#and you had nothing to worry about
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scar and jimmy are going to team up in the next life series AND THATBLUE HAIRED CUNT ISNT GOING TO SAY A GOD DAMN WORD
#scar and jimmy is one of the genuinely sweetest ships in the whole fandom btw#get on my level they are perfect#ilove you solidaritimes no one could make me hate you#he’s your fucking deputy HUH????#he defends and supports you like no one ever has and he challenges you to love yourself huh?????#you builds you a beautiful train and western town and he’s DEVOTED TO YOU#HES YOUR DEPUTY!!!!!#AND YOU’RE HIS GOD DAMN FUCKING SHERIFF#AND IN LOVE#AND YOU LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH#and one of those many nights you’re in bed together#holding him#for the first time you say it out loud#I love you#and he says it back without a second of hesitation#because he already knew#even if you didn’t yet. even if you were afraid he didn’t feel the same#but he does#and you had nothing to worry about
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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I'm gonna be honest at this point we deserve for them to make Buddie friends-to-fiancés like yeah we missed out on canon with the shooting and season five and who even knows what the fuck was going on in season six we're like three seasons behind now chop chop just skip it all and have Eddie desperately propose in the rain. I need it. It would cure me. More importantly it would be the most in-character way you could possibly get these codependent desperately abnormal idiots together.
#911 abc#buddie#Ryan I know you're reading this#pspspspspsps I'll write you more breeding kink if you make Tim do this#pspspspsps#(for those of you wondering hi what the FUCK are those previous tags)#(don't worry about it)#(fun little in joke between me the besties and Ryan Anthony Guzman)#side note had to ask a friend what the man's middle name is#lord knows I know nothing about him other than the fact that apparently he reads Buddie fic#SHOWS IT TO OLIVER#and would get pregnant if he could#so like.#I already know far more about this stranger than I ever should#or would like to for that matter
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I see a lot of people upset about William Kaplan being dead and no one mourning him cus Billy stole his body and I just don't see it that way. The kid in Wanda Vision is Billy Maximoff, The teenager at the Bar Mitzvah is William Kaplan, the Teen that got taken to the hospital after the wreck is neither and both Billy Maximoff and William Kaplan. That Teen went home with the abilities of Billy Maximoff, to the home of William Kaplan, with memories of neither and lived there for three years. He cares about Rebecca and Jeff, he lied to the to protect them from pain, they are his parents. He wants to find Tommy, he has magical powers, he wants to know who he is. All of these things are true. I wouldn't say William Kaplan is dead he just doesn't remember, like Agatha wasn't dead when he was Agnes, she just didn't remember.
#its fully possible the witches road will give Teen both his memories back cus thats the thing he's missing. making him not William Kaplan#and not Billy Maximoff but Billy Kaplan a mix of the two.#agatha all along#agatha harkness#billy kaplan#william kaplan#billy maximoff#and to all the people pissed that he isn't finding Wanda. womp womp this is about his brother and if you looked you would have seen that.#rumor has it Tommy will be in Vision Quest right? Tommy has to be set up somewhere! he doesn't have magic. and why would they bring back#THE SCARLETT WITCH in a marvel tv show? that's a huge moment they want that sucker for a movie.#marvel#jeff kaplan#rebecca kaplan#also for people up set e6 was billy focused.... yeah mcu projects have set ups for other projects.#even Moon Knight set up Wearwolf by knight. then She Hulk and spiderman had a set up for Daredevil. wandavision set up for Agatha All Along#and the Marvels. Mrs Marvel had a set up for The Marvels. thats kinda how the mcu works its a conected story#teen agatha all along#in the show it shows he doesn't actually remember tommy if he didn't he wouldn't have had to find Ralph. he was surprised wanda had twins#named billy and tommy and that one could read mind while the other was a speedster. all he knows about tommy is that he can feel him#and hes missing.#he probably doesn't know what tommy looks like or sounds like or acts all he know is he can feel him MIA and wants him back.#.........#im back. i also see people stiching that one scene with for lack of better term Teen looking in the mirror going I am William Kaplan and#taking it as Billy adjusting to the body hes in now. one even calling him the monster inhabiting Williams body. and i dont think that it.#he doesn't remember being Billy Maximoff OR William Kaplan. again calling him Teen. Teen is looking in the mirror at a body and face that is#completely alien to him because it is! he has amnesia. he's looking in a mirror with no idea who is looking at him not because hes Billy but#because its no one at that moment hes nothing. he has no idea who he is at all. all he know is thats his body his name is William and his#parents and worried and he know that cus he can read minds. thats it nothing else
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there is. a LOT I could say about the current situation with America. But like many other’s I'm also stressed out of my mind and I don’t feel I’d be able to articulate my thoughts the way I want.
whether your first immediate worry is over expenses, your loved ones, their rights, your own rights, there’s been a profound shared fear among us today. This is the first time I’ve cried and felt genuine fear looking at the results, and the first time I’ve seen that same mood on such a mass. Like many others I don’t have much control over my situation, if any. But we stand together, through strife and through success.
#Hi chat this may be a little rambling but#To put it simply I have been very worried about how the people around me are taking the news#I’ve had my hope go up and down myself but I feel it’s important to let people know to keep fighting#Even when it’s getting tiresome and even when it might mean nothing from someone like me#love you all <3#yapping#i got a tad sentimental#important
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#p4#p4g#persona 4#persona 4 golden#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#MAN I SWEAR WHEN THIS CONVERSATION HAPPENED I WAS SWEATING BRICKS IN WORRY#anyway i forgot to save before speaking to yosuke so i dont know what the other options are BUT YOU KNOW YU HAD TO ASK IF HE WAS OK#thinking about that comic where yosuke was being harrassed by some punks#theres something about the way hes telling this story that feels like he was treating it as being incidental. as whatever.#like “oh yeah im fine?? anyway thats not the point of the story i wanted to tell you about how they were so terrified of kanji”#LIKE DUDE. BUDDY. YOUR LIFE WAS IN DANGER. DONT DISMISS IT LIKE THAT#the fact that bro came so close to being beaten up and it was a conversation that could have been easily missed#like if yu hadnt run into him at night was yosuke just going to... not bring it ip?#(yes of course he wouldn't you know what hes like!! he wouldn't want to be a bother on yu. nothing happened after all!!)#BBYGIRL PLS!!? YOSUKE MY BOY PLS RELY ON YOUR FRIENDS TOO....#anyway i think a yosuke protection squad should form they should start going home in pairs#he's good with his queue
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Is Brando Sando really trying to make Navani homophobic after the events of Rhythm of War? Lmaooo the one with the ace daughter and the situationship with a femalen crab alien? That Navani?
#stormlight archive#stormlight archive spoilers#wind and truth#wind and truth spoilers#i literally had to bark out an incredulous laugh like no fucking way lol#renarin sweetie you should have nothing to worry about your aunt is just as bad if not worse lol
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I wish I could be very normal and ' enjoy each day as it comes' and 'live in the moment' but unfortunately if I do that how will I be prepared for the future in which I am more miserable???
#i just wish i could relax and enjoy thinge#but i cant#if i stop worrying about things that might not happen they will happen#not proven but very very likely#and id rather be emotionally prepared#i am prepared for the day when all my friends realize i actually am terrible and manipulative and leave me behind#like im not fine with it and in fact it would kill me#but it could very well happen so im at least a little prepared for#last time i was too happy and rrlaxed everything went to shit#if i had a nickel for every time i was happy and relaxed and everythung went to shit#id have two nickels#i guess id have 3 cause i think i might have been happy as a toddler#but when I turned 5 i became cognizant and then bam#lifetime of undiagnosed and unmedicated anxiety#haha#anyway#sorry for the random vent i have accidentally put myself in the trenches over nothing#vent tw#pls dont respond it generally makes me feel worse#and makes me feel like im manipulating people#if you read this far im sorry ill also be fine im just anxious and stressed about stupid stuff as usual
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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Blyke in Season 3.
This is my prediction. With the way Season 2 ended, I think they’ll find Blyke months later looking something like this.
Shit happens to people in prison. Terrence was murdered in his cell, Rein was worried about being killed by other inmates, hell, Blyke’s already pretty banged up in the finale and he’s been there for 2.5 seconds. Not to mention that the Authorities seem to have no problem torturing kids *COUgh* Keon.
Perhaps it’s a bit pessimistic, but the story’s been getting a lot darker lately. I doubt Blyke’s getting out of prison without a little extra trauma at least.
Latest Chapter as of Prediction: Side Story — Triple Threat (1)
#blyke unordinary#unordinary#Prediction#Drawing in my diary again#art#unordinary spoilers#normally the spoiler warning is at the top but not this time bc it’s an image post#I changed his expression so many times#I was going for that resigned kind of dead inside look#At first it looked too angry#and then it looked just like nothing#totally nuetral face#then it looked too sad#like he was gonna cry#and then I got this#many more iterations along the way#Was worried about damaging my paper the amount of times I erased his eyebrows#Tbh I think I still fucked it up#Also I spent awhile on the background and you can barely see it#could’ve just made it gray ngl#I also spent a long time on this band of light on him#like as if someone had opened a door and light shined through#but I got rid of it#Waste of my DAMN time smh#I’m rlly proud of the hair though#Shit happens in Lovun Prison#Is all of that blood his? Who knows.#also I drew all those cuts in different stages of healing be proud of me#This was supposed to be a doodle/warmup I did NOT expect it to take all day#Ngl Im really glad I turned my sketchbook sideways for this one bc the lined paper reminds me of prison bars like this
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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alright everybody can we please stop tagging me/talking about me in the notes of pro keefe/sokeefe posts. i know strieefe has made it so that it's really funny to talk about how much i love him and how much i'm in denial when i say negative things about him under those posts (and that's all in good fun and not the problem), but we have to think about the fact that the ops are just trying to make a positive post and probably don't want a keefe hater in their notes /srs
#i'm not mad or anything like that. promise. it's just a phenomenon i've noticed that has slowly started becoming a trend#it just becomes increasingly difficult to respond in a way that stays true to my opinions while ALSO trying not to offend op#so i usually end up ignoring those mentions or reblogging with like “no comment” or something. which isn't fun for anybody#i've had this happen more than once by more than one person. this is a pro keefe/sokeefe post why are we talking about me of all people#i don't want to offend op with my inevitable anti keefe opinions. talking about keefe haters on a pro keefe post is . . . a choice#i make an effort to try to stay out of pro keefe/sokeefe spaces. trust me when i say i have seen whatever post you're tagging me in#i'm a kotlc tag stalker to the core. i have SEEN these posts don't worry. i just don't interact with them. that's all#when i see them i am definitely tempted to go on a rant about how wrong op is about sophie and keefe's dynamic and how it actually SUCKS#or how much keefe is a shitty character with a poorly written arc and atrocious six-year-old humor. i have written about this AT LENGTH#but guys. the notes of a pro keefe post is NOT the place to be summoning me of all people. what do you even want me to say#i've been @ed on posts like “i love sokeefe” “keefe sencen. you agree. reblog” “people that don't understand sokeefe just don't get it”#<- all fake examples btw. but close enough to real posts i've been summoned to#and it's like. i mean yes i COULD go on a rant about how much i thoroughly disagree. but like. it's just not polite. so i won't#atp how am i even supposed to respond to your mention? i don't even know#on top of that if i reblog a pro keefe post with an anti keefe response for all my probably mostly anti keefe followers to see----#----then they'll agree with me. that version will get reblogged and soon there might be more people on op's post that disagree with them#okay this got way more incoherent than originally intended. hopefully it got the point across. and so on#just things to think about! nothing wrong with @ing me on keefe posts just think about how you want me to respond before @ing me----#----or if i will even be able to respond in any real capacity at all#kotlc#kotlc fandom#keepblr
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I ignore about 95% of the conversations surrounding Arya having killed people because, outside of Arya stans, people refuse to include the context of the very violent circumstances she experiences + her trauma which influences her actions. She wasn't destined to be a killer and her being forced on the run, having to survive during a war (at times on her own), having to witness countless people being tortured and murdered, being enslaved as a prisoner of war, having to witness the deaths of her family, etc. are all hugely important factors. Not to mention the times when her life is literally on the line and she has to make tough decisions to ensure her survival. The only time her trauma is acknowledged is when people are using it to prove she's "too far gone", otherwise it's essays on how she hasn't suffered that much. It's so boring how people ignore well-developed characters just to reduce them to one or two aspects of their story. And this treatment is only for certain characters; let someone mention Sansa being part of the plot to poison Sweetrobin and all of a sudden, people can understand being forced to make questionable decisions under difficult circumstances.
#arya stark#asoiaf#fandom nonsense#I'm just so uninterested in the same boring repetitive conversations where people debate fanon characterizations...boring! yawning! sloppy!#Sorry?? I guess that she hasn't had the benefit of being in a castle the whole story with relative safety#but people trying to demonize a child who has one of the most harrowing and violent journeys for the decisions she's been forced to make#is ridiculous cause why are you more worried about how Arya reacted then to the actual situation she's in??#If they're feeling especially faux-progressive they'll pretend to care about Daeron and cry about how innocent he was#but of course this never leads to criticism of Ned or Westerosi society...nope just calling Arya a psychopath and nothing else#At this point it's just jealousy because they know their fave never would've survived what she did and not only did she survive#but she showed off incredible skills and intelligence + has only learned and grown more + constantly gets her importance reinforced#yeah I'd be mad if she wasn't my fave either 🤭#the disconnect between Arya antis and George is so funny cause they twist themselves in knots over how /evil/ she is and then there's#George calling her a character everyone will love ooooh shouldn't have picked one of the author's faves to hate on 🤷🏾♀️
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