#and work has been insane lately
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me logging in on tumblr to annoy @lanasblood with my silly crush stories, and logging off right away so i don't have to think about the fact that i haven't updated the series in three weeks
#not my fault#i am dealing with a writer's block#and work has been insane lately#but also#mr. casanova#takes up my thoughts#lana is an angel tho for tolerating me
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ive been thinking about taco and balloon forming a little alliance post s1/ pre s2 where they'd (begrudgingly) work together planning on how to break into hotel OJ to steal stuff to take back to their makeshift camp like food, blankets, pillows, etc,,, anything that could be useful to them
#UGH TUMBLR DIDN'T SAVE MY DRAFT R U KIDDING ME WROTE A TON#ok let me go over this again as i remember#balloon ends up encountering tacos makeshift camp wandering in the woods#i like to think balloon makes close to zero noise when he walks around#kinda floats around if u will#taco figures she could use this to get balloon to sneak into hotel oj to get her stuff#well. she tells balloon its “for the benefit of both”#balloon and taco parallel eachother in so much#both of them put up a “mask” as a strategy to further into the game which lead to both of them losing all of their relationships after s1#although both of them eventually ended up feeling guilty for what they did it took taco much longer#i think their alliance worked decently well for a while but balloons guilt and need to apologize is what drove them apart#by the time of that one scene s2 ep7 where balloon goes up to apologize and has his conversation with oj they'd already drifted apart#i think I'll doodle some more stuff with them eventually im still waiting to my charger to come in the maaaailllll#all of this has probably already been pointed out but im having fun and they've been on my mind a lot lately#so#shrugs#im screaming into the void#ii taco#ii balloon#inanimate insanity#phonification
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Patrol Ver without rain under the cut :)
I like the vibrancy more on this one but I feel the rain really adds to the aesthetic!
#Sorry for the inconsistency guys#Irl been insane lately and mental health has been slightly loopy lmao#Idk if I can promise that much consistency but I'll do my best 😭#This started off as a background only but then Tim Drake decided to work his way in there somehow#Man I love drawin backgrounds sm I really need to do them more often!!!#Tim Drake#Robin#DC Robin#DC#My art#Red robin#tim drake robin#dc red robin#batfam#timothy drake
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Pheromone thoughts
Imagine that you've been wearing one of those witchy pheromone perfumes that are marketed as a way to "catch yourself a man" or "attract your true love", but for some reason nothing has happened.
You haven't met anyone new or caught the attention of anyone you already know, *cough cough* Logan. And so when you finally stop wearing it, or any perfume at all you are rightfully shocked when he corners you in the hallway.
Pressing his nose against your neck and deeply inhaling, "Finally smells like you again."
You shiver as Logan's lips brush against your skin and you wonder if those perfumes were too strong for his nose, or if he had just preferred your natural brand this entire time.
#logan howlett#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x reader#wolverine imagine#logan howlett imagine#also sorry ive been sorta mia#irl work has been insane lately
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i think people give elise too much shit for her little outburst at the end of sonic 06 because if i was running a country at 17 and had been repressing my emotions for 10 years straight and one day i got kidnapped like 500 times and ended up befriending the guy who rescued me and while spending time with him i felt like i really got to be myself and have fun for the first time in forever and formed a really meaningful relationship with him only for some weird demon rat thing to show up and kill him right in front of me just to make me cry so the destructive fire god that my dad sealed inside my body would be unleashed and then in order to save the world i had to reset the timeline and forget we ever met i would have become the joker
#posts that sound insane to people who dont know the sonic lore#been htinking about sonic 06 again lately#also i didnt know how to work this in but remember the scene where she jumped off eggman's airship not knowing sonic was gonna catch her .#yeah#also i think its pretty obvious that she wasnt actually gonna let the world end so she could stay with sonic#considering she ended up blowing out the flame anyway. she just had a lot of feelings about it. which shes allowed to do#anyway. people alwasy say elise is boring and has no personality or character#but i think shes interesting. once you actually start paying attention to her#also i dont even ship sonelise but i think its pretty clear that sonic and elise meant alot to eachother#even if i prefer to make it platonic in my mind#people who say sonic hated elise just hate elise themselves and are projecting that onto sonic#< TO BE CLEAR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS CAN STILL BE VERY DEEP AND MEANINGFUL#idk if my wording on that was weird
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This just hit me
"With selfless hearts--" !?!?!?!?
Mike is literally being framed as the heart here, and while that is up to debate for a lot of people, it doesn't change the fact that within the story he is narratively given this role by Will and it is even reinforced at this very moment before his monologue to El.
While I do fully believe this line is meant to hold dual meaning spanning multiple characters in the finale, who are capable of being the heart, having hearts, and having been through similar anguish that revolved around them being selfless i.e. Max, Eddie, etc., it already exists as a verbalized concept for Mike. It's who he is (in Will's eyes), and in this moment, they are choosing to highlight that.
And so does that mean this is a 'selfless heart' moment for Mike? Is Mike here caring more about others wants and needs than his own? Why would telling his girlfriend he loves her be selfless? Unless it's what he thinks she wants and needs, but not what he wants and needs?...
#byler#ugh i have like 3 other drafts pertaining to this whole debacle#surrounding the monologue#and the painting#and it's just so insane bc the answer is right there#they've told us in little ways so many times#and so it's gonna be weird seeing not only regular fans shocked#but also bylers who have missed or ignored these things for whatever reason#the dm mike discourse has been on my mind lately#and that's just literally what this is#him caring about others needs and wants more than his own#going with what is presented to him and making assumptions#without actually digging because he is scared of what he will find#he is scared of trying before he denies#and in that he seals his own fate#and arguably everyones#which is so fucked up because he is essentially forcing himself to do something that he thinks is the right thing#and then it just backfires#bc the heart was not being honest#and everyone fell apart#'even el especially el...'#like they're telling us right there that it doesn't work on el's end bc mike wasn't honest
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🌸🌊 Haru Week - Day 7 - Under the Sea 🌊🌸
sorry I'm doing these out of order,, this week has been insanely busy for me, so I'm just excited I was able to participate!!🥰💚💙
#haruseternalsummer2024#harumako#makoharu#free! iwatobi swim club#makoto tachibana#haruka nanase#free!#this month has been insane; ;#and i just had two cons right in a row#im currently working my table in the artist alley right now lol#i really want to finish all of the prompts#so ill probably end up posting those a lil late^^;#my love for makoharu will last forever💚💙#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡#shitty#(< that's my art tag)
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tbh even if u dont absorb anything reading books just for the sake of it can still be fun and fulfilling. to me at least
I think this is true w light reads but when it comes to serious works I actually have an issue where I overanalyze to the point of burnout (I used to be more reasonable ab it before but lately it’s been sooo excessive)….. which is actually one of the reasons for my reading slump :( I confided in my therapist about this and she advised me to get one easy read (where I don’t have to think too much & it’s just fun so I don’t feel the pressing need to analyze) and one critically acclaimed read so I can switch between the two without flatlining entirely
#If anyone has any tips for this problem let me know please like it’s been a major issue#I can’t read any complex work without going insane#I literally feel like if I’m not properly digging deep into an acclaimed book then I’m disrespecting it but then I obsess too much#It wasn’t always like this but I’ve developed this habit in recent years#So lately I’ve burned out and I haven’t been reading recreationally as much but I hate that that happened#Like it’s very all or nothing so I’m trying to be normal again
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wife .. wwiiffe... come home wieff.e.......
#going sicko insane#i havent been able to get ANY research on him as of late#and its actually driving me crazy#also the arms not having sleeves is INTENTIONAL#im working on an idea for a diff sweater for him#thats more in-line with the shirt he has in his twisted#i;e no sleeves#dandys world astro#astro dandys world#dandys world#dandys world fanart#artsharkz
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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#WEIGHT TALK CW dont read it u dont want to etc etc#another person at work mentioned just outta the blue that she can tell ive lost weight#which is insane to me bc i cant notice at all bc obviously the change has been so slow. but i guess i should b proud#ive made a concerted effort in 2024 to stop binge eating + eating for sensory reasons only + more meal prepping#and i just checked and i lost the 20lbs i put on in late 2023/early 2024 when i was so stressed and binge eating all da time#i feel a lot better in myself. moving and bending over is a bit easier. and it would b a lie to say i dont feel more confident#so NOW the 2025 goal is to actually get some muscle mass goin#i got rlly embarrassed last year when i went rock climbing w friends and could barely support my own body weight just dangling#but now that im a bit lighter i think itll be easier#the goal is i just want the arm strength to hold my own weight lmao i wanna b able to do...monkey bars....
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Saddest thing ever creating something and not being able to flesh it out into the most fully-articulated, complex, and polished work you can imagine possible.
#This is how I feel about late falls au...#The reception has been so nice and I myself have really been enjoying it!#All I'll probably be able to really do for it is just doodles. We'll still make them lore centric though somehow.#I have no time to flesh it out into a Full Thing so sad!#Any fan projects in general really.#Ivan is yelling at me and keeping me in his basement.#He's like; “You get two options. Story work. Or In Disguise.”#I would be storyboarding 918249724x faster if I had access to SBP as well oh my god.#I miss it... why must you be $70 a month. Insane.#I've just been doing it in photoshop. I have been trying Krita as well.#ARGGHH#winter rants
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#everything is wretched rn#i feel so unbearably lonely atm.#the more i get to know the 17-19 years old i work with the more i deeply dislike them and their values.#i can't even think about the state of the world without falling into crippling despair and existential dread#but at least i have my little story i'm trying to write#and its literally the only thing i'm clinging onto rn bc i feel like im going insane#and idk if my anxiety is just about the world in general rn#or if i actually do hate my new job/the people there....#or if im just tired or what#but everything is bad#everything is so fucking bad. on top of it my sleep has been so awful lately.#and its dark at 4pm#about moi#ignore me im having an existential crisis
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#wow work has been INSANE lately#and I feel super rushed which makes it even more stressful#ugh I just want to turn my brain off for awhile#kinda wish I was tied to a chair being edged and used right now so I don’t have to think anymore#text.dot
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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sr tsum silver win, that is all
#work has been insanely busy; but like in a good way haha#im not crying every other night i actually love my new team and im so invested in this project#but ive been working late and taking jp language classes on the side#hoping things lighten up soon!!#but ahhhhhhh tsum silver!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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