#and you know what work creates more stuff to think about and thats okay

[mifunebooty]

Happy one year anniversary to one of the biggest mental breakdowns of my life That made me see i have to start changing my life to better myself and my relationships with others by being responsible for my mental illness upkeep and stop living for others and live for me and now im taking film and theatre classes with a job on the side and have a short movie to my credit

[punkitt-is-here]

How can I cultivate the same, "just keeping making stuff all the time" kind of energy you have? It's very impressive and something I wish I could do!

well, theres a couple reasons i think! one is that i just found ways to be satisfied with small amounts of work. its in part because of my ADHD, but my parents were always trying new things (motorcycles, leatherwork, acrylic paint, collage art, photography, video editing) so that definitely rubbed off on me; i had a great example of people just wanting to try stuff. i keep making stuff all the time because i love trying out new things; you don't have to be an expert to try something new! you just have to have a desire for it! wanna make a zine? google it! wanna write a comic? give it a shot! wanna get into woodworking? buy a carving knife and find a stick or something! i think theres plenty of ways to find entry points into interesting stuff and you gotta let yourself be okay with making shit that sucks just because its fun. which leads me to my second point!!

im okay with being dogshit at stuff! i try new things, i kind of suck at them, and i think it's either 1. cool that i made it this far or 2. kinda funny that this is what its like at the moment. i know that sucking is never permanent, everything can be improved with time, and rarely does anyone ever magically get good at something first try. i think of myself as a talented artist, but its over the course of 2+ decades of drawing; im always improving, and no matter what im going to find things i want to get better at, so why fault myself now for not being perfect? a couple of months ago i really wanted to try woodcarving, so i made spoon with my dad. did it turn out great? not really! you cant even use it as a spoon! but im glad i tried it, it was fun, i had a great time with my dad, and now i know a little bit more going in next time. the idea that you have to be perfect or make tangible progress every single time you try something new is a recipe for burnout. i promise you, it doesnt matter if something doesn't come out like God's Gift to Humanity! Did you have fun? did you learn something? are you satisfied in some small part? good!

(pictured: tha spoon)

last, im just really easy to please myself! I'll make a doodle or implement an idle animation in my game or color a piece and go "wow! thats so cool i did that :)" and it really is just a matter of realizing that its fucking COOL to create stuff, no matter how small! whatever you made didn't exist before you, especially in your own unique way, and now it does! doesn't that rule?! i'm obsessed with it! even if its just a stick figure, its a stick figure you made, and it wasn't there before. thats fucking awesome!!! art is so cool!!!! i think that being happy with small goals and victories is a great way of trying out new things and showing off cool stuff u made, no matter what skill level. :) this turned into a whole big thing, but i hope this helps! tl;dr is try things if they seem fun, be okay with not being good at them, and find stuff about it that makes you happy or satisfied!

[miifu666]

CONGRATULATIONS ON 100 FOLLOWERS!!💗🎉🥳

Ok may I asked what inspired suklha design ? If not please , PLEASE ! Tell us more about them XD seriously I’m a big fan of your oc 💗

(Do you think suklha in black myth wukong would act Similar to lmk suklha or act completely different?)

HEYY ♡♡♡♡

UWAAA THANK YOU SMM 🥺🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶 also big fan??? Thats. THATS A DREAM COME TRUE!!😫😫

To be honest, besides just a few songs and my own usual ideas when i simp— there are a few characters that inspired them a lot!

Left ⟶Right

Catwoman, Tanya Degurechaff, Captain Amelia Smollet, Qu, Princess bubblegum, La muerte, Athena, Wudan in peking opera

Honorable mentions are Nyarlathotep and Mei Mei from jjk! They mostly helped with Suklha's plot and voice headcanon.

While the ones i put around Suklha, inspires them the most. From personality, ability, to design!

---------

Black Myth! Suklha

Ooooo black myth Suklha would be more chaotic since its their prime age. She would be more enthusiastic when it comes to tricking the yaoguai's and striking deals with the dragons or mortals, especially Nezha— she sees him as a little kid ����😭

This version of Suklha would be more wise and tactical with her approach, considering her death was because wukong refused to listen to her, i imagine her being the brain of the couple. Cautious in every tricks, deals and loopholes that she has. The only thing that she needs to work on is her stubborness to do things out of spite and inability to treasure her own life, a deadpool you would compare her to.

Black myth! Suklha is secretive. She talks in a way that is sophisticated, intelligent yet fast. Time is of the essence, she believes. The things she does in black myth would have a greater impact on helping Destined One, she does things in a way where one might see as crazy, omnious, unintelligible yet once you do it yourself you'll understand what its for.

Also small fact- im in it for The fourth sister being in love with wukong and planned to ask his hand in marriage. So i made Suklha post poned Wukong's proposal because she sees the spiders family like her own little sisters 🙏 She cares about them too much to try and ruin their dreams.

Replica! Suklha is different- shes a new consciousness created by buddha so yeah def different. She might have the task to find her "home" yet throughout her journey she "accidentally" gather the 7 relics that the heavenly sealed Original! Suklha's residue powers in. One of them being the gauntlet that she has.

LMK! Suklha

LMK has some stuff thats different from JTTW, which is okay. Might take advantage of that though. Soo LMK! Suklha is just an overworked Lawyer 😭 seriously. She blew the internet wild because a deity??? Becoming an active resident in the mortal realm?? Especially one known to push the rules of equivalent exchange throughout history?? Becoming a lawyer??? Everyone goes wild with that, CELEBRITIES payed a lot of money to use her softskill in debate to bail them out of jail fr fr.

She barely plays an active role in the adventures of Monkie kid, choosing to prioritize her achivements and work than dilly dallying. A workaholic independent woman, who holds the largest library in the world. Rumored to have EVERYTHING you ever need for inside. Lmk would totally make her past self as a nerd ngl, nerd who glows up plot.

Considering she's a puppet of a primordial god thats tapping in Wukong's world, she might be the one who suggest MK a lot of "timeline jumping" but she's ready with a set of rules for MK to follow, she's still motherly just more strict and watching from afar ish.

Heres where the humorous side comes, she's actively in an old married banter with Wukong. Suklha who always reprimand how "careless, imbecilic and neglectful monkey!" Wukong is while Wukong tries to warn everyone he knows that "shes a devil in disguise!" "A deal with the devil!" Should you choose to work with her. Like she isnt his lawyer.

i like to imagine MK doesn't even know she's already Wukong's wife and is currently chasing him to sign the divorce paper. (A centipede needs to have their husband attention at all time ok, jk he hasnt replied to her 43 messages)

"its YOUR successor, not mine. Though i might save him once in a while"

she'll snarked, throwing the staff carelessly at monkie kid. "It'll be limited. Unless you have a price to offer" "No! No way! Dont listen to her, bud. She's a little cuckoo in the head" Wukong steps in, creating space between Suklha and a bruised MK. "takes one to MARRY one" "WHAAATTT" The two kept glaring at eachother despite MK's intervene. "YOU'RE MARRIED TO SUKLHA?? THE FULL TIME BEST OF THE BEST LAWYER BECOMING JUDGE??" Wukong's face faltered a bit, noticing MK pointing and poking his face. "Listen Kid-" "soon-to-be DIVORCEE" "what?" "Huh??"

LMK! Wukong and Suklha fr fr

Also im currently stuck at LMK season 4... college is draining me and ive been watching caseoh more than LMK 😭 forgive me if some things are out of plotline.

[cowboy-robooty]

something that i think is sooooo stupid is this obsession people have with being "good for their age" at art. i know a million people say this and talk about this sentiment being harmful already but i really do think it is a terrible way to think about things. Art is a skill just like being good at math or playing basketball and I think its stupid when people put the worth of their skillset in tandem with their age because also it completely disregards the notion of how everybody lives in different ways. Michaelangelo was so good at art not only because he was a genius but also because bro literally woke up every mf day and only drew since he was a little baby so no shit he could make amazing sculptures in his early 20s. Everyone lives with so many different responsibilities and different amounts of freetime, so really i think its quite stupid to say someone is "good for their age" because that doesnt say anything about their ability to budget their time or naturally progress or commit to the grind despite everything or really anything at all since you dont have any idea about what kind of life they live. There are crazy artists out there who go to cram school for 11 hours a day on top of extracirriculars + volunteer work and still manage to create with the same skill level as someone who is the president of going home club. You dont know the resource of time that is ACTUALLY avaliable to one person compared to others using their age, so its stupid to act as though that its such a big deal. I personally dont think ive ever been good at drawing for my age and thats fine because I dont care about that. I could be good at drawing for my age if i committed more freetime to practicing it, but i dont because i dont want to. just like how i could be a super scholar whiz at chemistry or something but im not because I dont want to spend all my freetime doing problems and reading textbooks. I dont think the progress id make in those kinds of skills are worth missing watching a movie with my friends or learning how to bake a cake or enjoying a walk on a trail. I think anybody can be a genius at anything if they put their mind to it, but it also comes at great suffering most of the time because a lot of sacrifices have to be made and being able to embrace the choices you make with the limited time you have is important to being happy with what you have. Like yknow celebrating the stuff you were able to collect instead of mourning all the things you wish you had. I think only very few people are actually good at art for their age, like how einstein is one of the few people who was for real smart for his age and that is okay because what matters is having something you feel passion in doing. For a lot of people if they actually forced themselves to sacrifice what they needed to in order to be "good for their age" they would probably lose the passion in their craft during that process; which is probably one of the only ways to make the skill of drawing useless.

[crguang]

Okay sat, I might’ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand I’ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still, 

what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.

First of all, fuck Kafka really wish I was tbh she is so annoying, like just assuming r isn’t that upset, like they’re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilism…giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understanding…

I can’t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing she’s blocked…kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how you’re doing, Kafka who sees that she isn’t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didn’t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into r’s house, god she’s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.

anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic 👀 tbh I don’t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people don’t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like she’d keep them short bc she’s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and she’s always calm, like if she didn’t look like she was trying and still top of the class it’d piss me off too 😭

Also in the wardence event rn, I haven’t played it bc I’ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up 😭 like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok 😭 but what silver said is like “i heard u we’re joining the wardence, and two whose names I won’t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldn’t they do it themselves.” Ugh Kafka is so obvious it’s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldn’t Kafka have showed up, she’s worth like 11 billion, so ik she can’t show up all the but cmon. 

-🌠

hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go “man fuck kafka” is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck her😭 i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldn’t be bliss all the time cause she doesn’t deal with emotions much, and that includes others��. she’s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but it’s very clumsy. it’ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, she’s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but “she doesn’t give a shit about me”. it’s an interesting situation to write that’s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe

what i wrote about kafka’s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesn’t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences aren’t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal they’re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not “subjected” to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because “nothing matters” and “it was going to happen anyway”, but kafka is not like that at all. “if destiny doesn’t propel me forward, i’ll be the one to push destiny”— this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because she’s making waves. R will learn that

himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so it’s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one “keeping up with star rail” where kafka’s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her 😭 all bad. she’s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear “kafka manipulated me” was like “fork found in kitchen” there’s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her

AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like “oh. they’re really mad” and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that she’d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go “they’re probably still upset” and send another gift. silver wolf would be like “damn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with you” and firefly’s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts 😭 shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you go… “forget it i’ll just get all of them” can she die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of them’s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafka’s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices often😭 it’d still piss me off tho idc

silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere man😭 like fine she’s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so bad😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so it’s WHATEVER.

[akaikali]

TMAGP EP 27 REACTION (SPOILERS)

Istg my dumbass keeps forgetting when Thursdays are until @notachamealeon reminds me that a tmagp ep dropped

Sam is being bitchy akhskajd literally is this bc he's still feeling good about himself after him and Celia had GASP heterosexual intercourse???

Poor Gwen having to pick up the slack she really is trying her best I love my girl.

"I've got a SPECIAL list for her" hey Gwen that's kind of fucking gay of you-

OH ITS GRANDPA LOOK AT THAT GRANDPA IS BACK

...why is there no explanation? Like why is there nothing about what this is related to, like a prelude or introduction? Augustus just...started talking??

"Than to light within them that muses' fire of inspiration" it might just be a metaphor but whenever the older cases related to the institute or the experiment bring up fire, I become a bit wary

Okay so the institute in the universe seems to be founded for the sake these alchemic experiments as opposed to Jonah Magnus creating it to serve The Eye in TMAverse

Just for anyone that wants to know, Chartism was a working-class movement for political reform in the UK during the 1830s to 1850s. That's what the second journal entry is referencing

Okay the single coachman reminds of one of Jonah Magnus's livers in his regency era harem who got fucked over by a Lukas, I think it was something about the coachman entirely turning his head 180 degrees to face backwards the entire drive or something.

Oh okay so coachman is part of the coach. Lovely.

Okay so we're focusing on the growler? And I think it's because the coachman and the coach attachment is probably due to alchemy of some sort?

Oh great. The cab ate the man. Wonderful.

BOYLE???? AS IN ROBERT BOYLE???? Wait no can't be him he died in the 1600s I remember that from AP Chemistry

Oh my god he convinced his own colleague to go into the growler dude this is giving Jonah Magnus it REALLY is

WAIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP. "operated by me status as founder" SHUT THE FUCK UP I JUST SAID ITS GIVING JONAH MAGNUS

APOLLO REALLY FUCKING HOT ME WITH THE GIFT OF PROPHECY WHAT THE FUCK

Alice my wife hating prime ministers is just So Real also with how viciously she hates the prime minister I would have thought my girl was Desi too since I hate India's prime mini-

I'm gonna shut up

TRANS CONFIRMATION I MEAN WE KNEW BUT YESSSS ALICE CANONICALLY TRANS

Dyhard is SO endgame LOOK AT THEM

"Magnus guy" SHUT THE FUCK UP NO WAY OH my GOD

What is happening. Someone please come pick me up I'm scared why are we talking about sex

Oh Sam. I think it's kind of obvious that Celia does find this like a casual relationship. Kind of like "well if it goes well, it goes well. If not, whatever" He's definitely taking it more seriously than her.

I do also think she's kinda lying when she says Jack's her only first priority bc it's very clear the Magnus stuff is very much a priority too

HILLTOP CENTRE???? RIGHT THATS WHERE THE OUTREACH CENTRE WAS

And also oh god Alice being here is gonna make things awkward isn't it.

MORE MAGNUSSING

Celia is really trying to find the Archivist that she knows but I don't think she's going to get that, not in this universe at least.

Alice joining the scooby doo gang! All we need is Gwen and we got the full team!

Edit: HOW DID I MISS THAT TREVOR FUCKING HERBERT IS THE PRIME MINISTER OH MY GOD

[candyskiez]

hi new mutual 🎀🫣 i have a half baked jonelias thought that hasn’t gone anywhere yet, but i wanted to throw it at you. something about the horrible act of creation? and being in love obsessed with and also responsible for the thing you made? elias building jon into the archivist and ultimately into something far more powerful than him. elias honest to God not minding handing things over to Jon is so interesting to me, because elias doesn’t actually care about jon in any traditional sense, but i think he respects him, and seems to see him as equal, or more, and it’s so. oh my gosh. compelling. like what does elias SEE when he looks at the archivist.

I put a summary at the end because this got ridiculously long. Whoops. I feel like my wording of my Thoughts gets a little better throughout the post ? This was honestly just me talking until I started making sense so. Idk keep that in mind akshdkdhdh

Fun fact this is actually one of my favorite parts of their dynamic and what got me interested in the first place. Jonah is just so weird about him and it's so much more interesting with context. Like. The way he talks about the process of risking Jons life and actively destroying parts of it to bring about the end of the world while being very self aware about the fact that this is awful and cruel and taking joy in it, and also sounding so?? Fond? Tender? During it. It's insane. What the hell. Like he's gloating and tearing him apart and hurting him on purpose and he sounds so fond of him, THATS the stuff I like. He is a horrible person, he is aware of it, he can and will get worse on purpose, and he also talks about Jon so...proudly?? How do I explain it. Like hes a project he completed perfectly. He adores this man in the least normal way possible. "Passed with flying colors", insane. You know he was smiling when he wrote that. He actively says as many hurtful things as he possibly can to Jon and yet he sounds so fond of him throughout, like he's truly impressed with all of this and how good he's doing at bringing about the complete destruction of the entire world. Where's that one post about how he views Jon as his gift from himself to himself. He's utterly enchanted by how Jon came about and how while yes he did have to put an annoying amount of effort in at times Jons own decisions and flaws led him to this path again and again. He fully adores this shit. I think he was having a fantastic time watching Jon read 160. If he could he would've framed that entire moment and hung it up in the panopticon.

Okay okay I'm gonna actually seriously talk about what you said now. Sorry KDGDJFH

I am, as stated before, batshit insane about the act of creation and jonelias. There's a really good comic about it. Two actually. I'm tagging you in them after I post this. It's SO. The inherent homoeroticism of shaping someone into whatever you choose and them fighting you the whole way. The inherent homoeroticism of hurting someone on purpose and admiring their reaction. Like??? Insane. Literally insane. Jonahs views on jons becoming fascinate me. Forever thinking about his thoughts in s4. Do you think he was watching the first time he took someone's statement, wide eyed and so proud of him? Do you think he sees himself in the clumsy ways he uses his powers at first? Do you think he feeds off of his fear of who he's becoming, fondly watching as he works himself into circles trying to prevent what started before he even knew it existed? I think he was grinning the whole day after Jon called himself The Archivist for the first time. It's just fascinating dude. Thinks about Jonah idly surprised by how fond he is of this ridiculous man, this wonder in the making, that *he* shaped with his own two hands. That *he* created. Where is that one fic where he calls Jon his greatest creation I've been losing sleep over it for months. Thinks about Jonah watching him start to give up on being human and wishing he was there to feel all the complicated, bitter emotions first hand. Thinks about Jonah smitten, in the worst way possible, with this man he helped turn into this.

Literally insane how he fights everyone tooth and nail not to die or lose any power. But with Jon he just goes "it was beautiful while it lasted." He only panics once it sinks in, oh god. This is what death feels like. This is what being truly helpless feels like. And yet when he sees Jons gotten so much more vicious, he aquises? Hello??? The fact that he sees Jon completely broken under the weight of his own guilt and hate for himself and Jonah, his own compassion tearing him apart from the inside out, hating every bit of himself, driven to the brink out of deep empathy for everyone around him mixed with self hatred mixed with just wanting it all to be fucking over already??? I think. In that moment, Jonah thinks he's the most beautiful he's ever been. And he tells him, "Good luck". And he dies at the hand of his perfect creation. His favorite. He wouldn't have chosen any other way to go.

I've been thinking about specifically the nature of their relationship a lot lately? It's very much Romantic to me and definitely not heterosexual but I don't know if I'd describe it as either of them in love with each other. And I'm not saying that as a "if it's bad it can't be love" or "elias is too Evil to feel love", because...no. Just no. And it's like. Hm how do I describe this. It's like yes I think Jonah loves Jon. But I don't feel like it's the best way to describe it because of the Assumptions you immediately make. He loves him in a religious way. Do you get it. Not that he doesn't also adore all his flaws and ugly parts, or find his interests and little habits endearing. He loves those, very specifically religiously! He loves Jon but saying that feels like it takes away from the dynamic because. Yes it's romantic but idk. Saying "Jonah is in love with Jon" just doesn't explain it. A way I tend to describe it to myself is "They're not in love but it's far too close to it for Jons comfort." Jon doesn't like that he relies on Jonah, or that his first instinct is to go to him, or that he feels betrayed by Jonah not being here even when he wanted him gone. Jon doesn't like that he feels deeply and uncomfortably connected to Jonah. He wants him dead a thousand times over, and yet he feels unbalanced and unsteady without him. Like the world just got tilted on it's axis. He wants him gone but he needs something satisfying, something cathartic and personal, not just. Jonah is gone. Jonah is suddenly just gone and he still has no answers and all of the awful feelings are still tangled up in his chest. He doesn't love him but he has this constant itch to know him, to understand him. He respected him, liked him even, before everything. He looked up to him. He craved his approval. They were friends, really, not that Jon would ever say that. He doesn't love him but they're drawn to each other so deeply, Jon can never stay away from him. Jon is just deeply drawn to him and. I feel like. In other circumstances, Jon would've ended up falling in love with him. I think the starts of that are there. Shit there was a comic with another ship that was "I never loved you. I think that's worse. At least then maybe I would've been able to stop." Like. Do you get it. I also think yknow how Jon finds the horrors in the apocalypse beautiful. I think in the back of his mind, he finds Jonah beautiful in the same way. I think his first thought upon seeing Jonah as the pupil was that it was beautiful. I think he never forgives himself for that.

Tldr it's like. Idk. Obsession/religious adoration isn't all there is to Jonahs feelings on Jon, but it feels a lot more accurate to say because you make certain Assumptions when you say someone's in love with someone but like. Idk. His weird religious Feelings about Jon don't just extend to the fear shit in my eyes they extend to literally everything about him. So for me it just works better to say "he is Weirdly Religious about him except like. Romantically." because it communicates the dynamic I imagine quicker and easier. But also he is absolutely smitten with him. Do you understand.

Anyways this has gotten. Long! And rambly! I hope you enjoyed the brain worms thank you SO much for the ask I had a wonderful time. Woo!

[furiousgoldfish]

How do I decide a career field?

I mean my entire self esteem, self worth and self confidence is destroyed. I hate myself. I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I like art, even though it’s very hard for me to do I’m pushing myself to explore as much as I can. I am thinking of going into data analysis but it’s so overwhelmingly scary for me.

I have an MD, but i can’t pursue it because of my mental health issues.

Okay so I might not be the best person to talk about this, because I figured out that career just isn't important to me when I'm just trying to survive, so I don't think any field is worth chasing or putting effort into, for me at least! Job is just something that gives you the means to get survival resources and that is it.

Otherwise I really relate to what you're saying, I also don't feel like I'd be good at any field, don't feel like I'm made for anything and can't see myself doing anything specialized seriously. It's also very difficult to choose a field when you've never gotten to try bunch of things, never had experience doing stuff and you don't really know what you'd enjoy, what you like, or at least what doesn't feel too stressful, overwhelming and impossible.

It's incredibly impressive that you have a MD, that alone signifies great endurance, persistence and intelligence on your part, and it's awful that mental health issues prevent you from doing anything related to it (I feel the same tho, my degree is in the closet, never seen or used at all lol)

I think the best way to decide is to talk to people who work in various fields and ask them what their day-to-day work is like, and figure out where you see yourself, where you fall in easily, or at least what seems doable, not too stressful, not overwhelming. What doesn't make you hate yourself. I'm just doing cleaning but I couldn't be more pleased because it's very obvious when I've done well and it's so low stakes that pretty much nothing can go wrong. Nobody ever complains either. In fact yesterday I got a text message from a client saying I did amazing, I mean that kind of stuff is ideal to my mental state.

I think we're raised to believe that our career needs to be something very significant, something that creates a place for us in the world, the proof that we're useful to society and that we made something out of ourselves! We need to show off our success and our identity needs to be tied to what we do. And we need to be good at it and make a difference in the world with it.

Well in the current capitalistic climate, this is bullshit. The only socially useful jobs are the ones which get no recognition, no social acceptance, no praise, no acknowledgment, in fact you're looked down upon if you just do manual jobs that are incredibly necessary to keep the society going.

The jobs where you can reach high success and high paycheck - are the ones that make rich people richer, and that is not what I'm about. I mean it's not what anyone really wants to do, but it's the only thing that is considered successful and admirable, and I hate it, don't want to participate in it, makes me want to run away from capitalism.

And also it's a myth that you need to be really good at your job because people do bad jobs constantly and get paid and they don't feel bad at all, lots are bad on purpose and use their jobs to do evil, and get away with it, so there's no pressure to be perfect at your job. If it gets done thats all that matters.

So if you can find anything that just fulfills the purpose of getting your survival resources to you, go for it. If you feel like data analysis is what makes you pleased and happy, go for that. If art makes you feel good, you can do that too! You don't have to have only one job, you can change jobs multiple times during your life, it doesn't need to define who you are, you are not here to serve the society, you're here to survive and you can do your job for yourself only. It's supposed to serve you, not the other way around. You don't exist only to do your job. You exist to be safe, and happy, and fulfilled, and safe. A job is supposed to do this for you, and it doesn't matter which one, as long as you're not being tormented by stress and fear, it's fine.

So what I'm trying to say, the world should not pressure you into making a quick decision, you should take your time trying out stuff and finding what works for you, and what doesn't make you feel awful about yourself. And also if it helps, everyone has a sort of a low confidence when only starting! Everyone is bad at everything when they're starting. Confidence will come with experience, when you see yourself getting better at something trough the years, you will get a chance to gather some faith in yourself and know you're doing well. You can follow any interest you have, regardless of how well or bad you're at it, as long as it can secure you some income. It's okay to be bad at first too because everyone is kinda bad at first.

Also, I've seen some people incredibly confident in their work while doing an awful job at it, it was pretty scary. Like they were doing active harm to society and didn't understand how anything actually worked but boasted about how capable they are because they were picking up a high paycheck. When I think there's people like that, and then others are worried about not being good at anything, it makes me stunned. I truly believe that no matter what you do, you'll never do as much harm as some high-paid people out there.

I hope you don't have a horrible time deciding anon! It's a difficult spot in life for anyone, so don't worry if it takes a bit of time or if you choose something and then quit, it just brings you a step closer to what you actually like doing, and it's a good thing to try things out and pick out the one that works best for you.

[seeminglydark]

1. would caro and john be into the tv show, the x-files? would they buy tapes of the episodes and talk about their own conspiracies and guess about the outcomes of the episodes.

2. also your comic has help peak my interest for the supernatural and conspiracy theories. what are some stories or theories that you’ve learned about that you have found the most interesting? and were you a believer before starting your comics or has your interest grown as you’ve continued with your comics.

3.lastly, i’m trying to buy more secondhand items and become the diy punk that i’ve aspired to be since high school (too afraid since i was a closeted trans man and living with an unaccepting family), any tips?

i, like john, try to stay away from modern tech as much as i can. i’m able to stay off my phone for the most part and rarely use my computer but i’ve been looking around and audiobooks on cassette are kinda expensive around me so i like to narrate book as i read them in paperback. i was wondering if canonically john uses resources such as the library and what his favorite books and movies are. i love horror and am just now getting into sci-fi and i love watching movies on my vcr + tv combo and i sometimes use a blu-ray player for more rare or expensive (at least in vhs format) movies.

sorry for the long winded paragraph, i’m unfortunately unable to escape my strict household (despite being an adult) until i find a job and am able to save every cent. i also tend to isolate myself so i have no friends to help me out. sorry to vent to you about this but i just wanted to end this by saying your comic and characters inspire me and give me hope that i’ll be okay once i’m free.

YES. John is obsessed with x-files. every once in a while you can see he has the iconic 'i want to believe' poster in his younger years on his walls. He still has it as an adult. both caro and john like watching those together, they also enjoy the twilight zone, charmed, Buffy (they they agree the corny movie from '92 is the best) and those old Bruce Campbell shows noones heard of, re: Brisco County Jr. I think as kids they theorize, and as adults they talk about everything everyone gets wrong, now that they know how these things really work. John can always guess WhoDunnit.

Ive always been interested in the idea of the supernatural. im a big skeptic though, ill be honest there, even though ive had many 'experiences' myself. i kinda like the idea of the unbelievable. definitely making the comics has peaked my interest in things i wasn't too keenly aware of before, like cryptids. im fascinated by the concept of Missing 411, and missing people who reappear somewhere else, but Liminal Spaces hold my heart specifically. ive always been keenly aware of the off feeling in those places before i even knew what that meant. i love scouring the internet for images of things like abandoned hotels that give me a weird kind of uneasy, most of the things people tag as Liminal aren't really that, so its a scavenger hunt to find something that fits my idea of it. coming up with the lore of my stories has been an adventure. my interest has definitely grown, more in places and phenomenon than in ghosts specifically.

there are so mnay things you can do to diy punk stuff, in my opinion thats the best and most rewarding way. it sounds to me that you need to start small and slow for your safety, so let me reassure you right here anon, that punk is a set of ideals, and not just fashion. youre still punk no matter what youre wearing. a jacket or vest is always a good place to start, you can literally buy ANYTHING at the thift store that strikes your fancy. this is a canvas you will be adding too for as long as its yours. once you have your canvas, its time to create, and there is literally no wrong way to do this. you can use paint markers, embroidery, bleach, ect. dont have money for spikes and studs? you can use soda can tabs and bend them, metal lighter caps, hell even staples and safety pins always look cool. you can make your own badges by bending metal soda or beer caps around a soda tab with a safety pin through it and then paint whatever you want on the cap. dental floss is what you usually see when punks have the white stitching on their pants and jackets, its durable and doesn't break, since crust and gutter punks need tough clothes that last. if you're worried about your family, i would personalize it first in small secret ways that are just for you, such as a message beneath your collar as seen here on my friends jacket. and here, and here! he hides patches on the inside as well! Im including a pic of john hiding a patch on caros varsity jacket as well. i will post my jackets one day, my camera is broken but i figured id share his since he hides things more than i do!

John absolutely uses the library, its a fantastic resource for SO many things, depending on where you're located. He would also probably use a digital reader later, because many of them you can get library cards on and borrow books that way. he is not a strong reader so he mostly reads books that may be under his age level, like goosebumps, but who cares, do what you enjoy. movie wise hes very obsessed with cosmic horror (hence the UFO tattoo) his favorites are Alien, The Thing, Killer Klowns from Outer Space and the Blob from the 80s. both he and Caro love the original Evil Dead franchise, horror comedy like American Werewolf in London, lost boys, etc.

Thank you, Anon, for the long winded paragraph. You asked some really fun questions for me to answer, i love nothing more than to talk about my characters, it was a really nice little break from editing a new podcast episode. I am so so sorry about your situation, and i am sending you all the best and all the love and strength that you can come out of this free and on the other side and live as yourself. If my comics and characters stories can provide a tiny bit of hope that its going to be ok, than ive succeeded at what i set out to do. wishing you all the best. and look into your library, they may have resources to help you with this as well.

[nordidia]

Regardless of how much attention they got, what are three things you've written or drawn that you're most proud of?

oh i love this question...

so i think what i get most proud of are my long comics,, despite the drawings being simple, i think i put alot more effort into just finishing them than i do like. coloured pieces etc... doing full pieces is more leisure than struggling to finish a long ass comic yknow. especially if its mental health related, i put alot of effort into them

so i think the one im most proud of is the sunset duo comic about PTSD flashbacks the way i experience them.,. i never really saw people talk about how they are for me so i decided to do it myself

alot of people find comfort in it because they also have been longing for someone to talk about those kinds of flashbacks, where its not really pictures or specific memories, but more the feelings you felt during it. alot of people who have repressed memories have flashbacks this way it was very... cathargic. its the first thing that pops into my head when people ask about my emotion-comics. i think its my favorite

another one i really like is this one.

its my first deep comic like that, and it kinda kicked off something in me, knowing what i wanted to create. its kinda old now, and my art has evolved somewhat, ive been thinking of re-doing it sometime

alot of my comics that are like this are based on my own struggles, and i make them to deal with my own, hoping that posting them will make others feel less alone. i also base leo on my irl bff like 98% of the time, and this was one of them.

i think that it marks kind of "the first" of stuff that i've gotten feedback on that it has helped others, and looking back on it gives me alot of motivation to continue doing art

hmm third one i really love is this one, with april

i had this huge idea of going into detail about things, my own take on things. and i held that idea until i started drawing, and as i got to the end i realised: "wait.. i dont want to think about this. i dont want to have a take on someone's pointless suffering. i dont want him to have to remember it either. why do all comics have to elaborate on the struggling and then everything being okay? thats not how it works" and ended up completely re-writing it. i think it made it alot more in character too

at the time, i was in therapy. and we would often talk about what i do in my daily life and i would talk about the comics i make. and this was one she really liked hearing about, and she had a lot of praise for the way i ended it when i told her about my trail of thought

i hope this is comprehensible jdajkgfdsjk !!

i thinik. i like my art that includes leo .. is some of my favorite... i like writing him. he's very kind. he loves and respects raph alot, and i think he understands raph on a deeper level in some way. i cant explain it but. yueah!!! if i could have a fourth favorite it would be this one

[lemon-natalia]

Harrow the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 37

hmm yeah it is suspicious that the Emperor has to be locked away during the attacks. he gives an explanation, but we really only have his word for it

the Lyctors seem perfectly (and very convieniently) made to be able to enter the River while still defending themselves, which makes me wonder if that was the original purpose of creating Lyctorhood, and the Emperor maybe has some kind of plan revolving around it?

now this guy is quoting fucking Psalms 26 in Latin?? thats different to the quotes from before, the fact that its religious is interesting given this guy is apparently ‘God’ now, but he’s quoting a biblical text. also given Harrow can’t possibly know what he’s quoting 90% of the time, he’s awfully pretentious

Harrow’s eighteen, i’m pretty sure she knows how babies are made dude. at least she definitely knows after you guys nearly had a threesome in front of her on the dining room table

he’s been thinking Harrow and Ianthe are a thing omfg

the mysterious A.L.! somehow i was right that the Annabel Lee poem connected to her. and her having another name, and being dead for ten thousand years, i feel like thats a pretty good candidate for the good old Locked Tomb body. at least, thats my current theory.

‘She was my Adam’ again with the biblical stuff, this guy is seemingly religious, but also thinks he’s God??

and apparently the First House was destroyed via climate change and nuclear explosions. if i needed any other confirmation that its Earth (or some equivalent) then i’ve got it here i think

also he was just a normal person before the world ended, and he was the only one who survived and somehow became an incredibly powerful necromancer. i mentioned waaay back at the beginning of this liveblog that i knew there was a guy named John who had something to do with an apocalypse, but i didn't know if i was misremembering him being actually responsible for it, or if i was mixing it up with the Magnus Archives. and i, uh, still have no clue if that is the case or not from this convo, though i do feel like there's more he's not saying about this anyway (please no spoilers about this, i really appreciate everyone explaining things to me in the notes but i'd like to find out whats actually going on with this specifically while reading)

and A.L. was not a ‘normal human being’ whatever that means, and the Lyctors are ‘in a very real way’ A.L.’s children … what on earth does that mean? she discovered the secret of Lyctorhood maybe?

well that whole conversation both answered a whole bunch of questions and absolutely nothing at the same time 😂

well okay the dude’s gone past playing parent and just outright told Harrow he sometimes wishes she was his daughter. i really don’t know how much of that affection is genuine

imagine telling someone you view them as a surrogate daughter and they fucking. smash a glass table in response lol. and yeah if its been ten thousand years and you haven’t developed emotional intelligence yet, then i don’t think its happening mate

ohhhh shit she’s telling him about the Locked Tomb. and i suppose there are worse ways this could have ended than him not believing her at all, but i really don’t think she’s wrong, especially since Gideon said she saw her do so/saw the door open in the last book, i think she did get in there somehow

wait i was working under the assumption that it was the Emperor who’d messed up her memories, but its not! did she do it to herself then after writing the letters?

[codajaiden]

I don't get the gist of Nightbow (Rainbow Steve x Nightmare) like, how does that work??

(warning I might rant so much y'all would explode, correct me if I'm wrong tho)

"enemies to lovers!" No. Lemme clear this up for you

Nightmare and Rainbow were created to kill each other, hate each other's guts, there is no conversation or part in SS or RQ where they went and be normal people talking to each other and stuff (not that I can think of anyways)

"for fun" I don't care if it's for fun, sure it's funny but like????? How is it y'all's favourite????

I'm someone who likes to go insane just watching plot, WHILE YES, STEVE SAGA WAS JUST A RANDOM STEVE SERIES AND WAS VERY RANDOM WHEN IT COMES TO PLOT, ITS SILLY, ITS RANDOM

But y'all are like "I can fix them", there is nothing to fix???? they are literally people wanting to kill each other and that is their goal.

Oh and let's not forget, I have my eyes on the people who write in Wattpad, don't think I have not seen their "freaky" writing at all.

It's not only Nightbow at least, I see the people here who ship Rainbow and Void together, same thing, but if we're talking SS then there was still no good interaction of them both to be on the level of actually being good friends. Still, Wattpad people are freaky about them too.

This can be implied to Favremyrainbow ig, but to me it's very bland and boring. I admit I did in fact ship them, but as time passed I just stopped because it was so cringe 💀💀

I don't want to be mean and rude when it comes to this but it bugs me every time.

Okay the only thing I can counter this is Alux x Petro.

Petro and Alux are basically Anna and Hanz in Frozen, gaslighting and manipulation exist but dynamic and trust are important. There is communication towards the two that leads into something in the plot.

Nightbow has none of that, they hate each other's guts. People say they can fix them, nah, with Palux you can make them worse (/j) HEJWJEJWJSJA

"Petro and Alux's entire dynamic is mainly built off of manipulation" YES but thats on Petro's side. Most people ship it due to it being tragic on Alux's side because everyone in this fandom likes doomed mlm i guess (I'm one of those people but again the plot reasons goes on for both of their dynamic)

"But he stabbed him" YES. I have not seen a single person who ships them currently its mainly a one sided ship. For alux its built off genuine love and care for Petro, knowing he's the only REAL connection in his life. The people who ship them (from what I've seen) mainly do it for tragedy and narrative purposes. no one is actually here WANTING alux to be stabbed and abused

And for Petro it adds much more conflict to his character if you add like any romance to him. like, loving the person your meant to kill and killing them anyways is a really interesting narrative plot idea. Its also really funny tbh but oh well.

Narratively it adds more to their characters as long as you dont romantize it and treat it like it'd be healthy especially at this point in the story.

This is literally doomed Yaoi (it's funny I wanna say that) and it works so well because of how they were narratively written this way towards each other. This cooked better than some enemy wanting to, excuse my language, have freaky SHIZ going on with the Hero 💀

Okay I'm done with my ranting I'm sorry for the people who like Nightbow but I'm sharing what I'm saying and y'all are gonna respect it and not be problematic. I feel like I should not be on the internet for a good while late and night this is how freaky I get when it's past midnight lmao

[hearts4lilith]

I Cannot Express How Much I Hate The Minecraft Movie Trailer.

First things first; who told them the nether portal was blue. Because I will find you. It's never NOT been purple.

Portal aside, the graphics are fucking SHIT.

I would've ABSOLUTELY preferred something fully animated over that crap.

Instead of putting actual effort into it, they made the sheep and the llama look stupid and the whole rest of the world just looks weird.

Like...

THATS NOT MINECRAFT?????

The piglins and ghasts look sick as hell, I'll admit, but you can't make the animals look like THAT. WHY DOES THE SHEEP HAVE HUMAN TEETH.

Okay. It's a choice, but it's still not my biggest issue.

Next, casting.

Why, on god's green earth, is JACK BLACK playing STEVE??? The reason he worked in The Mario Movie is because THAT WAS FULLY ANIMATED. I'm sorry, I love the guy. I do. But he's not good for Steve.

The famous names on your cast aren't the reason people are watching your movie. I can promise if you had lesser known actors playing more interesting characters in a more lovingly-made movie, it'd be about 50x better.

Also, if I may, we know NOTHING about the plot. We knew stuff about Mario, we knew stuff about FNaF, and we knew stuff about Barbie.

All we know is 3 jokes in the community that they've taken at surface-level and used that.

Forgive me if what I'm about to say makes no sense, I'm very emotional about how shitty this movie looks. But I believe that this whole film is gonna be full of awful, simple, overused jokes. I think it'll be the "...iiit's right behind me, isn't it? 😬" type of humor, and not a worthwhile plot.

Minecraft is about existence, and being, and creating your own world - Taking the earth from beneath your feet and making a home, your own place to belong. Carving out your place in a world that goes on forever.

I wish I believed in this movie; I wish it wasn't a cheap cash grab, and was instead a permanent immortalization of the game that has been such a great part of my life. I wish that instead of Jack Black, all the creators that helped to make this game and community famous were included and featured and honored. I was even hoping that maybe, for just a second, we might get a shot of a pig in a crown for Technoblade.

But if THAT is what the movie is going to be, if THAT is how they want this community and game to be remembered- I think I'm happy they're probably not going to do that.

We don't want this movie. Not if that is how you're going to do it.

[orpheuslament]

weird question. how do you feel abt artistic trends and do you think someone should strive to be as unique and un-predictable as possible or do you think its okay to just add to an existing movement that you love? im a (not yet published) trans guy poet and i love the trends im seeing in trans ppl making poetry abt religion, cannibalism, angels, vampires, its all stuff that i find inspiring and when i read other poets’ work of that kind i want to contribute, add my voice to the collective chorus. but i see people already mocking these trends as unoriginal and boring, telling people to put down these themes and make something more original. but… does it have to be that way? it used to be that an artistic movement could last a century, or many. is there anything wrong with seeing something, loving it, and wanting to help make more of it, even if you end up sounding the same as what inspired you in the first place?

this is such a good question & its too late / early for me to answer it the way it deserves. still i will try.

i think its important for any artist to not stick to what they know, to explore, innovate, create out of their comfort zone. if i only wrote about the things i was writing about in the beginning i wouldnt have grown as a writer. pushing boundaries is not only encouraged, but necessary as an artist. that being said, there is nothing wrong with playing with existing themes & ideas. thats how artistic movements are made. its normal & expected for a group of like-minded individuals to write or explore similar topics. its normal & expected for people to feed off each other's work. i was just joking earlier about being called a siken wannabe, & thats because when i started to seriously write poetry i took a lot of inspiration from him. the things i was writing about were similar to the things he was writing about because thats what spoke to me at that moment. we all take after someone, oftentimes a group of people. anyone who says theyre 100% original is lying & a twat. poetry is a rely sport.

[actualbird]

im beginning to doubt if luke packed like, an adequate amount of clothes in his luggage for this villa auction trip. because would he even have space for that given all the inVESTIGATION TOOLS HE BROUGHT ALONG WITH HIM?????

1 ) substance analyzer

(sidenote: how DID vyn know about this device??? what chemical testing adventures did luke and vyn get up to offscreen?????)

2 ) fingerprint testing kit

(sidenote: my buddy beckthebeetle said "how on earth did luke get a match for the prints if he cant connect to the internet???" which is such a good point and also so funny that i will be returning to it)

3 ) sAFE CRACKING TOOLS????

(sidenote: luke can crack safes. if he werent a government employee, he'd make SUCH a good master thief)

i know all these things are described as small, as they all somehow fit in a small bag he must have on-hand with him at all times (i cant believe luke pearce has the Bag Of Holding), but their size isnt my concern here. it's the fact that he Brought all of them. while they are all under the general category of Tools That Could Be Useful On An Investigation, their purposes and uses are wildly different, so it's simply a testament to how luke is bonkers (i say this oh so affectionately) and packing just anything and everything he thinks could POSSIBLY be useful later on. lest we all forget, he brought his resin kit to khaimit back in SOTT. so i wouldnt be surprised if he had a block of C4 tucked away in his luggage. just in case.

PLUS, luke brought peanut (arguably also an investigation tool but thats just a bonus, this bird is primarily an emotional support tool and also BirdSon) with him so he mustve brought peanut's food and treats because no matter how much he complains about peanut's chunkiness, he spoils that bird like nothing else. so i posit that his luggage is 40% tools + 40% peanut things + and 20% luke's actual day-to-day stuff that he brought along

and thus

luke: okay i need to ask a favor but none of you can tell mc, okay? does anyone have extra socks i can borrow?

artem, marius, vyn, taken aback because they thought with all the secrecy that it had something to do with luke's mysterious "vitamins" that he takes at HQ sometimes: socks???

luke: yeah, socks

artem: why?

luke: im out of socks

artem, who finds the concept of being underprepared to be unthinkable: youre out of socks? how??

vyn: i took you as somebody who was prepared for everything

marius: yeah, you brought safe cracking tools but you didnt bring socks?

luke: i brought...way more than just the safe cracking tools. which is probably why...i forgot to pack more socks

artem: how on earth were safe cracking tools higher on your list of priorities than socks?

vyn: in a similar vein, how was your chemical analyzer higher on that list of priorities too

luke: i know i know! but can we stop dissing on my lack of socks and start helping out with a collaborative solution to my lack of socks?

marius: and the fingerprint kit!!!---

luke: guys plEASE

marius: ---actually, wait a second. how did you get a match for sam zheng's fingerprint? theres no internet, you couldnt have connected to any databases to run that print through

luke: SOCKS. ANYBODY?

artem: no no, i was curious about that too, how did that work?

vyn: see this piece of information as your payment for the socks. quid pro quo

luke: you dont need the internet to create a new database of collected prints! okay, socks now, please? help?

artem: wait, no no. did you say 'create' a new database

vyn: and 'collected'

luke: ...............OKAY, LISTEN....

marius: oh my GOD? dude, did you fucking get everybody's prints at the villa???

luke: there was NOTHING TO DO for a few days and i was getting BORED doing NOTHING so might as well just lift everybody's prints from cutlery and furniture for future reference than do NOTHING but be alone with the fact im lacking SOCKS. SO CAN ANYBODY LEND ME SOME SOCKS ;-;

[stylezxsilvermoon]

okay yeah ! so i think i am gonna do a xmas theme, also i feel like this "promo" for cool kids / i'm faded is me trying toooooooo hard

(big rant under the cut)

, idk i just get very frustrated at these things so i think im just gonna go back to posting when i wanna, like being so real its always been my dream to be a big account and share with my readers, and at my CORE i still wanna be that but the issue is i dont know WHERE to start, and its not like im a new writer i've been writing since i was like 15 (what i'd consider the writing i like) and im just so ????!! about it, like i feel so physically incapable of being a fandom writer like i can't explain it its everything i want but everytime i work towards it i just self implode and stop posting / stop writing, like i still wanna write OBVIOUSLY but the pressure of wanting to "make it big" destroys me like everytime idek? and it seems so easy when i think about it but then when i do it its like LOL NOPE idc idc how much effort you put in. and yes it could be the fact i've never posted a complete fic so there's really nothing for people to know me for, i just feel like people get "suprised" i write on here LIKE YEAH, i post like insanely haphazardly but yeah i do!! and it feels so preformative and ugh.

also i've struggled for a long time on what i wanna do with this account, i wanna speak up about things which includes RB'ing a shit ton, but ive always had an unhealthy imbalance of what i wanna do on here, i wanna be a writing account but what abt the stuff i wanna bring to light by RB'ing, and yes i have other side accounts but they're all for fun, i dont wanna seperate my intrests because they all belong here, just like i do, its kinda my home atp. i feel like i'm one of those people who you dont miss on dash because i rarely curate my own posts and just silently reblog so ig its kinda my fault. idk, the more ive been thinking i feel like the "big fandom writer" thing isn't gonna be for me, and then AT THE SAME TIME i feel like im shooting myself in the foot everytime i complain and wanna pick up the fight again, but idk ive been whining abt it since i was like 15 and im oh so tired with everything going on in the world so i'm just gonna write my fics.

i feel like i write so diff from everyone else, like when i post something i want it to convey something in you, i want you to feel moved and feel appreciated and loved and happy reading something i make, and i dont even know if my writing is built to do that and i may be just dicksucking myself. idek. i dont wanna post for just notes i wanna talk about what i write with other people and for people to ask me why i chose what i did and why i wrote my stories and how it made them feel or what they like about it, and i just feel like im pandering to an audience that doesn't exist everytime i idek, write author's notes, ask for feedback, talk to people about what they like, i've always taken myself way too seriously and i just feel like modern fandom is so. so.

like i grew up reading 2010's fanfics and thats the kinda vibe i like creating, like 2012 chronically online wattpad stories, with long chapters and chatty authors and a bunch of funny comments, i just idk.