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itwasntimethatdidit40 · 2 days ago

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Hey there!

This month felt endless, am I right? Can’t believe it’s finally over.

This is a list of all the fics I read in January, I started writing it at the beginning of the month so they are in chronological order based on when I read them.

There’s a lot of stories but I still feel like I haven’t read enough lol

I loved every single work on this list so I highly recommend for you to read them and give some love to authors! They’re unbelievably talented and bring so much joy to this fandom, someone even in my life but this is another story.

I put the link to the Masterlist for series, so you can see all the chapters, some of them are ongoing and some are finished.

Please mind the tags and warnings to make sure a story doesn’t trigger you and makes you uncomfortable, I’m not responsible for what you choose to read, only you are.

Happy reading!

❋ Consume - @sunshineispunk

Stepdad!Joel x reader , DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

❋ Liquid Gold - @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Joel Miller x f pregnant!reader x Tommy Miller

You are super pregnant and currently miserable after a third trimester issue crops up. You don’t know how to fix it, and Joel is determined to make you comfortable again. Will he come up with the right solution or are you going to spend the last few weeks of your pregnancy in awful pain? (Lactat!on kink)

❋ The First Time - @fettuccin-e

Frankie Morales x afab!reader

Size kink

❋ Mouthful - @pedgito

Joel miller x reader

Joel finds the perfect way to keep you quiet while he showers you with compliments.

❋ Holiday Heat - @baronessvonglitter

Joel Miller x f!reader

Only one bed trope, grumpy x sunshine, age gap, strangers to lovers

Sharing a hotel room with a grumpy (and handsome) stranger while a storm makes travel inaccessible. What could possibly go wrong?

❋ The Warden - @arcanefox207

Joel Miller x f!reader - DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

Your hike into the woods doesn’t go as planned when a depraved Game Warden catches you breaking the rules.

❋ Quicksand - @javier-pena

Pedro's unnamed character in Materialists x f!reader

You meet a stranger at a party

❋ Borrowed Time - @aurorawritestoescape

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel and you are enjoying an ideal vacation together. Warm ocean, white sand, soft kisses, and hot sex make it feel like paradise. But as your time here is running out, the thoughts that you‘ve been trying to keep at bay start eating at your soul.

❋ After hours - @mssalo

Sub!Joel x Dom f!reader

❋ Wandering Hands - @gothcsz

Javier Peña x f!reader

Javi can't keep his hands off you during a dinner with some friends.

❋ Strangers - @joelmillerisapunk

Stripper!Javier Peña x f!reader

you meet a sexy stripper at your bestie's bachelorette party and he tries his absolute hardest to get your number

❋ Law of Attraction - @baronessvonglitter (Series Masterlist link)

Dave York x f!reader - Romcom AU

Dealing with emotions is difficult when you and Dave realize how you really feel about each other. When a night in turns sour, you seek help from an unexpected source.

❋ Easy - @slowdivinqs

Joel Miller x f!reader

waking Joel up in the best way possible.

❋ Bad blood - @aurorawritestoescape (Series Masterlist link)

you want your stepdad and your step uncle offers to help

step uncle Joel Miller x f!reader x stepdad Tommy Miller

❋ Never have I ever - @wannab-urs

Dieter Bravo x afab!reader

You and Dieter play never have I ever and it gets spicy.

❋ My paramour, my evermore - A Joel Miller Story - @schnarfer (Knights and Kings AU)

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel Miller is the loss of your life

❋ Let's Go - @thundermartini DBF!Joel x f!reader

you decide to channel your inner party girl on this Friday night. But things won’t go as planned. You’ll get even more from this night than a dance in a club and free drinks from strangers. (Or, I just wanted a pretext to imagine bouncer!joel railing me in the back room of a club.

❋ Yes ma’am - @sizzlingcloudmentality

Dave York x dominatrix!reader

life goes sideways and Dave is close to snapping. he needs professional help. aka let himself be dominated and be at the receiving end for once. good thing he has your number.

❋ Untitled - @aurorawritestoescape

Joel’s twin x f!reader || 500 words

❋ Girl Dinner - @slimybeth69 Dead dove do not eat (Series Masterlist link)

Joel Miller x f!reader

After the civilized world you once knew came to an end-- the men that survived... well they just take, take, take. Growing tired of having things taken from you-- you have a hankerin' to take somethin' for yourself... and make him perfect.

❋ Foxglove Downs - @whocaresstillthelouvre (Series Masterlist link)

Marcus Acacius x f!reader x Lucius Verus

In the exclusive realm of elite show jumping, where wealth stretches as far as the polished estates, Marcus Acacius and Lucius Verus are locked in a fierce competition that reaches far beyond the arena.

❋ No strings to hold me down - @baronessvonglitter

fwb!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Enjoying the freedom of being friends with benefits with Joel Miller, a new emotion flares when you see him out with someone much younger.

❋ What’s a Tomdaya? - @604to647

Modern!Pero Tovar x fem!reader

Pero regrets getting into a group chat with your friends

❋ Prisoner - @almostempty

f!reader x Din Djarin

this time our fav bounty hunter is the bounty and you're on a mission to capture him and claim your reward

❋ Final part of the neighbor series - Masterlist - @gothcsz

Javier Peña x f!reader

❋ All the good girls go to hell - Masterlist - @aurorawritestoescape

Stepdad!Joel Miller x f!reader

you can't stop thinking about your stepdad so you do something risky to have a little more of him. But Joel is not the "little more" kind of guy.

❋ Close-up - @milla-frenchy

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel receives a script that takes him back to the memories of your love story. He realizes that out of protective instinct after the break up, he has not been honest neither with his own feelings nor with you

❋ El cumpleañero - @gothcsz

Javier Peña x f!reader

It's Javier's birthday, so you show up to his party and things get fun.

❋ Reincarnated - @joelmillerisapunk

Joel Miller x f!reader

A late-night text from an unknown number stirs up memories you thought you’d buried. It’s been years since Joel walked out of your life, but now he’s back. Old wounds resurface, boundaries blur, and the question lingers: is this a second chance or just another heartbreak waiting to happen?

❋ Leather and Lace - @probablyreadinsmut

Javier Peña x f!reader

Javier Peña is back in Loredo after retiring from the DEA. He's horny and looking for something new. That's when he finds you.

❋(Un)faithful - @probablyreadinsmut

Rbf!Javier x Married!Reader

Your marriage is lackluster, your sex life even more so. When your best friend Javier finds out, lines are crossed and lives are changed forever.

❋ some thoughts on hbf (husband's best friend) joel @baronessvonglitter / Drabble

❋ BDSMaid - @mountainsandmayhem (Series Masterlist link)

After recently graduating from university, your best friend offers you a job cleaning luxury homes for clients you’ll never know. It’s only temporary and a good way to save money for when you go back to get your law degree. That’s what you’re promised at least. Easy. Simple. Mundane. That is, until one of your clients is home and everything that you felt was missing in your life starts to fall into place. This goes against the NDA you signed and you could get fired. Or worse, you could fall in love.

#V Jan recs #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #ppcu #ppcu fanfiction #ppcu fics #ppcu fandom #joel miller #dave york #dieter bravo #pero tovar #marcus acacius #frankie morales #javier peña #lucius verus #din djarin

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dolphin-diaries · 2 days ago

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Detrans/Uncis (Part 2)

Originally published on Dolphin Diaries.

My first steps on a detransition journey were underscored by a peculiar mantra: “but I’m not detransitioning though.” I don’t feel like a man, so I’m not a trans man, but I’m still taking hormones, so I’m not detransitioning. I’m getting laser, but I’m not doing anything to my voice—hold on, actually I am. I’m lowering my dose of testosterone, actually, but I’m still taking it, and it’s not like I’m a woman. Only I want to be gendered by strangers as a woman, but that’s different. Actually I’d hate to have any further changes from T, so I’m not taking it at all—but I’m still not detransitioning though. Actually, could you speak of me as she? And her, too? No detrans though.

At a certain point it started to approach total absurdity. My friends and loved ones, well-versed in the queer gender soup, said nothing of it, but I am myself strongly averse to repression, denial, and self-deceit. So I was the first to say I was wrong. The first to say, “I am, though.” And at no point, from the beginning to the end of my epistemic conga, have I encountered any meaningful pushback from my close circles. No implications of betrayal, no cold shoulders, no silence when I walk in the room.

So why the mantra, then? Why was I so averse to the idea?

A large part of that was the politicisation of detransition; how indelibly it is associated with the Right—I said as much in my first essay. On a personal level, though, it was trivial to realise I wasn’t doing a grift. I was confident I hadn’t been brainwashed into anything. I’ve never had any meaningful contact or affiliation with any sort of gender-conservative person or movement.

And I did encounter pro-trans detransitioners. Some of them sniped back at the right-wing ones, some merely told their stories independently. Regardless, they—just like me—did not receive great or meaningful pushback from their trans friends, nor even strangers. They weren’t always understood or necessarily celebrated, but they were taken at their word, believed, and more or less respected as much as any gender deviant. Before I had any thoughts to detransition myself, I had seen detrans people beyond the pale of the rhetoric multiple times, and…

And I hated them. They made my skin crawl. I was never rude or condescending, and as those encounters were online-only, it was trivial to maintain respect and civility. I also realised I had no real cause to hate them. They’d done nothing wrong, nothing wrong at all. It was easy enough to say that in principle, when they talked in the abstract, but when they spoke of their bodies, their lives, the flesh and blood of it all, I felt such visceral revulsion as I might’ve never felt before.

Or have I? Have I known this already, this knee-jerk lip curl, this morbid disgust with another’s aberrant sex? This idea in my mind, spreading like cancer, that these people were wrong? That they’ve violated something inviolable? And how civility and compassion chiselled this violent core into arrogant pity towards an untouchable other?

No, I have known this. And not such a long time ago.

The Body Horror

When I first came out as trans to my university class—cis-majority if not totality, naturally—the perverse fascination with my body was hard to escape. They were mostly polite, of course. My university was very ‘decadent Westian’ (pardon the quasi-inside joke). We were hip with it. Nevertheless—

“It’s okay for you, of course, but if my future children—”

“You mean to say you date women? How do you—”

“You mean to say you date men??”

“I wasn’t looking at you like that in the bathroom—I mean—uh—”

You don’t need to say it outright. Sometimes you don’t need to say a thing at all. I see it. I know.

That’s to say nothing of the doctors’ dehumanising dissection and the conservatives flashing the least flattering post-operative pictures like they’re gore. As a transsexual, you don’t even need dysphoria; you will be informed of your physical monstrosity in great detail and in every possible manner, from the subtlest glance to the bloody megaphone.

You learn to see transsexual bodies this way very young and not voluntarily, but I was not just any random person. I transitioned aeons ago, and I did not find the flesh of my fellow transsexuals a subject of psychosexual fascination anymore. We were just people. I’d learned that.

I thought I did, anyway.

That’s the thing about the biases that systemic oppression seeds and wields. They are, in my experience, nothing less than psychosocial cancers. Leave one cell alive, and they will surely regrow. Maybe into a new shape, maybe into something old, but they will never die left alone.

Although I’d mentally graduated to gender abolition and genderfuckery-as-political-stance, to activism, to gender constructivism and to queering everything, especially feminism, I’d first come to see transsexuality through the lens of the DSM. Not my fault or anything—that’s what was available to me. Transsexual transition, then, was first presented to me as a linear transformation, a path from A to B, at the end of which laid gender nirvana. Or, like, happiness and fulfilment, I suppose. White-people Buddhism was fashionable at that time, so please excuse my French.

So genderfuckery was all well and good, but you know, done respectably. For me, that was performing picture-perfect transsexuality, just a little spiced-up. So long as I still appeared cis. Anything that marked me as ‘clocky’ was unseemly; although I no longer needed to see any doctors about it, I’d been trained to sniff out such features and weed them out for the sake of gaining medical access. But that’s not the only way ‘respectable gender’ is ensured in queer circles. I’ve also observed it to be an absence of transsexuality. That is, gender is to be fucked with in words and pronouns and haircuts and porn—but to transition about it would be kind of gauche, don’t you think? A little gender-conformist?

Different outcome, but for the purposes of this discussion, same principle: it is disgust with transition. Visible transition, obvious transition; transition at all. My case was not altogether different from ideological non-transitioners; it was just modified to accommodate for some alteration of sex.

After nearly a decade of virilising HRT, my detransition wasn’t simply a matter of changing my name and putting on lipstick. That would just make strangers say ‘yas gurl.’ No, if I wanted to live as a woman beyond my immediate social circle, I needed to make more invasive changes. More than that, I wanted those changes. I didn’t merely wish to say I’m a woman—I wanted to look in the mirror and believe it.

The first truth a detransitioner learns is this: to detransition, you must transition again.

Again?!

Oh, it’s not the same as your first time ‘round, sure. Not just because of the difference in desired sex; if you’ve never had your gonads removed and have no prior issues with hormone production, you can simply cease to take HRT and stop depending on the vagaries of medical supplies. Doctors will, generally, be a little more understanding of your desire to change sex. Often, from their perspective, you’re not changing it; you’re fixing it. So if you were allowed to take the so-called ‘cross-sex’ hormones, you’ll probably be allowed the ‘same-sex’ ones. Conversely, because no such thing as a ‘detransition procedure’ usually exists, it’s a dice roll if any surgery will be covered by the state, your insurance, or anything. Yes, you’re ‘fixing’ your sex—but the fact you’ve ‘damaged’ it at all renders you a bit of an unreliable witness to your own mind. A little bit crazy, you could say. Isn’t it all quite literally your own fault?

However, the day-to-day mundanities of detransition would be highly recognisable to any trans person. Indeed, I got all the ideas on how to relieve my gender dysphoria from my transfem friends. I learned of laser hair removal from them, and they advised me on voice training. Some of the professionals that serviced me had no idea I was detrans—how would they? Kind of an odd thing to randomly bring up while getting your beard fried.

‘Detrans woman’ is not a legible social category (nor any other kind of detrans person). People know what these words mean—at least, if they’re up on the latest gender lingo—but they don’t truly know what that looks like. Maybe they imagine a particular grifter when you say ‘detrans,’ maybe it’s just a void—but it’s never you. No one will ever assume that’s what you are.

So how does a detrans woman move through the world? She passes, of course. She is either assumed to be a cis woman, having worked to file off any signs of testosterone’s magic touch, or she stands out with those features. If she transitioned after adolescence, she might have a leg up on passing, but should a stranger’s transvestigation radar starts beeping, they will surely scan her for other hints. Sometimes they’ll find what was never there, and sometimes they’ll decree a feature that occurs in all women, cis and trans, a sure sign of inborn manhood. I’ve always had a visible Adam’s apple, for instance, but it didn’t use to be proof I was born a man. Now, though, take that and a bad voice day, and I don’t have a leg to stand on.

And if someone decides I don’t belong in a women’s bathroom, do you think it’ll help if I cry I was born to piss here?

Here’s the second truth a detransitioners learns: it doesn’t matter how many times you transition, to what end or for what reason. If you do it at all, you will never be cis again. It’s the real red pill—the one the Wachowski sisters intended, not what the chuds on the internet made of it. Your body, your social and legal history, your continuity of self—it is different now. Not the way it’s supposed to be. Changing sex at all was never meant to be.

Regime and Treachery

Um-actuallying people who think I’m a trans woman will not help me under most circumstances. It won’t help with a strange man in an alley, and it won’t help with an employer that discovers my last manager knew me under a male name. In one case nothing but a good run will help, and in the other—come on now, they won’t think any better of me.

It will not make me cis, and it doesn’t help—under most circumstances.

Detrans women aren’t the only ones which may be assumed for trans women. Cis women that never touched a drop of testosterone get transvestigated too—not nearly as frequently, but it happens all the same, and regularly. The case of Imane Khelif is one that probably jumps to mind first these days, but she is perhaps in the minority of women that never responded to such accusations by loudly proclaiming she is completely and utterly unlike those filthy transsexuals—she is a real woman!

Detrans women have the whole transsexuality thing in common with trans women, of course. But they aren’t quite the only ones—intersex women that were assigned female at birth are also often assumed to be transsexual. They are also subject to severe medical violence and neglect. Some require exogenous hormones to stay healthy. Some wish to take ownership of their body via voluntary sex alteration, for a change. It is rather transsexual-like, all in all.

But yet you will not search long to find similar underbus-throwing. The AFAB intersex woman is not like that trans woman—she deserves gender-affirmative treatment. She’s a real woman. The birth certificate said so.

And so too the detrans woman, despite all her history, despite the indelible mark of transsexuality, looks at the dangling carrot of Real Womanhood—and like a dog, jumps.

She will never be allowed the full extent of it. It is irreversible damage, after all. That’s important. The detrans woman that betrays her sisters—her class, even—must forever cry about the wounds transition left on her, must never heal from them. And trust me, the cis aren’t nice about it behind her back. The detrans woman is promised a shred of cis-ness, of real-ness—but only so long as she divorces herself from all things transsexual. Loudly, repeatedly. The moment she stops, she will be reminded: she too is transsexual. She has seen sex/gender for what it is; her body is evidence. She has eaten of the tree of knowledge. It’s only at the regime’s great mercy that she can peek into Eden—but god forbid, never enter.

Because what would happen if the ‘damage’ wasn’t irreversible? If society allowed the detrans woman to be a woman wholly and totally—its woman, real woman? Why, it would mean sex can be changed without repercussion. It would mean you could leave gender.

It wouldn’t quite mean that trans women are women and trans men are men—it would only allow that your birth sex can be ‘returned to.’ But if even that much was permitted, it would make transition no longer a threat. You could do it and come back just fine, see? What’s there to fear? Why not just try it? And if you can just try it, just leave and come back as you please—how can you force people to obey gender?

It would mean I could opt out of womanhood any time. Of the mandate of reproduction, of subordination, of sexual and domestic servitude—of the constant fight to break free of those things. I could opt out even if I didn’t like being a man. I’d always have one foot back in the door, if I pleased. And that’s the thing about the patriarchy: women must never be allowed to leave. Or to desist, or to fail. For that they must be punished. Want fewer lashes? Kick the weaker bitch out the door.

Cis-ness is a regime. A status quo. To define it merely by the relationship to birth-assigned sex is erroneous—intersexness reveals this, but if you’re the kind of person who thinks the intersex are some sort of rare and bizarre exception (they’re not), perisex detransitioners must surely hammer the nail home. To be cis is not merely to self-identify as the sex on your birth certificate; who’s even looking at those? It is to live in accordance with your biological destiny, and every social law that entails. This destiny is assigned at birth, yes, but it does not end there: it follows you all the way.

Cis-ness is not an identity—it is a reward for doing as you’re told.

The Freedom of Sex

It is obvious, then, why detrans medical care is a pain to get even though you’re complying with your birth sex assignment. That is the true engineer of detrans misery, of dysphoria and resentment. To come to dislike the features you’ve acquired during transition is one thing—but to be prevented from changing them? To be looked at like a lunatic? To not know what to do, because information about de/transition and how it works is so understudied and obscured?

If transition was easy, known, free—more people would detransition, certainly. But that wouldn’t mean much. Because they’d be people like anyone else. Their bodies—transsexual bodies—would be just the same, just as worthy. They would be real.

The implications are even greater than that. Freedom of sex, as Andrea Long Chu puts it, means a freedom to change anything about your sex, in any way, for any reason, without restriction. Not the A->B path I was first taught under the illusion of two wholly distinct, non-intersecting sexes—rather, the tweaking of individual aspects. It is to really examine how sex works and take it apart on your person. It is what some trans people already do, with microdosing and what you might call small acts of detransition. If you don’t like the beard after T, why not zap it off? If you want to be on oestrogen but don’t like the breasts—double mastectomy works just the same regardless of initial sex. The idea of customisable, ‘nonbinary’ transition is one that’s gained prominence in recent years, even as attacks on all transition have exponentially increased.

Linear transition was written in an attempt to enforce a kind of gender austerity. Only those that really need it can get it, and so there must be competition, a hierarchy of haves and have-nots. There must be doctors that will prescribe you wrong dosages based on irrelevant research and leave you to wonder why you feel so off. You must not pick and choose the changes you want, because your sex is not for you to decide—it is to be granted to you, justified via a constant defense of self-identification. For the crime of violating sex/gender, your autonomy is branded as harebrained desire until proven otherwise. You’re not allowed to simply want something; you have to need it, hence the attempts to naturalise and essentialise transsexuality—you have to be real, you have to be born with it.

Above all you must be kept in the dark and hurting, so that any time someone suggests anything as ‘frivolous’ as the freedom to have their body as they wish, you snipe back: Shut up, vapid idiot! You’re going to hurt yourself in your stupidity! I’m not like you—I’m the one who’s really hurting!

To look at de/transition from the perspective of liberation is to ask: why? What’s the austerity for? We have the hormones, the surgeries, almost all the treatments we want, and the science isn’t calling it quits tomorrow last I checked. What horrible thing are we preventing by stopping people from doing to their sex whatsoever they wish? Are we running out of gender juice?

But of course, I already told you why. A smarter woman than me has also written extensively why. It is because sex and gender come with a fine print, a set of prescripts, which must be enforced. Irreversible damage to fertile wombs must not be allowed. The pedestal of Man must not be tarnished.

Freedom of sex, then, is the patriarchy’s anathema.

Detransition is part of freedom of sex. To accept acts of detransition as neutral is to allow that changes wrought by transition—just like naturally developed sexual characteristics—can be changed at will. Even disliked. To be free is to embrace the possibility of discontent, too; to allow oneself to do something you may regret later, and to be free to go back. To accept that nothing is final. Finality is one of the ways transition is made more difficult than it needs to be: you must be sure, must be happy with what you get—or else, it is argued, you never had a real need for it anyway.

That is plainly not true. I know that from my own example.

Transition served me well way back when. I do not know of an extant, realistic alternative that could’ve helped me as effectively. I was happy with my transition for years, and suicidally discontent before then. So who cares if transitioning proved in the end an imperfect permanent solution for me? Why must transition be held to perfection and permanence before it is allowed? It worked and it saved my life—who are you to tell me I shouldn’t have done it? And who are you to hold me hostage to it?

What if, even now, I enjoy that I’ve been constructed rather than simply born?

Not So Fast

Now that’s a nice thought, isn’t it? I can feel the gender nirvana coming on already.

Unfortunately, it can’t be that simple. To dream of a world you want, you must first contend with the world you already live in.

There’s a particular aspect that’s been largely absent from my essays so far: forced detransition and conversion therapy. In part, that’s because I argue from the perspective of a willing detransitioner with no shadow of a right-wing past or influence; a viewpoint which is lacking in the public conscience. Plenty of trans writers and thinkers already staunchly argue against forced detransition. They omit the detrans by virtue of either irrelevance or ignorance or both. When voluntary detransition is mentioned, people tend to merely point out there’s not that many of us. In actuality there’s very little statistical research to give definitive numbers, but it’s certainly true we are the minority of transitioners, and the absence of statistical evidence only further confirms: the Right are pulling numbers out of thin air.

Except, saying that is missing the point. The Right never cared about numbers. Or facts. Or logic. Their argument is that willing detransition ought to be the nail in the coffin for transition. If you retort that, um actually, there’s only half as many willing detransitioners, you still concede we exist and are a contradiction to you. That is enough to prove the Right’s point. I, therefore, wish to argue we are not a contradiction to trans rights or existence, but in fact on a continuum with both. That by virtue of our needs and lived realities, we are trans. Differently trans, but trans nonetheless. Some (trans and detrans) may not enjoy that assertion for a number of reasons, but the empirical fact is that we are irrevocably cast out of cis-ness, and we are in need of support structures that are near-identical to those of trans people. If by every function we are trans, then it’s under that name that we should be understood, because it is the only thing that makes sense and yields results.

But.

Detransition is not a neutral act in practice, even if it has the potential to be. Just like transition isn’t. Both are politicised, and the nature of detransition’s politicisation diverges from that of transition quite sharply.

In the current political climate, as trans people are being denied medical care and the anti-trans rhetoric pollutes every information space, this cannot be avoided or denied. Transition is reviled, and detransition is said to be the cure and is wielded as a punishment. Detransition-as-sex-freedom cannot be understood without also grappling with the other two kinds of detransition I distinguish based on motive and emergent needs: forced and coerced.

Forced detransition is the simplest to define. It is detransition that occurs when circumstances necessitate it as the only possible course of action, or it is altogether done unto the transitioner without any pretense of choice. The starkest example is, say, the new law in Florida which forcibly detransitions the incarcerated. But it needn’t be so wholly dystopian to qualify as ‘forced.’ Detransitions due to family or peer pressure, poverty, lack of access, or social isolation are all forced in nature, even if in the most technical sense you made the ‘choice’ to undergo it. If you wish you were still transitioning, it is forced.

Coerced detransition is a grayer area. It is motivated by an individual’s choice—not a lack of one or a pseudo-choice, as above—under circumstances in which transition is possible, but highly discouraged. You will naturally recognise conversion therapy as an extreme example, but it needn’t be so blatant. Often it isn’t.

Say, for instance, your closest circle of friends regards transition as a frivolous neoliberal excess. Or, let’s say, your cis boyfriend is perfectly happy you’re a man now, he swears, but—well, he’s not gay, you know? Just for you. It’s different with you. Except he still treats you the same way he did before your transition—but that’s a good thing, right? Good thing he still wants you at all? He would probably prefer a girlfriend, and he’s never dated men—actually, is this whole thing really that important to you? Aren’t you rushing into things? Do you really know what you want? You don’t mind if he slips up on pronouns when you’re not in the room, do you?

Or maybe your general practitioner keeps insisting any time anything is wrong with you, that it’s the hormones’ fault. The classic ‘trans broken arm’ syndrome. And when something actually might be wrong with the hormones, the solution is always to just stop HRT altogether. And the surgeries—they’re just so dangerous; look at how horrifying post-op pictures are! It’s just biology, just facts, which don’t care about your feelings (but remember: it’s only a fact if it makes you feel worse.)

In other words, the decision to go through coerced detransition is made in a state of reduced agency, often caused by social pressure and/or misinformation about transition. Nothing is explicitly preventing you from doing as you will to your sex—and so it is precisely your will which must be subverted and undermined.

Notice that I make no claim whether detransition is right or wrong for the person in question. Perhaps they would’ve arrived at this decision another way, perhaps not. The point is, they are led to believe detransition is simply more sensible, healthier, better. It is the superior choice—so of course, they make it. In the end, coerced detransition is not truly dissimilar from the forced kind. What merits it separate consideration is that it’s designed to make you relinquish your own judgement, and your very own sense of self. Under such conditions, even if you would’ve ultimately detransitioned regardless, your relationship to your sex/gender is made maladaptive, and your independence as an individual is maliciously compromised.

The needs of coercively and forcibly detransitioned people are closely aligned. The forcibly detransitioned, naturally, require that the circumstance which necessitated their detransition is removed, and that their retransition is facilitated and supported. The coercively detransitioned may or may not require the same thing—some detrans people do, in fact, discover they genuinely desire detransition in less-than-ideal circumstances—but what they certainly need is a pathway to recovery from conversion. They are to be given their agency back, as well as access to accurate information about transition and transitioners, so that they are free to make the choice to retransition or to keep detransitioning as they see fit.

Both cases run counter to detransition-as-sex-freedom, to voluntary detransition—which is to say, a choice made due to a shift in self-perception, under circumstances in which continued transition is unhindered. The needs of a voluntary detransitioner are also starkly different, and most resemble that of a transitioner. A voluntary detransitioner requires a facilitated pathway to sex modification and gender recognition, from hormones to surgeries to legal procedure. It is the same thing for which trans people fight; it need only be recognised that voluntary detransitioners are part of that fight.

Grouping voluntary and involuntary detransitioners under the same umbrella makes little sense. We may superficially share some experiences, but such an equation falls apart from the perspective of rights and needs; it obfuscates motive, absolves abusers and systemic injustice, and it smooths over radical differences in our stories and perspectives. It draws a false equivalence that either condemns voluntary detransition or celebrates forced and coerced detransition, thus making it impossible to either embrace or reject detransition in good conscience. Thus no progress can be made.

In other words, conflation of voluntary and involuntary detransition only works from the cis perspective—from the perspective of the regime, which observes its deviants and wishes them gone, and rejects understanding them on principle. From either the trans or the detrans perspective, it is nonsense.

Except…

How do you know, though? How do you know? How do you know, when everything from your very cradle is telling you trans people are aberrant for existing, and when trans life is so hard? The coercively detransitioned wholeheartedly claim total autonomy; they are not really lying; from a strictly liberal-minded perspective, they are not wrong. How exactly can continued transition be ‘unhindered’ when society is engineered to always make it difficult?

How do you really know it’s your choice and your choice alone?

We all realise the answer: you don’t. You can’t. Not with complete certainty. There’s no such thing as a pure, unadulterated, individual choice, and there’s very rarely such a thing as an unhindered transition.

We live in a world that reviles transsexuality, that denies and despises the mutability of sex and stamps out any proof that gender is smoke and mirrors. The regime of cisheterosexism seeps through every layer of society and through every aspect of life. Purely voluntary detransition is, in the strictest sense, impossible. Sex/gender is a regime, and no act under it is free; all are forced to exist and be legible within its framework, or else be totally exiled. To exist socially is to exist under sex/gender.

This is not whatsoever unique to detransition. Or detrans people, or trans people. Cis women, for instance, must grapple with what it means to be a woman when Woman is defined as subordinate to Man—even as most do not transition about it. So, too, do men grapple with what their gender means when Manhood is defined and enforced via violence towards women, other men, and the gender-deviant. Even the cissexual must contend with the demands placed on their bodies—almost all transsexual treatments originate in cissexual healthcare. There is no exit from this struggle, because patriarchal sex/gender is constructed to be all-encompassing and mutually exclusive. Woman is everything Man isn’t, and vice versa; never the twain shall meet, and no stone will they leave unturned. No matter what you do, it will be sexed, it will be gendered, and though the conclusion will shift from occasion to occasion, in any particular instance it will allow for no ambiguity. Even when someone yells at you on the street, “Are you a chick or a dude?!”—that is not ‘ambiguity.’ It’s just a longer version of a slur.

Similarly, this is not the first (nor the last) time when sex/gender alteration has been contorted and weaponised against transsexuality—that is, sex-mutability’s most blatant, most acute manifestation. The Cass Review has notably cited the existence of non-transitioning nonbinary individuals as ‘proof’ transition must be curtailed:

“Secondly, medication is binary, but the fastest growing group identifying under the trans umbrella is non-binary, and we know even less about the outcomes for this group. Some of you will also become more fluid in your gender identity as you grow older. We do not know the ‘sweet spot’ when someone becomes settled in their sense of self, nor which people are most likely to benefit from medical transition. When making life-changing decisions, what is the correct balance between keeping options as flexible and open as possible as you move into adulthood, and responding to how you feel right now?”

Doubtless, the Gender Criticals wish the nonbinary non-transitioner to be as non-existent as their more deviant sibling. But while a greater deviant still exists, those that happen to be more acceptable, more assimilate-able, are called upon to do the one thing they’re good for:

Kick the weaker bitch out.

Such too is the final fate of detransitioners under the patriarchal regime. They are to be the knife in the back of their siblings, and when those are gone, they will find their own backs perforated.

So far I have provided eloquent arguments towards clear and singular conclusions—at least, I hope you’ve found me eloquent and clear. Today, on this matter, I offer no such thing. I have nothing to offer but this: so long as transition is reviled, so long as the transsexual are persecuted in any manner at all, there is no freedom of sex and there is no neutrality. Insofar as this pertains to detransition: so long as the transsexual are persecuted, hated, and forced into obscurity, we are likewise bound to their persecution, hatred, and abandonment. So long as that holds, voluntary detransition can never be free.

What Now?

I know. I’m a killjoy. It’s a fate all serious anarchists and college dropouts must contend with: if we’re really sincere about what we think, the mood will be thoroughly murdered.

The fight is clear. The fight is needed. And, the fight is hard. But there is life to be lived in the meanwhile, and it’s worth living even if we don’t see a victory during our time. Total certainty may be impossible and foolish to seek—but you have to make choices anyway. Doing nothing is merely choosing passivity and inertia; you face the consequences either way.

So I ask again: how do you know?

If you’re someone contemplating detransition, here’s the second best thing I can offer: have the courage, the self-insight, and the compassion to face yourself and be honest. Have the intelligence and the disobedience to measure what you’ve been told about transition and transsexuality against the things you have seen and experienced. Have the audacity to be wrong, to make mistakes as many times as you need. Have the pride to ask for better things than you are offered. Have the humility to not think yourself exceptional. Above all, never relinquish the responsibility over your life and your choices to anyone or anything else. No, no one else knows any better. No, there is no easier way.

The first best thing I can offer—to anyone, detrans or not—is to tell you how I knew. In the end I speak from my own experiences, and so it’s only fitting that the message I broadcast is incomplete without a degree of testimony.

Oh, it is to my chagrin, believe me—well, kind of. For all that I love attention and getting told I write oh so powerfully well, a part of me also detests personality pieces. I’m just one woman; I don’t mean much; I shouldn’t mean much. But you must’ve wondered, right? Especially if you don’t recognise yourself in me. I’ve spoken briefly about aspects of my de/transition, and let’s say you took all that for granted, but you must’ve wondered: how did I get here in the first place? How did it feel? How does it feel? Really, truly, how? And why?

I don’t like personality pieces because I think they mine for compassion. That can be a catalyst for a great many things, but just as often I’ve had people treat me with total nicety and then vote for a politician that would kill me, or exile a child that used to be me. Compassion is common, human, and incredibly cheap.

It is also required for kinship. For comparison, for legibility. And one of the issues that plagues detransitioners is illegibility. Silence. A lack of reference by which to see yourself. Community is best known by example.

So an example I shall provide. Next time.

Recommended Reading

On the freedom of sex: Andrea Long Chu, The Right To Change Sex.

On the nature of sex/gender hierarchy within the patriarchy: Talia Bhatt, Understanding Transmisogyny, Part 1.

On the mechanisms of gender-conservatism among women: Andrea Dworkin, Right-Wing Women.

#transfeminism #detrans #detransition #material feminism #sex is a social construct

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louisupdates · 3 days ago

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If you’ve been on social media today, you may have seen a certain word trending: Zouis. But what does it mean? Well, Zouis is portmanteau of Zayn and Louis. Specifically, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson from One Direction.

The pair were spotted together in Los Angeles, with Tomlinson attending Malik’s gig—sending the internet into a frenzy

With Zouis spreading like wildfire on social media, this story operates as an interesting example of how fandoms can deal with grief, and, for once, how the internet can be a positive communal force.

What’s Happening With Zouis? Why Were Zayn Malik And Louis Tomlinson Together?

Zayn Malik is currently on his Stairway To The Sky tour, and is playing several nights at the Shrine Expo Hall in Los Angeles, California.

Louis Tomlinson—who was in boyband One Direction with Malik—attended the show on Jan. 29. This is the first time the pair, known as Zouis, have been together publicly since One Direction bandmate Liam Payne’s funeral on Nov. 20, 2024.

After Malik left the group in 2015, One Direction broke up the year after, and the members have rarely been together since, with each pursuing solo careers.

This makes the appearance of Zouis a special moment for fans, as well as seemingly for Malik and Tomlinson themselves, with the former referencing his bandmate’s attendance at his concert in glowing terms:

How Did Social Media React The Appearance Of Zouis?

The online world went wild for the return of Zouis. There are tens of thousands of tweets about the event. Many of which show pure enthusiasm:

While others contain simple declarations of love towards Zouis:

There’s a sombre tone to some posts which reference the death of Liam Payne:

While difference accounts are self-referential about their own reaction to the partial One Direction reunion:

There’s one overwhelming trend though: pure excitement and adulation.

Why Is Social Media Reacting To Zouis In This Way?

There are a few things at play. Firstly, One Direction fans are renowned for their obsession with the group. Combined with the size of the boyband—3.4 million people saw them during their Where We Are tour alone—this means there’s a huge community of interested people whenever news about them drops. Like Zouis.

But there’s also a more sombre side to this overwhelming online reaction, and that can be linked to a sense of loss.

It’s common for fans to form parasocial relationships with people they follow. Effectively, this is when individuals believe they have a close tie with public figures, even though this is a one-way friendship. Often, this is driven by the perceived intimacy of social media.

This can induce serious emotions. So, when a member of a group like One Direction passes away, as is the case with Liam Payne, it can feel as though someone they’re close with had died.

When Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson came together for the first time since the funeral, it can feel like a cathartic moment for fans, as though things are righting themselves. One way of dealing with this outpouring of emotion, then, is to post on social media.

And that’s a key way of viewing this explosion of activity about Zouis: a celebration.

People are not only expressing joy at seeing members of One Direction together, but this enthusiasm also acts a tribute to Liam Payne. This creates a sense of community, of an entire fandom coming together and praising a new chapter in something they love.

Ultimately, the spread of posts about Zouis displays a positive side to social media, one where people share a connection and come together in unity. In these divided times, that’s a beautiful thing to see.

#louis tomlinson #zouis reunion #louis update #louis press #zayn malik #zouis #29.1.2025

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xoxochb · 5 hours ago

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——— ౨ৎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

“these are us if we were jellycats.”

you hold up two stuffies. a seahorse and a turtle. your grin never falters as you hand the seahorse to percy.

“this is you.” you point to the seahorse in his hand, then back to the turtle you hold. “and this is me!”

“why am I the seahorse though?”

you shrug. “I dunno. because you like seahorses?”

“hm. I do, you’re right, sweet girl.”

you rub your thumb over the soft fur of the stuffie, quietly admiring it, before sitting up and placing it at the end of your bed. you reach back and rip the seahorse out of percy’s hands too, placing it directly next to your turtle.

you squeal and fall back onto the bed beside percy who wraps his arms back around you, pulling your frame into his. his chin rests atop your head as he eyes the stuffies.

“are you gonna leave them there all night?”

“yeah. they’re gonna sleep together.”

“oh are they? can I watch?”

you remove your head from beneath his chin, reaching up to slap his head. “don’t be a pervert.”

“I’m not!” he laughs.

“you just insinuated that our stuffed animals would be having sex and you wanted to watch! that’s perverted, einstein.”

“but you said the stuffed animals were you and me!”

“doesn’t change anything.”

you roll your eyes and return to your prior position. “keep denying it.”

“I’m not— okay.” percy knows better than to argue with you.

you smile happily into his chest knowing you had won the argument.

when he presumes you’re not paying attention, percy kicks the stuffed animals off the bed. but, again, he knew better than to assume with you.

you sit upwards quickly, removing his arms from around you. “you are such an ass!”

you let the blankets fall from your naked frame (though thankfully you had decided to leave on your underwear), and reach on the floor to grab the stuffed animals, rising back up to place them back in their spots.

you return back to lay again, this time on your back despite percy draping his arm back around you. his chin rests on your shoulder this time.

“it was an accident, sweet girl.”

“you hate my stuffed animals, just say it.”

“no, I love them.”

“then why’d you kick them off?!”

you regret asking the question after you feel his smile against your skin. “so they wouldn’t have sex. you know how handsy that seahorse can get sometimes.”

“believe me, I know.” you place your hand on the arm percy had draped around your waist.

“so then why’d you let them lay together again?”

you sigh. “because the turtle likes the seahorse a little too much for her own liking.”

“that’s what I thought, sweet girl.”

#xoxochb #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo series #pjo fandom #pjo #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x you #riordanverse x reader #riordan universe #riordanverse

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nuthong · 2 days ago

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the fact that every time they scored on each other they caught the other in a truth which means jun does like po, because thame scored that point. but he realized thame did too (because the only time that he didn’t score on thame was when he said ‘you don’t even have feelings for him’ making it untrue) and basically conceded for a multitude of reasons even though thame said they could both try.

his game with thame after that confirmed it, because before they tied 4-4. he let thame score, stopped playing, and said you won so don’t worry about me anymore. his face when he met po after and stared at him was definitely a “let me like you one last time” look (can i just say nut is actually killing it with his expressions because they’re spot on).

and im sure thame knows that he lied, because they somehow despite appearing as frenemies know everything about each other.

“i don’t want you to be a loser” is such a hilarious excuse and partly true though. at the end of the day his interests align with thame’s in wanting what is best for thame, po, and mars, he just has the most insanely chaotic and bitchy way of going about it, as is his nature. somehow i do believe he didn’t know thame truly liked po but he knew that if thame did he wanted thame to step the fuck up and do it right 😭

i love my loser bisexual rep

#thamepo #five live reaction

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vellazx · 23 hours ago

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Reincarnated!Roger Luffy x Reincarnated!Rouge Reader — a small drabble of mine!

It was hard working for the Navy, whenever the man whom you adored so dearly was bound to be your enemy for life.

How it happened? It was a long story… And you couldn’t quite put it all into words.

It started two years ago, all the way back in Alabasta, when you were sent out for a job with your coworker, Smoker.

The two of you could be considered as ‘friends’. He rambled to you the whole way there about a wanted pirate who went by the name of ‘Straw Hat Luffy’, at the time bearing a 30 million Berry bounty.

He was just a rookie. It would be easy for someone of your rank to take him down. You were respected by even the three Admirals themselves, probably only a level below them in terms of power.

So why was it that when you did come face to face with him, the two of you just locked eyes, as if entranced by each other.

Your heart skipped a beat in that very moment. And for some reason, he smiled at you, making your sudden jittery behavior and nervousness a thousand times worse.

You were so ashamed of yourself. You allowed him to simply run past you with that toothy grin of his, beaming with confidence and recklessness.

Smoker didn’t let you off lightly after watching that scene. But you didn’t argue against him, no. You fully believed you deserved it.

But why did that happen in the first place? He was a pirate, and you didn’t take yourself as the type to fall in love at first sight. You’ve never done that.

You couldn’t continue to help Smoker and the swordswoman always by his side, Tashigi, in capturing the Straw Hats. Especially their captain.

It was like your body acted on its own, forcing you to leave. After that encounter, you endured a mental crisis for nearly an entire month.

He just felt so… familiar. It unsettled you.

Why did it feel like you had met him before?

After Alabasta, you somehow ended getting tied up in his daily pirate schemes, as if you just couldn’t escape him.

Sabaody Archipelago, the Navy Headquarters, Punk Hazard… You could name even more times that you’ve met with him in abnormal circumstances.

And every time you fought him, every accidental brush of hands that made your cheeks heat up, your feelings got worse, and worse, and worse…

Why him?

Of all people, why him?

To make things worse, you could feel yourself… distancing from your duty. Your job. Like he was influencing you.

You started thinking weird things, strange things.

‘The World Government? I don’t trust them.’

You didn’t trust them? Yes you did. They wanted justice for the world, and you did, too.

‘They’re corrupted.’

No they aren’t.

‘In the name of justice? Don’t make me laugh. They don’t care about justice… They only want power.’

It was like there was a second voice in your head. An alter ego, almost…

All the while, in the midst of those thoughts… Your mind always reeled back to him. His stupid face that made your heart flutter. That smile of his, that was so infectious you couldn’t help but return a smile, which you didn’t realize most of the time.

He would point it out mid-fight, too.

“Hey, you’re smiling!”

“You’re seeing things, Straw Hat!”

You also couldn’t help but realize that during your meaningless duels, all his attention would be solely on you. Of course, when fighting someone, that was normal. But the way he looked at you… Did enemies look at each other like that?

His eyes shone, full of adoration. He always smiled at you, even if you wanted him to take you seriously. He didn’t gaze at you like he did his other opponents. He always stared them down with anger, or irritation.

He hardly knew anything about you, other than how well you fought when you clashed on the battlefield. But at the same time, he felt like he knew everything about you.

It took you by surprise one day, when he opened up his own confusion to you.

“It feels like I’ve met you before. Before Vivi’s country!”

Before Alabasta? That was where you first met two years ago.

And he was saying that he felt like he knew you before your meeting in the country?

“You must be crazy, Straw Hat…”

You said that, but you felt the same. And… he said he felt the same. You would’ve never expected him to be on the road of confusion, as you were.

You hated to admit it, but Straw Hat Luffy was the center of your thoughts ever since your first meeting. He indirectly influenced you, resulting in you slowly developing a distasteful attitude toward the World Government and all your coworkers.

He’s never even said anything to you about hating the World Government, yet your thoughts of him were changing you.

For better, or for worse? You had no idea.

It was impossible for you to deny the way your eyes softened, and the way your muscles became less tense when he was around.

In battle, you’d have to be the one to fight him if you were present. No one else. Not even if an Admiral offered to assist you in taking him down.

Because for some reason… For some odd, odd reason…

…You were paranoid that they’d be able to defeat him, and he’d die on an execution platform, leaving you alone with your feelings until your own death.

Why did it feel like… that’s already happened before?

You couldn’t let it happen again.

#one piece #fluff #angst #luffy x you #monkey d. luffy x reader #luffy x reader #one piece luffy #mugiwara no luffy #straw hat luffy #monkey d. luffy #luffy #op luffy #x reader #roger x rouge #reincarnation #one piece x reader #one piece x y/n #luffy x y/n

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last-herondale · 1 day ago

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You Are Enough Pt. 6

Astarion x Fem!tav

Astarion POV

Fluff. Soft squishy lovely fluff.

Warnings: none?

AN: I needed this. I hope you can also take comfort as well.

Enjoy 🤘🏼

Part 5

I thought at some point I would grow accustomed to you. That I would at the very least stop being surprised by the words that flowed from your mouth, or entranced by the way you carried yourself wherever you went. It’s been months since we’ve met, weeks since you told me…

It’s still hard to believe.

I had an inkling, after the third or fourth night I fed from you. You were sitting there in the grass, recovering from my indulgences as the clouds began to dissipate from the night sky. I was preparing to return to camp, not wanting to linger in the dark, until you broke the silence.

“The stars are out.”

Your voice was so soft that I wondered if you had even meant to speak to me. I turned my head to the sky and saw the twinkling constellations emerging from the clouds.

“I can see the Lady of Mystery,” I mused, mostly to myself. Through the many volumes of my collection, a particular favorite of mine was that of the constellations. I glanced at you to see if you too would understand my reference.

While your eyes held no familiarity, you looked at me with innocent curiosity. I felt myself smile before I realized what I was doing. I moved closer to you, sitting beside you in the grass and tilted your head in the right direction.

You didn’t flinch at my touch. Your skin felt so warm, so soft. I watched as your eyes widened and reflected the stars above.

“Do you see that bright star there? That’s her head, then her body—“

“Then her feet!” You said happily, “She’s beautiful.”

I chuckled and nodded.

“I always found it rather comforting. No matter how many years pass—no matter how many things change, the stars will always stay the same. One constant thing,” I murmured.

In that moment I feared I said too much. Shown weakness in front of you. But you just smiled as me, as warm and as bright as you always did, and said, “Will you show me more?”

I couldn’t say no, even if I had wanted to.

“Well, if you look to the right, beside her is the Harp, then over here is the Dragon of Dawn…”

I spent the rest of the night showing you the stars and rattling on about the stories that came with them. You listened intently, like a child. Totally enthralled with every word that dripped from my mouth.

In the past, I would have felt bitter at my performance. Another soul enraptured with my presence. Someone for me to use and take to him.

But this time it didn’t feel like I was performing. Part of the real me seemed to have slipped out— and you were— enjoying it. How odd. Either I had drained so much blood from you that I had damaged your brain function, or maybe you actually— enjoyed my company. As much as I enjoyed yours.

Even now, with your intentions and feelings for me so clear and out in the open, even now I still wonder if it’s real. I pray that it’s real.

At night, when the camp is fast asleep I can feel you tracing your hands along the scars on my back. At first I was repulsed by them, saw them only as a reminder of who gave them to me. I thought you would too, but then your soft touch changed them forever.

“You seem awfully fascinated by them,” I remember saying the second night you traced them with your finger.

“I am,” you said softly in the darkness.

“Why?” I asked, my eyes looking in the dark. I wanted to face you, but the feel of your fingers on my back was amazing. You touched me as if I was a fragile thing, as if you were afraid your fingers would be my shattering.

“Because, they’re a part of you,” you murmured, “and I love every part of you.”

You said it as if you meant it. Without hesitation, without thought. As if loving me—loving all of me was as easy as breathing. It made me shiver.

“You’d be the first,” I whispered.

At that your fingers stopped tracing for a moment. I was worried I had made you uncomfortable until your arms wrapped around me and I felt your lips on my back. You pressed gentle kisses on my scars, keeping me tight in your embrace.

I had never felt so…warm.

And then just tonight…

A soft rain was falling in these shadowlands. It was strange for such a storm in this land, but the water was pure and a rare occurrence according to Jaheria. Halsin attributed it to our good deeds, more accurately— your good deeds.

I caught you just outside of the inn, near Damon’s smithing table in the barn. You were dancing in the rain with a few Tiefling children. You were drenched, and your skin was prickled up in the cool air. You were laughing.

You were radiant. For a moment I thought the sun had risen against the shadows. Everything I ever wanted seemed so close— just within reach.

I stayed a while and watched. The children eventually ran back inside, but you stayed out in the rain, lifting your head up to the sky.

Gods, she’s beautiful. And absolutely ridiculous.

I found myself stepping out into the rain, wanting nothing but to be closer to you. You must have noticed me coming, because you turned to me, your face lit up with a beautiful smile. You extended your hand to me.

“Dance with me?” You asked.

I took your hand and pulled you close, placing my hands on your waist.

“I’m afraid you’ll catch your death out here, darling,” I said, starting to move with her to her imaginary music. She smiled as we slowly moved together, carving our own path against the rain.

“It’s worth it,” you laughed as I twirled you.

She is beautiful. She is everything.

Rain clung to your hair and it kissed your face as it ran down your cheeks. I was caught up in the awe of you. The resplendent beauty of your eyes looking at me as if I was the only one in the world.

I would burn the world down for her.

I must have been lost in thought because we stopped moving. You looked at me curiously. A hand drifted to your chin and tilted your face up to mine.

“You are absolutely breathtaking,” I said softly.

And then you smiled at me like you always do. As if I was someone you have been waiting your life for. As if I was the light in the universe. It made me feel like I was invincible. It made me believe that I was someone worth loving.

I love her. More than anything. I would die for her.

Those thoughts settled deep into my soul. I couldn’t form my lips to say them. It felt impossible… I hated myself in that moment for my weakness. For all of the missed opportunities I kept creating.

“Hey,” you said softly as you cupped my cheek, bringing my attention back to the moment.

It was as if you sensed my self doubt. As if you knew me better than I knew myself. How strange a feeling.

“Come back to me,” you said gently, “focus on this. On us.”

You laid your head on my chest, and wrapped your arms around my neck. My hands returned to your waist and we just slowly turned and shuffled around in your rain soaked clothes. The scent of you was intoxicating, and I let myself drift off in the high of the moment.

One day I’ll be able to tell her— but for now, I suppose i will show her how much she means to me.

#fem reader #fan fic author #fic writing #fanfic writing #fluff #baldur's gate 3 #my writing #vampires #bg3 #bg3 tav #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 astarion #astarionisbae #baldurs gate astarion #astarion #love

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left4gospels · 2 days ago

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“UNTOUCHABLE”

Short story

✟ ✟ ✟

(Drawing by me, I hated the full version but i liked how I drew Ellis so this is what you get.)

First time writing something and posting it publicly so uh i hope you guys like it. Was just an idea I had. I dont like this it could be better.

TW: Death, violence, Keith is sort of a douche, mid story.

╔══•●•══╗

“Ellis and his best buddy Keith were driving on the road, heading to the nearest evacuation station with no idea what would happen to them. With rumors of an apocalypse, neither of them were taking it seriously. Keith always had that invincible energy that nothing could touch either of them when they were together, so why would Ellis doubt him? They were fine, everything would work out in the end.

That is, until they run out of gas. Then everything starts to get a little too serious for Ellis.”

╚══•●•══╝

The chevy sped down the empty backroad, gravel crunching under the tires and trees blurring by. Ellis kept one hand on the wheel and the other draped over the shifter, his fingers tapping to the rhythm of ‘Don't fear the reaper’. Keith sat in the passenger seat, his worn boots propped up on the dash like he owned the damn thing, tearing into a stick of jerky he randomly found in his pocket. They’d taken one of the many backroads of Georgia to avoid the crowd towards the evacuation station– a hotel Ellis hadn’t been to since he was a kid– leaving the road clear for him to step on the gas.

“Man, this don’t feel real, does it?” Keith said, his mouth half-full, cheeks puffed like a chipmunk as he looked out the window. Ellis turned down the radio to hear him. “Remember that ramp off of White Bluff? I was drivin’, and I hit that shit goin’ like 120! Dave nearly shit his fuckin’ pants. You puked all over my dash, I was fuckin’ pissed.”

Ellis glanced at him, laughing at the memory. “Dude I know! I was just thinkin’ about that! Oh man, that was so funny. I’d do it again, ‘except last time we weren’t dodgin’ zombies n’ shit.”

“Hey, we ain’t seen no zombies yet? If we do, just run them fuckers over. Nothin’ but a speed bump.” Keith grinned, the kind of grin that made him look like a kid trying to get away with something. It was that grin that normally got Ellis into trouble. Keith had a way of turning bad ideas into brilliant ones, and Ellis had a bad habit of going along with them. Like the time Keith got it in his head to make homemade fireworks, or the bumper cars, or the gators. Keith always liked the thrill of having one foot in the grave.

Even when Keith’s ideas blew up in their faces—literally, in the case of the fireworks—Ellis always trusted him. Keith just had this way about him, this dumb kinda confidence that made you believe nothing could ever touch you in his presence. And until that day, Ellis believed him.

“Man, that would be so cool. Use em’ as a ramp, oh– like the Dukes of hazzard!” Ellis cheered with a gleaming smile, both of them laughing.

“Just the good ol’ boys…” Keith sang the tune to the opening. “That used to come on every mornin’ after the news. You remember as a kid, playin’ as them? Man, we were stupid. I’d watch it again though.”

Ellis smiled and swallowed hard, his throat suddenly tight. He didn’t want to think about the news– how all those people died in Macon, or how they might never see another tv show again. Now that the evacuation was mandatory, it all seemed different. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. Ellis didn’t like to think about shit like that. So he avoided those thoughts for as long as he could.

“Y’think this hotel’s gonna be as fancy as it used to be? Hell, I ain’t been to The Vannah in a fuckin’ dogs age. Last time I was there, I think I was with Cindy,” Keith asked, breaking the silence. “That bitch that left me at the tunnel of’ love'?”

“Ha! Yeah, I remember that.” Ellis snorted, adjusting his hat. Who’s he kidding? They’re gonna be fine. “Oughta be paradise with all this shit goin’ on. Bet there’s gonna be a shit ton a’ people. Hope they ain’t zombies like on the TV.”

Keith laughed, that wheezy, half-choked sound that always got Ellis laughing too, and for a moment, the world didn’t seem so bad. “Pft, I wasn't payin’ attention to that. That news lady they got on channel 7 is a fine piece, I can tell ya that.”

Then the fuel light dinged, Ellis groaned. They should’ve fueled up before, but everyone was in such a rush to leave, they figured they might as well be too.

“Goddamn, already outta gas,” he muttered, hitting his steering wheel. “This is some bullshit. I told you we should’a gassed ‘er up.”

The gas station came into view a mile or so down the road, a lonely convenience store from when people worried about gas prices and not whether they’d live long enough to pay for it. Ellis pulled the truck into the lot, the tires crunching over broken glass and debris.

“Where the hell are the people? They already left? Man, I better not get a flat from all this glass, I'm serious.” Ellis said, shaking his head as he turned into one of the pumps.

“Shit, this place looks like a scene outta a horror movie,” Keith said, leaning out the window to get a better look. “Betcha there’s bodies in the back.”

“Shut up,” Ellis grinned, slapping him on the shoulder. “Ain’t funny.” He said, despite his smile.

He killed the engine and stepped out, the heat slamming into him like a wall. Goddamn the Georgia heat was relentless. It was quiet. No birds, no wind, just the sound of his boots on the pavement as he walked to the pump. He glanced around—two empty cars, both with busted windows, but not a soul in sight. I mean damn, he didn’t think it would be all peaches and cream, but he definitely didn’t expect nothing like this.

“Hey, you think they got snacks inside?” Keith called from the truck, stepping out and shutting the door.

Ellis smiled and looked over his shoulder, Keith’s words distracting him from reality– like they always did. “Oh, that’s a good idea right there. Man, I could go for a slurpee– or a beer.” He shook his head. “You think they make beer slurpees?”

Keith didn’t answer, and Ellis figured he ran off somewhere to find some food. He was silently wondering if he still had to pay or not, gripping the pump handle, his fingers trembling just a little. He hated how quiet it was. Hated how weird this whole thing felt. He started getting wrapped up in his head again, something he never does. Maybe this whole flu thing was a bigger deal than he thought.

“El,” Keith called again, catching Ellis’s attention.“You see that?”

Ellis turned, following Keith’s gaze to the corner of the lot. A shadow darted between two cars, quick and low, like an animal.

“Prolly just a dog or some shit,” Ellis said, though he didn’t believe it himself. Just ignore it, he told himself, get the gas and go.

Keith snorted. “Yeah, a dog the size of a goddamn linebacker.”

Ellis laughed at that, setting the pump back in its cradle and turned toward the truck. “C’mon, we’re leavin’. Not a man here, so I ain’t payin’. And I sure as hell ain’t killin’ no dog.”

But Keith wasn’t in the truck. He was a good twenty feet away, crouched beside an overturned box, squinting at something on the ground.

“What'd ya find? Hurry your ass up, man.” Ellis smiled, approaching him. Ellis usually didn’t mind the way Keith treated all this like it was just another story they’d laugh about later, it kept his mind from wandering to the parts of this whole mess he wasn’t ready to think about. He didn’t know if he ever would be. Now, Ellis was starting to get a little worried. But he’d never let Keith know that.

Keith looked up, grinning like an idiot, waving the yellow cylinder in the air. “Found me a box of Twinkies! They ain’t even opened!”

“Awh, yeah! Get some and let’s go man, cmon. Move your ass.” Ellis said, beckoning him with a little more insistence in his words. The hairs on his neck stood up, watching as Keith shoved a couple more in his pocket.

“Alright alright. Damn, don’t get your panties in a twist–”

And then it happened.

The “dog” from before launched itself at Keith, moving faster than Ellis blink. Keith barely had time to scream before the thing was on him, its claws ripping into his chest, its weight slamming him to the ground. This wasn’t a dog, this was a human– or it was at one point– as wild as an animal

“Keith!” Ellis yelled, his voice cracking, pulse skyrocketing. “Holy shit!”

The thing snarled with gritted teeth, blood already dripping from its mouth from God knows what. Keith thrashed and yelled, using all the force he could to push the thing off, but it was no use. It’s hands– almost clawed, tore into Keith's ribs, jabbing into his organs again and again and again. This thing wasn’t like the zombies in movies. It wasn’t looking for brains or running on hunger– it was looking to kill.

Ellis grabbed the crowbar he kept in bed of his truck and ran, his legs moving on instinct. The first hit connected with a sickening crunch, sending blood and bits of bone flying. The Hunter reeled, its claws twitching, but Ellis didn't stop. He brought the crowbar down against its skill– feeling every hit– until the thing was a lifeless heap of infected flesh on the ground. Ellis stared in disbelief for a second, panting with burning lungs, before he heard a babbling cough beneath him.

“Keith!” Ellis gasped, forgetting the crowbar and dropping to his knees beside him. Blood pooled on the asphalt under Keith's body– his shirt and flesh shredded to pieces. Keith’s eyes were wide, his chest heaving, blood pouring from the gaping wound in his side, coughing up more of the red liquid from all the internal damage. Ellis reckoned it must’ve hurt something fierce, but the sheer shock and adrenaline must’ve kept Keith from feeling a thing.

“Ellis,” he choked out, his voice weak, looking down at himself in complete disbelief. “Holy fuck, man– holy fuck!” He repeated, his mouth gaping open in surprise. “What the fuck was that thing?!”

“Shit!” Ellis yells, shaking his head. “Holy shit, man! No, it's alright. You’re always fine. Remember the fireworks? The gator?” He tried to chuckle, but it just came out as a choked sob. “Keith, c’mon man, get up! You’re alright…”

Keith tried to smile weakly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Man, this ain’t the same, Ellis! I’m all– I'm everywhere…” The corners of his lips turned downwards. His hands trembled as he attempted to sit up, he couldn’t seem to look at anything but his organs pooling out of his body. Keith gurgled, more blood rising from his throat and out of his teeth. His breath was ragged and thick, the thing must’ve hit one of his lungs.

Pressing his palms to the wound, Ellis tried to stop the red stream from spurting out as best he could, but it only stained the back of his hands. Keith began to choke, and cough out another gush of blood onto his shirt. His wide eyes settled onto Ellis’s face, tears streaming slowly down them. Keith never cried.

“I think I'm gonna die, man…” He whispered, voice quivering as his hand reached for Ellis, fingers weakly gripping his shirt. “That thing knocked the life outta me.”

“No,” Ellis whispered, his voice breaking, shaking his head in denial. “Shut up, man. No, no, no. No, man you’re not gonna die.” He pleaded, silently praying, repenting for every sin they’ve ever committed. Not Keith man, he couldn’t lose his best buddy.

“Shit, Ellis man.. I don’t wanna die…” Keith said, his panicked voice dropping low, words slurring. “I’m– You’re my best friend, man…” His eyes grew big for a few seconds, so full of fear, looking up to the sky at something Ellis couldn’t see. Ellis shook his head, his lips beginning to move, begging for him to keep holding on. Begging for God not to do this to either of them. Keith took a few more ragged breaths, and one last sticky heave, before his eyes shut. His body went slack, head lolling to the side.

“KEITH!” Ellis yelled, shaking him now. “No, no no no. Man, c’mon man!” He said, gripping hard on his shoulders. It was then when he realised he was crying himself. Keith was dead. Keith just died in front of him, in his arms. “Shit!”

Ellis abruptly stumbled to his feet, sticky with his best friend's blood. He studied his muddy hands, palms up, palms down. He could feel his pulse in the tips of his fingers, his hands sore from gripping the crowbar so hard. Staring at Keith and the zombie's lifeless body, a numbing despair settled over him. It all happened so fast… so fuckin’ fast.

He had to get out of here.

Ellis climbed into the driver’s seat, fumbling with the keys and staring at his hands. He found a grease rag in the compartment of his truck, desperately scrubbing his best friend’s DNA off his skin, though it didn’t do much but dry them. His blood was in the beds of his fingernails. He started the engine and pulled onto the road, hands trembling on the wheel. He didn’t look in the mirror, he didn’t dare look back.

He was going to the evac station– he’ll meet Keith there.

Keith wasn’t dead. That wasn’t his body dying in Ellis’s arms. He was back in the truck, laughing about Twinkies or pools or something stupid. Or better yet, somewhere at home with a beer and a shotgun, safe as can be. Yeah. He’s alright.

Keith was fine. Ellis never saw anyone die.

He had never seen a zombie before.

Nothing could ever touch him.

✟ ✟ ✟

#left 4 dead #left 4 dead 2 #txt #writing #ellis l4d2 #l4d2 #l4d #tw death #artists on tumblr #digital art #nick left 4 dead 2 #fan theory #fanfic #fanfiction #southern gothic #i hate this actually sorry #headcanon

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runninriot · 12 hours ago

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The End Of Maybe

written for the @steddiebingo card prompt: proposal & @steddielovemonth day 1

rated: T | wc: 1.223 | tags: established relationship, emotional hurt/comfort, self-doubt, declarations of love, marriage proposal | also on ao3

“Do you ever regret it?” Eddie asks quietly, eyes locked on the ceiling while his fingers are tracing invisible patterns on the skin of Steve’s back.

“Regret what?”

Steve’s head is resting on Eddie’s chest, basking in the comfort of their shared body heat, still on his come down from an overdose of love-infused ecstasy. Enjoying his boyfriend’s closeness while his mind is happily drifting. Was drifting, until now. Now he’s alert, can sense the shift in Eddie’s mood, the gloomy aura suddenly surrounding him.

Eddie still hasn’t turned his gaze away from where it is fixed on nothing but white paint, stays unmoving even when Steve lifts his head to look at him.

“Baby? Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”

For how talkative Eddie usually is, Steve has long since learned that his boyfriend can be eerily quiet when something is eating away at him. When he’s trying to come up with solutions on his own instead of sharing the burden. Over time, they’ve found a way to meet in the middle – with Steve giving Eddie the space and time he needs to sort through his thoughts and Eddie keeping his promise not to shut Steve out, to share what’s gnawing at him eventually.

“I mean,” Eddie starts, finally looking down to find Steve’s eyes, shifting so that they’re lying side by side, face to face. Still close despite the emotional distance Steve can feel like a physical wall between them.

“Do you sometimes regret choosing this over- something else?”

He’s being vague on purpose, not even trying to elaborate what he means and Steve knows why, understands what he’s saying either way. They had this conversation before, once, and ended up in a big fight, maybe their biggest one yet. Because at the time, it had felt like Eddie was trying to push him away, trying to talk him into something he didn’t want out of unfounded fear of Steve changing his mind one day. Having a hard time believing that he chose this life, not despite but because of what it would mean for his future.

For Steve, this has never been temporary; he’s always been all in. Wants to spend the rest of his days with Eddie, through the good and the bad and everything.

“Never,” Steve finally says, keeping his voice soft but making sure the message is clear, “I want this and nothing else. I love our life with everything we have. I love you. You know that, right?”

Without waiting for an answer, Steve leans in for a kiss, a firm press of lips to emphasise his words.

He knows it’s just a little bump in the road, just Eddie being in his head – it happens every now and then, it’s okay, nothing to really worry about. But still, Steve hates to see Eddie sad.

“I know you do, I just- I don’t know.”

Eddie sighs, buys himself time by stealing another tender kiss from his boyfriend, and Steve lets him get away with it.

“Where’s this coming from, baby? Did I do or say something that made you think I’ve changed my mind?”

“No! No, you did nothing, I- I guess I’m just scared.”

With one hand, Steve cups the side of Eddie’s face, thumb gently stroking over his cheekbone, not saying anything but patiently waiting for him to go on.

“I know you love me, that’s not what I’m worried about. I just sometimes wonder if it’s truly worth giving up so many of your dreams for this. For me.”

Steve knows what Eddie is referring to, even without him having to spell it out. It is true, there had been a time where Steve’s biggest dream was to have a wife and kids, a whole bunch of them, living a quiet small-town life with his picture-perfect family.

But that was before Eddie came along. Before he fell heart over head in love with a wonderful young man, with the prettiest smile and dark brown eyes that make him weak, still, after all those years. Sure, he’d be lying if he said he never asked himself that same question, wondering if being with Eddie was worth facing all the battles they had to fight. If loving Eddie was worth letting go of the future he’d always thought he wanted for himself.

But the answer is still the same as it has been for over 6 years now – yes. A thousand times yes. Because the truth is, he didn’t give up a dream, he created a new one. With Eddie at the centre of everything, he’s built a life that is better than anything he could’ve imagined.

Nothing compares to being loved by Eddie, and nothing could ever make this relationship any more perfect. Except maybe…

He shoots up so sudden it startles Eddie, who reluctantly obeys when Steve beckons him to sit.

“What-”

Steve doesn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence, presses the tip of his finger against Eddie’s lips to shut him up – not to be rude; he just needs him to listen to what he has to say before he loses his courage.

“You’re it for me, okay? You are everything I need to be happy and I- I want to grow old with you, want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are all I want, now and forever.”

Steve swallows roughly, has to take a few deep breaths, can already feel the burning of tears in his eyes.

Robin will lose her mind. Will probably also give him a lot of shit for doing it like this, here, in the isolated cocoon of their bedroom rather than making it the big, pompous surprise they always joked about in secret. When they talked about the hypothetical maybe of Steve proposing one day.

Truth is, Steve has been thinking about it a lot in the past, about asking Eddie to take this next big step with him. Not for the sake of making at least one of his younger self’s dreams a reality, but because he wants to be Eddie’s in every way possible. Is more than willing to give up a name that means nothing to him for one that means love and trust and family.

“Eddie, baby, will you marry me?”

He waits for the words to sink in, anxiously watching Eddie go through all the stages of understanding what Steve is asking him.

“Are you-” Realisation.

“Do you really-” Disbelief.

“You want to-” Reassurance.

“Oh my God, yes! YES!” Eddie finally answers with a trembling voice and eyes full of tears.

They’re both shedding tears of joy now, arms wrapped around each other, kissing, and smiling and kissing some more until just kissing is no longer enough. When the need to be closer overcomes them and whispered declarations of love and devotion turn into something a lot more obscene. When their bodies demand to become one in heated passion, euphoric and wild and sweet.

And when they come undone for the second time this night, it feels different in a way, new. Because it’s their first time as soon-to-be husbands. Falling apart together, with all their love carved into a promise to mark the end of maybe and the beginning of forever – no after – just them ‘til the end.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #steddie fic #steddiebingo2025 #steddielovemonth #prompt: proposal

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calaisreno · 2 days ago

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Coming Soon: The Secret of Agra

A year after The Reichenbach Fall, John learns that Sherlock isn’t dead, but has now found himself in a spot of trouble. John goes after him. (Much weirder than this description suggests.)

Excerpt:

“You don’t believe me.” She’s looking at him with an almost fierce intensity, as if she can read the thoughts going through his mind. Probably, she can. People have seen through John Watson before now— people who, without asking, know why he limps. The things she’s telling him are not merely improbable; they’re impossible. ... “He was backed into a corner,” she continues, “and took the only way he saw to escape. I’m only saying this now because he’s found himself in another corner. He needs help.” John rubs his left hand on his trousers, a self-soothing motion that doesn’t lessen the anger and sorrow making his heart ache. He takes a deep breath, blows it out. “Fine. Let’s suppose you believe it’s true: Sherlock Holmes survived the fall and has been… what, fleeing from his enemies? For months he’s been somewhere, not dead. If you want me to believe this fairy tale, I’m going to need some proof.” “I saw him in Geneva.” She looks at him steadily, unsmiling. Either she’s a very good actress or she believes that whoever she saw was Sherlock. Maybe both. “And you want me to simply take your word for it?” She sighs, not in exasperation but frustration, and frowns pensively. “He spoke with a friend of mine.” Swiping her phone open, she scrolls a bit, and then turns it so he can see. “Security footage.” He watches the clip twice more, then hands back her phone. Sherlock is alive. John's mind is filled with a buzzing static. For a moment his vision fades. Steady. There will be time to think about it later. Now he needs to ask questions.

Note: Mary is a character in this, but her part is short and there is no romantic relationship.

This is a "down the rabbit hole" story, a London Below, a wonderland, an impossible place where missing people find themselves.

It's also a love story about our two heroes trying to find one another, realising things about themselves and each other.

I've written plenty of AUs before; you might find this one a bit different. There will be no "it's all a dream" ending.

It's a mystery: Clues, easter eggs, breadcrumbs.

@keirgreeneyes @lisbeth-kk @totallysilvergirl @helloliriels

@redmondcollege @raina-at @7-percent @lhrinchelsea

@peanitbear @ghostofnuggetspast @a-victorian-girl

@meetinginsamarra @fullyouthwerewolf @kettykika78

@chriscalledmesweetie @discordantwords @mydogwatson

Thank you for reblogging! 💕

#my fics #bbc sherlock #johnlock #secret of agra #coming soon

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xxbl33d1ngb0y2xx · 2 days ago

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this post is angry and political, if you’re not in a space to read that then scroll but i strongly encourage you to read because it’s important especially if you’re in the us

ICE is coming to my school district starting today and i’m terrified and fuming about all of this, they’ve already been to homeless shelters and apartments in my area and there’s been raids minutes away from my home. i am privileged to be a white person born in the us and i want to do everything i can to fight this by educating myself and other people about the fascism in the us and use my anger productively not just because i have close friends who are immigrants or people of color but also because this is fundamentally evil, fascist and white supremacist. no one will benefit under supremacy except the 1% rich white men who own more than they deserve and play us like pawns.

my girlfriend, the love of my life is a second generation immigrant from mexico and is very visibly a person of color, her father who’s first gen passed away but she still speaks spanish at home with her brother and they’ve stopped speaking it in public for their safety. she is documented but we know ice doesn’t actually care about that as long as they’re a person of color. i’m terrified for her and her family.

the policy in place of arresting 70 “suspected illegal immigrants” a day is proof that they don’t care about the legal status of people, it’s just the way they’re attempting to justify genocide of people of color, especially south american people. if you don’t believe that, just think about the fact that they’re not arresting white people. it’s only been non-white immigrants.

a lot of people are avoiding using the word but trump is a nazi. this is so similar to everything that happened leading up to the mass murder of jewish people and other minorities in ww2, the patterns match perfectly. i’m angry and im scared and im mourning for the people that have already been arrested and taken from their homes by the mass deportations.

many of you have probably seen this already but it’s a good recourse and i’ll be posting more about ice, resistance and general angry posts about all of this shit as long as it’s relatively safe for me to do so

#julez1sn0t0k #us politics #ICE #mass deportations #ice raids #donald trump #trump administration #know your rights

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justaz · 2 days ago

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I kind of touched on that in my reblog of this post!!!

Although that was more focused on Leon and his father’s relationship but yeah I definitely believe in Leon’s father being a genuinely good man and Leon wanting to make him proud and the way he does that is by following in his footsteps and defending the people from tyranny and oppression like his dad did.

I love the idea of thats why the Druids saved him!! Glorp it’s mine now. I’ve consumed it as canon.

I’m always torn on whether I like the idea of Leon knowing about Merlin’s magic or not because I like the idea of Leon thinking Merlin I’d just this Silly Little Guy and then finding out he’s like. Actually God. And was genuinely trying to kill Arthur. Because I find that funny. But also Leon protecting and turning a blind eye to Merlin and his magic is so!!!!! God I love Merleon,, they’re so precious to me and deserve more recognition.

One of my little headcanons for bbc merlin's is that Leon's father was Uther's first knight and he was more loyal to his oath to the people than the Crown. So when Uther sent out his knights to round up sorcerers and raid Druid camps, he would constantly turn a blind eye and let people get away because he knew what Uther was doing was wrong but he couldn't fight back against Uther because the other knights were following his orders and he would've been outnumbered, locked up, and killed along with the "magic sympathizers" that were also executed with magic users and then there wouldn't be anyone in the ranks helping out those being hunted and attacked.

Anyways, he remained as Uther's first knight throughout the entire Purge to help as many people as he could. When word got to Uther about a sighting of Balinor near this small village called Ealdor, he was sent out as Uther still had unwavering trust in him so he went out to Ealdor and he DID find Balinor hiding in Hunith's home but he pretended he didn't see him and spared his life which led to Emrys's birth.

#maybe I’m in a merleon mood because I keep seeing that one person posting about merleon #although they’re doing it as romantic but I see them more as brothers #but hey #they’re still cutie patooties #I found the ceo of merleon that I was talking about #aspentreeonahill #omg I just went to their blog and they’ve already reblogged this #LMFAO #the original reblog I did #omg I just got noticed by the ceo of merleon #everyone act natural

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v3n1ce-bxtch · 3 days ago

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okay girl let me get aaaaaaa

nicholas chavez x black reader fic and she invites him to the cookout. you already know there’s always that one cousin that tries to get with everyone man, but nicholas shuts that down immediately in the most respectful way.

you would eat this down, i believe in you and it’s no pressure.

A/N: THANK YOU FOR THIS ASKKKKK BOOO!! I know nick has half brothers but it worked for him to have none in this fic.

Nicholas had been nervous all morning. Meeting your family was one thing, but being invited to the cookout? That was an honor and a test all in one. He wanted to make a good impression, and by the way you were squeezing his hand reassuringly, you could tell.

“Relax, baby,” you whispered as you walked through the backyard. The smell of ribs, mac and cheese, and collard greens filled the air. “They’re gonna love you.”

And love him they did. Your uncles were impressed when he held his own in a game of spades, and your grandmother had already declared he was “a good one” after he helped her bring in a tray of peach cobbler. Everything was going great—until she showed up.

Your cousin Tasha. The one who always had to test the waters, especially when it came to somebody else’s man.

“Whew, you didn’t tell me your man was fine fine,” Tasha said, dragging out the last word as she looked Nicholas up and down. “You sure you don’t got a brother?”

Nicholas chuckled politely, keeping his arm around your waist. “No brothers, just me.”

“That’s a shame,” she pouted. “You sure you don’t want to—”

“I’m sure,” Nicholas cut in smoothly, his tone respectful but firm. “I appreciate the compliment, though. But I’m very happy where I am.” He turned to you, pressing a kiss to your temple, his hand resting protectively on your hip. ��Wouldn’t trade her for anything.”

Tasha sucked her teeth and waved him off. “Ugh, y’all are so cute it’s annoying. Whatever.”

You laughed, leaning into Nicholas. “Good answer, baby.”

“I meant every word,” he murmured, giving you a knowing look before pulling you back into the celebration.

#michelle rants🌸#anon ask #send anons #michelle’s anons🌸#strawberries ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚#nicholas chavez #nicholas alexander chavez #nicholas chavez fanfiction #nicholas chavez x black reader #nicholas chavez x reader

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cecilysass · 13 hours ago

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When I Think About You, I Touchstone Myself: Fic Recs for the Biogenesis/ Sixth Extinction/ Amor Fati trilogy

I thought it was time to do some fic fixes for these important episodes for a few reasons.

First, Amor Fati is an episode I can’t ever stay away from; I both love it and have big issues with it. I love the tribute to Last Temptation of Christ, a film I admire, but I also find the identification of Mulder as a Christ figure to be problematic, or at least to raise questions the show doesn’t really address. I love the touchstone speech and the boy on the beach sequence; I find a lot of the real-life dialogue (e.g. between CSM and Diana) to be clunky.

And honestly, I find it kind of irritating that Diana's death happened off screen, too. Deep Throat, Spender, X, CSM, Well-Manicured Man, Blevins — their deaths were all dramatized onscreen, so it seems weird that Diana’s was not, doesn’t it? Anticlimactic and odd. To me, it's the straw that broke the camel's back for the Diana arc, really raising the question of whether she was ever really written intending to be an important character to the mytharc plot at all ... or whether she just really was a cardboard cutout character there to generate jealousy.

But I digress. What I mean to to say is: I always want to talk more about Amor Fati.

Second, I particularly enjoy me some psychic Mulder fic, and there are some great examples below. How well does he read minds? Does he read Scully’s? Her every thought? How long does it last? Readers want to know.

Finally, if you believe season 7 was the season of secret sex, or even if you just hold to season 7 as the “sometime consummated” season, these 3 eps have to be a crucial turning point. Some people maintain that Mulder got the affirmation to move ahead with MSR when he heard Scully's thoughts. Possibly. Either way, though, by the end, through the events of Amor Fati, they both validate the other’s point of view in a way we don't really see before. Plus, you know, maybe you heard? They’re one another’s touchstones. So this is a crucial MSR trilogy, too.

So I have a (NO DOUBT INCOMPETE) selection of fic recs below. I’m mixing up the fic recs for all three episodes, but I try to note if a fic is really more about one ep than another.

Fic Recs:

Before the White Noise - Nimz12peekaboo Scully goes to see Mulder inside his padded cell in Biogenesis. This is sweet and canon-attentive, if not quite compliant.

A Less Certain World - Sarah Segretti This is really only post-Biogenesis and goes AU after that; it’s the author’s AU Sixth Extinction, I suppose. Mulder is much more affected by the trauma to his brain and body than in the show, and Scully is scared for him. Amazing fic.

Temporary Shelter - Gwendolyn Also a Biogenesis post-ep, this fic imagines that Scully springs psychic Mulder from the hospital and then takes him back with her to the Ivory Coast. They stay in a cabin (with only one bed!) that was once occupied by another couple affected by the artifact. This is rich in plot (and in MSR.)

Stunned - Vickie Moseley This is, by description, what happens in the commercial breaks in Biogenesis. And let's just say that it’s kind of a lot. This fic focuses on Scully coming to calm Mulder down at the hospital, on their trust between one another. There is a little Diana wrap up, too.

All the Places - Ambress A lovely, lovely take on Mulder’s ability to read minds. I cannot recommend this highly enough.

Out of Our Minds - Sarah Segretti and haphazard method This is specifically post-Biogenesis, written before season 7 began. It focuses on the rather realistic idea that Scully would be freaked the fuck out by Mulder being able to read her mind—like, existentially freaked out. Both characters’ POV here; both characters have your sympathy; angsty and extremely true to character.

Disonance - suilven This piece is kind of a classic in my own little personal world. It just such a satisfying concept. It delightfully doesn’t take the canon implications of Mulder’s telepathy seriously, like, at all, which is why we love fanfic. Mulder, Scully, and Diana get stuck on an elevator just as Mulder’s starting to realize he can read minds. Delicious set-up.

the things they say in the dark - MonikaFileFan Missing scenes for Amor Fati, this piece helps us see the two moving closer and closer together while still having the invisible line between them. There is hurt/comfort here with Scully caring for Mulder, and a little light mind reading. So sweet and well done.

how to tell your lover you’ve seen all their secret gardens - 0666666 While Scully is taking care of Mulder after the events of Amor Fati, he tries to think of how to tell her he heard her thoughts. Very good.

Woven Deep by Maureen B. Ocks This is a really smart little Amor Fati post-ep with sharp dialogue / banter throughout. Mulder is in recovery, and they have a chance to talk about his experiences. It’s Mulder POV, but Scully is written very well here.

up and down the east coast by skuls When he’s still supposed to be recovering from Amor Fati events, Mulder asks Scully to go on a road trip to look for Sasquatch. She agrees. This one isn’t about psychic Mulder so much as the little guarded steps the two take towards acknowledging their feelings. Extremely sweet.

Synesthesia by haphazard method On a case shortly after the events of Amor Fati, Scully is still coming to terms with the role she plays in their partnership. An excellent conversation.

Petrichor by Aloysia Virgata. A lovely gem, a fandom classic. A one-chapter case file set directly after Amor Fati. Mulder and Scully’s relationship is offkilter and unsettled; Mulder is troubled by dreams with messages from a familiar ghost; the plot riffs on Anglo-Irish folklore. The spot-on banter and exquisite writing one expects from this author.

Eli Eli by Marguerite Mulder is recovering physically post-Amor Fati while Scully tries to cope with the crisis of faith her experiences in the Ivory Coast provoked in her. Skinner sends them to a beach house in Galveston to rest and heal.

Silence Waiting by JET Scully is struggling to cope with the implications of what she saw in Africa as Mulder heals and worries about her. This is intercut with the story of another telepath, Gretta, who grows up only reading the thoughts of one boy in her town, Frederick. This fic is lovely in every way and makes me weep.

The Boy on the Beach - me me (cecilysass) Yeah, I include my own fic. I just know it best, you know, lol? I include this one specifically for this theme because it was really written in part to engage with Amor Fati, specifically with the implications of Mulder’s Last Temptation of Christ-inspired dream sequence. But I'm the author, so you know, grain of salt.

Let me know what I missed!

#xfiles fanfic #x files fanfic #x-files biogenesis #the sixth extinction #the sixth extinction II: amor fati #amor fati #fic recs #rec list #touchstone

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