#and these new people “replacing” your parents. It must be hard

[tategaminu]

Just as it took Callum a while to accept Harrow as his father‚ it also took Rayla a while to recognize Runaan as his dad.

Matching (adoptive) daddy issues for you and your beloved

[worldsover]

Iff ft. Yujin

length ✦ 10.9k

genres ✧ breeding, as in breeding breeding, as in actual pregnancy kink; degrading petplay; NEVER underestimate my lack of sanity; super subby puppy gf with baby fever!Yujin

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It is necessarily true that there exists an ideal number of offspring for each human female from a purely genetic standpoint. Our distant ancestors who survived countless millennia of famine, warfare, and disease were those whose genomes encoded a certain target number for offspring; this number was close enough to just above two children that random fluctuations in fertility could never deviate much below or above that figure. For these women, at least, natural selection would penalize having either fewer or more children than their genes desired, as this would diminish the proportion of their offspring in subsequent generations. This principle extends even today: A 2021 study by Hutchings revealed significant variability in the number and size of offspring among species, driven by genetic and developmental factors. This suggests a non-fixed ideal number of offspring, adapting to societal changes and living conditions.

Even after tens of thousands of years, we are still these animals. That is, Homo sapiens sapiens does not differ greatly from its parent species Homo sapiens when it comes to such biological imperatives as sex and reproduction. Yet only a fraction of people maintain a lifestyle that mirrors contingent strategies favored by evolution, resulting in a massive imbalance between evolved psychology and modern life. Although humans may no longer face the constant threat of starvation posed by an unforgiving wilderness, problems evolve in the same way—we do not have nearly enough children to replace the adult population, at least in many developed countries. The United States, Canada, Australia, and many European countries are experiencing population decline, but nowhere is this phenomenon more exacerbated than in East Asia, with particularly acute examples in China, Japan, and South Korea. Our subject for examination lies within the context of the latter nation, wherein perhaps a solution may be found through the example of Ahn Yujin.

You and Yujin are going to work toward fixing this new, evolved problem by starting a family. With her fervor and your virility, you just might do this single-handedly—if not, at least you two will leave that target number in the dust. The world will thank you, and you, the world, for yielding you Yujin. The future is assured, so long as you can satisfy your breeding needs.

Yujin fits the archetype for having large numbers of offspring: there must have existed designs for Yujin's body as the template for prolific breeders. Even the most conservative anthropologist would admit Yujin's hips are ideal for childbearing, especially in proportion to her height. Her breasts are not the largest, but they are certainly sufficient enough for breastfeeding—and if not that, at least your own tit-sucking pleasures. Her lithe body was built to breed, and above any physical attributes, the mind within only confirms that impression.

She is eager, insatiable, and obedient. You tell her to strip, and she is naked in seconds. You tell her to go on all fours, and she is on all fours. You tell her to put her lips around your cock, and she is deepthroating you in an instant. And when you tell Yujin that she's now your little puppy to train and use as you please, she follows your command gladly.

Her greatest fantasy is being bred hard and often, and this is the fantasy most oft fulfilled by you, her master. It starts with the collar around her neck: an innocuous thing, leather and black, with a silver buckle in the front, and a ring in the back through which you put a leash. When she has that collar on, she is not the confident, witty, ambitious woman who commands everyone's attention—she is your pet, "Puppy", as so engraved in delicate silver script on the black leather.

The collar rarely leaves her neck at this point, a couple of years into your relationship. By now, she's your live-in pet.

You don't even remember the last time you used a condom. That was months ago, at least—a year? Ever since she moved in, you've been savoring Yujin's raw, slick walls on your cock, and she gets off on the all-filling feeling of your semen seeping into her fertile womb. If it weren't for the pill, Yujin would have been knocked up long ago. Despite that, each time you make love, you talk about breeding, playing at dreams of impregnating her with plenty of pups. She moans "please" on each thrust, and you know exactly what she's begging for when she whispers that "Master's cum is gonna be Daddy cum any day now." When the two of you are ready, there is no doubt that Yujin will become the mother of your children.

You and Yujin have many ways of making love, ranging from rough hair-pulling to gentle adoration. But one element always remains the same: the collar that transforms her into a wild, lustful creature, erasing all thoughts as soon as it's clasped around her slender neck. Her urgent pleas for you to release your load deep inside her are often met with little resistance, but occasionally you like to make her work for it—teasing and edging her until she whines and begs, this desperate bitch in heat. Then, you offer her a choice: continue being edged for another hour or allow yourself to impregnate her with your potent seed, guaranteed to result in triplets. Which will it be?

The answer, of course, is that both are correct. Why should we deprive ourselves of what nature gave us? If one woman loves being bred, why not breed her constantly? If another wants to be edged, why deny her? False dichotomies like these remain pervasive. Be sexually dominant or submissive; enjoy sex or romance; fuck like rabbits or make love tenderly—these can all exist together, if we so allow them to.

For example, there are always two women at play with your girlfriend: the Yujin who is a vibrant social butterfly, curious and never satisfied with sitting still; and the Yujin who lives and breathes your cock in daily routine, the Yujin who will happily let you lock her away in a dark room if you promised to give her your cum. You love both Yujins: a charming conversationalist, always cool and collected; a horny, obedient slut, who you train to do tricks in exchange for cum, who will only bark if her master so demands. There is no need to choose between these two Yujins, and you would not dream of doing so.

Or, consider the most misleading of dilemmas, being a young couple with kids, or being a young couple that stays together. Humans have grown rich enough and powerful enough to craft a society where the worst thing that could happen to a young couple—pregnancy at an inconvenient time—no longer threatens them in the same way. Now that people no longer have to marry their first stable match or die alone, now that everyone has gotten a little bit smarter and more independent, the universe is filled with possibilities for love and affection. This future child you make with Yujin could grow up in an environment where they would want for nothing, especially not siblings, for you'll give them plenty to spare. Thus, to knock Yujin up is hardly the disaster it would have been in our primitive past. Rather, you both should celebrate it.

This is not to say that every single person is the same. Not many women are as dedicated to the goal of impregnation as Yujin, and not many men are as driven to fill a receptive body with their progeny as you are. The series of coin flips and card draws that led to your personalities, to this relationship that binds you, is quite unlikely to repeat itself.

Yujin recognizes the rarity of the match. Even in the first meeting, she was as astute as a hunter dog, scenting prey, noting all the signs in the forest that you were the one. That night, after your friend invited Yujin to the bar, small talk quickly became deep conversation. Yujin asked your opinion on something. You gave it. Yujin replied, "Oh, I like a guy who takes charge." A few minutes later, she said she had to use the bathroom. She left her purse with you. Yujin did not return for another ten minutes, and when she did, it was with flushed cheeks and sweat on her brow. You asked her what took so long, and she answered, "You're so hot. I might have… been doing something naughty."

"Bad girl," you said.

At this point, your friend knew to leave.

You understand that Yujin is still the same girl, only with more of herself exposed to you—not just literally. She's been hinting at the concept of properly mating for weeks now, but she needed you to make the first move. It's a bit like old times, the nights after you met, the weeks you danced around each other's desires. Whenever she hinted at her interest, you weren't stupid enough to be oblivious—every word dripped with innuendo, every glance a flirt, every movement an invitation. But you built tension with purpose. She was too special to sleep with on the first date. In much the same way, what was once mere fantasy, empty talk of impregnating Yujin during sex, is starting to take on the shape of reality. In this sense, here returns Yujin the hunter dog, searching for a new quarry: your future family.

However, this is not lust alone. The chemicals that control desire can't do all the work in this relationship. When Yujin asks you more frequently about your opinion on having kids, you don't ignore it as simple pillow talk; she is gauging your willingness to commit. Because you love her, because she's right for you, past the sex and the fantasies, you take her seriously. Yujin speaks with infectious enthusiasm about her friends who have recently become mothers, all of whom are convinced that you two would make fantastic parents. Casually, she mentions she's not taking birth control anymore.

"I might be ovulating soon." "The doctor said I'm in my prime right now." "Do you think I'd be a good mother? You'll be a good daddy, for sure."

To that last question, you assure her, over and over, with the certainty that Yujin deserves. "The best mommy. I promise."

You find her researching baby names. Starts looking up parenting tips and ideas for nursery decorations. She's even helped you plan out your dream family home. There's something different about how Yujin looks at you. She's thinking about pregnancy, not just as a topic of conversation, not just as a fetish, but as a goal.

Concerns and fears, worries and hopes, you discuss them thoroughly, sometimes after sex, when Yujin is too tired to move and she lies in bed with your cock still inside her, cum on her lips, your hands around her belly feeling her body and dreaming of what it might become. Talks of plans become more and more serious as you set aside money and time for this future family, thinking about moving out from this modest apartment to a proper house. But ultimately, here is Yujin, in your arms, by your side, an angel's face, eyes stolen from the stars as they twinkle.

Like when you first fell in love, everything lovely about Yujin becomes magnified, so how could you deny her? You hold her close and promise that you'll do anything to make her happy, to make her dreams come true. She whispers back, "I know. I've never felt so loved."

It isn't long before Yujin becomes more brazen. As you try to fall asleep, you hear wet sounds next to you as Yujin's fingers dive in her pussy, presumably to the idea of you impregnating her. The next morning, she confirms your suspicions, this time sending you a video from the bathtub as she masturbates and talks dirty about how much she worships your cum. She sends you amateur porn of women taking three creampies three times in a row, or pregnant women squirting milk onto the camera lens while riding a man.

Then, there's the actual sex between the two of you. "Do you want to knock me up? Come on, let's just do it now. Please? Can't you tell I need it?"

You're glad to continue teasing and edging Yujin until her desire is too much to bear, her eyes watering and face contorted with desperation. Her raw pussy tightens around you even more, begging for release. You tell her it's up to Master before pulling out and spraying cum over her stomach. Obedient as ever, she cleans it up and swallows it down but her frustration is clear—she wants to be filled completely. You're truthfully equally as ready to impregnate Yujin, sooner rather than later; you want to watch your seed blossom within her, want to see her stomach swell, her tits fill up with delicious milk, and her nipples grow fat with lust. The smell of her slick sex is intoxicating whenever you slip a hand down her pants, or spread her pussy wide open to taste.

After settling all the necessary financial and personal matters, Yujin stays busy with buying pregnancy tests, making lists, and studying every bit of advice on how to conceive. You each tell your families that you're trying, which is a funny way of saying "I'm going to fuck enough sperm into your fertile daughter that she's guaranteed to bear our children, and we're going to do it so often that she might as well never leave my cock," but you suppose that "trying" is the more polite way of putting it. Yujin's mother has already started preparing the nursery, and your parents are talking about visiting to help watch over her when she gets farther along in the pregnancy. You're ready to move into your new place, but not before this apartment where you first made love has its proper send-off.

You thought you'd witnessed the limits of Yujin's vulnerability. However, you've never seen your girlfriend quite as desperate, needy, and pathetic as you do on the morning you decide it's time to breed Yujin.

For days, you've teased her relentlessly—marked her bare neck with bruises and bite marks, denied Yujin her collar until she's earned it, edged her with your fingers and mouth, fucked her fast and rough, used her as a living fleshlight, edged her more with toys. Made her watch as you jacked off onto her abs, fed her a throatful, or plugged up her ass with a thick load.

"Master, please," she begged, over and over, as her pussy clenched on nothing. With her body painted abstract expressionist—soaked in cum like you're marking territory—you needed multiple towels to clean the slumberous Yujin so that the sheets weren't too sticky. Left one towel under her legs to catch her dripping arousal. By the time she went to sleep last night, her guts were full of your cum, while her mind was void of all thoughts except for one: the place your seed had yet to reach, aching to be fulfilled like the rest of her body.

When you wake early and find Yujin's body pressed against yours in bed, her sleep is fitful, due to this very lack of semen inside her womb. She tosses, turns, her body hot. You touch her forehead with your hand to check for a fever, but it's just the heat of her arousal making her sweat. You run your fingers down her spine. Her skin feels flushed. Looks it too, how red her cheeks are. The sun has barely begun its ascent, so its color makes her glow further. Your fingertips reach her tailbone, then slip lower, where you press against her clit. Her breathing quickens as she rouses awake, and you pull your hand back.

With each breath, her tits rise and fall; they feel heavier than usual in your hands. The mingled scents of sweat and sex surround you, but beneath it all is an added note that stirs your arousal. It's a familiar smell, one that always drives you wild. You recognize the telltale signs of Yujin's hormones going into overdrive, intensifying her already insatiable desires. Her nipples, already normally sensitive, become almost painfully hypersensitive to every touch. She can't get enough of your scent, pressing her nose against your chest, armpit, neck, and groin—anywhere she can inhale your intoxicating musk.

It's time. Yujin is ovulating today.

Yesterday, you checked the calendar and the apps and the notes; however, none of the charts factor the most important variable: your instincts. Yujin looks so damn adorable when she wakes up, eyes bleary, hair disheveled, mouth still sticky with drool, legs spread, and a wet spot in the towel from where her pussy has been leaking—this was always going to be the day.

You gently stroke behind your puppy's ear, brushing her cheek with affection. "Morning, my love" comes out as your softest whisper.

Yujin stirs in response, nuzzling her head against your shoulder as she slowly wakes from her slumber. She yawns and blinks several times before finally locking eyes with you, a sleepy smile spreading across her face. "Good morning, Master," she says, shifting closer to give you a gentle kiss on the lips. Then another ten kisses. Twenty. "I had the weirdest dream."

You smile against her lips as you run your fingers through her tousled hair. "Do tell."

She seems to remember that you've been edging her for days, her thighs rubbing together, the scent of her slick arousal thick in the air. Yujin giggles and buries her face in your chest. When she finally looks up again, her cheeks are tinged red, and Yujin avoids your gaze. "I dreamed… that you were fucking me—"

"Of course," you interject, grinning. You reach down between her legs, returning to her folds, feeling how hot she's gotten overnight. It takes no effort to slide one finger inside your girlfriend.

"—and then you came inside of me, and it was so warm, and I was so full, and…" Yujin trails off as you add another finger. "And then the next day, I felt different. Like something inside of me changed."

"Oh?" Your hand moves steadily in and out of her tightness as she speaks.

"Yes," Yujin murmurs, her breath coming out in short gasps. "It felt like there was a weight in my stomach, but not physically. It was hard to explain, but it just felt off."

You continue to pleasure Yujin with your fingers, watching as she writhes beneath you. She lets out a whimper at the sensation and spreads her thighs wider for you. As her body responds to your touch, she whispers with breathless urgency:

"So I put my hands on my tummy, trying to figure out why things felt so off, and then... Oh! I can't believe I'm telling you this!" she exclaims, hiding her face in your chest again.

"Everything. I want to hear the whole dream." You push deeper, curling your fingers inside her, searching for her G-spot. She moans, and you hear the faint squelching of her slick leaking out.

"Master!" she says, panting, louder, gasping for air. "I—oh god—I just knew it! I had your pups inside me. I knew, because my belly felt heavy, and my body felt strange, and there was a pressure on my chest, and, and my nipples were so, so sensitive, and when I touched them, milk came out, and—" Yujin cuts herself off with another sharp yelp, your fingerfucking reaching a crescendo. "Master! Please!"

You chuckle. "That was quite vivid, puppy." Withdrawing digits from your girlfriend's warmth, you sit up and position yourself behind her, pressing her soft curves into your body—she's always been such a perfect fit, in your lap, in your arms, in your life. On your cock too, as it nestles comfortably between her round, plump buttocks.

She shivers at your touch, and you know from the tremble that Yujin's close to her peak.

"Today."

Yujin's eyes widen in surprise as you utter the single word. It's almost magical, the way that one word can turn a dream into a reality more than any other before it. You understand her desires and share them with equal passion—although, at this moment, could anyone want anything as much as Yujin right now? Her breathing hitches even more as desire floods through every inch of her body. Her glazed eyes stare back at you with pure love, the dilated pupils barely showing any trace of color.

You nod, confirming what she already suspects. "Yes, Yujin, today is the day."

A single tear gathers at the corner of her eye, threatening to spill over. Her voice quivers and trails off as she struggles to speak. "Master..." Her breath catches in her throat. "Are we really... going to—"

You lean in and capture her lips with a deep, passionate kiss. "Yes," you whisper against her skin, sending shivers down her spine. "We are going to have a baby. Babies."

She moans loudly against your lips, unable to contain her excitement, as she grinds her body against yours. "Nngh, oh my god, yes, yes! Yes, I want to have my Master's puppies! Please, please, fuck my pussy, breed me, I love you, make my womb yours, breed me, breed me, breed, m-me, mmmh—" Her babbling dissolves into a series of incoherent noises, her mind lost to the lustful haze of your touch.

You reach up and grasp Yujin's nape firmly but gently, pulling her closer to you. "You'll be a good puppy for Master today, won't you?" You raise an eyebrow expectantly.

Yujin murmurs and whines, sounding like a dog who has been chastised, though she nods quickly.

"Good. We'll have all day today, and the whole weekend to fuck, to fill you with my seed. You can be as loud as you want. I don't want you to restrain anything. I want to see you lose yourself completely, and I don't care who hears. Fuck the neighbors. We'll be leaving soon anyway." Your smirk widens.

Stroke her cheek, then pat her head and point to the floor next to the bed.

"On the ground, puppy."

Yujin slides off the edge of the mattress and kneels, her eyes never straying from your length, soft and hanging between your legs. A small gasp escapes her lips as she leans closer to your cock, her tongue slipping out between her teeth in anticipation. She releases a soft hum, murmuring, "I adore your scent, Master." With reverence, she snuggles against your cock with her cheeks and forehead, inhaling deeply as if testing the notes of a fine wine. Her lips part and her tongue darts out to cover your balls with her saliva. She finds pleasure in drooling on them, feeling their weight, and hearing you moan with enjoyment when she takes both in her mouth. As she feels the tension building between her thighs, she rubs them together for some relief.

She wraps her arms around your thighs and pulls herself closer, burying her nose in your crotch. As Yujin looks up at you, between big and pleading eyes, your shaft lays on her face, covering her mouth and nose. Every expression of submission, lust, and desperation hardens your cock. None match her unflinching smile while she lathers your sack in attention and spit.

Though her voice is muffled by your sack, she whimpers anyway, "Pwease, Master, cahn, I suck yow cock? So… yummy, mmnh." She lets each ball pop out of her mouth slowly, lines of drool connecting them to her glistening lips.

On this small hunt, Yujin's hand snakes towards your groin, but you don't plan on letting Yujin wring your balls dry so easily; you swat her hand away. "Ah-ah. You said you'd be a good girl."

Yujin's head drops in shame, her apology barely audible.

"What was that? Speak up," you demand.

She takes a deep breath before speaking louder. "I'm sorry, sir."

You place your palm gently on top of her head, relishing the softness of her fur beneath your fingertips. "What a good little puppy!" You say it with a hint of scorn, just the way she likes it - you can tell by the way she shivers in anticipation. Your voice turns serious. "If you want a treat, you have to earn it, right?"

Yujin nods eagerly, her eyes still downcast.

"Let's make sure you remember your tricks first."

With hopeful anticipation, she looks back up at you. It has been months since you've gone through this routine, the times the two of you delved deeper into this kink. When you first broached the subject, Yujin had played coy, but she took to it so naturally. And now, she's back in character perfectly. You run your hand through her hair, scratching behind her ear like an indulgent owner would for their well-behaved pet. Yujin leans into your touch, panting softly in contentment as she nuzzles against your hand.

"Sit," you order.

Your obedient pet Yujin complies at once and sits upright on her haunches. Her posture is impeccable, with knees pressed together, hands neatly resting on her thighs, and back straight as a rod. You hold out your hand with the palm facing up, and she eagerly places her chin in it. As she gazes up at you with adoration and trust shining in her eyes, you can't help but feel a sense of pride and ownership over this beautiful creature. It's moments like these that make you believe she was truly made for this canine role.

"Stay," you command, your intense gaze bearing down on Yujin. She fights to remain motionless, every muscle in her body trembling. But she is not a perfectly trained robot; sometimes a bratty, needy side emerges from within her. Rising from the bed, sheets rustling underneath you, you hold out your cock in front of her face. As if to say, look, here's the toy, puppy, as if daring her to lick it. You could thrust it into her mouth like a gloryhole and she wouldn't even flinch. But that's not why you're here. You're testing her. As if sensing your thoughts, she parts her lips slightly and you can practically smell the saliva building up in her mouth. Not good enough. In response, you smack her face with your hard length, the sound reverberating through the room. "Stay means stay," you remind her firmly.

She takes a deep, shuddering breath and squeezes her eyes shut, fighting to regain control over her body. After a few moments, she steadies herself and stares straight ahead, ignoring the throbbing member in front of her with impressive discipline.

You run your fingers through the soft fur of her head and praise her, "Such a good girl." With your other hand, you hold out your palm and command, "Paw." Yujin doesn't hesitate; she places her paw gently in your hand and allows you to shake it. A small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth as you see how easily she follows your commands. "And now, roll over."

Yujin's cheeks flush a bright shade of pink as she gets onto all fours before she rolls onto her back, fully exposing herself to you. The warm morning sunlight streams through the bedroom window, highlighting every curve and dip of her flawless skin. Her wet pussy is on full display, inviting and tempting you further. Every subtle movement of her hips captivates you as she meets your gaze with adoration and devotion shining in her eyes. A shy grin plays on her lips, but there is no doubt: Yujin loves being your devoted puppy, always eager to please and serve you in any way possible.

Yujin lies sprawled out on the cool, hardwood floor of your bedroom, her body aching with desire. Her thighs are parted wide, exposing her glistening, craving pussy to you. The scent of arousal fills the air as she squirms impatiently, her clit protruding from its hood in a swollen and red state. You can see the evidence of hours of teasing and foreplay in the puffy, engorged state of her labia. As you lean down and run your fingertips over the softness of her inner thighs, Yujin shudders under your touch, her muscles tensing and trembling with pleasure.

"Such a good girl. Just a few more, then you get your treat," you whisper, your voice low and seductive. "On your feet, puppy," you say, accompanied by a finger gesture.

Yujin rises gracefully, her arms lifting high above her head and crossing at the wrists. As she arches her back, pushing out her chest, she bites her lip and gazes at you with an intense longing. You come closer. As you cup her breast gently in your hand, Yujin shudders under your touch. To your caress, she arches deeper while she presses herself into your palm. Her body silently pleads for release from the building tension within her—she's not so silent. You continue to massage and explore her soft flesh, feeling the heat radiating from every inch of her skin. When you pinch her nipple between thumb and forefinger or knead the pliant tissue beneath your fingers, Yujin lets out soft whimpers.

Her nipples are hard as diamonds, and a hair's trigger away from causing another orgasm so soon with their sensitivity. They look delectable and you can't resist giving them the attention they deserve. It's also practice for when Yujin is pregnant, as you plan on sucking on them regularly then. Your lips start at her collarbone, eliciting moans from Yujin, before moving down to dive into the valley of her cleavage. You kiss and nip at the pale, sensitive skin of her tits before finally reaching her buds. You lose track of time as you lavish attention on Yujin's breasts, slicking them with your saliva until she looks like she's about to pass out in pleasure—the puppy truly is so sensitive there. But she stands strong for you, eager for more.

"Oh, god," you murmur huskily, your voice dripping with desire as you imagine Yujin's full, milk-filled breasts in your hands. "I can't wait to see them when you're pregnant. So much milk, so juicy and ripe." A smile spreads across Yujin's face at your words, her eyes shimmering with a combination of desire and love for you. You clear your throat. "Now, bow."

With practiced grace, she drops to her knees and bows her head in submission, her forehead touching the ground. Her long hair tumbles around her face, tickling her flushed cheeks. As she lifts her head to peek up at you through her thick lashes, a slight smile plays on her lips. She is proud of herself for remembering all the tricks, but her expression is still pleading for more.

"Mmm, turn around. All fours. One last time."

She complies, getting onto all fours and arching her back to present her ass to you. Her legs spread wider, revealing the slick pink folds of her pussy, glistening with moisture and awaiting your touch. For further measure, with one hand on each cheek, she pulls apart the mounds of her ass to expose her tight puckered asshole. Her juices flow freely down her thighs, leaving a trail on the hardwood floor beneath her as she quivers with anticipation.

"Well done," you praise, lowering yourself to the cool floor to caress Yujin's head, back, and firm ass. You run both your index and middle fingers along her slick slit, feeling the heat emanating from her core. With two fingertips against her entrance, you spread open her folds to inspect how ready she is for you before pushing in. Yujin moans and grinds her hips against your hand, craving more of your touch. You chuckle and withdraw your fingers from your girlfriend's dripping pussy; they glisten with her sweet nectar as you hold them up for her to see, like delicate strands of silk. You'd say she's ready.

She whimpers at the sudden lack of touch and watches intently as you lift your slick-covered digits to her nostrils. She inhales deeply, bites her lower lip, and squirms, her breathing ragged and quick.

"Does my little pup enjoy the scent of her own arousal?" you ask, a smug grin on your face. "That's the smell of a fertile bitch, eager to be bred."

Yujin eagerly nods her head, her eyes shining with desire as she opens her mouth, inviting you to let her lick your fingers clean.

You smirk at the display of submission; it sends a thrill down your spine, a jolt straight to your cock. "Beg like a good dog," you command, "then you can have my fingers to suck on."

After a deep breath, she barks like a loyal canine, then whimpers in need. Her voice is barely audible as she pleads for what she desires. "Please," she begs, her words coming out in soft whines like a dog begging for scraps. "Master, can I please suck on your fingers? I need it so badly." You let out a small chuckle at her plea, knowing that Yujin has been eagerly awaiting this moment. You smear some of her juices onto her cheek, causing her to instinctively try and lick them off but she quickly restrains herself.

You shake your head and tut disapprovingly, making a mental note to be stricter with Yujin during her training sessions. "Not quite good enough," you reprimand her lightly. Tears begin to prick at the corners of Yujin's eyes at your rejection and she sniffs back a sob. "Master..." she starts again, only to have her voice break off into whimpers and heavy breathing. "P-please let me taste myself on your fingers. I know I've been a dirty whore but you take such good care of me and my needy pussy. And I-I'm sorry for making a mess on your fingers but please, please let me clean them." Her words are rushed and desperate as she begs for your approval.

You're amazed at how well Yujin can act in these moments, pulling out all the stops to get what she wants. You suppose the intense teasing and edging you subject her to only adds to the sincerity in her words. Finally, you hold your fingers out to her, tracing teasing circles on her lips. Yujin obediently parts her mouth and takes your digits inside, her tongue swirling and dancing along the surface with eager diligence. She sucks harder, hollowing her cheeks and drawing your fingers deeper, until a low moan escapes from deep within her throat, causing a pleasurable vibration against your skin. Her gag reflex kicks in when the knuckles of your fist brush against the soft palate of her mouth, but she pushes through it, determined to please you.

As you slowly withdraw your fingers from her quivering, red lips, a slick sound echoes throughout the room. Your eyes are dark with hunger as you gaze down at Yujin, who looks up at you with adoration and submission. "How does your sweet pussy taste today, my little puppy?" you ask in a low, commanding voice.

Her breath hitches at your words, her eyes fluttering shut before she responds, "It tastes so good, Master, thank you, thank you. My pussy is always fresh and sweet for you."

You take a moment to taste her yourself and confirm her words—she's right. You continue. "You don't look satisfied. What is it that you really want?"

Her hand trembles as she reaches out to touch yours. "Please, sir," she begs in a hushed tone, "knock me up. I want your cum inside me so badly." Her cheeks flush with arousal as she continues, "I know I can be a naughty puppy sometimes, but my pussy is dripping wet and begging for every drop of your seed. I need to be bred by your big and thick cock... by my perfect Master's cock. It's unmatched and I couldn't even imagine wanting anyone else."

Yujin's grip on your hand tightens and her entire body quivers with anticipation, her eyes widening and mouth slightly agape as she takes deep breaths. She may look like a mess right now, but she's your mess and you love every inch of her in this moment.

Her breath catches in her throat as she confesses, her voice trembling with raw desire. "You're all I ever think about when I touch myself," she admits, the words pouring out of her in a torrent of pure desperation. "And I always pretend it's you who brings me pleasure, not my stupid toys when you're away at work." A deep blush spreads across her cheeks as she continues, "You own me, Master... and you own my pussy. Please cum inside me and make it yours forever."

Yujin falls silent after her confession, her face beet red. But she can't tear her gaze away from yours, as if seeking your approval and permission for her deepest desires.

"Yujin, puppy, are you sure? Once I breed you, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop breeding you." A wicked smile crosses your face as you continue, "I'm going to fuck you raw every single day and make sure to get you pregnant with my pups. It's going to be nonstop baby-making from now on. Do you understand?"

Yujin nods, her messy hair bouncing around as she lets out a small bark of excitement. Her big eyes are wide and pleading, begging for your touch.

You coo softly, a smile playing on your lips as you stroke Yujin's head with affection. You reach over the side of the bed and retrieve the familiar black leather collar, adorned with the word "Puppy." Yujin's eyes light up at the sight of her reward, and she sits patiently as you slip it around her neck, locking it in place.

"From now on, you're not just wearing the collar at home anymore," you explain. "But that doesn't matter right? You're my breedslut, so I might as well keep you leashed to the bed."

Yujin shivers at the idea, and you can feel your desire growing as your fingers brush against her skin. Gripping her hair firmly, you yank her head upward, making sure her gaze remains locked on yours.

"This means you belong to me at all times, Yujin," you growl. "You are mine, and no one else's. Do you understand?"

Release your grip, and Yujin sinks back down to her knees in front of your erection standing tall. You've never seen her so nervous about giving you head, but her determination is evident. She opens her pretty, plump lips to reveal the pink interior of her warm mouth, but all you feel is warm breaths.

Yujin moves closer to you, her body radiating heat and anticipation as she guides your throbbing cock toward her lips with a gentle hand at its base. She gives the head a teasing kiss before taking it into her mouth, eliciting a deep, primal moan from deep within your throat.

As she sucks you off, you can feel her soft, wet tongue swirling and spiraling around your shaft, coaxing every last drop of pleasure from you. Every now and then, she comes up for air with a gasp, before eagerly diving back down to continue pleasuring you. Yujin is a true cocksucker, and she loves every second of it. Her eyes water as she deepthroats your cock with determination, refusing to stop even as it triggers her gag reflex.

"Such a good girl," you say, running your fingers through her hair as you thrust deeper into her throat. "You're my obedient little puppy, aren't you?"

Yujin's eyes roll back in ecstasy as she feels your cock filling her mouth and pushing against the back of her throat. With strings of saliva connecting her lips to your cockhead, she looks up at you with a mix of desire and submission.

"Yes, I'm your good puppy," she says in a raspy voice, still gagging on your cock, a few nervous giggles, a few woofs for good measure, even as tears run down her cheeks. "I'm your slutty little puppy girl, and I love your cock and I need your cock and I'm going to suck it forever." And she's back to work, sucking and licking and gagging on your dick as if this is the only thing that matters to her in life.

Yujin's technique is nothing short of impressive, utilizing all of her skills to bring you closer to the peak. Every move is calculated and precise, expertly designed to pleasure you in ways you've never experienced before. You firmly hold her head down, using her as your own personal fleshlight as you give rough thrusts into her warm, welcoming mouth. Yujin struggles for air but never pulls away, fully submitting to your desires. Her delicate hands reach up to massage your balls, adding an electrifying sensation to the already intense experience.

You can feel yourself getting closer and closer to the brink, ready to explode down her throat at any moment. However, despite your animalistic instincts, every neuron firing within you is focused on breeding rather than covering her face and tongue with your seed. You know that it would be a waste to release such high-quality, potent cum anywhere other than inside her womb. Your rational brain understands this logic, even as your body screams for release.

Yujin will have plenty of time in her life to service you with her mouth; for now, her womb is more valuable in housing your powerful seed. Both your mind and body are in agreement on what they want - and right now, it's nowhere near Yujin's throat. As she continues to suckle on your throbbing member, you pull away from her grasp. Your hips ache with desire and a sense of incompleteness without Yujin's perfect mouth pleasuring you, yet the rush of power coursing through your body is almost intoxicating.

"Puppy, on the bed. Now."

Yujin scrambles to her feet, climbs onto the mattress. "What position, Master? Where do you want me?"

"On your back," you growl, pulling Yujin by her hair onto the bed so that her body is flat against the soft sheets. Her head falls onto the pillows behind her as she looks up at you with wide, waiting eyes."Good girl. Now lift your legs and spread them wide for me."

She immediately obeys, bending her knees and exposing her wet slit to you. You take her ankles and bring them behind her head, folding the girl in half so that you can truly mate-press her, pin her down with your body weight. Her pussy lips are engorged and puffy, and her clitoris protrudes from beneath the hood, throbbing with arousal. She opens her pretty labia wider with two fingers. The pink hole looks small enough that you would be unsure how you'd fit, even though you've fit in there plenty of times, more than you can count.

"L-look, at it, D-Daddy," Yujin stutters. "You're not just my Master, you're gonna be m-my Daddy, too."

With a low growl, you press your aching cock against Yujin's slick entrance. "You want it that bad? Beg for it."

Yujin whimpers and bucks her hips, trying to get more of you inside her. Yujin's voice fills with needy pleading. "Daddy, please, I'll do anything for you. Please, I need your cock more than anything."

"Anything?" you ask, your smirk widening.

Yujin nods eagerly, her hips bucking against yours. "Yes Master, anything! I'll do whatever you want. Just breed me like the slutty little puppy I am."

A wicked thought crosses your mind as you watch her squirm beneath you. "What if I tie you up like this and leave you here, completely at my mercy? You'll be spread open and exposed, unable to move until I decide to fill you."

Yujin gasps and moans at the idea, her body trembling with excitement. "Oh god, yes! Please do that! I'll be your fleshlight, whenever, always, please, just cum in me right now!"

An evil grin spreads across your face as you thrust into her harder, reveling in the power and control you have over her.

You slide your cock into her slowly, savoring every inch of her tightness. Her warmth envelopes you and it feels like heaven subverting God in its perfection.

Yujin's breath catches in her throat as she feels you finally sink deep inside of her, a long, primal moan escaping her lips. Her body trembles with pleasure and relief as she cries out, "Yes Daddy, I need to be bred!" With each thrust, she lifts her hips off the bed in search of more depth.

But you take control, refusing to let her dictate the pace. Your movements are strong and forceful, slamming into her again and again, igniting screams of ecstasy from her throat. "You're a breeding slut," you growl as you continue to drive into her slick heat. "My breeding slut. Mine." Her body quivers with each powerful thrust, unable to resist your dominance.

With a firm grasp on her ankles, you pull Yujin's legs down to either side of your body, opening her up completely for your pleasure. Her tight pussy squeezes around you with each thrust, driving you wild with desire. "When your breasts are swollen and full," you whisper in her ear, "I'll milk them like a cow and make you drink your own cream."

Her mouth falls open in bliss as she listens to your dirty talk. "Oh god yes!" she cries, her eyes rolling back in pure ecstasy. "Master, please breed me! Milk me! N-need it, so, so bad, mmfh, fuck!"

With each forceful thrust, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoes throughout the room. Waves of pleasure course through both your bodies as you ravage her cunt without mercy. The sight of her spread open and vulnerable beneath you is almost overwhelming. To distract yourself from the intensity, you roughly slap and squeeze her breasts, relishing in the satisfying jiggles and leaving red marks in their wake. "Puppy loves being punished, doesn't she?" you taunt, reveling in her screams of pleasure mixed with pain.

As her moans crescendo and transform into frenzied screams, you instinctively cover her mouth, despite earlier boasts of being as loud as you both want. Seeing your girlfriend in such a state of ecstasy (eyes rolled back in pleasure or perhaps lack of oxygen) ignites your own desire. Determined to prolong this moment, you abruptly pull out and flip her over onto all fours. For a puppy like Yujin, what other position would be more fitting?

Without hesitation, you plunge back inside her from behind, causing her to cry out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. The new angle allows for deeper penetration, her walls constricting around you in a tight embrace. With one hand gripping her hip and the other tangled in her hair, you claim her as yours by bending over and sinking your teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. Her skin turns from its usual pale hue to a rosy pink or fiery red as you mark her with rough fingers and sharp slaps to her ass. A mixture of sensations floods Yujin's body as she arches against you in submission.

Yujin meets your every movement with equal passion, pushing back against your length, as much as it may split her in half. Her arms give out and she collapses onto the bed as multiple waves of orgasm wash over her, until the metaphor spills out of her pussy in squirts. You have to pause for a moment and pull away from her tight heat to let her fully experience the intense pleasure engulfing her. Her thighs tremble and she struggles for breath, completely undone by your touch. And yet, this surrender to primal desires is nothing short of magic or art or beauty. She falls. Unwound, on her stomach, you give her as many moments as she needs. As she looks back at you through heavy-lidded eyes, a contented smile graces her lips.

It is necessarily true that humans have evolved a set number of genes that govern their physical form, and this number remains fairly consistent across different populations. However, there are exceptions: A 2015 analysis of DNA sequencing data found that the total number of human genes is not fixed, but varies depending on population, age, sex, diet, and other environmental factors. This finding is consistent with recent work that has demonstrated that the genetic code of a given cell is not static—instead, it changes slightly over time, as new mutations occur and older ones fade away. These mutations can affect the expression of certain proteins or alter the structure of certain RNA strands, thereby affecting how the gene is expressed and what function(s) the protein encoded by the gene fulfills. In short, our genomes evolve over time, and the process is not entirely random.

Humans have been around for thousands of generations, and yet they still exist today. Why do we believe that this pattern will continue for the foreseeable future when in reality, nothing is guaranteed? Evolutionary biologists have proposed a number of hypotheses regarding this question, including that humans are uniquely adaptable to environmental challenges and thus able to survive longer than many other species, and that our brains allow us to create tools that protect us from predators and disease. However, it is possible that these explanations are simply wrong. Perhaps humans were always meant to live forever. Maybe evolution made it so that we never grow old and die, and that death itself was merely an illusion created by our minds to keep us focused on surviving rather than procreating. Or maybe we will simply cease to exist someday. As long as chance determines our fate, we may never know for certain. But what remains clear is that relying on natural selection or external forces is not enough—we must actively make decisions in accordance with our individual interests.

This is not just abstract philosophy. This is the mindset you adopt as you forcefully drive your raw cock into Yujin's dripping-wet pussy, her body responding eagerly to your every thrust. With her submissive form lying beneath you, legs wrapped tightly around your waist, you have complete control over the pace and depth of your lovemaking. And as much as you enjoy taking her from behind, this is the best way to ensure the creampie takes. It's in your best interests. For the future's best interest.

We do not dwell on hunger pangs or fatigue, nor do we dwell on the satisfaction of satiation; we do not dwell upon the emptiness we feel after a good orgasm, because we assume that it was merely a temporary state, one which we must return from eventually. This mindset is what allows humans to achieve great feats, but also holds us back from reaching our full potential. When we fail, we often place blame on ourselves and our own perceived inadequacies, rather than acknowledging external factors. And when we succeed, we often underestimate our own abilities and attribute it to mere luck. This is the complex nature of human existence—the ability to push past pain and discomfort, to push ourselves beyond our limits without fear of consequences. It is a gift bestowed upon us by our biology and has enabled countless achievements that would otherwise be deemed impossible.

As you enter Yujin's tight and hot pussy, it feels as though it was custom-made for your cock. The fact that such a small and delicate thing can fit perfectly around you is a gift in itself. And despite having been with many women before, none have been as willing or enthusiastic as Yujin. Her moans fill the room with each thrust, her cries of pleasure echoing off the walls. You no longer care about being discreet. Let them hear. This is your bond, the mother-to-be of your children, irrevocably yours.

Yujin's voice, strained and desperate, begs for you to breed her. Her arousal is evident in the way she teeters on the edge of climax so soon after her last. But you know all the ways to push her over the brink, and this is your favorite. Slowly, deliberately, you draw out each pump of your hips, driving her insane with anticipation. With one hand, you reach between her legs and toy with her clit, rubbing circles over the swollen bud and teasing it relentlessly. Your other hand wraps around her smooth neck, squeezing just enough to restrict her breathing as you pound into her desperately. She whimpers and whines, struggling for air, her wide eyes staring up at you in shock.

"I'm going to knock you up, puppy," you growl into Yujin's ear. Her body trembles with ecstasy as your cock thrusts deep within her, giving no mercy as wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure racks through her, legs kicking wildly.

Humans are social creatures, defined by communication, which most commonly takes the form of exchange: exchange of ideas between individuals—we invented language for it—exchange of goods or resources, even exchange of genetic information through intercourse. This is the fundamental mechanism by which our species has survived and thrived for thousands of generations. Of course, exchange itself begets more exchange. For instance, offering food to someone may result in them giving you food back the next day, while giving advice can earn you gratitude and offers of assistance. In sexual relationships, this reciprocity can take the form of mutual pleasure and sharing intimacy. However, at times, the balance of power can become unequal and one-sided. You tighten your grip around Yujin's neck, cutting off her air supply as she gasps and wheezes beneath you with wild eyes. At that moment, you have complete control over her and plenty of DNA to put inside her. Less girlfriend, more of a mere receptacle, Yujin lays limp in your arms. You feel closer to her than ever before while you build towards your own release.

Releasing your hold on her neck, she takes in deep breaths—her chest heaving with each labored inhale. Yet even these breaths are taken from her as you steal them back with kisses before finally consummating the act. Through it all, Yujin smiles against your lips—the roughness and love intertwining in a beautiful dichotomy that continues to prove false in practice. No need for words as she tells you how much she loves you, how much you love her. It is an unspoken bond between lovers, solidified in moments like these.

As you feel yourself reaching the edge of climax, your body tenses with anticipation. The sweet ache in your loins intensifies as you know that Yujin's womb is aching to be filled with your potent seed, yearning for your offering, your gift to her. The scent of arousal fills the air, mingling with the sound of heavy breathing and skin slapping against skin. You are on the brink of eruption when suddenly, without warning, you feel her body spasm violently beneath you—exchange begets exchange—and her walls clench as though she's out for every last drop of your load. And if she's not out for that, at least she's out—there is not a thought left on Yujin's face, eyes crossed, her lips curled into a blissfully stupid grin as the euphoria of her climax consumes her completely, washing away all rationality and replacing it with pure ecstasy. Try as you may to hold back, there's no stopping the freight train. Your own mind burns with the image of her face, knowing that this is the moment your child will be conceived. With one final thrust, you surrender completely to the waves of pleasure crashing through you both.

Yujin's body continues to ride out the aftershocks, her walls clenching tightly around you as you fill her with your hot load. Your seed coats her insides, painting them with thick jets of sticky white liquid. She milks every last drop from your shaft as you convulse violently, lost in the throes of pure bliss. All other thoughts fade away as her pussy becomes your entire world, drowning out everything else.

In this moment, you imagine a future where Yujin remains your devoted pet forever. The thought fills your heart with joy and you know it will soon become reality. You will breed her until she is heavy with pups, and then do it again and again until… there is no until. This is your destiny, and nothing could make you happier.

As Yujin whimpers and nuzzles against you in post-orgasmic bliss, you cradle her close, stroking her hair and whispering soft words of comfort into her ear. "You're going to be such a good mommy," you groan, a swell of pride washing over you like the sunrise. And in this moment, you imagine a future where you could stay inside Yujin forever.

Before she relaxes, Yujin gestures towards the nightstand drawer and you rummage through it until you find a small dildo. She takes it from you and pushes it into her still-quivering pussy alongside your softening cock. It's a tight and intense sensation, but one that you enjoy knowing that you are still locked inside her. You smile down at Yujin lovingly, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Good thinking," you murmur, "we need to keep your pussy plugged tight so my seed can take hold."

This detail may not have been mentioned in any books about conception, but you find yourself laughing and going along with it anyway. As your mind wanders to how important this is for Yujin (and how turned on she must be), you consider taking advantage of her other free hole despite your body tingling from the most intense climax of your life. But you decide to save that for another time.

As your shared exertions begin to subside, your bodies relax against each other. Yujin's breathing slows as she drifts off into exhaustion. You finally pull out, but keep the toy in place to ensure none of your precious semen escapes. Finding a pair of panties nearby, you use them to secure the toy before covering Yujin with the blankets. You slip beneath the covers as well, pulling her close and holding her protectively until she falls asleep.

"I love you so much," you whisper, planting a gentle kiss on Yujin's temple before drifting off beside her, basking in the warm glow of the morning light. In this moment, you feel fulfilled and content in ways that words cannot express. You've never been happier or felt more alive. And wrapped in the arms of your perfect puppy girlfriend, soon to be your wife and the mother of your child, you know that this is where you belong, with many more days like this yet to come.

With that comforting thought in mind, sleep claims you both.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

As consciousness slowly seeps into your mind, you are greeted by the sound of slurping and wet warmth between your legs. Your eyes flutter open to see Yujin kneeling beside the bed, her lips wrapped around your cock. In her hand is the smaller dildo from earlier in the morning; on the floor underneath her is a larger silicone dildo with a suction base, which she's slowly bouncing on. The scent of sex fills the room, accompanied by the soft moans coming from Yujin's lips, received in vibrations by your member.

She sucks back and forth between the smaller dildo in her hand and your cock, as if cleaning both with fervent desire. Her taste buds must be bombarded with the flavors of dried cum and her own nectar, yet she continues to suck on both like candy. Despite having barely been asleep for two hours, your girlfriend seems to possess boundless energy.

"What are you doing?" you murmur groggily, rubbing sleep from your eyes. Glancing at the clock, you realize it's not even noon yet. You must have only drifted off a couple of hours ago—but it seems like Yujin was too aroused to let you get any decent rest. The consequences of keeping her on edge for so long.

Setting aside the smaller dildo, Yujin pulls her lips away from your member momentarily, a strand of saliva connecting her mouth to your glistening cockhead. Her eyes sparkle mischievously as she says in a bratty tone, "Master, you promised me that you were going to breed me!"

A smirk crosses your face as you reply, "I did."

"Nuh-uh," she retorts. "I won't believe it until I feel your baby growing inside my belly." A devilish grin spreads across her face. "So until then, I'm not letting go of your cock!" With a playful giggle, she resumes pleasuring you orally while riding the dildo at the same pace. As her mouth goes down on your cock, she takes the toy deeper into herself.

You can't help but agree with her logic—even with all day and all weekend, breaks for basic needs like eating and using the bathroom are inevitable. Might as well start now. Plus, Yujin looks so damn cute with her mouth full of your meat. It makes you want to cum in her throat just for being so adorable.

Your hand reaches down to stroke her hair, gently guiding her movements. "That feels good, Yujin. But just so you know, I plan on cumming in your pussy again, not your stomach."

She nods with your shaft still between her lips, murmuring, "Yes, Daddy," before returning to fervently sucking and stroking your length.

A content smile spreads across your face as you lean back against the pillows. Watching Yujin pleasure herself on your cock reminds you that this is exactly how things are meant to be between the two of you: Her worshiping your cock with her skilled mouth; you reveling in the sight and sensation. There is, of course, one more hole you'd like to fill while you're still in bed, but it can wait till after breakfast. For now, you're happy to let your girlfriend suck away.

The blowjob feels incredible—her mouth is so soft and hot that you can hardly stand it. Your fingers thread through her hair as you encourage her to bob down further and further onto your length each time. Even with the intensity of your last orgasm, you're renewed by the sheer force of her devotion, ever a smile curling up at the corner of your lips as her eyes water with the effort of taking more of you into her throat. Yujin gags, her body convulsing as the tip of your shaft hits the back of her throat, but she refuses to stop, determined to swallow your entire length into her mouth and beyond—she loves it, craves it, needs it.

In a way, oral sex is evolutionary cheating: A female's reproductive tract is optimized for conception, which requires a relatively high amount of energy to maintain, but oral stimulation doesn't result in pregnancy; it's a waste of energy. Thus, it makes little sense biologically for females to enjoy giving oral sex, but at least in the example on her knees, they love it more than the world. You watch in awe as she sucks you off, her eyes closed in concentration as she focuses all her attention on pleasuring your manhood. She moans softly, her tongue caressing the underside of your shaft while she continues to suckle, licking every inch of you. Her technique is flawless, and she knows it—she knows that every movement, every flick of her tongue sends shivers of pleasure up your spine, and she relishes the fact that you can barely contain yourself from cumming right in her mouth. She wants it badly, too—you can tell by the way she keeps looking up at you with those wide puppy eyes, pleading silently as if to say "please cum in my mouth, Daddy, I want to taste it, to eat it. We can keep breeding later, but I need this right now."

You can tell that she's not going to let up until you finish in her mouth, so there's no point in trying to hold on. You let yourself fall over the precipice, and you groan loudly, your hips jerking forward involuntarily as you erupt, shooting hot jets of your semen straight down into her stomach, as her own orgasm hits her hard—she's already so turned on that the feeling of your seed splattering into her stomach sets off her own climax immediately after yours, and her body shakes and trembles.

You pull out from her mouth with a wet pop, your cock slick with saliva as it slips free—it's hard again already. Yujin is panting heavily, her body flushed pink from arousal and exertion. Her eyes are wide and bright, and they're locked onto you, watching every little motion you make as if afraid to miss a single thing.

"Yujin. We're getting lunch. Then we're fucking in the kitchen." She beams and jumps up, excited to follow your orders. You smile to yourself; she's such a silly girl sometimes. But you wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

You get out of the bed. "Come on, pup."

Yujin follows after you eagerly, imagine a wagging tail behind her, and you both head downstairs to the kitchen.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

AFF, AO3

This final ending section is incomplete and reasonably should just be cut or completed, but it's what you're getting.

[razorblade180]

Home Warfare

Ruby:*on call* …(Maybe he’s busy?)

Jaune:Hello?

Ruby:!? S-Sup! Just checking in. How was the flight back home?

Jaune:My stomach has stopped flipping. It’s the little victories that matter.

Ruby:I still can’t believe you went back home for break. Isn’t it your first time back since…lying?

Jaune:Yeah, but it’s not like they know that part. Plus I’ve kept in contact. You’re not going back to Patch?

Ruby:Yang did. Dad is actually taking a mission so if o went back I’m basically house sitting.

Jaune:You don’t want to see your old friends?

Ruby:I can do that when I pick up Yang. Making a big deal out of it feels awkward. Have you been smothered with affection yet?

Jaune:What do you mean?

Ruby:It must be a big deal continuing your families legacy; especially in your hometown.

Jaune:Probably, if I meant anything.

Ruby:Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

Jaune:Just because I’m at Beacon doesn’t mean anything. Not like my grades are stellar or I’m a different person. Still the bullied twerp that left and the son with low expectations. I’m only really here because I have to come back eventually.

Ruby:….

Jaune:Ruby?

Ruby:I could’ve went with you.

Jaune:That’s nice, but why would you?

Ruby:Because you sound miserable! It’s not like I’m doing anything. I can’t do too much about people giving you a hard time but showing up with a new friend has to mean something.

Jaune:I gotta be honest…you being here would make this place bearable. I honestly forgot how…small it felt being here at times.

Ruby:Would you like me to be there? I can take an airship tomorrow, seriously.

Jaune:If it’s really okay, sure. I’d love to see you.

Ruby:Cool. I’ll be your moral support!

Jaune:Haha, thanks. Well I have to go. Dinner is almost ready. Wish me luck.

Ruby:Good luck! *hangs up*

Weiss:*walks in* Oh, you’re still here.

Ruby:It’s our dorm! Why wouldn’t I be!?

Weiss:What I meant is I thought you’d be running around doing anything but being a hermit. Even Blake took a trip.

Ruby:…Weiss? I have an offer you can’t refuse. One that involves the mall, your opinion, and freedom from me.

Weiss:Go on.

xxxxxxx

The next day, out in town

Papa Arc:So what exactly was your role in all that again?

Jaune:I came up with the plan against the DeathStalker.

Papa Arc:Can you really consider a couple callouts a plan? Especially when you didn’t lead the charge?

Mama Arc: Harold! Leave him alone! I think it’s great he’s trying.

Harold:Persephone, trying is one thing, achieving is another. Can’t have him getting full of himself.

Jaune:(Or having any confidence at all.)

Persephone: The year has only really just begun. There’s leaps and bounds a C-student like our boy can make given enough time and focus, hopefully.

Jaune:…

???:He’s actually a B-student thanks to me.

Jaune’s head perked up. He recognized that voice anywhere. He turned around to greet Ruby but was left speechless the moment his eyes found her.

Combat boots were abandoned for red flats. The leggings he had known her for were abandoned for black thigh-highs with rose petals on them. The combat skirt had been stolen and replaced with black jean shorts with a red belt while her corset was swapped for a half shirt with long sleeves that went just past her hands. Jaune might not have recognized Ruby if not for the cloak!

The girl’s hair was noticeably a little wavy and a rose clip kept her bangs out of her face which showed off a modest amount of dark eye shadow that matched new lipstick. It went with her black fingernail polish he noticed as she waved with her left while rolling her luggage over.

Jaune:R-Ruby?

Ruby:Hello~ fancy seeing you here. Although I do remember saying you’d be visiting your dear family. I guess these are your parents! Hi! He’s mentioned wonderful things about you.

Persephone:And not enough about you! Ruby, was it?

Ruby:Yep! Ruby Rose. Jaune’s actually the first person helpful person I met at Beacon; as well as my dorm neighbor. We’re always comparing notes and helping one another as leaders of our teams.

Harold:You’re also a leader of a team?

Ruby:R-W-B-Y. Team RWBY. Hehe, I know I probably don’t look that impressive but I promise you, I know my way around the battlefield.

Harold:…You said my son is B-student now.

Ruby:Mmhm. He has a better memory for history than I do so as token of appreciation, I helped him with Grimm anatomy and practical skills. Your son is quite a fast learner. You must be so proud.

Jaune:I-

Harold:Well he has his ups and downs but of course he has his merits.

Persephone:Anyways…what brings you all the from Beacon?

Ruby:There’s a weapons convention not too far from here. I’m a real nerd for this stuff. Figured I could use my break to stay a couple days and check the exhibit. Is the Arc family presenting any armor or swords?

Harold:You know our history.

Ruby:Of course. I know your son, and he’s quite proud of it the same way I’m proud of my mother and her accomplishments. It’s probably why we get along so well, besides him being raised well. Take it from me, there’s some real jerks that let linage go to their heads.

Persephone:Well aren’t you just the sweetest thing! Jaune! I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned her more!

Jaune:I said I was making friends who get me.

Persephone:Ruby? Is your inner room already booked? If not, you can gladly stay with us while you’re here.

Ruby and Jaune: What?

Persephone:It’s not a problem at all. We never get to meet Jaune’s friends and you must only make so much money while being students. We have plates to spare. Isn’t that right Harold?

Harold:Yes, I’m…curious to know more things about my son.

Ruby:Well…if you insist.

Persephone:Wonderful! We will set things up and take your stuff now. Jaune, show Ruby around the town.

With no more room to negotiate, Ruby gives her things to Jaune’s parents and watch them get far enough away before letting out a sigh. Coincidentally, he did the same.

Ruby:No offense to your parents, but I’m really impressed how nice you are. I heard a little bit of the conversation before I said anything. They’re…a real piece of work. They look like they mean well though.

Jaune:You aren’t wrong. Thanks for showing up when you did. By the way… what’s with the new look?

Ruby:It’s like I said, I’m good on the battlefield. I figured the best way to shut up your hometown enemies was to give them something to shut up about. I’m not one for fashion so i asked Weiss for help finding a look that fits me. Honestly I still think I look awkward.

Jaune:No you’re gorgeous! Like some cool goth badass that’s cu- cute.

Ruby:*red*…Hehe, well thank you. I might not look like it all the time but I really like first impressions. A few people have noticed me on the way in. Guess Weiss went a little too hard, but that works in our favor. I doubt people will pick on you as much.

Jaune:Honestly they might be jealous if they see you with me.

Ruby:Is that a problem?

Jaune:Absolutely not. It would be hilarious.

Ruby:Haha, then lead the way. Show me your old stomping grounds.

Any worries he had faded away instantly. Jaune happily took Ruby’s hand and began walking. The girl was stunned for a second before getting close enough to lean on the boy. Honestly, she could get used to this.

[fhatbhabiee]

Cuz I Loved You

DBF!Joel Miller x Reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: light smut (nothing too crazy), touch of angst, heartbreak, Joel being a dick, plot twist ending, blue text is flashback from Joel's pov, pink text is flashback from readers pov

note: yes- this is based off the new Joel pic along w alittle help from @/corrodedcorpze on twitter who had the idea and yes i asked to write this before i did bc we don't steal ideas in this house

part 2

Music was playing, people were talking and enjoying themselves, and your dad was having the night of his life. He never really liked celebrating birthdays but your mom convinced him otherwise.

You were running late as usual, stopping and getting the few things that had already run out at the party. As soon as you pulled into the driveway of your parents house you saw his truck. You felt your heart drop to your asshole. It had been months since you last saw or even spoke to Joel. Why did he have to be here?

You walked through the house, leaving the supplies in the kitchen before walking to the backyard. You spotted your parents and walked over to them, completely ignoring everyone else.

If I don't see him I won't have to talk to him.

Joel's laughter quickly died down as he looked over Tommy's shoulder and saw you. His eyes quickly roamed your body- you had on your favorite red sweater- the same red sweater Joel had got you for your birthday and a pair of black leggings. You looked beautiful as ever.

“Joel.” you gasped, pulling the knitted fabric out of the bag.

“It's the one you pointed out in that window in town.”

“Oh honey thank you so much. It's beautiful.”

“Cmon try it on. Wanna see how it looks.”

“Okay.” you smiled, standing up from the couch and replacing your t-shirt with the sweater. It fit you perfectly. It was a bit baggy but by the look on your face, Joel knew you still loved it.

“Beautiful.” he smiled, gently pressing his lips against yours. “But I think it'll look better on my floor.” he smirked, hands sliding up your sides under the sweater.

“Well let's try it out.”

“Joel.” Tommy called out, pulling Joel's head out of the clouds.

“Sorry what were we talking about?”

You got up from the table your parents were sitting at and glanced over, making eye contact with Joel. His heart sank as he saw your smile disappear because of him.

He looked good- so good that it hurt. He grew his hair along with his beard- covering the patches of skin you kissed all the time. You could tell he aged some but really he looked like the same man you fell in love with.

“What's all this?” Joel asked, eyes glancing over the dining room table.

“Well you told me you were working late so I'd thought you'd enjoy a hot meal.” you said as you poured a glass of whiskey and handed it to him. “Plus since we can't do date night this weekend I thought tonight was good.”

“I coulda put Tommy in charge.”

You let out a laugh. “Joel Miller don't make me laugh. You know good and well leaving Tommy in charge is the reason why you have more gray hairs then brown.”

He chuckled and kissed you softly. He pulled away and looked into your eyes for a moment, smile still spread across his lips.

“I love you.” he whispered. You were surprised. You were always the one to say the L word first in relationships but Joel beat you to the punch.

“I love you too.”

“Sweetie?” your mom called out, making you look over at her. “Oh sweetie…” she whispered, reaching up and wiping the tear that rolled down your cheek with the pad of her thumb.

When did you start crying?

“Come on. Let's go inside for a minute.” she grabbed your hand and walked you into the house.

“Mom it's fine. Just my allergies acting up.”

She laughed. “I wasn't born yesterday.” she handed you a glass of water. “Seeing him must be hard huh?”

You felt the heat go to the tip of your ears. “H-How did-”

“A mother knows. And after you two broke it off you stopped coming around and Joel was nothing but a mess. Sarah was calling your dad left and right because she couldn't get ahold of him.”

You couldn't lie to yourself, hearing Joel was a mess was oddly comforting. The sounds of his footsteps approaching the kitchen made your mom go quiet. She looked up at Joel and then back over at you.

“Do you want me to stay?” your mom whispered.

“No it's fine…”

“Okay… I'll be outside if you need anything.” she said to you, giving her a quick nod before she walked out of the house, leaving you and Joel alone for the first time in months.

“How have you been?” he muttered, finally breaking the silence after about 5 minutes.

“Fine. You?”

“Fine.” he replied.

“Good.”

“That's all you're gonna say?” he scoffed.

“Well you had a mouth full to say the last time I saw you.” you crossed your arms over your chest, digging your nails into the palms of your hands and repeating yourself not to cry in front of him.

He opened his mouth, about to say something, when the sliding back door opened and people walked in.

“Can we go somewhere private?” you gave him a small nod and led the way upstairs to your old bedroom, closing the door behind both of you.

“Look I'm sorry…”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “If 'I'm sorry’ is all you have to say I think I'll be on my way now.”

“Would you let me finish a sentence?”

“No Joel I will not! You don't deserve my time, you don't deserve to even be standing in front of me, speaking to me.” you yelled.

“I don't deserve it?” he yelled back. “You're fucking joking right?”

“Does it look like I'm laughing? You broke up with me, Joel Miller. You were the one that said it was too much. You were the one that wanted out. Not me.”

“Because you wanted all this life I couldn't give you! Do you not understand that I'm more than twice your age? I don't want to start over!”

You faced away from him, quickly wiping your eyes with your fingers.

“Don't cry…” he said in a soft tone.

“I am crying Joel. I'm crying cause I loved you and I hate you for that.” He walked over, gently placing a hand on your shoulder.

“I'm sorry.”

“Fuck you and your sorry.” you walked towards the door but he grabbed your wrist, spinning you around to face him.

“Fuck you Joel! Let me go.” you placed your hands flat on his chest and tried pushing him back but he wouldn't budge. “Fuck you.” you tried pushing him off again but no movement. You stopped for a moment, staring into his eyes- those dark brown eyes that you loved so much. He leaned down, just one move away from pressing his lips onto yours.

“Fuck me.” you whispered. He didn't hesitate. He pressed his lips onto yours, his hands sliding down your curves and around to the small of your back, pulling your body closer to his. You reached up and tangled your fingers in his curls at the nape of his neck.

God you missed this but you knew this was a bad idea. There were nights where all you dreamed about was this. But no matter how much of a bad idea it was- you didn't wanna stop.

You both stripped down to nothing and he picked you up by the backs of your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist. It took him no time to bottom out inside of you, both of you groaning at the feeling.

“Fuck I forgot how much you felt like heaven baby.” he groaned, bouncing you up and down on his cock while thrusting up into you.

“God I missed you so much Joel.” you moaned, digging your nails into his shoulders.

“I missed you so much more baby girl.”

It was like you had stepped into a time machine and went back. The sweet praises he whispered, the way his massive hands roamed your body as his thrusts became sloppy. The way you moaned his name on repeat, the way you always had to be touching or kissing him while he put you in this euphoric state.

It had been so long for both of you, you both came before either one of you wanted it to be over. You stayed in his arms for a moment, trying to catch your breath and gather your thoughts over what just happened.

“I umm… Gotta get going.” you said as you dropped your legs from his waist and got redressed.

“Yeah me too. Got a meeting in the morning.”

Before you walked out of the room he grabbed your hand again.

“Are you free this weekend?” he asked. You let out a small sigh and shook your head.

“Joel I'll never stop loving you but it took me everything in my power to get over you. I'm sorry but it's best that we don't speak again unless we have to.”

“Baby-”

“I'm sorry.” with that you walked out of the room, leaning Joel alone.

— • —

Weeks had gone by since you last seen Joel and you've never felt better. That is until you got a stomach bug. Your head had been in the toilet for the last few days and the smell of food just made you even more nauseous.

You were laying on the cool tile floor of your bathroom, not having the energy to get up and go to your bedroom, when your eyes caught a glimpse of the unopened tampon box sticking out from under the sink.

3 minutes. 3 very long agonizing minutes. Once the timer on your phone went off you looked on the bathroom counter to see what your future would hold.

“Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me.”

beta'd: @clawdee @nerdieforpedro @iron-strangers @dancingtotuyo thank you all ily <3

divider: @saradika-graphics

[ronearoundblindly]

Eighty-Three Kisses

CEO!Steve Rogers x CEO!Reader

an It Had To Be You tale of tender first aid requested by @anika-ann who thought: I'm not sure why but my heart would MELT upon seeing Steve giving Precious some ⛑ (as such, warning for mentions of blood) WC 1.3k

Not your favorite way to wake up…

Roused in the morning dark of New York winter, Steve’s mom calls him bright and early. She is one of only four people who can evade his Do Not Disturb setting, and as much as you enjoy Sarah, you groan in irritation when Steve has to untuck himself from beneath you in the sheets.

But that’s not where it ends.

He takes the call and walks out to his kitchen. His voice only just becomes inaudible when your mother calls.

Chatty. Mom is chatty way too early this morning, and she wants participation in her gossip.

You get it; your parents are pure balls of excitement about their upcoming trip to NYC to see you and officially meet your boyfriend for the first time, but 6:50 in the morning on a day off is not a great moment to get reciprocation of any amount of energy.

It’s not even five in the morning where your mom is. Come on now.

You hold the phone arm’s length away to scream into your pillow before heaving yourself out of bed. Maybe if she hears Steve’s voice in the background, your mom will think you’re busy and need to get off the call? Maybe standing up will help keep your eyelids raised? You’re so tired, you’ll try anything.

As soon as your butt hits the couch cushion though, your eyes shut again, too comfortable, too quickly. You jump up and meander over to the exercise bike, muttering something about the neighbor Mom’s had this same beef with for a decade, but she’s on a roll now. You barely need to interject an “uh-huh” or “yeah.” Your mother just keeps going.

So you sit on the bike, lazily putting one foot on the higher pedal, and you nudge it. Nothing happens.

Steve rustles the coffee beans into the maker and pulls down plates because if he’s awake, he wants breakfast. He’ll go back to sleep if he can, but if he’s conscious, food should happen. That’s the Steve Standard of a morning ritual. He also has very little input for his conversation, mostly humming every so often.

You hear the crack of eggs against the bowl’s rim and yawn, hiding that sound as best you can from your mother.

Your dad is equally grumbly in the background. He chides his wife with you in solidarity.

The pan sizzling acts as white noise countered by the first whiffs of brewing coffee.

“Of course, I’m listening,” you rush out, leaning forward on the handlebars and mock-bashing your head.

Steve must have turned to watch you because you hear his deep chuckle from across the room.

Absently, you step onto the pedal, thinking it will start rotating as you press down. You don’t realize how high Steve has turned up the resistance until it’s too late. You stand with your full weight on the tiny, shifting pad, and your foot slips right off when the mechanism caves.

Off-balance and crash-landing on your foot, your ankle tweaks out harshly, and the hard plastic grooves for friction scrape all along your bare calf. It hurts like hell but happens so fast that you hardly make a sound aside from hissing.

The phone drops out of your hand as you untangle yourself from the bike and trip down to the floor.

“Honey?” Steve clearly hasn’t seen until “shit” and you hear the pan torn off the burner and his own phone tossed to the counter. “Precious, you okay? What—“

Thin gashes are already red and bleeding all up your leg. The pain is such a tense sting that you can’t manage much else other than biting your tongue and clutching at the wound, but Steve peels your fingers away, ripping the kitchen towel from over his shoulder to apply pressure.

“It’s fine,” you still hiss. “I’m fine, Steve.”

His huge palm and fingers splay across the fabric, his other hand guiding your over to replace them after he coos, “I know. I’m just gonna clean it up. I’ll be right back. Can you hold this? Just there. Good girl. Ok.”

He jumps up and thunders to the bathroom.

“Sweetheart, what’s going on? Hello?”

You look up to where your phone dangles in the water bottle holder by the bike’s handles, but you can’t reach it without harsh sensations shooting around your foot and leg.

“I’m fine, Mom,” you yell toward the phone. “I just fell. I’ll call you back later.”

There’s an incoherent fuss, your dad’s voice joins what sounds like muttering but is more likely a heated argument on the other end, and then the screen lights when the call disconnects.

Steve returns with a little box and a white bottle.

“Ok, precious--" he leans to kiss your knee "--you ready? This part is gonna hurt.”

You pull back the stained towel, lip lodged between your teeth, and Steve soaks a cotton ball. He bares his teeth when you react to the bite of alcohol.

The excess drips down to the mat.

“I know, honey. You’re doing so good though. Just a little more." He tries to move the foot. "Can you—“

“OW!” Like a shot, your ankle cries all the way up to your hip. “Sorry,” you say through threatening tears, “I landed on it wrong.”

Steve’s hand cradles the joint, keeping it still even as he lowers to kiss there, too, his blue eyes worried. “Okay, I’ll get ice for that, but first, we cover this.” He wipes gently at the deepest gash by your Achilles tendon before ripping open a packet of antibacterial ointment. “Just another minute, alright? You’re doing great.”

His rough morning voice and soothing tenor nudge your heart rate back in the right direction.

At least the medication doesn’t hurt. Between treatment and bandaging, he lifts your wrist to his lips and plants a double tap of encouragement.

"So good," he rumbles.

Steve carefully unfolds and layers some gauze across the whole area and carefully tapes the edges. On instinct, you bend your knee to get yourself up, but the tape pops right off when you flex.

“Uh-uh, precious. You’re not doing anything until we get some ice on that.”

You think he means to leave you sitting on the ground, but Steve pivots to a squatting position, tucks his arms beneath your knees and around your waist, and lifts you straight into the air, kissing your cheek for good measure.

Well…all that gym equipment’s been good for something…

He carries you all the way back to the bed, kissing your forehead to force you to relax backward and excusing himself to the kitchen again. A few drawers open and shut. There’s a racket of ice clattering into a bag.

Another light scuttering noise.

“Ma, I gotta go. Yeah, I love ya. Okay, bye.” He rounds the doorway again, compress and coffee at the ready.

Steve wraps a fresh towel over your skin before arranging the ice to lay just right, covering as much curve as possible without too much pressure. By the time he’s satisfied, he’s created a majestic-looking nest of sheets and blanket around your foot.

You chuckle as you blow across the hot liquid in your toasty mug.

This is his near-military precision and focus again, except this time, you are the mission.

Finally, his equally warm gaze meets yours, dawn breaking outside the wall of windows surrounding the corner room.

“Want your phone back?” he asks softly.

You shake your head. “They can wait.”

Everything still aches, the dull throb seeming miles away when Steve grips your thigh before straightening.

“You know, precious, if you wanted breakfast in bed, you could have just asked.”

You shrug, a little embarrassed but very appreciative. This certainly hasn’t been your favorite way to wake up, but it’s not the worst either. Plus, the morning has just begun.

“Sometimes the only thing that gets your attention is a crisis, Captain.”

from this game of "Comfort My Characters"

Thank you for asking!

@bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @fallinallinmendes @deandreamernp @rach2602 @patzammit @royalwritersoftheuniverses @supraveng @1950schick @yiiiikesmish

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[good-beanswrites]

#i have a lot of thoughts on why amane accepting shidous help wouldnt help either of them but thats rambling for another day lmao

hello it is another day 👀 can I hear your thoughts on why shidou and amane wouldn't be helped by him trying to help her?

Ah yes!! I'll start off by saying I love Shidou a lot and think he's very capable, loving, and is a really good father -- I mean no slight to him when I say he would only make things worse for Amane if they became close like he wants. The short version is that neither of them will get what they want out of this new relationship, to no fault of their own. But by getting together in the first place, they give each other the illusion that they can get these things, which only makes the loss worse.

Shidou is grieving a sudden, intense loss. He thinks that he wants to keep being a father. He thinks that he misses taking care of his little girl and that by caring for Amane he can get that feeling back/atone for what he’s done. But what he needs is time and space to mourn such a sudden tragedy. I don’t know what you call a familial rebound, but that’s exactly what Amane would be. He does genuinely want to help, he’s not like “using her” or anything. But he is subconsciously expecting her presence to fix something for both of them. He desperately wants to fill a gap in his life, and her role as replacement for what he lost would become more and more clear. Maybe he doesn't want to replace them, but sees saving her as a way to atone for the children he couldn't save. No matter how much love he pours on her -- no matter if she's able to overcome her feelings and return his love tenfold -- it won’t fix what's actually broken.

And it would be the same for her: rushing into a new family wouldn’t give her back the parents/childhood she lost. After thinking so highly of her father, she’d have really high expectations for Shidou. She may be able to recognize how her father hurt her, but it’ll be hard to break away from the intense respect she has for him. She’ll always be wanting more from Shidou, both in his character and also the unconditional love she’d been denied. And while his love may be unconditional, it will always be affected by his love for his past family. All of his techniques for caring for her were tested on his kids first (he makes her desserts he know his kids liked, takes her places he took his family, etc). It's not a bad thing on it's own (in almost any other case it would be a really good thing that he has firsthand experience), but given Amane's specific past, this will hurt her a lot. She will always be reminded that those kids came first. She’s so used to adults putting the cult before her, this will feel the same. She’ll always feel like living in something's shadow. 

And I know people are adaptable, but I think her joining Shidou’s life would just be such a challenge for both of them. Shidou built a family with loved ones, and now he has to start a new life as a single father to a strange child whose mind works very different than the average population. He mentions he relied on his wife for household things -- now he must learn to cook and clean while also struggling with cult deprogramming techniques. All of his energy would be consumed with helping her change and adapt, instead of properly processing both of their emotions with grief and guilt. Unprocessed emotions like that can only come out harmfully, then. Even if Amane suddenly develops the most open mind in the world, it’ll be such a jarring switch going from her cult completely against medicine to a doctor’s household in which science always triumphs over spirituality. So much of Shidou’s core being is tied to the most awful and traumatizing events of Amane’s life -- that’ll be a huge obstacle for them to overcome, no matter how open to healing they both are.

The problem is, I recognize Amane's rejection isn't good for either of them. With Shidou's emotions, being so violently hated by a child only sends him deeper into grief. It makes the loss feel worse. And similarly, Amane's rejection denies her of someone who genuinely wants to care for her -- she's missing out on necessary physical, mental, emotional support. It's a lose-lose for the two of them, and I'm very compelled by it :(

Buuut, if I can indulge in my more personal thoughts for a sec, that's why I like to think about Mahiru taking her in! She specifically wanted new kids. She's literally prepared her life to take on a new child in her home. Even without the help of a partner, she excels at cooking, cleaning, keeping house, etc. Amane really does fill part of the gap Mahiru has always longed for. Though she won't get her childhood back, Amane will finally be an adults number one priority, no strings attached. Mahiru will absolutely smother her in love, her tendency to go overboard making up with Amane's deficiency of parental care. I think Mahiru's "let everyone stick to their own code" mindset will need some work, but at least it allows Amane's transition to be much easier. Mahiru is in support of Amane following what she believes, rather than live a lifestyle that actively denounces her. Shidou can still visit and help, giving him the perfect amount of interaction to heal him, and offer Amane something real and kind. I know it wouldn't be perfect under Mahiru, they're situation is fucked up enough to take a lot of painful work, but I really think she'd be the best to take care of her <3

[casual-tarot]

Pick a Pile: Messages From Loved Ones Who Have Passed On

Pile 1

Stay strong. I know that sounds like a very cliche message, but it's so much more then that. Stay Strong! Don't give up! Keep moving forward! You can do this! We love you and we are here for you! Support is what I'm getting. Let out your angry tears, scream, cry, yell. Let out all your emotions, they want you to feel. Let yourself mourn them, don't keep it bottled up. Receive help from others. Your loved ones see you hurting and want you to seek love from those still with you. Cry into somebody's shoulder, tell someone what you've been going through, accept those helping hands. You still have people who love you and who want to help you, let them. If they knew you when you were a child or baby, they are remembering you back then. If they didn’t, they are remembering when they first met you, and those early days of your relationship. Either way, they're reliving those moments where they got to watch you grow before their very eyes. The early stages of getting to know you. It's a very fond, very bittersweet fact. We will meet again, they want me to tell you, I promise baby/my love(they may have called you by those nicknames.) I'm also getting the vibe that some parts of the group had love ones who spoke another or more then one language, and that they may be referring to you by a endearing term from their culture. (Mija/mijo comes to mind since I'm Mexican myself) Don't stop loving people. Let yourself build new relationships. Your loved ones do not want you to give up on new love, whether it be platonic or romantic. Some of you may feel like you would be replacing or betraying those who passed by loving new people. They want you to know this is not the case, and that they know you would never replace them. They want you to make new friends, fall in love again, spend more time with family. Take what resonates with you. Overall, they want you to love again, and continue loving. Never let that spark in you die, it's a beautiful thing.

Signs from them; Fire and Flames, Birds, Peacock's, Doves, the Sun and Moon, Egyptian Customs and Deities, Blue Jewels, White Rabbits, White Flowers, Fireflies, Red String, Monkey's, Big Swirling Clouds, Mountains, Rivers, Bamboo, Eagles, Deer, Hummingbird, Horses, Crows, Mountain Goat's, Fairies, Purple Jewels, Cultural Paintings, Green Jewels, Bottled Messages, Last Quarter Moon, Waxing Crescent Moon, Waning Gibbous, Sprouting Plants, Rain, Wattler Droplets, 7, 11, 2, 77, 22, 6, 4, 3, 777, 33, 44, 9, 222, 2222, 22222, 5

Think of Them When you See or Hear; Look for them in your traditions, in dances and folklore and rituals, they are there with you. Filipino Mythology, Watermelon, the Movie Mulan, String Lights and Decorations, Bowls of Liquid, Red Bridges, Disney, Marbles, Marble, Pink Hearts, Hearts in General, Chiron, Mars, Pluto, North Node of the Moon, Aries, Libra, Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, Pisces,

Pile 2

The first thing I think your loved ones want to tell you is that they are in a better place now. Somewhere bright and beautiful and happy. They want to reassure you of that very strongly for some reason, and that they will see you again one day. I think that this loss has been really really hard on you. It could have been recent, or maybe someone you were extremely close with, maybe even both. Either way I feel like this feels like one of those deep dark despair's you think you will never be able to climb out of, and I think your loved ones want you to slowly pick yourself back up. It's going to get better my dear/baby/love, I promise. Get up, please. That's what I'm hearing. They may have called you any number of endearment or nicknames. I'm hearing mom for some of you, maybe you had a child or pet that passed(mom doesn't necessarily only mean female, it could be any gendered parent or gaurdian). In any case I am so sorry for your loss, I know this must be devastating. But you loved ones are sending you so so much love. Like, it's indescribable how much love is being put out there for you. I'm imagining the ghost of them hugging you without you knowing it. Getting strong fire sign energy here, take that as you will. I think they want you to know that their death was peaceful, no matter how it happened. The passing was quiet, like sinking into a pool of water. It didn't hurt at the end, it just felt like going to sleep. I'm getting very emotional here and I think that may be because your loved one is too. I think some of them are desperate to let you know that they were, and are, ok. It's not your fault. Some of them desperately want you to know and understand that. Stop blaming yourself. Some of you are so so hard on yourself when it comes to their passing and they are desperate to tell you that they could never blame you, that none of this is your fault no matter what you think. Please believe me, they say. They want you to know how strong you are for all of this, to know you will get through this because of that strength. They also want you to spend time with friends and family, loved ones. They will help you heal. Let them know what's going on and what you feel, so go and hug them and cry into their shoulders. You are not yet alone, and you never will be either. I think that some of your loved ones need to pass on now, they won't be able to send you as many signs and won't be able to be with you all the time anymore. This doesn't mean they're leaving completely, just that they won't be around as often. You can seek them out, whether that be through tarot, candles, prayer, or even just talking out loud to them, they will still always be with you in those ways. But I think this is a way to help you move on. The less you are reminded of them in everything you see, the easier it will be to breathe, to not be suffocated in their ghost. You will take one deep breathe, and then another, and then before you know it, you are living again. And I think that's all they ever wanted for you.

Signs From Them; Peacock's, Birds, Roses, Thorns, Stars, Night Sky, Crescent Moon, The Ocean, Lakes, Ponds, Fire and Flames, Everytime a Fireplace is Lit, Hawk's, Resolved Arguments(they came in to help bring the peace), Vultures, Red and Orange Flowers, An animal receiving help, Pets getting adopted, Mountains, Elephants, Eels, Happy Families, Pets Bringing Family Happiness, Spirit Animals, The Grim Reaper, Helping Animals, The Sun, Rivers, Salmons, Dogs, Cats(some of you definitely lost Pets, I'm so sorry❤️), Rabbits, Spiders, Webs, The beauty of Space, Your Favorite Childhood Cartoons, Their Favorite Childhood Shows, Bottled Messages, Purple Jewels, Blue and Dark Blue Jewels, Violet Jewels, Paintings, Art, Objects getting Miraculously Fixed/Repaired, New Moon, First Quarter Moon, Waning Gibbous Moon, Full Moon, Rain, Drops of Water, Tools(not sure why this one is a sign for some of you but they really wanted me to say it lol), Whispers, The Wind, I heard "Whispers on the Wind," The Cold, 5, 4, 55, 6, 44, 1, 66, 7, 3, 11, 33, 2, 1111, 111, 555, 12, 1212, 77, 22, 222

Think of Them When You See or Hear; Puzzles, Hair Clips, Accessories, Disney, Rubber Bands, Mechanical Parts and Tools, Art Erasers, DW(from Arthur,) Arthur the show, Francine(from Arthur), Fantasy Weapons, Swords, Daggers, Wrenches, Mechanics, Mercury, The Sun, Saturn, Neptune, Jupiter, Chiron, Taurus(Very Important for Some of You), Aquarius, Gemini, Pisces

Pile 3

Your loved ones are so proud of you! You've accomplished great things and if you feel you haven't yet, you will! I'm imagining an old granny clapping along excitedly at her grandkids, that sort of excitement. These loved ones seem very happy and optimistic. They believe in everything you do and practically leap with joy whenever something good happens for you. Very wholesome energy tbh. I get the feeling that some of these loved ones are waiting for you before they let themselves truly pass on. They want you to be with them as they go/walk through the pearly gates, so to speak(you don't necessarily need to believe in heaven for this to resonate). They don't want you to go before your time(I'm hearing something about suicide, so that might resonate with some of you) and in all likelihood, might even send you back were you ever to have any fatal encounters. It's not your time yet so go live your life! It feels almost like a fond scolding. Maybe some of these were kind grandma's lol. They may have also been a romantic partner. Lot of familial love coming in, either they were part of your family or felt close enough to be. Some of you may have big loving families, so the overwhelming familial love makes sense. I'm getting the vibe of getting big hugs, the ones that engulf you, that your family will give you no matter what, even if you've just seen them the day before. Those hugs that are so tight and full of love that the hugger even has to make a little noise of excitement lol. I think they're giving you a lot of spiritual hugs, even if you don't feel like you need it. This is a really positive energy. Maybe you always knew that this person was meant to go in your lifetime, so it wasn't as hard as it could have been. I get the sense that a lot of you spent so much time with these loved ones, that it made their passing a little more bearable. You got to tell them everything you felt about them and got to spend time and bond with them, so much so that it felt ok, fulfilling. There wasn't anything left to say to them because you already said what you needed to when they were here. You don't have any/many regrets when it comes to them because you were always with them, and did everything you wanted with them. They think you are so creative and capable of so much, and they cannot wait to see what else you accomplish in life! If you haven't moved on yet, though I'm getting the sense that many of you have, they are asking you to let yourself. Heal from this and make beautiful things that you can let out into the world. You can make a change in this world and they desperately want to see it, so that when they see you again they can talk about all you did. I think they want me to tell you that when you do finally see each other again, you're going to get the biggest fucking hug you've ever gotten from them! Awe, that sweet. It's an aggressively loving hug haha. They love you so so much, and can't wait to see you again. But only when it's your time!

(Note: I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot in this reading, maybe they had that issue sometimes, or maybe you do. Either way it feels fond in some way, like it was a quirk you loved about each other.)

Signs From Them; A Good Night's Rest, Storms, Snow, Strong Winds, Willow Trees, True Love, Romantic Love, Love between Two People of the Same Gender, Small white flowers, Birds, Large Birds, Orange Yellow White and/or Red Feathers, Lions, Griffin's, Anansi, Webs, Snakes/Serpents, Round Bushes With Flowers on Them, Laughter, Lighthearted Jokes and Pranks, Resolved Fights/Arguments, Healing Wounds/Injuries, Blood(I'm not sure why I'm getting that for some if you but take what resonates), The Virginia Mary(Lady if Guadalupe, Blessed Virginia, Our Lady, Mother of God/Jesus), Jesus, Red Orange and/or White flowers and Roses, The Sun, Motherly Love, Parental Love, Love From a Guardian, Love to a Child, Mexican Culture, Mexican Customs and Traditions, Fertility, Fields of Flowers, Fields of Fruit Trees, Water, The Ocean, Eels, Powerful and Strong Women, The Feeling Of Ambition, Powerful or Strong Hugs, Swans, Yellow and/or Orange Skies, Birds, Peacock's, Egyptian Customs and Traditions, Birds, Hawks, Crying Women(again, not entirely sure why this one popped into my head), Rivers, Stags, Sheep, Lamb, Dogs, Seals, Eagles, Deer, Butterflies, Purple and Violet Butterflies, Blue/Green/Blue Green Flowers, Pink Flowers, Tropical Plants, Turkey Vultures, Chameleons, Pink Hearts, Pink Jewels, Blue/turquoise Jewels, Wedding Rings, Storm Clouds, Windy Clouds, Fire, Sprouting Plants, Full Moon, New Moon, Waxing Gibbous Moon, 3, 6, 5, 8, 2, 7, 66, 55, 77, 666, 1, 555, 22, 11, 33, 111, 1111, 4, 5555, 222, 88, 55555, 888

Think of Them When You See or Hear; Weddings and Marriage, Golden Cups, White Handkerchiefs, Egyptian Stories and Folklore, Blades, Swords, Shepherds, Bells, Trashy Weddings(This Feels Fond), Ignoring Mechanical Work(Also Feels Fond, like personal experiences you or they had), A Cold Beer, Hearts Jewelry, Bottle Caps, Neptune, Uranus, Venus, Mercury, North Node of the Moon, Aquarius, Aries, Scorpio, Leo, Libra, Cancer

(Note 2: I'm getting the vibe that no matter your background, your family and/or loved one was/is very religious, and put a lot of value into cultural customs and traditions, and so there's a lot of religious imagery from different cultures and a lot of customs popping up as well.)

[hotmessmaxpress]

Hello!

If Marc were to ever get pregnant in the omegaverse, how would that impact his abandonment issues regarding Vale? Since a whole child is the most certain way of actually never ever separating (forever bound by the antichrist child of motorcycles racing).

Also how do the pack dynamics change?

🎤

(your writing is absolutely delightful and as addictive as crack cocaine, got me hooked and following you)

okay so this is hard to answer because there are sooo many good rosquez baby au's. (@its-always-silly-season has a rosquez baby au that lives rent-free in my head, @shooters4yuki has Baby Boots and Riding Suits where Vale is the mother-- an absolute must-read) Also as a child of divorce I must say a child does not prevent two insane people from separating lmaoooo

I think that in this specific au marc being pregnant would give him some amount of anxiety. It's the totally irrational feeling of 'now that vale will have a baby what if he doesn't need me anymore? what happens when I'm not the center of attention?' which is actually a super normal fear with new parents on both sides!!

On the other hand the pack and vale are so so insanely supportive. vale has never been more in love with marc and he has more than enough love for marc and their baby. Vale will not shut up about marc being pregnant and how he's going to be a dad and how he got marc pregnant (*pervy old man eyebrow wiggle*) and how hot marc looks pregnant. Vale is one of those guys. If it wasn't so adorable and exciting for everyone then it would be sort of gross.

The pack are out of their minds supportive. Bezz is the one who maybe has the most emotional crisis about it because he's the other omega and suddenly he's learning about how much marc and vale are happy about his pregnancy and marc is glowing and bezz is like "well fuck who is gonna knock me up now??? I want one". (obviously Bezz is still racing and isn't mated yet so getting pregnant is still pretty far off for him but that doesn't mean he doesn't start fantasizing just a little).

The pack are fully preparing to spoil this baby. They love her before she's even born (I love girl dad vale so I have decided they have a girl). She's going to have so many uncles ready to spoil the fuck out of her and take her on rides and generally endanger her life in cute and lovable ways.

Even with marc's anxiety it's sort of hard for him to ignore the support of his pack and his mate and his family throughout the pregnancy. By the time he has the baby he's sort of chilled out about his feeling of being replaced and he's soooo happy to have their itty bitty little baby that he doesn't even know what to do with himself. He loves getting to see vale be a dad and see the rest of the pack step up and help out.

[hanarchy]

I'm a Chan girlie (derogatory) and I do agree tbh. He seems like a genuinely good guy but I feel like he's got issues and needs therapy tbh with you. But then again, I have a hard time blaming him for that, boy was pushed from a young age by his weird ass parents to be famous, was flown out to a foreign country on his own at like 12 or 13 and immediately put in the worst position a young teen who just likes music could be in. I really like the guy, but a lot of his fans act like he's a lot more than what it is: a musically talented good looking dude who just happened to become famous.

mhm yeah i think like. he’s an interesting case study in terms of kpop and fame in general. i have a feeling this reply is gonna get ridiculously long so i’m sorry in advance.

edit: ok i split it up into parts:

1. teenager and industry in general

2. early career and skz as a group

3. recent position in the company and fans

edit 2: i also put it under a read more. listen i know u never asked me to psychoanalyze bang christopher chan on this beautiful august evening but i, like literally everyone else in this fandom, just cannot resist it 💀

bro i gotta be honest with u idk why i typed all this out and theres certainly no real point but its done now

1. teenager and kpop industry in general

like i think chan is the perfect idol less in how talented he is (please do not misconstrue this as me saying he is not talented that is not what i said) but much much more in this ‘narc energy’ i tried to describe earlier. it is very obvious that companies don’t just look for star quality but also for obedience and what they like to call ‘good nature’ as well as for resilience and the willingness to basically destroy yourself for your career.

and chan certainly has that. like i think about how he speaks about his dad and how deeply uncomfortable it makes me to hear him talk because it reminds me of soso many of my childhood friends who thought they needed to live up to some ideal their parents either picked for them or represented. now most people kind of start developing away from that in their teenage years and form an identity of their own but what kpop companies do really effectively is to intervene in that process and give these teens a new ideal to neatly replace the old one.

on the one hand that’s kind of convenient because it means you have to do much less emotional work, if your parents are supportive of this dream it makes for an easy transition for them, too because you don’t have to fight them for more freedom all the time and honestly apart from the dieting it is a relatively safe way to assert independence. like teenagers are also impulsive and kinda bad at making decisions so i saw a lot of my friends go down a much more self-destructive road than becoming a trainee.

on the other hand though you do have to grow up sometime and if you really take the idol life and that dream seriously that kinda means selling your body and soul to a deeply corrupt capitalist machine and a faceless public that each have the power to make or break you. like you promise so much of your energy, future earnings and also just so much of your time on earth to this career before you’ve ever even had a normal job.

like by all accounts chan was way too young to understand what any of this entailed when he decided to do it (frankly i think its hard to understand even as an adult like i certainly have no fucking idea what it must feel like to have thousands of people on the internet ask you to show them your bedroom)

and like whats especially twisted (i think its mostly post bts but i think as a prototype shinee are a good example as well and i think tbh kpop also learned from the success of one direction and how intensely parasocial that was thanks to a casting show) is that companies figured out that fans form a close emotional bond with idols who are perceived to have struggled and suffered. like it’s a good story for the underdog to make it big, for the guys with a creative vision to do their own thing to make it in a highly regulated industry.

it’s kind of obvious with how many groups get documentaries where they cry and struggle and how few of them get actual psychological help that companies have an incentive to make them suffer (justice for my sweet sakura she needs rest and support and PRIVACY).

now i’m not saying anyone is being tortured or anything and i’m not one of those ‘kpop is trafficking’ truthers like i think its much more mundane in how they use the natural stressors of the job, cultural expectations and the idols’ own perfectionism or traits and just point a camera at them.

for chan its the being the eldest child responsibility, the real need to please his father figures and his perfectionist nature. plus i do think foreign idols (even from korean families) often feel they need to prove that they can be a part of korean society, that they are as respectful and well behaved and understand the norms and customs.

and jyp(e) (both the man and the company) was kind of able to twist their role in his life to be both his torturer and his savior in how they played the stray kids survival show and his trainee career. showering him in praise and at the same time never debuting him, letting him pick his members and then basically publicly tearing all his choices apart over 9 episodes. etc etc

like he was always gonna come out of that mix either really loving the company and authority figures in his life or deeply resenting all of it and i think his ambition and pride (which can keep u from admitting u made a wrong decision) kept him from the latter option.

2. early career and skz as a group

i think early adulthood is kind of the time where you get to test your new identity you created as a teen against the reality of living in the world. are your talents enough? is your self-image correct? do you have the strength and resilience to be who you want to be? did you know how to pick the right people to support you and be friends with?

and i think like this is where chan felt like his choice of sticking with the company was correct because they gave him comebacks, money, creative support, creative freedom, they didnt doubt the group when woojin left and gave chan so many things to make the music he wants to make and also they had the patience to wait out the first win, the first hit, the parasocial fanbase and so on.

so like that probably solidified his impression that he made the right choice and again all the stress and the pressure coupled with that support made this kind of abusive bond between the company and chan even stronger.

and now you have him caring for the whole group, which is both exploiting and playing into his strength which is his sense of responsibility. and i think again he probably felt like a gift was being given to him in the form of a debut and 7 guys who he could care for and who also cared for him enough to take on some of that responsibility.

he’s testing his self perception of being talented, reliable, strong against the reality of being an idol and he feels like he made the right choices, like the identity he picked for himself as a teen is viable and so his love for the company is reinforced and is strengthened by his love for the members.

plus you get this fan layer which is another highly complex relationship to process. its kind of unconditional adoration except its HIGHLY conditional and you dont know what those conditions are. i think his reaction to that random cornrow thing and how he generally seems indignant and mad about being told what to do by fans is soooooo interesting bc like. this is the king of fanservice to a frankly ABSURD degree like no other idol is that bad, again i’m sorry to the chan girls but that bbl vibe is so…. 😬

so it gains another layer and maybe a realer support system and more true friendships that arent transactional. but at the same time he gains this faceless crowd making decisions for him. like thats a tangled psychological web and its obvious why he would be so loyal to the company and the established status quo since they never wavered in their support for him even when he was stupid and more importantly EVEN when he wasnt making them money.

3. recent position in the company and fans

now like. ive been talking about him kind of as if he doesnt know that his relationship with the company is transactional but i think he has always been aware of it but that he was just ok with what he got out of it. because i think he also has a veryyyyy healthy self confidence and his ambition is BIG like.

i always say that the only thing abt skz’s personalities that i am actually certain of is their ambition. they want to be the biggest group in the company, in the industry, they want to be the biggest group in the world. I think chan has wanted that for a long time. and i think he understands why the company built the narratives they did.

like i actually kind of disagree with you a little bc i think he very very deliberately got famous and he also deliberately did it in this company. because as hard to navigate as this whole web is emotionally, for a man in a kpop company (and yes, gender is EXTREMELY important in this context) theres also a fixed set of rules and steps to influence and power (there are some exceptions like got7 but even they were eventually able to leave with their group name and trademarks which is entirely unheard of for girl groups). he followed the steps laid out by jype and he has what he wanted now. and i think bang chan today has a lot of agency, he has a lot of power over the group but also in the company so in many ways he did actually make the right decisions when he was very young and i think this position in the company is good for his pride as well.

now you mentioned his fans and how weird some of them are about him and i think tbh it’s somewhat normal and expected that they are this weird abt him given the entire strange and complex relationship i just explained. like he himself does not know how to handle his fans in a way thats healthy for him. i think channies room was the biggest proof of that and the way his confidence seems to have skyrocketed since that ended is kind of interesting to me.

like ok heres my last mean statement about him: he does not care about his fans more than any other idol. he does not mean to ‘protect’ all of us. he is appreciative and grateful. and i think something unique about him and skz is that there seem to be very many kpop (male) groups who dont like being known for kpop or as idols. they want credit as artists and singers and musicians in other genres. i think hes unique in that he has real respect for idol music and idol work and the kind of fans that come along with it (young women).

i also think he means it when he says skz aims to be a safe place for their fans and a fun place but i think he had to find out what that means for himself. he genuinely seems to want good things for people but he used to pretend he had a personal relationship with every single fan and that’s bound to lead to a fucked reaction from fans. like him pretending to be your boyfriend on bbl or him yelling at that seoul concert or the strangely intimate nature of chans room all kind were his own doing and i do think its a bit of his own fault that fans are this weird abt him.

and i think he probably thought he had to do all that because of how much responsibility he took on in the company and EVERYTHING i mentioned above so like. his own perception is also fucked. but i think realizing that he is allowed boundaries and that he can have a relationship with fans on his own terms has been very good for him. theres a real sense of separation these days, he seems to volunteer information or photos/content rather than having it forced out of him.

unfortunately the damage is done and chan stans are already… like that. like i have NEVER met a chan bias who doesnt on some level believe they know him better than everyone else, even the most level headed ones. hell i kinda think i understand him better than everyone else (look at this stupidly long post). and the recent distance that is perceived as new and unusual from him has left a lot of fans feeling rejected. and because they put him up on such a high pedestal and believe all of his declarations of love they cant stand the idea that it was his doing/decision and look for some other thing to blame (the company, other fans, the members… the list goes on)

[songmingisthighs]

Cache

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ch. lxxxviii - this might not end well for us

wooyoung × reader, ??? × reader

buy me coffee ?

in a school filled with the affluent, it would only make sense for birds of a feather to flock. but what if your new status doesn't immediately buy you a way into said flock? what if instead, it bought you sure rejection? to the rich and powerful, having different masks is a must. despite some people knowing your true self and your secrets

Your heart was beating as if it was trying to break out of your chest.

Seeing people gathering around the room was crazy. The principal's office wasn't that big but it was accommodating. There were only fourteen people around; you, your five friends, and wooyoung and his friends. You don't know whether you were grateful that parents aren't around, they were all hauled somewhere else to talk to the principal about the issue. From the expression of the parents you saw walk past, you could only assume that things are worse than you thought.

You were standing between Beomgyu and Soobin, next to the door of the office, you were holding onto their hands out of nerves and they reciprocated; Soobin ran his thumb on the back of your hand as Beomgyu intertwined his fingers with yours. "I'm scared," you mumbled lowly as your eyes scanned the people in the room, hoping no one heard you. Soobin looked at you for a second, squeezing your hand to make you look at him, "Honestly?" he started before he nudged his head lightly with yours, "Me too," he confessed. You smiled gratefully at him, it felt good knowing that you weren't the only one scared then.

Jongho scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, "Can't you both reel it in? Do you need to be all touchy touchy in the principal's office?" He said, rolling his eyes at you.

At the sound of his voice, Soobin straightened up as the smile melted off his face, replaced by a menacing glare aimed at Jongho. "Mind your own business," he hissed.

That seemed to tick Jongho the wrong way because he immediately pushed Soobin harshly making him tumble and bump into you. You yelped but luckily Beomgyu was there to help stabilize you. The sound of your voice allerted and caught the attention of everyone in the room. People stood tensely, waiting for any one of them to do something. It wasn't like anyone was going to prevent any of you from completely eviscerating the other.

Jogho made the first move, he grabbed Soobin by the collar tightly, pulling him closer so they were face to face with each other. "YOU should've minded your own business, you and your friends there. Had you guys mind your own shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Jongho said through gritted teeth, obviously angry. Soobin pushed Jongho backwards harshly, making him bump into a couch behind him, "Neither me or my friends posted that online." Hongjoong stepped up from behind Jongho, cockily stepping up to Soobin, "Oh yeah? And... You think somebody random just magically have all those files and out of nowhere just decided to post them?" He asked, clearly not believing Soobin's words. "Because," Beomgyu stepped out so that you were covered by him and Soobin, "Unlike you dumbasses who couldn't even have the decency to be the overbearing heirs who can't even open a ketchup bottle without calling their buttlers much less do their own homeworks, we actually have other things to deal with than planning for your demise." It was utter bullshit actually because you know just how much time you guys spent thinking about finally putting your former friends in their place.

Your eyes scanned the room to see your friends squaring up to the obviously larger number of people from the other group. But much to your surprise, Wooyoung was still sitting on one of the couches, face stoic with his gaze moving to whoever was speaking. Despite his hard expression, you saw how his finger picked at hos thumb, a habit from his childhood that only reappeared when he's about to get scolded like a child. It was obvious that he was nervous and you don't know if you were the only one who noticed it in the room.

On the contrary, Yeosang was looking rather calm on the other side of the room. He was leaning on the wall, watching everyone, keeping his distance. You don't know what he was thinking about and it made you uncomfortable. Maybe it was because you haven't spent much time with him personally, understanding him and his personality, or maybe it's because you're so used to expressive people (bastards) like Wooyoung, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Kai, and heck even Taehyun when he wants to. That's why when he said that he's Kyle, you honestly still doubt it. Why wouldn't you? It was just too ridiculous to believe yet ridiculous enough to be believable.

When you snapped back from your observation, you noticed that your friends and Wooyoung's friends (minus Wooyoung himself and Yeosang) were at each other's throats, arguing and accusing each other. Well, your six former friends accusing your current friends and you while you six stood in defence. Beomgyu and Soobin had completely left your sides, the spot where Beomgyu stood was replaced by Kai who by now look more like a guard dog than your friend.

"You're just being short," Yeonjun scoffed, pushing Hongjoong on his shoulder. Hongjoong slapped Yeonjun's hand away and pushed him back on his shoulder, "What the fuck is my height supposed to do with anything?" "You're tiny, make sense that your brain don't hold much brain cells that's why you sound so stupid right now," the taller smirked. Hongjoong was about to lunge forward but Seonghwa had held him back, not wanting to cause a new issue.

"Just fucking admit you guys did it," Yunho said, exhaling sharply as he stood in front of Hongjoong, sizing Yeonjun up, "Your argument don't even make sense, man. Just own up to it so I can punch you in the face and be justified." You've never heard Yunho talking like that and it was unnerving. Truly, you hated how foreign those six people has become to you. But on a positive note, San seemed to have learned his lesson and just kept his mouth silent the whole time. Sure, he would still follow along to what his friends were doing like standing up, going face to face to whoever was closer, agreeing to some of the things his friends were saying or scoffing at whatever he disagreed on. You were not sure as to why San was mostly silent but one thing you can confirm is that he had been looking at you warily and shifting his eyes whenever someone mentioned the NDA leaking. seemed like he still hadn't realized that the people he blabbed to were the people involved in the issue in the first place. It might sound mean and borderline cruel, but it's fun seeing him all squirrelly for a change.

Kai pulled you closer to him as he answered Yunho, "Well, why the fuck would we publish all of that and risk looking a schmuck for helping rich bastards like you cheat and succeeding in life when we have been planning on silencing you in a far more effective way?" he spat, smirking at Yunho who raised an eyebrow at him. Slowly, he crossed his arms over his chest before answering Kai, "First of all, you're rich too, little boy. Your family is rich in three countries and you and your sisters each have trust funds that could save the starvation and water issue in Africa. Twice," he pointed out, smirking as if he had just sent a devastating blow to Kai. Spoiler alert, he didn't. "And second of all, what do you mean by silencing us?" Yunho added. Beomgyu exaggeratedly pretended to sob and wipe a tear from his eyes, slow clapping as he spoke, "Finally, they ask a logical question," which wasn't accepted well by the opposite parties.

Yeonjun reached into his bag and procured a stack of papers, dropping it on the table near them, "We recently came upon evidence of our initial case that you all have been cheating with your grades and achievements, something we weren't able to prove before. In addition, we knew that one of you fucked up and blabbed to three parties which is obviously a breach of the NDA which also means that technically speaking, the school is allowed to reopen the case, resume the investigation, release public statements, release the evidence and the investigation itself to the public, and bring your sorry asses to the ground so quick your ancestors could feel the impact." But because we're so damn nice and because our parents know each other, we decided that we would be willing to keep silent only if you agree to our terms and conditions." Kai and Beomgyu were trying to hold in their laughters at the sight of the others' dumbfounded expression. Mingi pushed past his friends to grab the papers Yeonjun threw on the couch. He looked frantic with his shaky eyes scanning the pages and his hands trembling. You can't deny that out of all of them, Mingi is the one who had most to lose. Knowing his mom, she would most likely send him away if people found out what was happening behind the scenes. He'd be sent away either in a body bag or to a monastery of some sort, being stripped off of his inheritance and cushy life in favour of being closer to the earth either way. "But because we're so damn nice and because our parents know each other, we decided that we would be willing to keep silent only if you agree to our terms and conditions," Yeonjun added.

Soon, everyone crowd around Mingi to see what it is on the papers exactly. They were all so focused and so panicked, you could hear the gears whirring in their heads.

"If you were about to blackmail us," Jongho started but was cut off by Taehyun, "Silencing you loud fuckers," he corrected. Jongho sent a glare to Taehyun but decided not to say anything to him directly, "Why the fuck do you need to release the files to the public? What the fuck could that have done for you all? Don't you nitwits know that because of what you did, this stupid second NDA is now invalid?" he scoffed.

His condescending accusation seemed to made your blood boil. You couldn't help but to finally open your mouth and say something. "For the love of god, we didn't post anything! Who the fuck are you calling nitwits when you can't even understand that the papers in Mingi's hands is proof that there is no way we could have posted that online because we have our own plan! A plan that would allow you abusive ninnies off so easily and still succeed in life however the fuck you define success is!" Without missing a beat, Seonghwa challenged you in a voice that is louder than yours to establish dominance. "Well then, who else could have done this if not one of you vindictive losers?"

"I did."

All heads and eyes shot to the person whom everyone least expected.

"Yeosang, what?" Hongjoong asked, confused. Yeosang detached himself from the wall and simply shrugged, "I... Posted the whole thing online, I did it," he said, momentarily glancing at you to see the clear shock on your face before looking straight back at Hongjoong. "If this is a joke, it's not funny man," San hissed, gaze hardening at his friend. Yeosang sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, "I'm not joking, I really did it," he then pulled his phone to show the account he used to make the post, "See? I'm being dead serious."

No one knew how to react. Once again, the room was filled with silence and confusion. From your group's side, neither one of your friends expected Yeosang to be the one who fucked himself and his friends over, to them, the mere idea was laughable because it was truly beyond anyone's imagination. But to you, this may be an indisputable proof that he really is Kyle but even so, you don't know how to feel about it. Wooyoung, on the other hand, looked conflicted. Thoughts were running around in his head, mostly centering on not believing that Yeosang would actually do what he did but of course, he was mistaken greatly. But also, he was thinking about how brave Yeosang was being. Sure, it was beyond stupid and very reckless as his action could ruin not only them but their families, but he can't deny that it was a pure act of selfishness, something that none of them could ever imagine doing because of the pressure that their families have been putting on them all this time. Something Wooyoung have been wanting to do but he couldn't. Mostly because he himself think he's a spineless coward to his family but also he can't just risk being careless over something miniscule.

At that moment, Wooyoung was oddly jealous of Yeosang.

Mingi lunged and grabbed Yeosang by his collars, slamming him to the wall, "What the fuck were you thinking you selfish bastard!? Were you trying to ruin us!? Are you incapable of thinking about anything other than yourself!? My mom will kill me! My family will disown me, you fuck!" he was about to punch Yeosang in the face when Seonghwa and Yunho pulled him back and away, pushing Yeosang onto the ground in the process. Yeosang knew that the gesture was symbolic, that as of that moment, he was kicked out of their little group. But he couldn't care less, it wasn't his loss.

As his (now former) friends calmed Mingi down, Yeosang was surprised when he saw an outstretched hand in front of him. You don't know when it happened, but Soobin had went over to help Yeosang up on his feet. Usually, Yeosang's ego wouldn't let him receive help from his 'sworn enemy', But he graciously accepted the help and even said thank you to Soobin. While looking at him. It was a big improvement.

Fortunately, before anyone could say or do anything more, the door of the office was opened and the principal stood with your and everyone else's parents. You could only see a couple pairs behind the principal but from their expression, you can only assume that your parents and your friends' parents are calm or even not worried while Wooyoung's and his friends's parents looked like they were damn near on spontaneously combusting.

"Students, I'm glad that you all are here. Please follow me with your parents, we are going to discuss the proceeding one by one," the principal said with a firm smile.

Slowly, everyone walked out; Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, San, Mingi, and Jongho first, followed by Beomgyu, Taehyun, Yeonjun, Soobin and Kai who were waiting for you outside the door. All that's left were Yeosang, you and Wooyoung in the room.

Yeosang stopped in front of you, seeking your eyes. You looked at him and offered a small smile which caused him to do the same. His smile dropped and eyes widened however when he looked down and saw that you had grabbed his hand in one of yours. "You were nuts," you said, making him chuckle as that was not what he thought you would've said. "Well, I did it for myself. What me and the others did were wrong and I guess I thought that was the only way I could get rid of the guilt that has been weighing on me," he shrugged. You nodded and tilted your head, "And how do you feel now?" you asked, genuinely curious. Yeosang took a moment to think about what he was actually feeling at that moment. You never been through what he went through, betraying your friends in secret because you felt the need to be punished, so you would be lying if you say you didn't want to know what kind of thoughts were in his mind. "Honestly?" he let out a long exhale, "Like I just dropped the biggest deuce in the history of deuces," he smirked teasingly. You rolled your eyes as you failed to hide the growing grin on your face. You simply smacked him on the arm, calling him stupid as you wordlessly gestured for him to go first as you walked behind him,

With Wooyoung left in the room, you hesitated but you stopped by the doorway to give him one last glance. Wooyoung seemed to want to say something but as per usual, his stubbornness was preventing him to be a decent human being. "You said you're willing to make sacrifices to prove yourself so we can be friends again," your voice snapped Wooyoung from his headspace as he stared at you like a deer in head lights, "When will you realize that what you needed to do was to finally do something that's simply for yourself?" you asked, looking at him with pity in your eyes. His mouth opened and closed, not knowing what to say as he didn't even think that you'd acknowledge his presence. You waited but it was apparent that he was struggling. With a sigh, you sent a pitiful smile to him, in hopes he can understand that you were being genuine and you really do wanted the best for him no matter what happened in the past between you two. "I hope you can do what's right, Wooyoung. Whatever 'right' might be, I wish you can take the leap and stop living like such a pushover," and with that, you walked out and left him in the room alone.

Wooyoung felt his heart skipped a beat. Your words was like a calling to him. It was the encouragement he needed. He was scared, but he knew you were right.

As he watch you walk out the door to join your friends and parents outside, he finally made a decision.

He knew what to do.

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[tokoyamisstuff]

Breaking Bonds Ch. 8

Summary: Being underestemated by your own peers can be an advantage that could bring upon the downfall of even the strongest foes. Warnings: None. Not proofread. A/N: No Rabban/Reader interaction and a lot of exposition. Lame and short but necessary chapter tbh, sorry.

"Some people were never taught to speak the language of softness. They were only taught the language of blood and fire. Still, they love - and they express that love the only way they know how."

[Previous Chapter]

At the dead of night a small cargo-starship requested entrance through Caladan's shields.

Gurney, plaqued by sleeplessness as usual, was the first one to be informed - and he knew that type of engineering all too well.

"A Harkonnen ship." His voice was flat, yet not fully capable of hiding the thrill of an upcoming battle. "What kind of deceit do those vermin try now?"

The Warmaster had already equipped his weapon, always in a hand's reach, as well as the shield he had never discarded of. Fast and firm steps led him towards the spaceport, eager to quench the thirst for his dead enemie's blood...

...however when he arrived, only two humans stepped out into the moonlight - one of them a hooded woman.

"Search the ship" Gurney ordered, then turning to his second in command. "Any other ships in the atmosphere?"

"No, Sir, Mr. Halleck, Sir!"

Hard to tell if this was good news or simply a trap still in need of figuring out.

Irritated about this obscure situation, he quickly assessed that interrogating one of you would suffice, thus logically eliminating the greater threat.

You winced when the man swung his blade towards your companion - one of Rabban's most trusted - taking a clean hit towards his neck. The cut was not deep enough to be lethal immediately, and you couldn't help but wonder if a fighter so skilled chose this cruel method intentionally.

Not minding the surroundings you knelt next to the soldier, unable to do more than holding his hand as he bled out on the ground.

Not long ago you would've been delighted to see one of them fall, as distasteful as it may sound...

...but now, seeing life leave those reddish-brown eyes you couldn't help but see a piece of Rabban in them. Sobs escaped your trembling lips, imagining what could await if his plan was to fail - or worse, if it succeeds.

There was not much time to ponder however, since you felt cold steel already pressed against the back of your neck.

"Raise your head." Gurney's voice was boiling with a hatred you were not unfamiliar with, pressing the blade deeper against the fabric of your veil. "Show your face. And don't try anything, scum."

You breathed in the scent of the now bloodsoaked grass - not quite like the climate back home, but compared with Giedi Prime refreshing nonetheless - and looked up to your possible executioner, a forlorn smile curving your lips.

The Warmaster's face fell when you revealed yourself, utter shock at those unforeseeable events instantly raising his guard again.

"Why? You..."

"Gurney!" another voice called out for the man, his posture stiffening at the sound.

"My Duke" he proclaims with the utmost respect, only to be harshly scolded. "Why have I not been informed about this?"

"We've had everything under control, Sire. Nothing Mylord should be bothered with in the middle of the night." His former hostility had been replaced with an astonishing submission, making you even more anxious as you saw the Duke and his entourage approach.

One of them, a bearded man with rather long hair, you recognized from Rabban's stories: Duncan Idaho, whose parents were once slaves born on Giedi Prime...and murdered through his hands.

The other that almost cut off your head just the minute before must be Gurney Halleck, then - another person whom The Beast had caused uncomparable pain.

Ironic, how Rabban's cruelty had forged not only his greatest enemies, but also House Atreides' strongest warriors.

So basically, not only were you on a foreign planet, you were also surrounded by people who rightfully wished for your husband's demise...

...or, if given the opportunity, to make his loved ones suffer, just as theirs have?

"I'm sorry for my men's thoughtless violence" the Duke now adressed you directly, "Their remarkable passion for defending those lands exceeds rationality, much to my frustration."

Leto generously offered you a hand despite his men's protest, observing you professionally distant yet also with a calming courtesy. "May I ask what brings you to Caladan at a time like this, and on a Harkonnen ship at that?"

"I-I'm..." you were reluctant at first - but then again, may as well die proud of the hardships you've overcome. "My name is Y/N Rabban, rightful Countess of Lankiveil, and I have an important message to deliver."

Everyone present fell dead silent as your married name dropped from your lips, and you were sure to have brought upon your own doom...

...but the Duke was reacting foremost, a raised hand enough to sign his subordinates restraint.

"Bring her inside" he urged, and that said two guards aided you upwards and after the ruler of this planet. You tried to avoid it at all cost, yet still locked eyes with Gurney of all people - and the bottomless hatred you deciphered in them was frightening enough to make you shudder.

It was a miracle that none of them had attacked you right then and there - but in the end, what would be greater: Their loyalty to the Duke, or a wish for retaliation? The former, as it seems...for now.

You gulped harshly as you were led through secret hallways, far away from unwanted ears. Their architecture was not unlike the Harkonnen kind, you reminisced as you admired the dark stone building with only minimalistic decoration.

Hopefully his concubine would be excluded from this inquisition as well. A Bene Gesserit knows no allies or moral more important than the mission of the order, after all.

Most likely she already knows about the Empire's plan to eradicate House Atreides, and merely endures the pain of losing everything without even daring to oppose.

Walking unassisted was still a hard task after the previous events, but you managed until you arrived at the destination: A hidden room with a round table, meant for emergency sessions of the Duke's most trusted council members.

Asides from Gurney and Idaho, the only other person present was a mentat called Thufir Hawat. A man as dutiful as he was honorable, or so you've heard. And greeting you with a surprisingly kind, compassionate look on his face.

You were offered a seat opposite to your...host? Captor? Only time will show.

"I promise, unless it's necessary, no harm will come over you" the Duke reassured you, "Neither from me, nor from my people."

Not very convincing you thought, feeling the other men's eyes burning holes into your back, certain if you were to say anything they wouldn't like to hear, it was over for you.

"You can speak freely, Countess. Why did you seek me out?"

"A trade, put simply." Folding your hands in your lap, you fondled with your thumbs as you searched for proper words. "I'll disclose important information that could possibly save your entire House - in exchange for my protection."

"Sire, you cannot possibly trust her-"

"Gurney, stop it" the Duke harshly interrupted, focusing his attention on you again. He leaned forwards with a stern yet sympathetic expression, even from afar noticing both old scars and new blemishes scattered across your body.

"You've been through a lot on Giedi Prime, unsurprisingly. I can assure you even without valuable information, you are safe here." Instead of directly asking the important questions, he wondered "How did you manage to escape all by yourself? Convincing your escort must not have been easy."

You couldn't help but smile at his curiosity, clutching the necklace Rabban had once gifted you. "I didn't. My husband arranged this for me."

All men in the room simultaneously furrowed their brows at your unbelievable statement, reactions varying from pity over irritation to sheer disgust.

Of course it would make no sense to them - the Beast they knew was not the same man anymore.

"Over time the Count grew fond of me" you explained truthfully, no matter how insane it might sound to them. "Even after I outlived my value to the curt, he intended to keep me as a Concubine. But he was denied that wish, and in order to spare my life in those abstruse political ties, had no other choice than to send me away."

The Duke nodded along with the sound of your voice, his interest in your story being the only reason the others wouldn't use violence to keep you from talking any further.

"I have to admit I don't quite understand" he breathes out, mentally exhausted. "What is it your husband is trying to achieve? Because I'm afraid if the Bene Gesserit want you gone, there's no planet in the known universe where you'd possibly be safe for long."

"That's why my death has been feigned, to stall for time" you sighed, adding "Though I know it won't be long until the truth may be revealed, no matter where I hide. The Holy Mother simply sees too much."

"What my husband desires is a vendetta, I fear." You bit your lower lip, watching Gurney's hand tremble in anticipation on the grip of his weapon. Thufir and Idaho however seemed torn between confusion and intrigue. "He tries to achieve it through sheer impossible measurements...and by a possible alliance with others who will soon be forsaken by the empire."

Now it was your eyes who'd soften with concern, revealing the truth the Head of House Atreides had already seen coming: "You most likely expect the Harkonnen to try and take Arrakis back from you - but you're not aware of the true extend of this treason." The Emperor will no longer be a mere bystander in this everlasting quarrel. He was convinced by the Bene Gesserit that your growing influence proposes a threat, and they all conspired against your House. Sardaukar troops will support the Harkonnens, and a traitor from the inside would deactivate your shields one night. Soon after you step foot on Arrakis, there'll be carnage."

"Lies, nothing but lies" Gurney practically growled by now, having decided that he heard you sputter this nonsense for long enough. "She was sent by her husband to spread distrust between us, weaken us in fear so we are more prone to mistakes!"

Much to your surprise it was Duncan Idaho who went between you and Gurney, whose blade was already pointed right at your face. "Let her finish." You could hear the same amount of bottled up rage and aversion in his voice, and yet he was in perfect control of those emotions for the greater good. "We can check her assertions without having a seed of doubt planted in our midst."

"...the spy is Dr. Wellington Yueh" you spoke almost mockingly as you slowly pressed the blade away from your line of sight. "You may think I'm delusional because Suk Doctors are conditioned unable to harm others. But in order to deactivate the shields, cut your communication and drug your most important men, he wouldn't have to."

The Duke was frozen, if shock or thought no one could tell. You admired his strenght to stay this collected after everything you had just revealed to him - knowledge that could make life as he know it collapse.

That's the strenght of a leader, you guess.

"Please do not be too harsh with him" you plead for the stranger, "The Baron held his wife hostage and did horrendrous things to her. He does not know yet that she is already long since dead. A salvation, if you ask me. I'm sorry."

"Duncan, make sure she is assessed and receives medical treatment" the Duke decided, his eyes absent and looking right through you.

"...and then throw her into the dungeon. I'm sorry as well."

______

At the same time, an incomprehensible distance away, your husband was waiting for a sign - which one he wasn't sure of.

On Giedi Prime, while also being belittled, at least his violent nature was embraced and even encouraged. But now, after your love had caused what one could call a metamorphosis, he did not belong here anymore either.

Nothing compared to the brief yet blissful time he had spent dwelling in your presence - and now all that was left of it were the haunting nightmares of what they had made him do to the only good thing that ever happened to his life of evil.

Circumstance left him with no other choice than to send his beloved wife far away from him, and into the unknown fate or his enemies at that.

Yet it was the only chance to at least prolong your life, no matter how insignificantly low success may seem. He had to try or die in his attempts, for your sake at last.

Those past weeks, Rabban had been thinking about the possibility to pull through with a coup d'état, but came to the conclusion that even if he may succeed to get rid of his uncle and brother, the people of Giedi Prime would never willingly follow his reign. Not to mention, both the Emperor and the Bene Gesserit wouldn't be fond of him as a new Baron, let alone one to overthrow their whole society as they knew it.

So for for the first time in the many decades of his life, he wouldn't giving in to erratic rage, exercising his patience. No matter how hard it was to play his part and act like the man he was before you stepped into his life, he would bear with it...

...and then, one day, a package is delivered to his residence on Lankiveil, where he ought to be distracted from the hardships that come with having developed a conscience.

Rabban immediately recognized the ribbon it was tied with - part of the gown you had worn on your wedding night - and in his excitement almost tears it apart.

There's quite a few random items, along with receipts and other paperwork to not make it too obvious to others. For a moment he internally cursed his obtuseness, but then he finally found it: A hunting knife, the steel forged in Lankiveilan custom - which means it changes color when in contact with water.

Looking around, he takes the next best liquid - a bottle of alcohol, of course - and pours it over the black metal. As soon as it's touching each other, letters appear on the surface.

Written as mixture of Harkonnen and Lankiveilan words, a small riddle to decipher - yet it's instructions clear:

"During the next of Caladan's full moons. Come alone. X"

Your husband clutched the blade, his frightening grin merely an expression of pure rapture in thought of your reunion.

Soon he'd be able to hold you into his arms - and not even death itself he would allow to separate you again.

[agirlwithdemonblood]

The Broken Fan - Chapter 1

Pairings: Jensen Ackles & Reader (Read as first person!)

Series Summary: Always a nobody, always invisible, will this convention change things?

Chapter Summary: Growing up was never easy for me, but finally I may have found some light in my very dark world.

Warnings: Mentions of death, parents death, mentions of abuse, homelessness, anxiety, ect

Series Masterlist here! Main masterlist here!

Do you ever feel like if you disappeared today, nobody would notice? The world wouldn't stop, your disappearance wouldn't be plastered on milk cartons or across news channels, nobody would even know or care. That was my life. Nobody knew me, or cared for me. Nobody noticed me, not really. I was a ghost, an invisible presence left alone, all alone.

My parents died when I was a baby, I was too young to remember who they were or what happened really. I know what my Aunt told me, they wanted a night to themselves, so she babysat me. Around 4 in the morning she received a phone call saying that they passed away, asleep in their beds when the fire took their lives.

I don't even remember having parents, I have photographs of us together, but their faces are unknown to me. I didn't know them, I didn't get the chance.

After the fire, I stayed with my Aunt. Things were weird there. She'd look at me with such heartbreak and disgust and I had no idea why. I was just a kid, what did I do?

But I must have done something wrong, because when I turned 6 she told me she couldn't take care of me anymore, and the next morning two kind people packed me in their car and drove me away. I never saw my Aunt again.

My first foster home was alright, I was happy for a little bit. There were a lot of kids in the house, various ages, both sexes. I didn't like the kids too much. They were loud and annoying, and hyper. They always wanted to play stupid games like hide and seek, or tag. I didn't want to play dumb games, I wanted something real. I wanted to connect, to have somebody next to me.

And eventually, I did.

Henry, my foster dad, was always there for me. He actually cared about me, noticed me, heard me. He would spend hours at night reading me fairy tales until I fell asleep, and during the day he'd teach me things like how to ride a bike or read.

I had an actual connection with him, he was the closest thing to a father I ever had, and I loved him more than anybody. I thought I finally had somebody permeant in my life, but I was wrong.

My foster mom Sandy didn't like me. She hated the fact that her husband had his attention on me, and she thought it was strange for a six year old to bond with an older man rather than the children all around me. She said it wasn't healthy.

So he was taken away from me. After many tears shed and heartbreaking hugs, I said goodbye to the only person who's ever seen me for me, and moved to a new foster home.

The new home was horrible. The parents weren't friendly, and I was the only child in their care. I was forced to follow their schedule which consisted of three boring things, every day.

Cleaning, school, homework, food, bed. No reading fairy tales, no riding my bike, no playing with toys.

I hated it there. I felt so alone, so invisible. So I left. I ran away thinking I'd be better off somewhere else. But as a 7 year old girl, I didn't get very far and as soon as I returned, things got bad.

At first, it was the belt. My foster dad would smack my arms hard, than my legs, sometimes my face if I was a bad enough kid. If I cried or continued to disobey, the belt was replaced with his palms. This happened for years, non stop torture.

I didn't stop trying to run away, every few months I'd take off, praying that nobody would find me, they'd leave me alone but everytime I was brought back and beaten worse.

Finally, the parent's gave up on me and I went to another home. But I was so angry, so filled with anxiety and rage that I drove away anybody who could possibly care for me.

By the time I was 18, I had been in 13 Foster homes. My last one wasn't too bad, but I didn't talk, I barely ate, I didn't connect. I didn't want another Henry situation. I didn't want to care about others because I knew they'd leave me.

And I was right.

On my 18th Birthday, my present was a knock at my door from my parents telling me I've aged out and I need to leave. I received a check to get me started, a bag of food, and a cell phone, than I was left alone.

The money wasn't much, definetly not enough to get an apartment so I decided to get a car instead. I ended up using all my money to buy a crappy little Honda Civic and I've called it my home ever since.

Sleeping in my car wasn't half bad, I had my own space, I didn't need to listen to anybody or share it with anybody, it was all mine.

One night I parked beside a motel that had free Wifi, and I was bored so I decided to find something to watch, I never really watched TV or movies, but tonight I wanted to.

The first show I found was something called Supernatural, and for some reason I felt a connection, like something was telling me to watch it.

God, am I happy that I did.

The show felt like home, it gave me something to look forward to, something to provide me comfort on the hardest of days. I felt connected, like I knew the characters and I was living their life.

And one of the characters, Dean.. He awoke something inside of me that I never knew was there. He made me feel like I wasn't crazy, that life was hard but I needed to keep going.

The more I watched, the more I started to feel like I belonged somewhere. The show pulled me out of the darkness slowly, convincing me that life was better if I was here to live it. It gave me hope. It allowed me to breathe again.

Today is my 25th birthday, and I was celebrating like I always did, drinking beer in my car and listening to music while mindlessly scrolling through a page for Supernatural fans.

I froze when I glanced about an article about Supernatural's newest convention, which happened to be a few hours from where I lived. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about going, people like me don't go to shows or events like this, but I needed this. I really needed it.

I checked my bank account and nearly leaped with joy when I realized I had enough for a ticket, living in my car finally payed off.

Without hesitation, I bought a ticket for the convention and for the first time, I felt excited. I felt hope beaming inside of me. I could finally be surrounded with people with similar interests, and feel normal for once. Hopefully.

The next morning, I walked into the office building I worked at, and made my boss Brad a coffee, like he always expected. Knocking on his door, I took a deep breath before entering, walking towards his marble desk and placing the coffee on the table.

He nodded before taking the cup in his hand and sipping it, like he always did. His eyes flickered up towards me when he noticed I haven't left yet.

"Do you need something?" He asked.

I swallowed hard and stepped closer to the desk, "I just wanted to ask you something if you had a moment."

He nodded for me to go on and I shook off the anxiety nearly suffocating me. Confidence, I need to have confidence.

"I was wondering if I could take a week off starting Friday evening, there's somewhere I need to go out of town."

He stared back at me, the silence was suffocating, the tension high. He shook his head and looked back down to the papers scattered across his desk.

"No, sorry that won't work."

It felt like a punch to my gut, I haven't taken one day off, I constantly worked overtime, I did everything and anything for this ass, and I can't take some time off?

I swallowed down the nerves and sat in the chair in front of his desk, noting the way he stared at me confused. "Sir, all due respect I have been working non stop for the past 7 months and I have never asked for a day off, I've never taken a sick day and I always have my work done, all I need is-"

Before I could finish my sentence, his hand was raised, eyes locked on mine. "I said no Y/N, is that all?"

I could feel tears welling in my eyes as I stood from my spot, making my way towards the door. Anger was bubbling through my system and I felt like I couldn't breath.

I turned quickly and sighed, "Actually, there's one more thing."

He scoffed and looked up towards me, awaiting my response. I swallowed hard and frowned, "I am not going to be back tomorrow, I quit."

His mouth dropped open and he stared back in shock, but I didn't stay long to hear whatever response he was going to throw at me. I rushed as fast as I could out of the building back to my car. I slammed the door as the tears rushed down my face.

What did I do? Why did I quit my job for a convention? What the hell was so special about this damn show.

I finally let go of all the feelings I was holding onto, bursting into sobs of pain and frustration. Life was harsh and unforgiving, every moment of hope was washed away.

The only thing I had left was the convention, and even than I was clearly going to be the outcast, the weird girl who looks like she's never showered or slept a day in her life.

Maybe it would be okay. Maybe things would be different here, the fans seem nice enough online, why wouldn't they be in person?

And if Dean Winchester was still inside Jensen, I knew he wouldn't look at me like I was garbage, if he ever even noticed me.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 2 coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[hereforanepilogue]

everything that i say and do (in your eyes is always wrong)

read on ao3

After Vecna, Eddie tried to make himself…not different, but more palatable. It wasn’t even hard - the doctors had shaved his head while he was out, and all his clothes had sunk into the Upside Down with the trailer.

He wasn’t normal - he never would be - but if he tried to quiet down? Wore plainer clothes, and played his music quieter in the van, and didn’t go back to playing with the band (as if their parents would have let him up the driveway, as if he had a guitar to play)? It wasn’t hard. 

It made it easier on Wayne, on the kids. On Steve.

And wasn’t that a surprise? He hadn’t expected to be left in the dirt, after Vecna, if he survived. He just expected the slow withdrawal, as the kids aged out of hanging out with a high school dropout, and as the older group went off to college. But they clung, and people weren’t kind to them, and Eddie being a little less made that a little easier.

Then Steve kissed him, and told him he wanted more, and that one day they would get out of there together. If only Eddie could hold out a little while longer. He watched Robin and Wheeler the Elder go off to college, and the little sheepies got busy with their own campaigns in the secret, under-the-table Hellfire, but Eddie had Wayne and Steve.

Eddie almost forgot why he started acting like he did in the first place.

“You know,” Wayne told him one day - they were even more like ships in the night now, with Wayne still working nights from the new trailer and Eddie shacked up with Steve half the time - “I don’t know what happened in March, but you ain’t been this quiet since you were about this high.” He’d held his hand up in front of his ribs.

Eddie had been twelve when he moved in with Wayne, and he guessed he must look closer to that kid now than he had in years. So he started trying to fix it. He hunted in earnest for a new leather jacket, and a new denim jacket so he could cannibalize his bloodstained old vest, and band shirts to replace his old ones. It was thrilling, honestly, after he stopped mourning for what he’d lost. 

Still, the transformation was a slow one. He still got glares when he showed his face around town, and even when he was with Steve [his knight, his ever-present guardian] they couldn’t be affectionate. And he understood that, obviously. He was always being watched, they had to be extra careful, and he knows it would be worse for Steve, who’s always been golden. A freak can get away with a certain level of freakiness, even when he’s playing at normal.

It comes to a head almost a year after the boathouse.

~~~

“When are we getting out of here?” Eddie moans, draped over the couch. His hair is long enough to tickle the base of his neck annoyingly. Steve is in the other room, cooking - he never liked to use the trailer if they could avoid it. He didn’t want to get in Wayne’s space. 

“Soon, man. When the kids graduate, maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“I mean -”

“I just. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, you know?” Steve walks into the living room, glancing at the hook in the foyer where Eddie’s new and improved battle vest was hanging. Some of the patches still had blood stains on them.

“You could make it a little easier for them, I guess.”

“What?” Eddie is suddenly, painfully aware of the awkwardness of his pose, his arms twisted to press his hands into the crevice at the back of the couch, feet stuck between the cushions, head hanging over the edge. But he’s frozen.

“I just -” Steve sighs and scrubs his hand down his face, then rests it on his hip. He leans into the doorframe, in a move that Eddie knows is one of his worst plays at being casual. “You’re - you know I - you’re getting weird again, and people are still freaked out by everything that happened.”

“I’m getting weird again?”

“That came out wrong, you know -”

“I’ve always been weird, Steve, what are you talking about?”

“I mean you’re showing it now! I know you want to dress how you want to dress, but it just - maybe it’s not time yet.”

“Should I cut my hair again too?” Eddie scrambles to sit up, and ends up having to slither off of the couch on his belly. He just stands up instead.

“I mean, it wouldn’t hurt, you could grow it out later?” Steve protests. Something is starting to burn in the kitchen, but neither of them move.

“It’s not -” Eddie takes a breath. This is why he never tried hard to talk to people who didn’t come to him, he thinks. He’s never had to explain this before. “I’m not just dressing like this because I like it. I mean I am, but it’s not…it’s not just that.”

“What do you mean, it’s not just because you like it? That doesn’t make any sense. And I’m not saying don’t dress like you want at - at my place, and at home and stuff. Just maybe not when you’re -”

“What, in public? Around the good, God-fearing public of Hawkins who were just out for my blood a year ago? I’m not like you, Steve, that doesn’t work for me.” 

And Eddie has never been good at thinking fast, when it comes to serious things. He’s snappy, sure, he’s never not had a comeback to a bully, or to his friends’ ribbing, but he could never figure out how he felt, and he’s no better at it now. He’s just empty. Faramir on the way to Osgiliath, knowingly doomed.

But he knows he isn’t that, either, because he’s never been destined to win. And Steve still hasn’t said anything. 

“Is that it? You - what - you’re just gonna bait them until they kill you?”

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” Eddie says.

“We can’t leave yet, Eddie.”

“I can’t stay here,” he can feel his brain melting into a stuck record, and he doesn’t know what will happen if he tries to move but he has to try, right? “I want to leave, I don’t want to be here.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

“Yes.” He feels possessed. “I will say no more yet.”

And he leaves, and Steve doesn’t stop him. He has the forethought to grab his jacket, at least, and when he gets to his car it occurs to him that he left a stack of tapes in Steve’s room last night, but Steve didn’t follow him and he can’t go back, so he pushes them out of his mind and drives away.

One of them was his new copy of The Last in Line and he thinks about having to replace his favorite album twice in one year, and then he’s home and he doesn’t know how he got there.

“Wayne?” he says as he walks into the trailer. Whines, really, his voice has gone all weak, but Wayne hears it (he always does) and sits up on the couch. It’s early for him to be up, earlier than they would usually eat their breakfast/dinner, but Eddie had planned to bring leftover’s from Steve’s.

“What’s wrong, kid?”

“I - remember when you talked to Ray about transfers?”

“C’mere,” Wayne says, and Eddie lets himself be pulled into Wayne’s space like a magnet. He sits next to him, close enough to feel his body heat and get overwhelmed by the scent of oil and metal that follows him home from the plant. Wayne rests his hand between Eddie’s shoulder blades, and he’s twelve again.

“It’d be nice not to have to wash paint off the walls every weekend, right?” Eddie says. He can feel the pause where he might have laughed, if he could’ve landed the tone he wanted.

“What happened?” Wayne says. It’s not the “let’s go, grab your bag” that Eddie is secretly barely-not-hoping for, but Wayne has always known him better than anyone.

“I just can’t do this anymore,” Eddie says. Wayne opens his mouth, so Eddie reassures him. “Nothing happened. I mean, something - I just can’t keep acting like this. I’m not. I tried, I really did, but I can’t make it work.”

“Ah, kid,” Wayne says. It’s the voice Wayne had used when Eddie got sent home in the fourth grade for crouching on a desk and barking at a kid who made fun of him, when Eddie had gone to Wayne’s trailer instead of his parents’. He’d used it when Eddie showed up with his hair buzzed off the first time when he was seven, and he’d used it after the cop that dropped Eddie off after his dad’s last arrest had left, and he’d used it both times Eddie told him he’d flunked.

Eddie leans into it, lets his forehead drop on Wayne’s shoulder.

“I’ll - I’m not just running, okay? I just thought I could hold out, and I can’t. And I don’t think he’s ever gonna leave, you know?”

“S - Harrinton?” Eddie’s mouth twists at the correction, and Wayne taps on his back - once, one finger - when he tenses up. Eddie leans towards him, just a hair, then leans back. 

“Yeah.”

“Did he say that?”

“I mean, I don’t really remember. He - he told me I’m weird again and that I should tone it down.” Wayne rubs his hand up and down Eddie’s back once, then stills again.

“Well, that’s bullshit there, kiddo. I’ve never met a person alive that wasn’t a bit weird, and anyone who says they ain’t is kidding themselves. How’s that song you like go again?”

“‘You’re no dif-’ It’s not the same, though.”

“Look, Ed.” Wayne sighs. “You were never good at hiding how you were different, and that ain’t a bad thing, but it means you’ve gotta find people who’ll stick to you anyway.”

“I know. It’s not his fault, though. That I’m hard to stick to.”

“You ain’t, though,” Wayne says. “You know this kind of thing ain’t easy, even if it’s just your time isn’t matched up to his.”

“I just don’t think he’s ever gonna leave, and I can’t - I can’t stay here. I can’t be like this anymore.”

“So do what you’ve gotta do, and tell them what it is and why. Give them a path to follow you down, if they’re ever ready.”

Eddie takes a shaky breath - he doesn’t know when it got so hard to breathe, but it’s starting to get better. 

“Okay. I. I’ll call tomorrow?” He looks at Wayne’s hand, curled loosely over his uncle’s knee. It’s as close to Wayne’s face as he can get his eyes to go.

“Sounds good, Ed. I’ll start looking into a transfer - nothing permanent, if you change your mind, but I know you’re not like to bring it up if you’re not serious, so just get your end of things worked out and I’ll get mine.” 

“Thank you. I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry I’m not easier.” Wayne is quiet for a moment.

“Don’t be sorry, kid. You being miserable isn’t easier.” He taps between Eddie’s shoulders again, then gets up. “I think it’s breakfast time, anyway. Eggs good?” Eddie nods, but Wayne is already on his way to the kitchen.

~~~

The next day he calls around - the guys in the band first, always. Then Steve, before he talks to Robin or Nancy or the kids. The conversations are all short, but he knows it’ll be a couple weeks before Ray can get Wayne set up at his cousin’s plant out of state, so there’s time.

“You know I l- care about you, Eds. Eddie.”

“I know. I don’t wanna not be with you, I just can’t keep living like this. And I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to leave.”

“I’m just not ready yet. When the kids graduate, I’ll think about it.”

“That’s the problem, Stevie.” Eddie feels - not numb, but distant. Like someone turned a key and his thoughts are flowing in order and he has the words for them, and he has to say them even when it feels like the worst thing he’s ever said. “You’re not even thinking about an after, and all I have is an after. The only thing I have waiting for me in Hawkins is hiding everything about myself until I suffocate.”

“I’m in Hawkins. And the kids,” Steve says. He would sound controlled to anyone else, but as always, Eddie knows his tells, and he’s breaking.

“I love you, but I can’t hide forever. And you might be able to, if you want to, but you shouldn’t have to either. We’re not going far - Wayne’s getting a job in Pittsburgh, I think. Right on the way to Robin’s, if you wanna visit.” Steve gulps, and Eddie gets the abrupt sense that Steve thinks he’s lying. “I - I mean that, really. I’m not gonna promise I’ll wait for you, not forever, but I’m not exactly gonna get over you, you know?”

“You love me?”

“I do, yeah,” Eddie says.

“But you’re leaving.”

“I’m gonna die here, Steve, even if I don’t get burned at the stake. It’s not - I’m not me, anymore, and I can’t keep pretending, and it’s not just how I dress or whatever. I know I’m not normal, but it’s not a choice any more than being a queer is, so I’ll get you my new number, and when - if - you’re ready, I’ll pick up.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

~~~

Two weeks later, the last Munsons in Hawkins pack up and leave.

read on ao3

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

social media’s in a nutshell, but the people who actually use them.

Twitter: So did I you know your an awful person?

also twitter: Racism, racism, racism, sexism, your best friend talking about a dog they saw, sexism, sexism, homophobia, homophobia, homophobia, transphobia, NSFW art from a mutual, transphobia, transphobia, and then the worst take in the history of worst takes by some 13 year old or maybe it was actually 30 something you can’t tell.

YouTube: “why YouTube has become a capitalist hellhole for anyone who dares speak about anything not consumer friendly: A video essay” 4 hours and 50 minutes long, 40,895 views.

also YouTube: “me and my friend are mermaids btw here’s how to do the mermaid spell! Easy in 1 step!” 26 minutes long.

also also YouTube: “I COMMITED TAX FRAUD AND TRIED TO OUTRUN THE AUTHORITIES CHALLENGE 24 HOUR CHALLENGE PART 1 OF 279” 10 minutes long and has almost a billion views.

also also also YouTube: “beheading” 13 minutes long, with 1,600 views.

ALSO ALSO ALSO ALSO YouTube: “HUGGY WUGGY TOILET NAKED VORE?” 20 minutes long, 8 million views.

4chan: be me> sexless loser> finds amazing wonderful woman who loves me for me> she’s fat> keep her until someone else comes> me and her do exercise and eat better> she becomes 100/10> gets married> has kids> love of my life>

also 4chan: ROBOTS, /B/ WE MUST UNITE THIS FUCKER BLENDERED A CAT WE MUST KILL HIM>

THAT (insert string of slurs) WILL GET WHAT’S COMING TO HIM>

FOUND HIS ADDRESS AT 404 CATBLENDER MAN STREET>

AUTHORITIES CALLED I GOT THE RSPCA AT THE HOUSE LETS GO /B/ FUCK YEAH THIS IS A WIN FOR ALL THE ROBOTS LETS GO>

also also 4chan: *the most graphic picture you have ever seen that haunts your soul and your life you will never be the same* hey /b/ look what I found>

also also also 4chan: guys, *insert the most out of pocket slur filled green post you hav ever seen* and that’s why I think (insert minority) are degenerates>

tiktok: *video of hatsune miku dancing with the caption* it’s not okay to encourage ED$ instead be kind and respectful and not be f@tphobic and @blei$t

also TikTok: *a video plays before quickly cutting out replaced with a new one* YOU ARE MAKING PEOPLE UNALIVE THEMSELVES WITH THIS TIKTOK GET HELP TRANS PEOPLE AREN’T GŘOÖMËRS AND PDFILES YOU ARE AWFUL!

also also TikTok: *a video plays of a montage of red and black text* you never saw me as real, you never saw me. I’m going to k1ll myself soon, life is too hard my parents have taken away my ps5 and my phones I am making this on my friends phone. Good bye cruel world.

also also also TikTok: *dangerous things happen in quick succession* “so that’s how you do a deep clean of your home!” comments : girly😭 NO you can’t use 🔥 on wooden floorboards 😰

comments: 💀💀💀 bro’s using chemical weapons to clean her sink💀💀💀

Comments: BLEACH IN YOUR FISHTANK? GIRL ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOUR BF’S DISCUS😬

comments: okay you did so many things wrong here and genuinely I’m surprised your are still alive-1

Cleangirly: no it was pretty safe idk what you mean🤷‍♀️

Comments:WHAT DO YOU MEAN SAFE? YOU SET A FIRE TO CLEAN THE FLOORBOARDS?-2

Also also also ALSO TikTok: *a video explaining why if you hate the color blue your a narcissist* yeah anyone who hates blue is a big red flag girlies

Tumblr: “guys penis” 1 million notes

also tumblr: *a long post explaining the intricacies of sexuality, sexism, the queer identity, toxic masculinity, and how colonialism and racism plays into it.* so yeah long post whoops.

reblog: *the most loaded toxic reblog you have ever seen* woman should all be killed.

reblog: *starts out making some form of sense then devolves* ALL MEN ARE RAPISTS AND SHOULD BE PUT TO DEATH NOW

reblog: *a story relating heavily to the post, which makes the original post better by its addition* so yeah some other re blogs are missing the point but you really put my experience into words thank you <3

reblog: *a picture of the tags filled with the weirdest take you have ever seen* Uhh who are you and can you leave tumblr? Thanks?

also also tumblr: gifly the gif, share gifly the gif because look at him *mindbogglingly fast images flash*

Quora: “why is the sky blue?”

answer 1: because god made it that way in his infinite wisdom

answer 2: because *long winded but concise explanation on how it works* I have a doctorate in this subject.

awnser 3: Long story short, it’s not blue it’s the ozone or something.

Facebook: “meemaw want to add you as a friend” *presses yes, anyone you have ever known tangentially appears in the Facebook friends page*

Also Facebook: “Gerald is my husband who I love”

Comments: that’s nice Geraldine, happy anniversary

Comments: *long winded conspiracy theory* that’s why the illegals want to rule the world and destroy us all

also also also Facebook: *random 5minute crafts video* TOP TEN LIFE HACKS FOR COOKING!

comments: oh what an amazing video! -Geraldine

comments: YOU CAN MAKE THE POPPED CORN WITH A COKA COLA CAN?

comments: I am showing this to my dear wife Geraldine. -Gerald

omegle: *video starts live-streaming and you see an older man’s cock* “…” “…” “you 13?” “…” *ends chat*

also Omegle: *you and a guy talk for ages* that was awesome here’s my socials! See you soon friend!

reddit: “why the Reddit mods are power hungry” *it is a screenshot of a screenshot talking about mod abuse.* “REDDIT WANTS US SILENT WE MUST FIGHT!” *deleted post*

also Reddit: “top ten anime wifus in (PEDO BAIT SHOW) and why I’d fuck them”

also also Reddit: “how do you fix a bolted screw valve on a pressure cooker…”

Vine: *5 seconds of comedy*

[writing-until-i-drop]

Run Away With Me | One Shot

Rhett Abbott x Fem! Reader

3 years ago your parents stole you away from Wabang to keep you out of trouble, now you're back, but only for a night.

Warnings: none! no use of y/n

AO3

Rhett woke to the sound of something hitting his bedroom window. The digital clock on the night stand read 2am.

"What the hell?" There was another small /ping/ that drew him out of bed. Visible only by moonlight, tossing pebbles at his window was someone he hadn't seen in a long time. You. "Trouble?" He called out softly, opening the window. It had been three, long years since he had seen you but you were just as beautiful as the day you left. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you I'd come back," You were grinning from ear to ear. Rhett remembered the night you left, it was the night after high school graduation.

Your folks had decided that if you stayed in Wabang any longer, you'd be stuck there your whole life, getting into trouble with Rhett as your accomplice. After they had sprung the news on you, you snuck out of the house and threw rocks at Rhett's window until he had climbed down the tree outside his bedroom to meet you on the ground. You had hugged him tight, your mascara staining his tee-shirt as you cried, promising that you'd come back as soon as you could. Rhett's biggest regret was not leaving with you that night, not asking you to run away with him.

"One sec," Rhett hadn't snuck out of his window since that night but managed to climb down the tree without falling.

As soon as his feet were on the ground, you had your arms around him. Rhett had felt empty for years, going through the motions on the ranch, winning rodeos but never making enough to leave, and wishing that his life had turned out different. But now he felt whole again. Your perfume had changed but your shampoo hadn't, the familiar scent overwhelming his senses and melting the walls he had built around himself since you left. Rhett relaxed around you, burying his face in your hair.

"Missed ya." He whispered into your hair.

"Missed you more," He doubted that. You had been his best friend, the only person in the whole town that understood him. Rhett had heard it from both your parents and his many times over the years that he was the one holding you back, corrupting you, turning the girl next door into a delinquent.

He found it hard to believe that you hadn't found a dozen other people more deserving of you wherever your parents had dragged you to.

"Run away with me."

"What?" Rhett couldn't believe his ears. He must have misheard you but you pulled out of his embrace and tipped your chin up, a mischievous glint in your eyes. That looked had gotten him into more bad situations than he could count, he loved it.

What both of your parents hadn't realized was that you were a wild child. Always looking for trouble, which was why he had given you the nickname. He had been hopelessly in love with you his whole life, loving the way your eyes lit up when you got a bad idea and the way you used to cheer him on at the rodeo, unashamed to get rowdy when someone spoke bad about him. You'd even gone toe to toe with his dad and brother on occasion.

"Let's get the hell out of here. Together. Tonight." You grabbed his hands, squeezing them tight. "I've got a buddy in Arkansas, he promised to help get you into the circuit there." He? Rhett's brow furrowed. He didn't like the thought of another man promising you things.

"He your boyfriend?"

"Jealous, Cowboy?" Yeah, yeah he was. Had you replaced him with another rodeo cowboy? "You're lucky you're as cute as you are dumb, Rhett." He didn't have time to process what you said because you kissed him. Rhett's body responded, instincts taking over as your lips met. The kiss was harsh and messy, teeth and noses knocking together, hands desperately pulling at each other's clothes in an attempt to get closer.

Rhett pushed you against the tree, deepening the kiss he had waited his whole life for. You were just as consumed in the flames of built up desire as he was, nails raking down his back, pressing him into you. He wanted more but he also needed air. When you pulled apart, you were both panting, your heavy breathes filling the silent night air.

"Run away with me, Rhett. Leave Wabang behind," You pleaded softly, brushing your nose against his. "I don't want to spend another day without you. Share my shitty apartment with me, argue with me over stupid crap until we're both yellin', and definitely kiss me like that again. Come with me."

"I'll follow you anywhere, Trouble," He had let you get away once but never again. "Let me pack a bag." Rhett kissed you again, softer this time. You leaned into him with a satisfied hum.

"Don't forget your hat, Cowboy. I plan on wearing it to bed later."

-

a/n: would y'all be interested in a part two? lmk!

Masterlist

[sorensolsikke]

i am here with some emergency "tips" (much more like experience with my own mental illness) for teens with depression and ptsd, struggling with sh, suicidal thoughts and anxiety.

please only read further if you are sure you are stable enough rn for reading through advice. keep in mind that i am only just another survivor, my "tips" may not work for you at all (we are all different creatures), and following some advice could never replace several years long therapy. please understand that i do not want to change you, nor want to trivialize your suffering. i am just genuienly worried about your well-being, and want to pass over some knowledge i learnt the hard way, hoping it may reach some people who need to hear this.

[about me in brief/you don't need to read this, only if you are curious: hello, i am soren, 17, audhd, genderfluid pansexual. my parents are divorced, therefore i grew up in two seperate abusive households. i lived through physical and verbal abuse, sexual trauma at a young age, and was a puppet for my parents' arguments through all my life. i have four younger siblings. with mother, we lived on the streets for months when i was around 12, and just generally, we lived in poverty. her second husband was an alcoholic and beat my two smaller siblings while my mother had been working, therefore i wasn't really allowed to go out until i was 15 (when i got into a psychiatry for a few weeks.) i've been on therapy (and working hard for my mental health) for five years now, and i am more or less healed from depression and self harm, although i have had a couple of incompetent therapists too. feel free to tell me your own story: i will be here to listen. that's all about me; i told you all of this so you could make sure i am really only speaking from my own experience.]

firstly, i want to emphasize again that not all of my tips will work for you, and that's okay, we are just different. i am really proud that you are trying to find solutions: that must require so much energy of you. please don't be mad at yourself if something doesn't work out for the first time, i am sure you are doing your best at the moment, and that's more than enough.

one of my main points is that healing hurts more than staying in suffering. healing and trying to make things better is tiring, requires lots of courage and is sometimes demotivating. healing will make you ask: is it worth it? and your mind will tell you no, it never will, life is stupid. but in fact it IS worth it. it will worth it when you move out and create your own home, your own safe place with food and smells that you like. it will worth it when you leave school, and maybe start studying what you truly like, or get a job that makes you feel safe and you get your own money. it will worth it when you get your dream haircut. it will worth it when you will laugh with your friends over a campfire. it doesn't seem like all of this is possible rn, but you don't have to believe it yet, you are not a bad person because you are not believing. i just hope you will remember that some guy also thought it won't ever get better and suicide is the best solution, and this guy was incredibly shocked when it actually got better. choosing healing is an utterly hard step, especially when you are ready to throw away everything. "why would i keep trying then?" you could ask. and i would answer: out of spite. do it because those fuckers who made everything so unbearable for you have no fucking right to take your life away from you too.

accept that new (and often good) solutions will sometimes make you furious or irritated. your mind really just wants to get some fucking rest and try to survive; you won't really like the new mental tasks you may choose to perform, and that's okay. it's enough if you try.

when you feel suicidal or want to harm yourself, ask yourself "what am i really feeling now?" is it anger? guilt, shame, anxiety? emptiness? and when you got your answer, ask "what made me feel like this?"

watch your language. saying "i want to kill myself" about every minor inconvenience was very much of my usual, and it was awfully hard to get used to alternatives. but it was worth it, because saying this stuff reinforces the bad thoughts so much, and also, saying unhinged alternative crap made me a lot funnier (like "i want to fucking make this teacher dance to motherfucking macarena"). if you really really want to say it, because it helps you release frustration, try saying it like "i feel like i want to kill myself". it's basically the same, you just don't make the feeling equal to your core self.

about sh... you could say "it's my body, i do whatever i want to do with it" and you are very right. i only advise you against it because selfharm always makes you value yourself less and less, it reinforces the dark spiral of depression (i feel so bad and absolutely hopeless -> i hurt myself to get some relief and endorphines -> oh fuck, the relief is gone, i feel so bad and absolutely hopeless...), and also, why would you make yourself suffer more than once? (when i did sh, it was usually because someone hurt my feelings or i thought i needed punishment. i was wrong. the people around me would have needed punishment from me. i didn't deserve to be hurt by myself too.)

so well, only if you have energy and will to try, you can work out a plan BEFORE getting to sh itself. my Plan in order is: 1. workout (it helps me through anger a lot. i recommend considering it), 2. taking a shower with nice smelling shower gel, 3. putting on comfortable clothes, 4. eating comfort food and drinking water!! 5. (optional) sleeping. if i have gone through The Plan, and i still feel the inevitable need to harm myself, letsgo. nothing will stop me then.

if you want to stop sh, you have to accept you may relapse from time to time. that's okay, that happens, sh can be the same as drug addiction, and you can't always be in control. your only goal is to do it more and more rarely. that's all.

if you know you are going to have a hard day, try to prepare for it. put on comfortable underwear, bring your plushie with you, drink lots of water and have some breakfast. even very bad days end in a few hours.

just generally, when you are feeling shitty and completely out of energy, focus on practical things and bodily needs and healthy coping mechanisms. even mute social media completely for a few days when you feel overwhelmed by the world's problems.

friends who make you feel like they are more hurt from your mental illness than you are (absolute bullcrap) wouldn't deserve you to tell them how you are feeling. of course you might not have anyone else to share things with, and that is not your fault. just be reminded that if they accuse you for making them feel sad WHEN YOU LITERALLY WANTED TO DIE IN THAT VERY MINUTE, you are very rightfully mad at them.

through panic/anxiety attacks and meltdowns!!! they can be unimaginably scary, i know. it's hard to help yourself out of them alone. the thing you can do is 1. breathing (in in in in, hold hold hold hold, out, out out, out, out.) for at least ten times. 2. finding and naming(!!) in your environment four objects you can see, four colors you can see, four things you can feel with your skin, and four things you could smell. 3. drinking some water and give yourself as much time as possible.

general advice: go to nature regularly (if you are able to). it sounds stupid, but nature helped me through many many hard weeks. it's worth a try.

for sleeping problems, try melatonin.

learn some very basic yoga poses!! like, four of them. perform when feeling the need for it (when your back or hips or neck hurts.) will also help you sleep better.

let yourself just... do nothing sometimes. capitalism makes you feel bad for being unproductive, but that's a big word from a system that generally overworks its employees so much that their performance is at least only half as good as it could be in a better environment. you are allowed to rest when things are heavy. you will have time for everything later, when you are not struggling this much.

most of the people on the streets or in school don't care about how you look or what you are doing, if they don't explicitly mention it to you. i know social anxiety tells you otherwise, but keep in mind that nobody can read your thoughts. people can look at you and very rarely can think about what you are feeling at that moment, but they can only guess. you are safe. you can put on crazy maskara if you'd like to or dress like you feel. most people genuienly couldn't care less (just think about how much you care about other people's appearences, voices or stuffs.).

that's all for today i guess, these were the lifehacks i used for better (other than having a psychologist). if i was wrong with something, please correct me. i hope i could helped, or at least i didn't make things worse. i genuienly wish you happiness, and i hope you'll get to be safe. i am already proud of you for doing this shit for so long, no matter what you'll do in the future btw. i hope you'll have a nice day, and if i could, i would genuienly get you your favourite flowers tomorrow morning.