#and you know what pisses me off? series is now owned by fucking disney thanks to the merger with FOX

[lokiinmediasideblog]

please tag your most obscure blorbo

[angelasscribbles]

Bad Romance Disney Adventure Chapter 4: Jace

Miniseries: Bad Romance Disney Adventure

Main Series: Bad Romance

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings for series: Riley x Liam, Liam x Max, Riley x Max, Riley x Drake, Riley x Leo (past)

Rating: MA

Warnings for this chapter: Language mostly, a very brief depiction of childbirth.

Word Count: 2,147  

A/N: I know I said so in the last chapter, but I want to thank @queen-arabella-of-cordonia again for this ask, because I am having too much fun with it!

A/N 2: Once again, it all got away from me so there will be one more chapter (I know I said that in the last chapter and the one before that, but this time, I really think there's only one more chapter worth of stuff!)

My other stuff: Master List.

“You did it, baby!” Drake grinned at her as he kissed the top of her head.

“You were amazing, love.” Liam told her.

“Of course, she was amazing, she’s always amazing.” Max scoffed.

“Damn I could use a cheeseburger right now.” Riley said shakily.

“I wanna see! I wanna see! Let me see the baby!” Ellie shoved her way past Max.

“What’s wrong with Uncle Leo?” Xander asked as he crawled out from underneath the bench at the same time Liam lowered himself onto it and pulled Riley down next to him, adjusting her so she was leaning back on his chest.

Everyone glanced up at Leo who was still staring at the scene in front of him with a dazed expression, jaw slack, eyes a little glazed.

Liam chuckled softly as he told Drake, “Well, that should cure him of being inappropriate with my wife.”

“Right?” Drake smirked, “The mystery is ruined.”

Max was the only sympathetic one, “You ok over there Leo?”

“That…”

“It’s ok, bro, you’ve never seen a woman give birth before.”

“That was….”

“Messy? Traumatic? Not sexy?” Max offered.

Leo turned an astonished face to Max as he exclaimed, “That was the most bad ass goddamned thing I’ve ever witnessed in my entire my fucking life! That woman is remarkable! She just pushed out an entire fucking human being and then sat up and asked for a cheeseburger! A cheeseburger! That’s hardcore!”

“Wait.” Liam looked confused and a little alarmed, “You’re not grossed out? Turned off?”

“Are you kidding me, Li? I have never wanted her more! You were right, I flirt with her because she keeps telling me no, it’s a challenge, and I love a good challenge! Also, I’m mostly just doing it to annoy you and piss off Drake. But now? Now I might actually be in love! None of you fuckers deserve her, you all know that, right?”

“Just fucking great.” Drake gritted out.

“Uh…. Not to interrupt, whatever this is,” Jason interjected, “But we’re going to need something to wrap him in.”

Liam and Drake still had their hands full with Riley. Max shot a look at Leo, his eyes dipping to the other’s man chest.

“Really?” Leo sighed then handed Jax to Max as he pulled the rainbow colored tie dyed Mickey Mouse shirt that Riley had bought him over his head and handed it to Jason. “It was too tight anyway.”

“That was on purpose.” Riley grunted as she delivered the placenta.

“Really?” Leo asked in delight as the faint sound of a siren in the distance pierced the air.

Jason wrapped the baby in Leo’s t-shirt and handed him to his mother. “I’m good with delayed cord clamping, but if that ambulance doesn’t get here within the next five to ten minutes, I’ll have to use a shoelace or something to tie it off and I don’t know how the hell we’ll sterilize-“

“Here.” Drake thrust a flask at him.

Jason blinked in confusion, “What’s this?”

“Whiskey.”

“You can’t bring alcohol into Disneyland!”

“That’s Drake Walker you’re talking to.” Max informed him, “He brings his own whiskey everywhere!”

“Ok then….”

Riley cradled her son to her breast where he immediately began rooting around. She helped him latch on as she gazed down into his tiny face.

She watched him as he nursed, his little mouth moving as he gazed up at her with wonder in his eyes that only a soul new to the world has. Suddenly her breath caught, “Oh! We were wrong about the due date!”

“Or he was a little early, love.” Liam told her soothingly.

She shook her head, “I don’t think so.”

Leo leaned over to get a good look at the newest member of the Rys family. “Uh, Li...I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure this one isn't yours either...”

“Shut up, Leo.” Liam snapped, “What were you saying about the due date, love?”

Riley looked from her son to her husband as she told him, “I know we were wrong about the due date, because we wrong about the date of conception.”

“How do you know that?” Drake asked.

“What do you mean?” Liam spoke at the same time as Drake.

“Yeah, Ri, what do you mean?” Max prompted her.

“I mean…” She paused for dramatic effect then turned her head to look at Max, “I didn’t conceive on the trip to Geneva with Liam like I thought. I conceived two weeks before that, on our secret hilltop near the airport, with you, Max.”

“What?” Max’s mouth dropped open in astonishment.

“Look at those eyes.” Riley cooed down at the little one in her arms as he released her nipple with a contented sigh. Fresh from heaven and perfect in every way. Ten little fingers, ten little toes and a ridiculous amount of hair.

“Those are the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen in my life.” Liam confirmed as he gazed down at the squirming baby boy in his wife’s arms. “Can I hold him now?”

Riley passed the t-shirt wrapped newborn over, “As if we needed any more proof that he’s Max’s.”

It was true. His eyes were a bright, deep, cobalt blue. His hair was jet black but that didn’t mean anything. All of Riley’s babies had been born with hair just like that. It would lighten to whatever shade it was going to be by three or four months of age. They all had. But even without the blue eyes, his paternity was obvious to her. His little nose, his lips, even his forehead were an almost exact replica of Max’s. How a forehead could look distinct and familiar Riley didn’t understand. Yet, it did.

“He’s mine?” Max felt a sense of wonder stir in his chest as he struggled to swallow the lump that was suddenly in his throat, “Can I hold him now?”

“Of course.” Liam said, placing the tiny bundle into Max’s arms, then discreetly wiping tears from his eyes.

“Hey, congratulations, buddy.” Drake said as he clapped Max on the shoulder, “Welcome to the club.”

“Are you crying, Max?” Riley asked as the wailing of the siren grew louder, closer.

“Yes, I am! This is the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me! I mean, next to you loving me.” He answered her.

“Ah, Max. I love you too.”

Max looked up from the bundle snuggled in his arms, his face wet with tears, and found Liam’s eyes, “You’re not mad?”

Liam was taken aback, “Mad? How could I be mad? This amazing, perfect, beautiful child is a combination of the two people I love most in the world! This is the greatest surprise ever!”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I remember how overwhelming it was when Ellie was born, this little person that was half me and half the woman I love. I never thought I’d get to experience that with the man I love but…here he is, half you and half her and it’s just as fucking amazing!”

“Ah, Li, don’t cry or I’m gonna start again!”

Drake took a turn holding the baby as Liam and Max embraced, laughing, crying, wiping the tears from each other’s cheeks, exchanging soft kisses and ecstatic smiles.

“Can we talk about getting me a cheeseburger now?” Riley asked, but Liam, Drake and Max were too busy cooing over the baby to hear her.

The ambulance pulled up with lights still flashing but they had thankfully turned the siren off.

“Thank God you’re here.” Jason said, “I didn’t have anything sterile to clamp or cut the cord with, so I haven’t done either one.”

The paramedics quickly assessed both mother and child, loaded Riley onto a gurney and clamped the cord. “Who’s the father?” The older paramedic asked.

Everyone looked at Liam who smiled and nudged Max forward.

“Oh, uh…that would be me!” Max raised his hand.

The paramedic held out a pair of sterile scissors and asked, “Would you like to do the honors?”

An enthusiastic smile lit up his face, “Yes, yes I would!”

As Max cut the cord, Liam asked, “What are we going to name him?” The names he and Riley had discussed no longer seemed appropriate. This child definitely wasn’t a Fabian or a Ulysses, maybe more of a Percival.

Riley grinned up at their tour guide and said, “I think we have to name him Jason. What do you think, Max?”

“I like it! We can call him Jace for short!” Max nodded in agreement, then looked over at their guide, “if that’s alright with you, of course.”

“I’d be honored, but you don’t have to-“

“Nonsense!” Riley waved him off, “It’s settled, “Jason Percival Embry Beaumont Rys.”

“What’s the Embry for?” Drake asked, already aware that Percival was Max’s middle name.

“Do you really want to know?” Riley smirked at him.

Drake blinked at her in confusion, “Why wouldn’t I want to know?”

“It means hill.” Liam supplied, “Literally, flat topped hill.”

“Yeah, because he was conceived on a hill!” Max chirped out.

Drake nodded as he turned his head to the side and scratched the back of his neck, “You were right, babe, I didn’t need to know.”

Riley tried again, “Could one of you get me a cheeseburger?”

But none of them were listening. As the paramedics expanded the gurney, dropping the wheels down, Liam, Max and Drake fell into an argument.

Liam started spitting orders, using his king voice, “I’ll ride with her in the ambulance, you guys follow behind and meet us at the hospital.”

“That’s a negative. I’m going with her.” Drake said in his best military commander voice.

“They said only one of us can ride in the ambulance, Drake, and I’m her husband!”

“Yes, and I’m her head of security!”

“It’s my baby!”

As they bickered among themselves, Riley looked around for some help. Her eyes landed on Leo, who looked like he was still a little in shock. A calculating smile turned the corners of her mouth up as she called out, “Leo, honey, sweetheart, baby doll, lover…” She emphasized the last word, infusing her voice with copious amounts of sultriness.

Leo’s head snapped up as the last of the daze that had clouded his eye’s receded. He hurried to her side, briefly glancing at the others before turning his attention back to her as he took one of her hands in both of his, “Yes, my kick ass warrior queen?”

“You’re coming to the hospital, aren’t you?” She batted her eyelashes at him.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. She usually rebuffed his advances and ignored his attentions. “Do you want me there?”

“Oh yes, I would very much like it if you were there.” She murmured demurely, as she gazed up at him from under fluttering lashes.

He sucked in a surprised, and pleased breath, “Then of course I’ll be there!”

“Would you do something for me?” She asked as she walked her fingers up his exposed chest.

“Anything!” He scooted closer to her, clasping her hand and laying it over his heart.

“Stop somewhere on the way there and smuggle me in a cheeseburger with some chili cheese fries and a vanilla shake!”

Leo hesitated for a bare moment, “You just gave birth. Are you supposed to-“

Riley reached out to caress his cheek with her free hand, “Please, jellybean, for me?”

“Yes, of course, I’ll bring you anything you want!” He agreed as the gurney was lifted into the back of the ambulance. “I’ll be on my way as soon as I get another shirt!”

“Oh, and tell those idiots I said Max is riding in the ambulance with me, it’s his baby!”

“On it!” Leo gave her a thumbs up as the paramedics climbed in the back with her. Then he turned back to the other three men, “Hey losers, Riley said Max is riding with her.”

“Yes!” Max did a triumphant little jump and ran to the ambulance without so much as a backwards glance at the other two men.

Liam sighed, “Fine, let’s get back to the SUV. Leo, what are you doing?”

Leo had his phone out, “Calling an Uber. You guys go ahead, I have to go get another shirt then I have a stop to make on the way, I’ll see you at the hospital.”

“Fine.” Liam waved at him dismissively then started gathering up the children.

“Does he have to meet us at the hospital?” Drake grumbled.

Liam shot him a sidelong glance as he doubled checked for the diaper bag and counted kids, “You’re not really jealous of him, are you?”

Drake shook his head, “’Course not. He just annoys the hell out of me.”

“Pretty sure that’s why he does it.” Liam grinned.

“I’m aware.” Drake grunted with a roll of his eyes, “Now let’s get to the fucking hospital.”

[the-desolated-quill]

WandaVision: ‘Subverting’ Good Television - Quill’s Scribbles

(Spoilers for the first five episodes)

Hey everyone! Well... it’s been a while, hasn’t it? The last time I wrote a proper review or Scribble, people still thought the COVID crisis would be over within a month. The poor saps. But I thought that as a special way to mark this year’s Valentines Day, we could take a closer look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s shittiest power couple in their new Disney+ show WandaVision.

The first of many MCU spin-off shows that nobody asked for, broadcast exclusively on Disney’s totally unnecessary streaming platform, WandaVision is about everybody’s favourite whitewashed Nazi experiment and her red sexbot boyfriend as they try to fit into a suburban sitcom neighbourhood without arousing suspicion.

Yes, you read that correctly. The MCU has a sitcom now. My life is now complete.

Sarcasm aside, I was legitimately curious about WandaVision because of its unusual setting. And considering one of my most common criticisms of the MCU is its total lack of creativity, anything that’s even a little bit subversive is bound to attract my attention. Of course ‘subversive’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘good.’ I could hand you a canvas smeared with my own shit and call it subversive. That doesn’t necessarily make it good art. And that’s exactly what WandaVision is. A canvas smeared with shit.

So lets split this critical analysis/review/angry bitter rant into two distinct chapters. The first focusing on the plot and setting, and the second focusing on the characters. Okay? Okay.

Chapter 1: Bewitched

Critics seem to be utterly enamoured with the whole sitcom gimmick, and it is a gimmick. As far as I can tell from the episodes I’ve seen, the sitcom setting serves no real purpose whatsoever other than to make the show ‘quirky.’ Which I wouldn’t mind, believe it or not, if the show was actually funny. There’s just one problem. It’s not.

Now in some ways describing why a sitcom doesn’t work is often futile because comedy is largely subjective. What I find funny, you won’t necessarily find funny and vice versa. With WandaVision, however, I won’t have that problem. I can demonstrate to you precisely why WandaVision, objectively, isn’t funny. And it all comes down to one simple thing. The stakes. Or rather the complete and total absence of stakes.

The show makes it very clear from the beginning that none of what we’re seeing is real. The cheesy theme song, the era appropriate special effects (mostly. It’s actually very inconsistent), the joke commercials, and, in the case of the first two episodes, which are in black and white, the appearance of red lights and objects in Scarlet Witch’s general vicinity. (Gee, what a mystery this is).

Basically Wanda has brought Vision back from the dead and created this sitcom world for them to inhabit. I’ll explain the stupidity of this in Chapter 2. The point is none of this is real, and that has a negative effect on the comedy because the very nature of comedy is suffering. Take the plot of the first episode. Wanda and Vision have to prepare a dinner to impress Vision’s boss. If they fail, Vision could lose his job and the couple could be exposed as superheroes. If this were a normal sitcom, it would work. The stakes are clear and it would be satisfying to see the two struggle and overcome the odds. But here, we know it’s not real. If it’s not real, it means there’s no stakes. If there’s no stakes, it means there’s no suffering. If there’s no suffering, there’s no comedy.

It would be one thing if the unfunny sitcom stuff lasted for like the first ten minutes or so before making way for the actual plot, but it doesn’t. Oh no. It doesn’t even last for the first episode. Out of the five episodes I’ve watched, four of them are almost entirely about these unfunny, objectively flawed sitcom homages, each set in a different time period. The fifties, the sixties, and so on. And what’s worse is that nothing that happens in them is plot-relevant. That gets relegated to the last five minutes of an episode. So you’re forced to sit through twenty five minutes of boring slapstick and puns in order to catch even a whiff of actual story. Which begs the question... who is this for exactly? It can’t be entertaining to Marvel fans, who have to slog through all this pointless shit so they can figure out what the fuck is going on. Comedy fans may get a kick out of the sitcom pastiche at first, but after four episodes, surely the joke would wear thin. So why is it in here? Clearly someone in the writer’s room absolutely fell in love with the idea of doing a Marvel sitcom, but nobody put in any time or effort to figure out how it would work in context.

I cannot stress enough how bad the plotting of this series is. As I said, the vast majority of a thirty minute episode is about shitty sitcom plots that aren’t funny and don’t have any impact on the story, only to then tease you with a crumb of actual plot in order to keep you coming back for the next instalment. Admittedly it’s an effective strategy. I was more than ready to quit after Episode 2 until that beekeeper showed up out of the sewer (don’t ask. It’s not important). WandaVision essentially follows the Steven Moffat school of bad writing. String your audience along with the promise that things might get more interesting later on and that all the bullshit that came before will retroactively make sense by the end. Except, as demonstrated with BBC’s Sherlock, that doesn’t work. And even if it did, it wouldn’t justify wasting the audience’s fucking time. And that’s what the majority of WandaVision is. A waste of time.

The only episode that doesn’t follow the sitcom format is the fourth episode. Instead it basically exists to explain all the shit that happened before. The shit that the audience, frankly, are smart enough to figure out for themselves. Wanda created the sitcom world as a way of coping with the loss of Vision, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we got it. Thanks. It doesn’t advance the plot or anything. It’s just a massive info-dump. But by far the lowest point was when Darcy (by far the most annoying character in the first Thor film and is just as obnoxious here) was sat in front of the TV, watching the sitcom and asking the same questions we were. Not even attempting to look for answers. Just reiterating what the audience is thinking. Like this is an episode of fucking Gogglebox.

In the end it becomes apparent why the series is structured the way that it is. It’s to hoodwink people into subscribing to Disney’s stupid streaming service. If you think about it, there was no reason for WandaVision to be a TV series other than to lure gullible fans in with a piece-meal story buried in a mountain of crap. This isn’t a TV show. It’s what is cynically known in the world of big business executives as ‘content.’ They’re not interested in entertaining the audience. Instead they crave ‘engagement’, which isn’t the same thing. Watching WandaVision is like staring into the void, waiting for something to happen, while Disney charge you for the privilege.

Chapter 2: I Love Lucy

So the plot sucks balls. What about the characters? Surely if Wanda and Vision are likeable at least, it’ll give us something to cling onto.

Well as I was watching the first episode, it suddenly hit me that I couldn’t remember anything that happened to them in previous films. I knew Vision died, but other than that, I couldn’t tell you significant plot details or their personalities or anything. Not a great start.

See, up until now, Vision and Scarlet Witch have been little more than background characters. So already there’s an uphill struggle to get us invested in their relationship, especially considering we haven’t actually seen that relationship develop. In Avengers: Age Of Ultron, Scarlet Witch is killing people because she’s pissed off about Tony Stark killing people (you work that one out) until all of a sudden she stops and joins the good guys because the script said so. Vision meanwhile is introduced as a convenient deus ex machina to beat Ultron and gets no real personality other than he’s a robot. Captain America: Civil War comes the closest to giving Wanda a story and personality of her own as it’s her actions that cause the Sokovia Accords to come into effect, but she never gets any real growth or payoff as the film is heavily focused on Cap and Iron Man’s penis measuring contest. And as for Vision, all he does in the film is accidentally cripple War Machine. No real character or arc there as such. And then we have Avengers: Infinity War, where Wanda and Vision are now sporadically in love and on the run until that pesky Josh Brolin, looking like a CGI cross between Joss Whedon and a grumpy grape, comes along and rips out Vision’s Infinity Stone to power up his golden glove of doom, and the film treats this like a tragic moment, except... it isn’t. Because we haven’t really had the time to properly get to know these characters and see their romance blossom. So instead it just comes off as hollow and forced.

WandaVision has the exact same problem. Apparently Wanda was so distraught about Vision’s death that she broke into a SWORD base, stole his corpse, brought it back from the dead... somehow, and then enslaved an entire town of people to create an idyllic lifestyle for her and her hubby while broadcasting it as a sitcom to the outside world... for some reason. Putting aside the dubious morality of it all, it’s impossible to really sympathise with Wanda or her supposed grief because we’ve barely spent any time with her. Had the Marvel movies taken the time to properly explore the characters and show us their relationship grow and develop, this might have had more emotional resonance. But no, it just happens. In one film they barely speak to each other and in the next they’re a couple. No effort to explore how they feel about each other or any of the problems that may arise trying to date a robot. It just happens and we’re just supposed to care. Well I’m sorry, but I don’t care. You’re going to have to try a little bit harder than that I’m afraid. What’s worse is that, thanks to the whole fake sitcom thing, it’s impossible to really become invested in Wanda and her plight because the show has to constantly keep us at arms length at all times in order to keep up the pretence that this bullshit is somehow mysterious.

Looking through the WandaVision tag, it amuses me how many people say that she’s acting out of character. And yeah, her actions are a bit of a head scratcher. Why would an Eastern European’s ideal life be an American sitcom? Why a sitcom? Why kidnap an entire town? Why keep changing the decade? None of it makes sense, but you’re wrong for thinking that Wanda is behaving out of character for the simple reason that Wanda has never actually had a character. In fact, ironically, Wanda mind controlling an entire town and forcing them to do her bidding is probably the one consistent thing about her as she did this in Age Of Ultron. In interviews, Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany described how they used actors like Elizabeth Montgomery and Dick Van Dyke as influences, which is really funny because they’re straight up admitting they don’t have characters and even now they’re still not playing the characters, instead emulating the work of far better actors.

As I was watching the show, it became abundantly clear that not only do Marvel not have the faintest idea what they wanted to do with these characters, but they also straight up don’t give a shit about these characters. Wanda in particular has had a rough time under the tyrannical regime of the House of Mouse. First they cast Elizabeth Olsen, a white woman, to play a Romani character, then systematically erasing her Jewish roots, even going so far as to put a cross in her bedroom in Civil War, and now the character is being butchered even more by forcing her into an American sitcom housewife role that she apparently willingly chose for herself, which is laughable. I mean say what you like about Magneto in the X-Men films, at least they actually depicted his Jewish culture. At least they recognised his Jewish background was important (though not important enough to cast a Jewish actor apparently). Wanda’s steady cultural erasure over the years is incredibly insidious and judging by Olsen’s comments in interviews, where she called Wanda’s comic book outfit a quote ‘gypsy thing’ unquote, it seems nobody has an ounce of fucking respect for the character or the culture she’s supposed to be representing. (and to all those kissing her arse saying it was a slip of the tongue, she has been repeatedly called out for using the slur in the past, so at this point I’d describe her behaviour as wilful ignorance)

If you want further proof of how much Marvel doesn’t seem to care about Wanda, look no further than her brother Pietro, aka Quicksilver. At the end of Episode 5, Wanda brings Pietro back from the dead, except it’s not Pietro. It’s Peter Maximoff, the Quicksilver from the X-Men films played by Peter Evans, who coincidentally is not Jewish or Romani either. So Quicksilver has the dubious honour of not only being whitewashed three times, but also twice within the same franchise. But should we really be surprised at this point? It’s Marvel after all. The same company that whitewashed the Ancient One in Doctor Yellowface and claimed it wasn’t racist because Tilda Swinton is ‘Celtic’. But now I’m going off topic. My point is that this isn’t a simple case of recasting an actor like Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton as the Hulk. WandaVision actually acknowledges the recast in-universe, which makes no sense. Why would Wanda bring back her brother, only to make him look like a different person? We the audience may be familiar with this version of Quicksilver, but she isn’t. That would be like me bringing my Grandad back to life and making him look like Ian McKellen. He’d be perfectly charming, I’m sure, but he wouldn’t be my Grandad. 

If Marvel really cared about the characters or narrative consistency, they would have brought Aaron Taylor Johnson back. Instead, now they have absorbed 20th Century Fox into the hellish Disney abyss, they use X-Men’s Quicksilver as a means to keep viewers from switching off and so that people will write stupid articles and think pieces about whether the rest of the X-Men will show up in the MCU. It’s like dangling your keys in front of a toddler’s face to distract them from the rotting corpse of a raccoon lying face down in the corner of the room.

And it’s here where I decided to stop watching the show because fuck Disney.

Epilogue: One Foot In The Grave

You know, I am sick and tired of the so called ‘professional’ critics bending over backwards to praise these god awful films and shows when it’s so clear to anyone with a functioning brain cell how bad they truly are. WandaVision is without a doubt one of the most cynically produced and poorly structured TV shows I’ve ever seen. Its riffs on classic sitcoms are pointless and self-indulgent, the writing is terrible, the characters are unlikable and unsympathetic, and it’s entirely emblematic of what the entire MCU has become of late. And it’s only going to get worse as Disney drowns us with more ‘content’ to keep the plebs ‘engaged’. In short; pathetic.

[jillybean2011]

Alright, lemme just unload here...

I know I’ve been constantly dumping on Pixar lately, and to be fair, the recent movies have been amazing. Turning Red is AMAZING!! It’s refreshing to see so many female issues explored for young girls. But the ones released in 2019 were very disappointing as they all followed the bullshit “Someone leaves for something else and just abandons their family.“ theme. In fact almost all the sequel movies of that year did it. Endgame did it, Frozen 2 did it (more on that later), How to Train your dragon 3, then Pixar did it with Ralph breaks the internet, and my biggest complaint, Toy Story 4.

This theme not only bothered me because it was a terrible theme in the first place, it ruined the films series in the end, but it hurt me personally.

Every time I think of Toy Story, I can think of happy memories with my friends and cousins. I went to see the 2nd one with my two best friends and cousin. I saw the 3rd with the same 2 friends the year after we graduated college. The third made me feel better about them leaving for their futures because we had a bond.

Then Toy Story 4 came out.

They took all the 3 films’ story line, message, and nostalgia and threw it in the trash.

Literally.

I was in a bad place in 2019, and from these films before mentioned, the message I got from it was ‘Your friends are leaving you for better things and leaving you behind with nothing but memories and loneliness‘ hit really hard for me. Not one of those films made my mental state better. And to this day, I’m still slowly recovering. But I have other issues with the films.

Now to the biggest annoyance I have with it.

We had the Potential to have a Toy Story movie focused on little girls’ and how they’re expected to ‘mature faster‘ then boys. To have little imaginative Bonnie be a driving force of girls being allowed to be children longer. To have Jessie and Bo’s past abandonment at the hands of their beloved little girls come up and explode at Gabby for chasing a dream of a child that will give her up in just a few years. Then have Bonnie, a little oddball who plays by her own rules, find Bo and instantly love her to bits, thus slowly helping Bo and Jessie heal while showing girls they shouldn’t be in a rush to grow up, or to follow into society norms. THAT would have been a great movie.

Instead, we got this.

I HATE this piece of trash (Literally) because of one reason and one reason only.

He’s a toy version of Olaf. The stupid snowman that serves no purpose but to sell toys and make those shit Frozen shorts, has more products than Tiana, the only black Disney Princess, and honestly? Worse Disney character of all time. That’s why I hate Toy Story 4. It was just a sell out of a garbage movie, with a garbage plot and the ONLY redeeming quality was the animation.

BUt IT shOWEd WooDy he’S Not THe MaIN TOoooYYY! Bitch, that was the first movie. BuT WooDY LeARNEd WhAT It MeANs tO Be A TooOOOyyyY! Literally the second movie. bUT It SHowEd THaT He WaS Ok TO MoVe oN fROm ANd- FUCKING LITERALLY WAS THE THIRD MOVIE!

The amount of rage, disgust and hatred for what is being done to this once amazing franchise pisses me off to no end. Hell, while writing this, I already sketched out and wrote a better script for Toy Story 4.

All and all, we need to make a protest and demand the 2019 films get a do over, because the theme of them was disappointing and garbage.

This has been my TED talk, thank you for attending.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

✨When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! Then, send to the last ten people in your notifications anonymously. You never know who might benefit from spreading positivity✨

Hey Nonny!

Ooof this got lost in a bunch of stuff! Sorry about missing it! Only remembered it because I saw a similar ask on my dash hahha.

Seems like a good day to do this, since I'm so tired and exhausted and I need something to make me smile.

Dragons. Just everything and anything with dragons. I'm fascinated with them. If you buy or make me anything with dragons, I automatically love you.

I finally bought myself my iPad I've been saving up for for *literally* 3 years. Because I was saving up for a trip this year that I am no longer taking (was planning a 40th birthday trip to Disney, but now am not going to Florida at all until they get their shit together), I took some of that money also to buy it and bought a top-of-the-line one, the best I could buy at the local Apple store (1TB, 12.9inch Pro... you don't want to know how much it was :|). I love it so much, and it's nice to use it to get off my laptop. I mostly was prompted to buy it now because it was my 40th birthday gift to myself AND my Wacom driver kept crashing my laptop and I'm scared to reinstall it hahah.

Funko Pops. I LOVE them and hate them. I only collect ones from series and shows I like, but I have WAY too many of them that most are in storage right now. I want to get my own home soon so I can display them finally. I am constantly checking the app for upcoming Funkos, and then immediately check my local toy store for their preorders. My local toy store must love me, I have SO much on preorder right now.

Drawing and writing. I'm alright at both, but I've terrible imposter syndrome so I feel like I'm not good at either, mainly because I don't get much traction on either when I post. I've a few people who always help me get it out, but I these days I do it for me, because it makes me happy.

Video Games. Currently playing AC Valhalla, and I LOVE it so much that I ended up buying the Season Pass. I RARELY buy DLC. But the game was SO good and I wanted more, so I needed to play the expansions. PERSONALLY it's my fave of the new trilogy, and because it's a "current" game, it's always got new stuff. Love it. My fave game EVER is Kingdom Hearts 2. I love the story of it so much. Skyrim is a close second – I like Skyrim because I put in over 200 hours in ALL versions I've played, and still there's so much I have to do hahah. AC New Trilogy is third. I liked DA Inquisition but never finished it, and I still have a bunch of games I bought last Christmas I have yet to play, so my list may change... it's highly unlikely though.

So there you have it Nonny! I think it's good I waited until I was in a better mood to answer this... People stopped sending me these because I was always so negative in them, I guess... I hope I get more of things like this when my asks go back on.

Can I also give you 5 things I'm looking forward to? I feel like that will help me keep a positive attitude for a bit.

My current work contract is almost done, and I'll get some downtime before I have to start my normal day-job again. Looking forward to my weekends back.

My broken foot seems to be healing REALLY quick. Yesterday was the first day I woke up without it hurting, and today I've been able to hobble around on my heel (as per my doctor's instructions that I need to start doing once my foot stopped hurting). I'm optimistic that I'll be given the okay to drive again during my next appointment on the 30th. I am going nuts not being able to leave home on my own accord.

So in Canada, we have this thing where you can take out your RSPs tax-free for three things: Retirement, First Time Home Ownership, and Second Education. I set up my RSPs WAY back when I was making piss-poor salary about 10 years ago, and I wanted to make sure that I at LEAST could have SOMETHING when I retired. I recently discovered I maxed out the amount of money I can take out for First Time Homeownership in my RSP, so my plans to home ownership are looking more and more realistic. I just wish owning a home wasn't so expensive where I live (major city in one of the most expensive provinces in Canada). It's hard when you're single-income. Here's hoping that I can make it a reality soon. The idea is a condo, I just have very expensive tastes (safe-neighbourhoods apparently justify a 10,000$+ more in cost :/) so I keep saving into my various accounts and GICs that I set up after I finally was making a liveable salary, so as long as I keep being humble and living below my means, I can finally get what I save up for... if only the cost of housing would SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. It's gone up 100K in just a year. It's insane.

I also saved up enough for a new couch thanks to a second contract I took during my CURRENT contract, which paid me exactly enough for the couch I want to get (I may or may not have strategically negotiated that contract, LOL). I've been needing a new couch for years; the one I currently have, I have sentimental attachment to (it was my dad's and is over 20 years old) but working at home for almost 2 years, I've worn it out and it's SO VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. It's barely staying together. Looking forward to getting it :) ... Was waiting until cooler months since I have to put it together myself (IKEA) and my apt is SO hot in the summer, no way I can do it then.

Having my asks turned back on. I'm sorry, it sounds so cheesy and dumb, but I don't have many RL friends or connections, and you guys help me stay positive and help keep my negative thoughts at bay. The dark thoughts have been coming in a lot lately, to the point where I've convinced myself that no one missed me and no one cares, so it's helped having a few of my regulars and mutuals check up on me in DMs during all this. Thank you <3 I don't always reply back, but your love is appreciated <3

Thank you again Nonny for asking me this <3 And I hope you don't mind I answered more than you asked <3

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE  FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks. 

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this. 

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air  May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this. 

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time.  Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay. 

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished? 

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW.  And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order. 

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close. 

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss. 

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds. 

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “ 

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was. 

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon. 

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well. 

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass. 

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why. 

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won. 

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out. 

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives 

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again. 

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day. 

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

 The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy. 

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it. 

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has. 

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david’s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying. 

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE? 

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself. 

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face. 

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan.  Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick. 

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”. 

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia: 

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back. 

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things. 

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man. 

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back. 

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing. 

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD. 

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her. 

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home. 

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING. 

Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes. 

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”. 

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale.  This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here. 

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure. 

[lol-jackles]

What do you think of the falcon and winter soldier? Am i the only one bored by it? It seems like just a normal superhero show, like the arrowverse shows on cw. They have more budget and bigger actors, but the storyline is just okay. What do you think?

6 months after the events of Avengers:Endgame, Sam has rejected the call to be the next Captain America.  Now if you think it’s weird and illogical when Sam gets mad that the U.S. Government for giving the shield to someone else after he explicitly rejected it, that means you have no idea how brilliant the writing actually is!   Now readers you might be thinking I'm being sarcastic but I assure you that I'm being super cereal, to quote South Parks Al Gore.

Sam goes back to his hometown where his sister is angry at him for not helping their fishing business, despite the fact that he was snapped out of existence by Thanos, but that’s clearly no excuse. Bucky is now making a new life for himself by going to a sensitivity training program and talking about his feelings.  Don't be fooled kids, it was actually very action packed! Eventually these two are forced to work together when the threat of a group of activist freedom fighters threaten to liberate the world!  

Baron Zemo returns to help take down these terrorists, oops, I mean FREEDOM FIGHTERS.  You remember Baron Zemo, the villain who almost destroyed the Avengers with cunning and intellect and caused the polite airport fight Civil War among the Avengers?  Well kids he's back as a goofy and unthreatening doof.  

Meanwhile, Captain America 2.0 has the audacity to be white and have served in Afghanistan and fight for his country and barge into foreign countries to stop international terrorists with Government mandated authorization!  Doesn't he know that only bald women of Wakanda are allowed to do the same thing, because international law does not apply to Wakanda?  Get 2.0 to diversity training stat!

The terrorist, oops, I mean ACTIVIST GROUP, call themselves the Flag Smashers and they're pissed that all of the houses, goods, and other free things they had possession of when half of the earth’s population was wiped out of existence, now have to give back all of their property!  How unfair of the people to take things away that belonged to them in the first place. The Flag Smashers clearly are the rightful owners of these possessions, come on! Their mission is to pull off a series of bombings and kidnappings to force the government to change things back to the before times.  Uh, how do they expect half of the population to disappear again?  

I adore that the show expertly subverts your expectations by revealing that the leader of the Flag Smashers is a dumpy teenaged redhead who looks as threatening as a love child of Paris Hilton's chihuahua and Barack Obama's water poodle.

I felt my spine tingle when Karli puts on a mask to disguise the stunt double who performs all of her expert villain fight techniques because Flag Smashers all have the same Super Soldier Serum that was given to Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.

Readers you have no idea how I was totally won over by how elegant the writing is with subtle undertones and ideas in a way that feels completely natural and organic.  For example, when Sam and Bucky travel to a black neighborhood and Sam gets into an argument with a Black girl about using the name Black Falcon, or when Sam meets an elderly super soldier who got written out of history because he was Black, or when Sam is almost arrested by a white cop, who failed to recognize Sam (a global hero and member of the Avengers) because he is Black!   Many of my friends, and possibly yourself, dear reader, failed to recognize this subtlety, but I didn’t!  The show also explores the growing sexual desires between Sam and Bucky...

The development of the two main characters is the best thing about the show because by the end of the series, Sam takes up the mantle of Captain America, Bucky is rehabilitated, and Baron Zemo is back in jail.  So everything goes back to the way it was after Avengers: Endgame.

Credit to the writers of Sam’s brilliant speech in the finale where he lectures the Government to be nicer to poor people and recognize their own privilege. Truly a remarkable and excellent ending where the character does not offer any solutions to the problem, but tells people to figure things out on their own.  I mean, no other superhero faced with political challenges has ever done something of this magnitude, just march right in and tell people to do better, without offering any workable solutions and ideas of their own!

So the takeaway message of this show was it’s okay to murder people to take things that do not belong to you; borders are bad except for Wakanda because rules do not apply to them, and Do Better but never mind in what way, context, or what is exactly needed to improve yourself.  Golly I can't wait to see what further exciting new direction that Phase 4 for Marvel is going for.  

Okay I’ll be super serious for real this time:

John Walker is setting himself up to be one of the best new MCU characters going forward. 

Shoutout to Wyatt Russel for what I hope is a big breakout role for him. He crushed every scene he was in.

Sharon is the Power Broker??? Who could have seen that coming? (everyone)

RIP Karli. You won’t be missed. Enjoy your spot in the lame MCU villain club.

Sam’s speech was truly fitting of Captain America. Well done.  Too bad Karli was so lame. That speech could’ve hit even harder if we actually had sort of cared about her.

Zemo’s Alfred is a scary dude. We can all thank him for making sure they aren’t dragging out the Flags Smashers plot beyond this show.

With all the jokes about Steve Rogers being on the moon made me think of Umbrella Academy.  Maybe he’s up there with Luther Hargreeves and Nick Fury right now.

My man Bucky getting invited to the cookout. Respect. Naturally he shows up with a store bought cake… Come on man

My man Sam got a new suit.  Respect.  Naturally he thinks his thinking unit (that fucking cranium) still doesn’t needs protection.....Come on man.

I'm so glad Disney didn't lead with FatWS.  WandaVision was better.  That’s right I said it, I liked WandaVision more.

[boneswriteswords]

Could you do a poly!modern! Lost boys x reader? (Also I’m here if you ever need to talk❤️)

This ask watered my crops and cleared my acne. Thank you. This was pretty fun to write. Head canons are a lot less stressful for me because I’m not too focused on my writing style. 

Hope you like it!

~~~~

- Okay listen up all you baby bats, these boys 100% have a youtube channel. They share one channel and all do different things, from commentary to gaming to history. There is a calendar and schedule of who records and uploads on what days. They all like the attention they get from it because they are attention whores.

    - They have also tried to get you on their channel. They established really early on that they were in a poly relationship and that they had a fifth partner but whether you decide to make an appearance on the channel is 100% up to you. They don’t use your name without permission and only talk about you using various nicknames.

    - If you do decide to make an appearance, they are all so happy about it. Marko and Paul will definitely try and do one of those couple videos where you answer questions about the relationship but will also derail it completely like the chaotic little gremlins they are.  

- David hates cellphones but he likes the easy access he has to you and the boys. He does not give out his number so his only contacts are you, the boys, and Max. Paul has a billion contacts but mainly uses it for games and booty calls. Dwayne has all the important apps on his phone - Lyft, Postmates, Starbucks, Spotify, Audible, etc. - because he is responsible. Marko uses his phone to take photos and gather art inspiration. Every single of one your phone backgrounds are of the group together in various ways.

      - (David highkey believes his photo is the best. You and the other boys had passed out in an adorable puppy pile beside (and on top of) him and he had tilted the camera so he could get all five of you in the photo. He has the softest smile on his face.)

    - (Paul argues that his is the best because its a collage of all his partners in various states of undress. How he got David to send a nude is beyond your understanding.)

- Speaking of nuuudddeeess.....

      - Paul is bad about it. The worst. The other boys send them too but no one can open a message from Paul in public because chances are there is a nude. He hands them out to you all like candy.

     - Surprisingly Dwayne is also a big fan of sending nudes but he does them artfully. His lighting and angle are always on point and its more of ‘look at how hot your boyfriend is’ as opposed to ‘I’m horny, wanna fuck?’ He knows he looks good, he knows his partners know he looks good, and he likes to remind his partners that he is attractive for them and only them.

     - And lemme tell you something really fast. The first time that YOU send THEM a nude or sexy photo, it was a lot for them. They couldn’t handle it. It was a giant collective ERROR message. They didn’t know what to do. You were too hot. Too sexy. David still has no idea how to react to that photo.

     - ALSO!!! Never send a nude when you are gone away from the home. You did that once and you had them risking daylight to come get your ass.

- Marko is a meme goblin and no I don’t take criticism and will not elaborate. Just know that he likes memes, hoards memes, makes memes, and has been put in the time-out closet for memes.

- This is about to get NSFW for a sec so hold on.

     - David and Marko are the ones who really enjoy using modern sex toys. David is big on domination, control, edging, and the like. Marko is a big ole subby boy who wants nothing more than to be tied up and fucked. They like experimenting with all the things that come out and they drag you, Paul, and Dwayne along for the ride. (Don’t worry, its actually a really fun one, I promise.)

    - Dwayne absolutely loves when one of you call him just to tell him all the dirty things you have planned for him and then hanging up so do it as much as possible. Ok? Ok.

    - Paul is a chaotic horny baby. He likes it gentle. He likes it rough. He likes praise. He likes punishment. He likes damn near everything and will try absolutely anything so please watch him to make sure he doesn’t find something dumb on the internet.

- Okay, ending NSFW. For now.....

- They hate when you aren’t all together - because, lets face it, they are codependent as fuck - but Skype and Facetime have made it easier for them to handle when one of their own is gone. Its harder when its you that is gone because you are the newest addition, the youngest of them, but none of them will ever admit it.

    - David, especially, will never admit that he cannot handle when you or one of his boys are gone. He hates feeling like he can’t protect you, that he can’t be there to intervene if something happens, but he keeps it to himself.

   - You all know anyway and make sure to give him extra attention when you come back.

- You have a paper on your corkboard of all your streaming accounts and passwords because no one knows who signed up for what anymore. Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, Disney +, etc - no one knows who has what and sometimes the passwords need to be reentered. You - however - are in charge of taking care of any and all bills. You have their cards and pin numbers.

      - If you are sick or unavailable, Dwayne does it.

      - If you and Dwayne can’t do it, there is a doc on your shared google drive labeled ‘emergencies’ that the other three can use.

- There are certain shows and/or series that you all watch together and no one is allowed to move ahead without the others. Its an unspoken rule that hasn’t been broken thus far but the intensity of this rule implies that there will be negative consequence for those who break it. A big one.

- They all play Pokemon Go. Paul and Marko are yellow. David is red. Dwayne is blue. They all sneak away to take each other’s gyms because they’re assholes. You play but you aren’t on one of the colored teams just to piss them off.

~~~~

END

~~~~

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #367

“i should warn you that you may fuck me, but chances are i’m gonna fuck you over”

Where was the last place you went for vacation? The beach. When was the last time you wore makeup? Halloween. Do you watch soaps or drama series? If so, which ones? Not currently. What’s your favourite tomato variety? I hate tomatoes. What was your very first pet like? Dad had a dog named Trigger when I was born, but I have no memory of her, so I'm excluding her. I consider our first family pet to be Chance, a cat my mom took in after finding her literally in the trash. She was... god, incredible. She was a loyal friend, and I can imagine no greater mother than she was (she legit fought off a rottweiler head-on to protect her kittens). She was so smart, so gentle, and just simply amazing. I'll always miss her. What was the best school project you remember doing? Looking back, despite the fact it TERRIFIED me before, that would be my senior project presentation. It was about snake misconceptions and fallacies, so I made a slideshow to present to the special ed class. I made drawings for them to color, word searches, all that kind of stuff. They were just the sweetest and seemed really into it. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? None. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I really... don't like thinking about this. Like I'm weak enough now at 25, I can't imagine how my, say, 60s would be. I hope and just about pray that my physical health will improve, but I'm just going to exclude that part entirely from this answer. Personality-wise and such, I have a feeling I'll be the quiet and sweet kind, the one that loves her (hopeful) spouse like crazy, and comes most alive on Halloween if I live in a place where children come trick-or-treating. I imagine I would LOVE that. I'd love to be the type that goes on morning jogs to help stay spry. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin and Chester Bennington might be tied. Both were so, so sudden. Steve was like, invincible to my childhood eyes, and when I heard about Chester's death, I thought it was just a sick rumor. Two amazing people that died way too soon. What’s the craziest colour you’d dye your hair? That would depend on personal opinions. I want to dye my hair LOTS of colors though, if that tells you anything. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus. It's a pretty short game if you know what you're doing, and it's super relaxing to me and just so goddamn pretty to look at. Every time I've played it has just been a pleasant experience. Do you like meatloaf? Yeah, it's fine. How about Meatloaf? I know who he is, but I've never really listened to his music. Do you take time to do charitable work? If so, what do you do? No. ;_; Especially with all the free time I have, I really should... What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Okay, don't ask, but if I for a SECOND see that commercial of Mr. Clean dancing while he's cleaning, I will die because of memories. What is something you hope you will never inherit from a specific relative? Diabetes. It runs heavily in my family. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name: The Human Centipede. No. Thank you. Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. What’s your dearest souvenir? The stuffed moose I got at Cabela's during a visit to Ohio. I named him Brownie, and he was my "childhood plushie" we all have. Is there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? Not in the actual area I live in, but there are DEFINITELY places where it's a pigsty of distasteful shit. Have you ever made your own soda? (Soda Stream doesn’t count!) No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Have you ever been part of a theater group? No, that stuff doesn't interest me. What’s the most ecological thing you do? We recycle, and I also use metal straws. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. There is no fucking way I could do it. What’s your favourite board game? Why do you like it best? I like Clue just because of the mystery-solving factor, and I think it's kinda cool how you can think ahead and use other's findings to your own advantage to win the game pretty early. Besides English, what other languages can you speak? Some German. It's gotten pretty weak with neglect, though. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you’ve been? This is a complicated answer that I just don't feel like elaborating on. What’s the most freeing thing you’ve ever done? Letting Jason go. Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? If not, would you even want to try one? No, and I'm not interested. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? Honeysuckles. What has been your worst restaurant experience? Well, it's a fast food restaurant, but lemme tell you about my vegetarian encounter with Burger King. I ordered their veggie burger. Which they have. It's not a secret. These idiots gave me a bun with tomato and lettuce, and I think mayo on it, after sounding confused when Mom was ordering for me. Mom went back in there of course to tell them, and oh god was the manager pissed, lol. I got my veggie burger in the end. What’s the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? Some sexually inappropriate jokes can still get me sadly, lol. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? Not literally, but boy do I think depression counts. Do you ever compare your life to somebody else’s? If so, why? Y E P. I can't tell you why, I just... do it. I look at other's successes and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?", and beat myself up about being a failure. What is a food item or a dish you absolutely cannot stand? Brussel sprouts, asparagus, runny eggs, many other things because I'm just mega picky. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? Just the spray paint kind that vendors like to do at the beach and stuff. I don't remember any I got, though. What does your favourite mug look like? It's black with a Markiplier quote on it, given to me by Sara. :') Do you ever read other people’s survey answers? Yeah! Friends', anyway. I love learning all the obscure things about them. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, specifically early morning, because it's better for my depression. Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower? A follower that isn't afraid to speak up when I'm really against something. What is your favourite song right now at this very moment? I've been really into "7empest" by Tool lately, and the synthwave edit of "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, who was your favourite character? I don't remember it well, but I think I liked the butler. Was there even a butler? Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') Do you have any plants in your home? No. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous colour you use? I only ever use black. What was the last photograph you took? My cat being adorable while sleeping. <3 Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? No. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer? I absolutely hated it. Do you have a headache at the moment? Yes, actually. I've really been attacked by the Covid shot side effects. Are your parents still together? No, thank god. What was the last hot food you ate? I made a chicken and I think pesto (some Italian noodles, idk) Healthy Choice bowl for dinner last night. Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No. :( Do you ever feel afraid people will question your sanity? I'm sure people have before, and back then? Rightfully so. Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Never watched it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Always. It's so weird how it's gotten worse with time since leaving school, even though I write... Were you a straight A student in math? Yeah, no. I usually got Bs or Cs. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. I don't really like yellow. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? Have a stable job. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES. Do you feel a connection to the moon? It's not something I think about, so not really, but I do believe all things in the universe are connected in some way. We are simply a part of nature, as all else is. What does your heart long for? Contentment in who I am and where I am in life. I know I also miss being in love. Do you know what your purpose in life is? We have no innate purpose; we make our own, and I want mine to be to show others that there is always hope for yourself in yourself, and also to spread the message of love of all animals. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year I didn't. I really should change that this go around. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes! They're a kind of rare sight here sadly, so when I had the opportunity to photograph a fox tragically as roadkill, it was a photographic experience I won't forget. God, I wanted to pet it (I obviously didn't), but I did talk to it about how beautiful (s)he was as I got some shots. I never had a harder time leaving one of those angels I've taken pictures of. Do you find Halloween fun or scary? FUN!!!!!! Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Not at all. What do the trees look like where you live? I mean, there's a variety, but the staple that you see literally everywhere are pine trees. What is your dream vacation? Somewhere with mountains, clear lakes, cool weather, beautiful and various wildlife... What was the best vacation you’ve been on so far? Disney World as a kid. What is the best class trip you’ve been on? The zoo in the 5th grade. It was the one occasion I got to see meerkats. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I lived for them. Do you find museums boring or interesting? I find science museums to be very, very fascinating. Art ones are great, too. What are three issues you are passionate about? LGBT rights, the pro-choice movement, and wildlife conservation, to name a few. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all. What size is your bed? Queen. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? When we were experimenting with my Klonopin dosage, I learned that 3mg was enough to knock me on my ASS. Do you like bath bombs? I mean they're pretty, but I wouldn't waste money on 'em. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Yikes, a looooooot. But this also depends on what you think qualifies as "small." Most of my favorite "small" YTers are tarantula keepers or sub-1M let's players. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier obviously, Snake Discovery, Good Mythical Morning (even if I don't watch them anymore, they are veeery dear to my heart and I will always support them), Sam & Colby... Again, there's a lot. When you don't watch TV and YT instead, you really get attached to a lot of them. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Would you believe me if I said Pussycat Dolls? haha Do you like Disney movies? Um, DUH. Were you ever in the popular crowd? No. Have you ever used an outhouse? UGH, at like childhood sports games, yes. I could NEVER nowadays, oh my god. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I have the creativity to, but not the dedication. Are there any foods that make you gag? Beans, for one. I just canNOT with them. It's a completely involuntary reaction. Have you ever had blonde highlights in your hair? I think I did? Who was the last person you video-chatted with? The lady who was seeing if I qualified for TMS therapy. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? Definitely not, I love those. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I don't actually want one, but if I did, I'd go to a serious professional to get THE Darkiplier smile. :') If u know u know. Do you have any stickers on any of your electronic devices? No. Do you think half blonde/half dark brown hair is attractive? It looks great on some people, but it's not my favorite combo.

[darkarfs]

My 10 Favorite WWE Matches of All Time (updated)

10: The 2001 Royal Rumble No matter how daft and stupid the product gets, I will never not stoke my head in around January. The Royal Rumble is my favorite match, but this one is my favorite favorite instance of that match. The pacing, the beautiful endurance of Kane, the hardcore interval (which Kane just decides to destroy), the Big Show returning after 4 months just to get shit-canned a minute into his run. There is so much to love about this mess. The preview of Rock and Austin that year for their Wrestlemania showdown. The fact that 4 or 5 of them (Rock, Austin, Kane, Undertaker, even Rikishi) could have been main event contenders. The best midcard in WWE history. Scotty 2 Hotty having the worst night of his life. Drew Carey just showing up. Bradshaw just cliffing everyone, because he's gotta get his shit in. Good Rumbles are like a 3 course meal, and this one is like all your courses at once, and then dessert is a treat you could die on. 9. Tyler Bate vs. WALTER - Takeover Cardiff Crowds make a lot of matches for me (thanks, 2020) but this crowd is especially electric, and for 24-year-old Tyler Bate, who is taking on a TANK, and that tank's name is WALTER, a TANK. But I will never not be a sucker for a David vs. Goliath story, and it was never better told than the boy made of thighs vs. the destroyer made of shattering palms. It is SO CARNY, so many feats of strength, so many OOOOOFS AND UUUUUURGHS that make this so great. Tyler was a hero on this night, but everyone knew he wasn't ready to win. Every feat is a magnificent reach. And it all means something to everyone. Make them what they know SHOULD happen and still surprise them with it. His "refusing to quit!" only to get shut down by a fucking chop. HE STANDS but is immediately ruined. It makes me. This shit fucking makes me. 8. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley, 30-Minute Iron Woman Match - Takeover Respect Most of this is just a remix of their epic and warranted classic in Brooklyn. but then Sasha takes the headband off of Izzy. And then they both stepped it up and were *amazing*. We somehow lost Bayley's "RAAAAAH'S and that's sad for me. But then they RAMP IT UP. NOBODY LIKES YOU. FUCK YOU. WE'RE HAPPIER NOW. (WE'RE NOT.) But seriously, Sasha taking Izzy's headband and then THROWING IT AT HER started something special, something grand. THE OUTRAGE. The bastion of heel heat. And then the match got better. They hugged at the end of their encounter in Brooklyn, but then they started poisoning one another. And it all started with this amazing match. (Also, Bayley's amazing red and gold robot tights.) 7. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels, Wrestlemania 21 Listen. HBK's 'Mania outings with the Undertaker are solid "match of the decade" contenders, piss-easy. They are peerless, they are in a league of their own. But saying they're your favorite? Unless you are an actual wrestler, that's like saying "UH, MY FAVE BAND IS THE BEATLES." Ya boring, ya basic, and we can all do better. And seeing how I'm in my late 30s, I understand wrestling a little different than I did when I made this list in...2016??? Christ. I bet AJ Styles vs. John Cena was on it that year. Two of the best performers, both in their prime, and looking back on it, I just prefer the mix of character dynamics at play. Angle is easily one of the best in the world, but he has such an inferiority complex, because he's an Olympic gold medalist who is told *nightly* that he sucks, and he CAN'T best Michaels. He keeps coming back, and he's so charming, so effortlessly good at this whole "wrestling" thing, and it's slowly making Angle, who SHOULD be all of those things, absolutely *spare.* And that informs so many spots and story moments in the match itself, specifically when Angle LOSES it and starts shouting at him, only to have a superkick partied under his face. Angle is one of the best ever because his wrestling acumen served his character, never once defined it. 6. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon, Wrestlemania 17 I haven't gone back to watch the whole of Vince vs. Shane THAT many times. What I have done is watch the finish about 65 times. There is something so addictive and magical about that one pop, when Linda stands up from her chair, and the ENTIRE crowd stands with her. And I'll 100% agree that Vince's comeuppance - one slap, one hoof to the balls, a Mandible Claw and a Coast-To-Coast dropkick - is not NEAR the actual comeuppance he should have gotten for some of the deplorable shit his character got up to from around the Rumble to this match (two of which they've done their very best to scrub from history, they're THAT bad.) But it's the purest example I can think of, of that pantomime aspect of wrestling. Vince McMahon is a deranged bastard. He likes dumb, cruel, crude things, but his commitment to being the world's 2nd-worst lizard man makes some of the stuff that happens to him more richly rewarding than almost any retribution in any medium, ever. The final 4 minutes of that match, the crowd is a fireworks display. They rise, they explode, they rise and explode, over and over. And again, shoutout to my boy 2020 for making me miss a crowd THAT big having THAT good a time. 5. Adam Cole vs. Johnny Gargano - 2 out of 3 falls - TakeOver New York Now look, I'm not saying that NXT is essentially perfect for me, in terms for what I look for in wrestling. What I will say is that when it cooks, it combines the very best of indie stamina, choreography and stunt work with something WWE sometimes gets VERY right, and that is unabashed, unironic emotion. And it's not even that the intimacy of NXT being a smaller promotion has a denser, more specifically passionate fanbase. It's just the fact that NXT understands that so often, nuance and drama in wrestling doesn't come from promos, or swerves, or endless escalations of said drama, but from getting the FUCK out of the way and letting two of the best in the world *wrestle.* NXT is so good for providing context for the acts of jealousy, pride and entitlement, and then laying out a match that touches on all of these emotions throughout. This main event, built in two weeks, after a terribly-timed Ciampa injury, is actually VERRRY clever booking...disguised to look really simple. Cole starts the match as the crowd favorite, because he's the cool tweener everyone likes (with a catchphrase) to Gargano's unironic Disney prince. Over the course of Cole going all out, making subtle references to Johnny's feud with Ciampa, Gargano fighting from underneath, total fuck-off bastardry from the Undisputed Era (making poor Mauro Ranallo yell "YOU SNAKES!!") Maybe Cole WAS the better choice, but by the end of it, you didn't care. On that night, Johnny refused to lose, and the constant, exciting, *involving* wrestling dragged you to that emotional place. Damn right, you deserve it. 4. CM Punk vs. John Cena, Money In the Bank 2011 It might be a simple choice, but also, sometimes, it's really really gratifying to see a crowd who wants something get what they fucking want for once. A hot crowd makes a good match great, and a great match THIS. A crowd united, either for one guy, and against another, and in this case, BOTH. It makes every. Move. Matter. Trying to find a new angle on this match is like trying to find a new way to say fire is warm. And this crowd created a CAUSE. The no-sold pinfall, the attempted rehash of the Screwjob. Point out the botches if you must. The angle, the promo...it got my friends back into wrestling, a reason to care until the Shield. It's not the best, but it deserves to be. There is no wrestling crowd I wish I was more a part of. And I was at King of the Ring 1998. 3. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar, 60-Minute Iron Man match, Smackdown of September 18, 2003 It MAYBE was a bit of a "hipster" choice to name this my number 1 in 2016. But you know what? Bloody holds up. Two performers who feel "destined to do this forever," like a Triple H/Shawn Michaels, or a Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn. Possessed of freakish physical charisma, could go for days if pressed. Brock Lesnar, literally at the time ONE OF THE BEST ATHLETES in the WORLD being a lazy fucker and taking DQ points, laying the foundation of what Brock Lesnar would come to be known as. And Angle, in that rare position of everyone knowing he's the best thing going. Brilliant Lazy Asshole Brock and Certified Wrestling Machine Angle are two of my unironic favorite characters in all of wrestling, and it's a buffet of THAT. Like a Royal Rumble, only it's just two dudes, being the best they've ever been. 2. DIY vs. the Revival - 2 out of 3 falls - TakeOver Toronto "Tag team wrestling?" says main roster WWE. "What is this...tag team wrestling?" Well, this is it, at its absolute best. It's up there with Rey Mysterio and Edge vs. Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle from No Mercy 2002 for just brilliant, rock-solid tag team psychology. There are more story opportunities when there are more rules to break, how can WWE *not get behind that?* In terms of chemistry, both between opponents and between teams, in terms of callbacks like Johnny muscling through the exact same inverted figure four that lost them the belts in Brooklyn. It is a perfect match. Not an ounce of fat on it. And that closing sequence, of each member of DIY locking the Revival in their signature holds, and the men now known as FTR clinging to one another. It's probably the best tag match in the history of the WWE, and considering the caliber of tag matches on TakeOvers, is FUCKING saying something. 1. Daniel Bryan vs. Brock Lesnar, Survivor Series 2018 This match is everything I always hoped for. For the longest time, after the 2015 Royal Rumble debacle, when Reigns won, when simply everything we knew about storytelling said "no, of course it should be Bryan," I wondered what that 'Mania match would look like. If it were anything like this, I would have died a happy man. But then again, what makes this match so GOOD is that Bryan had just come back from an early retirement caused by head and neck surgery, and here he is, being dropped on his head and neck by Brock Fucking Lesnar, aka what would happen if the concept of "not giving a shit" gained corporeal form and starting shilling for Jimmy John's. The match gets really ugly, really fast, and Bryan takes us to uncomfortable places with his selling. It wasn't just the retirement angle, it was also the fact that Brock had turned out some REALLY lazy shit by that point in his career, so we had all mentally prepared for another finish-spamming early night. And then. AND THEN... Bryan hoofs him in the walnuts, hits the running knee, gives us the absolute closest 2-count of the decade, and then the fight is fucking on. Bryan went, over the course of 2 minutes, from never having a chance against Brock Lesnar to it being an *absolute certainty* that he was going to BEAT BROCK LESNAR. Anytime you visibly leave your seat every few seconds during a match, you know it's a special one. Again, it took me away, had me absolutely *screaming* at my monitor, elated, invested, and I don't know what more your favorite match can ask of you. But what happens when your favorite match isn't a match at all? No. 0: The Firefly Funhouse - Wrestlemania 36 I'm not kidding, it actually might be my favorite thing. It could be just my brain latching onto the Cult of the New, but I don't think so. It's not a match, I get it. It exists in a weird null-void outside of time and space, but mostly I am floored that they would broadcast something so virulently anti-WWE. Like, we talk of CM Punk and how WWE let him get away with all his little jokes and cut his little Pipebomb promo. But then WWE signed off on Bray Wyatt tearing the soul out of their business. Burying the biggest star of this generation, skewering and laying bare all of terrible WWE's terrible priorities, and also celebrating insider knowledge, wrestling history, and I just...love it. Right now, it's my favorite thing WWE have ever put out, because it did something they've never done before, told a story I didn't think they were capable of telling. And sure, it was Bray who told it, but I still can't believe it aired. But I am endlessly thankful that it did.

[purplesurveys]

797

What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? Fucking around on social media like a true Gen Z-er would, lmao. I have several games that I’d play occasionally, but most of the time I just check the same three apps – Messenger, Facebook, and Twitter. Do you know what you are going to be for Halloween this year? If so, what? I don’t even know if I have plans for the rest of the year. Do you still go trick-or-treating, and if so, how old are you? The last time we did was 2015, when we were 17. Nowadays we just have costume parties. Which Disney princess resembles you the most? At the moment it’s probably Moana, but I heard they’re making a Southeast Asian Disney princess so I’m waiting for her :) What color was your first phone? I’m not sure what the model’s actual color was because it was already in a Winnie the Pooh case when I got it as a present, but the case itself was red.

Was your first phone a flip phone? No, it was one of the Nokia ones with a slightly green screen and the Snake game on it. Have you ever butt dialed someone? I don’t think so. It’s normally the other way around. What is your favorite pizza parlor? We don’t have many of that around here; most places serve a little bit of everything with pizzas usually having its own section on the menu. That said, my favorite place to get pizza is Mama Lou’s if I have some cash on me and want to be fancy, and Yellow Cab if I want fast food pizza but still quality pizza. What is an old website that closed down that you miss? I’m pretty sure Tumblr shut down my old survey blog, the one I’ve had since 2012 or 2013, and I’m very bummed out by it. It’s also weird to me because I have a blog that’s been inactive for much longer and that one is still up... so I don’t know why they would shut down the blog that served as my journal during my teen years. I occasionally look back on it to see how I was doing then and compare it to who I am now, so it sucks that I can’t do that anymore. If you're a girl, have you ever had an embarrassing period story? I guess, but I’ve also reached a point where I’ve stopped seeing period mishaps as embarrassing. Stuff like that just happens sometimes, and I can’t be around people who are going to be babies about it. ...If so, what happened? The worst instance was leaking during a PE workout and my classmate pointing it out for me, and then having to change into denim jeans for the rest of the workout since that was the only other pair of bottoms I had.  What was your worst experience in high school? I can remember one but I don’t wanna relive my anxieties here by writing it in full detail so no thanks. What was your high school's mascot? We don’t have a mascot; we only had colors. Do you listen to Grace VanderWaal? Only if she’s on the radio. I don’t dislike her but I also don’t think I’ve ever looked up her music voluntarily. ...if yes, what's your favorite song of hers? I’m not familiar with her song titles. I’ve caught some songs that I liked but I wouldn’t be able to tell you which ones they were. Do you watch America's Got Talent? Only the compilation videos they’ve got on YouTube. Which country has the best accent? I don’t really rank accents lol Did you cry at your high school graduation? I cried the night before. I find that I don’t usually cry when an event that’s supposed to be emotional is happening, but I do cry before or after it. Did you cry at your college graduation (if applicable)? LOL if applicable, fucking same. I think I’ll mostly be relieved when it finally happens because I’m expecting it to keep getting postponed for now. Do your parents try to stop you from chasing your dreams? No, but they’re also realistic. I tried to court my dad about having an internship with WWE at Connecticut, and he was less than enthusiastic about it which I completely understood. What dreams have stuck with you since childhood? My dream house, to go to Wrestlemania, and to have a lot of money hahaha. Who is a former friend that you wish would come back into your life? Egh, I feel like the way life has turned out has been for the best and I’m currently not wishing any of my former friends back. I suppose it would be nice to have my relationship with Macy back, though. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Yes, like the one I’m in now. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I didn’t have one but I did have a soft spot for Victoria Beckham since she’s always in fashion magazines and also because her family has always looked so happy. But I never really liked her as part of the group? because I knew about Victoria before I knew about the Spice Girls. Sorryyy please put your pitchforks down I was born in 1998 :(( <333 Did you ever want to be in a band or music group? No. What instrument did you play in the marching band? We don’t have a club like that here. If you could take any one type of dance class right now, what kind you take? Ballet. Who got kicked off of your favorite talent show that you were mad about? There were a gazillion unfair eliminations on American Idol but I remember being most pissed off over Scotty McCreery’s win and Pia Toscano’s elimination. Do you own the entire series on DVD of any TV show? If so, what? I have a bootleg box set of the 80s sitcom Perfect Strangers, but other than that I’ve been able to watch TV shows via torrent or Netflix, soooo. What show did you always want to be on when you were a kid? I wanted to be a part of the dancing audience on Hi-5, and to be dumped with slime at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards lol. Can you tell the difference between Mary-Kate and Ashley? No. Who is your favorite set of twins? Seoeon and Seojun from The Return of Superman. What is the stupidest baby name you have heard recently? Welp, nothing has beaten Covid Bryant yet... What is the grossest thing you have ever vomited up? Nothing too gross. Just alcohol. Have you ever thrown up in public, in front of someone else? Yes. The sensation of puking terrifies me so there’ve been a few times I asked Gabie to go to the Pop-Up washroom with me, enter a stall also with me, and to calm me down while I throw up D: ...If yes, was it embarrassing? I don’t find it embarrassing because she’s my girlfriend. I’d never ask anyone else to do the same thing for me though. Did you ever take your dog to school? Just once, for my graduation shoot. Name one person you know who had a baby in high school. No one in my batch had a baby while in high school, just shortly after. I’m not naming them but one of them already has three kids, one has a boy, and another one also has a boy. Do you keep a list of your favorite quotes? No. Describe your dream wedding in three words. Lots of food. What is your favorite Chinese restaurant? Tim Ho Wan or King Bee. Does Chinese food make you feel sick? No. Well Filipinos are kinda used to Chinese food, so it would be odd for us to get sick from it. Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane? Fortunately no. But on a boat and a ship, yes. Do you get motion sickness? Yes, easily.

I’m just going to ignore the next seven questions because I’m tired of entertaining questions like these. Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what? Do you believe in God? Do you pray, and if so, to whom? What is the most boring church you have ever attended? What is the most lively church you have ever attended? Do you find church fun or boring? When was the last time you went to a church service? When did you learn to ride a bike? I haven’t learned yet. I’ve had a few lucky rounds but they never lasted for more than five seconds. What do you hate the most about summer? The weather. Certainly not as fun when there’s no breeze from the beach complementing the heat. What is your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? Stay away wherever most of the people are because it’s a little gross. Which part of your body is the most muscular? I don’t know. Do you like sugar skulls? No. Have you ever painted a sugar skull on your face? I probably had it done as a kid. Are you an artist? No. Did you ever take Latin in school? No but we were taught French very briefly because the foundress of my old school is from France. The lessons didn’t really catch on. What was the last race you ran called? I’ve never been in a race/marathon/walkathon before. Do you prefer to run in the street or on the sidewalk? Side of the street. Sidewalks are pretty inconsistent so I’m more likely to trip running on it. Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? Easter is always very near or exactly on my birthday.

[johnny-boy-17]

How Starco f***ed with my life in a good way

Welp, here we go again w/ another post on 7 reasons why an otp of mine is some gud s***. This is gonna be a bit different from the last one I did tho (it was about HiroTwo from DITF, here’s a link to dat) considering that one was an anime & the other is a D1dN3Y sH0w. Then again, both shows were pretty good w/ endings that pissed people off to the sun & cosmos so I guess it all evens out. But that’s enough stalling, let’s dive in (if you want of course)!

1: No Bullshit Zone!

What I thank these two drawings and the creators for everyday I spend alive is that it doesn't have the whole “they don’t like eachother but they will someday Hyuk Hyuk!” bullshit you see in anime. This is a tsundere free zone! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU GOD ALL MIGHTY ABOVE!!

I mean it kinda throws you for a loop at first in the pilot with Star sorta f***ing up Marco’s precious little life...

...but then she goes to find him and apologize, some other stuff happened, and all is forgiven and the two only become closer after that. In fact, they become best friends from that point on.

Maybe it’s just my anime background, but I think it would have been SO FUCKING EASY to do the stupid tsundere bullshit you see all the time. But no: they legit are good friends in the entire run of the series. This brings me to the second point.

2: Multiversal tool

Star and Marco are the kinda duo that could have never become a thing, and I would have actually been kinda ok with it. Their bond as “besties” so strong that it didn’t matter much to me whether or not they become a thing (though I would very much like it), I just liked their interactions either way.

I dunno, something about them gives me Arin and Danny vibes (game grumps), in that they treasure each others friendship so friggin’ much and are so comfortably open about it. Star/Arin constantly exclaiming how much Marco/Danny is their best friend, and Marco/Danny reciprocating (plus the fun times they have together in different scenarios), their just so comfy being friends.

3: Aesthetic dorks

These two just have look down to a T, and are total doofs, lookit.

I’m convinced that the photo-booth on it’s own has more than enough good shit to go ‘round.

4: Patience rewarded

And I’m not just talking about the actual ‘sailing’ of the shitp, I mean like any amount of time. One thing all of us can agree on is that the “will-thy-won’t-they” teasing kinda gets old after a bit, but they sure-as-s*** know how to  friggin’ deliver.

Lemme set this scene: a big battle has been won, star’s made a confession a few weeks back, and Marco’s about to leave to go home. d0 d3y K1$$?!? Nope, but do they give a big ol’ wholesome going away moment, like their actually leaving each other forever.

5: Slow and Steady

That fable about the tortoise and the hare is classic for a reason, and it’s cuz it’s right: slow and steady wins. Starco did take their sweet-time trying to get it working, and it paid off. As much as we all harp on how long it took, you can’t say they didn’t take their time to make sure it went off without a hitch... whether or not you see that those efforts worked is subjective I suppose.

6: Moral Support-hotline

Moral support be super important in any relationship (real, fake, whatevs), and these two got that down in spades. Perfect examples being the above, when Star’s going through some abandonment issues when Marco is planing to leave for home. He comes in, tells her it’s gonna be ok, and that their still gonna be besties.

The other being (that in the beginning) Marco always kinda struggled w/ self-love and confidence and all that, then Star took off his fake glasses and used them to help calm his worries (NOTE: I think there’s alot more to those glasses now that I’m typing that out).

7: Endgame

Ok, before you start... OK. BEFORE. YOU. START.

Look, I’m not gonna deny that the show’s ending as a whole has a lot to be desired, because it does leave a lot to be desired. But let’s look at it from the standpoint of the whole point of this post has been about: the relationship between the two leads. This whole show has had the whole ‘cleaved’ theme going on, and this is them following through on that theme. It’s sorta like the old disney movie endings: it relies more on the emotions rather than the logic. Take any of the stories where the prince wakes up the princess w/ a kiss and they live happily ever after. Did you even for one split second think about the lack of consent? Maybe you do now, but did you as a kid? Nah, you were just happy for a happy ending. 

Likewise, I didn’t really think about the logistics for the two world merging and what the consequences meant (AT FIRST), I was just happy these two get a happy ending, and I still am.

And hey, lookie there: Lucky seven reasons these two is guuuuuud s***. I realize I may be a bit late with this post, but better late than never, right? Besides, these two took their f***in’ time, why shouldn’t I?

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

Love How You Hate Me - Sam x Reader

A/N: It’s late as fuck. But, hopefully this works soon. As usual, feedback is always incredible. I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Nightmares. Sexual tension. Nothing too wild.

Word Count: Roughly 3,200

“Her name was Esmeralda?” Dean asked through the mouth full of beef and bread. “Like the gypsy from Hunchback of Notre Dame?” Sam deadpanned his brother. “What?”

“Nothing.” Came the shamed sigh before the taller man leaned back in his chair. Refusing to indulge in his sibling's Disney craze.

“What else did he have?” Getting back to business, Dean turned back to you before chomping back into his burger.

“She was African American. Real pretty. He didn't pay her much mind, though. She was too wrapped up in our vic.” You stated from your perch on the small couch the motel carried. Looking over the notes in front of you. The cap of the pen tapped against your lower lip while you thought. Your blouse had been discarded to make up for the heat. Leaving you in just a white tank. “Doesn't fit the vampire mold. though. She was out in the daylight.”

“Maybe we're dealing with a bait girl.” Sam suggested, drawing your attention back to him. His long fingers carefully rolled the white sleeves up along his forearms. Too enticing for your sanity. Luckily, the greasy lip smacking from Dean tugged you back to reality.

“Maybe,” You shrugged, not convinced. “But, I don't think so. She's a dead end.”

“Why's that?” The younger brother's challenging tone only made you roll your eyes.

“Let's just call it a woman's intuition.” A wry smile only made his scowl deeper as he leaned over his own burger.

“Great.” Came the huff. “We're going on intuition, now.”

“Sam-”

“Don't worry about it, Dean.” You got to your feet slowly. Stretching so hard that the undershirt rode up. Noting the way the skin tingled at the contact from the hazel gaze. A gentle pop eased some of the stiffness from all the time crammed in the Impala's back seat. “He'll figure it out.”

“Figure what out?” Yep, definitely defensive.

Your shirt and note pad were snatched up, “Good night, boys.” With that, you sauntered towards the door. Enjoying the way Sam's jaw ticked.

“Wait! No. Figure what out?” Came the demand, again. As if that rough tone would be enough to hold you. “Y/N!”

You pretended you didn't hear him. That his roar hadn't sent shivers down your spine. Your door was shut and locked. Just in case he decided to follow. Public attention be damned.

Instead, you seemed to luck out. If there was one word that could define Sam Winchester, it was intelligent. He'd piece it together sooner than later. Once his brain moved away from the need to kill, anyway.

Bait girls rarely spent longer than night pursing a target. The longest you'd ever known had been a week to end a personal grudge. Any longer drew attention to themselves. To the nests. Drawing in hunters. They'd be killed the moment things got too close.

Esmeralda had been around too long. Was still alive. There wasn't a chance she was the bait. You'd have bet your life on it.

He figure it out? Resisting texting the older Winchester was futile. Or is he still pissed?

Option two. Dean's answer tugged your lips up. He'll get to it, eventually. Get some rest, Vamp Queen. Busy day tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

Vampires had been the closest thing you could call to your specialty. It had been too easy to spot the bait. The fake smiles. Empty promises. Every trick you'd ever picked up being put to use. They'd drawn you in with it. Trying to save them from their holds. Sometimes successfully. Other times, not. Over the years, they became the focus of your attention.

Sam didn't have a clue about any of that, though. Treating you as though it was your first hunt. So unintentionally condescending that you couldn't stand him. What a joke.

Focusing on his presumed ideals about you wouldn't help you wind down. Instead, removed the tank and skirt. Replacing it was one of Dean's old undershirts. Not bothering to worry about anything else.

Exhaustion settled into your bones as you crawled on top of the covers. Forgetting to tug them free from the mattress. The sun was barely set, but that didn't matter. Your eyes drifted shut.

–

Your eyes stared into his. Daring him to make the first move. When he didn't, you rolled your eyes. “You're pathetic, Winchester.”

Bending to put down your glass, you prepared to leave. Sam couldn't have that. His arm grabbed your bicep. Halting you in one swift motion. You didn't turn to him right away. Instead, you took a deep, steadying breath. The moment your glare met his hard gaze, he uttered a single command. “Sit down.”

Soft knocking made Sam's head jerk towards the door. His eyes opened, forcing the dream to tug away. Sure enough, it sounded again past the snoring emitting from Dean. With a groan, he kicked out of the blankets. Rubbing at his face with the back of his hand as he moved to answer it.

“Y/N?” He groggily stared at your form as you shifted at the door. You hadn't bothered to dress. Arms wrapped around your torso, you stood head bowed. “What's going on? It's...four am.”

“I...” You paused, trying to compose yourself. Clearing the lump in your throat. “Can you get Dean?” Despite the attempt to seem well put together, your voice shook. A wince flashed across your face at the sound of it before you gave up. “Please?” It was such a simple word. Earlier it would have made all the blood in his body rush south. But, in that moment, it made his stomach churn. Something was wrong. You sounded...broken. “Sam, please...”

Nothing else could leave your lips. It had been meant as a simple request. But, it was so much more. You needed his cooperation in that moment.

And he gave it without a fight, “I'll get him.”

You nodded your thanks, but didn't say anything else. Instead, you stood defeated. Shaking in the low light of the hallway. Then, it clicked in his sleep fogged brain.

“Sometimes, I have rough nights. Remember things from my past...” Your voice echoed through his mind. His head turned back to the door. Almost tempted to take his brother's place. With a shake of his head, the thoughts were gone.

“Dean,” Sam slammed his hand down on his brother's leg. Instantly, the older brother jerked in response. Reaching for his gun out of instinct, until he realized just who had connected with him.

“Dude, what?” The older sibling bit out. His eyes in slits, yet. They closed for a moment after he caught sight of the alarm. Again, Sam glanced back at the door. Deliberating on what his best option was.

“Y/N...She's at the door. I think … I think she's having one...one of her nights.” The deep green eyes snapped open at that one. “She needs you, man.”

Dean didn't hesitate. Jumping to his feet in an instant. As he pulled on his jeans, he looked at his younger sibling. “How do you know about those?”

“It's not important.” Sam shrugged out, his hand going through his hair. Wondering if you were so bad off that you'd still be sitting in the hallway. He dropped back to his bed instead of going to check.

“Earlier...You said you only knew one important thing about her-”

“Just, go get her out of the hall, Dean. She's not wearing any clothes.” The curt statement didn't make the suspicion leave the older sibling. But, he had bigger things to worry about. You.

“Hey,” Dean's voice was amazingly gentle as he opened the door enough to slip out. “You need to talk?” Sam heard a sniff, but couldn't make out anything else. He couldn't picture your face coated in tears. You always got defiant. If not stubborn, you didn't carry more than a blank slate. Never sad. Never scared. Not around him. Even when he'd seen you sneak into his brother's room, you seemed well held together. But, in that moment, you'd been more fragile than he'd ever thought you could be. “No? I'll talk then. You listen. Okay, sweetheart?”

“Okay.” It was weak, but you'd managed it. “I'm sorry...” A hallow crack escaped. “I...I...I know...I know this has to...to be irritating-”

“Don't.” His brother insisted with just a hint of steel. “It's not your fault. None of it is.” Curiosity spiked at those words. “Just take a breath, Y/N...” You must have done what he'd said. “Let's go... Let Sam get some sleep.”

Flashbacks from his childhood assaulted Sam. When he'd have nightmares, his brother had always been there. Had talked him through them. Around them. Whatever he needed in that moment. Did anytime he caught them. Even if his little brother was all grown up.

It was Dean's way of filling the gap their mother had left behind when she'd been killed by Azazel. His way of making up for the lack of real parenting they'd received from John Winchester. A chance to remain the protector.

Sam hadn't connected the dots until he witnessed it up close and personal. Dean wasn't in love with you. Sure as hell wasn't fucking you. No, he was taking you under his wing. Just like he'd done with Sam when he had been nothing more than a child himself.

The door shut quietly, as if Dean had already expected Sam to be out cold. Too uninterested to listen in. In reality, Sam sat staring at the door through the darkness. Wondering what had been bad enough to make you beg him while being fully conscious...

–

You'd moved on as if that night had never happened. As if Sam hadn't seen your weakened state. That infuriating blank mask back in place.

The only thing you'd done to acknowledge it had ever happened was a muttered thank you, a light squeeze of his bicep, and a small- shy- smile before you'd moved on. He would have thought he'd imagined it all- including your thanks- if it wasn't for the way Dean hovered over you. Determined to be there whenever you needed him. It didn't seem to phase you the way the older brother leered over you protectively. Instead, you threw yourself into the hunt with vigor.

You'd been the one who located the nest. Figured out that it was a group of females that only fed on males. Even managing to crack a joke over the whole new meaning to the words 'man eater'. You'd managed to be the one who had identified how many members there were, and they're most active period. Always three steps ahead of Sam when it came to the case. He had to wonder if you were truly sleeping at all.

There was a piece of his pride that had been destroyed on your quest for violence. But the rest of him? It was impressed. He knew you were book smart when it came to hunting. There'd been too many times you'd found the answers they'd needed at the bunker before he had a chance to. But, this went so much deeper than that. You'd been on a roll with the entire thing.

The only problem? He'd yet to see you fight. And damn if it didn't twist his gut to think of the consequences.

The impala was parked a few blocks from the building the vampires were housed in- a small, abandoned hospital that had closed sometime back in the early 1900s. Dean had taken care to hide the muscle car in a small clearing in the forest. No one from the road, or the nest, would have any clue that there was an ambush on the way.

You were in jeans and a simple black baseball shirt. Velcro straps wrapped around your thighs and attached to your belt before your blades were set in. Already coated in the ashes of saffron, skunk cabbage, and trillium to hide your scent. The third blade in your hand.

“What?” Hazel eyes were burning into your skin as you got ready. Sam didn't bother over doing it. Leaning against the Impala, simply watching you.

“Tomb raider fan?” His lip quirked lightly. Drawing a twitch to your eye. It was easier to tease than to worry.

“I'm protecting myself.” You retorted, bending to make sure the strap was secure. Turning away as if he didn't set your nerves on edge all decked out in a brown plaid that fit a tad too snugly. “We're dealing with a big nest.” The small machete was spun in your fingers to move it away from your skin as you straightened back to your full height. “I refuse to be a victim.” The unspoken again hung in the air. His eyes seemed to soften a bit, only serving to make your brows snap together. You didn't want his pity. “If you were smart? You'd have a back up, too.”

“I don't need more than one blade. I know how to use the one I have.” Your breath hitched at the double entendre. When your eyes flashed back his way, you couldn't miss the satisfaction. Nothing short of male arrogance hung in the air.

“Cute.” You wrinkled your nose, pushing away the way you'd lit up. Refusing to let him get under your skin. “Let's just chop up some vamps. Get this shit over with.” Kicking off of the vehicle, you moved to go find Dean. To speed things along.

“You really are a blood thirsty little thing, aren't you?” He asked seriously, reaching over to check his blade's sharpness as you whipped back his way.

“I try to reserve it to monsters...and you.” The final jab hit its mark. But, he didn't flinch. Simply straightened to his full height. “Blood is only fun when it comes from the right people.”

“Didn't peg you for the kinky type.” Deadpanned, he waited for a reaction to the lie. Maybe to goad you into leaving. Possibly to amp you up for the fight ahead. Adrenaline was adrenaline, no matter the source.

“Isn't that the best way to be?” Came the not-so-innocent response. “Vanilla just gets stale.” One thing was for certain, you knew how to play that game all too well. The tilt of your head exposed the lines of your neck that he'd mentally traced too many times. A slow, torturous glide of the tip of your tongue across your bottom lip drew him in. “Sammy,” Husky and thick, your voice sent the blood in his head rushing south. He didn't dream of stopping your lazy, swinging gait his way. Slowly, your fingertip raised to graze across the blade in his hand. Tracing it as if it were your lover. Your body shifted subtly. Offering up your chest. He didn't do more than glance, too distrustful of your shift. “There's a lot you're going to figure out about me by tonight.”

“A...A...Anything good?” He returned, fighting to not let your innuendos slow him down.

“Good is the farthest thing from what you're about to see.” The low promise nearly made him groan. “You see, Samuel...” Your finger stroked the blade again, letting the metaphoric action settle between you two. “There's a side of me that you can't even begin to imagine...”

“I...I promise you,” He rasped out, his own voice dropping an octave. Chest rising a little rapidly to be normal. The hazel looked deeper under the light of the late morning. “I've got a great imagination.”

“And I promise you,” You let your eyes lock with his again, “it doesn't come close to the real thing.” Your lips curled up as the warm flesh of your fingers slid down the handle. Just barely brushing against the thick skin of Sam's hand as you pulled away. Nostrils flaring, a shuttering breath left the tall hunter. “You'll see.”

“You guys ready?” Dean's voice made you jerk away. Putting distance between you and Sam. The eldest hunter broke through the woods, weapon still in hand. “Looks like they're all out. We do this right? They don't even wake up.”

“Let's go, then.” Your eyes lifted back to the younger Winchester's. Unable to stop the final look over him. “Thanks for the help, Sam.” With that, you twisted back. Heading the way Dean had come from.

“Help?” The older brother turned to Sam. Demanding an explanation with his raised brows.

“Don't ask.” Chest puffed, the taller hunter strode after you. Mentally preparing himself for the hell that was sure to come from you alone with a set of vamps.

“I should...” Dean glanced over to his car. Ensuring she was secure before turning back. Watching two of the strongest people he knew stride ahead of him. “But, something tells me that I'm better off not knowing.”

It didn't take long to find yourselves at the entrance. Vines crawled against old, crumbled, red brick. Graffiti- some fresh, some old- was scattered across every piece that could have been reached. A heavy metal door covered the front.

Your eyes met Dean's. A nod to the right let you know where you'd be. Sam got the left. Dean was taking the middle. Where you were sure that the leader would be. However, you wouldn't fight the decision. It had been too long. Wrestling with Bane didn't compare to fighting a supernatural creature.

Concern flitted across Sam's face when your eyes met his, again. But, he didn't say a word. Simply pulled open the door as quietly as he could. A nod was sent your way for luck as you walked by. One of your own was returned. And then, you were alone.

If there was ever a moment to thank Sam Winchester, it was that one. Your feet were still light. Well tuned from the stealth the pranks had required over the years as you stalked into the emptiness.

If you hadn't known better, you would have thought it was still night. The boarded up windows were few and far in between. Leaving your eyes to adjust to the shadows. Slowly, everything came into focus.

Your fingers gripped tighter against the handle that rested in your palm as you approached the first room. Using every sense you carried to anticipate what you'd run into. 

A light scrape sounded as you stood just outside of the opening. A darker shadow slid across the ground. Dean had been wrong. They weren't all asleep.

A small drop of sweat slid down your brow as you tried to place where the sounds were coming from. Once you had your best guess, you sucked in a silent breath. Your heart beat thudded in your ears. Too loud for a normal vampire to miss.

Your best bet? A human was in the room. Or a newly turned vamp. You didn't know which you preferred. With a final mental pat, you turned in. Blade ready...

Part Seven

Tag: @burningmusicmachine @missmarrinette @sherlockedtash88 @rathersuspiciousbumblebee @sasbb23 @nothinbuttrouble2

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon @supernaturalginger

[holidaywishes]

Almost

Part nine: Almost

  Summary: Eight months after Auston’s sisters brought your parents to Toronto, you’ve once again become removed from your family. With your due date fast approaching, you and Auston prepare for baby.

  Author’s Note: Holy shit it’s been forever since I’ve written anything. I know this is kind of a shorter chapter but I’m highly stressed about school and I’m procrastinating so I don’t have to deal with it. Anyway, I’ve gone back and read this series so I could make sure everything lined up. It’s coming to an end and I hope you’ve enjoyed it! You’re more than welcome to send me some requests, my inbox is always open, it might just take me a little while to write some stuff or get it out.

  P.S.: I’m almost entirely sure that this timeline doesn’t match up and that there is about about a one to two month bumper of what the actual pregnancy timeline would be

P.P.S.: I don’t know why the line breaks are gone on text posts now but whatever, we’ll make do. Right now, it’s just a bunch of dash’s (-----). Sorry about that!

  Warnings: Time jumps, probably some swearing, hopefully no angst but I can’t make any promises

  masterlist

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  Auston hadn’t talked to his sisters in months. After the two girls brought your parents to the city, prompting them to attack your choices and question your relationship. Still, you felt guilty that Auston was distancing himself from his family, so you invited everyone out for Brunch and asked Steph and Mitch to come to diffuse the tension.

  “I don’t want you not to have a relationship with your sisters just because I don’t have a relationship with my parents…” you said to Auston as he pouted in front of you

  “They brought them into your life knowing that you didn’t get along with them,” he countered, “they knew what they were doing”

  “Maybe…” you started, “but that’s my problem not yours. They’re your family and that’s more important than a stupid thing that happened eight months ago…”

  “(Y/N)...”

  “Auston, I am pregnant and I am irritated beyond belief. All I’m asking for is for you to talk to your sisters. To try and patch things up before it’s too late” you saw him step back for a second before agreeing to your request, knowing that he wasn’t going to win any argument. When you got there, the host directed you to your table and filled the glasses of water as you waited for everyone to arrive; Auston leaning over the table to tell you that you could still call it

  “I wouldn’t blame you, you know, if you wanted to leave…” he mentioned, “just say the word and we’re gone”

  “Auston…” you sighed and he smiled, knowing he’d lost, before rubbing your stomach with his right hand

  “Okay okay,” he caved, leaning in to kiss your forehead, “don’t say I didn’t warn you though…” You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend before picking up the menu and leaning back in your chair; you couldn’t say that you weren’t nervous to see everyone again, especially Alexandria and Breyana, but it was important to you that Auston had a good relationship with his family, so you got over yourself. Shortly after, the group filed in and greeting each other as they sat down; tension filling the gaps before Mitch eventually spoke the first words

  “So…” he started, “got a name yet?” you smiled at his question and looked at Auston

  “Kind of… we’re going back and forth between Olivia and Aurora” Auston cooed as he rubbed your stomach when your little girl kicked, bringing a smile to your face and the group asked if they could feel

  “Of course! Hurry, before she gets shy!” you laughed and the group hovered around you, placing one hand each on your stomach when you noticed Alexandria and Breyana stay back, forcing you to nod in their direction to Auston

  “Come on Alex, Brey, come feel…” he tried but they shook their hands and the tension was back

  “Who’s hungry?” Ema asked, staring down her two daughters while everyone took their seats again. Everyone quickly placed their orders with the server who came to refill drinks and laughed at little jokes here and there until one by one the group seemed to get up to give you and the sisters a second to talk.

  “Listen…” you started, bringing in your chair so you could lean on the table and talk quietly, “I know this is awkward but what happened is in the past now. This baby is almost here and she’s gonna need her auntie’s…”

  “Yeah, right…” Breyana scoffed, causing you to scrunch your eyebrows

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “We know you don’t want us here, we know Auston forced you to invite us here…” Alexandria added

  “Now, hold on a second” you interrupted

  “No! Let me say something before you try and play yourself off as the hero here. I’m sorry that you had an abusive dad and a sucky childhood, I’m sorry you haven’t seen or spoken to your parents in like eight years. That’s not on us. But if you think that you can manipulate our brother into thinking that it’s you or us, then I think you should prepare to be a single parent. Completely alone…” Alexandria said, anger covering every word

  “Auston didn’t want to come. I invited you, I reached out. Because I know how important family is, you know, being that I lacked one my entire life. You brought something back into my life that I so desperately was trying to forget, something that Auston hadn’t even really known about, and he was so pissed at the two of you for it that he decided not to talk to you two,” you admitted, “he loves you both but you didn’t just hurt me, you hurt his child… and that made him want to distance himself from you. So, please, before you go yelling at me because you think I’m manipulating him against you, try to see that we’re both trying to get over what happened…” The two sat silently across from you until the rest of the group showed up, giving you a small smile before turning to Auston

  “I like Aurora,” Breyana said and you saw Auston’s smile grow wide, “she’s the Disney princess right?”

  “That was (Y/N)’s choice for that very reason” he laughed

  “So your choice was Olivia?” Alexandria asked skeptically

  “Well, not exactly…” he confessed, “I suggested Lauren but (Y/N) thought it was too basic.” The table burst into laughter at Auston’s baby name suggestion, bringing a slight blush to Auston’s face

  “Aww, babe,” you said, kissing his cheek, “it’s okay. Just because I don’t love the name doesn’t mean I don’t love you…” He smiled before turning to you and laying a quick kiss to the tip of your nose. After that, the rest of the Brunch went smoothly with everyone laughing and sharing stories about what they’d been up to. It was nice to see Auston and his sisters back on good terms and you could see how happy it made Ema and Brian as well. Your heart swelled with happiness at seeing them all hug as they said goodbye and went their separate ways.

  And then your heart broke knowing that you could never have that.

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One Month Later

  “Are we ready?” you asked Auston while the two of you flipped through Netflix to find something to watch

  “Not yet, just one sec” was his half-hearted reply

  “What?!” you said in a panicked tone, forcing Auston to look at you

  “Babe, what - what’s wrong?”

  “We’re not ready?”

  “We will be… don’t worry… I just have to find this movie that we were talking about earlier”

  “OH MY GOD AUSTON! I was talking about the baby, not the stupid movie!”

  “Ahh that makes more sense,” he laughed to himself, “yes, babe, we’re ready. Or as ready as we can be as first time parents…”

  “That doesn’t make me feel any better”

  “Look, we’ve got the birth plan, the bag is packed for when you go into labour, the car seat is installed in the truck --”

  “We really should’ve put it in a different car.. I don’t think that truck is safe…”

  “I can switch tomorrow, don’t worry, we’re prepared” you squinted your eyes at his choice of word, using prepared instead of ready, and you could tell it was a sidestep

  “Prepared is not the same thing as ready. Sure, we’re prepared for the actual hospital and birthing thing, but what happens when we have to take the baby home? And there’s no one here to help us?...”

  “We take it one day at a time. That’s all we can do…”

  “I can’t screw this up. I had to leave work for maternity leave and my team was freaking out until the second I left…”

  “That’s because you take care of too much and they haven’t had to figure out anything on their own. We’re all in the same position” he joked and you laughed nervously

  “Please, I can’t be nervous about them too”

  “Everything is going to be great, trust me”

  “Can I blame you if it all goes wrong?”

  “If you need to, I’ll allow it” he smiled at you and you let out a sigh of relief

  “Okay, that makes me feel a little better then…”

  “I love you…”

  “I love you too.” You cuddled in next to Auston while he continued to search for this movie on Netflix that neither of you could remember the title of, starting and stopping about five that seemed like it could be it. When he finally found it, you had all but fallen asleep on his chest but you could still hear the action on the screen; a loud bang jolting you awake and you let out a small laugh.

  “Ooh, ow…” you said, feeling a small pain in your stomach

  “Are you okay?” Auston rushed to make sure you and the baby weren’t hurt

  “Yeah I think so, I’m just gonna grab a glass of water”

  “Need any help?”

  “No, babe,” you said, kissing his cheek, “I’ll be fine but thank you.” You walked slowly over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and placing it under the faucet, watching it fill to the top before you felt another small pain. Your due date wasn’t for another two and a half weeks so you weren’t too concerned about anything, and this felt like cramping or gas, so the thought of early labour was the last thing on your mind. That is until one pain went through your entire body and you dropped the glass of water.

  “Ahh fuck! Ow ow ow, fuck Auston!!” you yelled out as Auston rushed to you

  “Babe, what’s going on? What can I do?”

  “Get the fucking car, I think I’m going into labour...” you said, your breathing hard and shallow, “fuck this hurts!”

  “Okay, okay -- you’re gonna be okay --”

  “THE CAR AUSTON!!”

  “Right, getting the car, hang on baby.” You leaned against the counter, trying to ease the pain, but nothing seemed to work and you yelled out to Auston again to see where he was when you noticed him rushing around the room and you noticed the stress on his face but you couldn’t get his attention

  “Auston..” you tried, “Auston, sweetie…”

  “Okay, we have that, that’s in the car, that was over here, okay, I think that’s ever--” he mumbled to himself before you threw a banana at him

  “AUSTON!” you said, finally grabbing his attention and widening your eyes in annoyance

  “Right!” He carefully led you around the broken glass and into the truck while you squeezed his hand so tight, you were sure you heard bone crack. The ride to the hospital was the most stressful part of the whole experience; with the amount of pain you were in and Auston trying not to kill any of you, no one was at ease.

  “UGGGHHHH, I just want this baby out!! CAN’T YOU DRIVE FASTER!!” you yelled and Auston stepped on the gas just enough for you to stop yelling at him for two seconds before you eventually said he was going too fast. Once you checked into the hospital, and were taken to your room, you felt like you couldn’t breathe

  “You’re doing great babe, you’re so amazing!” Auston tried but ultimately failed

  “Don’t start with me, hockey boy, I hate this. I hate you! I can’t do this, it hurts too much. I think I’m done with all of this now. It can be over now.. please…”

  “Oh, sweetie, want some ice chips?” You just glared at him, giving him his cue to leave the room for a few minutes to call his family. Your doctor came in to talk to you and you could barely get one word out with the pain you were in

  “You’re doing great,” your doctor assured you, “two weeks early huh? You excited?”

  “Not at the current moment. How much longer Doc?”

  “Every pregnancy is different. You’re at four centimetres right now, which isn’t bad. Six more to go…” The pain seemed to subside for a bit, like your body heard that you only had a little bit to go and decided to calm down and you wondered where Auston went, “he’s just making a call, the Daddy, he’ll be right back”

  “That obvious huh?”

  “I’ve been doing this a long time, (Y/N), and never have I seen a mommy want to be away from the daddy.” She smiled at you before leaving the room, just as Auston came back, slowly rounding the corner and handing you a cup of ice chips

  “C’mere,” you gestured for him to come to you, “I’m sorry baby, it was just a lot of pain. But thank you for being so amazing. I love you so much”

  “I love you too” he said softly and sat down in the chair next to your bed. The pain came and went for a few hours until Ema and Brian showed up, coming in to say hi but leaving when your contractions started again. You screamed and cursed and tried to throw anything in your reach but Auston had made sure to move everything out of your grasp. Auston left the room for a bit to talk to his parents, leaving you alone in the quiet hospital room and you looked at all the posters and colours on the walls.

  What the hell are they trying to do to me? Are we stuck in the 80s? I mean really? Is that a Giraffe in a tutu? Why? Wh-- your thoughts were cut short by a major contraction that brought your doctor back into the room who looked at you with hopeful eyes, please tell me it’s time, you thought to yourself

  “Nine centimetres, you’re almost there…” she said and your head fell back in disappointment; Auston coming back into the room telling you Ema and Brian can’t wait to meet their granddaughter and you practically burst into tears.

  “We’re going to have a baby girl” you said, delight in your voice, as if it were the first time you realized it. Auston just smiled at you, laying a kiss to your forehead

  “Yeah, we are.”

[minaminokyoko]

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil--A Spoilertastic Review

Disney: *shuffling through records* Hey, Hollywood.

Hollywood: *drunkenly burps, throws empty beer can behind the couch* Yup?

Disney: What’s that really well written, well acted, beautifully shot, feminist movie we made with Angelina Jolie that one time?

Hollywood: Oh, the broad with the wings and the horns? Maleficent.

Disney: Yeah, yeah, her. Do something else with her.

Hollywood: Wait, you don’t want to give it to her? *points to Talent, who is sitting at the table typing* Or her? *points to Effort, who is in the kitchen baking souffle* I mean, they’re the ones who made the first one.

Disney: Nah, you got this. Go for it.

Hollywood: Alright. *farts and a script falls out of his ass* Here you go.

Disney: Thanks, fam.

*END SCENE*

In case you can’t tell, I’m extremely disappointed in Maleficent: Mistress of Evil.

Overall Grade: C-

As always, spoilers below.

Pros:

-Probably the only reason a few straggling fans are showing up to Maleficent II is finding out that the legendary Michelle Pfeiffer was cast as the evil queen. She is just as smug and cold and awful as she seemed in the trailer, so kudos. They don’t share enough screen time, but Mal vs. Ingrith at that dinner table was some of the shadiest, pettiest shit I’ve ever seen. Ingrith is That Bitch. You really wanted her to have a harsher fate considering the monstrous shit that she does in this movie.

-Though they are seriously few and far between, I did like the tiny domestic moments we got from Diaval and Maleficent. I’m sad to say that the hype was once again wrong. They were teasing that perhaps Diaval and Mal would get a little more of a romantic spin, but either it was cut for time or they changed their minds. Diaval and Mal are apart the entire movie. It’s the worst. However, the bits we do get of them in the beginning, like him giving her the bad news and her trying out her smile in front of him and her telling him he missed her was nothing short of adorable. I especially loved it when they were served bird and Mal gives him that mean little side-eye. It feels very comfortable and domestic, and less like they’re mistress and servant and a little bit more like the mother and father pair that they actually are. I’m just sad there is so few scenes of them together.

-Expanding Mal’s backstory has very mixed results, but the bits we do see and understand aren’t half bad. The phoenix thing is way under-explained, but it is a neat concept that the dark fae came from a single source. It was also a believable story that they were hunted to near extinction, especially during this era of time when white people were at their most fucking ridiculous killing every new people they found on every fucking continent they found them on. It made sense they hid from them and wanted revenge, since we pretty much see that the humans for the most part are utter shitheads anyway. I also loved the diversity of the dark fae, coming from all continents and all peoples. Nothing drives me crazier than the idea that all fantasy creatures should look like pale white folks. This was very nice to see. 

-At least Diaval didn’t die. I was afraid of that since bad sequels often kill someone you like just to “raise the stakes.”

-Tying the cursed spindle into the sequel isn’t half-bad an idea. It’s kind of neat that it’s how Aurora ends up discovering the truth.

Cons:

-Fucking everything else in this movie, basically, is a negative point. Goddammit. Why did they squander all this fucking talent?

-Having Mal, Diaval, and Aurora separated the entire time is the first huge mistake. I was hoping from the trailer that Mal getting hurt and finding her own kind was something that happens in the second act. Nope. First act. Fucking hell. All the reasons why Maleficent was a great movie was the dynamic between these characters and the development of their relationships. It was so easy to love them. They were a family. They had struggles and they all put in effort and they won the day. And then this movie happened. Mal and Diaval first and foremost were done dirty, especially since behind the scenes they had been teasing that maybe the hints of romance between them might finally get a brief spotlight, but no. Didn’t happen. Either it was cut for time or they changed their minds. Then Aurora just blindly believing that Mal cursed the king despite knowing her mother for fucking five plus years, not counting how Mal raised her from afar, just massively pisses me off. Aurora has shown no signs of wanting to just be a normal girl. She loves her mother faithfully and it feels very OOC for her to just instantly assume the worst, especially since she should know things about magic by now and would have heard that Mal has to verbally curse someone, not just with a gesture of magic.

-Almost every part of this story has our leads being passive as hell. I hate passive stories and I hate passive characters. Remember, a good story is one in which your protagonists affect the plot and the outcome and each other. This movie is borderline boring. It’s so much of people looking out the window at the sky and fretting and being moody. All of our characters just sit around for two goddamn hours barely doing a thing until the war at the end, as if the movie is just waiting for itself to end. It’s such a fucking shame considering how many creative, engrossing scenes are in the first film. The first film perfectly paced the character development with the three main leads alongside the action. I loved seeing Diaval’s different forms. The action was fantastic and the story was deeply personal. Everything built towards the end goal of showing the full scope of who Mal is as both the hero and the villain. Here, it’s just miscommunication. That’s it. It’s so stupidly basic and it doesn’t do anything but open the door for her backstory. It’s such a lazy method to introduce them. There were much better ways to go about it and I’m sad that none of our beloved three barely does anything over the course of the movie.

-The tone is all over the fucking place. I actually would not recommend this movie for kids. It’s much too harsh for the little ones when we reach the war in the third act. It’s unnecessarily cruel to a bunch of characters. It even has the nerve to outright KILL one of the three fairy godmothers with little to no reverence for what a big fucking deal that should be. It’s a nasty, unpleasant feeling when she dies and when the other moorfolk and the dark fae die as well. And yet some of these scenes have slapped together “wah-wah-wah” moments, like the evil queen simply being turned into a goat. Ha-ha. Yeah. There are dozens of soldiers and innocent townsfolk and fairies dead. But she’s a just a goat. Sure. That’s not a whiplash of a fucking tone at all. What the hell is the matter with this movie? How dare you actually kill a fairy godmother. And it was one of a few stupid sacrifices while we’re at it. I mean, Magical Negro Fae went full Piccolo standing in front of Mal when all he had to do was yank her out of the way. Same for the big tree fae who died. Not to mention the fact that the giant tree fae just had to walk over to that fucking pipe organ and snap that stupid redhead’s neck, easy peasy, in three seconds. Problem solved. Fuck this movie for showing such flagrant deaths for innocent characters.

Oh, excuse me, one second.

*grabs Hollywood by the ear, shoves him into a chair, and breaks his nose*

Hollywood: OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Me: IF YOU PUT ONE MORE GODDAMN FUCKING MAGICAL NEGRO INTO ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING MOVIE IN 2019 OR BEYOND, I’MMA FUCKING KILL YOU.

-Magical Negro Fae makes me want to kill something. I’m tired, y’all. I’m tired of writers in Hollywood continually making wise black characters teach white people life lessons and then promptly die to advance their story. Go to hell. All of you who keep writing this wretched cliché go straight to hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Take your ass to hell and rot in the lake of fire. Stop. Fucking. Doing. This. To. Black. Characters. You. Fucking. Assholes.

-It feels like there is a movie between the first Maleficent and this one that we missed. Seriously, the characters spout backstory that sounds interesting and important, but it’s off-screen, and we’re constantly fighting to understand something that the characters clearly do. Show, don’t tell. Show me Aurora and Philip being in love. Show me Aurora’s longing for Philip and Mal to get along. Show me Mal wondering about her heritage and feeling like an outcast. Show me the dark fae’s backstory. Show me Lickspittle being forced into betraying his own kind. I cannot connect with these characters if you do not give me a reason to do it like you did in the first film.

-Is it just me or did Hollywood deadass steal a whole bunch of this from the Gargoyles animated series? I’m just saying. Go back and watch that and then watch this and tell me it’s not similar.

-Nitpick: God, Disney, I am so tired of you filming all your live action movies on one sound stage with zero practical effects and zero sets. Yes, we can tell the fucking difference when you film everything indoors and there’s no sets. Can we go back to actually giving a shit about how movies look?

-Nitpick: There’s plotholes everywhere. I already mentioned how the tree fae could have ended that church massacre in a total of 3 seconds, if that. Where have the dark fae been? Why did they just act that one time with those mercs stealing the moorfolk? What was Lickspittle actually doing to the trapped fairies? We never see him experiment on them or anything. How did Magical Negro Fae see Mal fall in total darkness? Was he just hovering around the area? Why? They seem very far away from their stronghold, so how did he see her and why have they never attempted contact with her before even though they apparently know the moors very well? I could go on like this for some time.

-Angelina Jolie is given very little material to work with and it’s depressing considering how emotionally attached I became to Mal in the first movie. Her struggle was so sympathetic and her reaction to Stefan’s cowardice and cruelty was arguably justified. Here, she’s not having some kind of revelation about herself. It’s cookie cutter right and wrong. It’s very little struggle. She’s not barely doing anything for long periods of time and it’s honestly boring and disappointing as hell considering what a force of nature she is in personality and in abilities. They took all the zest and spice out of her. She’s a hollow, empty version of herself here and it’s probably the most insulting thing of all.

-Nitpick: The title is a big fat lie. Mal does not turn evil or become evil. She swats some fools around at the end, but that’s all. I hate misleading titles.

Overall, the word to describe this movie is unnecessary. It’s not bad, but it is nowhere near good at all. It reduces all its characters into passive roles in a dull story that tries to make up for it by heavily loading the ending with very distasteful, cruel war scenes that are frankly too harsh for children. It’s not asking any deep, sympathetic questions from its audience. It’s just spinning its wheels, mostly. If you’re curious, sure, go ahead and rent it. I would warn you from paying full theater price since it adds almost nothing to something that was frankly perfect the way it was already. I went in with low expectations and while the movie didn’t go below them, it was still a letdown. Mostly because I wanted some Maleval scenes to wake up the tiny, dormant fandom, and I highly doubt this is going to do that.

Sigh. You deserved better, Mal. At least we’ll always have the first movie.

Kyo out.

[kitcat992]

Some honest responses from other MCU fans regarding Endgame

Because I know I’ve been one hell of a negative Nancy the past 24 hours, but wanted to show that my raw distaste for this film doesn’t go unshared.

particledamage: This entire thing sucks. I’m bitter.

SelenitaLunar: Worst ending ever. God can't believe this is the real deal. As a Tony fan they give us everything: Pepperony married and iron baby and Rescue only to kill him in the end and stab our hearts and tarnish all our memories of the MCU and this 11 years? Sure they are gonna subvert expectations, hope they enjoy it fully. As I'm not enjoying Marvel ever again. Shame on them. The Russos can go to hell, honestly.

greengirlrunning: They did Thor and Loki so dirty. The Loki thing is so obviously forced so that it ties in to his TV series, but it really undermines his entire arc in the MCU films. I'm pissed. Don't even get me started on Thor. It's perfectly believable that he would be depressed and feel hopeless, but to turn him into a joke and make him basically useless while Tony and Cap get epic (if problematic) endings? Bullshit.

_Mavericks: I’m sorry to say this, but the plot is pure shit. It’s not the case of getting disappointed because we wanted more. It is simply bad as it is. Sad ending.

sawinadream: Honestly Steve not preventing shit/suddenly acting selfishly AFTER being deemed worthy by Mjolnir/ignoring Bucky in Hydra captivity and SHIELD being infiltrated/the timeline somehow not registering these particular alterations IF he did change anything for the better.... OOC and lazy writing at its finest. Also wtf @ Sharon Carter now? Ew

priscillia28: It sounds like a bad fan theory

delta_charlie_2511: So the leaks we were sure were wrong turned out to be right. What they did to Cap is disappointing. It would have made more sense have him sacrifice himself and then wake up in a dream like sequence with Peggy where she is waiting for him to take her to the dance

valhallaorange: I'm upset with many of the main avengers stories, but I'm going to focus on Cap for this one.

It seems completely out of character for him to go back and marry Peggy, knowing in the future she HAD a husband and children, and a well-iived life of accomplishment. To me, it was a focal point of Cap's character to be unselfish and accepting of his new place in time. That included his love for Peggy and respecting that she lived her life fully.

It seems so wrong that he would go back in time to be with her and erase her family (children, possible grandchildren) in the process.

I'm so disappointed. I feel they've done his character so wrong and the only good movie of him was CA:WS. :(

Now that paired with the characterizations and situations of Tony, Thor, and Nat especially make me sad and unhappy.

ALSO, did the Russos just decide to say "Eh, screw it." With Sharon Carter? (Not a fan of her in the movies, but she also deserved way batter.)

valhallaorange: Agreed. A dance and then back to the future would've been acceptable and given more emotion to the pain and letting go Steve is known to experience. Also, Peggy deserves her own storyline and fully lived life without it being erased and her being reduced to only Cap's love interest.

captainamericasgf: This is literally my worst nightmare holy shit

RyuKenBlanka: Iron Man dying and Cap going back to the 1940's to be with Peggy is just lazy writing and closure for the characters and is the reality of Hollywood and not being able to have actors play roles forever. Both in reality should retire and take more advisory roles.

Suedeash: Also Cap's whole nightmare thing in Age of Ultron was dealing with the fact that he can't go back to Peggy, and yet here he just goes back? And knowing all of the horrible shit that happens in the future like 9/11, the Hydra infestation of SHIELD and all that he just sits back and does nothing? This sounds like a character assassination tbh, it would make far more sense for Tony to live with his family and Cap to have the heroic death as a way to bring his whole character arc to a fitting end.

Jedi_Mom: I think people began to think that it was impossible for marvel and Russos to let us down... we learned that they were capable of mistakes... the hard way.

DXGabriel: So.... when thor was becoming cool they just fuck his character? reaaly?

dracogladio1741: This is so convoluted. The ending is weird to say the least. Jeez.

inkwell84: Critics liked it. Audiences said what the eff.

itellteacherstories: This is what I get for overhyping myself: Disappointment.

lovestarkiller: Tony is gone like that?.... And Cap ending is just so...

FreeTanner17: One of the biggest disappointments is they kill off Natasha, don’t even give her a funeral and basically never mention her name again

Hawkguyism: Honestly, I'm severely disappointed

Cap's ending is a disservice to the character and his arc, Thor's ending makes no sense, he literally abandons all his people, Tony's ending is way too cruel, they could just say he went away and stuff like that, would be much better considering all the character's been through, Hulk and Nat are meeeehhhh, and seriously, how many fucking times is Hawkeye gonna retire? And like,we know he's gonna come back in the Disney+ show to train Kate and stuff

Overall, the plot seems too simple and the endings are pretty bad. Of course, in terms of action and entertainment, this movie will be a blast, but when it comes to story and narrative, it's a letdown. Especially considering we waited 11 years for this.

dumbwatercba: I feel like the writers went online and picked the worse theories out there and made a film out of it. Non of this seems right. The reviews were so positive. This seems like a steaming pile of shit. Thanus seems like the only thing missing from this.

msg53: I was hoping Endgame would be a good stopping point anyway. I would have preferred a satisfying ending, but a shitshow that turns me off of the entire genre works too, I guess.

IrishGrouch24: Man I am pissed the F off right now.

raven_rising:...Thanks Marvel, I kind of hate it.

scruk: I have no idea how they managed to fuck up this badly. No idea. It's like a bad fanfiction written by someone who's only watched Infinity War

CactusJackkkk: I feel like I just wasted 11 years of my life watching these movies with no payoff in the end.

eutears:This absolutely makes no sense. I cannot believe how the Russos thought this might be a good finale. Most of the plot crumbles if you put even a little bit of thought into it.

InlineSurfer: Keving Faige and MCU thinks,  that fans will take whatever they give us, but i cant, this so lazy and stupid script.

Griever11422: Notmycap. Notmytony