#and to link it with cis gay men

[faithisland]

end of screenshot

this is actively just malicious.

painting this strawman like we are claiming actual radfem ideology are you fucking kidding me

no one has ever said that. we point out that gay cis men face these same issues, that MOC do, that disabled men do. this is in EVERY. SINGLE. post refuting him.

he is now officially actively intentionally mischaracterizing the transmasc community

[ilovereadingandstuff]

Yo! People!

I'm dying right here with exams and all, but i'm still wanna get into my stuff when finished...

Something that i've missed about link click? Jinx? Tgcf? Bnha not so many things, right?

[bijoumikhawal]

this isn't the pervasive problem people pretend it is to justify transmisogyny (especially because most of the time the person doing this is a cis man), but it is weird when you're in a "progressive" space and someone says something unironically effemiphobic because they think GNC men either don't actually exist or deserve to be insulted for doing Gender Bad which makes us inherently bad. Or both? Somehow?

[arugulafriend]

Me: *sees a white cis gay man*

Me: I’m about to say something homophobic

[anti-terf-posts]

I'm currently watching a YouTube video (link) by Matt Bernstein, a gay man. In the video, they have a guest speaker named Devon Price. The video goes over how "annoying" queers (TikTok enbies, James Charles dupes, autistic queers, neopronouns users, kinksters, etc) are not the reason why queer people don't have the same rights as non-queer people.

at around 4:40, Devon mentions a type of queer protest I've *never* heard of until now. It was called "The Annual Reminder", and it was run by cis white gay men. Essentially it was a reminder to non-queers that gay (gay not queer) men looked like everyone else. they would dress in formal suits and hold signs that reminded the non-queers that they look just like everyone else. and the outcome of these protests? nothing. these protests did NOTHING to help queer rights. It wasn't until stonewall and pride that people started waking up, and I am in shock. Literally how have I never heard about this until now. I feel like it's such an important part of queer history that just gets swept under the rug, and I have a feeling I know why.

The gays that try to erase the loud, flamboyant queers, are the same ones who want to hide the fact that conforming to what the non-queers want us to act like doesn't actually do anything. They want you to believe that hiding your queerness is the way to get our rights, and that THEY'RE the ones we have to thank for what rights we have, when that's just not true. Black trans women, "annoying" twinks, sex workers, people who use controversial labels, QUEERS are the reason why we aren't treated as badly as we were 50 years ago. Instead of bowing down to Blaire White or Arielle Scarcella, thank Sock who listens to My Chemical Romance and uses star/starself pronouns for being openly freaky and queer, because stars the one who is *really* doing good for the community.

[floral-ashes]

I was asked why the moral panic around Algerian boxer Imane Khelif was so centred on trans people when there’s no evidence that she’s trans. I thought I’d share my thoughts publicly.

The reason is that, in many ways, transphobia isn’t about trans people, it’s about what trans people mean to ideologies of race and gender. The controversy about the Olympic boxers is linked to rising anxieties about the line between men and women becoming increasingly blurred in contemporary society. These anxieties are fuelled by right-wing movements who see rigid divisions between men and women as critical to maintaining white social, economic, and political control. Because trans people are seen as challenging the justification of gender norms and roles based on biology and reproduction, they’re targets of particularly intense hostility and violence. My colleague Blu Buchanan and I tracked that racial logic a bit more in depth in a truthout essay a few years ago. White supremacist ideologies are heavily invested in rigid gender norms and roles because they see them as necessary to white reproduction.

The moral panic about ‘gender ideology’ is about trans people, yes, but it’s also explicitly about cis men and women not conforming to gender ideals that see men and women as fundamentally different forms of life with different roles in a society organized around the nuclear family. Women have to act and look a certain way to be considered ‘really’ women, much in the way that gay men are deprecated as ‘not real men.’ This moral panic manifests in the disproportionate targeting of racialized women and especially Black women for not conforming to white ideals of femininity. This dynamic is only amplified in the context of elite sports given the pervasive association of athletic ability with masculinity, especially in contact and strength-based sports like boxing as opposed to, say, gymnastics.

[amanufacturedheaven]

Rare Language Learning: Polari

If you have ever used the words:

- Naff

- Butch

- Camp

You have unknowingly been speaking the sociolect known as Polari, the language of queer people primarily used in the 30s to the 70s. Polari is now an endangered language, as labelled by the University of Cambridge

Something of note: Many resources out there imply (or state) that Polari was a language invented and used solely by white cis gay men, which is decidedly untrue. Many words of Polari come from drag culture, lesbians, and the Romani people and their language. The use of ‘the language of British gay men’ may be a more palatable title to the general public, but it is not to me. I did my best to curate a variety of resources, but unfortunately much of queer history has been lost many more decades than I’ve been alive, if you have any other resources for studying Polari I would love to read them, message me or leave a link in the replies.

Articles

Learn Polari, the Secret Language of the Gays ⚢ Out Magazine

Polari: The code language gay men used to survive ⚢ BBC

Polari and the Hidden History of Gay Seafarers ⚢ National Museums Liverpool

The Story of Polari, Britain’s Secret Gay Language ⚢ Fabulosa!

Polari People ⚢ Fabulosa!

Polari: a language born from prejudice ⚢ Englishpanish

The secretive gay language that gave LGBTQ people a voice ⚢ GAYTIMES

A brief history of Polari: the curious after-life of the dead language for gay men ⚢ The Conversation

Study Material

The Polari Bible ⚢ Internet Archive

Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang ⚢ Internet Archive

Sociolinguistics / Polari ⚢ StudySmarter

FlashCards ⚢ Quizlet

New Polari Translator ⚢ LingoJam

Polari: A sociohistorical study of the life and decline of a secret language. ⚢ Dissertation, University of Manchester

Polari: a language born from prejudice ⚢ Englishpanish

Simon Bowkett: a short blog in Polari for LGBT+ History Month ⚢ Civil Service LGBT+ Network

[apollosimps]

I’ve noticed a lot of similarities between biphobia, aphobia, and anti-transmasculinity in the queer community.

Outside of our circles, most hardcore bigots don’t really care what flavor of gay you are, so they tend to group everyone together into a giant “degenerate” or “sexual deviant” pile. In high school (particularly freshman year), I was a cringey Shapiro and SJW cringe compilation watcher and let me tell you: they didn’t care which letter in “LGBTQ” you identified with. You were either trying to destroy the human race with your queerness, or you were hopping on a 'trend' (or both!)

Biphobia and aphobia are linked in that most of the identity-specific comments will come from in-group members---lesbians and gays, trans people too. When it comes from members of the queer community, they both rely on the assumption that bi people and aro/ace people can simply assimilate into our cishet, amatonormative society without push back, which simply isn't the case. Under transandrophobia lies the assumption that all trans men will eventually be perceived as cis men and have the privilege that entails, and that they will assimilate easily too. Also very wrong.

Radfems, trans inclusive or no, find the idea of trans men uncomfortable because it breaks apart their idea of men vs. women--the non-oppressed vs. the oppressed. They can't understand that you can hurt others while also being hurt yourself.

There's this inherent sense of entitlement with these groups, that if you can assimilate, if you aren't oppressed, if you aren't clocked on the street, then you cannot be queer and you don't belong here. That's what I think ties biphobia, aphobia, and transandrophobia together in my mind.

A friend of mine said that she found the idea that you have to be oppressed to be queer very depressing. I completely agree. Bi people, aspecs, and transmascs absolutely experience oppression and pushback, especially specific to their identity---but, that doesn't define us!

Queerness can be horror. It can be debilitating. It can be heartbreaking. But it can also be joyful and powerful. We shouldn't gatekeep the community based on whether or not our experiences reflect oppression or not.

[thoseguysfromthebathroom]

You're alive, and you're everything.

Hello !! This is a chainshipping askblog by QuinngeFail, that is a mix of my art and writing :} Posts + responses will be in character, unless specified otherwise. The characterizations seen here will follow my headcanons for Adam and Lawrence.

Askbox is open :)

More info below cut:

Drive Folder for my Saw arts!

[Headcanon doc will be linked here, whenever that bitch is done 🗿 For now, a lot of my headcanons are under the Saw Thoughts tag on my QuinngeFail blog!!]

I also would like to incorporate my AUs into this blog, so if you'd like to have an ask answered within any specific AU, please include the following emoji in your ask:

👭 Fem AU, asks will be answered by Addie and/or Lorraine

🐞 Bug AU, not entirely sure what could come of this but I figure I'd leave the door open LMAO

...And more as they're added :)

Few general points of note:

-All ooc things will be {written in these brackets}.

-It's been about one year since the bathroom trap, which took place in October of 2004. Thus, answers wil reflect the time period of late 2005/early 2006.

-The two have been together for a little under half a year now, and share a deep bond. Though it was unfortunately born from a place of horrific trauma, they're in this messy aftermath together.

-Neither of them are involved in any Jigsaw apprentice shenanigans. They've escaped their ordeal, and are now navigating a whole web of complicated things together- ultimately just wanting to recover as best they can.

-Asks can be nsfw, but don't send anything that is overly explicit, please! All sexual content will be tagged as Suggestive, so heads up if you don't want to see those sorts of things.

HOPING TO HAVE FUN WITH THIS. I've been wanting to run an askblog since like 2014, so 👀 I MAY BE JUST A LITTLE BIT EXCITED THAT I'M FINALLY DOING IT...

-Both characters are cis men. Adam is bi, and Lawrence is gay.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a lovely day wherever you are :)

[mintaikk]

Anyways, list of all the confirmed queer or implied queer cookies in Cookie Run

Silly me gets super excited when I find out a cookie is nonbinary or doesn't fit the gender binary, so I was planning to make a list on all the Nonbinary/Gender-nonconforming cookies. Long story short, I made it all cookies. I'll try my best to keep this in alphabetical order :'). Also, if I say pride merch, plz know I mean pride art. I mix up the words when referring to pieces of media. Also, for anyone saying, "That doesn't mean their queer!" None of the characters are confirmed to be straight or even cis either, so stfu and let people have fun.

Amber Sugar Cookie: Was shown in Pride art for Cookie Run Ovenbreak, so could possibly be queer

Angel Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Ananas Dragon Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Aurora Candy Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Avocado Cookie: Was shown in Pride art, so it implied to be queer

Banana Cookie: Has been shown in pride art for CROB, so is possibly queer

Blackberry Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly queer

Black Garlic Cookie: Has been shown in Pride art, so could possibly be queer

Black Lemonade Cookie: Was shown in Pride art with Shining Glitter Cookie, so is possibly into women

Blue Lily Cookie: Implied to be a lesbian and has a crush on Lilybell Cookie (No they are not sisters, yes Lilybell is an adult. She is just short)

Butter Pretzel Cookie: Has been shown in pride art, so is possibly queer

Cauliflower Cookie: Has been shown in pride art for CROB, so is possibly queer

Candlelight Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Candy Diver Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Captain Ice Cookie: Has been shown in pride art foe ovenbreak, so could possibly be queer

Carrot Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly be queer

Cheesecake Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly queer (she has "rich lesbian aunt" vibes, but that's just me)

Cherry Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly queer

Chili Pepper Cookie: Was shown in Pride art with Rye Cookie, so is possibly into women

Cinnamon Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by he/him, they/them, and it/it's pronouns

Cloud Haetae Cookie: Confirmed to he nonbinary

Clover Cookie: While nothing has been confirmed, he was shown in the pride art for CRK

Cotton Candy Cookie: Implied to be a lesbian (all her crushes are women or nonbinary)

Cream Ferret Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Cream Unicorn Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary and gender-nonconforming and goes by they/it pronouns

Dark Enchantress Cookie: confirmed to be genderqueer and goes by she/it pronouns

Dark Choco Cookie: Gender-queer and goes by He/they pronouns

Devil Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary and goes by they/it pronouns

DJ Cookie: Nonbinary and implied to be bisexual (their shirt is literally the bisexual flag 💀)

Dr. Bones Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Electric Eel Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by he/they pronouns

Espresso Cookie: Was shown in Pride Art with Madeleine Cookie, so is possibly into men (with the way they tease us with Espresseleine, I wouldn't be surprised)

Fig Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Fire Spirit Cookie: Has been shown in Pride art for Ovenbreak, so could possibly be queer. He admires Wind Archer Cookie, so it is possible there could be attraction there

GingerBrave: Nothing has been confirmed, but he was shown in the Pride art (same link as Clover Cookie). However, this could just be because he is the mascot (I do headcanon him as aroace tho-)

Goblin Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Granola Cookie: Confirmed to be genderqueer and goes by they/she pronouns

Herb Cookie: Was shown in the pride art with Sparkling Cookie. Judging from the game, he could possibly be gay

Hydrangea Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly queer

Ice Juggle Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by they/she pronouns

Icicle Yeti Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Lilybell Cookie: Implied to be a lesbian and has feelings for Blue Lily Cookie

Lime Cookie: Implied to be pansexual, as one of her outfits has the pansexual flag. Also has a crush on Orange Cookie

Longan Dragon Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Lord Oyster Cookie: Genderqueer and goes be he/they pronouns

Lobster Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Lotus Dragon Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Lychee Dragon Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Madeleine Cookie: Was shown in Pride Art with Espresso Cookie, so is possibly into men

Mala Sauce Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly queer

Mango Cookie: Was shown in a pride art piece for CROB, so is possibly queer

Milk Cookie: Is canonically gay and has a celebrity crush on Dark Choco Cookie

Mocha Ray Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by she/they pronouns

Moonlight Cookie: Yet to be confirmed but is HEAVILY implied to be a lesbian, and I'd also in love with Sea Fairy Cookie. Was also shown in pride art with her <3

Nougat Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by he/she pronouns

Orange Cookie: Has been shown in pride art for Ovenbreak, so could possibly be queer

Pancake Cookie: Has been shown in pride art for ovenbreak, so could be queer

Peppermint Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Pinecone Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Pitaya Dragon Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Poison Mushroom Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Pomegranate Cookie: Lesbian with a massive crush on Dark Enchantress Cookie

Pumpkin Pie Cookie: Nothing has been confirmed at all, but she was shown in the pride art, so she could very much be queer

Pond Dino Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Pudding Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Raspberry Cookie: In Knight Cookie's dream (or nightmare lol), Raspberry Cookie offered to marry the Princess (Princess Cookie) in order to bring honor to her house. Has also been shown in pride art for CRK

Roguefort Cookie: Is confirmed to be nonbinary and queer, having an attraction to and flirting with Cotton Candy Cookie

Rose Cookie: Has been shown in pride art before, so is possibly be queer

Rye Cookie: Was shown in Pride art with Chili Pepper Cookie, so is possibly into women

Sandwich Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by she/they pronouns

Sea Fairy Cookie: HEAVILY implied to be a lesbian and is head-over-heels for Moonlight Cookie. Was also shown in pride art with her.

Shining Glitter Cookie: Was shown in Pride Art staring at Black Lemonade Cookie, so is possibly into women

Snake Fruit Cookie: Nonbinary and goes by they/it pronouns

Snapdragon Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Snowflake Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by she/they pronouns

Snow Sugar Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Sorbet Shark Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Space Doughnut: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Sparkling Cookie: While nothing has been officially confirmed, he was shown in the pride art. Considering what we see in game, he could possibly be gay

Spinach Cookie: Has been shown in pride art for CROB, so is possibly queer

Squid Ink Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Strawberry Cookie: Was shown in Pride art before, so is possibly queer

Strawberry Crepe Cookie: Confirmed to be nonbinary

Timekeeper Cookie: Genderqueer and goes by she/they pronouns

Vampire Cookie: Has been shown in multiple pride art pieces

Whipped Cream Cookie: Has been shown in multiple pride art pieces

White Choco Cookie: Implied to be queer (and is canonically a lesbian heart throb lol). Also dressed as lady Oscar, a confirmed bisexual character

Wind Archer Cookie: Has been shown in pride art for CROB, so is possibly queer

If I missed anyone or anything, please let me know!

[canideformed]

People need to realise that a trans person’s experiences with oppression are far more impacted by things that aren’t as black and white as what specific queer label they identify as.

Living in a community that respects your gender, having the ability to medically transition if you want, especially at a young/er age, being perisex, being white, being abled, being wealthy (inherently tied to how accessible transition is to you), having supportive parents, even the level of gender deviant you’re perceived to be by cis people.

When you’re trans and/or intersex, being straight and/or being a man aren’t privileges. We’re all viewed as gender deviant, and simply identifying as straight or as a man doesn’t change that. Sometimes, the ability to pass can change that.

I can personally attest that, the more I pass as my target gender on any given day, the better I am treated and the less transphobia I experience. If I have a beard and square shoulders when I’m trying to be perceived as a woman, people don’t like it. They also don’t like it when I wear clothes that emphasise my hips when I’m trying to be perceived as a man. This also applies to sexuality. When I was with my ex bf, I was treated better when I was perceived as a woman. This is regardless of my personal orientation (which is actually mostly gay man). Even as a transfemmasc intersex gay (wo)man, the times I was treated the best were the times I could pass for a non-gender/sex/sexuality-deviant woman and when I could pass for a non-gender/sex/sexuality-deviant man. When even one of those things changes, when I was seen as a gay man, or a lesbian, or a trans woman, or a trans man—people start throwing me looks on the street and sometimes even going out of their way to harass me.

And yes! Misogyny does exist. But all gender deviant people experience it (or homophobia, but imo those two are linked anyway, at least based on my experiences being perceived as a woman vs. a gay man).

Similarly, when one of my disabilities becomes visible (if I need my cane or have a shutdown or meltdown, etc.), it impacts the way people treat my trans identity. I deserve less autonomy, the demonisation/infantilisation/both intensifies vastly, etc.

The way these things interact is complicated. I have a complicated transition history due to being intersex and could technically be categorised as “transitioned young,” both on the axis of being transfem and on the axis of being transmasc (it’s complicated!), but it’s honestly not a privilege in that situation because it also came with medical abuse.

TL;DR, an individuals’ level of privilege and an individuals’ experiences with oppression are both complex dynamics that can’t be dumbed down to “men don’t experience misogyny” or “all men have male privilege” or “straight trans people are privileged over gay trans people” or any other black and white statement based purely on one’s personal identity that completely ignores the vast array of intersecting factors as well as simple luck and personal circumstance.

Also—trans people in places like North America or certain parts of Europe will always be privileged over trans people in places with cultural variations and slower acceptance of gender deviation, probably in ways we won’t be able to ever imagine. So listen to trans people who do have those experiences.

[larsthefishoil]

As I'm actively reflecting on the new hbomberguy video, but more specifically James Somerton, certain things are clicking into place with resounding clarity.

I've watched Somerton's videos for years. At first I thought he was kinda overly dramatic, and had outdated stances on how little lgbtq+ was seen in modern day. He always seemed to talk like we are still living in the danger of the 80s with staight/cis people's apathy and hatred. In truth the phobias have just shifted in how they present and things have genuinely improved in a sense.

But the thing that is actually getting to me rn is the misogyny thing. I think he actually injected really shitty thoughts into my brain that I absorbed like a fucking kitchen sponge. He's protectiveness over queer people but specifically gay men from "prevented white women" actually got to me. For over a year, I was walking around occasionally thinking about how "women are sneaking BL manga into their bedrooms and grotesquely drooling."- im not citing someone theres quoteation marks cause its a dumb thought. But i thought this because that's how bad Somerton made it seem.

But the thing that got me out of that head space was this video by talistheintrovert.

https://youtube.com/@talistheintrovert?si=vmpEa_TPP2UE9eQk - here's the link to her homepage on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/08pCrSBw5EY?si=bECaT_xC16IfN5TI - vid about Good Omens

https://youtu.be/zzSlRZhS_qY?si=unQzSbCQUaTqhSbv - Heartstopper vs. Only Friends

sorry for the ugly link I'm on mobile.

I forget their pronouns so I'm using they/them but I might be wrong. I watched a lot of their videos all at once, so a lot of their ideas interlinked between videos to connect points. But they frequently talked about how straight and queer people interact with queer media and the complexities that unfold. Their underlying message was always that an individual's sexuality doesn't matter when interacting with media when it comes to gatekeeping who gets to appreciate queer content. Still most people consuming are queer people, but straight cis people also benefit and that's okay, it's great even.

Talistheintrovert shooed away icky feelings of straight women fetishizing queer men, which was a fear I got from James Somerton!

Idk this is a long post, but hbomberguy's ending soliloquy about trying to find happiness kinda reminds me of the many countless queer YouTube channels- big and small. Most of us aren't clawing for the position of top dog and like Somerton and seem a lot happier dispit of everything going on nowadays.

Anyways, stay safe, be accepting, and cite your sources or else hbomberguy will have to crawl out of whatever hole he hides in for the better part of each year and make a five hour long video about you :/

[pillarsalt]

You made a post that says theres no wrong way to be a woman (I agree!) but you tagged it gender critical which says to me you are not including trans women and other gender expansive forms of womanhood, which is at odds with the first statement. I want you to understand that trans women (and you know exactly who I mean by this, do not twist it to mean trans men) experience the same violence that cis women do. Harassment, domestic violence, murder, medical neglect, reproductive harm. Trans womens struggle and cis womens struggle are inexorably linked. If you want to be transphobic and ignore this, so be it. But don’t call yourself a feminist or claim that theres no wrong way to be a woman. It’s slimy and dishonest.

Hmmmm actually I think what's slimy and dishonest is a bunch of straight white dudes using stats from violence that impoverished transwomen of colour (majority of them gay) who are prostituted and trafficked experience to paint themselves as the most victimest victims. In reality, it is generally safer to be a transwoman than any other demographic.

"Trans womens struggle and cis womens struggle are inexorably linked" how? why? because they say so? Transwomen know as much about womanhood as any other man. I stand by my statement that there is no wrong way to be a woman -- they're not being women at all. All it takes to be a woman is to be an adult female human being. There are no "gender expansive forms of womanhood", there's just womanhood, it simply doesn't include men no matter how much they want in.

[genderqueerdykes]

Do you have any thoughts on the idea of lesbian supremacy in the queer community? I really feel like it's a thing but also feel I will get attacked if I talk about it. The lesbian label is treated as so much better than every other label. There is more acknowledgement for lesbian history and community and expression, lesbianism is prioritised and centred. It's highly linked to biphobia/monosexism and radical feminism in my opinion.

in spaces dominated by rad fems and people parroting their beliefs, yes, i have noticed it. theres a lot of people on here, tiktok and twitter that are exhibiting this behavior where only cis lesbians are the ones you should listen to no matter what and that anyone else is somehow dangerous or queerphobic or an issue or a threat in some way. it's not across the entire community, but there's a disturbing number of pockets of people who believe that lesbians deserve the most attention for one reason for another and it's really weird to say it's a competition like that.

this type of behavior is paired with people who believe that (Cis) lesbians are the only ones who know what's going on, and that cis gay men are somehow dangerous, as well as trans men, transfems, trans women, genderqueer people, bisexual women... most other queers in general. they only want to associate with other cis lesbians but they also want to speak for the entirety of the queer community. they want to speak for all of us. it's really bizarre behavior. it's just tyrant behavior is what it is. nobody else believes this should be a thing.

if anyone behaves like this, which i see a lot of, they're a rad fem. this is just rad feminism yet again. it has affected so much of our community and unfortunately we must remove it like a diseased organ. it's not doing us any favors. it IS happening, in certain spots, and it's alarming. it's not something that we should encourage. hope that helps. take care!

[sanzaibian]

Life is really unjust.

My name is Killian Ndiaye, and I’m intimately acquainted with its bad side. My father died while I was young, leaving me to be raised along with my younger sisters by only my ma. We weren’t rich by any means, so it meant that my ma made ridiculous hours at her job, and that us, when old enough, had to pitch in with part-time jobs. Thankfully, I was quite an intelligent kid, and still managed to have quite good grades. However, that didn’t mean that school life was easier, as I was always labeled as the “poor nerd” in class, wearing the few simple clothes I owned and sporting the buzzcut my ma cut for me. As she always said, others just cared more about looks than about life.

However, this was not the last of my struggles, quite the countrary as it turned out that I wasn’t the cis straight man I was supposed to become. High school was formative in that sense, as it’s in there that I noticed that I wasn’t into girls like the other guys my age were, and like ma expected me to be. I… had a very hard time admitting that I was gay. Ma always told me that those “queers” didn’t know what life was like, and that they were just living carelessly, wasting their parent’s efforts… I didn’t want to wast my ma’s efforts, as I love her, yet I couldn’t hide from the truth. I’m gay, and that’s just it.

I vainly thought that I just needed not to be like “those gays”, those who live in the hairdresser’s, the clothing store and the clubs, looking all like fairies, and that everything was going to be alright. How shameful it was when, at 17, I started questioning my gender, so disconnected I feel to masculinity and other men’s experiences, and so uncomfortable I am with the facial hair that just won’t stop growing… I thought that if I just suppressed it, if I was just the most “normal” I could be, then everything was going to be alright. That perhaps, I just needed to alleviate a bit my dysphoria, and everything was going to be alright.

However, my ma is a very observant person. As I was approaching majority, she started to make comments about a girlfriend, and about me stubbornly shaving my face. I just dismissed those questions, still foolishly hoping that everything would end well.

When I was 18, she asked me whether I was gay. I couldn’t lie to my ma.

And we arrive to now, a few years later. My ma “didn’t want a fairy in her house”, so I stayed with a few friends. But when they went to college and I couldn’t, I was left to fend for myself alone. Now, I live in the streets, and spend my time alternating between finding part-time work and begging in the city. I do it whenever I need to go somewhere, and though I don’t do anything illegal – I even spend some of my meager funds on a transports card – it absolutely does not mean that I’m suddenly well-liked.

Few are those who spare any money. And on top of that, because I’m a black man, I hear plenty of racist comments. As if they thought I didn’t hear them asking me to “return to my country”, even though I’m already there… And the most depressing fact of this all is, because I can’t really shave anymore, my dysphoria is going through the roof. My life is hell, but I keep at it in the vain hope that I’ll be able to climb back to a respectable life.

However, today was especially terrible. I had found an interesting job of installing the equipment for a big concert, and actually ventured quite far from the center of the city to go to the big theater. When I arrived there, they told me that they weren’t looking for anyone, they had all the help they needed. Dejected, I left, but as I was leaving, another young guy entered. I hang out a bit to hear what was going on, and I heard that he was hired for the temporary job. I guess they thought I would steal from them or something… It’s so unfair ! I love music, and at school always wanted to do something that had a link to it ! I was so hyped to work in this job ! I thought that if I worked hard enough, people would even notice me and my good knowledge of the equipment, and would consider me as a good partner for further work ! But, as ever, all those dreams were, once again, cut short…

On the way back, I started begging, but as I reached the back of the first bus, I saw what looked like a man in a dress, wearing makeup and nail polish, being harassed by an older-looking woman.

“(…) and any sensible person ! How do you expect me to do nothing while a pervert is preparing to go to women’s bathrooms and assault girls ? You should be ashamed of endangering others ! - Miss... please stop… I swear I won’t do anything bad…” The person in a dress said, clearly on the brink of tears. - And how can I trust you ? I know you snakes, you’re just saying this to then go and continue your business unharmed !”

As she was about to continue harassing that person, I decided I needed to step in. I want there to be justice at least somewhere, even if it can’t be in my life. I step between her and the person in a dress, and ask calmly :

“Miss, please stop. They are clearly really hurt by your comments, and everybody around us is uncomfortable with this display.” I say, as I watch everyone else looking away, as if nothing’s happening. Courage shines ever so hard… - Oh, now a beggar is coming ? You should go back to your country or find a goddamn job rather than profiting off of our hard work !” She said, clutching her designer bag, as if I was going to steal it. - Miss, these comments are really racist. Please stop.” I stay, choosing to remain calm and composed. - What, can’t I say what things are ? That’s really all the wokist’s fault, nowadays we can’t say anything, we have to walk on eggshells at all times ! I’m not racist, but if you want racism to stop, you have to stop overreacting at everything !”

She looks at me with a smug look, as I’m about to lose it. I can’t answer anything, because, unfortunately, one can’t argue out of nonsense ! Especially someone like me who’s not trained in rhetoric – I had part-time jobs at the time ! … at least, I can shield that person with a dress from further harassment. I look behind, and see them smiling to me, thankful for my help. If I can help at least one person, I’ll be happy.

Suddenly, the sound of thunder rings in my ears.

No one seems to be bothered by it, save for the old woman who seems to be just as uncomfortable as I am. I turn to see the person I was protecting, however their eyes glow an unnatural color… What’s- Before I can even try and understand what’s happening, a headache strikes, and I instinctively put my hand on my face. Fuck, I hope I haven’t gotten a cold or something, medication is hard to come by…

As I’m holding my face, a few fingers make their way in my beard (ugh). But suddenly, I feel it shifting. Intrigued, I touch my beard more thoroughly, and feel the hairs receding, growing smaller and smaller, until they finally come back under my skin. How did that happen ? I mean, I like not having a beard, but still, it’s not normal… I look in front of me and it seems that the woman is losing wrinkles. What’s happening !

The bus stops. Quite a few people leave. Why was I here ? … yes, I had to do something with the people on it… was it work ? I don’t quite remember… However, as I look around me, I suddenly notice that the people who looked away previously looked a little bigger. As if they were… bulking up ? As I notice that, I feel pain on my body. When I look down, it seems that my undernourished body looks more healthy… No, not just healthy, it looks… muscular ? I’m… inflating, somehow ?

The bus starts again, yet this time, its course seems smoother… I look in front of me and notice that the old – now young – woman’s hair is now tied up in a bun. Almost instinctively, I take my hand to my hair, and feel it moving. What was a short messy afro is growing, however, something even weirder happens. As it grows, I feel strands joining, growing into large spirals. It’s no longer a sponge-like mass, it’s more like… coils ? My hand presses less and less. I need to be careful about my hair, I don’t want to have to go to the hairdresser again !

I stop myself at my thoughts. Hairdresser ? They’re a waste of time ! Only those who don’t care about life – or don’t have to care about life – go to those and try to look good. Yet… it feels good. No, actually, it feels... right… Like, it’s right to want to look good ? I mean, look at me, I have muscles, I have good hair, I look good ! Suddenly, I feel my t-shirt straightening and softening. I look down as its color drains, and it splits in the middle. I smirk, and as the collar hardens and folds, I open it the shirt up to the middle of my chest, right as buttons materialize.

The woman in front of me, now sporting a much more formal costume, sighs and gives me a black jacket. I take it and put it on expertly on top of my dress shirt, fitting it right down to the belt holding my dark jeans. She then sits on one of the seats, more in the front of the bus. She really looks stylish, as one should… after all, fashion is the be-all and end-all ! One of the other passengers comes to me, quite a muscular guy dressed in a black suit, and starts putting makeup on me. I close my eyes as foundation, concealer, mascara, and tattoos are put on my face and body. I can do it all myself, but having a professional do it is always better. That’s why I always go around accompanied.

I suddenly open my eyes. What the hell is happening ! I don’t have a tattoo ! I don’t do makeup ! Hair and clothes suffice ! ... I scratch my shaved sides, until I reach my earrings. Yeah, it suffices… good hair, good clothes, good makeup and good accessories… it suffices…

“Are you good, Mx. Ndiaye ?” The makeup artist asks me. - Yes, don’t worry, I’m good.” I say, with a deep yet feminine voice. It seems wrong somehow… - Do you want to see the results ? - Of fucking course !”

The makeup artist grabs a pocket mirror and holds it to me.

Oh yeah, I’m so fucking gender ! Plus my necklaces oozes fanciness. Like, it makes me look so fucking rich ! I look around me. The vehicle somehow seems more… cramped, even though at the same time it seems more spacious, with its large seats. My head hurts, it really feels like something is wrong…

Suddenly, the limousine stops. Annoyed, I shout to the chauffeur :

“Magdalena ! Why the hell are you stopping ? We’re not at the villa yet !”

The chauffeur looks back. Wasn’t she an old grumpy woman just now ? She looks so young and has such fancy clothes, even though it’s quite clear that she isn’t from high society.

Ugh, my head really hurts...

“I’m sorry, Mx. Ndiaye, we have new guests to pick up at your request.”

I look around and see that person with a dress leaving. Suddenly, it all comes back as a flash of light. I’m not supposed to be an ultra-rich person, I don’t need all of these fancy clothes and accessories ! … I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE STREETS !

That person, as if they were reading in my mind, answers in a rich and deep yet slightly unsettling feminine voice :

“You have the gratitude of the calamities, Mx. Ndiaye. Accept this… gift.” They say, smiling as they get out, followed by the makeup artist and one of my two personal guards – the other staying at the front of the vehicle.

Suddenly, it’s as if a fog descends on my mind. Like, what was I thinking about ? Oh, yeah, I was thinking about my next song that I’ll film in the villa ! Ugh, it’s so annoying that my agent asks me to pump out banger after banger like, I have all the money in the world… but I guess it’s alright to work a little. This way, I get famous and get laid, and that’s the only thing that really matters. As I’m about to shout on the chauffeur to ask why she’s not turning the limousine back on, two guys, a cute twink and hot hunk, climb aboard. I lick my lips. It’s gonna be a great night.

“So, guys,” I say, letting them take place in my arms at my right and my left. “have you heard of my new song that’s gonna come out ? If you’re good enough, I might even let you in in the filming for the clip…”

And the limousine sets off.

The sun comes to my eyes, and I wake up in a giant luxurious queen bed, with my two conquests sleeping tight at my left and my right.

I smile as I get up, naked. Yesterday’s clothes were flung in all directions, and as I approach them, I see they’re all crumpled. I chuckle. We had a ton of fun last night… Besides, Magdalena’s gonna be the one to pick that all up. I take from the closet a nice pair of white pants and a white shirt, and put them on quickly. I go to the balcony, and look at the view.

Life is really unjust.

I get to live the perfect life, while others are left to pick up the remaining pieces.

But when you’re on its good side,

Life is fucking lit.

[northern-punk-lad]

A cis gay man has just endangered every single trans youth in this country this is what we mean when we say cis gay men are the weakest link