#and. take my steroids. fuckin things

[mars-ipan]

got really lucky today and the phone call thing i had to do resolved itself which is great bc i DID lowkey have a mental breakdown over it. but i’m okay now and i’m gonna get lunch and take a nap and it’s gonna be okay

[frnchgirls]

patrick meeting you at your first frat party, plopping down next to you on the couch and talking to you as if you've known each other forever even though you were completely unaware of his existence just half an hour ago. you were 100% expecting the party to be a terrible idea. you've heard horror stories of spiked drinks and persistent assholes in tau kappa epsilon but patrick has you pleasantly surprised.

meanwhile, he's so fuckin' excited cause a new girl hasn't been by the house in ages. any time another guy from the frat tries to talk to you, his arm over the back of the couch curls in around you as he barks out a half-serious "this one's mine. she's not interested, sorry buddy." and the possessive punctuation of his words has your heart racing.

after a few too many beer cans have been emptied into mouths and discarded in trash bins, a few boys begin drunkenly wrestling on the sticky floor. patrick's quick to crack jokes like "who do you think is gonna win? my bet is on the one in the backwards cap. i heard he puts steroids in his michelob ultra." and you giggle as your fingers dig into his soft white tee and he thinks it might be getting him hard. he pulls your face into the crook of his neck to "shield your eyes from this barbaric stupidity," cause you're "too pretty to be watching it."

the reality is, he's just using that as an excuse to keep his hands on you.

the wrestling gets a little too close to the couch and he pulls your legs up into his lap, so the guys don't bump into you. you're pretty buzzed and it's late and you tell him you need to get back to your dorm cause you have classes in the morning. pat doesn't have a car, so the best thing he can offer is to walk you there. it's only a block or two away, after all. you take him up on it and you can't help but stumble down the sidewalk in your heels and lean on him for support, blubbering "i'm sorry, thank you for being so nice to me... unh i'm so drunk, 'm so sorry." over and over again.

patrick thinks it's the cutest thing he's ever heard, brushing it off with a laugh and telling you that you have nothing to apologize for. his grip on your waist tightens to make sure you don't fall. at least, that's what he tells himself.

he finally gets you to your room safe and spends the walk back imagining how he's gonna beat his dick raw to the thought of you.

he could've had you tonight, if only he wasn't such a gentleman.

[st4rbwrry]

━━ 𝑘𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚 .ᐟ satoru + getou.

warnings 𑄽𑄺 2.9k. fem chubby reader, lowercase intended, she/her pronouns, black coded, threesome but getou’s our boyfie so boyfriend’s best friend trope!, anal + vaginal penetration, oral [ f ], handjob, a few lil gay moments teehee, getou is kinda insecure, satoru takes most of the lead, spitting, choking, check ins, impact play, praising, condom use, cockwarming, creampie, potential polyamory?, minors aren’t welcomed!

━━━ ꒰ 𝑚𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑎’𝑠 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑠 .ᐟ ꒱ ; dedicated to my bestie bc she harassed me about a getou + gojo fic since i never continued impure :/ <3 @thecoochiefairy

their postures are statue-like once you step foot out of the bathroom, both men eyeing you from head to toe, getou instantly standing to his feet with clammy hands he rested on his hips. satoru remained seated, legs spread as he groaned and pulled at his soft snow hair. they were lost for words. while they were busy finding a bar to grab a drink at the mall, you wandered off in search of a lingerie set, finding a simple pearl white babydoll, sheer mesh bodice, an open flyaway back, and matching panty set. it made you feel pretty, so you wore it for them.

their silence made your heart race nervously, playing with the fabric as your eyes flicker between the two faces, waiting for a response.

"you like it?" your voice is quiet as a mouse.

"i love it," they say in unison. getou blinks, forgetting he was here, honestly.

"you're fuckin' gorgeous, baby," satoru finally stands, being the first one to walk towards you, cupping the side of your face in his palm. you grow hot immediately. "stunning."

even though you've never had the slightest sexual encounter with satoru, the way he had your mind running wild with imagination was near insanity. of course, it was wrong to think of another man while clearly in a committed relationship. but, it was impossible when he was always around you. making jokes here and there about clearly wanting to fuck you. the infatuation was clear as day. you hated your attraction to him. that's why you had to do this, why you wanted it. both of them at once. your feelings were mutual towards them equally, and the sexual tension would never ease unless this happened. plus, it was your birthday. and as your gift, you asked getou for this one thing. your puppy dog eyes making him unable to object.

"give me your hands," you hold out both of yours, getou swallowing and coming forward to gently clasp your small hand, satoru doing the same before you smile and turn, the men stumbling behind you with their eyes on your ass, guiding them towards the bedroom.

a rush of confidence sparks through you now. you've been wanting this for so long, so it's only right that you show them. closing the door behind them, they stare ahead, looking down to see your fingers delicately skid across their abdomens, lifting their shirts and moaning at the abs on both of their bodies. they were toned, buff in the arms but nothing steroid-like. deeply cut v-lines and slim waists. you nearly drool from the feel, desperate to clutch their waists as they fucked you hard without a care.

"baby," it's clear you're referring to getou by the purr in your voice, tits pressed firmly against his side as he looks down at you with a clench of his jaw.

"mhm?" is how he responds, trying his best to remain complacent.

"take control," you bat your lashes. "it's your pussy before his."

getou groans, satoru's grin is sadistic, finding himself clasping your wrist, taking your attention from your boyfriend and burning his eyes in your own, tugging you near him. he caresses your face admirably, humming.

"aren't you obedient," satoru's palm slaps against the side of your cheek as he chuckles, and to getou's point of view, it's absurdly violent. you've never felt this spark before, the action making your heart thump with excitement. the look on your boyfriend's face was pure anger, that deadpanned expression only meaning that he was ready to snap. satoru tries to do it again, but is stopped as soon as getou catches his wrist forcefully.

"are you asking to die?" getou seethes, satoru only raising a brow, no remorse.

"you're really blind, huh?" satoru laughs, side-eyeing you. "she likes it. don't tell me your sex life is that dull."

getou inhales, releasing his wrist once you touch the side of his face reassuringly, smiling hazily. "i like it, it's okay."

he's stuck. not sure how to respond nor react. there's so much more he has to know about you. teach himself about. even though it's only been four months into your relationship, he feels like a stranger, uneducated about your sexual desires. now he's concerned if he pleasures you enough or not. maybe this was a lesson. maybe he should let satoru do most of the work and observe while still being present. watch your reactions to things he says or does that rile you up. there was nothing wrong with being taught.

"tell me what you want," getou clenches his jaw, grabbing the back of your head and tugging softly. getou was extremely soft and caring during sex, and although you were fond of it, sometimes you wanted him to be the opposite. "i'll give you anything. just say it."

warmth fills your chest, so entranced by his sweetness. your eyes lock with satoru's, "wanna ride his face."

satoru tongues his inner cheek, looking you up and down once more. " 'course you do."

getou has his eyes on you the entire time, those big eyes of yours wide with anticipation. "can i?”

"don't ask me with that innocent tone. you're anything but," getou grunts, taking you back by his side possessively. "come sit on me."

you follow like a lost puppy, getou taking his seat on the middle of the bed, one leg propped up as you crawl on your hands and knees to him, your face in his hands he caressed gently with his thumbs, kissing you and admiring you a while longer. satoru stands behind you, tilting his head to the side to capture a picture of the cute set on your body, his hands on your ass he brings back to rub the outline of his jean-clad cock against, groaning.

"fuck, you're really soft," his hand gropes your ass hard and it makes you whine, getou watching as you bite your lip and brush back against satoru who's dry humping you through the mesh thong you wore. "my dick is so fuckin' hard right now."

you swear your clits pulsating like a goddamn vibrator, moaning into getou's mouth after he kisses you, his eyes dark and pointed viciously in satoru's way, shoving his tongue in your mouth, barely paying you attention. he's watching satoru, making sure he takes care of you, doesn't hurt you. because if he did, he'd have to hurt him. satoru chuckles from the quiet obvious threat, molding your flesh in his rough palms. you're arching your back like a cat, panting in your boyfriend's mouth who's aware of your body sensitivity. the smallest touches leaving you feral. a cool breeze of air hits your soaked core as satoru pulls your panties to your knees, raising them so they're off fully, needing access to every region.

"fuck, that's a nice ass pussy," satoru grins, knitting his dark brows together, crystal blue eyes darting between getou and your weeping cunt. you yelp when two of his fingers brush over your clit, sliding it up to your core he taps a few times and hums. then he's bringing his fingers to his nose, liking the smell before he's sucking them off. "damn, this really all yours?"

getou rolls his eyes after satoru whistles, not waiting for him to say anything, which he doesn't, blocking him out anyways. it's all about you. he wants you and he's gonna stay focused on that. he's lowering to his knees on the ground, positioning your thighs so they're spread wider, barely preparing you before he's literally kissing at your cunt with tongue, like full on making out with it. you shudder instantly, mouth dropping and gripping at getou's thigh as satoru grunts and slurps up your juices, thrusting those same fingers into you. your eyes widen partially when his tongue trails up to your puckering hole, spitting, then kissing it up, bobbing his head up and down the entirety of you.

"ooo, my god. . ." you gasp, grinding back against his face, blindly tugging at the waistband of getou's jeans, getou studying you as your face turns in ecstasy, fumbling with your hands as you pull out his cock, whimpering as you spit into your small hand before wrapping it around to pump. getou clenches his jaw, placing his hand over yours to stoke it together, his bubblegum lips pouty as he kisses you hard, swallowing your moans.

"like fuckin' candy," satoru kisses your clit hard, lips wet before he's sucking on it hard, tongue moving everywhere, skidding over your thighs as he laps you up with a deep ‘fuck’, jaw moving side to side and his hand spanking your ass slow like he's drunk, the impact hard. it's a pattern, his spews of fuck become monotonous the more he eats at it.

fuck. spank, then moved his mouth. fuck. spank, then applies more pressure with his tongue. fuck. spanks you ten times harder, then growls. it was driving you mad, unable to stop shifting your ass.

"he's not gonna stop until you cum," getou says, now holding your throat in his hand, your face contorted as you whine.

"not once," satoru counters, getou looking over your shoulder with a brow raised, eyes trailing back to yours without disagreement.

"more than once."

"m'almost there," you cry, his mouth all too good, never reaching an orgasm this quickly.

"are you?" getou hums tauntingly, running the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. you nod, your breath hitching as he bites your lower lip and sucks, blood rushing. you jerk your hand faster, keeping it on the tip like he liked, getou folding easily, hips twitching.

"gonna give it to me?" satoru asks, never ceasing his assault, in love with the way your knees buckle.

"nnn, yea," you chew on your lips, already fucked out. not prepared for what they had in store for you next.

"yeah?" satoru mocks your tone, stuffing his fingers into you and moving to your desired pace. your vision goes static like an old television when you cum, falling forward to rest your cheek on your boyfriend's chest, both the men half stripping throughout your fixation. getou stops you from pulling at his dick, afraid he'll cum too quick. you have that affect on him.

satoru doesn't stop when you cum, he keeps going, more than once, he said. and he meant it. it's worse when getou pulls you up to suck on your neck, tugging at the hardened buds of your nipples , both men touching you at once was filthy, your head buzzing and your mouth nonstop with pornographic sonances. satoru takes his breath when he stands, licking you off his lips as if you were the best fucking dessert he's ever had. while you're left breathless, getou and satoru are pulling off the rest of their clothing, achingly hard they couldn't stand it any longer. you could read them well, especially getou, knowing when he's near done.

getou lays on his back and he pulls you on top of him, your messy face still so adorable. satoru grabs the bottle of lube and two condoms stashed in his drawer before coming back to the bed, brushing the white hair from his face and staring down at you as you turn to look behind yourself, teasing him by grinding your hips midair. satoru snickers, climbing on the bed and resting on his knees. he looks at getou.

"you go first."

your smile is lazy, hugging your man by his neck and cradling your face between it. getou holds out his hand, satoru passing him a condom, the gold packaging being torn with his teeth before he's tossing it aside and sliding it down his cock resting on his stomach.

"lift your hips," getou rasps, hands calloused on either side of your thighs, helping you up till he's sinking you down on it, stretching you good like he always does. you whimper by his ear, clenching your cunt around him once he's fully inside, swaying your ass, belly to belly as you grind and say his favorite word he liked to hear most of all from you; his name.

after satoru's secure, he spreads the lubricant over himself and then some on his fingers he uses to prep you. your cute little hole tensing when the heat from them grazes you, satoru telling you to take a deep breath and relax yourself before he's pressing against the unused entrance. you gasp when he managed to get them in, carefully thrusting past his knuckles. his fingers were as long as getou's. getou tries not to lose it, your pussy warming his cock with little to no movement. satoru continues to prep you for two more minutes, wanting to make sure he eases the discomfort just a bit.

"satoru," you whimper his name, giving him permission to take his turn.

it's a clear signal, and he doesn't waste time, towering over you and pinning down your lower back to arch you a little more. getou soothes you by caressing the sides of your legs, as well as smoothing them over your back. satoru aligns his reddened cockhead to your hole, kissing up your back as he gently pushes into you, inch by inch. the unknown stretch burns, getou turning his head to whisper comforting words to keep your mind off the pain, lifting his hips to fuck into you. the mixture of pain and pleasure has you clawing at his shoulders.

halfway in, satoru decides to bring you up, clutching your chin and getting his turn to taste your lips, sliding, slowly, deeper inside the longer his mouth moved with yours, getou observing you both.

"it's good? you're good?" satoru says in between breaths, hips so close to touching your ass.

"m'good. move, please."

it's enough to make both men move in sync, satoru biting at your neck with his face scrunched up, eyeing getou beneath you. the pain subsides, and all you feel are the tingles in the pit of your stomach, dragging out your moans as they both pounded into you, satoru finally getting deep like he wanted since you relaxed more.

"jesus, fuck . . . mmm," for some reason, the erotic expression on satoru's face makes getou blush, biting his lip as he watches the two of you lose yourselves. how you scratch at his shoulder and the elicit eye roll satoru does. getou never thought he'd feel like this, or like seeing you fuck another man so much.

"you look pretty as fuck taking both of us," getou grunts, smacking at your tits and you keen in shock. satoru must be getting to him now. you scream as the two men fuck you like they'd lost their sanity, gushing around getou's cock while satoru aggressively knocks his dick into you, both following each other's rhythms for you. your skin clashing, pouncing back on them.

"shit," getou whimpers, hips stuttering as he cums inside his condom, chest heaving erratically. you rush your hand over his hair, tugging and riding them still. satoru has his arm around your neck now, slamming his hips against your ass which makes you let go of getou, holding onto his forearm as your tongue lolls out and satoru switches positions.

you're lifted off getou, satoru tossing his condom off to slide into your sluice cunt, groaning and closing his eyes from the new feeling.

"cum inside me," it has getou stunned since you've never said that once, deathly afraid of the idea of pregnancy. maybe you gained a breeding kink overnight. he wonders what videos you researched prior to this that sparked this sudden fantasy to be dominated by two men, two roommates, two new best friends.

"was doing that anyways," he licks the shell of your ear with a malicious cackle. "bet you'd let me fuck you raw every day if it meant I'd get to fill you up."

"yess, baby," you weep, out of your mind entirely.

"baby?" satoru whistles, glaring at getou who only blinked. what's up with you? were you under his spell or something? "i like that. you tryna' make one with me?"

"get smacked," getou threatens.

satoru only grins, grabbing your chin and pressing his nose to your cheek, keeping his eyes on getou. "don't wanna be a daddy with me? it'd be fun. I'll push the stroller and you hold her hand so she doesn't trip with the other kid in her belly."

"cut it," getou seethes.

"you're no fun," satoru pouts, still fucking you back on his dick like it's nothing, your head spinning. his attentions back on you. "say it one more time for me."

"baby," you slur, swallowing the extra saliva built up in your mouth from drooling, giggling when he groans in approval.

"good fuckin' girl," satoru hisses, yanking you back hard, like some rag doll, your screams softening the longer he prolonged, balls slapping against your sticky clit and your tits bouncing so cutely in your babydoll set.

you slap your hands on getou's torso once you cum for your third time, tone drowning out by satoru's who growls and paints your tight walls white, your legs frantically twitching as you fall forward, getou swallowing, endlessly fascinated by you as he rubs you to cool you down.

"wanna watch it drip," satoru keens, raising your ass and holding the dip of your spine down, licking his lips as he watches the way his cum glides from you. "damn, i think it's my birthday, honestly."

you're spent, still shaky and barely having air left in your lungs. satoru leans over you, kisses your cheek with a loud 'muah!' before doing the same to getou, only he kisses him on the lips.

"don't kiss me, asshole!" getou splutters, palm over satoru's face as he shoved him away. you giggle weakly into your boyfriend's chest, reaching behind yourself to keep satoru pressed to your back for warmth, the three of you snuggled up comfortably.

“thank you babe,” you smile, elated.

“you’re welcome, baby,” they say in unison.

getou rolls his eyes, a petty grunt released. “she’s not talking to you.”

“s’okay, her pussy did,” satoru cackles, kissing your cheek with tongue to piss the black-haired man off even further. he remains silent. this time.

© 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖑𝖊. please do not repost, steal, or modify my work simply because it is mine. stealing isn't cute. i'll ruin your life ♡

[oneforthemunny]

evieee i’m feeling soft and mushy and i had a thought... what was the eddies’ “oh. OH.” moment, like the exact moment they realized that reader was it for them and they actually wanted to marry reader :') i mean i know some eddies are not into the idea of marriage but that’s fine! but what about the others :') (also ily MWA)

omg this is so cute (ily2 mwahhh!)

so older!eddie you can actually read his because it’s the moment in don’t be cruel where they’re both with brielle and reader is just so happy and getting along with her and they’re actually getting along. that’s the first time he’s like yes i could marry her, i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

mafia!eddie it’s definitely after one of his more vulnerable moments. maybe after a particularly draining day when he lets the mask fall, so to say, and is open about how emotionally draining what he does is. the way she validates it and listens, tells him she doesn’t think less and just stands by him and supports. he’s looking at rings that next day.

boxer!eddie there’s an angst blurb with him about how he’s using steroids (found in vivis writing challenge masterlist) and the aftermath of that, when he sees how much she really cares and how passionate she is about him and his health and career. that’s really when he’s like, “damn. she does love me. and i really want to be with her forever.”

dom!eddie’s is definitely super simple and sweet, pretty early on too. they’re out listening to a band play somewhere, and she’s just all over him- very publically and unashamed. it’s not her usual scene but she goes for eddie. they’re both a little tipsy and he’s just absolutely love struck. feels like he wants to do everything and anything with her.

cowboy!eddie it would be the first time she came to one of his competitions. he told her not to come, didn’t want her to travel and move things around just for him, but she did anyways. didn’t tell him, just showed up and surprised him. it really meant a lot, and he’d tell her that much later, because normally he’d just say not to come bc no one ever showed up even if he asked. a defense mechanism for him really. so when she did it just meant the world to him and he wanted her to show up for everything for the rest of his life.

rockstar!eddie it was in nantucket. set after dark shadows when they take their trip to the summer house on the east coast. there was feelings there before with both of them, but they were still trying to fight them and hide them but this is where things change and they decide to try and date. but a specific moment would be during the fourth of july. there’s a firework show on the docks, eddie stands out from all the others clad in ralph lauren and linens and nb couldn’t love it more (such a stark contrast from the first meeting lol). it’s really mundane and something just flips and all eddies feelings come out and he’s just like ok i want to be with her.

janitor!eddie’s is really early on, really cutesy and simple. shortly after they start dating. his birthday, the first they celebrate together. she goes all out, gets steve’s help in planning a party at the hideout with all his friends. “even tried to reserve a room, munson. like we have a fuckin’ private room.” the owner cackled and told him. she got his favorite cake, even a gift, and he was so overwhelmed with affection and love and just was in love.

hockey!eddie it was pretty early on honestly. during the start of the season, their first together. he’s bummed because he’s out of town for halloween, his favorite holiday, and won’t get to celebrate. she flies out and surprises him, books a stay at a hotel for the holiday as a long weekend and the two go out. brings a costume (a special festive lingerie too for later) and they go out after eddie’s game to a bar that’s celebrating the holiday, they come back and spend the next day watching the halloween movie marathon on tv, splitting a bag of candy. just so casual and sweet, but eddie is head over heels.

modern!eddie, i mean he’s in love from the first moment lol but honestly, when she’s vulnerable with him. when she’s soft and shows a side of herself to him that feels so personal and special to see. he feels just overwhelmed and special to get to see it and is in love.

bouncer!eddie it’s so dumb but it’s true i’m sorry, and it’s the first time she lets him cum inside lmao. he’s been in love before but like she let him creampie her??? he’s never felt more connected and in love ever. genuinely. he’s so obsessed after that just infatuated.

[kittykat8311]

How about you and me clean the house but you do all the actual cleaning and I just stand there telling you what to do 😇🖤

.

My brain on a weird one today, accidentally gone cold turkey on all my meds for like 48-72 hours cos I'm a fuckin numptity and now all the world is on fuckin steroids and I'm sat here watching fuckin broadchurch waiting to stop shaking when I have 4 million things to do and man I wish I had the spoons to look pretty now and then these days or even god forbid maybe sexy but most days it just feels like I'm doing the bare fuckin minimum to exist in a way I am at least slightly respected as a human and a woman and work is a mess and I need to improve my diet more and I'm cold but also I'm hot and i really want a nap but I'm on the clock but I have so much to do but yeah take your meds kids this your PSA 🖤

.

Outfit: @honourclothing / @skintwoglobal / @latexbyeustratia

Shine: @vivishine.company

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#frenchmaid #blacklatex #latexfashion#latexmaid #latexcosplay

[konigsblog]

Don't mind me just doing my nightly lurk on your page. And omg I came across the best thing. That somnophilia story with the whole 141 and their sweet girl. And I just needed to know does it become a regular thing? Does she know/remember what happened? I just can’t get it out of my head.

Do they continue to take her back at base, sneaking into her room when they feel the urge only to find one of the others already in there having their way with her.

Do they let Alejandro and Rudy enjoy there post mission ritual with them, getting sweet princess all sleepy and drowsy, convincing her that it’s safe to have a little nap, before offering her up to the Mexicans.

I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like pervy 141 on steroids. Make my brain go brrruuu.

tw; somnophillia;

they use you daily !! usually they decide through sparring; ghost vs soap, price vs gaz, ect. ghost alwaysss gets your pussy :(( they're so worried taht you'll get used to his big cock and not let them in, using your cunny secretly afterwards.

you're always talking about waking up a bit sticky, cum crusted on your thighs and cunt, whimpering at the aching pain shooting down your legs whenever you stand. you complain about the painful ache in your legs to price, knowing fully well that he fucked your cunt raw and hard last night !!

up until one day, gaz wakes her up. your tight pussy squeezing around them, squirming until you fall victim to his arousal, becoming intoxicated and addicted to the way each curve hits that gummy spot again and again !! you beg him to go faster, telling him that you wanted him to ruin your virgin cunt until he tells you about all the things they'd done to you.

“not so sure you're a virgin, sweetheart.. not with the way we use you every night, but, god- that fuckin' cunny tightens around us perfectly, such a good girl for us, lettin' us ruin you at nighttime while you're all asleep.”

[painsandconfusion]

THE DOCTOR GAVE ME TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF STEROIDS AND APPARENTLY IM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CANT SLEEP WITH STEROIDS I HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY I CANT HOLD STILL I FINISHED THE TABLE BUT FOR THE LEGS I NEED TO REPURCHASE FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE CUZ THOSE ARE THE WRONG SIZE I CLEANED I DID DISHES I MADE SOME FOOD AND ATE IT I CHANGED THE LAUNDRY OVER I TRIED A FEW NEW HAIRSTYLES AND DID YOGA

I WAS ON MY FUCKIN DEATHBED WHEN I WALKED INTO THAT CLINIC AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I COULD SCALLOP THE MOON

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

FUCK IF I KNOW JUST TAKE THE INFORMATION YOUGET MY VIBE.

I CAN DO THE IMPOSSILBE

IVE BARELY MOVED OR BREATHED IN DAYS NOW

LAST NIGHT WAS PURE AGONY EVERY TIME I COUGHED IT WAS LIKE RAZORBLADES UP MY THROAT IT WAS FUCKING AWFUL I WAS COUGHING UP BLOOD I COULDNT BREATHE I GOT DIAGNOSED WITH LIKE FOUR DIFFERENT THINGS AT ONCE AND 'ONE FEVER AWAY FROM PNEUMONIA'

BUT

I CANT

FUCKING

HOLD

STILL

I KNOW THIS IS JUST ZOOM JOICE AND A SHIT TON OF NUMBERS AND PAINKILLERS AND I NEED TO SIT DOWN AND STOP DOINGN EXERTION OR IM GONNA EXHAUST MY POOR DEAD BODY

BUT I FEEL SO FUCKING GOOD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SO LONGGGGGGG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[astro-nomaly]

Graveyard Shift AU

I desperately need to talk ab my ninjago ghost au, and I'm making all of you listen to my yap session (seriously i have a Pinterest board and a playlist I've gone insane)

OKAY so first of all this is technically a modern au that takes place in vaguely america bc that's where i live and the culture is most familiar to me but Lloyd is asian (vietnamese mother, japanese father) and technically the continent is still called Ninjago. Anyways Lloyd lives with his mother Misako in Ninjago City (like in the movie). To his knowledge, his father walked out on them when he was 4-5, and his mom had a HUGE fight with his uncle shortly after, which has led to Wu being extremely estranged from him. Lloyd knows next to nothing ab his dad or uncle bc Misako hates talking ab both of them. Lloyd is routinely left home alone for weeks at a time bc Misako is an archeologist who frequently leaves the country to go on digs or whatever archeologists do. She's like borderline neglectful but not a bad person okay. Anyways backstory aside I guess the inciting incident is Lloyd getting relocated by CPS. His mom has been out of the country for 2 months now, way longer than she should be, and hasn't so much as left him on read for like two weeks, which is a problem since he ran out of money for food, so he's been eating like ramen for two weeks straight.

Anyways a neighbor gets concerned and calls CPS on his ass, and they're like "yeah no this is fucked" so after they can't get ahold of Misako, they relocate him with his uncle in Jamanakai Village, which is probably the Worst Possible Place

Anyways Lloyd fuckin HATES Wu just on principle and also abandonment issues. Plus going from a parent who barely knows what ur favorite color is to an estranged uncle up your ass ab grades and leaving the room for an hour a day is a hell of a transition. Anyways their relationship is rocky at best until Lloyd gets shot which I'll get to

Basically Lloyd attends school for a few weeks where he immediately befriends Harumi (his stalker and a cultist) and Akita (a shapeshifting fae who Really Wants Him Dead). For now, Akita isn't a problem, and Harumi isn't... much of a problem

After a while of Lloyd getting into fights (he has a history of getting bullied bc shocker his freaky ghost powers give him demon eyes ((he doesn't know he has these powers yet)) and his grades slipping Wu makes him get a job as like a discipline thing. Instead of working in his uncle's tea shop where'd he probably get more than minimum wage bc nepotism, he spites Wu by choosing to work at a goddamn graveyard (get it? Graveyard Shift?) run by Mystake. At first Wu hates this bc it's a graveyard and also he knows shit ab Lloyd that Lloyd doesn't (COUGH ghost powers COUGH) but he eventually relents (IDIOT)

So Lloyd works at a graveyard for a few weeks, during which he meets a random stray cat he names Jade (the cat is Harumi. I promise I will explain the whole Harumi thing in another post but this is strictly storyline shit rn) and one night while he's walking home from work, he gets followed and shot by some hooded figure. One near death experience later he's waking up in a hospital after like a week with even freakier eyeballs and the ability to see ghosts. Basically, his powers were stunted by a deepstone ring his mother gave him, but a near death experience rendered it basically useless since it brought out too much power for the ring to really do anything about.

So Lloyd basically kicks off a vigilante arc when almost immediately the town starts getting attacked by ghosts determined to cause chaos everywhere Danny-Phantom-style. He denies being a vigilante bc he thinks it's cringey but his other option is calling himself a ghostbuster.

Anyways it's later revealed that someone called The Quiet One is the one summoning and putting ghosts on steroids to like. Make Lloyd use his powers a whole bunch bc she really wants him to go with her back to her cult. At the same time, a shapeshifting girl in a wolf mask starts trying to murder both of them and she absolutely refuses to explain why. So an episodic type structure ensues with villain-of-the-week ghosts popping up for Lloyd to test his powers on while QO stands around in the background trying to either a) convince him to go with her to her cult bc she just has so many answers or b) flat out kidnap him with increasingly ridiculous schemes that never work, either bc of Red the Murderous Wolf with a Very Big Knife, or general Looney-Tunes shenanigans, while Red is still trying to murder them both with equal levels of Looney-Tunes shenanigans. Also, Lloyd gets a boyfriend. This is a Problem. At the same time, Lloyd is trying to figure out Ghost Lore by himself while simultaneously hiding his vigilante/ghostbuster shit from his friends and boyfriend, one (technically two) of which already know ab said ghostbuster bullshit. Also, his mom is still missing.

Eventually everything goes to shit and the horror genre of this really kicks in when Dareth (Lloyd's social worker) reveals that Misako never so much as checked into her hotel room, which is weird since Lloyd had gotten texts from her for like over a month where she told him all kinds of stuff ab work. He comes to the conclusion that she up and abandoned him, and in an attempt to run away from this conclusion, decides to impulsively explore the tomb in the middle of the graveyard, which the ghost gang (uh. the ninja and morro. The ninja are all ghosts in this au) thinks has tons of Ghost Lore inside. It's during this that he finds a scroll about a Realm Crystal and its location/how to use it. Jade, who followed him into the tomb, tries to use Mystake's appearance to manipulate him into handing it over, and it's revealed that she's been stalking him and impersonating like half the people in his life. (I promise I'll explain her deal in another post) anyways the psychological horror kicks in and the whole thing dominoes into Wu getting kidnapped when Harumi gives up on the friendship ruse (not that she isn't actually Lloyd's friend. She loves him and Akita, she's just really fuckin desperate and in the middle of a breakdown), and Lloyd getting portalled away. He calls Akita for help, Akita figures out he's Conduit (uh. that's his code name) and her identity is also revealed when she tries to murder him (she's also having big emotions ab this)

So now Lloyd is attempting to get to the Realm Crystal/save his parents and uncle from a cult while both Harumi and Akita are chasing him and trying to kidnap/murder him. which is what was already happening but now it's three-way angst fests and mental breakdowns. Also Lloyd gets saddled with Dareth, who is strapped and has no other competent qualities aside from his ability to make dumplings. Blah blah blah they eventually have a big three-way fight at like idk a temple, Lloyd is kidnapped, Harumi has a crisis and decides "fuck wait i love these guys and i hate this cult. also i don't want the world to end" and does a 180 and switches sides. Akita is deciding that she isn't okay with killing her friends while she teams up with Dareth to un-kidnap Lloyd. Redemptions and forgiveness underway, Lloyd gets possessed by the Preeminent, body horror ensues, boss fight ensues, bam down. In case you haven't noticed I plot aus like they're fanfics and I've been thinking about this one for a hot fuckin second

Thanks for attending the yap session y'all you can leave now

[necros-writing-stuff]

Okay Okay here’s my Ghost getting a noncon blowjob discord ramble - gn nurse, possibly OOC on Ghost’s behalf. He’s having a rough few days (got stabbed, having PTSD symptoms from childhood).

I won’t be using the main Ghost tags cause most people there don’t seem into the dead dove.

So the 141 got a new nurse to help out at base. They're quiet at first before opening up to everyone, but it's not hard to see that they seem to have a hard time talking to Ghost. But it's Ghost, he thinks that answering "Affirmative," to a simple question constitutes as a conversation, so no one can really blame their nurse for only giving the Lt. a brief smile as they pass him in the corridors and never more.

That's until he comes back passed out from a leaking stab wound. The lads had gone out drinking, just a local bar. Ghost had had a few, and as they'd started stumbling their way back to the base (walking that far seems fun when you're hammered), he'd stopped to take a piss in an alley. Hadn't seen the guy shaking behind a skip, clutching a knife. He'd had too many, letting his guard down for once in his damn life - and now he's paying for it.

Countless missions around the world. A shitty ass childhood. Nuclear bombs going off not even mile away from him. And it's some fuckin’ back-alley nutcase that manages to get a good enough hit to kill him.

Thankfully, it doesn't actually kill him. But he does feel confused when he wakes up in the medical bay, the newest nurse prodding at his side and making him wince. They flinch as soon as they notice he's awake, as if they'd been caught doing something wrong. He notices, with relief, that he's still got a mask on. Hides the quirk of his lips at seeing them so jumpy.

"You're conscious, that's good," they mutter quietly, slinking off before he can ask how the fuck he got here. He probably yelled out when he'd been shanked, the lads coming and dealing with it and dragging his sorry arse home.

The doc comes in soon enough, gives him the lowdown. He's on bedrest for the next week. Because the knife knicked his small intestine and its a bitch to heal, along with some pain meds and steroids to get him up and rolling as soon as he can manage. Shit.

Ghost hates being stuck inside. Hates that every fucking thing he does is being monitored "for his health" and that its that nurse that has to do it because doctors don't waste their time on helping patients waddle to the loo and the other nurses are on leave since the squad were all on breaks. He hates the feeling of being high on those painkillers.

And fuck Soap and Gaz, too. Coming to visit just to tease him as Ghost's personal little tender switches out his gauze. They try to get them to join in, but they just give a tight-lipped smile before finishing up and running away again.

"The fuck you even do to them? They act like you tried to kill them once." Soap shakes his head, eyes following as the nurse disappears beyond the closing door.

"Nothing I'm aware of," Ghost huffs, shifting his hips and trying to get more comfortable, ignoring the pain in his stomach, “but at least they make a nice cup of tea.” That gets a chuckle and some jokes at his “Too English” expense.

Lying in bed all day is starting to make his body ache, he wants to be out, wants to go on the longest fucking run of his life. But every time he moves there's still that telltale sharp pain.

He's stubborn. But he's not stupid. He knows to be a good boy and follow the doc's orders, or he'll fuck himself up even worse and won't be back in the field for a long, long time.

He misses it. Misses the adrenaline of it all, the justified rage that can take over him so much it plateaus out into a calm coolness that helps him kill with all that precision. Like therapy to him, that. A fucked up form of therapy, sure. But it helps him not take it out on those that don't deserve it.

The lads leave him for the night, and he sighs as he settles in to sleep. The nurse comes back, closes the curtain around his bed and mutters quietly that they'll be back at 6am to check on him, but to press the button if he needed anything. He just nods, waiting to hear the door close before he takes the mask off and places it on the side.

He's never been one to sleep much, but he comes to prefer mornings in the bay. His body feels looser then, relaxed for reasons he can't figure out. Still, he never let him self sleep in. Never slept past 5am on a good day, and it seems tonight is no different. Ghost wakes up in the pitch-blackness of the medical bay, groaning and stiff.

Because someone's between his legs with their tongue lapping at his cock like a thirsty mutt. There's a mix of feelings bubbling in his chest. Anger, sure. Confusion. Fear that he's being sexually assaulted in his own base by an anonymous abuser. He half thinks he's dreaming, but the little licks are too sharply pleasant to be imaginary.

He stops moving as the tongue halts, the owner pausing to guess if he had woken up or not. He fakes sleep, keeping his breathing even until his assailant goes back to violating him. Slowly, his hand creeps from the mattress, finding the switch for the lamp.

He flips it on, surprised to be met with the wide stare of his nurse. Deer in the headlights, that's the look.

He doesn't speak. Isn't exactly sure what to say. It being that nurse is only confusing him more. They avoid him, always. As much as they can. Yet they're the one making his dick leak pre with the sweet attention they give.

There's a long, long period of silence as they stare each other down, a game of chicken to see if he'll pounce and start pummelling or if they'll run away before he can.

He doesn't expect them to slowly start licking again, one, two, three stripes of their tongue up and down before sucking him as far into their eager mouth as he can go.

So many things he's done. So many experiences that few things surprised him anymore, yet since the night of being stabbed he's had more new experiences than in the past, oh, 5 years at least. Not good ones, that's for sure.

His breath catches as they suck particularly hard, an odd noise coming from his throat as his mouth falls open and his hips jolt.

They don't break eye contact the entire time, and he's suddenly very aware that the mask is off. But they've already seen his face - and evidently a lot more.

His brain starts working again, patterns he hadn't realised were there falling into place. He always feels better in the mornings. More relaxed, his body pleasantly tired in that way he would get after the occasional (very rare) wank he granted himself. This isn't the first time his little helper had done this. But how hadn't he noticed-

Pain meds. They'd knocked him out right good for the night. His dose was reduced this morning.

He still doesn't know what to do. It makes him feel vulnerable in a way that he hasn't felt since he was a kid, being tormented by his father - by his brother hanging down from the top bunk whispering with that mask on. He can't look away, can only stare wide-eyed as he grunts and moans before his head lolls back just from how good it feels.

He's breathing hard, the addition of his nurse's hands gently massaging the base of his cock and a thumb making tiny little teasing circles on his ball-sack sending him over the edge shamefully quickly.

They swallow everything. Pull off of him with a sickeningly wet pop before putting him away clinically as if they'd just been examining his dick for medical purposes.

"You should catch some more sleep, sir," they whisper, leaning over and clicking the lamp off before they leave him alone in that dark room once more.

He's trembling now. Stuck gazing up at the tiles in the ceiling as his head drifts away. It's not right. None of that was okay. So why the fuck didn't he do something to make it stop? Why couldn't he move, speak, fucking blink Morse code?

He’s not some kid. He’s a trained soldier, the one called when you want the job done with as few loose strings as humanly possible. With no traces, no evidence, no photos. So why?

Why does he let them do it again in the morning, with a happy little smile on their face as he wonders where the fuck Ghost went and Simon Riley took his place.

[whumpiary]

🥇 Pick one aspect of your story that you are particularly fond of. Anything at all. and

🧿 Whether you actually get there or not, what are your hopes for your OC's future? !! -wildfaewhump

Oh my these answers got long. Putting them under the cut!

🥇 Pick one aspect of your story that you are particularly fond of. Anything at all.

I am fond of the lore around supernatural abilities that I have! Even if its more... implicit and implied rather than ever explored outright lol. Maybe one day.

The first ideas spawned from two places: a) the concept of empathy being like... a positive evolutionary trait. And then following the thread of okay, so if empathy is a step forward in evolution, then what happens when that steps forward, or when other "gut feeling" things step forward, or mutate, or spin out of control. And, b) a slightly reactionary thing to when people go "neurodivergence is a superpower!" "survivor instincts are a superpower!". Because like... no, lol, but also if those things were like a superpower, would it actually help anyone? Could you actually do anything with a superpower if you're already disenfranchised, locked out from support, isolated from community?

Cass can feel what people want (see: fawn response on steroids) and even change what they want and control, but does that actually help him to find care and connection? Does that actually get him what he wants? Lou is hyper aware of the emotions of people around her (see: hyper empathy in ND people), and even trace and manipulate memories through those emotions, but does that help her understand people or does it just make her frustrated and cold because connecting with anyone is overwhelming? Harley can (kind of) predict the future, (and don't autism and trauma backgrounds both make us so so good at predicting patterns), but does that actually help them to lift themself out of the situation they're stuck in, or does it just leave them bracing for impact and frozen?

I think it's interesting conceptually, crunchy in pratice, and I fuckin' love chewing on it. Would hate to ever actually explore it in the text itself lmao, but I'm really proud of it as a take on supernatural abilities and how they might manifest and intersect with the way we know brains do things in our world.

-

🧿 Whether you actually get there or not, what are your hopes for your OC's future?

I've said a few things about this before but I have a relatively clear vision of (at least) Cass and Josiah's future! Cass ends up working in early childhood education (pre-school age). I kinda like the idea of him maybe getting into some volunteer advocacy work at some point, because he figures out its a constructive place for his anger and sense of injustice to go, but also maybe he just runs one of those like rage yoga classes for kids.

This happens before present timeline, but is also one of those headcanon-y things that just never comes up: Josiah used the pay-off he got from the Facility to buy a small block of apartments* and gets an income from being a landlord, he lives on that during times it's hard for him to keep a day job down. Cass and him eventually live in the top floor apartment of that little block.

For a while, Josiah continues to do trade work, mostly as something to do during the day because he's never not worked, and he kind of likes laboring.

I like the idea of Cass coaxing Jos into making baking a full time thing. He wouldn't want to run the front of the shop but I can see him opening up a little cafe where he gets to bake his goods, maybe cook a few meals, and has someone chirpy in the front to deal with customers. I reckon he'd like that.

*(he got upset when he found out that Lou and Mal were being kicked from the place they loved because the landlord was selling and realised he had enough in the bank to make an offer, so he did and didn't tell them until like six months later.)

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Ok Vent post time. Not to share my medical history but I'm gonna tell you a story and you let me know when you would have gone joker mode. In 2021 I finally got around to getting a testosterone prescription. They put me on the injections and I quickly realized I can't do needles. I'm not afraid of them, I don't mind someone else injecting me if they know how to do it. I can inject other people I worked at an animal shelter where I had to do it to squirming cats regularly. I just have a mental block about doing it to myself for some reason. So I went on the patch. My insurance would not cover the patch so I had to make several calls about it. I finally got them to cover the patch after a month of pestering and then it was only because the prescription on the other testosterone had rolled over so I would have needed new meds anyway. I had a skin reaction from the patch after two months on it and for whatever reason I wasn't seeing results. I switched to the Gel. My insurance would not cover the gel and I spent 2 weeks in a fight with my insurance company. Then the pharmacy did not have it stocked and I was shit out of luck for another two weeks. At this point between august and december I had been switching off whether I had more estrogen or more testosterone on a more or less monthly fuckin basis. A puberty a month.

Finally in January I got on my t gel and that was pretty regular until December, when I missed my appointment, that's my bad but I have adhd. I made another appointment and got in within two days of the appointment I had missed, but apparently that had been enough to throw the whole thing off. I have to wait a week and a half for the pharmacy to actually refill my prescription. I get through to the beginning of February when I am once again out. They have the prescription, I have a refill left. They say they do not have the medication in. I go in every day for a week and a half to see if it has come in yet. at one point they tell me to call around to other pharmacies to see if anyone has it. I do, but of course no one just has it sitting on a shelf because it's a controlled substance because politicians in the 80s and 90s got mad about their fucking baseball teams losing and literally no other reason. The pharmacy will not give me any more information. Eventually I get a 15 day supply which for me is 30 packets because I'm on a high dose. I wait exactly 10 days later to ask for more so that if they have the ordering it problem again the have 5 days to figure it out before I'm fresh out. They give me another 15 day supply on the day I run out. Perfect. I once again request a refill 5 days early just in case. next day I get a text that says that My doctor refused the refill. I then get another text saying that my prescription is ready (I'm not running low on any other meds) so I assumed that they worked it out. I go in to get my meds when I have the time a couple of days later and, surprise, they did not work it out. I am given my psych meds for which I still have a healthy supply. I have one day left of my T prescription, so I ask about my other prescription(not specifying T), and the pharmacist says that it once again hasn't gotten it in yet and they don't have it in stock because it's a controlled substance so they have to order it. It takes me three more days of this same miscommunication to figure out that they're talking about a steroid creme for my acne that I was prescribed a 2 weeks ago and had forgotten about and not my testosterone, and I have to call the Planned Parenthood to get them to refill my prescription. I call Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood says they declined the refill because the pharmacy put a misleading message that I was requesting the refill early in there because somewhere along the line somebody at the pharmacy had got it in their head that my dose was one packet a day instead of two. They send me to the nurse line I'm on hold for 2 hours before I give up leave a message and try calling back tomorrow. I call back the next day and the person manages to get my prescription through this time. So that's a whole fucking 5 days off t and then it's the weekend and the pharmacy doesn't have any meds come in on the weekend.

I've gone in every single day this week to ask if they have it in yet and I still do not have my testosterone.

Where in this do I become the Joker for trans people? I should not be expected to handle this maturely when my hormones are all over the place like this.

[butch-bakugo]

Thats it, im talking about the perisexist aka intersexphobic side of terfs that needs to be addressed more often.

Like terfs fucking hate drag and call anyone, trans or cis, male or female, participating in it "sexual perverts" for wanting to expose children to it but claim you'll die a thousand deaths for gnc women? Bs. Drag is just gender nonconformity on fuckin steroids and it's not inherently sexual. Like why is a woman in a suit only ok to you if she walks around stateing that she is a woman but not ok if she dosent? Like yall are so trigger happy, you shoot at cis butch lesbians with short blue hair who arent actively talking about womanhood and vaginas and accuse her of being an evil tranny whose either a traitor to her fellow woman or a "tim" trying to identify as woman and making a mockery of gnc women.

Yall are so caught up on fuckin genitalia that you dont see the numerous poc cultures, non-christian religions, gnc people and intersex people you drown in your wake who were never aginest feminism but are too "trans-similar" for you to chill tf out. Ive had people tell me im "obviously a non-passing trans woman" just because im intersex with a beard.

Every single time ive addressed intersex people who can not, no matter how much you try, be sorted into male or female, ive been told we dont matter. Intersex people DO MATTER. Your not helping anyone but perisex, hormonally stable cis white women. Hormonally intersex afabs arnt gonna fucking want you, your telling them they dont matter. Physically intersex people raised as women arnt gonna want you, your telling them they dont fucking matter. Hyperandrogonious cis women dont want shit to do with you because your already accusing her of "clearly being a trans woman" because she can naturally grow a beard. The only femininity and women who benefit from terf shit are cis white gc perisex women.

Im not gonna throw away my native culture's gender variance for some white terf just because most white cultures are patriarchal. Im not gonna throw out my genderfluid religious practices for some catholic raised "anti-theist" terf who is one sentence away from saying islamophobic and anti-Semitic slurs just because she believes all muslims and jewish people are sexist and follow the sexist portions of their holy text.

I mean fuck, ive seen terfs advocate for hormonally intersex women to TAKE ESTROGEN so they look less "male" and act less "male". Ive seen them advocate for intersex (mostly afab) babies with intersex genitalia to go through Fgm, a thing they VEHEMENTLY hate just so shes more "female" and can fit their boxes better. Ive seen them say that testosterone makes you inherently violent and angry without dareing to see the actual fucking medical evidence that thats entirely untrue. Ive seen them adovocate for putting 10 year old sons of female rape victims out of shelters because "hes a man at that point" and "other women's safety comes first".... Over a hypothetical and soon to be hypothermic 10 year old boy. Some of them fully and shamelessly base their ideology around genuinely killing all men and male fetuses like... Fuck dude. I think you might need some therapy. Like i get feeling that way, im a victim of many men in my life and if i could choose a world where i can only interact with everyone but cis men, id choose it but im not advocating for the complete genocide of an entire group of people.

The way they talk about trans people smells all to familiar to any group thats gone through genocide and governmental oppression. Its similar to gay people, disabled people, women, poc, non-christians, everyone can see abit of the bigotry in their argument they see in their own oppressors and that should be a real big flashing sign that maybe terfism... Isnt the way to go. When i explain to people that radical feminism can be trans inclusive and its simply and active and deeper form of feminism, i get laughed at by both sides but its true. Tirfs do exist and they include trans and intersex and nonbinary people of all kinds and yes, that includes amabs and many progressives today would fall under that label. But heres the thing, modern day and previous forms of feminism in america have always benefited white cishet women. Susan b fucking anthony supported slavery and did not advocate for black women to be able to vote. Anti-gender variance ignores many poc cultures rich and accepting histories of transgenderism, nonbinarism and intersexuality. So many "pinnicles of feminism" that terfs hold up were racist or homophobic or anti-Semitic. Trans, nonbinary and intersex people are just white cis feminism's shiny new chew toy and they will get bored and pick a new target maybe 10 years from now. Probably disabled people.

I understand the anger many terfs carry but sympathy isnt needed here. Many of them actively ignore actual fact and relative understanding towards anything that questions their veiws and they are HAPPY to uplift racists and anti-semites and homophobes(See jk rowling) as long as their anti-trans messages are still singing. Someone who partners with the enemy to hurt others despite the enemy also supporting the things they supposedly advocate againest has no loyalty or shame. They are happy as long as they have a platform. Terfs would go on fox fucking news watching tucker carlson chuckle under his breath at their feminism and "pro-same sex attraction" ideology as long as they get that soundbite of a feminist not supporting trans pple to make all feminists, trans people and gay pple look fucking stupid.

Jk rowling isnt your fucking friend. Shes a mirror held up to YOUR community. One ive heard echos of sedmients made from outside it being ignored. Your litterally femcels. Ive seen terfs get upset at the ableism and racism within their own community thats upheld by white neurotypical women get utterly ignored. I have so many screenshots of white terfs saying the n word its not even funny yet when a tranny like me shows you evidence of the underlying racism in anti-trans/nonbinary rhetoric, you claim that theirs poc terfs. Ive seen white terfs call me a teepee n****r because i said native american people respected all genders and werent inherently patriarchal. Ive seen white terfs advocate for full on ETHNIC FUCKING CLEANSING of certain poc cultures because they had some patriarchal portions. BRUH. If your scrambling to find some crumb in your community to excuse its actions and cover up the evil everyone already pointed out, you should do some introspection into what your supporting.

Terfs dont even see the humanity in trans people or intersex people. Quoting a jewish youtuber talking about oppression he faced after trump endorsed the nazis in south carolina and said that jewish people and nazis should come to a compromise "when one side will never be happy unless their opposition is completely erraticated, there is no compromise. They simply wont stop until they are all dead or 'rehabilitated'. There is no conversation, there is only the eradication of the victims or the offending group.". Terfs are advocating for trans genocide and detranstion of those who remain. They shrink our numbers to deny us humanity and when they arnt celebrating the high trans suicide statistic, they are minimising it. They are no different from holocaust deniers, they just dont have as much support and the more of their own stances they are willing to let go of to take advantage of their shared opinions with alt-right and fascist platforms, the more their feminist and gay rights mask slip off to reveal the racist, antisemitic and hate filled rot underneath.

[kittykat8311]

How about you and me clean the house but you do all the actual cleaning and I just stand there telling you what to do 😇🖤

.

My brain on a weird one today, accidentally gone cold turkey on all my meds for like 48-72 hours cos I'm a fuckin numptity and now all the world is on fuckin steroids and I'm sat here watching fuckin broadchurch waiting to stop shaking when I have 4 million things to do and man I wish I had the spoons to look pretty now and then these days or even god forbid maybe sexy but most days it just feels like I'm doing the bare fuckin minimum to exist in a way I am at least slightly respected as a human and a woman and work is a mess and I need to improve my diet more and I'm cold but also I'm hot and i really want a nap but I'm on the clock but I have so much to do but yeah take your meds kids this your PSA 🖤

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Outfit: @honourclothing / @skintwoglobal / @latexbyeustratia

Shine: @vivishine.company

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#frenchmaid #blacklatex #latexfashion#latexmaid #latexcosplay

[cesium-sheep]

appointment was really like, emotionally exhausting for some reason. doc was fine, they made sure to really really cushion their statements about like "hey I know this is a really stressful process, I'd like to give you some mental health resources that you don't have to do anything with if you don't want to that's fine" and "eventually it would be best to get you off the steroids but of course we're really not in a position to do that right now it's just something we need to keep on our radar" and like, I do appreciate that. honestly I wonder why they're in primary care, since mental healthcare seems to be their Thing. but I'm just. tired. I'm tired of just kind of waiting on referrals forever and hoping maybe this specialist won't take one glance at me and throw me out on my ear without so much as a how do you do, and I did say like hey if we want to get off the steroids we're probably going to have to start throwing spaghetti at the wall because I am clearly undermedicated, but like. I have been in a holding pattern since. before I had a doctor again. the last positive change made to my medication regimen was my own, and no one has offered anything else except for "hey maybe not that?" from two separate doctors which, absolutely the fuck not, you have to offer me a trade not just take something from me and hope it doesn't kill me.

also if I start having a lot of trouble breathing I'm supposed to go to the er. (in addition to last month's if I start having sudden neurological symptoms I should go to the er.) which like, god only fuckin knows what that means tbh.

arin let me be sad at her for a minute but she really wants to get the dishes done before matt gets home and I guess she forgot until my appointment. I explained to her about the kinda wishing it was cancer and she seemed to totally understand.

[elviratheepic]

Idk if I'll stick with this, but I've been in hospital for over a week now and I can feel my brain turning to mush, so I'm thinking it might be good to post like a journal thingy here. I can just throw my thoughts to the void and if anyone feels like throwing any thoughts back at me, maybe I'll reminded what human interaction is lol

And who knows, maybe some bits and pieces of my experiences rn might be handy to someone who ends up seeing it. This is a weird time for me, maybe someone else around here's having, has had or will have some similar weird times and we'll have made a little connection even if we don't speak :)

I mentioned it briefly in a post on my art blog, but to flesh it out a bit, I've been generally run down and really quite unwell like all summer and now into autumn. Been back and forth to the doctor, told I have chest infections, possible asthma, etc. I get booked in for an xray and then something looks weird so a ct scan, still thinking it's pneumonia with some odd symptoms, then a couple days later I get a call from my doctor telling me i am going to the hospital asap, there's a bunch of fluid in my chest that should not be there and also they need to check for lymphoma. I've never been to hospital for more than an orthodontist appointment and while not as surprised as I could be expected to be by the thought of cancer due to having had a weird anxiety fixation thing on the idea for a while (fun coincidence), it was still a bit of an ordeal lol. This was 10 days ago and I have not been home since. I've been coping pretty well considering the wild lack of control I feel over literally anything rn. The steroids they've got me on rn while I wait for further treatment have me feeling better than I have in a long while, and mentally the worst I've been dealing with is some fairly mild dissociation. Just kind of taking things as they come for now, rolling with things as best I can especially while so many things are kind of a bit up in the air and subject to change.

But I mean drama aside, the current diagnosis for me is pretty good. The cancer as it appears right now is treatable and has a pretty great cure rate. It's a "primary mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma" according to the leaflet I've got. It's high grade, so fast acting and aggressive but that actually makes these easier to get rid of than low grade slower working ones. It's hanging out next to my heart so that's the reason I've had all these bullshit symptoms in my chest cuz it's just been fuckin shit up in there and irritating its roommates. They've got me booked in for a pet scan day after tomorrow cuz the scanner was having issues so they couldn't get me in sooner, then the plan is to start chemotherapy the next day. Which will be an experience. The treatment plan we've basically already decided is 6 21-day cycles of chemo where I'll be in hospital for about 5 days getting monitored and adjusted treatment, then going home for the rest and coming back to start the cycle again. It's not going to be the most fun and easy experience of my life but tbh I've done hard things before and I know I'm capable of doing this. Not that this kind of thing can ever really come at a "good" time, but I think that personally I'm pretty lucky this came along at the point in my life it did. I've been able to spend the last couple years basically building myself back up from feeling entirely lost, shattered and directionless after a pretty traumatic attempt at university durring covid lockdowns. I'm maybe lacking in some life experience people my age tend to have, but ultimately I have confidence, strength and self-awareness now that I do not take for granted. Basically I got the chance to reinforce my foundations in unkowing preparation for this whole thing. Honestly, I'm kind of just curious who I'll be on the other side of this experience - wherever that may be.

My main concern has been my siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all very close, spend a lot of time together and are at the core of eachothers' support systems. One of them's got college stress and deadlines, the other's out of school with anxiety issues rn, and my instinct is to be there as a support. And of course they would be supporting me too, it's not all give, they're amazing at being there for me too especially while I've been unwell (I love them so so much and I'm proud of everything they do can you tell lol). But while they have been visiting when they can, we don't get so much time together rn with me being in hospital and I feel like it's hard to get a gauge on how things really are with eachother at the moment which is rough with there being so much change going on rn. I know we'll figure things out, but I can't help worrying about them a bit, I feel like it's kind of my job lol

Oof can you tell it's getting late and my brain's going sleepy ramble mode? Idk if I'm even making much sense but hey

The ward I've been moved to for this is good. It's a cancer ward for teens and young adults with a common room area funded by the teenage cancer trust. There's guitars, a ps4, craft supplies and free snacks. It feels so weird that like that space is for me to use, like I'm kinda tresspassing on something for people who need it more than I do. But the ward's fairly quiet and not so busy at the moment, so when my siblings and briefly my friend came to visit me today, we basically had free reign of the space without having to disturb anyone. I feel more comfortable in there than I did, and I think it's a good space for my siblings to be when they come visit. I'm really greatful they get to use it with me - even if I feel kind of like others deserve the space more (ik im being silly), seeing them get good use and some fun out of it today was good and reassuring. It's reassuring to hear people talking about there being support systems for siblings too should they need them. Especially when it feels like I can't look out for them so much in the ways I normally would.

But yeah, I think that's about all that's in my brain for right now. I'll look back on this tomorrow and realise none of this actually made any sense lol

But yeah basically got thrown a bit of a curveball lately as life tends to do, but there's answers now where there wasn't before, and the path ahead's starting to make itself visible. It sucks, but I've been worse. I'm not just saying that for the sake of offsetting the fact that it sucks, I'm just taking the the little wins where i can cuz I know that's gotten me through plenty rough and sucky times before.

Some little wins:

Woke up to magpies outside the window this morning. One came right up to the glass to say hi, but I couldn't snap a picture in time lol <3

My friend brought me a rainbow sensory slug companion, and I made a pipecleaner creature named Spigley while my siblings were here. They are friends and will be my chemo companions :)

(Idk if that's a mouth or a moustache but i think it suits him either way)

[howaboutcastiel]

I wanna just clarify again about the ch3mo and part 3

I don’t have cancer, and technically calling it “chemotherapy” is a fucking over-dramatic way of spinning it, but it is chemotherapy. I take a low dose of what is considered “maintenance” chemotherapy as a targeted immunosuppressant for an autoimmune disease that I have. I have to take the medication (along with a steroid injection) by IV every six weeks, either until I die or until the medicine stops working / I grow antibodies to it, and they switch me to something else.

The disease is somewhat hereditary, and because my parents also have it (though it wasn’t onset for them until their late 30s, for me I was 14/15 and diagnosed at 16), there are a lot of expectations for me to “just suck it up” and act like the medication doesn’t fucking wreck my body.

Some side effects of the medication are general things like nausea, fever, fatigue, but there are long term effects that are like ‘real’ chemo too. For my mom, her hair and nails thinned from similar treatment. I instead develop pretty serious rashes on my scalp, my underarms, and even sometimes my legs. Anywhere that thick hair grows (yes… *there* too), though my hair doesn’t thin from my current meds (it has on other meds before, that was fuckin mortifying). I have peripheral neuropathy which will only continue to increase as the medicine damages the nerves in my hands and feet. It’s not like cancer chemo, I’m not violently ill and losing my hair and prohibited from doing certain things, but it is still draining.

It’s also not a cure for my disease, it’s a treatment of the symptoms. I still live with the disease and it’s own shitty effects on my body. But enough of the pity party. I wanted to clear up that I don’t have cancer, I’m not trying to pretend that I do have cancer, I’m only trying to dramatize my experience and turn it into fanfiction material. I just want someone to take care of me on treatment day. I feel like that has never and will never happen. And I know I don’t need it, I know I’m an adult, I know my parents don’t wallow the way that I do about it.

But I want the boys to take care of me. I just wanna pretend that they would. That they will.