a month or two to just tie up all the loose strings with his current project and then focus back on your relationship. You even went back home to LA to give him all the space he needed. You checked in with each other a lot but when the two months were up you reached out and didn’t get a response back until two weeks later. Much to your dismay it was just an “I’m sorry.” And with tears in your eyes you just deleted the entire messaging feed you had with him.

A few months later you were back on the dating scene. One of your co-workers set you up with her cousin, Steven. He came off as sweet, smart, and mature. He mostly had his shit together from what she’d said and you had seen, so you gave him a real chance. Yeah, he was no Harry, but no one would ever equate to Harry, so you stopped comparing and got to know him for who he was. Soon enough you’d started to develop more feelings for Steven, he showered you in attention and time and affection, it was almost too much, you thought. But then you recalled that things had been so cold with Harry towards the end that maybe you just weren’t used it anymore. It wasn’t love-bombing, it was just a man who is interested in showing you what you meant to him. After two months of seeing him casually you started talking about the future, about starting a real, committed relationship. You talked about properly meeting each other’s families and taking serious steps forward, you were gearing up to properly move on with someone who clearly prioritized you! And then Harry called. 

He was jealous, you heard it in his voice when he called, but the fact that he was jealous pleased you in a way. Honestly, you thought you’d be so well off that when you spoke to him you’d feel above him somehow, but when you heard his voice your heart ached with longing and your small victory suddenly made you feel a bit sadistic. He then asked to see you to get some closure and you quickly agreed because you needed it too. But that’s how you ended up at his hotel just an hour later. So far you were just standing there at his hotel door just taking each other in. Quite frankly, you were just pleased you had made it out of the elevator alive. But it felt like it’d been ages and no time at all at the same time, your heart was racing in the confines of your chest, making it hard to breathe once again. It made you so happy, but hurt your heart at the same time to see him. It was so confusing, feeling relief and joy and disappointment all at the same time. 

“You look great.” He complimented you after a few moments of staring.

“Oh! Thanks.” You smiled timidly, “H-how are you?”

“I’m alright. Come on in.” He said moving aside and you wandered in. You sat at the couch in his suite as he headed to the kitchenette.

“Can I offer you some water or tea?” He asked.

“No, I’m alright.” You assured and he nodded before coming over to sit near you on the couch. You sat in silence for a few moments again before he chuckled in slight disbelief and shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” He confessed with a shake of his head.

“Me either.” You chuckled a bit humorlessly. He had wronged you…the only thing that you knew about him right now was that he did not love you as much as he said he did. If he did he wouldn’t have left you hanging like he had. “I guess I just…needed to see you one more time. I don’t think that we left off on a good note so-”

“Exactly. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He said leaning forward and taking your hand and your facade of stoicism and ease melted away immediately. The hurt from his actions just came to the surface and made a pang of pain ripple from your chest all the way out to your fingertips, you swore even your scalp hurt as his eyes met yours apologetically.

“Harry, it’s almost been a year.” You pointed out and he frowned.

“I know, love.” He confirmed, “And I haven’t even tried t-to apologize since that text I sent you.” He said and your eyes started welling up. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just…I got scared that if I took that step forward with you it meant that my work was gone.” He explained and you scoffed.

“Harry, no! When I asked you to slow down that’s all I meant. Slow down, not stop! I’d never tell you to stop.” You sighed, exasperated and upset that he even thought that you’d ever make him stop doing what he loved most, “I just wanted you to slow down a little and enjoy your life for yourself. Spend time with your mom and your sister and your cousins and nieces and nephews!” You vented, “W-with me.” You added towards the end and he nodded in understanding. “What you do with your work matters to me. I see how happy it makes you. And I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me about your priorities.” You said and he shook his head.

“You didn’t. I should’ve talked to you about it all, Y/N. I know I fucked up, big time, but I love you and-”

“No you don’t…” you interrupted with a scoff as you pulled your hand away from his, “You’re just jealous because I’m ready to move on with someone else now.” You said to him and he glanced up at the ceiling and smiled sadly.

“Yeah, of course I’m fucking jealous!” he confessed through a pained, breathy laugh, “And I still love you and whether you believe it or not because of my previous actions, I respect you and you deserve an apology. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He explained as his eyes met yours again, “I know that I’ve lost you, Y/N.” He said sadly, “Believe me, I didn’t come to try and talk you out of that decision. I just wanted to tell you, in person, that I love you with my whole heart. I should’ve fought for you. You showed me so much love and gave me all of your care and support all the time! I shouldn’t have been scared t-to talk about it. I shouldn’t have let you go.” He explained, “I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, Y/N. I know that.” He sniffled and you wiped your tears carefully. “I just needed you to know that it’s not anything you did. I love you, even still, I think I’ll die loving you.” He said.

“Jesus, Harry…” you inhaled sharply before standing up quickly. You grabbed your purse from the coffee table and started rushing back to the door.

“Baby! Baby, baby, baby-” he rushed in front of you blocking the door, “J-just wait.” He sniffled, he looked panicked.

“Why should I?” You questioned him, “Why now?” You asked for clarity and he swallowed thickly, “You had this whole fucking time and now that I’m just about t-to forget about you, y-you show up and…” you trailed off as your anger boiled over and your tears started to trickle down your face more heavily.

“Y/N, I’m sorry-” He started.

“Y-you better not be trying to manipulate me!” You warned, your voice raised in accusation and he shook his head.

“I know it might seem that way b-but I’m not, love. I’m not looking for anything from you, I know I don’t deserve it. I just needed t-to see you and apologize to you and tell you how I feel before you wouldn’t entertain the idea of me in your presence ever again. And I know you probably hate me so much right now-” He explained and you inhaled sharply with a disappointed shake of your head.

“That’s the stupidest fucking part of this whole thing! I-” you stopped and shook your head, “I felt so happy when I heard from you.” You confessed, “And I still have so much love for you.” You sniffled and felt sick to your stomach just admitting it. You felt like an idiot for it.

You had gone over a very similar scenario in your head if not millions of times before while daydreaming or lying in bed. You dreamed of him coming back and apologizing and you having the strength to not come crawling back to him after whatever excuse he gave. Except you’d gotten it wrong. Harry wasn’t standing before you asking you to come back to him with an underlying arrogance that came with knowing that your love was enough to have you come back to him. He was actually just coming to be accountable for his mistakes and to apologize to you for hurting you. He came with humility and sincere repentance for his errors, no ulterior motives. And well, you weren’t nearly as strong as you thought you’d be by now.

“Oh, baby…” he sighed, “I don’t deserve it.” He recognized, “And I know that you’re happy.”

“I am.” You sniffled.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel confused, I really didn’t want that. I really just wanted to make things as right as I could after all this time.”

“Thank you.” You responded and he gave you one firm nod. “I think I should go.” You said and he glanced into your eyes and just waited for a moment and when you didn’t waiver he exhaled and moved out of your way to let you leave.

You reached for the door and opened it up before stepping out into the hall, pulling it shut behind you as you cried quietly as you walked back to the elevator, what seemed like a trap before now felt like your much needed escape. You were just about to step inside when you glanced back down the hallway at his door, questioning if you’d been too harsh. After all, you did miss him and you still loved him…you’d definitely regret not giving him a hug goodbye or even just confirming to him that you forgave him. So with all the strength you had, you ignored that pull to return to him and got inside and left. It was time to move on.

****************

You’d been quiet and in your head all afternoon. Internalizing everything you were feeling was weird because you were never one to just let things brew in silence. You had to talk about it and your best friend was back in the UK and she had an important work thing in the morning so you couldn’t interrupt and you just wanted to talk to someone who would be 100% real with you. You decided to just distract yourself until stopped by for dinner, surely his company would provide an adequate distraction.

But even when Steven arrived you found yourself ruminating on how awkwardly you’d left Harry. You certainly got what you needed but you were out of there so fast that you had no idea if he got the closure he needed from you and now you felt bad! That’s what you were thinking about, but your silent and pensive demeanor had Steven feeling iced out which he did not like. So after sitting in your little living room on his phone for half an hour in complete silence as his football game droned on, on the TV he figured he’d just ask you.

“Babe, are you upset at me?” He finally asked as he came into the kitchen. You were just grating some carrots into the salad you were making for dinner.

“No.” You assured him with a small smile as you glanced up at him briefly.

“Well, you’ve been oddly quiet since I got here. More than half the time I’m wishing you’d just shut up for five minutes but I don’t know anymore…it’s weird.” He joked, trying to make light of the situation. But upon hearing that your brows pinched in confusion and offense at his “joke”.

“That’s quite rude and not funny at all. I heard you turn on the game and you don’t like it when I talk to you when you’r watching so I just stayed quiet.” You mumbled a bit spitefully before going back to grating and he came closer and placed a hand on your hip.

“Damn, you’re so sensitive, it was a joke.” He said mawkishly and your irritation continued blooming so you refused to look at him, “Y/N, you’re clearly in your head about something and now you’re taking it out on me.” He said and you sighed.

“I’m not taking anything out on you, Steven. I’m just thinking some stuff through.” You shared with him.

“Stuff like…?” He pressed.

“Like…my ex, Harry.” You said and he straightened up at the mention of Harry’s name.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asked with a sardonic smile and you put down the carrot and glanced up at him.

“You asked.” You emphasized and he huffed out a sarcastic laugh, “I’m not done, so listen up because it’s good news for you.” You said and he clenched his jaw and nodded, “Well he’s in town and he asked to see me so we could talk,” You explained and Steven’s expression twisted into a disconcerting look, “so earlier I met up with him and we talked-”

“Wait.” He cut you off, “Why the hell would you think to go see your ex?” He asked you, fully offended over what you’d done this afternoon.

“I went to get closure! And well, considering we’ve been talking about starting a relationship in the near future it’s good for us that I just close that door for good.” You explained and he shook his head.

“And you didn’t think to tell me about this before you went there?”

“It happened so fast and I know you were meeting clients all day so I-”

“You should have at least asked if I was fine with you doing that!” He groaned with frustration and you frowned.

“Like…ask you for permission?” You asked and he shook his head.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N.” He snapped quickly.

“I’m not, I was asking for clarification. You said I should’ve asked if it was alright with you before going. Is that not asking for permission?” You asked and he sighed.

“Look, not permission but like…at least consider me! Like, have me be there so he doesn’t get any ideas.” He said and you looked at him like he was completely delusional.

“W-what?!” You asked in disbelief, “Why would I invite you into a conversation with me and my ex about our old relationship?” You questioned.

“Because, I need to make sure nothing weird is going on! And if you didn’t want me there, which you clearly didn’t, then you should’ve asked if I was cool with you going to meet him all alone! It makes me uncomfortable to think of you two alone.” He said and you were complete confused at his logic.

“And what if you said that no, I couldn’t go?” You asked.

“I would’ve said no and you would’ve not gone.” He rebutted confidently and you were in total shock, “You have no business talking to him again, Y/N.” He added and you sighed and shook your head in exasperation.

“I wanted answers and an apology, Steven. I am owed at least that! And he took responsibility. He was able to give that to me.” You said and he scoffed.

“You’re…you’re so fucking naive.” He said and you looked at him in confusion, “It’s a test. He was testing you! Testing you to see if you’re still loyal to him. Testing to see if he still has power over you! And guess what? By going there all alone the moment he called you up, you confirmed that for him. You confirmed that he still owns you!” He was speaking to you in the most belittling way. You felt your rage flaring up inside of you.

“What are you even saying?!” You scoffed in disbelief, “It was just a conversation! I was in and out of there in less than 10 minutes!” You laughed incredulously.

“10 minutes? Really? That alone fucked you up so much you couldn’t talk to me?” He asked with a sardonic look on his face and you rolled your eyes, “See now, I’m not so sure that something else didn’t happen between you two.” He soft-launched his accusation and you scoffed.

“Nothing happened! I’m telling you that he said what he needed to say and I just left!” You explained, “I’m just thinking on it because I don’t feel right about just having left like that.” You explained, “It was awkward, the way I handled it. I didn’t even ask him if he had any questions for me or anything else to say, I was selfish. I just got the apology I needed and that was that.” You said a bit sadly and his jaw clenched for a second before biting down on the inside of his cheek.

“You promise that was it?” He asked you after a few moments of silence.

“I promise! Literally we just talked.” You reiterated and he nodded.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” He said grumpily, like a child who is dying inside because they had to apologize. You imagined he was feeling a bit ashamed or even embarrassed for jumping to conclusions like that and being so off the mark. So you walked up to him and hugged him tight as you rested your head against his chest. You relaxed in his arms and smiled when you felt his hand grab your jaw and angle up your face. Your eyes met for a few tense seconds, you were preparing for him to ardently kiss you but suddenly his hand fell from your jaw and grabbed around your throat, right beneath your jaw. Your eyes widened in fear as his grip got a bit tighter by the second. His eyes were dark as he stared into yours.

“S-steven.” You gasped in concern as you started to run out of oxygen. You tried to wiggle out of his grip, eyes watery and full of fear as your nails dug into his wrist hoping to startle him out of whatever possessed him to do this.

“I don’t want you talking to or seeing him again. Never again. Do you understand me?” He demanded and you felt your entire body just turn cold. You had no idea how to even react to this change in Steven’s demeanor so you just nodded. “You’re going to be mine soon and I need to know that I can trust you fully.” He said “I want to trust you. But can I? Can I trust you to stay away from him?” he asked and you nodded again, you’d do anything to get out of this situation, “Then say it. Swear to me.” He insisted darkly as he loosened his grip around you.

“I-I’ll never talk to him or see him again.” You whispered, “I swear.” You insisted with tearful eyes and he let you go before walking out of the kitchen silently. 

You grabbed onto the counter because your legs unexpectedly lost their strength. You were panting, struggling so hard to breathe as this entire interaction processed in your brain. You suddenly felt extremely nauseated as a wave of fear overcame you. You trembled wordlessly for a bit, feeling so devastatingly mortal. You’d never had such little power. You’d never felt so small. After a short, uncomfortable, and contemplative moment you grabbed the carrot you had been working on and got back to grating. You just had to take deep breaths and grate.

You were walking on egg shells for the remainder of the night, doing anything and everything to act as normal as possible and not bait him into another aggression. Meanwhile, he was genuinely chatting with you so casually, as if he hadn’t just grabbed you by the throat like that. It terrified you that he wasn’t acting, he was genuinely fine. You were questioning yourself now, wondering if there were signs you missed? Granted, you were now getting into more serious turf, but there was nothing that you’d seen before that indicated towards him ever behaving this way. Even as you lay in bed attempting to get some rest you just stared at your ceiling thinking about that moment. How dark his eyes looked…did you need to tell someone? It’s not like he’d actually hurt you…or threatened you…he just made you promise to stay away from Harry. There wasn’t even a mark on you. Who would believe you or what could you even do about it?

He sweetened up intensely after that though and it had your mind reeling. Even when you’d had sex earlier he had been so possessive. Normally, any type of sensual talk got you going but when he told you he was “going to make you his” as he finished it didn’t have the usual or intended effect, it made you feel uneasy and made you regret having slept with him after what had happened earlier on. You immediately hopped into the shower because you just needed to wash off the memory of him of on you. You held in your tears because you thought he would join you but he just called out a goodbye after some minutes. But even in your solitude you were practically frozen and emotionless. You’d never experienced him like that and it worried you, so you decided to talk to your friend about it.

*****************

You were nervous to talk to Marie about this because she was also his cousin, but you just needed to know if there was a history to Steven that you didn’t know yet. Maybe he’d done something like this before, just got aggressive and overly possessive with another partner? Or perhaps he’d been cheated on and severely overreacted because of his past hurt? But Marie’s sort of distant demeanor should’ve tipped you off that things were not going to be good with this conversation.

“Thanks for meeting me. I actually wanted t-to talk to you about something important.” You said as soon as the waiter left after bringing your drinks. “Something that happened w-with Steven.” You said and she pulled away from her straw.

“Look, you don’t need to tell me what happened, Y/N.” She interjected, “Steven already told me.” She said flatly and for a second her anger seemed just. You were glad she was angry at him for you. “And look I love you and you’re my friend, but quite frankly, I can’t believe you’d go and hook up with Harry after how good Steven has been to you.” She said and your jaw dropped in shock.

“W-wait what?” You asked incredulously.

“Don’t do that with me, Y/N. I know how weak you are for Harry.” She said and you shook your head, “I mean…I did warn Steven early on t-to be careful and take his time with you because you’d probably cave and run back to Harry.” She said and you frowned, “But after all this time? I mean Jesus, Y/N! The man pretended like you didn’t exist for almost a year! How little self respect do you have t-to allow him back in after everything?!” She questioned you with disappointment and a harsh judgement.

“Is that really what you think of me?” You asked her and she sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry for being so harsh but I love you and I’m angry at you for cheating on my cousin. He’s a good guy!” She defended her stance and you shook your head.

“I didn’t cheat on your cousin. We’re not even in an official or exclusive relationship so even if I had fooled around with Harry he has nothing to be upset over! He’s the one who hasn’t wanted to be exclusive yet!” You corrected and Marie smiled incredulously down at her drink, “You don’t have to believe me about Harry if you don’t want but believe this, Steven? He’s not a good guy.” You said and she looked up at you again fully offended.

“Y/N, look-”

“No, listen to me. I just need you t-to hear me out. Last night he…h-he grabbed me really hard by the throat and made me swear I would never talk to or see Harry again. He terrified me.” You confessed and her eyes didn’t even soften up, “I came t-to ask if maybe I’d struck a nerve by mistake, looking to justify how he behaved towards me but the fact that he got to you first and lied about what happened…that just confirmed to me that I want nothing to do with him. He’s a ticking time bomb and I refuse to be collateral damage.” You said as you stood from your seat.

“How dare you.” She said and stood as well and you shook your head. “You can’t just go around throwing accusations about someone like that! Especially about this sort of thing! It could ruin him, Y/N!” She said with a quiet and calculated rage.

“Believe what you want, but I want nothing to do with either of you ever again.” You said to her and walked off. When you sat in your car you were trembling with rage, you could not believe the last 24 hours of your life. You were just collecting yourself before taking off, you didn’t want to get on the road with that much anger flowing through your veins. You jumped in surprise when your phone started ringing loudly from your purse and you groaned and reached for it and when you saw Harry’s name on the screen you just felt a wave of comfort and then it turned into fear. You knew Steven wasn’t here but you couldn’t help but glance around your immediate surroundings before answering the call.

“Hello?” You spoke into the receiver tentatively.

“Y/N, I ummm, I need you to come down to my hotel right away if you can.” He said to you and you felt your stomach drop.

“W-why?” You asked him nervously.

“Your boyfriend broke into my suite and tried to attack me.” He said and you gasped. “Are you alright?” You asked instantly.

“Yeah, thankfully. But now h-he’s telling the officers that you put him up to this.” He said lowly, “Just come and we’ll sort this out.” He assured.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” You said and took off despite your heightened emotions.

Just before you arrived to Harry’s suite you saw a pair of officers guide Steven away down the hall in hand cuffs. He had a bandage over his nose and a busted lip. He barely held eye contact with you as they pulled him along. You rushed down the hall and hurried into the open suite more than relieved to see a paramedic only icing Harry’s hand while he talked to one of the officers looming over him.

“Oh my god, I’m glad you’re okay!” You exclaimed in relief and he stood right away and hugged you tight as you leaned into him and that’s when all of your emotions from even the night before caught up with you and you started to cry. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you lowly.

“Yeah, but sometimes you minimize things to not worry anyone so…” you reminded and he chuckled a little as you pulled back, “I’m so sorry about this, H. Sincerely. Genuinely! I-I can’t believe he went as far as pulling something like this.” You expressed, still quite flabbergasted at what had gone down. Harry rubbed over your back in comforting circles.

“It’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you, “He’s worse off than I am.” He smirked a bit as he delivered this news.

“Oh, I saw.” You chuckled through your tears and he hummed. “You’re not gonna get into any trouble, are you?” You asked.

“No, love.” He assured you, “I acted in self-defense so we’re all clear there. He did give me a good scare though.” He said more seriously and you sighed. 

“This never should have happened…I just don’t get it where this came from? I swear, this is not at all like him! I’ve never seen him behave this way in the couple months we’ve been seeing each other. Even last night was just so out of character for how he’s always been towards me! And I’m not trying to make excuses for him. Clearly this is fucked-”

“Wait. What happened last night?” Harry asked you more seriously and you sighed and shook your head.

“Nothing, really.” You said to him and he gave you a look, not a scary one, just an insistent one. You sighed and shrugged, “Last night when I…when I told him we met up to talk and get closure he got really angry at me. Like, he was livid. It was truly an overreaction to me mentioning that I was really happy over having received that apology from you but that I felt like I had been awkward about it and left it weird with us.” You explained, “Then, he asked why I didn’t ask for permission t-to talk to you or see you or why I didn’t ask him to come with me? And I explained that I agreed to meet with you so that we could clear the air so that I could move on with him in peace and he accused me of fooling around with you.” You explained monotonously as you felt like you were there all over again, “I assured him we just talked and he then pretended like it was fine and apologized half-heartedly… and I went in to hug him but then it’s like a switch flipped.” You recounted what had happened, “I thought he was going t-to kiss me but he…” your voice faded out into an exhale, “H-he grabbed me so hard by the throat and made me swear that I wouldn’t see o-or talk to you ever again-”

“Miss?” One of the officers interrupted and you turned towards the officer as Harry released you just a bit. 

“Yes?” You asked softly.

“Can you elaborate more on this altercation?” He asked and you swallowed thickly.

“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.” You said softly, eyes now laser focused on Harry’s dangling pendant as your vision started to blur with more building tears. You were scared more than worried about getting Steven into any more trouble and Harry could see that. “Love, look at me.” Harry insisted and you blinked rapidly as one of your tears trickled down your cheek before you looked up at him, “If he did anything to scare you, you need to report it.” He said, “He’s fucked as it is for this, he can’t do anything to you ever again. He won’t.” Harry assured you and you nodded.

You proceeded to explain what had happened and how he had grabbed you. You explained that you felt intimidated and frozen and unsure of what to do next after the altercation. You were asked why you didn’t call the police or make a report and you explained that you didn’t think there was anything to report. He hadn’t technically hit you or injured you. You had no visible marks on you or anything to prove this apart from the fear you’d been harboring ever since. But the officer informed you that even a forceful grab is considered assault in the sate of California. And that speaking to you that way, exerting any tactics to make you feel subdued or intimidated were also considered acts of aggression and intimidation that were reportable offenses. And after a few more questions and you assuring them that he had never done anything like this to you before they moved back to the situation with Harry. With police reports filed they went on their way and you offered to get Harry a new place to spend the rest of his trip.

**************

It was just a few hours later and you were sitting in your living room waiting for Harry to come out of the shower and for his lawyer to arrive. You felt awful for this whole thing with Steven, you really had no idea he was a psycho like this. Marie had actually tried calling you almost 20 times and had sent you about 15 texts asking you to call back and that she was sorry for not believing you earlier. You were still too angry at her to respond so you put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” and just focused on the TV and wondered if it was a good idea to have brought Harry to your home. You had found another place for him to stay but before you booked it he asked if it would be alright to use your guest room because he was concerned for your safety since Steven knew where you lived. 

His concerns were valid. And you knew that Steven was well connected and had several lawyer friends who you were sure could get him out on bail by the morning, so you agreed to let him stay. You just didn’t want to also put Harry in harm’s way again. You would never forgive yourself if Steven did anything to hurt him. All in all, none of this felt real, you felt like you were in an unhinged daytime soap episode just waiting for another tragedy to befall you and those in your life. You were so on edge that you flinched in fright when the doorbell rang. Once the shiver passed through your body you hurried over to see through the peephole and saw Harry’s lawyer waiting there.

“Hi Darius.” You greeted him with a smile and he smiled back upon seeing you as well. It’d been quite a while.

“Y/N! Wow!” He chuckled, “It’s so great to see you!” He greeted you happily as you led him inside.

“Likewise! I think Harry’s just finishing up his shower, he had quite the day.” You said as you locked up behind him and he sighed.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry to hear about that. But I’m glad he’s safe and that you’re also safe.” He assured you and you thanked him before guiding him over to the kitchen and allowing him to get set up while you went to grab the Coca-cola he’d requested. 

It was just a couple of minutes before Harry joined you two and caught up a bit with Darius before he got into the story of what happened. Harry was going to follow through on pressing charges and he was even more motivated to get it all done ASAP when he heard what Steven had done to you the night before. He wanted to give Darius his statement as well while it was fresh in his memory so that it matched up perfectly to what he’d told the police and so he started answering the questions while Darius recorded and took notes as well. But hearing it in detail for yourself made it all the more sinister for you. You weren’t even thinking about it all that deeply when you reached for Harry’s hand under the table and he paused and briefly looked at you.

“Sorry.” You mouthed and started to pull it away from him but he instead tangled your fingers together and kept talking.

You stayed at his side for the rest of the time until Darius left, assuring you both that he’d let you know as soon as any headway was made in this case. With a final farewell you were locking up behind him as Harry waited for you just a small distance away. You sighed and turned to him.

“I’m so, so sorry about this, Harry. If I had know that he would do something like this… I mean, I just shouldn’t have said anything to him about you or-”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. How were you supposed to know, love?” He asked as he grabbed your face gently, right under your jaw and you swallowed thickly and he quickly slid his hands down to your shoulders. “Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot.” He said and you shook your head.

“It’s alright. It’s still fresh.” You reminded and he sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry…if I had just come back to you when I was supposed to we wouldn’t be in this mess.” He said and you sighed.

“You weren’t happy though, I mean…you preferred to be alone all this time instead of back with me so…it was the right thing for you at the time.” You said to him.

“You forgive me though, right? For not…” he trailed off and you nodded.

“Yeah, H.” You assured him and he pecked your lips quickly.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Of course.” You whispered back. Your lips still tingling from his quick kiss. 

“Sorry, I just needed to kiss you.” He said and you smiled slightly.

“I get it.” You assured him. “D-do you want to…sleep with me?” You asked with a little bit of hesitation.

“Yeah, love.” He said without a hint of a doubt, “Of course. I’m a bit shaken up myself.” He said and you nodded.

“C’mon then.” You said and grabbed his hand and guided him to your bedroom. You guys washed up and then cuddled into your bed. 

You faced each other silently, just looking at each other, taking each other in. You were telling each other you had missed each other with your shared, longing gaze, but you refused to touch. You both loved the static and electric feeling buzzing between your bodies far too much. It was masochism in its purest form. It hurt to be apart, you missed his vibe. His energy. His presence…Harry was a warm, little ball of light, even on his dark days. He was the kindest, most thoughtful person you’d been is fortunate to encounter. He was so hard on himself also, and you knew he was angry at himself right now. You didn’t want him to be though, you wanted him to be here with you and enjoying this reunion, however unfortunate the situation was that led to it. 

The amount of love you felt for him was impossible. As you laid in silence you smiled because you had truly missed the sound of his breathing. You inhaled his exhales, feeling more than grateful to be within his reach. You wanted to feel him on you, skin to skin. You shivered as you felt this intense love just surge through you.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” You said softly and sincerely. His eyes glanced down, averting from your gaze as he smiled in disbelief. “I mean it.” 

“Even after all this time?” He asked, “After everything I’ve done?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t hurt by you.” You smiled and he chuckled, “But yeah, I still love you despite those things.”

“Enough to give me another chance?” He asked.

“I…I mean, yeah.” You chuckled nervously. “And I don’t know i-if I’m a complete fool for that?! But I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, baby. More so lately…” he said and you hummed.

“Why’s that?” You asked.

“Umm…I was cleaning out your side of things. Like to send ‘em back to you and I just…I found this little box in the corner on your side of the closet-”

“The memory box!” You exclaimed, remembering its existence.

“Yeah…I just got to see all of the wonderful things we’ve shared together. How you’ve been there for absolutely everything. You’ve never let me down.” He said softly, “And I just…felt like a total fool for dismissing that. Nothing feels the same without you, you’re the thing that just…tied everything together, you know? You made my heart feel…whole.” He explained, “When I say that I miss you that’s what I mean. I’ve been incomplete without you around, Y/N. I’ve been missing you from everything. I’m so sorry that I waited until I almost lost you to reach out to you…” he whispered with shame. You frowned and reached for his cheek

“Everything happens for a reason, honey.” You whispered, “I mean, I’m glad you came along at this time because you saved me from a potentially dangerous situation.” You said more solemnly.

“I’m glad I was here for this. May-maybe this is a…sign of sorts for you to come back home with me.” He said a bit carefully. 

Harry was nervous to bring this up to you but he really just didn’t want you staying anywhere near this man. He wanted to be certain that he could keep you safe, that he could protect you and ensure that you were never so easily in harm’s way again.  And on top of that, his love for you continued simmering lowly in the background, it had never gone out. He just fled out of fear and he regretted it so much. He had been selfish and didn’t realize it until far too late. It filled him with gratitude that you’d even hear him out for an apology, let alone give him another chance. A chance that he may have blown with this suggestion he’d just put out there.

“Ummm…I…I’m not sure w-what to say to that.” You responded honestly, “Like, my first instinct is to say yes.” You chuckled nervously and while he was relieved to hear that, he held off his excitement to hear what would come next, “But like you’ve acknowledged a couple times already, we’ve been apart for a while and I think we both hurt each other to some extent and I worry that…in jumping right back into where we left things off that we’ll forget about all of the issues that led to us breaking down instead of working through them.” You said and he hummed.

“Yeah, that’s extremely valid.” He responded, “And I guess I want this right now mainly because I don’t want you here all alone.” He explained, “I realize we have things to work through before we can get to where we were before all this. And I’m so willing to put in the work with you to get to that stage again. But right now I just want to ensure that you’re safe and far away from that prick, Steven. That’s my main concern as of now, baby.”

“Well thank you for worrying about me. I would love to leave with you but I don’t think it’d be a smart move.” You sighed.

“Even just for a few weeks until things cool off a bit? I can set you up somewhere else even.” He said and you bit your lip pensively.

“I’ll think about it.” You responded.

“Okay, that’s…that’s enough for me.” He whispered back.

***********************

It  was a couple weeks later when Steven finally showed up at your place. Obviously you had the locks changed, so his key didn’t work, which really angered him. And when you heard him shouting at you and pounding on the door, threatening to break in if you didn’t allow him in, you immediately called the cops as you had a restraining order filed against him. You also recorded everything this time as you tried to calmly coax him into leaving before they showed up. He was angry that Harry was pressing charges against him and he wanted you to talk him out of it. You knew better than to say anything about Harry’s case, so instead you asked Steven how he even got access to Harry’s location. Up until this point it was all speculation, you just assumed he grabbed the information off of your phone, that really was the only way. But there was no proof yet that this was a premeditated aggression on Steven’s end. So when he confessed to you that he searched for the information on your phone you were relieved and would submit that as further evidence to get a more strict order against him.

He refused to leave and the longer you didn’t let him in the angrier he got and even broke a window. Thankfully, the police were just arriving when this happened and they submitted an Emergency Protective Order, this was far more strict than the restraining order but that was really all they could do. You really didn’t feel safe anymore so the next morning you contacted your landlord and explained to her what had happened and let her know that you’d have to terminate your lease early for your safety. She was kind and didn’t make you pay the extra fee or even make you finish out a whole month, she just hoped you’d fine somewhere else soon. 

You contacted Harry and of course, he said you could stay with him for a little bit. You felt stupid for not just doing that to begin with like he had suggested. But the reality was that he had also hurt you and let you down and you were worried about what moving in together again so soon would do to impact your future. But for the time being this felt like the safest choice. Steven knew your friends and co-workers in the area thanks to Marie, so there was no one you could go to in LA that you felt he wouldn’t think of. It pained you to quit your job and pack up your life and go, but you needed to. Of course, Harry welcomed you with open arms and you were grateful to know that you were a whole continent and ocean away from LA right now. 

*****************

It had been three weeks of you living with Harry and things had been going well so far. You felt drained though, like completely fatigued from everything, you often felt this way when you were anxious or depressed so you prioritized reconnecting with your therapist from before right away. You were seeing her every week so far and were eager to see and feel the results of doing this deep and healing work after what had happened to you and Harry in LA. You also reconnected with a few friends and they were helping you network a bit to find a job. Harry assured you that he was more than capable to take care of you but you didn’t feel comfortable with that, especially since your romantic future together was still a bit up in the air.

You two were doing well, you were reconnecting as friends more than anything right now. Living with him was comfortable though, you had lived together before though, so you knew how to exist in the same space together. You soon noticed that just being in a situation that was familiar to you both was making you both more affectionate towards each other though, which you both had been working hard to keep at bay. Of course, the feelings were there, but having those little things that reminded you, you weren’t alone made you smile, like now…

“Baby, I’m home! Are you here?” Harry called as he came into the house.

“Yeah, I’m in the laundry room!” You called back over the rumble of the washing machine as you folded your laundry. Moments later he was coming into the small, warm room with a smile on his face.

“Hi, love! How was it today?” He asked as he came up to you and hugged you.

“It was good. I met with Poppy and her friend, Sheila, she’s the one who just started up her own tanner line or something and needs an accountant? She’s interested, so I’m meeting with her and her partner again her next week when she’s back from her vacation to see about the position.” You shared.

“That’s really good. Hopefully it pans out.”

“I hope so too.” You said as you dropped the t-shirt you were working on in the basket with folded laundry so that you could interlace your fingers as you clung to him.

“And like I said before though, no rush, okay? You’re doing plenty to help out here. And after everything else you’ve been through, taking it slow can’t hurt.” He added.

“Thank you. I really do appreciate that, H.” You smiled.

“Of course, love.” He hummed. You pulled back slowly and looked into each other’s eyes. “I’m really happy you’re here.” He reassured you.

“Thank you, baby.” You whispered.

“Baby?” He asked with a grin and you rolled your eyes and sighed.

“Well, I mean…you call me that, so…”

“It feels right, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” You agreed with a smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered with a smile. He tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed your cheek.

“Can I kiss your for real?” He asked you quietly and you just nodded. Moments later your lips met in a tentative kiss. There was a little bit of hesitation at first but seconds later you were kissing with more depth. Your hands held his as he cupped your face tenderly as you continued to kiss. You’d kissed very quickly a handful of times since your arrival but nothing like this where you could feel yourself getting all hot and bothered by it.

“Baby…” you mumbled into the kiss.

“Right…sorry.” He hummed and let you go breaking the kiss abruptly and you chuckled as you blindly reached down your leg and finally grabbed the dryer sheet that was half hanging out of the dryer and tickling your leg. You crumbled it up and tossed it in the garbage bin just a few feel away from you before turning back and looking up to him.

“You can continue now.” You said with a small smile and he grinned before picking you up and setting you on the dryer as your mouths met with more urgency. Your kiss and need started to grow and grow and boil over very quickly.

It really wasn’t planned when he carried you to his room and got you undressed. Even though you’d yet to resolve everything from before, you didn’t feel worried or wrong about this. You felt comfortable and beautiful as you felt his bare skin against your own. You were eagerly awaiting it as he kissed down your body and made you feel so good along the way. He wasted no time in getting down and going down on you, showing you just how much he had missed you. He savored you and gave you his best until you were starting to lose your grip on reality.

“Oh fuck, I missed you…” you giggled through a moan as his tongue did it’s wonderful work between your legs. You were tingling all over as he flicked over your clit until you were trembling and then he started to suck, “Oh my god!” You gasped as your eyes started to roll back. “I’m getting so close!” You warned. 

Your lips parted and you started to pant when he started to work two fingers into you. Your breath hitched when he curved them up into your g-spot. You felt your body melt into the bed for a second before he started to fuck into you harden until you were so tense your legs trembled as you started to come. The soft moans flowing from your lips were egging Harry on, making him even more hungry for you. You pulled him back up to you and your lips met eagerly as you reached for the button of his jeans.

“Want ‘em off?” He asked and you nodded, “Sure, baby?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, baby. I want you. I need you.” You whispered and he smiled before kissing your lips quickly before pulling back a bit.

“I just…I need you to know that if we do this I want us t-to be the thing that means we’re going to try again.” He said and your gaze softened, “Obviously, I’ve missed your body and having you like this, but this is more than that to me. I want it to  be more than that.” He said and you nodded.

“I do too, baby. I want to try again. I really do.” You said to him with welled up eyes and he smiled and kissed you slowly again.

“You are everything to me.” He mumbled as you helped get his pants off blindly as he tugged the material down, “I’m never going to forget that again. I swear it, baby. You make me so fucking happy.” He panted as he toed off the pants before he climbed over you and pulled you up with him towards the the top of the bed. You climbed over his lap and kissed his passionately. Harry’s hands roamed your naked body with expertise. He knew the spots to touch and to pay mind to as you guys worked up to the love-making bit. You too appreciated his body. You touched and kissed over his body and took his length into your mouth, working him up just a bit more before you two had sex. 

“Shit, baby…fuck that’s so good!” He groaned as you sunk down on him until you gagged around his tip. You weren’t as used to his size as you once were. 

“Careful, baby. Go easy.” He reminded as he stroked over your cheek lovingly before running his thumb along your stretched out bottom lip. He loved seeing how you fit him in your hot little mouth. It had his abs clenching hard as you rolled and fondled his heavy balls in your hands until he was fighting the urge to start thrusting in your mouth. “Baby, please…please, I need you.” He panted and you popped off of him and glanced up at him.

“Can I get on?” You asked and he swallowed thickly.

“A-are you sure you want this?” He asked and you nodded.

“I do, H. I want this with you. I want everything with you. Everything that we had, I want it all back. I love you more than anything in the wor-” he cut you off with his kiss and laid you down. You were dying of impatience as hi heavy erection glided against your slicked up and swollen folds, you were so ready to have him back.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He whispered as he lined up to your entrance.

“I love you too. Please just…I need you.” You begged and so he pushed forward until he was sinking deep in your hot, wet little hole until he bottomed out. 

You hissed as you adjusted back to his size, he was great about it, so patient and eager to get you going by rubbing over your clit until you were so wet you were sliding up and down his shaft. He watched you hungrily as you lifted your hips up and down to feel him moving inside of you. But it got to the point where he needed to take over and just get you both to come. His thrusts were deep and slow, he was bottoming out with each one, it was making your brain blank each and every time he sunk into the deepest part of you. Your body was tingling and your walls fluttering and pulsing around him with every movement. Everything felt so good with him. He was looking down at you with so much adoration it was making you even more emotional.

“Baby, baby don’t cry.” He chuckled as he kissed your forehead as a few tears streamed down your cheek.

“It just feels so…good.” You sniffled and he kissed you quickly, “It feels so good to be with you.” You hummed as you rolled your hips up against his and he moaned lowly and kissed you again.

“Yeah? Are you gonna come for me?” He asked and you nodded. “Good girl, let me know when you’re getting close.”

“I will.” You whined out as he delved deep and ground against you until your eyes squeezed shut, “Shit!” You gasped as he started thrusting a bit faster into that spot until you just felt yourself leaking around.

“Fuck…” he laughed, “Fuck, you’re so wet f’me, I-I’m getting close.” He panted and you whined and started to rub your clit to catch up to him.

In a few moments you were right there on the edge with him. Your back was arching as you moaned his name as your orgasm nearly took you out. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurring as you started to come around him. He started to thrust faster to get off, but he was drawing out your orgasm until you were trembling.

“Fuck…fuck, I’m coming!” He warned as he started to press himself up to pull out. “Oh fuuuuck…” he moaned as he started to stroke himself as he came all over your mound. He thrusted his sensitive cock through your folds, making a little mess of you before kissing you ardently. “I love you. Love you so fucking much.” He whispered, his voice cracked as he started to cry and you pulled him into your chest and held him tight as you both just let your raw emotions out in this moment. 

You both needed it desperately. After he settled down he hurried to get something to clean you off and then you started to talk about you two. What you wanted, what you hoped to see in the future. You’d had these conversations before but even now the things that Harry was saying to you were complete different than before. Losing you seemed to be the thing that woke him up to how much he’d been taking you for granted. He’d gotten used to it, he’d gotten complacent at your expense.

“It’s going to be so different this time.” He said softly as he looked deep in your eyes, “I will be different this time.” He assured and you sighed.

“I believe you…there’s just a little part of me that is still not ready to let you back in.” You explained after he had explained how he was going to show up for you from now on, “I want to just trust you fully, but I’m afraid that you’ll make a fool of me again. That you’ll hurt me again.” You explained, “And I know y-you won’t but I just need to let you know that I’m still learning to trust you fully again.” You explained. “So please just…be a little patient with me.” You requested and he smiled.

“I know, baby. I will be patient with you and I will do everything I can to prove to you that I will never do anything to make you doubt choosing me again.” He said and kissed you slowly. You smiled into the kiss and let him pull you closer to him again and that’s how you fell asleep, nestled close together.

….. ONE MONTH LATER ….

In this short amount of time things had drastically shifted between you and Harry. You’d started to go on a date a week, doing thoughtful things for each other, sharing your feelings as they arose, communicated openly…he’d matured a lot in your time apart and helped you overcome your fears faster than you anticipated. You were so proud of him and it was spilling over into every moment. Like now, you were filled with a surge of love as you wandered into the kitchen to see him pulling out your favorite salad dressing from the fridge.

“Hiya, baby. What’re you up to?” You asked.

“Just making us your favorite salad for a light lunch.” He said.

“Wow, lunch already?” you asked and he smiled as you went over to him and hugged him from the back as you peeked over to his hands, eager to direct him on how much dressing he needed to add.

“Yeah, love!” He chuckled, “We had breakfast at 8! It’s already past 2pm.” He informed you and that surprised you. But you’d been so sucked into your work that it was very possible that you forgot to even feel hungry.

“Oh, I didn’t realize.” You explained and he frowned a bit.

“Baby, have you been feeling alright? It’s not just today, I’ve noticed that you haven’t had much of an appetite at all lately.” He pointed out and you frowned as you gave it some thought and realized that yeah, this was something you’d been feeling for at least two weeks. Maybe it was intense PMS? You hadn’t gotten your period since moving here, so you hoped it was just your body finally catching up with itself.

“You’re right…I mean, I have very visceral reactions to stress and big changes…I mean, my whole body and system have just been out of whack for a little but they’ll balance out again.” You assured him and he hummed.

“That’s true, it’s been hectic for you.” He said as he opened up the dressing bottle, “Honestly, I was thinking that-” he stopped as you gagged as the scent of the dressing wafting up towards you. You had to let him go and go hunch yourself over the sink as you felt the scent of the dressing just linger in your nose and mouth. “Baby…?” Harry came over and rubbed your back slowly, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…” you grimaced, “But I think the dressing is bad. Didn’t you smell that? It was rank!” You turned to him with a disgusted look on your face and he frowned.

“I didn’t smell anything. You look a bit awful now though. You’re all pale.” He said feeling your forehead and you exhaled slowly to ward off the nausea that you suddenly felt making your head spin.

“I might throw up, the dressing smells so bad.” You explained and he frowned and turned to the counter and brought it up to his nose and it smelled just fine to him. He even checked the bottle for the usage date and it was still good. 

“This is fine…should I mix your salad with something else then?” He asked and you shook your head.

“I think I’m fine. I’ll just have some toast.” You said and he nodded. Eventually, you had to go back to your “office” and leave him hanging for lunch because you could not handle the look and scent of the salad, especially that dressing. By the time dinner rolled around you were still feeling a little off so you just had some veggies in a chicken broth and that was that.

*******************

You’d truly forgotten about your sensitive sense of smell until once again, you were assailed by an unbearable scent. Except this time it had happened at your friend, Poppy’s house. And this time you did actually get sick.

“God, I’m so sorry, P.” You apologized as you returned to her kitchen with embarrassment, “I swear its not your cooking, my nose has just been so sensitive lately and I get to grossed out by certain scents. I’m not sure what exactly yet though.” You explained to her.

“God, you sound like my sister when she got pregnant.” Poppy chuckled and you froze. That hadn’t even crossed your mind. Yeah, you’d missed your period for the last two months but literally everything impacted your period, your cycle was fickle, especially when you were under as much stress as you’d been. You weren’t surprised that it hadn’t come at all. Truly, this wasn’t new to you, especially when you were stressed out, regardless of whether or not you were on the pill (which you weren’t after moving back here, you’d run out the week before you came out). Then, you recalled that when you and Harry had sex the first time he hadn’t used a condom. Yeah, he’d pulled out but that was never a guarantee.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Poppy asked you with concern.

“I think I should probably take a test just to rule that out. I mean, it’s…very unlikely but I was a bit irresponsible a bit ago and just need some peace of mind.” You said.

“Okay, I have some in my bathroom, let me get you one.” She offered and you nodded so she hurried off to get it for you.

You were sure you were good, but you just needed to see it for yourself. There was absolutely no way you could be pregnant, you weren’t ready for that. Harry wasn’t ready for that. Like emotionally you guys were, but you had just rekindled your relationship, the last thing you needed was something this crazy to throw a wrench in things so quickly after you’d gotten back together.

“Alright, here you are, babe.” She said handing over the box as she came up to you again.

“Thanks.” You smiled nervously.

“W-would you mind if I did it here?” You asked her and she smiled and shook her head.

“Of course not.” She assured you and with that you were off to the bathroom again, sitting there, willing yourself to pee enough to saturate the stick and finally it came and you put the cap back on it and washed your hands before coming out. “I hate to be that person but what if you are pregnant?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no idea…” you confessed through a nervous chuckle while you stared at the wall blankly, “I mean, H and I just…God, we’re just getting back into the groove of things. Throwing a baby into the mix at this time isn’t going to make anything easier. It’s just not what we need right now.” You explained to her.

“Yeah, I get that.” She chuckled, “Cam and I try and then we stop because of the same thing and like…ugh, it’s just a vicious cycle! And genuinely, if you have that many doubts it’s just that you’re not prepared for it, you know? That’s what I had to tell Cam after a few months.” She explained and you nodded in understanding. “I-if you are…what do you think Harry’d say?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no fucking clue…” you admitted, “Obviously, before, we had said we wanted to have a family together. But again, that was before everything went to shit with us.” You sighed, “And like, we’re in such a good place right now…” you sighed, “Like I know he wouldn’t be a prick about it but we’re not quite ready for that yet.” You chuckled nervously and Poppy nodded in understanding.

“Well, don’t worry, you’ll see in a few minutes that everything is fine.” She smiled with encouragement. 

You decided to believe her that everything was going to be fine. You were already booked for a full body, deep tissue massage next week with Poppy when your timer went off. You turned off the timer and then brought the test up closer and your heart stopped beating and you stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity. Staring right back at you, clear as day, were two little pink lines.

“Th-that means I’m…right?” You asked showing Poppy and she bit her lip nervously and nodded.

“Are you okay?” She asked you with concern and you just exhaled slowly. You were completely taken by surprise. Then you started to get worried.

“I ummm…I think I need to get home.” You said to her, still in shock. You swallowed thickly as you tried to imagine how Harry would react to the news that he would be a father.

“Do you want me to drive you over?” She offered, since you had walked from Harry’s to hers. It was just a 20 minute walk, you guys lived quite close.

“No, no, P, it’s alright. I think walking will be good for me, I need to…I need…” you trailed off as your eyes started to well up with tears as you started to imagine the worst case scenario.

“Hey…Hey, hey, hey, c’mere.” She said pulling you into her arms as you started to cry, “It’s going to be alright, babe. H is not gonna be angry, you know that.” She assured you as she rubbed comforting circles into your back as you held her tight. “You have options, yeah? You know that he’ll have your back no matter what.” She said and you nodded, “Let me get you home, yeah?”

“Okay.” You whispered to your best friend and she gave you one more squeeze before letting you go.

  Once you got to your place she encouraged you to have a shower and that she’d get some tea going for you. You texted Harry that you needed him to come home as soon as possible, you didn’t want this solely on your chest for another minute. You took your time and when Harry started pulling into your driveway Poppy popped in and let you know before shouting a goodbye to you. You sighed and relished in the warm water for just another moment before turning off the water. You were soon reaching for your robe and slipping into it. You padded over to the mirror to wash your face and you bit your lip before untying the robe and looking over your body. You looked the same, you saw no evidence of a baby.

“Baby?” You heard Harry calling from downstairs. Soon, his footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and you quickly tied your robe up and got to lathering your face wash in your hands.

“In the bathroom!” You called back before rubbing it into your skin. He rushed into the bathroom and looked more than relieved to see you intact.

“Are you alright?” He asked and you sighed and quickly bent over to rinse your face. You then dabbed it dry as you reached for your toner.

“I think so…” you responded after a little bit, “I don’t know.” You sighed as you grabbed your moisturizer.

“Well what’s going on? Hmmm?” He asked you as he came over and kissed your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your middled and pulled you in closer and suddenly you had to throw up again. You gasped and wriggled out of his hold and turned around to face him. Your eyes started welling up with tears again and you were just building up the courage to say it. “Baby, you’re worrying me.” He said softly and you swallowed thickly.

“Ummm…I…I’m pregnant.” You said and his jaw slightly dropped. He let out a small and nervous laugh before he just pulled you back into his arms without a single word. You hugged him back and just held each other for a little bit.

“What do you want to do?” He finally asked you and you shook your head.

“I have no fucking clue…” you said and he let you go and hoisted you up onto the counter. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he held your thighs, “I mean, what do you think?” You asked and he sighed.

“I don’t fucking know…I mean, that’s gonna be our baby so I…like I’m inclined t-to give it a try. But at the same time I don’t know that our relationship is ready for something like this. I mean, I want this with you in a few years but we’re just getting started again.”

“I know…I don’t even know how this…like you pulled out.”

“I know, but it’s not always a guaranteed thing.” He said and you sighed.

“I should’ve said something then…” you shook your head as you rubbed your forehead with one of your hands.

“Hey, there’s no point for any would’ve-should’ve-s,” he said, “It’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out soon, okay?” You nodded, “Just take your time, baby. Whatever you decide, I have your back.” He assured you and you nodded. He grabbed your face and kissed your lips until you were smiling.

“Stoooop.” You giggled, “M’not in the mood.” You pouted through your smile and he smiled.

“I think you’re lying.” He hummed and you rolled your eyes. “Look, how about we get an appointment with the doctor and see how far along you are and maybe that’ll help us decide what we might want to do.” He said and you nodded.

“Yes, good thinking.” You smiled, “God, I was so scared to tell you.” You sighed and he tutted.

“What made you think to take a test?”

“I smelled something P was cooking and got sick.” You said, you felt tour cheeks growing hot in embarrassment. Harry chuckled and then furrowed his brows pensively. 

“Didn’t you almost get sick at the salad dressing a bit ago?” He recalled and you chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s true…” you remembered, “I mean, I know I haven’t gotten my period but-”

“How was that not a sign?!” He chuckled in disbelief and you proceeded to explain how your period often skipped when you were under a lot of stress so this wasn’t an odd thing for you. But he was sweet, he was calm, but you could see the cogs just turning at full speed in his mind. You hoped he wasn’t angry at you, but you couldn’t help but think that he was and that he would run again. “I’m not angry, you know?” He mumbled softly and you glanced into his eyes and smiled a bit, “I can see it in your eyes, you know?” He whispered.

“You sure?”

“I am, baby. But I am…excited too…I mean, I don’t want to dwell on it too much incase we decide not to proceed with this but…I am. I mean, you’re the only person I want to have a life with. No matter how it happens, it’s you that I want to have babies with and raise them with and just share that experience with. So if you did want to continue with the pregnancy that would be good with me too.” He hummed.

“Okay. Thank you for your opinion.” You whispered before kissing his lips and hugging him tight against. You kissed at his neck as you just nestled yourself in the crook of it. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He smiled.

…. TWO DAYS LATER ….

You currently found your self peeing into a cup at the doctor’s office. You knew you were pregnant, but the doctor wanted to verify before they did an ultrasound to see where you were at. Once you finished you closed up the little jar and left it not he shelf as instructed. You washed your hands and then scurried across the hall and back into your room to see Harry intently reading the poster on the wall abut pregnancy.

“You know you get super horny during the second trimester.” He said in amusement, “As if you needed any more of that while pregnant…greedy.” He mumbled with a grin and you chuckled.

“You’re dumb.” You said as you went back over to the bench and sat again. You dangled your feet back and forth for a bit before Harry came over.

“What’re you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that…this is fucking insane.” You chuckled.

“In a good way?”

“Yeah…bad too.” You hummed and he nodded and leaned in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s going to be just fine, baby.” He assured you right as the doctor knocked at the door. “Come in!” Harry called and soon the woman was coming in.

“Hello, Y/N!” Dr. Sallow greeted you sweetly, “Glad you’re back!” She said with glee and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You replied, “And ummm, this is Harry, my…partner.” You said and she turned to him and smiled.

“Harry, wonderful to meet you.” She smiled and extended her hand and they shook them quickly before she walked over to the screen. “So, you’re here because you are pregnant.” She said and you nodded, “I can confirm that.” She smiled and Harry squeezed your knee when you inhaled sharply. It sort of felt official now. “So we can definitely do an ultrasound if you’d like, the room is available. Or did you have other questions?” she asked.

“Definitely an ultrasound. Want to know how far along I am and that sort of thing.”

“I’d assume fairly early if you’re just noticing any symptoms, so don’t be too disappointed if we don’t see much of anything just yet.” She forewarned and you both nodded. “Alright, I’m gonna have nurse Debbie set up the room and then she’ll escort you over and we’ll get a look at you.”

“Thank you.” You smiled and soon she excused herself before fluttering off to her next patient. You only waited a couple of minutes before nurse Debbie came to escort you to the ultrasound room and got you all set up. Harry was practically bouncing beside you with anxiety as he waited. 

“Let me get the doctor.” Debbie said and hurried out. You glanced over to Harry.

“Hey, hold my hand.” You said and he dragged a chair over and interlocked your fingers. “I’m so excited to see.” You whispered and he grinned wide.

“Me too.” He confessed and you chuckled. “Maybe we…think a bit more about keeping it…” he suggested and you smiled a bit.

“Yeah? You mean it?” You asked softly and he nodded.

“I do, baby.” He smiled. 

A few moments later Dr. Sallow was announcing herself again before coming in. She explained the procedure and then got the gel on you before grabbing the camera and gliding it over your tummy, looking for the best spot.

“Oh…there we are.” she hummed and Harry immediately shot upon seeing the image projected on the screen.

“Oh my god…” he whispered as he squeezed your hand tight and you smiled up at him quickly before you both glanced back over to the screen.

“So that there is the head and the arms and legs…” she pointed out and shifted the angle, “Do you want to know the sex?” She asked as she turned to you and you chuckled.

“That’s…ummm, isn’t it a bit early to know that?” You asked her and she shook her head.

“Not at all, we can tell as early as 10 week if the position is right.” She explained and you’re heart stopped.

“And I’m already 10 weeks along?” You asked shakily as the realization of what this meant started to settle in. You felt Harry starting to pull his hand away from yours.

“Oh no, you’re more like 14 weeks, dear.” She said and that’s when Harry completely pulled away from you and you felt the air completely leave your lungs. You turned to him and he just clenched his jaw as he ran his fingers through the top of his hair. “So do you want to know?” She asked and you were so frozen that you nodded quickly as your eyes teared up. “It’s a girl.” She said with a smiled and you just nodded.

“That’s…that’s so great.” You whispered and then brought a hand up over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound as started to cry. Dr. Sallow turned to you quickly with concern and then you felt Harry’s hand grab yours again. You turned towards him and saw he was crying too. “I’m sorry.” You whispered and he shook his head.

“We’ll talk about it.” He said to you softly and you nodded.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Sallow asked and you sniffled.

“Sorry, yes. I just didn’t mean to say that.” You explained and she apologized but you assured her it was fine. 

You just wanted to get out of there… you were mortified. This wasn’t Harry’s baby and now you really had no idea what to do. You always used condoms with Steven, but now that you knew he was psycho, you had no doubt that he was capable of sabotaging you like this. More than anything you were so hurt and angry that he had taken this from you and Harry. For a second you almost turned and asked for an appointment for an abortion but you glanced at the screen and you were flooded with guilt for even thinking that.

“Ummm, I’d like to leave.” You said as you started to sit up and Dr. Sallow was quick to clean you off. Harry helped you off of the reclining seat and you were back on the road not even ten minutes later. 

You were just silent the whole way home, you felt like shit. You felt awful for getting Harry all excited only to know that this was not his child you were carrying. You were so confused right now, you almost wanted to pinch yourself and hope you woke up. You could feel Harry continuously glancing over at you but you couldn’t look at him. There was no way you could look at him after this. It was over between you two…there was no way you could ask him to stay with you after this. It wouldn’t be fair to him. When you got to the house you made it to the stairwell and plopped down as you started to sob violently.

You moved to the side when you saw Harry coming over, assuming he was just going to go up to the bedroom. But then he crouched down and sat a step above you and pulled you into him by the shoulders.

“It’s o-”

“Don’t say it’s okay.” You cut him off, “This is not okay.” You whispered sadly. “I hate Steven.” You seethed and he swallowed thickly as you started to sob and he pulled you closer and kissed the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? This doesn’t change that for me.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I would never ask you or expect to stay. It’s not fair to you, Harry…” you said sadly, “I was about to tell Dr. Sallow that I wanted to abort but then I saw the screen again and I just…I don’t think I can do it. That’s like…a part of me too and I just…I don’t think I can go through with it.” You said again, sputtering on your tears. “If that means that we’re over, I get it. I totally understand it.” You sniffled.

Harry frowned deeply as he heard you say this. His heart was completely torn right now. He thought you were reacting this way because you were going to terminate the pregnancy upon finding out that it wasn’t your baby together. But hearing you say that you wouldn’t be able to do that, it made him so angry and so hurt. Despite his own feelings about this, he fully understood why changed your mind. After seeing the tiny little thing tucked inside of you his heart was in shambles too. He was fully ready to advocate for you guys keeping it, but hearing how far along you were, it completely shattered his heart. He felt physically ill as the moment replayed in his brain. You’d both slept with other people during your time apart, so he wasn’t angry at that, it was more that it was Steven’s. A man who had hurt you and disrespected you and that scared you. It made the hate he felt for him grow even more intense than it already was. He was livid, he could kill him for taking this from you two. Harry had to decide how he would proceed from here. You were fully prepared to leave him again in order to keep this baby and the thought of it put so much sorrow in his heart. He didn’t want to lose you.

The idea of leaving you and letting you do this all on your own made his sad. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved to have a good pregnancy, one that came with a supportive partner, someone to share the experience with. He wanted to be the person to be there for you but right now the thought of that little thing growing inside of you made his blood boil with hatred. He couldn’t think clearly in the slightest. 

“I ummm…I love you so much, baby. I just, I think I need some time t-to process this and just think about it all.” He said to you and you nodded. “I love you though. You know that right?” He asked and you nodded again as he kissed the side of your head.

“Love you too.” You whispered and he hummed. “Should I go for a couple of days?” You asked quietly.

“No, baby.” He said quietly, “You stay here and rest up.” He hummed lowly, “I think I’m gonna go up north and just spend a few days with my mum, clear my head, if that’s alright?” He asked. You wanted to say no, the last thing you wanted right now was to be all alone with this information. But you had no choice but to agree, you had just put him in the most impossible position and he deserved to have the space to think about it as calmly and comfortably as possible.

“Yeah, sure.” You whispered.

“Can I tell my mum?” He asked and you sighed.

“Why the fuck not…” You chuckled through your tears and he pouted.

“Hey, look at me.” He insisted, “I won’t if you don’t want me to, baby. This is about you, about your body. If you want me to keep it to myself I will.” He assured.

“Sorry. I’m just afraid that it’ll change how she feels about me.” You explained nervously. You’d had a wonderful relationship with Anne. You missed her wisdom and kindness and friendship during your time apart from Harry and hearing that another man had impregnated you, her son’s girlfriend, well you’d understand if it upset her. 

“No…I mean, things happen. Accidents happen.” He said and you shook your head.

“Baby, I-I don’t think this was accidental because we used a condom every single time. I’m certain of it!” You wept, “Like I’m not stupid, or careless like that.” You assured.

“You think he ruined the condoms?” He asked and you sighed as you recalled all of the overtly possessive things Steven had been saying to you during sex the last month or so that you had been together. Things about making you his forever, about giving him babies one day, making you a mom…you thought he was just introducing some of his preferences in bed with that kind of talk, but maybe it was more than that. 

“It’s very possible.” You said softly.

“Jesus…” he shook his head, “How fucked up was this guy?” He asked you and you shrugged.

“I never saw that side of him before all of this.” You said and Harry sighed and nodded. After a moment of silence he cleared his throat.

“Ummm…I’m just gonna pack and head out soon, want to avoid that rush hour traffic near Birmingham.” He said and you nodded. 

He stood up and then offered to help you stand as well before you guys went up to the room. You sat on the bed as you watched him pack a couple days worth of clothes. You wanted to ask him to stay, but you couldn’t be that selfish. This was the least you could do for him after that a-bomb was just dropped on him. Not to mention the a-bomb you’d just dumped on him too. When he finished packing up his bag he went over and kissed you quickly.

“I’m not running away from you, okay? I just need to clear my head.” He reassured you, his words were mumbled against your forehead before he kissed you there, “I love you so much.” He whispered before kissing your lips.

“Love you.” You mumbled, “Text when you get there, yeah?”

“I will, baby.” He assured.

“Be safe.”

“Always.” He hummed before he bid you farewell once more before he left. 

Once you heard him pull out of the driveway you just curled up on your side and started to cry. This couldn’t be real…there was no way this could be real. You felt completely defeated. The only thing you could think that made you happy was that you never wanted Steven to know about this, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. You had no idea how that would go down with your child in the future, but right now you wanted him not to know a single thing about you ever again. After coming to that conclusion you ended up calling your mom and telling her everything that happened. You talked and cried for nearly an hour before she had to go, but not without promising she’d call again and chat the next day in order to keep you some company, even from afar. 

After that you decided to draw yourself a warm and relaxing bath, that always made you feel so calm. So you started out on that, letting your bath bomb melt in the warm water as you made yourself a nice cup of tea, your last caffeinated one for the foreseeable future, and then got inside.

*****************

Harry had been driving up the M1 motorway for a bit before he quickly texted his mum his ETA. This caused her to call him right away and ask what this surprise visit was about, but he couldn’t speak when he answered her call. He just sobbed, he sobbed for nearly 15 minutes before he shared what had happened that morning at the doctor���s office. He explained everything he was feeling, even the bad things he was thinking, but the one thing that kept coming up was how much he loved you.

“I love her so much but I just don’t think I could get past the fact that, that prick is the baby’s dad…I cannot for the life of me sit with that information and not become enraged by it.” He said, it pained him to spare Steven a thought.

“D-do you feel angry at Y/N for being with him?” She asked and he frowned.

“No/ It’s not like I didn’t see other people but I hate that she thinks that I couldn’t be with her after this. Like, I think about letting her go, like she’s saying, and it absolutely guts me.” He explained. “And like…I feel bad that it crossed my mind at some point, but not for the reasons you might think, it’s just that I don’t know i-if I am even prepared to take that role on.” He sniffled.

“No one ever is, even when it’s meticulously planned, H.” She reasoned and he sighed,

“Are you concerned about him wanting to come back into her life?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah…a bit.” He admitted, “I mean, I don’t think he’s the type to take any accountability for his actions but if he finds out about it he’s so arrogant that he might want to just to make her uncomfortable. I mean, Y/N thinks it may have been deliberate because she said she always made sure t-to use protection. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that, the man was completely mad.” He shared and his mum hummed in understanding.

“Well sweetheart, it doesn’t sound to me like you’re all that conflicted. It sounds to me like you don’t want to end things with her.”

“Of course not! But what if I…what I can’t love that baby as much since I now know this?” He asked.

“I-is that what’s holding you back?” She asked and he hummed on confirmation. He felt like a complete prick saying that but he was legitimately concerned about this. What if you went on to have your own kids together and it just changed something in him? What if he was open to being with you now but then changed his mind? What if he saw Steven every time he saw that baby and only felt anger instead of love? The chances of something like this happening were extremely low, practically non-existent, but not 0%. And in the end he would hurt you and that baby even more if he walked out because one of these things happened.

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you will love her just fine, H. You know why?” She asked and he hummed, “Because out of everyone in the world you know the impact that one incredible and dedicated man can have on a child.” She said and he sniffled, “You’ve seen for yourself that a biological connection is not needed to give someone unconditional love and support. You’re lucky, you got that from two fathers.” She said and he smiled.

“Yeah.” He whispered.

“I’m not saying that it won’t be scary and difficult at times t-to do this, but it can also be extremely beautiful and rewarding. You’re both such wonderful people that if you decided to stay and do this together you could impact that child’s life for the better, just like yours was.” 

“Right…” he said softly

“And well, honestly sweetheart, these concerns you have, they’re things you need to figure out with Y/N. She will listen to you, H. I mean, if you’re feeling this conflicted about things I can’t image how she must be feeling now.” she said with sympathy and when he saw himself nearing Birmingham he felt awful. It got as bad as him feeling sick to his stomach as he pictured your fearful and distraught face back in the bedroom. He’d done it again, he’d left you hanging at a time when you needed his love and support the most. He loved you so much, he could not believe he’d left you alone in that state. And in two seconds he started to signal to get off of the motorway.

“Mum, I ummm…I need to go back and be with, Y/N.” He decided, “I shouldn’t have left here there by herself after everything she had to hear today…I’d be surprised if she was still there after I just walked out…fuck!” He groaned in frustration.

“H, she loves you so much.”

“I love her too…why do I keep doing the wrong thing and hurting her?” He cried now as he got off at the next exit. He was waiting for the traffic to clear before he could make his turn to turn around.

“I think it kind of scares you, how much you love her. And I think in a way you might feel like you could lose her, so you pull back regardless of how that might make her feel. It’s self preservation.” She explained and he swallowed thickly. Hearing this helped him mentally decide that he wasn’t going to run any more, after everything he’d done you’d given him another chance regardless of the possibility of him hurting you again. This was his chance to show you that his love for you was bigger than everything else. “Don’t be afraid to open your heart, sweetheart.” She added and he hummed.

“Alright, thank you for listening. I’m just gonna call Dr. A and ummm…hopefully sort some mental things out before I get back to Y/N.” He said.

“Okay, bub. Be safe, please let me know when you’re home safe. I love you.”

“Love you.” He mumbled before he hung up and got back onto the motorway but heading back towards the South. He wasn’t going to do the same thing again and leave all alone to guess just how much he loved you, not this time. He was going to be there for you and support you and love you both.

*****************

It was a bit odd to you when you heard the large gate to Harry’s house opening up. But then you recalled that sometimes his PA would do errands that required him to come to the house. So you just got out of the tub quickly and rinsed your body off in the shower before getting into your robe in case he came upstairs for any reason. You were just getting one of Harry’s hoodies when you heard his voice.

“Baby? Are you still here?” He called out as you heard the front door shut heavily against the frame. You hurried into the yoga pants you’d grabbed and rushed out to see him coming up the stairs. 

“You came back.” You sighed in relief as he hurried up and he just pulled you right into his arms and you started to cry.

“I’m so sorry. I should never have left you like this, baby.” He sniffled as he kissed your head over and over again. “I love you so much. I love you so fucking much.” He assured you. “I’m not leaving you alone with this, baby.” He said to you and you pulled back a bit to look at him.

“What do you…mean by that?”

“It means that we’re doing this together.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I can’t…I couldn’t do that to you.” You said to him and he shook his head.

“You’re not doing anything to me, baby. If you’re keeping this baby I am choosing to do this with you. I know it’s going to be hard but I will be there for you every step of the way and love our little babygirl with everything I am. I love you far too much to not see this through with you.” He said and you just broke down and hugged him tight.

You had no words, there was just joy. You knew this would be hard and challenging and even sad at times, but he’d come back to you and he wanted you to stay with him.

“I love you so much, H.” You finally whispered before kissing his lips.

“You’re everything to me, baby. We’re gonna get through this.” He smiled and you smiled.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He smiled, “It was actually my mum who reminded me that biology had nothing to do with being a great father, so…she doesn’t hate you.” He said and you chuckled through your tears.

“Good, that would’ve definitely been the worst outcome.” You said jokingly and he smiled. “And look, I know that there are a lot of logistics and other things to discuss and I’m still sorting through that mentally, s-so if you can just be a little patient with me while I…get that together in my head I would really appreciate that. I’m still processing that there’s a little person forming in there and it’s kind of…freaky.” You said as you looked up into his eyes and he sputtered on a laugh. You frowned at his reaction, “What?”

“I thought you were going to say it was magical or amazing, not freaky.” He giggled and you did as well. 

“Oh…well, I…I don’t feel…happy about it yet.” You confessed to him and this brought on a fresh wave of tears, “I feel like shit about that. Like I’m gonna be a mom, I should be happy, not freaked out, shouldn’t I?” You asked him.

“Not necessarily. You can feel however you want about it, baby.” He assured you, “Especially in this situation, it’s come as a surprise to you. I don’t judge you at all for not feeling happy about this yet, baby.”

“Promise?”

“I swear it.” He promised before pecking your lips again quickly.

“Thank you.” You whispered and he nodded and smile at you.

“Wanna do something to take your mind off of things for a bit?” He asked.

“Like what?”

“We can…sort through the pantry and fridge and see what foods you’ll have an aversion to?” He offered and you smiled and shook your head at his bizarre, yet completely productive suggestion. “I see you trying to hold back your smile.” He teased and you finally gave in.

“That’s the wildest but most genius thing you’ve ever suggested.” You giggled.

“I know. Imagine how smart our kid’s gonna be?! We’ve got this in the bag.” He said confidently.

“You think so?” You asked and he nodded.

“With you as her mum, I know so.” He smiled.

…. 1 YEAR LATER ….

You woke up feeling completely refreshed and renewed. It was absolutely quiet in the house and it was strange to wake up in silence. When you rolled over and looked at your phone you saw it was nearly 10am and shot out of bed. You had no idea how you’d slept in that much! The baby needed to be fed and changed! You hurried over to the nursery already thinking up an apology in your head for Ellie. But when you made it into the nursery it was empty. Harry had some work to do for Pleasing today so you knew he’d be out. Maybe he called someone to come look after the baby? When you passed by his home studio on the way to the kitchen you heard his voice along with others, so you knocked on the door.

“Come in!” He called quickly and you peeked inside and immediately smiled when you saw Harry spin around in the chair with Elara sitting on his lap, she was literally just chilling there while she drooled all over one of the newer nail polishes Pleasing would release soon. He smiled at you over the sounds of whoever was speaking right now. “Hey guys, are we good for today or is there anything else we needed to go over?” He asked with a smile as you waved from the background.

“We’re all good!” You heard and then heard the multiple voices bidding farewell to you and baby Elara before he hung up.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You said to him as you walked into the room to grab her from him.

“It’s alright, baby, we were just chatting a bit.” He assured you, “Weren’t we?” He asked the baby who just ignored him to keep attempting to bite the bottle in her hands before he started to rub at her back.

“I know you had work, you should’ve woken me up.” You said as you kissed his head.

“No way.” He chuckled, “You know, you slept through two whole alarms, you clearly needed the rest. I thought you were dead for second there.” He said with grin and you tutted.

“Don’t even say that.” You scolded.

“You’re right, sorry. Bad joke.” He corrected himself, “But really, my love, I don’t mind doing these launch plan meetings online, it’s none of the fun stuff so.” He shrugged and you smiled, “Besides when I have Ellie on camera everyone is so obsessed with her little smile that they’re so agreeable, so it’s a win-win.” He chuckled and you smirked.

“God forbid the paps see her and exploit her for money, but her own father is exploiting her cuteness for sway in the board room.” You said with a grin and he chuckled.

“Hey, she likes hearing all the commotion too.” He added and you smiled before kissing the top of her head and she sighed and laid over his chest making you both coo. “She finally slept through the night. Sorry you missed it.” He said softly and you chuckled.

“I’m sorry you’re so used to waking up to her crying that you noticed!” You giggled as you raked your fingers through his curls easily and he hummed.

“I don’t mind it. Reminds me that this little cutie is finally here.” He said and you smiled at how sweet he was with her.

“I can’t believe she’ll be six whole months tomorrow.” You said in disbelief.

“I know…S’your half birthday, bub.” He said to her and she just blinked tiredly, "She’s perfect though, isn’t she? Your little twin.” He hummed with pride as he looked down at her and then at you again. You nodded and watched him with her for a few moments.

Harry had nothing but love for baby Elara. He adored her completely. He almost felt silly for being so worried that he wouldn’t bond with her as genuinely as if she were his biological daughter. Once he saw you starting to show and you guys started shopping for the nursery, and picking out baby names, every ounce of doubt he had melted away. That was his daughter in every sense of the word. He had so much love for the both of you that he felt like his heart would burst sometimes.

“I love you so much.” You said to him and he glanced up at you.

“More than Ellie?” He smirked and you chuckled.

“The same, I think.” You hummed and he looked surprised.

“Oh wow, I was expecting a firm no.” He laughed.

“Oh my god…I love you both. It’s a bit different for sure but I somehow get it all to fit in my heart.” You said and he smiled as he stood up.

“Look at her, she’s about to pass out again.” He said as he looked down at the baby.

“I think we should get her back in the crib and have a cuddle. We can watch that show you’ve been pestering me about.” He suggested

“Love is Blind?” You gasped and he nodded. 

Soon enough you had washed your face and brushed your teeth, as you did every morning, all while Harry got Ellie down. But he soon joined you in bed as you waited for him to return. He climbed into the bed beside you and like a magnet, you immediately scooted right up against him and kissed him gently, it caught him by surprise.

“Thank you for letting me sleep in, baby. That was exquisite.” You confessed and he smiled and pecked your lips again.

“Of course, baby. Anytime.” He smiled. “I do have a question for you though…when are we going to have another baby?” He asked you and you giggled.

“Ummm, ask me in a year!” You laughed.

“A year?” He scoffed.

“Hey, it’s hard work!” You added and he smiled.

“Yeah, but it’s so worth it, isn’t it?” He asked with a smile and you sighed happily at his response.

“Yeah…” you hummed, “It’s all worth it.” You smiled.

“Our little family makes me so happy, I just want one more.” He said and you glanced into his eyes.

“Just one more.” You agreed and he chuckled.

“Yeah, just one.” He assured you, “So in a year I’ll ask again, okay?”

“Okay.” You sniggered and kissed him quickly again before you got the show going.

You were explaining a little bit about why you were suddenly so interested in this show without trying to give away too much of what you knew had gone down, thanks to your friends and social media. He easily got sucked into the narrative and when you both started commenting as you watched on you just got so happy that you could share something so simple together and then also something as huge and serious as a baby. It made your tummy flutter and swirl with love for him and you then realized that maybe it would be less than a year before you’d be trying for another baby and you were perfectly alright with that.

---- TAG LIST ----

@sunshinemoonsposts @anotherdudetteinthisworld @matildasatellite @sad-avocado @sunflovverharry @cherrysulewski @daphnesutton @gurugirl @reveriehs @ottawaoutlander @jessitpwk @permanentllyharry @here4thefanfics @slutfortigertattoo @angelbabyyy99 @freedomfireflies @behindmygreyeyes @justlemmeadoreyou

These are the friends who liked the ask with the request for this piece:)

@harryssattelitestomper @vanillagirllll @thef0reverl0st @unknown7549 @liviingfxst @leantunes0309 @outofthisworl-d

[randxmthxughts]

Chosen by Eywa | Masterlist

neteyam x omatikaya!reader - complete

summary: eywa makes no mistakes... in the midst of his preparation to become the future olo'eyktan, neteyam is told to be with a chosen mate. guided by the signs of eywa, tsahik picks y/n, a woman orphaned by the war, whose heart already belongs to another. y/n's whole world begins to crumble, as she is forced into the loveless bond. will neteyam and y/n be able to overcome the odds and find their true happiness?

contains: arranged marriage, mentions of war and grief, angst, one-sided enemies to lovers

wc: 30.4k

a/n: i usually don't write for this trope but the idea had been inciting since rewatching the first avatar movie. this is going to be very angsty but very rewarding too and thank you to the anon who sent in the request ♡ so excited to start this journey with you!

general avatar masterlist

Chapter 1: The Dream Hunt

Chapter 2: The Betrayal

Chapter 3: Lessons to Learn

Chapter 4: Crossing the Bridge

Chapter 5: New Beginnings

Chapter 6: A Team of Two - finale

[mpliego]

absolutely in love with golden hour by @simplykorra​ 💕🤠💕

[sacredthethreadgvf]

OKAY OUCH

bringing me home to you || josh kiszka x reader

Read on AO3 | Cabin Fever Masterlist | Full Masterlist

Summary: You want to be happy when you see those two little lines, but Josh has been so distant. What if he's not happy too? || Standalone in the Cabin Fever universe

Pairings: Josh Kiszka x Wife!Reader, Jake x Sparrow, Sam x Danny | Genres: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff | Word Count: 4.8k | Warnings: pregnancy

A/N: Fair warning, I made myself emotional with this one. It's set 10 years after Cabin Fever (and 9 years after No Strings Attached). I hope you like it! ♡

The only thing you felt as you looked at the two little lines was panic.

You hated it; you wanted to be able to celebrate, to be happy that a new little Kiszka was coming into the world. You remembered the first time you’d seen these lines, a little over three years ago now — you and Josh had been over the moon. Your little boy was a blessing, and his existence had brought nothing but joy and wonder since the moment you found out he was on his way. It should be the same for this baby.

You set the test on the counter and sat on the edge of the bathtub with your eyes squeezed shut, hoping for a few seconds of peace as you pretended it didn’t exist. It made you feel worse, actually, and you swallowed around the tightness of tears in your throat.

“Mama!”

You straightened, wiping the few stray tears from your face. “I’m coming, buddy.”

You came out of the ensuite to see JD grinning at you from your bed, holding up the shape he’d constructed out of giant Lego blocks.

“Issa sword,” he told you. 

You tried for a smile. “I see, honey.” You didn’t, really, but sometimes the only true interpreter of the art was the artist.

You climbed up with him in bed, taking his sword when he handed it to you.

“Fight, mama.” He held another oddly-shaped sword aloft, and you gently tapped yours against it a few times. He gave yours an enthusiastic whack and giggled when the Legos came apart.

“Oh no, poor little sword,” he said in his sweet voice. You’d started to hear hints of Josh’s unique accent appearing in his son’s, and you loved everything that made them alike. You couldn’t help but wonder how your new baby would take after your husband, and you tried to keep from crying as you brushed a hand through JD’s dark curls.

There was a knock on the front door a few minutes later, and JD looked up from his toys with a delighted gasp.

“Uncle Jake!” he whispered, his eyes wide.

You gave a soft laugh. “I think so. Let’s go see.”

JD had abandoned his Legos and was speeding down the hall before you’d even gotten out of bed. You knew he wouldn’t open the door without you, but you weren’t surprised to see him with his face pressed to the sidelight window, fairly jumping up and down for joy.

“Uncle Jake!” he all but yelled. “And Sa-row!”

Jake was ready when you opened the door, scooping up his little nephew as soon as he came running towards him. 

“Hello!” JD cried with a beaming smile.

Jake grinned. “Hi, buddy. I’m so happy to see you.”

“I love you!” JD agreed, wrapping his arms around Jake’s neck. Jake gave him a few kisses on his baby-soft cheeks and let him down to run over to Sparrow when JD reached for his aunt.

“Oh, Sa-row!” JD said, hugging Sparrow's leg. “Hi!”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Sparrow cooed. “How are you?”

“Good!” JD said eagerly. He reached a tentative hand up. “I say hi to baby?”

Sparrow smiled. “Of course. Thank you for asking.”

You felt your chest tighten as JD put a gentle hand on Sparrow’s round belly.

“Baby,” he said appreciatively. He stood on tiptoes to give Sparrow’s belly a kiss. “Hi, baby.”

Your hand fluttered up to your mouth; you had the impulse to muffle a sob before it came out, but you managed to find some self control before you made a fool of yourself.

“Come see my sword,” JD said, taking Sparrow’s hand. You stepped aside to let your sister-in-law come in with your little boy, both of them chattering away like songbirds as they headed for your bedroom. Jake lingered at the door with you, pushing his sunglasses into his hair as he came inside.

“Hiya, kiddo,” he said, giving your cheek a kiss. “How’s things?”

“Good, yeah.” Your voice was tight, and you cleared your throat. “I’ll just go get JD’s bag for you.”

You turned to go, trying to escape to the kitchen for a moment to collect yourself, but Jake put a hand to your arm before you could.

“Hey,” he said, searching your face with a worried, loving gaze. “You okay?”

You nodded, all of a sudden trying desperately not to burst into tears. You wanted to tell him; you knew Jake would listen and try to help, and you knew he would be happy for you when you couldn’t seem to be happy for yourself. But Josh didn’t even know yet, and as much as you dreaded the thought of telling him, you knew your husband should be the first to know.

“I’m fine,” you said after a moment. You managed a smile to try and ease his worry. “Just tired. Josh and I have been...”

You trailed off before you said any more. Talking to Jake was a dangerous game, one you had plenty of experience with; there was just something about him that made it easy to be honest with him, even when you maybe didn’t want to be.

He raised a brow, a hint of teasing in his expression. 

“You and Josh have been what?” he asked. “Gettin’ it on all night?”

You breathed a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, something like that.” Really, it had been weeks since you and Josh had done anything in bed other than sleep. He’d been so busy with getting the album finished, doing promo shoots and interviews and last-minute fixes to the recordings; he left home early and came home late, and his patience was shorter than you’d ever remembered it being. He hadn’t tried to be close to you, sometimes actively avoiding you, and you’d taken the hint.

The reminder of the current state of your marriage was a painful one, and you tried to get out from under Jake’s observant gaze before he knew you weren’t telling him the truth.

“Well, take a nap or something before you come over,” he said, thankfully not pressing any further. “Sam and Danny are coming around six, and I’ll probably start grilling whenever they show up. You got time.”

“Maybe I will,” you said. Jake and Sparrow were hosting a dinner party to celebrate the last day of recording, and you’d been looking forward to it, not least because you hoped it would bring your sweet Josh back from wherever he’d gone the past few weeks.

“Did Josh say when he was coming home?” you asked.

Jake’s brow knit. “He’s not here? He left the studio over an hour ago.”

You rushed to mask the surprise and hurt you felt at that news. 

“Oh, right, of course,” you said quickly. “I forgot I asked him to pick up something I needed to make dessert. He’s probably just taking forever at the store.”

It was a good lie, since Josh was notorious for getting sidetracked in the grocery store, and you were relieved when Jake seemed willing to buy it.

“What are you making?” he asked, still a little hesitant to believe you.

“Apple crumble,” you said, saying the first thing you thought of. To be honest, you hadn’t decided what you were making, but you guessed you’d made your decision now.

Sparrow and JD came back from your bedroom, Lego swords in hand, and you took the opportunity to get Jake out of your house before you got any closer to a tearful therapy session.

“Let me get his bag,” you said. “Do you want me to move his car seat to your car?”

“Nah,” Jake said. “I got it. Sparrow’s got me practicing for the big day.”

He shared a tender smile with his wife, and you felt like your heart was being torn in two. You pressed a nervous hand to your collarbone to self-soothe as you went to get JD’s bag from the kitchen counter where you’d packed it earlier.

You heard Jake say something to Sparrow; then, to your dismay, he followed you into the kitchen.

“Thanks for letting us take JD,” he said.

You couldn’t help a breath of a laugh. “You’re doing me a favor, Jake.” You’d been meaning to catch up on a few chores this afternoon, and not having a three-year-old underfoot would make it that much easier.

Jake smiled. “Maybe, but I still really appreciate it. Sparrow’s in a kind of ‘nervous-nesting’ mode now, and she keeps freaking out about not having any practice with kids. She’s been begging me to get JD over so she can make sure she sort of knows what she’s doing.”

“She doesn’t need practice,” you said, looking through the open front door to see Sparrow leading your little boy outside with a gentle hand. “She knows what to do.”

“I know,” Jake said, and his voice was affectionate. “I keep trying to tell her. But she didn’t grow up in a big family, you know, and she gets more nervous every day we get closer to her due date.”

You thought almost detachedly of when your due date was. You felt an odd sort of panic; part of you felt like it was written on your forehead, that Jake would figure out you were pregnant any second now just by looking at you. The other part of you, the one you leaned into, distanced yourself from it until it felt entirely unreal.

You handed Jake the little backpack with a cartoon dinosaur on it. 

“Sparrow is going to be the perfect mom, and you’re going to be the perfect dad,” you said, meaning it, teasing a little so Jake wouldn’t get emotional. “That’s why I won’t even remind you to make sure my three-year-old doesn’t get a hold of any kitchen knives or chew on any batteries.”

Jake laughed. “Scout’s honor, honey. No knives or batteries.”

You walked him out, leaning against the doorframe as Jake buckled the car seat in with plenty of hovering from his wife. JD gave you a happy wave and a sweet “bye, mama!” as they drove off, and you stood in the doorway for a long moment after they’d gone.

You didn’t bother to text Josh as you went inside. If he hadn’t felt the need to let you know he was going to be late coming home, you weren’t sure why you should bother. You felt numb as you went through the motions of starting the recipe, setting the caramel sauce to simmer on the stove. Maybe you’d decide not to go to dinner at all.

You leaned against the counter and looked through the french doors to the back yard. The trees were bright and colorful with springtime, birds flitting to and fro in their branches, sunlight dappled through the leaves. You and Josh had loved this house for lots of reasons, but the back yard was the big selling point; Josh loved to take JD outside and play, tramping through the woods that bordered your yard, pushing him on the swing Josh had put in one of the trees, lying on their backs in the grass and watching clouds go by.

You imagined Josh with another baby in his arms, one with a tiny fist wrapped around Josh’s pinkie, one who got plenty of whiskery kisses from him. You wanted to believe that Josh would be happy when you told him, but you weren’t sure of anything right now; his distance, his short temper, his apathy towards anything that didn’t have to do with work was a heavy weight on you. Would he be pleased with a baby neither of you had planned on? Or would he secretly resent that it hadn’t happened at a better time?

Those kinds of thoughts circled around and around, spinning like wheels stuck in a ditch. You looked blankly outside and barely registered the sound of the front door opening.

“Uh, holy shit?”

You startled at the sound of Josh’s panicked voice. You turned to see him rushing into the kitchen, grabbing the saucepan of scorched and smoking caramel.

Your eyes widened. “Oh, Josh, I — ”

He tossed the saucepan in the sink, making you flinch with the loud noise.

“What are you doing, baby?” he asked, frustrated and alarmed. “Trying to set the house on fire, or what?”

Your eyes flooded with tears at his tone, but you didn’t let them fall. 

“No, I — I just — ”

“Where’s JD?” he asked, a little frantic as he looked around for your son.

You felt like you’d been punched low and hard at the thought that Josh didn’t trust you to make sure your little boy was safe.

“He’s with Jake and Sparrow,” you said. “He’s not even here.”

Josh relaxed a little, though he was still obviously irritated as he ran a hand over his face and turned the stove off. 

“I’m sorry about the pan, Josh,” you said, your voice tight and small. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You weren’t paying attention. Okay.” He brushed past you to open the french doors, trying to clear the smoke from the burnt caramel.

“That’s great, baby,” he muttered. “Leaves me with a lot of confidence.”

“I said I was sorry,” you said quietly. You couldn’t believe you’d done something as stupid and dangerous as completely checking out while you were cooking, but Josh wasn’t helping.

He sighed. “Yeah, it’s... I mean, whatever. The first thing I saw when I got home was you off in la-la-land and a house fire waiting to happen two feet away, but it’s fine.”

“Maybe if you had been home it wouldn’t have happened,” you snapped, unable to keep a handle on your anger and embarrassment.

He raised a brow. “I have to be home to make sure you pay attention when you’re cooking something?”

You flushed. “No, and I’m sorry I forgot you’ve never made a mistake in your entire life. Forgive me for not realizing I was married to the perfect Joshua Michael Kiszka.”

He rolled his eyes, knowing from your use of his full name that you were good and angry with him. 

“Alright, baby. I’m not in the mood to fight.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I snapped at you about the pan, okay? Can we move on?”

“Where were you, anyway?” you asked, purposefully ignoring him. “Jake said you left the studio before everybody else. Why didn’t you come home?”

“I met Joe for a drink,” he said, unconcerned but exasperated at your determination to have it out. “Why? Did I have to be home for something?”

“No,” you admitted. “But I...” But what? You just wanted him home to be with you? Why? So you could keep walking on eggshells around each other until one of you finally snapped and started an argument?

You shook your head. “Never mind. You didn’t have to be home, so it’s not a big deal.”

You crossed to the sink and ran cool water over the pan so you could clean it, glad for a few moments with your back to Josh.

“You’re acting like it’s a big deal,” he said.

You scrubbed the pan with a little more force than necessary. “I said it wasn’t, so it isn’t.”

He sighed. You’d heard that tired, defeated, slightly annoyed sigh of his so much these past few weeks you’d started to think it was the only sound he made when he saw you any more. You bit the inside of your cheek and kept scrubbing that stupid pan.

“Can I help you with anything now that I’m home?” he asked. “Do you want me to help you make... whatever you were making?”

You could tell he was trying to smooth things over, but you were still too frayed to let him. The cycle would only start again the next time you crossed paths, just like it had done for weeks.

“No,” you said. The unspoken request was crystal clear — leave me alone. 

He sighed again, and you felt your whole body tense at the sound of it.

“Fine,” he said. “I’m going to get a shower before we leave for Jake’s.”

“Fine,” you agreed. “I don’t think I’ll go, but you can go and bring JD home later.”

“Wait, you’re not going?” he asked, and you were surprised to hear a touch of hurt in his voice. “Why not?”

You gave up on the pan and set it to soak, moving on to the other few dishes in the sink. “I just don’t want to go,” you said. “I’m... tired. I don’t know.” You wanted to ask if he even wanted you there, but you bit your tongue before you did.

“Jake’s been planning this forever,” he protested. “He’s been talking about it all week. If you’re not gonna go for me, at least go for him.”

You felt the sting of tears again, the dishes and sponge blurring in front of you as you thought of how easily Jake had read that there was something off with you, how quick he’d been to try and comfort you before he even knew what was wrong.

“Fine, okay,” you said, just wanting to get Josh out of the kitchen before you started crying. “But I need to get a shower after you, so go ahead and go.”

Josh didn’t say anything else as he left, but you could feel his frustration and exasperation like a weight on your chest. You took a shaky breath and kept washing dishes, unable to think about doing anything else for the moment.

“Baby.”

You sighed. “Yes, Josh?” Why couldn’t he just leave you be?

You heard him shift nervously, that one creaky board giving a tell-tale squeak underfoot.

“Is this, uh...” He sounded anxious, unsure. “I’m not trying to pry, but... is this yours?”

You took a deep breath, trying to control the urge to snap at him to leave you alone. “Is what mine?”

You looked over your shoulder and saw him holding the pregnancy test.

“Um... this.”

You couldn’t have bit back the sob that escaped you if you’d wanted to. The tears that you’d held at bay since you’d seen those two little lines suddenly would not be stopped, and your expression crumpled as tears streaked down your face.

“Baby,” Josh said, heartbroken. He left the test on the counter and came over to you.

“I d-didn’t mean for you to see it,” you sobbed, overwhelmed and panicked that he knew. “I’m s-sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, completely at a loss. “Sweetheart, there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

He tried to turn you around to face him, to take you in his arms, and you pulled back from his touch.

“Your shirt,” you said brokenly. “My h-hands are soapy.”

“I don’t care about my shirt, baby,” he said softly. “Come here.”

You let him hold you then, soapy hands crumpling the fabric of his shirt, so desperate to be near him that you felt your heart would break with the pain of it. You had missed him so terribly, had needed him so badly; now that you had him close, you buried your face in the crook of his neck and cried.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said. He hugged you tighter. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I just took the test today,” you said, your voice wrecked with tears and muffled against his shoulder. “I was going to tell you, but I — ”

“I came home and yelled at you,” he said, guilty and apologetic. “I know. I’m sorry, baby.”

You sucked in a hitching breath. “It wasn’t just that. I — I was afraid to tell you,” you admitted in a small voice. “I didn’t know if you would be happy.”

He pulled back from you then. You cried harder at the hurt and sorrow in his expression.

“What do you mean you didn’t know?” he asked. His eyes were glassy with tears. “Did you... did you really think I wouldn’t be?”

“Well, you haven’t...” Your voice was wobbly, pitiful. “I mean, we haven’t been...” You raised a trembling hand to try and brush away the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. 

“You’ve just been so unhappy,” you said miserably. “You’re never home any more, and you’re so overwhelmed at work, and you don’t want to be with me. Maybe you don’t...” Your voice broke. “Maybe you don’t want another baby with me.”

He took a step back from you and leaned against the island, looking dazed and heartbroken.

“Josh, honey,” you said, feeling guilt well up to mix with all the other emotions raging inside you. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. I know it's not true.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay.” He tried to blink back tears, but he had to swipe a hand over the few that fell; he was silent for a moment as he thought of what to say.

“I know I’ve been distant,” he said eventually. “I’ve been so wrapped up with work, and I let it affect things between us. It’s not an excuse, but I want you to know I haven’t been keeping my distance because I don’t want to be with you. The only thing I want is to be with you. I’ve just been trying not to bring all that stress home, and the only way I could figure out how to do it was to just... not bring myself home, really. It's stupid, and I know it's done more harm than good.”

He met your eyes, completely vulnerable with you. 

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby,” he said sincerely. “The thought that I wouldn't want more kids with you — nothing could be further from the truth. I hate that I made myself distant when you needed me, and I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t share something with me because you were afraid of how I’d react. Especially something like this.”

You took a shaky breath. “So you are happy?”

He gave a watery laugh and brushed more tears away, his cheeks flushed and tear-streaked.

“Yes, I’m happy,” he said. “Of course I’m happy. We’re having another baby.”

You could do nothing else but hug him then, wrapping your arms around his neck as you held each other tight. He buried his face in your neck and squeezed you to him.

“Oh, my god,” you said quietly, all of a sudden hit with the reality of it. “We’re really having another baby.”

He breathed a laugh. “We're really having another baby,” he said agreed. “Are you happy?”

“Yes,” you said, and for the first time, you knew it was true. Your panic had come from not knowing what Josh’s reaction would be, not from the idea of having another baby; now that you knew Josh was pleased with your news, you could let yourself be excited too.

You hugged him tighter. “I love you, Josh.”

“I love you too,” he said. He kissed your cheek, then the bridge of your nose, then the corner of your mouth. “I’m so happy and so proud of you, little mama.”

You looked up at him with a wobbly smile. “I missed you calling me that.” He’d called you that all through your first pregnancy, and you hadn’t even thought about him doing it again with this one.

He chuckled. “You don’t have to miss it any more.” He kissed you. “I love you so much, little mama. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you.”

You framed his beloved face with your hands and kissed him for a long while.

“I missed you,” you said when you broke apart.

He rested his head against yours. “I missed you too, baby. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you. I love you.” You ran your fingers through his curls. “Just promise to bring every part of you home from now on, okay? Even if you're stressed and frustrated. I want all of you, Josh. I need all of you.”

He kissed you. “I will, baby. You have all of me, I promise.”

—

Later, in the warm evening haze of good music, good food, and good friends in Jake and Sparrow’s back yard, you let Josh tell your family the news.

“Couldn’t let Jake outdo you, huh?” Sam teased, clapping Josh’s shoulder. “Congratulations, man.”

Josh beamed. “Thanks, Sam. I know you and Danny like to get in all the practice you can at being the cool uncles.” 

“Oh, we've already got that down,” Sam scoffed. “Right, Dan?”

“Sure thing, love,” Danny said distractedly, too absorbed in playing cars with JD to really answer. He drove the tiny race car around on the patio table, making your little boy giggle every time he “crashed”. 

“Are you excited for the new baby?” Danny asked JD.

“Baby!” JD said excitedly. He put his little hands over Danny’s. “Crash the car, Uncle Danny!”

Danny chuckled and bumped the car into an empty beer bottle with an exaggerated crashing noise, making JD dissolve in giggles. You watched them with a fond smile, thankful that your new baby would grow up just as loved as JD was.

Jake opened two more beers and handed one to Josh, clinking his bottle against his twin’s. 

“I knew there was something going on with you,” Jake said, pointing a stern finger at you, but he couldn’t hide his smile. He looked to Sparrow. “Didn’t I say there was something going on with her?”

She laughed. “Yes, honey. You’re a genius.” 

You met Josh’s eyes; you saw a flash of guilt in his expression at the knowledge that Jake had known before he did that something had been off with you. You gave him a reassuring smile, and his returning one was thankful and apologetic.

Sparrow put her hand over yours, drawing your attention from Josh.

“I’m so happy for you two,” she said. She touched a hand to her baby bump. “I’m glad our little girl will have a cousin so close in age.”

You gasped. “A girl?” Your question was echoed by all three of Jake’s brothers.

Jake grinned. “Yeah, didn’t we tell you?”

“Oh, Jake,” Sparrow chided, but her sweet smile gave her away. She looked back to you. “We just found out this morning. I wanted to call and tell you as soon as we knew, but Jake said to wait until tonight.”

You squeezed her hand. “That’s wonderful news, Sparrow. I’m so happy for you guys.” You could only imagine how devoted little Miss Kiszka’s uncles would be to her, and knew the only person more wrapped around her little finger than Josh, Danny, and Sam would be Jake.

The guys insisted that the mamas sit back and relax while they cleared the table and tidied the kitchen, and you and Sparrow were happy to oblige. You watched Sam and JD play with Sam’s new puppy; Sam told his nephew to give the puppy “nice pets”, and both of them laughed when the puppy gave JD’s hand an enthusiastic kiss.

“I would absolutely kick your ass in rummy,” Danny said to Jake as they came through the back door. “Get me a deck of cards and I’ll do it right now.”

“You’re on,” Jake said with a grin. He looked to his wife. “Do you know where the playing cards are?”

“Look in the cabinet by the record player,” she advised.

He shook his head. “Already looked there.”

She got out of her chair with some difficulty, and Jake hurried to help her. 

“I didn’t mean for you to get up, honey,” he chided. “Sit back down. I’ll find them.”

She smiled and patted his cheek. “You’d be in there for seven years trying to find them, Jacob.”

He huffed a laugh and offered his arm to her as they went inside. “You’re probably right.”

Danny went to join Sam and JD with the puppy, and you were alone for a moment until Josh came back out with a glass of water in his hand.

“Drink up, little mama,” he said, handing it to you. “We gotta start making sure you’re hydrating and resting more.”

You gave a dramatic sigh. “No more ragers and bar crawls, then?”

He laughed. “Sorry, baby. Both of those are out.”

“What will I ever do for fun now?” you asked, looking up at him.

He raised a brow when a John Denver song came on Jake’s playlist. “There’s always dancing.”

You grinned and took his hand when he offered it, letting him lead you a few paces away from the table into the soft grass.

“I’m bringing me home to you,” Josh sang, his voice a perfect compliment to the musician you’d both adopted as yours. He dipped you and brought you back up to kiss you, smiling at the shower of giggles that escaped you.

“It’s all I have to give,” he continued. “My life, my love, my everything — it’s you I choose to be with.”

You smiled up at him, showing him every bit of love and relief and joy you felt at being close to him in this beautiful warm night. 

“I love you,” he said softly. “Thank you for choosing me, baby.”

You kissed him, all soft and tender touches, resting in him. “I love you, Josh. Thank you for choosing me too.”

josh taglist: @way-to-go-lad

gvf taglist: @malany-gvf @spark-my-nature @eearevee @madneedshelp @demonrat444 @josh-iamyour-mama @honeyandsweettae @mydarlingdanny @gretavandann @sacredjake @myleftsock @joshskittytickler21 @hellowgoodbye @watchingovergvf2 @fearfulspirit @mywaysoon @carbondancingthroughtime @caprisunsister @eraofstardustchords

@gvfrry @ohhey1293 @the-chaotic-cow @mountain-in-springtime @xserenax-13 @stardustjtk @brooke-gvf @weightofdreams-gvf  @jakeydoesit  @gretasmokerising @hayley1623 @doodle417 @finestoflines @brokenbellz @bowievanfleet @s0livagant @strugglingtodoshit @s-u-t @kay-jordan @gretavanfleas @jakeyboiiiiiii @gretavansteph @gretavanbitches @myownparadise96 @luverleaver @weightofdreamz @greatervanfleet @maedesculpaeusoubi @jakekiszkasbestie @pineapple-photographer @baguettejuliette @alexxavicry @levi-wants-ur-bones  @carlybubs @cowboysamkiszka @dannyandthekiszkas @jordierama @slutforsteve @starshine-wagner

sorry if tumblr didn’t tag you — it’s stupid sometimes. but i’m real thankful for you, sweet peaches! and if you’re a new bestie and would like to be added to my taglist, check out the form right here!

[ky-landfill]

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Did a colouring 🖍️🖍️🖍️

Inspired by @boots-with-the-fur-club short story

Original sketch under cut

I'm too lazy to draw the background lol

[thechy-fychannel]

I have finally decided to shamelessly (I feel nothing but shame at any attention at all) promote my hilson fics on here 💕

Organized from shortest to longest:

it's gone to the dogs in my mind (1.5k)(T+)

"He gets more visitors in his subconscious as he's coming off the vicodin than he did when he was on it. Every night, a different visitor in between the excruciating hours of consciousness." A glimpse into a series of dreams that House has as he's detoxing after he first gets to Mayfield.

let me be the wallpaper that papers up your room (2.9k)(E)

“I'll meet you at your place at 8.” He knew when he said it that he wasn't just coming over for dinner. Takes place at the end of Season 8, Episode 2 after Wilson punches House in the face.

and I long for this mirrored perspective (3.3k) (GA)

"Because something about him beckons to you, drawing you in. Morons are boring, you're repelled by morons. You're the opposite of repelled by the warm shades of brown and a cold type of ache coming from this handsome stranger." House spots Wilson for the first time at a conference in New Orleans and stalks him like the creep he is.

caught you hiding in the smoke (3.3k)(E)

“Look at me, House.” His pretty blue eyes opened and looked up at her with the kind of intensity that she could only describe as devotion. Like she was something holy. “Good. Look at you, barely holding on. If only he could see you like this…”

House is distracted while making out with Cuddy. The reason why isn't at all surprising, but Cuddy's reaction to it is.

dot line dot (4.2k)(E)

Wilson apologized for not being there. House told him not to be, he's with his wife. That's where he's supposed to be. And yet Wilson wanted him. And House was going to make him prove that. He was going to force him to wreck his own marriage rather than have the decency to do it for him. The bastard. House uses his oral fixation to his advantage when he refuses to initiate an affair with Wilson after he marries Bonnie. Wilson wants to have his cake and eat it too and House is a petty bitch about it.

on my way to believing (6k)(E)

“I like what this says about you, Wilson.” Wilson knows what this says about him— that the only piece of furniture that he could pick out himself was something House alone would use. He knows it says that the only thing inside him that matters is the man sitting on that bench.

get in line for the masquerade (7.1k)(M)

5 times people find out about House and Wilson's secret relationship and the 1 time they decide to stop keeping it a secret.

my tongue has now become a platform for your lies (12k)(E)

5 times Wilson cheats with House, + the 1 time they get caught.

love is the coal (19.5k)(E)

"House, I can't just up and leave-” “Yes, you can. I already talked to Cuddy about it.” “You already—” Wilson blanched, “House, I told you not to say anything to her about what's going on. Great, this is just great. Now my boss knows that I'm-” “That you're going through a hard time right now. That you're stressed and overworked and burnt out. She was the one who suggested we go on a vacation. It really wasn't even a suggestion, she practically demanded that I whisk you away to tropical paradise somewhere and fuck you until your legs stop working.” Wilson is struggling, House would do anything in the world to help him, and Cuddy is a wonderful boss. House and Wilson take a much needed vacation and spend the entire thing on top of each other.

puppies, tiramisu, and other things james wilson loves (20.9k)(E)

He looked over at Wilson, about to lament to him about the lack of creativity at this animal shelter when he was met with a big toothy grin. “What?” Wilson shook his head, but his smile grew to the point of being painful. “Nothing. I just- I didn't expect you to be a small dog kind of guy.” “I'm—” House looked back at the dog and then at Wilson. “I'm not. I was just giving it some attention.” “I think you're giving it a home, House.” A fic about them adopting a dog that House ends up falling in love with. And then he does something stupid and they have kinky sex about it.

[gallafics]

𝙶𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚏𝚒𝚌'𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚜

Category — My Comfort Fics (No Major Spoilers)

“The Fight For You” by WishIHadWings

Complete. 45 chapters. 328k words. Explicit Mexico AU. Slow burn. Cheating. Smutty. Angsty. Fluffy. End game but detailed Mickey/OMC. Brief Ian/Trevor.

Beautiful dynamic. Their chemistry is INSANE in this fic. The build up is phenomenal. The reunion sex is chefs kiss perfection. Say what you want but one of my fav tropes is “Mickey/Ian in a relationship and cheating to be with Ian/Mickey.” Parts of this fic are so painful to read, the angst gets ANGSTY in this one. (Full review — coming soon!)

“You can’t hurry love” by @crazynadine (Ao3)

Complete. 43 chapters. 464k words. Explicit. Graphic depictions of violence. Rape/non-con. Angsty. Smutty. Happy ending. Drug abuse. Domestic Violence. Slow burn.

This fic is one I hold so close to my heart. I relate to a lot of things in this fic. With that being said, please read the trigger warning and take care of your mental health when reading as it deals with some pretty heavy themes. Ian and Mickey are both with others but when they give in and finally come back together is literally so beautiful. Definitely a must read! (Full review — coming soon!)

“Silent Pain in Emerald Eyes” by @takeyourpillsbitchh (Ao3)

WIP. 7 chapters. 54k words. Explicit. Graphic depictions of violence. Rape/non-con. Angsty. Suicidal thoughts. PTSD. Mute!Ian Gallagher. Therapist!Mickey. Taboo relationship — therapist/patient. Happy ending. Romantic tension. Sexual tension. Mutual Pining.

This fic being incomplete doesn’t some me from rereading it over and over. This is another that I would say to definitely make sure you read the trigger warning and make sure you’re in a good mental space. It also deals with some pretty heavy themes. Mickey and Ian’s connection in this fic is unmatched for me, they just get each other so well in this one. They both have been through so many traumatizing things and Mickey uses his trauma to help Ian heal from his trauma in a healthy way. It’s quite beautiful. I literally wait with bated breath for the author to update! (Full Review — Coming soon)

“The Crimes Surrounding Ian Gallagher” by RumbleFish14

Rereleased WIP. 11 chapters. 85k words. Graphic depictions of violence. Major character death. Rape/non-con. Underage. Angsty. Smutty. Strangers to lovers. Ghosts. Detective!Mickey. Ghost!Ian. Love at first sight. Murder. Underage sex/relationship. Mystery with a twist.

This is one of the first fics I ever read when I joined the fandom, when I tell you I about peed my pants when I realized the author reuploaded this fic I’m not kidding. I actually squealed. It is a beautiful, intricate, detailed story and writes as a true mystery novel with hints of romance. I do know the ending as I have the original downloaded, and I’m confident to say it’s a happy ending, but I’m not sure if I should upload the download link? I will have to get in touch with the author somehow! Please, give this fic a chance if you feel your mental can handle it, it’s truly an amazing read. (Full review — coming soon)

[mooncello]

my favorite marauders fics are those that imagine these messy gay wizards raising harry. like...james and reg as harry's parents. yes. barty babysitting harry and having no fucking clue how to entertain a five year old. yes. remus affectionally sharing with harry his extensive vinyl collection. hell yes. sirius taking an angsty harry to get his first piercing (and, later, provide teenage harry's first joint - hand-rolled obv). yessss.

throw out everything effing jkr created in canon and remake it better, gayer, happier. these wizards don't die tragic deaths. they live.

i'd read seven books of that.

[ssseashell]

chapter 5 of “Good Luck, Babe!” is up :)

this is the longest chapter yet wow.. enjoy it i guess ☕️ i sure did while writing it

next chapter will be the last one i can’t believe it !! (this might be my fav moodboard so far) 🐈‍⬛💐

[inevitably-johnlocked]

stephy bephy baby baby girl, um

any list noone asked for yet but you have?

ASFSADF I LOVE when y'all use silly names for me!

You KNOW I do!! Here's today's that been in my drafts for a few months! Enjoy!!

Please note that because so many of these fics are from my old lists, they will be FFNet links, so if you have them on AO3, let me know, but otherwise let me know if any links don't work.

POV SHERLOCK 3rd PERSON Pt. 4: ANGST / ANGSTY FLUFF or BAMF FICS Pt. 2

See also:

POV Sherlock 1st & 2nd Person

POV Sherlock 3rd Person Pt. 1: Fluff

POV Sherlock 3rd Person Pt 2: Hurt/Comfort & Whump

POV Sherlock 3rd Person Pt 3: Angst/Angsty Fluff or BAMF Fics

Voices by fizzingweaselbee (T, 607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Mental Turmoil, Suicidal Ideations) – "We would never do that to John Watson."

The Hollow Man by HHarris (G, 639 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Chair, Introspection, Sherlock’s Big Feelings™, Post TRF, Angst, Emotional Turmoil, POV Sherlock, Pining / Sad Sherlock) – Still reeling from the apparent loss of his one and only friend, Sherlock returns to 221B for the first time after the events of The Reichenbach Fall.

Once Upon A Time by ProfessorSquirrell (T, 908 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Snippets of Life, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Implied Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending) – There is a room in Sherlock's mind palace where nothing gets deleted. And it looks like this...

Bands by dragonQuill907 (T, 1,017 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, POV Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock) – “Her wedding ring. Ten years old at least. The rest of her jewelry has been regularly cleaned, but not her wedding ring. State of her marriage right there. The inside of the ring is shinier than the outside – that means it’s regularly removed. The only polishing it gets is when she works it off her finger.”

The Other Shoe by thewaitwasworthitlove (NR, 1,053 w., 1 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Angst, URT, Post-TSo3) - Sherlock realizes how deep in love he has fallen for John. Only Sherlock Holmes would manage to be more shattered than crystal dropped on concrete.

The Signs of Loss by LitLocked (NR, 1,103 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TSo3, Pining Sherlock, Self Reflection, Implied Drug Use, Angst, Hard Pining, Hurts Like Hell) – Sherlock's internal monologue after he comes back from the wedding.

Ode to a Well-Worn Chair by hogwartswitch (G, 1,274 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TSo3, John’s Chair, Angst, Love Confessions, Mind Palace) – Takes place the night Sherlock left John's wedding early. Why did he move John's chair and where did he move it?

Left In The Ashes by zoltargirl (T, 1,497 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, MCD, Angry Sherlock, Brutal Violence) – Rage is a unique quality in all human beings. In Sherlock Holmes, it's terrifying.

The Two of Us Against the World by slashscribe (T, 1,617 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TAB, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Anxious Sherlock, Angsty Fluff) – John is there to take care of Sherlock as he comes down from his overdose in The Abominable Bride. Set immediately after the tarmac, back in 221B.

Giveaway Fic #9 - Angsty Sick Fic/Sherlock is Sick by ConsultingPurplePants (T, 1,734 w., 1 Ch. || Sick Fic, Hypothermia) – The next time he awakens is even more chaotic. Two doctors are shouting at each other in the corner, and John is holding his hand so tightly Sherlock is worried he’ll break it. Part 9 of 1000 Tumblr Followers Giveaway Fics

BBCSH 'Poor Mary' by tigersilver (M, 1,839 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Missing Scene, Sherlock POV) – As the tin says above, this is a missing scene, set directly after Sherlock awakens in hospital after having been shot by his best mate's wife. Minor angst, some pining, nothing nasty; please don't be alarmed unduly.

Dying Changes Everything by whitchry9 (K+, 1,919 w., 1 Ch || Sherlock POV, Suicidal Ideation, Near-Death, Hospital, Sherlock Whump, Gunshot, Unhappy/Ambiguous Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – Sherlock is having an existential crisis and wants to have a near death experience like John did to gain some perspective. “Shoot me John!” he insisted, gesturing to himself. John just looked at him. “Are you completely mad?” 

L'Esprit D'Escalier by TheSoulOfAStrawberry (K, 2,011 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock, Romance, Hurt / Comfort, Pining) – A lack of understanding leads to a misunderstanding, which in turn leads to two confused men dealing with something they should have sorted out earlier, rather than on John's wedding day.

Stay by sussexbound (M, 2,067 w., 1 Ch. || Post TAB, Suicidal Ideation Mention, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Love Confessions, Frottage, Coming in Pants) –  “Why? Why did you do it? Hmm…?” He takes a deep breath, waits, lets it out again. “Look at me.” There’s no denying him when he takes this tone. “Why did you kill him? Hmm…? For her? After…” A muscle twitches in the corner of John’s eye, and he clamps his jaw down tightly, swallows and sniffs a little before continuing. “For her? After everything she’s done?” “For you.” Before he can even stop himself. Just like that. 

The Deafening Silence by occasionally-maybe-never (T, 2,238 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Major Character Death, Post-TRF) – 'Sherlock hopes fiercely that John can hear him, as sometimes coma patients can. He knows that John will understand, that his admission of love isn't a grand, sweeping romantic statement, but simply an expression of truth.' When Mycroft retrieves Sherlock to bring him home, it's not to John having dinner, but to John on his death bed.

BBCSH 'How To Save A Life' by tigersilver (T, 2,784 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Angsty Schmoop, Requited Love) – Pining, requited, and unabated spates of 'first kiss' fluff. Post Mary, AU, mildly cracky. John lays a smooch on Sherlock's nape in passing. The world does that thing it does when it wobbles and Sherlock practically falls off his own pins. Part 1 of 'How To...'

In My Life (and dreams, you take my breath away) by Nina36 (NR, 2,847 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/TEH, Angst, Pining Sherlock) – The first time he had dreamt about John he had been in Peru. He had been “dead” a little over a month, squatting in a tiny rented room, the heat and the stains on the walls making him slightly claustrophobic. It had been a nice dream: John and he eating take away Chinese in their kitchen, a song coming from Mrs. Hudson’s radio downstairs, something about friends and lovers and how no one compared with him, his mind supplied in his dream.

Museums and Laboratories by RhododendronPonticum (T, 3,004 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Angst, Obsessive Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, Anxiety/Panic Attack, Separation Anxiety, Doctor John, Co-Dependent Sherlock) – If Sherlock's kitchen was his laboratory, then his bedroom was his museum.

It Wasn't Just the Mistletoe by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,593 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Fluff, Mistletoe, First Kiss / Time, Frottage, Masturbation, Come as Lube) – Sherlock and John just stood there, seemingly frozen. Sherlock was desperately trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could kiss John, even a small kiss, and not have him know immediately how he felt. Sherlock could lie, and fake and sham, but there was no way he could hide this.

Anticlockwise (Ask Time) by TheBookshelfDweller (G, 3,752 w., 1 Ch. || Metaphorical, Angst, Time, Unhappy Ending) – "Let me tell you the truth: Sherlock Holmes cannot beat Time." Time only flows in one direction, and we are stranded in it, carried by currents we mostly never notice are whirling around us. No one can walk backwards along the timeline, and maybe that’s for the best, because what if someone could? Where would they go? Or, better say, to when would they go? Most importantly who would they leave behind (or is it ahead)? In the end, despite the truth, Sherlock Holmes decides to fight Time, for John, for himself - for himself with John.

Bolt Holes by PostcardsfromTheoryland (T, 4,177 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Angst, Drug Mentions, Pining Sherlock) – John asked, one evening, if Sherlock liked her. To which he grudgingly had to say yes, and John said he was glad. Because John was going to propose to her.

But Tonight You Belong to Me by esplanade (T, 4,296 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff & Angst, Pining, Stag Night, Sad Ending) – “You. It's always you. John Watson, you keep me right.”

In Good Hands by Haelia (K+, 4,384 w., 1 Ch. || Adventure, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump) – John and Sherlock are stranded deep in the wilderness with no phones and no foreseeable escape. With John wounded, Sherlock fears they will die here: in the cold, in the damp, in the woods. 

London's Ghost by JustlikeWater (K+, 5,642 w., 1 Ch. || Tragedy, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Post-TRF AU, Sherlock POV) – "Today, it's been weeks since Sherlock died. Other times, years. He doesn't know for sure, though. Time passes differently for the dead" 

Recovery by thesignsofserbia (T, 5,948 w., 1 Ch. || HLV-Fix It / Rewrite, Villain Mary, Pining Sherlock, Major Character Injury, Scars, Self-Hatred, POV Sherlock, Doctor John, Friends to Lovers) – Set after the confrontation with Mary, and Sherlock's cardiac arrest, John stays at 221B to aid Sherlock's recovery, forcing them to confront wounds both old and new as they try to heal their damaged relationship.

I'll Be Fine by whitchry9 (T, 6,473 w., 21 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, John Whump, Friendship, MCD, Heavy Angst) – John says he'll be fine, and Sherlock believes him. Until he can't any more. And it's awfully hard to forgive John for lying about something big like that, even if he didn't mean to. Not using warnings because spoilers, but there are some. 

The Death of Doubt by Gingerhermit (E, 6,584 w., 1 Ch. || Alternate Canon, BAMF John, POV Sherlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Angst/Drama, Meddling Mycroft) – Mycroft asks for John’s help in rescuing Sherlock from his Serbian captors.

Not Alone by taliapaxton (K+, 7,034 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Friendship, MCD, Euthanasia) – Alone on the Water from Sherlock's point of view. Inspired by the wonderful fiction, "Alone on the Water"

Until I See the Sun by Vintage Tea Party (T, 8,194 w., 3 Ch. || Nightmares, Mild Whump, Friendship, Mild Violence, Angst) – After a particularly dangerous case, John suffers from night terrors. Will Sherlock be able to comfort him? Will he be able to find out what is really troubling John? 

Made for You by Raxicoricofallapatorious (K, 8,440 w., 1 Ch. || Android AU || Friendship, Sci-Fi, Sherlock Called Freak) – When John was shot in the shoulder he was decommissioned and his memory and personality was wiped. Sherlock was given the blank droid and he quickly learns that this droid is more than it seems. John just so happened to come back and no one can fathom how or why. Johnlock if you squint.

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68 (M, 10,388 w., 2 Ch. || Ghost AU || Post TRF, Halloween / Ghosts, Pining Sherlock, Ghost Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Angry Sex, Ghost Sex, Love Confessions, Open / Ambiguous Ending) – In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

Johnlock Ficlet Collection by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 11,505+ w. [WiP] || Random Ficlets, Pining, Angst, Fluff & Smut, Parentlock, AU’s, First Kiss, Character POV’s) - Just a collection of Johnlock ficlets, originally posted on my Tumblr page.

A Building of Bridges by Unique (K, 12,325 w. , 3 Ch. || Drama, Alternate First Meeting, John’s PTSD / Flashbacks, Mute John, Dialogue-Heavy, Caring Sherlock, Friendship) – No one would ever send Sherlock in to diffuse a stand-off; but on one unlikely day, that's exactly what happened. "Congratulations, Lestrade," he called out sarcastically. "You're traumatizing a war veteran."

The Nutcracker by Odamaki (T, 13,758 w., 7 Ch. || Nutcracker AU ||  Christmas, Dark Magic, Dolls) – Sherlock is unimpressed with Uncle Rudy's present. A doll? What does he want with a doll?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

Let's Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (M, 17,664 w., 11 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, First Kiss, Unrequited, Jealous Sherlock, Protective Sherlock) – John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w., 4 Ch. || Post-TRF, John has a Kid, Angst, Reunion, Falling in Love, Open Ending) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.

A Quiet Life by DiscordantWords (M, 25,176 w., 6 Ch. || Post S4, Retirement, POV Sherlock, Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Minor Character Death, Questionable Parenting Choices, Non-Linear Narrative, 20 Year Old Rosie, Meddling Mycroft, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Angst, Sherlock Whump) – There had been three days of silence and a funeral. Sherlock had the terrible feeling that whatever happened next would depend, entirely, on him.

The Wisteria Tree by SilentAuror (E, 29,773 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Emotional Love Making, Amnesia/Memory Loss, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Sherlock POV, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Est. Rel., Retirement) – Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

The Unfinished Letters by SilentAuror (E, 37,391 w., 1 Ch. || Post S3 / S3 / HLV Fix it, Angst with Happy Ending, Romance, Infidelity, Depression, Case Fic, POV Third Person Sherlock, Love Confessions, Pining Sherlock, Letters) – A fire at Baker Street leads John to read something he was never intended to see: a notebook of half-written, unfinished letters Sherlock wrote during his time away...

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w., 17 Ch. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) –  John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Bakers with Benefits by Raina_at (E, 88,130 w., 14 Ch. || Great British Bake Off AU || Strangers to Lovers, Switchlock, Friends with Benefits, Mentions of Alcoholism / Past Drug Use, Banter, Flirting, Fluff, Light Angst, Semi-Public Sex, Past Sherlock/Victor, Mutual Pining, POV Sherlock, Obsessive Sherlock, John’s Bum) – Sherlock Holmes has a successful YouTube baking channel, but what he really wants is his own bakery. When an old friend sends him a call for the very first Great British Bake Off, he seizes the opportunity to finally win a sponsor for his bakery. Here's the plan: Win Bake Off, get the bakery, don't fall in love with the handsome Army doctor at the neighbouring station. Easy.

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w., 12 of ? Ch. || Dev. Rel., Pining, Fluff and Romance, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Cuddles, Girl’s Night, Texting, Virgin Sherlock, Drunk Sherlock, Background Mollstrade, Hair Petting, Laying on Lap) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion. {{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w., 34 Ch. || Established Relationship, Major Character Injury, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis/Disabilities, Hurt/Comfort, POV Sherlock, Mental Health Issues, Drug Use, Happy-ish Ending) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it's supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken

[vladdyissues]

We need a fanfic, where Danny & Vlad are protagonists, and Jack & Maddie are antagonists. Yes, Jack and Maddie are still naive about terrible things they did to halfas: the betrayal (never visited Vlad in the hospital), painful portal accidents, their kids are fed on food with cancerogenic ectoplasm, unsafe driving with kids (https://64.media.tumblr.com/93e7bebbb7221983cd807d8da901df51/tumblr_nic8a45BGS1raft3zo1_1280.jpg), attempts to dissect and destroy their son (Phantom)... But all these stuff are shown as really evil, not a joke. Vlad seem to be a bad guy at the start, but he just realise the ghost hunters' danger, so, Vlad will try to open Danny's eyes and take care of both Fentons kids until it's too late.

I've got good news for you, anon. There is a fanfic like that, and it's called

[randxmthxughts]

Chosen by Eywa - The Dream Hunt - Chapter 1

chapter 2 →

summary: eywa makes no mistakes... in the midst of his preparation to become the future olo'eyktan, neteyam is told to be with a chosen mate. guided by the signs of eywa, tsahik picks y/n, a woman orphaned by the war, whose heart already belongs to another

contains: arranged marriage, mentions of war and grief, angst, one-sided enemies to lovers

wc: 4.6k

a/n: i just wanted to say a major THANK YOU for 4k and for the support you have shown for this series before i even posted anything 😭 i hope this meets your expectations, and i am very excited for the next chapters

chosen by eywa masterlist | general avatar masterlist

Eywa makes no mistakes. Y/N had clung to these words her whole life, since the day her parents were taken by the merciless war against the sky people. She found comfort in knowing that her journey was already prewritten, destined for a greater purpose. But she had never expected for Eywa to turn her world upside down, forcing her to question everything she believed in, and lead her to a love that she never imagined possible…

The scent of smoldering herbs filled the air, mingling with the soft groans and hushed whispers of the healers attending to the small party of warriors. Y/N's deft hands worked quickly, spreading the last thick layer of healing poultice over the gash on his arm. He winced at the searing pain, then let out a weak chuckle at his own reaction.

"Mawey," she murmured to the injured warrior, her voice sweet with warmth that she failed to conceal, “We are done.” Their eyes met briefly, and a blush crept up Y/N's cheeks.

She turned away, to hide a small smile that tugged at the corners of her lips, and stepped closer to Kiri to search for another remedy in their shared basket. Neteyam, sitting beneath his sister's tender ministrations, winced slightly. His eyes then spotted Y/N, who was rifling through the herbs and ointments, though her thoughts seemed to drift somewhere else.

“What are you looking for?” Kiri asked, poking her head out from behind her brother.

“Oh,” Y/N turned, flashing the siblings a sheepish smile, “Was just making sure that we had enough eanean.”

Kiri nodded, though she was hardly convinced. Having worked with Y/N side by side for years now, she had grown to read her subtle moods. Over the past few months especially, with the increased work, the two women had become closer, and Kiri had suspected that there was something going on between Y/N and Kaye, the warrior she was just tending to. But she ultimately decided not to intervene. 

“I still don’t understand how you even crossed paths with those skxawngs at the Eastern border,” Kiri returned to the conversation she was having with her brother.

"They were lying in wait," Neteyam answered, his gaze still fixated on Y/N, "I don't know how they figured out we'd be there today, but they attacked us from above."

"That's very bad," Kiri sighed, applying fresh bandages to his back, “What if there were more of them?”

She circled to stand in front of her brother, while her eyes darted around the spacious tent. The healing tent had been expanded due to Mo’at’s request, who had decided that the old one was too cramped. Mo’at also took on more students because of the attacks from the sky people, and the clan now boasted a larger number of healers than ever before.

"We probably wouldn't have made it out alive," Neteyam sighed, disappointed. 

The future Olo’yektan saw no point in hiding the intensity of the day’s event; he had barely escaped his own death earlier. He was assigned to lead the party, and the weight of bringing his warriors to safety was heavy on his shoulders. How could he ensure they would never end up in the same situation again? Getting trapped by the sky people, almost facing death. He couldn’t help but feel insecure in his own ability as the future chief, maybe he wasn’t ready to pass his Dream Hunt yet.

Kiri's shoulders slumped in response, though the answer wasn't difficult to guess. She stole a quick glance at Y/N, who seemed to be frozen in place, listening to the conversation. If anything happened to Kaye, if she lost another person she loved to the war, would she be able to bear it?

The familiar touch of Kaye's hand on her back broke Y/N out of her thoughts. As he passed by, uttering a grateful "thank you," she blushed deeply, but the worry in her eyes was not lost on Neteyam.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Y/N dipped her feet into the cold water, feeling the soreness starting to slip away from her body. The river was serene, calming her, as she had been on her feet all day, working under the watchful eyes of Mo’at and tending to the injured warriors. Kaye, who sat next to her, nudged her thigh with his. She could feel the warmth of his body against hers, his canines peeking out with a small smirk.

“You know I don’t like it when you are upset with me,” he said, nudging her again playfully, “Y/N.”

Her ears twitched, as she turned to look at him with a hint of annoyance at how unserious he was being. He had accidentally blabbered about his stupid idea to take on two geared up sky people at once and almost lost his arm during the encounter.

“The Great Mother may have looked after you today, but it won’t always be so,” she said firmly, “I lost my parents to a slip-up like this. Eywa does not intervene in these matters.”

“I know,” Kaye cupped her cheek tenderly, recognizing the reminiscing in her eyes, “I will be more careful.”

She leaned into his touch, eyes closing for a moment with a small sigh. Her mind wandered back to the memories of her parents. It was a pain that never fully went away, a constant ache that still kept her up at nights.

“I worry about you, Kaye,” she murmured.

“And I worry about you,” he replied softly, his thumb rubbing circles on her cheekbone, “Which is why I think it is time to tell my family about us.”

Y/N blinked at him, feeling the familiar spark of hope ignite within her, but she quickly pushed it aside. She had heard these words from Kaye before, a promise that he had broken time and time again. His family held importance in the clan, his parents were strict, determined to arrange a mate for Kaye, just like they did for the rest of their children. And she was never worthy of their attention. She had nothing to offer to them. Kaye knew that too well, but he continued to give both of them false hopes of a bright future together.

“You don’t have to, it is no rush,” she mumbled, wondering if her devotion to him would ever be matched, “I don’t want you to fight with your parents.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Like in the womb of Pandora, surrounded by the elders and the Tsahik, Neteyam proudly wore the white paint on his body as he silently took a seat in the middle of the circle. His mother lingered behind with a mixture of worry and pride on her face; she had looked forward to the day her firstborn passed the Dream Hunt, but the earlier encounter with the sky people had shaken her slightly. What if Neteyam was too tired and wouldn’t survive his uniltaron? Jake threw an assurring arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest, and she gratefully complied, peeking at her son with a smile. Jake was grinning, confident that Neteyam, who had already accomplished so much at his age, would pass his trial with ease. He had prepared for it for months, what’s one more rite?

The chanting began to pick up with the beginning of the ritual, and knowing his role too well, Neteyam opened his mouth willingly when Mo'at approached him with a glowing worm hanging from her fingers. The worm wiggled around as Neteyam closed his lips around it and chewed it down. The smoke from burning herbs filled his nose and eyes, burning all the way to his lungs. 

The chant grew louder and more hypnotic, and the taste of the worm on his tongue numbed his buds like a torch. Neteyam felt his body vibrate involuntarily, and as his father placed an arachnoid on his neck, he felt it stung him twice mercilessly. Neteyam squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the noise and the pain, as his mind began to slip into a trance. He could feel his lungs give out with a sharp pain and as he desperately gasped for air, it seemed like he was falling, spiraling down with nothing to grab onto. His heartbeat suddenly was louder, faster in his ears, thumping in a rhythm as he plummeted it down. The world went dark, and when he opened his eyes, Neteyam saw himself in the forest, surrounded by mist.

His body went limp for a moment, bright sunlight blinding his vision. He gathered his energy and barely moved to his feet, when with a sudden gust of wind, a banshee flew right above him, so close to the ground that it almost threw him off. Instinctively, Neteyam reached to cover his eyes with his hand, and then he was no longer himself.

His body ached, as it began to stretch out. His hands were growing, transforming into wings, as venom flowed through his blood, he was suddenly floating above the forest. It was like he was on the back of his ikran but the feeling was more intense. Unmistakably, his mind was no longer his own, Neteyam saw and felt through the banshee.

A rush of adrenaline burst through him, and Neteyam, for the first time in his life, was free, as he soared through the sky. He couldn’t express it, but he could feel it somewhere in his heart that this is what he was meant to be. One with Eywa.

As he flew over the trees, he spotted and neared closer to himself. His own Na’vi body stood small and fragile from the new point of view. But there was also somebody else standing next to him. A woman holding his hand. She was laughing, her voice vibrantly filled his ears with a pleasant sound. A long necklace wrapped around her neck and hung all the way down to her stomach, adorned with big beads, glistening under the sun, and blue feathers. Her hair was let down in soft waves, and her face… When Neteyam tried tracing her features, he realized he couldn’t. The image began to slip away from him, and he felt his body betray him once again…

Suddenly, his eyes flew open, the darkness of the cave enveloping him. His trembling body was arched, palms digging into the soil beneath him, sweat rolling down his face in big drops. Neteyam took a moment to regain his breath, heart pounding.

“It is finished,” Mo’at’s voice broke the silence, words echoing through the cave.

Neteyam winced slightly at the loudness and rubbed his eyes to regain his vision. He could feel the eyes of elderly on him, then the relief in his mother’s voice, as she rushed to his side. Her hands reached for his face, massaging his temples.

“Did you see your spirit animal?” Neytiri asked with a smile, her eyes brimming with curiosity.

Neteyam nodded weakly, a small smile of his own stretching across his lips. 

“I saw an ikran… I was the ikran!” he exclaimed, his laughter filling the cave.

Jake and Neytiri joined in his giddy laughter, the rest of the circle smiling in approval. Neytiri pulled her son into a tight embrace.

“We are very proud of you, son,” Jake said, crouching down next to them and patting Neteyam’s head, knowing exactly what he went through.

“Thank you,” Neteyam smiled, then as if he remembered another vision from his Dream Hunt, continued, “But I saw something else too!”

Mo’at approached him hastily, making a room for herself, as she splayed her fingers against Neteyam’s face. She peered into his amber eyes with curiosity, urging him to continue.

“I saw a woman,” he smiled, the memory returning to him, “She was holding my hand… well, the hand of my Na’vi body.”

Neytiri gasped softly, her eyes widening with shock. Mo’at’s expression remained stoic, though she gripped Neteyam’s shoulder. 

“Did you recognize her, child?” she questioned, concealing her surprise.

“No, I couldn’t see her face,” Neteyam shook his head with a slight disappointment, “She was a Na’vi woman. But I couldn’t see her clearly.” He looked to his father, seeking answers, but found only confusion there. 

Neytiri and Mo’at shared a knowing glance before rising to their feet. Neytiri brought her hands to her chest, anxiety etched onto her features. Jake registered it immediately, now alerted too by their reactions. 

“Is something wrong?” he whispered to her.

She looked back at him, confusion marring her expression. She wasn’t really sure what it meant, only knew that Eywa very rarely sent a vision during the uniltaron. Mo’at circled around Neteyam, the air thick with tension. He waited patiently, his eyes trained on his grandmother, though he was already a little worried by how long she waited to speak. She took a step back and motioned for him to stand up. He complied, his body still weak.    

“The Great Mother had blessed you with another vision, a peek into your destiny,” Mo’at’s tone was serious. 

Jake’s ears perked up, unsure if it should excite him or scare him. He looked around the cave, seeking for a similar reaction, but everyone except him and Neteyam seemed to have an idea of what it meant. 

“What does it mean, grandmother?” Neteyam asked carefully.

“It is time, Neteyam,” Mo’at spoke with a glimmer of pride in her eyes, “The Great Mother thinks you are ready to take a mate. Your journey begins now.”

Neytiri wrapped her arms around her son once more with a bittersweet smile. She seemed relieved by the explanation. Neteyam, like the perfect son, had passed every rite on his own. Now it was time for him to face the rest of his challenges with a woman by his side, someone he would love and cherish. He wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. Jake watched with the same confused expression on his face, ever so often glancing at Neytiri to try and understand how he should react.

“If you have already chosen a mate in secret from the clan, you must reveal it now, child,” Mo’at spoke again. 

“No, grandmother, I have not chosen,” Neteyam shook his head firmly, “I am not mated with anyone.”

“Very well,” Mo’at heaved a sigh, then tilted her head slightly, “Do you have anyone in mind for the role?” 

“No,” he shook his head again, this time slightly embarrassed by his own answer. It was the only thing he lacked so far, “I didn’t have time for that.”

The words brought a pang of guilt to his parents. They both lowered their ears immediately, feeling fully responsible for raising their son with such a weighty burden on his shoulders.

“Good. Then the search begins,” Mo’at announced, “You will hear the answer soon.”

Neteyam felt his heart sink. His mouth hung open, as he looked around the cave for support but the elderly only seemed content with the decision and began to disperse. He would hear the answer? Were they going to decide for him? Of course, arranging bonds was quite common and successful in his clan, especially within the line of Olo’eyktans. Their mates were chosen carefully, keeping in mind that the couples had to be strong enough to lead their people through thick and thin. But he was content with his life as of now, exploring the forests and working on his skills. Neteyam didn’t feel ready, despite his vision. He glanced at his father, who was now frowning and clearly holding himself back from speaking, biding his time until they were left alone to discuss the matter further.

“Neteyam, you should go to the celebration, your brother and sisters have been waiting for you this whole time," Neytiri spoke softly.

"But mother -" Neteyam tried to protest.

"No buts, boy," his father interjected, “You did well. Go celebrate."

“Fine,” Neteyam nodded, his voice falling to a whisper.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

It has been a few days since Neteyam passed his Dream Hunt, but he was already impatient for his grandmother’s decision. It could take her months to make it, yet he couldn’t help the anxiousness. Was he too late to choose a mate for himself? What made it worse was the conversations he overheard between his parents. He tiptoed around the corner of his family tent, his mind already racing with conflicting thoughts. He had gathered every argument and piled it into a high tower, ready to unravel it onto his parents, but as their voices grew louder, he couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"I can’t believe you’re going along with this, Neytiri," Jake's voice echoed, his tone growing more exasperated by the second. "He should have a choice in who he wants to spend his life with."

"He didn’t make a choice in time," Neytiri replied, her voice firm, "But the Great Mother has. A mate has already been chosen by Eywa.”

“And what if he doesn’t like this arrangement? You were in his place once,” Jake was upset. He had never expected Neytiri to agree with Mo’at’s decision.

“Ma’Jake,” Neytiri sighed, “Eywa makes no mistakes. Neteyam received a clear sign, it would be foolish to ignore it.”

Neteyam's heart skipped a beat at her words. His mother seemed determined that it was the right step to take, and deep down, he thought he agreed with her. He had to trust in the wisdom of Eywa. Yet, Neteyam was scared because of his own helplessness. 

“I don’t know…” Jake trailed off. 

It wasn't fair play, arguing with Tsahik’s decision, with Eywa’s signs. Jake may have lived on Pandora for over 20 years, having been reborn as a Na’vi, but he still felt like an outsider when it came to the traditions of the clan. He wasn’t going to enforce his opinions with his position as Toruk Makto and go against everyone. But he also didn’t want to see his son suffer.

Neteyam sighed before stepping into the tent and revealing himself. Both of his parents stiffened, having suspected that he overheard their conversation. He felt caught between two and he had no other choice but to put a stop to it.

“‘Itan,” Neytiri’s expression softened, sensing the uncertainty in his eyes. She walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “I know that you might feel confused but I believe that accepting Eywa’s sign will lead you to being a strong leader someday. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices, but ultimately the Great Mother looks after us. Our fate is already written.”

“Whatever your grandmother decides, you don’t have to go along with it, if you don’t want to, Neteyam,” Jake added with a strained voice, “Trust your heart.”

Neytiri nodded with a small sigh. She too was conflicted, torn between her trust and her love for her son. The vision during the Dream Hunt was a rare blessing, and Neytiri didn't want Neteyam to miss out on it.

“You have been destined for greatness, ‘itan,” her expression softened, “We will be with you every step of your journey.”

“Thank you,” Neteyam looked between his parents, “But I decided to accept the sign. And I want to make you proud,” he added, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jake and Neytiri exchanged a glance. Neteyam could feel the weight of his clan's expectations heavy on his shoulders, like he couldn’t refuse, no matter how much his parents expressed they would support him. Now, as he looked at their worried faces, he knew he had to put his own desires aside for the sake of his people. 

“Grandmother sent me over to get you. She has her answer,” Kiri’s voice trembled slightly as she delivered the news, interrupting their moment.

Her ears were flat against her skull, face etched with worry for the burden placed upon her brother. She could only hope that he would be happy and at peace with whatever will be decided.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

One man's joy is another man's sorrow. 

Becoming the future Olo’eyktan’s mate, getting accepted into his family, being his family, filling the hole left by the death of her parents. To be granted the ultimate praise and be chosen by Tsahik, be approved, be enough. After losing everything, it all seemed too good to be true to Y/N.

Her heart sunk deep in her chest, voice hitching in her throat before words of protest could even escape. How could she agree to being with Neteyam? Sure, he was handsome, skillful, he was respected and would be sweet to her. But he wasn’t Kaye, wasn’t the one she wanted. Not the one who promised to be hers. No. It was going to be Neteyam, the future Olo’eyktan. The guy who had grown up with the eyes of the whole clan on him. Who was performing all the time, concealed his true feelings. Someone whom she didn’t know well, whom she never saw that way. 

“Y/N, do you accept?” Mo’at asked, her voice louder this time.

Y/N’s thoughts raced faster at the gravity of the question. Mating with Neteyam would fulfill her duty to her people, a duty to carry on the traditions, an opportunity to belong, to be part of something bigger, greater. To finally feel useful, be able to give back to her clan. She glanced at Tsahik and could see the disapproval etched on the older woman’s features. 

Any girl would kill to be in her position. It felt like a slap to even consider rejecting Neteyam, Mo’at was convinced that her grandson was going to be everything and more. She had seen him in her visions since even before he was born. He had a strong heart, was destined to be a leader, guide his clan to a better future, make a happy one for himself too. 

The atmosphere was thick with anticipation, each breath Y/N took felt like a burden on her chest. Jake and Neytiri, who stood nearby, waited patiently, hoping for the answer they wanted to hear but also expecting the one they feared. It was hard to tell apart which was which. Y/N stole another glance at Neteyam, whom she had greeted only a few minutes ago, just before his grandmother revealed her vision of Y/N being mated with him. He looked guilty, chewing on his bottom lip, muscles tense, as he desperately seeked for a reaction from her, anything. He felt the guilt eating away at him, he wasn’t blind, Neteyam had seen they way she was around Kaye. He just couldn’t understand why they had never announced it to the clan. Maybe things wouldn’t be so difficult now… 

“I-I,” she stuttered, “I don’t know what to say, it is a great honor but…”

“But you deny?” Mo’at raised her eyebrows in disbelief, completely baffled with her answer.

“No - yes,” Y/N stammered, shaking her head, “I am only saying that there are many women in the clan who are worthy of becoming the mate of the future Olo’eyktan. Women better than me, who would know how to lead a clan.”

Mo’at pursed her lips together, clearly dissatisfied. Y/N wanted to scream, to run away, to hide from the responsibility that was thrust upon her so unexpectedly. Neteyam's eyes bore into hers, pleading silently for a chance. But she didn't know him, not really. How could she possibly agree to mate with someone her heart didn’t long for? Neytiri shifted uncomfortably, nudging Jake to do something, anything to ease the situation. He sighed, stepping forward to Y/N.

“I know it can be hard to let people take care of you, kid, but sometimes it is okay to let yourself just be,” he placed a hand over her shoulder, his features etched with sincerity, “Your parents were great people. I thought very highly of them, I truly mean it.”

“I know, Olo’eyktan, they respected you too,” Y/N nodded weakly. 

Ever since their passing, Y/N could feel Jake’s protective gaze on her. He had been looking out for her for years now, making sure that people in the clan treated her well. It was him who had asked Mo’at to take Y/N as a student because he saw the potential in her to help others. But now, it was time for him to be taking all that back, and the realization made her heart clench painfully.

“I’ve never told you this but before your mother passed away, I was there with her,” he paused for a moment, “She asked me to take care of you, to make sure you had a place in the clan. And I know of no better way to fulfill that wish than this.”

As he spoke, Y/N's felt like shrinking under the weight of his arm still resting on her shoulder. She couldn’t tell him that her heart belonged to someone else, someone she could never have because she had nothing to offer. Nothing to give, nothing to make his family think she was worthy of him.

“The sign of Eywa was clear,” Neytiri chimed in, drawing attention back to her, “Neteyam had a vision during his Dream Hunt. He saw his mate.”

“But that’s… that never happens during Dream Hunts!” Y/N seemed baffled too.

She looked at Neteyam, hoping for a further explanation, but he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Shame and pressure showed on his face, as if the argument made by his mother put him into an even deeper pit of despair. 

“It happens rarely,” Neytiri continued, then smiled softly, as if catching up on with her own thoughts, “Very rarely, Eywa sends these signs to exceptional Na’vi. It must be her way of saying that it is time to let somebody else help him on the rest of his journey.”

Useful. It was the precise word Y/N used, whenever she asked for Tsahik’s help during the lessons. When her eyes would go red from the amount of tears she shed when she felt unwanted. When she hid herself from the man she loved because his parents would never accept her. Y/N had always been a hard worker, eager to prove herself in the clan, but no matter how much she did, it never felt enough.

Neteyam watched her with fear and desperation. Now the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to make things work. The pressure of being the perfect son, the future leader, was a weight that he needed to share with someone strong.

Then they saw it. A single atokirina’, a sacred seed that had last appeared to Y/N on the day her parents were killed, floated around her, casting a soft glow over her features. For a moment, nobody spoke, watching the seed with adoring smiles. Y/N's expression softened too, feeling as if the Great Mother herself had blessed her. Eywa had spoken.

“It seems like Eywa tries hard to convince you, my child,” Mo’at's words were soothing, her voice softening as she spoke with adoration for her world.

"To be chosen by Eywa is a wondrous thing,” Neytiri added with a grin.

Y/N’s gaze met Neteyam's, his eyes searching for any sign of what she was thinking. Did he feel the same pressure as her? Did he want this, or was he as trapped as she was?

“Is this really how it works?” Y/N asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Eywa speaks to us in many ways, my child,” Mo’at nodded.

chapter 2 →

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[may-lutlone]

i did something 🫥, i did a fanart for Try to stay thermoregulated by sulfuricoussss

you can read it here (MIND THE TAGS AND WARNINGS! It's rated E! ):

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53556262/chapters/135564370?view_adult=true

so uhhh i have been eaten alive by the visual premise of this fic and yeah, love me some hypothermic shuake, why not