#and we'd have a reprise

[improballamability]

When I was a toddler visiting grandma we'd play house under the kitchen table. That feels fairly normal. The part where she gave me shot glasses of coffee feels less so.

Neither of my parenta drink coffee, so when we stayed at hotels it was nostalgia + forbidden fruit lol. They gave up on me not drinking coffee when I was about 11.

Funnily enough, I drink coffee only because I want to rather than as a part of a daily/caffeine routine.

People who drink coffee: why did you start?

I don't drink coffee and I've never wanted to, but that's obviously ~not normal~, so I'm curious why most people do start drinking it.

[things-stronger-than-fear]

the ballad of songbirds and snakes 🤝 mean girls (movie musical)

"why does this have so much music in it" ask the critics while i howl in despair over the cut songs

[inspectorspacetimerevisited]

If the advert hadn’t ruined the moment,

it might have been a surprise that Lily returned in ‘The Borrowed Planet’.

[sourb0i]

Just got out of Beetlejuice 2! I'd give it a 4/10 overall

Pros:

All the original actors (Michael Keaton, Catherine O'Hara etc, Wynona Rider) reprised their roles really well; Catherine O'Hara in particular

The relationship between Lydia and Delia was nice; I enjoyed the whole 'you did it to me, now it's happening to you' between Celia, Lydia, and Astrid

Practical effects were good; honestly it was just refreshing to have any at all. I especially liked Charles' shark-bite effect

There were some genuinely funny parts, especially the (first part of) the wedding musical number

I thought Dolores was interesting as an antagonist, and I liked her character design (though I have gripes- see below)

Cons

The vibe just wasn't there. The plot didn't really feel committed to any one thing, and when the movie ended my first thought was "what the fuck was that about?"

There were also a lot of plot holes-- or at least, worldbuilding holes. Why was Beetlejuice working in the Afterlife office? Why is there a crime unit (and laundromat)? Why couldn't Lydia see her dead husband, even though he said he "checked up on [her and Astrid]" periodically?

I am honestly really pissed about how Barbara and Adam were written off. Obviously they can't have the original actors reprising their roles, but they deserved a better ending than a hand-waved one liner.

While Dolores had a lot of potential as an antagonist, she wasn't given nearly enough character. Her only lines (as far as I can remember) were "Where's Beetlejuice". Why is she so obsessed with him? What does she hope to gain by reuniting with him? What's the deal with her soul-sucking quest for immortality? So much wasted potential

The same was true of...the Murderous Boyfriend Who Was Such a Non-Character That I Forgot His Name As Soon As He Said it.

Seriously. They could've set up a great plot twist if they'd given him more character/more set-up with the parents. Instead the guy was a walking red flag.

I also wasn't a huge fan of Astrid's character. Like they set her up to be this girl who is ostracized bc of her mom (fair), but then instead of leaning into that they made her into this Gen Z Feminist/Eco-Warrior archetype, and it just felt like the writers were trying to make fun of that instead of actually making her into a whole person. Like, ok, she knows who Marie Curie is (even tho she got the nationality wrong), but what does she do for fun? What kind of music does she like? Does she have any hobbies outside of activism?

While I enjoyed some of the musical numbers (the wedding, and the soul train particularly) on their own merits, they just felt really out of place. The original had a solid musical theme, but this felt all over the place

Also! I wish we'd gotten to see more of Lydia interacting with ghosts in her day-to-day life! That seems like something that could be really traumatic and/or played up for comedic purposes. I loved the gag with her and the other actress in the bathroom! Give me more of that!

Overall, the movie felt like it didn't really know what to do with itself. There were so many out-of-place cameos (Burn Goreman, I'm looking at you), and stylistically and thematically it never really felt committed to one thing. It was an empty movie with nothing to say, and that's really disappointing, because it had a lot of potential to be something fun.

(Also. Produced by Brad Pitt?????)

[thenightling]

Pet peeve about the Internet *Pretending* to have read Frankenstein

I am so tired of everyone and their dog on the Internet saying "Actually the monster was The Doctor." or "Frankenstein was the Doctor. Not The Creature." And no one notices what's wrong with this. First, Victor Frankenstein (in the novel) was no doctor. He was a student of metaphysics. He never graduates. He's not a medical doctor at all. He found the secret of life while reading the works of Agrippa and Paracelsus. A self-proclaimed sorcerer and alchemist. Now what makes Victor a Monster? He had f--king postpartum depression. No. Seriously. THAT is what makes everyone call him a monster. The term Postpartum didn't exist yet but that's what is described. He's excited about creating life. He even chose various parts for their beauty. The Creature has luxurious black hair, and perfect teeth (a detail left out of most film adaptations). But the eyes are yellow and watery. There's an effect that we'd today call Uncanny Valley. Victor does not find him hideous until he comes to life. Then Victor flees. It takes him months to recover from his "Brain fever." He has a sort of nervous break down. When he finally comes home it's to discover his youngest brother has been killed and The Creature has framed an innocent maid for the murder (and is hanged for it). YES, The Creature is sympathetic. Abandoned by Victor and rejected by the world but both make horrible mistakes. Victor is no innocent but he isn't Satan either. Someone on Tumblr even blocked me for trying to point out that Mary Shelley wanted us to sympathize with BOTH Victor and his Creature. It's not black and white. The person claimed I clearly never read the book and then blocked me after saying "Another person who didn't read the book trying to school me." Not only did I read the book but Frankenstein is in my top four favorite novels. To me, seeing the Internet constantly parrot the "The Doctor was the monster" is like seeing the rather sexist "Beauty and the Beast is Stockholm Syndrome" (which actually means "I don't trust Belle and will ignore her agency as a character.") Or the not-so-subtle transphobia attached to the Hot take of "Disney's The Little Mermaid gave up who she was for a man." which requires ignoring that Ariel wanted to be human before she ever saw Eric. I even got into an argument with someone about that once who insisted that she only sang "Part of your world" after she saw Eric. No. That was the reprise. The first time she sang it was before she ever saw Eric. Also I'm sick of people "correcting" those that call The Creature Frankenstein. The Creature views Victor as his father. Usually a son takes his father's surname. On a lighter note we have the people who PRETEND to have read Dracula, sharing the old man image of him with the handlebar mustache as being "This is what Dracula actually looked like in the book." I often point out to them that he de-ages in the novel and is later described with dark hair with grey in it. And a pointed beard. One person, who didn't want to admit they were wrong, tried to claim he was disguising himself so no one would reocognize him. That the beard was false and the hair was a wig. Umm... Why? The only person who knew what he looked like was Jonathan Harker. And at the time Dracula thought Harker was still in his castle. I know this is a long post but to sum it up... Please, stop repeating memes about classic stories as if they are fact and try reading them for yourself. It may not quite be what you've been lead to believe.

[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

*deep sigh*

So a while ago I suggested that maybe after the Animaniacs reboot we'd get a new Pinky and the Brain movie.

And you know what?

WE ALMOST DID!!!!

According to Maurice LaMarche, a new Pinky and the Brain movie was in development, but it "went the same way as the coyote", an obvious reference to what happened to Coyote Vs Acme.

Did it become a tax write-off?

I don't think so. He specifically says "they killed it" and goes on to say "maybe it will be in development again", so what I think happened is that new management took over and the movie was scrapped, not written-off.

This seems to be that potential movie the VAs were hinting at in interviews they did to advertise season 3 of the reboot, such as the one featured in this article:

Or the one featured in this article:

Although that's just speculation, they could've just been hoping for a movie, although it does seem like the movie was in development at around the same time the reboot was coming to an end. And if that's the case, I have to assume it was going to provide a conclusion to Julia's arc...

Damn.

[curoopeez]

I just saw episodes 5 and 6 of Hazbin Hotel

First off, Lucifer is such a meme. He's literally a short king, he says shit like "take that, depression" and "you like girls? Me too" and he's trying so hard to be the least dissapointing father he can

I think it was really interesting that Alastor got possessive over Charlie specifically as a father figure. It was a nice spin on the "two guys fighting over a girl" trope, but also it reinforces that he has some sort of connection to Lilith, which was already implied by the fact they both dissappeared around the same time.

The scene with Alastor threatening Husk was really good, it highlights that Angel Dust's problem with Valentino is not a bad boss problem, it's a system of injustice where all overlords are free to abuse their subordinates at will problem

I apreciate that they took the time to explain Alastor's backstory as well, having some of it in the official series instead of letting important information in the pilot

As for episode 6, , the first thing I want to say is that St.Peter is disturbingly humanoid. It's probably for the best, since he's the first angel human souls would see, but still it kinda freaks me out

They really pulled a bait and switch with the character design, because (unless you count the cherubs in Helluva Boss) the only angels we'd seen so far were Adam, Lucifer and exorcists wearing helmets, and Vaggie looked nothing like any of them, but when we do get to see other angels we notice there are angelic elements in her design

We learned here that Adam was not just the one who enforces exterminations, he was the one who proposed them and most angels aren't even aware of them. This feels much more like he has personal beef with the sinners, as if he's mad that they lived a life that only Lilith could've let them live

I loved the reprise of hell is forever with Charlie and the younger Seraph, how they highlighted that, by heaven's own rules, Angel Dust should be in heaven and there was no real criteria for who goes where.

In fact, this episode deconstructs a lot of how imperialism works. The mortal souls in heaven would probably be opposed to genocide, but they didn't know about it. They did know that "bad" people were in the other place and their "government" protected them from evil forasters, and they trusted their judgement. The head Seraph was "stopping rebellions" (which she portrayed as something that had happened in the past, while Charlie portrayed as a purely preemptive measure against a hipothetical war). Also the fact that the younger seraph was strongly against genocide, while the older one told her not to worry about it and leave it to the people in charge (herself, who was already enforcing it)

Also, when Charlie defended Angel Dust drinking with friends after a bad day, Adam's reply "we don't have bad days in heaven" really shows that the main difference between them wasn't morals but privilege. It's easier to avoid alcoholism if you never have anything you need to get away from, and as flawed as he was, Angel Dust managed to fullfill every criteria to go to heaven out of his own impulse, while the angels had all they could ever need in the world and still enforced a genocide

Lastly, it was hilarious Sir Pentious trying to flirt with Cherri Bomb and ending up flirting with the entire bar instead

[bengiyo]

Wonderful day in Thailand. but now for the important questions.

Of all the ql thai couples, what couple would be the biggest headache for Namnuea? And why?

Rose💜

See, this is an interesting question. I've been thinking about it for days, and now I just want a follow up show about Wiwa Square tackling all of the new gay weddings. I'd love this as an episodic show where the challenges the classic BL couple is dealing with reflects something going on with Nuea's or his people's lives. Any Thai fans following me, feel free to propose this to your people and make this happen. Just make sure I get to watch it.

The Wedding Plan Wiwa Square Spinoff Show Guests

With that in mind, I'd like to see an episode for the following pairs:

Sarawat and Tine

I just know that Tine is going to be the one they expect to be dramatic as hell, but it's going to be Sarawat freaking out about everything being perfect in a fantastic meltodown. We could have Lom talk to Sarawat and share how the closet affected both of them.

Teh and Oh-aew

Teh wanted to come out at the end of IPYTM, and wanna see the glam these two could pull off. I just know they're going to have an epic fight. This would be a good episode for Lom and Nuea to have a big fight.

Patts and Saengtai

Honestly, I want this episode because I feel like we didn't learn a lot about Patts beyond his relationships with Nara, his grandmother, and Tai. It would be a great chance to delve deeper into his character and see these two trying to communicate properly now that Tai is not holding back. These two also kissed really good, so this would be a good episode for Nuea and Lom to have a steamy moment.

Mork and Tawan

Let's be real: weddings are expensive. Mork's poverty was a huge part of his story in My Ride, and I think it would be really cool to see Wiwa Square work on a small budget for Cheep and Dej, Mork's gay uncles. It would also be an opportunity to talk about wealth and aging while queer.

See-eiw and Cake

The benefit of these two being friends to lovers is that their families saw how close they were the whole time. Despite the unfortunate PSA at the end of My Only 12%, this would be a great episode to focus on families around weddings. We'd get to see Cake's mom stepping in to fill the mom role for See-eiw, and this could be an opportunity for Lom's mom to reenter the fold.

Yang and Phumjai

We need a good episode for hijinks. The Love in Translation cast would be perfect for this. Yang is also Chinese, so we could focus on some cross-cultural traditions.

Charn and Tinn

I'm sorry, I just want Nawin to meet Neua. It also means Silvy could cameo. This would be an excellent episode for the side characters to take center again because they decide to keep Nuea away from Charn or something.

Phun and Noh

I just want White and Captain to get back together every few years and reprise these characters for little check ins. This episode would be a good time to talk about long-term relationships and their challenges with guys who are just a few years older than Neua and Lom.

Khai and Third

Speaking of White showing up in BL! I'd like to see Third struggling with his perfect wedding plans. This would be a great time to reflect on how weddings have been presented in media, and they could spin that either way by either leaning into the tropes or actively subverting them. That would be in line with the ToL goals.

Pluem and Kevin

These two had fantastic chemistry in Ghost Host, Ghost House. This could be a good episode to reflect on how weddings feel when some of our loved ones didn't get to live to see the day. I think this could be a really touching reflection on grief softened by how comfortable these two always manage to look with each other.

Pharm and Dean

I honestly don't think these two would have a lot of problems within themselves for the wedding itself. For this episode, we could really focus on wedding logistics. We could have something go really wrong with a caterer at the last minute and have Pharm step in to save his own wedding while Dean uses his connections to fix other things blowing up around them. This could be a good episode about Nuea and Lom having problems maintaining a good work-life balance.

Cairo and Gavreel

We need to do an international episode, and I'd like to see a crossover with The IdeaFirst Company in some way. Gav and Cai have been separated multiple times. I like the idea of them finally getting to marry at a destination wedding.

Shin Ki Tae and Lee Wan

I just wanna see these two again. This would be another international episode, and we could get back into some of the unresolved abandonment issues Shin Ki Tae is happening, and we could have a cross-cultural dialogue about making things right.

Im Han Tae and Han Ba Ram

Another international episode. They could use this episode to talk about the ongoing challenges of being a public figure and a star if these two are successful.

This was a lot of fun to think about! I really want this show now.

[kainekron]

i don't know where this came from but there was some discussion somewhere about Warbreaker being adapted into a musical and people were talking about what kind of songs we'd have and one of them was Denth and Tonk Fah having a song called "Mercenary Humor" that would be like an upbeat intro to the two about would have an evil reprise during the reveal and though i lake any talent for music my brain still tries to idk honestly just keeps going

"It's just some mercenary humor, just a little joke, we play to the stigma..." and then it trails off

[blubushie]

would like to inform you that my dog now responds to being called “pookie” and “baby boy” because I call him that a lot. Also Heathers is absolutely bangin’, I have a playlist of songs I can sing and like 3 of them are Heathers (I can do Chandler’s part in Candy Store)

Adorable.

And yeah back when I was still a soprano I could actually sing Veronica's role in Dead Girl Walking. And... boy did I put a lot of energy into that song lmao

I especially love the reprise though. "I wish your mum had been a little stronger, I wish she'd stayed around a little longer, I wish your dad were good, I wish grownups understood, I wish we'd met before they convinced you life is war, I wish you'd come with me-" "I wish I had more TNT."

Arguably one of my favourite songs in the musical lmfao. That and Seventeen and Our Love Is God. And Meant to be Yours and Freeze Your Brain, of course.

[dani-luminae]

I'm thinking about Wish again. So as the only Wish liker I know of, tell me what you liked about the story and also maybe some things you thought could be improved!

I would be honored! And it got long, so... below the cut.

What I liked:

I would die for Asha. She is so precious!

All her friends were so cute! I love that they were a tribute to the Seven Dwarfs. People complaining that the friends had no personality... neither did the Seven Dwarfs, really. I am so happy that they clearly accept Simon immediately when he returns after the spell is broken.

Dahlia specifically tho. She is always right there for Asha no matter what, trying to calm her and support her right before the interview, stalling with silly questions so that Asha can get into the castle for Sabino's wish, being the first to join in "Knowing What We Know Now" after Asha, and especially!!!! In "This Wish (Reprise)" when Asha is nearly defeated and pleading to the audience it is Dahlia who answers first! She doesn't even know if it's going to work, if anyone else will join, but she's right there pledging her wish with Asha because she cares about Asha so much!!!!! (Yes I might ship them. Why do you ask?)

I actually really like Magnifico as he is. He's a great example of a villain driven by trauma, with a great amount of charisma and genuinely entertaining to watch while also being so "love to hate"able. (The same cannot be said for a lot of stans.)

I love Amaya. Perfect arc. God I feel so bad for her but now she can rule as she sees fit, not playing second fiddle as an accessory to Magnifico. (I don't doubt that they love each other but there really was no repairing their relationship after he hit her with magic.)

I love Asha's mother and grandfather so much.

I LOVE STAR!!!!!!! FUCK OFF STARBOY

They structured the plot similar to old, cherished Princess movies like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and most specifically, Sleeping Beauty.

The end credits!!! Having little nods to all the Disney animated movies (except Meet the Robinsons apparently????) it was so sweet.

Could be improved:

The music. I liked about... half of it. The other half felt flat. I think that's because they hired pop radio writers instead of like, lyrical writers, if that makes sense. Both of "This Wish," "Knowing What we Know Now" and "This is the Thanks I Get?!" were so great, but "At All Costs" just had me sitting in the theater like pretty lights, but did we really need the song? and I don't even remember "I'm a Star!" because it felt really flat.

I love Star but we were promised "an origin of the Wishing Star!" and we did not get that. He just happens to be a character. I wish we'd gotten that actual origin story. I wrote a little rewrite about it, in fact, in which Star gives his life and magic to Asha and she is the Wishing Star we see in all the movies.

Also I didn't... much like Valentino. He was funny for the first five minutes he could talk ("Who knew my voice would be this low?") but then he just kind of became obnoxious. He didn't really bring anything to the plot that I can think of (even Hei Hei in Moana justified his role by actually, for once, being useful in catching the heart of Te Fiti).

I think that situating Rosas in a geographically real location was a shortcoming, because suddenly there is a myriad of real-life local cultures native to the Iberian peninsula to chose from aesthetic (clothes, architecture, etc.) wise and they didn't. For example, Asha has long braided hair specifically inspired by the Amazigh people, who the designers imagined her having heritage from specifically from Sakina's side, but there wasn't a lot else there. I like the design of the clothes and stuff in the movie but it feels short compared to culture of the area.

Lore. Apparently this movie is set before all other Disney movies and Asha is the very first person to ever wish on a star? Except clearly her father did the same, and her friends are at least familiar enough with the idea of wishing on stars that they see it as childish (Gabo's comment: "What are you, five?" or something like that.)

Asha deserved a whole magical transformation. Her pose when Star dusts her with sparkles is an exact pose reference to Cinderella, but while Cindy got the most gorgeous change (and Walt Disney's personal most favorite piece of animation), poor Asha just gets glitter. A massive downgrade made even more down because of the reference, in my opinion.

Both liked and could have been so much better:

References. So many of them. Some were nice (Sandra's wish to make the most beautiful dresses being shown as Sleeping Beauty's dress, a man named Peter wishes to build a flying machine and his companion is a brunette dressed in blue like Wendy). Some were weird. Some felt like they had no real business being there (see: Valentino's comment about an animal utopia suspiciously similar to Zootopia.)

(No I swear I'm not bitter that Atlantis and Treasure Planet didn't get in-movie references)

Miscellaneous comments:

I understand the whole "people are reluctant to let Black girls have a love interest" thing and I completely understand. But Starboy was just not it. This fandom already ignores Asha for him and he doesn't actually exist. If he had made it into the movie I already know how people would be treating Asha.

I know I said I love Magnifico as the villain but I would very much love to explore an AU where Asha *did* become his apprentice, and maybe he was like a stand-in father figure to her, actually careful and guiding, before something threatens all the wishes. I don't know what, but I feel like there's a lot of different ways that his trauma could have been explored without necessarily making him lash out and require so much control.

The movie feels rushed. I'm not saying that in an "it was bad, eew" way but in a "it could have been so much better" way. The literal tagline was "A story a century in the making!" and that drummed up a lot of expectations, but the end result is that honestly, it kind of feels like it needed more time to bake.

That being said, it was clearly crafted with a lot of care and thought put into it for what it was meant to be, and time constraints aren't the creators' faults.

[koiivoiid]

Hazbin Hotel Season 1 Finale Thoughts

Honestly, didn't know entirely what to expect going into this. For some reason I remember enjoying the Helluva Boss pilot more than Hazbin Hotel, so I was surprised when the first 4 episodes dropped and I was hooked. I have many thoughts, and a few theories? Kinda curious what others think. (Haven't done something like this before so sorry if it's rambly/dumb.)

I don't have as much to say about episode 7, but there were some standout moments. This episode helped tie 6 and 8 together well with the amount of content they both covered. Songs were all pretty good, the final one was probably the best of the bunch but I'd have to rewatch. I'm not sure anything can top Stayed Gone or Hell's Greatest Dad for me though (unless Alastor and Vox have another duet).

-Alastor. Need I say more? I mean he's clearly up to something, and he made a deal with Charlie to help him in the future. Is this because of the deal HE made before that Husk mentioned? Maybe if Charlie is more powerful than the one he made the original deal with she can break it? Idk, but seems important. Sus behavior, but he does it with such style I can't be mad.

-I really loved how they didn't dwell on Charlie and Vaggie's relationship issues too much, just enough. Like it wasn't drawn out to the point of, okay we get it, you're hurt just talk it out. They had reasons to feel the way they did, but they do truly love eachother so ultimately it worked out. Rosie's talk with Charlie was refreshing. Speaking of..

-ROSIE. Rosie is so sweet! I had no idea what to expect from her, but she's great! Her and Alastor's friendship was nice to see. Very different than the one he has with Mimsie, but he seems quite fond of them both. Honestly the entire cannibal town I liked way more than expected. Susan's antics were a highlight, even Alastor made a comment about Susan. Charlie losing her cool with Susan also made me laugh out loud.

-Carmilla instantly knowing Vaggie was an exorcist was so amusing, because she basically listed all the points fans theories did as reasons for that being the case. Their dance/battle practice was very well choreographed, and I liked the song.

Okay Episode 8.

-Vox's commentary throughout the episode was so damn funny. (I love him, he's so pathetic.)

-I saw some saying that including the before battle scene was bad for pacing but I couldn't disagree more. I'm glad we got to see all the main crew interact in the hotel before shit went down. Angel's chill convo with husk, the maniacal laughter shared between Nifty and Alastor, and Sir Pentious trying and (mostly) failing to rizz up Cherry Bomb. Glad she was included in the fight, makes sense for her character and friendship with Angel.

-The "More than Anything" reprise (along with events in episode 7) helped me appreciate Charlie and Vaggie's relationship a lot more. I think we just needed more time with them.

-The entire fight segment was.. well it was alot but I liked it! I like how we got see how different members of the cast fight in their own way (meanwhile the Vees are eating popcorn). The comentary about the angelic weapons being what can damage them was funny.

-Vox's reaction to Alastor and Adam facing off made me laugh so hard I fell out of my chair. I had to pause the episode for like, 5 minutes. I don't know how I can ever recover from Vox's reaction to Alastor being "Oh fuck, I'm so hard right now." Shit was hilarious.

-I didn't think we'd see Alastor and Adam face off, but actually, that makes a lot of sense. While Charlie should be more powerful, she hadn't used her powers from what we'd seen. (more on that in a bit)

-"I'm about to end your fucking life" went so hard. That line didn't have to go so hard.

-I thought Alastor was gonna die for a sec, I should have known better. But I was still traumatized.

-Sir Pencious. The true rizz master. If not for one other, he may have been the MVP, but he certainly had the most heart. He even got to confess, good for him. Very glad he got redeemed, maybe we will still see him around. Sera and Em's reaction to seeing him was hilarious/precious.

-Lucifer appears to save the day! I wasn't sure if we'd see him but thank goodness we did. Charlie and her dad both ended up fighting to save those they love. His beef with Adam was hilarious, and super valid.

-"It's fuck you UP, Dad" Charlie whispers while everyone else looks at Lucifer with confusion.

-Nifty the true MVP. We should give her a giant flyswatter asap, for a certain moth.

-Honestly wasn't expecting Adam to die . That really caught me off guard. I guess Lute is now in charge of the exorcists, so it'll be interesting to see how that plot line continues (obviously with Lilith, which I will bring up later). Doubt this would happen, but it would be hilarious if Adam respawned in hell as a sinner for everything he's done.

-Finally, Charlie get's some positive press for her hotel and friends.

-"Charlie told me to stab, so I did".

-I loved seeing the team rebuilding the hotel, they're bonding! The memorial for Sir Pentious, and either razzle or dazzle was a nice touch. I will miss Sir Pentious's chemistry with the group, I hope he's able to visit.

-I watched the QnA with Vivzie, and Charlie and Alator's VA's. They mentioned Alastor has alot more going on and based on that final scene with him, and the deal he made with Charlie, I see Alastor playing a much more active role next season. He's very bothered by "the constrains of his deal". Possible villain arc? Hell he could be the final big bad (prob not), but as long as it involves Alastor it'll be entertaining. Meaning he can't double die. I would be devastated.

-I normally don't get into shipping, and I may be biased (fuck you Val) but in all seriousness I still can't see Vox and Val as anything more than friends with benefits. Mostly because I don't think Val is capable of anything more than that. That and Vox is a pathetic lonely man who thinks Alastor ran off again, and possibly died. Velvette will def be using that image for blackmail. This isn't really a point, I just had an urge to bring it up. (realizing as I type this that the Vox tag will be filled with Val as well for a while. Definitely need that oversized flyswatter lmfao also Vox having a functional tongue is... well that's information.)

-Is Alastor's mic permanently broken? I noticed his voice didn't have a filter right after, but I think it returned during the song. I thought I remebered reading that was part of him, so how does that work? Can it heal? Does he lose some power?

- Can't wait to see how Vox reacts when he finds out Alastor is ALREADY back lmfao and don't think I didn't notice THIS IMAGE.

Cause that's def an old picture of Alastor and Vox and I need answers. Not only that, Alastor allowed a picture to be taken with him in it, no static. Is Vox the only reason Alastor is so against cameras? I love whatever is going on between those two, even if I don't fully understand it (other than Vox having a hate boner). Whatever it is, their beef isn't nearly over yet, and with the Vees seemingly wanting to take over, things should get very interesting.

-Lilith what the hell. Why are you chillin on a beach in heaven, what have you been up to? She clearly knows about the exterminations and everything going on. Now apparently to stay in heaven, she has to help stop Charlie?? What is Lute planning here?

Anyway, those are my very disorganized thoughts about the finale. I'm excited for Season 2. Anyway, if you will excuse me, I have some things to draw, and stuff. Probably Vox and Alastor. Probably.

[pacifymebby]

t r o u b l e / chapter thirty four

"uh..." it had been a long time since I'd stuttered over the sight of a boy, a long time since someone's smirking at me had stolen my tongue. But there I was, trapped between my brother's smirk and Bonnie's. Blushing, shy and struggling to think of something clever to say. So in the end all I did was smile and nod my head, shrug my shoulders as if to say "I suppose so."

I averted my gaze as quickly as I could, tried to hide my eyes from both of them by looking at the floor instead, pretending to focus on the spring in the wood. Pretending to be admiring the gym Tommy had designed for me and Sylvie.

"Did he really build this for us?" I asked looking around once more, turning in a small circle to take it all in.

When I looked at John he had this look about him, something between affection and amusement. Something nostalgic about the glow in his eyes when they rested on me. And yet still when he spoke he was laughing at me.

"Well he didn't build it for our Bonnie boy here did he lass..." He sniggered drawing my attention back to Bonnie who had turned away from us now and was focussed on warming up. He was skipping, his head tilted to the floor watching his feet as he jumped quickly, these short sharp bursts of energy followed by a brief reprise. I had thought John was watching him too but when I turned back to my brother I realised he'd been watching me. Realised he hadn't taken his eyes off me since that sentimental smirk had given him away.

"hope you're prepared..." winked John nodding to Bonnie who was now too focussed on his work to notice us talking about him, "I ain't about to go easy on him just cause you think he's got a pretty face..." he teased catching me speechless.

"John!" I hissed my eyes wide open in horror at his remark. I was only relieved to see that Bonnie hadn't heard my brother. That somehow I was going to get away with the blush that was burning on my cheeks. And as John turned away, pulling his own shirt over his head, tossing Bonnie a pair of gloves which had been strung up on the wall, I felt myself grow a little uneasy. Wondering whether Bonnie really was prize fighter enough to stand up against John. It was true they were both strong, but John looked stronger... He was bigger than Bonnie too and although I had laughed earlier when Bonnie had joked about beating him, now I didn't feel so amused.

I'd watched fights before, I was sure that at least once we'd been allowed to go and watch Arthur in a boxing match which he had won, but I couldn't remember all that much about it. I remember I was too small to see above the shoulders of whoever was in front of me, I remember I only really saw the ring at the end when Arthur was up by the barriers throwing his fists in the air and roaring with pride at his victory.

"Alright kidda let's see what you've got eh, give us your worst..." Grinned John, hitting his gloves together as the two men faced off and I stood on the perimeter watching.

At first I was watching John, his shit stirring grin which grew all the wider when Bonnie cracked a laugh but as the pair circled, fists raised to make their preliminary jabs, my attention was drawn to Bonnie.

The light in his eyes, something a little more dangerous than mischief. Something darker, a glint of trouble all swirled up with sudden focus. A determination unmatched by my brother.

And then when the first punch landed and I heard the crack of impact, saw John's glove sink into Bonnie's shoulder I flinched. A gasp escaping me, hand rushing to cover my mouth. It felt as if they should have stopped, as if Bonnie should have buckled and backed away, as if John should have stood down. But they didn't. Just as soon as the punch had landed had John gone in to throw another and though for a split second I'd feared he would succeed this time Bonnie caught it and pushed back, using the moment to land a few rapid blows of his own. Pushing my brother back across the ring, his teeth gritted, his eyes glinting with determination.

I couldn't take my eyes off them though I desperately wanted to look away. The smack of each blow leaving my nerves on edge, their grunts of exertion and pain sending adrenaline through my veins. Bonnie's muscles rippled as he fought back against John, and when his red glove cracked against John's jaw and I watched my brother spit blood, smearing pink drool across his cheek, well, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Jesus Christ..." I whispered, eyes wide as I watched them sparring, neither of them seeming to tire despite the damage they were doing. Neither of them seeming ready to accept defeat though I desperately wished one of them would.

And then when Bonnie landed another blow to my brother I surprised myself, a whimper escaping me, my hand shooting down to rest over my womb as I closed my eyes. It was a revealing flinch. One I was glad seemed to go unnoticed by the two men as they fought. Both of them concentrating. One a little more determined than the other.

But as much as it might have escaped their notice it hadn't mine and I couldn't keep my mind from wandering back over her worries. Couldn't ignore how instinctive it had been, that sudden move to protect what I knew must be there, undeniable now. I'd flinched so protectively, felt a fear that fluttered dove-like in my heart but twisted deep in my gut and played on every nurturing instinct I hadn't known I harboured.

I swallowed the sick feeling down, tried to force myself to watch their fight knowing that once it was over I would have to see my aunt Pol, I'd have to admit she was right.

With every punch John threw Bonnie would try to outdo him, and with every successful attack launched by Bonnie, John would deliver yet another blow just as sharp as the last.

And in the end my wishes were answered by John who, rather than admit defeat simply dropped his fighting act, gave bonnie a playful shove and a pat on the back, the two of them dissolving into laughter as they fell away from eachother and dropped their gloves on the floor.

They were covered with sweat, Bonnie's swollen cheek glistening with a pinkish sheen which, from where I was standing, I couldn't tell if it was blood or just the flush of exhaustion.

"Well?" Asked Bonnie turning to me for the first time since putting his gloves on, his eyes no longer dark but instead gleaming with adrenaline, smiling and boyish, the way I recognised him to be. "Aren't you gonna tell us who won?" He asked with a cheeky grin when John cracked a laugh.

"You're havin a laugh the girl wasn't even watchin us!" He said, his teasing turned on me as he wiped his face with a towel and tossed it aside.

"I was too!" I said indignantly, trying to fix him with a glare despite knowing full well that he was right.

"Were you fuck you spent half that hiding with your hands over your eyes!" He cried back, sniggering when he carried on, "you were worse than our Katie watching Lord of the Rings!"

"I was not!" I cried growing exasperated, growing all too aware of the blush flushing my cheeks and the fond smirk on Bonnie's lips as he watched us bickering.

"Don't worry lass," chuckled Bonnie, "it's touching how worried for me you were..." He winked, his cheeky smile, the teasing way he let his eyes linger on me leaving me speechless for a moment as I wrapped my arms around myself and stuttered.

For a second I didn't know what to say, all too aware that my cheeks were bright red, that my brother was chuckling away, revelling in my awkward silence. That Bonnie was waiting for me to laugh.

"Right well," I said quietly, my voice a little higher than it should have been, shaking a little when I tried to spit the rest of my sentence out with my final shred of composure, "just for that I'm declaring John the winner..."

John cried out with a victorious laugh, keeling over with delight as he gloated at Bonnie who just shook his head. Not looking at John, his eyes lingering on me so that I got the impression that when he smiled, that too was only for me.

"Just you wait till you see the real thing..." He said, a playful warning tone as he pointed his index finger between my eyes. "I'll leave you with no doubt Miss Gray..."

"Not sure ringsides the place for our Fen," chuckled John and although I was sure now that he was right, that I couldn't stand to watch Bonnie, or anyone, fighting like that ever again, John's having said so made me cross my arms over my chest and shake my head.

"Is too."

I held his gaze as stubbornly as I could but no sooner did John see my sullen glare did he smirk and then grin and then lean into a knowing laugh. His hand in my hair ruffling my plaits loose. His arm around me pulling me into sweaty side.

"John!" I growled trying my best to push him away, unable to stop myself laughing at him when he tackled me, letting me lose my balance and fall only so that he could catch me. He was enjoying himself far too much, shit eating grin glowing.

"Have you missed me Fen?" He chuckled, only giggling more when I shot him an unforgiving withering look. One which left Bonnie smirking as he watched us from the floor where he was warming down.

"Oh!" I gasped suddenly when I saw John's lip was cut, it wasn't bleeding particularly badly but there was just enough, a trickle of crimson catching the light, darkening as it gathered in the curve of his chin.

When he realised what it was I had seen he chuckled, his smile opening the cut a little more. I tried to reach up and dab the blood with a tissue but he only swatted my hand away. He hadn't seen what I'd seen I suppose, but I was more than aware of the small shadow which had just crossed the threshold and was lingering in the doorway of the gym with a shyness I recognised to be much like my own.

"It's just a bit of blood Fen I'm fine," he smirked, his tone a little patronising but nothing I wasn't used to from my brothers, "see... You'd see much worse at a real fight..."

I rolled my eyes, thumping the tissue packet into his chest.

"I wasn't cleaning you up for my sake dinlow..." I shot back. And when I nodded my head in the direction of the door he realised, rolled his own eyes and closed his hand around the packet of tissues, understanding me then.

"Don't mean you've convinced me little sis, the rings no place for a delicate and sophisticated young lady such as yourself..." He sneered trying to retain the upper hand as he cleaned himself up.

"Nah," said Bonnie who had been watching us bickering like children with a smirk on his lips, "tougher than they look ballerinas, that's what I've heard..." And though he was talking to John he was looking at me and once again I felt myself prickled with a familiar feeling, that really every word was meant just for me. That my brother may as well have been in the other room.

Unfortunately for me that wasn't the case and when he heard Bonnie's remark he only laughed and shook his head.

"Nah, not our Fen, delicate little flower this one, ain't you Fen..."

"Mia's waiting for you dinlow.." I whispered fixing my big brother with a glare, forcing him to turn around and forget about teasing me.

And of course once he turned around he became "daddy" again, not the shit stirring older brother I knew but instead the soft touch father who was ready bundle his little one up and carry her back up the stairs with the gentlest "telling off" for having snuck into the gym. I couldn't help the sorrow I felt tug at my heart when I thought about the father of my child. Whether the baby growing inside me would ever know their dad, whether he would want to know them.

"And where do you think you're sneaking off to miss Mia?" He grinned running up to her and sweeping her of her feet, her shriek not echoing round the room the way I'd have expected it to. The way the sound seemed to be soaked up by the walls leaving me a little uncertain as I stood hesitant, waiting with my arms wrapped around myself for Bonnie to speak and lead us out of the gym.

I turned back to him, my hesitance flickering in my eyes. He offered me a smile, soft as anything, knowing perhaps the new nervousness which had sunken into me in those moments which followed my brother's departure. I wondered if he'd caught the watery look in my eyes, wondered if he could tell the true extent of the trouble I held in my heart.

"You want to visit Pol?" He asked quietly, his voice barely a whisper. Upon opening his mouth he'd reached out to me, something making him decide against taking my hand the moment it had left his side. It meant that his hand lingered in the space between us for a moment and left me shivery as I looked between his fingers and his eyes, unsure what to say or how to reach out and take it.

"Please..." I said, not meaning to whisper as quietly as I did. Feeling a blush creeping up when he smiled. He seemed as though he were being a little more careful. He'd always seemed gentle, more gentle than any blinder I'd known before, and yet somehow his hesitance surprised me. The soft way he looked at me, as though trying to read my mind, leaving a self conscious blush in my cheeks, a new restlessness in my heart.

After a moments hesitance I reached for his fingers, feeling shy the second mine brushed his. Feeling a rush of relief when his closed around mine and he dropped his towel down on the floor behind him as we left together.

"I mean it about your brother an me balls y'know " he whispered with a cheeky smile as he led me up the stairs and then through that damp little cobbled passage which took us out towards the lake.

We moved quickly and my heart beat quickly too, our nimble escape through the passage making me feel like some kind of renegade, or perhaps just a borrower slipping through the dark secret places of a home unseen.

I'd expected Bonnie to let go of my hand somewhere between the door and the lake and yet when we reached the silty shore at the waters edge his fingers remained entwined with mine, and though the lake was still and perfectly peaceful I felt a darkness creep up on me as our shadows wavered on the water.

He didn't say a word to me but every now and then he gave my hand a little squeeze or turned back to catch my gaze. The soft curve of his smirk and the little wink he'd shoot me soothing my nerves though I wasn't exactly sure just what it was I was nervous for.

Getting caught before I could see my aunt or what I thought she might say to me.

I hadn't realised that the forest at the edge of the estate belonged to us too but as Bonnie led me through the ferns and the ground became less hospitable with every step, I noticed dog tracks and realised that it must. That this seemingly lesser trodden path was frequented by someone in the family.

"Is it far?" I asked breaking the quiet. Until now we'd been soft enough that the afternoons birdsong, the breeze through the trees, had been enough to conceal our footsteps over the woodland floor. When I spoke however I felt the sudden tension of being caught.

"What's wrong? Not used to walking more than two minutes to the underground?" He turned over his shoulder with a cheeky grin and though I knew I was being teased I didn't laugh. Let my pout return, my brow furrowing as my voice grew sullen.

"No," I grumbled, "it's not that dinlow... It's just this fuckin mud and I keep catching myself on the bramble and stepping on twigs and they're really fuckin sharp through my shoes!"

"Aye well y'will cut about in ballet slippers.." he chuckled, shrugging my complaints off with another teasing line, "told you princess, we're not in Chelsea now..."

"I didn't even live in Chelsea!" I glowered, my sulky eyes apparently amusing him all the more as he let out a hushed laugh, one he muffled with his sleeve, not realising I'd stopped in my tracks. Arms folded across my chest.

But when he realised I'd dropped his hand he stopped. Turned to look at me over his shoulder, turning around completely when he realised I wasn't smiling or laughing along with him. When he realised that my eyes had filled with tears not even I was entirely sure were warranted.

"What's the matter?" He asked, a nervous smile tugging on his lips as he let his eyes flicker over my fragile stance. He could tell I was on the edge of tears and I could see how he squirmed. But there was nothing I could do to help him out of this one because I wasn't exactly sure what I was about to cry for myself.

"Stop fuckin laughing at me..." I said finally, my voice thick with a sullen emotion which left him struggling to do as I'd said.

"I'm not laughing at you sweetheart I promise," he said holding his hands up as if in surrender, the smirk he couldn't hide saying otherwise.

"Yes you are you're doing it right now!" I scowled, "it's fine I fuckin get it alright let's all laugh at the silly little rich girl isn't she soooo out of her depth, family of fuckin gangsters and she can't even stomach a boxing match, can't even walk through a forest without crying about something... Isn't she fuckin stupid!" I let the words tumble out of me my humiliation rising by the second, with every syllable I sobbed through. And bonnie just stood there watching me, his smirk the nervous kind as he chewed his cheek and waited for me to finish.

"Obviously I'm not like my fuckin siblings alright, I fucking know that! You don't need to keep pointing it out to me... And obviously I'm no fuckin gypsy either, I'm not stupid I know I'm a fuckin cliché posh London bitch, obviously I am..."

But at that he cut me off, his voice raised oh so slightly above mine. His tone enough to silence me in a second.

"Alright Miss Gray that's quite enough of that thank you..." He said curtly, his smirk gone, replaced with a frown of his own as he snatched my hand back. I stood trembling, I'd managed somehow amid my outburst to hold back my tears and they welled up in my eyes making it hard to see as I starred back at him in shock.

I half expected him to tug on my arm, tell me to hurry up, to stop wasting time. But he didn't.

Instead he stepped a little closer to me, closed the space between us and held my hand up between us, his fingers entwining with mine.

"I know you ain't stupid Miss Gray," he said, his voice soft and low, his eyes locked with mine. I felt silly standing there, looking up at him with such a rush of emotion swelled up in my eyes, but he didn't let me feel silly for long. "And I never said you were a bitch..." He said, "you shouldn't say that either..." He said, his frown so serious, more serious than I'd ever seen him before. "I was only teasing," he said it again, making me feel guilty because I'd known that all along. Because I couldn't explain why I'd taken it to heart when I'd known he hadn't meant it.

"I know..." I said chewing my cheek a little awkwardly, "sorry Bonnie," I said not sure whether I should try to make a joke or not, feeling the self deprecating remark slip from my tongue before I'd had a chance to stop it, "guess I can add uptight bitch to the list of descriptors too..." I said with a little smirk, one which Bonnie only mirrored for a moment as he chuckled and shook his head at me.

"Nah," he said shrugging his shoulders, "if I had all that on my mind I doubt Id be laughing either..." He said, the guilty look in his eyes making me wonder how much he knew. His next move making me certain he knew more than he was letting on.

He held his arms out to me then, made a joke I considered brave considering the moment we'd just shared.

"Alright, alright, you're right... Undergrowths hardly the sort of terrain fit for a Belgravian princess, let me carry you, it ain't far..."

"Oh... Bonnie no..." I started to protest, shaking my head as I tried to back away, feeling all kinds of mortified that he didn't think me capable of finishing what was more than likely only a short walk to his father's camp.

"Come on Sonya..." He said with a sigh, "you're right you ain't got the shoes for it and you look tired..."

"I'm not!" I tried to argue, growing more flustered by the second, my heart trembling at the thought he might be about to bundle me up against his chest.

My eyes were wide as I looked back at him, hoping he would back down, already knowing he wouldn't. Already knowing the line which was coming next.

"C'mon lass, cmere... Under strict instructions from your brother's I am, ain't about to fuck this up..." He said with a cheeky smile as he took my hand and tugged me closer to him.

In truth there were three things I feared then.

The first being that by giving in I was admitting I thought myself to good to trapse through the forest with him. That I was admitting to being that stuck bitch from London I was sure he thought of me as despite his protest.

The second was simple. That he would realise I wasn't as light as he thought me. That he would drop me just as Jasper had done at school, that I would reveal my failings to yet another man.

And the third, perhaps the most delicate of all. That if I let him hold me like that, bundled up against his body as he carried me through the forest, I would find myself too comfortable. That my heart would race and my breath would falter and I would be forced to admit my betrayal of Freddie. That I'd be forced to acknowledge the truth, that there was something irresistible about Bonnie. Something I was already struggling to ignore.

"Come here sweetheart," he said again, his tone a little firmer than before, his eyes locking with mine, all but confirming that he knew what Polly knew. "Long walk like this ain't good for you..." He said, waiting for me to share in his understanding. "Wear you out more than you already are..."

I realised then that there was no denying it. That Bonnie was just as canny as Esme, as my Aunt Pol. That there was no point lying to him just like there was no point desperately trying to deny it to myself. So I just nodded my head, let him scoop me up in his arms, my head against his chest.

"Sorry..." I said a little awkwardly as he swept me up off my feet, took a second to recenter himself before he carried on walking.

"Enough Sonya," he said with a smirk, shrugging off my concerns just as easily as he'd scooped me up. Just as easily as he held me close to him as he walked. "Won't be long now eh, relax..."

I closed my eyes, my body tense in his arms as I tried to make myself as small as possible. Tried not to take up too much space, tried not to get in his way. I felt ridiculous, all too self conscious and certainly a little silly for letting him carry me through the woods like some damsel in distress.

But he had insisted and I was there now, all I could do was try to hold myself together until he set me back down on my feet. Try to do as he has said and relax... Ignore the effect he was having on me. Pretend it wasn't really quite so easy to set my heart stuttering and breath catching in my throat.

I tried my best to listen to the sound of the forest, to tune out of Bonnie's breathing, the beating of his heart beneath his chest, and tune into the sounds of twigs snapping, branches straining and shaking as a squirrel threw itself from one to another. Tried to tune into the babble of the river which was still hidden somewhere behind the ferns.

And when I opened my eyes I did my best to tip my head back so that I might concentrate on the sunlight dappled through the canopy. The shadows cast by entangled branches and clusters of seeds which were gathering, waiting to fall.

I tried to concentrate from keeping my fingers from wandering from where they scrunched the scruff of his t-shirt though the brush of his curls often tempted them.

But nothing could keep my mind from returning, nothing could slow my beating heart, steady my shy breaths. I couldn't ignore the burning sensation of his skin so close to mine. Couldn't ignore the hazy way my head spun every time I breathed in and tasted his grassy scent lingering in my lungs.

"Why are they staying so far?" I asked after a little while. The quiet between us had done little to settle my nerves though I felt perfectly safe in his arms. "Wouldn't she do better to stay near the house.. just in case y'know..." I trailed off not wanting to reference her supposed illness. Remembering what Bonnie had told me earlier about his thoughts on that.

"Nah," he said letting out a slow sigh as he spoke, "me da's got her best interests at heart, the woodlands are good for her, peaceful..."

"No Shelby's..." I said wryly, looking up at him in hopes of meeting him with a smile to show him I was only joking. But when he looked down his smile didn't quite meet his eyes.

"I wasn't gonna say that..."

"No Tommy Shelby?" I asked not realising quite how close to home I might have hit until he hesitated. Until he changed the subject.

"She'll be glad to see you."

"That's not what I meant..." I mumbled wondering if it was me letting us trail off into silence again or him.

I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to those scenes that morning over breakfast. How quickly Tommy had snapped, how he'd trapped her against the fireplace as he'd tried and failed to pacify her anguished outburst.

"It's good for her to be around people who understand her..." He said after a moment longer, his brows knitted as he chose each word carefully. He was being careful not to offend but when it came to this he couldn't possibly offend me.

"Don't worry," I said quietly, my fingers straying for a second before I could stop them, twirling one of the curls at the bottom of his neck idly as I spoke, "gypsy shit right? I get it..."

When Bonnie finally set me down it was at the edge of the river we'd been skirting for twenty minutes. I could hear the crackle of a fire before I could see it, could hear Aberama whistling as he worked at skinning a rabbit.

"Ahh, Bonnie my boy finally tired of the high life? Ain't gone soft up there in the big house have you?" He flashed his son a teasing grin, not dissimilar to the one I was growing used to on Bonnie. Bonnie who in that moment had smiled despite the soft blush on his cheeks as he let his hand linger on my lower back.

"Bought company da..." He said as if warning his dad to stop teasing the Shelby name in front of me... As if Bonnie hadn't been doing the very same all afternoon.

"And what lovely company she is," said Aberama, taking his flatcap off and bowing his head to me slightly, his eyes locking with mine as a warmer smile snook onto his face. "Will you be staying for tea Miss Gray?" He asked holding up the half skinned rabbit, chuckling when he caught me trying to hide my grimace, "I'm sure your Aunt would like the company..."

But he didn't need to tell me that and I'd already nodded my head before he'd finished his sentence.

"Thank you Mr Gold," I said quietly, feeling shy under his warm but attentive gaze.

"Thought I told you Sonya, you call me Aberama, or Abe perhaps, if you and my Bonnie are as close as you look from a distance..."

"Da quit teasin her," grinned Bonnie shaking his head, lowering his voice to remind me that I could ignore every word his father said. "She was asking after Pol, been worried about her..."

"Well you ain't got no reason to worry about your Aunt Pol," smiled Aberama gesturing to the fire as he spoke, "come sit, we'll have tea, she won't be long..." He said letting Bonnie shrug his jacket off and set it down over a worn out looking garden chair for me to sit on.

I smiled at him a little shyly, feeling silly he'd felt the need to put his coat down for me on a perfectly reasonable chair. Still I sat down, said thank you and kept my head down, waiting for my aunt as politely as I could. Feeling suddenly like I was intruding on something I shouldn't have been part of. It wasn't exactly a feeling I wasn't used to. Always too rough around the edges for my friends at boarding school, always too primp and proper for my family back in Birmingham. This was no different. Traveller enough to know I wasn't traveller enough to be sitting around that fire with them.

I held my hands in my lap until Aberama presented me with a little china cup to hold instead. I didn't realise that my hands were shaking until he poured my tea but when he did I suffered the indignity of having to watch the hot dark liquid tremble and splash at the sides, worse when he added milk.

Bonnie pulled up a chair beside me and sat down, his elbows resting on his knees as he leant in to talk with his father about news from the families. Families I knew had been sent out in search of my sister, my boyfriend and his family too.

I'd been trying to listen in until Aberama had let his gaze flit quickly to me, until he'd seem me watching him and changed his mind. Started speaking another language I didn't really recognise. Only knew enough of to know it wasn't Romani. So he was being particularly cautious.

I watched the two of them talking until my eyes met Bonnie's, his lit up by the fire and the strange faded afternoon sun which reflected off the muddle brook.

When he looked at me his eyes were furtive, and yet his dark eyes held an intensity which left me struggling to sip my tea. I hid behind the rim of my tea cup, held his gaze from under my eyelashes, but I couldn't read his expression and I couldn't tell if he understood the worry in mine.

And then I heard the snap of a twig underfoot and I forgot about the two men and their secret conversation. Thought only of Polly who was standing just outside the circle of chairs, her closed lip smile warm, eyes bright as she looked upon me.

"Fen."

She greeted me with a radiant affection, her tired eyes lit up despite the shadows beneath them. She looked emotional perhaps, a little tired maybe, but she didn't look ill. Didn't look frail the way my brothers had told me she was these days.

"Been worrying about you Polly," sighed Aberama nodding from me to her with a twinkle in his eyes, something like affection and mischief entwined.

"Bonnie Gold what did I tell you this morning!" She scolded the younger lad, "what did you promise me eh?" She asked shaking her head, one hand on her hip as she placed her basket of apples and other foraged things on the edge of the vardo steps. "Bloody men..." She met me with a conspiring smile, sitting down beside me and clasping my hands in hers. Her touch was cool from the hours spent in the shade of the woods, cool like the water babbling in the stream behind us. But she felt like home when she took my hands and when I met her gaze I felt understood. "Told him not to let you go worrying about me... There's nothing wrong with me love, no matter what your brother's tell you... You've enough sense in you to know that though..." She said quieter as she leant in to ask me how I was.

"Aye I tried my best Pol but if there's one thing your niece is good at..." Started Bonnie with a lingering grin, the kind which remained on his lips when he held my gaze and remained even after I'd torn my eyes away.

"Sounds like our Fen," said Polly softly, love threaded through every word, "always were a sensitive girl weren't you love..." She said before asking me again about myself. I wondered if she'd been worrying for me that way I had her all day, after all I must have seemed a little fragile too and I didn't have the track record Pol when it came to holding oneself together.

"I'm alright Pol, but.. how are you, you were so... Upset this morning... I... What did you mean about Michael?" I asked realising my mistake only after I'd allowed the questions to tumble from my lips without warning.

Her eyes darkened and she let go of my hands, placed them back in my lap and patted them softly. Something in her sad smirk told me I'd let her down.

"Is that why you came?" She asked, her voice low and heavy with trouble, "you believe your brothers?"

"No!" I said it a little too quickly, a little too sharply. Became acutely aware of the ebb in Bonnie and his father's conversation. "No," I lowered my voice, tried to speak as softly as I could, my cheeks burning as I tried to convey all the things I wanted to tell her with just the glow in my eyes. "No, I don't... I... What did you see when you saw him Pol? What did you see when you saw Sylvie?" I asked already knowing the answer I would receive, already understanding she couldn't possibly tell me.

"Will you come inside with me?" She asked looking over her shoulder at the vardo, her fingertips traced over the back of my hand lightly, turned my hand over in my lap and began tracing a long sloping line between my index and my wrist.

I nodded my head and stood. Glanced back at Bonnie and his father only briefly as I let her lead me inside the little vardo.

I recognised it then, the very same place I'd sheltered on that first morning at Arrow House. The way the vardo seemed to hold you as you sat down at the little table. There was a green tablecloth draped over it today, a cup of tea and my aunt's deck of tarot cards beside an unlit candle.

"I cannot tell you what I saw of your sister Fen," she sighed, "your brother has forbade it... Naturally..." She seemed to simmer on her smirk for a moment, I wondered if she was waiting for me to protest, or of she knew better than to expect that of this twin.

"Even if he hadn't..." I said quietly, knowing when she offered me her most sympathetic of smiles and shook her head what she meant.

Not in my state. It would be dangerous to worry me with visions and doomed feelings.

Of course that only left me feeling all the more fated and gloomy.

"Pol..." I started, the urgency in my voice drawing that sympathy from her more.

"Now don't you look at me like that my love," she said, her hands holding mine tightly, her own eyes just as teary as mine, "don't you look at me like that, there's nothing to fear my girl..."

"There is Pol!" I whispered, a fragility gripping me suddenly, a twist in my gut which left me shaking and struggling not to cry. "It's Freddie's..." I said, "if anyone finds out... If the Italians or... Tommy... He'll hate me!" I snatched my hand from Polly's to cover my mouth, clasping both hands over my jaw to muffle my sobbing. The tears flowed freely then, my body trembling with the despair I'd been holding back for days. But Polly didn't try to stop me or shut me up. She didn't try telling me again that there was nothing to fear.

Instead she wrapped her arms around me and cradled my head to her chest, her hands holding my hair as she rocked me gently. She leant back against the cushions, keeping me steady and safe, and waited it out. Waited until I was sniffling rather than sobbing, waited until I'd managed to get a grip on myself once more.

"Your brothers could never hate you Fen," she said firmly as I sat up and pulled away from her. She offered me a tissue to dry my eyes and I took it but used the sleeves of my cardigan instead. "And having a bairn inside you won't make any difference to your place on Zabinis hit list. We're all there side by fuckin side ain't we..."

It shouldn't have been a comfort and yet somehow it was. I dabbed at my eyes trying to catch my stray tears, nodded my head solemnly.

"Please don't tell them..." I said, "oh god Pol..." I whimpered, struggling to draw in a shaking breath as I gathered my thoughts.

"Do you want it?"

Her question hushed the whole room. Everything seemed a little quieter then, as if the soft furnishings, the bowls in the cupboard, the mess of clothes on the end of the bed, were all ruminating my decision. One I hadn't made. One I couldn't stand to consider for too long.

"I... I don't know..."

"Does Freddie know?" She asked her hand resting atop my womb as she rubbed in a slow circle. When I shook my head she raised her brow, "are you sure?"

"How could he? I didn't know until you told me..."

"Good," she said softly, almost as though she were talking to herself, "that's good... Then you've got plenty time to think about it haven't you, no one rushing you to make your mind up...and you don't need to worry about your brother's or anyone else, your family love you Fen, we'll look after you... Whatever you decide you want to do alright?"

I nodded my head again, fearful that if I tried to speak I'd cry. Sniffling as I held my hands over my mouth and shut my eyes. Feeling it all pushing down on me, the panic thudding in my chest, the nausea rising up. Because I'd been trying to ignore something I shouldn't have been ignoring for too long. And really the only person I wanted to talk to about it was so far away, somewhere in a gangsters den in London doing god knows what. Somewhere so very far from me.

"I don't know what to do..." I whispered, my head spinning with every little anxiety. "My fucking career," I sniffled, "and Freddie... Oh god..." I crumbled again, trying to hold myself together, trying my best to get a grip, knowing full well that had it been Ada in my position she wouldn't have been crying like this.

When I looked up at Pol through my tears she was looking at me with that same darkened sympathy, as of she'd been waiting for this day a long time. As of she'd always known the Shelby curse would touch each and every child eventually.

"Don't fret Fen," she said finally, "you might not know now but you will know what to do, you'll feel it here..." She said placing her hand over mine and guiding it to my heart, "and you'll know."

She held my gaze and the warmth in hers, the quiet confidence seemed to seep from her to me. From her heart to mine so that a little of my dread was pushed out. So that there was a little room for warmth, for hope.

A tap on the door had drawn us back outside to join the men by the fire. Bonnie and his dad had moved on from tea to cider and they sat in a content quiet watching the woodlands. Aberamas eyes were half closed, his aging features dappled with the late noon sun through the trees, his white shirt tainted with shades of green. Bonnie however was wide awake, his eyes following two magpies who were flitting from branch to branch within an oak tree above us.

They looked as though they were playing a game, chasing one another higher and higher only to go tumbling back through the branches together, their melodic chatter ricocheting through the trees.

I slipped back into my seat beside Bonnie, following his gaze because I had nothing else to hold onto. Nothing else to occupy myself with beside those two magpies. My conversation with Polly had left me feeling heavy, a little shellshocked, hollow and strange. I didn't much feel like talking, or smiling, or eating but I knew that in a moment I would have to do all three and the thought filled me with a quiet discomfort.

"Ahh ladies."

Polly had stirred Aberama with a kiss to his cheek and as he moved slowly back to life he greeted us both with a smile and open arms.

"There's tea in the pot and soup over the fire..." He said, "if you've time to stay that is Sonya?" He asked, looking first to me and then to Bonnie who simply shrugged his shoulders. He looked up at the trees, squinted into the sunlight and then nodded.

"We've time," he said, turning to me then, his eyes soft and questioning, "if you'd like to of course Miss Gray?"

I heard his father chuckle at that, heard Polly stifle a laugh too and I couldn't help but bite back my own smile and the formality.

"I'd love some thank you." I said quietly, offering aberama a grateful smile before shrinking back into my little garden chair. It was one of those camping chairs and the green fabric was tired and dirty, it smelt damp like summer evenings spent out in the garden too long. The kind of days that make you sleepy just for breathing fresh air.

"I'll get it," said Bonnie, holding his hand out to stop me from standing up.

"These newfound manners of yours eh Bon..." Chuckled his father, "always knew you had em hidden away somewhere."

"Give over," grinned Bonnie, his cheek bones blessed with that soft ruby flush as he concentrated on pouring a mug of soup for me. "It's rabbit..." He said hesitating to hand me the cup as if he thought I'd never eaten game before. I couldn't help but grin then, letting a little laugh escape me when his dad laughed at his shyness.

"Don't worry my boy, I'm sure they serve game in Chelsea," he chuckled, his smile meeting mine, a warm twinkle in his eyes reserved just for me so that I didn't feel it was me he was laughing at then, though it should have been.

"You leave the boy alone." Polly warned, resting her head on Aberamas shoulder as Bonnie handed my cup to me and turned back to the stove.

I watched Polly and Aberama from across the fire, how she settled into his side and lent on him, one hand held by his in his lap. How peaceful she looked.

I couldn't help but question my brothers decision to try and keep her hidden from me. Couldn't help but wonder what it was they were so scared I would see.

But perhaps it was just that, perhaps they hadn't seen her like this, so peaceful, warmhearted and glowing with those first scattered drops of love. Those early days when the affection you feel radiates from you and touches everything you do.

Because she looked so bright, so tranquil then. It was hard to remember the fear in her eyes that morning. Hard to imagine the shrill panicked tone with which she had called after my brothers.

But I didn't want to remember that morning, the fear which had chilled my own heart and bones. So I chose to focus instead on Polly now, in that warm, quiet moment beneath the trees, as the afternoon warmed us all through and the scent of pollen was thick, drowsy on the breeze.

As I raised my mug to my lips with both hands I was reminded of a past which seemed almost out of reach. Those days when me and Sylvie were only little girls, when we'd still lived on the road, before our mother had died, when we'd been allowed to wander the wilds dawn til dusk. Those days we'd run around earning ourselves nicknames like Fen.

The taste of soup infused with the smoke of the fire was nostalgic in a way I hadn't been expecting and I closed my eyes as I swallowed. Let the taste linger on my tongue and didn't worry about what was in it or whether I'd walked enough to warrant a meal.

And by the time it was time to leave their little camp by the river I found that I didn't really want to go. Found that when Bonnie came and joined me sitting in the grass with my feet in the stream, that my heart ached to stay out until long after the sun had gone down.

"Been gone from the house too long..." Said Bonnie softly. I could tell by his small smile he felt guilty for disturbing my peace, "we can come back tomorrow if you'd like but we'd better be off now, the weans won't keep John distracted all night," he added trying to draw a laugh from me, albeit halfhearted at best.

"Alright," I said putting my hand down in the dirt to push myself back up.

But before I could bare the weight myself Bonnie had slipped his arms beneath mine, helping me up and gathering me against him to steady my balance.

"Don't tell me you're gonna walk back now Miss," he said, "you're half asleep as it is..." And because I knew he was right, and because I was feeling that late in a summer day drowsy, I didn't bother trying to argue with him. Just smiled softly and let my shyness slip away as I leant against him, ear pressed to his chest, listening to the beating of his steady heart.

"Only if you don't mind?" I asked smiling when I felt the soft shake of his muted amusement.

"Aye sweetheart, course I don't mind..."

So he waited whilst I thanked his father for tea, and he stood back and watched the trees quietly, pretending not to notice the way I lingered when I said goodnight to Polly. Pretended not to notice how we held onto one another a moment too long, how her hands trailed my arms and then rested flat and gentle over my womb. How she got that misty loving look in her eyes when she held her palm to my cheek and told me to come back soon.

How I turned back to him with that misty look in my own eyes and told him I was ready to go.

And all the way back through the woods, across the manor grounds I wondered what else he was pretending he hadn't noticed. The way my heart raced beneath his touch, the way I struggled to breath for having my body held so firmly, so snug against his. The way that in my drowsy state, a little less self conscious than before, I nuzzled into him, gripped his t-shirt scruff a little tighter, let my fingers wander to curl the locks of his dark hair which tickled the bottom of his neck.

We didn't speak until we reached the patio outside the kitchen. Until he set me down on the bench beneath the window boxes filled with evening primrose. Some of whom were yet to burst open.

"Thank you," I said softly, smiling and mirroring his action when he raised his finger to his lips.

"You're very welcome Miss Gray..." He said quietly as he crouched down at my knees and looked up at me.

For a moment I wasn't sure what he was doing down there on the patio floor, down on one knee as his hands wandered from his pockets. But when he took the ribbons which tied my ballet slippers up and tugged them undone gently, my skin prickled with goosebumps. The self-concious flush returning to my cheeks as I looked down at him. For a fleeting moment I felt brave enough to meet his gaze as he slipped one shoe off and set it down on the stone floor. But just as soon as my bravery has gripped me had it shrunk away and when his fingers tugged the second ribbon loose I found myself looking stubbornly down into my lap. Teeth biting the tip of my tongue as a shyness gripped me.

Because he had no reason to be as sweet to me as he was. And I had no reason to let myself get away with the fluttering of my heart when Bonnie treated me with such kindness. But I couldn't help it. I didn't want to stop him. I liked his gentle ways and the gentle way he treated me.

"Thanks..." I said again, my voice so soft I was surprised he heard it.

"Like I said," he shrugged, offering me his hand as he stood up, helping me to stand too, "you're very welcome sweetheart."

And when my eyes met his again I felt something shift. Something I couldn't quite place. It was subtle enough that I might have missed it had I not looked up in that precise moment. It wasn't subtle enough that I couldn't feel it's lingering effect.

The way I felt drawn closer to him. The way I felt my heart swell to look at him. The way I felt a swirling guilt in my stomach as my hand hovered above my womb. Because my whole body recognised this feeling, this sudden change. There was no denying it.

And when he bid me goodnight, promised he wouldn't be long upstairs behind me, I felt disappointed he wasn't walking me to my door. Disappointed that I wouldn't be falling asleep to the sound of his slowed soft breaths.

But when I closed my bedroom door behind me and saw my phone lit up at the end of my bed, I realised that perhaps his absence was for the best.

I had three missed calls and a voice mail. All of them from a number I didn't recognise. The sight of which set my heart racing with a hopeful anxiety as I dialled 121 and waited for the voice I'd been missing.

"My heart," a sob rose in my throat with Freddie's first syllable, my hand clamping over my mouth as I held my breath and tried to listen to his rushed message, "I made it out, I can't tell you where I am but I'm safe... I love you, fuck... I heard about your brother closing ranks but.. fuck, my heart, we can be together, it's safe out here, where I am... We can be together here, I love you... Get back to London for me baby, let me steal you away..."

His message ended abruptly, his voice filling my senses and then suddenly so cruelly snatched away that for a moment I remained frozen at the end of my bed, clutching the phone to my ear just waiting for the message to replay after the tone so that I could let him fill up my senses all over again.

"fuck, my heart, we can be together, it's safe out here, where I am... We can be together here, I love you..."

I let my lips follow along with him on my third listen, making the shapes his mouth had made as he'd rushed out his message in that shivered whisper. Felt my heart aching to be close enough to him that I might trace those lips with my fingers instead.

And as I lay back on my bed, head resting on my pillow, listening to his final message for me on repeat, my hand strayed to rest over my womb and I began letting myself imagine a different future for us. One without his family. One without my brother's. Naive as it may seem, his words were a silk thin thread of hope and I was desperate.

"Get back to London for me baby, let me steal you away..."

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[sabakos]

I dunno I just think it's so weird that we still pretend that some other countries exist even though we assert hegemony over them. Those are subjects, non-citizens who have no rights within the government that actually rules them, we just pretend that they're autonomous and independent, with the implict promise that if the deviate too much from what we want we'll overthrow their government and put in a new one. Somehow this is supposed to be more humane and diplomatic than annexing them and naturalizing their population as citizens of our own. But if we did that we would have obligations to them as our citizens, and we'd fear their reprisal if we bombed them and let their children starve. And we'd prefer to keep doing those things to them unperturbed, so we're forced to choose the humanitarian solution of independent self-determination.

[saph-soph]

Heathers: the musical

I just finally watched it (with Dan Domenech) after having only ever watched the movie, heard some of the songs, watching some clips and a recap, and I loved it!

Some of the things I loved:

• It turns out that this is the first musical I have ever watched fully. Having seen clips does not give one the full picture, as it turns out. I loved the things in between the scenes, which I knew. Like the scenes, where Veronica was trying to keep people (Martha and Madonna) away from JD for their own safety.

• I loved the songs. I already knew some iconic ones, such as "Beautiful", "Candy store", "Meant to be yours" and "Dead girl walking: reprise". But I never knew about such gems as "You make my balls feel blue" (or smth), Martha's song (idk the name), "Our love is god" and many more. Also, I have gained a new appreciation for "17" and "Dead girl walking". I was never that into them, but seeing the show as a whole really makes you feel them.

• I loved the scene of the guys' funeral. How, as JD mentioned, it brought a lot of good. How the dads used to hook up and are now again doing so. How the dad(s) advocated for their sons, saying that they weren't "perverted" or "dirty" for being gay and that they still went to heaven. And, of course, how Jesus was cool with everything. It is a great scene.

• I loved the way bullying is depicted here. They were literally telling Madonna to go and khs. I loved the theme of "war", which was started by JD and 'Ronica in "Our love is god"(I believe). How it was then treated as a bullying situation (how, when Veronica ended it, she meant everyone becoming nicer and treating each other better, thus making highschool a less toxic (which it was oh so) place), which Veronica ended alone, because JD was part of the problem (he tried to help, but did not know how to, so it only made things worse).

• I loved the JD x Veronica relationship here. From the movie and clips of this I did not really get their relationship, they just were in my opinion, but here. Here I loved the beginning of their relationship (on "Dead girl walking") and the theme of "Our love is god" and "I worship you" on JD's side.

• I think it's lovely, how they decided they were both damaged, but really - she was never as broken as him. I love how she was the only good thing in his life, how he did all of the things he did, because he wanted to protect Veronica (e.g. he killed the guys, because they made her cry). And, when he thought she was dead, he decided to finish, what they (he) started, because this society took her from him, it broke her, and he couldn't forgive it for that. He even said "I can't do this alone..." in "Meant to be yours", because it was all for her, and without her, what would be the point? And "Still I will, if I must" because now the point is revenge. First it was to protect her, but now it was to avenge her.

• I love how "I wish we'd met before they convinced you life is war". Because it genuinely is so true. I love their reconciliation period, because it gives us (me) hope for the former statement to have happened. That she can fix him, and that everything will be okay. They are alive and well, graduate together, go to college together and just be happy. But then we see, that it really was impossible. The statement was just wishful thinking after all, and JD could not be fixed (maybe a licenced specialist could have, but it is still not guaranteed). I love, how, in the end, he still saved her, sacrificing his life for her (*cough* "I'll trade my life for yours" *cough*). How after all that'd happened, their break up, her literally faking her death and then shooting him, and ruining his plan, that he only ever made for her, he still chose to save her.

• I love, how JD's love for Veronica had been so heavily emphasized the whole show. In "Our love is god", in him killing people not on random, but only ones, who hurt her, in him trying for her, agreeing not to kill anyone else, just because she asked him not to (he failed, but point for effort), in him train his life for hers, as I've talked about already.

• I love how they were such a tragedy and had so much potential! I love their, brief as it was, time together. They will always be famous. They will always be number one in my heart.

So in conclusion I am now officially a JD fan girl and a fan of Broadway musicals in general. Hope to see many more soon! 💋

[lee-sanghyeok]

Is there any variety shows/content you want any of the bnd boys on? And which members would you send?

Any show with Na PD, like the HYBE Game Caterers picnic show (we need a reprise in a couple of years with fifth gen present!!), or with just themselves like when Seventeen went. Appearing on an episode with Myungsoo would be cute as well, like when Vernon and him tried food from around the world.

If they wouldn't all be able to attend, I'd send Jaehyun and Woonhak, the two ENFPs, to a variety show. To balance them out we'd need the dry wit and maturity of Sungho. So those three are a definite must for variety shows, in my opinion.

I don't know if Leehan drinks, but in a couple of years, I bet he'd be hilarious on something like Youngji's drinking show.

For any 'telepathy' games, Jaehyun and Riwoo are a must. Also Riwoo on Amazing Saturday.

I can see Taesan in a couple of years being a guest judge on a survival show to give feedback and advice about songwriting, composition, rap, stage presense, etc. Also because he was the longest trainee out of the six of them, so he'd be able to connect with trainees on a survival show.

For niche variety shows, I'd naturally send members based on interests. Anything food, dance and game related goes to Riwoo, anything Busan, fish related to Leehan, and anything about fashion, rock music and visual arts to Taesan.

And honestly, Woonhak could have his own variety show. I'd watch that kid just spin in circles and be entertained.