#and then post it to ao3

[grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks]

I’ve had this little oneshot in my drafts for ages, and I’ve been going back and forth about posting it, thinking “Oh, I’m not sure if this is complete enough for AO3 but maybe I could post it just to tumblr...” Anyway, now seems like a pretty good time to post a tumblr-only fic, so here you go: 

(CW: references to suicidal ideation)

Nights at the safehouse were the hardest. During the day, Jon and Martin had settled into an unspoken routine of simply not talking about it. They kept their conversations light,  traded jokes and kisses and good-natured arguments over whose turn it was to do the washing up, acted for all the world like a normal couple. But in the dark and silence of the safehouse’s sole bedroom, the facade of easy, uncomplicated domestic bliss fell away, and they were reminded of all that had brought them there.

That is to say, Jon had gotten used to their late-night conversations tending toward the weighty. Still, he wasn’t prepared for Martin to break a silence so long that Jon had half assumed he’d fallen asleep with,

“I’m glad you’re alive.”

Jon laughed and curled closer to Martin. “Thanks, I think.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s kind of a given, I just - I realized I never got the chance to tell you. After you woke up.” That froze Jon in place, hand stilled halfway up Martin’s chest. He knew how much he’d needed to hear those words six months ago, and he tried to savor them, let them soothe that old ache, but it was like putting a band-aid on a wound that had already healed and left a scar. “You don’t know how much I wanted to see you, when I found out you were awake. It took all my restraint not to sprint down to the hospital as soon as I heard.”

“Why didn’t you?” Jon didn’t mean it to be accusatory, but he couldn’t help it. Waking up to find that six months had passed, his friend was dead, and not a single person seemed to care that he wasn’t… it had hurt. It still hurt. 

He also didn’t mean to let the slightest thread of compulsion into his words, but he felt it as they left his lips. When Martin answered, his voice was not fully his own.

“Peter was the one who told me, you know. He was obviously testing my loyalty, waiting to see what I would do, I knew that, but I didn’t care. I didn’t say a word to him, I just grabbed my coat and walked out. I was going to go to the hospital, and I was going to see you, and talk to you, and you were going to respond, because you were awake! Honestly, I think I was going to tell you that I loved you right then and there, because fuck it! I got halfway out the building before I started thinking about what Peter would do.

“When I made the deal with Peter, I didn’t care about his end of the bargain. I didn’t care about anything, really. Tim was dead, and my mother was dead, and I didn’t think you were ever going to wake up, and I just couldn’t care about anything left in my life. I wanted to keep the others safe, I did, but I think mostly I just wanted an escape from it all. I figured either the Lonely would take me, or Peter’s plan would get me killed, and either way, I wouldn’t have to deal with all of that grief.

“And then suddenly, you were awake, and I cared so much, and I needed you to be safe. Peter had already vanished two people, I didn’t want to know what he would do if you ruined his plans. And to be honest? I didn't think you’d care. I mean, I knew you cared about me, at least a little bit, but I also knew you didn’t feel the way I did - or I thought you didn’t, at any rate - and it’s not like being apart was going to be as hard on you as it was for me. And if keeping my distance kept you safe? Then I’d do it. I just didn’t expect you to keep tracking me down.”

Like a string being cut, the compulsion that had held them both in place snapped, and the two of them set to frantic, overlapping apologies.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown all that at it you, it’s not like it was your fault-”

“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn't have- I shouldn’t have Asked, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright, it’s not like it was anything I was trying to hide, I just… I might not have gone into so much detail-”

“I’m glad you did,” Jon said, then corrected himself quickly, “No, I’m not glad I violated your privacy, I’m so sorry - And I’m sorry that you went through all that alone, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

Martin huffed a wet, quiet laugh. Jon reached out instinctively and cupped Martin’s cheek in his hand, finding it damp with a few stray tears. “You apologize too much,” Martin laughed.

“I- What? No, I don’t.”

“I’m pretty sure you just apologized for being in a coma.”

“Well.” Jon didn’t have a good answer to that, so he just snuggled closer, burying his face in Martin’s chest as though he could communicate everything he wanted to say through sheer proximity. “I am sorry,” he whispered against the fabric of Martin’s shirt.

Martin pulled away just enough to press a kiss to Jon’s forehead. “I’m sorry, too.” Martin pulled Jon back into the embrace, holding his head against his chest. They lay in silence for a while, the steady, soothing rush of Martin’s breathing the only sound in Jon’s ears.

“For what it’s worth,” Martin said eventually, “I forgive you for everything.”

“Everything?” Jon whispered, “That’s… that’s quite a long list.”

“I know,” Martin replied, and that was that.

In the morning, they would fall back into their routine. They would talk about cows, and chores, and the weather, and whether or not it was time to return their library books, and neither of them would bring up the previous night’s conversation. Instead, they let their forgiveness hang in the air, another thing left unspoken.

[izzythedemigod]

I just found the funniest font ever

Like. What is this. Why is this. Who is the target audience of this?

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

BTW i see these posts all the time like "ohhh i dont know what to comment on fics.." and every response is "keysmashes! or hearts!! anything works :3" and thats GREAT!! thats helpful!!

but: consider. if u genuinely like analyzing writing.. do u know ur just allowed to go through and quote your favorite parts and ramble abt what they mean to u and the author will LOSE IT WITH HYPE?

genuinely. i felt SO WEIRD the first time i did it.. but like. holy shit authors love it. its crack for authors. the first time i did it, it was on a fic that hadnt updated in half a year, give or take, and the author made 3 updates that month BECAUSE OF MY COMMENT.

LIKE. as an author every comment is INCREDIBLE!!! but also, dont feel like your comment has to be short or otherwise ur invasive or smth!! authors ADORE long comments more than ANYTHING.

[moonchild311]

"people who stay up at night are either insomniac or In love" people who stay up at night read gay fanfiction on AO3 what are you on about?

[milkcryptid]

do people have no shame anymore?

[bewilclerment]

when the fic is so good you need to exit out of the browser app and scroll on tumblr for a few minutes to process what you’re reading

[paintedcrows]

Whenever Bill sees KingOfNJ's fics through Stan's eyes he just thinks they have the same taste in fanfiction (disgusting. unthinkable) continued

[slighlyconfused]

Posting on AO3 is like, I'm doing this for myself, but also immediately refreshing the page every 5 seconds to see if you get any hits comments or kudos. But totally only writing for me.

[waywardsou2]

Some idiot: "Why are you reading your own fic, that's shallow and stupid"

All fanfic writers and writers everywhere: "Who the fuck do you think I wrote it for?!"

[author-ize]

[bardofavon]

not to be controversial bc I know this is like…not in line with shifting opinions on fanfic comment culture but if there’s a glaring typo in my work I will NOT be offended by pointing it out. if ao3 fucks up the formatting…I will also not be offended by having this pointed out…

‘looking forward to the next update’ and ‘I hope you update soon!’ are different vibes than a demand, and should be read in good faith because a reader is finding their way to tell you how much they love it. I will not be mad at this.

‘I don’t usually like this ship but this fic made me feel something’ is also incredibly high praise. I’m not going to get mad at this.

even ‘I love this fic but I’m curious about why you made [x] choice’ is just another way a reader is engaging in and putting thought into your work.

I just feel like a lot of authors take any comment that’s not perfectly articulated glowing praise in the exact manner they’re hoping to receive it in bad faith.

fic engagement has been dropping across the board over the last several years, and yes it’s frustrating but it isn’t as though I can’t see how it happens. comment anxiety can be a real thing. the last thing anyone wants to do is offend an author they love, and that means sometimes people default to silence.

idk where I’m going with this I guess aside from saying unless a comment is outright attacking me I’m never going to get mad at it, and I think a lot of authors should feel the same way. ESPECIALLY TYPOS PLZ GOD POINT OUT MY TYPOS.

[iri-desky]

GET KOSA TRENDING.

STOP SCROLLING NOW!

AS OF FEBRUARY 21ST, 2024, WE GOT FIVE DAYS UNTIL THE DAY OF DECISION OF THE KOSA BILL, WHICH WILL CAUSE MASS CENSORSHIP ROUND THE INTERNET IF PASSED. WE NEED EVERYONE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND CONTRIBUTE. I'M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU ALL.

(IMPORTANT UPDATE: Kosa will not necessarily pass on the 26th. It only has the support to pass in Senate, and we STILL HAVE TIME. That being said, time is of the essence.)

WE'RE DOWN TO THE WIRE BUT WE CAN'T GIVE UP YET. IF WE GIVE UP, EVERYTHING IS OVER. IF WE DON'T, AT LEAST WE HAVE A CHANCE.

I'M THE ONE WHO SOUNDED THE ALARM, AND I'M NOT GOING TO CURL UP AND DIE YET.

Reblog this post in every LEGAL way you can under the Tumblr guidelines with the appropriate tags. TELL AND TAG EVERYONE YOU KNOW, then add the tags to see below... and more if you can think of any complying.

Visit badinternetbills.com if you want to find a way to defeat KOSA. It WILL NOT take much of your time. Reblog with any other information or sources, too-- but make sure to reblog if you can.

Reblog if you support lgbtq+ content.

Reblog if you support questioning queer youth and/or abused youth getting the information they need.

Reblog if you support Ao3 and/or other sites that wholeheartedly preserve talentedly made media.

Reblog if you're going to repost this on other sites than Tumblr and spread the word across Twitter, Tik Tok, Pinterest, or elsewhere, alongside the link to badinternetbills.com.

Reblog if you think KOSA is unfair and shouldn't be anyone's problem -- including the adults ALL OVER THE DAMN EARTH forced to face the mass censorship it causes because "think of the American Children!".

Reblog if you support internet activism and Palestine.

Reblog if you hate fascism or censorship, and don't want actually serious and helpful conversations censored on the internet.

Reblog if you value the internet in any way at all whatsoever.

CHECK THIS PETITION, TOO! https://www.change.org/p/stop-the-kosa?recruiter=1331807538&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=sms&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf&recruited_by_id=57368c40-d0fd-11ee-98f7-2175430f819f&share_bandit_exp=initial-36809664-en-US

(Also, please reblog with at least "stop kosa" as a tag and not "kosa". I made the mistake of not adding just "kosa" as a tag...)

We won't let this stand any longer. Let's start a riot and get this trending.

(Update: this is outdated, but we should still talk about it. Get Kosa trending.)

[kawareo]

My only new year's resolution is to leave more comments on AO3

[constant-stateofdenial]

[justaleafinthewind]

If any one of my posts is to break containment, make it this one.

Before January 2025, download your favorite fics, especially those with smut or queer content.

If Project 2025 goes into effect (which it very likely will now that we have three red branches of government in the US), they may attempt to restrict the use/sharing of media on sites like ao3.

This particularly applies to fics with smut or any type of queer content, because the official Project 2025 document states, "Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance... has no claim to First Amendment protection... Pornography should be outlawed."

Now, I don't expect ao3 to disappear or go anywhere without a fight, but it's best to be on the safe side these days.

To download your favorite fics:

Go to archiveofourown.org and open the fic you want to download.

At the top right corner, to the right of the 'subscribe' button, is a button that says 'download'. Click it.

A drop-down menu will give you the option to choose the format of your download. Choose your preferred format (.epub and .pdf are my personal favorites -- .epub lets you open a fic in the apple books app and .pdf is compatible with like every device and program out there).

When you click the button for your preferred format, a pop-up window appears confirming your choices. The title of the document will default to the title of the fic, so be aware of that and consider changing conspicuous titles to something ignorable, especially if you share the computer.

You're done! Now do this with all your favorite fics!

Stay safe out there, your favorite characters are rooting for you <3

[manincaffeine]

I want romance. I want laughter. I want the 3am love making. I want consistency. I want loyalty. I want the random looks of admiration. I want to know you're just for me. I want date nights and flowers. I want truth. I want priority. I want love that's pure and calming.