#and was just trying NOT to make a long rambly post about it for the sake of being a wank light blog

[not-so-innocent-bi-sander]

Okay so.. here’s a thought I’m dealing with I guess.

I saw Thomas posted a video today about being part of people’s nostalgia, I haven’t really ever watched his videos on YouTube besides Sides stuff and his short little psuedo-vines.

But I kinda wanted to know what he had to say about it.

***TLDR- I got thinking about how I made so many friends via this fandom and the lack of content has really pushed everyone to move on, which is totally chill and just how being a fan works, but it also kinda bums me out?***

Anyway gonna ramble I guess

So I watched it to see if he’d mention Sides stuff at all, which he didn’t really. It was mostly about Vine. But i decided to see on his channel if he’s really mentioned Sides stuff any time recently.

I’m pretty sure the length of time between the most recent full episode and now is longer than the time between me joining the fandom and that most recent episode.

And he has some little stuff, songs and funny little skits or whatever. The incorrect quotes and the hear me out cakes, the YouTube Shorts.. I watched a couple of the incorrect quote videos and I genuinely laughed. I miss all that.

Basically all my closest friends that I have I met because of this fandom. And it just kinda bums me out that it all sorta fizzled out the way it did. I think like.. if a new episode dropped tomorrow, a lot of us would all watch it. But several people I know have probably moved on entirely, which I have no judgment about. It’s just kinda a fact of things. I don’t know where I’m going with this I just like.. it feels weird that I’m sorta on the other side of something that was such a huge part of my life and still affects my life to this day.

I still have writings and fics I want to finish, just because I want to finish them. I love writing these characters, and I don’t know if it’s because they’re just good frameworks or if it was just because it was my first fandom as an adult and I felt like I was better at writing than I had been before… or maybe it’s because I feel like my writing greatly improved because of how much I wrote them.

I know I’m not losing my friends just because we have different interests now, even though I think that was a concern for a long time. But I just don’t know what to do with this feeling.

I haven’t tried to write anything in so long even though I like doing it, and I don’t know if it’s because I feel like everyones moved on - and if I post something the only responses I’ll get are “I’m not into this anymore don’t tag me in it” even though not needing responses and just doing things I like because I like it has long been something I’ve wanted to be better at - or if some part of me doesn’t want to? I think it’s mental health and general exhaustion, but I don’t know. I think I’m gonna try.. maybe tomorrow I’ll try and just do a little something. See what happens. I don’t know

I still read my old fics sometimes, it’s been so long since I wrote themthat I forgot a lot of the details and it’s kinda like I found a fic written just for me. It’s not really about the source material anymore, I just like all these little guys I’ve been making up stories about for years and years.

It’s nearly midnight and I’m in bed just trying to get all this out on my phone. If you read all this, thank you. Sorry it didn’t go anywhere?? I don’t know I just.. that’s the stuff I’m trying to think on right now.

[demigod-shenanigans]

I’m teaching myself to cook and anyway I think the main reason Jason is shit at cooking (aside from having zero experience) is that he tries to follow the recipe books to the letter. And let me tell you from basically every recipe I’ve ever cooked: that does not work. It won’t calculate in stuff like “the stove you have may heat up faster/slower/differently than expected” (our stove for example is shit and the only settings it knows are “off” “barely on” and “everything will burn within three seconds” despite the settings theoretically going from 0 to 9), ingredients will take longer or be done faster than the recipe suggests, the time it suggests preparing anything (especially as a beginner) nearly always needs to be doubled because ingredient prep isn’t factored in and I have no idea how the food is portioned but a lot of the time it’ll say “for two people” and the be measured for the two hungriest people you have ever met (aka you now have lunch for the next four days). And there’s also stuff like having to just try and figure out how to best do spices and how some recipes will have ingredients (say, like, chickpeas) as weight either pre or post being prepared for cooking. Cooking is not an exact science, and Jason is trying to treat it like an exact science, so it’s a mess. Anyway Jason usually doesn't cook because he’s a disaster at it and also Leo enjoys cooking. But sometimes Leo will be busy in the workshop or whatever and Jason is trying so hard to make dinner so he won’t have to cook after the long day he’s had. This pretty much never works but Leo does usually get a good laugh out of it and manages to salvage the meal somehow. Anyway, list of things Jason has definitely done during those cooking attempts that may or may not be me projecting:

-messed up the weight of some of the extra ingredients so Everything Was The Wrong Amount

-Kept on adding the exact amount of noodles that the recipe asked for even when he was mentally like “uhhhh that feels like a little much”. The recipe ended up being like 90% noodles and lasted them four days.

-not realized there were different kind of paprika spices and added the wrong one

-somehow had the hand blender fall apart as he was holding it. Nothing got blended but the blender sure is in pieces now so uuhhhh

-always always always gets Leo to do taste testing for final spices because the recipe just says “add salt/pepper/whatever” but not how much and he’s terrified of messing everything up

-Added twice the amount of chili con carne seasoning to the recipe because they bought more meat than the recipe called for. Leo was delighted. Jason could not fucking eat that because it was way too spicy LOL

-cooked the lentils exactly the way the recipe called for and somehow the recipe was so off about the time they’d need that there were no lentils to be found anywhere. Presumably the went to lentil heaven but who knows where they disappeared to

-he cannot deal with cutting onions for shit. Once made himself cry so hard that he decided to put eye drops in to help except he couldn’t see so he grabbed drops that were not intended to be put anywhere near your eyes. Leo made sure he’d be okay but was also having a very hard time getting himself to stop laughing

When Leo is cooking Jason isn’t allowed to help with most steps but Jason lingers around the kitchen anyway because he wants to hang out with his husband. He gets to taste test and listen to Leo ramble about his day and occasionally Leo will quietly grumble and ask him to open a jar and that is hands down the most content Jason ever is in the kitchen

[dimeadozencows]

You know it's over for you when you can draw a whole page of only one character

Shamelessly plugging (pun intended) my Ramb essay on my most popular post of him lol. (Check it out if you want, I think it turned out neat!!)

[basket-of-radiants]

[arolesbianism]

Been working on some first run Chou sprites for funsies, here’s a handful of the ones I’ve done so far

[spawnofbhaal]

A take I've been seeing at times (which is valid, people interpret things differently) is that Rook will know the "real" Solas more than the Inquisitor did (even a romanced Lavellan) and . . . I personally don't agree. Solas the god is just as much of a mask as "I'm a simple apostate" Solas. Solas' followers in Tevinter Nights and the comics know him as Fen'Harel, but they don't know him as a person. Iirc in one of the comics (the Blue Wraith or Magekiller series maybe?) a follower of his calls him "master," which is anathema to everything Solas believes in. How much your character (Inquisitor or presumably Rook) gets to know the real him depends on the effort they put into it and the empathy they show him.

Also, the circumstances of Inquisition facilitate Solas being able to show his true personality quite well. He *has* to interact with people rather than distancing himself from them the way he did before the Conclave and after Corypheus' defeat; he is exposed to views that differ from his that he can't resist speaking against; he can form true connections with others he befriends or falls in love with. He tells romanced Lavellan they saw more of him than most, and that he would not romance them under false pretenses and pretend to be someone he isn't. I take these statements at face value because I think his writer is trying to tell us Solas is genuine with romanced Lavellan (as they have said to fans in the past). The man who loves telling stories, who hates tea and loves frilly cakes, who kisses with tongue, who lights his own coat on fire sometimes, that is the real Solas. The Inquisitor just has to pay attention to see it.

While someone's history is an important part of who they are, and I'm sure we will discover a lot about Solas' past in Veilguard, a person is also not entirely defined by their history. Solas' past and present godlike power is also not what defines him as a person. The impression I got from Trespasser is that even though Fen'Harel is an important part of who Solas is, at the center of it all, he's just a man. Fen'Harel was a title forced upon him, as Inquisitor was forced on our protagonist. I don't think Solas' entire personality is going to change just because he's taken on the mantle of Fen'Harel again now. And I don't think he will be entirely transparent with Rook, not unless they work hard for his trust over the course of the game. I actually expect Solas to start off as more cold and closed off than in DAI because he isn't in a situation where he has to act friendly.

I somewhat resent the implication that Solas as he has already shown himself to be in DAI is not the real Solas, that romanced!Lavellan only loves him as the apostate hobo when the whole point of the romance is Lavellan seeing past the disguise. And Lavellan learns the truth of him being Fen'Harel in Trespasser (Lavellan can even piece it together by themselves before they confront Solas!!!) and can still be in love with him ("If you had just told me;" "I loved you. Did you really think I wouldn't have understood?"; "I would have had you trust me"). Honestly, I think that's why the romance works at all: Solas was in a situation where he could show his genuine personality, and that's what Lavellan falls in love with. Not an idealized humble woodsman, nor a powerful godlike being, but a flawed, conflicted person. I don't know how it gets more "real" than that.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

I have an exam in like two hours and what am i doing with my morning? that's right i'm STILL trying to upload this amv tumblr hates me

[watermelonsloth]

One of the most interesting parts of Naruto that I haven’t seen talked about nearly enough is the concept of offering a hand to someone who has done you wrong and you have no reason to like.

Naruto hardly ever offers help to or has meaningful conversations with anyone who… for lack of a better term, isn’t an asshole. From condescending Neji to serial killer Gaara to fascist dictator Nagato, Naruto primarily redeems people he has no reason to respect, let alone like. Yet, save for maybe Haku and Nagato, Naruto is the first person to open a line of communication and offer sympathy where they don’t offer him any. This is all based on a core principle of the Naruto series:

Bad People Are Still People

They have reason behind why they think and act the way that they do, they have feelings and fears and interests, and they have both the capacity for good and to change. Naruto’s “talk-no-jutsu” is him appealing to an enemy’s humanity and inspiring them to do better in the same way he inspires his friends.

[krotiation]

i'll genuinely never stop thinking about codependency in rhack and how it's mostly coming from jack's side. both jack and rhys treat their relationship like rhys is the one who needs jack to not just survive but also thrive, but it's really the opposite and i think that REALLY adds to how much jack twists the narrative to make it seem like rhys can't do anything without him just to keep giving rhys a reason to keep him around and trust him

[sonnshine441]

No offense but why u fw waycest like genuinely what do u tell yourself that makes u think its justified to ship two people who are related by blood

This is judgey but also I do really want to understand how your mind works

Well, to be honest, I ship waycest because they're my top two favorite of the band members. In all fandoms I'm in, most of the time I ship my two favs together. And I ship all of the mcr members together.

I also got introduced to mcr through waycest fanart, not that I knew they were related at the time, of course. I was like "Waow these ocs look cool."

But the biggest part of it, I suppose, is that I don't really get how sibling incest, especially between people who can't make kids together, is that big of a deal. Maybe that's just me being an only child showing, but I just don't get it? Like the power dynamics between a parent and a child make it realistically impossible to have a consensual relationship, but those power dynamics don't really show up in this scenario, especially considering them as adults.

Boss/employee relationships aren't seen by the majority of people as bad in fiction, even though if the employee wanted to break up, they could risk getting fired for "unrelated" reasons. Imo that's a much larger power dynamic than between two siblings. And yet no one deems those problematic, even though irl, you're often banned from dating in the workplace unless you were beforehand (though this seems to be mostly an american practice)

Also Waycest shippers haven't called me a slur and told me to kill myself.

TLDR: I'm an only child and I don't understand why it's such a big deal because Mikey and Gerard are both adults who can't get eachother pregnant. I don't feel the need to justify it to myself, I just ship it because I like it.

[gingermintpepper]

In light of my recent Asclepius and Apollo musings, I feel like it's the perfect time to post this, actually.

How do you build a human being? 

Bold question. Foolish question. But a question it is all the same. 

The memory of his father’s consternated expression is still bright behind his eyes, that unusually furrowed brow, the tension in his gentle jaw. He didn’t falter in his setting of Asclepius’ broken shin, hands perpetually steady and sure, but he hesitated for a conspicuously long moment as though reluctant to give an answer. In this body, he resembled Orpheus something fierce. The same flaxen curls of his hair, the same delicate eyelashes that stand stark against the dark brown of his skin. Often Asclepius wondered if his elder brother was nothing but a body built to suit their father’s preferences. The subtle wrinkle of skin around their eyes when they smiled was the same, and the steadiness of their hands, the soothing power of their presence. 

And Orpheus did not bleed like Asclepius did. The blood in Asclepius’ veins were as red as any human’s, any mortal’s, but Orpheus seemed not to bleed at all. Even when he’d suffered the same fall down the crumbling cliff as Asclepius had. Even when his skirts had ripped and jagged stone sliced into his shanks. 

Even so, Orpheus was unmistakably alive. His eyes were rich with grief fresher than any blood spilt from the worst of Asclepius’ wounds, his counsel too, was tempered with the wisdom of a life well lived. So even at the apex of his most perfect, inhuman beauty, Asclepius never once doubted that his brother was a human being. Just that he was more divine construct than flesh and blood. Just that their father had built for himself a son that would not break as easily as all the others. 

His father stayed silent for so long that Asclepius assumed it would be one of the million questions that would go unanswered. Then, just when the last of his bandages had been wrapped - 

“A human body is easy to build,” he’d had that faraway look on his face as he spoke, like he was speaking to the horizon. Or a version of Asclepius that was not quite here. Such things happened from time to time. “Any flesh would do. From men, or animals, or even monsters. Any flesh would do.” Their gazes had locked then, and Asclepius would never forget the flecks of gold which swirled in his father’s blue eyes, the weight of divine words rattling at the boundaries of their mortal apparatus, “But the breath of life, a living soul? That is beyond your means as a mortal man. You ought never seek it.” 

(Asclepius would remember these words when he revives a man for the first time at the age of nineteen. He’s surprised to find that his father is wrong for once. Souls are easy to source when they’re already eager to return to their mound of flesh.) 

[muscariii]

Some recent oc stuff I've made !! <:3

It's all from Lorestone since I've been really focusing on developing it more and more. The story is slowly coming together and I'm very excited about that fact!!

I absolutely love drawing Fi, she's so cute...

There's also Tagetes and a rare view of him smiling.

The last drawing is made traditionally and unfortunately the photo doesn't do the colors justice but I still wanted to include it anyway. Myosotis is always a delight to draw since she's such a creature.

[gxlden-angels]

I've had this account now for 5ish years now. I've been in therapy for years, not exclusively for religious trauma but it's a major part. I've gotten better. I have a lot of content here I could reflect on, but I don't think I want to. I like knowing I progressed. I don't like looking at what from. Usually religious trauma comes up in therapy as an "oh yea...." instead of by name now. It's indirect. Enmeshment. Parentification. Vaginismus. Scrupulous and Harm OCD. Alexithymia. Derealization and Depersonalization. Paranoia.

I'm like, a real adult now I guess. I have a bachelor's degree now. I walk this upcoming weekend. I live in a house and I'm renting out a room with my own money. It has a backyard my cat likes to run around in. I had a job interview in my chosen field today. It went well

Then I'll go back to my family for the weekend and I find out they're spiraling into AI generated christian conspiracy theory videos. Their pastor is preaching about Trump being the anti-christ, and any non-Trump or Conspiracy message is the same thing he's said for the past decade, sometimes word for word. My uncle is convinced he's a prophet. He tells a story about a girl that was paralyzed after not listening to his message. My grandfather is convinced us black people are the true Israelites and chosen people. I thought I was the only one medically neglected by my aunt who's a doctor. I was not. I show her my emotions chart app. She tells me it's good so I can recognize when I feel bad and remember Jesus's love until I'm happy again. It's not normal for your joints to pop out of place apparently. We all learned this at the same time. It's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. That explains a lot. My grandfather fell asleep to a video about the Ethiopian bible and how other bibles were made to take out miracles by Jesus and angels again. The remote is lodged in his hand so we can't change it

Then I talk about plants and food with my dad and my grandmother. My dad jokingly complains about his mom making him garden with her all day half a century ago. I give her a little kiss on her forehead before I go. My dad sends me home with leftover peach cobbler he made. I eat it with my lunch at my job. I answer phone calls at a front desk. I paid real taxes for the first time this year. I go to therapy and I talk about everything from my sex life to my graduate school plans to my opinions about generative AI (I hate it). I'm like, a real, breathing adult that has autonomy I guess. I'm not even claimed as a dependent anymore. I built my own desk that I bought from Big Lots.

You get where I'm going with this right? I'm not cured or healed by any means. Far from it in fact. I still get a pang of anxiety using the lord's name in vain and a chill down my spine when manifesting feels too close to confessing. It's harder making a personal post about religious trauma now though. It's not necessarily that I'm cured, it's just so engrained that I've created atheistic excuses to stay stuck in my religious trauma. I can pinpoint the source of it if I think about it long enough, so I don't think about it long enough

I'm not afraid to think lustful thoughts because holding lust in your heart is a sin, it's because I feel like a creep. I'm not worried I'll be sent to hell if I make mistakes that take me further from Jesus, I just think making mistakes would make me a bad person and an asshole. These beliefs popped out of nowhere, of course. They aren't influenced by the religious trauma so deeply buried in my head that taking it out would feel like taking out the gray matter of my brain itself. I'm schrodingers's man where I'm only a human when I'm observed. It used to be a deity but then it was you. I'm observed by you and that proved I'm human just long enough to get by when I most needed it. I still have that problem, but I'm seen outside of here. I see myself more often too

I don't want this post to seem like a good-bye, because it's not. I'm just currently in a period of limbo and I feel like the next generation of religious trauma bloggers are rising. I'm too busy arguing with my therapist about why I'm a bad person in a way that doesn't just boil down to "I'm a sinner in need of redemption" in a desperately-secular way. I'm self-aware enough to know that's what I'm doing, but not progressing enough to stop yet. I think what will happen is I'll eventually get frustrated enough to give up on the secular origins of my mental distress. I think a lot of you are in a similar place. You're out long enough that it feels like it should be over. You don't live in the bible-thumping, belt-wielding, gay-bashing, hellscape you once did. You might even be no-contact. You pay taxes now in your apartment. But it's not over. It's still there. It's just harder to say it's Jesus's fault I'm like this. It feels like it's been too long to still blame the bible.

It's not. It's buried in your synapses and neurons and muscles and bones and skin and hair and teeth and it's hard to remember that after 5 years. It's not oozing out into your bloodstream and filling you with enough cortisol and adrenaline to fuel an elephant anymore. It trickles though like a leaky faucet. I think I've lost the plot at this point, but you get it

Like I said, not a goodbye despite what it seems like. I just have to remember that a leaky faucet is still a concern

[akemiiya]

i think a lot of the soulless clover revival fics that make them start to kill in the very first reset does not give clover (or flowey) nearly enough credit

[ganondoodle]

11 pm again and i spent my evening trying to draw but ending up deleting like 5 attempts again and i just want to cry

cant even get upset anymore, i just sit here looking at the wasted time and just kinda going 'yeah ... what did i expect' and the tears are already back :I

[mooseonahunt]

Everything Goes Dark x Hotel Room Service

@lesbianwyllravengard I’m sorry in advance