#and then start working on the ff
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i have too much inspiration, but no motivation :(
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You know when someone talks about not being inspired enough to keep writing, I want to cry... BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MUCH INSPIRATION, SO MUCH THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT, PLEASE SAVE ME.
#writing is hard#i have the motivation when i'm busy#when i write my thesis#i have the inkling to just drop it for the day#and then start working on the ff#but when i'm not supposed to be working on my thesis#or i just have too much free time and inspiration#i just dont wanna write
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One time during my Slut Era the most beautiful lesbian came into my store to convince me to join a gym. I had no interest in joining a gym but I literally lost cognitive function near her and told her maybe because I kept losing my train of thought looking at her.
I told my buddy about it to make fun of myself and first he asked how I knew she was a lesbian to which I just gave him a flat look. Later she’d go on to reference her wife and I gave him a smug smile. But the second thing he asked was why I wasn’t gonna join a gym. I scoffed and said I didn’t see the point.
He insisted it was good to move your body and cajoled me into joining with him. I wasn’t diagnosed yet with any of my various ailments so three times a week we’d work out for an hour or two. I felt a screaming sourceless sense of badness from my body like I was dying as my body tried in vain to communicate I didn’t have the reserves for this. That part sucked.
But the upside was I was fit for the second time in my life the first I thought I had leg cancer. I had little biceps and the best part about having him as a gym buddy was he used to be a gym teacher.
He’d decide what we were working on and direct us to different machines. It was like a homebrew personal trainer and I didn’t feel awkward or like everyone was staring at me when we went together.
Then he got a girlfriend and I literally never saw him again.
#ramblies#funny#story#ffs foibles#gym#work out#I tried to get other gym buddies to no avail#and my beloved likes to work out in the morning while I prefer might#I need to start scheduling in exercise though since I’m going back to the mattress store and I’ll be sitting all day
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WoL question!
Are there parts of the game's story that your WoL didn't understand? Aetherology, time travel, clones? Politics? Other characters' motivations? Have they come to understand any of it better in retrospect?
#ff#ffxiv#ew#wolqotd#the answer for ehryu is yes. there's a lot she doesn't understand tbh#y'shtola tries to explain things like how aether transmitters work and she gets a headache#just start and end it with “they'll transfer light from the first to the thirteenth” please#and there are other things that she KNOWS but has a hard time internalizing#like it's just weird for her to wrap her head around time dilation between shards#yes she KNOWS the scions spent all that time there in the first‚ but it's hard to remember when they don't LOOK any older???#she IS good at understanding people's feelings and motivations though#and she relies on that to make up for the other stuff‚ by knowing who she can trust to make the right call when she's unsure#ehriyu
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Chosen
Much shorter than it has any right to be, given how long it's taken me to actually finish. Plot? Uh, no, not really. But anyhow... She's been away. He's been unwell.
---
He looks at her like she’s the most welcome hallucination he’s ever had.
Kia closes the door slowly behind her as she takes in this chaos of a makeshift apothecary, the loungeroom in an utter state of disarray and her beloved not faring much better, red-nosed and unshaven and dressed in a black silken pyjama and robe ensemble which, while inarguably stylish, was very definitely not his usual late afternoon wear.
And not at all what she had been expecting to come home to.
A miscellany of potions and concoctions and gods-know-what-elses lie scattered across the coffee table. A teacup, mostly empty. Two tissue boxes, one apparently even emptier than the teacup. Some sort of book...no, manual. Looks instructional. A wilderness of failed curatives.
Oh my god.
She walks further into the room. The air smells of menthol and embers.
“Babe, what are… Are you… What have you even been doing h…?”
You absolute beautiful total disaster.
“Trying not to… hh-HH …let thi…this-damn-cold…” Cerberus turns from her as his sentence dissolves, the syllables collapsing against one another in a desperate rush to give way to greater need and deep breath of purpose, and he raises a finger in urgent, undeniable pause. "Huh-TSSCH-uu!" Hurriedly claiming a series of tissues in a brief, expectant hiatus, he surrenders completely and sneezes again. "Hh-AATSCHH-uu! *snff-FF!*" A quiet groan in the aftermath. He excuses himself, adds another tissue to the set, blows his nose and immolates the lot. "Pardon me." He sighs. "Trying not to let this godsdamned cold win,” he manages, with an accompanying sharp sniffle. Neither heavy congestion nor the way his voice cracks slightly lessens any of the seething distaste in his tone.
“Oh, honey.” Kia brushes some errant hair back from his face. :Bless you.: She touches a tender kiss to his temple. “You’re getting your ass kicked.”
She offers him a soft smile to hopefully lessen a little bit of truth's sting. "C'mon, shift over," she says gently as she joins her beloved on the couch, nestling up beside him, resolutely ignoring every caution he tries to give her advising against doing so. Notably half-hearted as those cautions are.
Because while it’s true that he very much doesn’t want her to catch this, he’s also well aware it’s more than likely already too late for such concerns. The entire house is probably some sort of incubation epicentre. And, sincerity of expressed warnings aside, the entire sorry vista surely constitutes warning enough. He's fairly certain he couldn't look more biohazardous if he tried.
Cerberus sighs again, sniffling again immediately afterwards, and gives his bonded a look of resignation.
Further elaboration hardly seems necessary.
But also he doesn’t press the issue because in truth the last thing he wants is to send her away. He’s not even sure he has the energy to insist on it, anyway; he’d be infuriated about this entire ridiculous circumstance if he wasn’t so damn exhausted. So, small obligatory protests done, with another damp sniffle Cerberus shifts some disarrayed blanketry out of the way and wraps an arm around Kia’s waist, drawing her close.
Her soft perfume of violet, strawberry and vanilla is lost on him anywhere outside of memory right now, but her presence is more than enough and he closes his eyes for a moment, just appreciating the simple fact of her being here beside him at last; he's missed her immensely, constantly.
“You know, you could’ve just asked me to come back, if you wanted me here,” Kia muses as she nestles further into his heat, adding, “It wouldn't have been a big deal,” without accusation. She leans her head against his shoulder and looks up at him with gentle azure gaze, her unspoken thoughts of I’d always choose you. How do you still not know that? readable despite her not voicing them.
And he does, of course, know that – in fact, it’s the very reason he wouldn’t ask. Cerberus sniffles thickly, wiping his nose. “Ah, love. I'd hardly ask you to put yourself anywhere near this—" He gestures around the room in a general presentation of contempt for the whole situation. "—vortex of infectious absurdity,” he concludes, thick congestion lacing his words. He clears his throat but it doesn’t make any notable impact against the wreckery his voice has become. "And it's about your... *SNFF!* ...your autodoby."
Kia peers at him. “My…what?”
“Your au…” Cerberus, all too aware that several critical consonants are unequivocally not working for him, rolls his eyes at himself. Honestly. Taking another fresh succession of tissues from a very rapidly depleting supply, he blows his nose forcefully but completely ineffectively.
He excuses himself once more and tries again; it goes equally badly.
Kia, baffled, raises her hands in a friendly but very clear nope sorry babe no idea expression, accompanied by a gentle little laugh that she just can’t help.
A long-suffering and immensely frustrated look comes her way, followed by a resigned, defeated sigh as her beloved entirely gives up. “Free will.”
For a moment, this makes even less sense to Kia. “Why would…” she begins, but cuts herself off in triumphant realisation. “Oh, autonomy!” She laughs. "Oh, sweetheart."
“That’s what I s… hh-hh! I...” And even this is hijacked, and the Demon king capitulates entirely, doubling over desperate into crooked elbow, “Huh-TSCHH-uu! Ah-HEHTSCHuu!”
He takes some moments of bleary recovery, Kia's heartrate spiking alongside the :Gods, forgive me: Cerberus Mindsends her.
"Oh, bless you, babe." Kia doesn't try to fight the thrill that flashes through her and she wraps herself around her bonded to kiss him again; a kiss deeper, more needful, than is probably wise. But wisdom isn't what she's craving right now.
“You know what? You’re going to stop talking and let me make my own choices.” She brushes a stray lock of hair from his eyes, touches the softest of lingering kisses to his forehead and meets his gaze. :Talking really isn't working out for you anyway.: "And besides—" Another kiss, deeper again, and she presses her arousal against his, salacious, wanton.
:—you know we both want the same thing.:
---
#jeebus crispies it's been aeons#thank you so much to anyone who remembers who my darlings are lol#cerbia#cerberus#my writing#i have several other wips that are still 'ip' and i'm so annoyed at myself for being so slow about ALL OF THEM#it's ridiculous#oh if background lore matters to you: she's been away for a week and a half on important Caste-related duties#this fic is essentially a follow-up to my incognito piece 'and there will your heart be also'#but hopefully they also work as standalones#Aaaanyway#it's 1am in australia and i am going to post this and pass out#before i start second-guessing myself any more lol#anyway thank you SO much for reading and i'll try to take under six months to post again next time ffs 💞💞
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gotta love how my very much tier01 graphic nover isn't just not on it's way still, but they are not even replying to my single email inquireing about when it is gonna get shipped...
#don't mind me i'm just salty because i'm basically going to start to read it after everyone already done with the analysis of it#i get that delays happen but like... give a fucking notice.. i've worked customer service#it is not hard to do a fucking automated mail for a list of people who ordered one specific thing#but again people are getting theirs already for days now#i'm gonna be so pissed if i have to put in an extra trainride to pick it up from home#i was fully expecting this thing to be here before xmas because duh 3 weeks should be more than enough it usually is even before holidays#but not if they are not shipping it on the promised date (which is already a delayed date)#ffs sumerian get your shit together#levynn tries to think
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just having a normal one thinking about how badly Armand wants to be loved but every time he gets close to it, he self sabotages and ruins it. almost as if. he subconsciously doesn't think he deserves it.
#I'm fine I'm good I'm so normal about him#he does it with EVERY romantic relationship we see him have it's insane#first with lestat and their whole Thing. especially the nicki stuff we haven't seen yet.#then louis. like he lets himself have it and then realizes it's possible for it to work and IMMEDIATELY blows it#by you know. trying to kill him. actually succeeding in killing his daughter.#making sure there's no possible way louis will ever forgive him even as he plots and manipulates to underplay his role in it#they loved each other but armand made sure it would never be in the way he craved the most and then punished himself for it#by strong manning the relationship together with hot glue and stickers even if it was hurting them both#AND THEN with daniel too ffs#DOUBLE of it with daniel if past-devil minion happened too fuck#turning him and then leaving him bc daniel SEES him for who he is and he's not afraid (I mean he is but YOU GET WHAT I MEAN)#possibly erasing his memories of him from the 70's & 80's as both a fucked up attempt to keep daniel alive#(which tbf it works but is STILL a fucked up thing to do)#and to get himself out of a situation in which someone finally started to love him unconditionally the way he wants so badly#but he can't let himself have that can he#I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THE VAMPIRE ARMAND GUYS#I might be wrong idk I have yet to rewatch s2 but#BUT IT HURTS ANYWAY DONT IT#iwtv#armand#iwtv amc#the vampire armand#interview with the vampire#iwtv s2#armandposting#robin going insane about armand again#iwtv armand
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Every time I try to write lately, I just can't get anywhere with it :/ I can string words together but they feel empty. Events happen, but what story are they even telling? There's no emotion, no depth, so substance at all. I just can't make anything that's about or says anything at all and idk why :/
#it's starting to get really frustrating#I've got 3 wips that are all different stuff that I keep coming back to and none of them are going anywhere#it's like there's no substance to any of it#the events feel soulless and empty#what am I even saying with anything that happens#'oh this story is about intimacy' where's the intimacy then bitch#like yeah they're touching but like what's intimate about it where's the emotions#goddamnit I just want to make something and I just can't#like maybe I could make something that's shit and soulless but I don't want that I want it to be good#and I keep trying and trying every week and I get nowhere with it and then I'm like :/ well fuck now I don't know what to do with myself#and then the bad feels get worse cause the thing that's supposed to make me feel better isn't working and I can't manage to actually do it#ffs#idk what to do but sometimes complaining helps so I'm trying that lmao#who knows maybe it'll help#shut up nerd#text#misc
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probably applying to a community college in the next couple months to do some science prereqs
#(regardless of what the transfer admin for my ideal school says i need the prereqs and there's no sense paying $500-$600/credit hr)#my plan is. if he thinks my credits will count for the LE's (gen eds have new name now??) i'll ask for advice on like#which community college/public colleges offer the gen eds for me to transfer in with my app#/should i start an AAS in rad tech first and transfer in#and then i'll sign up for gen admission at one of the community colleges get my prereqs complete and/or get the associates degree#get my references and some patient experience (and see if i have any feasible aptitude for it ofc)#do at LEAST 4 hrs of job shadowing and maybe see about getting dosimetry shadowing as well#THEN........ apply for BS radiography programs n see what happens#I have a 3.5 from my prev degree and most of my super basic placements done from that#if i end up getting all A's-B+'s in my community college/transfer placement courses I'll come in with at least a 3.7 (4.0 if possible)#all these programs are so crazy competitive 😅 so i'm gonna have to do a lot more to get in just to get to the interview stage#and then i gotta do well on the interview#but a lot of the colleges are points based so I need to meet the minimum points to get there anyways#and once i get to interview i gotta hope they like me and my passion gets me through#everyone wants to be a rad tech#not everyone wants to be a rad tech + rad therapy + dosimetrist!!!#I'd really love to be able to get my masters in dosimetry but it depends on a lot of factors#good thing im autistic and i love absorbing info like a sponge...#personal stuff#i did email the transfer admin back!#so we will see how it all shakes out#the 5-6 years will pass anyways yknow?#i wanna have a path i feel happy or content with when i'm 35. i wanna have a career i feel proud of and don't dread going to work for.#also a career that lets me leave this damn country 😅 ffs...
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next half term is going to be a blast i can feel the burnout incoming
#shit shit shit#cant focus at all ffs#idk how people manage to do their holiday work#my fucking energy is crashing shit#too many people then too much stuff to do then crash#yeah no i don’t think this is going to be fine in the long term#be prepared to see my grades plummet#like ik i wasn’t handling homework well since the start of this year pretty much but holy shit this is going downhill#cory's rants
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I have reached the point where i cried on a vc for an hour with bestie then cried to mom bc college doesn't feel like home anymore
#and half of the sesh was basically me and bestie crying bc both of us are not able to get the comfort zone we had anywhere else#ALSO I HAVE TO FUCKING PUBLISH A FUCKING RESEARCH PAPER TO GET A DEGREE#And we have to start work already and labs and presentations and assignments#I CANT WRITE A LITERATURE REVIEW ON A 70 Pg RESEARCH PAPER FFS
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hi author-nim! can you write a baekhyun fic wherein he's a pediatrician and oc is his ex, then they meet again when oc brought her (their) child for a check-up? baekhyun doesn't know they had a child smth like that. thank you so much in advance, and I love your stories so muchh 🤧🫶
aw, hi love! you're so sweet, thank you for loving my stories <3 and you can just call me lisa hehe :') but omg YES! i’m on it, babyyyyyy
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#💌#anonie#hmmmm how should i start it#i’m thinking baekhyun x reader are college sweethearts#and when he gets into his dream medical school she finds out she’s pregnant but he’s so sooooooo excited about going#so she decides not to tell him cus she knows he'll drop everything to take care of her and the baby :((((((((#so she goes no contact and has the baby by herself#ff she's in a new city for work and its just her and her baby against the world#then it’s time for her baby’s 3 year wellness checkup so she takes her to her new pediatrician#AND ITS HER BABY DADDYYYYY
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smth smth 2-5 yrs post game squeifer angst, squall whose memories almost got entirely eaten by the guardian forces and seifer who is forced to remember everything that had happened during the mind control/non consensual sorceress/knight bond
squall only vaguely remembering major things (the war, ultimecia, his friends, seifer,....) while seifer is plagued w nightmares and memories of what he had done--
#he sees squall and remembers d district so vividly#i started drawing this actually but i cant wait to fully get into this once im done with work this week and can focus !!!!#rambles#FF tag#squeifer
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Why did they create such a useless character to show Cinder's backstory when Salem is literally right there AND the real question the audience wants answered???
Imagine if it had been Salem who stayed at the hotel and saw something of herself in the scrappy servant girl. She saw how the Madame treated little Cinder and offered a way out only if Cinder has the power to be useful to her. Maybe she put Cinder to a test of how far she was willing to go for freedom, or maybe Salem wanted something from the Madame that she wouldn't give so it was up to Cinder to provide
Either way, Salem gets a young disciple that's ruthlessly ambitious and easy to manipulate and Cinder gains the illusion of freedom under a new master
#rwde#ofc salem wouldnt be grimmified in this version bc she'd stand out too much to do under the table shit#or she still could be but the world actually looks like an anime like it did in the beacon days#v4 on is far too grounded in reality design-wise#where the hell are the folks w wild ass hair colors and styles?? the most we get is joannas green but she says like 10 words so who cares#tis some bullshit and why i refuse to call v4+ rwby an anime#anyway this was somehow prompted by me comparing vergil to cinderella#as you can see i am Completely Normal tm#ngl tho vergil is a better cinderella if instead of riches-rags-riches its power-powerless-power#cinder starts at the bottom so her baseline mentality is way off if you want to do a cinderella remake#rags to riches is abt underdogs clawing up the social ladder against all odds#but riches rags riches is abt reclaiming what was yours#if we use cinders random disdain towards schnees in v8 as inspiration we could have a story of rival businesses#cinders father gets booted from power/high society thanks to Jacques's maybe legal maybe not methods and meddling#could go several ways from there:#her father could die and she'd be left homeless and alone in the cruel underbelly of the wealthy and powerful#she could find work w the Madame and try to endure the abuse so she and her father can pay the bills#her father could straight up sell her to the madame#itd be a horrific way to learn the significance of power and how easily it can be taken#i wanna like cinder so bad but v5 on fucked her irreparably. she doesnt even dress well anymore ffs
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Help! How do I get out of my dramione phase and move on to reading LITERALLY ANY OTHER STORY?!
#dramione#dramione addiction#a blessing but also a curse#haven’t read or written anything else in months ffs#wrote this 5 minutes after a starting a new fic that I know I’m going to read even though I have So. Much. Work. to do#the fic is scary partner privilege by nightbloom7 btw
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Having a paracosm for 7ish years has spoiled me. Trying to not only start but keep a new paracosm going is just. insanely difficult. who are you people what is going on why am I here. all boring answers till everything gets some real development i hate it so much.
#paraportal#system: eternal labyrinth#system: dream a little dream of me#decided to start fleshing out my secondary paracosm universe. which doesnt have a lot going for it#its basically just the scraps of whatever i couldnt fit in eternal labyrinth somehow#like yeah brain...a shitty r0tg rewrite fanfic/au will save us from boredom. sure. why not.#i mean ive had morphues for a while so its nice to put him in action again (same w cloud).#and harper seems cool so far i guess#idk my cosms have v broad concepts (phanta - video games / maac - superheroes/comic books / ff - fairytales)#and daldom is dreams . so far. so i just gotta figure out a way to work w it#maybe add some scifi since i dont typically do that kind of stuff#this'll probably just be like. the opposite of what i typically do/like. just to add some spice yknow.
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his nice shoulders drive me insane 💫
#james spader#nick vanzant#supernova#supernova movie#supernova (2000)#my screenshots#screenshot edit#photo edit#im swinging on these shoulders#i swear#its sos ad that there is noo reader ff with him#ugh#need to do all the work myself#(literally has bazziliion ideas for spader ffs and already started to write 3 xkdkkxjdjd)
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