#and then the anime cut out a large part of just how toxic that relationship really is

[sufferu]

You know, it’s a very minor thing, but it does make me a little sad how the Re:Zero anime adaptation…really DOES tone down a lot of the queer subtext in the original LN.

No Subaru proudly remembering his past as an androgynous, long-haired kid and lamenting that “time has not been kind to him”

All of Subaru’s comments about women being very pointedly based around their clothing (with the only exceptions being when he’s explicitly trying to distract them from something/lighten the mood) being changed to him making sincere comments about their actual bodies

No Subaru crossdressing for the first three days of high school (despite it being hinted to be a really pivotal part of his character actually, in both the text and QnAs—)

No Subaru accidentally dressing as a maid during the last day of the first Arc 2 loop and having a genuinely really hard time stepping out of that more feminine persona

No Subaru calling Otto his boytoy and. Honest to god, with context of what Natsumi Schwartz is like, I’m pretty sure Subaru was straight up flirting

No “supple hips” Julius, or Subaru allying his feelings with Patrasche when he thought she was being aggressive towards Julius’ steed before being told that actually she was trying to MATE with the other ground dragon, and even when they do include some of their interactions it really is toned down from the LN (I get that a lot of it is just visual vs prose medium but it still makes me kinda sad)

No Subaru referring to Reinhard as an ikeman

No Ferris jumping on Subaru’s bed and then going, “Wait did your heart flutter just now—?” and then explicitly staring at him with shock when Subaru hastily tries to deny it

Emilia’s definition of marriage being “between two people who love each other” being changed to “between a man and a woman who love each other” (though maybe that was just Crunchyroll? idk)

No Subaru explicitly being a really insane flirt with men (though I’m kinda holding onto hope that it’ll happen later as it comes up)

Ah, I hope they don’t alter Natsumi Schwartz’ appearance in Arc 7 too much…

[perpetualexistence]

Sea Monster AU: "If you hate this so much, why is there a fire in your eyes?"

Putting a song here about becoming/being a cannibal feels about right for a duo killing people and treating them like animals to the slaughter.

Originally I was just going to call this part 'The Routine', but then the idea for an Alejandro quote struck me and I had to change it. There is no scene in this part, but if there were this quote would certainly be there.

It ended up being harder to write than I originally thought. I couldn't figure out why until I realized I was trying to force a singular scene that would serve as a face-heel turn. When I decided to scrap it and go by death by a thousand paper cuts, suddenly writing everything else flowed a lot smoother.

Who knew that was how editing worked? You learn something new ever day when it's your first time writing something long-form.

But yeah, herein lies the beginning of Noah's descent into darkness! It also includes Noah's backstory in this AU. You'll probably notice it's got some inspiration from Slippery Slopes. What can I say? I'm not immune to an angsty Noah past. I do hope it's different enough!

Content warnings: Slight mention of eating people. And of course, Alejandro being manipulative. But again, to be the norm for this AU. Also! This relationship gets toxic and codependent at times, and this is one of those times. This part shows one of the foundations for that.

I will say though, the next part does get lighter!

Enjoy!

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The problem with Noah's suggestion is that he isn't a really good actor. Alejandro's smart enough to recognize this might be a problem before he tries to trick the first ship, and asks Noah to demonstrate how he'd try to convince someone that he's helpless. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Alejandro decides he needs to teach him acting somewhat otherwise this plan is dead in the water. There's risks in teaching him how to lie, but if he's the teacher then he can learn Noah's tells so he'll still be able to read him.

The lessons are going as okay as they can be until Noah starts recognizing a few of these techniques as things that Alejandro did during the first few days of their meeting. He can't help but ask "Oh, like how you did with me?" because his mouth runs faster than his brain sometimes. This makes Alejandro feel A Certain Way about his past actions, but he tampers that down and insists that it was true with Noah.

They blitz their way through this tension by avoiding pursuing the discussion. Eventually Alejandro feels that Noah's ready enough, and so they begin in earnest.

Alejandro and Noah develop a pretty decent routine of Noah scouting out ships for Alejandro to either eat or spare. Noah has a walkie talkie/ear piece that he's connected to a radio that sits on the ship Alejandro uses to push him. That way he can subtly announce code for 'leave this one alive' or 'take no survivors'. Noah also makes sure to break any lines of communication that Alejandro wouldn't be able to take out in time. This includes scrambling sonar that would detect something as large as Alejandro getting too close. Once Noah gives the signal to begin, he makes sure that he's above deck. Alejandro fakes eating Noah first to cover their tracks in case any of the survivors realize that Noah showed up on the ship suspiciously before a giant eel showed up.

Alejandro originally intended on making a lot more ‘mistakes’ with innocents because he assumed that Noah was probably using the vigilantism as an excuse to not let Alejandro eat any humans. But Noah’s very aware that Alejandro probably would pull some bullshit like that, so he only sparingly requests for survivors if someone was nice enough to him. Yet Alejandro’s enjoying the vigilante side of eating people who deserve it much more than he’d anticipated since he really only agreed to it to make Noah happy. He doesn't know why exactly, but he takes more pleasure than normal when he's able to kill someone who was rude or cruel to Noah. 

Meanwhile Noah's finding himself taking more and more pleasure in taking people down without realizing it. Noah finds himself on the receiving end of things such as being yelled at for being a stupid tourist by someone who's from out of town, to people trying to extort him for money to get back to land, he's starting to find it particularly hard to be as guilty as he was. This is partially due to him doomscrolling the worst things about humanity to help himself feel better about what he's doing. It's also partially due to the fact that for as messed up as it is, there's a part of him that enjoys the attention that Alejandro's giving him. Mind you, he hates being treated like a possession with no autonomy. But he does like being treated as someone precious who deserves the best. Plus he's not immune to Alejandro's charm and appearance. Made even worse by the fact that Alejandro being bigger means that he can see it in more detail.

An important thing in this AU, and the reason why Noah's slipping into a path of darkness, is that Noah in this AU starts off as Season 1 Noah. There's no Owen or Team E-scope to help him see the good in humanity. He's someone more passive in that he's easily influenced by those around him. And when that person is Alejandro? It doesn't do good things for one's moral compass.

It doesn't help that Alejandro's not only encouraging Noah viewing humanity as the worst, but he's rewarding it. Even though it's not part of their deal, Alejandro starts gifting Noah treasures from the ship after he wrecks them. He saves the prettiest for himself in an underwater cave where he keeps the spoils of his accomplishments. He just gives Noah the ones that are profitable for humans. Plus a few shinies. He wants his (precioso) hunting partner to look the part of someone successful. Noah's appearance is a reflection on both of them after all.

Noah knows this is a bribe to keep going. But he's also pretty desperate for money. His dad left when he was young and took most of his money with him, leaving his mom to raise nine kids all on her own. She and the eldest sibling took as many jobs as they could, but they still had to resort to a loan shark to stay afloat. The second and third eldest siblings became pseudo-parents to their younger siblings because the family certainly couldn't afford babysitters. Noah's mother hated resorting to this, but with little help from extended family there wasn't much choice if she wanted to keep the family together.

Noah actually ended up becoming a breadwinner in the family. Once upon a time little Noah had a poetry phase. He'd read it, and he loved to write it. He'd write out his feelings about the shitty family situation to cope. It was cathartic. Over time his love for writing it faded. Not out of anything negative. That poetry was there when he needed it most, but now it was just time for him to find something else. His interests in literature just changed. The thing was, one of his siblings found out about a writing competition with prize money and decided to submit one of his works without him knowing.

He won. It was a very decent chunk of money that helped the family that month. He knew the family needed it, so he started to throw himself into more writing competitions. He started to notice a pattern real quickly. His older, angstier poems were the ones that one prizes. The newer ones, his lighter ones, didn't. He only had a limited amount of the older poems he could submit before he'd have to make newer ones. But the family still needed money. So he forced himself into writing poetry (a medium he no longer cared for) about a time in his life he hated to discuss.

That combination created a gifted kid burnout who closed himself off to force himself into a state of misery that could be profited from. His mom and siblings would try to reach out to him because they could see that he was having a terrible time with this. But the bitterness he felt towards writing extended into bitterness towards his family for putting him into this situation. It's not fair. He knows it's fair. But emotions don't often go by what's fair.

By the time he met Alejandro, he no longer had to write. Most of his siblings had left the house, or had income of their own. They'd all chip in to help their mom with paying off the loan shark. Noah no longer has to be the breadwinner. But the damage was already done, and that bitterness had never been resolved. That bitterness made it hard to keep friends, because it seeped through even in places he didn't mean it to.

So when someone new enters his life that actually cares about him for himself? Who stays even when he's bitter? He'd be a fool not to do everything in his power to keep them. Even if it means he'll have to sacrifice others to do it. At least it isn't himself this time. And if he now has a means of taking power back from other people who have wronged him? He'll use it.

Alejandro doesn't know about any of this of course. Noah has told him a little, and that little is enough for Alejandro to make some assumptions. But not the whole story. As far as Alejandro knows or cares, all is going according to Alejandro's plan of molding Noah to be just as ruthless as he is so they can properly rule this lake together.

And then the power of friendship just had to come and throw a wrench into things.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 1

Propaganda under the cut

Shiv Roy

She's honestly kind of a canonical victim of yaoi almost. She and her husband Tom have a loveless marriage but never end up getting divorced. Tom has a weird psychosexual obsession with Shiv's cousin Greg and at one point literally compares them all to the time Emperor Nero pushed his wife down the stairs and then castrated and married a slave boy named Sporus (Tom is unwell). Anyway the show just ended and long story short Tom is now CEO of Shiv's family's evil company and she is reduced to being his pregnant wife (which is the result of her voting not to authorize either of her brothers as CEO in order to save them from themselves) and Tom made another weird comment about literally owning Greg. And now people who ship Tom and Greg are like "omg it's canon we won" but I don't. Think that they did. Sorry I'm rambling it was just a really good finale idek if this counts but

I will be honest I'm not really tuned into the tomgreg fandom, but tons of people wanted tom to leave shiv and get with greg and tons of people thought shiv was the devil incarnate and refused to see any nuance in her character and I don't think those two things are a coincidence. 

She gets a lot of hate from fans, largely just for being a woman who reacts in a non pretty way to abuse and for doing the exact same shitty stuff her brothers do. But also a large part of the hate she gets comes from the people who ship her husband with her cousin. To the point where people claim she's abusing her husband who views her as an accessory, a baby factory, and a ticket to money. Don't get me wrong, their relationship is incredibly toxic and unhealthy, but it is so on both of their parts. But Shiv's the only one who gets criticized for it

Kyoko Kirigiri

The anime series Danganronpa 3's ending somewhat implied she and Makoto are a couple but the fandom likes to ship Makoto with Byakuya much more. The same anime series also saw a lot of hatred against her character and well, it was already there because people also complain about how she acted in the original Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc game as well, unfairly in my opinion. She's really cool and really smart and just isn't the quickest to trust people, which makes sense considering she's in fucking death games. Her deduction skills and strategy played a big part in saving the people who did make it out BOTH times she was in killing games and in one of those cases she was even willing to potentially sacrifice herself for it. I'll stop now but she is my most mistreated fave

arguably the most important character in the game but gets tossed aside a lot because of the two male leads byakuya and the main guy (dont even remember his name ngl) and she is so pretty and cool and smart and i love her so yeah <3

[comicbookhyperfixationtime]

I gotta big question for you: what would be your pitch an animated series based on the Mighty Thor? Spare no details

Oh boy, this is a really tough one. I just have so many different ideas for how this could go!

But let's say we're looking at a typical 21 episode TV series, and lets say we're not 100% sure we'll be getting renewed for a second season. We've got two options.

Safe Option: The series is set entirely in the Nine Realms and based largely off the Journey Into Mystery/Tales of Asgard stories. Think of it as a sort of Journey to the West format, where the whole season is Thor and cast on a grand quest and each episode/two part episodes are one challenge/encounter along the way. This would give us a chance to really do some worldbuilding and show off Thor's Asgardian supporting cast, including more obscure characters. It would probably be more of a fun, lighthearted adventure, I don't mind a bit of violence or dark themes but I'd keep it on the campier sword-and-sorcerer side rather than gritty or dark.

Less Safe Option: We start from Journey into Mystery #83, when Donald Blake first acquires the hammer. The first few episodes are standard faire for superheroes, with Thor's more minor Earth antagonists (like Gargoyle and Zaniac and the like) showing up as villains of the week. All that changes when Loki makes his first appearance. After that the arcs get longer and more complex, climaxing in a battle against Loki and his forces on Asgard. There'd be a more psychological bent to this, maybe even psychological horror, as Thor goes from Dr Blakes' superhero persona to another personality with his own thought patterns dominant personality. We'd really dig into Dr Blake realizing that he doesn't actually remember any of his past before medical school, including his family and origin, and how frightening and discombobulating that is.

Regardless of which idea, there'd be some common elements. Art style would be very colorful, Asgard's aesthetics will be a solid mix of sci-fi, fantasy and a heaping dose of surrealism. There's a direct-to-video animated movie about Thor called "Tales of Asgard" and I actually really adore how clever they were with the trippy geography of Asgard, I'd draw a lot of inspo from there.

Odin will be portrayed as the abusive jackass he is. I'm not going to soften him up whatsoever, especially in his treatment of Thor. I don't think I'll kill him off regardless, but both options will show Thor slowly working towards recognizing the toxic behavior. In Option 1 it will be revealed that Thor's quest was some gambit by Odin that would seriously endanger him and/or his friends. In Option 2 it'll be Thor not only learning that Odin brainwashed him into believing he was Donald Blake, but the reason why he did it (just like in the OG comics it will be extremely petty and more about Thor asserting independence against Odin that actually needing to learn humility or whatever, although he certainly does grow as a person either way).

If the show is renewed for a second season, it will be adapting Roy Thomas' Celestial Arc, expanding worldbuilding with the introduction of the Eternals, the Celestials and the Elder Gods. It will also be the climax of Thor's arc about his relationship with Odin. When it's revealed that A) Odin had him for the express purpose of making an Ubermenschen weapon for him to use, and, B) he had in the past had Thor killed for disobeying him, then resurrected and wiped his memories.

If the show gets a third season, that season will be a loose adaptation of Len Wein's various space epics mixed with the 90s storyline Blood and Thunder (and when I say loose, I mean loose). Basically, Thor cuts himself off from Asgard after finally learning the truth and travels through space having space adventures with various Marvel Cosmic characters. Meanwhile, there'll be B plots with Thor's supporting cast on Asgard and/or Earth working out their own issues in his absence. By the end of this season, Beta Ray Bill will be introduced, and just like in Walt Simonson's run, it will be revealed that the threat to his people he was scientifically modified to face is the rapid approach of Surter and his army. The season will end on a sort of cliffhanger as Thor realizes that Ragnarok is coming for Asgard, and will have to make a choice about going back to save them. After that will be a season with less episodes but longer episodes showing the epic battle and neatly wrapping up any character arcs that haven't been wrapped up yet.

I think the show will end with Thor's "death" at the hands of Jormungand, but how exactly this goes will depend on Option 1 or 2. Option 1 will result in Thor fighting Hela similar to how Walt Simonson's run ends (the plot point about Hela cursing Thor to be easily hurt but unable to die will also be there). Option 2 will result in a death of personality for Thor, he becomes Dr Blake permanently and lives out a happy existence on Earth (depending on whether that feels like a satisfying ending or not, I'll just go with Option 1 then). Either way there's an opportunity for The Adventure Continues but a nice finale and really no need to.

If they force me to make another season I'll adapt the Evil Future Thor story from Dan Jurgens' run, but with some major changes.

[catgirl-catboy]

1 + 24 for the fandom asks!

(link for ask game)

24.) how has fandom positively impacted your life? I won't get too personal, but one of my fandoms caused me to realize I was in a toxic relationship. Very much appreciated.

1.) list 3 positive things about your current fandom(s)

all of them? here goes! Under the cut for your sanity.

Dangan: - Single-handedly got me through the pandemic, mental health wise - Most personally relateable depiction of an autistic character, even if he isn't 'canon autistic' - Got me into writing! fourth because my main fandom + indecisive. - met my best friend because of it! Ace Attorney: - Has some of the best female characters. I love them. <3 - Introduced me to some of my favorite streamers. - Nobody does family legacy like Ace Attorney, with the Lannisters in a distant second. Tywin would be fuming about that, if he knew.

Homestuck: - Has one of my favorite depictions of a disabled person in Terezi. (Other is Peril from Wings of Fire if you are curious.) - Found it during the exact part of my life when I was coming to terms with my sexuality, and the canon queer characters really helped. I actually started reading it on my 13th birthday, since a friend made a homestuck joke about the day and I was curious. - Made me feel like I could still tell a story even if I wasn't an amazing artist.

One Piece: - Best. Worldbuilding. Ever. - Asides from ships featuring my squick of large age gaps, there are no ships I dislike. Every character has a good dynamic with every other. - Has the highest fanfiction quality out of all my fandoms, don't tell my other fandoms. Hazbin/Helluva: - Waiting for it to come out helped with my mental health and visualize the future. - Has a canon Sapphic ship that I relate to, which is a rarity. (I'm happy for all canon rep, but most just aren't me, you know?) - Best representation of abuse I've personally seen. Madoka: - I feel like I never run out of ideas for Madoka!!! Has beaten my writer's block so many times. - Best fanart quality out of all my fandoms, don't tell my other fandoms! - I've seen NO Madoka discourse. Peaceful. Love it here. Asoiaf: - I love that it has so many GNC women, and none of them feel cliche. Arya, Brienne, Dany. None of them are just "the tomboy". ASOIAF doesn't have the best track record with women, but I do appreciate the hell out of that. - As an abusive relationship enjoyer, THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS. Currently enjoying everything with Ramsay because I am... predictable. - There's so goddamn much of it. Can I ever run out of shit? Probably not.

Death Note: - Watched it with a friend I no longer talk to but hold in high esteem. - The fandom is so goddamn funny you do not know! - Got me into anime. I wouldn't enjoy any of my other fandoms without death note.

[headspace-hotel]

Every Eurocentric ass-backwards publication about humans relationship to the ecosystem has this "noble savage stereotype" straw man they want to beat down.

I have been reading a lot of indigenous authors lately, and this is what it has made me think: The "indigenous" point of view is not about having some sort of special, unusual, enlightened primal connection to the ways of nature. It is simply the ecological knowledge and ways of belonging to the ecosystem and taking care of it in a sustainable manner that knowledge holders have built up and iterated upon over millennia

As someone who comes from a colonizer culture, my level of disconnection from my ecosystem is deeply aberrant and weird, and when people from colonizer cultures write their silly little articles about how Humans Are Cancer And Kill Everything With Their Inherent Destructiveness, THEY should remember that their perspective is deeply aberrant and weird, that they are descendants of colonizers and live in a colonized land. This means the ecosystem was taken away from its caretakers that actually understood it were part of it, so it could be stripped and plundered of "resources."

A colonizing entity seeks to use up the ecosystem, to extract and extract and extract to make money come out. The ecosystems of the U.S.A. have been so brutally abused since Europeans came here that it's almost impossible to imagine what has been lost, but here's a small hint: Many of the tree species of the Eastern USA reached 4-6 feet thick, with the larger species having trunks of up to 10-15 feet thick. The largest White Oak ever cut was 13 feet thick for instance. Those trees were virtually all cut down in the East and nowadays we're squeezing monoculture pine plantations for all they're worth, cutting trees that hardly get one foot thick.

Our topsoil has been almost obliterated by the land getting denuded and then plowed and plowed and plowed until it can't hardly support a crop—it takes a century to make a single inch of topsoil, and we've lost hundreds of tons' worth every year for longer than a century. Just about every large animal and bird was nearly hunted out of existence (even deer, which were almost extirpated from New England before Independence!) and if that wasn't enough we started sawing the tops off our mountains—no, literally, mountaintop removal literally removes the mountain top—to get at the coal underneath, which as it turns out, makes the rivers and air toxic and puts radioactive waste and all kinds of cancer causing gunk everywhere.

If this was the normal, typical way of the human species to treat our ecosystem, we'd all have been dead back in Neanderthal times. Not just cause we would have destroyed our food sources, but because we would have been too indifferent and incurious towards potential food sources to take advantage of them.

You know, just like European settlers were—we have dozens of nutritious, abundant, easy to grow food plants in North America that we don't even use because we haven't cared to learn.

Indigenous peoples have been practicing their ways of life for tens of thousands of years learning more and more about the ecosystem, but sure, let's hand the mic to the folks who made a new super violent system of exploiting the Earth 400 years ago, almost destroyed all life wherever they established power, and now they think they invented a thing called "ecology" 100 years ago and a thing called "sustainability" not even 50.

I mean...the fact that we have a word for sustainability tells you everything. "Maybe our way of life should allow for our continued existence." "Woahhhhh!!!"

sorry for the rant, I am just really impatient with euro-centric texts and writers about the environment, everybody needs to understand that the colonizer perspective isn't the default

Its good that people are talking about the “noble savage” stereotype and how it is harmful and at the same time I keep seeing climate doomers claim that anything related to indigenous environmentalism or traditional ecological technology is just a product of that stereotype and it makes me want to scream.

[sageworld]

Maniac; Rafe Cameron

Warnings; Stalking, kidnapping, toxic relationships, overbearing Rafe, drugging, SEASON 2 SLIGHT SPOILERS!

Part 2; Here

-The one where Rafe goes manic !

Rafe’s attachment to you came out of almost nowhere when you two were younger. It was in second grade on valentine’s day, he brought you a large stuffed animal along with your favorite candies. It had blind sided your younger self, not having anything to give to him, he simply offers the two of you just go swimming at his house after school.

That was almost 11 years ago, Rafe had slug to your side ever since. Being there for your first everything, first cheer game, first period, first prom. Everything you two did, you did it together. When Rafe began to use Coke, you didn’t mind thinking he was just dabbling. When you realized how much of a big issue it was, when he killed Peterkins which, he admitted to you right when he got home.

Ward trusted you with his son, nobody had even stayed with Rafe as long as you did. When he had a break at the age of 15 & had to get sent away for a bit of ��rehabilitation” as Ward called it, you stayed and never spoke a word of it. Telling your friends he was spending time with his grandparents in Miami.

“Rafe you need to calm down.” Roses voice urgent. “We’ll get her back before we leave, I promise but for now I need you to calm down.” You had ran off, afraid & confused when you found out about Rafe’s attempt to drown Sarah. “Fuck.” Rafe screamed before punching a hole in the wall. The room felt like it shook as his fist collided with the wall, Rose stood in shock.

You only managed to go two days without seeing Rafe, not knowing that he was seeing you. Sitting in his Jeep outside of your house, monitoring you in his free time. When he wasn’t free to sit & watch you, he made sure to keep track of your location via find my friend which you had forgotten to turn off.

“Y/n.” You hear Rose call out & the soft sound of the front door of your jobs bell going off. She was given good instructions by Rafe. You closed Tierra Mia every night, you’d be alone but leave the door unlocked until you left. From time to time homeless people or pogues would come into get any leftover scraps from the days bakery. She knew she had to be quick & smart about this.

You walk around the counter to see her, dressed in mainly black which is odd, used to seeing her in floral or pastels. “Hey Rose, is everything okay?” You question, throwing the rag you were using back into the bucket. “I’m afraid not, I actually came to talk to you about Rafe.” Her voice saddened, panic comes over your face. “Well is he okay? What’s wrong?” No matter how afraid you were of him, you couldn’t help but to care. “Come sit.” She reaches her hand out, pulling you into a seat next to her.

“Y/n, I think we both know Rafe doesn’t have the healthiest attachment to you. You’re all he’s ever thought about. When he was a young boy I always wondered why he latched onto you quickly. I remember you coming over to swim with him that first time I met you. I had never seen him smile like that, not in the two years that I had met him. When I made you guys lunch that day & I put tomatoes on your sandwich, he screamed in my face because you didn’t like them but, you calmed him down quicker than i’ve seen anyone else be able to.” She paused, “We welcomed you into our family with warm arms & we’ve been more than grateful for our secrets that you’ve kept but lately I feel like we’ve kept you out of the loop, mainly because Rafe’s afraid of you becoming more afraid of him so, I’m just going to cut to it. Wards alive, he faked the whole thing so he can clear Rafe’s name & tonight we’re leaving. We got the cross, we got the gold & now all we need is you.” Rose softly smiles, her hands still interlocked with yours.

“W-what? Rose you know I can’t go.” You stand up, trying to unlock your hands. “I don’t want to go.” You back up. “Y/n, I don’t want to have to do this but you’re not giving me many options, you know how Rafe gets when it comes to you.” She stands up, pulling a small bottle out of her pocket, she grabs a dry rag that had been left of the counter, emptying the contents of the bottle onto it quickly. “What’re you doing, Rose.” You back away, the feeling of your back hitting something makes you stop.

You turn to face the one & only, Ward Cameron. “I don’t understand-.” You were cut off by Ward slapping his hand over your mouth, wrapping his other arm around to in attempts to keep you still & silent. “I’m so sorry we have to do this Y/n, you’ve been nothing but kind to our family, hell you are our family but we just need you to cooperate.” Ward pleads. Rose slowly walks toward you, Ward quickly moves his hand off your mouth & before you can let out a scream, Rose puts the rag up to your mouth.

“Shh, it’s okay.” She coos you. “Just breath, sweetheart.” Ward says, trying to relax you. Soon enough, you’re out.

The rocking feeling is the first thing you felt, trying to open your eyes but quickly shutting them again because of the brightness in whatever room your in. When you can finally open them all you see is Rafe, standing over you. For a second you had wondered how long he had been watching you like this before you jump at the feeling of his hand on your face.

“Hi baby.” He lets out a breathy laugh before stroking your hair. “Ready for our new life?”

Part 2 orrrr??

[cherienymphe]

Twice Mine (Stucky x Reader)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON, mentions of NON-CON, vampire!Stucky, jealous!Stucky, violence, toxic relationships, murder, animal cruelty, bloodplay

➥ this is the much anticipated final part to Twice Bitten and Twice Burned

     I had a lot of fun with this series, and I hope you guys enjoy!

➥ divider by @firefly-graphics​

     ➥ Italics = things that have already happened

      ➥ Non italics = present day​

summary: King Steve has the reputation of the kindest king in all the land. How sad it is that such a man always seems to be burying a wife, leaving him lonely and searching for another. Seeing how Queen Margaret’s death affected you, the king hopes to raise your spirits by marrying you off to the handsome Duke, James Barnes, unbeknownst to you, sealing your fate.

~

The large living room was alight with the glow of the fire, the flames the only source of light in the entire room. The mansion was quiet, as it tended to be, but for the past week or so, it was a different kind of quiet. A heavy silence that was almost suffocating had descended over the place. You barely turned your head to the side, swallowing down a sigh.

You felt him before you heard him, a strong concern that didn’t belong to you taking up residence in your heart beside your own. You pressed your hand to your chest, the weight within it increasing as the sound of his footsteps reached your ears. His large hands soon found a place on your shoulders, fingers kneading into your bare flesh in what was meant to be a calming gesture. You hadn’t been calm in days.

“Come to bed,” he murmured, voice gravelly, still riddled with sleep.

You shook your head, eyes focused on the flames.

“I can’t sleep.”

He sighed, an exasperated sound as his fingers danced along your throat.

“You can’t sleep...you can’t eat…”

You swallowed, heart sinking at the knowledge that you’d been found out.

“...I’m fine,” you told him.

“Remember what happened the last time you went so long without feeding…”

His words made your eyes cloud over, the memory so fresh in your mind you would’ve thought it happened yesterday instead of centuries ago. 

“...it nearly broke you,” he whispered. “I don’t want to see you like that again.”

You didn’t respond, eyes instead falling to the floor as his grip tightened.

“Y/N.”

You shook your head.

“He was supposed to be back days ago,” you murmured, throat tight. “We haven’t heard from him in days.”

He exhaled, leaning down to press his lips to the top of your head, breathing you in.

“Can you still feel him? Focus...just like I taught you...”

You could. It was faint, and you had to search deep within yourself, but you could still feel him there within your chest. A light warmth that had been there since you’d first woken up into this new life.

“I can.”

“Then he’s alright…”

“Then why hasn’t he called? Or let us know that he’s okay?” you wondered, standing now as frustration colored your tone.

“It’s not the first time, doll. He will be fine, he always is, but you won’t be if you don’t drink something…”

The dull burn in your throat became all the more prominent as he reminded you of your thirst. A thirst that you hadn’t satiated in days. You turned, reluctantly lifting your eyes to meet the blue of his.

“I don’t think I can...not without…”

You trailed off, recalling the last and only time you had practically starved yourself. The lack of control you’d had… A small sigh reached your ears, and you watched as he nodded, stepping closer until his chest grazed yours.

“Drink from me for now...and then we’ll go hunting tomorrow.”

His hand was on your wrist, pulling you with him as he stepped back. He sank into the armchair, and you straddled him, fingers pressing into his shoulders as you made yourself comfortable. He gazed up at you like you had his heart in your hands, and the corner of your mouth lifted ever so slightly. 

“Anywhere you want,” he breathed.

Brushing your tongue over your bottom lip, you leaned in and sank your teeth into his throat. His hips lifted up into yours, hands curled around your waist as a low groan escaped you. Your eyes rolled as your body welcomed his blood into your system, coursing through your veins to give you much needed strength.

A hungry moan bubbled in your throat, and Steve sighed.

Someone was yelling. Even through the jumbled haze that was your mind, you could recognize that much. It was also hard to breathe. Did you even need to breathe now? Probably not, but surely you did if the way you were clutching your chest and gasping for breath was anything to go by. Could vampires have panic attacks? Could vampires go into shock?

“You killed her!”

You had heard someone scream that only moments ago, and yet here they were again. There was so much yelling, so much chaos, and through it all, the voice became clear. Both voices became clear. It was James...and Steve…

The thought of the blond made your lips curl, and you shakily pulled yourself to your feet. You glanced down at your dress, taking note of the faded blood. Your blood. You had tried to kill yourself, you remembered that now...and James had found you… Both James and Steve had found you. Then Steve had killed you. 

The memories were coming back so fast. You could hardly make sense of it all, and it took some time before you remembered your awakening...James...Steve… Mary Jane. Your lips parted as you eyed the fresh blood on your dress...your hands… It did not take long for your eyes to find Mary Jane’s still body just at the foot of the bed.

“No...no, no,” you mumbled, falling to your knees once again at her side.

Had you done this? You could not recall. There were blanks in your mind, but if you thought hard enough, you could conjure the uncontrollable thirst that had taken over you. You could remember the way James had attempted to stop you, the way Steve had laughed as you brutally drank from your maid. You could hear yourself scream, grief and rage hitting you all at once just before laying waste to the room.

You glanced up, eyes widening at the torn bedding and broken furniture. There were feathers everywhere. A soft sob left you as you cradled the lifeless girl in your arms. James and Steve were still arguing, fighting even, and you squeezed your eyes shut. This all felt like a bad dream. A nightmare...fueled by the vampire in the next room.

Had you been filled with less rage, you would have marveled at how quickly you moved. You found yourself in the receiving chamber, pinning Steve to the wall before you even realized what had happened. He merely chuckled, sharp teeth winking at you, blue eyes filled with mirth at your crisis.

“You did this to me,” you screamed, hitting at him. “You did this-!”

You cut yourself off with a sob just as James wrapped his arms around you, pulling you away from the other man. He shushed you, trying so hard to calm you, but you were inconsolable. The reality of the situation, your new reality, was finally starting to sink in, and you thought that the weight in your chest would crush you.

If it was not for James’ hold, you would have fallen to the floor. You had the hardest time breathing, setting your vision straight, and you shook so violently in his arms. You could feel him pressing kisses into your hair, still damp from what had transpired only hours ago.

“Go.”

That single word broke through, and it took you a moment to realize that he was not speaking to you. He was speaking to Steve. It seemed that both you and Steve came to the realization at the same time.

“Surely you are joking…”

“I mean it, Steve. You should not be here...not right now…”

“James-.”

Steve swallowed his words as you escaped and dug your nails into his throat, and while your attack did not last long, Steve easily fending you off, you were satisfied with the blood you had drawn. You fell to the floor but made no move to stand, hands pressed into the rug as you keeled over with another sob.

“You killed her, Steve.”

“Really? Because she seems to be alive and well from where I am standing,” the king sneered. “I have the marks to prove it.”

“You threw her off of the balcony!”

There was so much venom in James’ voice, and the silence that followed was thick. 

“She would have left us. Both you and I know that she would have tried again, and she would have succeeded! Is that what you would have wanted?”

You heard the wall shake.

“She did not deserve that,” James spat. “She deserved better. She deserved a painless death and a peaceful transition.”

Your nails scraped along the fabric of the rug as you recalled the pain of your body slamming into the stones below. The fear that had been enough to paralyze you once you realized what Steve had done.

“Now I must undo what you have done. I have to make this right for her...and I cannot do that with you around. You need to stay away from her for a while.”

You slowly lifted your head at James’ words, eyes taking in the scene before you. James had his hand at Steve’s throat, and you were surprised to find Steve’s cold gaze on you instead of James. He stared at you with such hatred, such contempt, and to your shock, you evenly stared back at him with the same look.

“You’re in trouble, you know that right?”

Steve’s quiet words reached where you stood all the way at the top of the stairs. You heard James sigh, and your relief at his safe return was unfortunately overshadowed by the fact that he’d gone an entire week with no call, no text, no nothing to let you know that he was okay.

He finally stepped out of the foyer and into the living room, Steve just behind him, and he at least had the gall to look sheepish. You wrapped your arms around yourself, far from cold, but just a force of habit whenever you felt particularly pouty. James threw you a small smile to which you did not return.

“I’m home, my love.”

You didn’t respond, and his smile faltered.

“You look radiant…”

Again, you ignored his words as you finally made your way down the stairs, the bottom of your dress kissing your feet. His face fell when you brushed past him and instead made your way to Steve.

“Steve, I’m thirsty,” you said with a frown, and the blond bit back a smirk.

“You just ate yesterday,” he reminded you.

“Well, I want to go again,” you argued.

You huffed when he gripped your shoulders, forcing you to face James. The dark-haired man resembled a kicked puppy, and you looked away. Steve leaned down to brush his lips against your ear.

“Cut him some slack, doll. You know how demanding business can be,” he told you.

He briefly squeezed your shoulders before leaving you altogether, and you reluctantly met James’ eye. His shoulders fell, and he took a step towards you.

“The deal didn’t go as smoothly as we thought it would. Would you believe me if I told you that doing business with humans is easier than with our own kind?”

Again, you didn’t respond. At least, not right away, and you simply raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do phones not work in Romania?”

He closed his eyes, releasing a sigh.

“I was worried-.”

“I was fine.”

“...and how was I to know that?”

He tilted his head at you, pressing the palm of his hand to your chest where your heart would beat if it could. That warmth was more prominent now that he was near, and you could feel his remorse for his lack of communication with you while he was away. His blue eyes were soft as he gazed at you.

“This is how you know,” he said.

“That’s...not the point, James,” you sighed, turning away. “I get anxious. You know that…”

He wrapped his arms around you from behind, pulling you into his chest.

“I know.”

“I don’t like it when we’re not all together. I hate when you go on these business trips by yourself,” you told him, turning in his hold. “Poor Steve has to put in twice the work just so I won’t miss you.”

James smirked, eyes glinting with mischief.

“Somehow, he manages to power through it, I’m sure,” he sarcastically replied.

You leaned in, brushing your lips along his chin, satisfied when James released a shaky breath.

“Are you coming hunting with us? I feel like it’s been so long with the three of us…”

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, pink lips curving even more as he drank you in.

“Didn’t Steve say you just went hunting…?”

“...so?” you wondered, raising an eyebrow.

James chuckled, lips brushing yours as he spoke.

“You can’t get everything you want, my love.”

“You say that...and yet I always do,” you wondered, spinning away.

“We’ve talked about this, Y/N. We have to be careful,” he argued, halting your movements with a hand on your wrist. “This is a rather small town, and we stand out enough as it is.”

You didn’t respond, and he continued.

“Remember the last small town and your appetite?” he probed.

“It’s not my fault their community was filled with abusive and rapist scum. Besides, wasn’t that when I was snapping Steve’s neck every other week or so? I had to fully take out my frustrations on someone.”

He pulled you closer.

“You like it here, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“...and you want to stay for a long time, right?”

“...yes,” you reluctantly replied. “...but I’m thirsty, so…”

You ran your eyes along his frame.

“Somehow, some way, I’m drinking someone’s blood tonight.”

The scream that you let out was gut-wrenching, and you were thankful that you were deep in the woods. Far away from the village and the kingdom. The only light came from that of the moon as it hung in the sky, and for once, you wished that you were bathed in darkness instead. You did not want to see the consequences of your actions, see what you had done.

You were reminded of that first night in your new life. You could hardly breathe and hardly make sense of what was happening. Like before, the memories came to you quickly, filling in the holes that had been missing from the last day or so.

The thought of drinking blood, harming another, even if it did not cost them their life, was enough to disgust you. You had had enough, and had refused to drink for days. James had warned you. Oh God, he had warned you. You thought yourself above this life. You thought that your heart was too good for this life and that your will would overpower your nature. You were wrong, and the lifeless body in your arms was proof of that. 

The boy was young, so young. He had long passed the precipice of childhood, but had yet to reach that of a man, and now he never would. You did not even remember smelling him, nor snatching him away, but when you closed your eyes, you could see it. You could see how unaware he had been as he poked through bushes to find some berries to pick. You could see the way you zeroed in on him. You could see the monster that you had become.

Another loud sob escaped your trembling lips as you rocked him in your arms, wishing and hoping that he would wake up. That it would all be a nightmare, he would wake up, and prove that you were not the monster you now thought yourself to be.

You felt him before you saw him, and when you reluctantly lifted your head, you were surprised to come face to face with Steve...not James.

“I killed him,” you sobbed.

Steve sighed, frowning at you as he approached. You had not seen him in months, only in passing really, and you had forgotten just how much you hated him. However, in this moment, you did not wish to be alone. You wished for someone to reassure you that you were not some crazed beast. Anything to stop the pain.

“Yes, well… James told me of the grand conclusion you came to, thinking yourself above your nature,” he scoffed, and you frowned.

He shook his head at you.

“Honestly, Y/N. What did you think would transpire?”

There it was again, that rage, and your lip curled.

“This is your fault. All of this is your fault!”

You were standing now, and Steve tilted his head at you.

“You did this to me. I am like this because of you...because of what you forced onto me.”

Steve took a step towards you, something in his eyes that you could not place.

“What is done, is done. This,” he pointed to the lifeless body at your feet. “...happened because of you, because you refused to accept your new reality. This happened because you tried to go against nature, your nature.”

His words filled you with an anger that you could hardly fathom, and before you knew it, your hands were on his head and then he was at your feet, neck twisted at an odd angle. You blinked, eyes widening as you realized what you had done, and you stumbled back. You hated Steve, God knows you did, but James would be far from happy about this. 

As if you summoned him up, he was suddenly there, and you jumped at the sight. Your wide eyes met his just before he took in the mess you left behind, and he sighed when his eyes landed onto the boy.

“Oh, Y/N,” he breathed, sounding sad.

“I…”

You glanced at Steve’s still form.

“Steve...he...I…”

You did not know how to tell him that you had killed his best friend, but James merely glanced at Steve before chuckling.

“I assure you, Steve is fine.”

You frowned, and he elaborated.

“You did not kill him...not permanently, at least,” he explained. “You just snapped his neck. It is something like a temporary death for us. He will be alright. It is rather painful though, but...even I must admit that he had it coming.”

“He will be angry with me,” you murmured. “...but he always seems to be angry with me. He blames me for your...separation.”

“Steve has no one to blame but himself, my love” he said, kneeling beside the nameless boy.

“You...were right, James,” you whispered, choked up.

He looked to you, eyes heavy with a myriad of emotions you could not even begin to name. Regret being the most evident one.

“I thought that I could fight it. I thought that I could make myself be something that I am not. Steve was right when he said that I did not want to accept my new reality, and I hate admitting that.”

“I will help you through this-.”

“No.”

He blinked at you, standing now as he worriedly eyed you.

“I cannot do this,” you confessed.

“Y/N-.”

“I am sorry. I am...so sorry,” you whispered, leaving him there in the blink of an eye.

Your fingers tangled in Steve’s hair as he swirled his tongue in and out of you. His lips couldn’t get enough, and he pressed his fingers into your thighs, holding you down. James was far on the other side of the room, face torn between hunger and disappointment. Despite the fact that he was safe and sound, you were still miffed about his lack of communication.

“You can look...but you can’t touch.”

That was what you’d told him, and even though it was obvious how much he wanted to protest, he obeyed. Now he stood as still as a statue, hands balled into fists, face taut as he fought to prevent himself from tasting you as Steve was currently doing. 

Your chest was pointed towards the ceiling, mouth parted as moans climbed out of your throat. Steve was ravenous between your legs, groans escaping here and there to send vibrations through you, making you clench around his tongue.

“Steve,” you moaned, eyes rolling.

That was what you both loved and hated about Steve. He could remain between your thighs for days on end if you allowed him to. Your voice caught when he pushed you over the edge, chest heaving and stomach tightening while the blond greedily lapped at you, refusing to waste a single drop. You could hear James swallow as Steve crawled up your spent frame, blue eyes narrowing like that of a feline.

He pulled you into his lap, bare chest pressed to yours, arms wrapped around your waist. You threw your own around his neck, nose brushing his as you let out a happy sigh. 

“I think I’ve tortured James enough, don’t you?”

You grinned at him, and Steve returned it, leaning up. You pulled back, smile widening as you evaded his kiss.

“I don’t know, doll. I think he could stand some more,” he purred.

The mischief in his eyes matched your own, and you both turned to leer at James, your cheek pressed against Steve’s. You offered your hand to James, and it was impressive how fast he moved, taking your hand and pressing his lips to yours. You moaned into the kiss while Steve trailed his own lips to your neck.

Your teeth scraped along James’ mouth, drawing blood, and your body buzzed at the taste. A low moan crawled from James’ lips as you leaned down to sink your teeth into his throat, his hand coming up to twist into your hair. You pulled away with a sigh, Steve’s mouth seeking out your own, eager to taste James on your tongue. You could hear the dark-haired man swiftly undressing, pressing his chest to your back in no time, eager to make his absence up to you.

“You need to come back.”

You froze, eyes focused on Steve as he stood in the tiny cottage you had taken up residence in, making the space look that much smaller. You swallowed as you eyed him, recalling the last time you saw him in which you had snapped his neck. That was the last time you saw James too. That was months ago. Your emotions must have been all over your face because Steve simply smirked.

“Relax. I am not here to snap your neck as you did mine,” he assured you, stepping further into the place.

He looked as regal as he always did, blond hair neatly pushed out of his face.

“Nor would you be in the right to. If anything, you had it coming from the moment you killed me,” you hissed.

He narrowed his eyes at you, and you continued before he could speak.

“Why are you here? How did you find me?” you demanded, genuine confusion coloring your tone.

“Do not be daft, sweet Y/N. We have known of your whereabouts this entire time. If it were not for James, I would have dragged you back to the castle long ago, but he insisted that you needed time,” he explained.

“...and yet here you are.”

Steve’s jaw ticked, and he neared you.

“Yes. Here I am, because you need to come back,” he repeated.

“Why?” you scoffed. “...so you can torture me some more? Make my life as miserable as your heart?”

“He is not the same,” Steve suddenly said, making you swallow your words. “He needs you.”

The thought of James sullen and wasting himself away was enough to make your heart clench, but you simply folded your arms over your chest, glancing away.

“I am happy here,” you told him.

“Really? Happy here to feed on the squirrels and the deer like some beast of the wild?” he sneered.

“What is it to you?”

He was on you in a flash, fingers pressing into your jaw so harshly you could have sworn you heard it crack. His nose brushed against yours as he glared into your eyes, an untamable fire behind his own. 

“It means something to me because I wish to see him happy. As much as I despise your very presence...he is not himself whilst you are gone,” Steve told you.

You scoffed.

“Are you no longer enough for him? Funny, because whenever I was around, all he seemed to do was put you first-.”

You cut yourself off with a gasp as he slammed you into the wall, the small house shaking from the force. Your eyes watered and your lips trembled as you glared at the man before you, the man who had killed you.

“I am giving you one week. One week to do what you must. Drink from all the animals you like, tear through every tree while imagining my face on them, get whatever you must out of your system,” he began.

You looked away, and he pressed his lips to your cheek.

“If you have not returned in a week, if you run, I will find you...and I will drag you back...but not before reminding you of just how cruel I can be,” he purred.

You pushed against him, and he merely moved to catch your wrists, slamming them into the wall. Steve's forehead was pressed to yours, and you could not meet his eye.

“You may not be as weak as you once were,” he started, forcing his knee between your legs. “...but you will never be strong enough to fend me off. I have no problem reminding you of that.”

He brushed his lips over your trembling ones, and then he was gone, ruining your peace once again. You cried for the first time in weeks that night. You had no doubt that if you ran, Steve would find you. You did not know how they even found you to begin with, but it was scary to think that they knew where you were this entire time without your knowledge. What else were they capable of? 

As much as you did not want to, it was exactly one week later that you found yourself returning to the castle. It was late in the night, all of the servants and any other guests fast asleep, when you walked through the doors. James was there before you hardly got a foot inside, and you were in his arms before you knew it.

“I have missed you,” he sighed, squeezing you to him.

He breathed you in, and you found yourself doing the same, reluctant to admit that you missed him too. For a moment, you were reminded of a time where you felt safe in his arms, and you wondered if you would ever feel that again. When soft footsteps reached your ears, you looked up, Steve’s eyes meeting yours as he stood behind James, practically bathed in darkness. It was then that you realized the answer was no. You would probably never feel that again. Not while Steve was around.

Contrary to what you had thought, the time that followed was far from miserable. Steve still kept a safe distance, and James did his best to teach you about your new life. Whenever you did see Steve though, it was cordial...polite...but tense. There was something unspoken in the air that you were reluctant to give attention to. It stewed for the longest time until James was the one to finally bring attention to it.

“We need to talk, my love,” he said to you one evening.

You had frowned a bit, but eventually closed your book, giving him your full attention. You could not read his face, and that worried you.

“It is about Steve,” he began.

You swallowed, straightening.

“What about Steve…?”

At this point, it had been two years since your death that was somehow both literal and metaphorical, and you had not come any closer to softening your heart towards the king. You hardly saw him, hardly spoke to him as he continued to do as James asked and gave you the space to make your transition into this life much smoother.

James sighed, reaching up to brush his thumb along your cheek.

“It is meant to be the three of us…”

You looked away, heart sinking as you realized what this was about.

“That is how I envisioned our future, and I hope that we can get back to that some day.”

“James…”

“I am not rushing you. Believe me, there is still much anger in my heart towards him for what he did, and I know that my anger cannot ever compare to yours. I only wish to remind you that this is what I hope for us some day.”

You did not respond, and he continued. 

“I am bringing this up because I have spoken with Steve...and he will be doing his best to make amends. I want you to expect that…”

Yours eyes met his, and he left you with a small smile. You soon found out that Steve’s version of making amends was to buy you things you had never asked for.

“It is all the rage in France,” Steve huffed as you turned your nose up at the gaudy necklace.

“Well, I am sure they will appreciate having it returned to them,” you snidely commented

Fed up, he threw the necklace to the ground, pointing a finger at you.

“You are being unnecessarily difficult,” he hissed.

Your eyes widened and your lips parted as you stared at him as if he had grown a second head before your very eyes.

“This...,” you picked up the other jewels he had brought. “...means nothing. All of this means nothing!”

You threw them at him, taking great satisfaction in the offended look he wore.

“You killed me!”

Two years worth of anger and hurt had been stewing. Your fingers trembled and your body vibrated and your eyes burned as you stared at the blond man before you. Your murderer.

“You taunted me and made my life hell for years! And then...and then you tossed me...off of a balcony,” you shakily gasped. “...and you think that your money will atone for that?”

Steve said nothing, face taut as your words hit him square on.

“You think these meaningless things will undo what you have done? How on earth did you manage to keep the throne all these years with nothing between those ears of yours?”

He was quick in invading your space, and his chest heaved with barely contained anger as you glared at him.

“You will watch how you speak to me.”

“Or what? You shall kill me? Again?”

He said nothing, and his nostrils flared.

“James will end your pitiful existence the minute that you do,” you spat.

The words had just barely left your mouth when his hand found your throat. Having anticipated this because Steve was nothing if not predictable, you grabbed the bejeweled dagger he had tried to gift you, plunging it straight into his chest. You felt no disgust when he coughed, blood flying past his lips and onto your face. You could only feel satisfaction as you watched the pain register on his features.

Your gratification did not last long as you watched him swallow down the ache, a troubling laugh escaping his bloody lips. His wide eyes took you in with something you could not name, but if you did not know any better, you would think it was pride. He chuckled again, his hand coming up to cover your own that still held the knife in his chest. He leaned in, with difficulty, and brushed his blood-stained lips over your own.

“Word of advice...a piece of wood is what you desire.”

He tightened his grip on your hand, and you winced, gaze never parting from his.

“Also...you might want to aim a bit higher next time,” he said through clenched teeth just before ripping it out.

You gasped as he snatched it from your fingers, quickly fisting his other hand into your hair, pressing the blade to your throat. You just felt a trickle of blood when James came bursting into the room. He was quick to pull Steve away, pinning the king to the wall.

“Have you lost your mind?”

Steve merely chuckled, a smirk on his pink lips.

“We were just having some fun. Right, Y/N?”

He looked to you, and you merely huffed, brushing past them both, ignoring James as he called for you. You did not see a future in which you would ever forgive Steve for what he did, what he put you through, but you could not accept one in which the two of you were constantly at each other’s throats. Something had to give.

Is this what you had come to? Is this who you were now? The thought was enough to make you sick, but surely it was the only way? Right…? Steve did not stir, and his body was warm beneath yours as you tightened your hands around the stake. The entire time that you whittled it, you kept wondering to yourself if this was what you really wanted to do? Could you even do this?

You pressed the end of it to his chest and swallowed. Would James hate you? He would be mad, that was for sure. That was to be expected even, but surely he could grow past this right? If your heart was able to beat, you were positive that it would be threatening to leap from your chest this very moment. Why were you scared? Why were you nervous? Steve deserved this...a thousand times over.

You were having doubts, and you did not want to admit that. You had stewed over this for months. Months of arguing and fighting. How many times had you drawn blood from him and vice versa? How many more? You jumped, startled when a hand closed around both of yours, and you lifted your gaze to meet the unflinching one of Steve. It suddenly occurred to you that he may have been awake this entire time.

You sharply inhaled, but he simply smiled, pink lips curving upwards ever so slightly.

“Do it,” he urged.

Your eyes widened, and you almost listened to him, but you faltered.

“Go on...do it…”

His blue eyes glinted with something unknown, and his teeth winked at you as he grinned.

“...why?” you suddenly wondered. “Why do you want me to?”

He tilted his head at you.

“You must learn to survive this life one way or another…”

You frowned, heart sinking at that. 

“I… James…”

Steve hummed, nodding.

“Yes. He will be quite angry. I daresay he might even kill you,” he told you.

Your eyes widened at that, chest clenching.

“...the same he would do to me should I ever take you away from him.”

Your shoulders dropped at that, and you blinked.

“He loves us both...and he does not intend to live the rest of his days without either one of us by his side. I may not like this, but I have come to accept it.”

You glanced away, his words taking up residence within you.

“...but if you cannot accept this, then by all means...drive that stake through my heart. Truly become what you are and take what you must. That is how you survive this life…”

There was that phrase again. You did not like it, did not like the way it made you feel, and with a disgusted gasp, you dropped the stake. You held your hands up and away from Steve, chest heaving as you shook your head.

“No...no. That is...not how I wish to survive this life,” you told him.

You chanced a glance at him, finding that his eyes had darkened considerably. With a growl, the stake was in his hand, and he had flipped you, hovering over you as you trembled beneath him.

“Then you are weak!”

“Fine!”

He had not expected that response, and he looked taken aback. His fair hair brushed his forehead, thin shirt hanging off of his shoulder as he frowned at you.

“Fine...then I am weak. Call me whatever you like, Steve, but that is not me...and it shall never be me.”

You could feel the tip of the stake pressing into you through the fabric of your gown, and you swallowed, eyes boring into his.

“If you wish to drive that stake through my heart, to take what you want, then you may do so, but that is not who I am,” you quietly said. “I am not you.”

As much as you wished you could be, you were not like Steve. God knows that you hated him, and a part of you even hated James too, but killing Steve would hurt James, and you could not do that. You would not be able to live with yourself. Steve stared at you for a long time, and for a moment you thought that he would, but all too soon, you heard the piece of wood clatter to the floor. He remained hovering over you, hand on your neck now, and you swallowed as a shudder passed through you. His chambers were quiet as you simply stared at one another, and you thought to yourself how horrible it was that someone so demented could be so beautiful. Life was most cruel.

“I hate you,” you suddenly whispered.

Your words did not affect him, but you repeated them anyway.

“I hate you so much. I do not think you can ever imagine just how much I truly hate you, Steve,” you mumbled, tears kissing your eyes.

The king leaned down, nose brushing along yours as he hummed. Your lashes fluttered, hating the way heat swirled in your gut with his movements.

“I shall never forgive you.”

“It is not your forgiveness I seek,” he said.

He settled in between your legs, forcing them around his waist as his lips pressed against your neck.

“Then what do you seek from me…?”

His sharp teeth grazed your throat, and you curled your hands into fists, nails pressing into your palms. Your world was suddenly spinning, and you found yourself on top of Steve yet again. One of his hands pressed into your waist, holding you to him while you laid your palms on his chest. Even in the dark, the blue of his eyes appeared darker. Just as you were about to move to get off of him, he sat up, pressing his chest to yours.

“I-.”

Your words died on your tongue when he pressed his thumb to your mouth, scraping it over your teeth, and your eyes rolled when his blood fell onto your tongue.

“Show me how much you hate me,” he purred, leaning in to sink his own teeth into the skin just above your breast, piercing it through the fabric of your gown.

You had your way with Steve that night, hips moving over his as you sought out your climax again and again. You bit him, scratched him, left marks on every piece of flesh you could get your hands on, and he welcomed it all. Steve enjoyed a bit of pain, you realized, and you were shocked to find out just how much you enjoyed giving it to him. 

By the time you were done, the sun peaking through the window, the sheets were stained with blood. Steve was fast asleep, breathing faint, and you were leaving his chambers, feeling a bit shameful in your bloody gown from the night before. You were surprised to find James awaiting you when you entered the corridor, and you jumped a bit, pressing a hand to your chest.

You were unsure of what to say. For some reason, you thought James would be mad, but then you remembered that this is what he wanted. You frowned as he approached you, leaning in to press his lips to yours, tasting Steve’s blood on them. He did not completely pull away, and you felt the corner of his mouth lift.

“Good girl,” he whispered.

You reared back, eyeing him and the small smirk on his lips, and you suddenly wondered just how coincidental your night with Steve was...or if outside forces had come into play.

You glided through the sea of bodies, the flashing lights doing little to obstruct your vision. The club was otherwise dark, everyone around you too preoccupied with drugs or alcohol or the person next to them. Steve and James were currently knocked out at home, and while vampire blood quelled the thirst, it wasn’t what your body lived on. Venturing out for a few hours wouldn’t hurt anyone...or so you intended.

Unimpressed with the slim pickings before you, you exited the club. It was a nice summer night, but it would be much nicer if you could find something quick to eat. You heard the footsteps behind you as you made your way to your car parked on the side of the street, but you didn’t think much of it. At least, not until a warm hand wrapped around your wrist. You spun, eyes wide and confused.

The man before you had a fair complexion, hair dark and eyes darker. His facial hair was tasteful, jawline sharp, and under different circumstances, you might have found him attractive, but he wreaked of malicious intentions. You only discovered what those intentions were when he pushed against you. You allowed him to, looking at him like he had a death wish as he pinned you to your car.

“I saw you inside the club,” he said.

“...and?” you wondered, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Just a bit surprised to see a girl like you all alone… Dressed like that, you must be looking for something,” he grinned.

You scoffed, pushing against him.

“Get lost, creep.”

He snatched your hand, applying what you were sure he thought was painful pressure. You glowered at him as he pressed himself more firmly against you, and you could feel him hot and hard beneath his jeans.

“I really hate teases like you, you know,” he sneered. “You come out dressed like whores, knowing exactly what you look like, what kind of attention you’re looking for, and then when you get it… You get all surprised on us.”

You tilted your head at him, eyes narrowing.

“Nobody plays hard to get anymore. We see right through it.”

You pressed your lips together, mind whirling as you looked away. With a smirk, you leaned up and pressed your lips to his. He groaned into your mouth, tight grip still on your hand. When you pulled back, you licked your lips, brushing your nose against his.

“You caught me,” you chuckled. “Wanna come back to my place? I’ll drive.”

He grinned at you with a nod, taking a step back. By the time you got behind the wheel, he was already seated. He whistled at the interior of the car, and you threw him a sly smile as you started it.

“This yours?”

“It’s my ex’s,” you told him with a shrug.

It wasn’t a lie. James had been your ex at the time, angry with him for something you could hardly recall. The not-so-breakup breakup lasting a few months before Steve intervened. You just didn’t mention that you and said ex were happily back together.

The would be rapist talked the entire way as you sped down the road to upstate New York. If he took note of the long commute, he didn’t comment on it. Then again, why would he? He was far too preoccupied with getting laid. When you pulled up in front of the large and isolated mansion, you noticed the way his eyes briefly widened. The corner of your lips lifted just a bit as you took note of the way his heart skipped a beat.

The house was quiet, lighting dim when you entered, and you wondered if they were still asleep. You hoped not. You knew they had to be hungry. Before you could think more on it, the man behind you, Brock was what he called himself, wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against him. You didn’t react as he pressed kisses to your neck, your hungry eyes looking around for any sign of Steve or James instead.

“This is a nice place, kind of big for one woman.” he commented.

Footsteps reached your ears, far too soft for him to notice, and you bit your lip, fighting a smile.

“I agree,” you breathed, spinning around to cover his lips with your own.

His hands were tight on your waist, lips hungry and tongue searching, and the only reason disgust didn’t fill you was because you knew this would be worth it in only a matter of seconds.

“Doll…?”

You pulled away, ignoring the look on Brock’s face as you turned to grin at Steve. Your hands were on the raven-haired man’s face, your own visage practically glowing.

“Stevie,” you coolly responded.

You didn’t miss the way his eyes darkened as he took in the way the strange man held you, and your stomach flipped. You skipped towards him, hanging onto his arm as he continued to stare at the other man, a thousand ways to kill him running through his head, no doubt.

“What is the meaning of this?” he quietly demanded.

“What the fuck is going on?”

You ignored Brock, pouting at the blond man.

“He thought he could make me do whatever he wanted, Steve,” you whispered.

His head snapped towards you, jaw clenching as he ran his eyes over you. He knew that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself, but it was a habit he had no intentions of breaking.

“...so...I thought I’d bring him home…”

A smirk danced along his lips.

“Is that so?” he wondered, slowly turning to face the other man who was seconds away from leaving.

Too quickly for his eye to see, Steve was upon him, a hand digging into his shoulder. Brock barely had time to make any kind of noise before your husband was brutally tearing into his throat. You quietly approached them as Steve greedily drank from the skeevy man. He was dead by the time you reached them, and Steve lifted his head towards you, face stained, blood crawling down his neck.

He growled before smashing his lips against yours. You were reluctant to admit that the dead scum tasted better than you thought he would, but fear always did make the blood taste sweeter. You heard his body drop to the ground as Steve pressed his hands into your neck, tongue tasting the inside of your mouth while yours tasted the blood on his. You only pulled away when you heard a sigh, and you both turned to face James at the bottom of the stairs.

“What have I said about in the house?”

He sounded exasperated, but didn’t look particularly upset. You had the distinct feeling that he heard everything, and the reluctant smile that found its way onto his lips confirmed that. He beckoned you over, and you complied.

“Still mad at me?” he wondered, pinching your chin.

“No,” you said, shaking your head.

He pecked your lips.

“Good. I’ll help you get rid of that, Steve...and my love?”

He had brushed past you, and you turned to look at him expectantly.

“Yes…?”

“Never in the house,” he lightly scolded.

You returned his scowl with a grin.

The shard broke off deep into his neck, and Steve hissed, reaching to dig it out just as you plunged the other half into his chest.

“Fucking hell!”

Your palm connected with his cheek just before he shoved himself away from you, and you were determined to follow when strong familiar arms wrapped around you from behind, pinning your arms at your side.

“Let go of me,” you cried.

“Y/N-.”

“Let. Go. Of. Me!”

James did not listen, and instead you found yourself pinned to the wall, his arms preventing you from moving. You glared past his shoulder, trying in vain to kill Steve with your vision alone. The blond winced as he tore the broken glass from his neck, blood soaking into his shirt.

“He killed him,” you spat, lips trembling as the pain in your chest flared with the reminder of what Steve had done.

The man in question snapped his head up, eyes dark with anger and jealousy while his lip curled over his teeth.

“And I would happily do it again,” he sneered.

“He was my friend!”

“He coveted you,” Steve hissed, face only a hair’s width away from your own now. “You would think that after 400 plus years on this God forsaken earth, you would realize that.”

You frantically shook your head.

“No. Not everyone is like you, Steve. Not everyone has the worst intentions,” you screamed. 

Steve simply rolled his eyes, turning away as he removed his shirt. You looked to James for help, anything to back you up, but he did not look the least bit remorseful about what Steve had done. He sighed, and you frowned.

“I gave Steve the okay,” he quietly confessed. 

Your eyes widened, and you stumbled back out of his now loose hold. You stared at him in confusion, fighting to understand what he was telling you.

“W-what? You...you told him to kill Clint?” 

James did not respond, and you swallowed, a sharp pain traveling through your chest.

“...why?” you softly asked. “He was my friend. He made me laugh, he listened to me…”

You ignored Steve’s scoff, and James reached out to brush his thumb over your chin.

“We cannot get attached to humans.”

“You did,” you threw at him. “Or have you forgotten how I ended up in this situation to begin with?”

Anger briefly flashed over his features, and you tilted your head at him.

“That was different-.”

“How so? Was it different because you can do whatever you want while I cannot? Or is it different because you felt threatened by him?”

James pressed his chest to yours, staring you down with a look you had never been on the receiving end of before. You shuddered, and he took another step forward, forcing you back.

“Threatened by a mere human who we snuffed out like it was nothing?”

“I enjoyed being around him. I enjoyed learning about the ever changing world. He reminded me of a life that Steve so cruelly ripped away from me, and you hated it,” you whispered.

James’ silence spoke volumes.

“Admit it. You were terrified that I would...what...turn him? Then run off into the sunset, leaving the two of you behind?”

Now it was your turn to scoff.

“How quickly you forget that I am nothing like you...and that I could never do to someone else what you have done to me,” you snidely told him.

James sharply inhaled, straightening to his full height.

“You are ours, and it will remain that way until the end of time.”

You looked down, but James’ hand on your chin forced you to hold his uncharacteristically cold gaze.

“...and Steve and I will kill whomever we see fit to ensure nothing disrupts that.”

You snatched your face out of his grip, tears in your eyes.

“He did not taste half bad. You should have drank from him when you had the chance,” Steve chuckled.

Only a moment later, your hands were on his face, and he collapsed at your feet. Anger coursed through you as you stared down at him, wishing you had the strength and callousness to drive a stake through his heart. James heaved a sigh from behind you, and you felt him approach.

“You cannot keep doing that every time he upsets you, my love.”

You turned to face him, frown deepening when he placed his hand on your cheek. You copied him, placing your other hand on his other cheek, before breaking his neck with a grimace. You scoffed, shaking your head at them both before storming out of the room.

The storm raged around you as you stared down into the overgrown grass. Centuries upon centuries had passed, and while it was certainly not as grand as it had once been, the basic structure of the castle remained. You had no doubt that in the years to come, it would be a tourist attraction. Nothing else from the building mattered much. The only thing that was of some importance, the balcony, remained, and that was all that you cared about.

You pressed your hand to your lips as you looked around, feeling like it was only yesterday that you had been here. If you thought hard enough, you could recall the early days of your marriage, filled with innocence and naivety. You could even recall the respect and admiration you’d had for Steve then, back when he was a king. Your relationship with the blond was much more complicated these days than you cared to admit.

And if you really relaxed, really thought hard enough, you could see her smile. You could see the way her hair caught the sun, looking almost red at times. You could hear her laugh at some jest that was far too inappropriate for a woman to make back then. If you thought hard enough, you could see...her.

You didn’t realize that you had closed your eyes until they snapped open at the familiar warmth in your chest that was growing by the minute. You hadn’t intended to bond with Steve that night, it sort of just happened, and the damage had been done. At least he had taught you how to feel his presence deep within your chest, a warmth that was always there but had not realized was James...and now Steve too. It was how James always found you every time you took off. You didn’t like that he’d hidden that from you…

You didn’t need to turn around to know that he was there. You could feel him like he was touching you instead of way on the other side of the room. He didn’t say anything, and you got the feeling that James had grown worried, had told him to come find you. After all, it had been a few months since you last saw them. It was how you coped when you couldn’t stand to look at their faces. You could feel Steve’s surprise at finding you here.

“Why did you kill her?” you suddenly wondered, voice quiet.

The rain was loud, words drowned out even more as you were on the balcony, but you knew that he heard you all the same.

“I loved her...and you took her away from me. Why?”

“...because I couldn’t control her,” he eventually responded, equally low voice reaching your ears.

Steve didn’t sound boastful, he didn’t even sound satisfied with himself. In fact, the vampire behind you almost sounded regretful. 

“...and me?”

You blinked, tears skipping down your face as you finally turned to face him. Your eyes met his, and his jaw clenched as he took note of the way your own shined.

“Why did you kill me?”

Steve didn’t answer, and you stumbled towards him.

“Why, Steve? You...you threw me off of that balcony. You took my life into your hands, and you just crushed it! Like it was nothing… You killed me.”

“I know-.”

“You killed me!”

You shoved him, and he let you. He swallowed, reaching for you. It was always so fresh in your mind. Your fear, the cruel smirk on his face, his heartlessness...and then the pain. The way he laughed when you had killed your maid. Mary Jane. So many had died as the result of his own selfish desires...

“I know, I know.”

“You killed me, Steve,” you cried, hitting his chest, his shoulders, his face.

He merely blinked as you slapped him again. You could feel his own regret and his own despair and it made you angrier. It was centuries too late.

“You killed me, you killed me, you killed me,” you repeatedly sobbed, shoving him and shaking him over and over again. “Why?”

You fisted your hands into his shirt, yanking him.

“Why did you kill me, Steve? Why...why did you do that to me?” you shakily mumbled, lips trembling.

Steve pressed his hand into the back of your head, the other at the small of your back, and you fought against him.

“You were going to leave us,” he reluctantly said. “You were going to leave me…”

You didn’t meet his eyes as he pressed his forehead to yours.

“My feelings then may have been just as complicated as they are now, but I only knew that I couldn't let you leave,” he confessed.

You shook your head, a sob caught in your throat.

“You would have tried again...and you would have succeeded,” he breathed.

He was right. You both knew that he was right, and you would have tried again. After all, at the time, you thought it was your only way to get away from him. Steve’s lips sought out yours, and you turned your head away. His regret threatened to suffocate you.

“I’m sorry,” he exhaled.

You shook your head again, turning away every time he reached for your face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, lips finding yours.

Your back hit the wall, and you could feel his own lips trembling against yours. Your salty tears mixed in with the kiss, and you cried harder at your despair, his regret, and your inability to change the past.

“Forgive me,” he pleaded into your mouth.

“No,” you whispered back.

His lips traveled to your jaw and then your neck before kissing the fabric of your dress as Steve fell to his knees, begging for your forgiveness every step of the way.

“Forgive me, forgive me,” he chanted.

Your hands tangled in his hair as he fiercely kissed your stomach, pressing his face into your dress as he continued to beg for your forgiveness. You never thought you’d see the day where Steve would be on his knees, begging you to forgive him. After all, once upon a time, he’d told you that your forgiveness was not what he sought...and once upon a time, you said you’d never give it.

As your fingers tightened in his hair, you thought to yourself that perhaps you could forgive him. You could feel his remorse, feel how what he’d done had been eating at him. It had been doing so for quite some time, but you’d always tried to ignore it. You never thought a day would come where you’d even consider forgiving him for making your life hell, killing Peggy...killing you, but as his pleas reached your ears, you were tempted to give in. Maybe you would forgive him some day…

In one quick movement, you’d snapped Steve’s neck, and he heavily fell at your feet. You stood against the wall, trembling and crying. Your fingers shook, and in all the years you’d done that whenever Steve made you incredibly angry, for the first time ever, it did not bring you joy. 

Maybe you would forgive Steve someday...but today was not that day.

Your watchful eyes followed the children as they ran across the street. Despite their ratty clothing and dirty faces, bright smiles adorned their lips as they laughed and played with one another. The owner of the orphanage, a kind and homely woman, ushered them along. You caught her eye and she waved. You returned it with a smile, James and Steve hardly paying you mind as they conversed about their investments. 

You had more money than you could ever dream of, so you donated to the orphanage often. The children who always lived there always looked their best now, but you could see that these kids were new. You watched the way they played amongst each other, running around Ms. Jane, their giggles reaching your ears as she fought to settle them down.

“My love?”

You were pulled from the scene at the sound of James’ voice. His brows were furrowed, and he looked concerned.

“Are you alright…?”

You nodded at him.

“Of course.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie, but it wasn’t entirely true either. You were certain that James could feel that, and that was probably why his face briefly pinched before it smoothed out. He reached past Steve to brush a finger over your cheek, a small smile on his lips just before he turned away. You quickly glanced at the children again before tightening your hold on Steve’s arm.

“Steve…”

You glanced to him just as he turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Can vampires procreate?”

You didn’t like to ask James these things. He had a habit of withholding information from you or even just downright sugarcoating things. You could feel his eyes on you, and you ignored his gaze as you waited for Steve to answer. He threw you a strained smile.

“No...but we sure love to try,” he joked, and you reluctantly chuckled.

You looked away from him, and he brushed a finger over the back of your hand.

“Why do you ask?”

Your eyes strayed to the laughing children again, and you shrugged.

“Just curious, I guess…”

You could feel their concern, but you ignored it, and days later, the conversation was forgotten altogether. But every now and then, you thought about those children, about where they lived. Despite the fact that you’d put a lot of money into the place, they still deserved a proper home. 

Steve and James were gone when you left. It was late, and they were meeting with shady businessmen, no doubt. Times were different. It was the 1910’s, an age of cars and alcohol and money, and every man wanted to do business with the elusive Steve Rogers and James Barnes. You smirked to yourself, thinking on how everyone thought them to be descendants of royal blood, unaware that they were indeed the original royal blood everyone thought them to be related to.

The night was cold, not that you could tell, but the frost on the windows and the shivers from the men that you passed told you so. You ignored the strange looks they gave you, a woman such as yourself out so late by your lonesome? That was one thing that hadn’t changed in the years to come. The orphanage was in a better part of town, away from the seedy bar and brothel, no predatory and violent men around to disturb the peace of the children.

You could hear a horse and carriage far off in the distance as you stared up at the building. All of the windows were covered with curtains, and when you listened closely, you could hear the calm and even heartbeats of all the children inside. All except one. You frowned when the door opened and a little boy stood in the open doorway with an empty pail. His eyes widened at the sight of you before a smile eventually graced his lips.

“H-hello,” he hesitantly stuttered. 

You stared at him for a long while, blinking at him before eventually squatting to meet him at eye level. He couldn’t have been any older than seven.

“Hi,” you breathed. “What are you doing up so late?”

If he was frightened by your sharp teeth, he did not show it. His heart didn’t even stutter. He held up the bucket with a shrug.

“I wanted to get some water for in the morning, so that Ms. Jane wouldn’t have to,” he told you.

You let out a light laugh.

“That is so sweet. What is your name?”

“Billy…”

You quietly repeated it to yourself, and you stared at him, your heart already making your next decision for you before your mind could catch up. You slowly stood, extending your hand towards him with an inviting smile.

“Are you hungry, Billy?”

You got the feeling that he was going to protest, but his stomach told on him before he got the chance.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a nod, looking sheepish.

Your smile widened, and your heart soared when he stumbled towards you, placing his smaller hand in yours. As you walked him back to the house, he told you of how Ms. Jane did the best she could with the donations, but the orphanage was filling up with more and more kids each year. He was fairly new, only having been there for all of three months. He marveled at your mansion, brown eyes alight with wonder.

He was well behaved, waiting patiently while you fixed him something to eat. You were happy that he was comfortable with you, talking your ear off the entire time. You made sure to fix him a hearty soup, filled with vegetables and plenty of meat. He didn’t seem to mind as you studied him, far too engrossed in the food before him. 

You hadn’t realized how much time had passed.

“Y/N.”

Startled, you turned, looking up to find James and Steve standing in the entryway to the living room. Billy and you were on the floor, the fire lit to keep him warm, and you hurriedly stood. James hardly ever called you by your name, and you did not need to look within yourself to know that he was angry. It was written all over his face.

“Is that your name?” Billy asked you.

You turned to him with a strained smile and nod.

“You stay right here, okay?”

You ruffled his hair, and he smiled at you with an obedient nod. You swallowed as you turned to approach James and Steve, not missing the way James’ eyes never left you. You could feel their worry, and that confused you.

“What have you done?” James demanded, and you flinched at his tone.

“I…”

You gestured to Billy.

“There are so many children in the orphanage, so I-.”

“So you brought him here? To a house full of vampires?”

He talked to you like you were stupid, and you looked to Steve for help, but his own face was pinched with worry, blue eyes flickering between you and the boy.

“We can raise him,” you quietly said. “He’ll never have to want for anything-.”

“No,” James snapped.

“James-.”

“You could have killed him. Exposed all of us,” he argued. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that he could be ours,” you weakly replied, hating the way your voice trembled.

James’ eyes softened, shoulders sagging as he heaved a sigh. You looked to Steve, the blond the more open minded of the two, eyes pleading as you reached for him.

“Steve…? Tell him, Steve,” you said, pushing yourself against him. “Let me keep him.”

Steve’s eyes landed on James, the dark-haired man almost daring Steve to say something.

“Let’s just think about it-.”

“Absolutely not. We’ll be lucky if no one has already noticed his absence…”

“No,” you breathed. “James, no.”

“I’m taking him back. Now,” he hissed, brushing past you.

“No,” you cried, standing in his way. “I hardly ask you for anything.”

James’ eyes widened at your uncharacteristic behavior, and you clutched his shirt.

“...and I should. I should ask you for the world. I deserve it! I can take care of him, James.”

Your voice was small, and James gave you a regretful look before glancing away.

“Let me have this one thing,” you softly begged.

James was quiet, so was Steve, and the only sound was that of Billy finishing his food. James clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring before finally speaking.

“Steve.”

You fought in Steve’s hold as he grabbed you, holding you back as James approached Billy. You screamed as he stared into the boy’s eyes, Billy falling asleep only moments later, James catching him with ease.

“Fuck you, James,” you spat as he passed you. “Fuck you!”

You could feel the pain that your words caused, but you didn’t care. You turned to press your face into Steve’s chest as the door slammed shut, collapsing in his arms. He tightened his arms around you, shushing you as sobs wracked your frame.

“You could have killed him.”

“I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have done that-.”

“You don’t know that,” he said. “You’re still fairly young. You could have easily killed him, and then what?”

You shoved yourself away from Steve, wrapping your arms around yourself as you sniffed.

“You did this to me,” you mumbled.

It was an old argument. You and Steve were in a far better place than what you used to be, but you were still so far from where you could be. You looked to him, eyes hard and lip curling over your teeth.

“I wanted kids. I always wanted kids, and you took that away from me…”

Steve sighed, looking down.

“I want to blame you...but the truth is...a part of me hates James too,” you confessed.

“Y/N-.”

“...because the truth is...that life was gone the moment James decided that I was to be his.”

Steve reached for you, but you stepped away. Your eyes briefly fluttered close, a soft scoff escaping your lips.

“It’s not fair,” you whispered, shaking your head. “It’s not fair.”

You flurried past him, slamming your shoulder into his as you passed by.

Steve’s hold was almost bruising on your hips, his own pushing up into yours over and over again with every thrust. You dug your nails into his chest, head thrown back to accommodate for James, his lips tasting the skin of your neck and shoulder. Your lashes fluttered as you clenched around Steve, and James’ nails pressed into your skin.

“I don’t like that he touched you,” he murmured against your skin.

You sighed when Steve wrapped his lips around a hardened bud.

“It was a means to an end…”

James hummed, Steve far too preoccupied with the way his cock slid in and out of you.

“...and if I had to seduce some other woman as a means to an end?” he wondered.

His tone was teasing, and you all knew he wasn’t serious, but you froze anyway, turning your head to stare into his eyes. Your own hardened considerably, and James chuckled at the fire in your eyes.

“A bit of a double standard, no?”

“James,” Steve dragged out, frustrated that you’d stopped moving. “Why must you choose now of all times to upset her?”

“It was a simple question,” the dark-haired man said with a shrug.

“The day you seduce someone else, a means to an end or not, is the day I finally drive a stake through your heart,” you calmly told him.

James smirked, brushing his lips over yours.

“Come now, my love. I was only teasing…”

With a devious smile of your own, you twisted your hand into his hair, thankful that he’d never cut it too short, before forcing him onto his back beside Steve. You dragged your nails along his chest, drawing blood and taking great satisfaction in the way he’d hissed. You moved your hips over Steve’s as you leaned over to glide your tongue over his skin, James moaning at the feel. Your teeth ached, the desire to sink your teeth into him strong. Your lips moved against his heaving chest as you spoke.

“I don’t joke about what’s mine.”

.

~

tags:  @mcudarklibrary @harryspet @xoxabs88xox @darkficreposter @opheliadawnwalker3 @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @readermia @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @buckybarnesplumwhore @quaksonhehe @nerdygirl8203 @patzammit @mandiiblanche @cocoamoonmalfoy @mrsdeanwinchester19 @ahoemine @9daykrisr​

[hwavsg4ch4n]

Joker!minho X innocent!reader?

OUUUU I LIKE THIS!!! Thank you so much for the request!!

All I Have|| L.M

Warnings/tags: fem!reader, innocent!reader, soft joker!minho, caregiver!minho, boyfriend!minho, gore, implied murder, abuse, toxic relationship, flashbacks, suggestive, mentioning of another member (Chan), mentions of drugs, substance abuse, petnames.

Due to tumblr being mean to me, some parts are heavily re-written. This is bc some parts got deleted for some reason. Lol.

I really hope you like it! I haven’t written anything like this for a long time so I feel kinda rusty lol! Again, thank you so much for your request! Also, this is more a "softer" joker (???) idk.

This is pure fiction… not real, yeah.

masterlist

He looks so good in that gif… LAWD-

Drabble/imagine thingy starts under the cut :)

“Oh mommy~!” His mother rolled her eyes as her son strutted down the stairs. “Play with me.” Regardless of the shots, the blood curdling screams and the blood splashing on the windows, the neighbors didn’t dare call the cops; because who cares about some junky and her son? The cops pitied the boy, how could a murderer kill everyone he had, leaving a defenseless 10 year old upstairs with headphones. The cops that didn’t take pity all died the same premature death, poisoning. His mother deserved it, so did the men that helped burn him with cigarette buds. He was tired, tired of the drinking, the biohazard sum needles that he found under his pillow. But strangely that wasn't the worst part, he despised the mess, the dust, the mold growing on the walls. Legend said Minho screamed "You filthy filthy woman!" while taking his mothers life, he hated the mess.

You shivered at the recall of the story, the story Minho didn’t even tell you, the story you had to hear from one of his henchmen; said henchman died once Minho knew he told you. But you were told he quit, you still believed he quit. Plus it was all just a scary bedtime story, that’s what your boyfriend said. You loved Minho, yes his logic sometimes confused you but he was harmless. Everyone deserved love, and you were more than happy to give it to him. Despite his illegal activities, you stuck beside him. For it was only a large drug ring, only dealing with shipments and money, right?

“Where the hell is my flower?!” You flinched, as did everyone else in the lecture hall. Your man had a thing for making a grand entrance, you eventually got used to it. “M-Minho, s-sir.” Your professor trembled as your boyfriend strutted in with a sleek suit, his men waltzing it behind him with a mixture of pink AK-47’s and yellow UZI’s, their faces adorned with different animals masks.

You often asked Minho why they carried those guns around, to which he told you that they were fake, only to be used to scare off the enemy, you believed him. “Well they should be in pretty colors, so they won’t seem so scary.” You pouted playfully, a wide smile spread on his face; he let you pick the colors. “Also, the body guards should have cute animal masks. Don’t you think?” Minho nodded, trying to stop his eye from twitching as one of his men groaned in protest. Minho told you he quit too, a lot of men quit that month. Not to worry, they’d always be replaced.

“M-Miss y/n? Are you h-here tod-day?” You frowned as your professor trembled, confused as to why he was so scared, your boyfriend was harmless. “Yes I’m here!” You stood up and raised your hand. You smiled as Minho grinned, “Come on flower, I’m taking you out to lunch.”

You were grateful for Minho, he took you in under his wing. Gave you a roof over your head, gave you food from luxury chefs, provided you with clothes no regular college student could afford. He called you beautiful, told you he was proud of you, he made you feel whole, told you he'd do anything to see you smile. You had to connivance him it was a good idea to enroll for classes, he hated it. "All the things you want I can give darling, let me take care of you, hm?" But you shook your head with a smile. "This is what I want."

Minho was your life, every since you two met in the orphanage you were inseparable, claiming you as his and no one dared to separate you two. You got looked up to him, waking up when he did, eating when he ate, only listening to him and he loved it, what he said was right. You cried, threw a tantrum when you got a adopted. You sobbed for hours while 17 year old Minho threatened the ones who took you, but they just laughed, spewing out their own threats. “Minnie!!!!” You screamed and kicked as your new family pulled you away. “I’ll get you back, flower.”

Of course he did… years later; after your parents died in a car crash, something about a malfunction, you didn’t understand. You were devastated, you parents sheltered you. No phones were allowed, no calls to be made, you had no curfew because you were never let out, you couldn't even wipe your own ass; who was going to take care of you now? These thoughts accumulated. That's until he showed up to your graduation, you were alone, back in an orphanage, but there he was. In his clean black suit, standing there with open arms in the vibrant green grass. “We meet again flower.” You didn’t comprehend the screams of terror around you as his men flooded the venue, you were too pre occupied running off the stage and hugging the only person you have left, nothing else mattered, you were finally safe.

5 years later and here you were, sipping on coffee and talking to Minho about your day. He listened attentively, to every word you said. “That sounds wonderful darling.” You giggled and his cold heart fluttered as you smiled at him. “Sir.” You waved in greeting to the only guard without a mask as he walked up to your table, he bowed before speaking. “What do you need Chan? I’m busy?” Minho sighed at his right hand man. “The rogues, they ki-” Chan looked down at you hesitantly before continuing, “They hid all of Rowan’s drugs. They’re coming to Gotham next, sir.” You frowned in worry as your boyfriend screamed in annoyance, causing all the tense customers in the establishment to scurry. You rolled your eyes at their actions, it was only drugs.

“Well y/n, I have to go.” Minho gave you a tight lipped smile. “Where are you going?” You followed behind him as he stood up, grabbing his hand and halting his movements. Minho turned around, placing a sweet kiss to your forehead. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back tonight. Chan take her home.” You pouted but didn’t protest. Minho smiled, you were so obedient.

You waited for hours, doing homework, as well as work that wasn’t even assigned yet. Baking and cooking, refusing the maid’s help every time they butt in, but you were terribly bored. It was 2am and your boyfriend still wasn’t home, but then it reached 2:30am. You hopped off of the couch as you heard the door open, you rushed to the entry but you smile soon dropped. “Minho!” You screamed, rushing to his side as he chuckled. “The shit I do for you flower.” He whispers, not catching your ear as you were to focused dragging him upstairs. The big gash in his head didn’t stop bleeding, you looked over him, almost tearing while seeing his white shirt covered in crimson.

“Now now, no crying darling. This isn’t my blood.” You looked into his eyes as he laughed at your concern. You sat him down and took out the first aid kit; tending to the deep cut on his forehead. Minho didn’t flinch as you cleaned it, only starring up into your worried eyes as he grinned. “I’m done lying to you y/n,” he started, you listened, refusing to interrupt and distract yourself from helping him, partially scared of his confession. “I don’t only work with money and drugs darling. I kill people, and I like it.” He deadpans, you freeze. “What is so bad about that? They deserve it! Don’t they flower?! It brings me peace knowing that the worthless can stop being so damn annoying.” You starred into his cold eyes as he spoke nonchalantly, deep down you knew the truth, of course you knew, but it was better to deny it. Even the public would scramble as he walked by, when you ended up being alone for projects because you were his girl, the grizzly stories you were told by the people who dared to speak to you, only for those people to be filed as missing.

Nonetheless, you couldn’t find yourself to care, maybe you were just as crazy as he was. You placed yourself on his lap after his bandage was secure. “Why did you lie to me?” You ask softy, playing with his brown strands. “Because you’re my precious little flower. I would hate to make you wilt, all because of me.” You blushed, he cared about you like no one else would; you wanted to show him you cared too, he deserved it for giving you everything.

“Y/n, what are you doing?” He mumbled, confused as to why you pivoted on his lap, starting to kiss at his neck. You look back up at him embarrassed, “I-I just wanted to show you that I love you.” His heart melted at your words, a deep feeling he’s never felt once before overcame his form; it almost made him shed a tear. “Since when we’re you so good with words pretty girl?” You smiled sheepishly, ducking your head back into his neck.

Minho would let you do whatever you wanted to him, he’d hand you a gun and let you use him as target practice if that’s what you wanted. He'd let you torture him, get out all the trauma you held. But you’d never do such a thing, he’s all you have.

masterlist

[besotted-eros]

Obsessed!Eren Headcanons+

Genre: SFW Headcanons + NSFW scene under cut

Summary: Eren being helplessly in love with you, and the night where he could show you just how bad.

Content: Bit of toxic jealousy, obsessive thoughts, losing virginity, romance,established relationship,oral (female receiving), unprotected sex

AN: Take some fluff, take some angst, take some smut and don't say I don't feed you

Eren loves so deeply, so passionately, so possessively. From the moment his heart decides on you, you are twisted in him. Yours is the first name on his lips in the morning, whether he wakes up beside you, or in a barracks beside Armin. Or in a jail cell alone. He thinks of you obsessively, weaving you into everything he does.

He used to follow you, sorting his schedule by yours. You would find him by your door, by the table you liked to read at, waiting for you expectantly.

It's almost scary sometimes. He makes your breath falter with his intensity, his need for you. You know he means it that he'll go mad if he ever loses you.

He keeps a note you wrote him in the inner pocket of his jacket. It doesn't say much, a quick entreatment to sleep and eat, your name signed with love. When he salutes his fist rests over it. He pledges to more than the scouts. It remains there long after his last salute.

He steals your hair ties, often reaching up to touch his hair when your absence gets too much. When his hair is down, falling below his shoulders like a chestnut curtain, he keeps it around his wrist. When he loses himself in the fog of memories that don't belong to him, he snaps it. It reminds him of the way you'd tap the back of his hand, pulling him back into the world of the living. You are his anchor.

He refuses to keep his hands off you in public, even if it gets him in trouble. No amount of scolding from Levi will make him stop touching your waist as you pass by during training, or pulling you in for a kiss before zipping away. Your friends become use to it, the way Eren will pull you against him when you sit together, or move you into his lap. His hands will rest on your hips, rub your shoulders. But he loves holding your hand above all. It's the way the world knows you are tied. Bound.

There are only a few people allowed to touch you. Mikasa, Armin. Sasha on good days. One time Jean attempted to throw a casual arm around you as you spoke, and was quickly thrown to the ground. Yes, Eren and Jean fought. But this time was different. Eren spat in his face, baring his teeth as he delivering a bone crunching punch. "Don't. Fucking. Touch her." He growled, sounding more animal than man. He never apologised for that. You were careful to keep your space from other men too.

When you're apart he is hollow. Listless. He imagines what you're doing, if you're safe. If you're missing him. He pictures you in trouble without him, and it stirs him into action, to find you faster. To wrap you in his arms, the only place you'll ever truly be safe.

When you reunite, it brings him to tears. They quiver in the corners of his verdant eyes as he tenderly cradles you, large hands stroking through your hair. He buries his face in you so you won't see them. And he says your name. Over and over. Like a chant. Like a prayer. Like a thank you.

There is one time that those tears fall. It is when he takes you, when he gives himself to you.

The evening had been perfect, ignoring the upcoming trip to Marley that weighed heavily on all minds. You didn't want to think about that, instead focusing on the spiced wine that Levi had quietly pushed into your hands while Hange grinned from behind him. And the way Eren traced circles on your knee, his normal stoic face softened into a half smile.

You snuck away from your friends, leaving Connie and Sasha bellowing a war song while Mikasa tried to force Sasha's shirt back on. You had tapped his wrist, and soon you were out of the mess hall, holding onto each other as you stumbled into the moonlight. You kissed, soft and repeated, your lips unbearably supple under his. Eren wondered if the butterflies would ever fade as your head leaned against his shoulder. He never wanted them to. He wanted to love you like he was free falling from a wall, with his heart in his throat and life bursting from every pore.

Soon you found yourself at the door to the room you shared with Mikasa and Sasha. This is where you would usually part, with him kissing your forehead goodnight. He would quell his thoughts of you in the shower later, your name hot on his tongue as the cool water cascaded over his firm body.

But this time you pulled him in.

When he laid you on the bed, your soft hair splayed across the over the pillow like a sunburst, his heart stopped. He had seen this before. He had dreamt it. There was no god to Eren, no angels. But in that moment he knew he had found someone to worship.

But nothing could have prepared him for how it felt. Lips meeting like crashing waves, the soft gasps that left your throat as his hands found parts of you no one else would ever touch. He wanted to run his fingers across every inch, to discover you like a new world. Here, the dip of your hips. There they smooth into your legs, here into your ass where the flesh was soft and pliable under his fingers. His thumb brushed across your lips, and when you took into your mouth, tongue tracing the pad of it, he groaned.

He could have ruined you right then and there. But he held back.

Eren memorized you, the feel of your chest against his and the way you kissed his collarbone until it was a field of blooming bruises. Tomorrow he would wear his shirt unbuttoned, wearing your love like a medal. He returned the favour in tenfold, leaving blossoms of soft purple across your neck. They were rewards for every time you touched him. How good it felt. Eren had never felt this good. Soon your chest was littered with them, his mouth hot and desperate on your breasts. Here he seemed to say. I have touched you here, and here. I loved you there, and there.

You spoke his name into the night like a prayer. The want in it, the need of him. It twisted his stomach into a rosary as he held your face and kissed you like a blessing. He liked how your mouth formed him, called him forth into the world. He wanted more of that.

So he kissed his way down, teeth sneaking out every once in a while to nip at your supple skin. You found where you wanted him most, where you throbbed with want. You were so delicate under his fingers as he dipped them into you, walls fluttering as your toes curled. Your hands found his hair, encouraging him further as his tongue slid against your clit, making you buck.

He could do this to you. He could make you putty under his fingers. This strong, demanding woman who slayed those who threatened her, reduced to whimpering his name.

His. Eren was making you his. He was defiling you in the softest of ways, pressing your legs open, your slick slit parting for him. He dragged his tongue up, down, up again to circle your throbbing clit. When you looked down at him, his eyes were glazed green glass, your wetness making his lips shine. He pulled his fingers out, holding the soaked fingers towards you. Obediently you took them into your mouth, and he gasped against your warmth, sucking at your clit in response and making you throw your head back. Your throat exposed, vulnerable and ridden with angry bruises.

He couldn't handle it. His shaft was hard against the bed as he pressed into it, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. And then you pulled up, tugging his long hair. You licked yourself off his lips, tasting how you coated his tongue. Your legs were still spread, exposed for him. Eren angled himself, his dripping head aligned with your wet entrance, while he kissed his love into you.

"Please," you asked, it was all Eren needed.

And then you were connected. His fingers found yours, and you held tightly to his hand as hips rocked against yours. Your eyes were closed, pinched tightly at the sensation of pleasure and pain radiating from the warmth between your legs. He was big. He was so big.

Eren whispered your name.

"Look at me. Look at me while we do this." He murmured, his nose tracing your cheek as he peppered soft kisses on your jaw.

You did, meeting his green gaze. His mouth opened, a kick of pleasure making his toes curl as he adored you. The way you stared up at him, a look he would never see you give another. Your hand moved to cup his cheek, breasts bouncing as his body picked up speed. He was desperate. He was aching. He had pictured you like this for so long, but his dreams held no candle to the way your walls gripped him.

"Never. Never let another man touch you." He panted, his heart soaring as you nodded, nails digging into his shoulder as you held on to him, feeling him rail into you. "Be mine. Be forever mine. Please y/n..." His voice broke as he picked you up from the bed, needing to feel even closer. Even tighter. Your legs wrapped around him in response as your moans hit a fervored pitch. He gripped your thighs, using them to bounce you up and down his veiny shaft, using you to milk him. Eren sat back, letting the moonlight bathe your back as your hair stuck to your skin, mingling with his.

"I love you." He said. It cut through your incoherent moans, your whimpers of satisfaction. You pulled back to rest your forehead against his, letting yourself stare at him. To be seen by him. He could have done anything to look at you forever, to live his world only through your eyes.

"I love you too, 'ren." You whispered, and it pushed him over the edge. He slammed you back into the bed, load whines ripping from his throat as his hips snapped against yours over and over. You. You. You. You invaded his every sense, his every particle. You were Eren's everything.

When he came, it was like a dam breaking. Flooding you, making you cream around him. You overflowed with him, and he was at once addicted to the sensation. You cried out with him, your moans mingling as his hot mouth overtook yours. His cheeks were wet. He shook as you kissed, collapsing against you. His body was hot and muscular, the scratches you left on his back steaming slightly.

You lay there for peaceful moments, pressing your face into the top of his head while he listened to your heartbeat. He would do anything to ensure that it would never stop. He was going to do anything to ensure it never stopped.

Even if that meant he wouldn't always be there to hear it.

[shirophantomvox]

Analyzing Illumi Zoldyck's Character

Chrollo Analysis | Hisoka Analysis | Killua Analysis

What’s up y’all! Sorry for being away for the last few days. I needed a break from social media because I am so tired of seeing toxic, self-righteous people on my TL. Anyway, quite a lot of you liked my posts about analyzing HxH characters and somehow comparing them to VLD characters. Today, I’ll be talking about Illumi Zoldyck and I’ll try to compare him to a Voltron character. I know many people have already analyzed this character before, but it wouldn’t hurt to add to the discussion some years later. If you want me to write about anything else, send me an ask! The formatting of this post may be different than the one I wrote about Hisoka Morrow (click his name to view that post).

HERE WE GO!

In the first season, all of the characters are contestants for the Hunter’s Exam. I say contestants because this is a contest to see who can win without any injuries and can keep up with each host. I forget what number stage they were at, but I do know they were at the stage where each opponent has to fight each other. They are declared the winner if their opponent forfeits or gives up mid-match. (Off-topic, but) I am going, to be honest; Gon was my favorite character but his flaws began to show, annoyed me, and later led to his horrific downfall (based from YouTube clips). He didn’t know when to stop and kept pushing himself over the limit. Anyway, Killua and Gittarackur are set to fight. This is when things take a turn for the worse.

Gittarackur is a form of a disguise for Illumi to mask his identity. His face is long; nearly (and reminds me of) in the shape of a Tiki. His face also reminds me of the Witch Doctor mask from Scooby-Doo and Hell-raiser. He has several pins stuck in his face to maintain the facial features of Gittarackur. On the flip side, if he removes the pins, his biological form is revealed. Once he does this, Killua is nearly paralyzed; he cannot believe his eyes and I’m sure the trauma he endured at home hit him like a sack of rocks. Illumi then tells Killua that he wants him to return home, that he cannot maintain a friendship with Gon, stated that he was going to kill Gon, but realizes that if he does so he will be disqualified and will not obtain his Hunter’s license.

I’m assuming the cops aren’t a thing in this reality and the only way for them to “destroy” under the law is by obtaining the license. What do you think? I rarely see police officers; all I see are the Mafia and every they suck compared to the Zoldyck's and the Phantom Troupe. Shit, it seems like they’re the police but have twisted motives.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a fictional character or not, first impressions matter and he bombed this one...even for a villain.

But you did this for what?

How can you hypnotize (by using Nen) your own brother into killing another opponent because he doesn’t want to become an emotionless zombie like you? At least, that’s my perception. Telling your brother to run every time he faces an opponent that he knows he cannot win against is the sickest shit I’ve ever seen. I know I’m jumping around but another thought popped into my head. As the seasons go on, Illumi expresses an odd way of loving his younger brother and to him, that means to make him suffer in the same way he had to. It seems like Illumi is jealous of Gon in a way. (I’ve seen clips on YouTube) Killua takes Alluka to the hospital to heal Gon. Illumi has stated several times to Hisoka that Killua was hiding rules from him and that he still wanted to get rid of Alluka. Although it is clearly stated why he wanted Alluka gone, I still think that Illumi was jealous of Gon simply because his younger brother preferred to be with a friend instead of him. This is why he emphasizes “You cannot have friends. Either they will betray you or you’ll betray them.”

As I read and watched as the seasons went on, I noticed something about Illumi and his family. We all know that the children were raised by their parents. Specifically, their dad is a trained assassin. I can’t remember but I think Zeno is their grandfather who is also an assassin.

I view him as a character that has suffered from abuse and trauma in order to mold him into an assassin. He is emotionless, doesn’t really care for others, has an odd relationship with Killua that he doesn’t have for his other siblings, and is a hypocrite. Killua can’t be friends with Gon but every time the show cuts to him, he’s with Hisoka? Something is fishy there. Are they more than friends? OK, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Here's the physical analysis below.

Face

When masquerading as Gittarackur, his face has several pins in them and his hair is in a rock star form of Mohawk that is purple. I’ll give him 10/10 for uniqueness, yet it still reminded me of Hell Raiser.

I’ve noticed that when he is in public he is in costume. Why doesn’t he reveal himself in public? I’ve researched this and no one could answer this question. My guess is that he is a verified hunter and assassin. How can you carry out your missions if everyone knows what you look like? Without the pins in his face, it reverts back to his natural state. To me, his large eyes and long, shiny black hair are his distinguished features. Although he may be my least favorite character, he does have pretty eyes. Haven’t you all heard of “I got lost in his/her eyes”?

Yeah, that can be said about him. Most definitely. He rarely smiles and when he does, something BAD is going to happen. I saw him laugh crazily once Alluka began the healing process, the Nen (I guess) rose from the hospital and got on him. This scene reminds me of how Haggar reacted once the Komar’s quintessence bounced from Voltron and bounced onto her. Wow, these supernatural abilities make y’all feel that good?

Clothes

Gittarackur and Illumi wear the same clothes, which should be a clear giveaway that they are the same. Illumi wears a neural green short jacket that has yellow pins in them, a light green shirt underneath, and green pants. His shoes remind me of loafers with a heel on them, something my grandmother would wear.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say again, these bad-ass men in this show are very stylish and seem to be in shape more than I am. Although Illumi irks me, his fashion is great and this is why people prefer him to be their favorite character. Shows should always produce characters that are memorable; that is the key to a long-lasting fan base.

In conclusion, this anime (for the most part) has well-rounded characters that make the plot interesting and wanting more.

Illumi and Lotor are somewhat similar. They both grew up in abusive households and lost some sense of sensitivity, common sense, and were often “misguided” by their own selfishness. Illumi wants a better life for Killua by constantly brainwashing him into thinking that he cannot have friends and his can only find happiness through killing. Zarkon raises Lotor to be a prince that shouldn't work with planets and should destroy them. This explains why he used deceased Alteans from the colony, drained their quintessence, and didn't give them a proper burial. Lotor IS just like his father but Killua IS NOT like Illumi. Ironic, huh? As we all know by now, Lotor is the son of Honerva (Haggar) and Zarkon. After the rift accident, he became an emotionless, ruthless monster that colonized and destroyed planets just to gain their quintessence. He taught this to his son and once he was old enough to think for himself, he refused to act in such a way. Although he was exiled and said he wasn’t like Zarkon, he was; but worse. Lotor studied and gained knowledge about Altea and its people while using Allura to gain the secrets of Oriande. I say he used her because he knew from the moment he met her that he was harvesting Altean quintessence. While fighting the white lion, he yelled “Victory or Death” which is a common catchphrase the Galra use when they are in battle. In fact, the Galra have been victims of trauma from Zarkon. Zarkon’s ruthless ways of ruling had no other motive except for obtaining quintessence so he could live forever. Silva’s way of raising his children was done to mold them into assassins. Since he was taught this way he did the same thing to his children. Zarkon, Silva, and Zeno think that their ways of parenting are necessary for survive in life when it doesn’t have to be that way. Illumi and Lotor have experienced this horrific parenting and deal with it in different ways. Illumi is oddly obsessive of his younger brother and Lotor is a fucking liar.

This analysis was fun! Next, I’ll be analyzing Killua and Keith Kogane.

If you’d like to see more posts like this, send me an ASK!

[innovativestruggles]

SouGou theories, thoughts and speculations based on canonical evidence

Alright, I know I am so epically late to the party just like I was with Haikyuu and TsukiYachi but I am here now and I am so sad that a lot of the SouGou shippers have...disappeared...

Regardless, I still want to put forward my own thoughts and speculations on these two because they have given me brainrot over the past few weeks. 

So much like the earlier post I did with TsukiYachi, this one will be similar, except I am basing everything on the anime as I have not read the light novel (tbh light novels aren’t really my thing so...). Just to reiterate, when I make any speculations and theories, they are always based on canonical evidence, and of course my own interpretation. I put forward solid evidence so people can see where I am coming from and what I am yapping on about. People are free to draw their own conclusions of what they see in canon, so just because I have a theory with evidence, it does not invalidate another person’s theory of the same evidence...if that makes sense?

Every time I watch a new anime, I always come in with a very neutral mindset. I have a fascination with relationships (hence my ship heavy blog) so I ship characters based on their level of chemistry and compatibility.

Because I am so fashionably late to the party, a lot of the speculations below have been discussed by other SouGou fans. Essentially when I read some of their posts, they pretty much validated what I saw. So I want to credit all those SouGou stans who did the hard yard first on their speculations of these two. This post may already have what was speculated, but it’s nice to have it all in one big post. I will of course add my own thoughts and interpretations as well. So, happy reading!

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY LONG POST

Gou’s Relationship with Other Characters

Sousuke did not make his debut until Season 2, so for all of Season 1, the focus was on Gou and the other characters. To be honest, nothing stood out to me in terms of shipping potential with Gou in Season 1. I do not go into watching anime with the intention of shipping characters - the shipping just automatically occurs when two characters have good chemistry. So with Gou in Season 1, all I saw was a manager being incredibly supportive, friendly, strong willed and determined to see her friends through the swimming club. You may have read my other post on Free! and toxic masculinity, but I did mention in there that what I loved most about Free! was the friendship and the emotional vulnerability. Because Gou is a side character, we never get to see too much of her and how she would develop as a character outside her obsession with muscles. But as viewers, we get the gist of her sweet personality.

Kyoto Animation

Before I dive into the speculations, I want to point out something with KyoAni. For starters, this studio is known for its amazing adaptational works of manga and light novels. When it comes to anime that does not purely focus on romance, they are so so so good with romantic undertones. As much as I do enjoy romance anime, I enjoy ones with subtle undertones of romance even more. I have watched a large portion of anime from KyoAni and I can definitely come to the above conclusion. Although Free! is not a romance genre, there is very subtle light teasing of potential developments between certain characters. Like I mentioned in my Free! post on toxic masculinity, I will disregard that just because the male characters are hugging, crying and showing vulnerable emotions to each other, it does not necessarily mean that there is a romantic development. The very subtle undertones of romance I could see is mostly between Gou, Sousuke and Momo (I will explain more later). So what I am trying to point out in this paragraph is that Free! does have minute traces of romance, because based on what other anime KyoAni produced, there are similarities in how they portray romantic undertones.

SouGou Initial Meeting

The initial meeting did not particularly stand out to me until I watched more scenes and interactions between SouGou later on in the series. What I noticed was the level of admiration Gou has for Sousuke. Again, this was not apparent when I watched the initial meeting scene on its own. I had to see a culmination of scenes between them to realise.

Oh gosh just look at how happy she is seeing Sousuke. If you go back and watch this scene again, she legit just shoved Momo out the way and ran to Sousuke. Lmao poor Momo!

Also....

Momo still staring at SouGou the whole time...

Momo getting pissy lololol (and super jelly)

Gou just looking so happy staring after Sousuke...ughh my heart....

Middle School

Just something I picked up. When Rin transferred to Iwatobi during middle school, it sounded like Gou did not go with him. So she stayed behind in the same middle school together with Sousuke after Rin left. See below.

Because Gou is one year younger than Sousuke, the scene above just sounded like he stopped talking to her when he left for Tokyo when he was a first year high school student and she a third year middle school student...and then the below scene confirmed when and the reason...

In the above scene, Sousuke explained that he hurt his shoulder in the summer of his first year of high school, and then he heard from Gou that Rin was visiting Japan at the time, so I am guessing SouGou must have stopped talking to each other around that time when Sousuke injured his shoulder. The injury was most likely why he stopped talking to her because he knew the consequences...that if Rin found out through Gou... then yeah... so to him it was better to cut off contact with both siblings...omg my heart...my poor baby Sousuke...

Anyways, point is they were definitely still talking when Rin went to Iwatobi and then later Australia. So I wonder how close they were to each other...? They do sound very close...wonder if they walked to and from school together...omfg my heart hurts again...aaaahhhhhhh

Childhood Friends

This trope is so cute and I really like the whole ‘he is my brother’s best friend’ kind of thing. Because we all know how overprotective Rin is of Gou and if there is anyone who is good enough for her, Rin would definitely think it be Sousuke.

LOOK AT HOW PRECIOUS THEY ARE OMG. Love this official artwork of all three of them. And Sousuke has such a sweet gentle expression when he is looking at Gou...

Best part also is that subtle teasing of these two. Anime is always about camera work and specific panels as well, so it just looked like to me that they really wanted to emphasise this scene between SouGou. The snow, the Christmas tree, the childhood friends - all in one frame.

Indirect Moments

These are the moments that started me on the SouGou ship! 

Gou sees Sousuke at the train station right after he has been brooding about his shoulder injury

Gou sees Sousuke at the hospital

What I really really liked about these scenes is that every single time Sousuke was having a down moment, or a vulnerable moment in relation to his shoulder injury, Gou happened to be there and witness it. It may be coincidental that she always happen to be in a place and time when Sousuke wasn’t feeling great. I was initially wondering why she never approached him in the moment and then you look at Sousuke’s pissy face and that’s probably why lmao. Regardless, Gou probably knew his state of mind, and hence decided to leave him to it. The look she gave him was more out of curiosity rather than concern but because the anime never went into detail about what she was thinking at the time, it’s hard to tell. Most important thing is that Gou was there during his vulnerable moments, before anyone knew of his shoulder injury...

Jelly Momo

Ngl, I absolutely love Momo, not only because he’s a hilarious character but because Sousuke always unintentionally cockblocks him when it comes to Gou. I just find it so funny. The poor thing. And Gou just has absolutely zero interest in him....

The thing is, Momo knows that Sousuke constantly gets in the way...it has happened several times already and I think he is also beginning to realise that Gou is probably quite fond of Sousuke, hence his very vocal comment about paying attention to him. i just love it how the anime framed it like this because you know it’s a running gag going on between all three.

Also, the look on Sousuke’s face in that above scene...you can’t see it but if you go back and watch it, and it’s only a split second when Momo moves his head, it’s absolutely hilarious. He legit has a “wtf” look on his face 😂

Just going to put this above scene here where Momo gets dragged away. Poor thing. I think at this point, Gou is catching on to something with Sousuke...

After Momo bombarded Gou with his hilarious hobbies, these two just ended up alone together ❤️

Season 3′s ending credits depict a lot of parallels between characters as well as some level of competitiveness between them. So maybe it is just a coincidence here but Sousuke and Momo together probably continues to depict the hilarious running gag between them and Gou. LOL!

Gou’s Concern

No really, when Sousuke walked out and decided to swim with his shoulder injury, the concerned look on Gou’s face. This was the first time in the whole entire series (season 3 included) where Gou showed this much concern...my heart. 

When there are problems in the Iwatobi swim club related to a character, a lot of the issues and concerns revolved around the other characters helping each other (Gou would be excluded). She is just a supporting character that does not get a lot screen time. Aside from her managerial duties, we don’t see too much of her during important/significant moments for a main character - unless she is interacting with Rin in some way. So her very minimal “interactions” with Sousuke during his vulnerable moments are considered somewhat significant (even if she just saw him walking by) because they are more symbolic than anything.

Off Screen Interactions

Okay, the amount of times Sousuke talked about Gou...they clearly talk a lot off screen and whether that be through text messages, phone calls or meeting up, I believe they are a combo of all three. I have several reasons to believe that they do hang out together quite a bit. 

1. The amount of times Gou keeps bumping into Sousuke randomly (ngl the times the audience sees is probably only a fraction to what actually goes on behind the scenes) 

2. In the later episodes, they have been seen walking home together. 

3. Some of the things Sousuke said to Rin about Gou would warrant more of a face to face conversation rather than something through text message. I mean unless they talk on the phone (that would be so fucking adorable aaaaahhhhhh) 

4. In the CD drama, they have been shown to hang out just the two of them over mediocre stuff so I am sure that would have met up and talked more about other more deeper things with each other

Gou obviously confided in Sousuke how lonely she felt because her older bro was neglecting her

LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE TALKED ABOUT HER! That obviously indicated they do interact quite some bit off screen. Judging from the things they talked about, it sounded like she was filling him in with what’s going on in her life..and you know just every day stuff... I love it! They are so casual and so comfy with each other <33333333

Platinum Abs

Not counting the fact that I almost choked on my drink when I saw this for the first time, but I was curious to see what Gou thought of them. So I waited....and waited...and waited...and it never came, despite the fact that she was in his presence multiple times when he was looking like this....

And I came across several older posts that pointed this out and it totally validated what I felt as well. Gou, the muscle obsessive freak has not spoken a word about Sousuke’s nationally ranked swimmer’s perfect body. WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM? HE’S FUCKING MASSIVE!! Like..all over....holy shit just look at those guns...like damn fine man.... anyways... so Gou, why have we not heard a single word from you about them? To her, they are probably the best of all the characters in the series ...

And my guess is... Sousuke is most likely special to her. She does not see him as merely an object of muscles (much like she does with the other characters including her own bro) but something more. And whether that is consciously or unconsciously, the outcome is still the same. Because when someone means a lot to you and if you like someone in that way, you are less likely to see them as an object of some fantasy...

The OVA

Yo not gonna leave this one out and if there is anything that really pushed this ship further, it was definitely the OVA.

Sousuke is so pedantic about what people call him (unless you are Nagisa...which he has almost no words for ...). So the only one who can add “kun” to his name is Gou <333333

I’m not going to delve too deeply into this as

1. It is self explanatory

2. A lot of people have already discussed this topic

But, overprotective Sousuke being a sweet guy and lending Gou his jacket is something out of a shojo manga. Even more shojo is that he;

1. Did it himself and not just giving the jacket to her

2. Got overly pissed off at Ai for drenching Gou

3. COULDN’T LOOK AT GOU WHEN HE GAVE HER THE JACKET....like the whole time....ksfklafkhgdshgjdsh

Sousuke isn’t very good with expressing himself, so this scene, out of his own sheer awkwardness, really played into the intimate nature of this potential ship. I’ll explain more later...

P. S. LOOK AT HOW ENORMOUS THE JACKET LOOKS ON GOU...she so schmol (and Sousuke is just massive...). Legit they look like a couple on a date...

Sunset Meeting

Ngl when I first started watching Season 3, this scene came out so unexpectedly I had to replay it just so it would process in my mind that it happened. But aside from the fact that it was framed in a shojo manga kinda way i.e. Gou running towards Sousuke, then walking together in the sunset and then talking about deep and meaningful stuff...you get the drift...I absolutely loved it how Gou was the very first person Sousuke told about his surgery’s success. Omg..swimming and the success of the surgery just meant so much to him and he was already telling Gou about it...

Everything about the particular scene was so so intimate. The scenery, the conversation, the tone of voice, the colours used......everything! Just look at how happy Gou is....

And damn they walked home together ... my heart cannot take it anymore aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Running Gag

I did notice this trend going on but it didn’t cross my mind until I read a post that it was like a thing between SouGou. Honestly it is so so cute! Gou has this excited pitched, giggle-ish, admiration-like tone every single time she calls out and runs to him. It’s so sweet. You actually never hear it ever when she talks or calls out to any other characters in the series, so Sousuke is indeed very special to her <3

Also...something about Sousuke walking alone and Gou either noticing him or running to him...

Gou and Momo’s Mistaken Date vs. Gou and Sousuke’s Mistaken Date

In Part 4 of the Free Take Your Marks movie, Rin walks by a burger shop and noticed Momo and Gou sitting together and having lunch. He mistakenly thought they were going out on a date, and before the rest of the Iwatobi team could come to the table after order their food, Rin gets a call from Sousuke telling him that he cannot find his way. So Rin dashes off to save Sousuke still with the misunderstanding. The episode is absolutely hilarious on Rin’s part.

Then in the CD drama, there is a story titled “Sousuke and Gou’s secret date.” Of course it is a case of ‘mistaken identity’ but as I stated earlier, these two would hang out with each other to discuss superficial things, so I am certain that they do hang out with each other on occasions to talk about other more deep and meaningful things as well. Considering the things Sousuke has been telling Rin about Gou, you can make an educated guess that SouGou do have their alone times quite a bit off screen.

Anyways, so this is the part where I believe Free has its subtle romantic undertones. I mentioned in my toxic masculinity post that when the male characters were being vulnerable, hugged or cried, that it does not necessarily mean they are gay, or that there would be any romantic development between the characters. You could say the same with SouGou as well, however, the difference lies in how the anime framed it, and the biggest tip that pushed from just a friendship kind of thing to a teasing of a potential romantic thing is the “secret date” part and the running gag between Gou, Sousuke and Momo. We know Momo clearly has romantic interest in Gou, and the interesting thing is...Sousuke being placed in between Gou and Momo numerous times throughout the anime to signify that there is a potential triangle going on. Does this make sense? It is the nuances as a viewer that you can pick up, and it is even more so if you can understand Japanese. I sometimes switch the subtitles off and really just watch what they say and it’s a completely different view. Hard to explain...but that is the vibe I get.

Extras

I just had to put this scene in. JUST LOOK AT GOU LOOKING AT SOUSUKE OMG. She totally loves him <3 YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

I always love me some official artwork of these two, and disregarding the fact that there are four other guys around and Nagisa just being the little helper he is, SouGou wrestling is something I just need to have in my life <3 I just love the light subtle tease between these two. Thank you KyoAni! And them holding hands... I’m ded...

Sousuke’s Feelings

This is purely interpretation based on what I have seen so far and of course when I am writing a full post like this about SouGou, it does help piece the puzzle together a little more. Tbvh, I strongly believe that Sousuke has repressed feelings for Gou. My reasoning is quite complex. Sousuke is a bit of a difficult character. He is aloof, serious and can be standoffish. He is not good with expressing his emotions and feelings, yet he does questionable things if he thinks it is for the best for those he cares about. Obviously noticeable when he lied to Rin about his shoulder injury, and of course completely stopped talking to Rin and Gou after being injured. But he deeply cares for those around him, and will go out of his way to help, even if it is to the detriment of his own welfare. 

Sosuke hanging out with Gou and talking to her and being around her is already an aspect of his kindness, that he would do this to anyone he cares about. But what I meant about repressed feelings for Gou was more evident in the OVA, and I think that is where the slight nuances come into play. Sousuke is overprotective of Gou and he most likely sees her as a little sister, considering he grew up with her alongside his best friend. But I think when it comes down to more intimate moments i.e. giving Gou his jacket and just not being able to look at her, I think that small nuance does give a small insight into Sousuke’s feelings for Gou. It may be minute but it’s there, and the way the anime framed that scene, it evoked a host of response from the viewers. That in itself is enough for viewers to make a determination as to what Sousuke might be feeling towards Gou at the time ... and it was probably more than a platonic kind of way...

Just to let you know that Sousuke most likely would not act on these feelings because of who he is as a person. And if there is any possibility that things could go awry between him and Rin that concerns Gou, Sousuke would not put their friendship in jeopardy. So if there was ever a way that Sousuke’s repressed feelings for Gou could surface, it would be if Gou initiates.

Gou’s Feelings

If you read through this entire damn thesis so far I think you could see that Gou’s feelings for Sousuke is a lot more overt. She is so incredibly fond of Sousuke and it is just the way she behaves around him, speaks to him and looks at him. It sends a different vibe comparatively to when she interacts with any of the other male characters. Because Gou is a side character, as viewers we don’t get to see much of her, her development or her thoughts and feelings, especially in relation to Sousuke. 

Concluding Thoughts

What an incredibly long post. I didn’t realise how long it was until I scrolled back up. But really, this was so fun to write. I enjoy writing about side characters and the little hints that anime and manga give us as viewers. This is the best thing about storytelling, that is so much more than what you see before you.

The great thing about SouGou is the incredibly compatibility they have with each other. They have a lot of the common tropes found in anime that sets them up for a future pairing. I mean,, Free is not a romance genre so there wouldn’t be any emphasis placed on how one character feels about another in a romantic sense. So the anime has placed some gentle teasing in the background with its frame (usually what you see in shojo manga for example), official artworks, and CD dramas. It’s a very subtle undertone that the viewers would have to dig through and pick up out of the mass of fanservice and the storylines of the main characters. Yet this is the reason why I love KyoAni because of its numerous layers of stories and undertone!

In my opinion, if there was ever any pairing that comes out of Free, it would definitely be SouGou - it’s because the way the anime (and probably the light novel as well) set them up and emphasised on important aspects of their relationship without going into detail about it.

I gotta say, the reason why I love these two so much is because they remind me so much of TsukiYachi pairing from Haikyuu. There are parallels between the characters and I think I just enjoy shipping ones with that level of complexity and compatibility - the whole opposites attract kinda thing (and the height difference).

So what do you think? Are there any SouGou stans out there left? I’m keen to see what the 2021 Free movie will entail for these two and the potential release of Season 4 (most likely in 2022).

Fingers crossed for some excitement!

Also...I had to crop this <3

[roll-da-credits]

Lycoris Radiata Pt. 2 -Deku x Reader-

Inspired by the piano piece, "Lycoris Radiata," Written by Spikes, played by MusicalBasics.

Highly recommend listening to it whilst reading.

[1] [2] [3]

Word Count: 1.7k

When a childhood love shows up after being lost to time, it's unnerving to be presented by something so familiar yet different. Deku lost to his own love and presented with the stresses of life and unrequited love, it isn't easy to see the world with an unbiased gaze.

!WARNING!

(This is for the entire series and not just this part)

BIG TW for death, suicide, abuse,

Minor TW for death imagery, toxic relationship, toxic friendship, toxic shit all around

A/n: I hope all of my little details are noticed by you guys because it did take a long time to take into consideration all of the details, I hope you enjoy this.

After reuniting with you in that park, Deku found himself longing to hang out with you even more. Longing to hear your stories and longing to tell you his adventure as a pro. So, that’s exactly what he did.

Every time he had an off-day or a patrol near where you worked or resided. He would always stop by, say hello, catch up, talk about your day.

On not so rare occasions he’d also meet your boyfriend at the same place. When questioned about it he realized your boyfriend worked at the same place you did. It wasn’t very odd to him so he simply laughed it off and considered how lucky you were to be in the same place as your loved one very often.

“There was also this one time where they tripped and spilled the coffee on another barista! It was hilarious!!!” Your boyfriend laughed out loud behind the display of pastries, chatting with Deku.

You looked away rather quickly after he talked about that moment, “Are you ok Y/n?” Deku queried. “Ah they’re fine, they’re just embarrassed. I mean who wouldn’t be, it was their first day.”

Deku grinned and shook his head slightly, reminiscing about all the times he’s embarrassed himself with you in front of people or embarrassed himself in front of you. He smiled at it, without realizing his gaze slowly becoming pinker. Pinker with adoration and love for you.

After all these years, you still held the same grace in his eyes. Of course, you changed a little bit, people change over time. But to him, the best parts of you still remained. You were still the perfect person he would’ve loved to spend his entire life with.

He quickly darted his eyes away from your form making another cup of coffee for a customer, realizing the fact that your boyfriend had gone quiet. Most likely because of the fact Deku was staring at his lover.

“I’m sorry I blanked out,” Deku tried his best to apologize, “What were you saying again?”

For a split second Deku could feel rage beneath your boyfriend’s eyes, it was expected of course. No one would want their significant other to be stared at.

But just as quickly as that rage rose, your boyfriend switched the topics and went back to his chipper move. Though from his already pink-tinted eyes, Deku missed the way his hand gripped the metal prongs used to get the pastries, a little bit tighter.

The next day he came over to the café you worked at, and unlike usual you didn’t greet him from behind the counter. You stayed focus on your work.

Deku couldn’t help but stare once again at your adorable focusing form. Every time he looked at you, though he has yet to come to terms with it, everything else in the room disappears. His eyes, mind, soul, body, and heart all focus on you.

“You must really like our stuff huh?” Your boyfriend interrupted his train of thought and Deku had to mentally scold himself for staring once again.

You also seemed to snap out of your trance and locked eyes with him, you offered him a small smile before rushing back to take the orders of other customers.

Deku, like he would always every other day, ordered his usual. Talked a little bit with your boyfriend, liking him more and more by the day. Then leaving after he had finished his favorite red velvet cupcake you made and morning coffee, oddly enough without talking to you the entire day.

It wasn’t until the next week would he be able to come to your café again, exhausted, tired, and drained.

The week on his last trip to your café swamped him with terribly mentally draining missions and failures. He had failed to rescue the final person from being trapped underneath rubble, after saving her entire family, before he could run in the rubble fell. Instantly killing the person.

A sprout of red blood spilled from her body as her family surrounded it and cried. Deku knelt down and faced the family, his hands stained red from the blood on the floor. He cried and apologized over and over again.

The family stopped his apologies and reassured him it was not his fault.

After clearing out the rubble, the family went over to Deku and invited him to a burial ceremony that exact night. Since their Islamic tradition pushed them to bury the body as soon as possible.

Deku obviously accepted, realizing this could be a way to get through with his own feelings. As if reminding him that people die and that he couldn’t save everyone.

The ceremony was held in a gravesite extremely close to your café, a graveyard he didn’t even notice when visiting your café. To him, the entire thing ended in a flash and after once again apologizing to the entire large family gathered there. He decided to stay and apologize to the girl he couldn’t save.

He felt a foreboding sense of fear of this ever happening again. She was in the wrong situation and no one could’ve saved her if they wanted to save the entire family as well. From the corner of his eye, he saw a beautiful red flower blooming and immediately thought of you.

To him, it was extremely odd to find a flower blooming in a graveyard but he thought it was fitting. The flower had long red petals that curved downwards, red strings of stigma protruding out holding pollen on its tips. He didn’t know what the plant was, nor did he care honestly, he thought it was an incredibly beautiful gem to grow wildly in a graveyard.

Deku stood and plucked a few of them, putting some on the girl’s grave and leaving with a few to bring to you.

Though he found himself unable to go to your café since once more he was swamped with work. He placed the flowers in water, but they seemed to die rather quickly. So, he threw it out before he got the chance to give it to you.

At long last, he was able to visit you. He was rather ecstatic when he saw that your boyfriend was absent from his work. Meaning during your break, he got to have you for himself.

Obviously, he was exhausted and drained, though that would never stop him from babbling nonsense to you. Which he noticed you were enjoying yourself, but you seemed a bit more fidgety than usual. He asked you what was wrong, only to have you brush it off.

He found it slightly frustrating that despite how close you were together, you didn’t trust him enough yet to tell him how you felt. Then the topic of what he did the last week came up.

Deku told you all about the girl he couldn’t save and the flower he found. He asked if you knew the flower and if you could make it bloom right in front of both of you with your quirk. You laughed at his rather childish request but obliged.

“Of course I can silly.” You concentrated your mind to the middle of the table and slowly the same red flower erupted from the middle of the table.

Deku grinned ear to ear and complimented you on your quirk. “You’re incredible as always. I’ve always wanted to ask you so many questions about your quirk but I don’t really think I have the time right now since I have to patrol very soon. But OH do you know what flower this is by the way? I know you love red flowers and I just like the way it looks and how it’s so pretty growing in a place where dead things are you know like in a gra-”

Your sweet laughed cut his rambling short. “Izuku, breathe, I see you still ramble a lot. No, I don’t really know what flower it is, I've just seen it from animes.”

Before Deku could prod you further about the anatomy of the plant or if you could find the flower’s name for him. You quickly turned the subject to a different thing. Letting the spider-like flower in the middle of the table die out rather slowly.

“Hey Izuku, I’ve been wanting to ask.” Deku hummed in reply, “What do you think of my boy-”

But a shriek of pain suddenly filled the café. Deku’s hero instincts caused him to stand up and run immediately to the source. Everything in his eyes went in slow motion.

A woman froze in her spot as a truck rammed against her, just mere inches from Deku’s grasps. The woman immediately got run over just as the driver pressed the breaks.

Deku knelt down on her bleeding body, warm pools of red staining his clothes. Yet another life he couldn’t save. He looked around half expecting to see the looks of disappointment in people’s eyes, and yet all he saw was a pity.

After all, he was a hero, he had to be ready to be able to deal with these situations. Even if it meant forcing himself to get used to the red tint on him from all the blood.

~

“Y/n look!” A middle-school Deku urged you to look at his hand, a tiny little spider crawled on it. He found the little critter rather adorable.

Yet you found it a little bit more terrifying than him. “How could you hold it so calmly Izuku!!!” You almost shrieked in horror as he tried to pass the spider over to you.

He laughed and continued observing the spider. “Where did you find it anyways??? There are barely any spiders here.” You questioned him further.

Deku merely shrugged, “I found it on that tree, it had pretty red flowers I want to give you…” Realizing what he just said his face turned red and quickly backtracked, “Because you got that perfect score in that final test!!! I just wanted to give you a gift and I know how much you liked red flowers and I’m going to go to a separate school very soon. I don’t know where you’re going, but you know I’m going to UA and going to be the number one hero after I graduate. But I wanted to give you a gift and red flowers seem really cute and if I picked them myself it would be even cuter and I know it's weird and I hope you don’t think I’m we-”

His rambling stopped when he felt something warm on his cheek. “It isn’t weird at all Izuku. I think it’s really cute. Also don’t think so much about that kiss. You seemed too lost in thought so I wanted to snap you back to reality.”

Your funny and mischievous ways of toying with him made his heart ache a tiny bit more. He knew you didn’t realize what you were doing to him was making him fall deeper and deeper to the depths of love.

“Anyways put that spider back on the tree, I want to tell you about this guy that I met the other day.”

He closely listened to your rambles about a boy you seemed head over heels for. He just smiled and agreed to everything. He tuned out every time you gushed about him, the ache in his chest growing heavier and heavier.

He had to be selfless.

After all, if he was going to be a hero, he had to be able to control his emotions. Even if that meant pushing down the urge to tell you to be with him instead, deep inside.

[scripttorture]

I'm not sure if this question has been asked before, but what would be usually the reason why people would torture someone? Not to justify (torture is unjustifiable in any situation) but I really needed a driving force for a villain why they would w/o sounding ridiculous or implausible, and any reason I come up with falls kind of flat (... Which I suppose is expected, since that's how the reasonings behind tortures are in rl I guess)

I can help you out here. And I want you to know that from a writing stand point this does make perfect sense. Motivation, however shallow, is important for capturing a character.

 Yes a lot of the motivations in reality are flat, shallow and outright stupid. And it can be a careful balancing act, showing those motivations making them understandable without straying into justifying them. It can also be hard to make an interesting character with flat motivations.

 I think I’ll start off with talking about motivations/‘reasons’ in reality and then talk a little about when and whether we should break from reality when we write about torturers.

 Remember that there isn’t a lot of research on torturers. So I’m working from the little bit of research I can access, interviews with torturers and anecdotal reports. It isn’t perfect, but this is (so far as I can tell) the best information we have at the time of writing.

 Understanding why torture occurs means understanding that it is structural violence.

 I do take questions on abuse, I personally don’t see much point in sticking to the strict legal definition of torture when I’m trying to help authors do a decent job portraying trauma survivors. But sometimes the definition matters. And torture is essentially defined as abuse by government employees*, by public servants in positions of authority.

 Over and over again the reasons torturers give for their crimes come back to flaws in the organisations they were part of. Consistently, across cultures and time periods, they describe understaffed, high pressure environments with no training, little supervision and the instruction to produce results or else.

 This combines with cultural messages that violence ‘works’ and existing sub-cultures of torturers within organisations to perpetuate abuse.

 It’s also worth mentioning that for most torturers they’re coming into an organisation where there are already established sub-groups of torturers. The group dynamics do seem to play a role in all this. Though it’s difficult to say how much when we’re entirely going from what torturers say and they are… demonstrably inaccurate when it comes to talking about torture.

 Having said that; torturers do seem to encourage each other to more and more acts of violence. They treat it almost competitively. They will also, sometimes, approach new recruits and bring them into the torturer sub-group, pressuring them to participate.

 I’m unsure how much of a role the social factor plays in torturers starting to torture, but it definite seems to keep them torturing when they say they’d rather stop. There are a couple of reasons why.

 First of all there’s a sort of implicit threat; refusing to torture is seen as a threat to the torturer sub-culture. And these are people who have already shown a capacity for violence. There have been cases of torturers attacking other members of the same organisation for their opposition to, or refusal to, torture.

 There’s also a social aspect; once involved with the torturer sub-culture the individual tends to become more and more cut off from the rest of the organisation. The group of torturers becomes more or less their entire social circle.

 We’re social animals. So leaving, rejecting the entire social group, is a big deal. It’s hard for us to do.

 The toxic sub-culture torturers form encourages them to root part of their identity in their capacity for violence and how ‘good at it’ the other members of their group think they are. They tend to tie ideas of toughness, dependability, achievement and (often) masculinity to torture. They frame themselves as especially manly, strong and ‘willing to do the tough jobs no one else has the guts to’.

 It’s complete nonsense but it’s what they do.

 And it means that facing up to the fact torture is pointless feels like an attack on their self worth. A lot of them choose to double down rather then face that reality.

 This isn’t a definitive list of relevant factors. It’s my assessment of the ones that always seem to show up. There are usually other factors that feed into particular situations. Rejali’s Three Systems is a worth a read on that front.

 Ideas about social hierarchy and transgression are common features. So things like ‘anyone who does That Terrible Thing deserves to be tortured’ or ‘no one Like That would be in this part of town for an innocent reason’.

 All of this means that motivation can be tricky to write, because the real motivations are often not the sort of thing we’re taught are ‘interesting’.

 Real, honest motivations are often things like:

‘I think those people deserve it’

‘I was told to’

‘Everyone else was doing it’

‘I couldn’t think of anything else to do’

‘I got angry and took it out on someone else’

‘I thought it would work and no one ever taught me another way’

 That’s not a definitive list but you get the idea. And probably get the point about these sorts of shallow motivations being narratively unsatisfying.

 So let’s step back from the reality and tackle the writing problem at the heart of this: how do we make this interesting?

 There are a couple of different approaches.

 The first approach I see is to accept that the motivation and the villain are shallow and shift the interest away from the villain.

 Villains don’t need to be interesting. And they don’t need to be the focus.

 If your story is structured in a way which primarily makes the villain a looming threat and focuses on the heroes, their journey, their relationships then adding detail or depth to the villain is unnecessary.

 The Lord of the Rings trilogy does this with several of its major villains. The Shape of Water does it for the main villain. Zelda: Breath of the Wild (yes I bought a switch during lock down, and it’s my first Zelda game I am not sorry) does it with Ganon.

 Another approach is to accept the motivation is shallow and shift the focus away from the villain’s motivation.

 Villains do not need to have a grand philosophy or deep motivation or underlying pain in order to be a good read. They don’t need to be an intellectual threat to the heroes in order to be a legitimate threat.

 For instance Joker in Batman: The Animated Series, I’d argue one of the best takes on the character ever. But if you go back and watch the episodes he isn’t deep. His motivation almost always boils down to pettiness, greed and a vindictive streak a mile wide. It is incredibly shallow.

 But he’s fun to watch, because he’s unpredictable and funny. He’s also a legitimate threat to the heroes because he’s so incredibly destructive. More then any other villain his crimes are aimed at effecting large numbers of people. That sets the stakes high without any motivation or philosophy coming into it.

 The focus is on what he does each time he shows up, not why.

 Persona 5 pulls off a similar trick. Every single one of its villains has a shallow motivation. But each of them also has power over one of the heroes or another innocent person. They don’t need a deeper or more interesting motivation in order to make life miserable for the heroes. And every caper hinges on the heroes trying to stop that worst outcome.

 As much as Fullmetal Alchemist is a deep story which touches on many complex topics, neither version (the original manga or the 2003 anime with it’s very different plot) had a particularly complex villain at the end of the story. In both cases the ultimate leader of the ‘bad guys’ just wanted more power. And didn’t care how many lives they destroyed to get it.

 Not all stories need a Killmonger.

 It’s always worth taking the time to consider what your story needs, rather then what’s fashionable in fiction at the moment. On a personal note some of my favourite stories have been either entirely focused on the heroes or had explicitly shallow villains.

 The reality is that most of the time motivations for large scale atrocities are shallow and unsatisfying. Giving fictional villains deeper or more complex motives can work, but it can also mean twisting the narrative up to make it look like the villain (and hence their actions) are more reasonable then they are.

 Killmonger’s twisted vision of what would make Wakanda ‘better’ works in Black Panther, just as White Wolf’s similar motivation did in the comics a decade or so earlier. They work because they’re directly competing with the hero’s vision of what would make the world better. And because ultimately it’s about showing why T’Challa’s way is better then the villain he’s facing off against.

 But I can think of other stories where giving the villain a ‘deeper’ reasoning just served to make them look reasonable. While they were arguing for torture and genocide.

 And… I just think we’ve got enough of that in real life.

 At the end of the day your villain should be serving a role within the story you’re creating. Motivation is one of many ways that we try to make sure they serve that function effectively and entertainingly.

 But, despite what some people would have you believe, it ain’t the be all and end all of whether a villain or story is entertaining. Personality, plots, aesthetic and sometimes how satisfying it feels to see their day ruined, all feed in to how well a villain works.

 The threat they represent in the story isn’t dependant on whether their motivation is deep or nuanced or rational. It’s about their ability to follow through and sometimes the horrific nature of the desire itself.

 So I guess a lot of my advice here is to consider what your villain actually needs to do in the story. Then take a step back and consider whether deeper motivation adds anything to that.

 Be aware that the more complex motivations and drives you add the further you’re getting from a realistic torturer. Which is not inherently apologia, or inherently a bad writing idea, but consider what any deviation from reality implies.

 I hope that helps. :)

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Disclaimer

*The international definition can include groups that control territory, ie an occupying force. In some countries the definition is slightly wider and encompasses some international criminal gangs.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 20 Animated Episodes of 2020 Part 2 (#10-#1)

And we’re back.. The first part is HERE, which includes the first 10 and my thoughts on this past year in animation, so we can cut the long intro and get right into it. This is the best episodes this year had to offer in animation, and it’s , without meaning to, at least a third bojack horseman. On with the show. 

10. I Am My Monster (Steven Universe Future)  “We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven. He's always been there for us, so... how can we be there for him now?“ Oddly “The Future”, a finale I did really truly enjoy.. is not on this list. Really good episode, it’s just Future was easily one of Steven Univereses best season, tightining up the pacing without loosing what made the series feel special and really digging into some of more unhealthy aspects of steven’s life. And while the future is good and certanily the needed epilogue.. this episode is the climax, the cumilation of EVERYTHING Steven had done and gone though and something fans sadly saw coming and just had to simply watch, unable to help as Steven slowly lost himself. Previously on this list we saw him hit rock bottom and it only got worse: He went to home world, attacked white diamond due to his pent up trauma and once again ingored attempts to help him, this time from the diamonds and spinle, angrily refusing to listen to his own words she she sang Change at him.  This only got worse in the briliant and sadly edged out of the list “Everything’s Fine’ A really damn painful episode where steven tries to assert he’s okay and act normal.. only he cant and he destroys everything around him, and even repeats pearl’s text trick from a single pale rose with a pained voice message to connie saying to help steven. But the pressure of the LONG overdue intervension and the fact it came too late.. means steven confsses his recent sins.. and instead of taking them for twhat they are, spur of the moment acts caused by a toxic influence and a fuckload of ptsd and unreseovled issues with white that while certanly not okay are symptoms of a larger issues takes it to mean “Im a fraud”.. and thus he horriingly corurpts.  So here we are as Greg, Connie and the main gems all gap ein horor as Steven has corrputed himself, reduced to a monster whose not even malcious just.. sad.. so full of self loathing he can’t function and at risk of STAYING like that. And the relization hits hard.. and hits everyone who joins in hard. The auxilery crystal gems soon join but attempts from both groups to stop Steven do nothing. The diamonds arrive.. and not only are saddneed by what htey’ve doned but equally powerfless to stop him.  Everyone breaks down, blaming themselves for not seeing this sooner and for speding YEARS piling their issue on the kids, everyone ready to give up as they loose the person they care about most.. except one. Connie proves to be the hero of the episode, rallying the others with the above, pointing out Steven would happily help them if he could.. and that’s the problem. He’s spent his whole life fixing other peoples problems and focusing on that.. but never had someone to be HIS Steven. Fighting him’s not going to work.. he needs to know he’s loved... in the end the final battle of the series is not some struggle of life and death.. but of love. What wins the day isn’t a fight, though our heroes various powers do come in hand to restrain steven.. but it’s all of them, one by one telling them they love him in easily the most tearjerking moment of the series, cumilating in connie softly playing a kiss on his nose... and it’s this that FIANLLY frees steven from his self made prison.. finally realizing h’es not alone and that no matter who or what he becomes.. his family loves and forgives him. While we REALLY needed the next episode to wrap things up after this swell of emtitions. this was the climax the series desrved: after spending 6 seasons trying to help everyone ELSE and fix their issues he never should’ve had to.. it’s eveyrone else who gladly pitches in to fix steven’s own issues, to help HIM when he’s at his lowest point like they’ve been, and make it so he can FINALLY heal and finally find himself once and for all. IT’s one of the finest episodes of the series and easily the best of future. 

9. The Perfect House (Close Enough)  “I’m this close to connecting garfield, TO JESUS”  This one’s just really funny, charming and creative. Simple as that.. I could move on but eh i’m a wordy bastard. Once again we’re focused on Emily, this time as we find out an endearing hobby of hers: She likes visiting open houses and fantasizing about affording a better place she likely never will afford, one with trash can nooks, a kitchen and a living room that are fully seperate, and indivudal bins for tea and sugar... and when it’s pointed out she dosen’t drink tea it’s only because she has nowhere to put it.  But after Josh and Candace get them thrown out, if adorably so, Emily is forced to face reality... i.e. Alex, in one of the series finest gags, in his underwear with conspiracy boards trying to connect garifled to jesus and having a jug of his urine around for some reason. Did I mention I love this weirdo because I do. Brigette is painting in the ktichen.. using her body as the canvas, though in a bikini because the show wasn’t streaming only yet. You’ll have to wait a season for possible boobs. Naturally this just stresses her out so she goes to visit more houses while Josh vows to buy a family bike, a large circular bike for the whole family, as an activity because of course he does and of COURSE he also has a recurring issue of being mocked by some random kid about not having one. 

So she escapes and meets dave and caitlin, a husband whose family life is miserable and a child star who got emanicapted and they quickly form a psuedo family to look at open houses.. only to, as if to remind you what show your watching, instead end up in a tgif sitcom... and trapped in a styigian void, with only Emily desperate to get out. Also she’s been missing three days and Josh has some thoughts on that and goes after her.  Naturally given she’s crashing in on her fake sitcom family, this oly has him seen as a plot element, and Emily’s attempt at cursing and everything she can , while hilarious fail.. but the climax is what makes the episode and what inches it slighlty above quack pack.. which itself was fucking awesome. Instead of FIGHTING the format... Emily is forced to play into it, and realizes a cheesy moment of emtional honesty is what’s needed. She apologizes to her fake family, saying their nice but she has to face the world and to josh and much like Donald, seroiusly this episode was made years ago and there’s no way in hell frank knew about it, she just needed an escape but it’s more healthy: instead of wishing for a life she never had Emily just wants a break from the life she does for five minutes. She’s happy where she is, with her loving husband, wonderful daughter, impulsive but still carring best friend.. and well okay maybe not Alex, there’s somethihng really wrong with him, but as much as I love the guy I admit he’s not for everyone. I’m also a borderline feral man covered in hair who wants people to know i’m smart. I get him. 

IT’s this that sets her free.. and we get another amazing gag as Dave’s family shows up and Dave chooses the fantasy.. though instead of this being thorughly pogiant it’s just “classic dave”. COmplete with title sequence. And of course it ends on a family bike with Emily getting those tins from Josh. Their relationship.. is REALLY what makes both this show and this episode in paticular work. Here while Emily screws up, it STARTS innocently enough, simply faking being a family and spirals into tgif because while this show isn’t, possibly, in the regular show cinematic universe, it’s defintely in the same multiverse. She just wants some peace of mind from a chaotic life, but dosen’t resent her husband or anything.. he just frustrates her sometimes which is fair. But he’s never portrayed as an abusive asshat which you think would be a low bar to clear but.. you’d be suprised. Point is it’s a wonderfully weird and somehow still unique despite being one of three tgif parodies this year. Seriously that shit is a goldmine. It’s how Dashieel Driscoll got half a season out of full house and a good chunk of a very special epsiode as a whole out of it. Though a certain incident helped. 

Point is good show, jolly good show... and ew’ll be right back with the rest afte the cut

8. Agony of a Witch/Old Bodies, Young Souls (The Owl House) “You always thought you were better than me! That I could never Beat you at anything! “  “I AM Better than you!” “Then WHY WERE YOU SO EASY TO CURSE?!”  The Owl House was a show I took WAY too long to catch up on after missing the second half of season 2.. minus Enchanting Grom Fright which I caught first run and we’ll get to that story shortly. Point is my procastnation did me dirty here as this show , which was already fantastic just got better and better, cumulating in this epic, heartdestroying, soul punching, beautifully animated finale that takes everything the show has built up thus far, blows it up in some places and uses it to beautifully end in others, leaving us with a new road for the future.  So yeah naturally it’s been a long ride as one of Owl House’s strength.. is that no episode is filler. No really, each one has a purpose great or small in the larger narrative, and every major arc has been expertly paced and crafted, bringing us to this point. The only major arc or plot thread left out is Amity, and that’s honestly for the better. Make NO mistake, she’s a great character.. but like fellow great Donald Duck, she was left out because the episode had a LOT of emotional stuff going on, a lot of plot to fit in, and a lot to do and it’s simply better for her character and for the moment’s she’s bound to have in response to well.. everything happening here, to let it breathe next season rather than try to shove it into an already stuffed two episodes.  But this episode is one long string of payoffs, and payoffs creating more setups: So all season Eda, our loveable witch, has been grappling with a curse that turns her into an owl beast, one that’s been getting worse as far back as the mid season finale Escape from the Palisman. She’s been needing more and more elixer to combat it, a harrowing parallel to some real world diseases: Sometimes your meds can only DO so much to combat something actively killing you.. thankfully this time.. not speaking from personal experince.  And Luz finds out soon into the episode as Eda makes a cloak of witches wool, which can deflect powerful spells, to protect herself.. only to black out and go owl just as she’s saying she’s fine. Like most parents would Eda hid just how bad things have gotten and it’s gone from needing just one bottle of elixer to needing their entire suply, and even that barely worked. Despite her mentor’s assurances, Luz is now PAINFULLY aware her mentor is on borrowoed time... not helped by the fact the coven attacked earlier that morning and she finds out by finding hooty playing tea party with them, meaning Eda is outgunned, outmanned and while Lilith failed, again.. the emperor can now easily find her himself and send whoever he wnats and however many people he wants to fetch her.. and Eda can’t use too much of her magic or else.  So while Eda and King, touched by how much Luz has changed them, decide to throw a suprise party with King making a big cake to jump out of and Eda using witches wool she intended for herself to make her a cape. Meanwhile as you’d expect Luz.. is plotting a dangerous and life threatning mission: with a field trip to the Emperor’s Coven that day, one she was going to sit out because you know they hate her second mom for dogmatic and vile reasons the episode fleshes out, she finds out they have an artifact called the healing hat that can seemingly heal anything.  So she does what Luz does and comes up with an impulsive plan to heist the thing.. but for once her impuslivness isn’t played for laughs. Her mother figure is slowly sucumbing to a fate worse than death, for once instead of just acting rashly because Luz.. she’s doing so because she KNOWS, that she has no other choice. Nothing else in sight and she’s smart enough to know that if Eda had a cure she’d of told Luz about it. Even if it was dangerous or required a sacrifice or something Eda would’ve just left that part out.  But the trip serves a few other purposes besides getting Luz where she needs to be for the plot that makes it work: it elaborates on just what the emperor’s coven is like and WHY Emperor Belos gets away with everything: He claims to speak for the titan,  the giant dead monster whose body makes up the boiling isles and who, as Luz has discovered, is the source of the magic there. So when he bloodily, I mean it’ sa kid show so they dont’ say so but given how violent this one is i’m asssuming bloody, took power, he claimed they were doing magic wrong, killed any hertiics and set up the rigid coven system. It explains just WHY the boiling isles limits themselves, gives the whole thing a creepy dogmatic religion vibe.. something that i’m REALLY suprised disney let them get away with as they had to fight for gays in the series.. but at the same time shouldn’t be because hunchback of notre dame exists and Soul , released the same year, was a big gamble against the bible belt. So their not afriad of religious groups.. but they ARE afraid of homophobic groups.. which have a lot of overlap. 

Point is it’s a good storytelling device.. and cathartic given i’ve been playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses as I finally bought it with some christmas money. Good game, probably will talk about it in the future, not the point here. 

The point is that the visit gives us some worldbuilding that helps show just how much of a threat the coven is and why their so intent on capturing Eda. We also finally meet belos, god emperor and man tired of Lillith’s shit and giving her till twilight to get Eda.. or presumibly die. I mean he dosen’t say it but he sure is implying it as loud as he can.  That’s when things go pear shaped for Luz who finds the hat.. and LIlith who has found her barganing chip to lure Eda to her, which works as well as you’d expect and leads to the best figh tin the series thus far and one of , if not it’s best scene; A duel between edith and lilith. And while they fought back in Covention this time  it’s not a petty squabble between siblings masquerading as one trying to capture the other.. it’s  fight NEITHER can afford to loose. Eda can’t loose her protege and Lilith will loose everything, dying at best being cast out of the coven at worst, if she fails not to mention loosing what she feels is her only chance at saving her sister.  But it’s also VERY clear Lilith is groosly outmatched, and while no slouch herself Eda’s constant bragging about being “the most powerful witch on the boiling isles”.. is entirely backed up. Lilith barely is able to hold herself and only gets ahead by using a child as a shiled, going even lower than her sister. However the stress of this, the build of having been the older sister of someone who constantly outshined her then turned entirely against her, finally causes lilith to snap.. and reveal the curse is her fault. Cissy Jones delivery here.. is jsut perfect, showing a mixture of rage and pain, showing that she’s spent YEARS hiding this, years resenting her sister for constnatly being better desptie working harder and doing the right thigns. Even when she’s trying to HELP Eda, genuinely trying to undo her mistake as we find out and as we’ve seen genuinely sees the emperor as the wise and benevlolent god he portrays himself as.. she can’t let it go. SHe can’t see past her own bitterness to see her sister is right and if she could just let this go and work on Eda’s terms instead of forcing Eda into her world, then maybe it wouldn’t of gotten this bad. Maybe she could’ve told her. 

Eda takes it about as well as you’d expect, and Lilith.. uses this to threaten luz’s life and force eda to use up her magic to save her, leading to the series most heartbreaking moment and Wendy Mallick’s best acting so far as she bids her appretnince a tearful farewell. Luz RIGHTFULLY and angrily lashes out at lilith calling her a monster while Lilith takes Eda and urges luz to go home... and after a tearful ending with king realizing something’s deeply wrong.

So thus next episode after a history lesson from king and some suprisinging caution as he KNOWS what Luz is up against.. Luz still decides she dosne’t care. Eda’s sacrificed herself, to Luz it’s her fault she’s in this which while KINDA accurate missues some fine points such as her sister’s stubborness or the fact had lilith not shown up she could’ve taken the hat. And the fact LIlith saying the hat was junk was pretty unreliable. What i’m saying is maybe the child shoudln’t blame herself for being kidnapped while genuinely tring to reach the same goal. 

But Lilith soon learns to her horror her sister was right. While Belos restores Eda’ss sentience even fully owled.. he has no intrest in helping her, eveyr intrest in publicly petrifying her, and not even the slightest hint of remorse at betraying lilith this deeply. After all her faith in the man.. Belos spat in her face and told her to like it.  Meanwhile Luz goes on the warpath, and we see just how far she’s come.. and WHY Belos is probably so restrictive with magic and put it on such a tight leash: we see that with her natural power and just a handful of spells, the four she’s pciked up over the season, she easily curbstomps the conformotrium staff, gets to Eda fairly easily.. and fines sshe can’t free her and eda wants the door destroyed so whatever Belos wants with it, he can’t have it. Luz heads home, ready to destroy the door.. onlyt of ind two things. her magic dosen’t work there.. and Lilith followed her and grabbed king. After a breif fight and Luz angrily and rightously confroting the asshole, wish she was in Eda’s place.. Lilith admits luz’s right and gives her backstory: That her insecurity was so great that on the day before a duel with Eda to determine who got into the emperoror’s coven, she curfsed her own sister, with no idea it’d last this long or get this bad. And with no idea Eda had lost intrest in it and WILLINGLY gave her sister teh spot.. It’s very clear despite her masssive flaws that will need to be adressed.. lilith never stopped caring about her sister, and it took all this to make her realize that trying to fix the mistake on HER terms without including her sister.. instead has almost cost her it.  So Luz and King relucntnatly take her help, though the other two are quickly capatured when theyt ry to get to hte exceution platform and thrown in the cage with Eda.. which dosne’t help the coven’s reputation as gus and willow try to make a case for Eda. Meanwhile we get the SECOND best fight of the series as Luz challenges Bellows.. and it’s UTTERLY chillling and while he’s had scenes before this it’s here we get the true scope of who he is ..and that like eda the god complex is something he can back up. Whlie Luz proves just how strong she’s gotten by keeping up with him it’s barely, and it’s clear from the moment go, and one of the series best shots, with Belos creeply materlizing behind her before announcing “sure, i’ll play” that this is a game. She’s no challenge to him and he simply wants to see waht she can do and is mildly impressed if a tad annoyed at her actually damaging his mask. But with Eda, King and Lilith’s lives in the ballance the only way Luz can save htem.. is to give him waht he wants. 

Thing is, just like Lilith, just like everyone has, good an dbad all season.... Belos undereesitmated luz.. who left fire runes on the door, willnig to sacrifice ever seeing her mom again if it meant keeping him away from her. While he has no invasion planned whatever it is CANNOT be good. Luz saves them, and Eda flies them off with Belos saying the titan dismissed them. Also that Belos has a big penis.. super huge, size of a tractor that one. Yeah that’s the ticket. 

But we get  a happyish ending as LIlith does what she should’ve done a long time ago and apologizes, and Eda starts to fogive her, brought on by King earlier standing up to her as whle he’s not happy with her either, he realizes from her story she’s not a bad person.. just a very messed up one who couldn’t own up to her mistakes. One who belivied in the wrong person to fix her problem and finally takes repsonsiblity and part of the curse into her. So with the sequel hook of Eda having lost her internal magic power but still being able to use glyph’s like luz, we also find out the Emperor has the door and a mysterious masked minon,.. who i’m fairly certain isn’t amity only because it’s too obvious. This is simply how you end a season: It’s engaging, heartbreaking, well animated and pays off EVEYRHTING so far while setting up the season to come. It’s going to be a LONG wait till next time, mid-this year.. but I can wait. The high from this one’s going to last a while. 

7. Good Damage (Bojack Horseman)  “ That means that all the damage I got isn't good damage. It's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing. I could have been happy this whole time and written books about girl detectives and been cheerful and popular and had good parents, is that what you're saying? What was it all for?! “

Bojack Horseman is one of the best shows of the last decade, and an important one to me. it was the first one I watched when we switched to all streaming. I really related to Bojack and his struggles with depresion and self loathing.. which backfired given he’s a much worse person than me and while I could relate, I also compared myself too much to a character who in retrospect is both far worse  and has FAR MORE issues than I do and diffrent ones at that outside of the depression and self hatred.  The point i’m framing is that the series and I have a complicated relationship and that coupled with how bad 2020 was meant it took until a few days ago to finally finish it, almost a year later. But I cannot deny how good the show is: it has faults, a bit of reptititon in some character arcs, casting a white woman as a Vietnamize-American woman (something both Ralph Paul Waskerberg and Alison Brie have apologized for to their credit), and .. I can’t think of a last one. They never brought Ralph back? Yeah let’s go with that one what the fuck there. So I felt I owed the show one last round and it payed off as the final stretch, while easily the hardest to get through due to covering the collapse of Bojack’s life, is easily one of it’s best. 

But before the fall, we get Good Damage, which instead of focusing on BoJack focuses on Diane, said asian woman voiced by a white lady, neurotic writer and Bojack’s best friend, who has moved to Chicago to be with her boyfriend guy, a chill, charasmatic and likeable buffalo cameraman. Things are going better than they ever have: she’s in a supportive relationship and thanks to her antidipresenants, while still her loveably neurotic self, is now not obessing over shit as much and is solving her problems with applomb. Even the weight gain from her meds, which she dreaded in the previous half of the season.. has insteead only made her look healthier and happier, and more beautiful than ever. 

The only problem is she can’t write her long promised Memoir, which Princess Carlolyn, her former boss, agent and loveable pink cat and single mother, has promised to a lot of celebrities. She TRIES, she puts lots of work into it, keeps trying to sit there but nothing comes out. And what makes the episode truly great is how this is presented. Bojack is no stranger to beautiful, visually diverse episodes, Stupid Peace of Shit being a notable example and one similar to this one but uniquely great in it’s own way, but this one is easly the bes,t using a squiggly crude style to show just how chaotic and uncomfortable diane is and how stuck she is. She’s TRYING, but she just can’t make her life’s story into anything GOOD, she can’t get the words out which as someone whose had reams of projects I never startd, even to this day and who has genuine trouble writing fiction.... I related to this like all hell. But even people who have never had an intrest in writng can just get the feeling thanks to the wonderful writing and animation, from cameos by the rest of the cast to Diane’s father showing up as a goblin to the word boxes showing what she’s writtne it’s just a treat.  But what centers this amazing visual represtnation is Diane’s internal struggles as an encounter with a rude sales person leads her off on a tangent..and to Ivy Tran, a teen detective whose upbeat, optimstic, and in a great bit outlines who she is in jsut the right amount, and solves mysteries in a food court. It’s a genuinely good idea, one I honestly think could support it’s own series... seriously get on that Ralph-Bob. Get on that. Point is it’s good.. but Diane’s so hung up on what she SHOULD be making, she can’t see what’s right in front of her, despite guy saying the passages are good.  Things come to a head when Diane makes a huge mistake and goes off her meds.. which from experince never ends well: for the entire episode she’s been under the impression she can’t write because of them.. only to be proven HORRIFYINGLY wrong. It’s a  VERY necessary aseop: that your medication will always be with you and that going off it suddenly, or blaming it for writers block not only isn’t true but is DANGEROUS. Diane spirals, cries and her writing gets dark and full of self hate. It’s then Guy proves just how fucking majestic he is: he figures out what’s going on after she tells him, and helps her get to bed so she can rest, puke whatever she needs and they’ll talk about things after she takes her meds again and gets her head on straight, when she’s in a good place to do so. As someone with mental illness.. ti’s nice to see a character who not only supports someone fully, but knows how to handle it. Instead of a shitty third act breakup like many shows would do guy stands by her.  He does however step SLIGHTLY over the line, if iwth good intentions and reason and send Princess Carolyn the Ivy Tran pages, because as he puts it he made an executive decision.. and when Diane is a bit annoyed by that as it does sound a tad douchey, he rightly points out she was in a really bad hole of a place, stuck in a loop doign something that even before going off her meds was clearly hurting her and going nowhere, and needed SOMETHING to snap her out of it, and did so not to hurt her or because he thought he knkew better or , like her ex husband, because he was oblvious to her needs; he did it because it was the hard but necessary thing to get her to seee she had something special and that she dosen’t have to constnatly tear herself up by diving into past traumas because of some internal obligation. 

Naturally Diane dosen’t take it despite Princess Carolyn not only being impressed but PREFERRING the ivy pages, as she was genuinely unaware Diane had something so happy and charming in her. While Diane is worried about it when the two end up meeting in person, we soon find out why: If all the damage she went through wasn’t “good” damage, things she could writ eabout and use later.. what was it for? Could she of just been happy this whole time? Did she waste her life. And in a rare moment betwen the two PC helps Diane walk it back, explaning that she can do what she always wanted: write something that makes someone like her feel not alone. That she dosen’t HAVE to make her life story into something complicated, just make what makes her and other people happy. Something PC’s daughter could enjoy one day. So Diane finally accepts that maybe there’s something else for her.. and then we get a segue into the next episode with bojack having a panic attack and pasing out but that episode, good as it was didn’t make it so moving on.  We also check in with Penny, the daughter of an old friend of bojacks who he nearly slept with and is stil haunted both by the decision and a drunken later visit to apologize... which isn’t helped remotely when max and page, two reporters inovlved in teh subplot that tears bojack’s life apart, start hounding her. While they have good intentions, exposing Bojack’s connection to Sarah Lynn’s death, the two’s methods still come off as creepy, following a, at this point , 21 year old girl whose been through ENOUGH home. While the two aren’t terrible people their actions.. are.. while getting hte story ismprotant is it truly worth genuinely harming this person. And penny wonders if she SHOULD air her story.. she ends up not.. but only because her mother, while lettiner he decide, poitns out it may not be worth all the pressure and possible trauma it digs up,especially since Bojack is getting what he deserved anyway. IT’s a decent subplot tha tties up a loose end but really makes our journalist characters feel like assholes for again, basically stalking and harassing a young woman who didn’t want to rehash the worst moment of her life. Otherwise top notch stuff. 

6. Heart (Parts 1 and 2) (She Ra and the Princesses of Power) “Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! So please, just this once... STAY! Stay. “

Now we get to the gays winning.. and to one of the best series finale in recent memory. And given the other two titanic shows ending, one of which we’ll get to’s ending in a moment, last year, it’s a huge compliment. Heart is how you end a space opera... with big wonderful speeches, great payoff, a huge climax.. and a beautiful cathartic kiss paying off the relationship at the heart of the series that ends up saving the universe.  So let’s just go ahead and crack open that pinata: The kiss.. was easily one of the best moments of animation this year and, at a time when the quarantine was starting, misery was spreading, and things looked pretty damn bad, having a major animated show, one of the biggest of the last few years, climax with an emotional moment between two women, one the series had been setting up since day 1... it was a huge step foward for gay representation in children’s animation, and warmed my big bi heart. And it’s not just good because of that: the fact it’s a giant pile of representation is wonderous, but it’s because it’s also well baked into the show. This is the conclusion of both their character arcs: Catra finally realizes Adora will not abandon her and her leaving the Horde was not choosing them over her.. it was simply doing the right thing. So instead of running or trying to escape she’s grown enough to fight for what she wants and fight for a future with Adora.  Adora meanwhile finally overcomes her martyer complex, her determination, especially after Angela’s death, to make sure no one else is gone and she’s the only one that suffers and looses. To make sure there’s nothing else. It’s Catra’s confesssion that FINALLY gets it through her thick skull that she dosen’t have to be alone or bear anything alone.. she’ll always have someone with her to do that.. and even before Catra.. she’s always had friends for that. She dosen’t have to be alone. So the two embrace and it’s fucking beautiful..and gives adora the full power of the doomsday device they went to shutdown in the first place, restoring the planet.. and allowing her to destroy horde prime’s fucking soul. I just want to reiterate that because it understandably got lost in the shuffle of the gays winning, but our heroine fucking tears out the main villian’s soul.. and it is SO damn satisfying given what a truly repulsive , irredemible, asshat Prime was. So the two finally get a future together, a chance to build and to stop letting the past define them. It’s wide open.  But while that alone would probably net it on this list but it’s damn good otherwise, an epic final struggle between our heroes and the horde for the fate of not just their planet but ALL of htem as Prime prepares to finally wipe everything else out in egomanical genocide. There are just.. tons of awesome moments in this one: Bow and Glimmer’s suprising but welcome love confession, Seahawk annoying mermista into fighting her chip, the people of etheria fighting back.. and the reason they do is easily the second best moment of the episode. With the chips down, not literally, and things looking bleak Bow hyjacks Prime’s egoamnacial hologram.. and broadcasts for everyone to fight, to fight back, and to END THIS. After spending most of the series as the one trying to keep his friends together, the glue of everyone.. it’s bow’s heart, courage, and voice, the one that lead his friends through some rough times and severed as reason when they needed it most wether they listned or not.. that frees the world and with Entrapta turns the tide at long last. It’s just a hell of a moment.  And the only other moment equaling it is Hordak freeing himself and deciding he is his own man, he made himself tha tway for better and worst and kills prime, at least before adora finsihes the job with the badass “I am HORDAK and I DEFY your will. “ It’s just a wonderful, epic finale that pays off most of the shows major arcs, gives our heroes a MUCH deserved happy ending after spending their lives at war, and let it be said one last time, gave gay representation in children’s cartoon one hell of a win.

5. Nice While it Lasted (Bojack Horseman) 

“ No, I need to tell you... thank you... and... it's going to be okay... and... I'm sorry... and... thank you... “

Back to back finales here and honestly both are REALLY close in quality, both satisfyingly paying off their series. But both take equal and opposite routes: Heart is an epic finale in scope size and impact... while Nice While it Lasted is a very stripped down character piece: there are other characters in the background but after the intro the only voiced characters in each segment are Bojack and one of the main cast, each one both showing how much said relationship has evolved since the show began, and giving Bojack time to reflect on his possible future. I say possible because one of Nice While it Lasted’s best aspects it that there’s no real concrete ending for Bojack. Ther’es still closure: after his life emploded and he nearly died, more on that in a bit, Bojack ended up in prison, offically for breaking and entering but unoffically for all the shitty things he did with him glumly accepting it. So one year later he’s out thanks to Princess Carolyn for her wedding, sober again thanks to prison and even started his own acting class at the prison he’s geninley invested in, inteding to continue it once he gets out. But otherwise.. his future’s in flux. HE’s sober for now, but he’s painfully aware that could change again, his friends while, with one excpetion, still having a place for him in their lives, have moved on, and his career is on the upswing again despite being a pariah a year ago because as I mentioned earlier and as PC brilliantly puts it

So he could become a better man, get his career back, make amends for what he did and stay sober.. or backslide and fall down into the same traps he always has. It plays into an aseop the series has always preached: There are no real endings, life just goes on. Even for the rest of the cast hteir lives aren’t over.. their just in a good place.. maybe bojack will, maybe he won’t. Tha’ts up to the indvidual viewer and I like that. While ambgious endings can be frustrating and I get while some preferred the more concrete if still somewhat ambgious ending of a view from halfway down, I feel this fits the series better: Bojack, like the end of every season is moving on to something new, but this time we don’t know what, and that’s okay. IT’s time for us to move on.  Well okay not from this entry as each vingette deserves some praise: Our first has Mr. Peanutbutter pick up Bojack from prison, and even get him a new suit.. and then another one offscreen because predictably for his life BOjack got meatball all over it. He also calms our hero down when he wants to go back to jail, letting him know it’s okay and he’ll be there for him.. unless his friend Erica shows up but what are the odds... 1:1. But what’s nice about it is while Bojack still makes jabs, it’s clear he’s gone from truly hating and resenting PB for being the betterversion of him.. to truly seeing the guy as one of his best friends, his jabs having gone from hurtful and bitter to wry and warranted. I mean they were warranted a lot back then too he’s just a lot softer about them. 

At the wedding Todd and Bojack finally reach some form of understanding after years of awkwardness, the two having reconclied but not being really remotely close or in each other’s lives hardly anymore after Todd’s understandable blow up at Bojack in “It’s You”. Here Todd has Bojack rush him to the beach to cary him on his shoulders.. to watch fireworks because he could tell he was overhwelmed, the two having found a rhtym again, with, like with mr peanutbutter, Bojacks jabs being a lot friendler and Todd having a respect for his own needs while actually being present for bojack instead of ignorant of how bad things were like he was at the start. He even helps BOjack see even if he DOES replase.. he can get right back on the horse, couldn’t resist that one sue me, and as the hokey pokey says turn himself around. 

After, in one of the best payoffs of the series, finally trying Hondedew and finding it’s not so bad, Bojack dances with PC, admittingh e half hoped he’d have to help her go thorugh with it before the two run through the scenario, and PC expresses some honest fears with bojack helping her showing how the two hav egone from a horribly stiffing relationship.. to two close friends who are probably stuck with one another for life. Sunk costs and all that. And if bojack does want to act again she knwos some people. But for now PC finally really has everything she ever wanted:: A daughter, and a loving husband in judah. 

Finally we have the most painful of the group because of course the Bojack finale wouldn’t be all sugar and would have to punch us in the gut. Bojack finds Diane again who hasn’t talked to him.. because he called her the night of his near death/sucidide and due to putting the blame on her due to being high out of his mind, made her feel like it was his fault during the 7 hours she could reach no one and thought he was dead. Diane is hurt, feeling betrayed that bojack promsied he’d be fine then possibly left her with the pain of his death on her concious forever. Thankfully she’s doing fine, as she’s now married guy and Ivy Tran is a huge success and probably a series now.. but it’s abudnantly clear her friendship with Bojack is over.. but even this bittersweet, and necessary, seperation, as Diane has moved past LA and Bojack needs to stop relying on her and stand on his own two hooves, still warms the heart as she thanks him and lets him know i’tll be okay, and endugles him in telling her one last story, a rathe rfunny one about prison movie night bfore the series ends on the melancholy and apporriate song mr blue as the two gaze out and they see each other and we see them for the last time. 

4 The Wasteland (Infinity Train) 

“I'm as good as dead, and if my last act is to bring you with me, sliver, I can't imagine a better way to go!” “Well, I can! “

So from a bittersweet ending to holy shit that’s depressing, we have our only entry from Infnity Train on the list. That’s not to say the series did bad this year. Season 2 was easily the series finest hour, taking the framework from season 1 and crafting a gripping story of a teenage mirror person who just wanted to live without assholes trying to kill her for what she fundementally IS, and be recognized as a person, with the help of a magical deer and a more optimstic teen grappling with his peer pressure issues.  The series was still undoubtly silly with a parasite voiced by Bill Corbett, wonderfully so, and again a magical deer named Alan Dracula, long may he reign, it simply deconstructed the nature of the train and thus opened up the floodgates. By giving us a denzin who, after years of being someone’s reflection in both senses of the word, just wanted to live and how that clashed with the train and the racist assholes she met alnong the way, from the ones who wouldnt’ stop trying to kill her.. to humans who considered her as nothing more than a plaything at best and something to get rid of at worst. While Season 3 was not bad, if a bit way too strcuturally messy and trying to do too much at once, Season 2 still handled the same issues but in a much tighter frame storywise.  And that’s why only one episode made it: Most of the episodes, espicially the later ones, are pieces of a large whole, with the show being heavily seralized. Which while a great approach intended for streaming, also means it was hard to find a chapter that worked that well on it’s own, steven universe future had similar issues. But I did and the wasteland is easily the darkest, harshest and most intresting episode out of the batch.  The episode opens at MT’s darkest hour: The apex told the mirror police where she is, Jesse is gone, and MT is now running for her life from the sadstic assshole and his spinless partner who want her dead just for existing.. gee can’t imagine why a bunch of assholes refusing ot acknolwedge other peoples opinons, rights or even existance was a big topic last year.. or this year. 

So while Mace, the main mirror cop, manages to handcuff her MT manages to throw him under the train. THe result is her trying to escape the train by wondering i’ts vast desert, forced to drag Mace along as he taunts her, bleeding out slowly from you know being bisected by a train. It’s a really moody peace as Mace mock’s mt’s dreams of escape and justify’s his own selling out, while MT pokes holes in that: he was so desperate to not nonexist.. he’s willing to kill others who just want the same. IT’s a damn hard watch but fuck if i’ts not compelling. 

And the climax is what makes it. MT finds out she can’t leave the bounds of the wasteland, as it only projects so far and after escaping the ghoms ends up back on the train, with Mace, not long fo rthis world trying to kill her.. so we get a 13-14 year old GRINDING HER HORRIFYING ABUSER UNDER A TRAIN WHEEL. Just jesus.. I mean I kind of get HBO Max’s point that MAYBE this is a bit much for kids. I mean i’ve seen other really dark stuff but holy fuck a man died.. and we see his blood splatter. But it’s this horrible, harsh moment that makes the episode.. as is MT”s reaction.. not one of triumph.. but of exaustion and horror at what she’s done, before steadying herself to prove him wrong. A hard one to write about but damn it was good. 

3. Enchanting Grom Fright (The Owl House)  “Dear Luz, will you go to Grom with me- Amity”  Now we THANKFULLY get to something lighter: the gays winning.. again. Coming out during pride month, phrasing, and only a month after the she ra finale we got this delightful episode. As I said earlier I watched this one first run: while I was super behind, I couldn’t resisit to the point I watched it before that week’s amphibia. I was that curious what was going to happen.  See as i’ve given out about quite a lot.. and I mean a LOT, Disney dosen’t have the best track record with gay representation: they don’t do horrible sterotypes or anything.. but they also don’t do much of anything for the most part. Alex Hirsch has outright spoke about how much he had to fight just to get Blubbs and Durland firmly together in the finale, and how the symbols for the love god were widdled down to just male and female. And around the time this episode came Disney was coming out of a REALLY bad batch of pr stunt gay representation: They made a big deal about the first gay x in an x having gay characters in avengers endgame, star wars: Deep Hurting and onward.. but these were cameos AT BEST, with the endgame one being so minor I genuinely didn’t realize the character was talking about dating a man and only found out afterwords. Sure Ducktales had gay dads, which is awesome and always will be.. but none of the major cast was allowed to be openly gay. I mean we know webby and lena are gay but hell if disney would allow that.  But miracoulsy.. shockingly and wonderfully.. Disney DID mange to finally just say fuck it and let some big gay rep in, something so obvious it can’t be ignored and that actually features the main character and one of the most major supporting characters. And what do you know, the good press and pats on the back outweighed the bad. It’s almost if giving up homophobic markets in exchange for doing the right thing.. is a GOOD thing while also being profable. Who’d a thunk. Point is via sheer perstiance, Owl House creator Dana Terrance got to not only make her lead bi, which Terrance herself is, but have her love intrest be a girl. And I find it genuinely wonderful that gay, bi, pan and what have you children can watch this and say “tha’ts me and this is okay”.  But even minus Owl House saying gay rights.. the episode is just REALLY good and part of it is who it focuses on. Amity easily has the most character devleopment out of the cast going from someone who walls herself off from everyone, revels in her superiority.. to slowly opening up to heroine Luz, realizing Luz is not a bad person and that Amity herself dosen’t have to be, and right before this starting the road to patching things up with her former best friend willow. Allt hrough this said friendship had been prettty, prettyy, prettyyy gay. And that’s wonderful obviously, but part of why I watched this was while I HOPED they’d get to be couple.. I wasn’t convinced since see a fucking bove. But I was happy to realize that oh my god I was wrong, the gays won all along. 

So with Amity a better person she’s naturally syampthetic when sh’es put front and center at hexside’s prom equvilent which while having a dance, gromprosals and a disco ball tha’ts also a sentient being, becuase boiling isles, it also has the queen or king forced to fight a horrifying monster that manfiests as your greatest fear. And, as we find out towards the end.. Amity’s is being rejected by Luz, having her love letter, which she fails to deliver due to running into luz.. and co (which is my faviroite gag of the episode and the adorable smiles gus and willow give in response are what make it). And . it makes sense. When you stop and think about it.. Luz is the best thing in her life. She got her to change as a person, genuinely cares about and adores her, just wants to be her friend and thinks the world of her. Given her siblings, while trying to be better, are two disaster bisexuals who just stopped a lifetime of untietonally harsh bullying and her parents are controlling asshats who made her abandon her best friend at a young age and she sees LILITH as a mother figure, just let that sink in given a few entires back.. yeah.. no wonder sh’es utterly terrified of rejection. Poor baby. 

Of course WE know Luz wouldn’t. Luz may be many things, including oblvioius to thte freaking obvoius as this story line has revealed, but shes not cruel and even if she said no, which I higlhly doubt she would, she woudln’t be a dick about it. But being surrounded by cruel assholes for some time has made Amity a bit paranoid so Luz volunteers to sub in to both genuinely help her friend.. and to prove to eda she can do this. Eda is also chaperoning. and looks neat in a suit, while King and Gus get a wonderful b plot of mcing the dance with the egotisticl king having issues with stage fright. I will get more into that when I review the episode proper, come back in a month for that.  But yeah while Luz does well when the time comes, and while sadly not wearing her otter suit does wear a wonderful tuxedo with a tutu.. she has her own repressed issues to adress as Grom takes the form of her mother, as Luz has been nursing guilt over not telling her the truth about what’s going on. Luz runs, and Amity ends up facing her fear to save her crush and the two get a wonderfully romantic, and desturctive dance together as they face hteir fear, untie as one and kill that motherfucker... well okay i’m not sure grom can die but it’s gone for now.  The dance sequence.. is easily one of the best scene’s all year, beauituflly animated and painstakingly planned out, with wonderful music.. it’s just awesome and what takes the episode ove rthe top, with the two perfeclty in synch as they take grom out in less than a minute. Also king become prom king and queen, he is best of both as Luz’s own personal issues put a damper on things. Also someone’s been writing her mom. 

Overall just a perfect episoe and a perfectly gay episode of one of the best shows going right now. Speaking of a perfect episode of one of the best shows going right now, tha’ts also on disney. 

2. Escape From the Impossibin! (Ducktales)  ”We have to keep them safe” “But not like this!”  So from some emotinal torment mixed with some lovely shipping, we get a whole buttload of emotional anguish but with a robotic scrooge and the time loop room and the time loop room and the time loop room, and time l...

As I said in part 1, Season 3 is easily Ducktales best so far, having far better pacing, character ballance and bolder and more intresting stories than ever before. While the first two seasons are still excellent, this one has taken everything great and honed it and no episode shows off just how great this season is than this one.  This one takes place in the fallout of “Let’s Get Dangerous!”, with the family dealing with finding out FOWL”s not only still alive, but is run by Bradford, head of scrooge’s board of directors former shush agent as we’d find out later, and asshole, who knows all their secrets. And given Scrooge is mildly paranoid on a good day and Beakly is extremley paranoid on her best day, it’s done a number on both as they’ve split the family minus launchpad, who just had a whole episode so fair enough, up: Scrooge has taken Della and Louie, wiht their see all the angels schtick, to test out his new security, while Beakly and Donald are securing the house while Beakly has webby throughly test the boys.  Neither side goes well. The bin ends up locking our heroes out due to Scrooge’s password being changed, and forcing them to work past it. Louie rises to the challenge, as does della.. but as they beat a robot versoin of scrooge, because of course the final test would be a robot version of scrooge, Scrooge is instead of triumphant at not being dead, incredibly depressed and furious. Because when told he’s scrooge mcduck he tellingly replies “AND WHAT IF THAT’S NTO ENOUGH’. For once.. Scrooge is SCARED, up against someone who knows his every move and is one step ahead, iti’s how it’s always been, no matter what he’ll do, he’ll always loose and Bradford will always win. I REALLY need to watch spies are forever, point is he’s scared and Bradford PROVING the point by revealing he was behind it and taking over the robot dosen’t help. Our heroes win though in a damn impressive action sequence, but as it turns out.. it was just a distraction.. but we’llg et back to that.  The other plot though is whyt his is so high. While the first plot is a fun romp with deep eomtional consequences.. the second plot is decidly far darker.. it still has some good bits as webby terorizes the boys and easily one of the best in the season when she horrifying imitates dewey, but its’ only when she does finally attack she realizes she’s taken it way toof ar. She’s terrorized her brothers, caused huey to break his leg and then turn her away when she tries to help.. all she’s done is turn them AGAINST each other and they can’t win this way.  Beakly strongly disagrees and clealry lost in her own paranoia and fear, prepares to attack huey.. and thus Webby steps in... leading to one fo the most heartbreaking and tense fights in the series as grandmother and grandaughter fight one on one but both are outmatched.. but Huey and Dewey, despite everything, refuse not to help their sister and help pull webby up, with Webby panickidly realizing something’s VERY wrong and her granny usually isn’t like this when sparring... and is also chasing them. This leads to the roof, in a rainstorm no less, and Webby relcutnatnly ready to fight even though she clearly knows she both can’t win.. and dosen’t want to anymore. Despite her wilingless to scrap, fight and train.. Webby dosen’t WANT to hurt her granny she just wants to help her. Thankfully, the boys attempt to stop this, while failing horribly, catches donald’s attention as he catches them, ntocies what’s going on and furiously refuses to let this go on. While Beakly tries to ignore it and fight..s he instead slips and despite everything, the rest of the group rescue her, with Webby impressing on her grandmother that they aren’t fowl. They wont’ win acting like them and tearing each other apart.. they need to be the family they are.  But if all that wasn’t enough turns out.. yeah, Bradford’s thing was a distraction and with the rest of the group distracted with Beakly, that meant his plan went off without a hitch: all the missing mysteries have been taken by FOWL, in a masterstorke that ties both plots together and brings what seemed like isolated adventures on their own in a tagnetally related plot into the fore. Everything so far has built up to this.. and despite the loss.. the family, having been through a dark night of the soul, is ready to fight back. They want the rest of the mysteries? Their going to have to fight clan mcduck in their elment. And it’s been glorious so far. A tense, well paced, hard hitting episode, this one’s a winner. and almost got #1.. ALMOST. But as much as I tried to not go with the obvious chocie, the one with tons of press and praise and that’s graced tons of best of lists... I had to go with what was honestly the best. So...

1. The View from Halfway Down (BoJack Horseman)  “Oh BoJack, there is no other side. This is it. “  This episode was my main reason for catching up with the series and finishing it off once and for all. Awash with praise and hype I was curious about this one.. and my curiosity paid off. This is easily one of if not hte best episodes Bojack put out in it’s storied run: it’s creative, impossible to look away from and devistating: in short it’s the show in a nutshell.. and it’s a hell of a view. 

Previously as mentioned before Bojack’s life blew up and he lost just about everything, from his friends, though as the finale bared out only one of them stayed away for good and for good reason, his only family in hollyhock, his house, even horsin around. He had nothing left.. so high on drugs and in his old house he passed out at the end of last episode.. and we wake up here with a recurring dream as Bojack has a dinner party at his mother’s house, another wonderful performance from Wendy Mallick. Everyone there is someone Bojack knew who died: his former best friend he betrayed Herb, Sarah Lynn his former child co start turned washed up 30 something he let die, Courdory, a co star who died trying to get off david caradine style, Crackerjacke, the uncle he never knew who die din the war and his parents, distant mother Beatrice as mentioned and his father, who is in the body of his hero secretariat who comited suiccide in this unvierse due to getting banned from racing, as that’s the kind of weird shit dreams do. Also Zack Braff, who has no real conncetion to bojack but still died during that time Mr Peanutbutters house sunk into the earth and his ex wife Jesscia bIel formed a death cult.  The group play a game of best and worst, lay into each ohter and have some really intresting conversations with Bojack confident of when it’ll end: before the show their always mentioing. But this time, it’s diffrent.. Bojack is there for it so we get a trippy and horrifyimng stage show as Bojack watches the various people one by one vo into a black door, allt he while bojack coughts up sludge and is persued by it, unaware where he was before this. Sarah Lynn gives one last song, a reprise of a song from previous in the series, Courdroy does a ribbon dance and zack braff gets on roller skates. And bojack has a frank conversation with his dad, with his dad/secretariat revealing he DID care but was just so filled with loathing he coudlnt’ admit it to his son and thus was an abusive ass.. and then reveals to bojack he’s not waking up and bojack horryfigngly see shimself, drowning ina pool. And while he frantically, heartbreakingly tries to flee... he can’t. There’s no exit for him. As herb tells him, this isn’t the afterlife, this is his brain making sense of his last moments, and ther’es no way of knowing if he’ll get rescued, no way to do anything but watch.. watch as his father secretairat shows suicide in all it’s horror by letting it know he wouldn’t of done it if he knew “the view fro halfway down”, a horrifingly haunting poem that sells just how bad it was. As beatrice and crackerjack also go we’re down to herb who introduces bojack... before going in himself, claming there is no other side. Bojack tries not to go genle and runs, and in a horrfying sequence is surronded by the ooze as he tries his damndest to escape.. but in the end he can’t. As herb said.. he can’t do anything about this. So speaking to his min’ds version of diane he accepts he probbaly won’t be coming back and we hear a monitor as we fade out. While we know it’s not the end now... there’s no way of telling then. 

The View from Halfway Down is a haunting, beatuflly animated, masterwork, taking 6 seasons worth of communinity and regret and shoving it in bojack’s face in an intresting way, while bringing back characters we thought we’d never see again for one last go round. It was patcually nice to hear LIn Manuel Miranda and Wendy Mallick again,, and Kristan Schaal is always great. The show ALWAYS had a horrifying habit of having it’s penutlimate episode be an utter gutpunch that broke you, with the finale picking up the peices and offering some hope.. and this was no exception. They literally saved the best for last, and it was worth the wait. The view from halfway down may be gahstly,.. but the view of this episode is hauntingly beautiful. 

So that was the list, and it was.. a lot taking 2-3 days to finish all together over both parts. But it was worth it and hopefully we can get back to some regular stuff later today. For now, thank you for reading, and hopefully i’ll see you somewhere in the sunset. 

[pointnumbersixteen]

A Few Thoughts on the Ghosts’ Christmas Special

I’m going to start with the things I really liked, because that’s always best.

1) In the Bleak Midwinter. Beautiful. I’d love to have a Ghosts’ musical. I don’t care how much they’d have to stretch to pull it off. But since that’s unlikely, all of them singing a Christmas carol together was a nice gift to help sate that desire. Did I mentioned it was beautiful? Some of the cast can really sing... the rest of them can at least fit nicely into a chorus. And the way it fit into the episode, with the Ghosts satisfying Alison’s Christmas wish after she did her best to satisfy all of theirs, that was wonderful. All of my subsequent rewatches have been for that part. And ‘twist-it.’

2) I enjoyed the bits with Fanny and the Christmas tree. I don’t know why, but that was one of my favorite subplots. Maybe because I really love Christmas trees. And Fanny remained tolerable throughout, which is hard for Fanny.

3) I enjoyed Pat and Cap’s reaction to the handsome men comment, straightening their ties and looking proud of themselves. It was very adorable. And how Pat and Cap spent most of the episode together. 

4) Mary’s interactions with the baby were interesting and added something both to her character and to the world-building of the show (babies can sometimes see ghosts) which could pay off later in the show if Mike and Alison ever have a child or something like that. 

5) Julian’s daughter became a Green party MP. That’s perfect. 

And the things I didn’t like... (because, unpopular opinion, overall I was kind of disappointed with the episode?) These are largely subjective, but hey, most entertainment reactions are. 

1) Mike’s family was kind of awful. They didn’t treat him with any respect whatsoever. Particularly his sisters. Like, y’all are all in your late twenties/early thirties. He’s hosting y’all, trying to give you a really nice Christmas. And your reaction to this is to intentionally try to make him miserable and angry so he’ll have a meltdown on Christmas day that you can record and laugh at him about later? That’s not a fun sibling dynamic. That’s super immature and toxic and if my sister or I tried doing stuff like that to each other, we’d probably just stop speaking to each other. I certainly wouldn’t invite her over for Christmas.

2) I didn’t like how Kitty sided with Mike’s sisters, with the oh, yeah, Mike’s so stupid bits. I get how she’s lonely and bandwagons with whatever young women are in the house, and yeah, Mike isn’t the brightest bulb out there... but neither is Kitty, for that matter, so maybe show a little loyalty to the guy you live with and who does his best to accommodate you and your ghosty friends even though he can’t see y’all? 

3) Where is Alison’s family? It would have taken one line to establish that they are dead, estranged, vacationing in Bermuda, what have you. It’s not like they have to go into all of the details, if they want to make that a focus of a later episode... even if they want to leave it a mystery, they could have mentioned something like, ‘oh, I wish my family could have been here’ or ‘oh, I wish I had any sort of relationship at all with my family.’ Not mentioning it at all just left me with a giant question mark and seems needlessly coy. It’s not like they trimmed all the fat for run time, because they certainly didn’t, so ‘wasn’t relevant enough to make the cut’ can’t be the explanation. 

4) A lot of the characters’ subplots were EXACTLY what I would have predicted them to be. Thomas spending most of the episode pining for a kiss under the mistletoe from Alison? If I had to put money on a prediction beforehand, that would have been it. Robin ranting that Christmas is a crock? Same. Kitty following various people around the house like a puppy while tossing hints that her sister is horrible? Well, that’s basically what she does in most of the episodes. Pat’s Christmas recollections of the eighties being exactly what mine were in the nineties... the kids playing board games (later video games) while the adults drink until someone inevitably squabbles? Of course they were. And on the one hand, it speaks to consistent characterization... but on the other hand, doing the most predictable thing possible with half the characters is kind of... boring. Like, I’m sure they could have kept the characters in-character while coming up with something a bit more surprising for at least ONE of them. It would have been nice.

5) Once again, Humphrey is underutilized. I enjoy Humphrey as a character, so I find the episodes where Humphrey is just a prop to be a bit frustrating and his entire experience in this episode was being used as a baby mobile for a few seconds. 

6) And once again, we get no new information on the Captain. And after thirteen episodes, it’s becoming less mysterious and more frustrating. Half the fun of mysteries is being provided hints and tidbits to see if your guesses are going to pan out and so it’d be great if they could get on with that. I know they’ve said in interviews they want to set the tone before getting into some of the deeper stuff, but... the tone’s set, guys. You’ve had two full seasons. Get to it.  

7) I didn’t find making Julian’s plot the emotional payoff of the episode very satisfying. He spent his daughter’s entire life avoiding her at Christmas and listening to a baby cry for like 24 hours 30 years after he died suddenly made him rethink his life choices? It just didn’t feel very believable for him to have the Ebeneezer Scrooge Christmas change-of-heart just from that. That it made him curious about what happened to his daughter? Sure. That it suddenly enlightened him to the true meaning of Christmas? That seemed OOC to me. This is Mr. Balls-to-Animals we’re talking about.

8) If, alternatively, you see Mike’s conversation with his dad about how eventually he and his mom aren’t going to be able to do the things they do on Christmas as the emotional payoff, that works a bit better narratively, but I found it incredibly depressing to be reminded that eventually my parents are going to die in the Christmas episode of my emotional-comfort show, particularly since we all spent Christmas sick with covid (thankfully, after a few scary days, it looks like we’ll all probably recover, but still, that was not what I needed this year... and I know they wrote this episode before covid became a thing, but still, Boxing Day when my dad was trying to tell me how his blood sugar had shot above 300 but he couldn’t get a single full word out without coughing ranks as one of the scariest days of my life and trying to re-watch the Christmas special afterwards for comfort to be hit by the reminder that this could be our last Christmas together hurt. I know, again, that’s very specific to my situation, but there it is.). 

Anyway, I’ll probably add more stuff as I think about it more, but these are the things that stuck out to me after three watches.