#you are not whatever job you pick
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How do I decide a career field?
I mean my entire self esteem, self worth and self confidence is destroyed. I hate myself. I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I like art, even though it’s very hard for me to do I’m pushing myself to explore as much as I can. I am thinking of going into data analysis but it’s so overwhelmingly scary for me.
I have an MD, but i can’t pursue it because of my mental health issues.
Okay so I might not be the best person to talk about this, because I figured out that career just isn't important to me when I'm just trying to survive, so I don't think any field is worth chasing or putting effort into, for me at least! Job is just something that gives you the means to get survival resources and that is it.
Otherwise I really relate to what you're saying, I also don't feel like I'd be good at any field, don't feel like I'm made for anything and can't see myself doing anything specialized seriously. It's also very difficult to choose a field when you've never gotten to try bunch of things, never had experience doing stuff and you don't really know what you'd enjoy, what you like, or at least what doesn't feel too stressful, overwhelming and impossible.
It's incredibly impressive that you have a MD, that alone signifies great endurance, persistence and intelligence on your part, and it's awful that mental health issues prevent you from doing anything related to it (I feel the same tho, my degree is in the closet, never seen or used at all lol)
I think the best way to decide is to talk to people who work in various fields and ask them what their day-to-day work is like, and figure out where you see yourself, where you fall in easily, or at least what seems doable, not too stressful, not overwhelming. What doesn't make you hate yourself. I'm just doing cleaning but I couldn't be more pleased because it's very obvious when I've done well and it's so low stakes that pretty much nothing can go wrong. Nobody ever complains either. In fact yesterday I got a text message from a client saying I did amazing, I mean that kind of stuff is ideal to my mental state.
I think we're raised to believe that our career needs to be something very significant, something that creates a place for us in the world, the proof that we're useful to society and that we made something out of ourselves! We need to show off our success and our identity needs to be tied to what we do. And we need to be good at it and make a difference in the world with it.
Well in the current capitalistic climate, this is bullshit. The only socially useful jobs are the ones which get no recognition, no social acceptance, no praise, no acknowledgment, in fact you're looked down upon if you just do manual jobs that are incredibly necessary to keep the society going.
The jobs where you can reach high success and high paycheck - are the ones that make rich people richer, and that is not what I'm about. I mean it's not what anyone really wants to do, but it's the only thing that is considered successful and admirable, and I hate it, don't want to participate in it, makes me want to run away from capitalism.
And also it's a myth that you need to be really good at your job because people do bad jobs constantly and get paid and they don't feel bad at all, lots are bad on purpose and use their jobs to do evil, and get away with it, so there's no pressure to be perfect at your job. If it gets done thats all that matters.
So if you can find anything that just fulfills the purpose of getting your survival resources to you, go for it. If you feel like data analysis is what makes you pleased and happy, go for that. If art makes you feel good, you can do that too! You don't have to have only one job, you can change jobs multiple times during your life, it doesn't need to define who you are, you are not here to serve the society, you're here to survive and you can do your job for yourself only. It's supposed to serve you, not the other way around. You don't exist only to do your job. You exist to be safe, and happy, and fulfilled, and safe. A job is supposed to do this for you, and it doesn't matter which one, as long as you're not being tormented by stress and fear, it's fine.
So what I'm trying to say, the world should not pressure you into making a quick decision, you should take your time trying out stuff and finding what works for you, and what doesn't make you feel awful about yourself. And also if it helps, everyone has a sort of a low confidence when only starting! Everyone is bad at everything when they're starting. Confidence will come with experience, when you see yourself getting better at something trough the years, you will get a chance to gather some faith in yourself and know you're doing well. You can follow any interest you have, regardless of how well or bad you're at it, as long as it can secure you some income. It's okay to be bad at first too because everyone is kinda bad at first.
Also, I've seen some people incredibly confident in their work while doing an awful job at it, it was pretty scary. Like they were doing active harm to society and didn't understand how anything actually worked but boasted about how capable they are because they were picking up a high paycheck. When I think there's people like that, and then others are worried about not being good at anything, it makes me stunned. I truly believe that no matter what you do, you'll never do as much harm as some high-paid people out there.
I hope you don't have a horrible time deciding anon! It's a difficult spot in life for anyone, so don't worry if it takes a bit of time or if you choose something and then quit, it just brings you a step closer to what you actually like doing, and it's a good thing to try things out and pick out the one that works best for you.
#choosing careers#pressure on young people to choose perfectly#choosing a job#career fields#i hate capitalism#and how its presented to young people who are picking a field#you are not whatever job you pick#you're you and job is supposed to serve your needs
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Something I really like is that April’s constant stream of odd jobs she goes through is somewhat reflected in the boys as well. Like, you have April working at random pizza places or getting a crane license or being fully willing to apply for a job at a place clearly made out of cardboard. Then you have the boys as well who do anything from working as a basketball mascot, building a massive dog park, being waiters, getting a whole band gig at a theme park, etc, etc-
Main difference is that April actively applies for these jobs (and is hopefully paid for the short time she’s in them) whereas for the bros the jobs usually find them (and they practically never get paid.) It doesn’t even stop at jobs either, they just seem to casually amass skills in general.
I don’t know, I like how both April and the turtles are just so ready and willing to do things. Sure, they’re not always good at these things, but they do them readily! In a way, being heroes is just another job (well, more like volunteer work/vigilantism/another fun activity) that they initially took on because of their general sense of “why not?”
They’re very willing and open to trying out new things despite their tendency to revert back to what they enjoy (and how commonly trying new things ends up going wrong), and I think that adaptational interest of theirs really helps them be well rounded in multiple regards.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#like not even just jobs these characters just like to go out and do things!#even if they’re initially not interested they’re so curious and stuff that they’ll do it anyway#I wonder if April being as curious and incredibly open minded as she is rubbed off on the boys growing up#and they like…osmosis’d this personality trait from her to be like ‘yeah sure whatever’ to any antic#I also just think that they’re bored teenagers with a TON of time on their hands so they like to just live it up#I think the boys always had the desire to go out and apply themselves but meeting April likely pushed them more#y’know I wonder#what if April narrowed down just one job when in college and she actually managed to keep it#like…almost as a form of growth - she narrowed down jobs and careers and schooling as she hit early adulthood?#it’s kinda reflected in raph as well - originally so open and for goofing off but now much more singularly focused on hero stuff#kinda a sad way to look at growing up but it works here#because you have the three younger sibs still readily doing other things#not as focused on responsibility or singular paths#it’s sad because adulthood absolutely does not mean not being open to other things#but at that time in your life sometimes there’s a pressure and unwanted responsibility to pick a path y’know?#and it’s a relief to learn that actually there was never just one set path with one set trail you always had to stay on#and I think that’s reflected in how raph at the end of the movie opens back up to playing around and doing things for the fun of it
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literally cannot stop thinking about the return. like imagine being the sgc right? you send a group of second-bests; people that are really good at their job, but you can risk sending to another galaxy with a chance of not getting them back. and about 80% of them are people who don't really Work Well In The System. you dont hear from them for a whole year and consider them lost, and then you get an email that they need your help Right Now or they'll Die. alright whatever you send a ship and a zpm they win the battle everyones grand. using that ship you keep sending new people there, and these people know they can go home at any time. its just another rotation to them. but they start writing home and saying that the original crew are..... weird. there are interesting rules and habits and recreational activities and food. and the most weird is their connection to the actual city. you take note of these letters about the original crews Weirdness but otherwise dont really care. and then the ancients come back!! and they kick everyone out of atlantis. well, that sucks, but it was a resource sink anyway and all you really got out of it was another interstellar war you weren't prepared for. you take this as a sign you shouldnt have gone out there in the first place and carry on with your day.
except the original crew are fighting back. theyre complaining and rallying and saying its not fair and they should get to stay. what the fuck. you tell them its out of your hands and bring them home. and they're all acting like depressed little lizards, and oddly enough Elizabeth Weir - the token "normal person" you had put in charge of these outcasts - is the most depressed of the depressed little lizards, and she doesnt leave her house the entire six weeks. and the one time she does leave her house, she, her flagship team, and the fucking DOCTOR of all people steal the weird little ship and go fight the replicators to retake atlantis.
fine. whatever. they can have their city in another galaxy. its not like they ever listened to you in the first place.
#stargate#stargate atlantis#sga the return#mushroom rambles#its just so insane to me that the atlanteans got their choice of whatever jobs they wanted#literally they got to pick their dream assignment#and they went no fuck you we want our alien city#constant threat of space vampires and all#and the fact that stargate command is in a MOUNTAIN#how many atlanteans needed sun lamps
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actually in hindsight why did Rick repeatedly have Piper solve all the ghost problems on the Argo II when. Hazel was right there. A daughter of Pluto. who by all logic should be able to control ghosts even a little bit. like, we know she has at least some of those types of powers. she just never gets to actually practically use them. ever. and then when there are zombies Hazel once again. does not get to use her powers about it. what.
#pjo#riordanverse#hazel levesque#does hazel EVER use necromancy powers? besides *maybe* a little bit when working for gaea to raise giants?#though that was pretty explicitly mostly geokinesis#where is hazel's necromancy cmon#but like. ''oh no people are getting possessed. i know! PIPER! FIX THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR CHARMSPEAK''#''rather than oh i dont know HAZEL. THE PERSON WITH GHOST POWERS DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME.''#heck Hazel is very familiar with people being possessed. her mother was for. awhile.#why not just have hazel go ''hm yup. that's possession if i've ever seen it. hold on i've got this'' and then she uses pluto powers#you cant even use the excuse ''oh but she wouldn't know how to-''#she's been hanging out with her brother Nico ''Ghost King'' di Angelo for what. eight? ten months? something like that?#and one of her major things is that she's pretty good at picking things up quickly and has highly honed her powers#you're telling me nico never told her ''btw just in case: if you ever need to exorcise a ghost from someone just idk smack 'em''#like why is the exorcising ghosts piper's job#and why with the zombie apocalypse was it like ''oh no we can't do anything until apollo comes over to help us or whatever''#''if only we had a CENTURION WITH NECROMANCY POWERS. like a CHILD OF PLUTO OR SOMETHING''#''WHOSE BROTHER VERY FAMOUSLY GOT A ZOMBIE AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT''#and its like. yes hazel does ultimately play a significant role in stopping the zombie problem#but functionally COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO HER POWERS?
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theres been a few times now where ive seen someone very clearly plagiarize either a design, idea, or even rip tutorial sections verbatim to claim as their own from my work, but the issue is i simply dont have the time or energy to fight it so i cant do much, so whenever i see a new instance of it my soul is crushed for 0.2 seconds before reforming and i look verbatim like this paul rudd bit:
#for the most part i dont care that much actually since this isnt like#my job#i literally just do creative stuff to not go insane#and its mostly my cosplay work that gets stolen which....its all emulation#i get really weirded out by when i have tutorials ripped bc that is genuinely more of my actual unique innovation#but whatever floats your stoat i really dont want to be caught up in a grubbn's match#the worst ones where were it was people that got more credit/more traction or there was strange personal context#those ones are weird but not worth picking a fight over#but if anyone tried to rip my OC designs i would be actually hurt but also deeply confused bc they only make sense in context#like if someone tried to cop sulu it'd be like:#'ah yes you too are a mid-30s physics doctorate with bipolar II managing long form depressive episodes while medication intolerant-#and coping with the fallout of people being unable to stay by you due to the intensity of your suicidal nature and obsessive working'#genuinely i would be gobsmacked
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EVEN THE GREAT LOUISOIX!!!!
Aurum Vale has emerged as the winner of everyone's least favorite ffxiv dungeon (see all the poll results here) and now it will face off against the infamous Praetorium
so here it is: would you rather wipe in the first room and watch your teammates stubbornly stand in morbol breath attacks or sit through gaius' ten hour long speech yet again?
my personal opinion is that the ludicrous xp bonus for msq roulette should NOT be considered when choosing, but I can't stop you
#stone vigil hard was robbed#having leveled all the jobs now I can tell you exactly which one is getting my pick lolol#I stopped doing msq roulette for the last few months of the leveling because I was going insane#I actually really like porta decumana#it was the first super fun mechanics fight I got to in the game#castrum is blehhh but whatever#prae is just....yeah#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#praetorium#aurum vale#also anyone who voted for av over sv hard is required to go run sv hard synced immediately#ffxiv polls#ffxivmp#mp#listen gaius' speech is hilarious I enjoy it but if I have to 'enjoy' it one more time I will explode#good thing I'm almost there on my replay!!!!!#YOU CAN'T EVEN SKIP THE CS IN DUTY SUPPORT LIKE WTF SQUARE EXPLAIN
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ok gen question abt tma.
why the archives. like girl archival is such a lame job. no fucking wonder you got a wet cat of an Archivist, someone who works in archival is inherently gonna be a wet cat. ask stupid questions (who wants to work in my archives?) get stupid answers (the most pathetic Special Little Boy to ever work at your institute)
#coming from someone whos gonna have an archival/library job#girl you couldve picked any other department to find your human sacrifice to all dread powers#“oh its cause tye archivist reads all the statements and sees the fear of all the statement givers” ok??#it could just as easily be the person who takes the statements#AND then theres actually ppl there for the eye to Eat or whatever#you couldve picked the research guys bc they get into the most dangerous shit#they get to interact w the statement givers and see how the fear shaped them#and go get the evidences of the supernatural bss#new headcanon that the only reason the eye picked the archivist to be its Special Little Guy is because it has a cool title#like you cant be intimidating when your title is “the Researcher” or “the Interviewer” or “the Receptionist”#the magnus archives#tma#the archivist#the beholding#the eye
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Reading a fic that's so well written I wish I could close my eyes and just let the descriptions and atmosphere wash over me, but the dilemma with closing my eyes is, well, I then would not be able to continue reading this fic, now would I.
#fanfiction#fanfic#reading#i don't read longform fic very often but this one is so good wow i'm in awe and clicking next chapter next chapter#the movie it's for I'm not even a particular major fan of itself but I am a fan of the character and the ideas and oh my god#they perfect it to a tee in every way even better than the movie could and yet keep their characterization spot on in line with the og#it's amazing the way they balance the humour and banter with the suspense/tension and drama/horror#and their descriptions are gorgeous/pick out just the right details#their follow-up is more canonical to me as a sequel than the actual official sequel which is wrong in so many ways#and I am in love with their writing style so much my god#i'll say the fic if asked probably will honestly make a rec post for it when I'm done just because wow but here i'm just vague posting#i mean it's 10 yrs old and I've been reading fic for 8-9 yrs and it is truly one of the best I've read in all of that#from all my tags I mean you can labour a guess for the fandom or fic and if you were to guess it wow good job I'd be impressed#but anyway !!! love finding masterpieces I hope this person decided to become an author in those 10 yrs almost *sobs*#I'm gonna say the fic anyway whatever it's From Out the Ocean Risen by Bluestar god it's good (for p/acific r/im)
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killing people who don’t get an animals consent before touching them &/or ignore when animals are visibly uncomfortable with being touched.
#MOTHERS FRIEND DOING THIS WITH OUR CAT RN IM PISSED.#SHE DIDNT EVEN GIVE TOFU ANY TIME TO SNIFF OR ANYTHING??#Sigh.#tofu came downstairs to see what was up bc person was in the house#But person just immediately started petting her#even tho tofu was visibly uncomfortable and clearly just wanted a sniff test or sm#went to my room asap after that and tofu followed quick on my heels#obvs I let her sniff as much as she wants before petting her (if she even wants fuss) so she had a sniff and very much seemed to want fuss#so I gave her a few strokes and then sorta checked in and she swirled around and bumped her head into my hand (all the while her tail was#pointed straight up with the tip quivering a little every few moments - a sign of happiness/excitement to see a familiar person)#so we had cuddles for a bit until she hopped off my chest to go get water or sm :3#BUT I DONT GET WHY MORE PEOPLE DONT HAVE SIMPLE WHOLESOME INTERACTION WITH THEIR CAT LIKE THIS??#LIKE. CATS ARE SENTIENT. THEY SEEK AUTONOMY - ESPECIALLY BODILY AUTONOMY. WHY TF WOULD YOU NOT LET THEM GIVE/DENY CONSENT??#like. if you aren’t willing to learn enough about an animal to understand when it’s unhappy at the very least *why* would you interact with#one?? (This person literally has a cat as well.)#idk man these are the same sorts of people that’d probably do the ‘awww just give me a hug! I’m your auntie(/whatever)! why can’t i have a#hug? 🥺’ sorta thing.. like. BRO. It isn’t my/the cat ‘s fucking job to regulate/look after your own grown ass feelings.#SIGH..#just. The fact this person has like.. met tofu once. Lived in the same house as her for maybe 4/5 days one time and thinks the cat is#obligated to put up with her or whatever.#(This is how I imagine people be acting around cats when they’re like ‘idk man cats just don’t like me! Cats are just independent by nature#I’m just stood there having to listen to them shit talk a whole species bc they don’t understand consent (or at least don’t universally#value it - eg; with children; with animals) ANYWAYS. CATS ARE A SOCIAL SPECIES WHO HAVE DEVELOPED TO LIVE CLOSELY WITH AND DEPEND ON HUMANS#THEYRE OFTEN VERY AFFECTIONATE AND LOVING AND FORM LASTING RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR HUMANS AND WILL MOURN THEIR DEATH PROBABLY MORE THAN#HALF OF THE HUMANS WHO ATTENDED THEIR FUNERAL.)#If tofu doesn’t like you I don’t like you mate. I am wholeheartedly willing to cut people off if they act wrong with my cat - like - BRO.#IVE KNOWN HER LONGER THAN I HAVE MOST OTHER PPL IN MY LIFE. SHES GOT ME THROUGH WORSE AND IS ALWAYS HAPPY N EXCITED TO SEE ME.#That cat has done more for me than you ever have! She loves me with her whole fucking soul and I her with mine. If she picks up the wrong#vibes from you/you break any of her clearly set boundaries we are DONE.#(Obvs /nbh - nobody here. & generally lighthearted but uhh yeah needed to rant abt this bc I care strongly abt it and other ppl should too)
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get the man a fan ✨
#the english muffin is burning#Andrew Lincoln#*#andygifs#gonna make like those ancient greek fantasies and fan him with palm fronds#happy sinday#don't flash your midriff at me you tart#i'd say im looking#but that'd be stupidly obvious#hello illac furrow adonis belt v lines whatever the crap you wanna call them#that belt is really doing its job#poor sweaty thing#everyone: :) andy: *melting*#he felt like a space heater when i hugged him tho so boy just runs hot#someone pick up that paper on the table and fan the man 😂#i would have#sorry but when a man's shirt goes up like that i get stupid
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honestly the worst feeling about losing everyone you’ve ever loved is you realize you will never be anyone’s priority ever again.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[ive been taking Ubers for weeks because i live nowhere near a way to my job. and I miss feeling like i could call my aunt to pick me up. i#miss being th person she could call when she didn’t want to wait for something. I miss feeling like I matter. i miss feeling like if#something happened to me tomorrow someone would care. I miss feeling significant. i miss having a family. i miss my parents. I just. i feel#like if i disappear on every level it would effectively not matter to anyone. do I think people would be upset? yeah. but what real purpose#do I have to anyone anymore? if anything I’ve learned I’m just not worth it. otherwise how can it be so easy for people who supposedly loved#me to just get rid of me? I don’t know anymore. like external validation isn’t everything but hey god what did I do for you to kill everyone#who ever mattered to me? do you have a fucking answer? whatever. im walking to Taco Bell and trying not to cry.]#negativity /#negative /#death /
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this college preparation can be so mental exhausting gahh
#to pick a faculty that's easier to get a job (as my parents' req) or something more easy n free n flexible-#-so that I can still draw stuffs I want and focus on the things I want to create ooooough#whatever i'm gonna be in God please let my 'childish' self still able to frolick. let my already so-little jovial soul still sparked#yagh#anyways is my moots still there.. highkey miss y'all#y'all want me [REDACTED]posting..? <- (too nervous to send it right instantly) (you can also probably guess what I mean)
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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my boss texting me at 1:30am (she works at 9am tomorrow) while im playing a mario game asking me if i can come in at 11am and then sending me this when i say yes might be the highlight of my week
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#and before you start wondering i know people are all ''never work when you dont have to'' on here#but i actually like my job and also money and i literally asked to pick up hours#im not giving in or whatever i actually just like my job and coworkers jhfkfjk#well anyways im going to bed bc i guess i work tomorrow now#night night <3#chat
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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y'know as an adult I've largely arranged my life in such a way that I go for fairly long periods of time feeling more impacted by Generic Brand Executive Dysfunction than any traits that are like, particularly autistic
and then I start working on job (internship technically) applications and I'm like. yes hello recruitment person I need to ask you somewhere in the range of 13-50 clarifying questions about the intended meanings and distinctions between these prompts. see the overall topics have quite a lot of overlap and I just want to know which subtopics are more appropriate to discuss for this prompt versus the one a couple questions down-
#content is for other people#runner up is when the dentist asked me the other day if I ever drove up to look at [neat seasonal thing in my city]#and I replied no I don't have a car#maybe possibly saved that one by elaborating on my transportation-method-agnostic interest in going to see the thing immediately after#but ah. hm. that was certainly an interaction.#anyway I have perspective & self-confidence enough to know that I can and should just pick whatever for the job Qs and it'll be fine#but like. the You Said Something Ambiguous Please Clarify Intent Among These Detailed Hypotheses instinct is still very much there.#(I do also recognize that there's a distinct degree of privilege at work in my ability To respond that way without issue)#(but mmm. I'd consider that the kind of privilege that should be made available to everyone; not revoked as something inherently unjust)#anyANYway. someone should come deliver pastries to my house as a reward for being responsible and doing job shit all day#and washing some dishes and cooking dinner and everything! and not even playing a SINGLE dork soul the entire time#such responsible. very self discipline. wow
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