#and these were both sth i actually needed
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
szczylpierdolony Ā· 11 months ago
Text
purchased a pair of shoes.
2 notes Ā· View notes
muninnhuginn Ā· 10 months ago
Text
Thinking about "your weakness is how you always want to be the hero" and how the series returns to this at the end
Li Lianhua hated how he acted as Li Xiangyi and spent years trying to distance himself from it, but ultimately he still fell back into the similar patterns, for all his added experience
His main priority was always to "do the right thing" regardless of how that would impact on those around him. And it *did* impact those around him. From Qiao Wanmian and Shan Gudao as Li Xiangyi to Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng as Li Lianhua
Giving the Styx flower to the emperor so he could use it as leverage to guarantee Fang Duobing and his family's safety. Using the last of his power to save Yun Biqiu. Constantly putting others above himself whilst actively refusing to recognise that his self-sacrificial nature would hurt those he cared about most
And sure, he thinks he's going to die anyway. They're going to be hurt regardless and he can't do anything about that. His odds are low of the Styx flower even working. But ultimately, he refuses to even consider trying. Li Xiangyi has been dead a long time and Li Lianhua is just there to tide things over. What value is the life of a ghost
To the end, he lives and dies a hero. To the end, he refuses to live for himself.
#sth about how he almost managed to live for himself but his past and need to do right doomed him.#those missing years before canon starts were probably the closest he got but even then the knowledge he couldn't use martial arts#must have killed him (no pun intended). because he'd put so much stock in his identity as sigu sect leader + hero + prodigy#so to have such a massive part of his identity stripped from him... honestly it doesn't seem that he ever fully comes to terms with it#but he makes progress and he tries to do better. + that leads to him becoming a different type of 'hero' than the symbol he was originally#deep down he wants to help people with all he has but his capacity isn't infinite + at some point can only be taken from himself#mysterious lotus casebook#mlc spoilers#also to be clear I mention shan gudao not to say lxy should have realised earlier bc for a lot of the time he was too young to notice#and later on sgd did better at hiding his intentions. but more for how lxy tunnel visioned towards his idea of righteousness#and steamrolled over everyone else. both sgd and qwm were placed far below the importance of the sigu sect#and lxy's arrogance made it such that sigu became reliant on him alone as he shut others out (hence domino fall once he went).#idk if he could ever have 'fixed' what was btwn him and sgd bc it was so deep rooted but I do think that his actions#helped convince sgd that sgd was entirely in the right to choose his path#mlc#edit: just went and checked the exact wording of the TL and it's actually 'you like being a hero' rather than 'you want to be the hero'#which is different but still close enough in implications for my point to stand (I think)
64 notes Ā· View notes
innielove Ā· 24 days ago
Text
.
#i literally this close to ruining a friendship with confessing my feelings for my friend šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£#i mean it's kind of a well known secret that i have feelings for her :)))))#tonight i drank some wine and we had a convo about how im waiting for her and if she'd asked me out i would be to shy to say anything at all#and all that shit. the usual back and forth halfhearted flirting we've been doing for years#but it's fuckin killing me right now because a few months ago i realized i actually do have feelings for her :DDDD#and like. she knows it i just never said it outright. but she fuckin knows. everyone fuckin knows who knows us that there's something lmfao#and im literally this close to just telling her it all#and im pretty fuckin sure that would ruin everything because she's been together with her boyfriend around the same time we met :)))#and even if she has feelings for me then what bro? she'd never drop him and I don't think our friendship could go on if i confess :)))#even though it super obvious:)))))#i dont even know what im taking about anymore im just fuckin sad and heartbroken bro#I've only had deeper feelings twice and both were for my best friends who are in relationships#but oh my god this time it feels so much fucking worse#i ghosted her last a week because i just couldn't deal with constantly feeling like shit and being jealous every time she mentions ger bf#AND IT FEELS LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT TO NOT BE HAPPY FOR HER??? SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND I SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR HER HAPPINESS#BUT I CAN'T BE A 100% HAPPY AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY AND BAD#i just need like a car or sth to take me out bro i can't do this šŸ„²šŸ„²šŸ„²#I just want these feelings to go away oh my god how many months will it be#i really feel like I can't keep this to myself anymore. and that would just ruin everything#oh my god just kill me#ƁGNES IF YOU SEE THIS FUCKING POST THEN NO YOU DON'T#not like I don't cry to you about this every 3 days#anyway im sorry. next year i will get to the requests in my inbox aye? :'DD#shut up vivien no one cares
2 notes Ā· View notes
othercrossee Ā· 2 years ago
Text
I like Irida cuz she's such a little shit tbh I think if Adaman were to actually cry in front of her, shed freeze up and just fucking stare at him
2 notes Ā· View notes
sanguineterrain Ā· 2 months ago
Note
hii this is my first time requesting sth so i hope its okay. what about spencer dating a reader who is asexual or takes a long time to be comfortable with intimacy but people are always asking if heā€™s getting any and reader feels like she isnā€™t enough
if not thatā€™s totally fine thank u anyways
(this isnā€™t self indulgent wdym)
Thanks for requesting lovely. you are definitely not alone in feeling this way šŸ©·
fem!reader. you feel insecure after derek makes a harmless joke about how often you and spencer meet for lunch
****
Spencer forgets to eat lunch.
It's just a fact. He doesn't always forget, but he forgets enough for you to meet him for lunch when you can or shoot him a reminder text.
Today, you have a day off, so you decide to visit. Spencer tells you he'll meet you at the entrance so you don't have to go through security and get a visitor's badge. You think it's a little ridiculous that you have to do that every time, but according to Spencer, it doesn't take much time at all for people to become a danger to others and themselves.
Not that I think you would do that! he's always quick to add. You adore him.
He gets off the elevator with Agent Morgan. You watch as they approach and Morgan sees you, then claps Spencer's shoulder.
"Oh, so this is where you disappear to for lunch," he says, wrinkling Spencer's shirt. You can tell Spencer notices right away and is mildly annoyed. He shrugs his friend off.
"What're you talking about?" Spencer asks, pursing his lips.
Agent Morgan grins. "How many lunches out do you need, Reid? Seems like you're always forgetting food. 'S not like you."
Spencer looks at him, brows furrowed. "I need one a day, according to the general medical opinion. And my lunch breaks aren't that long."
You suddenly feel queasy.
"Uh-huh." Agent Morgan just grins that sly grin. "Don't be too long. Have fun, you kids."
You walk out. Agent Morgan goes the opposite direction of where you parked your car. Spencer's warm hand squeezes your arm affectionately.
"Hi," he says. "I actually brought lunch today, I just wanted to eat with you, so I lied and told everyone that I don't have lunch so we can be alone."
"Sweet of you." You voice is thin.
"Are you okay?"
You try to keep walking, but hello! Behavior analyst boyfriend alert. Spencer gently tugs you to stop and face him.
"What's wrong?" he asks, forehead crinkled in concern. "Your voice has a tremor."
"Did you tell Agent Morgan that we have sex during your lunch breaks?" you ask, folding your arms.
"What? No, I don'tā€”no!"
"Because I know I've been making you wait, Spencer, and I know I keep saying I'll be ready at some point, but it's really shitty if you're telling people that I stop by just to give you head in your car or something."
Spencer's mouth opens and closes a couple of times in genuine, horrified shock, like when he'd found you hunched over the toilet in pain months ago during a bad stomach flu, and you realize then that you're way off the mark.
How could you think that? Of course Spencer wouldn't do that to you.
"Spencer, I'mā€”"
"I would never say or imply that. I don't evenā€”I'm not mad or resentful of the fact that we haven't had sex, okay? I wouldn't care if you never wanted to have sex. I don't date you because I'm hoping to 'hit it and quit it.'"
You both cringe at his choice of words. Spencer sighs. "Okay, never using that phrase again. But it's true. I'm not waiting you out, and I'm definitely not talking about us having or not having sex to anyone at work." He shudders. "My living nightmare."
"I'm sorry. You're right, you wouldn't say that. I know you wouldn't. You wouldn't tell people even if we were having sex."
Spencer shakes his head emphatically. "Of course not."
Of course not.
"Then why did Agent Morgan imply that we were leaving to do it on your lunch break?" you ask unhappily.
"He was implying that we were sneaking off to have sex?" Spencer asks. "Are you sure?"
You frown. "Yeah, Spencer. He was teasing you about taking long lunches and always going out with me because..."
He nods in understanding. "Oh. That's... weird. Okay. I'll tell him not to say that stuff. I'll say that it bothers me."
You rub your arms self-consciously and turn your body away from Spencer. "It's not that weird for him to think, though. I do stop by a lot. And you're a young guy. Other guys your age probably visit their girlfriends during lunch and do that."
Spencer raises his eyebrows. "That seems excessive. And risky. And highly unsanitary. And uncomfortable. Andā€”"
"Okay." You laugh a little. "I get it, Spencer. You're not like other guys."
"Story of my life."
"I guess I'm not really like other girls either," you say. "Having sex on your lunch break is probably more normal than dating for six months and never having sex."
Spencer frowns. "There's no such thing as normal. There's socially accepted behavior and opinion and laws and a bunch of made up crap that a lot of people are too afraid to challenge. I'm about the furthest from normal that you can get."
Your mouth flattens. "You're not bad, though."
"Exactly!" Spencer kisses your cheek, startling you. He doesn't often initiate kisses, preferring to show affection in his own way. You don't mind when he does kiss you though.
"Exactly," he says. "And neither are you. I doubt that how you feel about sex is so unusual. But even if it was, it wouldn't make a difference to me. It's how you feel, and I respect it. If I had a problem with it, we wouldn't be dating."
You glance down the block, at the building entrance. "But people might talk."
"Derek wouldn't," Spencer says firmly. "He jokes, but he would respect this if I told him to."
"It's not him, Spence, it's just..." You shake your head. "I've hit a stumbling block with every guy I've dated because they thought I was a prude, a tease, frigid. One guy said I needed shock therapy."
"I don't think that," he says softly. "I don't think any terrible things about you for feeling this way."
"No? You haven't tried to profile me based on my aversion to intimacy?"
Spencer's face scrunches with sadness. "No. You're my girlfriend, not a suspect. This isn't something I have to diagnose. I love you. I like spending time with you. Please don't think that I don't have the capacity to know what I want in a relationship. You don't have to be suspicious of me. I have nothing to hide about how I feel."
"People might think something's wrong with you for dating me," you say.
Spencer shrugs. "So what? People already think something's wrong with me. Doesn't mean they're right. I currently hold the record for the longest relationship in the BAU, besides Hotch. I'm the winner."
You sigh. Everything you throw at Spencer about how he should run while he can, he has a response for.
You might just give up and keep on letting him love you without any strings attached.
"Have I convinced you?" he asks. "I'm really good at debating."
"No kidding," you say. "I'm surprised you didn't become a lawyer."
"Hotch says there's still time." Spencer smiles. "Wanna go to that Thai place three blocks from here?"
Spencer loves the Thai place. It's one of his safe restaurants. You like it too, mostly because of how much Spencer likes it. And you trust his recommendations. He always checks the health inspection grade before eating somewhere.
"Don't you have lunch?"
"I have a peanut butter sandwich in my desk and I'll probably stay late. It'll keep."
"Okay." You lean in and kiss Spencer. He responds immediately, stroking your cheek with his thumb. The tenderness overwhelms you.
"You're really nice," you whisper.
"You deserve a nice boyfriend," he says. "And Chicken Satay. I'll get you both."
You link your arm with his as you begin to walk.
"Is six months really the record?"
"Oh, you don't know the half of it."
232 notes Ā· View notes
bluebeary-jay Ā· 1 year ago
Text
Be still my foolish heart (don't ruin this on me)
Tumblr media
Neighbor!Joel Miller x f!Reader
Summary: you and Joel have been neighbors for a while but despite your mutual interest in one another, you never crossed this line. until, after one tense situation, Joel slips up (based on this wonderful request!)
Tags: friends to lovers, love confessions, fluff and angst, Joel is your sexy neighbor you shamelessly drool over, also his toolbelt is an important character in the fic (don't judge me)
Warnings: angst, 'nice guy' alert šŸ™„, attempted assault (stopped by Joel), some nsfw content but not actual smut (yar girl is gettin there šŸ˜Œ)
Word count: 6.2K
A/N: hiiii my darlings!! sorry for the wait, i know it's been a long time but life was crazy. here's sth i've been workin for a looong time and honestly i stared at it for so long i no longer know if i'm proud of it or not šŸ™ˆ anyway, i really hope you guys will like it and as always, happy reading!! šŸ’•
ā€œI really donā€™t know how to thank you, Joel. This is incredible.ā€
Joel watched, slightly embarrassed, as you walked around the table with a wide, bright smile. You gripped one of the legs ā€“ the one that was previously crookedly attached and broke down when you put something heavier on the counter ā€“ and tested its stability. After a successful inspection you looked up at him.
ā€œYouā€™re a lifesaver.ā€
ā€œNah, nothinā€™ of the sort.ā€ He waved his hand, feeling a big lump in his throat when you directed that pretty smile of yours at him. ā€œMā€™just glad I could help.ā€
ā€œYou didnā€™t have to fix this, too, though.ā€ You brushed the edge of the table which Joel sanded so you wouldnā€™t get a splinter from the rough surface. His eyes followed your fingertips before he coughed.
ā€œDidnā€™t want you to hurt yourself. This side was practically smashed up, after allā€¦ā€
ā€œStill, I didnā€™t even need to ask you.ā€ You shook your head in thoughts before glancing at him with gratitude. ā€œThanks again.ā€
ā€œYou really gotta stop thankinā€™ me.ā€ Joel started to gather his things into the toolbox and wiped his palms on his pants (certainly not because they were slick with sweat). ā€œIt was a piece of cake.ā€
ā€œBut, you know.ā€ You tilted your head to the left and right, scrunching your nose playfully, and it was so fucking adorable that Joel thought his heart was going to give out. ā€œYou already fixed the sink in my kitchen, that hole in the wall, my door, and now my tableā€¦ Are you sure Iā€™m not leeching off your generosity?ā€
A half-smile found its place on Joelā€™s face, and he shook his head with a chuckle. ā€œMā€™sure. Itā€™s only fair since weā€™re neighbors, sweet girl.ā€
Sweet girl.
Joel never knew if he wasnā€™t crossing the line by calling you that. You never gave any sign of discomfort or disgust when he did, but he also recognized that regardless of your reaction, he should stop. He couldnā€™t deny that his old heart harbored an embarrassingly big crush on you ā€“ after all, you were the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes on ā€“ but it wasnā€™t right to think about you in that way.
If he only knew that every time he let those words of endearment slip, your heart started to do crazy somersaults.
Joel Miller was an extremely handsome man, there was no denying that. And with his deep drawl, the salt-and-pepper hair, the warm, brown eyes and that dangerous smirk he sometimes sent in your directionā€¦ it was no wonder you fell for him.
It also didnā€™t help that he was so kind, always ready and eager to help you with the smallest inconvenience. Sometimes it made you want to smash something in your house yourself, just to have an excuse for him to come over again and for you to be able to watch him work.
But you werenā€™t that desperate, yet. Yet.
Your daydreaming was rudely interrupted by a series of knocks on your front door. Both your heads snapped in the direction of the sound, but when you recognized the familiar pattern of it, your mood dampened in an instant.
Joel noticed the change in your expression, of course, and immediately stood up, leaving the toolbox on the floor.
ā€œWhat is it?ā€ he asked with a hint of alert in his gruff voice, but you shook your head.
ā€œItā€™s nothing. Donā€™t go yet, okay? Iā€™ll be right back.ā€
You exited the room before he could ask another question, and Joel furrowed his brows. He stayed rooted in spot, listening to your heavy step as you walked to the door and opened it. And thenā€¦ he heard a male voice that started to say something to you.
Joel couldnā€™t help but grind his teeth as he finished gathering his stuff, ready to go back home. It was the second time that some man came to visit you while you had him over, and the bitterness he felt in his mouth was even more noticeable than on the previous occasion.
He knew you were quite popular in Jackson, especially with boys your age. There was always someone offering to buy you a drink or dance whenever you went out with your friends, and once Joel had to even step in when two drunk guys kept pestering you. But as much as it pained him, some of those men who showed genuine interest in you were quite nice. And good-looking.
And a lot younger than him.
He knew very well that he was too old for you. He knew that he shouldnā€™t fantasize about sharing a life with you, and that thinking of any form of intimacy between you and him was making him a big old creep, but no matter how many times he swore to himself itā€™ll be the last, he could not stop. You were just so beautiful, so sweet and so niceā€¦
He saw your smiling face when he went to bed late at night, and imagined your body beside him when he woke up early in the morning. He looked at your house on his way to work and wondered if you were eating breakfast already, taking a shower or still sleeping peacefully amidst the many blankets he saw once on your bed. He felt a rush of energy and endorphins every time you knocked on his door, asking him to help you with something, and it only enhanced his already existent protectiveness toward you.
Suddenly, Joel heard a raised male voice from the porch, which instantly got his guard up. He quickly followed the sound, and upon rounding the corner he saw you trying to close the door on Jack, a boy he recognized but never talked to. He saw him a couple of times at the bar, though he wasnā€™t one of those bothering you and never seemed to give anyone any trouble.
Still, you looked really uncomfortable, so when your and Joelā€™s eyes met, he nodded reassuringly and took his place in front of you.
ā€œIs somethinā€™ the matter?ā€ he asked dryly. The sight of him took Jack aback and he opened his mouth, looking lost for a good moment. Joel raised his eyebrows, and the young man cleared his throat.
ā€œNothing at all. We were just chattinā€™.ā€ Then Jack looked over Joelā€™s shoulder at you, completely ignoring the other man. ā€œWhat the fuck is Miller doing in your house, anyway?ā€
You stammered, but Joel kept his cool, leaning against the doorframe casually. Jack was tall and well-built, but still smaller than Joel, and he made use of this fact to intimidate the boy to the extreme.
ā€œMr Miller is helpinā€™ her with the sink that needs fixinā€™,ā€ Joel answered instead with a pang of irritation. ā€œAnd youā€™re kinda interruptinā€™.ā€ Jack didnā€™t move, and Joel clenched his jaw. ā€œScurry. Now.ā€
The boy huffed, murmuring something under his breath before he bid you a grudging adieu. Joel shut the door behind him with more force than he intended and took a second to calm his breathing before turning back to you.
ā€œSorry if that was too harshā€“ā€
ā€œNo, donā€™t apologize.ā€ You sighed tiredly and went to the living room, plopping down on the couch. ā€œItā€™s okay. Maybe heā€™ll back off a little.ā€
Joel bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if he should ask the question that was gnawing at him mercilessly.
ā€œAreā€¦ā€ he started, and you lifted your head. ā€œI mean, are you twoā€¦ā€
ā€œNo!ā€ you quickly answered, blushing a little to Joelā€™s surprise. ā€œNo, no, nothing of the sort. He asked me out and I told him Iā€™m not interested, but he still tries toā€¦ā€ You waved your arm in the direction when he saw the youngster last. ā€œI donā€™t know, convince me?ā€
Joel sat down next to you, clasping his hands together. ā€œWellā€¦ if he ever gives you any trouble, you lemme know, alrighā€™?ā€
A small smile spread across your face when you tilted your head to look at him.
ā€œThanks. I appreciate it.ā€ Then a playful glint appeared in your eyes, and your smile turned mischievous. ā€œ...Mr Miller.ā€
A breathless laugh escaped Joel, and he dragged his hand over his face, praying that he managed to stifle a groan wanting to escape his chest. He shook his head to regain some clarity, but could still feel all the blood in his body rushing down. It didnā€™t help that your couch was too small, and your knees were touching ā€“ though Joel couldnā€™t tell if it happened when he sat down or a little bit later.
Fuck.
ā€œShut up,ā€ he just murmured, not looking at you in fear youā€™ll see what your words did to him. ā€œI tried to make him leave quicker.ā€
ā€œAnd he did. And I think you deserve a reward for your help.ā€
You stood up and for a second Joel panicked. A reward, you said.
He couldnā€™t help the images that flooded his brain in that moment ā€“ of you on your knees in front of him, or bent over the table he just fixed. His eyes went to your thighs, and his own flexed involuntary when he envisioned how youā€™d feel underneath him, what sweet sounds he could coax out of you, how soft your skin would be in those places you kept coveredā€¦
But then you walked past him, and he snapped out of the naughty daydreams.
ā€œWh-where are you goinā€™?ā€ he asked, his voice strained, and you looked over your shoulder with an oblivious smile.
ā€œI made a cake this morning. Iā€™m gonna bring you a piece, yeah?ā€
You didnā€™t wait for an answer, and just left the room with pep in your step.
Joel groaned and let his head fall back, covering the redness of his cheeks with his hands.
Idiot.
Tumblr media
Almost two weeks have passed since the last time you asked for his help with something, and surprisingly, Joel was okay with that. After that embarrassment he experienced in his own mind, he told himself that it would be prudent to distance himself from you for a little bit. At least until he could act normally around you.
He still thought about you constantly, that he couldnā€™t help. Every time he saw you in town he instantly felt lighter, but so very often you were accompanied by another man ā€“ and no matter if you seemed comfortable with the attention or not, Joel always had this urge to come over and protect you from any unwanted suitors.
He was being ridiculous, he knew that. You didnā€™t like him the way he liked you, and even if he somehow grew a pair and told you about his feelings, a pretty and young girl like you would never be interested in someone who could be her fatherā€™s age.
The thought of you thinking of him as a father figure churned up his guts, making him feel sick. Jesus Christ.
But it still did nothing to weaken his infatuation, and when you finally knocked on his door again, asking if he could fix the rack in your room, he didnā€™t even hesitate before agreeing.
So here you both were. Joel, looking at the problem at hand, and you, looking at (none-the-wiser) Joel.
ā€œSā€™nothinā€™ big,ā€ he finally said after some examination. ā€œIā€™ll replace the shelf and reaffix it to the wall better. Shouldnā€™t take long.ā€
You nodded, but truthfully you were only half-listening. The sight of Joel in your bedroom was far too distracting.
Itā€™s been so long since Joel was a guest in your house ā€“ well, only a couple of weeks tops ā€“ but you missed seeing him in your private space. Though one could say, he never truly left with how often you thought about him.
So maybe thatā€™s why you were so shameless with your staring.
His broad shoulders were to die for, and you bit your lip absentmindedly as your eyes wandered across his muscular back and forearms, usually hidden under the sleeves. You knew you shouldnā€™t be ogling your neighbor who was nice enough to lend you a helping hand whenever you needed, butā€¦ well, a little admiring wouldnā€™t hurt anyone, right?
And there was a lot to admire.
ā€œYou listeninā€™ to me?ā€
The brutal wake-up call of his voice pulled you out of your thoughts, making you blush wildly and your body hot with embarrassment at being caught staring.
Okay, maybe it would hurt someone.
ā€œY-yeah,ā€ you stuttered, feeling your whole neck heating up rapidly. ā€œUh-huh. I understand.ā€
Joelā€™s lips stretched into a lopsided smile, and he turned to face you fully.
ā€œI asked if you have some nails in the house,ā€ he repeated, not breaking eye contact. If you allowed yourself to be delusional, youā€™d say his voice sounded almostā€¦ flirtatious. But that was probably only your head telling you what you wanted to hear.
ā€œYeahā€¦ā€ you breathed distractedly, but then shook your head quickly. ā€œI mean, no. No, I donā€™t.ā€
Joel smirked, stepping closer to you and making you swallow heavily. Your gaze once again dropped to his strong arms, down to his big hands andā€¦ fuck. He had his thumbs hooked in his tool belt, already hanging low on his waist, and it made him look so ridiculously hot.
Lord have mercy.
ā€œWhat got ya so distracted, sweet girl?ā€
Have fuckinā€™ mercy.
ā€œNothing!ā€ you said, a bit louder than you intended, crossing your arms over your chest to do something with this splitting tension in your body. ā€œI was just looking atā€¦ the shelf.ā€
Joelā€™s eyebrows shot upright. It didnā€™t take a genius to figure out that he didnā€™t believe you. ā€œThe shelf,ā€ he repeated blankly, and you nodded, trying to appear calm despite feeling like you were going to burst into flames if he kept looking at you like that. But then Joel chuckled, and his eyes turned as warm as always. ā€œMā€™only teasinā€™. Stop lookinā€™ so scared.ā€
ā€œIā€™m notā€“ā€ you started, but your lips also spread into a grin when you saw his genuine smile. ā€œGod, youā€™re insufferable. Will you fix it or not?ā€
ā€œSo demandinā€™,ā€ Joel mused, shaking his head and walking out of the room. ā€œIā€™m gonna go get the nails from my house. Be right back.ā€
You whispered under your breath something he didnā€™t hear, but it made him smile to himself nonetheless.
It was so easy to slip back into this playful banter with you, Joel thought as he made his way back home. Maybe things between you two wonā€™t be as awkward anymore (though he was aware all this awkwardness was his fault), and he could go back to being your friend.
No matter that he wished he could be something more. No, it wasnā€™t right to think that way. What you two had was enough.
Still, as he looked for those damn nails, he couldnā€™t get out of his mind the way that adorable blush spread across your face. And how your eyes lingered on his figure when he looked at you. But no, surely he was only imagining things.
ā€¦right?
Joel sighed, closing the door behind him and going back toward your house, his thoughts already on the best way to fix that shelf of yours and maybe stabilize it a bit more, because by the look of how it hung on the wall, it was only a matter of time until heā€™ll have to visit again.
Or maybe heā€™ll leave it be. Only to have an extra excuse to see you sooner rather than later.
He rolled his eyes at his own musings, but the train of his thoughts abruptly stopped when he saw your front door slightly opened. He slowed down, wondering if you went after himā€¦ but no, there was no sign of you anywhere, and he was pretty sure he closed it on his way out.
And then he heard a faint sound of glass shattering.
Joelā€™s mind went completely blank. In a blink of an eye he stormed into the house, his survival instincts formed over the last twenty years kicking in and screaming for him to find you, to make sure youā€™re safe and unharmed.
But your bedroom was empty and when Jeol yelled your name, no one answered him. You were within the safe walls of Jackson, and there was no way the infected or raiders could ambush you, but still Joel felt an icy wave of panic washing over him, his mind providing him with terrible scenarios that would explain the open door and your silence.
Then a small thud reverberated from the other room, and Joelā€™s legs carried him there without a second thought.
He slammed the door open, and his eyes immediately locked on the man holding you against the wall. Your assaulter ā€“ that fucking kid, Jack ā€“ had one hand covering your mouth, the other forearm pinning your shoulders to the wall. His knee was between your legs and Joel could see you standing on your tippy toes, trying to pull away as far as possible.
Joelā€™s hands were itching to get rid of the threat that guy was for you, but first his gaze involuntarily shifted to your face ā€“ and his heart clenched painfully when he noticed your terrified expression and tears streaming down your cheeks.
The blinding rage in Joelā€™s veins almost charred him from the inside out and he felt like he was about to explode from the fury seething inside of him. In two long strides he ran towards Jack and all but threw him off of you, stepping to the side to act as a shield between you and him.
ā€œYou just signed your death sentence, kid,ā€ he growled and punched the other man in the face when he tried to get up. You screamed behind him, but Joel ignored it, the need to beat the living daylights out of this little shit almost overwhelming his senses.
ā€œWhat the fuck is your problem?!ā€ Jack yelled from the floor, holding a hand in front of his face. ā€œYou broke me fucking nose, man!ā€
It was true, the blood was flowing freely from the already swelling nose, but it didnā€™t feel like enough. Joel had to utilize every fiber of his willpower to keep himself from venting his wrath on this kid. He knew damn well it wouldnā€™t end well for either of them ā€“ Jackson had hard laws when it came to violence.
ā€œYou deserve a lot worse,ā€ Joel gritted his teeth and motioned with his head towards the exit. ā€œNow get out.ā€
ā€œShe wanted it!ā€ Jack shouted, as if he hoped that his explanations would make the situation any better. He wiped the blood flowing from his nose, glaring at you angrily. ā€œStupid bitch,ā€ he snarled, ā€œcanā€™t make up her mind. Didnā€™t I do enough for you?! I was nice, always helped youā€“ā€
ā€œGet the fuck out of here before I break your jaw,ā€ Joel cut in, clenching his fists and taking a step forward. The young fucker seemed to size him up for a couple of seconds, probably wondering if starting a fight was worth it, but eventually spluttered contemptuously.
ā€œFine,ā€ he snarled, and then looked below Joelā€™s arm at you. ā€œI wouldnā€™t want to catch somethinā€™ from you, either way, if youā€™re already fucking this old geezer.ā€
Your face, and also Joelā€™s, grew hot ā€“ but while yours was red from embarrassment and shame, his was burning from barely concealed rage.
ā€œOUT!!ā€ he shouted, his thundering and powerful voice making both you and Jack flinch. His face was twisted in fury and the other man mustā€™ve realized that staying here longer would only mean worse for him, because he scrambled to his feet and ran out without another word.
The front door slammed shut behind him, and for a few seconds a heavy silence hung in the air.
Joel took a steadying breath, trying to restore his cool, but he felt himself shaking from rage. If he didnā€™t come back in timeā€¦ if he was a minute late, he didnā€™t want to think what that bastard wouldā€™ve done to you.
Trying to shut down the intrusive thoughts, Joel turned around and knelt by where you were still seated on the ground. He couldnā€™t will the tension in his body to lessen, and his muscles and tendons were so taut that he thought they were going to snap. But he forced his hands to unclench before he gently cupped your face.
ā€œDid he hurt you?ā€ he asked quietly, his brows knitted in worry. You shook your head, but your eyes were filled with tears, and it felt like something was ripping Joelā€™s chest apart.
ā€œHe pushed me. And Iā€¦ the glass.ā€
You lifted your hand and Joel winced when he saw a shard of green glass ā€“ from the flower vase which previously stood on the table ā€“ embedded in your palm. A trickle of blood was running down your wrist, but he presumed there would be much more once he took it out.
ā€œItā€™s alright, sweet girl. Iā€™ll take care of it.ā€ Iā€™ll take care of you. ā€œLetā€™s go to the kitchen so I can patch you up, ā€˜kay?ā€
You nodded, letting him pull you to your feet.
Once you made your way there and you instructed him on where some bandages and disinfectant were, Joel gently grabbed your waist and hoisted you up onto the table, seemingly without any problem at all. You blushed when you felt his touch, for a moment forgetting about the pain piercing your palm, but the gravity of what you just experienced crept up on you again soon enough.
Joel noticed your silence as he carefully removed the shard and bandaged your hand. He didnā€™t want to imagine what exactly happened when he was gone, but it was obvious it shook you quite strongly. So when he saw tears welling in your eyes, he threw all caution to the wind and wrapped his arms tightly around you.
Not one ounce of regret had time to haze his mind over, because you instantly clung to him, too, letting out a shaky exhale. Joel hugged you tightly, letting go of all the tension and fear in his body. He was never this close to you before, and he allowed himself to indulge in the warmth of your body and the feeling of your arms around him, reminding him that youā€™re okay, that youā€™re with him now. He breathed in your scent, hiding his nose in the crown of your head and pressing his lips to your hair, hoping to calm you down.
ā€œItā€™s alright, baby. Iā€™m here, youā€™re safe now.ā€
You tensed, but Joel just held you closer, not realizing he said something wrong. He planted a soft kiss on your hairline, sighing when you started moving your hands up and down his back soothingly. Despite standing up, Joel felt relaxed like never before, like he could fall asleep right here and now.
That is, until you spoke up.
ā€œWhat did you say?ā€
ā€¦shit.
Joel opened his mouth, then closed it almost immediately. His eyes raced wildly across the room, trying to think of what to say, but he didnā€™t let go of you. There mightā€™ve been a selfish reason behind his inaction, but mostly he didnā€™t want you to see his flustered face.
ā€œNothinā€™,ā€ he answered after a pregnant and rather uncomfortable pause, and cleared his throat. ā€œYou donā€™t wannaā€¦ tā€™was nothinā€™ important.ā€
Maybe you really didnā€™t hear him. It would have saved him a lot of trouble and embarrassment, and probably another two weeks of his life of avoiding you. But judging by the silence in the room, he wasnā€™t so lucky.
ā€œDid youā€¦ā€ You swallowed before finishing softly, ā€œcall me ā€˜babyā€™?ā€
Joel cringed, closing his eyes tightly, and prayed for some higher power to smite him off the surface of the Earth. But again ā€“ luck wasnā€™t on his side.
The silence prolonged, and you finally grew impatient. You pulled away, looking up to scan his face. ā€œJoel?ā€
ā€œIā€™m sorry, itā€¦ slipped out,ā€ he mumbled, all red and not meeting your eyes. That was a shame, because if he did find the courage to look at you, he would notice a small smile forming on your face as you regarded him.
ā€œSo I heard you correctly?ā€ you asked again, and he sighed heavily, running his hand over his face and rubbing his eyes.
ā€œYes, yes you did. Mā€™really sorry, I wasnā€™t thinkinā€™. I just tried to comfort you andā€“ fuck,ā€ he whispered to himself, lowering his hand but still not looking in your direction. ā€œI, I donā€™t want ya to feel uncomfortable. Iā€™m sorry, I can goā€¦ā€
ā€œNo.ā€ Your uninjured hand shot out and grabbed his shirt before you could process what you were doing. Joel glanced down at your fist clutching the material, and then back up into your wide eyes. ā€œPlease, no. Stay.ā€
His lips parted slightly at your request and unexplained (at least from his perspective) hope filling your gaze. He looked so adorable that you had never wanted to kiss him more than right now.
ā€œCome closer,ā€ you pleaded, barely louder than a whisper.
Joel obliged, letting your hand guide him. You gently pulled him to you, so that he was almost standing between your legs, and your fingers loosened their hold, now smoothing over the material of his shirt.
You took a deep breath and leaned forward, bracing your weight on his chest. Joel looked puzzled by your behavior, but when he realized what you were doing, he stopped you gently by putting his own hand on your shoulder.
ā€œNo,ā€ he whispered, his voice full of pain, but steady. ā€œDonā€™t do that. Youā€¦ youā€™re in a state of shock.ā€
ā€œI know what I want,ā€ you spoke equally quietly, staring at him with nothing but pure genuineness and need in your eyes. ā€œAnd I want you, Joel.ā€
ā€œPlease, baā€“ā€ he cut himself off before he could finish this word. It pained him deeply to reject you, but he knew that if he let you kiss him, youā€™d regret it later. And that he wouldnā€™t be able to survive. ā€œIā€™m sorry, sweet girl, but it wouldnā€™t be right. I donā€™t wanna be takinā€™ advantage of you.ā€
Your face fell in confusion and disappointment, but you didnā€™t let him go even when he put a light pressure on your hand.
ā€œYou never..ā€ you gulped, searching his face, ā€œthought about it? Aboutā€¦ me, in that way?ā€
Christ, what was he supposed to say to that? He wouldnā€™t be able to lie to you, not if you kept looking at him with those innocent and full of desire eyes of yours.
ā€œDonā€™t ask me.ā€ Joel closed his eyes, the muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt your touch on the side of his face. ā€œPlease, donā€™t ask me.ā€
ā€œBecause I have,ā€ you continued in a sudden rush of courage. ā€œI think about you constantly, and about us. Every time I invite you over or see you in the town working... And Iā€™m only saying all that, because I thought maybeā€¦ maybe you felt it, too. I think you do.ā€ Joel didnā€™t answer, and you looked up at him with determination you didnā€™t really feel. ā€œTell me.ā€
Joel clenched his jaw, exhaling heavily, but didnā€™t pull away. He weighed the options in his mind while you waited patiently, and finally, his resolve cracked under your hopeful gaze.
ā€œI think about you,ā€ he began slowly, earnestly, ā€œevery night. Every fuckinā€™ night and day, sweetheart.ā€ His voice was raspy, but that drawl of his so soft and delicious to your ears. ā€œBut I shouldnā€™t. You and I both know that.ā€
He still hasnā€™t looked your way. You tried to lean to the side to fit in his field of vision, but Joel turned away even more, attempting to take a step back. You grabbed his shirt again before he could do that, and he didnā€™t fight you.
ā€œWhy not?ā€ you whispered, transfixed on his handsome features.
ā€œā€˜Cause you deserve better. Iā€™m way too old for you,ā€ he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, like you should know it already. ā€œYou have so many admirers who are probably much more fit for you, and it would beā€¦ it is so wrong that Iā€™m lettinā€™ those thoughts linger.ā€
ā€œI donā€™t want any of them, though.ā€ Joel finally locked eyes with you, but still seemed conflicted. You slowly let go of his clothes and reached for his hands, then guided them to your cheeks. You saw his throat bob nervously when you placed them there and brushed his knuckles with your thumbs. ā€œLook, itā€™s hard for me to open up, butā€¦ I really like you. Really.ā€
Joel swallowed heavily, his face contorted in pain ā€“ as if your words were wounding not only his soul, but his very flesh. Then the pressure on your cheeks became a little stronger, and he tentatively swiped his thumbs under your eyes in a loving manner. Your heart fluttered like a hummingbirdā€™s wings as he slowly scanned your face for any sign of hesitancy, then let his eyelids drop and pressed his forehead to yours. You lifted your chin slightly, nudging his nose with the tip of yours.
ā€œCall me that again,ā€ you whispered pleadingly. His wooden, earthly scent was enveloping all your senses, making you feel so very calm and safe. Youā€™d gladly lose yourself in him. ā€œPlease.ā€
Joel instantly knew what you meant. His resolve was wavering and his body giving in, but the doubt was still there in his mind. The fear that he was somehow reading you wrong.
ā€œDonā€™t beg me, sweet girl.ā€ His breath was on your lips, beckoning you even closer. ā€œMā€™too weak for that.ā€
ā€œPlease,ā€ you repeated more urgently, and when he didnā€™t move, you turned your head and pressed your lips to the inside of his wrist tenderly. ā€œJoel.ā€
He cursed softly. It appeared that the tension between you both was getting to him, too, and Joel was losing the battle he fought with himself. He lowered his lips to the edge of your jaw, his pupils blown wide and eyelids heavy, almost as if he was under a spell. You whimpered when he withdrew one of his hands on your cheeks, but the loss was quickly replaced by relief when he moved it to the small of your back, pulling you closer and flush against his body.
ā€œYou sure about this?ā€ he murmured lowly, making you shiver against him. His nose traveled along your jaw and the column of your neck, then back up until his lips brushed the shell of your ear. ā€œI donā€™t want ya to regret it.ā€
ā€œI wonā€™t,ā€ you promised. ā€œPlease, baby.ā€
Your plea sent a shiver down his spine. Joel couldnā€™t hold back anymore, didnā€™t want to. It was clear you wanted him, and he never was a strong enough man to deny you anything.
Your eyes met, and Joel took a second to get his heart under control. You were so beautiful, and your skin so soft under his touchā€¦ He tilted your chin up, barely able to comprehend that all of it was really happening, that it was you who put his hands on yourself. And you wanted him to kiss you.
For fuckā€™s sake, you begged him to.
All the remaining traces of his self-control evaporated in a heartbeat, and he pulled you in, pressing your body closer before bringing his lips to yours, locking them in a soft kiss.
His mouth molded perfectly to yours, causing you to sigh with relief at the gentle caress. You felt heat pooling in your stomach, and you were glad for sitting down because your weak knees would surely buckle under you in different circumstances. The intensity of the kiss gradually grew until it became so heated that you had to grab a fistful of Joelā€™s hair on the nape of his neck for support.
At one point, Joel pried your lips away, searching your eyes with concern. You worried that he was having second thoughts, but the longer he looked at you, the more his own irises darkened with lust and insatiable hunger, making your face burn like it was on fire. His clear want and the knowledge that you were the cause of it made you feel powerful, but somehow at the same time completely naked under his gaze.
Without any warning, he dived back in, his wide palm enveloping one side of your face while he tangled the other hand in your hair. He tugged on it, probably a little rougher than he intended, eliciting a needy moan from your chest. You instantly felt embarrassed about your response, but when you tried to pull away, Joel practically growled, not letting you turn away.
ā€œSā€™alright, baby,ā€ he rasped, trailing hot kisses down your neck, making your breath hitch in your throat. ā€œKeep makinā€™ those pretty sounds for me.ā€
You felt dizzy. Like he could make you melt from the tone of his voice alone.
Having his lips on yours felt better than you have ever imagined, and so perfect that you never wanted this moment to end. But one thought kept nagging at you, making it harder and harder to focus, and finally after some time Joel softly drew away. He sent you a soft, almost shy smile.
ā€œWhat is it, sweetheart? Not havinā€™ second thoughts, I hope?ā€
It hit you in that moment that it wasnā€™t the first time he looked at you with so much warmth and affection in his eyes. You just never noticed before that he always looked at you this way.
ā€œNo, no,ā€ you hurried to reassure him. ā€œJust somethingā€¦ Something I wanted to do for a while.ā€
He raised his eyebrows playfully. ā€œSomethinā€™ other than kissinā€™ your handsome neighbor?ā€
You clicked your tongue at his unexpected cockiness.
ā€œNot exactly.ā€ Your answer only made him more intrigued, and you grinned. ā€œIndulge me and take a step back.ā€
Joel squinted suspiciously, but eventually humored you. You bit your lip, feeling giddy at finally having a chance to do something you thought about every time this infuriatingly handsome man was in your house.
His eyes followed the tip of your tongue when it ran across your bottom lipā€¦ and you took this moment to hook your thumbs on his tool belt and yank him forward.
Your lips connected again, though it was far from perfect ā€“ your teeth clashed together and your noses collided, causing you both to yelp in small pain and discomfort, but you didnā€™t let go of him. Your joy from this silliness lasted only a couple of seconds, though, because before long Joel started to laugh uncontrollably.
You huffed and tried to kiss him again, but he withdrew out of your reach, wrapping his arms around your waist with a big, goofy smile.
ā€œGet back here.ā€
ā€œWhat the hell was that, sweetheart?ā€
His eyes crinkled in amusement and you felt a bit foolish from what you just did. You turned your gaze down, but Joel lifted your chin with his fingertip, and you couldnā€™t help but smile, too, when you saw how happy he looked.
ā€œIt looked more romantic in my head,ā€ you murmured with an awkward chuckle. ā€œI actually wanted to do it the first time I saw you with that belt on.ā€
ā€œSā€™that so?ā€ Joel asked and kissed you briefly again, this time with a hint of hunger he was keeping at bay until now. ā€œYou like seeinā€™ me in it?ā€
ā€œI really, really do,ā€ you whispered, hiding your face in his chest. ā€œI donā€™t know why, but it look so fucking hot on youā€¦ā€
ā€œMy dirty baby,ā€ Joel purred into your hair. The bright grin on his face only grew when he heard you groaning in embarrassment. ā€œGimme a kiss.ā€
You didnā€™t move, not wanting to face him, so Joel opted to nuzzle the sensitive skin of your neck with his nose. ā€œYouā€™re adorable, yā€™know that? Donā€™t get all shy on me now, babygirl.ā€
A deep sigh escaped your chest and the tension in your shoulders lessened. Joel smirked into the crook of your neck, still planting soft kisses on your skin. His lower back was starting to ache from the position, but there wasnā€™t anywhere else heā€™d rather be.
And then all the discomfort in his body was put in the shade when you moaned quietly, pressing yourself against him more and wrapping your arms around Joelā€™s neck.
ā€œDo you wanna get back to my room?ā€ you asked after a while, and Joel hummed into your skin, now littered with love bites his lips and teeth left in their wake.
ā€œYou want me to fix that shelf of yours?ā€ he teased back, making you snort.
ā€œJust wanna cuddle with you. If thatā€™s okay.ā€ You nuzzled into his neck, and added quietly. ā€œI can still feel his touch on me. And I only wanna feel you.ā€
Though Joel would be more than okay with that, by the sounds you were making and the look you were giving him, he doubted thatā€™s all youā€™ll be doing. Still, his back hurt like hell and he almost let out a relieved groan at the thought of laying down.
ā€œIf you want me, baby. If you want me, then Iā€™m all yours.ā€
Tumblr media
Not a week has passed, and Joel had to get his toolbox out again ā€“ this time to fix your broken bed.
Though now he knew exactly what caused the damage.
1K notes Ā· View notes
midnightcrw Ā· 1 year ago
Note
hi if u don't mind could u pls write sth where simon and his wife wanna have a baby but the doctor says it may be risky for her to get pregnant so they kinda have an argument bc simon is reluctant due to the potential complications and he's afraid to lose her but she tries to reassure him that it's gonna be ok and says she's gonna be careful and make sure she's absolutely ready just sth angsty where he's worried about heršŸ˜­šŸ’”
Pregnancy Risk
Tumblr media
Pairing: Simon Ghost Riley x fem!reader
Summary: You and Simon want to have a baby, but it seems there might be complications...
a/n: I hope you all will like this. I was very unsure how to write it, but then I came up with this. I'm also on the train right now. I'm very excited because I've never been to Paris before.
Tumblr media
It was silent in your living room as you and Simon were sitting on the couch.
The two of you hadn't spoken since the doctor's visit, almost too afraid to say a word.
The only sound that could be heard was the ticking of the clock, and it seemed to make you both more nervous with each passing second.
"Simon, I still want to try," you whispered as you looked up from the floor at your husband.
You had wanted a baby for so long, and you were willing to at least try.
After the words left your mouth, Simon was torn from his thoughts as he clenched his hands into fists, closed his eyes, and breathed out.
"I don't think we should. You heard what the doctor said," Simon's voice was clear and monotonous, not letting his actual emotions be heard.
"But we can still try. After all, the doctor only said that it might lead to complications," you looked him straight in the eye, wanting to show him that you were willing to try, even if it might lead to potential complications.
Simon's face grew stern as he processed what you had just said, and he slowly began to lose his patience, "No, we won't try. End of conversation."
With that, he got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
He was terrified, even though he didn't show it, he was scared and it felt like his throat was starting to close itself up.
Simon couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you, knowing that he could have prevented it.
He had lost too many people in his life and he wasn't ready to lose another.
But you didn't let up as you followed him into the kitchen, "Simon, please," you pleaded, your voice breaking in the middle of your sentence.
"I said no!" Simon shouted suddenly, making you flinch as you backed away from him, tears beginning to well up in your eyes.
You opened your mouth to protest, but Simon cut you off before a single word could be heard, "We won't try for a child. I don't care if you beg or cry, but we're not having a baby!"
His words were harsh as he looked into your eyes, practically glaring at you, getting closer with each thing he said until he was right in front of you, forcing you to look up at him.
"You heard what the doctor said and I'm not going to let you do this," with that he walked away as tears ran down your face and you sobbed silently.
It wasn't easy for Simon either. He knew he was being harsh with you, but he wanted to get the point across, and he would rather have you hate him than actually try to have a baby that could result in your death.
Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours as it was now night. The only source of light was the moon shining through the window.
You were already lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling as you waited for Simon to finish brushing his teeth, wanting to talk to him about it again.
As you mindlessly let your eyes wander, you heard the sound of the door and Simon's footsteps. You looked at him as he made his way to his side of the bed.
It was quiet once again as Simon sat down with his back to you, removing his glasses from his face.
The glasses you had persuaded him to get and wear when the eye doctor said he needed prescription glasses.
When he put them in the box, he wasn't lying down yet. Simon's eyes were now focused on the moon, somehow afraid to lie down next to you.
He regretted yelling at you when you were in a vulnerable position. But he couldn't change it now, it had happened and Simon had to deal with it.
When you saw that Simon didn't lie down, you slowly sat up and thought about what to do, but then you just sighed.
Without making a sound, you wrapped your arms around Simon's broad chest from behind as you kissed his neck.
When he felt your touch, he tensed at first, but then slowly relaxed into your embrace as he felt your kiss.
Your hands drew small circles over his body as neither of you spoke for a while.
This time the silence didn't feel so tense, it almost seemed as if you both needed each other's presence now.
"I'm sorry for shouting and saying that to you," Simon's soft voice broke the silence as you hugged him a little tighter, letting him know that you were listening and that you forgave him.
It was the first time you had heard Simon's voice so defeated and broken. And it was obvious that the news from the doctor was not easy for him either.
"I'm scared," Simon admitted, his voice wavering as he uttered the word 'scared'. Your eyes widened a fraction when you heard that.
Ghost wasn't afraid, he never was. Ghost was the one who did what he wanted without fearing anything that lay in his wake, but Simon...
Simon was different.
Simon was fragile and vulnerable. Even though he had been through so much, he was still scared and afraid of every change that happened in his life.
These two were different and he wasn't even sure who he really was or which one of them was wrong, he just knew that he wanted you by his side no matter what happened.
"I'm more than scared," Simon let out a shaky breath as he continued, "I don't want to lose you.
I know the doctor said it's only a possibility, but there's also the possibility that you could die, even though I could have prevented it.
I don't want your blood on my hands.
I don't want your chest to stop moving when you take a breath.
I don't want your heart to stop beating.
I want you to live, and I'm terrified to hold your lifeless body in my arms," his voice wavered and broke with each sentence, but he had continued anyway.
And when he finished speaking, tears streamed down his face, not even trying to stop them as his hands trembled.
Hearing what he had just said made your own tears roll down your face. Slowly pulling your arms back, you sat down next to him on the edge of the bed, cupping his face in your hands as you moved his face to look at you.
Seeing his face made you so much more emotional as you kissed away his tears, letting your lips linger a moment longer on his forehead.
The feel of your lips on his skin made Simon's breath catch as he looked up at you when you were done peppering his face with kisses.
"I promise I'll be careful. We can go to the doctor regularly to make sure everything is okay. I won't leave you, I don't even want to think about ever leaving you behind," you whispered as you looked into his eyes.
Every word you said made Simon's heart beat faster as he was the one now, who leaned in to kiss you on the lips.
He let his mouth linger on yours for a second before pulling away to hug you tightly, wrapping you in his big arms as he stroked your back up and down, letting your head rest on his shoulder.
"Okay," he breathed out, closing his eyes and breathing in your scent, "we can try."
With that, he kissed your shoulder and whispered 'I love you' into your ear as you squeezed him tighter.
"I love you too."
630 notes Ā· View notes
mingi-s-dimples Ā· 5 months ago
Text
splash of desire - wooyoung
Tumblr media
pairing: enemy & teammate!wooyoung x fem!reader
rating: 18+ (filth)
genre: enemies to lovers, filthy smut (mdni ty)
summary: your captain makes you share a room with your death enemy, who also happens to be your teammate.
WC: 3.1k
warnings: non idol au, dystopian (strictland), brat dom!wooyoung x even brattier!reader, cocky!wooyoung, cursing, cussing out, threats (once or twice, death threat once and knife once), size kink, shower sex, overstim, orgasm control, ruined orgasm (twice f), oral (m), foreplay (f & m), blowjob, choking (both by dick and by hand), handjob, hair pulling, pet names ( ), making out, deepthroating, slight dacryphilia, one scene with pleading/begging, completely consensual, unprotected (booo use protection irl!!!), death enemies to lovers, completely unedited & might edit later, totally forgot to mention something.
Author's Note: Enemies to lovers... shower sex AND Wooyoung? give me 14 thank you. I wrote this in ONE DAY... like 4 hours or something? I think it took me longer to actually re edit/write the entire fic rather than initially writing it šŸ˜­. My utmost fave part was when Wooyoung said he wouldn't back off if he kissed her !?!??! I'm afraid I'm in love with how I wrote this fic keisjs (I always say this). Anyways, enjoy my fic ! šŸ«¶šŸ» (also I'm on the rollll I'm still on vacation LMAO I got really bored.. and horny so, once again, enjoyyy) - wrote this together w my bestie, she chose a plot - i only had the smut in mind upsi - tysm Lis for helping me ajisebs love youuu .
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction & does not represent in any way the reality of the member.
Tumblr media
You were apart of ATEEZ, a well known group of outlaws, rebelled against the Strictland Government. They were some.. entities, which distrupted the initial normal world with all of their activities. Hongjoong, your captain, suddenly decided to part the whole team on small groups, of 2 people, because the latest mission almost failed tragically. He thought that it happened because we were too many in the same place. In the end, he chose Wooyoung to team up with you and.. neither of you were happy about it. In fact, you started bickering with both Hongjoong and Wooyoung, because for some reason Hj thought that you's be better off on a mission with Woo. Little did he know that you'd actually kill him even before the mission started if you had the chance.
You looked at Hj in disbelief.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM ON MISSION WITH WOOYOUNG?"
You let out a heavy sigh, giving a piercing stare to Wooyoung.
"WHY HIM, OUT OF ALL PEOPLE? Captain. Please... please... put me on another team.." you said pleading, almost begging Hongjoong, but to no avail.
"Nope, end of discussion. You are going to do as I said. You both have one hour to prepare and pack things. I already made a reservation for a hotel hot too far from here. We gotta stay united but not in the same place, it's too risky."
"Guess we'll need to tolerate each other, y/n. I won't try to kill you, I promise." Wooyoung said, giving you the death stare with a smirk.
Hongjoong left the room, giving you a stare. He tried so hard not to burst out laughing, knowing you were pissed at him for pairing you with Wooyoung.
And here you were, in your own, nice and little room... but private. In 2 hours you were gonna live with your death enemy, which happened to also be your teammate, in the same hotel room. Ironic, isn't it? How much you hated him, his face, his cocky and bratty attitude. Everything about him made you curse at him on a daily basis. But now, you were gonna be closer to him than ever. You didn't even know what to say about it... you were just.. in disbelief.
*2 hours later*
"Oookay guys. Here is your room, you only have one bed tho, we can't afford a bigger room for now. Please don't fight, don't try to kill each other and please, for fucks sake, don't bomb the place. Enjoy your time" Hongjoong said, letting out a small chuckle.
He knew sth you didn't know.
"Okay. Dissappear, please. I don't want to see you this early in the morning." you said to Wooyoung, staring him down. You took a cigarette out of your pocket and lit it, going om the balcony to ease your mood.
"We both know you love me, y/n, don't act like this" He said teasingly, approaching you slowly.
"Fuck you, don't piss me off. Go away! " you said, pushing him away.
"Fine. I'll be in the room if you need me" he whispered.
"Fuck off you bitch" you whisperer, not letting him hear you.
You took your phone out of the pocket and dialed Hongjoong.
"Joong please! I can't live with this brat! We've been in the same room for 3 minutes and we already started bickering! Please change the layout... " you pleaded.
But you didn't hear anything. Instead, he hung up in you, giving you the final answer.
"Oh cmon, you fucker" you said to yourself.
*several minutes later*
You decided to go back in the room after smoking quite a few cigarettes. After all, you were trying to distract yourself from the situation.
But it didn't last long.
"Huh? where the fuck did he go?"
"Well, better for me, I won't see his face for a while. Maybe he's planning to kill me? I wouldn't be surprised"
You later decided to go take a shower to ease your muscles after the mission you had 2 days ago, but to your surprise and horror.. you met Wooyoung's gaze in the hall, right besides the bathroom's door. He was halfway naked, t-shirt on the floor and only in his briefs. You were trying to look away but.. froze. You stared him from head to toe, stopping at his collarbones, then at his waist... his underwear. He was.. packing.
"For fucks sake, Wooyoung! What are you doing?" you finally said, after eye fucking him for a long minute.
"What does it look like I'm doing? Chill, I wanted to take a shower. Unless you wanna join me?" he said laughing, but seeing your flustered face made his gaze darken.
"Oh.. maybe you want to join me after all, judging from your stare, hm?" he said, approaching you.
"Fuck off! Don't you touch me, what the fuck!" you said and slapped him, looking horrified in his eyes at what you just did. You always bickered and fought with him but never in your right mind thought about hitting him.
"Ouu, feisty." he said and slammed your wrists to the wall, right above you.
"The fuck are you doing?!" you said trying to escape his grip but to no avail. He was strong.. and besides being strong you made him mad.
"Oh kitten, I've seen your gaze. You've been eye fucking me for a while, is that right?" he whispered right into your ear, sending shivers down your spine.
*click*
He closed the door with his left hand. You had nowhere to go. But... did you want to leave?
"Wooyoung it's not funny, I hate everything about you."
He tilts his head at your words.
"Come again, darling? I didn't quite hear you."
"You're fucking annoying, don't get on my nerves" you said, squirming and trying to get away from his grip. But with every word and every sentence he was saying, your force dissipated and you were starting to give in... maybe you wanted him after all?
You had a window of freedom and took something out of your pocket.
"Ouuu, a knife? Are you trying to perhaps flirt with me?" he said smiling, tightening his grip on your wrists.
"Drop it. I can't guarantee your safety with that shit around me, y/n." he said and took it from your hands.
"Shut the fuck up"
"Make me, love"
You gulped. You never thought that your... death enemy would turn you on but.. here you are, arousal pooling in your panties and trying to keep your composure and not jump on him in that instant. He was staring you down, you could feel how his eyes were eating you right there. He closed the gap between your bodies, you could feel his briefs getting thighter against your thighs.
"Wooyoung.. ? The fuck are you doing?" You said flustered, looking at the bulge forming in front of you.
"Perhaps I want to fuck you or... leave you hanging? Either way... it's so much fun seeing you this flustered... you've never been like this. It makes me go insane" he said, leaning in, hovering his lips over your collarbones.
You didn't try to run away now. You almost fully gave in but... there was still something holding you back. Was he always like this? Was he.. always into you.. like this? All these thoughts were driving you insane as you felt your cunt wetting your jeans. Did you want to give in? Did you want to leave? Your body was telling you something.. while your mind was telling you otherwise. But... you wanted to give in. Truth is... you've always wanted to fuck him. To fuck the cockiness and brattiness out of him. To see him flustered, to find out why he's always been bratty with you and only you.
Though.. he continued before letting you say something.
"You know... the problem is.."
He said as he leaned in, staring at your lips with hunger and thirst.
"If I touch you... or kiss you... I don't think I'll be able to back off."
He said... waiting for the slightest response from you.
"Wooyoung -" you mustered your courage to say, touching his lip with your thumb after he loosened the grip on your hands.
He took that as a yes.
Wooyoung leaned in for a kiss, one of his hands holding your wrists above and the other one on your waist, all touchy.
"To be honest with you, y/n"
He stopped for a moment.
"I've always wanted to do this"
He said as he leaned in for a deeper, sloppier kiss. His hand going down to your ass, trying to feel you up in every way possible.
"I hate you, Wooyoung."
"No. babe. You hate the fact that you actually want me" he said, planting a kiss on your neck.
And that was it.. you were making out with your death enemy. Tongues interlocking, lewd sounds being heard in the whole room. His hands going down to your pants and your hands on his shoulders, he took you in his hands and put you on the washing machine in the bathroom. In the meantime, you could feel his hands all touchy around your waist. He was not that shitty, after all. He was waiting for you to fully give in before making any move that would make you uncomfortable. But as he said... you'd been eye fucking him for a while now.
You unzipped your pants and he took them off. His hands going back to your ass, now tugging at your panties. As soon as he touched your thigh, really close to your cunt, you flinched.
He stopped.
"Hm? why did you stop"
"You flinched. All good w me all over you?"
"Yes."
"Okay, good girl" he said. smiling.
"Fuck you, Wooyoung"
"Oh yes, please." he said and went in for a wild sloppy kiss, biting your lower lip while he took of your panties and bra. You were already bare in fron of him while he still had his briefs on... which you took care of in a second. You first started touching his tip through the cloth, feeling how hard it has gotten these past few moments. He didn't lie, after all. He really wanted to fuck you... judging from all the pre cum leaking through. You tugged at them and took them off only halfway before his cock sprung up out of the enclosed briefs.
You gulped.
"Hm? did you say something, love?"
"Are you... perhaps.. surprised?" he said, chuckling at the view he had. Your hand was resting on his dick, which was halfway out of his underwear. He was right... you were fucking surprised at how big he was.
"N-no" you said flustered. He could see the look on your face. You wanted to fuck him right there.
He left you sitting on the washing machine.
"Where the fuck are you going? Don't piss me off, you started this" you said, staring at him.
"Wait a moment, I'm just gonna do something" and as he finished talking, he turned on the shower.
"Oh, my fucking god." You gasped.
"Wooyoung.." you said but couldn't finish your sentence as he took you in his grip and dropped you off in the shower, the water dripping off your collarbones.
"Didn't you want to take a shower, woman? The fuck you looking at" he said before one of his hands went straight to your neck, receiving a choked whimper from you.
"Ooh, you're a cocky one, hm?" he said as you stopped showing him how much you wanted him.
"You're one to talk, Wooyoung" you said and right after you finished your sentence he pushed you on the wall, your breasts against the wall and your back arched for the man behind you.
"Stay still, babe." he said as he slapped your ass, holding onto it for dear life. He was resting his dick on your folds, rubbing against them for a moment.
"Fucking god.. y/n. I hate how good you feel"
He said as he pushed only his tip in.
"It makes me want to destroy the fuck out of you"
He said as he pushed himself fully into your cunt, receiving a loud moan from you.
"Wooyoung ! " you shouted, trying to hold onto something. He had other plans. He took your hair into a fist and with his other hand he held onto you, bottoming out with every single one of his thrusts. It hurt but oh god... you never thought he'd fuck this good. You were holding on for dear life, the wall slippery from the water running on you and your knees weak.
"I'm not even - oh"
"Sweating yet, babe." You said, stopping in the middle because of one of his thrusts.
"Is that really all you - g-got?" you muffled.
"Hm? You want more, huh? What a needy cunt you have." he said, burying his face into the nape of your neck, still holding on your hair, pulling it back. "Isn't this good to you, darling? Hm?" he said as he slowed down his thrusts, but going deeper as ever.
"Oh - my god" you whimpered, arousal dripping from your folds, as he pulled out for a moment.
"The fuck are you doing" you said annoyed, cause he stopped you from catching your high.
"You said you didn't even sweat so I stopped. I thought you meant I'm not good enough to you"
"You're a damn nuisance, Wooyoung. I can see your dick throbbing. Did you really want to stop?" you said, smiling at the view.
"Not your damn business. Quite a mouth you have, it seems like you need someone to put you in your place" he said as he manhandled you. He turned you around and pushed you on your knees, his cock on your cheek, rubbing on it while his hand was holding your hair.
"Got something to say, y/n? Are you finally.. quiet?" he said, looking down at you.
"Never, you fucker"
"Ohh, bratty. I love it" He said as he pushed his dick in your mouth, feeling it right in the back of your throat, tears swelling in your eyes. His dick was girthy... you could feel how it stretched your mouth so well. This brat also didn't let you adjust to his size. Having no room to breath, you were choking on his tip, but little did he care. He loved seeing you helpess, fucked dumb and being sucked by you.
When he pulled out for a short second you coughed, gasping for air.
"You're.. cute" he said chuckling, stroking your head while you had his dick on your lips.
"You bet" you said and you softly bit his tip, receiving a moan from him.
"Fuck you, y/n. This is how we are, hm? Fuck that hurt" he said, looking down at you, plotting something.
He kneeled and pushed you around. He wanted you to sit on all fours.
"Ass up, babe. On all fours. Turn around, on a side. Now." he said and even before having time to move, he manhandled you how he wanted. You were now sideways on your knees and hands.
"Suck."
And you obeyed. But little did you know he had completely other plans that you were bound to find out as soon as you felt the free hand, the one that wasn't holding your hair, on your spine right down to your ass. He used two of his fingers to spread out your wet, dripping folds. One of it rubbing on your clit, the other one slowly finding it's way in your cunt. He curled his finger inside you, making you arch your back and stop sucking him off. You gasped at the sensation.
"Damn, I never thought you'd be this hot sucking me off like the little whore you are. Wanna cum, hm? I can see it on your face. All flustered up and weak for me" he said, pushing two fingers inside you.
He was right, you were so close to finishing, barely standing on your knees. Your hands were slipping, trying to hold yourself up on his thighs.
"Stop" he said.
"W-what why" you said angrily, looking at him and gasping when he pulled out his fingers, your cunt clenching on nothing.
"You fucker, it's the 2nd time you've fucked with my orgasm. What's your problem, want me to kill you?" you shouted, weak in your knees as soon as he put his hand on your neck.
"Hmm.. maybe I love seeing you so desperate for me. For my dick, for my fingers. But... did you just say you'd.. kill me? Is that right, babe?" he said as he choked you, staring you up and down.
"We'll see about that. Get up and face me. Now." he said, waiting for you to obey.
He then lifted you up right on his dick, placing your hands on his shoulders. One of his hand was holding you from below and with one he was leaning against the wall, not letting your head hit the hard tile in the shower.
"Wooyoungh-h, I gotta-" you muffled.
"Use your words, pretty. I didn't quite understand"
"I gotta, mhhm, c-cum"
"Like, now" you said and let out a muffled moan, trying to look back at Wooyoung.
"Nu-uh babe, I didn't yet."
He stopped for only a second.
"Let's make a deal. Cum at the same time as me. Won't be that hard, right? I can see on your face that you're out of it. Now... cum." he said and started wildly thrusting into you, with so much speed and deepness, with the hand he was leaning against the wall on your clit, rubbing circles on it while closing the distance between you two.
It was like... what? the 3rd time you we're close to it and he was playing with you. But he wasn't a brat until the end and you both came, still thrusting into you so you could take up his load right up your cunt.
As both of you were coming down from your highs, he leaned down to put you down in the tiles and sat besides you.
"Y/n... I never thought this would happen but.. oh my god. You felt so good..." he said while giving you soft kisses on your forehead. He hovered the shower over you, washing you up. You've never seen that side of him. The nice, loving one.. but you loved it.
"Wooyoung.. when I tell you I GULPED when I saw you in the hallway. I was going insane !"
"Then.. up for a round 2?" he said laughing.
"Shut the fuck up, it's late and we need to wake up early as fuck!" you said, scoffing.
"Fine, fine. I'll pass on it tonight. But... what about tomorrow night? We could try the bed, too. It looks pretty sturdy." he said smirking.
"Wooyoung, for fucks sake! SHUT UP!" you said running out of the bathroom, your cheeks flushed from what he just said.
"Dammit, this fucker"
344 notes Ā· View notes
sleepyskeleton-0 Ā· 20 days ago
Text
SPOILERS FOR STH 3!!!
Scene analysis (heavily focused on Knuckles).
So thereā€™s this scene in Sonic 3 in London where Sonic decides that despite their initial intentions to never use the master emerald anymore, he insists on using it for vengeance (after Shadow hurts Tom).
In this scene Sonic and Knuckles stand head to head and get worked up to the point where theyā€™re charging up their powers, (Tails in kinda in the middle trying to calm them both down).
I got emotional in this scene, like full on tears in my eyes for a split second. Let me tell you why:
This is the scene that shows Knucklesā€™ endless patience for Sonic and Tails.
We know as an audience that Knux is always eager to go into battle, perhaps even too eager, but when it comes to his siblings, heā€™s always patient. So when Sonic tries to start a fight with him, he gets riled up at first but then takes a moment to calm himself down.
He refrains from hurting his brother and instead tries to talk to him calmly, to reason with him.
And if thatā€™s not an oldest sibling strait I honestly donā€™t know what is.
I donā€™t think some people realise how hard it is to stay calm when your younger siblings are angering you. Like not teasing but properly pissing you off, especially if your sibling is a younger teenager (think 11-14 or 15).
At some point, you as the oldest have to realise that you have to be the calm one because naturally, teens are hormonal as shit and they canā€™t really help it (sometimes). Weā€™ve all been there and we all know what it feels like to get wound up easily as a kid, and as an oldest child, you didnā€™t have someone who would calmly deal with you. Your parents would just get angry or chalk it up to a phase, so itā€™s either too much discipline or none at all for their first kid, then leave them to deal with the others when they grow up (obviously this isnā€™t the case with the trio here bc they were all taken in as teens so itā€™s different - the attention Tom and Maggie wouldā€™ve shown to them as babies and children are being shown now that theyā€™re actually a family).
So shout out to all my oldest siblings out there, including Knuckles, because itā€™s like constantly taking punches to the face and actively remaining steady on your feet without letting your anger get the best of you.
This especially goes for a traumatic or high anxiety situation, like Tomā€™s injury. Sonicā€™s love for him and his worry and regret is consuming him in this moment and throwing him into a blind rage. Tails is also really worried, and as the youngest, it goes without saying that you try to cushion any pain as much as possible, so heā€™s not gonna be expected to help. Whoā€™s left then? To help deal with Sonic? Knuckles.
He realises Sonicā€™s having a hard time, knows what it feels like to lose loved ones, understands the worry of ā€œwill they return home?ā€ and how the reality of the situation can hit at any moment and how crippling it can be.
So Knuckles swallows his pride and tries to reason with Sonic.
And itā€™s really fucking hard to do that. Especially when being put in this position.
This rant feels repetitive but I have to get it out there just how hard it is to do this. At the end of the day, even if we are the oldest sibling, even if we have an obligation to be the bigger person, we still have feelings. All this emotional burden is gonna build up. Itā€™s not anyoneā€™s fault, itā€™s just the position we were born in. Itā€™s our job to be that pillar of strength for our younger siblings, but if you keep throwing small stones at a pillar, eventually itā€™ll start to chip and crumble. So to have the strength to remain steady is the real superpower.
Like holy shit, talk about dual burden. Knux is also feeling the pain of potentially losing Tom, but heā€™s still there to comfort and protect his family and also shoulder his own difficult emotions. Because no one was there to do that for him when he needed it the most. He may never have anyone to protect him quite like that, and an older sibling will protect their younger ones even if it means making sacrifices. Remember that parents donā€™t have the same effect as siblings. Adults can only have so much understanding, but growth moves with the times, and each coming generation develops in unique ways, so grown ups will never grasp the full extent of the younger generationā€™s struggles, just as us younger people will never understand what they went through and how they dealt with it.
So props to Knuckles, he really is 1000000% muscle, and his most important muscles, his heart and brain, work together incredibly well. He doesnā€™t have to be book smart, his emotional intelligence makes up for that.
(Disclaimer: this is just my interpretation so just take it with a grain of salt, also sorry for this utterly incoherent rant, I have feelings about this movie- and this silly little echidna.)
85 notes Ā· View notes
psychedelic-pebble Ā· 1 month ago
Note
Hii! Could u do sth vampire au with Fidds n Ford? Both sfw and nsfw - tyyy luv ur writing
hi there!!! iā€™d be more than happy to >:] i love me some hot vampires every now and then. especially when the hot vampires are two of my favs. enjoy some headcanons!
Fiddleford
SFW
He tries to hide it from you. He really does, but bless his poor heart he cannot keep secrets. Especially from you.
He would be SO nervous that youā€™d leave him when you found out - his shock was nearly palpable when you reassured him you were already aware, and found it more than a little attractive.
He doesnā€™t want to weird you out, but you reassure him time and time again that youā€™re not and will never be weirded out by it.
NSFW
In my personal hc I like to think vampires experience more bloodlust when theyā€™re horny. The urge to bite you would be nearly overwhelming, but he doesnā€™t want to hurt you.
You have to encourage him to use his teeth, bring his head down to your throat with your hands and tell him to bite for him to actually do it.
He whimpers and bites gently, being sickeningly sweet with his ministrations.
ā€œDeep breath in, sweetheart, it might hurt a little.ā€
He makes sure youā€™re always prepared, and never surprised by the sudden sting.
The moan you let out when he finally bites is humiliating. He loves it though, no matter how surprised it makes him.
Heā€™s not rough in any stretch of the word. It doesn't even seem like heā€™s capable of roughing you up.
Heā€™d kiss every little bite to soothe the sting, never biting too hard and only taking what he needs.
Heā€™s so good at aftercare itā€™s crazy. Quickly cleaning up the bites and wrapping you up in a blanket after getting you a fresh glass of water and making sure youā€™re okay.
Stanford
SFW
Like Fidds, I think heā€™d likely be a bit scared of telling you as well. But he eventually does. He doesnā€™t like hiding things from you.
Heā€™d be extremely relieved and even a little surprised that you didnā€™t leave him upon finding out, and that you find him even more attractive due to it.
He gets worried sometimes that youā€™ll get too freaked out by him, but you never have, and always make sure he knows you never will.
NSFW
I like to think that while heā€™d be nervous about hurting you, heā€™d be more than a little cocky about knowing you like it.
He wouldnā€™t warn you as much as Fidds does, but would still give you a little warning when heā€™s going to bite you. Whether it be by squeezing your hips reassuringly, or running the flat of his tongue along your pulse point, he always makes sure you know when heā€™s going to bite.
Heā€™d selfishly take more than he needs, just to taste you. He loves making you whine when he does, hearing the little gasps and whimpers you make fueling him even further.
He bites a little hard, only just to make you gasp. He loves it.
Heā€™s rough and fast, but not so much that you canā€™t take it. He roughs you up a little, but always takes care of you afterwards.
Not as good at aftercare as Fiddleford, but he tries his best, and that's what counts. Heā€™d make sure to clean you up and get you a snack or some water.
sorry these are a little short. my brain is so fried from. everything. but i hope these will feed you just a little bit anon!! thanks as always for your request <33
92 notes Ā· View notes
pressplay-if Ā· 4 months ago
Note
This new chapter is so real. It made me remember many things iā€™ve forgotten from my hospital/treatment days. Not in a bad way but hitting quite close to home. One thing I remembered was how our doctors and counselors viewed friendships/relationships between patients. Communicating outside was pretty frowned upon and being in a relationship with another patient would get out kicked out at the very least. Anyway, the part that really hit was the phone call. The effect that continuing these relationships can have when both parties are in different places in their journey. Itā€™s tough because you bond over something heavy something you might hide from others in your life. Something that is a big part of you, something that you struggle with. In a way itā€™s like you can be your true self. Without having to put up the facade to keep those around from being uncomfortable. It gives the friendship a sort of depth. But we all progress and heal at different rates. Itā€™s not a one size fits all situation when in comes to treatment. I have been in both positions. Being the person stuck while others come and go. Then later having to move on needing to do what is best for me. Itā€™s difficult for both. But hearing about relapses or certain thoughts from a friend. When you have finally found some stability or are close to falling back into old habits. It can be so triggering. Which makes you have to decide. Do I stick with this person who I connected with at my lowest point? When I am so easily reminded of things iā€™ve barely just moved on from. Or do I let go and focus on the future? It sucks either way. But it does explain why the doctors say what they say about patient relationships. Though I know itā€™s not like that for every situation. Anyway, sorry for so many words! I probably have more to say but imma chill out. Just wanna say WOW! Loving the story, itā€™s relatable(maybe I shouldnā€™t be too proud of that idk) and thought-provoking. Really got me thinking about things which I donā€™t normally do. And it ainā€™t actually that bad. Hope my words made sense. Great workšŸ‘šŸŒˆšŸ˜ƒ
So this was the first ask about the second chapter that I got and can I just say thank you?? šŸ™
I was so nervous and reading this so soon after it came out was so immensely relieving to me. Back where I was, patient relationships didn't get you kicked out, but we did have a couple and everyone kinda knew they were together but refrained from addressing it bc we all just agreed it'd make things way too messy if we did. Even though, literally, everyone knew. Very much an Anthony/Abigail situation haha.
And yes, your words made a lot of sense to me and they're really appreciated. I, too, have been in both positions--- I think it might be a natural part of a lot of people in that "recovering from mental illness" cycle, even if it's a really unpleasant one. You create this bond over sth so horrible, and you understand each other, for as long as you're both suffering. Then when you start to move away from that, life gets easier but the friendship gets complicated. That's my experience, at any rate. I'm really glad to have hit close to home with this bc that's really what I was intending.
80 notes Ā· View notes
ganondoodle Ā· 5 months ago
Text
was at my sisters house to watch the cats a bit and played some botw again after a long time, spent an hour running around phirone (faron) and checking out all the cool sonau (zonai) stuff and i felt a wave of sadness wash over me, those ruins there feel so ... heavy with story, with sadness of tragedy, with the thrill of the unkown, yet its revealed to be nothing in totk, i honestly dont feel like the sonau of botw and of totk are at all releated tbh, theres like, NO design overlap besides sometimes some dragon-like figures that feel more like they put them into totk just to have some connection at all-
the botw sonau ruins are all full of curves hewn into dark stone with red accents, theres swirls and snakes everywhere, appropriately withered by time and weather- it was already a stupid idea to replace the shiekah tech with literally another ancient highly advanced civilaztion, but then to not even make them look or feel at all connected to the little things that were there?? totk sonau is white stone and gold and green, its all extremely angular and clean cut, together with weird hologram shit that reads, somehow, as both unfittingly techy to everything else while also neither mechnical nor magical
its fucking bonkers, i know they put some totk sonau bullshit into some of the ruins in totk, like the main ones in phirone but like, especially in that case with the direct comparison its so jarring and artificial, and i hate the excuse of "hylians built those different looking buildings as a monument to the sonau", like we needed more shitty excuses for bad writing decisions- the ancient AND current hylian stuff aligns more with totk sonau stuff, why would they adopt a completely different style to built shit around actual sonau stuff that somehow also looks like it was abandoned like, 50 years, 100 years ago, not over TEN THOUSAND years ago, both the botw sonau ruins and the shiekah tech look more ancient than anything totk sonau
and what for??? i imagine more botw sonau style ruins and like, thats entirely possible, why make it sth utterly different and give it a shitty excuse?? its so unnecessary?? like okay make the wheels out of withered stone hanging together like clumps by invisible magic like how the iwaroks (the .. stone enemy) works- i still would like it sicne i dont like the whole building thing in botws world, but at least it would feel like truly magic bs and fit into the design of botw sonau (even though im still not over NOTHING ever hinting that they were one step away from spaceships hologram aliens, the refusal to work with the stuff they themselves have put into their games drives me up a wall, YOU PUT IT THERE! DO SOMETHIGN WITH IT!)
just to put some modern tech into it? was it worth it?? (no)- and there i could even go on about how much i hate the 'tech' design too, its too little mechanical to be called 'tech' but too modern tech like to call it 'magic', (a balance which the shiekah tech did tremendously well imo) i keep being impressed with how conflicting and incoherent design and story can be in this one single overpriced game
(the reason them making it so modern techy looking was so players would immediately know what it was apparently and i just ... doesnt that make it more boring? like instead of the shiekah stone(slate) they just put a flip phone with numbered buttons and all and give it a vaguely stone texture? instead of like, a guardian with its spider legs and strange creepy design, just put a fucking tank there??? (and like, in a way i feel like the fact that they still tried to not make it look too modern by putting that green texture on it and like, a face here and there, makes it WORSE, a bad cover up is worse to me than none at all, like a shitty explanation can make sth worse than no explanation at all *ahem* literally every interview they did >:C )
also i dont know how you could even design a fan so it doesnt look like a fan? you dont need to put in literal car wheels with suspension and all in there to make it clear its a wheel bc how would you even design a wheel so it doesnt read like a wheel???
since when did they get so anxious about players not understanding something?? the whole series was built on puzzles of varying difficulty, whats with the sudden loss in trust in the player?? botw was already pretty easy but in totk the whole game treats you like you cant think or remember sth for more than 30 seconds to the point it gets actively agonizing to play through- the same two sentences of unimportant info repeated and shown to your face over and over, both in story and gameplay- and even with their immediately readable design choices for the sonau 'tech' they made half teh shrines either sloggingly slow tutorials or one puzzle shrines that are dedicated to teach you how the obvious thing works when you really learn it all on the literal tutorial island AND its obvious from the start BECAUSE THEY WANTED IT TO BE OBVIOUS!! its fun to figure things out and try stuff, its no fun to have a step by step guide glued to your forehead at all times especially when its so obvious, yes thanks for teaching me that a literal fire hydrant spits out water!! wow! never thought about that! thanks for telling me it 5 times too!! (even if it annoys me that they can just do that when not connected to the ground .. would have been more fun to make puzzle with if they were,,), its part of why i felt like the game was so condescending or outright laughing at me-
why even try to teach me how a fan works over and over when like, there arent even any creative things you can do with it in a reasonable amount of time and its never needed or incentivised either bc the game just hands you the literal solution or at the very least give you the four parts or what that you need to make what you need, like pulling apart two bricks of baby lego in fornt of a toddler to see if they can put them back together once you hand it to them
and dont come at me with the "its for kids" argument, the old games were too and theres alot of stages of 'kid', they arent stupid either and nintendo should know that they have alot of adult fans too, it doesnt need to be dark souls and its allowed to have easy stuff in there but the fact that it never gets any more challenging is the problem, yes part of the fun in games can be making your own rules and messing around but it really shouldnt be controversial to want a 70 bucks game to offer a fun experience without you having to make it fun all on your own (i for one dont enjoy spending 30 minutes glueing togehter a tank with ear shattering lasers just to inefficiently beat up 3 bokblins i could just swing my sword at for a few seconds instead and are not worth the materials spend anyway)
in the end it would have been less immersion breaking and more fun if they straight up put a honda civic into the game you can summon anywhere at no cost (hmmmm where did they just do it before hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) and transforms like a batmobile to fly around in rather than the weird sonau nuts and bolts hassle you have to put up with, costs stuff, can waste hours of your time and despawn as soon as you look away from it unless you want to make le funny tiktok videos i guess
its such a waste too bc the mechanic itself IS impressive, but its utterly missplaced in this game, it would have needed its own, truly own, game built around it, placing it in botws world is like dumping a bunch of knock off brand toys into a world that felt believable and meaningful turning it to feel like its really just a game for you to mess around in, never has a game felt more gamey to me and it SUCKS to have that magic pulled away like that, silly me for letting them make me care about it i guess
maybe its petty but as someone how really cares alot about design stuff, both visually and gameplay wise, it makes me furious to think about (as you can tell) .. also hyperfixation go brrrrrrr
(this is obviously my view on it, writing this to get it out, not to argue, i believe i have heard all the arguments already anyway and by this point all that is left is just insulting me directly lol)
96 notes Ā· View notes
pseudophan Ā· 4 months ago
Note
Nora!!! Just got back from the Warsaw show and I haven't been on here in a bit (avoiding spoilers) so I genuinely can't tell if this show was the worst or the best so far.
My friend and I genuinely thought that the cum bracelet thing was scripted cause it was so convenient lmao
There was also sth wrong with the screen and it looked like it had a grey square on it, so Dan at the start pointed at it and said "that's my last braincell" or sth like this aodjossussns
And also for the role model thing they were trying sooo hard to spell yaoi correctly it was so fucking funny, it took both of them a few minutes to spell it by letter and then it was like yaoe for a bit (lawyer-Dan apparently banned it)
Also I was stressing for Phil's life cause during the confessions part he asked for water (brother Gabriel? I think) and was sipping on it after they changed (he stayed in shorts too) and when the dancing started I was genuinely worried that he's gonna pass out...I think before they started Dan did kind of like a "check" with him? Like a glance of "you good"?
I hope that some time later they won't be like "oh yeah, that Warsaw show? That was horrific, we thought that Phil'd die"
help meee oh i hope they don't film that twitter video tomorrow they need to REST šŸ˜­ i feel like maybe phil had a migraine :( which i assumed would happen but. i'm glad he didn't actually pass out
apart from phil nearly dying though i think this show is definitely up there it sounded extremely unhinged. the cum bracelet really added to it, i love that phil was like please don't throw things ... which, as someone who threw something on stage at ii, teehee not that sorry
welcome to the spoiler zone!! go check out the titspoilers tag people have been very funny the past week
109 notes Ā· View notes
nalyra-dreaming Ā· 4 months ago
Note
I can't stop thinking about that Assad interview when he said that Armand hates how much he loves everything about Lestat. Why do you think he does that? Because Lestat rejected him and he's embarassed that he still can't get over him or is there sth more to it? And do you think that Louis feels similar way? It feels like he doesn't really want to accept loving him and feels guilty about it and I get why he acts this way but it kinda makes me sad that the both treat loving Lestat as a burden.
I don't think it's "embarrassment" per se, I think it's more the frustration of knowing he fucked it up himself.
Because he and Lestat were thiiiissssssss close to getting it on... and then Armand tried to force Lestat. And that was it.
And no, I do not think Louis feels the same way... at all.
Louis' problem with loving Lestat is self-acceptance. And the fear that Lestat might actually tire of him(!). He literally says that, later in the books, when he goes to Lestat:
When I looked into these green eyes, I saw only Louis, and the words echoing in my mind were Louisā€™s words. ā€œI know what you need,ā€ he said. ā€œYou need one person who is always on your side. Well, Iā€™m ready to be that one now. I donā€™t know why I tormented you, made you pay for asking, made you come all this way. I always knew I was going to come. Maybe I thought youā€™d lose interest because I never really understood why you wanted me in the first place. But youā€™re not losing interest, not even with the whole Court, and so Iā€™ll come. And when you tire of me and want me gone, Iā€™ll hate you, of course.ā€ ā€œTrust me,ā€ I whispered. He was cutting me to the heart and making me happy, and this was pain. ā€œI do,ā€ he said.
So no, not guilty.
Afraid that Lestat will tire of him!!
But that... was never the problem :)
67 notes Ā· View notes
daenysx Ā· 1 year ago
Note
Hiya darling, I just saw that your requests were open so obviously I had to jump at the opportunity. Could you write sth about Aegon and maybe the reader is his girlfriend? And this time he promises himself to do things right and not just jump into the physical intimacy right away bc he's serious about her. So he's trying to restrain himself, but she's making it hard for him without even knowing, bc everything seemingly innocent turns him on lol. And then she's a bit irritated bc he's getting irritated and keeps pushing her away and she thinks that maybe she did something wrong?
It doesn't need to be pure smut, but if you could make it a bit spicy and fluffy it'd be greatly appreciated! šŸ’–šŸ’–
thank you so much for requesting, angel, i tried my best but honestly i'm not sure if this is good enough ā™” i hope you like it! requests are open!!
aegon targaryen x fem!reader modern au (kinda nsfw)
promises
aegon wakes up to an empty bed.
he blinks slowly, his hair falls on the comfy pillow as he adjusts his head, and he feels the spot next to him. the sheets are still warm but you are not there, confusion and curiousity makes aegon's brain fuzzy the first thing in the morning. he sits on bed, rubs his eyes until he feels numb, and leaves the warmth behind him as he steps out of his room.
it is your first sleepover at aegon's, and he is excited by all means. he remembers the night, the wine bottle, and your smiles. you were glowing under the soft lights of his living room, you gave him lots of kisses, and he kissed you back. he remembers leading you to bed, cuddling you under the sheets, and the way you wrapped your arms around him. he buried his face to your neck as you fall asleep and promised not to ruin what he has with you silently.
aegon's kitchen is big enough but he keeps his glasses at the highest shelves. you are trying to get one of them on your tiptoes, wearing an old shirt from his closet and your sleep shorts. he likes seeing you like this, he decides. like you belong in his life.
you get the glass successfully, you fill it with water and drink it all in one go. aegon watches you, leaning to the wall. you finish the water and put your glass on the counter. turning your back, you see your lover waiting for you to realize him.
"good morning, baby." you say, aegon loves hearing the word baby from your mouth.
"morning." he says back. you give him a kiss on his cheek. "slept well?" you ask, even your morning voice is sweet to him. he nods, brushes his lips on your hair and fakes a kiss. you wrap your arms around his waist as you lead him back to his room.
"it's still early." you say.
"maybe we should go back to sleep." aegon says as he holds your hand.
you both find your ways back to bed, aegon lifts the sheets to get under them. he misses your warmth even though you are here with him, it's addictive and he has never been great with his obsessions. the thoughts of being together with you all the time, every way, makes his head spin. he closes his eyes and takes a calming breath.
aegon has a love-hate relationship with promises. the promises he gave to his mom, i'll be good mom, the promises he gave to aemond, and the promises he keeps giving himself. he thinks they make his life worthy somehow, he tries to prove that he is actually capable of doing something he gave his word for. no one has ever told aegon how hard it is to keep a promise, though. he finds himself imagining different scenarios of him breaking all those promises and being somewhat free.
you came into his life when everything was more difficult. he didn't even know what you see in him, why would someone like you stay with him? you deserve sunshine and happiness, aegon has broken memories behind him. not all of them was his fault to be true, but he had his fair share of ruined relationships. he was expecting to ruin the things with you as well, because why not, but it's not going as he'd guessed. it's going actually well, with you.
he is careful not to make any mistakes, the ones he knows from his past anyways. he is careful not to rush into things with you, even though he wants is badly. you in his apartment, playing with his beloved sunfyre, wearing his shirts, kissing him like he's worth it, calling him baby like he deserves it...he wants everything with you.
"i was thinking we could do something other than sleeping." you say gently, getting him out of his thoughts.
"yeah?" he asks, gets comfy on bed as you stroke his hair. "like what, pretty girl?"
you answer by starting a kiss. aegon parts his lips for you, you lean into him. the kiss lasts for seconds, you can see the first lights of the day in the room. you cup aegon's cheek with your one hand while the other twirls his hair between your fingers. aegon kisses you back and you find the courage to take the next step.
you give him one last kiss as he lies on bed, and you throw one leg over his body to get closer to him. you can feel his hardness under your leg and your stomach tightens. you press yourself as an attempt for relief and aegon holds your thigh to keep you steady. he breaks the kiss to look at you with an expression you don't quite like.
he stays still but you think maybe he's pulling away from you, and your courage feels like there's a pit in your chest. you try to pull your leg back but you can't. you try to smile when he frowns, you are almost ashamed that you are pressing yourself to him when he does nothing.
"i'm sorry." you whisper. "i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
aegon looks at you with glassy eyes. "don't be sorry, please. you never make me uncomfortable."
"i mean-" you start, but the words don't come out easily. "i know we didn't really do anything before but i- i thought-"
insecurity starts dripping from your words and aegon would be damned if he ever let you think you are doing something he doesn't want. "no, no, lovely. it's just-" he says, rubbing your skin. "it's all me. i just- didn't want to rush into things and-"
he stops talking and it worries you. "and what?" you ask silently.
"i don't want to lose this." he sounds afraid and broken. "i don't want to lose what we have. i don't want to ruin everything."
he blinks down a slow tear, and it breaks your heart. "aegon." you say. "you think you will ruin things with me just because we get physical?"
the conversation turns serious so quickly. aegon blinks again. "i've never been good in relationships. i want you so much, but i don't mind waiting. you didn't do anything wrong, it's all me."
"baby." you cup his cheek. "you are my boyfriend, and i want to be closer with you. i promise, you wouldn't ruin anything, and it's all good for me."
he tilts his head to see your eyes. "no rush?"
"no rush." you kiss him on his chin. "but still, you don't have to wait."
aegon kisses you and he feels a deadweight has been lifted from his chest. he thinks it's all gonna be okay, now that you know his true intentions. he pulls you on his lap until he sits on bed, he leans against headboard. the kiss takes his breath away, he helps you sit properly on him.
"we can continue if you want, or we can stop here." he whispers to your ear. "anything you want."
"i want you, aegon." you whisper back.
he likes that combination of words. he helps you take your shorts off without leaving the bed, you pull down his sweatpants and his boxers. aegon touches your inner leg, your skin is hot. he drags his fingers further until he finds what he's looking for.
you lift your hips against him, he's getting harder every passing second. you wrap your fingers around him, stroking him until he's fully hard.
"i'm not gonna last if you keep doing that." he says desperately.
"can we stay like this?"
you smile and give him a kiss. your fingers guide him to your entrance and he helps you putting it in by angling himself properly. your wetness slides against him, he tries to find your clit after a moment of catching his breath. you hold the hand on your cunt, bringing it to your mouth to kiss the back of it.
he agrees, he doesn't think he can manage to last long with fast movements and strong strokes. this is grounding and calming, he is fully inside you and you are comfortable on his lap. you keep him inside you as you put your head on his chest. he kisses your hair and rubs your back.
"thank you for being honest with me." you say. aegon realizes your voice gets sleepy and he keeps rubbing your back.
he kisses your forehead as a way of answering. "come on, let's go back to sleep." he slides down on bed to put his head on the pillow.
you nod. "but we'll continue once we wake up."
aegon laughs. "we kinda have to, i don't know how to handle more of your teasings at this point."
"i'm not teasing you!"
"yeah, baby, of course you're not." he rolls his eyes and smiles.
200 notes Ā· View notes
rahshande22 Ā· 12 days ago
Text
So here I am, first time in my life on tumblr, just because I feel a very strong need to write sth about X-men movies.
Iā€™ve never been much of a X-men girl, I watched the movies few years ago (turns out Iā€™ve never seen The Dark Phoenix before lol). I remember being a little bored with the older movies (Iā€™ve always been more into MCU's type of superhero stories), but actually liked the newer ones. Lately something reminded me about these movie and about the fact that I particularly liked Charles. So I watched all four newer X-men movie and here are some of my thoughts:
I was right. Charles is, for me, THE character in these movies.
Not gonna lie, what made them this enjoyable for me was the relationship between Charles and Erik. And Iā€™m not even that much of a shiper, I just think the chemistry between these two was great, their interactions were interesting and pretty much carried all movies. I mostly give credit James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender who truly done a great job with bringing Charles and Erik back to life.
I really like how during the first three movies (FC, DoFP, Ap) we get the two opposite sites of the same coin. Both Charles and Erik want to preserve mutants, help them, give them safety, give them purpose ectā€¦ but they have very different ideas on how to do that, how to make that possible. I like how they are both wrong and right at the same time.
Erik is right, because we clearly see that ā€œnormalā€ people canā€™t really comprehend and accept ā€œthe otherā€ (what a surprise). Mutants would never be entirely safe because they are different, they are in minority, they can be dangerous and they are beyond understanding of ā€œnormalā€ people (I guess I donā€™t need to elaborate more, we know how it works). But he is clearly wrong, because you canā€™t exterminate other just because they MAY be problematic in the future (or, ironically, because they are not like you). And then, thereā€™s Charles, who's right, because aggression causes aggression. If you strive for war, that will be all you will ever have and sometimes you have to learn how to survive on different terms. But he is also wrong, because you cannot always have your peace, even though you want nothing more.
They were trying to live up to their dreams and beliefs and dynamics between then actually shaped the movies (ok, at last the first two). X-men Apocalypse was worst then two previous (Iā€™d say that less Erik and Charles together made it that way), but wasnā€™t THAT bad. I like to think that Erik did in fact understand that Apocalypse was not a better option. Or he just didnā€™t want him to kill Charles, that reason is also fine.
But then we come to The Dark Phoenix, which was not good, at all.
I can skip the fact that in the previous movie Jean manifested Phoenix power (I mean, we can quarrel that it was only her, but why give it a shape of fiery wings then?), but generally her story arc was very similar to what weā€™ve already seen: Jean Grey doesnā€™t really know who she is and is scared of her power. As much as I respect Sophie Turner, I donā€™t consider herā€¦ well, a great actress, and her portrayal of Jean was sort of flat and boring.
Erikā€™s story arc is kinda non existent: heā€™s there just for the sake of being there. Heā€™s only motive is ā€œto kill Jean for killing Ravenā€ (Iā€™m not sure if itā€™s that good of a motivation for him; Raven spent much more time on her own or with Charles than with Erik, so him carrying for her so much felt more like a forced plot point than genuine feelings).
I have a feeling they made Charles dirty in this movie, and I'm not referring to his controversial decisions about Jean. Charles always wants to help others, sometimes to the extent itā€™s not a real help. He wants it so badly that he might lose the person he's helping along the way. Thantā€™s an interesting take, and some new layer to Charles Xavier. His methods are not always good, even when he does something in good faith, weā€™ve seen that clearly with Jean (though without Dark Phoenix power it could work). But one of his most important traits is that he CARES about others. Here? Not so much. He's definitely more... detached that usual, less involved in his students well being. And what about Raven? She was his sister, and he loved her dearly, this was shown very, very clearly in the previous three movies. And here what? One tear or two after her death? We got Hank and Erik (!) going crazy after Ravenā€™s death and not even a proper cry from Charles? Am I supposed to believe that? And there, there's more: he made some mistakes and then lives the school? "By, youā€™re on your own now, have a nice time?" Like, what? These two things alone make him feel not like himself. And I pity that, cause we got three decent (good even) stories and thereā€™s this one. Itā€™s not even the fact that McAvoy cannot act, we perfectly know he can (we got three other movies in the franchise to confirm that), so what actually happened here?
Probably the only good thing in this movie is the ending and the scene in Paris.
25 notes Ā· View notes