#like not even just jobs these characters just like to go out and do things!

[tuttle-did-it]

Fascinating. Odo always came off to me as aro/ace as he was so insistent in the earlier years that he just couldn't comprehend why anyone would be romantically or physically involved. There's always room along various spectrums to move, so it's fine that Odo changed, but he did seem genuinely baffled why anyone would bother with any of that.

And I certainly would have liked to see agender/nonbinary variations of Odo, I always found it very strange that Odo could be any gender representation possible, and just chose to have the same face and body every day. Which, as an agender/non-binary trans person, I find baffling.

Would have much preferred Jadzia and her bi/pan more highlighted. (Especially as the reason given for her and Lenara unable to be together was because of Trill rules that hosts can't carry lives/relationships you had in previous lives (which honestly seems like the stupidest rule I can think of). That made zero sense, because Sisko already knew her as Curzon. But at least they didn't kill Lenara, especially as this particular era was so heavy on the Bury Your Queers trope. So... good job? I guess? But still, it didn't make sense. Especially because the first thing Ezri does is go to DS9 where Jadzia's former husband and all her best friends live? That was baffling to me.)

I would have also wanted to see more of Jadzia and gender perormativity/genderfuck. As a young queer person watching her as I grew up, Jadzia was the first trans-coded character I saw on television who was not a JOKE or comic character. (you guys know how much I love Klinger. But they invented him for a joke. And you know I love Bugs, but again, he was a comic character and the joke was that he wore dresses often. I loved them both. But they were invented as a joke.)

Having someone whose sexuality and gender representation were a NOT jokes was a huge deal to me. And that all of Jadzia's friends just totally accepted her without question, and how easily she could just say 'when I was a man....' without anyone trying to murder her was actually huge. ESPECIALLY considering how many shows I saw as a kid had a trans coded/gender queer/gender non-conforming/person in drag were shown as psychopaths and murderers in police procedurals and crime shows. So Jadzia, as a trans-coded character, was a HUGE deal to me. And thank you Terry Farrell for leaning into that and often talking about how much that means to her on a personal level when queer/enby/trans people talk to her and tell her how important Jadzia was.

Garak/Bashir... I love, LOVE their relationship. One of my favourite relationships in most of the TV i've seen. I wouldn't have minded if it had just been confirmed casually. Even if they had an open relationship, just a casual acknowledgement (probably from Bashir).

Or, you know... NOT had them attempt to pretend Garak (in his 50s) is in a flirtation/question situationship with Ziyal (who is still or barely out of being a teenager-- and the daugher of someone he hates). That was... yeah. Didn't work for me. What that felt like to me was the Powers That Be became annoyed at how many fans were convinced Bashir and Garak were lovers, so they ordered the writers to try to break that up by bringing in a teenage/very young Cardassian woman.

If he and Bashir adopted her or something, I would have hated it less. But that relationship-- even if read on a friendship level where she has a crush and he's like no I am way to old for you also my husband will mind.

Ziyal should have been connected with Jake. He's a writer, she's an artist. They would have made so much more sense than trying to suggest that Ziyal and Garak were even remotely possible.

I would have also hoped more of the O'Brien polycule would have been addressed. Because the polycule is one of my absolute favourite things about DS9.

(I don't mean any of this to be hateful or negative. I love DS9. But I still do have a few thoughts about it all. DS9 was certainly the queerest of the Treks-- and as queer (in many ways) watching, it had a huge impact on me. So I'm grateful for what I did get. Thank you. )

Finished DS9 recently, and it's the first trek i've watched. Super obsessed with it btw. If you had written this more recently, would you have tried to have characters be canonically gay/bisexual/lesbian? If so, who? (You're probably going to say Garak and Bashir and I know it)

Just to avoid expectations...

Dax is canonically bi, so nowadays, we'd definitely play into that more.

Also, given his nature, Odo should be pan. I don't think the Founders actually have gender. They only pretend to when they find it useful.

I honestly love the Bashir/Garak dynamic so much, I don't know if I'd really want to change it. Maybe we'd be more overt. But Garak doesn't really do "overt," and that's part of his charm.

[liberalk1tsch]

How do you feel about people equating Katniss’ depression after Prim’s death to her mother’s own after her father’s, and the abandonment that resulted from it?

oh i can feel this is gonna be a long one.

there's two things i want to be very clear about.

the likelihood of katniss having the same mental illness as her mother is extremely high; they both present with near-identical symptoms. i think they definitely suffer from the same illness.

however

2. their situations are entirely different and deserve to be treated as such.

katniss' catatonic depression comes after losing her sister, the person who — in catching fire — she describes as the only person in the world that she's 100% certain that she loves.

asterid's first episode that we know of occurs directly after burdock's death.

while both of them have surviving loved ones after these deaths, there's a distinct difference in their support systems and availability of treatment.

in regards to asterid, it is extremely abnormal that she doesn't have any sort of support system. as someone who grew up in poverty myself, that's not really how impoverished communities work. typically, the only reason people wouldn't keep reaching out to help a family in need is if you are actively pushing them away, which we know to be a canon character trait for asterid.

(my dear friend and go-to expert on all things appalachia @loungemermaid does a great job of discussing the specifics of that within appalachian communities in this post, and asterid's role further down in this post.)

this likely results from her own issues with her parents, as she contextually appears to be disowned by them entirely, so she struggles to allow herself to grow close with others in her personal relationships because she herself has been abandoned and thereby developed an inherent fear that to grow close to someone is to put herself at risk for getting hurt.

from what we know, it seems as if asterid is that one girl who doesn't maintain her friendships once she finds her partner and essentially cuts herself off. i won't pretend to know if this is on purpose or not, but i will reiterate that poor communities tend to do a great job at reaching out to each other, so even if her town friends shunned her, there probably wasn't a lack of people willing to be in her network. keeping in mind she lived in the seam for at least 11 years before burdock died and had plenty of time to establish herself in the community. maybe this is because of her own trauma, maybe not, but regardless, it would make burdock's death all the more painful if he was really her only person (and based on the text, it seems like he is).

the issue is that she didn't exclusively have herself to think about. i'm not a parent myself so i won't pretend to be an expert on something i've never experienced, but i don't feel i need to give birth myself to know that the second you're planning on carrying a child to term, you don't get to be selfish anymore. you do what's best by your kid, even if it's intimidating for you.

i can understand that she couldn't "snap out of it" per say when she went catatonic. most people can't. additionally, i empathise with her in that she didn't have the proper medication to treat herself.

that being said, she had years to build a network for her family in the event that something drastic like this should happen (and based on what we know, it seems like a relatively common occurence) and didn't. whit put it best when they said "Asterid is still just a little girl, trapped in her own trauma, in her own head, where a single choice that her parents didn’t agree with means they didn’t love her anymore. It’s a cycle. It’s a shame. She could’ve broken the cycle. She could’ve called out for help, from someone. She didn’t."

when i studied nursing, one of the first things we learned was how impactful a patient's community and network can be on their outcomes and recovery. as a healer, asterid would know this. it's no secret in the medical community, no matter how high your education goes. it is one of the most basic aspects of patient history to take note of. but she doesn't develop that for herself or her girls. whether by hubris that they wouldn't need it, or apprehension at going out of her own comfort zone, i don't know.

and so her daughters are neglected. they nearly starve to death, and katniss is forced to assume the archetype of the parentified eldest daughter. from the time she is 11, she always has someone to take care of.

neglect does not have to be intentional to be neglect.

even after asterid gets better and begins medicating herself, she is still highly dependent on katniss for tessarae, hunting, gathering, etc. it's only after they're taken in by 13 and asterid is given a proper job that she's able to support herself, hence why it's so different when katniss falls into her depression following prim's death: katniss has nobody to take care of but herself. she's allowed to be selfish and wallow in her grief.

haymitch is drunk at home. peeta's in the capitol. finnick's dead. prim too. gale's in 2. and asterid . . . asterid has abandoned her for real this time.

there's no catatonia to blame it on either. yes, asterid's grieving. it's understandable why she doesn't want to return to 12. but she's fully medicated, and she has a minor daughter who's deeply traumatised and experiencing her own catatonia. she needs her mother now more than ever.

but she's not there for her.

she leaves without so much as a goodbye. doesn't even wait around to see to it that her only living daughter isn't going to be executed for murder. and she chooses to do this when everyone else who loves katniss is either in treatment themselves (peeta in therapy in the capitol, haymitch self-medicating, etc.) or dead. sae and buttercup are the only reasons katniss stays alive in the months before peeta returns to 12. but even then, we have no way of knowing if that was at asterid's request (personally, i think it's haymitch's).

she pushes katniss away one final time. maybe it's because she reminds her too much of burdock with her looks and her voice. reminds her too much of prim as her only surviving daughter. then again, maybe not. the amount of canon information we have on her is abysmal. either way, she projects her abandonment on her daughter and katniss once again nearly dies as a result.

basically this is all a very long-winded for me to say that while i think they have the same illness, their situations aren't particularly comparable, and their relationship is complicated, to say the very least.

[str4wb3rrysw3etheart]

HII!!

SOOO.. i decided to start writing!! For the eltingville club! (They would hate me but shh..) I ran out of fics in a day.. so I'm doing God's work and supplying 🫡 (i actually have experience writing fics but got logged out of that accouht... and it was a different Fandom so good luck)

Anyway enough of my background stuff, here's fem! dating headcannons for all of the eltingville boys, plus a poly one 👅

Cw! SFW BUT SUGGESTIVE STUFF SAID BEYOND THIS POINT! Like lowkey could ne nsfw to someone but not to me.. Bill is still kinda a misogynist, but nicer. Pete is a little freak. I have a small preference for writing bill ... so sorry if his is longer 💔 pete has little siblings , poly is shorter bc I ran out of ideas 💔

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Bill

♡He .. to put it nicely sucks at most things. He's never done this before! Give him a break.. he gifts you small things from time to time that corelate to your interests, saying something like "here women god .."

♡He hates the club seeing you. He'll brag about you sure, but he doesn't want their filthy eyes to see you. He knows where they'd be looking

♡He isn't the best at affection so he'll normally just keep his arm around you, or hand on your thigh. He doesn't know what women like be nice to him

♡Will rant for HOURS about his interests, if you share some, he'll then quiz you about the lore , calling you fake if you mess up. He's a "Name five characters" type of man..

♡He starts to shower and use chapstick more, brushes his hair, the whole nine yards. But only if he knows you're coming to see him. He doesn't find showering necessary

♡Tries to be a manly macho man (he's failing). He wants you to rely on him because "that's a man's job" , even if you end up having him rely on you..

♡He dreams about you. In starteck outfits, in starwars, saving you from the big bad guy, he can't stop! Sometimes, if he's feeling nice, he'll look away from any boob's that the guys end up showing on movies.

♡Has a small staring problem.. he can't help it! Tits that are all his? And aren't imaginary? Jackpot! He's a pervert I'm sorry!

Pete

♡He is definitely always horny.. groping is his love language.

♡Shows you SO many horror movies, and purposely tries to scare you so he can seem 'manly' and cuddle you better

♡He LOVES watching you squirm, knowing you're so vurnable and grossed out/uncomfortable, it does something, but he will stop whatever movie he's watching if it gets too far

♡Will struggle with romance, like he doesn't wanna be seen doing basic normie shit. He wants any gifts or romantic gestures to be special... which normally ends up with a concerning amount of fake? Blood covering the both of you.

♡Loves to watch you cook, and I mean LOVES it. He loves watching you in an apron or even just clothes doing things like a house wife, he loves it.

♡Good with some kids.. (ex his little siblings) but leave him alone with them and you're ASKING for trauma for those poor kids.

♡If you're mentally ill? Great! He loves it, He's into some weird things.. but if you genuinely need comfort he'll try

♡Halloween is sacred to him and you WILL do matching costumes or he will ignore you for the whole night

Josh

♡One of the softer ones out of the boys

♡Everything and Everyone else is so mean amd rough , that he just wants both of you to be sweet and cuddle, he wants you to love him just as much as he loves you

♡He'll banter with you, but will never try to go too far, insecure that you'll leave him.

♡He only yells if he's very mad, he sucks at apologizing though.. so good luck on that part

♡He is so used to everyone being against him, that if you are just on his side, he's head over heels

♡He can't fight for the life of him, the other boys being the only thing that's as weak as him. But he will certainly threaten anyone who's mean to you

♡Gets embarrassed very easily, and tries to best to hide it, point it out and he gets even worse.. he was probably staring at your tits or something

♡He actively tries to have better hygiene for you, and his mom LOVES you for it. She thinks your a saint sent to help her son, and so you are very loved in that house.

Jerry

♡He is definitely the nicest out of all the boys, being gentle, almost treating you like a figure, something to be protected, but one that actually is a person!

♡Definitely rants about future plans in D&D to you, however if you play, he tries not to spoil it, push him and he'll crack though.

♡Loves for you to help him act out the scenes he plans , so he knows if they flow right

♡He loves to get you little gifts, and hide them around where you'll find them.

♡He may be sweeter but he's still like the other boys , has a tendency to whine when under pressure, and a HORRIBLE decision maker, just make them for him atp

♡He tries to be respectful about you and your body, not wanting to upset you, this is the only girl who has ever looked at him, he's so glad for this

♡Cosplays couples with you, like link and Zelda, peach and Mario, ect ect

♡Blushes easily, but LOVES to see you blush, just watching your cheeks tint from something he did? Exhilarating

Poly

♡I imagine, they all date you, they are NOT dating eachother, that's gay. (I'm bi dw)

♡Giving attention is like rolling a dice, get a low roll and they all decide that now NEED attention or they will DIE.

♡They all love to make you voice whatever girl they end up saving in d&d

♡They all will whine like toddlers if you can't make it to a meeting

♡If you all are watching a movie, you will be in the middle, no ifs, ands, or buts, about it.

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And suddenly my ideas ran away

[charrfie]

I recently had a clinical trial related dream and wanted to draw some moments from it. Below the read more I've included my dream journal entry of it and another bonus sketch!

The dream takes place after the events of the game itself, where angel and lee had been living together for roughly a year now. They settled into a schedule and were well accustomed to their daily rhythms. Angel, however, had used this time to start considering what they wanted to do with their life. Now that they weren't reliant on a paycheck to paycheck life, they could consider options and career paths that actually brought them joy, weren't detrimental to their health, and weren't too demanding of them. And so, for the first time in a long while, angel considered going back to college. Lee was quick to encourage them! They didn't know what they wanted to do quite yet aside from being in a creative field, so they planned to go in for general courses and eventually settle into a certain path. Unfortunately for lee, the college they would get into was states away (a couple days drive), and so he missed them terribly but still cheered them on in following their passions.

At first, they had some difficulty making friends. They weren't eager to open up and were afraid that if they did make friends there, they would eventually get burnt out from school a second time and leave them behind. Their favorite class in the first weeks turned out to be a film class! Their roommate also ended up in this same class, and so as luck would have it, they became fast friends despite angel's worries. She was a very adri-equivalent character.... though she WAS someone else in this dream. Unfortunately though, angel would also go on to make enemies with a girl in the same class that was incredibly rude to them for no reason, sabotaging them throughout the semester, tripping them, talking smack about them in front of their face, etc. Even going so far as to spread rumors about angel that almost got angel suspended from the school. It was probably transphobia or something idk; there's no other discernable reason for the random hatred campaign she was running. Thankfully, angel was still well-liked by their classmates and teachers. But it did wear on them.

Lee calls to check up on them often, always offering to make the drive up there in case angel needs anything, though angel is quick to assure him things are working out. They do confide in him about their bully, which he can tell is bothering them, even if they brush it off. He's worried sick about them being so far from home and having to deal with that.

As the semester nears it's end, and angel is getting ready to go back home in a couple weeks for break, they begin making a breakthrough with their bully. Again, for no discernable reason! All of a sudden she's nicer to them, even if there's traces of malice in their interactions with one another. Maybe school WILL be alright, they think. If this works out. If it's all settled. Maybe she's starting to see me as a person instead of a freak to harass.

With the closing of the semester comes two things: one, finals are due. In angel's film class, they're meant to bring in a final film they've shot to present to the class. As these presentations are happening, they're set to have a party in class, with everyone bringing different foods to eat while the watchparty happens! Two, after finals are completed, the last two weeks of the semester will be spent on a field trip where everyone will stay at a fancy hotel and get to go on museum trips to learn about art/film. So of course, angel excitedly speeds to class the morning of the watchparty, only to stop in their tracks when they see a very suspicious looking lee that is painfully aware he is not doing a very good job of hiding. As angel walks up to him, he visibly deflates, trying to excuse it with "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I was worried." Angel gives him a hard time about it, saying "you couldn't have waited two more weeks?" Despite their teasing though, they feel bashful about the fact that he drove all that way with the intention of just checking on them in secret and driving back home immediately after. So they tell him that they have to go to class, but once they're done then they can let him stay in their dorm room, he only needs to busy himself in the meantime.

They make it to class at the last minute, film hard drive and brownies in hand. Considering that they've been talking about lee all semester with their classmates, they're eager to mention that he's visiting the campus today, so everyone's free to meet him if they want. They do note, however, that their bully isn't in class today, and they're admittedly a bit relieved because- even if they've been making progress with her- they still would rather not send out an open invitation for her to hang out after class. As they settle down and the first films are being pulled up by the teacher on the projector, somehow (AND DON'T ASK ME HOW, ITS JUST DREAM LOGIC) the projector screen at the front of the room suddenly lights up with security camera footage of a random hallway at the school (WHY DID THE TEACHER HAVE ACCESS TO THIS AND WHY WAS IT THE COMPUTER DEFAULT????), and on it is lee chasing down angel's bully into a stairwell. The teacher does not make note of this because she's having too much difficulty figuring out technical problems with plugging in the students' hard drives, so angel darts out of the classroom unnoticed, along with other class friends that follow them.

While I don't remember the exact details of the conversation that followed, angel explained to everyone that they needed to find those two before anything bad happened, and the group split up. Cue running around the school montage! Angel kept trying to call lee in hopes that they could distract him and find out where he was, to no avail.

Out of breath and awfully dizzy after 15 minutes of sprinting around the campus, angel shakily walked out onto a random balcony to get some fresh air and sit down, only to find lee sitting out there already. A lee with........ blood on him, they found. It wasn't a lot, just enough to notice it on his face and a few drops on his shirt. But it was enough to get angel mad enough that they forgot about their dizziness. As soon as lee noticed them, he looked at them silently like a sad, wet puppy who knows he's about to get in trouble. And he was. Bc angel was fucking pissed, not frozen and terrified like the last time they found brandon's body. Not only were they furious over the fact that the day they had been so looking forward to got interrupted by this, not only were they furious that lee had done this AGAIN after promising he wouldn't ever, but the fact that they had been making actual PROGRESS in the relationship they had with this girl and had other ways of addressing it was really the cherry on top. So they fully let into him for it, getting angry enough that they were brought to tears.

Again, the details of the conversation are fuzzy, but I do remember at one point lee said "the people that have passed me on this balcony keep asking ME if I'm alright because they think I've just had a nose bleed," kind of cluing angel in on the fact that he very intentionally didn't clean himself up because he knew he wasn't supposed to do this again and wanted to self sabotage by getting caught before angel could see him. Angel doesn't know what to say or how to handle the situation at all, so they tell lee to just go back to their room, exasperated, and they'll figure out what to do about this later.

There's a bit of a time skip after this point. I know angel returned to their room at some point, only going back to class to tell their teacher that they weren't feeling well and needed to leave early. I can't recall what happened to any evidence of the murder, but it was never an issue. And for the next few days angel makes lee follow them around EVERYWHERE, even on their field trip, bc they don't trust him not to go off and do something stupid (either to someone else to himself). They even make arrangements for him to come on the field trip with them because they don't want to let him out of their sight.

The rest of the dream is the fuzziest (and also I'm tired of writing), but it revolved around the two slowly trying to repair their relationship. Even after the field trip was over and break had started, angel said that they didn't want to go back home and wanted to spend more time away from the house, thinking that maybe their distance from lee at college had perhaps allowed him to spiral into his unhealthy thought patterns again, which he never mentioned over the phone since he wanted to make room for angel's grievances, considering how much they are dealing with. Maybe being on vacation might help. And despite how heavy everything in the dream was prior to this, it eventually lead to some especially cute moments between the pair. Also I remember tammy from anthology of the killer being there at one point for some reason. The end that's all I'm writing. Thank you.

[rinniewvrld]

𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗘!𝗥𝗢𝗢𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗘 .ᐟ

summary, your roommate, ryunosuke, is your typical joe. albeit lazy, but at least he pays his share of the rent. just don't ask too much question about what he does after dark, alright?

featuring, yandere!roommate x gn!reader

tags, unhealthy character dynamics, obsessive behavior, mentions of murder, implied stalking, drugging

notice, posting yandere on tumblr for the first time 💔💔 i mostly post this kind of stuff on my Wattpad, but lmk if you vibe or not 👉👈

♡ Being a part-time worker and a college student was a tiring combination. Even more so when you rented out a fairly cheap apartment and even then struggle to pay the rent.

♡ So that's why you pulled up to your facebook group looking for a roommate to share the rent with. When someone replied to your post, you immediately accepted them without a thought.

♡ However, when they arrived... You realized maybe you should've done a background check beforehand.

♡ Ryunosuke Kurokawa, that was the name he gave you. And to be frank, he's the most laziest guy you've ever met. You would've regretted letting him live with you if it he hadn't been paying his share.

♡ He is a med student and studied at the same school as you, but he took online classes because 'he couldn't be bothered to walk there' (It was literally a 15-minute walk away). You barely saw him do his chores though you never entered his room before, so you weren't sure if it was even clean or not. The most effort he gave was cooking for you and taking out his laundry basket from his room for you to clean.

♡ Whenever you come home from college or after working a tiring shift at your job, you either found him lounging in the living room with a some random sitcom playing in the background or cooking up in the kitchen wearing a cringey 'kiss the cook' apron that he bought off amazon.

♡ However, he's a fairly exceptional cook— something you never expected from a guy like him —and his meals were so fancy that you weren't sure if a college student like him could even afford the ingredients! Come to think of it, he never told you what his job was....

♡ Of course, Ryunosuke couldn't just tell you that he killed people for a living! That would instantly end up with him kicked out, worse in jail, but he told you he worked at a random convenience store so his late night missions would be excused.

♡ He has killed many, ranging from politicians to shitty husbands. Sometimes murderers like him if it were requested by his cilents. He couldn't care less if he had to kill an  innocent person or not, it's what pays the bills and he gets to feed you tons of tasty food.

♡ It took him so long to track you down, always waitig for the right time to slip into your life like the parasite he is. But when you posted needing a roommate, well... not only he could integrate into your personal space, but help you with your situation too! It was a win-win in his book.

♡ However, whenever you asked questions about his life, it was getting harder and harder to lie and hide his secret nightly activities. Like, 'What are you doing out so late?', 'Why is there a weird, red stain on your shirt?', things like that.

♡ Sometimes, he'd offer you some tea and slip a sleeping pill into your drink so you'll go to a deep and heavy sleep, ensuring you won't wake up when he comes barging in through the window, his sniper rifle warm after putting a bullet through another small-time politician's head.

♡ And when he's all cleaned up and done, he'd sneak into your room and starr down at your sleeping form. So sweet and innocent, oblivious to the blood on his hands and only ever viewed him as an average guy (and maybe something even more than just a roommate).

♡ He pressed a tender kiss on your forehead, bidding you sweet dreams before heading off to his room.

♡ Just being with you was enough to make all his trouble worth it. Even if it was at the cost of his life, he'll do anything just to keep you close to him.

[crushedsweets]

Which songs would you pick as theme music for each of the Creeps?

i'm picking songs from MY daily playlist, which is mostly indie love songs - so these arent entirely accurate, but i think it forces a unique perspective (and im far too lazy to perfectly curate a song per character)

TIM is fast car by tracy chapman; "maybe together we can get somewhere; any place is better; you and i can both get jobs; and finally see what it means to be living"

BRIAN is 4runner by brenn; "i see you're still doing the same old; hanging out with people like me; you know i'm trying to get a little bolder; so, this town is where i'd rather you be"

TOBY is king for a day by piece the veil; "won't you push me for the last time; you want a martyr? i'll be one; now i dont want to feel a thing anymore; im tired of begging for the things that i want; im over sleeping like a dog on the floor; imagine living like a king someday"

KATE is hammer by hana vu; "are we gonna make it? cause i have to; i don't wanna be here but i do; and i run away cause i ruined mine; and i fall asleep cause i get so tired; and its hard to say what the trouble is; ill run away til its all behind"

NINA is cologne by beabadoobee; "at least leave the scent of your cologne; i'm not done yet; please, kiss my neck; lets go for another round; i hate what this song is about; am i attractive? tell me, am i good enough? lately i've been on an off; i think ive hurt too much; think i'm gong to explode"

CLOCKY is tell me its okay/im not angry anymore by paramore; "maybe its been years since i genuinely smiled; and maybe its been years since i wanted to be apart of anything, but lately i've been good, you know, i've actually been great; man, i even laughed a little today, oh so strange"

JACK is the dead coming talking by roe kapara; "feel the worms eating holes through my mind; light regrets that'll kill me in time; walking backwards is always a guess; distance faces burn holes in my chest"

LAZARI is my mother wants me dead by carolesdaughter; "nobody can say they know me; i know my mother wants me dead; i cant trust you, i know you bleed blue"

BEN is hot rod by dayglow; "my memory is not like the other one; maybe i'm not all that you thought; we don't move like we used to do; maybe you're not such a hot rod"

SALLY is oysters in my pocket by royel otis; "oysters in the pocket; not that we are selfish; we just haven't learnt much; send me on my bicycle; the chain is all rust"

JANE is lucerene by richy mitch & the coal miners; "i fervently want some time alone; no wine, no elixir, no spirits can make me whole; i say it with pain; i don't know if im in the right yet; still some burnt blood remains"

JEFF is scrawny by wallows; "still wear the same shoes i did back then; i dont think theyve ever been untied; dont care to watch the story unfold; hate feeling like im not in control; now tell me im a scrawny mother fucker with a cool hairstyle"

LIU is didya think by arlie; "never thought you'd be the kinda guy to get a day job; never thought you'd be the kinda guy to take a safe route; so why ya sittin around? did ya think it'd be easy?"

DINA is my bodys made of crushed little stars by mitski; "im not doing anything; my bodys made of crushed little stars; would you kill me, jerusalem? i should tell them im not afraid to die"

ANN is baby you're a haunted house by gerard way; "better find another superstition; your heart will stay forever; when your last remains are few; ill be the ghost inside your head when we are through; sometimes you scare me; and i'll find a way to scare you too"

LULU is stella brown by jelani aryeh; "i don't know what to talk about; how has my head just hollowed out? spend my time awaiting, lying; patient inside this racing mind; i'm too precautious and i often doubt"

[helleboretea]

The Pitt ep 13 thoughts

Rewatching the episode so I can put together my thoughts 

I still fucking miss Collins and don’t know why she isn’t back yet (but also get that rest girl)

Dana keeping cops in check yes my queen

(The ER gifs have activated my ocd and I will now never go anywhere near a helicopter)

Night shift charge nurse Bridget we love to see you

Whitaker, my love, my sweet drowned rat, what the fuck are you doing to that clown? (lol, he isn’t scared of clowns, clowns are scared of him)

Mel has never been funnier, I love her trying to get a handle on the situation without freaking anyone out

Can I please marry Samira Mohan? Can I be her wife? I do believe seeing her smile everyday would heal all my trauma and depression 

Lupe and Kiara I’m so sorry my loves that this is your job today

That one person was right, Perlah dived over her patient when Langdon yells “gun”. Why does this show make me fall head over heels for all of its characters!?

Langdon still has his dad friendship bracelet on, and it’s come untucked, I hope there isn’t too much blood on it at the end of shift

When Langdon calls all clear, you can see he says it directly to Robby (I’m sobbing)

McKay doing what needs to be done, even if it threatens her probation. This show is just full of queen shit

Langdon still teaching as he goes

Mr Grayson better make it out okay

Whitaker holding out his hand and Donnie immediately putting gauze in it 

The decision to put the shooting victims wife in scrubs - how dare they

Ellis confirmed athlete 

I just can’t even with Jake and Leah 

Carmen with her clean underwear, I get you girl

Langdon with an overdose while checking in on Robby and Leah

It’s now moving too fast to have thoughts, except Dana and Abbot trying to hold up Robby while holding up a whole ER during a MCI, my loves

All of them standing over Mr Grayson and Samira stepping up (my heart eyes)

How dare you give us that hope of Leah having a pulse for that one second 

Mel my baby, your burn out is gonna be so bad. I can see what’s happening in that beautiful brain of yours

The woman with the shot arm is semi catatonic. Been there. Mel’s compassion and understanding is so important. How she wants to find her a quiet space. Sobbing again

Dana your eyes

Robby stop with your big brown eyes. Someone needs to hold him

Shooter or not, David is dangerous

Langdon also needs to stop it with his eyes

To be clear, Santos did try to get an attending or senior resident, no one would/could come, so she did what needed to be done. It’s a MCI, not an ordinary day

I wish Robby hadnt taken Jake to see Leah. I get it’s his stepson and he’s crashing out already, but her parents won’t even be given that opportunity until the FBI releases her body. It’s just not right and it made things worse. He needed to be the parent here

Abbot your autism is showing and I love it. Also love that he called out Santos and told her that what she did was badass and saved her life. Balance baby

Fuck you Jake, she got shot in the chest. You think Robby just chose not to save her? He’s seen what the ER looks like right now, seen the numbers of victims, ffs

Robby’s crashing out speech. Fuck me. Getting Jake out of the room because he CANNOT SEE WHATS ABOUT TO HAPPEN - oh I’ve fucking been there, why is this fucking show so fucking accurate 

[bbyboybucket]

You know it’s taken me a long long time to understand why Bucky would want to be a congressman bc it’s always felt so random. As soon as I found out (what prolly a year ago now?) it shocked me, had me say the biggest “huhhhhh???” ever. It’s always confused me since mainly bc it’s just such a big jump and development from where we last seen him in TFATWS. Like that’s such a huge development to happen off screen, that it made it seem almost out of character.

But now I think I kinda get it. Yes, he’s clearly doing better mentally and has support (Sam n his family) that’s helped him feel better and grow socially. But honestly, I can set that aside. Because even that didn’t make it fully click for me, cause it still was the question of why politics, why congress? Why, even with new found confidence, would he choose such a public position, that’s completely social, and where he’s constantly in the eyes of everyone? And yeah, I do think part of it is that he knows he can help ppl with his decades of knowledge and experience on the government, that he wants to stand up for people who need help and protect them. And that he can use his position to not only try to help citizens in the regular way but also prevent shady stuff from going on (just like how secretly Hydra had a bunch of congressmen, senators, blah blah working with them).

Like yeah, I definitely think that’s playing into it, but you know, even still….it was the question of why he would choose that method, the path of being a congressman, to achieve that.

And then it hit me what the two other factors in this decision could be. It finally makes sense to me. One, I think Sam’s speech in the finale of TFATWS planted the idea. When Sam was speaking to all the government officials (can’t remember what they were, like senators or something idk?) and telling them “to do better” and actually help the people who need them. We all know the scene, we know the speech, we all know the way Bucky was looking at Sam while he was giving it. I think Sam inspired Bucky right there, that speech planted the idea in his head and motivated him to be that person Sam was talking about, to be the official that does better, that does good for citizens. I mean, Bucky even said himself in BNW, that Sam “gives people something to aspire to”. Obviously Bucky’s words were weighted and personal, drawing from his own experiences with Sam. It very much had the implication of “I look up to you”. But maybe it wasn’t just Bucky meaning how Sam inspired him to get healthier and be a better person in general. Maybe, he also meant Sam specifically inspired him to do good by getting into congress. When you look at Bucky’s new job in relation to that specific scene, that speech, the progression starts to make a lot more sense.

And that’s just the first reason it started to make sense to me. Now on to the second, which made it click even more. Because even with his new, happier self and the motivation Sam gave him, being a congressman seems like something out of Bucky’s comfort zone. Think about his characterization the last time we seen him, this is someone who deals with a lot of insecurity, scrutiny from others, and isn’t the most social person. Seriously, last time we seen him he was barely willing to socialize, much less be friendly with most people, and even with the people he does like, let’s be honest, he’s socially awkward. Why would someone like that wanna be in the spotlight, why would he wanna have all that attention on him? Running for office, being in the public eye, and working with tons and tons of people is absolutely something out of his comfort zone. Because let’s be real, Bucky has some issues that aren’t ever gonna fully go away, even if they get better, they’re always gonna be there.

But the thing is, instead of the insecurity, social struggles, and public scrutiny holding him back…..I think they’re actually motivating him. I don’t think he’s just pushing past those issues, overcoming the fear so he can do the job. No, I think they’re part of the reason why he’s doing. I think he’s trying to combat those issues by getting in this new position. Even if it’s subconsciously. Cause Bucky cares so so so deeply about what other people think about him, he very much values the opinion of others, his reputation. He craves validation from others and relies on people seeing him in a good light. I don’t even need to go super deep into this, because it’s evident all over every project he’s been in.

Think about what Sam said to him in TFATWS, “You’ve gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are.” Because Bucky does that. He’s always done that, even before he became the winter soldier. Cause really, all you gotta do is look back to 40s Bucky. Look back to TFA. Because no matter how subtle it is, in that movie he is constantly wanting to be liked. He was constantly worried about how he was being seen, even when it came to how Steve saw him. He had to be the guy that people thought highly of. And now, decades later, that’s applies even more. Hell, even the tiniest, most subtle example, is his reaction when that senator or whatever shook his hand and thanked him in the finale. And it’s not just good things he reacts to, he clearly takes negative stuff to heart very easily too. I mean, think about when Walker made comments about his past. Bucky was even affected by the words/opinions of a man he didn’t even like. He absolutely, 100% relies on other people’s opinions of him. And what better way is there to change your reputation, change people’s views on you, and get praise and validation, than to be a congressman? He needs to prove to the world that he’s good, he needs them to like him and validate that he’s a good person. He needs the everyone else to believe that and say it first. He needs other people to reinforce the idea that he’s good and worthy, so that he can finally start to believe it himself. So maybe, this whole congressman thing isn’t really such a big switch up, maybe it’s not that out of character. Maybe it’s just a manifestation of what’s been there all along, but it manifested in a way that wasn’t expected.

And that my friends, is the two major reasons this character arc now makes sense to me: because Sam inspired him and because his own need for validation.

[anthurak]

So a few times now, I’ve mentioned the idea of Lute representing the ‘Adam’ to Charlie’s and Vaggie’s representing of Lilith and Lucifer, and Emily possibly representing Eve. Mostly in a joking and/or shipping manner in regards to the Toxic Yuri potential of Vaggie/Lute, the fun potential of Emilute or the possibility of Charlie and Lute having their own version of “Now, I am going to FUCK YOU!” (this time with actual fucking XD)

However, after giving it some more thought I’m now thinking more seriously in narrative terms about how Lute could actually make for a VERY interesting foil to Adam. Both as a character, and in terms of her relationship with Vaggie contrasting Adam and Lilith.

(Before I go any further I would like to clarify that YES, I am well aware that Vaggie ALSO has a lot of parallels to Lucifer as well. As I detailed here, I think it’s pretty clear at this point that Charlie’s and Vaggie’s parallels to the former’s parents really cut BOTH ways. This theory is simply focusing on the parallels Vaggie has to Lilith.)

The thing is, if it turns out that Lute has some toxic, repressed, homophobic hate-crush on Vaggie, and has had these feelings for much of the time they spent together but always considered them ‘wrong’ thanks to ingrained homophobia (whether coming from just Adam within the Exorcist organization or even Heaven as a whole), that would actually represent a PERFECT contrast to Adam’s relationship with Lilith.

Because Lilith and Adam were literally made for each other, were placed in an environment that pushed them together, Adam pursued Lilith, and Lilith rejected him.

Whereas Vaggie and Lute seem to have been two random people brought together for a job, could likely have been in an environment that wanted them (romantically) separate, Lute tried to repress/reject her feelings for Vaggie and ultimately it is LUTE who pushes Vaggie away.

Basically, Lute and Vaggie potentially feel like a perfect opposite of Adam and Lilith while still ultimately ending up in the same position. Arriving to the same destination but from a completely opposite direction.

Furthermore, I think this makes the potential of the show exploring an ‘enemies to (polyamorous) lovers’ plot with Vaggie and Lute not just interesting, but even narratively VIABLE.

Because while the relationship between Lilith and Adam is a bridge that has been THOROUGHLY burned at this point and likely never would have worked to begin with, there could still be hope for Vaggie and Lute.

Again, we’ve already seen a lot of very clear parallels drawn between Charlie and Vaggie with Lucifer and Lilith. And given how the latter pair’s relationship has developed some serious problems, I think it’s easy to imagine how Charlie and Vaggie could end up representing a major narrative foil Lucifer and Lilith, ie; Chaggie not making the same mistakes as Lucilith and generally succeeding where they failed.

On top of this, we’re also already seeing Emily showcasing some notable parallels to Eve in her dynamic with Charlie, something that gets even more interesting with the reveal that Lucifer, Lilith AND Eve seem to have had some kind of relationship together at one point, yet likely also didn’t end well.

Add onto that the potential parallels Vaggie and Lute could have to Lilith and Adam, and I think Hazbin could be presenting a major theme of ‘current generation not repeating the mistakes of their predecessors’.

And in Lute’s case, I think this could take the form of her essentially doing the opposite of what Adam did. In that while Adam seems to have thrown aside/repressed whatever resentment he had for Lilith (and Eve) leaving him and spent the last few thousand years partying in Heaven and once a year slaughtering sinners in Hell, I imagine Lute will instead only fixate harder on Vaggie and spend the rest of the show trying to get (very homoerotic) revenge on her and Charlie. To compare to a now-classic example of this trope, I think it’s easy to imagine Lute being the Catra to Vaggie’s Adora.

And yet, all this conflict ends up opening the possibility for Vaggie and Lute to actually talk about and gain some kind of RESOLUTION to the mutual issues of their dynamic. Whether it’s Lute venting/screaming her repressed issues/feelings at Vaggie, or both being put in a situation where Vaggie gets a chance to simply talk to Lute without all the fighting.

And of course, all this could lead to Lute getting de-programed off her long-ingrained homophobia. Maybe partly via a totally-no-homo rebound with Emily that ends up becoming VERY-homo?

All of which could ultimately lead to Lute reconciling with Vaggie and even getting together with her as part of the aforementioned polycule (aka, ‘Charlie’s Harem’).

In short, Vaggie and Lute could end up representing the biggest foil to Lilith and Adam by being a version of that relationship that actually WORKS.

[izxz-is-deranged]

Baptism by Fire | Matt Murdock x BAU!Reader

Summary: You love your position at the BAU, but your life is uprooted when Hotch sends you on a temporary assignment to the FBI field office in New York. Apparently, someone had the bright idea to make a deal with a crime boss named Wilson Fisk, and now it's your job to build a profile to determine if the information he gives can be trusted. As you realize quickly things aren't as they seem, you must find a way to protect yourself- If protecting yourself has something to do with a masked vigilante... That's no fault of yours.

multiple crossovers | slow burn

A/N: Starts about ep3 of S3 of Daredevil! Reader uses a fake name, and can be seen as an original character if desired. Future storylines may involve Reader's past coming back to haunt her (Supernatural) and the trials and tribulations of her day job (Criminal Minds)

< ao3 link > <Masterlist>

5: The Ifs that Lead Us

You jolt awake in a bone deep panic, like you do every morning.

Breathe. In. Out. You’re safe- It’s just the quiet of an overly fancy hotel room.

That quiet being the loud honks, construction work and constant yelling of New York City. Metropolitan ambience creeps in through the window you left cracked for airflow during the night, something you’d never felt comfortable doing, expect you were almost 9 stories in the air with no fire escape, little chance for someone to sneak in. The sun reflects off the building facing your window and sends mirrored rays scattered across the beige flooring. You see dust float gently down in the streams. As it falls to the floor, you decide your feet should follow.

Yesterday may have been a blur, a black masked blur, but you were convinced today could be better. Just stick to your Assignment at hand, and nothing can go wrong. That is, of course, relying on the fact that Fisk wasn’t aware you were onto him.

Your mouth twitches downwards. Oh god , what if Fisk knows you’re onto him? Shaking your head, you push down the anxiety.

Getting ready for the day is easy. Clean, professional attire. Practical shoes, gun in your cant holster on your hip. Doing what you can with your hair. You want to look as put together as possible for addressing the entire team working with Fisk- And you’ve learned over the years of playing FBI politics that the better dressed you are, the more people listen.

You exit your hotel room. There’s an eerie convenience that “home base” wasn’t the field office, but a number of floors up from where you were staying. Your feet feel like lead bricks as you trudge yourself up there, a sudden wave of apprehension washing over you. You’d helped deliver plenty of profiles with your team, but going it solo… Especially with how complicated this situation felt, it was a rock sinking in your gut. They were putting their trust in you. You couldn’t fail them.

The elevator dings a soft reminder of your mission, and when the door opens, you’re surprised to see Agent Poindexter there. He’s standing as straight as ever, hands folded neatly in front of him, dressed in a pressed white shirt and blazer. He smiles, sharp cheeks defining the polite grin.

“Hello, Agent Singer,” Dex chirps, “How are you this morning?”

“Fine,” you respond, just as politely as you step into the elevator, turning to face forward. You hadn’t got over the first impression you got of him, the passive aggressiveness about your job. If you cared more about what he thought, it’d be worth understanding. 

“I heard you ran in with the masked nut-job last night. Glad you got away easy,” He says, not even bothering to look at you as he talks. Why do Dex’s actions and words seem calculated to be as polite and normal as possible?

You inhale. “Well, I can hold my own, Agent. I’m not scared easily by men in masks. It’s always been my will to pull them off, to reveal the truth underneath.”

Dex just shrugs. It’s like he’s stewing on your words as the elevator finally reaches the top floor. “I admire the confidence,” He begins as he offers you to exit first, “Excited to see what mask you’re pulling off of Fisk.”

And there it is, the comment that manages to turn all your anxiety into a simmering spite. 

A few minutes later, you’re standing in front of every Agent you’ve encounter here so far. Some sit in the chairs in front of the computers, most stand to fill out back wall, but all have their attentions undivided on you. You start with a smile.

“Wilson Fisk fills out a standard profile of a crime lord. He’s highly intelligent and a compelling leader. Followers of him were recruited by charisma, similar to a cult leader, but fear is what keeps them in line and loyal. He’s a knack for reading people and will use the information he collects to then manipulate his victims.”

You continue, “Most crime lords have a strict internal code, as they believe they are fully justified in their actions, even sometimes believing they alone are worthy of their place in the hierarchy. While Fisk exhibits this, he is also emotionally unstable, which means his moral compass has skewed to include his violent outbursts. He believes he has done nothing wrong. Disputing this may provoke him.”

By this point, some agents in the room began taking notes. You could hear quick typing, or scratching along a note pad.

“Typically, men like this have very traditional view on women and their place within their empire. Fisk deviates from this as he currently bargained for his girlfriend’s acquittal. This comes from his relationship with his mother, and he seems to trust more women to open his vulnerable self up to,” You add, remembering to skirt around his actual history, since all you had were second hand tales and how it completed the profile.

“Psychologically, Fisk is a narcissist with C-PTSD and autistic traits. He has sociopathic tendencies and he feels little to no remorse for his actions or empathy for the people he hurts. I want to implore on you to not take too much time to allow Fisk to speak with you. It is likely he will default to manipulation to gain the upper hand,” You pace as you speak. You make tentative eye contact with a couple agents. “He can, and will, use you to his advantage.”

Agents start to whisper by this point. You notice the SAC, Hattley, who you hadn’t even spoken more than a few words too, squint. You couldn’t decide if she was processing the information, or judging the implications. 

“Finally, Fisk is patient,” You finish off, clutching your hands behind your back, “He has shown in the past he will wait until his well organized plans come to fruition. He plays the long game, and it’s our job to make sure that’s not what’s happening here.”

A tone shifts in the room. Unease falls like a hushed cloud.

You wrap things up with a thanks, imploring anyone to speak to you if they had any questions. It takes seconds for SAC Hattley to take you up on this with the words: “Speak to me out in the hall.”

You follow behind her, eyes locked on her red hair pulled into a neat bun. Typically, she’d have been the agent you answered to in this scenario, not Nadeem, but her absence yesterday forced you to default onto him. It seemed, however, that she just remembered what she was in charge of.

The hall is quiet, save for you and Hattley. She turns to you, mouth in a hard line. 

“We haven’t gotten a chance to talk yet, but I’m going to make this very plain. Your job here is to complete a profile and make sure it is accurately applied, one of which you already finished. Our job is to investigate and arrest the criminals Fisk hands over.”

“That’s exactly what-”

“Don’t bullshit me,” She says tiredly. “The ending statement of your profile told me what I needed to know.”

You straighten your shoulders, looking off to the side. If Hattley is defensive at the mere notion of Fisk playing the system, then she was deeply worried about how that this could go south. Yet, she didn’t even want to entertain the idea? Why?

You raise your eyebrows. “I just came across some information that alluded to the possibility Fisk had purchased this hotel, but of course, that means absolutely nothing if it’s not my job,” you couldn’t help but let the sarcasm ring. 

Hattley pauses. Her eyes cut at you.

Taking it as a notion to continue, you start again with a more respectful tone, “Six months ago the Presidential Hotel was sold to a slew of shell companies, however they’re all represented by the same law firm, Donavan and Partners.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not proof. That’s circumstantial.”

“You don’t think it’s even worth a look?”

“Respectfully, Agent Singer,” Hattley sighs, crossing her arms, “I have Internal Affairs stopping by this morning. This is information, at most, is enough to keep in mind, but right now I have more pressing matters to deal with.”

Your face contorts. “More pressing than the idea this might all be for nothing?”

Hattley begins to turn away. “I’m ordering you to leave it alone, Agent. I understand your concern but let us take care of it.”

What a careful and professional way to say stay in your lane. 

As Hattley returns back to her duties, you’re left with a restlessness in your gut. Hotch would never dismiss your concerns like this, and you’re sorely reminded of the fact that within the bureau, your team is an exception of dynamics. Clenching and unclenching your jaw, you wonder why you’re here in the first place if they’re not going to listen to you.

The words “circumstantial” burn a hole in your head. What you needed was solid, hard evidence. You had planned to research more into the local vigilante on your lunch break, but now a different plan formulates in your head.

If Fisk really organized to be transferred into this specific hotel, then he’d have to have fabricated the incident that got him moved into protective custody, otherwise there would’ve been no basis to change. It was pretty solid logic- “I’m in danger here and need to be moved or I take all I know to the grave.” The man who stabbed him in prison, if you’re right, must’ve been coerced or bribed to do it. 

This idea hangs on a lot of ifs, but maybe a visit to the prison would change that.

~

The inmate you’re looking for is named Jasper Evans. 

You arrive at the concrete building before noon, making nothing known to the other Agents. Nadeem had questioned why you were leaving, but you appeased him with a quick lie about getting some air and a coffee. He told you to take your time. That they would only need you later, when Internal Affairs spoke with Fisk about the motorcade incident.

You were pretty confident this won’t take long.

Prisons are not a stranger to you. Many times the BAU had to speak to previous unsubs, or question killers in custody, so as you’re not put off completely by the acrid building. The people housed in it are a different story, though. Rikers was a tough hole to be thrown in, and by all accounts, violent criminals went here to die.

Your badge is your ticket. As soon as the guards at the success of doors read FBI, they buzz you through, all the way to the front desk area. Well, as much of a front desk as you get in a place like this. Instead of a sweet old secretary, a guard behind bulletproof glass squints at you, eyeing you up and down. You flash a smile, and your badge.

“I’m here to question an inmate, Jasper Evans. He should be in solitary.” That’s true. On the file you peaked at before taking off from the hotel, it said he got a year in solitary for the shanking.

“He know you’re comin’?” The guard questions, writing down information on a sheet.

“No, but this is urgent.”

Something flashes behind this man’s expression, a distant nervousness you can’t put your finger on. He mutters about having to notify some guards, those in the solitary ward, and you should wait here for a moment. As soon as he leaves, disappearing somewhere in the room behind the desk, the only noise you're left with is the industrial buzzing of the lights overhead.

It takes almost 10 minutes for someone to come get you, but finally, a large, uniformed man walks out.

“Agent Singer?” He asks, barely gesturing at you. “Follow me please.”

You don’t hesitate. This man then takes you deep into the building, passing cell blocks and lines of inmates. The tile floor reverberates each harsh command from guards and the grumbling of the prisoners as they listen. At some point, you count less windows. Less sunlight allowed.

“Solitary is closest to the Nurses office, so you’re gonna wait there till’ we get him prepped to talk.”

You narrow your eyes in confusion. An odd waiting spot for a federal agent, but you didn’t seem to question the proximity. Those in solitary were the most likely to need medical attention quick, as suicide and self-harm are common as a results of the isolation.

A buzz sounds at the door he brings you too, a corner room in a square building opening before you. It’s small, probably 5 paces wide, with a nurses table in the center and other sterile decor. The only thing that confuses you is another man waiting inside, but this wasn’t an inmate or nurse, he was dressed in a suit.

“Somebody will come get you in a few,” the guard chimes, not bothering to explain further.

The door shuts and locks behind him. You scoff and place your hands on your hips in disapproval.

The other man, the suited one standing on the opposite side of the room, stares over at you- or is he? His gaze is a bit unfocused, but his eyebrows knotted just enough to know he’s concentrated on you. Familiarity seizes inside, but you can’t place him immediately, so you concentrate back. His hair is dark, neat, like he cleaned it up for today, and well trimmed stubble defining his jaw. None of this seemed as important as the wounds on his face. A sewn up slice on his forehead, busted lip, bruised cheek. You’d seen those wounds yesterday, standing outside the Presidential Hotel. Though there, he had a hat and dirty jacket… and a cane and sunglasses.

Holy shit- This is the missing Matthew Murdock.

“Gonna guess by the tie you’re not a local resident… or the nurse,” You sputter out, heart pounding. What sort of coincidence was this?

“That obvious, huh?” He says, face pulling into a faint, wry smile. He steps tentatively your way, still giving you plenty of room in the small space. “I’m a lawyer. Old client I was visiting got a little too excited.”

He gestures vaguely to the bruise forming along his jaw. You’re mesmerized by it. His voice. His movements. The mystery of his whereabouts, which wasn’t even the highlight of yesterday, hadn’t left your mind, and here he is, a final answer to the puzzle.

“You seem familiar,” you begin, eyes darting over him, “Have we met?” It’s a weak lie, but how else are you going to broach the topic of knowing an intimate amount about his life?

He pauses, head cocked. “I don’t think so.” It’s dismissive.

“Well then… Wren Singer, FBI,” You introduce, offering a hand out to shake on autopilot, then realizing- Jesus, he’s blind, right? Jackass. You drop your hand. 

Matt (Could you call him that yet?) stops as a micro-expression of confusion flickers across his face when you say your name. A worm in your ear tells you he knows your name is fake, but that worm spoke every time you introduced yourself. You’ve learned to ignore the feeling.

To break the tension, the door buzzes. The Nurse, a black man in scrubs pushes in with a causal attitude. 

“Sorry again for the wait- Oh,” He looks between you two, “You hurt too?”

“No, I’m just waiting. I’ll get out of your way,” you respond, backing into the corner and crossing your arms.

“Alright then,” The nurse says before bringing his hand up to inspect Matt’s jaw. “But, good news for you, it’s not dislocated.”

“Great. So I can go?” His voice has no discernible interest in the phrase.

“Almost done,” the nurse sighs, “Honestly, this paperwork is a waste of time. Just ends up in a file somewhere.” He digs through a drawer, fiddling with some things. You squint, but from the other side of the room, you can’t see what he’s doing. “I am now going to check your pupils to see if you’re concussed. Just look up for a minute-”

As the nurse turns to Matt with the pen light, he’s already waving him off. “No, no… Just, give me the paperwork, please,” Matt says, obviously tired.

“Okay. Let’s get you outta here.”

The nurse begins to talk about headaches, messing again with the things in front of him. You’ve nearly fully tuned out of the conversation, until suddenly, a heavy paperweight flies at your head as the Nurse whips around, attacking Matt.

The weight collides with your brow line, splitting the skin in a hiss of fire. You gasp in pain as your vision spins from the impact. Matt and the nurse tussle as you get your bearings, but you’re failing as you drop on your knee and blood drips down your face. 

A crash erupts as the nurse slams into the chair and desk across the room, down for the count. You blink, staving off the swirls in your vision as you stare at the motionless lump.

“Hey,” a soft voice breaks through the blur. Matt is kneeling in front of you, breath heavy. He brings a hand up to your head, gentle fingers pressing around the split above your eyebrow. “It’s not bad. It didn’t fracture the skull. Can you stand?”

You don’t have the energy to question how he could possibly know that. You nod, but his strong hands raise you to your feet anyways. 

“What the hell was that…?” You groan out, voice strained.

Matt ignores you, letting go. He strides quickly to the door. His words no less than a command. “We have to get out of here. Now.”

The door doesn’t budge, electrically locked from the outside. Then he tries the window. That doesn’t move either.

“Just a guess but maybe the prison won’t be an easy escape,” You chide, pulling your sleeve to slow the blood from your cut. Head wounds bled so much. You’d never get the stain out. Damn. You actually liked this shirt.

He flexes his shoulders, rolling his head as he’s faces the window, frustration at the situation or you, you can’t tell. There’s no time to ponder on it though- the phone rings. Both of you turn to it, and Matt makes his way forward and you watch as he pulls it off the hook, bringing it to his ear.

You walk up closer, and Matt leans the phone so you can hear as well.

“You’re not Franklin Nelson…” A thunderous voice calls.

Fisk?

“Fisk,” Matt nearly echoes your thought.

“It’s quite something to see. For a blind man, you have very impressive reflexes, Mr. Murdock.”

Matt tenses, pulling the phone away from you, so you can’t hear anymore. He turns to face the camera in the room. “What was I injected with?”

Had he been injected with something? You sober enough as Fisk monologues to stride to the desk where the Nurse had been working. You pull out the drawer, finding a bottle labeled ‘Flunitrazepam’- Aka. Rohypnol in liquid form. You pick up the syringe from the floor- They must’ve filled it up most of the way, almost 3ml. God. 

“It’s a roofie- They tried to sedate you,” You call back to Matt, looking over your shoulder. 

Matt doesn’t seemed shocked at this information. His jaw clenches and he holds the phone out. “He wants to speak with you.”

Ice washes through your blood. Your body protests as your brain wills you forward. How is Fisk even calling right now? Watching this? He is under 24/7 surveillance. Matt hands you the phone, warm from his grip.

“Miss Singer. It saddens me it came to this,” Fisk says.

“It hasn’t yet. You can still let us out.”

A pained laugh rings out, tinny over the phone. “No. You couldn’t leave well enough alone, even after the warnings from your Superiors. All of 2 days and you already had become a thorn in my side. A thorn I’m keen on ripping out.”

“Fisk. I swear to you, if I die here, there’s going to be a legion of people who’ll descend on you and make sure your pain doesn’t end- In this life and the next one.” Your words burn and your voice shakes with a low rage.

He hums, satisfied. “A true shame to snuff out such a spark. Goodbye, Miss Singer.”

The line goes dead with a continuous metallic tone. You slam the phone back down into the holder. Trying to steady your breathing, you place a hand to your forehead.

“Why does Fisk want you dead?” Matt asks, eyes hazy. You wonder how much of that drug he was dosed with.

“Because I poke ,” You snap, huffing with frustration. “He must have moles in the FBI. They didn’t like what I was digging up. Why does he want you dead, Matthew?”

His face contorts. “How do you know me?”

“Same reason. Poking around. A habit I should really get better about.”

A breathe escapes him, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, and places his hands on his hips. “Alright, none of that matters now. There are three men on their way to us; We’ve got about 30 seconds before they arrive. If you want to get out of here, you have to follow what I say, no questions asked.”

His voice is commanding, with the same cadence as when he inspected your head wound. Matt’s face was the picture of intense: eyebrows knotted, eyes dark, jaw tight. You drag your eyes over him, trying to discern if you should trust him or not. Matt is much more attuned to the situation. How he could know there were men on their way was mind boggling, but one of the conditions is no questions, so you’ll file it away for later. You had no one else to trust, anyways.

“Okay, I’ll follow. If not for nothing, you did get hit with at least .5ml of Rohypnol and someone has to drag you to the exit if you pass out,” you explain, real worry seeping through. He seems to sway on his feet and whether that was from the sedative or the hits to the head, you weren’t sure.

He nods in response, head twitching as the buzz from the door signals that it’s unlocked. He steps forward, guiding himself by placing his hand on your shoulder, fingers trailing as he moves in front of you. You’re about to go for your gun to prepare but he adds one last thing.

“Don’t use that unless absolutely necessary,” Matt huffs tiredly.

You chewed your lip, you couldn’t promise that one. 

He opens the door.

--

taglist <3: @echo-dreams-of-recs

[heartz4levi]

any dewey fluff hc ? love your work 💜💜

light up your heart, so i can see you shining !

☆ thinking abt dewey + fluff hcs . . .

☆ dewey (alnst) ,, gn reader . . reader and dewey's relationship is left up to interpretation ,, silly fluffy and domestic headcannons all thrown into a pot and mixed together to create something for the starving dewey fanbase (i'm apart of that fanbase...) ,, other characters are mentioned (isaac).

first off, dewey gives the most comforting hugs. maybe he'll squeeze you a little bit too tightly inbetween his stupidly beefy arms, but the way he holds you is enough to release all of the tension from both your body and your mind. if he rubs your back with the palm of his hand, the motion is soothing — if he pats your back, though..

yeah, he's not patting, he's knocking some of the air in your lungs right outside. but that's okay! he still gives some of the best bear hugs.

dewey, as a whole, just makes for a great pillow. and he doesn't complain either so long as the two of you are relatively close. you can rest your head on his chest and it'll feel like your head is resting against the fluffiest clouds known to man. but no, that's just the physical evidence of dewey's dedication to his workout routine.

speaking of workout routine, dewey would love it if you ever accompanied him to the gym. regardless of whether you're exercising too or just watching him as he goes about his routine, dewey enjoys the company. he isn't against the notion of teaching you a few new things about working out if you're not as well–versed in that domain.

the only way dewey knows how to comfort someone during a sorrowful moment is by being his authentic self. in other words, trying to cheer you up and by extension lighten the mood with whatever silly stories he can recall and share or with whichever joke comes to mind first. dewey is naturally quite the amusing individual, and it does work wonders.

but sometimes you don't want him to make you laugh. sometimes you want to spend some time with him in total silence, and dewey's okay with that too. is he a remarkably quiet person? no, he isn't, but when he can sense your distress signals that call out to him and tell him what it is that you need, he's willing to do his best.

even if you're not feeling down, dewey will lounge around in your vicinity and will hold back from exchanging one too many words with you if that's what you prefer.

if you prefer the opposite kind of hangout, dewey automatically becomes one of your favourite people to go out with — he always has something new he wants to try out, another adventure he wants to go on or some silly shenanigan he can pull off to piss a couple of people off. (isaac).

believe it or not, dewey's masculinity isn't fragile. therefore, he'll allow you to doll him up if you feel like doing so. he'll sit still while you turn him into a pretty princess, puckering his lips when you're about to apply lipgloss or lipstick on them, looking up when it's time to put some mascara on.

he would absolutely play along and act like the typical, girly and over–dramatic young female antagonists you always see in cartoons and similar pieces of media. hell, dress him up for extra accuracy! good luck finding something with that princess pink vibe that's going to fit his physique, though. at least you can give him a cute purse..

completely off—topic, but dewey is one of the greatest hypemen the world has ever seen. there is no such thing as feeling insecure when you know dewey. he does an effortless job at making you feel comfortable and proud in your own skin, causing your confidence to skyrocket despite being at its lowest not that long ago.

with dewey around, you feel safe. he's like a big guard dog whenever the two of you are out and about — no creepy individual has ever tried approaching you on the countless times you've gone out with dewey, because he can notice their stare even if they're far behind and on the other side of the road. a warning glare is all he needs to express for said individual to give up on whatever it was that they were going to do.

well, 'warning glare' is an understatement. realistically, dewey would pull out one of the most ridiculous scowls and probably warn that person not to come any closer or try anything funny via.. certain gestures. so long as you don't notice the silent exchange, everything's fine!

despite initially mistaking him for some himbo who has more brawns than brain, dewey is actually someone who you value more than you ever thought you would. and, of course, he values you too. more than words can express.

[elysiae]

sorry, i HAVE to talk about this. spoilers for the technocyte coda below! specifically about Zeke because im going insane over his voicelines. long yapping post under cut

this one specifically.

"you can't do anything to hurt me that won't make a great headline."

can we. can we talk about this? like listen, i might just be spewing, but this line is so intense.

first of all, the way and situation with which he says it. after the extravaganza that is the final showdown, a battle side-by-side with his boys, flashy and powerful, just like the band itself. after all this fight, he's defeated, at the mercy of his enemy. he looks it in the eyes, and he pretty much says, you cannot hurt me in a way that won't benefit me. you can beat him down, physically or mentally. you can kill him. you can do something worse than death. but it will ALWAYS benefit him. why? he's the star, and all it will do is bring more attention to him. more attention, more fame, more money and love. and he knows it. he's not scared to point that out, either. i mean, with it sounding like the coda is echoing things on-lyne has said rather than making up their own (other than certain character breaks), it probably wasnt in such a life-or-death situation, but... y'know, Zeke still said that. about what? to whom?

and then there's the delivery. first of all i LOVE Zeke's voice actor, biggest props to him. second of all. holy fuck. you can hear the smile in his voice. he's not saying that with a grimace of rage, or as a last ditch effort out of desperation to be spared, he says that with confidence. he says that smiling, almost like he's about to laugh or scoff. he's not scared, and if he is he's doing a damn good job at hiding it. he's so confident. he knows. its like it's happened before. everything and anything done to hurt him has only made him and his boys even more of a powerhouse. why would this be any different?

and yeah, i know the coda isn't Zeke, so who knows how he'd really react? but i bring it back, the coda leeches off his personality. thats just a slightly fucked up, mangled version of our starboy. hell, we dont even know if theyre really a part of the techrot hivemind. we know the infested can be scared, at least to some extent what with how they refer to us as 'demon' and their known fear of hybrids.

to be fair, just from what ive heard (only DJ & Zeke really, i didnt pay full attention to Drillbit cuz i was so enamored by the fight) none of them seem particularly frightened. but i just. i dunno. a lot of DJ's voicelines struck me, which i'm DEFINITELY going to get to later, but that one voiceline from Zeke really got me for some reason. a couple others too, but thats for later. TLDR i am absolutely fascinated with this goddamn boyband and DE better bring them back for more content or i will riot

[muffinrecord]

I know you've been getting lots of asks, and I know it's only been a couple of days, but what are some little improvements you think have been made in Exedra so far?

The first one isn't an improvement, just my favorite thing: being able to play the game and understand it and look at the translations without going onto youtube. I have an iphone so I was never able to use the fan translation patch there; I had to use it on an emulator. There's something about actually playing on the phone though that made me feel a lot more connected to it, so being able to play again and have that direct experience made me really emotional.

Okay actual improvements:

Your portraits (memoria) and girls (kioku) auto upgrade when you get dupes. I don't think the memoria auto-upgrading in magireco would have worked because it would be better sometimes to have a bunch of memos spread out as single copies over one copy (or a half ascended copy), but it works out great here. No forgetting or spending a lot of time going back and ascending characters/portraits.

Speaking of portraits, I like that they're tied to gameplay and not the gacha. You don't need to worry about bad luck in not getting some of the best memoria in the game; just if you can defeat a boss or an event.

I like that there is a gallery section devoted to showing CG portrait art, witch labyrinths, and music.

There is a "streamer" mode for the game and you can also choose to play licensed music or not. This will be great for recording and uploading videos to youtube (or streams in general).

Main Story, Battler, and Nightmare modes do not cost action points! You can play as much as you like.

I really like that some events will be permanent (and that so far the two presented have been voiced!). I think this is great, especially for newer players down the line who don't want to miss out on materials or portraits. I'm not sure how likely it'd be, but it would be super cool if, after a year, events would come back permanently and just be there. That way folks don't miss out on story content either!

A huge quality of life improvement is that you can use the single-use keys as a tenpull. It doesn't give the guaranteed 4* nature of it, but it's still great and I wish Magia Record could have done that.

Tanking (and healers in general) is MUCH improved. Fuck dude! I can't believe that Magireco went out with tanks/defense who couldn't actually draw aggro to themselves without using a damn memoria! NOT ONLY THAT BUT THEIR CONNECTS WOULD DRAW AGGRO AWAY FROM THEM ONTO OTHER UNITS. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?? And yes, tanks could use Provoke/Taunt on their magia/doppel, but you first need to hit that magia/doppel, and tanks in MR got less MP unless they were hit... which is going to be hard when you don't have a native passive way of generating aggro.

Not only that, but tanks felt straight up useless if they weren't fully slotted. You needed at least three slots to make sure you had an on-demand aggro memoria and some passives to keep you from dying.

BUT EVEN THEN. Tanks just... Why use them when you can kill the enemy? The best offense is a good defense and yeah that applied to magireco.

But finally, tanks and healers feel like they are actually worth a damn. It's possible this will change later in the game (LET'S HOPE NOT) but at the moment you do need some sort of sustain. And there are a ton of options! You can use tanks-- Kirika, Kokoro, Sana. You can use healers-- Yuma, Leila, (unsure of who else if any). And even some of the debuffers count! Felicia in Magidora for example can stun the enemy, protecting your team.

Making defense have shields apply to the team is great, and having the strength of those shields being tied to the unit's DEF stats is also great. I think they also did a good job making the units have their own strengths and weaknesses. Sana has stronger shields than Kirika, but Kirika's last for three turns and Sana's last for two. Kirika's shields also increase the rate of mp you gain when you're hit (meaning that in some cases, you actually want your units to take attacks) while Sana gives buffs to her team. I'm not as familiar with Kokoro because I use Kirika all the time, but I've heard she's viable and helpful. And that's the thing-- all three units have slightly different niches but you hopefully don't feel punished for using one over the other.

Those are my thoughts thus far on improvements!

[liedownquisition]

Frankly put I think some of this fandom doesn't understand what "anger issues" actually mean because let me tell you, it's not being rightfully upset about Felipe and Gloria or even Two Face after he finds out about Willis. like... just because he's portrayed alongside "emotional shutdown except when he's EXTREMELY NOT" Batman doesn't mean Jason's reactions are like... particularly volatile or extreme.

Like esp when put alongside a room full of adults who are just calmly going "damn him," Jason's a teenager and he's going to be more emotionally responsive. And, yknow, the writer(s) just like to portray adults as more cool and in control.

But even among teenagers you can recognize these kinds of patterns of anger and... mostly he doesn't have it. You can't point to incidents of reacting to particularly egregious bad things and the responses to them and call it "anger issues" because like... That's just normal responsiveness.

I think that just inherently part of the conceit of Robin is that the whole POINT is to have a more emotionally responsive partner for Batman to bounce off of. Like from the very first issue, Batman's new partner (Dick) was described as "daring and impulsive" and the dynamic is established as this contrast. It allows the writers to have someone respond more within the story and Batman to be cooler by rising above emotional responses and get the job done.

But back then it wasn't a mark against Robin, it was EXPLICTLY marketed as a positive and interesting trait. So when we roll around to post-crisis and these traits that have been quite literally the defining mark of the Robin mantle are negative, some of us have issues witht he implications in HOW it's portrayed as negative.

Like yes, it's interesting for a heroes greatest strength to also be their greatest flaw, but when you make the flaw more predominant than it as a virtue ESPECIALLY when you've now changed the character to be a poor, formerly homeless kid? It has bad fucking vibes.

And, again, an extreme emotional response to an extreme circumstance (all but catching a perp in the act, not being able to do anything about him, seeing him use his "one phonecall" to drive the victim to suicide RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU????) is perfectly fucking rational, and not part of a broader scope of "anger issues."

[mapofsouthdakota]

Maps rambles - Caleb’s myth - episode 1

My first two cents on the matter to the void aka “How I lost my mind over a fictional man’s myth card”

🎨 The color palette

Let me just start with this because I’m an unapologetic art freak—how orange and purple as a color combo is actually insane (in the best way)? From Itten’s color theory perspective, they’re both secondary colors, which means they don’t naturally “belong” together… and yet when you pair them? Instant drama. High contrast. Visual tension.

It’s literally the Caleb energy palette.

This part is important because it ties into something I go into more detail about later in the spoiler section.

Bonus: when you mix orange and purple, you get this lovely burnt sienna. You can literally see those warm, moody notes in the artwork for the event banner. All dramatic like a walking sunset with feelings. Peak aesthetic. Peak emotional damage. 10/10 color story.

I’m over here channeling my inner Raf, whispering “it’s so beautiful”. My high school days were good days

🚨MYTH SPOILERS AHEAD 🚨

🏃‍♂️‍➡️🏃‍♀️‍➡️The first escape

The first thing you see together? Summer.

And not just the season—the whole feeling of it. Sunlight you can almost taste.

Caleb means “faithful,” which, sure, fits now that you know Caleb. But that’s not really what you picked in that moment, you choose Xia Yizhou (夏以昼). Which means summer. You chose it because you felt warmth. Brightness. You felt his name.

(Also, he probably said summer in the actual Chinese version—and that’s why you ended up choosing it. But ahhh, I just love rambling about the impeccable attention to details that we have been served.)

And okay—this is a tiny nod to my own fanfics—but I’ve always imagined Caleb loves his name in this almost eerie way. It’s special to him. Sacred, even. That’s why I snuck those moments into chapters 4 and 8 of The Maze. He wants you to say it. Say his name. Say it again. And again and again and again. (Okay but I might have a BDSM fic marinating in my drafts where he makes you say his name like… a gazillion times. For reasons.)

🫰The pinky promise

Don’t even get me started—I need to go back and replay Borrowed Promise because those two dorks are pining me so hard.

🙉 The face cupping

You saw that, right? The way hands cradled his face? The same way we saw it happen in Hidden Waves. Don’t play with me.

👨‍🍳 The cooking/tasting

I’m not okay. The tasting. The way he makes you experience every flavor—sweet, salty, bitter. How Infold has woven this into his character in the current timeline? Eternal. Awe. He’s still making you feel, sense. Teaching you how to savor everything good.

Let me just remind us all of that one café interaction. Where he says he wants to try apple juice in his coffee. Like—what even is that? Who does that? And then we can actually answer him, dead serious, “try adding a squeeze of lemon.”

No wonder! Caleb has literally taught you everything you know about taste in this myth—and he just keeps doing it in the current timeline like it’s his full-time job. Caleb’s out here crafting a five-course sensation education in the name of love. Sir.

🪁 The paper folding

Caleb’s gift in the café—a paper plane. Like. Come on. We are out here folding origami for eternity at this point. That’s it. That’s the whole love language. Silent, delicate passion disguised as craft. I’m going to scream.

🏠The loneliness and home

Watching him through the mirror. Hearing him speak when he thinks no one’s listening. “Goodnight, my one and only,” he says. Every. Single. Night. I thought Infold would stop stabbing me in the heart after that. Nope.

Then there’s the loneliness vs being home thing. Being home together. Finding home together. Home being together with Caleb. Caleb being home together with you. He’s your home, and you are his.

Another nod to one of my own fics—Drenched Homecoming (yes, I’m referencing myself like the madwoman I am). But seriously, these two have their own definition of what “home” means, and it’s so gosh darn cute and freakish I might combust.

It. Does. Not. End. Why are they like this? They’re literally not meant to fit (like the color palette)—and yet they do. So perfectly it hurts.

🍎The gege trope

I don’t speak Chinese and my Japanese is a mess, but after obsessing over Caleb for the past 65ish days straight, I have to say this:

If they used “gege” in Chinese or “oniisan” in Japanese, then that one line—“What does the word friend mean to you?”—just hits different.

It’s not about the actual definitions of gege or oniisan. It’s about your own meaning of “friend/brother”. One word you’ve assigned to Caleb after he stated that he was your “friend/brother”. The word “friend/brother” becomes sacred—not because of language, but because of him. Aka the attributes you assign Caleb.

💥 The ending

I’m just gonna drop this here.

I analyzed one of Caleb’s tattoo’s from the Tomorrow’s Catch 22 banner. I found some interesting stuff about the B12 bomb (an apocalyptic event but with the potential for rebirth) and B12 in alchemical traditions (key to spiritual or physical transformation). Seer confirmed.

❓The big question

Is Caleb remembering all of this? And like Sylus (but in his own quiet way), is he trying to help you remember too? His name. The face-touching. The paper plane. The amusement park. Feeling your pain in another timeline. Never being apart.

Infold has gifted us the most delicious easter egg and you better believe I’m cracking that thing open before actual Easter.

On that note: Can we please please please get a Nightly Rendezvous rerun, but this time with Caleb added? I’m begging. I need a robe slightly slipping off his shoulder in low lighting, preferably on the surface of a moon.

Alright, time for a walk with my dog. What a day. If you feel like diving into the chaos that is Caleb’s myth broken down by yours truly, don’t be shy. I fully welcome any and all discussion. I’ll replay it tomorrow for sure, then finish the The Bear AU pilot yaay

I remain,

Maps 🫶🏻

[staringdownabarrel]

The other point I think Voyager never really gets enough credit for is that Chakotay would probably be a pretty good XO to work under. This is to an extent that I don't think is true of the other Berman era XOs.

I like Riker as a character more than most people, but in some ways he was given the easiest possible ships to be the XO on. Most of the infamous discipline cases just wouldn't be on the Enterprise-D because Starfleet probably has a lot of institutional guardrails to keep that sort of person off the flagship. This is to the point that I suspect that a lot of his initial reaction to Ro may have been that he felt that it was officially not his job to deal with the infamous discipline cases and it hadn't been for a long while at that point.

With Kira, she was a very hands off XO, but she was always going to be like that anyway. Being a part of a terrorist cell probably does lend itself to that kind of command style to some extent. Besides, she was still new to a more formalised command structure and she probably felt she had more to learn from the people around her about what this style of discipline looked like than the reverse.

Plus, to some extent, most of the Starfleet discipline cases wouldn't be her problem. They'd be Sisko's problem, ultimately. Even though for the most part she's treated as if she has the authority of a lieutenant commander in a red uniform, if someone's going to be a problem, she'd probably still have to bump it up to Sisko because someone who has an issue with her isn't going to care about her situational authority but will respect his.

None of this is true for Chakotay. A lot of his crew on the Val Jean weren't necessarily Starfleet potential. Either they never went to the Academy, or they went for a little while and dropped out.

Because of that, he'd automatically have to do a lot of skills coaching for things that most people in Starfleet would be expected to know automatically. Given that outside of the initial growing pains, which were so minor that people have been complaining about this part of the show for nearly thirty years, the Maquis crew's integration into Voyager's crew was incredibly smooth, he probably was pretty good at this aspect.

This is something that even traditional Starfleet command officers struggled with. In TNG's Hollow Pursuits, Riker's initial reaction to learning Barclay was becoming a problem officer was, "Can't we just shunt him off somewhere else and let him be their problem?", and LaForge was all for this until Picard put his foot down and said, "No, you're gonna have to do your jobs on this one."

I think this is especially notable given that Chakotay was working with at least three people who had the reputation for being combative (Torres, Paris, and Seven). This was easier to an extent given that these three were easier to work with so long as they felt their work was properly valued, but there were a lot of other people who wouldn't have put up with them as much.

It's also notable because of all the XOs, Chakotay had the most reasons to have a lot of personal resentments towards his crew. Three (Tuvok, Paris, and Seska) had betrayed him personally, so it'd make sense on a personal level if he was a guarded guy who wanted to do the absolute bare minimum he could get away with.

So I think he has a level of professionalism that most people just wouldn't have. Voyager never really drew attention to this as much because usually if the show was explicitly drawing attention to his command style, it was because his was disagreeing with Janeway on something, but his professionalism was there.

When it came to discipline, the buck did stop with him. I forget which episode this was specifically, though I think it was Investigations, it's explicitly stated that Janeway lets Chakotay handle discipline on Voyager. It's not like on other ships where it could be bumped somewhere else, both because Janeway has made it clear that it's his job and because there aren't any other Starfleet ships in the quadrant (other than Equinox, which they don't know about until they do).

It does seem like he's ultimately able to do this effectively. While there are some episodes where there's a discipline case of the week, that just doesn't happen for the most part.

This is one of the reasons why I find it so odd when people say that Voyager wouldn't be as strict about the uniform after a certain point. Just as much as Janeway wouldn't have put up with it, I can't see Chakotay going for it, either. Maybe he would have been fine without a uniform code on the Val Jean, but that was under very specific circumstances. He just wouldn't have seen it as appropriate on an explicitly Starfleet ship.

A lot of this no doubt stems from how Chakotay had experience in both the Maquis and Starfleet. Don't forget that he was a lieutenant commander in Starfleet before he defected. It's been a long time since I read Pathways, but I think he may have even been a first officer at the time.

So while Riker only had the experience of working on Starfleet ships in that formal hierarchy and Kira only had the experience of working in terrorist cells before being on DS9, Chakotay had both. Besides being a good XO in general, I think Chakotay may have been a better XO for Voyager than Cavit, its original XO, would have been. He had the kind of broad experience needed to operate in that role at that time.

I know a lot of the reason Chakotay isn't getting the credit I think he deserves is because he was the most neglected character on Voyager, aside from maybe Harry Kim. Still, I think he really does deserve a lot more credit than he gets because even though it's never explicitly said, it is heavily implied that he's an incredibly good person to work under, even by the standards of the hypercompetent Starfleet the Berman era usually portrayed.