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#and then offered to let me vent but one
lilgynt · 5 months
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like i know it’s dumb i should have moved out already, i already know my mom doesn’t like me, but it’s like hm. gonna cry at work bc my mom doesn’t want me and really hasn’t ever wanted me and what does that say about me that my own mother doesn’t want/love me
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pokimoko · 1 year
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I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.
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cynicalmusings · 6 months
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‘the most crucial skill that a good drinksmith needs is listening… drinksmithing is all about having conversations with your guests’
tea house owner!reader energy for real
#my mind shot straight there when siobhan said this in the hsr event#hey guys#what if i just steal the concept of the event and write a continuation?#the reader does spy on people and accept bribes for jobs blah blah blah#but they also offer free therapy over tea!#(but only if they like the person if course) (everyone else is getting eavesdropped on)#…i started writing this as a joke but hey it could be fun#if i ever write a continuation of that fic i might do something like that#high cloud quintet members coming for therapy after baiheng dies#reader helping couples talk through problems in their relationship calmly#i’m a sucker for characters who are very elusive and sneaky and cold but when it comes to it have a heart of gold#‘yes i will expose your enemy’s business blah blah but hang on let me help this lost child find their parents first’#‘oh you’re not being patient? you think your rivalry is more important than this child? actually you can keep the money and leave thank you#[turning to child] ‘now tell me where you last saw your parents’#and with their connections from the various dealings they’ve had around the xianzhou they’d be really good at dealing with these situations#and with regards to the jing yuan aspect of things i firmly believe he needs somebody with kindness and warmth in them to fall for them#reader can’t all be bribery and dodgy deals#imagining him coming to the shop one day to get some information they’ve gathered or whatever#and they’re like ‘shush not now i’m hearing this girl vent about her shit partner’#or doing something nice#and he falls even harder#sorry i have gone on an absolute tangent here#i don’t know what demon possessed me#maybe i will write a part two who knows#that reader would certainly be a fun one to flesh out#r’s random thoughts
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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medicinemane · 5 months
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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gregmarriage · 7 months
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ii-zi · 8 months
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Love how obvious it is when something trends organically vs bot activity just looking at the trending tab
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bitter-sweet-coffee · 10 months
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putting wavouge on the same list as espilver, aka “i don’t trust the fandom to do this properly so if you make any content of it whatsoever i am fagblasting away from you so hard”
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buckleydiazmp4 · 1 year
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it's tag venting time
#i've had this friendship. of like. 5 years#and well#we used to be really really close#and in hindsight i guees it was because we literally saw each other for 8 hours straight every day of the week#and then that stopped happening#i literally haven't seen this person in about a year and a half i think? maybe more?#despite the fact that we basically live walking distance from each other. which. already says a lot#but then there's also a bigger issue. because hey i get it we're both busy ppl it's okay if qe haven't seen each other in a while#(despite the fact that in this case it is because of a lack of trying -i like to believe not on my part- but ignoring that)#we text sporadically when we have something to let off our chest so it's like this back and forth of voice notes every week or so#but lately its has turned into them sending me groups of 5-minute voice notes at a time because their life is so. so dramatic#and like. hey if this were still like a mutual communication i would enjoy it because i am indeed a good listener#and i like to believe i guve good advice. and i used to give this person good advice like. it was a nice friendship back then#but it became so one-sided as in i received info dumps and vents about the same stuff over and over and the few times i talked about myself#i received some half-hearted dismissals like. oh cool or oh that's so sad. anyways. and then we went back to talking about them.#and it was so frustrating but at first i thought well if they're gonna use me as a venting device so will i despite getting no input like#they became a void to me which i was getting gradually accustomed to it was fine. but then today they asked if i could talk on the phone#i said yes because i wanted to prove my theory. the plan was: i answer#let them talk without offering any input whatsoever. see how long they can just talk and talk and then in the end see if my lack of answer-#-elicited any reaction at all. and unsurprisingly it didn't. i waited for them to finish and then i thought#well at least they might ask me how my day was or something just to confirm i was listening like idk but#i personally would find the quiet unsettling and would ask.but they didn't even do that. asked me if i had homework i said yes. that was it#that was IT!!! i felt so frustrating but at least i was entirely correct and it does hurt to lose a friend but this had been coming#for a long long time. the thing is though i cant just cut this person off#i hate confrontation so all i cant do is keep up this sort of a 'quiet quitting' kind of attitude. pretty easy to do with someone like this#so anyway. that's how you realize a friendship is fake and now i am a bit angry and also sad. but i guess i'll deal with it and move on#if you read all this hi and sorry for the venting. i just had to get it off my chest#vent post
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touchlikethesun · 2 years
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every now and again i am hit by the knowledge that i am a deeply cringe, untalented, unmotivated person. and then i just have to go on with my day.
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tonyglowheart · 2 years
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the "having the new car" part is very cool I will admit. even the dumb phone app that's subscription based but they give you 1 year complementary to hook you ig
it's the everything else you still gotta deal with after buying the car that is sulking for me lmao, like, so much happened and I kind of just had to trust that I wasn't signing stupid shit. And also I gotta check the paper copies they gave me and see if I was supposed to receive some additional documents thru email or if they already gave it to me. and then figure out the online account for the financing (though I may need to wait for the letter in the mail...?). and decide if I try to pay it off right away or keep it open for a bit, like how much of an impact on my credit score would it be to open it and then close it right away (sidebar: it's such bullshit that paying off a loan lowers your credit score because "you closed an account." if anything that should IMPROVE your score. How is paying min payments on time proof you can meet payments but paying off early not proof you can repay loans. fake-ass garbo). and still figure out insurance lmao... though hopefully my parents will help me w that like they said they would (I got a quote for a solo policy lmao and mother was like, that's too much, it's less to add it to the existing plan (tho I'd have to add one of them to the title for that, and I'd have to pay off the loan before I can do that or else they'd have to get added to the loan too)).
and THEN I gotta give the guy a good review bc he offered me the car for msrp no markup lmao, which my mother still thinks is too high but okay mother things right now are So Very Different from when you last bought a car in 2014, supply had been way down due to supply chain redirects and the used car market is hot though cooling down, and apparently dealerships are pivoting their strategies and aren't filling lots with cars that they then have to lower prices on to move (literally was on the radio today, so by the time it's hit the news it's already well underway to being done that way). I think the car I looked at, it was the only one in the area in that color actually lol, and the TrueCar price was like, maybe $50 under MSRP, and like at that rate I didn't feel like I had leverage to bargain the price unless I played hard to get lmao, but I'd have to have gone in with that attitude which I didn't.
#adulting cw#sort of a ramble/vent post ig#goodness is this shit. overwhelming lmaob#I think I do have some newfound sympathy for the clients I deal with in my job#like it's familiar to me but not necessarily for them and there's so much going on and @_@#tho unlike my clients who know they paid us to take care of their shit for them lol I'm like. @_@ I hope the#dealership isn't screwing me over somehow out of their self interest lmao#I mean it did seem like I got it for MSRP and then fucking. fees and taxes brought it up another $3k lmao. so it went from $30.9k to $34.5k#and then I added on vsc for $2k and GAP for $900#lmao my mother was like. hm $37k way too high. I would have brought it to $33k or $34k#and it's like... well tbh if I didn't do the vsc or GAP then it would be that#woman you can't compare buying conditions from the 90s or 2000s or like your latest exp from 2014 to now#like just think of the massive changes in society due to smartphones and socmed and internet proliferation#let alone pandemmy splashdown effects#I mean I would have been thrilled if I could have gotten the price down another couple thou#but the only other truecar listing I found was one listed 85 days ago for $5k more lmao#the tc listing for the other dealership near here (not this color) was like same price#and also. the guy just offered msrp right off the bat lol I didn't even have to fight for it#I wasn't gonna fight over a truecar estimate of $48 less lmao#and truly the other dealership tc estimate did include the markup. and it was in the toady green m#lmfao my mother was like 'hrm for almost $40k you could get a better car...' mom regardless of sticker price you'd still have + fees :')#anyway. whatever. I think maybe the only leverage was if I said well I could also go the used route. which I was considering lol. but they#only had silver. and like I feel like a white crossover looks 'classy' but silver looks... naked lmao#okay tbh I didn't mind the orange. it was kinda cool. I just didn't know about driving it long term#and also anyway they only had orange for the PHEV#but yeah the orange had this kind of shimmer to it so it was kind of like fire-colored
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brianamorganbooks · 2 years
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wedding planning is stressful and expensive, and we're not even having a WEDDING wedding
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haeroniel-doliet · 2 years
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God that mood where you both need to do stuff and want to do stuff but both needs are vague and have too many options so you just. Do nothing you want or need to do and realize all the time you had is disappearing. A good time!!!
#haeroniel talks#forget the tag oh well#but for real. had 4 days off work and a ton of real life stuff i both have to get done and have been meaning to get done for a long time#ive pretty much only played video games and called my friends. genuinely not time wasted and i love when i get to do that#and like rn i would love to play more games and spend time with my friends like if one offers you know i never say no#but its also already getting dark and i have to go back to work tomorrow and ive not done everything i promised to have done yknow?#time doesnt feel real and i dont wanna get up even if the anxiety slowly builds to hopefully productive panic#but in the mean time im like ugghh i wanna stop laying around just playing sudoku and watching lame youtube. i wanna play something#(unclear what it is i actually wanna play too many options i kinda wanna play all of them and none huehheh)#im also very sad i havent drawn in ages and any attempt just feels shit. like maybe if i read enough fanfic thatll respark the love.#id love to post something before christmas to get me excited to draw again over the break but who the hell knows if i'll manage#and yeah still have the annoying job related/driving school related/therapy applying/other life admin that really really should be done#im just being grouchy and stuck and need to vent hi tumblr love you all kiss kiss i wish i could function better#i think maybe perhaps. ill concede that driving school and therapy arent priority (important but ive wasted ages on them already)#i think i can do work related things bc theyre sort of fun. i can use my parents help to whack through the life admin and then#maybe i can let myself spend the rest of the evening guilt free either calling my friends and/or playing or if im going totally w drawin
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lilgynt · 2 years
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y’all remember halloween and i had my worst meltdown to date outside of attempts? similar build up rn actually
#personal#:)#i’m not doing great. my brother asked how i’m doing and it’s the first time#in a very long time someones asked me that without me begging them to example when i broke my foot#anyway he sent me that after i was making sure he’s been calling our dad and it led to me violently sobbing bc no one ever asks me that#and i’m just overwhelmed constantly#and yesterday my mom said my brother offered to let dad stay with him#other brother than the one who asked im doing it’s the one who broke my door on christmas#and she said it was so nice not to feel alone in this fight and i want to scream#which i have been in my car my floor anywhere i can it’s really easy to just scream till i can’t and cry lately#and it’s like i mean nothing.#like all the talks we have all the constant venting to me every conversation ending with me giving her money or treats or WHATEVER#like the night my brother called her i was like hey. i know this is bad and dads abusive to you. that gets lost in translation a lot and#you get pained as the villain but you’re not. this is horrible and i recognize that and want you to know#between helping my dad all the time like even while in the rest room i just have to be available#and my moms calling me to make sure he eats im paying btw and clean the house and fix a lamp#and half i can’t do bc of my dad#and she came home and was like heat this up for dad and i just broke i lied and said i feel on my foot bc i was screaming#and she starting muttering some shit about me but took care of my dad#and then my friends want to hang out and i get it most people need to hang out with friend occasionally#but i turn them down and he’s like trying to keep asking me and i’m like no i need to rest and do my taxes it’s been a bit hectic between#family emergencies new full time job and a broken foot#but he keeps pushing ti im just like no i’m not going out. i don’t want to get into it but life is very bad for me rn#frankly speaking i would kill myself than go out tonight tomorrow or even next week (we have plans next week) but i should be normal enough#by next week to hang.#and it’s like this with so many fucking people and the only people i would willingly see rn#is audrey and gg and my brother and sure i have plans tomorrow but i’m not super excited about it#and they should be quick!#if i get anymore push back i’m just canceling all plans and going mia i just can’t do this
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raksh-writes · 2 years
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Gosh, why is job hunting and looking to get into a sort-of dream career so freaking nerve-wracking 😣
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montanabohemian · 5 months
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anyway i just heard back about a job i'd applied to and had three interviews for (the last one totaled two fucking hours and part of it started at 6:30am) that i didn't get it. like what in the entire fuck was all that about then. 😒😒😒
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