lemon-natalia

[lemon-natalia]

I spent a lot of time handcuffed and in a cage in high school, for a charity bit the grocery store I worked at would do

the bit was that I was "put in jail for having too big a heart" and customers could donate to my bail to get me out (and the money would go to a children's hospital or something)

now. I was very clearly a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a large cage. and I would honestly tell people that I had been in there for hours. and people would say, that's terrible! that's awful! and I would show them my wrists red from the tight handcuffs, and say but I'm sooooooo close to making bail.

and then they would dump some cash in the basket, I'd thank them, and they'd walk away.

and every so often, one of the managers would come by and collect some of the cash, so I could keep being soooooo close to making bail.

I was very good with this bit. Parents with small kids would pay $5-10 if I told their children I had been placed in jail for not cleaning my room/doing my homework, etc. For people in their 20s, I'd threaten that I was very bad at playing the harmonica, but I WOULD play it and we'd all suffer unless they paid me. and for the most amount of money, older men in suits would almost always pay $20s if I avoided eye contact and stammered a lot.

eventually, the managers started to feel bad because I was in the cage so fucking long and often, that I'd need someone to brace me when I got out because I'd have no feeling in my legs. wobbling like a newborn giraffe.

but I would also rake in at LEAST $100 an hour in charity.

so they were like, hey champ. can we, uh, give you a pillow to sit on. in the cage. would you like a pillow so you're not just sitting on a cold metal slab. can we give you a pillow.

and I had to explain to them that if they gave me a pillow, people would think I was more comfortable, so they wouldn't feel as bad, so I'd bring in less money.

the compromise was that they'd bring me a nice coffee every couple hours, which I would have to try to block with my body from the customers.

all this money went to charity. that's what the money was for. it's what was on the sign. but how much they were willing to pay was very contingent on how comfortable I looked, never mind the fact that I was still a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a cage.

and out of the dozens of shifts I did this on, not ONCE did ANYONE say, hey kid I'm going to go talk to your manager because what the fuck is going on here. they would just drop money in the basket, and I'd thank them and sip from my secret drink.

I actually had people get MAD at me that I told them I was far away from bail, they donated like $15, and then 20 minutes I got let out because my shift ended.

again. the money was for charity. it was on the sign that was very clearly placed on the upper half of my cage.

so yeah. even when people think they mean well. people can be really, really fucking stupid.

[lemon-natalia]

batgirl 2000 panel redraw

clean version

[lemon-natalia]

[lemon-natalia]

helena after the talk in the chinese restaurant: yay! i got a good grade in Mark Scout, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve

mark: god i need. a lobotomy

[lemon-natalia]

this gif is fucking frying me

[lemon-natalia]

“the gemma you know is still in there. and when we get her out it will be the two of you here together.” oh okay so we’re just straight up lying to the lab rat now right right

[lemon-natalia]

I’ve think I’ve figured it out

I think I know what MDR is doing and what lumon is doing and where this story is going to go

It’s Orpheus and Eurydice. Eurydice dies and goes to hell, Orpheus descends down there and gets the chance to bring her back, but loses her forever because he turns round to look at her.

If mark is Orpheus, and Gemma is Euridyce, and the severed floor is hell, that means that by going down there as a severed employee Mark got a chance to bring Gemma back, but he’s going to lose it by looking back to find her. By reintegrating.

Gemma died. Like actually died. She wasn’t brain dead and intercepted by lumon. She died, mark identified the body. Somewhere between that and the cremation lumon took her.

Lumon is trying to raise the dead, presumably to bring back Kier (who’s body im sure is being preserved in some horrid cult place of worship somewhere in the depths of lumon) and has been pretty successful so far. At getting the body back. The mind is trickier, and that’s what MDR is doing. They’re tidying up brain waves, trying to bring a persons memory and conciousness back.

That’s why the files expire. The person gets too dead, their brain gets too damaged, and there’s no point trying anymore.

Gemma has been the most successful so far. She’s not just physically alive, but her brain is functioning too. Her position as wellness counsellor was an experiment to see how she interacts with other people, to see how well her consciousness is recovering

Coldharbour is her last file. When it’s done, she’ll be completely back and lumon will have successfully brought a dead person fully back to life, a major milestone for them. If it expires, she’ll be gone forever

Mark reintegrated. He’s going to be suspicious of lumon, suspicious of the work, and so caught up in looking for Gemma he won’t finish cold harbour

He looked back. So he’s going to lose her forever

[lemon-natalia]

im unironically obsessed w the Dylan/Gretchen stuff. u love ur husband but ur whole marriage u've been waiting for him to get his shit together and u have 3 kids and ur exhausted all the time and he's another thing u have to Manage but it's just bc he's excitable and this aspect of ur relationship - that he's not a good partner to u and u have to Manage him - creates a separation. and it's not like he's not trying or like u don't love him ur just not very in love. u can't even remember the last time u were. then one day strange people come to ur house and ask u to meet ur husband's work self. the one that has dedicated his literal entire life to supporting your family. ur uncomfortable but you go. and there is ur husband but for the first time in years he's just focused on u. he thinks ur so cool and so beautiful. he's so excited about the fact that you have kids together. he gets worried about the idea that his outside self might not be a good partner to you. he's Certain that his outside self must be happy even if you can't see it bc he's so happy to be around u. he asks if he can hug u.

[lemon-natalia]

Begging Mark to find a differnt coping mechanism, brain surgery is not going well for him

[lemon-natalia]

As you all know I've been rabid for Severance the past few weeks, and I've been mulling over various theories, ideas and character arcs. But I did notice that food is a running theme on the show: food, its absence, its uses, its meaning.

Severance is a show about connections, what happens when we lose or lack them, and how we can grow by developing these connections and relationships to other. Food is often used as shorthand for community and togetherness, and Severance uses food -- or the lack of it -- to help underscore these bonds, whether broken or whole.

Mark, a grieving, alcoholic widower, is rarely shown to eat. His normal post-work routine is beer or whiskey or wine on the couch. There's no montage of him even making a lonely bachelor dinner. He typically eschews food entirely outside of his interactions with others.

When Devon tries to pull him out of his house and away from himself, knowing the anniversary of his wife's death is approaching, they find themselves in a dinnerless dinner party, a pretentious, masturbatory bit of nonsense. The participants describe food as mere fuel for higher things, and not worthy of weight in and of itself. But these are hollow people, tactless and empty. Their relationships are plastic. There is nothing real about them, and thus, nothing real about their "dinner party."

The only real relationship that is explored here is Mark and Devon's.

Which is where we see the healthiest, freshest, and most filling meal of the show, lit with golden warmth, made by Devon and given to Mark. Their relationship is real, their connections are real. Their food is real. Devon asks Mark about therapy (he's not going) and Mark drinks from a hip flask (he's ill, but doesn't feel a need to hide it from Devon). The food in this scene underlines the strength of their bond.

Mark's other attempts at meals go less well. Mrs. Selvig/Cobel nearly force feeds him cookies; he eats them out of politeness, but the batch of burned ones in her kitchen shows that the effort to connect in this way is doomed. He goes to Pip's VIP area and is accosted by Petey before his food ever arrives. Later he and Petey share a pizza, but we don't see Mark eating, and the pizza looks sad and listless. Petey is trying to form a connection with him, but Mark is unable or unwilling to reciprocate.

A relationship that Mark does truly try to cultivate is that with Alexa. However, it doesn’t go well. His first date with Alexa is entirely foodless, though he orders a second whiskey while they sit with empty plates. He ruins the date later by aggressively arguing with people downtown, his defensiveness fueled by whiskey, and heads home alone for a beer.

The best he manages to do with Alexa is to decline alcohol at his second dinner with her and enjoy some fries -- and this is their healthiest interaction, where they mutually extend the date and Alexa comes home with him. Food as connection.

Contrast ordering whiskey number 2 in an empty restaurant on their first date, with being good with only water and having at least fries in a restaurant that shows more warmth, more liveliness, other couples. It's a healthier step, and one that almost gets Mark to a better place, until he runs out on Alexa in the middle of the night.

His worst meal, and the only time we see himself having his own food in his house, is when he scours the news for information on Graner's murder, makes an ass of himself to Alexa, tears up Gemma's photo, and grieves her more than ever. This is not sustaining. This is not healthy. It's a fucking bag of potato chips and a bottle of whiskey for dinner.

In contrast, innie Mark doesn't fare much better. The food at Lumon is doled out purely as soulless rewards for work the innies must perform. The food is precisely regulated, either with tokens or with Milchick's falsely cheerful deliveries of bizarrely regimented melons and eggs. Lunches are provided and noted on the list of the senior refiner's duties, but we never see the innies get to enjoy them, if they are indeed enjoyable. Food is fuel. Food is incentive. Food is out of their control.

Even the vaunted waffle party, lauded all season, requires taking a refiner away from their team so they can eat alone, where they then put on a mask and watch other people in masks. Food as separation. Food that encourages distance rather than fostering closeness.

But slowly, the innies begin to band together. They realize their prison is cold and cruel, that they have been deprived of basic, vital, precious relationships. Helly realizes that her own escape is not enough, and she wants the others to find freedom too. Dylan realizes corporate incentives mean nothing in the face of his son’s embrace — and he insists the others deserve the same chance to experience their own lives. Mark begins to realize through Ricken’s book and their new experiences that self-worth and community are vital goals. And Irving realizes his love for Burt is beautiful, Kier be damned.

The egg bar, coveted as fuck, is actually good. So is their teamwork. Their friendship. Their connections, finally recognized by all of them as more important than punishment or toeing the line or making it through another day.

So they plan their rebellion, their chance to break through to the outside world, to honor their mutual struggle and their bond. Dylan gazes upon his reward, a glass cube of all of them united; and Irving, excited, determined, triumphant, says:

“Let’s find out what’s for dinner.”

[lemon-natalia]

do not ask mark scout "well what are you going to do about it" because he's going to get experimental brain surgery about it. he is actually going to get so much brain surgery about it and then also hit his head on the floor

[lemon-natalia]

susanna clarke (source) u cannot just say that now i will be Thinking about it Forever

[lemon-natalia]

not watching severance and succession means i log on the day after an episode and everyone is like SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEYRE SO INSANE FOR THIS and the image cited is a man in a suit standing still in an otherwise blank, fluorescently-lit hallway. i'm happy for you guys or sorry that happened

[lemon-natalia]

Hate how lighting a candle does wonders to my mood. Like wowwww. Grug like fire? Grug not sad anymore because Fire in Cave? Wow. Real predictable of Grug.

[lemon-natalia]

[lemon-natalia]

you quit your dangerous espionage brain surgery procedure. you go out to eat. you run into your boss. she disrespects your dead-not-dead wife. it pisses you off so much you resume your dangerous espionage brain surgery procedure. the first thing you remember is fucking your boss. the second thing you remember is hallucinating your dead-not-dead wife while fucking your boss. your sister interrupts you to tell you about the woman who only existed to get pregnant she had a crush on. you have a stroke and die. rip mark scout king you were having a hell of a day

[lemon-natalia]