#and this might be what sends me into a spiral

[buckevantommy]

Everyone's always telling Buck what he should do. Okay, sometimes he did ask for their advice, but every piece of advice he's followed through on lately has ended badly and everything they tell him to do he doesn't actually want to do.

He should want to do something if it's supposed to make him feel better, if it's supposed to be better for him, right?

Josh told him to bulldoze ahead and tell Tommy what he wanted. Tommy told him to re-enact his Buck 1.0 days and spend time with some indeterminate amount of people until he finds someone forever. Maddie and Chim told him to start dating again and also wait for the universe to bring him someone special; another someone. Hen and Eddie told him not to contact Tommy.

He doesn't want to do any of that! He wants to talk to Tommy, to see him, to get Tommy to talk to him instead of giving up on them and running away because he's scared. He wants to tell Tommy he loves him. He wants Tommy to know first and last aren't mutually exclusive. He wants to yell at Tommy, and kiss him, and hold him. He wants Tommy to apologise for breaking his heart and for being a dumbass. He wants Tommy to believe him when he says he won't do the same; well, he might be a dumbass sometimes - but he would never break Tommy’s heart. He wants to apologise for jumping ahead but also not have to apologise for wanting a life with Tommy or for being too much.

Since that first night Tommy kissed him, he's felt reborn. Not in some starry-eyed way that Tommy seems to think is fake and won't last, but in the way that he's shed the skin of past Buck upgrades and finally grown into his body, become comfortable in who he is instead of trying to fit a facade that other people would accept. Always too big, too much, not enough, never content to just sit in his self and be without his worries and insecurities moulding him into something else, something with a better chance of getting people to like him, love him, stay with him. 

He’s never felt more himself or more at ease in a relationship that meant something to him than he did with Tommy. Never felt more wholly seen - the good, the bad, and the too-much and not enough - by his partner and adored anyway, wanted anyway.

Halfway through making swiss meringue buttercream instead of breakfast, he realises he's thinking about Tommy. His coping skill, as Bobby called it, has stopped working.

There's butter and sugar in the creases of his hands and nailbeds even after he hurriedly wipes them with the dishcloth over his shoulder. He can see it as he scoops up his phone from the charger and thumbs over to his message thread with Tommy, leaving greasy crumby residue on the screen.

i saw you bubbling

After it happened, after the Chief distracted everyone enough for him to grab his phone and retreat somewhere he wouldn't be disturbed, he'd stared at the space where the unsent message had appeared for twenty minutes waiting for the type bubble to reappear. Waiting for Tommy to hit send on whatever he'd backtyped.

Buck's mind had spiralled with all the possibilities and while it spiralled and he stared and waited he never got around to actually calling or texting Tommy himself. And then the bell rang.

He has time, now. He has things he wants to say.

you were going to tell me something an maybe i wont like what it was but just knowing you almost reached out is kinda driving me crazy bc i have a fridge full of baked goods bc everytime i think about calling you i bake and now i havnt cooked a proper meal in my own place in over a week bc i dont have room in my damn fridge to store anything besides chocholate chip bananan bread and baked alaskas

He wants to say: and it's all your fault! but that's not the whole truth. Buck played his part in this, set the wheels in motion that drove Tommy away from him. But how the hell was he supposed to know that? And Tommy should've known by now he doesn't really do 'slow'.

i'm not sorry for being too much bc i shouldnt haveto apologize for being myself

Screw it. Can't get any worse, right? Tommy's getting all of him whether he likes it or not.

i dont see you as some queer life coach or someone to fill space until someon else comes along

thats not who i am

i thought you knew me better than that but whatevr ig

i wanted to live with you bc i want a life with you bc i love you

i love you

i shouldve said that first

Send after send, typing like a man possessed, he gets out everything that's been pent up inside him since the shock wore off a week ago.

His chest is heaving as the adrenaline rushes through his veins. And his eyes sting. He has to blink away tears as he reads over the last message.

He never told Tommy. Tommy doesn't know. Maybe Buck wasn't sure that night Josh asked him, but he knows it now.

i wanted you to be my last

He still does.

i wanna hate you for giving up on us

but i cant seem to hate you

This whole thing would hurt a lot less if he could just hate Tommy for what he did. It would hurt a lot less if they could find a way through this mess, together, and come out the other side stronger because they know each other better and know they want to fight for what they have.

Real love is worth fighting for. Red taught him that. Real love isn’t found, it’s made. Old gay Thomas taught him that.

Well, Buck found Tommy. Or, the universe did. And he’s going to fight, dammit, because he wants to build a future with Tommy. 

His vision has blurred with hot tears. Movement on his screen catches his attention from where his gaze had drifted over to the couch where Tommy had stayed to take care of him through his Billy Boils saga.

Tommy is bubbling him.

Buck’s heart lurches in his chest. His breath catches.

can we talk?

There’s a huff of something like manic laughter as he swipes at his snotty nose.

that’s what i typed

Hope blooms in his chest, sudden and bright and painful in the best way.  

can we?

I think I owe it to you to yell at me in person

There’s a long moment where Buck tries to return his breathing to normal but its bated as he watches three little dots appear, then disappear. 

Then reappear. 

Then disappear.

Then:

I don’t want to give up on us either

Buck’s tears are still making his vision watery, but now they’re tears of joy. He did what he wanted to do - he reached out. And Tommy heard him.

He should take his own advice more often.

[wineaunt420]

I feel like the hogwarts legacy MC Dialogue is waaayyy too chill about all the shit going down around them

Because I know, personally. I would cry over so may things.

Instant no.1: at the start of the game when Ominis sasses us In the hallway, you know what I'm talking about. Now this might be because I'm autistic, but that would make me cry because Ominis said "Don't be a stranger" and his actions are very strangering.

Instant no.2: When Ominis gets angry at us for coming out of the undercroft. I don't like being shouted at and being left out, I would have definitely cried at that.

Instant No.3: Sebastian stressing me the fuck out with his poor decision making skills would make me stress cry. Every choice Sebastian makes is so overstimulatingly stupid and that's the only way I can think of how to describe how I feel about his choice making skills.

Instant no.4: When Sebastian Crucios us. Now in the moment obviously a few tears of pain would fall. However the real tears come after when I remember that the unforgivables (Especially Crucio) only work and cause actual pain and damage if the caster truly means it and that curse fucking hurt. That's when the real tears would fall because why did Sebastian mean it?

Instant no.5: the overwhelming pressure of the O.W.Ls, I remember how bad gcse and Alevel fucked me up my asshole. O.w.ls would do the same.

Instant No.6: the Crippling responsibility of being maybe the last few alive who can harness ancient magic and being the only barrier between the wizarding world and Rookwood would send me crashing and spiralling so bad.

In conclusion, I am soft with no Plot armour

[joejhang]

every insane thing that happened in arcane season 2 act 2 (spoilers)

isha. (don't SPEAK to me don't TOUCH me don't mention it i'm crashing out)

VANDER???? (bro...i'm losing it.)

caitvi reunion how we feeling (they have a LOT to work thru next act bro)

jayce when i catch you jayce (i mean ok we don't exactly know why he did it but like EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL)

guys i think jayvik broke up fr this time

caitlyn redemption arc i'm holding out hope (JUST bc she saved vi doesn't mean she doesn't have inherently discriminatory views and her actions didn't majorly affect others i could write essays about her)

ambessa...girl tf

MEL WHAT'S GOIN ON

dude where is ekko and heimerdinger they're like my unproblematic faves

VI AND JINX OH MY GOD DON'T TALK TO ME (the way i was sobbing my fucking eyes out when they finally reconnected like sisters. goodBYE. i can't do it. i'm losing touch with reality. they better be going strong next act)

on that note JINX...MY GIRL. MY BABY. (i can't do it it's the way she's lost probably the person who mattered most to her just then. i'm gonna lose it. i'm gonna lose it! hahaha doing great NO because we were going so strong I'M FOAMING AT THE MOUTH THEY COULD'VE JUST BEEN A FAMILY ambessa when i catch you ambessa)

the flashbacks to vander and silco and felicia...that was pretty uncalled for (the watercolour shit was the last straw bro)

lowk disappointed we didn't get more of pitfighter vi but it's probably good for her mental health

also i need to like SIT vi and jinx down so they can talk things thru properly bc i feel like there's still...many unresolved issues there

if this makes jinx spiral and disconnect with vi again i might kms

jinx about to flip off sevika but forgetting she lost her finger is lowk sending me

jinx is so much calmer this season bro GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE MAKES ME SO SICK

so is viktor like...dead

dude where is sevika i like how she just disappeared girl tf

also sevika WHY did you cut ur hair

dude the maddie and caitlyn JUMPSCARE...the way it was like the FIRST scene too

i can feel the caitvi angst from three episodes away

the act 3 preview was insane too (JINX OH MY GOD JINX COME BACK TO ME BB)

dude is viktor like...god???

VIKTOR COME BACK TO ME UGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

on that note his new look OH MY DAYS my biggest hear me out tbh

cait commenting on vi's new hair is actually TAKING ME OUT

also vi calling her "cupcake" caitvi nation we are SO back

i'm gonna be real i'm more interested in jinx and vi's relationship healing than i am in caitvi WOAH WHO SAID THAT

OH AND I'M SO INTERESTED TO SEE HOW CAIT AND JINX'S RELATIONSHIP IS GONNA CHANGE...THAT LITTLE CONFRONTATION AFTER JINX FOUGHT RICTUS WAS SO TENSE AHDSNBHFAHJ

dude i'm scared there's way too many loose ends to be tied up in just three eps (the black rose shit, piltover vs zaun ???, whatever tf the arcane is, ekko and heimerdinger, ambessa doing whatever tf she's doing GOD I'M SO STRESSED)

[dismalswamp]

cat pissed on my jacket and I think this might be the last straw

[bunnieswithknives]

Scrapped image of Dale being violently ill for the soul 😌

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

[aintmyjewelry]

I do think i need to delete instagram

[anxiously-sidequesting]

GODS I KEEP THINKING ABT LIKE. YOU MENTIONED HOLLY ASKING WHEN THEY GET TO GO HOME AND SHE JUST CANT AND

it's so painful to think abt because yes, the spiral is going to be saved because of the prophecy, and all these lives are saved - but ambrose really went "needs of the many" and basically deprived a whole child of their personhood and maybe even their identity outside of "savior of the spiral" with the depersonalization of the wizard and how it starts with literally entering the wizard world. you pick a new name for your wizard and you very much can Tell that most names like that dont exist where the YW came from so their initial identity gets erased and then the NEW identity they try to build gets erased too to the point where i have to be impressed but also severely worried that the the YW is STILL internalizing how they feel and being essentially constantly sent on more quests and

this is complete rambling that probably hardly makes sense but god its just how screwed up w101's plot is deep down

YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE ERASURE AND DEPERSONALIZATION, YOUR BRAIN IS ON

Like that's something so interesting to think about like how and why did the YW choose their new name? Did Ambrose choose it for them; did he merely encourage them to take on a more "appropriate" identity to match their new culture?? Did the Wizard ever want to change their name in the first place? How does their name change affect their journey and their personality going forwards?

And you're so right because like in a sense, you're literally CREATING a new character to fit into this new world. Irl you're choosing their appearance, their name and their gender, everything. Build-A-Bear starting from scratch. And even though the character creation bit has no underlying meaning to it, I think it unintentionally has such a heavy metaphor that you are no longer a human from Earth, but a Wizard in the Spiral. You're not "Holly LastName" with regular Earth clothes, you're now "Holly Steelcry" with a bitchin' purple and yellow outfit that is now SUITED for the Spiral. Yippee!!!

Like I don't even think the Pirate goes through this shit; weren't they born in the Spiral? Like didn't they have parents that were originally FROM the Spiral in the first place???? It's just the Wizard that's been yoinked from their original homeland and into a new one 💀

And that's one of the things that Holly learns throughout their life in the Spiral - is that her Earth self, her original personality and heritage... is not enough. What they were before was not what the Spiral needed. The world doesn't want Holly, it wants Holly STEELCRY. Their family, friends, pets, past hobbies and their ultimate sacrifice in leaving them behind is not what matters to Ambrose, to the Council of Light, to the entire universe. What everyone needed was a HERO and Holly was NOT a hero, which is why they made her INTO one. Unfortunately, it was that erasure and depersonalization you mentioned that Ambrose, and later Holly themself, thought was necessary in order to save everyone. Now you have a Wizard who may or may not be an entirely different person than what you started out with and for NO GOOD REASON. It's that "sacrifice yourself for others" trope that I love and hate so much 😭😭😭😭😭

[coockie8]

do you ever think about unblocking the person who made the callout about you?

Sometimes, yeah, but then I remember I'm above willingly opening myself up to a brain cell-killing argument with a troglodyte who thinks what a person engages with in fiction indicates in any way, shape, or form what a person's real-world morals are.

[harrylights]

.

[daffythefox]

^ my tags on a different post wanted to update that they also dmed me asking if i was okay. which means they’ve now triple texted me they’re literally obsessed with me i won the narc crash (is still emotionally devastated)

[mothmvn]

i realise fundraising efforts are aimed mostly at westerners and americans specifically, like, very much constructed to go "it's your oblivious western ass's fault if i die, you and your peaceful life need a shock to remember there's trauma in the world". i guess other audiences aren't considered? audiences with existing trauma or survivor's guilt are expected to block this stuff on purpose? idk man but i do have to fast-scroll past a lot of posts these days

[classyrbf]

SERVANT DUTIES! — RYOMEN SUKUNA

SYNOPSIS...sukuna can no longer hold himself back whenever he sees you in his quarters, so he ends up fucking you, his servant

INFO...true form!sukuna x fem!reader, manhandling, anal, double penetration, hair pulling, choking, dacryphilia, overstim, name calling, readers calls sukuna ‘master’ and ‘my lord’, not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

“M-master!” You squealed, your ankles by your ears as tears brim your eyes. You’re gasping for air, trying your hardest not to pass out from the overwhelming pleasure you felt coursing through your body. “Please!” Your hands are pushing on his chest, weak attempts at trying to get him to slow down. But did you really want him to? The feeling of both of his cocks sliding in and out of you, penetrating both of your holes. They suck him in, wrap around him and keep him there, cause deep down, you’re aching to cum again.

“Fuck!” He grunts, one hand wrapped around your tiny little throat, squeezing, but not enough to do any harm. “Been wanting to feel this pussy since the moment you became my good little servant. And I must say, you’ve lived up to my expectations,” he chuckles, baring his fangs. You whimper under him, the praise going straight to your pussy. It’d be anyone’s dream to get praise by the Lord Sukuna, and you here you were, getting fucked by him. “You like being good for me don’t you?” He slams his hips against yours, the fat head of his cock sending you into a spiral as it hits all the right angles.

“Ah—yes!” You nod, eyes rolling back. “Yes!” Your hand comes to wrap around his forearm, little breaths leaving your lips as you lay there and take it. “I love it, my lord!” You stare up at him with such desperation and eagerness. He reaches his hand down your neglected clit, the pad of his thumb rubbing it in circles, amplifying the pleasure. “Master!” You gasp. “Gonna cum! Fuck! Fuck!” You scream, voice echoing through the room. Your legs shake under him, pussy throbbing around his cock.

“What are whore you are,” he laughs, slowly pulling out of your swollen pussy. He removes his hand from your throat, spreading your legs wide so he can get a good look at the mess you’ve made. Another hand strokes his cock, slowly, only inches away from where you wanted him most. “I should’ve known you were. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me. That brain of yours is filthy, servant.” He has a smug smile on his face as he stares at your hole clenching around nothing.

“Sir, I…yes. I’ve had filthy thoughts about you,” you say shyly. “I did not mean to—ah!” He flips you over onto your stomach like you weigh nothing, hoisting your ass in the air before giving it a good slap. Your eyes clench shut at the stinging sensation, his nails trailing over your skin. “I’m sorry,” you meekly say.

“Tell me, have you thought about me spanking you before? Bending you over and fucking you senseless?” He closes in on you, his breath fanning your ear as he whispers so delicately with such dominance. He dips two fingers into your sopping cunt, taking pleasure in hearing the way you moan into the sheets. “Or having my fingers in your greedy cunt?” The lewd sound that followed his movement made your face heat up in embarrassment. Unexpectedly, he forced your gaze upon him, grabbing a fistful of your hair. You winced, staring at him through half lidded eyes. “Answer me.”

With a simple nod, you answered, “yes, my lord.” He let out a devious laugh at your words, he build towering over you as he looked down at you in your most vulnerable. You tried to hide from him, cowering on all fours while his fingers were still deep inside of you.

“Usually, I don’t tolerate such behavior, especially from a weak human like yourself,” he removed his fingers from you, looking at how they were coated in your slick, “but you seem so desperate and eager for me, I find it rather entertaining. Are you not afraid I might hurt you or is that what you want?” He positioned himself behind you, his hand running down your spine, goosebumps on your skin. “You’ve intrigued me, servant.”

Your eyes widened at the feeling of both of his cocks sliding into your tight holes, your hands gripping the sheets below you as you accommodated to the stretch. A measly whimper escaped your throat as you prepared for his harsh thrusts. You knew he wasn’t going to go easy on you. His large hands grip your hips, the other tugging at your hair, and lastly another one tugging at your arm all while he slammed into you. Plap! Plap! Plap!

“Nngh—fuck! Ah!” You pant, your body thrusting forward with such force only to be pulled back by Sukuna. “Oh my god!” Your eyes roll back and your jaw falls slack at the feeling of his cock dragging along your sensitive walls.

“The only god here is me,” he growls, pulling your back flush against his broad chest. His hand wrapped around your throat as he pistons his hips with such ease. Your hands grip onto his thighs, nails leaving crescent marks on his skin. “I should fill your holes, breed you and make you my concubine,” he devilishly whispered in your ear. “Did you just clench around me? Did the thought of me breeding you turn you on, filthy human? Say it.” His hand squeezed your throat tighter before he pushed you back down to the bed, shoving your head into the pillows.

“G-gonna cum! I’m so close!” You scream, tears streaming down your cheeks as he plowed into you with such force, fucking you into the mattress.

“Shit! Mmm, fuck yes!” He pulled you back on his cock, fucking you harder, deeper, and faster. He landed a slap on your ass, watching the way it bounced back, leaving him mesmerized. His thrusts grew sloppier, a clear indication he was going to cum soon. “Say it!” He demanded, voice sharp and rough.

“Fuck! Please, breed me! Please, my lord! I want it—ah! I’m cumming!” You cried out, body quivering while simultaneously, you felt hot spurts of cum fill you up in both of your holes.

“There you go, fucking take it!” Your weak body collapsed, as he slowly pulled out of you, watching in awe at how his cum leaked out. “Maybe humans are good for something after all,” he scoffs. He watches the way your body trembles on his bed, barely able to move on your own. “You’ve impressed me today.”

With slow movements, you pick your nightgown and robe up off the floor, dressing yourself. “I’m glad I could be of service to you, master.” Your voice is wavering as you gather yourself, bowing your head in respect.

Just as you were about to walk away, you hear his footsteps behind you. “And where do you think you’re going?” He asks, voice echoing in your ears. You turn to face him, scared to make eyes contact with him even thought his cum was dripping down your legs.

“Back to the servant quarters—”

“Did you take what I said as a joke? You’re my concubine now.” He steps closer, closing the distance between you two. “Clean up. I’ll have the others bring you something more suitable to wear to sleep.” He looks down at the cheap nightgown you wore, a few buttons missing from when he ripped it off of you.

“I didn’t mean to offend you. Thank you, my lord.” You went to step towards the bathroom, only for his large hand to pull you back.

“Undress, here. I’ll have them throw it out,” he demanded. You gulped, nodding at his orders. You carefully undid the buttons, sliding the night gown off, the fabric falling at your feet. “Now go. Perhaps I should join you after.”

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[xinganhao]

🐇 svt reacts to 'i used to have a little bit of a crush on you'.

anon → "svt reacting to reader texting them ‘i used to have a bit of a crush on u lol’ to test the waters (bc reader definitely still has that crush)"

⌗ ┆this took me a hot minute but tbh i was sold the moment i saw the ask. such a goood prompt

‧₊˚✩彡 includes: reader crushing on svt, [super duper light] angst (just with jihoon tbh), crack/fluff/etc., headcanons under the cut.

🐇 headcanons .ᐟ

someone as pouty as seungcheol would not let that text slide. 'used to'? he will absolutely pester you for details. on top of that, he'll mope about your feelings for him 'fading' so quickly. when you eventually confide to him that it's still a present-day thing, he'll probably hold a grudge until you go after him. he's not happy to be played with, especially when it comes to your feelings for him.

jeonghan, as usual, is quick on his feet. here's the thing: he's one of the few who know you're messing around. he probably knows you still have a crush on him and will be quick to mess with you so he can get you to admit that. he's smooth about how he confesses to reciprocating your feelings, although he has a way of making it look like it's harmless flirtation. he's already plotting on how to pull the rug underneath you next time for attempting to prank him like this.

it's so hard to joke about things like these with joshua. he'll be genuinely upset that your crush is in the past tense, and will be just as insistent as seungcheol in finding out why things might have changed. unable to resist his babygirl tendencies, you're likely to come clean and he'll do a full 180. he doesn't mind that you tried to prank him; he's amused, even, and mostly just glad that he has a reason now to confess as well.

junhui will be relentless. whether it's sending you his selfies or buying you food, he's going to be a little extra in bringing those feelings back. even if you insist that you were kidding and that the crush is still very much existent, he won't believe you. he's going to do everything for you to keep your eyes on him, no questions asked.

soonyoung is not about to waste a moment once he gets that text. if he has to drive, if he has to run, he'll do it. he'll be on your doorstep within minutes, out of breath and still his usual overdramatic self. "used to? used to?" he'll demand, minutes away from a full-on tantrum. "what do you mean, used to— when i like you nowww—?!"

if you're going to pull his leg, wonwoo is going to do it right back. he's always been calm and collected under pressure; this is no exception. he's not about to crack over a message that's so obviously a joke. like jeonghan, he has some sense that your feelings are still present tense. he's just a lot more suave in trying to get you to admit it. after all, wonwoo doesn't mind taking his time.

jihoon wouldn't be devastated, per se, but the little 'used to' will sting more than he really cares to admit. he's the type who will end up spiraling over this if you don't amend it quickly. what if i told them i liked them much earlier? what if i hadn't done this, hadn't done that? when you come clean, he'll probably just be like "oh." before taking it as a cue to finally be honest with himself (and you), too.

mingyu is in the club of those-who-know-the-crush-is-still-there, but he's definitely one of the more insufferable about it. he will wheedle that confession out of you if it's the last thing he does. in typical mingyu fashion, there's a healthy dose of teasing— but at the end of it all, you can trust that he'll give just as much as he takes.

seokmin would be so broken up about the fact that your supposed confession is after the fact. when he says he needs a moment, he's going to spend a couple of hours frantically typing out the best response in his notes app. it turns out to be more of a stream of consciousness where he praises you, confesses, and asks you out in one breath.

don't be fooled by minghao seeming the most normal about this whole thing. his hands are shaking as he types out his responses, as his mind goes absolutely overdrive on The Right Thing To Say. all of that goes out the window when you give him an opening. The Right Thing To Say be damned. he would very much like to find out what could have been different if you knew this could go somewhere.

if anybody would be playfully annoyed about this little turn of events, it'd be seungkwan. and he'd make it everybody's problem, too! by the time he gets back to you, half of the group already knows that you've allegedly gotten over your crush on seungkwan. when you confront him, he's quick to be the perfect picture of innocent. "what, gonna tell me it's wrong?" he'll tease. "you're just upset because you still like me, don't you?"

vernon's attempt to be chill backfires almost instantly. he's the type who will try (and fail) to feign nonchalance, like a confession from you is just an every day thing. but then you press and he realizes— well, there's not much hiding to do at this point. he'll tell you the truth if only because he's just glad to have it off his chest.

nobody is going to be more pissed at this prank than chan will be. not only did you manage to get him to accidentally confess, but he will also feel like his pride has taken a real hit. he'll give you a cold shoulder and whine about it for days. when he gets over it, only then will you have a chance to discuss what this all means. (and how you should never, ever joke around with chan about something like this ever again.)