#and yes technically she got these things but. did she truly have to die to achieve them? is that what the narrative itself is also mourning

[mechieonu]

don't get me wrong i LOVE tragedies and there were some villains that i knew weren't going to have a happy ending (siggy and dabi respectively) but is that...it?

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker: Downfall part 3

Ultimately, I associate the Wizard Breakdown Tracker with Aeor; I began it during the middle of the Nein's Aeor arc, and even bringing it back for the Nein reunions feels like it's missing something. That thing, it turns out, is a city of Wizard Hubris.

There are no wizard PCs so we can dispense with the formalities. For the purposes of this post, while The Raven Queen is an ex-wizard, Emhira isn't and is counted as a warlock, and The Raven Queen is counted as just a straight up god. As always, in no particular order, and if a wizard is not mentioned it's because I didn't have anything funny nor serious enough to say about them.

Calamity-era Wizards

Adamar: literally no idea. I think he was stressed but he got vaporized by Meteor Swarm (completely within the realm of mortal achievement btw; Imogen Temult could take it in 4 levels) before things really broke bad. Like 7/10; he was in pitched combat but he had 3 dragons and a bunch of demons on his side.

Primarch Selena: There are going to be a few wizards in this who truly do embody a more profound breakdown than anything we've seen before. Selena is one. What does it mean to be so good at creating a mortal-made form of life that the god of beauty chooses to reside in this when picking a vessel? What does it mean to realize in the same instant that your life's work is what doomed you and its target is standing in front of you and now holds your life in their hands? In the end, she doomed her city twice while also actively repenting; it's not just gods who contain multitudes and conflict. But also 10/10.

Arcadia Cerenvetorix: Well, she got tricked by Asmodeus and stuffed in a bottle. Asmodeus did a good job of imitating her too which, as a deity of truth and knowledge cannot feel great, to know that Guy Whose Thing Is Lying has your number even if he is technically lying and therefore in his wheelhouse in pretending to be you. Then she gets let out having been saved by SILAHA, who as a result of saving her, cannot stop Selena. I have to imagine this series of consequences drives some of her decision making in the very end, although at that point she is technically not a wizard and therefore out of the scope of this post. Anyway, 9/10; she did almost die.

Cassida Previn: There's no option for this other than 10/10. Her revelations were delivered with far less kindness than even Selena's; we see her break. She has time to consider that her good intentions have doomed Aeor as well as find the deity she's risked execution to serve is a more complicated being than what she expected and does not approve of her greatest act of service. And that's before we consider that the Society of Primes is implied to have not been successful (we don't know, since the Factorum Malleus is never fired, so it could be a bluff; but the Primes are heavily indicated to be in just as much danger) and that's also before her final moments are being presumably tortured by Asmodeus. I don't know if she really renounced The Everlight; Asmodeus lies, but it's not an unexpected consequence. As The Everlight says, it doesn't matter; she was well within her rights to feel however she felt in those last moments and it does not erase all that she did before. If she didn't it was a lie from Asmodeus, and if she did, she is forgiven entirely.

Those guys who were dragons for a hot second: Honestly? What a way to go. I wouldn't even be mad. 6/10.

The Wizards In The Cognouza Ward: THEY LEFT SO EARLY. AND FOR WHAT. Like, yes, yes, you want to show the moment so you have to do it pretty early on because you won't have the viewpoint of the divine entities later on since they'll be in the Genesis Ward, but COME ON MAN. It really is like...you could have been The Ring of Brass to Aeor. If you wanted to sound the early warning you could have done some strategic teleporting of as many people you could get onto Exandria, despite the storm, and hell, you could have taken a long rest and planeshifted the next fucking day if you had to go to the Astral Plane so badly but nooooo you had to fuck everyone else over. I mean does anyone deserve a millennium of madness and horror as Cognouza eventually became? no. But like, maybe a few years for this bullshit. 5/10 because it isn't bad yet because they jumped the fucking gun. and again. for what.

843 PD Wizards watching this or just hanging out elsewhere

Essek Thelyss: I imagine he is like those pictures of the math lady except he fully understands the math. Absolute mind blown. Trying to figure out the Luxon's relationship to Tengar if there is one. Wondering why Aeor was working on Cognouza and the Factorum Malleus and not their various Luxon experiments. Trying to figure out if the gods used the same principle as consecution. Trying to reconcile the image of Lolth as weirdly adorable with the horrors he knows his people escaped. Also he has been watching a movie for like 13-ish hours but I wonder if floating means his legs haven't fallen asleep. 6/10.

Allura Vyesoren: I really like to imagine she messaged one of Bells Hells and they were like "can I call you back later we're watching a movie" and she is just like I am getting too old for this shit. 4/10 in like, the relative sense of all wizards in this 843 PD narrative are dealing with an existential threat but like within that context, 4/10.

Caleb Widogast: I feel like the Nein would be best deployed to Ria'Doin but he might be on some other weird mission given that Essek was sent to Aeor in his place, and hopefully, we get a one-shot out of this. For me. Anyway though for practical reasons he did just hear from Essek recently and Trent seems gone for good so, within the broader "Ludinus Da'leth is fucking over existence" context, also like a 4/10.

Yussa Errenis: Really hard to tell! What unhinged fuckery that doesn't require physically leaving the house is this small bastard (affectionate) up to. Is he on the moon? Is Nicodranas on a nexus point thus sending him to some far-flung region of Exandria? Did he try to question Halas and get trapped in the gem? Is he just ignoring Iva Deshin? Anyway given his track record I am going to say 9/10 and he is in some kind of peril that is low-key his own fault, but it's anyone's guess.

Astrid Becke: Imagine being screwed over so hard you have to go undercover in retail. I think that fantasizing over who gets to land a killing blow in D&D Actual Play is not terribly interesting; what happens happens, and such fantasies are usually a dull slog of "who is wronged most" which is never good. With that said I don't think she is the most wronged, if that's even a metric one can know; and also I know this is not going to happen given her very tangential nature as a minor NPC in the story being told here; and I don't think I am speaking about a just or kind world in this fantasy; but in a world that aims for justice but lands in pettiness, she would get the final blow on Ludinus Da'leth. 7/10.

Ludinus Da'leth: There's a tumblr-famous post in which someone makes a lot of wild-ass claims about the status of, iirc, women who spun thread in medieval Europe and then when people were like "I don't think that's right" posted a fuckload of links and the phrase "*steeples fingers*" and then someone actually clicked on the links and was like "uh none of these back up your point, actually; most of them have little to do with it and what few do address it either contradict what you are saying, or are similarly unsourced from non-experts." Anyway I think we can all see the value in checking the citations and vetting your sources here, a lesson The Martinet seems to have failed to internalize. He is however either at a 3/10 or an 8/10 depending on precisely how up his own ass he is and whether he realizes he showed footage far too complicated to make but a single easy argument.

[whereispearlescentmoon]

Wild Life Pearl POV Live Reaction

Ooooo super powers!!

Sick ass guitar riff!

SHE CAN LAUNCH SUPER HIGH IN THE AIR?? I do wonder if she would be taking fall damage. Not that I want to risk it.

Impulse can teleport? CLEO SUMMONS ZOMBIES!! SKIZZ AND MUMBO ARE BACK!!! BDUBS CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! BIGB GETS CREAKINGS?!?

Invisible Jimmy?

Scott can become random animals!!! Perfect for subterfuge :)

Ghoul 1 and Ghoul 2!

Oh I just realized Pearl can leap super high. And she has a mace. And she doesn’t take fall damage from it! Hell yeah.

Ooo I’m gonna watch Cleo’s pov after this to see what convo with mumbo and Skizz.

Speedy boy Tango! Ooo Etho and Pearl have the same power.

They were slain? And she can bring them back every five minutes? Ah beautiful necromancy. DID CLEO DIRECT THEM TO MAKE FUN OF GRIAN?? AHSIWHWJAKHSJA

Bdubs can slow time? Makes sense for clock boy lol.

So Gem can speak to the dead? NO SHE CAN ASTRAL PROJECT?? SO SHE CAN GO IN SPECTATOR MODE??

Oh we’re friends with Ren now? Beautiful. Just like Last Life.

RIP Scar.

“Gem, I know you’re looking at me” Jeez Louise Pearl. And she breaks her mace right after. A beautiful wet cat move. Those aspiring wet cats can truly learn from her.

Ooo Impulse can swap places with people.

GRIAN CAN BORROW POWERS?? Watcher ass activities. SHE CAN FLY?

Oh does Tango freeze water when he runs on it?

Trap time! And Tanguini is here! Wait that’s how calibrated skulk sensors work?

And another failed trap….. Pearl has failed to kill Gem again… my beautiful pathetic wet cat.

Love their beautiful cane tower now has cherries.

Cleo ordered them to go kill Grian! I somehow doubt this will succeed.

Ren CAN BE OTHER PEOPLES SKIN???

MUMBO GOT THE KILL! W FOR CLEO AND MUMBO IN MY BOOK!

Oooo Scott can choose a mob if he clicks on it!

I am shocked that BigB’s face remains unburnt down.

Ooo Bdubs killed by Scar.

I need fanart of Pearl’s cute hat. HOW DID SHE GET POISONED?

“I did tell you not to fix it. I said don’t bother man” Yes Pearl I know and the way you said it made me go actually insane.

SCOTT ACTUALLY GOT THE KILL ON GEM! GGGG WIN.

Cleo died to a creeper. GGGG loss.

“Hey! My eyes yellow! Can’t be stealing my eyeball”

“This is my skin from last season! You can’t *incomprehensible*!”

“I mean what’s hilarious is you’ve gone for different eyes. So you two have basically just shared contact lenses,”

“This is the eye I lost in the portal that you didn’t remember.”

“Oh sorry. Guess it wasn’t important enough to remember” DAMN PEARL IS GETTING SASSY WITH GEM TODAY LOL

Skizz wants to talk to Impulse privately?

Glad to hear that while Skizz struggles, Mumbo has been a great minion for Cleo. Cleo once again picks a favorite son.

“Minions are to be seen not heard” HAKAHWIANAB Scott I love you

Ooooh wait. That’s why Pearl said cockroaches. Because Skizz and Mumbo can’t die.

And the only thing it killed was Mumbo. GGGG loss.

JUST LISTEN TO PEARL THEY CANT RUN FROM END CRYSTALS!

YEAH THEY GOT REN! GGGG WIN!

Not Pearl pulling out the creeper eggs lol.

Oooo Martyn’s proxy chat is way turned up.

Bdubs on red! BDUBS SHOUTING AND CATCHPHRASE ANS MISSING LOL. Martyn on red! Scott on yellow!

Gem was getting boring because she wouldn’t stop complaining about how Scott and Impulse killed her? And how much better she is than their team? Guess Pearl can stop worrying about seeming obsessed lol. Seems the GGGG live in Gem’s mind rent free.

Oh never mind. The cockroach spoiler was about Tango! And how they keep failing to kill him because he’s so fast! That makes sense!

“They’re trying to get everyone off green and little do they know, you’re technically green as long as you use that, right?”

“Right, yeah,”

“A secret green. Like you got so much potential. I swear like, you better win the series, mate,” Where have I heard this before *flashbacks to Pearl and Bdubs in Secret Life*

“I’m trying Pearl.”

“You have a big advantage.”

“I’m trying but this whole lack of being able to kill people isn’t boding well for us is it?”

“No dude. I can’t believe how much I’m sucking this season. I suck so bad.” It’s okay your pathetic wet cat nature is charming.

“I cannot get a kill to save my life.” Yours too buddy.

Joel got hoppies!

Are we literally all meeting up to kill Tango? No wonder Pearl called him a cockroach.

Aaaaand Gem killed Mumbo.

This is actually super epic for tango. The whole server is failing to kill him!

GGGG has taken down Tango and Joel! Two wins!

Omg Jimmy tried to kill Pearl. Congrats to Jay for a single Pearl and Jimmy interaction where Pearl didn’t even see him. I’m sorry.

Cleo is scared of Gem and Pearl just isn’t lol.

“Oh that’s so weird to see me like that. Is that how annoying I look?” Ur not annoying :( your skin looks really cool.

Tango on red!

Pearl! That’s somehow significantly nastier than calling them eyes.

BYE BYE MARTYN!

Oh no Pearl and Scott :( WAIT HI SCARLET PEARL!!! HI!!! HI!!

She commented on the red hoodie! She noticed their skins match!

Ren joined them? We have… six Gs at this point?

End of session! I see why Martyn was being super cryptic when someone asked how the session went. I think next session will probably be the last given how much of the server is on red, and that’s there’s no greens left to get lives back. Unless you count Impulse, I guess.

My final thoughts on the wild card are that it’s super fun! I love that they all got their own unique power, especially because some of the powers seem to be themed to them specifically like Cleo’s zombies and Bdubs having time manipulation!

[frostyclove]

episode 5 spoilers

part 1 - the teens minus the tai/van scenes. its too long im not subjecting yall to my whole episode thoughts at once

Rabies plot still on. Ben asks about the goats mother being sick. We cant see the mouth of the goat. Akilah gonna die of rabies im so sorry guys start preparing emotionally. Plus the llama line

This scene was crazy to watch because I think we all predicted different parts. Tai being the one to weild the death after being the prosecutor ? Shauna giving the bonkers option so that everything else seems kinda normal in comparison? Nat trying her hardest to find a normal way through it? A moral way? Shauna cracking jokes about him dying of old age (shes right but its interesting that they don’t take that as a good option; shows just how quickly Shauna is gaining power; im shocked nat is still technically even in charge)

Also they now have their own rules like crazy. ‘We found him guilty it’s simple’ - it’s at this point that the truth doesnt matter. Only their perception of the truth. And I think thats going to very much matter as the season goes on 

It is a fitting death Shauna but we do not need to be that vicious babes I do love the dramatic irony but I am with nat that is torture 

Also insane that nat keeps accidentally damning coach like girl shut up 

Shauna v nat is exactly what fandom has felt like for the past few weeks love u guys 

Really curious what led van to so confidently blurt out the king of hearts bit. Theres something there and I wanna know what it is. What does suicide king mean does it have a meaning or did van just make that up

Tai looked stressed af at that. Tai didn’t like that

Intersting that van is handing out the cards. 

Should we have a whole tarot spread and what it pairs to in a normal deck and to be comping it to what card they pulled or do you think that’s doing too much because I know if I was writing it I would have taken the time to pair that all up or at least tried but idk 

Shaunas fuck ass face is saying ‘y’all wish you just handed me the gun now dont you?’

Robin is such a sweetie theres no way shes not pit girl at this point 

poor tai by baby im sorry theyre putting you through this but you did literally make this happen miss ‘ill be prosecution’ 

Shauna hat whittle scene 

Yes girl whittle away 

Melissa I may have underestimated you that line was funny as fuck nobody has a better Shauna read than you

(Guys I love Jackie too but Jackie was sometimes shitty to Shauna its just the nature of homoerotic friendships in a plane crash okay) 

Also someone described Melissa as the sheath to Shaunas knife and honestly thats such a good read on them im never unseeing that 

Cute ass gift ngl Melissa may truly be deeply into Shauna 

Also its a case of everyone knew rather than Melissa stalker I think 

Lottie/akilah/travis 

Ngl travis looks hot as hell this episode hes really finding his stride as Lottie backup 

The wrap around Lotties neck - I know it’s for the gas but it also just kinda is soooo reminiscent of the slap bracelet. There something there

Lotties so good at convincing people of things girl certainly was getting good grades in english class on those persuasive essays

Oracle of Delphi is gonna matter any smarties on that got takes on it ? 

Shes in the antler queen outfit 

Gotta use some suspense of disbelief on how theyre handling gas but thats not the biggest of issues its very subtle

Big love protective older brother travis vibe - also that haircut I need it on more lesbians its so hot 

Why’d they leave the rope ?

Lottie is mildly obsessed with timing. Curious if that’ll be expanded on

Lottie somehow still right. Somehow still effective. Travis stressed as hell. Poor guy. 

Akilah dream - cool as hell 

Ben; the bridge back to civilization ; but darkness. An unknown. A smog. Shaunas leadership time. It will be dark, it will be scary. But they will feel safe, adding onto the ‘their perception is what truly matters ; not the truth’ aspect that I think is the core of the season 

No interesting to note - they have him drawn and quartered in the dream. Another form of medieval torture. Food for thought

Misty/ben/fish/ending

Okay this goes later but it’s on my brain - ben didn’t eat the fish. I think there will be consequences for that. But I dont know what . Its got me stressed 

Bens like damn good food what are they gonna do execute me ? And misty all teary eyed is like “yeah….” Cute af if he wasn’t like dying 

I love misty in this scene , shes really grown so much 

You can tell coach is like, really frustrated that he has to comfort misty even though hes the one dying but he also just like has given up on life so he just doesnt seem to care either. Its such an interesting place for a character to be

The makeup team did so good with him

This may sound odd but this scene feels very informed by video games. Like this is the scene in any single player story game (thing TWD, TLOU, or BG3) where you say goodbye to the one helpful and soul character before everything goes to utter shit before the final act. It’s really well done I really enjoy it. 

The way he looks at her crying omg then she just says bye like… poor guy 

My poor baby 

Shauna needs to fuck Melissa some more the girl has too much frustration and im losing patience with her by the ep no reason to be doing all that hun

Poor nat. Nat giving up her power. Giving the necklace to the next chosen. Except this turn its chosen as sacrifice (well, ish)

Ben really tries to appeal to nat. he thinks nat is the one thats going to do it. shes holding the gun. He thinks shes the one to kill him. And then hes blindfolded before he sees nat hand it over to tai. He thinks his basically adopted daughter is the one who is going to execute him. I cry. 

I am misty in this scene big cry 

Even with the Lottie interruption - this is the girls CHOOSING , VOLENTARILY , to go forth as part of the wilderness. To hand over their connection to civilization. handing the power from nat (a moral and reasonable leader) to Shauna (a brutal and vicious one). This is the moment they fully cross over into, basically, wild animal territory. And id expect the party in the next episode to be a reflection of the crowing of a new leader, and thats what Shauna is so hoppy about in the trailer - being handed the power of leadership. 

First time seeing gen with a personality and I can say I dont really like her - shes another Shauna puppy it seems 

Then tai gets handed the gun, coach blinded. Great work on part of the cast and crew scene is great but Im about to focus on my love <3

Tai bawling. Tai barely able to hold the gun. No longer steady. Now breaking down. Losing it. Id bet she can hardly even see. Growing more and more stressed by the moment 

The sound work is crazy good gotta take a moment for the sound team <33

Then she shivers so hard she can barely hold the gun. And her stress has reached a high enough point. Other tai is here. Tai will be okay. Other tai will take care of her. Thank you other tai 

And van notices, the shift in physicality is obvious. But theres a relaxation there. Because tai will be okay. And other tai shoots 

And I swear in this moment I thought travis was dead. Then I remembered he died as an adult. And then I thought they were doing the killing them twice thing. But hes not hes fine. Other tai has killer aim, but luckily nobody got hit. 

Impeccably almost late timing from Lottie though

Other tai already gone though interestingly enough

No but seriously thank you Lottie good job gal theyre gonna scream at her but she did so good saving him there. Well. She tried. 

I honestly thought Shauna was gonna just end him right there. She walked onto frame and I went ‘ahh the coup its usurping time’ but no thats not what’s happening lol

Crazy parallels of her making Melissa do it. Bens screams into the otherwise quiet night. Misty losing it. I dont think the plan was exactly to cut his achilles, but since he was fighting back with it it was an easy target. I do appreciate that Shauna respects a clean knife though thanks for not crossing anybody’s blood we dont need to get blood diseases that would just make everything complicated 

Welcome to the end of their morals. They died that night. Lottie, travis, nat, Mari, misty, and honestly even kinda van all lost their power that night. It’s now Shaunas wilderness. And it will be interesting to see how that goes for them leading into their rescue (which will likely be at the end of this season) 

[queen-of-mandalore]

Em’s Star Wars Rewatch part 50:

The Siege of Mandalore

This arc is essentially a movie split into four parts and I love it so much. I would love to see the whole thing as a movie in the cinema at some point - it would be epic. So many shows disappoint with their ending but clone wars truly peaked with this final arc. Honestly it’s perfect.

Part 1: Old Friends Not Forgotten

Obi-Wan swooping into save Cody with the most bad ass entrance ever.

‘What are you doing down there?’ 😏 - Anakin being a smug little shit. Dodging the blaster bolt like it was nothing.

The way Obi-Wan and Cody’s heads popped up together 😭

I love that we end the show with Anakin using the same tactic that Obi-Wan used in the TCW movie - using ‘surrender’ as a distraction.

‘Okay boys, hold on a little longer.’ Simultaneous groaning accompanied by the most unenthusiastic ‘sir yes sir’ ever 😂

Clones with jet packs will always be iconic and I wish we had seen more of them throughout the series.

The way Cody looked to Obi-Wan for permission to join the fight the same way an excited kid asks to play with his friends 🥹

The playful banter between Anakin and Obi-Wan both makes me very happy and very sad. We are so close to the end and it hurts knowing what’s about to happen.

Anakin’s face when he saw Ahsoka for the first time 🥺 he was so happy to see her.

Ahsoka has really grown up, even when you compare her to season 5. Going through what she did and having to survive in the real world changed her.

‘It would drag us into another war!’ ‘What’s one more?’ - if that exchange doesn’t show the difference in pov between Jedi and Mandalorians I don’t know what will.

Obi-Wan admitting that Satine meant a lot to him 😭😭😭

The helmet tribute 🥹😭 the men were so happy to see her and I love how they all still call her commander and salute her.

Rex is so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so much in an episode before.

Ahsoka really doesn’t pull her punches and honestly good for her. She is so done with the Council and she has every right to be.

I wonder why Rex wasn’t promoted before now 🤔

The fact this is the last time Ahsoka will see Anakin until they meet for the fight in Rebels 😭😭😭😭😭😭

‘Anakin, good luck’ 🥹

The action scenes in this arc are so good! The mandalorians and clones with backpacks fighting as they approach the surface is so cool. My only complaint is that the Mandalorians go down too easy - they have beskar armour after all.

The smirk 😭😭😭😭

‘Race you to the surface!’ The way Ahsoka was so mature with Anakin, even in their softer moments, but she’s so carefree around Rex and the men 🥹

The fact Rex laughs in the middle of a literal battle. As much as we know Rex can share a joke, he is always progressional and focused on the job at hand. And yet with Ahsoka he is laughing????? 🥹

Saxon is such a fanboy (his armour is very cool though)

RIP Vaughn - we only got you for one episode but I loved you dearly.

The way Ahsoka still mourns each trooper even though she must have watched hundreds if not thousands die 🥺

Maul revealing himself from the shadows like the drama queen he is.

Part 2: The Phantom Apprentice

It’s so chilling how Maul hesitates to say Sidious’s name. You can tell he genuinely fears him.

An interesting detail I noticed whilst rewatching is that Rex says ‘yes ma’am’ to Ahsoka. I know that she isn’t technically a commander anymore but all the other clones all still refer to her as ‘sir’.

I love Jesse. He’s so loyal and defiant.

‘The dark side has never been stronger’ - I got chills.

Love the sinister imperial march motif after Anakin’s name is mentioned.

I’m glad I read the Son of Dathomir so I now know how Maul ended up back on Mandalore. I wish they had been able to make that arc of clone wars.

Maul is giving ‘some of you may die, but that is a risk I’m willing to take’ from Shrek vibes 😂

Maul’s followers remind me of Vikings - dreaming to die in glorious battle.

Poor Jesse, he looks so distraught and guilty knowing he helped Maul against his will. He really feels like betrayed Ahsoka 😭

Ahsoka was so close to joining Maul. In the end, the one thing she couldn’t believe was that Anakin would join the dark side 🥺

The Maul/Ahsoka fight is incredible. It’s up there with duel of the fates and the Mustafar duel as the top 3 lightsaber battles in all of Star Wars. You can really see the benefit of the mo-cap - there is more detail in the footwork and everything feels a little more real. I love that they got Ray back to play Maul - he brings such a specific physicality to the role.

The cinematography!!!!! The lighting!!!!!! The atmospheric detail! The window smashing!!!!!!!!!!

‘You’re lucky Anakin didn’t show up. The way you’re fighting, you wouldn’t have lasted long’ 😏 Ahsoka my sassy queen

‘We’re all going to burn! We’re all going to die!’

Part 3: Shattered

I love the tie ins to RotS. It really puts into focus the timescale of the movie and makes you realise these events are happening at the same time. When we get the ‘I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi…’ scene it’s a real ‘oh shit it’s about to happen moment’.

‘Not as a Jedi?’ ‘No, not yet.’ - not yet, she was thinking of coming back, she just wasn’t ready 😭

I love that Yoda still calls her padawan.

It’s subtle but you can tell Rex isn’t happy when Mace basically tells her it’s none of her business.

‘You didn’t tell them about what Maul said about General Skywalker.’ ‘No, I didn’t.’ - First, Rex wasn’t in the room when Maul said this which means Ahsoka trusted him enough to tell him, she didn’t tell the council but she told him. Second, Ahsoka was trying to protect Anakin. Maybe if Obi-Wan had been there she could have told him. Honestly though, I think at this point it wouldn’t have made a difference. Even if Ahsoka had joined Maul, it was so close to the events of order 66 I doubt they would have made it in time.

The music in this whole arc but especially here is superb. It really gives a sense of dread and foreboding. Combined with just seeing Maul’s eyes watching was bone chilling.

You know what’s coming but you still hope that somehow it will end differently.

‘Gives us clones mixed feelings about the war’ - Rex has grown so much! Season 1 Rex would never of had ‘mixed feelings’. He’s been through so much and you can tell that it’s shaken a lot of his beliefs.

‘The Republic couldn’t have asked for better soldiers, nor I a better friend’ 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭

Not Rex crying and his hands shaking as he tried to disobey the order 😭😭😭😭💔

I also never noticed that Jesse comes in and starts shooting at her as well 😔

You can see how expressionless and emotionless Rex’s eyes are whilst he’s shooting at her. It’s truly like his mind has gone blank.

I love Ahsoka, but releasing Maul was not her brightest idea. Her ‘I’m not rooting for you 🤨’ was iconic though.

TCW has always empowered droids and made them heroes and I’m glad they got to help Ahsoka. They are true heroes here.

Oh Fives, if only people had listened 😔

Maul gets a hallway fight and it’s absolutely brutal!!!!! He decapitates two guys, slicing two more in half and cuts someone’s arm off without even having a weapon! He is so cool.

I’m not sure how the ‘I am one with the force and the force is with me’ thing works but it’s very cool. Also it’s totally normal to place your hands gently to cradle your friend’s head right?

I love that Rex doesn’t hesitate. Those are his brothers but in that moment he chooses to protect her, even if that means killing his brothers.

I am so normal about them I swear (I’m really not normal about them)

Part 4: Victory and Death

I’ve only noticed on this rewatch that it’s Jesse who is giving the orders to track down Ahsoka over the comm. He also refers to Rex by his CT number which truly shows how the chips take away their individuality.

‘He didn’t escape, I let him go.’ ‘What?! Why?!!!’ - Rex with a very valid reaction.

Ahsoka and Rex fight so well together! They are so attune to what the other is doing.

Not Rex crying underneath his helmet. I can’t 😭😭😭😭

It hurts so much more that it’s Jesse fighting them. For a moment you can see he hesitates, as he struggles against the chip, but in the end there’s no fighting it.

Seeing all the orange helmets with Ahsoka’s markings 🥺 they were so happy she came back, so proud to be serving with her that they decorated the one thing they owned, the one thing that distinguished themselves from each other as a tribute to her. And here they are, forced to try and kill her. The story of the clones truly is a tragedy.

Ahsoka going for Maul’s throat and only just missing. The way he clutches at his neck afterwards like he can’t believe she almost did that.

The fact that Ahsoka let go of the shuttle, at that point what she believed was the only way off that crashing ship, to protect Rex 🥺

The droids were true heroes and I was so sad when they were killed.

Imagine not knowing that Ahsoka and Rex survived and were in Rebels. This would be so tense!!!! It was tense enough even though I knew they survived.

The music at the end makes me cry every time. The fact they spent time recovering the bodies and burying them, giving them one last act of respect 😭😭😭

Also only noticed this time watching that they recovered parts of one of the droids that helped them.

Ahsoka must have felt so guilty - even though order 66 was obviously not her fault, it had been her decision to free Maul which led to the ship crashing, if she hadn’t, the clones would still be controlled by the chips but they might have been alive. I feel like that’s something she’d never forgive herself for.

Seeing Jesse’s helmet at the end really hits in the feels, not just because we lost a trooper we knew, but because of the Republic symbol it also represents the death of the Republic.

Vader didn’t need to go to that moon to check that Ahsoka was dead, Anakin did though.

These four episodes are a masterpiece and I truly believe they are some of the best Star Wars we have ever gotten.

[solaneceae]

imprint

a team bolas oneshot. q!baghera centric (read on ao3) hurt/comfort, found family

Day Five is technically one of the good ones, because their minds are not drowning in bloodlust and fog-mist, Foolish is making great progress on the castle off in the desert, and the other teams have been leaving them alone for the most part.

Doesn’t mean it’s a good day for Baghera, though. “My body’s so far away,” she whines, rummaging through the chests in search of iron armor and food. “You need help getting back to it?” Phil asks. The duck shakes her head, because she refuses to make him waste twenty minutes just chaperoning her as she stumbles around the map looking for her corpse. “I’ll be fine,” she sighs, picking up a diamond sword and fastening her mask onto her face. It requires some adjustments, with her having a beak and all, but she makes it work. “I’ll be okay.”

(Ten minutes later, her eyes open to dark cave ceilings and glittering gemstones, body tingling from respawn. She wants to scream.)

Phil is back with more resources, and Baghera feels strange. Not bad, just… strange.

It’s a feeling that’s been lingering even since they all fell into Purgatory, growing stronger or weaker in no discernable pattern, always somewhere at the back of her skull. Like a voice almost, not also not that, because there are no words being whispered, only vague drives. And right now, as their fearless leader busies himself at the crafting table, she gets the uncontrollable urge to get his attention. Hello, she chirps, walking up to him. He hums, but doesn’t acknowledge her further, too focused on his task. Her hindbrain gives unhappy. Hi, hi, she tries again, getting into his personal space and jumping around him and what is she doing? “Phil, Phil,” she quacks, look at me, pay attention to me! She forgot what she needed, what did she need? Hi, flock, dad, dad! 

“You’re— Jesus Christ,” Philza bursts into laughter, evading her smaller form as he moves to a nearby chest. “You’re getting in the way, Baghera.”

“Do you have a boat?” she asks, and right, that’s what she needed. He cocks his head, an amused smile on his face. “Do I have a boat.”

“Yee.”

“I don’t— I mean, sure, I can make you one.” She makes a happy sound, bounces off her heels as he gets to work. Flock, dad. Hello. “I’m not, you know I’m not gatekeeping crafting shit,” he laughs as he hands her the boat and she magicks it into her inventory. “You could make your own.” And yes, that’s true, she could. But she likes it when Philza hands her things, like earlier when he dropped food onto her when she was stuck in that hole. It makes her brain happy, somehow.

It only hits her later, when Phil has gone off somewhere, that she had started to truly associate him with that hindbrain-thrum of dad, not as a bit, but something way too real for her taste. She resists the urge to crawl into a hole and shrivel away, and decides to make one last attempt to recover her old body.

(It fails, as things tend to do today. But at least she got distracted.)

***

The silence is deafening. She can hear the occasional grumble in Portuguese coming from her earpiece as Cellbit works on the maze inside the castle, and she wishes she was there making traps instead of getting dirt all over her wings. “I want to kill some people,” she huffs as she digs through rich soil to plant yet another tea sapling. At least farming she could do without messing things up. “I wanna just— run at them and scream.” Can she have that? Can she have this one thing, can she have a little bit of fun today before her timer runs out?

Cellbit hums into her earpiece. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he says, and she can feel another part of her wilt at his final tone. “Death counts too much today, you know?” (You will die, his words twist in her tired mind. You’re weak. You can’t be left alone. You’ll drag us down.) “And Phil did so much for us this morning, I don’t wanna disappoint him.”

Well I already did! she wants to scream. I’m just a dead weight, and I waste everyone’s time and don’t accomplish anything on my own! “...Okay,” she replies instead, whisper-soft, and just keeps planting.

(She misses the rest of the family-flock. She misses Jaiden, and Charlie, and Carré, all asleep inside the nest with no sign of waking up anytime soon. She wishes she could join them, put an end to this cursed day already — but she clings onto her fear of letting Cellbit down even more than she already did, and presses on.)

Cellbit renames Iris after a commercial mascot, and that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. And she knows she shouldn’t be mad, because he doesn’t know she’s just spent twenty minutes having a breakdown over them and imprinting like crazy, but she just feels so dismissed by that. So she buries herself somewhere in the desert and screeches out her frustration where he can’t hear her, comms off.

***

“Baghera?”

Her ear feathers twitch. She looks up from the little cozy spots she had made for Iris (they’re gone now. Probably with Cellbit, helping him withe the maze. the maze she wanted to help with. She wishes Charlie had woken up earlier, so they could commiserate over their shared feelings of inadequacy.) “Phil…?” she sniffles, quickly rubbing at her cheeks to erase the evidence of her breakdown. Didn’t the crow run out of time earlier today? She hears a ch-ch-chrrrrp, and she mimics it without thinking, hindbrain buzzing with something soothing. Philza Minecraft appears from behind a corner, and his eyes are soft  or maybe he’s just tired. “Come here,” he beckons, and she finds himself getting to her feet and stepping up to him. “Something wrong?” she cocks her head at him, and he chuckles lightly. “Nah, mate. Just come over here.”

He leads her out of the alcove and into their… sleeping quarters, which was just another part of the cave with their nest in the middle. “Kay, sit down,” the crow says, patting the side of the nest, and part of her panic with the childish fear of oh shit, am I in trouble? “You’ve got sand in your feathers. Lemme help you get that out before you bring it with you in the family pile, yes?”

Oh. She glances at her comm, realises she only has about twenty minutes before it knocks her out for the day. She clacks her beak in frustration — she had accomplished a whole out of nothing today. Fais chier. “...Okay,” she sighs, because at least a little preening sesh would be a decent way to end this shitty day.

“I noticed you were having a rough time,” the crow hums, carding his claws through the down on her arms to dislodge a few pebbles. “Thought you could use some TLC.”

She blinks owlishly (duckishly?). “I don’t know what that means.”

“Ah, like, just taking care of you a little. You felt sad and frustrated all day.”

She deflates, ear feathers drooping. “Didn’t think it was that obvious.”

“It’s not. I just notice this shit better than most,” Phil hums, dislodging more sand that drop outside the nest and digging his claws further in. Baghera closes her eyes — it feels nice. Her wings had been so itchy all day. “Especially when it comes to other avians.”

Right. Philza had retained more memories of his time outside the island than most of them, that made sense. “I’m sorry for calling you dad,” she blurts out, before she loses the nerve to. “I know everyone… I know everyone did it, for the joke, but I think I forgot it was a joke.” (“Dad, are you proud of me? I killed a silverfish!”) 

She remembers Charlie belting out a ‘papa!’ when Phil came back with apples and berries two days ago. She remembers Jaiden calling him dad when he bandaged her left wing after a bad fall, Cellbit’s whiny ‘daaad, when are you gonna come pick me up?’, Carré jokingly moaning out a ‘gracias papi!'. Foolish is the only one that didn’t follow the pattern at this point, probably because he, too, is an immortal being… and the only one free of daddy issues and trauma, apparently. “I don’t mean to,” she breathes out. “My brain’s been all weird since we came here, and I don’t… I don’t mean when we get all starved and murder-y.”

Phil hums, plucks out a loose feather. “Yeah, same. Something about this place is fucking with our code I think. Mob code, specifically. That’s why they’re buffed to hell, It’s not your fault.”

“But it’s,” she groans, struggling to find the right words, both because of the language barrier and her own messy feelings. “You already have kids. I’m an adult. I can’t force that role on you, but my stupid bird brain keeps screaming at me. It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s natural, Baghera. I don’t mind. And… forgive me for pointing it out, but if what you said yesterday was true, then you’ve never had an older avian to imprint on as a child. So it’s no wonder your instincts are going crazy now.”

She freezes. “...Oh,” a quiet realization, shame, regret. “You, um. You understood that.” You took it seriously. You remembered. Somehow, that makes her feel… a bit better. Seen. Despite the fact that she just blurted out her deepest darkest secret as a bit, and lo and behold, consequences. Phil shrugs. “If it makes you feel better, I don’t think anyone else did,” he hums, smoothing out her left wing with a satisfied croon. “Gimme the other one? Good, nice.”

“You’re not mad?” she asks, so quiet and hesitant Philza stops and looks up at her. “That I’m a clone. That I’m… Federation property.”

“Don’t say that shit,” he bares his teeth, puts his hands on her shoulders to squeeze them tightly. “They don’t owe you. It doesn’t matter if they made you or whatever, you’re not them. If anything, you’ve got even more of a reason to hate them as the rest of us.”

“I don’t know…. I don’t know what they did, to me. I don’t even think I’m a real avian.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I’m not like you. Or like Jaiden.” she gestures to her left wing. “I have a bill, you have… human face. Mostly human.” She makes a strangled sound. “Your wings are on your back, mine are just my arms, they’re just this. And even if— even if they weren't clipped, I couldn’t fly with those, only glide, maybe. I know that. They made me wrong.” Her eyes well up with angry tears. “They all… my siblings, they’re all dead, Phil. They all died, and I’m the only one left, and I’m not even good. I’m defective. Maybe that’s why I mess up everything. Maybe that’s why I’m such a burden for you guys.”

“Dude, stop.”

Philza closes his mouth before he can protest, both pairs of eyes turning to a sluggish Charlie, sans glasses, pushing himself up from his blankety prison without rousing Jaiden or Carré. “That’s… that’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard you say. And we debated about human milk cheese and the ethics of eating your own eggs, so that’s saying something,” he mutters, more serious than the duck has ever seen him. The effect is a little diminishes by his squinty, smaller-than-usual eyes (she was so used to seeing him with her glasses permanently stuck to his face) and the yawn that drowns out the end of his tirade, but it still makes Baghera’s breath hitch and her throat close up with emotions. “Charlie…”

“Okay look— I barely feel real right now, yeah? I just woke up, and I haven’t got a modicum of context here, but I’m not letting you talk shit about yourself.” The slime hybrid hauls himself up with a wince, the corruption on his arms and face buzzing and writing angrily for a second. “G-ah. T-Thisssss is gon-gonna b-be a bad, ba-aad day, hu-uuh.”

“Slime— wow, mate, maybe you should lay back down and wait it out.”

“S-Sorry d-aaaad, I’m going th-through mmmmy rebell-bellious phase.” Charlie staggers up to them and sits across Baghera movements stilted and visibly uncomfortable. The duck hybrid opens her bill to tell him off — no no stop it, you’re hurting yourself — but he wraps both arms around her and rests his forehead against her shoulder, the tingle-freeze of his codified parts stunning her into silence. It doesn’t hurt, and she’s not about to refuse a hug from a constantly touch-starved Slime, but it does sting a little. Like static shock, but not quite. “You’re so fucking great dude,” the man says, corruption leaving his voice as the glitches diminish in intensity. “I never told— never told you this, but the first day we met. The wedding? That was the first time in a while that someone was willing to go along with my bullshit.” He squeezes her a bit tighter. His face feels a bit wet agaisnt the feathers of her shoulder, and Baghera lets out a string of hurt? hurt? no, flock, clean. “It felt good. And— hey, not only that, but you were also the only one where who didn’t have pity, or scorn, or, or distrust written all over your face. But maybe I just didn’t know how to read duck body language at the time, haha.”

“I wasn’t pitying you,” Baghera murmurs, trembling arm coming to rest against her friend’s back. Words feel like jagged rocks going up her tight throat. “I didn’t know anything about you. I just found you funny, and you listened to me when we talked about the elections. You kept making sure I was being heard, and… and you were nice to Pomme on her birthday, too. That was enough for me. You know?”

Slime chuckles wetly. “Yeah. She’s a great kid. We’ll fucking get her back, okay?”

“I hope so…”

“Hey. Listen.” He draws away to cup Baghera’s face, squishing it slightly between his hands. Her feathers puff up as a result, it’s funny. “Listen well, Baghera Jones. My—” a sharp intake of breath. “M-My Flippa’s fine, yeah? She’s just waiting for me back at the island, she’s not in danger. But your kid is. And if… haha, if I can be sappy for a sec. With Jaiden, you’ve been the closest thing to a real friend I’ve had for a long time. So I’ll help you get Pomme back, alright?”

The duck’s green eyes well up with tears, some of which start painting dark streaks down her face. “Of… of course I’m your friend,” she sniffles, and she keeps making low chirp-trills Charlie doesn’t understand. “And you’re mine too. I care about you, Charlie.”

“I know. I… I know. And I won’t have you saying bad things about yourself either. You’re litterally so fucking cool, and you put up with my bullshit like nobody else, and I feel safe blurting out the most unhinged crap on God’s cubic Earth because I know you’ll just double down and make me question my sanity, in the best possible way.” He giggles, an unsteady, wild little thing slightly cut up by a stray glitch. “Or whatever’s left of it.”

Baghera’s comm beeps, startling the three of them. Philza approaches (had he moved away to give them space? Aw.), scoffs, glares at the bright red numbers on her wrist. “Fuckin— stupid-ass time limit,” he curses. “We don’t have much time, but we can end your day on a good note, okay?”

The duck hybrid glances at Philza, then at Charlie, pupils so wide the green can barely be made out. She takes a deep breath, thinks of the team. Of her children, waiting for her somewhere. Of everyone else that they lowkey hated right now. And she nods.

***

“Do it Baghera, do it!”

“That’s right, fuck ‘em up!”

“I’m doing it!” the duck woops, pouring the final bucket over the structure and watching it roll across the soil and crops who quickly start to catch on fire. “It’s working, it’s working!”

“Baby’s first lavacast,” Phil coos fondly from his roosting spot, wiping a fake tear from his eye. “I’m so proud.”

He and Charlie watch as Baghera cackles madly, her eyes alight with the fires of war, staring down at her handiwork. “They are so gonna know it was us,” Slime hums, a huge smile on his face as he marvels over Blue’s farm being covered in ash and cobblestone. Phil shrugs. “Yeah, there’s no way. Worth it though.”

“So worth it,” the slime hybrid nods approvingly — Baghera was finally having fun, and seeing her smiling was definitely a highlight of today. “Oh we’re gonna get fucked in the ass tomorrow. No lube, all diamond sword just like God intended.”

Philza bursts into mad, crow-like cackles at that, hitting the slime hybrid’s shoulder to push him off the perch. Charlie falls with an indignant, high-pitched scream that makes Baghera laugh even harder. “How much time left?” the Crowfather calls out at her, and she turns to him with a mad ducky grin. “Eleven seconds!” she quacks back, and Philza’s eyes widen. “What?!”

“Yepp! Gonna pass out now see you tomorrow catch me or let me die I don’t care I have nothing on me!” she sing-songs rabbit-quick, pulling a little jig on top of her dirt tower before her body seizes with a gasp, her comm shocking the literal daylights out of her. Slime lets out a loud oh shit and takes off in a mad sprint as Philza jumps down as well, managing to cushion the duck’s fall with his own goopy, goopy body. “Ow,” he whines, voice muffled by the loose dirt he’s faceplanted into. “My sometimes-existing bones.”

“You good mate?” Philza reached them both, kneeling to check on Baghera — not a single heart of damage on her, her face neutral and peaceful in electronically-induced sleep. “Good catch.”

“Thanks.” Charlie lets his friend roll off his body with a grunt, pulling himself back together quickly before, hauling his friend on his back. “Mission accomplished, Crowfather Phil! Now let’s skedaddle the fuck outta here before Tubbo or BitchBoyHalo shows up.”

“Yeah, time to dip. Back to base, Bolas!”

“WOOOOOOH YEAAAAH! LET’S FUCKING ROLL!”

[gatesofember]

hewwo I am rereading amau. I'm sure you've talked about this before but after Lee and Michael die will is technically next in line to inherit, right? but how does that work if he's already married off? does it go down to Austin?

get cozy and be ready for a bedtime story, because as usual, this answer got away from me

Will actually isn’t next in line! he and Austin aren’t able to inherit because they’re illegitimate. the duchy goes to Kayla. she thought about joining the sorority as a kid but fortunately had abandoned that idea by the time she became first in line.

Will and Austin could become next in line if Apollo legitimizes them (natural-born kids can be legitimized in a legal process; Aphrodite legitimized all her kids). but becoming the duke is Austin’s worst nightmare tbh and Will wouldn’t be able to take over the duchy while married to Nico.

if Kayla did decide to join the sorority, the duchy would go to the next person in line: everybody’s favorite guy, Octavian.

I did have the idea that Nico would offer to have the marriage annulled so that Will could take care of his family, since Austin had no interest in becoming the duke and Kayla (they thought) wanted to be a soror. of course this made Will angry:

Nico swallowed thickly.  “Perhaps...perhaps if it comes to that, you and I will have to...annul the marriage.”  Will, in the eyes of the Juvian Empire, was a Pluton now.  Only an annulment would change that.  And later, if Will became the duke, he would need an opposite-sex marriage to create a more legitimate heir than Octavian. Will rubbed his temple.  “No.  No, I...Nico, there will be another solution.” Nico nodded in silence.  He watched the curve of Will’s face and the occasional blink of his eyes as Will sat in deep, solemn thought.  He did not share those thoughts with Nico.

...

After several moments of silence fell between them, Nico cleared his throat.  “Have you given any thought to what I said last night? Will ground his teeth without replying.  He did not want to think of it. When Will gave no answer, Nico said, “Will, if it comes to it and you want an annulment, I would support you.” “We can’t,” Will said, just as he had the day before.   “I won’t allow it to come to that.” “But Will, if it’s best for Diana--” “What about what’s best for me, Nico?” Will interrupted softly.  “Had you thought of that?  Maybe an annulment wouldn’t be as hard for you as it would be for me.  You’re a prince; you could just find another duke’s bastard to marry.  But as for me?  I’ll find a wife — a countess, most likely.  Someone to build a family line with.  I’d never have a marriage as advantageous as this one.  I could never have a life like the one you’ve given me.  You could easily find someone as good as me to marry -- probably better.  But I would be forever miserable, knowing the life and the man I left behind.  How could I leave the palace and its wonders, or your sister and my dear Bonnie?  How could I abandon Pluto and the people I have adopted as my own?  How could I ever smile again?  How could I ever lie with anyone when I know what it’s like to lie with you?  I could never be so happy with anyone else -- yes, because of the things your status enables me to do and the people it lets me help, but also because of my love for you.” “Will--” “But by all means, if our marriage means so little to you, then perhaps an annulment would be best, should it come to that.” “Will, stop this.  I did not mean it that way and you are fully aware of it.” “Am I?  You suggested it so casually.” “Casually?  You think I am casual about the possibility of ending our marriage?” “It wouldn’t be the first time that our marriage meant less to you than it did to me.” “Will, I’m offering for you.  I suggested it not because our marriage means little to me, but because you mean more to me than our marriage.  If you needed it, I would make that sacrifice.  Do you truly believe that I could replace you so easily?  I wouldn’t see another suitor as long as I live.  You are the only one who wants me.” “You know very well that’s a lie--” “It isn’t,” Nico insisted.  “You were the only one who ever told me you wanted to see me again.  You were the only one to smile at me and the only one who always looked happy to see me.  No one wants me, Will.  I have a terrible temper, my father’s kingdom is in debt, and anyone who could possibly help would never agree to a marriage because I have nothing to offer but a name.  I was refused by everyone who I ever tried to court -- except you.”  Nico folded his arms in front of himself, looking very small and cold and afraid.  “I don’t want to marry anyone else.  Not when I know what it’s like to have someone as wonderful as you.  I am completely yours, Will.  I always will be.”

...

“I lost my brothers, Nico.  I cannot lose my husband, too.”

but Will did bring this up with his family later on while they were discussing what to do next:

Will took a breath.  “Nico and I have discussed annulling the marriage,” he said.  “Should Kayla join the Sorority, His Highness would be willing to part amicably.  I...I have told him no, but if it is what is best--” “Don’t be stupid, Will,” Kayla cut in.  “How could I ask that of you?  I will not be joining the Sorority.” “Kayla, it has been your aspiration for years--” “When I was a child,” Kayla said.  “This is my duty now.  Your duty is to your husband.”

however...the family thought there was another option:

“There won’t be any need for that,” Lou Ellen said quietly.  Will noticed her hands shaking.  “Lee and I planned to tell you that night.  I’m expecting a baby.”

Lou Ellen and Lee's baby would have had a better claim to the duchy than Kayla. so Will reported this to NIco:

“Lou Ellen is expecting,” Will said stiffly.   “She is?  Oh, Will, I--” “So you can forget all your ridiculous notions of annulling our marriage,” Will interrupted. “I already have,” Nico answered.

unfortunately, the baby was stillborn, so Kayla stayed next in line.

(the big am au file is so massive that the app kept crashing on my phone so I had to find all this on my computer)

some other excerpts from the "Will's brothers die and everything goes to shit" fic because I can't help myself I NEED someone to read this because I'm never going to get around to writing this:

(note that I wrote all this before deciding that Will was enby so if you see any mistakes, that's why)

“Will...” Nico started.  “If there is anything you need, ask for it.” “I need my brothers,” Will whispered. Nico closed his eyes.  He still remembered hearing about Bianca’s death.  He remembered the fear that rattled his body at the thought of succession.  He remembered the confusion, the anger, the guilt.... Truth be told, he still felt that way. Will blamed himself, Nico knew.  They had been the targets of the assassination, not Lee and Michael.  But Will and Nico had been off on their own, enjoying each other like two foolish young lovers. No, that wasn’t true.  It had been Nico -- Nico was the person who was meant to be assassinated, not Will.  Oh, how Will must despise him.... “Will, I....”  Nico did not know what to say.  An apology did not seem to suit the situation.  Will would not want an apology. “I would like to sleep in my own room tonight,” Will said softly.

...

Will hardly slept, but did not venture from his bed until after the sun had risen.  He felt terribly alone and for a moment, he regretted his decision to sleep by himself.  But no, he did not wish to burden his husband with his grief.  His restlessness would have kept Nico from sleeping. He pulled his dressing gown over his nightclothes and stepped into a pair of silk slippers before leaving his room.  He found his husband seated outside.  Nico rose to his feet when he saw Will, as though he owed Will that respect. “I was thinking of waking you,” Nico said.  “Chiron came by.  I told him we would take our breakfast here.  Would you prefer otherwise?” “No,” Will said without feeling, taking a seat on the couch by the fire.  “That will do, thank you.”  He realized he sounded as though he were dismissing a servant after the words left his mouth, but Nico did not appear to take offense.  He merely reclaimed his seat in silence, and they did not speak until their breakfast arrived. “I have no appetite,” Will said when Nico offered to fix him a plate from the tray of cuts. “Would you please try to eat?” Nico asked.  “At least a bit?” Will hesitated before nodding his consent.  Nico prepared him a plate and sat with him on the couch, where he cut Will’s meat for him and even brought it to Will’s lips like Will was little more than a helpless child. Will felt like a helpless child. “No more,” Will said a little while later, when Nico offered him another bite.  Nico nodded and took the plate away.  He did not get a plate for himself before sitting beside Will again, but Will did not have the energy to question him.

...

Will turned back to his father and stepmother and saw that their heads were bowed together, their fingers loosely linked between them.  He couldn’t recall ever seeing them be physically affectionate with each other, even in his childhood.  They avoided speaking to each other or even being in the same room if they were able to.  A part of him suspected that Kayla was natural-born, as well -- a child of Daphne and one of her favorites.  But it was not the time for questioning Kayla's legitimacy.  That time would never come.  If Kayla was natural-born, the secret would die with Daphne and Apollo.  Will turned away and left the room.

...

“Would you come to bed with me?” Nico asked, his hands shaking in his lap. “I would like to sleep alone,” Will said. Nico closed his eyes and forced himself to remain composed.  It was selfish of him to want Will to himself.  Will was hurting and Nico had no right to impose if he wasn't wanted.  And, after all, why would Will want him?  It was Nico's fault his brothers were dead.  “I...of course.  Of course.” Will remained still, his hands unmoving and his eyes unseeing, as Nico stood to retire to his bed. “Will, my love?” he said. Will glanced at him. “You must know that should you need me, my door is always open to you.” Will nodded in silence. “Sleep well, dearest,” Nico said.  He received no answer before he closed the door to his room.

...

“I would like to sleep in my own room,” Will whispered. Nico took a deep breath.  “Then may I join you?” he asked. He rarely stayed in Will’s room.  When they slept together, it was always in Nico’s.  It had become a habit; they naturally went to Nico’s room to sleep.  Nico had never questioned it before, but now he wondered why that was. Will stared at him without answering.  Nico said, “Never mind, my dear.” Nico turned to walk into his own room, but he heard Will stand and whisper, “Wait.” Nico turned back and Will dropped his gaze.  “Would you stay with me?” he asked softly. “Of course I will,” Nico answered.  “Anything you want.”

...

“I feel better when you hold me.” “Then why did you want to sleep alone?” At first, Will said nothing.  But then— “Because I didn’t want you to see me cry,” Will whispered.

...

“Are you angry?  Do you blame me?” Will’s arms tightened around Nico’s waist and he buried his face in Nico’s chest.  “I don’t want to,” he said softly. “But you do.” Tears stung Will’s eyes.  “I love you so much,” he said, his voice cracking with tears.  “I’m so sorry, Nico, I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t blame you this way.” Nico kissed the crown of Will’s head.  “I blame myself, as well.” “I know,” Will said, his body starting to shake with sobs.  “I...I hate this, Nico.  I don’t understand any of it.  I wake up every morning and think about something I have to tell them, but they’re not here, or I think about how I will miss them when we go home, but I will miss them forever.” “Will--” “Gods above, don’t ever leave me, Nico.  Don’t ever make me feel this way.”

...

“I hate this, Nico.  I love you so much, but I can’t...I can’t even look at you without thinking that it’s our fault my brothers are dead.  They took my brothers from me.  They want to take you from me.  And I feel like they’ve torn this divide between us, like we were good and pure and they ruined it with stains of blood.  They’ve taken my family from me.  They’ve taken my love for you and twisted it into something so confusing I can’t make sense of it.”

...

“I think you should return to Pluto.” “Yes.” “And I will remain here.  Until things have begun to settle, I must stay with my family.  I will see Lou Ellen through her pregnancy and ensure the baby's health.” “Then I suppose we will not see each other for a very long time.” “No.  It may even take a year.” “It...it won’t be easy for me.” “It won’t be easy for me, either.  But perhaps it’s for the best.  Being apart...it will give me a chance to think this over.  I need time to mourn and heal with my family.” “And you’ll come back home to me?” “Yes,” Will said.  “I always will.  Do you trust me?” “Yes, of course.  But I’m still afraid.” “So am I.” “We’ll write to each other,” Nico said, lacing his fingers through Will’s.  “Just like when we were courting.” Will smiled.  But it wouldn’t be like when they were courting.  They both knew that. “Will you still love me when I see you again?” Nico whispered. “I don’t know what it’s like to not love you.” “Well, I hope you don’t learn.” “I don’t think I can.”

...

“Write to me.  Write to me whenever you are able.” “I will.” “And be there for me to come home to.” “I’ll be waiting.” “Give Bonnie my love.” “Always.” “And kiss your sister for me.” “Of course.”

...

“You have a son, Lou,” Will said.  “Would you like to hold him?” “I…” Lou Ellen stopped and sobbed, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.  “I don’t...I don’t know.  I don’t know.” Will tried to hold his tears back for Lou Ellen’s sake.  She didn’t need to see him cry.  “Would you like me to tell you about him?” he asked.  Lou Ellen nodded to that, still sobbing quietly into her hand. Will swallowed and looked down at the lifeless baby in his arms.  “He’s beautiful,” Will said.  “He has two eyes and ten little fingers.  He has your dark hair, but his complexion is more tan like Lee’s.  He looks so peaceful, Lou.”  Will had to stop talking to keep his voice from cracking.  He didn’t know what else to say.  How could he describe this wonderful, horrible gift? “May I hold him?” Lou Ellen asked shakily. “Of course,” Will croaked, going to her bedside and passing her the baby. Lou Ellen was silent for a long time.  She gently touched the curve of his cheek and ran her fingers over the thin hair on his head. “He looks like he’s sleeping,” Lou Ellen finally whispered.

...

The baby was stillborn, Will wrote.  I am coming home.  Lou Ellen will accompany me. He didn’t know what else to say, so he folded the letter in an envelope and sealed it.

...

“Will,” Nico whispered, not sure if he was welcome at all.  He wanted to cradle Will’s face in his hands, to brush his fingers over Will’s cheeks and memorize his lines again.  Had Will changed?  How much had he aged?  How much had Nico missed out on?  “I missed you.” It seemed like such an understatement.  Nico had felt like a part of himself was gone.  He’d felt hollow without Will.  His bed had been empty — no Will, no Asterion...Bonnie sometimes followed him to bed and spent the night with him, but more often than not, she stayed with Hazel. The corner of Will’s mouth quirked up so subtly that Nico would have missed it had he not been looking for it.  “I missed you,” he whispered back, and then suddenly they were both rushing across the room to hold each other.

...

“Will things ever be the same between us?” Nico asked in a whisper. “No,” Will answered.  “But I love you, Nico.  We will heal and grow, and you and I will become stronger than we ever were.” “Then you don’t hate me?” Nico asked, despising the pathetic taste of those words on his tongue. “Nico, my darling prince,” Will said, slowly turning to face him.  “Do you really believe that I could ever hate you?” Nico swallowed.  “I don’t know, Will.  I really don’t.  I don’t know anything anymore.” Will took Nico’s chin in his and tilted his head up, forcing Nico to meet his eyes.  “Well, I don’t hate you.  And I never will.  I will love you through anything, Nico.  Through the coldest of winters and the darkest of nights, through ridiculous arguments and petty misunderstandings, through the best days of our lives and through the worst.  I will love you when you are weak and when you are strong, when you are stubborn and obstinate and when you are sweet and kind.  I will love you when you push me off the bed in your sleep and I will love you when I wake up in your arms in the morning.”

[sojourner-between-worlds]

A random assortment of autistic!Yusei headcanons on this fine Friday in December.

Yusei got a weighted blanket after the whole Arc Cradle ordeal. Best sleep he's ever had. Crow tried to borrow it once; it did not end well for him, lol.

Eye contact? What's that? Yusei doesn't know her.

He's more prone to shutdowns than meltdowns but they both do happen. (He's definitely accidently hurt himself on more than one occasion but he's gotten better at redirecting those behaviors even on his own as he's gotten older and his reactions less severe.)

He's semi-verbal to begin with so periods of losing speech entirely are a fairly normal occurrence. He's usually fine, and if he still needs to say something, the boys all know sign language anyway. (It's not "real" SL but rather a dialect of Satellite the citizens created to be able to communicate without Sector Security understanding them. Yes, I stole this from @/shitpostingkats, what of it? It lives rent free in my head.) The first time it happens after moving to the City, Yusei doesn't even consider that Aki and the twins don't know their SL and so he signs. Crow laughs at everyone's dumbfounded looks before he both translates for Yusei and then explains. All three are more than eager to learn it. (Rua thinks its "the coolest thing ever" in typical Rua fashion.)

Never quite breaks out of the "subtle stims only" mindset that was forced by necessity of the environment he grew up in. He wasn't about to give Sector Security any reason to single him out, after all, and old habits die really hard. Aki noticed he tended to rub his fingers together a lot, to the point of sometimes accidently scratching himself on the sharper edges of his nails when he's not wearing his gloves and started looking for other options. She bought him a spinner ring for his birthday and while it didn't 100% fix the problem, it did help quite a bit. (Between that and a tangle, he's practically good to go. He never had anything like that growing up, and they bring him great joy to have now.)

For the same reason, he was technically never diagnosed as a kid because Martha didn't want to paint a target on his back with SS. When he moved to the City, he didn't see any point. He was self-employed so any accommodations he could possibly need he could just, ya know, give himself. The first time he ever truly considered it was after he started working for MIDS and was working on his degree. (Even then it took quite a bit of convincing because he wasn't sold on it actually being helpful.)

Feel free to add on!

[chocolatecoveredbrusselsprout]

Okay would LOVE to see some discourse/hear other people’s thoughts (respectfully plz no one be rude for no reason) cuz I HAVE SOME.

I have never liked the Raven Queen. The Matron of Ravens. I wanted to so badly! Her aesthetic? Iconic. The way she OUSTED the previous god of death? KILLED him? As a mortal? And she ascended to godhood? A total flex. Like damn fr. BUT

I can’t get over what she did to Vax. If she just hadn’t taken advantage of him, I could love her so much. But I can’t. My disdain has also grown the further into Campaign 3 we get and the more I read.

Some Reasons!

1. She took advantage of Vax when he was in a weak spot. He was struggling, depressed, and desperate at the sudden loss of his sister. She used this to make a deal with him.

2. She took Vax immediately after they defeated Vecna. Why could he not live out his life as her champion? (I do know that because of the Disintegrate spell, there was no body to revive him so this would kind of “go against” her rules?)

3. Why make Vax her champion? He wasn’t willing. Yes, he offered himself, but that was more so coercion. Consent should be enthusiastic! Vax’ildan was desperate and afraid to lose the ones he loved, so he made deals with a god previously unknown to him. We’ve seen that the Matron has MANY followers in Campaign 3. There were so many she could have chosen to be her champion. Who would have WANTED to be her champion. Why Vax? Are we to truly believe that in all of Exandria, no other follower of the RQ was fate-touched? (If that was her reason)

4. She also made him her *eternal* champion. (This is part especially where I’d love to hear others’ thoughts). Vax does not get to die. Not like most people. He is now stuck in that same limbo as the Raven Queen. Yes, he gets to shepherd souls to The Other Side. Purvan did. But Purvan GOT TO REST. He served his time, and then got to pass on. As of right now, Vax will never know rest, and I hate that she stole it from him. If Vax has died-died, eventually he would be reunited with his loved ones in the afterlife. Now, when they die, they’ll see him, but only briefly as he must go back to his ETERNAL DUTY. May I remind you that he did not ask for that position?

Also, doesn’t that kind of contradict her whole “death is a part of life” thing, having an eternal champion? Yes, Vax is now a celestial and he did “die,” but he never passes on to the afterlife. Some blurry lines there.

5. The Matron has punished Vax for visiting/“interfering” with his loved ones. In latest 4-sided dive, Matt clarified that the first attack on Zephrah/Keyleth, Vax showed up and saved her (that’s how Otohan knew he would come again). Matt continued that his actions were technically against the RQ’s commands, and that she punished him for it (we don’t know how). Now, Vax’ildan is stuck in a painful orb as a lens, and she has done nothing to help.

So that’s all I have at the moment. What do y’all think? Please share your thoughts or tag me in stuff cuz I want to read more on it. It continually bugs me that the Matron was lonely in her task (fair) and that she may have not realized that before ascending, but that does not mean that she should force Vax to the same fate/keep him to herself.

(Also, I think Gargo/Shithead may have been her animal companion? That will be another post though)

[threbe]

He doesn't have what he wants sadly

Honestly I don't think a lot of characters have what they want in this story

Yes I'm talking about Arthur even Merlin, and all of the people in Camelot they do not have what they really want they are in denial and delusional

In the same goes for what's being said here by Anna

And

That's the thing I don't think diodora has everything he wants

He's still technically not healthy even when we were first introduced to him he was still seemed sick even now he's possibly still really sick he's never had a mother in his life he's probably wanted that I'm not sure if he even has friends or even has met other children around his own age besides maybe anna from what it seems this interaction has shown

He knows iron sides been lying to him about life outside of Camelot I'm sure like many others in Camelot he's wanted to go outside and see what it's like out there he knows it can be a scary as his father's describes diodora situation isn't that different from gwaian

He truly isn't going to find answers he seeks there even Arthur lights and him and that's why he's currently in The cauldron the only real way he's going to be able to get Ironside back to normal is with percival's help but due to how this chapter went them being allies doesn't seem like something that's going to happen at least not in part two possibly by the end of part two maybe by part three of diodora realizes that Percival might be the only person who can help him but then we have to look back on what Guinevere said to Ironside

About him dying and deodora's arms are maybe even percivals ???

Not completely sure it's really up in the air with who he'll be dying by

I could see it where it is Percival who does finally kill Ironside for killing his grandfather I could also see it where Ironside dies protecting deodora I could see it where it also chaos turns on iron side and kills him in front of Percival and diodora but diodora still blames Percival possibly having a parallel back to this moment here with Anna

Where he'll never be able to fully forgive Percival

Another theory I have is that iron sight might die before Camelot goals to lions again like we saw in guinevere's vision and it could be the eldora taking his father's place as The Red Knight helping Arthur fight the seven deadly sins with his own fragment of chaos inside of him that actually like to see this happen cuz I think it actually be cool deal Dora even after taking on chaos still thinks that Percival in the sins are the reason his father has completely lost himself and forgot about him and then ended up dying and him not learning the truth till later on down the line after Arthur's defeated or whatever happens with Arthur I don't know this is just a theory not sure if it'll happen it could nakuba likes to pull surprises out of nowhere

Like the surprise of Merlin being in lions I talked about this in another pose but it's clear she's there and that in the vision Guinevere head she's showing up with the other sins to stop Arthur even though I don't think Merlin will be completely on the sins and the four nights side after all chaos is something she looked for for 3,000 years

and even though it might still seem like a mistake that Arthur has it and he and chaos have just become one being similar to how Elizabeth and her past so far one being now both Elizabeth of the past and the princess Elizabeth everyone got to know at this point I also mentioned in another post I don't think we'll be able to save Arthur cuz like I just mentioned he and chaos are just one being now I thought maybe percival's magic could work but there is a still a possibility that maybe iron sides hope for Theodora could still come true maybe life Spirit magic will work on diodora and he did be able to be saved at some point and be healed long enough to at least be able to see what Britannia is like

[doyelikehaggis]

just out of curiousity, what are your top 10 hollyoaks crack ships/rare pairs 👀

Oh, anon, you have no idea the can of worms you had just opened. So, crackships/rarepairs specifically, huh? (I mean, just about every ship that doesn't involve Ste or John-Paul are a rarepair, let's be honest.) Okay, let's do this. (These are in no way in ranked order btw)

Joel Dexter x Ryan Knight (Knightdex)

It's so stupid and (so far) based on literally one (1) interaction between them, in Rory Douglas-Speed's first episode as Joel in 2016, in which Ryan has called Joel for help in taking Warren down in Patrick's murder investigation. The moment they have outside of the police station was so incredibly gay for no reason, and I'm forever going to be thinking of how unnecessarily close Ryan got to Joel. I will provide a gif as evidence:

2. Brendan Brady x Simon Walker (Bralker)

I feel like they count as a rarepair because everyone prefers stendan (obviously <3), but the chemistry between Emmett Scanlan and Neil Newbon is genuinely insane. Like, they're constantly eye-fucking each other, and Walker can say it was all an act as much as he wants, but I'm not convinced. There's just something to be said for their very toxic, one-secretly-wants-the-other-dead, partners in crime thing.

3. Amy Barnes x Michaela McQueen (McBarnes)

I think men were not good for Amy, and Michaela was right there. I'm a sucker for best friends to lovers (even if they were more like messy frenemies most of the time), so I already loved the idea of them, but then I saw this one scene from like 2006 where Ste confronts Michaela and asks if she fancies Amy, and I'd believe it wholeheartedly.

4. George Smith x Callum Kane (PalmKane)

I love their friendship, and I totally get why the show kept it platonic because it was such an important dynamic to have on TV back in 2012, no judgement, just pure trust and affection for each other. But as I said, I'm a sucker for best friends to lovers, so! I wish Callum hadn't died because they were genuinely one of my favourite parts of that era.

5. Max Cunningham x O.B

It's funny for me to count this one considering I haven't watched a single scene featuring Max other than the one where Claire tells him Tom is in the lake to try and drown Max, and then OB saves him. But what did it for me was OB's return in 2016, the way he cares for Tom (Max's little brother), and reading through their entire history lmao. I'm planning on going back and watching the scenes I can find on youtube (currently organising a playlist) so that I can fall even harder for them. I truly believe they were soulmates.

6. Cleo McQueen x Nathan Nightingale (Clathan)

Again, I don't know if this counts as a rarepair because they were technically together in the show, but I also don't think anyone actually ships them anymore? Either way, they're adorable and if Nathan hadn't died, I would've wanted them together and married and happy <3

7. Sienna Blake x Trevor Royle (Trienna)

Yes, Sienna was not necessarily good for Trevor, and he chose Grace, but the colouring book therapy session?? I'm still crying over them.

8. Ste Hay x John Paul McQueen (McHay)

I'm cheating again, I know, they were canon, people shipped them (probably still do), but not nearly enough. I still want them back together now, in 2024, I am BEGGING. Reunite them. Give them another chance. Let them be HAPPY.

9. Robbie Roscoe x Callum Kane (Roscane)

Look, Robbie came into and immediately did way too much just to try and impress Callum and get him to be his friend. I will die on the hill that Robbie is queer. (TBF the same could be said for Freddie Roscoe, too.)

10. Romeo Nightingale x Prince McQueen (Rinse)

I miss the Daily Rinse <3 Also, having Romeo's exit be him riding off on a horse while Prince tearfully watches him as "Love Story" by Taylor Swift plays? Most romantic moment ever, and their names are made for each other, come on.

I am ALWAYS happy to talk about Hollyoaks (or EastEnders), especially ships, so please feel free to send more questions/talk to me about anything! <3

[nianeyna]

I kept a bullet-pointed liveblog in a notes document as I played the new ffxiv expansion. now I have finally finished the story so I can share with the class without fear of someone responding to me with spoilers. speaking of which everything below is dawntrail spoilers, for the entire expansion, in case that wasn't clear.

⬇️ SPOILERS. FINAL FANTASY XIV DAWNTRAIL SPOILERS BELOW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ⬇️

Dawntrail Liveblog

- ok so the mean claimants are obviously not going to win, but catboy promise is a dark horse. also not ruling out "nobody wins"

- Urqopacha is super cute

- CAMPFIRE SCENE!

- Erenville's deal continues to be very mysterious no matter how much he contrives to appear to be telling us about it

- lol Erenville dialog: "I spoke too much" YOU BARELY SAID ANYTHING BABE

- Kozama-uka is sooooo pretty

- I like how the entire first dungeon was totally unnecessary since we would have got there FASTER if we'd just stuck around and helped Alisaie and Erenville repair the boat lmao. but that's not how the WoL does things!!

- CAMPFIRE SCENE!

- erenville lurking in the background... siddown boy lmao

- unknown dude: hey you uh... forgot something. yeah back there. come with me and get it this is definitely not a trap

- oh no it was a trap! who could possibly have predicted this??

- awwww, Koana. wasn't sure about him at first but he's just a cute little muffin isn't he

- wuk lamat getting all excited about eating the xibruq pibil was so cute omg. she just likes food!!! I appreciate that in a woman

- oh shiiiiit wuk lamat origin story?! dun dun dun...

- aaaaaand solo duty... ulp

- haha get wrekt

- CAMPFIRE SCENE!

- the mamool ja should look into tourism... this place is pretty as hell

- ok koana shooting the tablet was a pretty cool move

- have my doubts about the golden city being in yak tel... like if it was there why'd they go to xak tural then

- ok, I guess it... was there? or... the *entrance* was there... according to gulool ja ja, anyway...

- road trip alone with erenville be still my heart!

- out of context erenville quotes: "this is your first time, so let's take it slow"

- no need to apologize erenville... you can drag me into anything you want

- oh wow this is really fucking sad. wow. I wasn't expecting that!

- the ridiculous train plan is cheering me up a bit thank god (editor's note: it didn't last)

- sigh... there always has to be at least one zone per expansion that's all dark and gross-looking. did they sign a contract to that effect or something??

- I can't believe how mean this plotline is to erenville

- this is fucked up... this is so fucked up

- npc: "sorry to darken the mood" NO THAT'S FINE I DON'T THINK THE MOOD CAN GET ANY WORSE!!

- I want to rip Spene's crown off and push her off a cliff. her little I'm so cute and innocent and helpless act makes me want to puke.

- CAMPFIRE SCENE!

- if any more parents die in this story I am really truly gonna lose it

- YES finally we get to fight these horrible people. machine army. whatever.

- I hope the next trial is sphene... I want to kick sphene's ass SO bad

- well there goes otis which brings the fucking dead parent toll to at least 4

- finallyyyyyy made it out of heritage found... *collapses onto the floor of tuliyollal like a shipwrecked sailor reaching land*

- (ok obviously I've technically been back to tuliyollal while I've been doing these godforsaken quests but THIS IS DIFFERENT!)

- we didn't fight sphene but the prospects are looking really good for me getting to punch her in the face soon. probably not literally like we got to do with zenos, but I guess you can't have everything :(

- wow sphene really BELIEVES she's just a helpless little girl. fucking incredible.

- next expansion let's have a final zone NOT populated entirely by ghosts. change it up a little

- so should I count namikka and cahciua's deaths twice on the parent death toll scoreboard or what

- you know what I still don't get. is why the yok huy went to xak tural to look for the golden city. *why did they think it was there*? I mean heritage found is there *now* but it definitely wasn't hundreds of years ago!

- that face on the tower looks more like meteion than sphene tbh

- two more dead parents!

- I can't. believe. sphene erased herself before I could beat her ass. this is the most unfair thing that has happened in this expansion, and it is up against some STRONG contenders

- it's just not satisfying to pummel a weird robot that has none of her memories!

- oh sphene's SORRY? *loudest fart noise ever*

- it's a good thing wuk lamat is here to be nice cause if I had to do it I'd throw up

- "their lives remain unchanged"? uh.... we shut off the afterlife. which was a real physical place you could go to. I feel like that changes things a bit!

- I DID IT I'M OUT CREDITS ROLLED UP I'M DONE THANK GOD

First half I rate: 9/10

Second half I rate: 3/10

Overall I rate this expansion: 5/10 I guess

Up until the lightning dome appeared I was having a blast. after that the gameplay experience became one of gritting my teeth so I could get out and be done with it. all the alexandrian zones are dark and unpleasant to be in, which would have been bearable except the plot was literally nightmarish and any new characters I didn't hate either died or were already dead (except gulool ja, who's cute of course, but his story was still pretty upsetting in a different way). This is not to say the writing was bad, because I don't think it was. In the alternate universe where I was LOOKING for a tragic existential horror game I might have even really liked it. However I really really wasn't looking for that at all, so in the real world I feel pretty betrayed and upset. There's a line between "plot twist" and "false advertising" and I think they left it behind in the dust.

But hell, at least we got 4 campfire scenes.

[lasandra]

31 Days of Dragon Age: Oct 01 - Introduce your Hero of Ferelden

(Technically a day late, oops!) Using these prompts. (I probably went overboard though, tbh.) Dragon Age: Origins was the game I got introduced to Dragon Age with back in 2010 when I was but 12 years old and so the HoF forever holds a special place in my heart. HoF is, in my opinion, the best example of being allowed to be who you want to be in the Dragon Age series with the most freedom of personality. HoF truly feels like YOUR character and I love that. Here are my favorite Heroes (because I CANNOT just tell you about 1) of Ferelden in no particular order: 1. Lyna Mahariel (Yes, I kept the default name, I liked it for her.)

Lyna is easily my most tragic character (and it was a total accident). Lyna has this habit of everyone she loves dying and leaving her alone. First it was her parents, then it was Tamlen (which really hit her hard as they were very much in love). She didn't even get time to properly mourn him before getting dragged (kicking and screaming) to Ostagar to join the Grey Wardens when she truly would have preferred to remain with her clan and die. She slowly began to recover and though she still mourned, she DID find herself slowly falling for Alistair... WHO she helped make king and then he ended their relationship. Obviously she was upset (as was I because this was the first time, I'd played a non-Cousland lol and I didn't know you could let him just stay with the wardens at the time). She was FURIOUS when Morrigan told her she needed to convince Alistair to sleep with her. Fastest nope ever, let me tell you. She went into the Battle of Denerim with every intention of striking the killing blow against the Archdemon but guess what? This was also my first time NOT doing the dark ritual and I took Alistair with me. He freaking stops her, tells her he loves her and goes and dies all heroically. (This was the first time this happened to me, and I definitely cried). Then comes Awakening and while everyone else makes it out, Anders and Justice appear to be dead. She mourns those sneaky little twits. Boy when she found out what happened... She was PISSED, let me tell you. And of course, later she finds out that her entire clan has been killed by Hawke and Co. Home girl cannot catch a break. She isolates herself now, never allowing herself to get too close to others, awaiting the day she can finally see her loved ones again. 2. Aurora Amell:

Aurora is probably closest to a canon warden that I have as I usually use her worldstate when I load into Dragon Age 2 and Inquisition because I just love the story implications. She was every bit a circle mage and never understood why anyone would ever want to leave (I think being trained by Irving made her that way), but still helped her friend Jowan when that was his wish. When it turned out he WAS in fact a blood mage she was horrified and never trusted him again. And yes. She liked Cullen. And apparently she just had a thing for Templars because she ended up with Alistair (she also had the sense to keep him in the wardens). Wynne was her most trusted confidante, with Leliana as a close second. She got along with everyone fairly well though. For her, the Dark Ritual was a painful and difficult choice, she didn't want to die, she didn't want Alistair to die, and Morrigan offered both of them a way out. She convinced Alistair and you know the rest. During Awakening, Anders didn't just up and disappear on her. She gave him permission. She had always only conscripted him to save his life and with the blight defeated, she didn't see a reason to force him to stay. She did NOT know about the Justice thing however, she'd have thumped him over the back of the head with her stave if she'd known about that. Also, she kept Sir Pounce-A-Lot when he left. Aurora eventually met Carver when he became a Grey Warden and through him she eventually met her favorite cousin, Amelia Hawke. Though Aurora is younger, she is very protective of her cousin, so much so that when she found out Anders had betrayed Amelia's trust and blown up the Chantry, Aurora may or may not have chased him around the room with fireballs until Alistair and Amelia physically restrained her... Aurora and Alistair have a daughter (because headcanons!) named Lydia who is actually going to be one of my Rooks (who I will tell you more about when it is time to introduce my Rooks in the prompts) 3. Elsa Cousland (No she was not named or designed after the Disney Character, I made her before Frozen was even a thing.)

Elsa is my "evil" character (or as close as I come to running evil characters). She is not cruel by any means, but she is rather power hungry and is very manipulative, buying affection, lying to make herself seem better than she is. She had always been an opportunist, looking to advance her and her family's station whenever possible. When Arl Howe killed nearly everyone in her family, she swore she'd have revenge, though that didn't mean she didn't deeply resent Duncan for coercing her into the Grey Wardens (that's how she felt about it). For the first time in her life, she felt resigned to her fate and she hated it, though she of course put on the facade of the selfless heroine. Morrigan was the only one she shared her true nature with, and they quickly became the best of friends. Alistair was strange to her, in more ways than one. Though she found him to be a bit of an idiot, she also recognized him as being genuinely kind, a trait she was not used to in those she knew. As much as she wanted to deny it, she did find herself falling in love with him, even before she found out he was Maric's son. When Arl Eamon suggested Alistair take the throne, she saw an opportunity to get what she had always wanted--the throne. So naturally during the Landsmeet she named Alistair king with her as his queen. She agreed to help Morrigan convince Alistair to do the dark ritual, as it seemed quite practical for her plans to become Queen. During Awakening she almost killed Nathaniel but thought it would be better revenge to have him become a Grey Warden instead. As for what she's been doing since, mostly she's been looking for a way for her and Alistair to have heirs. 4. Rita Brosca (Not to be confused with her sister Rica)

(And no, the background isn't bleeding through her face, I was trying a shading thing out on her and I didn't think to use a different color.)

Rita is the most reckless of my wardens never quite thinking before she acts, luckily she's pretty good at getting away with it (mostly). She thought Duncan was just the coolest dude ever even before he saved her life. When he died, she was almost as upset as Alistair, he was the first person to ever treat her like she was anything more than dirt. She and Morrigan bonded over their terrible mothers. Unlike my other previous Wardens, Rita didn't end up with Alistair. She found him to be more like a brother figure. Instead, she ended up with Zevran. Coming up from similar backgrounds, she could really relate to him and felt like she could be herself around him without judgement--heck if anything, approval! Leske's betrayal wasn't particularly surprising. She was really only surprised she couldn't talk him out of it. Idiot duster. During Awakening, when she found out about Oghren becoming a father, she really worked on encouraging him to get his crap together. To be more than some drunk loser to his child, so that his kid wouldn't end up resenting him like Rita resented her mother. Also she totally stole Anders idea of running away from the wardens. She ran off with Zevran and has been keeping quiet since. They even ended up having a daughter (who, yes is going to be another Rook of mine) named Wynnie (who is affectionately named after Wynne). 5. Ciara Surana:

Ciara is the sweetest of all of my wardens, always helping others and sparing her enemies when possible because she just saw the best in people. The Fifth Blight really didn't deserve her. She was fascinated by spirits and demons, always wanting to learn more about them. Solas really would have had a field day with her. She'd have pestered him non-stop with questions. To mine and everyone else's surprise, she did NOT end up with Alistair, rather with Zevran. Not that Alistair hadn't tried, Ciara was just too oblivious to notice Alistair's flirtations while Zevran made himself very clear. I like to think she had a positive influence on him. When Morrigan told her about the Dark Ritual, she felt very uncomfortable. She did tell Alistair about it but accepted his "no" without argument. Having made Alistair the king, she was determined to keep him alive and so she did not take him with her to fight the Archdemon, therefore it was her who dealt the final blow, sacrificing her life to save Ferelden and the rest of Thedas. I like to think her soul was not destroyed. That instead she was given a second chance at life as (you guessed it) another one of my Rooks, a mourn watcher Rook, to be specific. 6. Elena Tabris:

Last but not least, is Elena. Though she was considered quite the troublemaker in the Alienage, she was actually genuinely looking forward to getting married (and then the stupid shems just had to show up and completely wreck her wedding. Rude). She was grateful to Duncan for saving her when the guards came but was lowkey terrified of the man after watching Daveth and Jory die at the joining. She literally only drank the blood because she watched him kill Jory, before that, she'd been thinking about slinking off and running away. She used to be terrified of spirits and demons (so you know, the circle of Magi was fun for her) but Wynne's circumstance gave her a new perspective. They still give her the heebie-jeebies but she tries to keep an open mind (which is the only reason she was able to recruit Justice in Awakening. Him animating a corpse was deeply unsettling). Though she'd had a brief flirtation with Zevran (it never went anywhere beyond flirtation) she ultimately ended up with Alistair. When it came time for taking Alistair to see his sister, she let him give her money but I headcanon that she totally sneaked back in and stole it back for being such as massive b-- At the Landsmeet, she did not make Alistair king since he had always said he didn't want to be king. She didn't want to force him into anything that he didn't want. Elena had the hardest time with Morrigan's offer of the Dark Ritual, given her past. She also really loved Alistair and didn't want to risk him dying if she could prevent it, which is why she ultimately convinced him to do it. Eventually they had a daughter named Carwyn, who, would you believe it, is going to be another of my Rooks. But not just any Rook. My first Rook. I am very much looking forward to playing her on the 31st! That's it! That's all of the HoFs I want to share! I have played Origins NUMEROUS times and thus have many more, but it already took me all day to make all these portraits and quite frankly, I don't have the patience to do anymore. Thank you to anyone who was interested enough to read all this! You're a real trooper!

[lunapwrites]

Hi yes hello I would like #2 for Harry, #26 for Harry + Remus, and #23 for whoever/however many you want to answer for (but esp Harry)

Ohooo, mixing it up, eh? Excellent. <3

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on (for Harry)

Okay so this is technically a specifically Hinny read, BUT - I maintain that he noticed Ginny right off the bat, and it didn't happen "all of a sudden" in 6th year. Even as early as the very first time he saw her on Kings Cross - he watched her wave the train off. Idk about you, but I might have been more interested in the train I just got on, or getting a better look at the magical crowd of people as a whole. Additionally there's several points when he picks up on things she's doing when others are ignoring her, and when it would be normal and expected for him to ignore her also. But he doesn't! Anyway I think that was just a lot of him Noticing and not having a way to contextualize it internally. Because Harry does a lot of observing and not a lot of verbalizing his observations lol.

26. What would Harry do if stuck in an elevator with Remus?

I would say that if they were truly stuck (after Remus had tried every unlocking spell he knew - which I imagine are plentiful - and discovered that Apparition wasn't an option for whatever reason) then they'd probably just chat. Harry would probably get Remus to tell him some stories, and Remus would figure out a way to twist them so that a) they showed James in the best possible light and b) he simply did not feature in them. They might also discuss some sociopolitical stuff, depending on what Harry thought to ask, because Remus was always very good about answering those sorts of questions (as long as it wasn't about him - at least directly.) I do not think that Remus would ask Harry about his home life. I think he's resolved not to know. And Harry is fine with that, because he's resolved not to acknowledge it.

23. If the following characters were scented candles, what would they smell like - I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED, LT, THIS IS MY FAVORITE SUBJECT.

Harry - Pine, petrichor, black tea

Ron - Fresh mown grass, cotton, fresh bread

Hermione - Black coffee, parchment, woodsmoke

Sirius - (this is very LTL specific, but) mulling spices, cypress, and a hint of warm leather.

Remus - (also LTL specific) sandalwood, cedar, tobacco

Tonks - (ALSO very LTL specific) - lavender, oak, tea-and-scones

I can't remember the specific combinations that I had for Lily and James off the top of my head, but like. Assume they were detailed lol.

Thanks for the ask!

[mayonaisalspray]

whats the tea with jester and plurality. also is the toxic yaoi canon or was that for funssies and just a side thing?

AHAHAHAAH YES!!! thank you…

Putting this under the cut cause it’s going to be long. Also mentions of death, violence, childhood trauma and uh. Toxic yaoi I guess

Okay so Jester is my most fucked up oc. I really went off with torturing this guy. It’s a Zangoose who switched places with a child. He was thought of as broken by his parents, who desperately searched for a way to “bring him back to normal”. He lashed out. He got into fights at school. It fought like an animal because that’s who he wants to believe it still is. But he isn’t truly an animal anymore. Jester sees himself as a beast with a human heart, and it hates it.

It could maybe have gotten better overtime. He befriended a Leafeon that he was able to communicate with. He got older and started exploring spaces with fairly likeminded people online. If only his parents desperate search for a solution didn’t lead them to borrow money they could never return. They paid for it! And so did their son.

Jester got to watch the people who tried to care for him die. And then, it got to watch his Leafeon friend die! With one less eye! Because I wanted him to have the same scars as a Zangoose. As another fun reminder

Jester doesn’t have the words to describe it, but that night it developed headmates. It thinks of them as “The Spirit Of Man” and “The Spirit Of Beast”. The Spirit Of Man is a young child, and looks very similar to how Jester physically looked when it first became human. He’s cautious, wary of many things, but also wants them all to move on from the past. She hates that Jester insists on his violent form of justice. The Spirit Of Beast is, you probably guessed it, a Zangoose. It is cunning, observant, but fairly gullible. It doesn’t understand why Jester does what it does. Jester is supposed to be an animal, yes? Wounded animals shouldn’t put themselves in danger like he does.

Jester has been trying to ignore them for years. It thinks they are those “intrusive thoughts” that people talk about (though he does also have those). Neither of them have been able to convince him to stop his “Seviper Hunt”, but as long as what Jester is doing isn’t related to that he might listen. Most nights they try to interfere in small ways. The Spirit Of Beast tries to remind Jester that their body is fragile, and forces him to take care of it. The Spirit Of Man tries to remind Jester that there is no reason to struggle like he does, and she convinces him to look for help.

Though of the three, only Jester is able to front. There have been days where due to frustration it has wanted to step away from the controls and let someone else figure out what to do. Both Spirit Of Man and Beast have tried to front on these days (and others of course) but neither have been able to.

Okay so about Poison Point (Jester and Tetra ship name) uh. So. It is technically canon? Not in the same universe that both their blogs played out on but in like. Their canon oc storyline. Does that make sense? I hope it does

It really just came about because I was listening to a song (I don’t remember what song sadly) and I got thinking about both of them and realized they would be SO terrible for each other. Neither of them have been in a relationship. They’re both obsessed with something to the point of madness and nothing else matters. They can both use each other to further their goal. They’re both spiteful and angry and violent and very often covered in blood and the suffering one brings fuels the life of the other. I think they should have gay sex by sitting fully clothed in a room playing mind games with each other

Anyways I like these two so much I’m destroying my entire art fight account this year so that they (and my fursona lol) are the only things there. Which means I will be drawing and talking about them more. Which is fun for me and I think me only. I need to draw them as Mesmerizer soooo bad holy shit

[aceecee]

Insatiable - Caleb

TW for this chapter: mentions of child experimentation, child death (for MC and OC), suicide mention (OC)

WC: 4.8K

Masterlist

Caleb was the second one to meet you.

Caleb was also the first one to hate you.

No, you’re not leaving him so just stay by his side and he’ll spend the rest of his life making it up to you.

When your parents first introduced you and your brother, he didn’t know what to think. His dislike actually occurred during your first meeting, when your eyes met. Later, he’d rationalise this due to how close you were with her but in reality he loathed every time you’d look at him like you knew him. 

Who did you think you were? What gave you the right? 

You were pretty, yes but there was something else. Almost like you were something new in this world, something that had never existed before. He supposes that’s why you caught attention everywhere you went, from your classmates, to his friends and to his frustration, hers.

Before you came into their life, she had only needed him. He knew it was selfish of him but after everything they had gone through, seeing her die over and over again, he truly believed that only he could understand her, take care of her and that she only needed him. But no matter how coldly he looked at you or how harsh his words were, you never got mad. Instead you would give him an understanding smile while you looked at him with pity which only made him more mad. 

Pity? He didn’t need pity, especially from you.

So, then what was it? What was the catalyst that made him change his mind?

Well if we wanted to be more technical than it was the first time you met each other but his stubborn self would never admit this. No, this idiot finally acknowledged his feelings when you took care of him.

Caleb hated a lot of things. It’s only natural to go through life and develop distaste for certain things. Having to watch the one he loved die over and over again and not being able to do a thing was when he realised he detested being helpless. Which is why when he felt the dryness in his throat, the tears beginning to form in his eyes and the stuffiness in his nose…well he pretended to be perfectly fine.

See, Caleb was an actor. A very good one. He’s been fooling the people in his life his entire life. After all, they think he’s okay since he’s popular in school, girls like him, he plays basketball and gets good grades. Nevermind that he still wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares or the sheer exhaustion he feels at certain times.

Caleb was an actor. So good in fact that no one around him knows how to tell when he’s not okay. He’s fooled everyone. Well, except one that is.

You.

2 days into his cold and all he really wants to do is get in his bed and never wake up again. But she had wanted to go out for ice cream and who was he to deny her anything. They’d picked you up from the steps of your house because of course they did. She never went anywhere without you. The three of you fell into the same formation as always with her in the middle and you both by her side. The walk to the small area of numerous shops was only 20 minutes but those 20 minutes went by quickly with her around. She was like the sun, bright with a smile on her face as she talked with a smile on her face choosing to skip rather than walk with them. Her current obsession was owls. To summarise what she’d said, she learnt about them in class, the focus on the Blakiston Fish Owl, native to Linkon and very endangered. That’s why they’d caught her attention, he could only watch and smile, content to just listen to her.

“...that’s why owls have such good hearing…” He didn’t know why his attention drifted to you. If she was the sun then you were the moon. While she was loud and loved to talk, you were quiet with a few words escaping your mouth. While she represented the sun’s rays - warm and safe, you had the moon’s embrace - gentle and calm. You were by her side, smiling softly and occasionally quipping in with your own questions about the animal. Her hand was in yours, swinging it around as she talked. Even he could admit that the two of you meshed well. He felt like an intruder.

The dress you were wearing complemented you well, fitting against your body well, your hair had grown to the point you could tie it up letting him see the earrings he’d helped her pick out for you. Studs painted to look like a soccer ball. He’d gone to one of your matches (he was dragged there against his will) and he had even clapped a little when your team won (he’d rather drink bleach than admit he was hooked on the way you’d moved across the field). On your wrist was of course the matching bracelet you had. Forcing himself to look away, he put his attention back to her. 

The local grocery was named Aura’s Mart. The story behind the name was one of tragedy. The owner, a nice man named Felix named it after his deceased daughter, Aura. For all the advances society had accomplished in technology and medicine, she couldn’t be saved from the sudden aneurysm that struck. Felix’s wife followed a couple months later by her own hands. That’s why it had become an unspoken rule around the neighbourhood to only go to Aura’s Mart. 

Caleb never understood if the people genuinely didn’t realise or just pretended not to see the dead look in Felix’s eyes - now a husk of what he once was. All this only served as a reminder of him to never lose her, to never become like Felix.

Shame he’d never realised that he could lose you too, huh?

As they entered the shop, he tried not to grimace at the dead smile Felix gave them instead putting his focus on all the merchandise while the two of you went down to where the ice cream was. His eyes came across a brand of chips he knew you liked because they were spicy, he also saw the chocolate you preferred because they had a creaminess to them you had yet to find elsewhere. He knew a lot of things about you, he knew that despite you not being a fan of strawberries, you’d pick strawberry ice cream because it was the only thing you liked them in. He knew you loved rainy days, that you loved staring at the night sky and so much more. He didn’t have a choice as he had a habit of committing everything she would say to memory and you were her favourite topic.

The two of you walked right back to him, eyes trained on the bag in his hands. “What did you buy?” she asked in an excited tone, snatching the bag from him before he could even answer. “Hey, is this how you treat me after I buy you all your favourite snacks?” He grabbed onto her cheek but not pulling it too hard. She swatted his hands away, “Ugh get off!” 

She opened the bag and memorised the insides. “Oh, he even got your faves,” she told you. You looked at him in surprise. Why were you shocked? Did you think so low of him that you couldn’t even imagine him doing such a thing? But then the guilt settled into his stomach, he only had himself to blame for you thinking such things however before he could drown in his thoughts, you leaned your arm forward to hand him something. It was an extra ice cream cone he didn’t notice. “I remember you saying how much you liked this,” was all you said before you handed it over, strawberry ice cream in your other hand.

And even though his throat was killing him, Caleb ate the ice cream. 

Day 4 of his sickness and he finally got his wish. Short puffs of breath escaped him as he laid bundled up in his bed. The thick covers provided him respite despite the heat he felt throughout his entire body. She was out the whole day on a class trip and the old lady was away as well meaning he could let the act go and just relax. He thought he heard knocking on the front door before his eyes closed and sleep overtook.

When he woke up again he was disorientated not noticing immediately the cold cloth on his forehead until he reached up to rake his fingers through his hair. Taking the cloth off as confusion filled him. Shit she must have come home then, she saw him in this state. A quick glance at the clock on his nightstand read 11:00AM. Three hours. That’s all the sleep he got. The medicine, cough syrup and glass of water on his nightstand were a new addition. There’s no way it was her who was home, it’s way too early, he thought. Must be gran. 

He answered the knock on his door and you walked in. An option he never considered. “Good you’re up. I was beginning to get worried,” was all you said before walking over to his curtains opening them with the windows. The sudden light hurt his eyes, “What are you-Nevermind why are you here?” he questioned while covering his eyes with hand. “And close those, too bright.” 

“No.”

“No?” He resembled a blowfish with the way his mouth hung open at your audacity.

“I said no.” Arms crossed in front of you as you took a stance. 

“Who do you think you are?” The sneer on his face should’ve broken your resolve. Should’ve. 

“Someone who noticed that you were being an idiot! I mean who pretends to be okay when they’re sick! You’re surrounded by people who care for you and here you are actively spitting in their faces. What if it wasn’t me who discovered you like this but her? How do you think she would’ve felt realising you were sick all this time and not only did she not notice but that you went out of your way to make it so?” 

Caleb could only stare at the anger on your face in awe. He’d never seen you angry before, he’d never heard you yell before. In fact he thought you were incapable of these things. He never understood your admirers before but as he looked at the scowl on your face, the venom in your eyes, your jaw tight with your fists clenched, he found you so beautiful. 

“Well?” you asked, eyes narrowing on him. 

“I think that’s the most I’ve heard you speak.” Your right eye twitched. He smiled.

With a huff, you stormed out of his room while he sat there processing everything that had occurred. 

After a couple of minutes trying to will his body to get up, he went downstairs and for the second time in one day, shocked by the domestic sight before him. There you were in the kitchen, standing before the stove which had a large pot on it, stirring the soup you were cooking. He could smell it in the air, delicious. 

“I didn’t know you could cook,” his voice was soft as he stared at your back. He’d learnt to cook so he could feed her everything she desired.

“My dad taught me.” You didn’t even turn around to answer. This was the first thing he learnt about you on his own.

He found himself taking slow steps towards you until he stopped close enough to touch. His eyes trained on how your shoulders tensed a little before relaxing. He was right behind you, fighting the urge to trace his fingers down your neck and feel your skin. Did you feel the tension too? 

He lowered his head right next to yours reaching out to hold onto the counter on either side of you, caging you in. “You never answered my question, you know? Why are you here?” words spoken right into your ear. “Why do you care if I’m sick?”

You sighed before turning your head not at all affected by how close your face was to his. Your eyes were focused right on his and the scowl had returned. “Don’t look too deep into it, Caleb.” His breath hitched as his eyes blew wide open, he can’t remember you ever saying his name and like a starving dog who’d been thrown a bone he wanted more. Say it again and again. Never stop saying it. Unaware of the turmoil inside him you continued, “I’d do this for anyone. You’re sick I can’t just leave you alone no matter how much you hate me.” 

As Caleb remained frozen, you turned off the stove and pushed his hand away to clear space. He obediently moved away. You walked to the cupboard where they stored the bowls, moving around as you got spoons and whatever else was necessary, feeling his heavy stare following you. You decided to ignore him, pouring soup into the bowl before setting it on the table. Even when you reached out to grab the sleeve of the jumper he was wearing, he said nothing as you guided him towards the table and sat him down on the chair. “Eat,” you said and so he did.

“I have to go work so I’m leaving but make sure to rest, okay?” you told him and all he could do was nod. He remembered something about you taking a casual job at the library, it suited you, he thought. He watched as you turned to leave and yet he wanted to beg for you to stay but insecurity stopped him. Why would you stay for him? 

“Ah, I completely forgot to say this,” you turned back around to face him again, determination all over your face. “If you continue to pretend like you’re fine around her then that’s all she’ll ever see you as. Let her see you at your worst, show her the different sides to you, let her into your flaws so she can experience your complexity. Then she’ll see you for what you are, a person like the rest of us. I know being seen as the strong and reliable Caleb is what’s easier for you but you’ll always be stuck here watching as she gets further and further away from you.” You walked away without giving him a chance to respond.

Caleb’s beginning to think you like leaving him speechless.

He’d learnt two things that day. One, he didn’t hate being helpless as much as he thought, not if it meant you would take care of him. And, two that he liked seeing emotions on your face. How would you look sad? Disgusted? Exhilarated? How would you look underneath him as he had his way with you, what sort of noises would you make, would you plead or beg?

Everyone noticed the change between the two of you. Suddenly, he was coming up to talk to you at school when you were by yourself (He still remembers the bewildered look on your face as you looked around trying to find her, thinking it was her he was talking to. He left you speechless that day), he was present at any of your matches he could go to, cheering your name along with her, picking you up and spinning you around when your team would win, how he had to have a hand on you at all times, the way his face would flush whenever your attention was on him and his constant teasing of you. The man would never let you have a moment of peace when he was around. Most importantly, they all noticed the way he looked at you. Purple eyes hazy with want as he looked at you like a man would at water he’d gone an entire day without. 

She was pipsqueak and you had become Shortcake. He found it hilarious to tease you about your height when you easily towered over most women and as a bonus it never failed to get you to give that look of annoyance as your lips curled and your fists would attack him. 

He made you regret ever taking care of him as it had become a common occurrence for him to seek you out for the smallest things.  

"Shortcake help me!" He'd scream barging into your room.

"What? What is it this time?' Would be your dry response.

Wounded by your lack of care, he'd pout. "Look I got stabbed." He'd tell you dead serious while showing the miniscule paper cut on his finger.

And despite the frustration that would build up in you, he always left your room with whatever wound cleaned and bandaged. 

Maybe he might have felt a little bad had you put up a fight against any of it. When he would lay his head on your lap, you’d look at him in annoyance before faltering at the vulnerable look in his eyes, threading your fingers through his hair giving him a gentle message which lulled him to sleep.

When he would wake up from a nightmare, he’d sneak into your room where oftentimes she would be present watching your sleeping form as her eyes moved to his. The first time it happened he was halfway through your window until his eyes came across the two of you, her smug smile against his sheepish expression at getting caught, she made a show of her fingers tracing the features on your face. An act of dominance, don’t forget who wanted her first. But she still relented and let him in. The next day when you woke up to the both of them on either side of you, crushing you completely in their hold…well you kicked them both off the bed in shock. Both of them sat on their knees looking up at you. Before you could even begin to question anything, the two rascals flashed their puppy eyes but not just any puppy eyes, no they used the ones that resembled a wounded puppy, their ultimate weapon and your ultimate weakness. 

Sighing as you rubbed the area between your eyebrows, already feeling the migraine coming your way. “I’m not mad, okay? Next time just ask,” you had said, shrieking when two pairs of arms tackled you back on the bed and the two crushing you once again. You could only gaze at the ceiling above you as one face nuzzled into the back of your neck and one into your chest, what has my life come too?

You just let them take whatever they wanted. 

Things got worse for Caleb as puberty smashed into him. Well some things were good, he grew even more (unfortunately for you), his voice got deeper. The problem was how aware he became of your body. Or more accurately how a certain body part became hyper aware of you. You smiled at him. Hard. You put your hair up. Hard. You kept it down. Hard. You - Hard. 

He tried to distance himself from you. You didn’t deserve to be reduced to this but that plan quickly went out the window:

“Do you hate me again?” It was the first time he’d seen you cry. It took everything to not rip out his own heart and give it to you as proof of his devotion. However a sick part of him was relieved to see the tears, for all the affection he showed towards you none had been reciprocated. He had tried not to let it get to him but he never knew if he mattered to you. As an apology he let you do his nails not before she had kicked his ass for making you cry.

As time went on, his body learnt to calm down around you, to clarify the desire never went away he just developed control. But of course you’d test him from time to time and the worst(best) part was that it was all unintentional from you.

It had been a hot day, made worse by the fact that he decided to play basketball. All he wanted to do was go home and take a shower. When he gets home, he hears music coming from her room, letting him know the bathroom was free. Poor, tired and sweaty Caleb had no idea what was awaiting him. Dumping his bag in his room and picking clothes to change into, he headed to the shower, still kind of pure. Upon opening the door, he’s greeted by an angelic view of ass. Specifically your ass. Ass that was (unfortunately) covered by a white towel, as you were bent over the tub, unplugging the blocker. His eyes trailed down to your naked legs, water dripping down on them. All poor, tired and sweaty and not so pure Caleb could do was swallow the lump in his throat. 

The sound of the door opening had alerted you and as you perked up and turned to face him, he let out a small groan. You were going to kill little Caleb and maybe big Caleb too. The towel hadn’t been as big as you’d like, covering only the lower half of your boobs and it didn’t fit around you perfectly, letting him take a peek at your stomach as well as your upper thigh. Your wet hair was still down as you couldn’t find a second towel. “Caleb?” he didn’t even hear you call out to him, his heavy gaze followed the bead of water that was currently running down your neck into the valley between your breasts. Silently, he stepped into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. “Caleb…?” you tried again, head tilted in confusion. Had this been a normal interaction he would’ve cooed at your cuteness. 

“Why are you here?” his voice was thick and calm in a scary way as he stepped even close towards you, half-lidded eyes with a stare right at your chest. “Oh,” you looked away, face flustered from embarrassment. “I slipped in mud so I had to clean up.” Slipping in mud had ruined your nonchalant reputation thankfully no one other than her had been around to see it but the embarrassment still stung. “Why are you here and not in your own house?” he tried again, this time gaze on you. He was close to losing control or perhaps he already did. “She told me to and I figured why not? I already keep clothes here. Sorry for not locking the door, I completely forgot.” You waved him off.

Your non-caring attitude was really starting to piss him off. You stood practically naked in front of him and he was struggling to not let it get to him and yet you were fine? Moving too fast for you to comprehend, he’s suddenly in front of you, your jaw in his hand and despite the tick in his jaw or his furrowed brows, he holds you like you’re made of glass. “Caleb? What a-” you’re cut off by his lips slamming into yours. The kiss is clumsy, hurried but it's harsh and passionate. He’s never kissed anyone before but he doesn’t care as his tongue explores you, he wants to consume you. You’re frozen until you’re not. When he feels your lips move against his, returning his love, he nearly melts. He hates when the need to breathe comes up, reluctantly removing his lips from yours, both his hands still cradling your face. The both of you are breathing heavy but your lips are wet from his assault and when your eyes filled with haziness meet his, it takes everything to not dive in again. 

But then reality crashes into you, your eyes snap in horror and you push him away. He can do nothing as you storm out the room and he’s left standing there. Realisation dawns on him that he might have ruined it all. You ignored him after that, no matter how hard he tried to seek you out, you never gave in. Life without you is torture. When she asks him what’s going on he doesn't respond. You find him one day after a long shift at word, sitting on the steps to your house. His graduation is a couple of months away and there’s no way he’s leaving without fixing this. He knows you’re about to tell him to leave with the look in your eyes but something stops you, probably the desperation on his face. The words in your mouth don’t come out causing you to look away in contemplation, with a sigh you sit down next to him. “What is it?” you ask. 

“I’m sorry,” is all he can say. Which is so fucking stupid of him since he’s been practising this big speech in front of his mirror for days but now before you he’s reduced into this. “I miss you,” is the second thing out of his mouth. “I shouldn’t have done that,” is the third. But I don’t regret it, should’ve been the fourth if he hadn’t been such a coward.

“You can’t do that again, Caleb. I refuse to be a stand in for her.” Your eyes are rock hard as you stare into his. His heart shatters into pieces - but it’s okay if it’s you doing it. He can’t believe you think so low of yourself, do you not see yourself? Why would you think it wasn’t you he was in love with? It’s you that never leaves his mind, you that makes his heart race, you that make everything better, it’s you that he imagines coming home, you that he wants a family with. It’s you he wants, it's been you since the moment you met. He never thought his love for her would come back to bite him because after you’d seen his devotion to her, how was he supposed to prove this to you. You would never believe him. And with these past couple of months of seeing you around but not being able to touch you have taught him anything is that he needs you in his life, no matter what role you play. 

So, instead he promises you to never cross that line again and he treats you like you’re only a friend to him.

Graduation comes around. You give him the beautiful bouquet and you accept him into your life by gifting him that bracelet. Then you went ahead and died. You had a habit of leaving him. 

When it all happened, he felt nothing. Even as she cried, not a single tear escaped him. He felt disgusted in himself, you had disappeared, you were taken so why was he not feeling anything?

He found that he could no longer look at the moon, he hated rainy days, he hated the colour of your hair and your eyes and he hated seeing them anywhere. Relief was all he felt as he packed his life away when his break had come to an end, going away to uni was his reprieve. Everything here reminded him of you. 

University had been the escape he needed, his life filled with tests and notes, too busy to think of you. It’s not until one night when he wakes up from a nightmare and gets up to find you, only to be confused by his dorm layout. This wasn’t his room…the tears don’t stop. No matter how hard he tries they won’t stop. It all falls onto him at once until he’s collapsed onto the floor, knees tucked into his chest as he grieves. He’s different after you, a bit more hardened. He thinks it would’ve been worse had it not been for her and your brother. His feelings toward her had changed, he’d taken your advice and he let her in. Their friendship had strengthened as a result and their shared feelings of you had never been an issue.

“I would’ve shared her with you,” she had said one day, visiting him at uni. They were laying outside on the grass just staring up at the sky in silence.

“I would’ve liked that,” he replied. It was true. 

They never discussed you again.

His relationship with your brother was tricky, they’d been closer when they were younger but grew apart as he found other people. Your brother was different than what he’s used to but it didn’t mean he didn’t care for him. He tried his best to be present at your brother’s appointments, he tried his best to care for him the way you had. Your brother was the most precious thing to you. It’s okay he’s not jealous (liar). She takes care of him better, he likes to pretend it’s because he’s never around but deep down he knows the truth. He looks too much like you and it hurts. 

Five years later, you’ve been declared legally dead. He wants nothing but to follow you.

A/N: I completely forget I gave reader a brother while writing this chapter, in my defence its 2am and I've been so busy that I just wanted to get the chapter out. Anyways next chapter will be the start of the story and everything will be in your Pov. As I am writing for reader and not an OC I just want clarify that I'm trying my best to keep reader as general as possible. I might mess up but it's impossible to write a reader that everyone can relate to or see themselves in so feel free to see her as an OC. Also fun fact the owl that I mentioned is native to China (Japan and other countries as well) and since Linkon is practically China, I just included that. Also the owl will play an important part later.