#and they wont want to be around me anymore
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bpd culture is oh! right! you have other people! and they probably matter to you more than i do! my bad! i wont bother you anymore since you clearly dont want me around
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What if the ever after made the humans that fell into it , more like the inhabitants of the place they’re in if they stay too long
Jaune dragged his fingers through the sand as he watched the ocean. He couldnt remember how long he’d been waiting, maybe weeks or months, and yet, his friends still hadnt shown up. Not that he could remember their faces anymore, barely remembered their names… he wasnt sure if he’d recognize them anymore even if they did finally show up. Or if they’d recognize him.
He stood up and started to walk away from the beach, his broken sword dragging in the dirt as he held it by his side. He wandered through the acre until his legs wouldnt carry him anymore, dropping into a flower patch. Breathing became difficult as he struggled with each one.
“Oh dear,” a voice said near him. “You’ve been here for too long.”
Jaune looked towards the voice, his vision blurring as he saw a cat next to him. “Who… who are… you?” he struggled to ask as the words didnt want to leave his lips.
The cat smiled and walked over to him. “I’m the Curious Cat. I’d ask who you are, but it wont matter in a bit.”
“What do you-”
“You should save your energy and quit talking right now. You’ve stayed here too long, which is a shame.” The Curious Cat walked around Jaune. “You would’ve helped me tremendously, but it looks like I’ll need to find someone else.”
Jaune started to sit up, but stopped as he felt a pain run through his body. The breeze he had felt on him disappeared as his skin started to turn to metal. His breathing stopped as his chest became hollow, the sound of scraping metal filled the air as he tried to move his fingers. A heartbeat echoed in his chest until it became more of a mechanical sound . The few memories he had of his friends started to fade away as his helmet started to fuse to him, the last of anything that made him human fading away.
Once his body had finished changing, he finally managed to sit up. He touched a flower, unable to feel the petals or even smell it like he had. All he could do was stare at the white petals as if there was someone or something he was supposed to remember.
“I see you’ve finally regained your senses,” the Curious Cat said as they walked around the flower patch. “What’s your name?”
“I dont… remember,” Jaune said, his voice echoed out. He looked over his body, only seeing the rusted armor he’d worn before, that much he could remember. But everything else, how he got here, who or what he’d been waiting for, his purpose… none of that he could. The mechanical heart in his chest started to beat faster, almost sounding like a drum, as he tried to take a few deep breaths that wouldnt come.
The Curious Cat gave a smirk as they put a paw on Jaune. “I can help you remember everything you need to know. Your name, your purpose, all you have to do is trust me.”
Jaune nodded, his heart calming as he felt a warmth run through him. “You can?”
“You are the Rusted Knight, defender of the Ever After,” the Curious Cat answered. “And your purpose is to defend everyone from the Jabberwalker. Especially any humans that come around.”
The Rusted Knight gave a quiet nod. “Right, I remember now. But… what are humans?”
“They’re from another world, a couple have dropped in here and there before, they’re fragile but they succumb to Ever After and become like us if they stay too long. And I would like to very much meet one when I can.”
“I see.”
“You know how to call me if you meet one. But I’ll let you go. The Jabberwalker waits for no one.”
The Rusted Knight watched the Curious Cat as they walked off. He then turned to look at the flowers again, looking over the petals again. He swore there was another reason he was here, but he couldnt think of anything else beyond the purpose the cat reminded him of.
He pulled away from the flowers and looked up at the sky, pausing as he watched a couple of shooting stars streak across the sky. Then, he picked up his sword and shield to sheath them, ready to head in the direction the stars were going. Whatever or whoever was coming was going to need a knight to protect them.
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HAI HAI HAI CAN I REQUEST A FIC WITH DAISUKE (<3) AND CURLY WHERE DAISUKE IS IN A LEE MOOD AND GOES TO ASK CURLY FOR TWORDS I FEEL LIKE IT WOULD BE SILLY THEY’RE SO SILLY (not in a romantic ship way) AUGH
OOP-
🌺just ask🌺
Mouthwashing tickle fic
Lee: Daisuke Ler: Curly
♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎
Daisuke didn't know what was wrong with him... why on gods earth was he feeling this way? all day, all damn day he had been flustered and shy. this was obviously very unlike Daisuke. why was Daisuke acting like this you may ask? it all started that morning on the tulpar.
"morning Daisuke." Curly mumbled as he entered the kitchen area of the ship. Daisuke smiled and opened his mouth to respond. but instead of ruffling Daisuke's hair like he normally did, Curly poked Daisuke's side, drawing a small yelp from the boy.
thankfully no one was around to see or hear, only Curly who chuckles as he grabs whatever it is he's getting from the fridge and walks away. Daisuke sat there flustered out of his mind, and he had been like that all day. the slightest touch setting him off and making him shiver.
that evening, Daisuke was laying in bed. still replaying that same moment in his head over and over. what the hell was wrong with him?! Daisuke couldn't take it anymore. he left his room heading down the hall.
now we are here, Daisuke standing outside of Curly's bedroom door. he debated even going through with this. asking Curly, the CAPTAIN, of all people to TICKLE him?! "god damn it, Daisuke..! just knock and ask... I'm sure he wont mind..." Daisuke paused "no, NO! you can't ask him THAT! what am I even doing? oh man, this isn't a good idea-" Daisuke's words caught in this throat when Curly's bedroom door slid open, revealing Curly himself standing there with a confused look.
"Daisuke? what are you up to?" the captain asked, a small huff of a chuckle leaving his throat. Daisuke froze. "C-Cap! I-I was um... I, well..." Daisuke trailed off, he had no idea what to say, he was so flustered. Curly chuckled, placing a hand on Daisuke's shoulder, causing Daisuke to shiver. "why don't you come in, kid?" Curly smiled, already slightly pushing Daisuke before the younger could protest.
Daisuke sat on Curly's bed. the room was organized and laid out nicely. Daisuke was so flustered, unsure what to do with himself other that sit as still as possible on the bed. Curly sat next to him after a few moments.
"so... what's got you so worked up? and don't tell me its nothing. you're not really quiet when talking to yourself." Curly chuckled. Daisuke cursed himself in his head. "something about wanting to ask me something..?" Curly asked. Daisuke looked away. "I-It's embarrassing, Cap..." Daisuke stammered out.
Curly blinked before huffing softly. "I'm sure whatever it is, its not as embarrassing as you think, kid..." Curly smiled, holding his hands up. "I won't laugh, i swear." Curly chuckled. Daisuke looked at Curly for a split second before looking away once more. god he hated this.
"can you like... do the thing you did this morning..?" Daisuke asked in a quiet voice. Curly raised an eyebrow. "what thing?" Daisuke huffed. he was really going to have to do this, wasn't he? "y-y'know... when you did the thing, you... tickled me..." Daisuke mumbled out in an almost whisper. Curly blinked. "when i what? come on, kid. spit it out-." "can you tickle me again, damn it..!" Daisuke blurted out. his face quickly went red once he realized what he just sputtered out.
Curly paused. it was quiet for a good few seconds. just as Daisuke was convinced he had weirded Curly out. Curly chuckled. Daisuke's gaze was quick to land back on Curly. "you said you wouldn't laugh!" Daisuke exclaimed.
Curly continued to chuckle for another moment before calming slightly. "sorry, sorry, it's just... that's all?" Daisuke blinked. "what do you mean?" Curly rolled his eyes slightly. "I mean is that what you got yourself all worked up about? it's not a bid deal, kid." Curly pat Daisuke's shoulder.
Daisuke was dumbfounded to say the least. "I-" Daisuke was suddenly cut off as Curly's hand moved from his shoulder to his hips, going right for the kill. Daisuke almost jumped like ten feet in the air, letting out a loud squeal. "CUHUHURLY! WAHAHAHAHAIT!" Daisuke instantly tried to pull away, but curly was quick to hold Daisuke down.
"what's wrong, Daisuke? isn't this what you wanted?" Curly chuckled. a small smile on his face as he dug his thumbs right into Daisuke's hips, making the young intern squeal and kick his legs weakly in a failed attempt to get away. "THIHIHIHIHIS ISN'T FAHAHAHIR!" Daisuke thrashed, trying to divert Curly's attention elsewhere.
"oh fine, fine..." Curly let up a tiny bit by moving to Daisuke's sides. Daisuke was still giggling like crazy, have face all pink. "is that better?" Curly asked, half teasing but also half caring. "s-shuhuhut uhuhup!" Daisuke giggled. his hands latched to Curly's wrists, but not pushing him away.
Curly gasped in mock offense. "shut up!? do you speak to your mother with that mouth? and hear I was going soft on you!" Curly instantly moved his hands once more, this time to Daisuke's tummy. forming his hand into a claw and digging in without mercy. Daisuke shrieked. throwing his head back as he cackled. "NOHO! WAHAHAIT! IM SOHOHOHOHORRY!" Daisuke pleaded desperately.
even though Daisuke was fighting this, he genuinely needed this after basically suffering all day. "CUHUHURLY PLEHEHEHEASE!" Daisuke squealed. jolts of ticklishness sparked through him as he weakly kicked his legs again, only for Curly to pin the down with his own. "Please what, Daisuke? I'm not doing anything..." Curly teased with a small smirk as he played innocent, still clawing at Daisuke's poor tummy.
"maybe if you say sorry I'll stop..." Curly trailed off. Daisuke was trying so hard to push Curly's clawed hand away, even though he didn't want Curly to stop. "JUHUHUST FUHUHUCKING STAHAHAHAHAP!" Daisuke pleaded franticly, secretly dragging this on more. Curly tsked. "you're gonna play this game, huh? how rude, no manners at all..." Curly chuckled.
"fine then..." Curly pulled his hand away. Daisuke panted, thinking it was over, much to his disappointment a little. however, before Daisuke could think anything further, Curly was blowing a raspberry right onto his stomach. Daisuke screamed, instantly trying to push Curly's head away.
"AHAHA- W-WAAHAHAHAIT! NOHOHOHO PLEHEHEASE!" Daisuke Pleaded through squeals of frantic laughter. it was a shock no one else on the ship heard Daisuke and thought the poor boy was being murdered. Daisuke's please fell on deaf ears as Curly kept it up. Daisuke was loosing it. kicking his legs harder, his hair now a mess covering his bright red face.
Curly kept up his raspberries for a minute or two before taking pity on the poor intern who was bright red to the point it reached his ears. Daisuke panted heavily, curling up on himself and hugging his stomach as he giggled even after it was over.
"oh man..." Daisuke huffed, his hair a wreck. curly chuckled "you okay, Daisuke?" Curly asked softly, helping the younger sit up. "y-yeah... that was..." "Good?" Curly butted in as he nudged Daisuke's shoulder. Daisuke's face flushed a little. "h-hey! it was... okay, maybe..." Daisuke trailed off as he averted his eyes. Curly laughed, ruffling Daisuke's hair.
"nothing to be embarrassed about, kid..." Curly said softer. "you can ask anytime you know..." Curly carried on, his eyes meeting Daisuke's once more. Curly smiled, poking Daisuke's side one last time, causing the young boy to yelp. "it'll be our secret, huh?" Daisuke sighed with a small chuckle, rubbing his side slightly. but he nodded, feeling relief. "yeah... thanks cap..."
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loved writing this! took multiple takes cause I couldn't figure out how to write a Lee mood in the best way, but I did my best! :>
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cannot fucking handle these waterbugs im gonna kill myself
#not really but#that thread im hanging on by is real thin#and every time i just wanna say how im feeling about something i have to post it and just scream into the void#because otherwise im just burdening people#and they wont want to be around me anymore#and isnt that swell
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every morning 4am this is what i see when i wake
#snap shots#woah…. rare irl photo…#i has a funny blurred pic that just makes me think of like. some kinda shoegsze album cover for some reason djdjWODJSJ#anywaydjKWKJA#stop staring at me with them big ol eyes#i got him Ever ago bur i wanted to shaew him tonight … i just changed the batteries in my candles …#it still looks like i sleep in a dungeon but thats ok Look At Him#whenever im feeling lost or down i pull him out of my pocket and hear him tell me to stop fucking around and focus#i stare into his eyes and i feel immediate shame and Stop Fucking Around immediately#works everytime …#the plush set this comes from is so funny cause its like scott jean logan#and then this freaks just there too. like nawww why is erik the bus driver all of a sudden#the day theres a lil charles plushie ill actually ascend to the high heavens PLEASE#you CANNOT separate them :((#anyways … i sleep now … with this little weirdo watching me#i cant say he’ll protect me from bad dreams but he’ll at least be a witness if i die during one so thats nice#good night team !!! i dont wanna do my presentation tomorrow ………#also im lyin. im gonna doodle a lil then sleep …#gettin a drawing tablet was the worst thing i coulda done i cannot put it down fjOWJSSJSK#ok byebye ….. prob wont post anymore tonight at least ….#so we can act like im sleeping 😏 and yet erik also acts as a witness to my lies 😔 a travesty….
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OC OTP. Just a prince (Ego, the ginger) and his wonderful energy alien fiance (Serenity) who he doesn't know is an energy alien. Ego also doesn't know that the future marriage is never going to happen and he's been lied to his whole life.
#my characters#mentioned them to a buddy recently and was like well dang that means i gotta draw them again ig#i love them so much and they have so many AUs#which is actually why i started to mention them LMAO#they reblogged a post from me and were like oh oh new au just dropped#and i was like haha funny thing - that post was reblogged bc it reminded me of an au i had for ego and serenity#and they were like wait you gotta spill the deets now#aaaaanyway serenity is an energy alien and his race doesnt really have a physical form usually!#but he has the ability to form a shell in a sense to look like a body and he begs his alien king#to let him remain on earth until his power is too weak to hold a human form#bc he is so in love with the lie (that HE knows is a lie) of being married to ego and wants to hold onto it as long as possible#while ego is just vibing in his own kingdom unable to leave the castle#bc his dad knows if he mentions his fiance - serenity whomst he thinks is another prince - no one will know who it is#so to shelter the lie ego is unable to travel#and so one of his favorite things when serenity visits is to ask him to tell about other places#and at first ego is a brat and says hed rather be exiled than have to marry another prince#but he does over time fall in love and feels super happy being around serenity while breaking serenitys heart#bc he knows it wont last rip#and eventually serenity does use up all of his power and cant hold a physical form anymore#and so he goes home to his alien life#but ego demands to visit him and does and then is like oh well if you dont have a human form then just visit me like this!#and so serenity tries his best to rebuilt energy so that one day he can visit as a human again#and he does the end
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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Kit do you not rep Charles anymore 😭
Of course I do he’s prime I just need a break from his team and that fucking dog
#ask#binottos gone. his bones are gone. sainz on his way out. the evil has been DEFEATED#we did it. we found everything that was wrong wid Ferrari and put it in a box and sent it far far away where it cant hurt us anymore#finally a clean slate for elkann and a blank cheque for vasseur to rebuild il cavallino the way enzo wanted. pure italian excellence#and a semi italian boy to lead it all. vasseur FINALLY recognizes leclercs potential as n1 and turns him into the central piece of a new er#they get him hamilton. biggest media event in f1 history#a proven winner. an upgrade in every way. bigger than ferrari? that wont be a question he'll need to answer#binotto is bones. f1-75 is dust. next year sainz will be nothing but a bad memory and the rusting crux of all their PAST problems#this is vasseurs vision now. his holy plan. his sf-24. his personnel. wid elkanns blessings and his deep. deep pockets.#2 years later. the monster's gone. vasseur is here.#and what has vasseur done?#the garages remain the same. no big poaches from rivals. nothing to prepare for hamiltons arrival.#maranello follows a dev path that comes from the same wind tunnel as haas. haas' data correlates. their upgrades work. ferrari's dont.#last 2 upgrades failed because the very concept of the car was wrong. 2 months behind at least.#((took merc almost 2 and a half years to deal wid the damage of an incorrect baseline and correct course))#ferrari came into the triple header 2nd in the standings and left wid 50 points TOTAL. baby mclarens-first-wcc run behind by 7#out of those 50 points none was sharls#sharl has scored 1 point in 4 fucking races#vasseur's ferrari has turned a generational qualifier into a kid whose idea of making pole is running experiments in q3#because who cares anyway if the car is setup for races except it aint setup for that shit either#so quali has to work ((it doesnt)) sunday has to be flawless ((never is)) but to point fingers is a worse crime than this approach to gp's#last gp. silverstone. as representative as it gets. sharl fails to make q3#bouncing around in a setup that hadnt been previously tested on either fp but wud surely make it worth their sunday#sunday: sharl gets lapped#ik sharl better than this#but idk what im looking at rn#I ignored the influencer milestone special helmet because I expected a performance that wud make me forget it#I need him to be a racing driver#he says 'he cant find the words anymore' bro I rlly need him to find them#I'll always ALWAYS root for sharl but to keep it 💯 idk what I'm rooting for anymore
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Anybody know how to get rid of a curse 😭
#throwback to when i was a kid and my mother the monster that she is wished upon me to never be happy just as she isn't#and that i should never be granted love or happiness. just like her.#this happened repeatedly#my heart gets broken over and over while ppl around me find love and get to keep it and be happy#i feel so fucking broken. like im literally not a person. idk what im doing wrong#i love my friends' love. im genuinely happy to see them thrive#ive been alone and yearning for a quarter of a century#i cant take it anymore#of course i had to fall in love with someone who wont be with me#thats the easiest way to make sure im fucked up and alone for as long as possible#and it's happened several times#they may love me but they cant be w me#I'm literally so fucking sad#the one person who was gonna make it work. i made them hate me bc of some huge misunderstanding abt the nature of our relationship#i miss them the most in the whole world. i think about them constantly. biggest regret of my life#the grief of it all is eating me alive. i keep getting close to being happy n in love and. dare i say it. loved#and then its all getting ripped away from me. again and again#every day it hurts and it makes me paralysed and i cant do shit or be who i want. i wish i could b sedated forever#goodnight lol
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.
#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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So like
The song "diagnosis" for kusuo anyone?
#saiki k#saiki kusuo#tdlosk#ITS SO HIM#“i cannot give anymore”#“but my whole personality(worth) is built around kindness(giving)”#“and if i cant give then im what?”#“whats wrong with your heart?” “it wont come out no it wont even start”#“whats wrong with your brain?” “it yearns for the past but it wont be the same”#“youll give blood till theres none left to bleed” “BUT I DO NOT WANT TO BE KIND!”#“this efforts exhausting its getting me nowhere and where does that leave me?” “Alone”#“caring is what fulfills you. learn to harness it before it kills you”#^^^ so kusuo coded i cant
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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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they need to make a killing myself I can do every weekend but only on the weekends so I can get up fine on monday and go to work again
#.vent#maybe i should start drinking so i can get blackout drunk every weekend. or fuck around w sedatives or pay someone to just whack me round#the head with a sledgehammer on friday evenings and hopefully ill recover from the concussion by mondays#its not even funny what the fuck is wrong with me that i have to spend all my free time trying not to kill myself i feel so sick#im literally fine at work i guess i just dont know how to have fun or be happy or feel wanted or cared for or loved by other people#but dont have to think about that when im working so its fine 5/7 days which is pretty good. im so lonely i want to throw up#tried to leave the house got ready and everything and then burst into tears for no reason ive spent the past hour trying to talk myself#down from hurting myself and i probably wont in the next few hours but i almost certainly will before the day is up. oh well#man who fucking cares. typing this isnt making me feel any better i dont really know what to do anymore#i have a drs appt in 2 weeks for smth unrelated but maybe ill ask abt antidepressants. theres nothing specific causing this#my brain just doesnt work right.i dont even feel like a person most of the time#well nothing else to say 👍
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saw the other day someone say that "mary sues are for people who think everyone should treat them like they're the best ever" and buddy, trust me, at no point am i under the delusion that people will be nice to me in a normal and sufficient way. this is how i *wish* people treated me, not how I expect them to or think they should. trust me i know humanity sucks and will never be cool and nice, dont you worry, dont need to prove my point more, making me retreat even more to a fantasy world because clearly there's nothing here in humanity for me so w/e
#the crime of wanting friends and to be treated normally... ooooh how horrible.......#like i personally dont go as far as to make my self insert the most important most liked person or w/e but ik people think having#characters that treat me with basic respect. actually are concerned for my wellbeing. check up on me. want to be around me-#is apparently unreasonable to want from other people or something not sure.#apparently the bare minimum in friendship is still too unreasonable. cool.#anyways i hope humanity burns. and no beating me over the head wont make me stop saying that it'll make mE FUCKING SHOUT IT BITCH#humans: *beating me*#me: *makes up fantasy world where im liked*#humans: lmao lol rofl why do u think people should treat you well *keeps beating me*#me: *retreats even more aggressively to the fantasy world and tells them to go fuck themselves with something sharp*#humans: how dare you tell me to go fuck myself! lets keep beating you!!!#*rinse and repeat forever apparently*#i believe chimps are our closest relatives. like it makes sense. the worst ape had to be our closest relative. of course.#the one thats willing to tear its own kind apart over minor shit? yeah i believe it#but man do i wish we were closer related to bonobos sometimes........#bonobos are all peace and love w/o preaching about it like chimps- i mean humans do#if this is how its gonna be and humanity just kinda sucks how can you blame me for retreating. if this is the highest the bar goes then#fuck humans man im sticking with animals. at least they actually make sense.#i get ALL of the basic friendship needs i need from dogs. i SHOULD be able to get it from humans but bc we're closer related to chimps#we just suck more and are more cliquey so im not expecting it anymore. i dont expect niceness anymore. there you go humans. gratz.#you beat the hope in me for you out of me. i hope its what you wanted you fucking waste of space ass creature that only consumes and never#gives. anything other than the closest relatives to chimps would have made a better 'evolved' species.
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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